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1
00:00:00,490 --> 00:00:02,650
'Hello, Fran Fernandez?'
2
00:00:02,730 --> 00:00:04,130
Er, yes?
3
00:00:04,210 --> 00:00:07,170
'This is Linda from
the Fraud Prevention Team.
4
00:00:07,250 --> 00:00:10,050
We've noticed some suspicious
activity on your card.
5
00:00:10,130 --> 00:00:12,010
As a precaution, Mrs Fernandez,
6
00:00:12,090 --> 00:00:14,610
I'd like to go through
some of your recent purchases.
7
00:00:14,690 --> 00:00:16,090
Is this a good time?'
8
00:00:16,170 --> 00:00:18,170
Yeah, sure.
9
00:00:18,250 --> 00:00:22,290
'Did you purchase a couples spa
weekend at the Carinthia Hotel?'
10
00:00:22,370 --> 00:00:24,970
That was probably my husband.
We share an account.
11
00:00:25,050 --> 00:00:28,130
Sometimes he will make purchases
without my knowing.
12
00:00:28,210 --> 00:00:31,410
'Oh, I'm sorry. I've probably
ruined a nice surprise for you.'
13
00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:33,850
Oh, God, don't worry.
He won't be taking ME.
14
00:00:33,930 --> 00:00:38,170
'OK. You're absolutely sure
it's your husband using the card?'
15
00:00:38,250 --> 00:00:39,930
Yeah. Pretty sure.
16
00:00:40,010 --> 00:00:42,530
Linda, can I just check
the last transaction?
17
00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:45,490
'Let's see. 03:35 AM,
I've got bottle service
18
00:00:45,570 --> 00:00:47,330
in a nightclub called
Snakes And Lads.'
19
00:00:47,410 --> 00:00:49,050
Oh, yes, that's definitely Joao.
20
00:00:49,130 --> 00:00:51,130
It's his favourite gay bar.
21
00:00:51,210 --> 00:00:53,250
'It's for �2,600.'
22
00:00:55,650 --> 00:00:57,930
Gosh. Tha-That is...
That is a lot, isn't it?
23
00:00:58,010 --> 00:01:00,890
I will very much bring that up
with my husband when he gets home.
24
00:01:00,970 --> 00:01:03,370
'You have a nice day now.'
Thanks so much, Linda.
25
00:01:15,370 --> 00:01:17,050
Stop trying to run away.
26
00:01:20,450 --> 00:01:21,770
What?
27
00:01:22,370 --> 00:01:24,610
Of course I'm trying
to bloody run away!
28
00:01:25,930 --> 00:01:28,530
Will you two please
quit cocking about?
29
00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:31,290
You are making a huge mistake.
30
00:01:31,370 --> 00:01:32,970
When my people realise
I'm missing,
31
00:01:33,050 --> 00:01:36,570
they're gonna find you two clowns
and bury you in your own shit.
32
00:01:36,650 --> 00:01:37,810
Wait. You've got people?
33
00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:40,370
I'm the head of
a wealth management firm
34
00:01:40,450 --> 00:01:42,570
operating in over 100 countries.
35
00:01:42,650 --> 00:01:46,970
My house has four AGAs.
Of course I have fucking people!
36
00:01:47,050 --> 00:01:51,250
Well, Mr K...
..also has people...
37
00:01:52,010 --> 00:01:54,370
Us. If you pull that trigger,
your boss is gonna lose
38
00:01:54,450 --> 00:01:57,650
a lot more than the few hundred
thousand quid I've skimmed.
39
00:02:01,690 --> 00:02:02,890
Hello?
40
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:06,050
Yeah, we've got her.
Let me speak to him. Put him on.
41
00:02:06,130 --> 00:02:08,370
She wants to talk to you.
42
00:02:08,450 --> 00:02:09,690
Christian?
43
00:02:09,770 --> 00:02:11,410
Hi, good evening. How are you?
44
00:02:11,490 --> 00:02:13,770
Listen, this has all been
terrific fun,
45
00:02:13,850 --> 00:02:15,530
but er, here's the thing.
46
00:02:15,610 --> 00:02:17,730
I've been quietly putting
all your savings
47
00:02:17,810 --> 00:02:21,050
into a high-security bank account
that only I can access.
48
00:02:21,130 --> 00:02:24,450
Think of it as an insurance policy.
Clever. I'd never think of that.
49
00:02:24,530 --> 00:02:27,930
Yeah, and that's why this suit cost
more than everything you two own.
50
00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:29,570
I doubt it. Fran's got an Xbox.
51
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,610
Now, here's the really juicy part.
52
00:02:31,690 --> 00:02:33,970
If I don't sign into
that account every six hours,
53
00:02:34,050 --> 00:02:36,010
it becomes permanently frozen.
54
00:02:36,090 --> 00:02:37,570
Bye-bye, savings.
55
00:02:37,650 --> 00:02:39,330
Hello, Chicken Cottage.
56
00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:41,290
It's a fast-food restaurant.
57
00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:43,570
My stepson goes there
when he's on drugs.
58
00:02:43,650 --> 00:02:47,410
The fact is, I last signed in,
let's see, around three hours ago,
59
00:02:47,490 --> 00:02:50,050
so you might want to let me go
sooner rather than later.
60
00:02:50,130 --> 00:02:51,290
OK?
61
00:02:52,010 --> 00:02:53,650
Oh. He wants to speak to you.
62
00:02:56,290 --> 00:02:58,050
Get the password how?
63
00:02:58,130 --> 00:02:59,370
Torture her?
64
00:02:59,450 --> 00:03:00,610
Erm...
65
00:03:01,570 --> 00:03:03,450
torture isn't really our thing.
66
00:03:03,530 --> 00:03:06,250
We just like a nice clean kill.
67
00:03:06,330 --> 00:03:09,730
Tell him if he lets me go now,
I'll split the money 50-50.
68
00:03:22,250 --> 00:03:23,770
Waterboarding?
69
00:03:23,850 --> 00:03:25,730
Oh, no, no way.
70
00:03:25,810 --> 00:03:27,250
Racking?
71
00:03:27,330 --> 00:03:28,610
Riding the rail.
72
00:03:28,690 --> 00:03:30,450
The brazen bull?
73
00:03:31,330 --> 00:03:34,090
These torture techniques
look like tantric sex positions.
74
00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:35,810
Fran, this is not our bag.
No.
75
00:03:35,890 --> 00:03:38,010
I mean, it's one thing
killing somebody but...
76
00:03:38,090 --> 00:03:40,290
popping their tips in a laminator,
I mean...
77
00:03:40,370 --> 00:03:42,610
Listen! Your boss isn't an idiot.
78
00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:44,770
He will take the deal,
and when he does,
79
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:47,170
if you've so much as
scuffed my Louboutins,
80
00:03:47,250 --> 00:03:49,130
I'm gonna make sure
he has you killed,
81
00:03:49,210 --> 00:03:52,730
then resuscitated by a team
of very expensive Swiss surgeons
82
00:03:52,810 --> 00:03:54,810
and then killed again.
83
00:04:01,370 --> 00:04:03,730
There's no way we're doing
any of that awful stuff.
84
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:06,370
We need to...
We need to think out of the box.
85
00:04:07,170 --> 00:04:09,050
Mints. Extra Strong.
86
00:04:09,130 --> 00:04:12,210
Pop three of these in her mouth
at once and...
87
00:04:12,290 --> 00:04:14,130
Not exactly Saw, is it?
88
00:04:16,370 --> 00:04:19,090
Oh, God, it's Joao.
Is he stealing from you again?
89
00:04:19,170 --> 00:04:20,410
Jamie, it's not stealing.
90
00:04:20,490 --> 00:04:23,210
He's simply taking my money
without permission.
91
00:04:23,290 --> 00:04:26,330
He's been with you for six months?
Mm. He's got his visa now.
92
00:04:26,410 --> 00:04:27,810
You could be out there,
93
00:04:27,890 --> 00:04:30,250
meeting someone
that means something to you.
94
00:04:30,330 --> 00:04:32,090
Fran...
95
00:04:32,170 --> 00:04:35,050
Do you know, I can totally
see you getting it together
96
00:04:35,130 --> 00:04:37,490
with a Salma Hayek figure, yeah?
97
00:04:37,570 --> 00:04:41,330
And she is not gonna steal money
from you, because she is loaded.
98
00:04:41,410 --> 00:04:44,970
Can I just say, I dated for years
and all I ever got was heartbreak...
99
00:04:45,050 --> 00:04:47,210
and the occasional bout
of oral thrush.
100
00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:51,090
Oi! Loose Women!
101
00:04:51,170 --> 00:04:52,970
Tick-fucking-tock!
102
00:04:53,050 --> 00:04:54,890
Tell Mr K to take the deal!
103
00:04:56,610 --> 00:04:58,730
Fran, talking of oral thrush -
104
00:04:58,810 --> 00:05:00,730
I don't have time
to give her that now.
105
00:05:00,810 --> 00:05:03,010
No, why don't we seduce her
106
00:05:03,090 --> 00:05:06,010
with a bit of S-and-M
hostage role-play?
107
00:05:06,090 --> 00:05:07,730
Now, I'm totally up for it,
108
00:05:07,810 --> 00:05:10,650
but full disclosure,
I am on day four of these Spanx,
109
00:05:10,730 --> 00:05:11,890
so...
Oh, God.
110
00:05:11,970 --> 00:05:14,170
I don't know
who would be into that.
111
00:05:14,250 --> 00:05:17,410
What, you've never tried role-play
in the bedroom? Er...
112
00:05:17,490 --> 00:05:19,290
sex is like life, Jamie.
113
00:05:19,370 --> 00:05:21,490
You just want to rattle
through it quickly
114
00:05:21,570 --> 00:05:22,770
and then apologise.
115
00:05:22,850 --> 00:05:26,010
Although, having said that...
..it doesn't always work.
116
00:05:27,210 --> 00:05:29,090
This guy I'm seeing at the moment.
117
00:05:29,170 --> 00:05:31,810
There is nothing about Colin
I can get excited about.
118
00:05:31,890 --> 00:05:34,410
It's like having sex
with a piece of Shredded Wheat.
119
00:05:35,130 --> 00:05:37,490
I've burned through most of
my role-play repertoire
120
00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:40,170
trying to spice things up a bit -
you know, the French maid,
121
00:05:40,250 --> 00:05:42,770
the naughty nurse,
the disgraced dentist.
122
00:05:42,850 --> 00:05:44,570
He's not into any of it.
123
00:05:44,650 --> 00:05:47,690
Trust me, this is a waste
of everyone's time!
124
00:05:47,770 --> 00:05:50,130
My personal trainer says
I have the pain threshold
125
00:05:50,210 --> 00:05:52,290
of someone in
a medically-induced coma!
126
00:05:52,370 --> 00:05:54,250
Right. Listen.
127
00:05:54,330 --> 00:05:56,690
If we're gonna get that psycho
to break...
128
00:05:56,770 --> 00:05:58,410
we need to get in here.
Into your head.
129
00:05:58,490 --> 00:06:01,930
Into HER head, Jamie.
130
00:06:02,010 --> 00:06:03,930
Sounds intense.
It can be.
131
00:06:05,050 --> 00:06:06,610
Leave this to me.
132
00:06:07,770 --> 00:06:10,370
I don't want you to get caught
in the crossfire.
133
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:13,930
Come on. That's it.
Let it all out.
134
00:06:14,010 --> 00:06:15,970
I'm...
135
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:19,250
The thing is,
it's really hard, you know,
136
00:06:19,330 --> 00:06:23,770
because I really try and I try,
and I don't get anything back.
137
00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:25,410
We're not properly married but -
138
00:06:25,490 --> 00:06:27,330
Fran, you need to wise up.
139
00:06:27,410 --> 00:06:30,090
Tell this Joao
what I told my mother last week.
140
00:06:30,170 --> 00:06:32,290
If you can't pay your way,
you're on the streets.
141
00:06:34,810 --> 00:06:36,490
Oh. Sorry.
142
00:06:36,570 --> 00:06:38,410
It's just it... Well, it's been...
143
00:06:39,090 --> 00:06:41,490
It's been a while.
Just thought I'd check in.
144
00:06:42,410 --> 00:06:46,090
See how the...
145
00:06:48,090 --> 00:06:49,810
I've just been telling Fran here
146
00:06:49,890 --> 00:06:52,170
that she needs to be
more assertive with this...
147
00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:54,570
excuse my French, fuck-wit Joao.
148
00:06:54,650 --> 00:06:56,610
He is walking all over her.
149
00:06:56,690 --> 00:06:58,410
Thank you!
Yeah.
150
00:06:58,490 --> 00:07:00,650
That's what I've been telling her.
Fran...
151
00:07:00,730 --> 00:07:03,370
she's right.
Joao is taking the piss.
152
00:07:03,450 --> 00:07:05,450
Yeah, listen to your friend, Fran.
153
00:07:05,530 --> 00:07:08,170
Yeah. I... I will.
And you're... you're both right.
154
00:07:08,250 --> 00:07:10,850
I'm gonna go call him now
and tell him he now I feel.
155
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,090
Oh, good girl!
156
00:07:12,930 --> 00:07:14,490
Thank you.
157
00:07:19,410 --> 00:07:21,010
Thank you again.
158
00:07:21,090 --> 00:07:23,050
I'll tidy myself up
and speak to him.
159
00:07:24,930 --> 00:07:27,450
Right, you're gonna give me
the password.
160
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:30,290
Come on, then. What have you got?
161
00:07:31,130 --> 00:07:32,650
Joao?
162
00:07:32,730 --> 00:07:34,570
Joao, it's me.
163
00:07:34,650 --> 00:07:36,210
Your sham wife?
164
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:38,410
Joao, turn the music down.
165
00:07:38,490 --> 00:07:40,890
Turn the music down!
166
00:07:42,650 --> 00:07:44,570
I don't care there's a foam party.
167
00:07:44,650 --> 00:07:47,210
Just please get them
out of the house.
168
00:07:47,290 --> 00:07:48,490
OK, listen.
169
00:07:48,570 --> 00:07:52,250
I will shut down that joint account
unless you start contributing.
170
00:07:52,330 --> 00:07:54,170
Contributing.
171
00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:57,050
Con...
Oh, fuck, hang on, what is it?
172
00:07:57,130 --> 00:07:58,970
Con... Oh, hang on.
173
00:07:59,050 --> 00:08:01,570
Contribuir - that's it!
174
00:08:03,810 --> 00:08:07,130
How are you er...
doing with those?
175
00:08:07,890 --> 00:08:11,490
Ready to talk? I've actually had
a bit of a sniffle coming on,
176
00:08:11,570 --> 00:08:14,170
so it is helping to clear out
the old nasal passage.
177
00:08:14,250 --> 00:08:17,050
I'm actually rubbish
at this torture stuff.
178
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:18,650
Jamie, don't do yourself down.
179
00:08:19,610 --> 00:08:22,050
I think you're the brains
of this outfit
180
00:08:22,130 --> 00:08:23,810
Really?
Yes, it's so obvious.
181
00:08:23,890 --> 00:08:26,490
Fran's out there,
yacking away to her husband
182
00:08:26,570 --> 00:08:29,370
while you're in here
manning the ship.
183
00:08:29,450 --> 00:08:31,650
You're the one
who's really in charge.
184
00:08:31,730 --> 00:08:35,050
And that's why I'm going
to give you the password.
185
00:08:35,130 --> 00:08:37,050
For what?
186
00:08:37,130 --> 00:08:38,610
The bank account.
187
00:08:38,690 --> 00:08:41,010
Wait, seriously?
Yes.
188
00:08:41,090 --> 00:08:43,370
OK. Are you ready?
189
00:08:43,450 --> 00:08:46,210
The password is... two.
190
00:08:48,010 --> 00:08:50,450
That's it, just two?
191
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,730
Yeah. Nice and simple
so I don't forget it.
192
00:08:53,930 --> 00:08:55,610
Smart.
193
00:08:56,850 --> 00:08:58,690
Are you gonna call your boss
and tell him?
194
00:08:58,770 --> 00:09:01,010
I actually...
I'm not allowed to call Mr K.
195
00:09:01,090 --> 00:09:03,130
It's usually Fran -
Uh-oh-oh-oh, Jamie?
196
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:05,650
I thought we'd just agreed
that you're in charge?
197
00:09:06,930 --> 00:09:09,450
Who's the one who's got
the password? The password?
198
00:09:09,530 --> 00:09:12,090
To the bank account!
Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
199
00:09:13,450 --> 00:09:15,530
Wait, what was it again?
Two! Two.
200
00:09:16,210 --> 00:09:18,130
Two. Got it.
201
00:09:19,490 --> 00:09:22,530
Can you imagine how pleased
he'll be when you call and tell him?
202
00:09:22,610 --> 00:09:25,850
He'll probably give you
some kind of special reward.
203
00:09:25,930 --> 00:09:27,770
I don't know what you're into.
204
00:09:27,850 --> 00:09:30,850
A... bicycle?
205
00:09:30,930 --> 00:09:34,090
Or a... button?
206
00:09:35,130 --> 00:09:36,970
Hoo. Great news.
207
00:09:38,290 --> 00:09:40,890
Joao has finally agreed
to pull his weight financially.
208
00:09:40,970 --> 00:09:43,090
Great. Yep, he's planning
to set up a nightclub,
209
00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:45,490
which, if my Portuguese
translation is correct,
210
00:09:45,570 --> 00:09:47,450
I think he's gonna call
Cock-A-Hoop.
211
00:09:50,050 --> 00:09:51,730
What are you doing?
Calling Mr K.
212
00:09:51,810 --> 00:09:53,370
Why? You're not supposed
to do that!
213
00:09:53,450 --> 00:09:55,410
Hang on, I broke her.
I've got the password.
214
00:09:55,490 --> 00:09:57,970
It's two.
What do you mean it's two?
215
00:09:58,050 --> 00:10:00,770
It's two? It's just two.
Can you believe it?
216
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:03,330
No, I can't believe it
because it's not just two.
217
00:10:03,410 --> 00:10:05,210
She's playing... Give me that.
218
00:10:05,290 --> 00:10:06,570
No! Just cos you're jealous.
219
00:10:06,650 --> 00:10:08,810
Cos I'm manning the ship.
Rubbish!
220
00:10:10,530 --> 00:10:11,770
Er, hello, Mr K?
221
00:10:11,850 --> 00:10:13,010
Yep, erm...
222
00:10:13,090 --> 00:10:15,410
Well, we just wanted
to ring in and erm...
223
00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:17,810
well, just see how you are, really.
How are you?
224
00:10:17,890 --> 00:10:20,170
And how's...
225
00:10:21,410 --> 00:10:22,770
Right. Just shut the fuck up.
226
00:10:22,850 --> 00:10:25,090
I will do that. And...
227
00:10:25,170 --> 00:10:27,010
Yeah, I'll get on with it now.
228
00:10:27,770 --> 00:10:31,010
Yes, because my life depends on it.
229
00:10:31,090 --> 00:10:33,050
Thank you for...
Lovely to catch up.
230
00:10:33,610 --> 00:10:36,890
This is turning out to be
quite fun.
231
00:10:47,244 --> 00:10:50,124
If we can't make her give us
the password in the next hour,
232
00:10:50,204 --> 00:10:51,804
we are both dead.
233
00:10:51,528 --> 00:10:54,848
Mate, I promise you, I'm pushing
my brain to the absolute limit.
234
00:10:58,208 --> 00:11:02,688
Who's that? Oh...
God, it's Colin.
235
00:11:04,288 --> 00:11:05,408
That's Colin?
Yep.
236
00:11:05,488 --> 00:11:06,968
Colin you've been seeing?
Yes.
237
00:11:07,048 --> 00:11:08,728
Mr Shredded Wheat?
Yep.
238
00:11:09,488 --> 00:11:11,488
God. You didn't tell me
he was coming.
239
00:11:11,568 --> 00:11:13,808
You also didn't tell me
he was so insanely hot.
240
00:11:13,888 --> 00:11:16,208
I dropped a pin,
and he's brought us some soup.
241
00:11:16,288 --> 00:11:18,448
Erm... that's your boyfriend?
242
00:11:18,528 --> 00:11:20,408
What escort agency is he with?
243
00:11:21,088 --> 00:11:22,448
What does he think we do?
244
00:11:22,528 --> 00:11:25,808
TV licence inspectors.
That's not even a thing anymore.
245
00:11:25,888 --> 00:11:28,088
You might as well have said
we're chimney sweeps.
246
00:11:28,168 --> 00:11:30,968
What do you tell Joao?
He's never really asked.
247
00:11:31,048 --> 00:11:32,368
Does Colin charge by the hour?
248
00:11:32,448 --> 00:11:34,168
Will you shut up?
Or I'll kill you.
249
00:11:34,248 --> 00:11:35,608
You won't get the password.
250
00:11:35,688 --> 00:11:38,008
Fine. I'll wee in a bath every day
and drown you in it.
251
00:11:38,088 --> 00:11:40,528
I've got a client who'd pay
a lot of money for that.
252
00:11:40,608 --> 00:11:42,768
The soup is gonna be cold.
253
00:11:43,448 --> 00:11:44,648
So let's deal with this.
254
00:11:44,728 --> 00:11:46,928
Hey, babe.
Hi.
255
00:11:48,608 --> 00:11:52,128
Sorry I'm late. The orphanage
is really understaffed the moment,
256
00:11:52,208 --> 00:11:54,608
so it was tough to get away.
Whatever.
257
00:11:54,688 --> 00:11:56,528
You must be Fran.
Hi.
258
00:11:56,608 --> 00:11:59,128
Did you say you worked...
in an orphanage?
259
00:11:59,208 --> 00:12:00,648
Volunteer.
260
00:12:00,728 --> 00:12:02,448
My day job is swimwear modelling,
261
00:12:02,528 --> 00:12:04,568
but that's just
to put bread on the table.
262
00:12:04,648 --> 00:12:07,928
My true passion has always been
my work with disadvantaged kids.
263
00:12:08,008 --> 00:12:09,808
Do you do couples?
264
00:12:10,368 --> 00:12:11,888
Who's that?
TV licence dodger.
265
00:12:11,968 --> 00:12:13,608
You put them in the van with you?
266
00:12:13,688 --> 00:12:16,568
Well, it's the only way
those cheating bastards will learn.
267
00:12:16,648 --> 00:12:17,928
Yes.
268
00:12:18,008 --> 00:12:19,528
Thank you.
No worries.
269
00:12:19,608 --> 00:12:20,968
It was worth it just to see you.
270
00:12:21,048 --> 00:12:22,928
Listen, Jamie...
271
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:27,328
Now what? I was thinking a lot
about, you know, the other night.
272
00:12:27,408 --> 00:12:29,248
I can get into
the naughty nurse thing,
273
00:12:29,328 --> 00:12:30,928
as long as we make it clear
274
00:12:31,008 --> 00:12:33,208
that I'm only naughty
in my own time.
275
00:12:34,848 --> 00:12:36,168
What about the croutons?
276
00:12:36,608 --> 00:12:38,928
Just leave them outside. Cheers.
277
00:12:40,808 --> 00:12:43,168
You know,
I usually use Omega Escorts,
278
00:12:43,248 --> 00:12:46,368
but the last one they sent me
was such a let-down.
279
00:12:46,448 --> 00:12:48,408
Six-foot seven,
completely hairless
280
00:12:48,488 --> 00:12:50,008
and hung like
a frightened lab rat.
281
00:12:50,568 --> 00:12:52,888
God, he's such a dork.
282
00:12:56,408 --> 00:12:59,048
That's it. Off you fuck.
283
00:12:59,128 --> 00:13:01,768
Vegetable soup!
284
00:13:02,488 --> 00:13:04,288
Classic Colin.
285
00:13:04,368 --> 00:13:06,528
If you're not going to eat it,
can I have some?
286
00:13:06,608 --> 00:13:07,808
Sure.
287
00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:09,488
Whoa! Whoa, there.
288
00:13:09,568 --> 00:13:12,088
If she's that hungry,
we can maybe use it to break her.
289
00:13:13,208 --> 00:13:16,088
I'm not gonna get so hungry
in the next two hours
290
00:13:16,168 --> 00:13:19,648
that I give up millions of pounds.
I'm not a cartoon bear!
291
00:13:19,728 --> 00:13:20,848
All right, fine.
292
00:13:27,448 --> 00:13:29,168
It's quite nice, actually.
293
00:13:31,168 --> 00:13:33,408
God. What a fuck-up.
I know, right?
294
00:13:33,488 --> 00:13:36,208
Vegetable soup. He is such a tit.
295
00:13:36,288 --> 00:13:38,288
No... Oh, forget it.
296
00:13:39,728 --> 00:13:41,208
Hang on, what's in that?
297
00:13:41,928 --> 00:13:46,048
Ooh, er... onions...
celery, soy sauce -
298
00:13:46,128 --> 00:13:47,568
Soy sauce?
299
00:13:47,648 --> 00:13:49,808
Shitting hell!
I am seriously allergic to soy!
300
00:13:49,888 --> 00:13:51,368
You have to get me to a hospital.
301
00:13:51,448 --> 00:13:54,168
Oh, nice try.
No, I'm not fucking around!
302
00:13:54,248 --> 00:13:56,128
Bullshit!
303
00:13:58,928 --> 00:14:00,968
Oh, God! Stay with us,
304
00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:03,048
you horrid, fancy cow!
305
00:14:03,128 --> 00:14:05,528
Oh, God, she's passing out!
No, we need to keep alive
306
00:14:05,608 --> 00:14:07,208
until she gives us the password.
307
00:14:08,688 --> 00:14:11,248
What do you do with
allergic reactions? I don't know.
308
00:14:11,328 --> 00:14:12,768
How about a YouTube tutorial?
309
00:14:12,848 --> 00:14:14,928
That's a great idea. Look it up.
310
00:14:15,008 --> 00:14:16,368
Breathe. Breathe.
311
00:14:16,448 --> 00:14:18,208
First aid.
Yeah.
312
00:14:18,288 --> 00:14:19,808
Allergic reaction. Great!
313
00:14:19,888 --> 00:14:22,168
'I know what you're thinking...'
Skip the ad!
314
00:14:22,248 --> 00:14:24,648
How do I skip it?
"Skip ad"! Four seconds.
315
00:14:24,728 --> 00:14:27,728
Bottom right!
There's no skip... Got it!
316
00:14:27,808 --> 00:14:32,048
'Hello, and welcome
to Emergency Room For You.'
317
00:14:32,128 --> 00:14:34,368
'In this three-hour tutorial...'
318
00:14:34,448 --> 00:14:37,688
For fuck sake!
Maybe we should take her to hospital.
319
00:14:37,768 --> 00:14:41,168
No, it's too risky.
Who else is gonna help us with this?
320
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:42,848
'..Dairy, shellfish...'
321
00:14:42,928 --> 00:14:44,088
No!
322
00:14:44,168 --> 00:14:46,688
I am not calling Liz and Charles.
Do we have a choice?
323
00:14:49,128 --> 00:14:52,568
Calling Mr K's A-team
to mop up your mess again?
324
00:14:52,648 --> 00:14:53,808
So pathetic.
325
00:14:53,888 --> 00:14:56,848
Setting up all this shit just so
you have an excuse to see me.
326
00:14:56,928 --> 00:14:59,208
In my dreams. Er, your dreams.
327
00:14:59,288 --> 00:15:01,528
There we go.
She should be absolutely fine.
328
00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:05,008
You skip lunch?
329
00:15:05,768 --> 00:15:07,608
Cos you got some hungry eyes, girl.
330
00:15:10,728 --> 00:15:12,528
Thanks, Charles. You're a lifesaver.
331
00:15:12,608 --> 00:15:14,328
Oh, no, honestly,
it's been an honour.
332
00:15:14,408 --> 00:15:17,888
It's been really lovely to flex
the old medical muscles again.
333
00:15:17,968 --> 00:15:20,728
Reminds me of my time when I was
an Army nurse in Helmand.
334
00:15:20,808 --> 00:15:22,848
Good times. Can't go back.
335
00:15:22,928 --> 00:15:24,928
Literally.
We left it in an absolute mess.
336
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:27,528
Come on, Charles!
We got better things to do than...
337
00:15:27,608 --> 00:15:29,288
bail out these assholes.
338
00:15:29,368 --> 00:15:31,728
Well, if Mr K loses all his money,
you'll be out of job.
339
00:15:31,808 --> 00:15:34,448
Anyway, why are you all
dressed up in that sexy outfit?
340
00:15:34,528 --> 00:15:37,048
I mean, not that I find it sexy.
Not my bag at all.
341
00:15:37,128 --> 00:15:38,928
Don't like it.
Can't look at it. Urgh.
342
00:15:39,008 --> 00:15:40,568
We're infiltrating a sex party.
343
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:41,968
Billionaire Russian pervs.
344
00:15:42,048 --> 00:15:43,568
Why don't we get jobs like that?
345
00:15:43,648 --> 00:15:45,328
Yeah, well, no offence,
346
00:15:45,408 --> 00:15:48,808
but you're less high-end sex party,
more Warhammer convention.
347
00:15:50,088 --> 00:15:52,808
Righty-ho, keep her off
anything soy-based.
348
00:15:52,928 --> 00:15:54,808
She was very lucky this time.
349
00:15:56,088 --> 00:15:58,768
Charles, we couldn't borrow
that stuff, could we?
350
00:15:58,848 --> 00:16:00,488
Yeah, sure. Why not?
351
00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:02,368
Thanks.
352
00:16:02,448 --> 00:16:04,968
Charles, are they really gonna
let you in wearing that?
353
00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:06,848
Me? Oh, I'm actually not going in.
354
00:16:06,928 --> 00:16:08,928
I'm gonna be in the car park.
Liz's orders.
355
00:16:09,008 --> 00:16:10,368
So why are you wearing that?
356
00:16:12,008 --> 00:16:14,568
Just feels nice.
Fuck sake, Charles! Let's go!
357
00:16:14,648 --> 00:16:17,088
OK.
358
00:16:17,168 --> 00:16:19,328
Why did you keep talking
to those idiots?
359
00:16:19,408 --> 00:16:21,648
I was boiling in there
with his goddamn thing on.
360
00:16:21,728 --> 00:16:24,368
My body's slicker than
a fucking sea otter right now!
361
00:16:24,448 --> 00:16:25,928
Other side.
362
00:16:26,008 --> 00:16:27,768
Give us the password.
363
00:16:27,848 --> 00:16:29,608
No.
364
00:16:29,688 --> 00:16:32,008
All right.
Jamie, what have we got?
365
00:16:32,088 --> 00:16:35,128
Ooh, I've got tofu,
edamame beans,
366
00:16:35,208 --> 00:16:37,088
miso dressing -
Taste The Difference.
367
00:16:37,168 --> 00:16:39,888
Flumps, some teriyaki
Sorry, Flumps?
368
00:16:39,968 --> 00:16:41,488
Do they have soy in them?
No.
369
00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:42,808
Sorry, I got those for me.
370
00:16:42,888 --> 00:16:45,888
You can't kill me.
We both know you're bluffing.
371
00:16:45,968 --> 00:16:48,888
You're right, I can't kill you,
but what I can do...
372
00:16:48,968 --> 00:16:51,648
is just take you
to the very brink...
373
00:16:51,728 --> 00:16:55,168
again and again and again,
and then just bring you back.
374
00:16:55,248 --> 00:17:00,248
Anyway, Jamie, I think I'd like
to start with the salmon teriyaki,
375
00:17:00,328 --> 00:17:01,688
please.
376
00:17:02,808 --> 00:17:05,328
Shouldn't we start small?
Oh, I'm done fucking around.
377
00:17:06,408 --> 00:17:07,768
Let us commence.
378
00:17:10,688 --> 00:17:11,968
Mmm.
379
00:17:14,488 --> 00:17:17,568
Oh, fine, fine, fine!
380
00:17:17,648 --> 00:17:19,568
I'll give you the password.
381
00:17:21,088 --> 00:17:24,128
It's encrypted so you need
to take to my office.
382
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:27,888
Now get that sushi out of my face!
383
00:17:33,688 --> 00:17:35,888
How long's this gonna take?
384
00:17:35,968 --> 00:17:37,968
I'm going as fast as I can.
385
00:17:38,048 --> 00:17:40,048
There's a very complex
security system.
386
00:17:40,128 --> 00:17:41,648
This isn't Pigeon Canyon.
387
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:45,408
What's Pigeon Canyon?
It's an online game for children.
388
00:17:45,488 --> 00:17:46,928
My stepson got kicked off it
389
00:17:47,008 --> 00:17:48,888
for using it as a platform
to sell Ecstasy.
390
00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:51,168
Oh, is this him?
Please don't touch that.
391
00:17:51,248 --> 00:17:53,568
It's very precious.
See? You love him really.
392
00:17:53,648 --> 00:17:55,848
No, I loathe him
but the frame is a Lalique.
393
00:17:58,648 --> 00:18:00,488
Oh, God, it's Joao.
394
00:18:00,568 --> 00:18:02,728
"My heart is chock-a-block
with sorry."
395
00:18:02,808 --> 00:18:05,048
He's using some rubbish
new translation app.
396
00:18:05,128 --> 00:18:07,608
Erm,
"Cock-A-Hoop is a no-go-go-go,
397
00:18:07,688 --> 00:18:10,088
but I will promise
I will find wet assets."
398
00:18:10,168 --> 00:18:12,368
I presume he means "liquid".
There's a...
399
00:18:12,448 --> 00:18:14,048
Hang on, there's a link to a page.
400
00:18:14,128 --> 00:18:15,768
See? He's not all bad.
401
00:18:15,848 --> 00:18:19,368
Mate, I was too quick to judge him.
It's an eBay page. Hang on.
402
00:18:20,088 --> 00:18:21,288
What...?
403
00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:23,448
Hang on,
he's selling all my stuff online.
404
00:18:23,528 --> 00:18:25,408
Look, those are my shoes.
405
00:18:25,488 --> 00:18:27,568
My laptop's selling for a tenner.
406
00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:30,088
You are not bidding
on my laptop, Jamie.
407
00:18:33,328 --> 00:18:34,928
Who the fuck is that?
408
00:18:35,488 --> 00:18:39,248
Oh! The cavalry's here.
Told you I had people!
409
00:18:46,728 --> 00:18:48,808
Get down. Get down.
410
00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:52,968
Where's your gun?
It's in the van.
411
00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:54,328
Well, why would you do that?
412
00:18:54,408 --> 00:18:56,848
This was our weapon of choice.
Oh, don't be ridic-
413
00:18:56,928 --> 00:18:58,728
No!
414
00:19:05,968 --> 00:19:07,408
I'm over he-
415
00:19:09,288 --> 00:19:11,448
Ow! You bit me, you bitch!
416
00:19:11,528 --> 00:19:13,568
Is that teriyaki on your hand?
417
00:19:17,008 --> 00:19:18,768
Gimme the injection!
418
00:19:18,848 --> 00:19:20,008
Yeah?
419
00:19:20,568 --> 00:19:21,768
Oi!
420
00:19:23,928 --> 00:19:27,288
What are you doing, Brian?
You nearly bloody killed me!
421
00:19:27,368 --> 00:19:29,888
Fran, get the gun!
What do you think I'm trying to do?
422
00:19:38,768 --> 00:19:40,168
Oh, fuck.
423
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,128
Come here!
424
00:19:46,208 --> 00:19:48,728
Shit!
Oh, fuck!
425
00:20:06,648 --> 00:20:08,728
Well, your cavalry's dead.
426
00:20:12,168 --> 00:20:14,488
Help me. Please.
427
00:20:14,568 --> 00:20:17,488
Only if you give us what we need.
You'll just kill me.
428
00:20:17,568 --> 00:20:19,528
You're gonna die anyway.
429
00:20:19,608 --> 00:20:21,008
If you give us the password,
430
00:20:21,088 --> 00:20:23,448
there's a small chance
Mr K might let you live.
431
00:20:31,088 --> 00:20:32,328
Yep.
432
00:20:32,408 --> 00:20:34,128
She's doing it now.
433
00:20:36,928 --> 00:20:38,208
It's gone.
434
00:20:39,368 --> 00:20:40,888
Have you got it?
435
00:20:42,648 --> 00:20:43,848
Great.
436
00:20:44,288 --> 00:20:46,728
OK, what do you want us
to do with her?
437
00:20:49,648 --> 00:20:51,168
OK.
438
00:20:52,688 --> 00:20:54,968
No, hang on. You said -
439
00:20:55,048 --> 00:20:57,288
I did say it was
a very small chance.
440
00:20:57,368 --> 00:20:59,288
No, no, no, no, no!
Yes!
441
00:20:59,368 --> 00:21:00,608
What?
442
00:21:01,288 --> 00:21:03,368
You've just bought my laptop,
haven't you?
443
00:21:03,448 --> 00:21:04,728
Mate, it was real bargain.
444
00:21:11,568 --> 00:21:14,248
I'm thinking I'm finally ready to
have a baby, Fran.
445
00:21:24,008 --> 00:21:27,008
It's fresh... Why did you just lick
that poo? I don't know.
446
00:21:35,408 --> 00:21:37,184
Why have you got an egg on your
head?
447
00:21:37,208 --> 00:21:39,808
It's a responsibility exercise, I'm
thinking of having a kid.
448
00:21:44,848 --> 00:21:46,048
Any funny business...
449
00:21:47,688 --> 00:21:49,608
Right.
450
00:21:49,658 --> 00:21:54,208
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