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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,632 --> 00:00:03,632 I'D LOVE TO HAVE DRINKS, BUT I CAN'T. 2 00:00:03,634 --> 00:00:05,644 I'VE HAD THE LONGEST DAY AT WORK, 3 00:00:05,636 --> 00:00:08,006 AND I NEED TO RELIEVE MY "MANNY" AND I NEED TO SEE MY KIDS. 4 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:11,208 (baby wailing) (man) HONEY, IT'S OKAY. HERE. HERE YOU GO, BABY. HERE. 5 00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:13,212 OH, MY GOD. IT'S LOUD! 6 00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:16,454 (barking) (man) IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. BRAVO, BE QUIET! 7 00:00:16,447 --> 00:00:19,447 (girl speaking indistinctly) (man) IT'S OKAY, HONEY. (speaks indistinctly) 8 00:00:19,450 --> 00:00:22,490 OKAY, I SAW THE KIDS. I WILL SEE YOU IN TEN MINUTES. 9 00:00:22,493 --> 00:00:25,063 (man shouting, baby continues wailing) 10 00:00:25,056 --> 00:00:28,056 ♪♪ 11 00:00:28,059 --> 00:00:35,269 (child giggles) 12 00:00:35,266 --> 00:00:38,306 GOD, IT'S SO PEACEFUL. 13 00:00:38,309 --> 00:00:40,309 IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE KIDS EVEN LIVE HERE. 14 00:00:40,311 --> 00:00:43,371 I MEAN, LOOK AT 'EM. THEY'RE LIKE TINY LITTLE MUTES. I KNOW. 15 00:00:43,374 --> 00:00:45,324 THEY JUST LOVE FOLDING LAUNDRY. 16 00:00:45,316 --> 00:00:48,416 HEY, KIDS, I GOT A COUPLE LOADS OUT IN THE CAR. 17 00:00:48,419 --> 00:00:51,319 I LIKE THE WHITES IN A SEPARATE BASKET. 18 00:00:51,322 --> 00:00:54,692 MORE FOLDING! YAY! I GET TO IRON! 19 00:00:54,685 --> 00:00:57,225 OKAY, GUYS, I HAVE SOME VERY EXCITING NEWS. 20 00:00:57,228 --> 00:00:58,828 WHAT? WHAT? 21 00:00:58,829 --> 00:01:02,229 I HAVE A DATE FRIDAY NIGHT. OH! WHAT A RELIEF. 22 00:01:02,233 --> 00:01:05,303 OH, GOD, I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW HARD IT'S BEEN FOR ME 23 00:01:05,296 --> 00:01:08,236 TO THINK ABOUT MY DIVORCED, YOU KNOW, MUCH OLDER SISTER 24 00:01:08,239 --> 00:01:10,499 LIVING ALL ALONE. 25 00:01:10,501 --> 00:01:13,241 YOU KNOW, IT'S THIS KIND OF SADNESS THAT NEVER LEAVES YOU. 26 00:01:13,244 --> 00:01:15,814 OKAY, LET'S STAY FOCUSED HERE, ALL RIGHT? THIS IS ABOUT ME. 27 00:01:15,806 --> 00:01:18,846 I AM JUST SAYING I HAVEN'T HAD A DATE 28 00:01:18,849 --> 00:01:21,209 IN I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY YEARS. 29 00:01:21,212 --> 00:01:23,612 I MEAN, LAST TIME I WENT OUT WITH SOMEONE, 30 00:01:23,614 --> 00:01:25,624 I HAD THIS ELABORATE, FEATHERED-BACK HAIRDO. 31 00:01:25,616 --> 00:01:28,356 I'VE STILL GOT IT. HUH? YOU SURE DO. 32 00:01:28,359 --> 00:01:31,159 (sighs) OKAY, I'M A LITTLE FREAKED OUT. 33 00:01:31,162 --> 00:01:34,802 NOBODY HAS SEEN THIS IN A VERY LONG TIME. 34 00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,565 WELL, I HOPE IT STILL WORKS. 35 00:01:36,567 --> 00:01:39,097 I JUST SAW THIS THING ON ANIMAL PLANET 36 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,129 ABOUT THE ANTEATER WORLD, AND AFTER TEN MONTHS... 37 00:01:41,132 --> 00:01:43,432 (makes sucking sound) IT JUST SEALS RIGHT BACK UP. 38 00:01:43,434 --> 00:01:45,684 OH, MY... (cell phone rings) 39 00:01:45,676 --> 00:01:48,476 (ring) OOH, IT'S ANNIE. 40 00:01:48,479 --> 00:01:50,479 SHH! SHH! SHH! HUSH! NOBODY'S TALKING. 41 00:01:50,481 --> 00:01:53,311 (ring) HI, HONEY. 42 00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:57,694 NO, I'M STILL AT WORK. YEAH, TOTALLY AT WORK. 43 00:01:57,688 --> 00:02:00,418 HEY, I'LL SLIDE THAT P.F.D. FILE ON THE PLANS 44 00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:02,821 TO YOUR FLASH DRIVE A.S.A.P., BOSS! 45 00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:06,233 OH, LOOK, I'M SWAMPED. HONEY, I'M SORRY. I GOTTA GO. 46 00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:07,697 OKAY, SWEET DREAMS. 47 00:02:07,698 --> 00:02:09,658 JANE, THAT WAS A COMPLETE LIE. 48 00:02:09,660 --> 00:02:12,530 YOU KNOW, I MEAN, SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO LIE 49 00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:15,243 TO... PROTECT... THEM 50 00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:18,506 FROM... THE FACT THAT I NEED TO DO THIS. 51 00:02:18,509 --> 00:02:20,669 YOU KNOW, IT'S TRUE. I LIE TO MY SON ALL THE TIME. 52 00:02:20,671 --> 00:02:24,221 I STEAL FROM HIM. WHERE DO YOU THINK I GOT THIS T-SHIRT? 53 00:02:24,215 --> 00:02:25,675 IT'S CUTE. THANKS. 54 00:02:25,676 --> 00:02:27,716 I GUESS WE JUST HAVE DIFFERENT PARENTING STYLES. 55 00:02:27,718 --> 00:02:31,648 JASON AND I HAVE A LONG-TERM PLAN BASED ON HONESTY, 56 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,682 AND... YOU'RE A LIAR. 57 00:02:33,684 --> 00:02:36,194 (laughs) UH, OKAY, I DON'T THINK 58 00:02:36,187 --> 00:02:40,257 YOU'RE QUITE AS HONEST WITH YOUR KIDS AS YOU THINK. YES, I AM. 59 00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:43,361 WHAT ABOUT THE FAT BEARDED MAN IN THE RED COAT? 60 00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:45,744 WHAT? WAS THAT SOMEONE YOU DATED? NO. 61 00:02:45,736 --> 00:02:47,796 WELL, YOU DATE A LOT OF FAT GUYS. SANTA. 62 00:02:47,798 --> 00:02:50,838 SANTA DOESN'T COUNT AS LYING. 63 00:02:50,841 --> 00:02:53,801 OH, REALLY? SO YOU TELL THEM THAT A BIG, FAT MAN 64 00:02:53,804 --> 00:02:56,854 COMES DOWN A TINY CHIMNEY, AND THAT'S NOT A LIE? 65 00:02:56,847 --> 00:02:59,207 RIGHT, THAT'S NOT A LIE. 66 00:02:59,210 --> 00:03:01,250 (sighs) OH, MY GOD. 67 00:03:01,252 --> 00:03:03,412 OKAY, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT. 68 00:03:03,414 --> 00:03:06,824 YOU KNOW, MAYBE I SHOULD TELL THEM THE TRUTH. THANK YOU. 69 00:03:06,817 --> 00:03:07,917 KIDS! 70 00:03:07,918 --> 00:03:09,658 (gasps) NOT NOW! NO! NO, EMILY! 71 00:03:09,660 --> 00:03:11,660 NO, JANE, I HAVE TO DO THIS 72 00:03:11,662 --> 00:03:14,402 OR I'LL BE A LYING PARENT LIKE YOU. 73 00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:16,865 SWEETHEARTS, THERE'S SOMETHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT SANTA. 74 00:03:16,867 --> 00:03:18,367 NONSENSE! NO, EMILY! 75 00:03:18,369 --> 00:03:20,829 SHUT! SANTA CLAUS IS A MADE-UP PERSON. (sighs) 76 00:03:22,573 --> 00:03:24,583 CHILDHOOD OFFICIALLY OVER. 77 00:03:24,575 --> 00:03:26,235 (camera shutter snaps) 78 00:03:26,237 --> 00:03:28,637 OKAY, I'M GONNA GO POST THIS ON THE BLOG. 79 00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:38,415 EXCUSE ME. OH, EXCUSE ME. BABY ON BOARD. CUTTING. 80 00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:41,219 HI. CAN I HAVE A DECAF MOCHA? HEY! 81 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,251 NO CUTS, FATTY. 82 00:03:43,254 --> 00:03:45,304 OH, GO AHEAD AND CUT. 83 00:03:45,296 --> 00:03:47,726 WELL, HELLO? IS THIS FAIR? 84 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:50,758 SHE GETS TO CUT IN LINE JUST 'CAUSE SHE'S PREGNANT? 85 00:03:50,761 --> 00:03:54,271 OH, GREAT. PERFECT. WELL, I GUESS IF I WAS... 86 00:03:56,807 --> 00:03:59,567 EXCUSE ME... 87 00:03:59,570 --> 00:04:01,570 EVERYBODY, BUT, UM, 88 00:04:01,572 --> 00:04:03,612 I JUST FOUND OUT THAT I'M PREGNANT, TOO. 89 00:04:03,614 --> 00:04:06,254 (chuckles) YEAH, I GOT A TEXT. 90 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:09,376 YEAH, I KNOW. IT'S CRAZY 'CAUSE I'M, LIKE, 50. (chuckles) 91 00:04:09,380 --> 00:04:10,520 OH! 92 00:04:10,521 --> 00:04:12,951 NO, IT'S--IT'S A MIRACLE. (woman) OH, YES! 93 00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:15,333 (man) CONGRATULATIONS. MAZEL TOV. CONGRATULATIONS. 94 00:04:15,326 --> 00:04:17,356 THANK YOU. IN THE MEANTIME, YOU KNOW WHAT? 95 00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:19,358 I'M ACTUALLY GONNA CUT RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU 96 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,390 BECAUSE, UM... I REALLY HAVE TO PEE. (chuckles) 97 00:04:21,392 --> 00:04:25,302 YOU KNOW US PREGNANT WOMEN AND OUR TINY, LITTLE BLADDERS. MM-HMM. 98 00:04:25,296 --> 00:04:28,436 (wailing) SHH, SHH. HEY, HEY. 99 00:04:28,439 --> 00:04:31,439 HI. SORRY I'M LATE. A TACO FELL INTO MY GEARSHIFT. 100 00:04:31,442 --> 00:04:34,752 I ALMOST GOT INTO A TERRIBLE ACCIDENT. UGH, SHE'S BEEN CRYING ALL MORNING. 101 00:04:34,745 --> 00:04:38,875 OH, THAT'S OKAY. I GOT HER. I GOT HER. HONEY, YOUR MANNY'S HERE. EVERYTHING'S FINE. 102 00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,879 YEAH. HMM. I KNOW. 103 00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,481 (imitates whale calls) 104 00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,623 (laughs) WHOA, LOOK AT THAT! 105 00:04:44,615 --> 00:04:47,555 WHAT DID YOU SAY? IT'S WHALE LANGUAGE. 106 00:04:47,558 --> 00:04:50,518 YOU KNOW, IT'S HARD TO TRANSLATE INTO ENGLISH. YEAH. OKAY. 107 00:04:50,521 --> 00:04:52,521 UM, HEY, HORATIO... (baby coos) 108 00:04:52,523 --> 00:04:54,473 ARE YOU BUSY FRIDAY NIGHT? 109 00:04:54,465 --> 00:04:55,765 OH, JANE. 110 00:04:55,766 --> 00:04:58,596 LOOK, I KNOW YOU HAVE THIS WHOLE ANGELA/TONY 111 00:04:58,599 --> 00:05:01,969 "WHO'S THE BOSS?" FANTASY THING GOING, BUT I'M SORRY. 112 00:05:01,972 --> 00:05:04,482 I'M JUST NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU. CAN'T FORCE THESE THINGS. 113 00:05:04,475 --> 00:05:06,735 OH! YEAH. 114 00:05:06,737 --> 00:05:08,737 NO, I NEED YOU TO BABYSIT. 115 00:05:08,739 --> 00:05:11,909 AND I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU, EITHER, SO... (chuckles) YEAH, RIGHT. 116 00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,912 NO, I ACTUALLY HAVE A DATE. 117 00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:16,494 A DATE? YOU HAVE A DATE? 118 00:05:16,487 --> 00:05:19,547 (sighs) WELL, NO. I MEAN, IT'S... 119 00:05:19,550 --> 00:05:22,550 IT'S JUST DINNER WITH THIS GUY AT WORK-- 120 00:05:22,553 --> 00:05:24,633 SHEP--WHO'S REALLY FUNNY. 121 00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:26,625 HE DOES THE FUNNIEST BORAT IMPRESSION. 122 00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:29,657 HE'S LIKE, "MY SISTER IS PROSTITUTE." 123 00:05:29,660 --> 00:05:31,360 (laughs) 124 00:05:33,003 --> 00:05:34,543 OKAY. 125 00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:36,905 YOU WOULD LAUGH IF YOU SAW HIM DO IT. 126 00:05:36,907 --> 00:05:39,907 ANYWAY, LISTEN, I GOTTA GO. BUT FRIDAY? CAN YOU DO FRIDAY? 127 00:05:39,910 --> 00:05:41,870 OH, I CAN'T DO FRIDAY NIGHT. 128 00:05:41,872 --> 00:05:44,582 WHY? I HAVE A DATE WITH TINA. YOU KNOW, FROM TINA'S TACOS? 129 00:05:44,575 --> 00:05:46,615 (grunts) YEAH, I MEAN, SHE'S OKAY, 130 00:05:46,617 --> 00:05:49,577 BUT THE TACOS... OOH, THEY'RE AMAZING. 131 00:05:49,580 --> 00:05:52,620 THIS IS THE ONLY TIME I CAN SQUEEZE THIS IN. 132 00:05:52,623 --> 00:05:54,023 PLEASE. UM... 133 00:05:54,024 --> 00:05:56,934 WHAT IF I DO AN EARLY DATE? I'LL BE BACK BY 9:00, PROMISE. 134 00:05:56,927 --> 00:06:00,387 OKAY, OKAY, FINE. BUT REMEMBER, I LOVE THESE TACOS. QUICK DINNER. IN AND OUT. THANK YOU. 135 00:06:00,391 --> 00:06:02,931 THEY'RE LIKE BROTHERS TO ME. OKAY. OKAY. 136 00:06:02,933 --> 00:06:04,973 I MEAN, DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY, 137 00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:08,435 BUT IF A RUNAWAY BUS WAS HEADING TOWARDS YOU AND THIS TACO PLACE, 138 00:06:08,439 --> 00:06:10,439 I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW WHO I'D PUSH OUT OF THE WAY. 139 00:06:10,441 --> 00:06:12,441 THEY'RE GOOD TACOS. OKAY. I-I--YEAH, OKAY. BYE, SOPHIE. 140 00:06:12,443 --> 00:06:15,813 ALL RIGHT, GUYS, CALL ME IF YOU NEED ME. ALL RIGHT. TAKE IT EASY. 141 00:06:15,806 --> 00:06:17,776 YOU LIKE TACOS? 142 00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:20,008 EMILY? WHAT? 143 00:06:20,010 --> 00:06:22,480 DID I TELL YOU THAT I'M PREGNANT? 144 00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:26,163 I KNOW. IT'S CRAZY 'CAUSE I'M, LIKE, 50. OH, MY--THIS IS A MIRACLE OF SCIENCE! 145 00:06:26,156 --> 00:06:28,386 IT REALLY IS. (gasps) CAN I FEEL? 146 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,518 SURE, KNOCK YOURSELF OUT. (laughs) OHH. 147 00:06:30,521 --> 00:06:32,591 HOW ABOUT THAT? (gasps) I THINK I JUST FELT IT KICK. 148 00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,063 YOU DID NOT. I DID! 149 00:06:34,064 --> 00:06:36,074 NO, NO, PROBABLY NOT. I DEFINITELY DID. OH, MY GOD. 150 00:06:36,066 --> 00:06:39,866 WAIT, IS THE DAD THAT GUY WITH ONE HAND FROM NEW YEAR'S EVE? 151 00:06:39,870 --> 00:06:43,930 SURE. YEAH. HOW MANY HANDS ARE YOU GONNA HAVE, LITTLE FELLA? OKAY, THAT'S NOT FUNNY. 152 00:06:43,934 --> 00:06:47,014 OKAY, BUT I'M KIDDING. I'M NOT PREGNANT, EMILY. WHAT?! 153 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:49,907 I'M, LIKE, 50. I DON'T EVEN HAVE MY PERIOD ANYMORE. 154 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:53,510 WELL, I DON'T KNOW. THERE WAS A MAN ON "OPRAH" WHO HAD A BABY. 155 00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:56,524 ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE. COULD I PLEASE USE YOUR STUFFED ARMADILLO AS A STOMACH? 156 00:06:56,517 --> 00:07:00,187 IT'S A BEDBUG. HOW COULD I HAVE EVER MADE THAT MISTAKE? SILLY ME. 157 00:07:00,190 --> 00:07:03,490 ROSEMARY, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I THINK IT'S KIND OF A SOCIAL EXPERIMENT. 158 00:07:03,494 --> 00:07:06,204 MM-HMM? I MEAN, THE PREGNANT WOMAN IN THIS SOCIETY 159 00:07:06,196 --> 00:07:09,056 HAS BEEN ELEVATED TO THE LEVEL OF A GODDESS, EMILY, 160 00:07:09,059 --> 00:07:10,959 AND I REALLY WANNA GET A PIECE OF IT. 161 00:07:10,961 --> 00:07:12,961 I WANT THE ATTENTION AND THE BACK RUBS 162 00:07:12,963 --> 00:07:15,913 AND THE FREE FOOD AND THE WHOLE NINE. OKAY. 163 00:07:15,906 --> 00:07:17,906 I MEAN, WHERE'S THE HARM IN IT, RIGHT? 164 00:07:17,908 --> 00:07:19,968 IT'S A BOUNTY. IT'S THERE FOR THE TAKING. 165 00:07:19,970 --> 00:07:23,140 OH! I'M SORRY I'M LATE. OH, IT WAS A MORNING FROM HELL. 166 00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:25,183 MY MANNY WAS LATE. SO WHO CARES? 167 00:07:25,175 --> 00:07:28,115 YOU NEVER HEAR ME GOING ON ABOUT KIDS AND FAMILY TRAUMA. 168 00:07:28,118 --> 00:07:30,848 YEAH, WELL, THAT'D BE KIND OF WEIRD, BLAIR, 169 00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:34,531 SINCE YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS. ACTUALLY, I HAVE 4--GIRL 11, BOY 8, TWO 3-YEAR-OLD TWINS. 170 00:07:34,525 --> 00:07:37,555 THAT IS BLOWING MY MIND. I HAVE WORKED HERE FOR 12 YEARS, 171 00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:41,058 AND I HAD NO IDEA YOU HAD KIDS. YEAH, WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE 172 00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:44,231 I NEVER BRING MY PERSONAL LIFE INTO THE OFFICE, JANE. 173 00:07:44,234 --> 00:07:47,644 (telephones ringing) 174 00:07:47,638 --> 00:07:49,768 HEY, JANE. YOU LOOK PRETTY. 175 00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,770 THANK YOU. YEAH. 176 00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:54,172 HEY, I GOTTA TELL YOU, I'M LOOKING FORWARD 177 00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:56,654 TO OUR BIG THIRD DATE FRIDAY NIGHT. 178 00:07:56,647 --> 00:08:00,477 HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ETHIOPIAN FOOD OR DO YOU PREFER FORKS? NO, IT'S OUR FIRST DATE. 179 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,480 NO, NO, NO, NO. IT'S OUR THIRD DATE. 180 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,492 THERE WAS THAT TIME WE HAD COFFEE--FIRST DATE, AND THEN 181 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,515 AND THEN THE TIME WE WERE TRAPPED IN THE RAINSTORM 182 00:08:07,518 --> 00:08:10,018 ON THE WAY TO THE PARKING LOT-- VERY WET, VERY CINEMATIC. 183 00:08:10,020 --> 00:08:12,090 I SAID, "ISN'T THIS ROMANTIC?" OR AT LEAST I THOUGHT IT. 184 00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:14,632 THAT WAS THE SECOND DATE, AND THEN THIS WILL BE THE THIRD. 185 00:08:14,625 --> 00:08:17,665 OH, I-I-I DIDN'T KNOW THOSE WERE... COUNTING. OH, YOU GOTTA COUNT 'EM. 186 00:08:17,668 --> 00:08:21,528 OKAY, UH, WHOA. SO THAT'S-- SO IT'S OUR THIRD DATE. BIG THREE, YEAH. 187 00:08:21,532 --> 00:08:23,532 (imitating Borat) YEAH, GREAT SUCCESS. WA WA WEE WA! 188 00:08:23,534 --> 00:08:26,514 (laughs) CAN YOU--CAN YOU DO THAT ON MY VOICE MAIL 189 00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:29,506 SO MY MANNY CAN HEAR IT? (normal voice) ABSOLUTELY. YEAH. 190 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,539 (imitates Borat) THAT WOULD BE NICE. (laughs) 191 00:08:31,542 --> 00:08:33,982 (normal voice) DOES HE LIKE BORAT? UH... NO. 192 00:08:33,984 --> 00:08:35,524 (telephone rings) 193 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:38,085 (cell phone rings) 194 00:08:38,088 --> 00:08:39,618 (beep) HELLO? 195 00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,920 HELLO, THIS IS BILL'S TEACHER. WHAT? 196 00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:45,932 CAN YOU COME DOWN HERE IMMEDIATELY, PLEASE? I'M ON IT. 197 00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:49,626 (children screaming) 198 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,770 (children screaming) 199 00:09:01,772 --> 00:09:03,712 LIZ? 200 00:09:03,714 --> 00:09:05,824 LIZ? LIZ. 201 00:09:05,816 --> 00:09:07,246 HELLO. LIZ? 202 00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:09,917 LIZ, WHAT IS GOING ON? 203 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:11,820 H-HE'S A MONSTER. 204 00:09:11,822 --> 00:09:13,722 WHAT? YOUR SON'S A MONSTER. 205 00:09:13,724 --> 00:09:15,734 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 206 00:09:15,726 --> 00:09:17,886 THAT'S RIGHT. YOUR FAMILY DOESN'T BELIEVE IN MONSTERS. 207 00:09:17,888 --> 00:09:21,828 AND THERE'S NO SANTA AND THERE'S NO TOOTH FAIRY, 208 00:09:21,832 --> 00:09:23,762 AND SINCE YOU WERE BORN IN AMERICA, 209 00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:26,574 THERE'S NO WAY YOU'LL GROW UP TO BE A PRINCESS. 210 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,996 (screaming) 211 00:09:28,999 --> 00:09:30,999 OH, MY GOD. 212 00:09:31,001 --> 00:09:33,741 (children continue screaming, loud clattering) 213 00:09:33,744 --> 00:09:35,854 WHAT HAVE I DONE? 214 00:09:35,846 --> 00:09:40,076 YEAH, MY SOUL MATE, SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SPIRIT. 215 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,950 (chuckles) THE FATHER OF MY UNBORN CHILD. 216 00:09:42,953 --> 00:09:44,963 AND NOW HE'S DEAD. 217 00:09:44,955 --> 00:09:46,915 HUH. OH, GOSH. 218 00:09:46,917 --> 00:09:48,787 SO SUPER DEAD. 219 00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:50,789 AND NOW THIS LITTLE CREATURE RIGHT HERE, 220 00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,891 WHO LOVES HIS HALF CAF, 221 00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:57,133 WILL NEVER KNOW THAT POOR, DEAR, SWEET, DEAD DADDY. 222 00:09:57,127 --> 00:09:59,867 DID YOU SAY HALF CAF? WHAT? 223 00:09:59,870 --> 00:10:02,000 LET ME GET THAT FOR YA. 224 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:05,682 IS THAT SWEET? TOTAL STRANGER. YEAH. 225 00:10:05,676 --> 00:10:07,676 HEY, LET'S MAKE IT A CAF CAF. 226 00:10:07,678 --> 00:10:09,378 JUST THIS ONCE COULDN'T HURT, RIGHT? 227 00:10:09,379 --> 00:10:11,379 AND ONE OF THOSE SILVER COMMUTER MUGS. 228 00:10:11,381 --> 00:10:14,041 THOSE ARE GOOD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT. 229 00:10:16,847 --> 00:10:18,217 OOH. 230 00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:20,218 EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT. 231 00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:25,233 OH, MY GOD. IS IT MINE? 232 00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:28,725 I DON'T KNOW. IS IT? I DON'T KNOW. IS IT? 233 00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:30,729 I SHOULD HAVE NEVER BOUGHT CONDOMS AT THE DOLLAR STORE. 234 00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:32,061 IT'S FAKE. 235 00:10:32,062 --> 00:10:34,742 OKAY, IT'S FAKE. FEEL IT. 236 00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:38,005 DOES THAT TURN YOU ON? A LITTLE BIT. 237 00:10:38,008 --> 00:10:39,868 MM. WHY YOU DOING IT? 238 00:10:39,870 --> 00:10:42,140 I'M DOING A LITTLE SOCIAL EXPERIMENT, 239 00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:44,142 HANGING OUT WITH MY NEW PREGGY BUDS... 240 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,984 GETTIN' SOME FREE STUFF. (clears throat) 241 00:10:46,977 --> 00:10:48,947 I WANT IN. 242 00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:51,649 (scoffs) CAN YOU BE COOL? 243 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:54,221 I THINK SO. DON'T LET ME DOWN. 244 00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:59,086 HEY, EVERYBODY! LOOK WHO I FOUND. 245 00:10:59,089 --> 00:11:02,729 THIS IS HORATIO, MY STAY-AT-HOME-DAD FRIEND... (woman) AW. 246 00:11:02,733 --> 00:11:05,043 AND HIS BABY... LARK. 247 00:11:05,035 --> 00:11:06,335 (woman) OH! (woman chuckles) 248 00:11:06,336 --> 00:11:08,236 HERE IS THE THING-- IT'S NOT A FIRST DATE. 249 00:11:08,238 --> 00:11:10,398 I JUST FOUND OUT IT'S OUR THIRD DATE. 250 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,440 THIRD DATE? THAT MEANS SEX, RIGHT? 251 00:11:12,442 --> 00:11:14,442 I MEAN, WHEN I WAS DATING, THAT MEANT SEX. 252 00:11:14,444 --> 00:11:17,454 YEAH, EVEN WHEN I WAS LIVING IN THE ANDES WITH THE ZEN MASTERS, 253 00:11:17,447 --> 00:11:19,307 THIRD DATE MEANT SEX. 254 00:11:19,309 --> 00:11:21,309 PLUS, YOU GOT A GOAT. 255 00:11:21,311 --> 00:11:23,311 WELL, ON OUR THIRD DATE, 256 00:11:23,313 --> 00:11:25,863 JASON AND I MADE SWEET LOVE FOR THE FIRST TIME. 257 00:11:25,856 --> 00:11:27,856 IT WAS EXACTLY 46 MINUTES LONG, 258 00:11:27,858 --> 00:11:30,218 WHICH IS THE PERFECT DURATION FOR INTERCOURSE. 259 00:11:30,220 --> 00:11:32,920 OKAY, HEY, I CAN'T DO THIS. I'M NOT READY. 260 00:11:32,923 --> 00:11:35,073 WELL, JANE, DO YOU NOT LIKE SEX? 261 00:11:35,065 --> 00:11:37,165 I mean, a lot of people don't like it, 262 00:11:37,167 --> 00:11:39,267 AND ASEXUAL PEOPLE CAN LEAD FULFILLING LIVES. 263 00:11:39,269 --> 00:11:41,269 YOU COULD PICK UP A CRAFT. 264 00:11:41,271 --> 00:11:45,141 OH, YEAH, THAT WOULD BE GREAT. THE SEXLESS NEUTER LADY. 265 00:11:45,135 --> 00:11:48,375 THAT'S A BLAST. YEAH, A LOT OF ROAD RAGE AND MALL WALKING. 266 00:11:48,378 --> 00:11:51,338 HEY, GUYS, I LIKE SEX, OKAY? 267 00:11:51,341 --> 00:11:53,311 AND... UH... 268 00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:56,323 PEOPLE HAVE EVEN TOLD ME I'M VERY GOOD AT IT. OH. WOW. 269 00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:59,316 REALLY? IF YOU MUST KNOW. YEAH, A LOT OF GUYS HAVE SAID-- 270 00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:01,389 OKAY, NOT A LOT. I MEAN, THE RIGHT AMOUNT. 271 00:12:01,391 --> 00:12:03,951 Listen, Seth is cute. YEAH. 272 00:12:03,954 --> 00:12:07,204 IT'S BEEN 15 MONTHS. RIGHT, AND WHEN ARE YOU EVER GONNA HAVE THIS TIME AGAIN? 273 00:12:07,197 --> 00:12:09,457 YEAH, I SHOULD DO IT. WHEN AM I GONNA HAVE TWO HOURS EVEN? 274 00:12:09,459 --> 00:12:11,459 YOU'RE NOT, SO JUST DO IT. YOU CAN DO IT, JANE. 275 00:12:11,461 --> 00:12:14,131 YOU CAN DO IT. YES, YES, I CAN I DO THIS. YES, I CAN! 276 00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:16,144 RIGHT, YOU CAN DO IT. JUST GO GET DOWN ON IT. 277 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:19,166 IT'S JUST LIKE RIDING A BICYCLE, JUST... WITHOUT THE SEAT. 278 00:12:19,169 --> 00:12:21,469 OKAY, THANK YOU. VERY HELPFUL. I'M HANGING UP NOW. 279 00:12:21,471 --> 00:12:23,041 (beep) 280 00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:25,423 (sighs) 281 00:12:25,415 --> 00:12:28,745 IS IT IRRITATING THAT I'M STILL HERE? 282 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,218 SO AS YOU KNOW, 283 00:12:30,220 --> 00:12:32,280 THE PARENTS ARE REALLY UPSET... MM. 284 00:12:32,282 --> 00:12:34,282 MM-HMM. ABOUT THE BILL INCIDENT. 285 00:12:34,284 --> 00:12:38,134 WE BELIEVE THAT WE DID THE RIGHT THING BY BEING HONEST WITH BILL. 286 00:12:38,128 --> 00:12:41,128 (Jason) MM-HMM. YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY, 287 00:12:41,131 --> 00:12:42,761 ONLY HONEST AND TRUTHFUL PARENTS 288 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,202 CAN RAISE HONEST AND TRUTHFUL KIDS. 289 00:12:45,195 --> 00:12:48,495 LISTEN TO HER. THAT IS SO BEAUTIFUL! WHO SAID THAT? (laughs) THANK YOU. ME! I DID! 290 00:12:48,498 --> 00:12:50,768 OH! DR. PHIL. 291 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,970 I DID. I DID. I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND HOW BAD THIS REALLY WAS. 292 00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:57,854 COME HERE. IT WAS, UM, IT WAS THE DEATH OF INNOCENCE. 293 00:12:57,848 --> 00:12:59,508 (clicks tongue) AND... 294 00:12:59,509 --> 00:13:02,979 YOUR SON WAS THE LONE GUNMAN. 295 00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:05,223 OH, NO. BABY, WHAT'S GOING ON? 296 00:13:05,215 --> 00:13:07,215 YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY BUYING THIS, ARE YOU? NO. 297 00:13:07,217 --> 00:13:10,217 WHY ARE YOU GETTING SO UPSET? BECAUSE IT IS. IT'S--SHE'S RIGHT. 298 00:13:10,220 --> 00:13:13,120 THAT'S--THAT'S ENOUGH. ENOUGH TOUCHING. IT'S THE--IT'S THE DEATH OF INNOCENCE. 299 00:13:13,123 --> 00:13:15,833 OKAY, BUT-- OUR--OUR--OUR CHILD WAS THE LONE GUNMAN. 300 00:13:15,826 --> 00:13:18,026 BUT WE--AT HOME, WE WERE TOGETHER ON THIS. 301 00:13:18,028 --> 00:13:20,568 WHAT IS GOING ON? WELL, WE WERE HAVING SEX! 302 00:13:20,570 --> 00:13:22,900 OKAY? I WOULD'VE BACKED YOU ON ANYTHING, EMILY. 303 00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:24,913 (sighs) HEY, LISTEN, WE AGREED. 304 00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:26,905 WE SAID WE'D TELL THE KIDS ABOUT SANTA WHEN THEY WERE 9. 305 00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:29,577 WELL, I WAS IN A SITUATION! NO, YOU WEREN'T. NO, YOU WEREN'T. 306 00:13:29,579 --> 00:13:31,309 YOU DEVIATED FROM THE PLAN. 307 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,311 WELL, NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FELT 308 00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,593 WHEN ESTHER TOOK HER FIRST STEPS IN FRONT OF YOU! 309 00:13:35,585 --> 00:13:37,585 OH! YOU KNOW WHAT? SHE JUST DID IT. 310 00:13:37,587 --> 00:13:40,047 YOU WERE IN THE BATHROOM. WHAT'D YOU WANT ME TO DO? 311 00:13:40,050 --> 00:13:42,290 SAY, "NO, DON'T TAKE YOUR--" YOU COULD'VE KNOCKED HER DOWN AND WAITED FOR ME! 312 00:13:42,292 --> 00:13:45,302 THIS ISN'T MY FAULT. THIS IS NOT MY-- OH, YEAH. OH, NO, I KNOW NOTHING'S YOUR FAULT! 313 00:13:45,295 --> 00:13:47,995 (singsongy) INDOOR VOICES, PLEASE. OH, I GET IT. OH, REALLY? OKAY. OKAY. 314 00:13:47,998 --> 00:13:49,998 THIS IS NOT MY FAULT, OKAY? YOU DEVIATED FROM THE PLAN. 315 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:53,000 AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA DEVIATE, TOO. OH, ARE YOU? 316 00:13:53,003 --> 00:13:57,013 YEAH, BILL'S PLAYING PEE WEE FOOTBALL. OKAY, GREAT. YOU KNOW WHAT? MEETING ADJOURNED, ALL RIGHT? 317 00:13:57,007 --> 00:13:59,007 WE ALL AGREE THAT I'M THE WORST MOTHER IN THE WORLD! 318 00:13:59,009 --> 00:14:01,009 HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS CHAIR? (scoffs) 319 00:14:01,011 --> 00:14:03,011 ON MOTHER'S DAY, I'M GONNA GO TO A MOVIE ALL BY MYSELF 320 00:14:03,013 --> 00:14:05,083 AND THEN CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP! AND THEN I'LL GO 321 00:14:05,075 --> 00:14:07,845 AND GET MY TUBES TIED, AND EVERYONE WILLBE HAPPY! 322 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,177 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 323 00:14:10,180 --> 00:14:12,180 (Mika) ♪ SUCKING TOO HARD ON YOUR LOLLIPOP ♪ 324 00:14:12,182 --> 00:14:15,292 ♪ OH, LOVE'S GONNA GET YOU DOWN ♪ 325 00:14:15,285 --> 00:14:17,885 ♪ GIRL ♪ ♪ I SAID SUCKING TOO HARD ON YOUR LOLLIPOP ♪ 326 00:14:17,888 --> 00:14:20,288 ♪ OH, LOVE'S GONNA GET YOU DOWN ♪ 327 00:14:20,290 --> 00:14:22,490 ♪ SING IT! ♪ ♪ SUCKING TOO HARD ON YOUR LOLLIPOP ♪ 328 00:14:22,492 --> 00:14:24,972 ♪ OH, LOVE'S GONNA GET YOU DOWN ♪ 329 00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:27,365 ♪ SUCKING TOO HARD ON YOUR LOLLIPOP ♪ 330 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,397 ♪ OH, LOVE'S GONNA GET YOU DOWN ♪ 331 00:14:29,399 --> 00:14:34,339 ♪ SAY WHOA, OH, WHOA, OH, WHOA, OH, LOLLIPOP ♪ 332 00:14:34,344 --> 00:14:40,114 ♪ SAY WHOA, OH, WHOA, OH, WHOA, OH, LOLLIPOP ♪ 333 00:14:40,110 --> 00:14:42,610 ♪ SUCKING TOO HARD ON YOUR LOLLIPOP ♪ 334 00:14:42,612 --> 00:14:45,062 ♪ OH, LOVE'S GONNA GET YOU DOWN ♪ 335 00:14:45,055 --> 00:14:49,185 ♪ SUCKING TOO HARD ON YOUR LOLLIPOP... ♪ ♪ SAY WHOA, OH, WHOA, OH ♪ 336 00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:51,319 SO WHAT I DO IS, I GO... (imitates Borat) IT'S NICE... 337 00:14:51,321 --> 00:14:53,321 (normal voice) WHICH IS LIKE... 338 00:14:53,323 --> 00:14:55,333 (Czech accent) TWO WILD AND CRAZY GUYS... 339 00:14:55,325 --> 00:14:57,325 (normal voice) BUT I MAKE IT MORE NASALLY. GREAT. 340 00:14:57,327 --> 00:14:59,667 SO IT'S... (imitates Borat) NICE. (imitates Borat) IT'S NICE. 341 00:14:59,669 --> 00:15:02,029 (normal voice) YEAH. PERFECT. THAT'S RIGHT. IT SOUNDED GREAT. (normal voice) OH, I DON'T KNOW. 342 00:15:02,032 --> 00:15:03,932 YOU KNOW WHAT JUST HAPPENED? WHAT? 343 00:15:03,934 --> 00:15:06,984 THIRD DATE JUST OFFICIALLY STARTED. YEP, JUST NOW. REALLY? OKAY, GOOD. 344 00:15:06,977 --> 00:15:09,507 EVERYONE, LISTEN. UH, I HATE TO SPRING THIS ON ALL OF YOU, 345 00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:12,079 BUT, UH, WE JUST GOT WORD FROM THE SUITS THAT WE'RE GONNA 346 00:15:12,082 --> 00:15:14,112 HAVE TO HAVE THAT SEXUAL HARASSMENT SEMINAR 347 00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:17,254 THAT WE'VE ALL BEEN DREADING. WHAT? HOW LONG COULD THIS TAKE? 348 00:15:17,247 --> 00:15:18,547 (man) NOT LONG. 349 00:15:18,548 --> 00:15:21,548 UH, APPARENTLY, SOMEONE'S... EX-ASSISTANT 350 00:15:21,551 --> 00:15:24,191 INTERPRETED A LITTLE LIGHT BANTER, SOME MILD TUSSLING 351 00:15:24,194 --> 00:15:27,164 AND A LITTLE LINGERIE SHOW AS HARASSMENT. 352 00:15:27,157 --> 00:15:30,197 SO WE'VE GOTTA DO THIS NOW... UH, TONIGHT... 353 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:31,660 BEFORE THE SUBPOENA. 354 00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:38,967 (man) HEY, BETTY. 355 00:15:38,969 --> 00:15:41,539 YOU HAVE SOMETHING ON THE FRONT OF YOUR SWEATER--MY EYES. 356 00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,211 (laughs) OKAY. 357 00:15:43,213 --> 00:15:45,523 UM, ALL RIGHT, SITUATION 23-- 358 00:15:45,515 --> 00:15:47,975 WHAT SHOULD BETTY'S CORRECT RESPONSE BE? 359 00:15:47,978 --> 00:15:50,618 UM, OKAY, UH, "A"-- "OH, GLENN, YOU ARE SO FUNNY." 360 00:15:50,620 --> 00:15:52,650 (laughs) THAT'D BE MINE. 361 00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:56,162 "B"--"GLENN, YOU'RE A PIG." WELL, NO. 362 00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,186 UH, OR "C"--SHE STAYS QUIET 363 00:15:58,188 --> 00:16:00,228 AND SHE SEES HER SUPERVISOR TO FILE A REPORT. 364 00:16:00,230 --> 00:16:03,560 WELL, THAT--THAT IS LAME. I-I'M NOT MAKING IT UP. 365 00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:05,743 HONESTLY, WHERE I COME FROM, 366 00:16:05,735 --> 00:16:07,735 THAT WOULD BE CONSIDERED A COMPLIMENT. 367 00:16:07,737 --> 00:16:09,737 CAN WE PLEASE MOVE ON? 368 00:16:09,739 --> 00:16:11,739 OKAY, NOW I GOT AWAY WITH IT IN '87, 369 00:16:11,741 --> 00:16:14,401 BUT THAT WAS A CORPORATE THING, AND YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT 370 00:16:14,404 --> 00:16:16,614 TO TRY IT HERE, BUT I'M JUST GONNA TELL YOU 371 00:16:16,606 --> 00:16:20,706 THIS ATTORNEY IN VENEZUELA WAS AMAZING. OKAY, AND WE'RE DONE. OH! LET'S GO. 372 00:16:20,710 --> 00:16:22,180 AND WE'RE MOVING ON TO THE DISCUSSION SESSION. 373 00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:25,192 ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! BLAIR, IT IS PAST 8:00. 374 00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:27,755 I AM SURE NO ONE HAS ANY QUESTIONS. 375 00:16:27,757 --> 00:16:29,617 AH, YES, MARIALICE. 376 00:16:29,619 --> 00:16:32,389 IT'S, UH, IT'S ACTUALLY RHODA. UH, AND THIS ISN'T 377 00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:36,032 SO MUCH A QUESTION AS IT'S A-A PERSONAL STORY. 378 00:16:36,026 --> 00:16:37,066 (whispers) WHY?! 379 00:16:37,067 --> 00:16:39,067 UM, THERE WAS THIS ONE TIME 380 00:16:39,069 --> 00:16:41,369 I WAS IN THE BREAK ROOM. IT WAS SO CROWDED. 381 00:16:41,371 --> 00:16:44,731 AND A LARGE MAN WALKED IN. YES? 382 00:16:44,734 --> 00:16:47,544 AND HE PRESSED HIMSELF UP AGAINST ME 383 00:16:47,537 --> 00:16:49,537 AT THE FOOD MACHINE. OH. 384 00:16:49,539 --> 00:16:52,609 NOW I KNOW HE WAS GOING IN FOR A CANDY BAR... 385 00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:56,452 (sighs) BUT I'M NOT A STUPID PERSON. 386 00:16:56,446 --> 00:16:58,446 I KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING. HEY. 387 00:16:58,448 --> 00:17:00,488 AND THIS LARGE MAN 388 00:17:00,490 --> 00:17:03,150 WAS ENJOYING HIMSELF. IT'S FAT CHRIS. 389 00:17:03,153 --> 00:17:05,163 WE ALL KNOW YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT FAT CHRIS. 390 00:17:05,155 --> 00:17:08,125 OKAY, IT'S A SMALL SPACE, AND IT'S HAPPENED TO ALL OF US. 391 00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:10,158 THANK YOU FOR SHARING. THAT'S IT. LET'S GO, GUYS. 392 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:13,200 IT'S OVER. THANK YOU. I HAVE ONE MORE THING TO SAY. 393 00:17:13,203 --> 00:17:15,813 NO. THANK YOU. BLAIR, COME ON. THANK YOU SO MUCH. SO HELPFUL. 394 00:17:15,805 --> 00:17:18,405 YOU'VE REALLY HELPED A LOT OF PEOPLE TODAY. THANK YOU. 395 00:17:18,408 --> 00:17:22,568 WE GET IT. WE GET IT. NO SEX TALK IN THE WORK PLACE. (Blair) WELL, WE'RE ALL HERE. LET'S GET A DRINK. 396 00:17:22,572 --> 00:17:24,242 DROP YOUR PANTS. WHAT? 397 00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:27,284 SHEP, I HAVE, LIKE, 17 MINUTES BEFORE I LOSE MY MANNY. 398 00:17:27,277 --> 00:17:29,777 SO WHY DON'T WE JUST THIRD DATE RIGHT HERE? 399 00:17:29,779 --> 00:17:32,279 (imitates Borat) NICE. SEXY TIME. OKAY. NO BORAT. 400 00:17:32,282 --> 00:17:34,182 NO, OF COURSE NOT. NO. MMM. 401 00:17:34,184 --> 00:17:36,364 AND THEN WE CAN HAVE A LINGERIE SHOW. 402 00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:39,156 I THINK THERE'S SOME WINE IN MY DESK. 403 00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:41,589 OH, MY GOD. WOW, THAT IS DIRTY. 404 00:17:41,591 --> 00:17:44,331 OKAY. UHH! YOU TWO ARE IN SERIOUS BREACH OF COMPANY POLICY. 405 00:17:44,334 --> 00:17:48,074 UH, TECHNICALLY, UM, HE'S MY SUPERVISOR, SO I, UH, 406 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:51,797 YOU SHOULD TALK TO HIM. I'VE GOTTA GO. 407 00:17:51,801 --> 00:17:54,301 I'M SORRY. I HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME. 408 00:17:54,304 --> 00:17:56,184 ME, TOO. AAH. 409 00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:58,106 GREAT THIRD DATE. 410 00:17:58,108 --> 00:18:00,278 THAT WAS-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 411 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,850 DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. UM, STOP IT. 412 00:18:02,852 --> 00:18:05,592 (all) SURPRISE! 413 00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,515 IT'S A BABY SHOWER? 414 00:18:07,517 --> 00:18:09,087 PRESENTS! YAY! 415 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,358 AW, YOU GUYS! (laughs) 416 00:18:11,361 --> 00:18:14,291 YOU REALLY DIDN'T HAVE TO, BUT I'M GLAD YOU DID. 417 00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:18,474 WHAT IS THIS, A BLUE-RAY DVD PLAYER? I'M THE PREGNANT ONE. THAT'S MINE. GIVE IT! 418 00:18:18,468 --> 00:18:20,328 PUT IT DOWN! ARE YOU CRAZY?! 419 00:18:20,330 --> 00:18:21,600 PUT IT DOWN! BUT I WANT IT! 420 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:24,101 (gasps) 421 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,883 (gasps) 422 00:18:26,876 --> 00:18:28,736 (chuckles nervously) 423 00:18:28,738 --> 00:18:30,178 UH... 424 00:18:30,180 --> 00:18:33,580 HEY, HOW'S IT GOING? (chuckles) 425 00:18:33,583 --> 00:18:34,883 MM. 426 00:18:34,884 --> 00:18:38,694 HOW DARE YOU LIE TO US LIKE THIS? 427 00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:41,490 (sighs) 428 00:18:43,693 --> 00:18:45,663 (laughs) 429 00:18:45,655 --> 00:18:47,555 OKAY, YOU GUYS, LISTEN, 430 00:18:47,557 --> 00:18:49,857 I AM REALLY SORRY. YOU GUYS ARE SUCH NICE PEOPLE, 431 00:18:49,859 --> 00:18:53,859 AND I FEEL SO BAD. I DON'T EVEN REALLY KNOW WHY I DID THIS NOW. 432 00:18:53,863 --> 00:18:57,343 I JUST--I... I GUESS I WAS JEALOUS. 433 00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:59,467 YOU KNOW, 15 YEARS AGO, 434 00:18:59,469 --> 00:19:01,509 WHEN I WAS PREGNANT, AND I WAS, 435 00:19:01,511 --> 00:19:04,771 I WAS IN THE PEACE CORPS, AND WE WERE IN THE CONGO, 436 00:19:04,774 --> 00:19:07,284 AND THERE WERE, LIKE, NO PERKS. 437 00:19:07,277 --> 00:19:10,217 NO PRENATAL MASSAGE, NO CUTE LITTLE MATERNITY TOPS. 438 00:19:10,220 --> 00:19:12,220 I MEAN, IT WAS LIKE SNAKES AND MALARIA, 439 00:19:12,222 --> 00:19:14,252 SO IT WAS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT. 440 00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:16,264 DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 441 00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:19,726 SO I THINK THAT I JUST KINDA WANTED TO GET A PIECE 442 00:19:19,729 --> 00:19:22,259 OF WHAT IT IS THAT YOU GUYS ALL TAKE FOR GRANTED. 443 00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:25,272 PLEASE DON'T HOLD IT AGAINST ME THAT I WAS IN THE PEACE CORPS 444 00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:29,635 OR THAT I... DATED A GUY THAT WAS IN THE PEACE CORPS. 445 00:19:32,342 --> 00:19:33,802 OKAY, THAT'S FAIR. 446 00:19:33,803 --> 00:19:37,653 AND THEN I JUST RAN OUT, SO I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW IT ENDED. 447 00:19:37,647 --> 00:19:40,177 OH, I HOPE SHEP DIDN'T GET FIRED, 448 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:43,679 AND I HOPE NO ONE FOUND MY THONG ON THE FAX MACHINE. 449 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:46,193 WELL, YOU KNOW, JASON AND I HAD HOURS 450 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,655 OF THE MOST AMAZING MAKEUP SEX 451 00:19:47,657 --> 00:19:49,857 AND THEN A BUNCH OF THE REGULAR SEX, 452 00:19:49,859 --> 00:19:52,619 AND DURING SNACK BREAK, WE CAME UP WITH A PLAN 453 00:19:52,622 --> 00:19:55,902 TO MAKE IT UP TO THE KIDS. HEY, GUYS, YOU THINK ALL THIS RED'S 454 00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:58,865 WASHING ME OUT A LITTLE BIT? WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK? NO, YOU LOOK GREAT! OH, IT'S PERFECT. YAY! 455 00:19:58,868 --> 00:20:01,628 WHAT ARE YOU PACKING, DUDE? THAT LOOKS FANTASTIC. 456 00:20:01,631 --> 00:20:05,681 THIS IS 90% QUILTED POLY-FIBER AND, UH, 10% CHALUPAS. 457 00:20:05,675 --> 00:20:07,935 THAT IS NICE. NICE SHAPE. 458 00:20:07,937 --> 00:20:10,707 OH, GOD! I MISS BEING PREGNANT. 459 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,680 IT JUST MAKES YOUR LEGS LOOK SO SKINNY. 460 00:20:13,683 --> 00:20:15,653 I KNOW, RIGHT? 461 00:20:15,645 --> 00:20:18,215 OKAY, SO YOU KNOW THE DRILL, RIGHT? YOU'RE GONNA GET UP 462 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,887 ON THAT ROOF AND THEN-- RIGHT, RIGHT, YEAH, I GOT IT. I'VE DRESSED UP LIKE SANTA 463 00:20:20,890 --> 00:20:23,750 A THOUSAND TIMES. SOME LADIES ARE INTO THAT. 464 00:20:23,753 --> 00:20:26,963 UH, ANYWAY... HOW'S THIS? 465 00:20:26,956 --> 00:20:29,356 (deep voice) HO HO HO! 466 00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:30,929 YES! 467 00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:32,900 YOU KNOW, NO, I'VE SEEN IT. 468 00:20:32,902 --> 00:20:35,312 DO SOMETHING NEW. MIX IT UP. TRY LIKE THIS. 469 00:20:35,305 --> 00:20:37,265 (nasally, singsong voice) HO HO HO. 470 00:20:37,267 --> 00:20:39,437 (Esther) MOM, WE'RE HOME! OH! PLACES, EVERYONE! IT'S HAPPENING, PEOPLE. 471 00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:42,439 LET'S GO. PLACES! LOOK AT MY LITTLE SISTER LYING TO HER KIDS. 472 00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:44,642 I KNOW. NOW SHE'S JUST A NORMAL MOM, 473 00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:49,324 JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. OH, DON'T EVER SAY THAT. 474 00:20:49,319 --> 00:20:51,479 OKAY, HI, KIDS. YOU KNOW WHAT? 475 00:20:51,481 --> 00:20:53,651 I'VE GOT SOME IMPORTANT NEWS FOR YOU. 476 00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:56,493 I WAS MISINFORMED-- THERE REALLY IS A SANTA CLAUS! 477 00:20:56,486 --> 00:20:58,456 THANK YOU, ROSEMARY! 478 00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:00,988 ROSEMARY, YOU JUST STOLE THAT PRECIOUS MOMENT FROM ME. 479 00:21:00,990 --> 00:21:02,390 WHAT? 480 00:21:02,392 --> 00:21:04,732 DON'T BE PETTY, EMILY. LOOK HOW HAPPY THEY ARE. 481 00:21:04,734 --> 00:21:07,274 HEY, AND, GUYS? LOOK OUTSIDE. 482 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:10,466 THERE'S A SURPRISE FROM AUNT JANE! (Horatio, deep voice) HO HO HO! 483 00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:11,970 (screams) 484 00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:13,271 (thud) (gasps) 485 00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:16,312 (Horatio groaning) 486 00:21:16,306 --> 00:21:18,346 NO! SO MUCH BLOOD! 487 00:21:18,348 --> 00:21:21,448 MOMMY KILLED SANTA. 488 00:21:21,451 --> 00:21:22,751 DON'T WORRY, KIDS. 489 00:21:22,752 --> 00:21:27,062 THAT'S NOT BLOOD. IT'S... IT'S CHRISTMAS JUICE. 39264

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