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1
00:00:01,632 --> 00:00:03,632
I'D LOVE TO HAVE DRINKS,
BUT I CAN'T.
2
00:00:03,634 --> 00:00:05,644
I'VE HAD THE LONGEST DAY
AT WORK,
3
00:00:05,636 --> 00:00:08,006
AND I NEED TO RELIEVE MY "MANNY"
AND I NEED TO SEE MY KIDS.
4
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:11,208
(baby wailing)
(man) HONEY, IT'S OKAY. HERE.
HERE YOU GO, BABY. HERE.
5
00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:13,212
OH, MY GOD. IT'S LOUD!
6
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:16,454
(barking)
(man) IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY.
BRAVO, BE QUIET!
7
00:00:16,447 --> 00:00:19,447
(girl speaking indistinctly)
(man) IT'S OKAY, HONEY.
(speaks indistinctly)
8
00:00:19,450 --> 00:00:22,490
OKAY, I SAW THE KIDS.
I WILL SEE YOU IN TEN MINUTES.
9
00:00:22,493 --> 00:00:25,063
(man shouting,
baby continues wailing)
10
00:00:25,056 --> 00:00:28,056
♪♪
11
00:00:28,059 --> 00:00:35,269
(child giggles)
12
00:00:35,266 --> 00:00:38,306
GOD, IT'S SO PEACEFUL.
13
00:00:38,309 --> 00:00:40,309
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE
KIDS EVEN LIVE HERE.
14
00:00:40,311 --> 00:00:43,371
I MEAN, LOOK AT 'EM.
THEY'RE LIKE TINY LITTLE MUTES.
I KNOW.
15
00:00:43,374 --> 00:00:45,324
THEY JUST LOVE
FOLDING LAUNDRY.
16
00:00:45,316 --> 00:00:48,416
HEY, KIDS, I GOT A COUPLE LOADS
OUT IN THE CAR.
17
00:00:48,419 --> 00:00:51,319
I LIKE THE WHITES
IN A SEPARATE BASKET.
18
00:00:51,322 --> 00:00:54,692
MORE FOLDING! YAY!
I GET TO IRON!
19
00:00:54,685 --> 00:00:57,225
OKAY, GUYS, I HAVE
SOME VERY EXCITING NEWS.
20
00:00:57,228 --> 00:00:58,828
WHAT?
WHAT?
21
00:00:58,829 --> 00:01:02,229
I HAVE A DATE FRIDAY NIGHT.
OH! WHAT A RELIEF.
22
00:01:02,233 --> 00:01:05,303
OH, GOD, I CANNOT TELL YOU
HOW HARD IT'S BEEN FOR ME
23
00:01:05,296 --> 00:01:08,236
TO THINK ABOUT MY DIVORCED,
YOU KNOW, MUCH OLDER SISTER
24
00:01:08,239 --> 00:01:10,499
LIVING ALL ALONE.
25
00:01:10,501 --> 00:01:13,241
YOU KNOW, IT'S THIS KIND OF
SADNESS THAT NEVER LEAVES YOU.
26
00:01:13,244 --> 00:01:15,814
OKAY, LET'S STAY FOCUSED HERE,
ALL RIGHT? THIS IS ABOUT ME.
27
00:01:15,806 --> 00:01:18,846
I AM JUST SAYING
I HAVEN'T HAD A DATE
28
00:01:18,849 --> 00:01:21,209
IN I DON'T KNOW
HOW MANY YEARS.
29
00:01:21,212 --> 00:01:23,612
I MEAN, LAST TIME
I WENT OUT WITH SOMEONE,
30
00:01:23,614 --> 00:01:25,624
I HAD THIS ELABORATE,
FEATHERED-BACK HAIRDO.
31
00:01:25,616 --> 00:01:28,356
I'VE STILL GOT IT. HUH?
YOU SURE DO.
32
00:01:28,359 --> 00:01:31,159
(sighs) OKAY,
I'M A LITTLE FREAKED OUT.
33
00:01:31,162 --> 00:01:34,802
NOBODY HAS SEEN THIS
IN A VERY LONG TIME.
34
00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,565
WELL, I HOPE
IT STILL WORKS.
35
00:01:36,567 --> 00:01:39,097
I JUST SAW THIS THING
ON ANIMAL PLANET
36
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,129
ABOUT THE ANTEATER WORLD,
AND AFTER TEN MONTHS...
37
00:01:41,132 --> 00:01:43,432
(makes sucking sound)
IT JUST SEALS RIGHT BACK UP.
38
00:01:43,434 --> 00:01:45,684
OH, MY...
(cell phone rings)
39
00:01:45,676 --> 00:01:48,476
(ring)
OOH, IT'S ANNIE.
40
00:01:48,479 --> 00:01:50,479
SHH! SHH! SHH! HUSH!
NOBODY'S TALKING.
41
00:01:50,481 --> 00:01:53,311
(ring)
HI, HONEY.
42
00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:57,694
NO, I'M STILL AT WORK.
YEAH, TOTALLY AT WORK.
43
00:01:57,688 --> 00:02:00,418
HEY, I'LL SLIDE
THAT P.F.D. FILE ON THE PLANS
44
00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:02,821
TO YOUR FLASH DRIVE
A.S.A.P., BOSS!
45
00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:06,233
OH, LOOK, I'M SWAMPED.
HONEY, I'M SORRY. I GOTTA GO.
46
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:07,697
OKAY, SWEET DREAMS.
47
00:02:07,698 --> 00:02:09,658
JANE, THAT WAS A COMPLETE LIE.
48
00:02:09,660 --> 00:02:12,530
YOU KNOW, I MEAN,
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO LIE
49
00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:15,243
TO... PROTECT... THEM
50
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:18,506
FROM... THE FACT
THAT I NEED TO DO THIS.
51
00:02:18,509 --> 00:02:20,669
YOU KNOW, IT'S TRUE.
I LIE TO MY SON ALL THE TIME.
52
00:02:20,671 --> 00:02:24,221
I STEAL FROM HIM. WHERE DO
YOU THINK I GOT THIS T-SHIRT?
53
00:02:24,215 --> 00:02:25,675
IT'S CUTE.
THANKS.
54
00:02:25,676 --> 00:02:27,716
I GUESS WE JUST HAVE
DIFFERENT PARENTING STYLES.
55
00:02:27,718 --> 00:02:31,648
JASON AND I HAVE A LONG-TERM
PLAN BASED ON HONESTY,
56
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,682
AND... YOU'RE A LIAR.
57
00:02:33,684 --> 00:02:36,194
(laughs) UH, OKAY,
I DON'T THINK
58
00:02:36,187 --> 00:02:40,257
YOU'RE QUITE AS HONEST
WITH YOUR KIDS AS YOU THINK.
YES, I AM.
59
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:43,361
WHAT ABOUT THE FAT BEARDED MAN
IN THE RED COAT?
60
00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:45,744
WHAT? WAS THAT SOMEONE
YOU DATED?
NO.
61
00:02:45,736 --> 00:02:47,796
WELL, YOU DATE
A LOT OF FAT GUYS.
SANTA.
62
00:02:47,798 --> 00:02:50,838
SANTA DOESN'T COUNT
AS LYING.
63
00:02:50,841 --> 00:02:53,801
OH, REALLY? SO YOU TELL THEM
THAT A BIG, FAT MAN
64
00:02:53,804 --> 00:02:56,854
COMES DOWN A TINY CHIMNEY,
AND THAT'S NOT A LIE?
65
00:02:56,847 --> 00:02:59,207
RIGHT, THAT'S NOT A LIE.
66
00:02:59,210 --> 00:03:01,250
(sighs) OH, MY GOD.
67
00:03:01,252 --> 00:03:03,412
OKAY, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
68
00:03:03,414 --> 00:03:06,824
YOU KNOW, MAYBE I SHOULD
TELL THEM THE TRUTH.
THANK YOU.
69
00:03:06,817 --> 00:03:07,917
KIDS!
70
00:03:07,918 --> 00:03:09,658
(gasps) NOT NOW!
NO! NO, EMILY!
71
00:03:09,660 --> 00:03:11,660
NO, JANE,
I HAVE TO DO THIS
72
00:03:11,662 --> 00:03:14,402
OR I'LL BE
A LYING PARENT LIKE YOU.
73
00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:16,865
SWEETHEARTS, THERE'S SOMETHING
YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT SANTA.
74
00:03:16,867 --> 00:03:18,367
NONSENSE!
NO, EMILY!
75
00:03:18,369 --> 00:03:20,829
SHUT! SANTA CLAUS IS
A MADE-UP PERSON.
(sighs)
76
00:03:22,573 --> 00:03:24,583
CHILDHOOD OFFICIALLY OVER.
77
00:03:24,575 --> 00:03:26,235
(camera shutter snaps)
78
00:03:26,237 --> 00:03:28,637
OKAY, I'M GONNA
GO POST THIS ON THE BLOG.
79
00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:38,415
EXCUSE ME. OH, EXCUSE ME.
BABY ON BOARD. CUTTING.
80
00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:41,219
HI. CAN I HAVE
A DECAF MOCHA?
HEY!
81
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,251
NO CUTS, FATTY.
82
00:03:43,254 --> 00:03:45,304
OH, GO AHEAD AND CUT.
83
00:03:45,296 --> 00:03:47,726
WELL, HELLO? IS THIS FAIR?
84
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:50,758
SHE GETS TO CUT IN LINE
JUST 'CAUSE SHE'S PREGNANT?
85
00:03:50,761 --> 00:03:54,271
OH, GREAT. PERFECT.
WELL, I GUESS IF I WAS...
86
00:03:56,807 --> 00:03:59,567
EXCUSE ME...
87
00:03:59,570 --> 00:04:01,570
EVERYBODY, BUT, UM,
88
00:04:01,572 --> 00:04:03,612
I JUST FOUND OUT
THAT I'M PREGNANT, TOO.
89
00:04:03,614 --> 00:04:06,254
(chuckles) YEAH, I GOT A TEXT.
90
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:09,376
YEAH, I KNOW. IT'S CRAZY
'CAUSE I'M, LIKE, 50. (chuckles)
91
00:04:09,380 --> 00:04:10,520
OH!
92
00:04:10,521 --> 00:04:12,951
NO, IT'S--IT'S A MIRACLE.
(woman) OH, YES!
93
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:15,333
(man) CONGRATULATIONS.
MAZEL TOV. CONGRATULATIONS.
94
00:04:15,326 --> 00:04:17,356
THANK YOU.
IN THE MEANTIME, YOU KNOW WHAT?
95
00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:19,358
I'M ACTUALLY GONNA CUT
RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU
96
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,390
BECAUSE, UM... I REALLY
HAVE TO PEE. (chuckles)
97
00:04:21,392 --> 00:04:25,302
YOU KNOW US PREGNANT WOMEN
AND OUR TINY, LITTLE BLADDERS.
MM-HMM.
98
00:04:25,296 --> 00:04:28,436
(wailing)
SHH, SHH. HEY, HEY.
99
00:04:28,439 --> 00:04:31,439
HI. SORRY I'M LATE.
A TACO FELL INTO MY GEARSHIFT.
100
00:04:31,442 --> 00:04:34,752
I ALMOST GOT
INTO A TERRIBLE ACCIDENT.
UGH, SHE'S BEEN CRYING
ALL MORNING.
101
00:04:34,745 --> 00:04:38,875
OH, THAT'S OKAY.
I GOT HER. I GOT HER.
HONEY, YOUR MANNY'S HERE.
EVERYTHING'S FINE.
102
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,879
YEAH. HMM.
I KNOW.
103
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,481
(imitates whale calls)
104
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,623
(laughs)
WHOA, LOOK AT THAT!
105
00:04:44,615 --> 00:04:47,555
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
IT'S WHALE LANGUAGE.
106
00:04:47,558 --> 00:04:50,518
YOU KNOW, IT'S HARD TO
TRANSLATE INTO ENGLISH. YEAH.
OKAY.
107
00:04:50,521 --> 00:04:52,521
UM, HEY, HORATIO...
(baby coos)
108
00:04:52,523 --> 00:04:54,473
ARE YOU BUSY FRIDAY NIGHT?
109
00:04:54,465 --> 00:04:55,765
OH, JANE.
110
00:04:55,766 --> 00:04:58,596
LOOK, I KNOW YOU HAVE
THIS WHOLE ANGELA/TONY
111
00:04:58,599 --> 00:05:01,969
"WHO'S THE BOSS?" FANTASY THING
GOING, BUT I'M SORRY.
112
00:05:01,972 --> 00:05:04,482
I'M JUST NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU.
CAN'T FORCE THESE THINGS.
113
00:05:04,475 --> 00:05:06,735
OH! YEAH.
114
00:05:06,737 --> 00:05:08,737
NO, I NEED YOU TO BABYSIT.
115
00:05:08,739 --> 00:05:11,909
AND I'M NOT ATTRACTED
TO YOU, EITHER, SO...
(chuckles) YEAH, RIGHT.
116
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,912
NO, I ACTUALLY HAVE A DATE.
117
00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:16,494
A DATE? YOU HAVE A DATE?
118
00:05:16,487 --> 00:05:19,547
(sighs) WELL, NO.
I MEAN, IT'S...
119
00:05:19,550 --> 00:05:22,550
IT'S JUST DINNER
WITH THIS GUY AT WORK--
120
00:05:22,553 --> 00:05:24,633
SHEP--WHO'S REALLY FUNNY.
121
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:26,625
HE DOES THE FUNNIEST
BORAT IMPRESSION.
122
00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:29,657
HE'S LIKE, "MY SISTER
IS PROSTITUTE."
123
00:05:29,660 --> 00:05:31,360
(laughs)
124
00:05:33,003 --> 00:05:34,543
OKAY.
125
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:36,905
YOU WOULD LAUGH
IF YOU SAW HIM DO IT.
126
00:05:36,907 --> 00:05:39,907
ANYWAY, LISTEN, I GOTTA GO.
BUT FRIDAY? CAN YOU DO FRIDAY?
127
00:05:39,910 --> 00:05:41,870
OH, I CAN'T DO FRIDAY NIGHT.
128
00:05:41,872 --> 00:05:44,582
WHY?
I HAVE A DATE WITH TINA.
YOU KNOW, FROM TINA'S TACOS?
129
00:05:44,575 --> 00:05:46,615
(grunts)
YEAH, I MEAN, SHE'S OKAY,
130
00:05:46,617 --> 00:05:49,577
BUT THE TACOS...
OOH, THEY'RE AMAZING.
131
00:05:49,580 --> 00:05:52,620
THIS IS THE ONLY TIME
I CAN SQUEEZE THIS IN.
132
00:05:52,623 --> 00:05:54,023
PLEASE. UM...
133
00:05:54,024 --> 00:05:56,934
WHAT IF I DO AN EARLY DATE?
I'LL BE BACK BY 9:00, PROMISE.
134
00:05:56,927 --> 00:06:00,387
OKAY, OKAY, FINE. BUT REMEMBER,
I LOVE THESE TACOS.
QUICK DINNER. IN AND OUT.
THANK YOU.
135
00:06:00,391 --> 00:06:02,931
THEY'RE LIKE BROTHERS TO ME.
OKAY. OKAY.
136
00:06:02,933 --> 00:06:04,973
I MEAN, DON'T TAKE THIS
THE WRONG WAY,
137
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:08,435
BUT IF A RUNAWAY BUS WAS HEADING
TOWARDS YOU AND THIS TACO PLACE,
138
00:06:08,439 --> 00:06:10,439
I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW
WHO I'D PUSH OUT OF THE WAY.
139
00:06:10,441 --> 00:06:12,441
THEY'RE GOOD TACOS.
OKAY. I-I--YEAH, OKAY.
BYE, SOPHIE.
140
00:06:12,443 --> 00:06:15,813
ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
CALL ME IF YOU NEED ME.
ALL RIGHT. TAKE IT EASY.
141
00:06:15,806 --> 00:06:17,776
YOU LIKE TACOS?
142
00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:20,008
EMILY?
WHAT?
143
00:06:20,010 --> 00:06:22,480
DID I TELL YOU
THAT I'M PREGNANT?
144
00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:26,163
I KNOW. IT'S CRAZY
'CAUSE I'M, LIKE, 50.
OH, MY--THIS IS
A MIRACLE OF SCIENCE!
145
00:06:26,156 --> 00:06:28,386
IT REALLY IS.
(gasps) CAN I FEEL?
146
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,518
SURE, KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
(laughs) OHH.
147
00:06:30,521 --> 00:06:32,591
HOW ABOUT THAT?
(gasps) I THINK
I JUST FELT IT KICK.
148
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,063
YOU DID NOT.
I DID!
149
00:06:34,064 --> 00:06:36,074
NO, NO, PROBABLY NOT.
I DEFINITELY DID.
OH, MY GOD.
150
00:06:36,066 --> 00:06:39,866
WAIT, IS THE DAD THAT GUY WITH
ONE HAND FROM NEW YEAR'S EVE?
151
00:06:39,870 --> 00:06:43,930
SURE. YEAH. HOW MANY HANDS ARE
YOU GONNA HAVE, LITTLE FELLA?
OKAY, THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
152
00:06:43,934 --> 00:06:47,014
OKAY, BUT I'M KIDDING.
I'M NOT PREGNANT, EMILY.
WHAT?!
153
00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:49,907
I'M, LIKE, 50. I DON'T EVEN
HAVE MY PERIOD ANYMORE.
154
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:53,510
WELL, I DON'T KNOW. THERE WAS
A MAN ON "OPRAH" WHO HAD A BABY.
155
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:56,524
ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE.
COULD I PLEASE USE YOUR
STUFFED ARMADILLO AS A STOMACH?
156
00:06:56,517 --> 00:07:00,187
IT'S A BEDBUG.
HOW COULD I HAVE EVER MADE
THAT MISTAKE? SILLY ME.
157
00:07:00,190 --> 00:07:03,490
ROSEMARY,
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
I THINK IT'S KIND OF
A SOCIAL EXPERIMENT.
158
00:07:03,494 --> 00:07:06,204
MM-HMM?
I MEAN, THE PREGNANT WOMAN
IN THIS SOCIETY
159
00:07:06,196 --> 00:07:09,056
HAS BEEN ELEVATED TO
THE LEVEL OF A GODDESS, EMILY,
160
00:07:09,059 --> 00:07:10,959
AND I REALLY WANNA
GET A PIECE OF IT.
161
00:07:10,961 --> 00:07:12,961
I WANT THE ATTENTION
AND THE BACK RUBS
162
00:07:12,963 --> 00:07:15,913
AND THE FREE FOOD
AND THE WHOLE NINE.
OKAY.
163
00:07:15,906 --> 00:07:17,906
I MEAN, WHERE'S THE HARM
IN IT, RIGHT?
164
00:07:17,908 --> 00:07:19,968
IT'S A BOUNTY.
IT'S THERE FOR THE TAKING.
165
00:07:19,970 --> 00:07:23,140
OH! I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
OH, IT WAS A MORNING FROM HELL.
166
00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:25,183
MY MANNY WAS LATE.
SO WHO CARES?
167
00:07:25,175 --> 00:07:28,115
YOU NEVER HEAR ME GOING ON
ABOUT KIDS AND FAMILY TRAUMA.
168
00:07:28,118 --> 00:07:30,848
YEAH, WELL, THAT'D BE
KIND OF WEIRD, BLAIR,
169
00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:34,531
SINCE YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS.
ACTUALLY, I HAVE 4--GIRL 11,
BOY 8, TWO 3-YEAR-OLD TWINS.
170
00:07:34,525 --> 00:07:37,555
THAT IS BLOWING MY MIND.
I HAVE WORKED HERE FOR 12 YEARS,
171
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:41,058
AND I HAD NO IDEA
YOU HAD KIDS.
YEAH, WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE
172
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:44,231
I NEVER BRING MY PERSONAL LIFE
INTO THE OFFICE, JANE.
173
00:07:44,234 --> 00:07:47,644
(telephones ringing)
174
00:07:47,638 --> 00:07:49,768
HEY, JANE. YOU LOOK PRETTY.
175
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,770
THANK YOU.
YEAH.
176
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:54,172
HEY, I GOTTA TELL YOU,
I'M LOOKING FORWARD
177
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:56,654
TO OUR BIG THIRD DATE
FRIDAY NIGHT.
178
00:07:56,647 --> 00:08:00,477
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ETHIOPIAN
FOOD OR DO YOU PREFER FORKS?
NO, IT'S OUR FIRST DATE.
179
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,480
NO, NO, NO, NO.
IT'S OUR THIRD DATE.
180
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,492
THERE WAS THAT TIME WE HAD
COFFEE--FIRST DATE, AND THEN
181
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,515
AND THEN THE TIME WE WERE
TRAPPED IN THE RAINSTORM
182
00:08:07,518 --> 00:08:10,018
ON THE WAY TO THE PARKING LOT--
VERY WET, VERY CINEMATIC.
183
00:08:10,020 --> 00:08:12,090
I SAID, "ISN'T THIS ROMANTIC?"
OR AT LEAST I THOUGHT IT.
184
00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:14,632
THAT WAS THE SECOND DATE,
AND THEN THIS WILL BE THE THIRD.
185
00:08:14,625 --> 00:08:17,665
OH, I-I-I DIDN'T KNOW
THOSE WERE... COUNTING.
OH, YOU GOTTA COUNT 'EM.
186
00:08:17,668 --> 00:08:21,528
OKAY, UH, WHOA. SO THAT'S--
SO IT'S OUR THIRD DATE.
BIG THREE, YEAH.
187
00:08:21,532 --> 00:08:23,532
(imitating Borat) YEAH,
GREAT SUCCESS. WA WA WEE WA!
188
00:08:23,534 --> 00:08:26,514
(laughs) CAN YOU--CAN YOU
DO THAT ON MY VOICE MAIL
189
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:29,506
SO MY MANNY CAN HEAR IT?
(normal voice)
ABSOLUTELY. YEAH.
190
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,539
(imitates Borat)
THAT WOULD BE NICE. (laughs)
191
00:08:31,542 --> 00:08:33,982
(normal voice)
DOES HE LIKE BORAT?
UH... NO.
192
00:08:33,984 --> 00:08:35,524
(telephone rings)
193
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:38,085
(cell phone rings)
194
00:08:38,088 --> 00:08:39,618
(beep)
HELLO?
195
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,920
HELLO, THIS IS BILL'S TEACHER.
WHAT?
196
00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:45,932
CAN YOU COME DOWN HERE
IMMEDIATELY, PLEASE?
I'M ON IT.
197
00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:49,626
(children screaming)
198
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,770
(children screaming)
199
00:09:01,772 --> 00:09:03,712
LIZ?
200
00:09:03,714 --> 00:09:05,824
LIZ? LIZ.
201
00:09:05,816 --> 00:09:07,246
HELLO. LIZ?
202
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:09,917
LIZ, WHAT IS GOING ON?
203
00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:11,820
H-HE'S A MONSTER.
204
00:09:11,822 --> 00:09:13,722
WHAT?
YOUR SON'S A MONSTER.
205
00:09:13,724 --> 00:09:15,734
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
206
00:09:15,726 --> 00:09:17,886
THAT'S RIGHT. YOUR FAMILY
DOESN'T BELIEVE IN MONSTERS.
207
00:09:17,888 --> 00:09:21,828
AND THERE'S NO SANTA
AND THERE'S NO TOOTH FAIRY,
208
00:09:21,832 --> 00:09:23,762
AND SINCE YOU WERE
BORN IN AMERICA,
209
00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:26,574
THERE'S NO WAY YOU'LL GROW UP
TO BE A PRINCESS.
210
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,996
(screaming)
211
00:09:28,999 --> 00:09:30,999
OH, MY GOD.
212
00:09:31,001 --> 00:09:33,741
(children continue screaming,
loud clattering)
213
00:09:33,744 --> 00:09:35,854
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
214
00:09:35,846 --> 00:09:40,076
YEAH, MY SOUL MATE,
SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SPIRIT.
215
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,950
(chuckles) THE FATHER
OF MY UNBORN CHILD.
216
00:09:42,953 --> 00:09:44,963
AND NOW HE'S DEAD.
217
00:09:44,955 --> 00:09:46,915
HUH. OH, GOSH.
218
00:09:46,917 --> 00:09:48,787
SO SUPER DEAD.
219
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:50,789
AND NOW THIS LITTLE CREATURE
RIGHT HERE,
220
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,891
WHO LOVES HIS HALF CAF,
221
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:57,133
WILL NEVER KNOW THAT POOR,
DEAR, SWEET, DEAD DADDY.
222
00:09:57,127 --> 00:09:59,867
DID YOU SAY HALF CAF?
WHAT?
223
00:09:59,870 --> 00:10:02,000
LET ME GET THAT FOR YA.
224
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:05,682
IS THAT SWEET?
TOTAL STRANGER. YEAH.
225
00:10:05,676 --> 00:10:07,676
HEY, LET'S MAKE IT
A CAF CAF.
226
00:10:07,678 --> 00:10:09,378
JUST THIS ONCE
COULDN'T HURT, RIGHT?
227
00:10:09,379 --> 00:10:11,379
AND ONE OF THOSE
SILVER COMMUTER MUGS.
228
00:10:11,381 --> 00:10:14,041
THOSE ARE GOOD
FOR THE ENVIRONMENT.
229
00:10:16,847 --> 00:10:18,217
OOH.
230
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:20,218
EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT.
231
00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:25,233
OH, MY GOD. IS IT MINE?
232
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:28,725
I DON'T KNOW. IS IT?
I DON'T KNOW. IS IT?
233
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:30,729
I SHOULD HAVE NEVER BOUGHT
CONDOMS AT THE DOLLAR STORE.
234
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:32,061
IT'S FAKE.
235
00:10:32,062 --> 00:10:34,742
OKAY, IT'S FAKE. FEEL IT.
236
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:38,005
DOES THAT TURN YOU ON?
A LITTLE BIT.
237
00:10:38,008 --> 00:10:39,868
MM.
WHY YOU DOING IT?
238
00:10:39,870 --> 00:10:42,140
I'M DOING
A LITTLE SOCIAL EXPERIMENT,
239
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:44,142
HANGING OUT
WITH MY NEW PREGGY BUDS...
240
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,984
GETTIN' SOME FREE STUFF.
(clears throat)
241
00:10:46,977 --> 00:10:48,947
I WANT IN.
242
00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:51,649
(scoffs) CAN YOU BE COOL?
243
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:54,221
I THINK SO.
DON'T LET ME DOWN.
244
00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:59,086
HEY, EVERYBODY!
LOOK WHO I FOUND.
245
00:10:59,089 --> 00:11:02,729
THIS IS HORATIO,
MY STAY-AT-HOME-DAD FRIEND...
(woman) AW.
246
00:11:02,733 --> 00:11:05,043
AND HIS BABY... LARK.
247
00:11:05,035 --> 00:11:06,335
(woman) OH!
(woman chuckles)
248
00:11:06,336 --> 00:11:08,236
HERE IS THE THING--
IT'S NOT A FIRST DATE.
249
00:11:08,238 --> 00:11:10,398
I JUST FOUND OUT
IT'S OUR THIRD DATE.
250
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,440
THIRD DATE?
THAT MEANS SEX, RIGHT?
251
00:11:12,442 --> 00:11:14,442
I MEAN, WHEN I WAS DATING,
THAT MEANT SEX.
252
00:11:14,444 --> 00:11:17,454
YEAH, EVEN WHEN I WAS LIVING IN
THE ANDES WITH THE ZEN MASTERS,
253
00:11:17,447 --> 00:11:19,307
THIRD DATE MEANT SEX.
254
00:11:19,309 --> 00:11:21,309
PLUS, YOU GOT A GOAT.
255
00:11:21,311 --> 00:11:23,311
WELL, ON OUR THIRD DATE,
256
00:11:23,313 --> 00:11:25,863
JASON AND I MADE SWEET LOVE
FOR THE FIRST TIME.
257
00:11:25,856 --> 00:11:27,856
IT WAS EXACTLY
46 MINUTES LONG,
258
00:11:27,858 --> 00:11:30,218
WHICH IS THE PERFECT DURATION
FOR INTERCOURSE.
259
00:11:30,220 --> 00:11:32,920
OKAY, HEY, I CAN'T DO THIS.
I'M NOT READY.
260
00:11:32,923 --> 00:11:35,073
WELL, JANE,
DO YOU NOT LIKE SEX?
261
00:11:35,065 --> 00:11:37,165
I mean, a lot of people
don't like it,
262
00:11:37,167 --> 00:11:39,267
AND ASEXUAL PEOPLE
CAN LEAD FULFILLING LIVES.
263
00:11:39,269 --> 00:11:41,269
YOU COULD PICK UP A CRAFT.
264
00:11:41,271 --> 00:11:45,141
OH, YEAH, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
THE SEXLESS NEUTER LADY.
265
00:11:45,135 --> 00:11:48,375
THAT'S A BLAST. YEAH, A LOT
OF ROAD RAGE AND MALL WALKING.
266
00:11:48,378 --> 00:11:51,338
HEY, GUYS, I LIKE SEX, OKAY?
267
00:11:51,341 --> 00:11:53,311
AND... UH...
268
00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:56,323
PEOPLE HAVE EVEN TOLD ME
I'M VERY GOOD AT IT.
OH. WOW.
269
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:59,316
REALLY?
IF YOU MUST KNOW. YEAH,
A LOT OF GUYS HAVE SAID--
270
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:01,389
OKAY, NOT A LOT.
I MEAN, THE RIGHT AMOUNT.
271
00:12:01,391 --> 00:12:03,951
Listen, Seth is cute.
YEAH.
272
00:12:03,954 --> 00:12:07,204
IT'S BEEN 15 MONTHS.
RIGHT, AND WHEN ARE YOU EVER
GONNA HAVE THIS TIME AGAIN?
273
00:12:07,197 --> 00:12:09,457
YEAH, I SHOULD DO IT. WHEN AM I
GONNA HAVE TWO HOURS EVEN?
274
00:12:09,459 --> 00:12:11,459
YOU'RE NOT, SO JUST DO IT.
YOU CAN DO IT, JANE.
275
00:12:11,461 --> 00:12:14,131
YOU CAN DO IT.
YES, YES, I CAN I DO THIS.
YES, I CAN!
276
00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:16,144
RIGHT, YOU CAN DO IT.
JUST GO GET DOWN ON IT.
277
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:19,166
IT'S JUST LIKE RIDING A BICYCLE,
JUST... WITHOUT THE SEAT.
278
00:12:19,169 --> 00:12:21,469
OKAY, THANK YOU. VERY HELPFUL.
I'M HANGING UP NOW.
279
00:12:21,471 --> 00:12:23,041
(beep)
280
00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:25,423
(sighs)
281
00:12:25,415 --> 00:12:28,745
IS IT IRRITATING
THAT I'M STILL HERE?
282
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,218
SO AS YOU KNOW,
283
00:12:30,220 --> 00:12:32,280
THE PARENTS
ARE REALLY UPSET...
MM.
284
00:12:32,282 --> 00:12:34,282
MM-HMM.
ABOUT THE BILL INCIDENT.
285
00:12:34,284 --> 00:12:38,134
WE BELIEVE THAT WE DID THE RIGHT
THING BY BEING HONEST WITH BILL.
286
00:12:38,128 --> 00:12:41,128
(Jason) MM-HMM.
YOU KNOW,
'CAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY,
287
00:12:41,131 --> 00:12:42,761
ONLY HONEST AND TRUTHFUL
PARENTS
288
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,202
CAN RAISE
HONEST AND TRUTHFUL KIDS.
289
00:12:45,195 --> 00:12:48,495
LISTEN TO HER. THAT IS
SO BEAUTIFUL! WHO SAID THAT?
(laughs) THANK YOU. ME! I DID!
290
00:12:48,498 --> 00:12:50,768
OH!
DR. PHIL.
291
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,970
I DID. I DID.
I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND
HOW BAD THIS REALLY WAS.
292
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:57,854
COME HERE. IT WAS, UM,
IT WAS THE DEATH OF INNOCENCE.
293
00:12:57,848 --> 00:12:59,508
(clicks tongue) AND...
294
00:12:59,509 --> 00:13:02,979
YOUR SON WAS
THE LONE GUNMAN.
295
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:05,223
OH, NO.
BABY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
296
00:13:05,215 --> 00:13:07,215
YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY
BUYING THIS, ARE YOU?
NO.
297
00:13:07,217 --> 00:13:10,217
WHY ARE YOU GETTING SO UPSET?
BECAUSE IT IS.
IT'S--SHE'S RIGHT.
298
00:13:10,220 --> 00:13:13,120
THAT'S--THAT'S ENOUGH.
ENOUGH TOUCHING.
IT'S THE--IT'S THE DEATH
OF INNOCENCE.
299
00:13:13,123 --> 00:13:15,833
OKAY, BUT--
OUR--OUR--OUR CHILD
WAS THE LONE GUNMAN.
300
00:13:15,826 --> 00:13:18,026
BUT WE--AT HOME,
WE WERE TOGETHER ON THIS.
301
00:13:18,028 --> 00:13:20,568
WHAT IS GOING ON?
WELL, WE WERE HAVING SEX!
302
00:13:20,570 --> 00:13:22,900
OKAY? I WOULD'VE BACKED YOU
ON ANYTHING, EMILY.
303
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:24,913
(sighs)
HEY, LISTEN, WE AGREED.
304
00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:26,905
WE SAID WE'D TELL THE KIDS
ABOUT SANTA WHEN THEY WERE 9.
305
00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:29,577
WELL, I WAS IN A SITUATION!
NO, YOU WEREN'T.
NO, YOU WEREN'T.
306
00:13:29,579 --> 00:13:31,309
YOU DEVIATED FROM THE PLAN.
307
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,311
WELL, NOW YOU KNOW
HOW IT FELT
308
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,593
WHEN ESTHER TOOK HER FIRST STEPS
IN FRONT OF YOU!
309
00:13:35,585 --> 00:13:37,585
OH! YOU KNOW WHAT?
SHE JUST DID IT.
310
00:13:37,587 --> 00:13:40,047
YOU WERE IN THE BATHROOM.
WHAT'D YOU WANT ME TO DO?
311
00:13:40,050 --> 00:13:42,290
SAY, "NO, DON'T TAKE YOUR--"
YOU COULD'VE KNOCKED HER DOWN
AND WAITED FOR ME!
312
00:13:42,292 --> 00:13:45,302
THIS ISN'T MY FAULT.
THIS IS NOT MY--
OH, YEAH. OH, NO, I KNOW
NOTHING'S YOUR FAULT!
313
00:13:45,295 --> 00:13:47,995
(singsongy)
INDOOR VOICES, PLEASE.
OH, I GET IT. OH, REALLY?
OKAY. OKAY.
314
00:13:47,998 --> 00:13:49,998
THIS IS NOT MY FAULT, OKAY?
YOU DEVIATED FROM THE PLAN.
315
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:53,000
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GONNA DEVIATE, TOO.
OH, ARE YOU?
316
00:13:53,003 --> 00:13:57,013
YEAH, BILL'S PLAYING
PEE WEE FOOTBALL.
OKAY, GREAT. YOU KNOW WHAT?
MEETING ADJOURNED, ALL RIGHT?
317
00:13:57,007 --> 00:13:59,007
WE ALL AGREE THAT I'M
THE WORST MOTHER IN THE WORLD!
318
00:13:59,009 --> 00:14:01,009
HOW DO I GET OUT
OF THIS CHAIR? (scoffs)
319
00:14:01,011 --> 00:14:03,011
ON MOTHER'S DAY, I'M GONNA
GO TO A MOVIE ALL BY MYSELF
320
00:14:03,013 --> 00:14:05,083
AND THEN CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP!
AND THEN I'LL GO
321
00:14:05,075 --> 00:14:07,845
AND GET MY TUBES TIED,
AND EVERYONE WILLBE HAPPY!
322
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,177
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
323
00:14:10,180 --> 00:14:12,180
(Mika) ♪ SUCKING TOO HARD
ON YOUR LOLLIPOP ♪
324
00:14:12,182 --> 00:14:15,292
♪ OH, LOVE'S GONNA
GET YOU DOWN ♪
325
00:14:15,285 --> 00:14:17,885
♪ GIRL ♪
♪ I SAID SUCKING TOO HARD
ON YOUR LOLLIPOP ♪
326
00:14:17,888 --> 00:14:20,288
♪ OH, LOVE'S GONNA
GET YOU DOWN ♪
327
00:14:20,290 --> 00:14:22,490
♪ SING IT! ♪
♪ SUCKING TOO HARD
ON YOUR LOLLIPOP ♪
328
00:14:22,492 --> 00:14:24,972
♪ OH, LOVE'S GONNA
GET YOU DOWN ♪
329
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:27,365
♪ SUCKING TOO HARD
ON YOUR LOLLIPOP ♪
330
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,397
♪ OH, LOVE'S GONNA
GET YOU DOWN ♪
331
00:14:29,399 --> 00:14:34,339
♪ SAY WHOA, OH, WHOA, OH,
WHOA, OH, LOLLIPOP ♪
332
00:14:34,344 --> 00:14:40,114
♪ SAY WHOA, OH, WHOA, OH,
WHOA, OH, LOLLIPOP ♪
333
00:14:40,110 --> 00:14:42,610
♪ SUCKING TOO HARD
ON YOUR LOLLIPOP ♪
334
00:14:42,612 --> 00:14:45,062
♪ OH, LOVE'S GONNA
GET YOU DOWN ♪
335
00:14:45,055 --> 00:14:49,185
♪ SUCKING TOO HARD
ON YOUR LOLLIPOP... ♪
♪ SAY WHOA, OH, WHOA, OH ♪
336
00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:51,319
SO WHAT I DO IS, I GO...
(imitates Borat) IT'S NICE...
337
00:14:51,321 --> 00:14:53,321
(normal voice)
WHICH IS LIKE...
338
00:14:53,323 --> 00:14:55,333
(Czech accent)
TWO WILD AND CRAZY GUYS...
339
00:14:55,325 --> 00:14:57,325
(normal voice) BUT I MAKE IT
MORE NASALLY.
GREAT.
340
00:14:57,327 --> 00:14:59,667
SO IT'S...
(imitates Borat) NICE.
(imitates Borat) IT'S NICE.
341
00:14:59,669 --> 00:15:02,029
(normal voice) YEAH. PERFECT.
THAT'S RIGHT. IT SOUNDED GREAT.
(normal voice)
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
342
00:15:02,032 --> 00:15:03,932
YOU KNOW WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
WHAT?
343
00:15:03,934 --> 00:15:06,984
THIRD DATE JUST OFFICIALLY
STARTED. YEP, JUST NOW.
REALLY? OKAY, GOOD.
344
00:15:06,977 --> 00:15:09,507
EVERYONE, LISTEN. UH, I HATE
TO SPRING THIS ON ALL OF YOU,
345
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:12,079
BUT, UH, WE JUST GOT WORD FROM
THE SUITS THAT WE'RE GONNA
346
00:15:12,082 --> 00:15:14,112
HAVE TO HAVE THAT
SEXUAL HARASSMENT SEMINAR
347
00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:17,254
THAT WE'VE ALL BEEN DREADING.
WHAT?
HOW LONG COULD THIS TAKE?
348
00:15:17,247 --> 00:15:18,547
(man) NOT LONG.
349
00:15:18,548 --> 00:15:21,548
UH, APPARENTLY,
SOMEONE'S... EX-ASSISTANT
350
00:15:21,551 --> 00:15:24,191
INTERPRETED A LITTLE
LIGHT BANTER, SOME MILD TUSSLING
351
00:15:24,194 --> 00:15:27,164
AND A LITTLE LINGERIE SHOW
AS HARASSMENT.
352
00:15:27,157 --> 00:15:30,197
SO WE'VE GOTTA DO THIS NOW...
UH, TONIGHT...
353
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:31,660
BEFORE THE SUBPOENA.
354
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:38,967
(man) HEY, BETTY.
355
00:15:38,969 --> 00:15:41,539
YOU HAVE SOMETHING ON THE FRONT
OF YOUR SWEATER--MY EYES.
356
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,211
(laughs) OKAY.
357
00:15:43,213 --> 00:15:45,523
UM, ALL RIGHT, SITUATION 23--
358
00:15:45,515 --> 00:15:47,975
WHAT SHOULD
BETTY'S CORRECT RESPONSE BE?
359
00:15:47,978 --> 00:15:50,618
UM, OKAY, UH, "A"--
"OH, GLENN, YOU ARE SO FUNNY."
360
00:15:50,620 --> 00:15:52,650
(laughs) THAT'D BE MINE.
361
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:56,162
"B"--"GLENN, YOU'RE A PIG."
WELL, NO.
362
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,186
UH, OR "C"--SHE STAYS QUIET
363
00:15:58,188 --> 00:16:00,228
AND SHE SEES HER SUPERVISOR
TO FILE A REPORT.
364
00:16:00,230 --> 00:16:03,560
WELL, THAT--THAT IS LAME.
I-I'M NOT MAKING IT UP.
365
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:05,743
HONESTLY, WHERE I COME FROM,
366
00:16:05,735 --> 00:16:07,735
THAT WOULD BE CONSIDERED
A COMPLIMENT.
367
00:16:07,737 --> 00:16:09,737
CAN WE PLEASE MOVE ON?
368
00:16:09,739 --> 00:16:11,739
OKAY, NOW I GOT AWAY WITH IT
IN '87,
369
00:16:11,741 --> 00:16:14,401
BUT THAT WAS A CORPORATE THING,
AND YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT
370
00:16:14,404 --> 00:16:16,614
TO TRY IT HERE,
BUT I'M JUST GONNA TELL YOU
371
00:16:16,606 --> 00:16:20,706
THIS ATTORNEY IN VENEZUELA WAS
AMAZING. OKAY, AND WE'RE DONE.
OH! LET'S GO.
372
00:16:20,710 --> 00:16:22,180
AND WE'RE MOVING ON
TO THE DISCUSSION SESSION.
373
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:25,192
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
BLAIR, IT IS PAST 8:00.
374
00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:27,755
I AM SURE NO ONE
HAS ANY QUESTIONS.
375
00:16:27,757 --> 00:16:29,617
AH, YES, MARIALICE.
376
00:16:29,619 --> 00:16:32,389
IT'S, UH, IT'S ACTUALLY RHODA.
UH, AND THIS ISN'T
377
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:36,032
SO MUCH A QUESTION
AS IT'S A-A PERSONAL STORY.
378
00:16:36,026 --> 00:16:37,066
(whispers) WHY?!
379
00:16:37,067 --> 00:16:39,067
UM, THERE WAS THIS ONE TIME
380
00:16:39,069 --> 00:16:41,369
I WAS IN THE BREAK ROOM.
IT WAS SO CROWDED.
381
00:16:41,371 --> 00:16:44,731
AND A LARGE MAN WALKED IN.
YES?
382
00:16:44,734 --> 00:16:47,544
AND HE PRESSED HIMSELF
UP AGAINST ME
383
00:16:47,537 --> 00:16:49,537
AT THE FOOD MACHINE.
OH.
384
00:16:49,539 --> 00:16:52,609
NOW I KNOW HE WAS GOING IN
FOR A CANDY BAR...
385
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:56,452
(sighs)
BUT I'M NOT A STUPID PERSON.
386
00:16:56,446 --> 00:16:58,446
I KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING.
HEY.
387
00:16:58,448 --> 00:17:00,488
AND THIS LARGE MAN
388
00:17:00,490 --> 00:17:03,150
WAS ENJOYING HIMSELF.
IT'S FAT CHRIS.
389
00:17:03,153 --> 00:17:05,163
WE ALL KNOW YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT FAT CHRIS.
390
00:17:05,155 --> 00:17:08,125
OKAY, IT'S A SMALL SPACE,
AND IT'S HAPPENED TO ALL OF US.
391
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:10,158
THANK YOU FOR SHARING.
THAT'S IT. LET'S GO, GUYS.
392
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:13,200
IT'S OVER. THANK YOU.
I HAVE ONE MORE THING TO SAY.
393
00:17:13,203 --> 00:17:15,813
NO. THANK YOU. BLAIR, COME ON.
THANK YOU SO MUCH. SO HELPFUL.
394
00:17:15,805 --> 00:17:18,405
YOU'VE REALLY HELPED A LOT
OF PEOPLE TODAY. THANK YOU.
395
00:17:18,408 --> 00:17:22,568
WE GET IT. WE GET IT.
NO SEX TALK IN THE WORK PLACE.
(Blair) WELL, WE'RE ALL HERE.
LET'S GET A DRINK.
396
00:17:22,572 --> 00:17:24,242
DROP YOUR PANTS.
WHAT?
397
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:27,284
SHEP, I HAVE, LIKE, 17 MINUTES
BEFORE I LOSE MY MANNY.
398
00:17:27,277 --> 00:17:29,777
SO WHY DON'T WE
JUST THIRD DATE RIGHT HERE?
399
00:17:29,779 --> 00:17:32,279
(imitates Borat)
NICE. SEXY TIME.
OKAY. NO BORAT.
400
00:17:32,282 --> 00:17:34,182
NO, OF COURSE NOT.
NO. MMM.
401
00:17:34,184 --> 00:17:36,364
AND THEN WE CAN HAVE
A LINGERIE SHOW.
402
00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:39,156
I THINK THERE'S SOME WINE
IN MY DESK.
403
00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:41,589
OH, MY GOD.
WOW, THAT IS DIRTY.
404
00:17:41,591 --> 00:17:44,331
OKAY. UHH!
YOU TWO ARE IN SERIOUS BREACH
OF COMPANY POLICY.
405
00:17:44,334 --> 00:17:48,074
UH, TECHNICALLY, UM,
HE'S MY SUPERVISOR, SO I, UH,
406
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:51,797
YOU SHOULD TALK TO HIM.
I'VE GOTTA GO.
407
00:17:51,801 --> 00:17:54,301
I'M SORRY.
I HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME.
408
00:17:54,304 --> 00:17:56,184
ME, TOO. AAH.
409
00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:58,106
GREAT THIRD DATE.
410
00:17:58,108 --> 00:18:00,278
THAT WAS--
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
411
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,850
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
UM, STOP IT.
412
00:18:02,852 --> 00:18:05,592
(all) SURPRISE!
413
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,515
IT'S A BABY SHOWER?
414
00:18:07,517 --> 00:18:09,087
PRESENTS! YAY!
415
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,358
AW, YOU GUYS! (laughs)
416
00:18:11,361 --> 00:18:14,291
YOU REALLY DIDN'T HAVE TO,
BUT I'M GLAD YOU DID.
417
00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:18,474
WHAT IS THIS,
A BLUE-RAY DVD PLAYER?
I'M THE PREGNANT ONE.
THAT'S MINE. GIVE IT!
418
00:18:18,468 --> 00:18:20,328
PUT IT DOWN!
ARE YOU CRAZY?!
419
00:18:20,330 --> 00:18:21,600
PUT IT DOWN!
BUT I WANT IT!
420
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:24,101
(gasps)
421
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,883
(gasps)
422
00:18:26,876 --> 00:18:28,736
(chuckles nervously)
423
00:18:28,738 --> 00:18:30,178
UH...
424
00:18:30,180 --> 00:18:33,580
HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?
(chuckles)
425
00:18:33,583 --> 00:18:34,883
MM.
426
00:18:34,884 --> 00:18:38,694
HOW DARE YOU LIE TO US
LIKE THIS?
427
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:41,490
(sighs)
428
00:18:43,693 --> 00:18:45,663
(laughs)
429
00:18:45,655 --> 00:18:47,555
OKAY, YOU GUYS, LISTEN,
430
00:18:47,557 --> 00:18:49,857
I AM REALLY SORRY.
YOU GUYS ARE SUCH NICE PEOPLE,
431
00:18:49,859 --> 00:18:53,859
AND I FEEL SO BAD. I DON'T EVEN
REALLY KNOW WHY I DID THIS NOW.
432
00:18:53,863 --> 00:18:57,343
I JUST--I...
I GUESS I WAS JEALOUS.
433
00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:59,467
YOU KNOW, 15 YEARS AGO,
434
00:18:59,469 --> 00:19:01,509
WHEN I WAS PREGNANT,
AND I WAS,
435
00:19:01,511 --> 00:19:04,771
I WAS IN THE PEACE CORPS,
AND WE WERE IN THE CONGO,
436
00:19:04,774 --> 00:19:07,284
AND THERE WERE, LIKE,
NO PERKS.
437
00:19:07,277 --> 00:19:10,217
NO PRENATAL MASSAGE,
NO CUTE LITTLE MATERNITY TOPS.
438
00:19:10,220 --> 00:19:12,220
I MEAN, IT WAS LIKE
SNAKES AND MALARIA,
439
00:19:12,222 --> 00:19:14,252
SO IT WAS
A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT.
440
00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:16,264
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M SAYING?
441
00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:19,726
SO I THINK THAT I JUST KINDA
WANTED TO GET A PIECE
442
00:19:19,729 --> 00:19:22,259
OF WHAT IT IS THAT YOU GUYS
ALL TAKE FOR GRANTED.
443
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:25,272
PLEASE DON'T HOLD IT AGAINST ME
THAT I WAS IN THE PEACE CORPS
444
00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:29,635
OR THAT I... DATED A GUY
THAT WAS IN THE PEACE CORPS.
445
00:19:32,342 --> 00:19:33,802
OKAY, THAT'S FAIR.
446
00:19:33,803 --> 00:19:37,653
AND THEN I JUST RAN OUT, SO I
DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW IT ENDED.
447
00:19:37,647 --> 00:19:40,177
OH, I HOPE
SHEP DIDN'T GET FIRED,
448
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:43,679
AND I HOPE NO ONE FOUND
MY THONG ON THE FAX MACHINE.
449
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:46,193
WELL, YOU KNOW,
JASON AND I HAD HOURS
450
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,655
OF THE MOST AMAZING MAKEUP SEX
451
00:19:47,657 --> 00:19:49,857
AND THEN A BUNCH
OF THE REGULAR SEX,
452
00:19:49,859 --> 00:19:52,619
AND DURING SNACK BREAK,
WE CAME UP WITH A PLAN
453
00:19:52,622 --> 00:19:55,902
TO MAKE IT UP TO THE KIDS.
HEY, GUYS,
YOU THINK ALL THIS RED'S
454
00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:58,865
WASHING ME OUT A LITTLE BIT?
WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?
NO, YOU LOOK GREAT!
OH, IT'S PERFECT. YAY!
455
00:19:58,868 --> 00:20:01,628
WHAT ARE YOU PACKING, DUDE?
THAT LOOKS FANTASTIC.
456
00:20:01,631 --> 00:20:05,681
THIS IS 90% QUILTED POLY-FIBER
AND, UH, 10% CHALUPAS.
457
00:20:05,675 --> 00:20:07,935
THAT IS NICE. NICE SHAPE.
458
00:20:07,937 --> 00:20:10,707
OH, GOD!
I MISS BEING PREGNANT.
459
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,680
IT JUST MAKES YOUR LEGS
LOOK SO SKINNY.
460
00:20:13,683 --> 00:20:15,653
I KNOW, RIGHT?
461
00:20:15,645 --> 00:20:18,215
OKAY, SO YOU KNOW THE DRILL,
RIGHT? YOU'RE GONNA GET UP
462
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,887
ON THAT ROOF AND THEN--
RIGHT, RIGHT, YEAH, I GOT IT.
I'VE DRESSED UP LIKE SANTA
463
00:20:20,890 --> 00:20:23,750
A THOUSAND TIMES.
SOME LADIES ARE INTO THAT.
464
00:20:23,753 --> 00:20:26,963
UH, ANYWAY... HOW'S THIS?
465
00:20:26,956 --> 00:20:29,356
(deep voice) HO HO HO!
466
00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:30,929
YES!
467
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:32,900
YOU KNOW, NO, I'VE SEEN IT.
468
00:20:32,902 --> 00:20:35,312
DO SOMETHING NEW.
MIX IT UP. TRY LIKE THIS.
469
00:20:35,305 --> 00:20:37,265
(nasally, singsong voice)
HO HO HO.
470
00:20:37,267 --> 00:20:39,437
(Esther) MOM, WE'RE HOME!
OH! PLACES, EVERYONE!
IT'S HAPPENING, PEOPLE.
471
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:42,439
LET'S GO. PLACES!
LOOK AT MY LITTLE SISTER
LYING TO HER KIDS.
472
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:44,642
I KNOW. NOW SHE'S JUST
A NORMAL MOM,
473
00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:49,324
JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.
OH, DON'T EVER SAY THAT.
474
00:20:49,319 --> 00:20:51,479
OKAY, HI, KIDS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
475
00:20:51,481 --> 00:20:53,651
I'VE GOT SOME IMPORTANT NEWS
FOR YOU.
476
00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:56,493
I WAS MISINFORMED--
THERE REALLY IS A SANTA CLAUS!
477
00:20:56,486 --> 00:20:58,456
THANK YOU, ROSEMARY!
478
00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:00,988
ROSEMARY, YOU JUST STOLE
THAT PRECIOUS MOMENT FROM ME.
479
00:21:00,990 --> 00:21:02,390
WHAT?
480
00:21:02,392 --> 00:21:04,732
DON'T BE PETTY, EMILY.
LOOK HOW HAPPY THEY ARE.
481
00:21:04,734 --> 00:21:07,274
HEY, AND, GUYS?
LOOK OUTSIDE.
482
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:10,466
THERE'S A SURPRISE
FROM AUNT JANE!
(Horatio, deep voice) HO HO HO!
483
00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:11,970
(screams)
484
00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:13,271
(thud)
(gasps)
485
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:16,312
(Horatio groaning)
486
00:21:16,306 --> 00:21:18,346
NO! SO MUCH BLOOD!
487
00:21:18,348 --> 00:21:21,448
MOMMY KILLED SANTA.
488
00:21:21,451 --> 00:21:22,751
DON'T WORRY, KIDS.
489
00:21:22,752 --> 00:21:27,062
THAT'S NOT BLOOD. IT'S...
IT'S CHRISTMAS JUICE.
39264
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