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In the year of Our Lord 1123,
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00:00:26,251 --> 00:00:30,793
King Louis VI, known as "The Fat",
waged war against his cousin,
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00:00:31,001 --> 00:00:34,376
Henry I, King of England
and Duke of Normandy.
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00:00:35,501 --> 00:00:38,001
Many brave knights
fought beside him.
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00:00:38,376 --> 00:00:42,710
They believed in God
and the forces of Evil.
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00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:51,001
Your Majesty,
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time is of the essence.
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Need I remind you
we are in their camp?
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00:00:55,085 --> 00:00:58,126
Silence, Montmirail.
Love knows not haste!
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Sire Godefroy!
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The English!
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00:01:13,876 --> 00:01:15,043
My vassal sees
13
00:01:15,210 --> 00:01:16,585
horsemen approaching.
14
00:01:17,460 --> 00:01:18,751
We are coming.
15
00:01:19,335 --> 00:01:22,668
I beg of you, Your Majesty,
make haste!
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Adieu, my sweet.
I must join my men.
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Will I see you soon?
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00:01:27,418 --> 00:01:30,668
When my cousin,
the King of England, makes amends.
19
00:01:31,460 --> 00:01:33,210
Do you love me, Kathleen?
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00:01:35,460 --> 00:01:37,835
Then accord me one last favor,
should I die.
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00:01:38,626 --> 00:01:40,585
- Hush hush...
- Show me your ankles.
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I beseech thee, lady-love.
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Higher. Up to your knees.
24
00:02:00,085 --> 00:02:02,876
My God! How beautiful!
25
00:02:04,668 --> 00:02:05,460
Sire...
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00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:06,460
they're coming.
27
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Come, Sire.
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THE VISITORS
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00:03:01,668 --> 00:03:02,710
This way.
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00:03:31,626 --> 00:03:33,293
King! I capture thee!
31
00:03:34,043 --> 00:03:35,501
Let me, my King!
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00:03:36,918 --> 00:03:39,251
Liar!
The King is never captured.
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00:03:39,418 --> 00:03:40,668
Not even in chess.
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00:03:46,668 --> 00:03:47,835
Toil! Never recoil!
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Sound the horns! The King!
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00:04:58,668 --> 00:05:00,251
Master! You're alive!
37
00:05:00,751 --> 00:05:01,668
God be praised!
38
00:05:01,918 --> 00:05:04,376
I managed to save
your horse and your arms.
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00:05:04,543 --> 00:05:06,418
You managed to flee, as usual.
40
00:05:07,001 --> 00:05:07,835
Castrated clod!
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00:05:08,043 --> 00:05:09,835
Sire Godefroy,
The King summons you.
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00:05:11,043 --> 00:05:12,501
Castrated clod!
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Sires... the King!
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00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,543
My kind knight Godefroy
45
00:05:25,085 --> 00:05:27,085
merits indeed
his name "The Hardy".
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His baldrick was nary stuckolded.
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00:05:30,668 --> 00:05:31,668
With his sword,
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he yslaked a scurvy English head.
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00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:35,793
Godefroy Amaury de Malfete,
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Count of Montmirail,
of Apremont, and of Popincourt
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I shall thus reward your valor.
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Sire, I am your eternal servant.
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I know you desire descendants.
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You have one week to fetch
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00:05:48,918 --> 00:05:50,835
one of the fairest
wenches in the Kingdom:
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00:05:51,293 --> 00:05:54,710
the daughter of the Duke of Puglia.
I know you adore her.
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00:05:55,001 --> 00:05:56,126
She is yours to wed.
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00:05:56,543 --> 00:05:58,793
How can I thank thee?
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To serve my King is my Honor.
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Long live the King!
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00:06:03,210 --> 00:06:04,751
Long live the King!
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00:06:04,918 --> 00:06:06,460
Long live the King!
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00:06:06,668 --> 00:06:08,710
- Who is he?
- Jacquasse the Crass.
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00:06:08,918 --> 00:06:11,751
My vassal.
He should be waiting outside.
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00:06:13,043 --> 00:06:16,793
He lacks grace, but he sniffs out
a trail like a good hound.
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00:06:20,335 --> 00:06:23,418
We must avoid the Forest
of Malcombe, and pass by Montargis.
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00:06:23,626 --> 00:06:24,543
Avoid the forest?
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You know it's haunted, Sire.
No one dares penetrate it.
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00:06:28,043 --> 00:06:28,793
hogwash!
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00:06:29,251 --> 00:06:30,668
My betrothed must not wait!
71
00:06:31,793 --> 00:06:33,460
What about the Witch of Malcombe?
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00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:35,460
Ride ahead of The Crass.
73
00:06:52,710 --> 00:06:54,960
She can turn an army into frog vomit.
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At her touch, your skin spits pus
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and you pisseth mud.
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She can damn 7 generations.
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We're doomed!
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Doomed!
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Per Ansia
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Queribus Memorium
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00:07:51,418 --> 00:07:53,210
"Halt or becometh a slug."
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00:07:53,501 --> 00:07:55,085
It's Latin and Visigoth.
83
00:07:55,251 --> 00:07:56,460
The Devil's drool!
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00:08:02,293 --> 00:08:04,126
A Black Sabbath.
Let's splitteth!
85
00:08:15,876 --> 00:08:16,876
What does she want?
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00:08:17,043 --> 00:08:19,751
To make that old hag young again.
It's impossible!
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00:08:20,793 --> 00:08:22,751
Drink! Drink!
88
00:08:39,668 --> 00:08:41,001
Where is she?
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00:08:41,210 --> 00:08:43,626
Fear not.
She'll drop back in.
90
00:08:48,751 --> 00:08:52,168
What a blast to have
a virgin's unpolluted body again!
91
00:08:52,335 --> 00:08:53,543
She's plug-ugly!
92
00:08:53,710 --> 00:08:56,043
Just like the day I married her!
93
00:08:57,751 --> 00:08:59,043
It's devildom!
94
00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:03,710
Surrender, She-Devil!
95
00:09:26,376 --> 00:09:27,543
We'll dismember her
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00:09:27,710 --> 00:09:29,335
and slice out her tongue.
97
00:09:29,501 --> 00:09:31,335
Let rats gnaw on her innards.
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00:09:34,126 --> 00:09:36,001
No lady is tortured on my lands.
99
00:09:36,168 --> 00:09:37,126
Just burn her.
100
00:09:37,335 --> 00:09:39,001
Thank you, Sire.
101
00:09:39,335 --> 00:09:41,251
Thank you. You are too good!
102
00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:46,668
At last... my castle.
103
00:09:50,043 --> 00:09:51,793
Unpack our best apparels
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00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:52,960
to honor my beloved.
105
00:09:53,168 --> 00:09:55,335
- Jacquasse, help me change.
- Yes, Sire.
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00:09:56,001 --> 00:09:57,460
I have no fine apparels.
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She won't even see you.
108
00:10:01,126 --> 00:10:03,293
My shoes and my fanciest shell.
109
00:10:03,835 --> 00:10:06,501
Ganelon, sound the horn
to announce my arrival.
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00:10:12,918 --> 00:10:14,668
How thrilled am I, Sire Fulbert,
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00:10:14,876 --> 00:10:17,001
that my son weddeth your sweet
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00:10:17,168 --> 00:10:18,501
and gentle daughter.
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00:10:18,668 --> 00:10:21,376
I wanted her to weddeth a Duke,
114
00:10:21,793 --> 00:10:23,793
but our Fat King decided otherwise.
115
00:10:24,876 --> 00:10:25,876
Cursed be love.
116
00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:29,043
More wine!
Let me piss a-plenty!
117
00:10:32,168 --> 00:10:35,626
Father, you promised
nary to burp for my marriage.
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The Count of Montmirail!
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Frenegonde! Where are you going?
Frenegonde! Come back!
120
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Come back this instant!
121
00:10:53,460 --> 00:10:55,460
Frenegonde! Come back!
122
00:10:57,668 --> 00:10:59,335
No Duke's daughter runs after
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a mere Count.
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00:11:04,918 --> 00:11:06,876
You look good and gentle.
125
00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:09,043
And mighty uncomfortable.
126
00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:10,126
Why?
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00:11:23,210 --> 00:11:25,293
Zounds!
The flask falleth all alone.
128
00:11:25,460 --> 00:11:27,710
Give it to me.
My thirst needs a-quenching!
129
00:11:36,168 --> 00:11:37,085
The castle!
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00:11:37,918 --> 00:11:38,876
Holy scrotums!
131
00:11:40,085 --> 00:11:41,543
It swelleth like a blowfish!
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00:11:47,376 --> 00:11:48,626
It's wearing a wig!
133
00:11:52,793 --> 00:11:54,460
Sire Godefroy, are you not well?
134
00:12:01,001 --> 00:12:02,335
By what devil-craft?
135
00:12:04,710 --> 00:12:05,626
What's wrong?
136
00:12:12,043 --> 00:12:14,626
Come back, you wicked Wench!
137
00:12:14,793 --> 00:12:15,626
Come back!
138
00:12:17,043 --> 00:12:18,918
Come back, you foul slut!
139
00:12:19,251 --> 00:12:21,293
God shield!
A bear is chasing her!
140
00:12:23,626 --> 00:12:24,668
My crossbow!
141
00:12:27,293 --> 00:12:28,335
Come back!
142
00:12:28,501 --> 00:12:29,876
There's no bear.
143
00:12:33,251 --> 00:12:35,251
Steer clear, beloved!
Steer clear!
144
00:12:48,835 --> 00:12:49,626
Father!
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00:12:56,251 --> 00:12:57,793
I saw a huge beast.
146
00:13:33,418 --> 00:13:36,460
I'll spend my life in a convent,
faithful to you.
147
00:13:36,751 --> 00:13:39,126
I can ne'er wed
the man who killed my father.
148
00:13:40,876 --> 00:13:42,710
I understand, my betrothed.
149
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I'll be faithful too.
150
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,210
I shall ne'er marry...
151
00:13:47,376 --> 00:13:48,960
ne'er have descendants.
152
00:13:49,126 --> 00:13:50,960
Don't do me any favors.
153
00:14:27,293 --> 00:14:28,501
What are you up to?
154
00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:30,501
I was praying for his salvation.
155
00:14:30,668 --> 00:14:32,168
Where is my father's wizard?
156
00:14:32,543 --> 00:14:33,918
Eusaebius?
157
00:14:43,543 --> 00:14:44,418
I found him.
158
00:14:45,210 --> 00:14:47,501
He lives yonder,
not far from here.
159
00:14:47,668 --> 00:14:49,168
But they say he's senile.
160
00:14:49,460 --> 00:14:52,585
I can make your Duke live again.
161
00:14:53,835 --> 00:14:57,001
But you must know no fear.
162
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Only God can do that!
163
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:02,710
You are right.
Only God can bring back the dead.
164
00:15:03,293 --> 00:15:04,835
But there is another way.
165
00:15:05,085 --> 00:15:09,876
Time is a mountain,
pierced by many hidden tunnels.
166
00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:13,626
My magic spells can
give you access to them.
167
00:15:20,126 --> 00:15:20,960
Meet Angueran.
168
00:15:21,210 --> 00:15:23,293
Scarface Angueran.
At your service.
169
00:15:23,585 --> 00:15:24,876
And my loyal Ganelon.
170
00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:27,335
You shall return
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just before the Duke's death.
172
00:15:29,460 --> 00:15:33,751
If you find
enough force in yourself...
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00:15:33,918 --> 00:15:37,085
you will be able
to change the course of the arrow.
174
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You'll wed your betrothed,
175
00:15:39,585 --> 00:15:41,418
and have the lineage you desire.
176
00:15:42,793 --> 00:15:44,335
It's sheer lunacy!
177
00:15:44,668 --> 00:15:46,918
Where is my powder of leech?
178
00:15:47,335 --> 00:15:50,168
I haven't done this in ages.
I'm a bit rusty.
179
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He's senile!
180
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Here it is.
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00:15:57,126 --> 00:15:59,460
If you fear not,
182
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Godefroy the Hardy, drink.
183
00:16:03,543 --> 00:16:07,501
You'll arrive in the forest
just before the accident.
184
00:16:07,710 --> 00:16:09,126
Don't trust the old fool!
185
00:16:09,376 --> 00:16:12,835
If Sire Godefroy doesn't return,
we'll lock you in his dungeon
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00:16:13,251 --> 00:16:14,543
with your Book of Spells.
187
00:16:14,710 --> 00:16:16,085
Trust me.
188
00:16:16,335 --> 00:16:19,210
Don't drink it, Sire.
You'll turn into a frog,
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00:16:19,376 --> 00:16:21,585
or a bat, or a goat,
or a nun's ass.
190
00:16:23,210 --> 00:16:24,543
Perhaps you're right.
191
00:16:24,710 --> 00:16:26,543
- Drink first.
- Me?
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00:16:26,710 --> 00:16:28,043
I'll see if you
193
00:16:28,210 --> 00:16:29,501
turn into a nun's ass.
194
00:16:29,751 --> 00:16:31,668
If you do, I'll seek revenge.
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00:16:31,918 --> 00:16:32,918
Drink!
196
00:16:45,626 --> 00:16:46,460
So, my Crass?
197
00:16:46,835 --> 00:16:48,710
It tastes like pig excrement.
198
00:16:50,335 --> 00:16:52,585
Candied concoctions
are for evil sorcerers.
199
00:16:52,751 --> 00:16:56,293
Drink hastily.
I must say the incantation.
200
00:16:56,585 --> 00:16:57,418
If I drank...
201
00:16:58,543 --> 00:16:59,376
am I going too?
202
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:06,418
Say the incantation.
203
00:17:59,043 --> 00:18:03,626
They've gone into
the Tunnels of Time!
204
00:18:09,918 --> 00:18:11,043
What's that noise?
205
00:18:11,210 --> 00:18:12,043
What did you step on?
206
00:18:13,751 --> 00:18:14,543
Rotten eggs.
207
00:18:15,293 --> 00:18:16,835
I forgot the quail eggs.
208
00:18:18,668 --> 00:18:20,293
What a catastrophe!
209
00:19:06,585 --> 00:19:08,001
Stand up, peasant.
210
00:19:08,168 --> 00:19:08,835
Where are we?
211
00:19:09,918 --> 00:19:10,751
And our friends?
212
00:19:11,001 --> 00:19:12,168
This isn't my Forest.
213
00:19:13,001 --> 00:19:14,460
The wizard misled us!
214
00:19:15,668 --> 00:19:17,835
We have two legs, Sire.
And two arms.
215
00:19:18,001 --> 00:19:19,710
'Tis miracle enough.
216
00:19:20,585 --> 00:19:23,168
Fetch me a horse.
Make haste!
217
00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:11,918
Pugh! It stinketh!
218
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:25,668
He's crazy!
219
00:20:29,585 --> 00:20:32,418
Sire! A Moor!
220
00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:45,668
A Moor in the Devil's chariot!
221
00:20:45,835 --> 00:20:47,876
'Tis metal,
with no oxen to pull it!
222
00:20:48,376 --> 00:20:49,585
Sire, come see!
223
00:20:54,626 --> 00:20:56,501
Thither, Sire! Thither!
224
00:21:01,126 --> 00:21:02,001
They're psychos.
225
00:21:03,710 --> 00:21:04,585
They're psychos.
226
00:21:11,293 --> 00:21:12,918
Psychos!
227
00:21:51,668 --> 00:21:53,085
Whose shield is this?
228
00:21:54,210 --> 00:21:56,585
Lord our Father, we have sinned.
229
00:21:57,418 --> 00:21:58,668
We'll bear this ordeal
230
00:21:59,418 --> 00:22:00,210
to the end.
231
00:22:00,751 --> 00:22:02,710
Give us the courage never to recoil.
232
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,251
We will obey Thee.
233
00:22:05,251 --> 00:22:06,293
Amen.
234
00:22:19,918 --> 00:22:22,376
It stinketh.
We can't breathe! We're doomed!
235
00:22:22,543 --> 00:22:24,210
No, I smell victuals.
236
00:22:27,085 --> 00:22:28,918
More diabolic chariots!
237
00:22:29,376 --> 00:22:30,835
Let's stay in the Forest.
238
00:22:31,001 --> 00:22:31,668
No!
239
00:22:31,918 --> 00:22:33,876
We can't fight on an empty belly.
240
00:22:35,126 --> 00:22:35,835
Two burgers!
241
00:22:36,835 --> 00:22:39,043
French fries and ketchup!
242
00:22:55,793 --> 00:22:56,960
Yo guys!
243
00:22:57,168 --> 00:22:58,251
Is it Halloween?
244
00:22:58,918 --> 00:23:01,251
You're dressed to go trick
or treating!
245
00:23:01,418 --> 00:23:02,751
Silence, strumpet.
246
00:23:02,918 --> 00:23:05,251
Take this and go your way.
247
00:23:07,543 --> 00:23:08,543
Leave us be.
248
00:23:08,710 --> 00:23:11,168
Holy Moses!
249
00:23:11,335 --> 00:23:13,210
Are you TV stars?
250
00:23:13,460 --> 00:23:14,960
Shove off! Shove off!
251
00:23:15,210 --> 00:23:17,418
I don't want to impose,
Ladies and Gents,
252
00:23:17,585 --> 00:23:22,418
but since you're in show-biz,
do you know any... big-time agents?
253
00:23:25,001 --> 00:23:26,835
Quiet, peasant,
or I'll smacketh you.
254
00:23:27,001 --> 00:23:29,835
It just so happens
I studied song and dance.
255
00:23:30,001 --> 00:23:31,835
If you could get me an audition,
256
00:23:32,501 --> 00:23:33,793
it'd change my life.
257
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:38,418
What's wrong?
I'm no worse than Madonna!
258
00:23:39,501 --> 00:23:41,751
Let us leave this vile bawd.
259
00:23:43,418 --> 00:23:44,793
Listen...
260
00:23:55,710 --> 00:24:00,001
Still hanging around, sticky fingers?
Give back the steaks!
261
00:24:00,835 --> 00:24:03,918
Watch out!
I'm a political refugee!
262
00:24:04,168 --> 00:24:06,501
I'm sick of your shenanigans!
263
00:24:07,751 --> 00:24:09,168
Ho! Innkeeper!
264
00:24:09,335 --> 00:24:11,001
You hit the fairer sex?
265
00:24:11,668 --> 00:24:15,293
What the hell do
these two clowns want?
266
00:24:15,460 --> 00:24:17,126
This isn't a hobo hideout!
267
00:24:17,293 --> 00:24:19,543
I am Godefroy of Montmirail,
Count of Apremont
268
00:24:19,710 --> 00:24:22,460
and of Popincourt.
And I lord over my property.
269
00:24:22,626 --> 00:24:24,168
Mr. Vautrot! Help!
270
00:24:26,543 --> 00:24:29,751
Call the cops! The bag lady's
bothering Roger again!
271
00:24:32,376 --> 00:24:33,126
Murderer!
272
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,293
Come on, toots!
This guy is gun crazy!
273
00:24:36,835 --> 00:24:37,585
Attack, Sire!
274
00:24:38,251 --> 00:24:39,876
On your knees, punk!
275
00:24:40,126 --> 00:24:42,335
Montjoie! St. Denis!
276
00:24:47,210 --> 00:24:48,876
Jacquasse! My Jacquasse!
277
00:24:56,335 --> 00:24:58,126
Easy does it, hot stuff.
278
00:24:58,460 --> 00:24:59,335
Attack!
279
00:25:04,376 --> 00:25:05,876
Montjoie!
280
00:25:06,543 --> 00:25:07,835
Montjoie!
281
00:25:26,585 --> 00:25:27,835
Asylum!
282
00:25:28,335 --> 00:25:28,960
Asylum!
283
00:25:31,043 --> 00:25:32,876
Father, I beseech
the right to asylum.
284
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,376
Mi... Mi, honey.
285
00:25:36,543 --> 00:25:38,960
That's it.
286
00:25:39,793 --> 00:25:42,418
Keep on practicing, love.
I'll be right back.
287
00:25:45,543 --> 00:25:47,626
Hello, Countess? It's Father Hervé.
288
00:25:47,835 --> 00:25:48,751
Hello, Father.
289
00:25:48,918 --> 00:25:52,210
Yes, well...
My mass was interrupted...
290
00:25:52,376 --> 00:25:56,001
by a hooligan
dressed in a very peculiar way.
291
00:25:56,168 --> 00:26:00,043
He claims to be
the Count of Montmirail etc, etc...
292
00:26:00,210 --> 00:26:03,001
Quite frankly,
he seems off his rocker.
293
00:26:03,210 --> 00:26:06,418
The Count of Montmirail?
Daddy died in '81.
294
00:26:06,668 --> 00:26:08,543
I know, Béatrice. I buried him.
295
00:26:08,710 --> 00:26:11,210
This one claims
to be called "The Hardy".
296
00:26:11,460 --> 00:26:13,751
He has your family arms on his tunic.
297
00:26:14,043 --> 00:26:15,543
Godefroy the Hardy?
How absurd.
298
00:26:16,918 --> 00:26:17,710
Come quickly.
299
00:26:19,043 --> 00:26:20,126
He looks ornery.
300
00:26:20,460 --> 00:26:24,043
Hello? Hello?...
Father Hervé?
301
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:31,251
What is this?
302
00:26:32,543 --> 00:26:34,376
It's the UNICEF calendar.
303
00:26:39,126 --> 00:26:39,793
Hurry!
304
00:26:40,751 --> 00:26:41,918
He's busy praying.
305
00:26:42,085 --> 00:26:45,543
He saw today's date
and went into a state of shock.
306
00:26:45,710 --> 00:26:48,001
He claims to be born in 1076.
307
00:26:48,376 --> 00:26:49,668
He's a crackpot.
308
00:26:54,293 --> 00:26:55,001
My betrothed.
309
00:26:56,876 --> 00:26:58,376
My betrothed.
310
00:26:59,751 --> 00:27:00,876
You are here?
311
00:27:01,626 --> 00:27:04,335
Frenegonde!
My beautiful Frenegonde!
312
00:27:05,543 --> 00:27:07,251
Stop!
That totally hurts!
313
00:27:07,501 --> 00:27:09,210
Calm down, you brute!
314
00:27:09,501 --> 00:27:10,168
It is I.
315
00:27:10,335 --> 00:27:11,751
Stop. I don't know you.
316
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:12,668
Frenegonde.
317
00:27:13,460 --> 00:27:16,168
The Countess doesn't know you.
318
00:27:16,668 --> 00:27:17,751
You've made a mistake.
319
00:27:18,043 --> 00:27:19,585
Cease, Father.
320
00:27:21,585 --> 00:27:23,418
Dare I understand?
321
00:27:25,793 --> 00:27:27,585
This fair dame is not my beloved,
322
00:27:28,418 --> 00:27:30,126
but my descendant.
323
00:27:35,793 --> 00:27:37,043
1000 years betwixt us.
324
00:27:37,293 --> 00:27:41,001
Yes. I have to go.
I don't know him from Adam.
325
00:27:41,626 --> 00:27:43,710
I'm from the time of Louis VI.
Help me.
326
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:45,168
Shall I call for help?
327
00:27:45,335 --> 00:27:47,876
No, this very nice man
won't harm us.
328
00:27:48,793 --> 00:27:50,085
Will 50 francs do?
329
00:27:50,335 --> 00:27:52,335
I must return to my time.
330
00:27:52,501 --> 00:27:53,668
Know'st thou a wizard?
331
00:27:53,835 --> 00:27:57,085
No. Sorry, no wizard.
I know the Wizard of Oz.
332
00:27:57,668 --> 00:27:59,501
Where is this "Oz"?
333
00:28:00,043 --> 00:28:02,710
Don't budge.
We'll take care of you.
334
00:28:12,251 --> 00:28:13,960
Thank you, my sweet.
335
00:28:15,043 --> 00:28:15,835
It's a miracle.
336
00:28:16,001 --> 00:28:17,626
Okay, call the police.
337
00:28:20,710 --> 00:28:23,001
- It's not very Christian.
- Of course it is.
338
00:28:26,168 --> 00:28:27,168
Pugh! How ugly!
339
00:28:27,418 --> 00:28:30,001
Without them,
we couldn't watch TV. Here...
340
00:28:30,168 --> 00:28:31,626
Just what the doc ordered.
341
00:28:34,085 --> 00:28:36,793
Thanks, bawd. You're ugly as sin,
but good-hearted.
342
00:28:37,043 --> 00:28:38,001
Ever see your nose?
343
00:28:39,418 --> 00:28:41,793
When you sneeze,
is it typhoon season?
344
00:28:42,043 --> 00:28:44,501
Your wine is fruity,
but a tad watery.
345
00:28:44,668 --> 00:28:46,710
The wine's mine, swine.
346
00:28:51,501 --> 00:28:54,876
What a raunchy eater!
You eat the plastic too?
347
00:28:58,043 --> 00:28:59,668
The wizard was senile.
348
00:28:59,876 --> 00:29:01,751
If I catch him,
I'll skin him alive.
349
00:29:02,126 --> 00:29:04,085
Don't take it so bad.
350
00:29:04,710 --> 00:29:06,501
Those pigs always get us.
351
00:29:06,751 --> 00:29:08,335
Is your buddy a wrestler?
352
00:29:08,751 --> 00:29:09,793
I saw him on TV.
353
00:29:11,126 --> 00:29:12,918
I wanted to be a singer...
354
00:29:13,168 --> 00:29:15,335
but they're all
full of shit in show-biz.
355
00:29:17,376 --> 00:29:18,376
My Sire is a warrior,
356
00:29:18,626 --> 00:29:21,585
a trusted aide of our King.
The Count of Montmirail.
357
00:29:21,835 --> 00:29:23,043
Montmirail?
358
00:29:23,293 --> 00:29:24,668
The dentist's old lady?
359
00:29:24,918 --> 00:29:26,585
He couldn't marry her!
360
00:29:26,751 --> 00:29:28,460
That's why we're here.
361
00:29:28,710 --> 00:29:29,835
They're not married?
362
00:29:30,710 --> 00:29:33,376
No kidding!
The nerve of that prude!
363
00:29:33,626 --> 00:29:36,335
She acts so holier-than-thou
at the rummage sale.
364
00:29:36,501 --> 00:29:37,168
What a bitch!
365
00:29:42,168 --> 00:29:43,293
You came so fast.
366
00:29:43,543 --> 00:29:46,251
Squadron Sergeant-Major Gibon.
At your service, Countess.
367
00:29:46,418 --> 00:29:48,210
I brought the National Guard.
368
00:29:48,376 --> 00:29:49,418
Where's the offender?
369
00:29:49,668 --> 00:29:51,918
My stars!
Your squadron is quite impressive.
370
00:29:52,085 --> 00:29:55,001
He's a bit brutal, but he's just
a poor homeless person.
371
00:29:55,251 --> 00:29:56,501
They're back-up.
372
00:29:56,710 --> 00:29:58,335
This is Doctor Bauvin.
373
00:30:00,126 --> 00:30:02,418
First we'll talk to him.
Size up the beast.
374
00:30:02,585 --> 00:30:05,251
Let's go, Bauvin.
375
00:30:07,043 --> 00:30:07,751
Good luck!
376
00:30:15,876 --> 00:30:16,751
Where is she?
377
00:30:16,918 --> 00:30:19,085
Enough!
Identity papers! Green card!
378
00:30:19,251 --> 00:30:21,168
Psychology, Sergeant-Major.
379
00:30:21,335 --> 00:30:23,626
Hello there.
Are you from around here?
380
00:30:23,793 --> 00:30:25,210
Bow down before me,
381
00:30:25,376 --> 00:30:26,460
and I shall be clement.
382
00:30:26,710 --> 00:30:29,085
Why the costume?
Are you an actor?
383
00:30:29,335 --> 00:30:30,210
Is this for TV?
384
00:30:32,335 --> 00:30:34,418
Candid Camera?
Should I smile?
385
00:30:35,085 --> 00:30:37,085
Where is my descendant?
Answer or die!
386
00:30:37,251 --> 00:30:40,085
Let me, Sergeant-Major.
He's a sicko!
387
00:30:40,251 --> 00:30:43,251
A little shot
and you'll be good as new.
388
00:30:43,418 --> 00:30:45,543
Give me your arm.
389
00:30:52,751 --> 00:30:55,960
Officer, send in
your men on the double!
390
00:30:56,126 --> 00:30:58,793
He's a maniac!
He took the doctor hostage!
391
00:31:15,793 --> 00:31:17,751
Thanks for coming!
392
00:31:24,585 --> 00:31:26,710
Montjoie! St. Denis!
393
00:31:31,251 --> 00:31:32,793
Toil, toil! Never recoil!
394
00:31:40,418 --> 00:31:43,918
I have a horrible doubt. This tramp
just may be part of my family.
395
00:31:44,126 --> 00:31:44,626
What?
396
00:31:44,918 --> 00:31:47,335
"Montjoie" is the battle cry
of French knights.
397
00:31:49,335 --> 00:31:53,293
"Toil! Never recoil!"
is the motto of Godefroy the Hardy.
398
00:31:53,460 --> 00:31:55,001
It's my family's motto.
399
00:31:55,168 --> 00:31:56,835
Now you have doubts?
400
00:31:57,626 --> 00:31:58,960
He's calmed down.
401
00:31:59,126 --> 00:32:02,251
Hold him down.
I'll put him to sleep.
402
00:32:12,043 --> 00:32:13,918
No, my mistake!
I never saw him before.
403
00:32:14,835 --> 00:32:16,668
It can't hurt.
I killed the nerve.
404
00:32:17,001 --> 00:32:18,251
Jean-Pierre, come here.
405
00:32:18,460 --> 00:32:19,501
Excuse me, ma'am.
406
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:21,251
I'll just be a minute.
407
00:32:22,835 --> 00:32:25,126
Do you remember
my cousin Hubert?
408
00:32:25,293 --> 00:32:27,085
Martha's son. Naval Academy.
409
00:32:27,418 --> 00:32:29,376
The race car driver?
I never met him.
410
00:32:29,626 --> 00:32:32,751
Obviously. He disappeared
in Borneo before our marriage.
411
00:32:33,001 --> 00:32:34,585
- I think he's alive.
- What?
412
00:32:34,835 --> 00:32:37,335
As wacky as it sounds,
today's Tarzan...
413
00:32:37,501 --> 00:32:39,543
is probably Hubert.
He's totally changed.
414
00:32:39,751 --> 00:32:41,126
You said he was a bum.
415
00:32:41,293 --> 00:32:42,793
He had family air.
416
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:45,918
The sensual nose,
the large forehead...
417
00:32:46,168 --> 00:32:49,418
You meet a derelict
with a shiny red schnozz, and now...
418
00:32:49,585 --> 00:32:51,418
he's a long-lost sensual cousin!
419
00:32:51,585 --> 00:32:53,126
A cousin with our arms!
420
00:32:53,335 --> 00:32:55,251
Don't just stand there.
Come look.
421
00:32:57,835 --> 00:32:59,876
Look. The Montmirail family album.
422
00:33:00,710 --> 00:33:02,668
Here's our first Count,
Godefroy The Hardy.
423
00:33:02,835 --> 00:33:04,668
It's the same nose and forehead.
424
00:33:04,876 --> 00:33:08,085
That's a 900-year old drawing.
What's the link with Hubert?
425
00:33:08,251 --> 00:33:11,168
I'll call the castle.
When Hubert was 19,
426
00:33:11,335 --> 00:33:13,543
he posed for the last
family portrait.
427
00:33:13,751 --> 00:33:15,168
A wild-goose chase!
428
00:33:24,251 --> 00:33:26,376
Béatrice Goulard de Montmirail
for Mr. Jacquart.
429
00:33:26,585 --> 00:33:29,043
Hello, Countess. It's Frederick.
430
00:33:29,210 --> 00:33:30,793
Fred, is Jacques-Henri there?
431
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:34,210
One minute. A word of warning:
he's repairing the boiler.
432
00:33:34,418 --> 00:33:35,335
He's on edge.
433
00:33:35,501 --> 00:33:36,210
Jacques-Henri!
434
00:33:37,751 --> 00:33:39,585
Why did you jerk
the lever so violently?
435
00:33:39,751 --> 00:33:40,918
You asked me too.
436
00:33:41,085 --> 00:33:42,418
Spare me.
437
00:33:42,585 --> 00:33:44,918
My stunning vest
is now a filthy rag.
438
00:33:45,085 --> 00:33:46,376
Jacques-Henri!
439
00:33:46,585 --> 00:33:48,418
Why are you shouting?
440
00:33:48,585 --> 00:33:49,710
Béatrice de Montmirail.
441
00:33:49,876 --> 00:33:51,460
What a ball-buster.
442
00:33:51,626 --> 00:33:52,543
Jacquart?
443
00:33:52,710 --> 00:33:53,751
Jacquart?
444
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:54,668
Yes?
445
00:33:54,876 --> 00:33:56,251
Boiler trouble?
446
00:33:56,418 --> 00:33:57,668
The burner is ruined.
447
00:33:57,835 --> 00:33:59,835
Jean-François yanked on the lever.
448
00:34:00,001 --> 00:34:01,168
Oil spurt out.
449
00:34:01,376 --> 00:34:04,293
I was nearly disfigured.
Not to mention my jacket.
450
00:34:05,001 --> 00:34:06,501
No one is of any help.
451
00:34:07,835 --> 00:34:09,001
At least no one died.
452
00:34:09,251 --> 00:34:10,293
Thank God.
453
00:34:10,460 --> 00:34:11,501
I have a problem too.
454
00:34:11,668 --> 00:34:13,001
Can I ask you a favor?
455
00:34:15,001 --> 00:34:18,001
Go upstairs to the Gallery.
In our last family portrait...
456
00:34:18,168 --> 00:34:20,418
there's a Royal Navy cadet.
457
00:34:20,585 --> 00:34:24,293
Second row. The kepi with a feather.
Do you have a Pola?
458
00:34:24,543 --> 00:34:25,126
A what?
459
00:34:25,293 --> 00:34:28,626
A Polaroid, Jacques. The children
threw ours in the toilet.
460
00:34:28,793 --> 00:34:32,085
We have no "Pola". And my name
is Jacques-Henri, not Jacques.
461
00:34:32,251 --> 00:34:36,876
Try to understand, Jacquart:
my cousin is in an insane asylum
462
00:34:37,126 --> 00:34:38,043
by accident.
463
00:34:38,210 --> 00:34:39,668
I can't help your cousin.
464
00:34:39,876 --> 00:34:41,918
We're busy.
465
00:34:42,085 --> 00:34:45,210
The Bernay and Bernay Bank
is here for a seminar.
466
00:34:45,376 --> 00:34:47,626
Edgar Bernay will be
bathing in cold water.
467
00:34:47,793 --> 00:34:51,043
So, even if I had a "Pola",
I wouldn't take your picture.
468
00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:54,460
Okay, I'll hang up.
I'll deal with this myself.
469
00:34:54,626 --> 00:34:55,585
Toodle-oo.
470
00:34:57,501 --> 00:34:58,418
Good riddance.
471
00:35:00,168 --> 00:35:00,835
Sir...
472
00:35:01,043 --> 00:35:01,710
Yes.
473
00:35:01,918 --> 00:35:05,251
The rooms are horribly humid.
Mr. Bernay is sneezing non-stop.
474
00:35:05,418 --> 00:35:08,376
He wanted to relax
after his speech on sponsoring.
475
00:35:08,626 --> 00:35:10,085
So he took a shower.
476
00:35:10,251 --> 00:35:10,918
Ice-cold.
477
00:35:11,126 --> 00:35:12,543
His head is full of shampoo.
478
00:35:12,710 --> 00:35:15,043
If you can't get the hot water back,
479
00:35:15,210 --> 00:35:17,168
we'll have to cut short the seminar.
480
00:35:18,501 --> 00:35:19,960
Does the Instamatic work?
481
00:35:20,210 --> 00:35:22,293
I'm draining Mrs. Pelissier's molar.
482
00:35:22,918 --> 00:35:24,043
It'll be fine.
483
00:35:24,793 --> 00:35:26,876
This is the Montmirail's house.
484
00:35:32,626 --> 00:35:34,501
Take it easy!
485
00:35:36,918 --> 00:35:38,918
They'll bawl us out. Stop!
486
00:35:39,085 --> 00:35:41,210
They'll call the cops
for noise pollution.
487
00:35:41,376 --> 00:35:43,168
Try ringing the bell.
488
00:35:47,585 --> 00:35:50,043
Knock it off!
They'll kick us out!
489
00:35:59,335 --> 00:36:01,918
Jacquart,
why are you dressed like that?
490
00:36:03,501 --> 00:36:04,710
Excuse our excessive chiming,
491
00:36:04,918 --> 00:36:06,293
your Grace...
492
00:36:06,460 --> 00:36:07,418
Lady Frenegonde!
493
00:36:08,543 --> 00:36:10,085
Let me go! You're crazy!
494
00:36:13,001 --> 00:36:14,168
She's my mistress!
495
00:36:14,376 --> 00:36:15,085
What?
496
00:36:15,293 --> 00:36:17,001
Jean-Pierre, come here.
497
00:36:17,168 --> 00:36:19,418
Jacquart is calling me
"Frenegonde" too.
498
00:36:19,585 --> 00:36:21,501
You slept with her?
Don't worry.
499
00:36:22,210 --> 00:36:25,126
He looks weird but he's pals
with Montmirail the stuntman.
500
00:36:25,668 --> 00:36:27,001
Montmirail the stuntman?
501
00:36:27,168 --> 00:36:30,126
You must mean Hubert,
the race car driver.
502
00:36:30,376 --> 00:36:31,418
Stuntman, wrestler...
503
00:36:31,710 --> 00:36:32,626
race car driver...
504
00:36:32,793 --> 00:36:33,710
same diff.
505
00:36:33,918 --> 00:36:35,043
But who are you?
506
00:36:36,043 --> 00:36:39,293
Jacquasse The Crass.
You don't recognizeth me?
507
00:36:39,501 --> 00:36:42,501
No, I don't recognizeth you.
You're Hubert's friend?
508
00:36:42,751 --> 00:36:44,793
Hubert de Montmirail, whatta hunk.
509
00:36:45,001 --> 00:36:46,418
And so considerate...
510
00:36:46,626 --> 00:36:48,626
like you, your Ladyship.
511
00:36:48,793 --> 00:36:50,751
And he gallops
like Kerwin Costnère.
512
00:36:51,585 --> 00:36:54,210
Coward that I am,
I lost track of my Sire
513
00:36:54,376 --> 00:36:55,210
at the inn.
514
00:36:55,376 --> 00:36:56,668
They got in a brawl
515
00:36:56,835 --> 00:36:58,585
at Remi Vautrot's pit stop.
516
00:36:58,751 --> 00:36:59,751
Whip me...
517
00:36:59,960 --> 00:37:01,585
your Ladyship!
518
00:37:03,710 --> 00:37:04,835
What is it?
519
00:37:06,751 --> 00:37:08,501
- Jacquart?
- Thou know'st me?
520
00:37:08,751 --> 00:37:09,460
What?
521
00:37:09,668 --> 00:37:10,793
A Jacquart from hunger.
522
00:37:11,001 --> 00:37:11,835
I'm lost.
523
00:37:12,001 --> 00:37:12,668
Mr. Goulard...
524
00:37:13,126 --> 00:37:14,001
Yes, hello...
525
00:37:14,168 --> 00:37:15,376
He's a friend
526
00:37:15,585 --> 00:37:17,460
of Hubert's. According to her,
527
00:37:17,626 --> 00:37:20,710
Hubert has become
a stuntman and a wrestler.
528
00:37:21,001 --> 00:37:23,418
What horrible teeth!
Let's have a look.
529
00:37:26,626 --> 00:37:28,085
I'm no mule! Zounds!
530
00:37:28,251 --> 00:37:30,501
That ass bit me!
I need a tetanus shot!
531
00:37:30,710 --> 00:37:32,626
He might even have rabies!
532
00:37:32,793 --> 00:37:35,460
It isn't Jacquart.
I did his bridge-work.
533
00:37:35,626 --> 00:37:37,710
Obviously, Jean-Pierre.
534
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:39,835
He proves that Hubert is alive.
535
00:37:40,001 --> 00:37:42,626
We have to get him
out of the hospital.
536
00:37:43,376 --> 00:37:44,293
You banged the Countess?
537
00:37:46,418 --> 00:37:47,168
Bitch.
538
00:37:47,335 --> 00:37:50,668
The bum can't come.
My car isn't Noah's ark.
539
00:37:53,460 --> 00:37:54,335
Open the window.
540
00:37:54,501 --> 00:37:56,376
His body odor is unbearable.
541
00:37:57,960 --> 00:37:59,543
He's very, very green.
542
00:38:01,210 --> 00:38:03,126
Stop the car.
He's going to vomit.
543
00:38:03,293 --> 00:38:04,418
Wait a second!
544
00:38:04,585 --> 00:38:05,585
Hold it in!
545
00:38:08,376 --> 00:38:09,460
It's coming!
546
00:38:15,543 --> 00:38:16,960
He got it all over.
547
00:38:17,251 --> 00:38:19,168
What a pig!
He puked on my shoes!
548
00:38:20,585 --> 00:38:23,835
Your cousin is very violent.
He nearly castrated me.
549
00:38:24,043 --> 00:38:26,251
Castrated clod!
550
00:38:26,585 --> 00:38:27,293
What?
551
00:38:28,001 --> 00:38:29,668
He saved our King's life.
552
00:38:29,835 --> 00:38:30,543
What?
553
00:38:30,793 --> 00:38:31,710
Ah, my youngling.
554
00:38:32,210 --> 00:38:34,001
Why did you abandon me?
555
00:38:35,626 --> 00:38:36,835
Their little red balls
556
00:38:37,001 --> 00:38:37,960
made me sleep.
557
00:38:38,126 --> 00:38:39,876
Master! Master!
558
00:38:40,043 --> 00:38:43,126
Why are you bound?
How much is the ransom?
559
00:38:43,335 --> 00:38:44,626
Silence, peasant!
560
00:38:44,793 --> 00:38:46,876
The "little red balls" are Valium.
561
00:38:47,126 --> 00:38:48,960
50 milligrams. He barely slept.
562
00:38:51,210 --> 00:38:54,251
Apothecary, I demand
to be released immediately.
563
00:38:54,418 --> 00:38:55,543
Calm down.
564
00:38:56,751 --> 00:39:00,835
I am neither sick nor loony.
I come from far, far away.
565
00:39:01,001 --> 00:39:02,043
Yes.
566
00:39:02,251 --> 00:39:05,335
He thinks no one
understands who he is.
567
00:39:05,585 --> 00:39:07,001
Persecution mania.
568
00:39:07,210 --> 00:39:10,918
But it's true. He came from Borneo.
He had an accident during a rally.
569
00:39:11,668 --> 00:39:12,835
Right, cousin Hubert?
570
00:39:13,210 --> 00:39:13,918
Cousin Hubert?
571
00:39:14,126 --> 00:39:15,960
Yes. Hubert de Montmirail.
572
00:39:16,168 --> 00:39:19,126
It's freaky...
he has my father's hands.
573
00:39:20,126 --> 00:39:21,085
You know your name.
574
00:39:22,251 --> 00:39:24,626
He knows nothing.
He's completely amnesiac.
575
00:39:24,835 --> 00:39:26,626
He says he's never watched TV.
576
00:39:26,835 --> 00:39:28,626
Amnesiac? How tragic!
577
00:39:40,335 --> 00:39:42,626
His last remaining memories are
578
00:39:42,793 --> 00:39:44,543
a few facts from History class.
579
00:39:44,751 --> 00:39:45,751
Elementary stuff.
580
00:39:46,126 --> 00:39:48,043
It's often the case with amnesiacs.
581
00:39:49,251 --> 00:39:52,335
He speaks a hodgepodge
of Latin and Old French.
582
00:39:52,751 --> 00:39:54,335
Verbal diarrhea.
583
00:39:54,501 --> 00:39:55,710
Let him go.
584
00:39:56,460 --> 00:39:58,751
- Pawing at him won't help!
- Compose yourself.
585
00:40:00,168 --> 00:40:01,168
Will you free him?
586
00:40:01,543 --> 00:40:04,210
Yes, only because
your husband is a doctor,
587
00:40:04,376 --> 00:40:05,793
and he agrees to take
588
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:06,835
full responsibility.
589
00:40:07,251 --> 00:40:08,751
Another relative of yours?
590
00:40:09,501 --> 00:40:10,710
No, not at all.
591
00:40:10,876 --> 00:40:12,501
An old friend of Hubert's.
592
00:40:12,751 --> 00:40:14,043
I belong to the Count.
593
00:40:15,210 --> 00:40:16,168
Souplette, Sire?
594
00:40:16,335 --> 00:40:19,501
Is he a foreigner?
I don't understand him.
595
00:40:19,668 --> 00:40:22,001
Yes, that must be it.
Come, cousin...
596
00:40:24,918 --> 00:40:28,835
Wait! If you take him,
take his outfit too.
597
00:40:29,168 --> 00:40:32,251
It smells like a billy goat here.
It's repulsive.
598
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:38,710
Here, take the Valium.
599
00:40:38,876 --> 00:40:41,501
If he gets violent,
give him five of them.
600
00:40:41,835 --> 00:40:42,918
Thank you.
601
00:40:45,418 --> 00:40:47,960
Two more lunatics
roaming the streets.
602
00:40:48,585 --> 00:40:49,501
Sit down here.
603
00:40:49,668 --> 00:40:52,001
Take care of him. I'll get the car.
604
00:40:56,126 --> 00:40:57,626
Lady Frenegonde is strange.
605
00:40:57,793 --> 00:41:00,293
She is not Lady Frenegonde.
She's my descendant.
606
00:41:00,793 --> 00:41:03,960
My great great great
great great great granddaughter.
607
00:41:04,501 --> 00:41:06,710
Your great great
great great granddaughter?
608
00:41:07,710 --> 00:41:09,126
How terrible!
609
00:41:09,293 --> 00:41:12,918
My Crass, we're a 1000 years old.
It's a living hell.
610
00:41:15,793 --> 00:41:17,751
We must search the dungeon.
611
00:41:17,918 --> 00:41:20,668
Angueran swore to lock up
the wizard and his Book.
612
00:41:20,835 --> 00:41:24,376
With the book, we can concoct
the potion and go back in Time.
613
00:41:24,835 --> 00:41:27,710
Drink that again? Pugh!
614
00:41:28,710 --> 00:41:30,126
You'd rather stay here?
615
00:41:32,751 --> 00:41:33,418
Oh no!
616
00:41:39,585 --> 00:41:41,085
Is this too fast, Hubert?
617
00:41:41,335 --> 00:41:42,543
Do you feel sick?
618
00:41:42,793 --> 00:41:45,751
Open your eyes, Sire Godefroy.
You'll get used to it.
619
00:41:46,585 --> 00:41:48,501
Why "Godefroy" and not "Hubert"?
620
00:41:48,710 --> 00:41:50,168
Jean-Pierre, he has amnesia.
621
00:41:50,335 --> 00:41:52,126
Godefroy, Henri, Suzy...
622
00:41:52,460 --> 00:41:55,876
Wait. Who has amnesia?
Your cousin or that other skunk?
623
00:41:56,876 --> 00:41:58,210
They both do, Jean-Pierre.
624
00:41:58,376 --> 00:42:00,126
Try being more tolerant.
625
00:42:07,293 --> 00:42:09,293
Their feet reek! It's revolting!
626
00:42:09,460 --> 00:42:11,168
What an insufferable ride!
627
00:42:11,376 --> 00:42:14,210
Please...
I didn't smell anything unusual.
628
00:42:19,043 --> 00:42:20,501
Did the kids behave?
629
00:42:20,668 --> 00:42:22,585
- Yes.
- Okay, toodle-oo!
630
00:42:22,751 --> 00:42:25,585
Zounds! What happened to Nature?
631
00:42:26,168 --> 00:42:28,501
Everything is ugly.
There's no room...
632
00:42:28,668 --> 00:42:30,001
to go hunting.
633
00:42:30,376 --> 00:42:32,793
The air is heavy.
It stinketh!
634
00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:33,960
I'll say!
635
00:42:34,126 --> 00:42:36,460
And it'll be worse
with the new highway.
636
00:42:38,126 --> 00:42:39,460
Good-bye, Dr. Goulard.
637
00:42:39,626 --> 00:42:40,876
Here you go.
638
00:42:41,210 --> 00:42:43,335
It smells gross. Yeeuck!
639
00:42:44,460 --> 00:42:45,710
Like old socks.
640
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:46,918
Could be.
641
00:42:47,085 --> 00:42:48,376
See you tomorrow, Hilda.
642
00:42:51,418 --> 00:42:52,585
Where is my castle?
643
00:42:52,751 --> 00:42:54,293
We left the castle ages ago.
644
00:42:54,501 --> 00:42:55,418
Unfortunately.
645
00:42:55,585 --> 00:42:57,876
Can you imagine the heating bills?
646
00:42:58,043 --> 00:43:00,335
Anyway, Hubert,
make yourself at home here.
647
00:43:00,501 --> 00:43:01,793
I must go to the castle.
648
00:43:02,043 --> 00:43:03,126
Yes! Yes!
649
00:43:03,293 --> 00:43:05,376
That'll be tomorrow's outing!
650
00:43:05,585 --> 00:43:08,376
Count me out.
I'm over-booked already.
651
00:43:08,710 --> 00:43:09,501
Dinnertime!
652
00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:11,960
Yes! Souplette! Good hot souplette!
653
00:43:12,126 --> 00:43:15,335
Yes, Mr... Jacques Kass.
I'll make you some.
654
00:43:19,543 --> 00:43:20,501
He loves soup.
655
00:43:25,418 --> 00:43:27,876
You live in a pitiful dwelling.
656
00:43:28,168 --> 00:43:29,585
'Tis for peasants.
657
00:43:29,751 --> 00:43:31,751
True, our home is simple.
658
00:43:31,918 --> 00:43:35,293
But it's cozy and has lent itself
to some marvelous evenings.
659
00:43:35,460 --> 00:43:36,251
Don't push it.
660
00:43:36,710 --> 00:43:39,001
We weren't counting
on having houseguests.
661
00:43:39,168 --> 00:43:40,626
So go easy on us, Hubert.
662
00:43:40,793 --> 00:43:42,043
You're Cousin Hubert?
663
00:43:42,251 --> 00:43:44,210
O! noble Cousin Hubert!
664
00:43:44,751 --> 00:43:46,668
Now he's calling me Hubert!
665
00:43:47,293 --> 00:43:48,543
They're both crazy!
666
00:43:50,876 --> 00:43:51,585
Listen, peon.
667
00:43:51,793 --> 00:43:53,168
I'm Cousin Hubert.
668
00:43:53,335 --> 00:43:54,585
You, Sire?
669
00:43:54,793 --> 00:43:57,751
I don't want
to go back to the loonies.
670
00:43:57,918 --> 00:43:59,876
Call me "Cousin Hubert"...
671
00:44:00,043 --> 00:44:02,168
and never "Sire". Understand?
672
00:44:02,668 --> 00:44:03,376
Yes, Sire.
673
00:44:05,501 --> 00:44:08,293
Stop that, or I'll give you
the little red balls.
674
00:44:11,460 --> 00:44:13,043
Leg of lamb, my Sire!
675
00:44:13,251 --> 00:44:14,418
Why "my Sire" now?
676
00:44:14,585 --> 00:44:17,168
I don't know, Jean-Pierre.
I just don't know.
677
00:44:19,168 --> 00:44:20,543
Mr... Kass,
that's for tomorrow.
678
00:44:20,710 --> 00:44:23,293
Tonight is cold roast beef
and a salad...
679
00:44:23,460 --> 00:44:24,835
and a Cup-a-Soup for you.
680
00:44:25,001 --> 00:44:27,668
If you're still hungry,
you can have some left-overs.
681
00:44:27,835 --> 00:44:29,585
Then a shower and off to bed.
682
00:44:29,751 --> 00:44:31,460
Maybe they can start
with the shower.
683
00:44:31,626 --> 00:44:32,918
After such a trying clay...
684
00:44:33,085 --> 00:44:34,543
they'll want to wash up.
685
00:44:34,751 --> 00:44:35,585
No servants?
686
00:44:37,293 --> 00:44:39,293
Come wash your hands.
687
00:45:24,835 --> 00:45:25,835
Béa, come look.
688
00:45:26,001 --> 00:45:26,710
What is it?
689
00:45:26,918 --> 00:45:27,876
Come look!
690
00:45:28,043 --> 00:45:29,293
What?
691
00:45:31,543 --> 00:45:33,751
Cousin Hubert, what are you doing?
692
00:45:33,918 --> 00:45:35,793
Can amnesia be this serious?
693
00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:37,460
They're boors!
694
00:45:37,668 --> 00:45:39,085
Swimming in the toilet!
695
00:45:40,710 --> 00:45:41,460
Water.
696
00:45:42,668 --> 00:45:43,335
Soap.
697
00:45:43,710 --> 00:45:45,126
Hot.
698
00:45:45,293 --> 00:45:47,085
Cold. Okay?
699
00:45:47,418 --> 00:45:49,085
Thank you, gentle Lady.
700
00:45:50,376 --> 00:45:51,918
Gentle lady...
701
00:45:54,835 --> 00:45:55,835
Sire Godefroy.
702
00:45:57,376 --> 00:45:59,085
Cousin Hubert!
703
00:45:59,251 --> 00:46:01,251
Lady Frenegonde is
1000 years old too?
704
00:46:01,876 --> 00:46:03,960
She's not Lady Frenegonde.
705
00:46:04,126 --> 00:46:05,543
She's Lady Béatrice.
706
00:46:05,710 --> 00:46:07,960
How often must I tell you?
707
00:46:08,918 --> 00:46:10,418
Lady Béatrice.
708
00:46:12,043 --> 00:46:13,585
The descendant.
709
00:46:17,710 --> 00:46:19,668
Jean-Pierre, set the table.
710
00:46:19,835 --> 00:46:20,668
The nice plates
711
00:46:20,835 --> 00:46:21,751
or the normal ones?
712
00:46:21,918 --> 00:46:23,751
Jean-Pierre, use mother's service.
713
00:46:23,918 --> 00:46:24,585
Ridiculous.
714
00:46:27,293 --> 00:46:29,251
Here. Help me, you two.
715
00:46:36,001 --> 00:46:38,126
You stupid idiots!
716
00:46:38,335 --> 00:46:41,460
Béa, they're retarded!
They can't even set a table!
717
00:46:44,918 --> 00:46:45,585
Hello!
718
00:46:46,210 --> 00:46:48,793
Don't scream.
It's Jacquart. I'm not deaf.
719
00:46:49,168 --> 00:46:52,210
I'm sorry, Jacques-Henri.
Béa has some family over.
720
00:46:52,793 --> 00:46:53,918
It's not easy.
721
00:46:54,126 --> 00:46:56,835
Sorry to bother you.
I'm here with President Bernay
722
00:46:57,126 --> 00:46:59,168
the younger of the two
banking brothers.
723
00:46:59,335 --> 00:47:00,001
A charming man.
724
00:47:00,751 --> 00:47:03,876
Unfortunately,
he has a festering abscess.
725
00:47:04,043 --> 00:47:06,085
Due to the humidity in your hotel,
726
00:47:06,251 --> 00:47:08,418
or your "Royal Raspberry" sherbet.
727
00:47:08,835 --> 00:47:10,460
His face is all bloated.
728
00:47:19,960 --> 00:47:22,418
I'll see your friend Bernie
tomorrow at 8:00.
729
00:47:22,668 --> 00:47:24,751
It's Bernay, not Bernie.
730
00:47:27,376 --> 00:47:28,460
Lady-love...
731
00:47:28,626 --> 00:47:30,918
your skin is as soft as a rose petal.
732
00:47:33,460 --> 00:47:34,126
Hubert!
733
00:47:39,376 --> 00:47:40,918
How exciting to touch you...
734
00:47:41,126 --> 00:47:42,251
to lay beside you.
735
00:47:42,585 --> 00:47:44,376
Who does he want to lay?
736
00:47:49,418 --> 00:47:52,460
Jean-Pierre, you're totally on time.
Let's clean up.
737
00:47:53,543 --> 00:47:54,918
What were you up to?
738
00:47:55,251 --> 00:47:56,501
You're kissing cousins!
739
00:47:56,668 --> 00:47:57,876
- Not at all!
- Sorry!
740
00:48:21,126 --> 00:48:22,043
He'll take him.
741
00:48:22,251 --> 00:48:23,293
He's too bad off.
742
00:48:23,751 --> 00:48:24,668
Hello?
743
00:48:24,835 --> 00:48:26,001
What the shit?
744
00:48:26,793 --> 00:48:27,460
Shit.
745
00:48:27,835 --> 00:48:30,168
Hello, Jean-Pierre?
Is that Jean-Pierre?
746
00:48:34,418 --> 00:48:35,251
What the hell?
747
00:48:37,376 --> 00:48:38,626
You were sweethearts.
748
00:48:38,835 --> 00:48:41,251
Not at all. He was much older!
749
00:48:41,501 --> 00:48:43,626
You won't admit you were flirting.
750
00:48:43,835 --> 00:48:47,835
Jean-Pierre, control yourself! What
you're saying is totally offensive.
751
00:48:48,251 --> 00:48:49,793
Is this my castle?
752
00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:50,668
Yes it is.
753
00:48:50,918 --> 00:48:53,043
Where's my watch-tower? My moat?
754
00:48:53,251 --> 00:48:54,626
My draw-bridge?
755
00:48:55,001 --> 00:48:57,126
Is my dungeon intact?
756
00:48:57,460 --> 00:48:59,793
He doesn't even recognize
your castle.
757
00:48:59,960 --> 00:49:02,585
Hub, it was rebuilt
after the Revolution.
758
00:49:02,751 --> 00:49:03,460
The what?
759
00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:05,001
Christ Almighty.
760
00:49:05,501 --> 00:49:07,918
I must go in my dungeon.
761
00:49:08,668 --> 00:49:10,960
Relax. You're hysterical, Hub.
762
00:49:11,168 --> 00:49:13,876
We'll go tomorrow.
But the dungeon is a legend.
763
00:49:14,043 --> 00:49:16,418
Father always thought one existed...
764
00:49:16,585 --> 00:49:18,460
but we never found it.
765
00:49:25,376 --> 00:49:27,251
It's like someone imitating a dog.
766
00:49:28,168 --> 00:49:29,918
Listen. It's strange.
767
00:49:35,626 --> 00:49:37,001
I don't hear a thing.
768
00:49:37,168 --> 00:49:37,835
President Bernay.
769
00:49:46,085 --> 00:49:47,793
Now he's gone too far!
770
00:49:47,960 --> 00:49:50,460
He better not have woken
Florian and Ondine.
771
00:49:52,876 --> 00:49:56,335
No! Béa! He burnt
your umbrell-Ahhhhh!
772
00:49:57,251 --> 00:49:58,085
Umbrella.
773
00:49:58,460 --> 00:49:59,710
In the hole.
774
00:50:00,126 --> 00:50:01,251
These eardrops sting .
775
00:50:01,460 --> 00:50:03,335
The dog never complained.
776
00:50:04,085 --> 00:50:06,668
If President Bernay has lost...
777
00:50:06,835 --> 00:50:09,418
just one percent of his hearing,
778
00:50:09,876 --> 00:50:12,251
we'll sue the pants off you.
779
00:50:12,835 --> 00:50:14,126
I've gone deaf.
780
00:50:14,835 --> 00:50:18,251
I'm a little confused...
You're a race car driver?
781
00:50:19,251 --> 00:50:21,668
A boxer? A stuntman?
782
00:50:22,085 --> 00:50:23,168
A movie actor?
783
00:50:25,585 --> 00:50:27,501
Who's the star of the movie?
784
00:50:27,835 --> 00:50:29,710
Do I know him? And the director?
785
00:50:31,376 --> 00:50:34,376
Stop the interrogation.
You're exhausting them.
786
00:50:34,543 --> 00:50:36,168
Can't we talk?
787
00:50:36,501 --> 00:50:37,418
Am I boring you?
788
00:50:38,085 --> 00:50:38,918
Ay, indeed.
789
00:50:39,210 --> 00:50:40,043
Charming.
790
00:50:40,210 --> 00:50:41,001
You see.
791
00:50:41,835 --> 00:50:43,085
Will this last long?
792
00:50:43,293 --> 00:50:44,293
Day...
793
00:50:44,460 --> 00:50:45,376
Night...
794
00:50:51,376 --> 00:50:54,335
Please, Mr. Kass,
that's becoming rather grating.
795
00:50:54,710 --> 00:50:57,210
Can't he join us?
It's embarrassing.
796
00:50:57,376 --> 00:50:59,210
He ne'er eats amid nobility.
797
00:50:59,460 --> 00:51:01,793
He is happy to munch our left-o'ers.
798
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:02,918
Here, boy.
799
00:51:03,293 --> 00:51:04,876
Thank you, Sire Hubert!
800
00:51:05,043 --> 00:51:07,501
He's mashing potatoes into the rug!
801
00:51:07,710 --> 00:51:09,543
Enough! Come sit here.
802
00:51:09,710 --> 00:51:12,043
That would upset him,
right Jacquasse?
803
00:51:12,210 --> 00:51:13,585
You want to sit here?
804
00:51:13,751 --> 00:51:15,626
No, Sire Hubert.
805
00:51:15,793 --> 00:51:18,251
In my house, we all eat together.
806
00:51:18,460 --> 00:51:20,043
Nay! Nay!
807
00:51:20,210 --> 00:51:21,293
Obey, peasant.
808
00:51:21,501 --> 00:51:22,751
Your host insists.
809
00:51:22,918 --> 00:51:24,043
It'll be cozier.
810
00:51:26,585 --> 00:51:27,418
There.
811
00:51:29,793 --> 00:51:31,668
My sweet and pretty youngling...
812
00:51:32,126 --> 00:51:33,418
Yes, dear cousin?
813
00:51:33,585 --> 00:51:35,376
If you live in this poor abode,
814
00:51:35,585 --> 00:51:37,001
who owns our castle?
815
00:51:38,085 --> 00:51:40,001
Jacques-Henri Jacquart. He's...
816
00:51:40,710 --> 00:51:42,876
rather nouveau riche
and a bit affected.
817
00:51:43,085 --> 00:51:47,501
- His family farmed our land.
- A peasant owns our castle?
818
00:51:48,626 --> 00:51:50,501
- A peasant!
- What peasant?
819
00:51:50,918 --> 00:51:52,418
Please! Jean-Pierre is a peasant too.
820
00:51:52,585 --> 00:51:54,335
And he's a good husband.
821
00:51:54,543 --> 00:51:55,710
He's a peasant? Pugh!
822
00:51:59,960 --> 00:52:00,876
I lost my appetite.
823
00:52:01,751 --> 00:52:03,085
This is too much!
824
00:52:03,293 --> 00:52:04,960
I feel like throwing up.
825
00:52:05,126 --> 00:52:06,085
Did you hear that?
826
00:52:07,335 --> 00:52:08,168
Hear what?
827
00:52:09,543 --> 00:52:13,043
Now he's spitting on me.
Or didn't you notice?
828
00:52:13,585 --> 00:52:14,418
Excuse the oaf.
829
00:52:14,585 --> 00:52:17,876
He is saddened to hear
that a peasant owns my castle.
830
00:52:18,085 --> 00:52:18,793
But Why?
831
00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:20,710
My sweet, radiant youngling...
832
00:52:20,918 --> 00:52:23,085
I shall right this horrible wrong.
833
00:52:23,585 --> 00:52:26,918
Jacquart shall render the castle
in exchange for crowns.
834
00:52:27,168 --> 00:52:29,085
If he refuses,
I'll disembowel him.
835
00:52:29,251 --> 00:52:33,626
We'll rip off his stalk
Like we did the Duke of York
836
00:52:34,376 --> 00:52:37,793
We hacked him up
Amid his shrieks and howls.
837
00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:39,835
We hung him up...
838
00:52:40,168 --> 00:52:42,876
alongside his bloody bowels.
839
00:52:46,585 --> 00:52:48,210
Bring in the hens.
I'm starved.
840
00:52:48,376 --> 00:52:49,210
Hang who?
841
00:52:49,418 --> 00:52:50,168
Jacquart the Peasant.
842
00:52:50,376 --> 00:52:51,835
Bring the roasted lamb...
843
00:52:52,001 --> 00:52:53,710
the sausage and the beans...
844
00:52:53,918 --> 00:52:54,918
the venison...
845
00:52:55,751 --> 00:52:58,376
Let us feast
to forget this injustice!
846
00:52:58,626 --> 00:53:00,710
Bring in kidney beans and kidneys.
847
00:53:00,918 --> 00:53:02,918
A piglet and a roasted goat.
848
00:53:03,085 --> 00:53:05,376
Well-peppered white swans.
849
00:53:05,543 --> 00:53:07,460
Your whets have given me appetite.
850
00:53:07,626 --> 00:53:09,251
You just stuffed your faces!
851
00:53:10,210 --> 00:53:11,418
What's this puddle?
852
00:53:12,835 --> 00:53:14,751
The room is totally flooded!
853
00:53:16,293 --> 00:53:18,501
What happened?
854
00:53:21,585 --> 00:53:24,460
They didn't turn off the water!
They're deranged!
855
00:53:24,626 --> 00:53:26,501
They can't shut off the tap!
856
00:53:26,710 --> 00:53:28,501
Send them to the nut house!
857
00:53:28,668 --> 00:53:29,835
Jacquasse, spongeth!
858
00:53:30,043 --> 00:53:30,710
Yes, Sire!
859
00:53:34,918 --> 00:53:35,585
Who is that?
860
00:53:38,626 --> 00:53:42,210
Mr. Kass! Not with your poncho!
I'll get some rags.
861
00:53:42,543 --> 00:53:43,501
What is it now?
862
00:53:43,710 --> 00:53:46,585
Sorry to pop in,
but President Bernay can't cope.
863
00:53:46,751 --> 00:53:47,710
God knows how,
864
00:53:47,876 --> 00:53:51,835
when Edgar took the phone,
a foghorn sounded in his ear.
865
00:53:52,001 --> 00:53:53,001
I'm not an ENT.
866
00:53:53,210 --> 00:53:55,585
But it aggravated his toothache.
867
00:53:55,751 --> 00:53:56,751
Irts trrowwwing.
868
00:53:56,918 --> 00:53:58,001
It's throbbing.
869
00:53:58,168 --> 00:53:59,293
Open your mouth.
870
00:53:59,918 --> 00:54:01,835
How repulsive!
Wait here.
871
00:54:02,376 --> 00:54:04,251
I'm going to fix
Bernaise's tooth.
872
00:54:04,418 --> 00:54:06,251
It's Bernay. Edgar Bernay.
873
00:54:06,418 --> 00:54:08,710
His abscess is incredibly ugly.
874
00:54:09,001 --> 00:54:10,793
We'll be in my office.
875
00:54:11,335 --> 00:54:14,251
Come on, come on! Everyone join in.
876
00:54:16,585 --> 00:54:20,126
Can raspberry sherbet cause
this type of infection?
877
00:54:20,501 --> 00:54:21,543
No idea.
878
00:54:22,168 --> 00:54:25,210
Bad timing, Jacquart.
We're in the middle of a flood.
879
00:54:25,418 --> 00:54:28,418
Did the sewer back up?
It smells god-awful.
880
00:54:28,585 --> 00:54:31,293
Be totally careful
not to knock the bucket over.
881
00:54:31,543 --> 00:54:33,626
Empty the bucket
and sponge hardily.
882
00:54:33,793 --> 00:54:35,751
Ay! Take this rag.
883
00:54:35,918 --> 00:54:39,126
He threw a filthy mop
on my linen jacket!
884
00:54:39,293 --> 00:54:42,085
Mr. Kass, be careful with
Mr. Jacquart's linen jacket.
885
00:54:43,626 --> 00:54:46,751
Mr. Jacquart, meet my cousin
Hubert, long-considered dead.
886
00:54:47,001 --> 00:54:47,960
My pleasure.
887
00:54:48,168 --> 00:54:49,960
My jacket is stained now.
888
00:54:50,168 --> 00:54:51,626
A Hartwood original.
889
00:54:56,335 --> 00:55:00,043
You're a less-bloated
look-alike of your ancestor,
890
00:55:00,210 --> 00:55:02,751
Godefroy the Hardy.
I have his portrait in the castle.
891
00:55:02,918 --> 00:55:04,001
Ay, 'tis I.
892
00:55:08,668 --> 00:55:10,126
Do I have a pimple?
893
00:55:10,793 --> 00:55:13,376
That nose... those slimy eyes.
894
00:55:13,918 --> 00:55:15,918
You're The Crass's descendant.
895
00:55:16,085 --> 00:55:16,960
The Crass? Please...
896
00:55:17,335 --> 00:55:19,335
What a disgrace!
897
00:55:19,501 --> 00:55:21,335
Here, boy. Start a-mopping.
898
00:55:21,543 --> 00:55:22,543
Mr. Kass...
899
00:55:22,710 --> 00:55:25,126
leave Mr. Jacquart be.
It's not his flood.
900
00:55:27,335 --> 00:55:29,168
- Mr. Who?
- Jacquasse.
901
00:55:29,418 --> 00:55:31,501
What an ugly face!
902
00:55:32,501 --> 00:55:35,460
Your Jacquart is a traitor.
His real name is Jacquasse.
903
00:55:35,668 --> 00:55:37,751
I always knew Jacquart as Jacquart.
904
00:55:43,418 --> 00:55:45,876
Unless he changed his name
to be more chic.
905
00:55:53,585 --> 00:55:57,293
Jacques-Henri, how long have
you had the name "Jacquart"?
906
00:55:57,751 --> 00:55:58,460
Why?
907
00:55:58,793 --> 00:56:03,293
Because you're
the spitting image of Mr. Kass...
908
00:56:03,501 --> 00:56:05,126
and your names are similar.
909
00:56:05,293 --> 00:56:08,376
I have nothing in common
with this gentleman.
910
00:56:08,543 --> 00:56:10,501
Just look at him.
911
00:56:15,001 --> 00:56:16,793
No relationship at all.
912
00:56:18,293 --> 00:56:21,210
I can't find my pouch
in this unholy mess.
913
00:56:21,460 --> 00:56:24,668
Dr. Goulard is a genius.
The abscess is... Oh my!...
914
00:56:24,835 --> 00:56:27,418
drained.
The President is back in form.
915
00:56:28,668 --> 00:56:30,085
Mr. Jacquart, is this...
916
00:56:30,293 --> 00:56:32,126
- your brother?
- He's not my brother!
917
00:56:32,376 --> 00:56:33,335
I'm Jacquasse The Crass.
918
00:56:33,543 --> 00:56:35,251
Sorry, but it's getting late.
919
00:56:35,710 --> 00:56:37,793
I understand. Let's go.
920
00:56:38,335 --> 00:56:39,376
Thank you.
921
00:56:40,043 --> 00:56:40,835
One minute, jester.
922
00:56:42,335 --> 00:56:44,835
Let's make a deal.
I'll buy back the castle.
923
00:56:48,918 --> 00:56:49,751
Take this, peasant.
924
00:56:50,418 --> 00:56:51,418
A down payment.
925
00:56:51,585 --> 00:56:54,918
Jacquart, take care of this.
We'll be in the car.
926
00:56:56,001 --> 00:56:56,918
I'm coming.
927
00:56:57,251 --> 00:56:59,001
My castle is not for sale,
928
00:56:59,168 --> 00:57:00,251
I own it, Count.
929
00:57:00,418 --> 00:57:01,543
Old gold coins?
930
00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:04,168
I have 5 chests full,
and 10 of jewels.
931
00:57:04,335 --> 00:57:06,918
This upstart peasant
can't stop me from buying it.
932
00:57:07,085 --> 00:57:09,751
He's got nerve!
This is a fucking democracy.
933
00:57:10,460 --> 00:57:11,335
What's "fucking"?
934
00:57:12,335 --> 00:57:15,585
Jacquart, you've gone overboard.
That was vulgar.
935
00:57:15,751 --> 00:57:19,543
What nerve! I take care
of your Mr. Barbie for a modest fee,
936
00:57:19,710 --> 00:57:23,293
and you humiliate our houseguest.
Apologize!
937
00:57:23,460 --> 00:57:25,960
Who does the hygienist think she is?
938
00:57:28,126 --> 00:57:30,918
Shameless liar!
If you're proud of your family,
939
00:57:31,085 --> 00:57:32,793
why change your name?
940
00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:34,751
What is the heinous secret?
941
00:57:34,918 --> 00:57:39,001
An ogre? A witch? A child-slayer?
942
00:57:39,210 --> 00:57:41,085
Hands off, Nazi!
943
00:57:41,251 --> 00:57:44,585
If he can't understand why Jacquart
sounds better than Jacquasse,
944
00:57:44,793 --> 00:57:46,626
he should see a shrink.
945
00:57:48,043 --> 00:57:50,876
I don't get it.
You're Jacquart's brother?
946
00:57:51,835 --> 00:57:52,918
His brother?
947
00:57:54,251 --> 00:57:54,960
Were you serious
948
00:57:55,168 --> 00:57:56,710
about buying back the castle?
949
00:57:56,960 --> 00:57:58,585
A gift for you, my youngling.
950
00:57:59,460 --> 00:58:00,376
I'm tired.
951
00:58:00,543 --> 00:58:01,918
That's right. Bedtime!
952
00:58:03,293 --> 00:58:05,085
How about some herbal tea, Hub?
953
00:58:07,043 --> 00:58:08,376
Amnesia...
954
00:58:09,293 --> 00:58:10,668
Cousin Hubert.
955
00:58:10,876 --> 00:58:13,668
The new Sire of the castle
is a Jacquasse?
956
00:58:14,251 --> 00:58:18,585
My God, how can that be?
Peasants have become Sires.
957
00:58:19,460 --> 00:58:20,585
Let us pray.
958
00:58:27,168 --> 00:58:28,543
Jacquasse!
959
00:58:44,585 --> 00:58:45,293
Béatrice!
960
00:58:45,876 --> 00:58:47,585
They're praying now!
961
00:58:53,835 --> 00:58:55,543
Don't scream. Let them pray.
962
00:58:55,876 --> 00:58:56,626
Mommy...
963
00:58:56,793 --> 00:58:59,001
There are bums in the living room.
964
00:58:59,210 --> 00:59:00,835
Now they've woken the kids.
965
00:59:03,085 --> 00:59:04,376
The lineage!
966
00:59:13,918 --> 00:59:16,168
Your brother is
the Count of Montmirail's valet?
967
00:59:16,376 --> 00:59:17,210
I have no brother!
968
00:59:17,876 --> 00:59:18,668
Older or younger?
969
00:59:18,876 --> 00:59:20,668
We're not brothers!
970
00:59:20,835 --> 00:59:21,626
I'm an only son.
971
00:59:21,793 --> 00:59:23,710
We don't have the same name!
972
00:59:24,251 --> 00:59:25,585
He smells awful.
973
00:59:26,001 --> 00:59:28,460
Still, it was smart
to change your name.
974
00:59:28,626 --> 00:59:31,085
I once had a friend
named François Twat.
975
00:59:31,251 --> 00:59:33,710
He changed it to Watt.
It changed his life.
976
00:59:33,918 --> 00:59:36,210
Jacquasse is just too much!
977
00:59:36,376 --> 00:59:37,293
I'll say.
978
00:59:37,543 --> 00:59:40,918
Sorry, my name is not
Jacques Asse, but Jacquart.
979
00:59:41,251 --> 00:59:43,168
They're ugly.
They stink. Gross!
980
00:59:43,335 --> 00:59:45,126
Cousin Hubert is not a burglar.
981
00:59:45,293 --> 00:59:47,585
His friend is not a smelly witch.
982
00:59:48,043 --> 00:59:51,418
Cousin Hubert and Mr. Kass,
let the children see you.
983
00:59:51,960 --> 00:59:53,585
Nighty night, kidlings.
984
00:59:58,918 --> 01:00:01,626
Don't stand there!
You'll scare them to death!
985
01:00:04,668 --> 01:00:06,085
You scared them, Jean-Pierre.
986
01:00:06,293 --> 01:00:07,126
Come on.
987
01:00:07,460 --> 01:00:09,835
Lather up well. Especially your feet.
988
01:00:10,543 --> 01:00:13,585
Soap and bath salt.
Help yourself... please.
989
01:00:14,335 --> 01:00:15,335
I'll leave you.
990
01:00:16,293 --> 01:00:18,335
- What's wrong with our feet?
- I don't know.
991
01:00:18,501 --> 01:00:20,543
Another peasant ruse, no doubt.
992
01:00:21,501 --> 01:00:22,751
It boil'st.
993
01:00:25,210 --> 01:00:26,210
The ointments.
994
01:00:55,793 --> 01:00:57,335
Jacquasse, scrub me.
995
01:00:58,043 --> 01:00:58,835
Strange brush.
996
01:00:59,668 --> 01:01:00,626
It'll do fine.
997
01:01:04,626 --> 01:01:05,668
How is it going?
998
01:01:06,460 --> 01:01:08,293
I have finished my ablutions.
999
01:01:09,751 --> 01:01:10,876
Your turn.
1000
01:01:11,085 --> 01:01:12,960
Nay, Sire. I bathed last month
1001
01:01:13,168 --> 01:01:14,376
in the river.
1002
01:01:15,043 --> 01:01:16,960
I said it's your turn.
1003
01:01:17,126 --> 01:01:17,918
It boil'st!
1004
01:01:18,210 --> 01:01:19,710
What are they up to?
1005
01:01:19,876 --> 01:01:21,376
Why the uproar?
1006
01:01:22,251 --> 01:01:24,293
My Jacquasse is a-scrubbing.
1007
01:01:24,585 --> 01:01:26,835
I'll dry off in the chimney corner.
1008
01:01:32,460 --> 01:01:35,168
The entire bottle!
6000 francs down the drain!
1009
01:01:36,001 --> 01:01:37,668
Don't pull the plug!
1010
01:01:38,043 --> 01:01:40,918
I shall miss thee, lady-love
1011
01:01:42,001 --> 01:01:47,293
Whilst I fight in the Crusades
1012
01:01:48,210 --> 01:01:52,835
Leaving you behind, turtle-dove
1013
01:01:54,293 --> 01:02:00,043
Darkens my heart, 'fore I fight
1014
01:02:02,751 --> 01:02:05,668
I can't stand it any more.
1015
01:02:06,001 --> 01:02:06,960
Take a Valium.
1016
01:02:09,168 --> 01:02:10,043
Sire,
1017
01:02:11,043 --> 01:02:13,501
Jacquart...
Is he my great great grandson?
1018
01:02:14,251 --> 01:02:15,126
Yes, my Jacquasse.
1019
01:02:15,710 --> 01:02:16,918
Poor you.
1020
01:02:17,085 --> 01:02:18,168
Let's sleep.
1021
01:02:20,918 --> 01:02:22,793
It's mushy like porridge.
1022
01:02:31,751 --> 01:02:32,710
What now?
1023
01:02:32,918 --> 01:02:36,793
Béatrice, tell me about the kingdom
since Louis the Fat.
1024
01:02:37,460 --> 01:02:39,460
Now?
Are you kidding?
1025
01:02:39,626 --> 01:02:40,460
Jean-Pierre!
1026
01:02:43,918 --> 01:02:46,460
This is an evil book.
I like it not.
1027
01:02:46,626 --> 01:02:48,626
It's the encyclopedia.
It has everything.
1028
01:02:49,001 --> 01:02:52,293
Nothing on Godefroy de Montmirail,
when he saved our King,
1029
01:02:52,460 --> 01:02:54,043
during the Battle of Monthlery?
1030
01:02:54,210 --> 01:02:55,835
Not a word.
1031
01:02:56,001 --> 01:02:56,668
Really?
1032
01:02:56,876 --> 01:02:59,835
But his courage is renown
from Poitou to Savoie.
1033
01:03:00,043 --> 01:03:02,751
Godefroy the Hardy,
Louis the Fat... no one cares.
1034
01:03:03,626 --> 01:03:06,376
Our most famous family member
is Gonzague de Montmirail.
1035
01:03:06,585 --> 01:03:08,710
Born in 1754. Remember?
1036
01:03:08,876 --> 01:03:09,585
No.
1037
01:03:09,751 --> 01:03:12,126
He fought the Revolution
against the rich,
1038
01:03:12,835 --> 01:03:15,210
so they'd share their land
with the peasants.
1039
01:03:15,376 --> 01:03:16,126
What?
1040
01:03:16,293 --> 01:03:19,126
He helped create
the Republic with La Fayette.
1041
01:03:19,335 --> 01:03:21,793
But he wasn't rewarded
for his courage.
1042
01:03:21,960 --> 01:03:23,751
Robespierre had him decapitated.
1043
01:03:25,168 --> 01:03:26,876
A fine man, this Robespierre.
1044
01:03:27,835 --> 01:03:29,293
Why do you say that?
1045
01:03:32,085 --> 01:03:33,751
Why is Mr. Kass spying on us?
1046
01:03:33,960 --> 01:03:35,251
What infamy, my Jacquasse.
1047
01:03:35,418 --> 01:03:39,668
Peasants no longer pay taxes.
No more tallage, nor tithers.
1048
01:03:40,626 --> 01:03:43,043
How unfair.
We must return home.
1049
01:03:44,835 --> 01:03:46,585
What's that on your finger?
1050
01:03:47,918 --> 01:03:49,168
It's my seal.
1051
01:03:49,710 --> 01:03:50,793
Your seal?
1052
01:03:51,335 --> 01:03:54,085
It's The Hardy Ring!
You stole it from the castle?
1053
01:03:54,626 --> 01:03:58,293
Call the police. Or Jacquart
may think we're accomplices.
1054
01:03:58,460 --> 01:04:00,918
Spare me. I'll return the ring.
1055
01:04:01,085 --> 01:04:04,335
Jacquart will understand
that Hubert is mentally ill.
1056
01:04:05,126 --> 01:04:08,126
Mentally ill.
Lock him up,
1057
01:04:08,293 --> 01:04:09,751
if he's mentally ill!
1058
01:04:10,835 --> 01:04:11,501
Where is Mr. Kass?
1059
01:04:11,960 --> 01:04:12,626
Out there.
1060
01:04:13,710 --> 01:04:15,960
What ripe apples, fair Ginette!
1061
01:04:16,126 --> 01:04:19,418
Come on, no feelies, stud.
1062
01:04:19,626 --> 01:04:23,126
See 'ya. My groupies
are getting impatient.
1063
01:04:24,043 --> 01:04:26,001
Here I come, fans.
1064
01:04:28,918 --> 01:04:30,001
Come on, Mr. Kass.
1065
01:04:46,793 --> 01:04:49,751
Ladies and Gents... for the artiste.
1066
01:04:49,918 --> 01:04:51,793
Ladies and Gents...
1067
01:04:56,960 --> 01:04:58,585
This is incredible!
1068
01:04:58,751 --> 01:05:02,085
A minute ago it was gorgeous.
Now it's raining cats and clogs.
1069
01:05:02,710 --> 01:05:05,335
I am angered that
you think me a bandit.
1070
01:05:05,501 --> 01:05:07,793
I never said "bandit".
Don't exaggerate.
1071
01:05:08,001 --> 01:05:11,126
This ring is mine. A silversmith
made it for me in Flanders.
1072
01:05:11,293 --> 01:05:12,418
It cost me 100 ducats.
1073
01:05:12,585 --> 01:05:14,168
That's impossible, Hub.
1074
01:05:14,335 --> 01:05:17,085
Father sold that ring
with the castle.
1075
01:05:17,251 --> 01:05:18,835
It can't be here and there!
1076
01:05:25,668 --> 01:05:29,085
President Bernay cannot give
his speech in that ruckus.
1077
01:05:29,293 --> 01:05:32,418
There's an old ring
sizzling in a glass case.
1078
01:05:32,626 --> 01:05:35,251
An old ring sizzling in a case?
What next?
1079
01:05:38,210 --> 01:05:41,668
Look! How can we concentrate
on the prospecting?
1080
01:05:41,835 --> 01:05:43,210
It's the Hardy Ring!
1081
01:05:46,376 --> 01:05:49,418
Don't just stand there!
Get a fire extinguisher!
1082
01:05:58,751 --> 01:06:00,001
Make way!
1083
01:06:02,210 --> 01:06:04,001
Open the case!
1084
01:06:06,001 --> 01:06:07,460
It's burning!
1085
01:06:10,751 --> 01:06:12,001
It's broken.
1086
01:06:12,168 --> 01:06:13,210
What an ass!
1087
01:06:14,210 --> 01:06:16,418
What an ass! I'm blind!
1088
01:06:21,043 --> 01:06:21,876
Hold this.
1089
01:06:24,085 --> 01:06:25,085
This is crazy!
1090
01:06:25,293 --> 01:06:28,251
It's pitch black outside!
This is unreal!
1091
01:06:31,626 --> 01:06:33,585
It's hailing now.
1092
01:06:33,793 --> 01:06:36,210
Cheer up, Hub.
We'll return the Hardy Ring.
1093
01:06:36,418 --> 01:06:37,835
All will be forgotten.
1094
01:06:38,001 --> 01:06:39,751
He's The Hardy!
1095
01:06:40,418 --> 01:06:43,918
Mr. Kass, sit back. Did you eat
old goat cheese for breakfast?
1096
01:06:45,043 --> 01:06:47,501
Sorry to be blunt,
but I can't open the window.
1097
01:06:47,710 --> 01:06:49,460
Stay back there, please.
1098
01:06:50,543 --> 01:06:52,835
The closer we get,
the darker it gets.
1099
01:06:55,376 --> 01:06:57,085
It works. Easy as pie.
1100
01:06:57,251 --> 01:06:59,210
He's a stupid ass.
1101
01:07:01,376 --> 01:07:02,418
Go ahead.
1102
01:07:02,960 --> 01:07:05,460
This extinguisher
wouldn't put out a match.
1103
01:07:07,460 --> 01:07:09,293
Get out of here, honey!
1104
01:07:10,418 --> 01:07:11,085
It's going to explode!
1105
01:07:12,418 --> 01:07:13,876
What now?
1106
01:07:14,085 --> 01:07:16,043
You have ants in your pants?
1107
01:07:16,293 --> 01:07:18,918
The ring is a-fire!
It's devil work!
1108
01:07:22,626 --> 01:07:24,585
It fell under the seat.
1109
01:07:28,876 --> 01:07:30,335
Stop the chariot, girl!
1110
01:07:38,918 --> 01:07:40,793
Help! Call the Fire Department.
1111
01:07:41,001 --> 01:07:44,918
Perfect timing, Jacquart. Hubert
has the Hardy ring, God knows how.
1112
01:07:45,126 --> 01:07:46,376
He brought it back.
1113
01:07:46,585 --> 01:07:49,210
The Hardy ring is here!
It's on fire!
1114
01:07:50,168 --> 01:07:51,668
My seal's a-fire!
1115
01:07:56,376 --> 01:07:59,085
How can it be up there?
It's down here.
1116
01:07:59,293 --> 01:08:00,668
Leave me alone!
1117
01:08:00,876 --> 01:08:03,418
- 'Tis sizzling and boiling.
- 'Tis hissing!
1118
01:08:06,543 --> 01:08:07,501
What are you doing?
1119
01:08:12,126 --> 01:08:13,460
Did you see lightning?
1120
01:08:13,626 --> 01:08:16,168
Wait a sec.
My roof looks like a cauliflower.
1121
01:08:22,001 --> 01:08:23,210
The lightning!
1122
01:08:26,460 --> 01:08:29,335
My Range! Godammit!
1123
01:08:32,335 --> 01:08:33,418
What happened?
1124
01:08:33,626 --> 01:08:36,668
It's incredible. It's nice out again.
Just unbelievable.
1125
01:08:36,918 --> 01:08:40,918
Jacquasse, look how they changed
our beautiful castle!
1126
01:08:41,168 --> 01:08:43,251
Windows galore! We're defenseless!
1127
01:08:43,710 --> 01:08:45,126
A godsend for the Visigoths.
1128
01:08:45,460 --> 01:08:46,251
And the Huttes.
1129
01:08:46,418 --> 01:08:48,335
Pray the dungeon is intact.
1130
01:08:48,835 --> 01:08:50,251
This weather is amazing.
1131
01:08:50,418 --> 01:08:51,710
I don't give a damn.
1132
01:08:54,335 --> 01:08:57,960
My Range! Dammit!
A brand new car with all the extras!
1133
01:08:59,001 --> 01:09:01,918
Look! It's ruined!
It's completely ruined!
1134
01:09:07,668 --> 01:09:08,585
Jacquart!
1135
01:09:08,793 --> 01:09:10,293
There's no lightning rod?
1136
01:09:10,501 --> 01:09:12,210
That's unheard of!
1137
01:09:12,376 --> 01:09:14,835
The explosion
almost maimed the President.
1138
01:09:15,001 --> 01:09:16,043
No one was hurt?
1139
01:09:16,293 --> 01:09:18,501
No, thank God.
Just a car.
1140
01:09:18,751 --> 01:09:20,501
Thank God?
Thanks a lot!
1141
01:09:21,460 --> 01:09:22,126
My limo?
1142
01:09:22,376 --> 01:09:25,293
No, not your limo.
My new Range.
1143
01:09:25,543 --> 01:09:28,710
Don't lie. I can see from here.
The hood is burnt.
1144
01:09:28,960 --> 01:09:31,585
It's not burnt. Not at all!
1145
01:09:32,001 --> 01:09:35,085
Not the roof!
The hood, you idiot!
1146
01:09:35,251 --> 01:09:36,043
I'm warning you:
1147
01:09:36,293 --> 01:09:38,835
if it's burnt,
we'll see you in court!
1148
01:09:39,085 --> 01:09:41,585
No, it's okay.
It's okay! Look!
1149
01:09:41,751 --> 01:09:42,793
Okkk ayyy!
1150
01:09:42,960 --> 01:09:46,001
I'm rubbing it.
I'm polishing it! Look!
1151
01:09:46,168 --> 01:09:48,418
It's so clean I can see myself!
1152
01:09:49,418 --> 01:09:50,626
Look!
1153
01:09:51,668 --> 01:09:52,793
It's okkk ayyy.
1154
01:09:53,793 --> 01:09:54,668
What's so funny?
1155
01:09:59,210 --> 01:10:01,710
Come, Jacquasse.
Let us go to my chamber.
1156
01:10:02,543 --> 01:10:04,418
...that hissing ring!
1157
01:10:04,668 --> 01:10:06,876
Give me Claims Division.
1158
01:10:09,126 --> 01:10:10,918
What kind of ring?
1159
01:10:11,085 --> 01:10:12,168
A signet ring.
1160
01:10:12,418 --> 01:10:14,751
You mean the Hardy ring
was in its case?
1161
01:10:15,001 --> 01:10:16,293
I don't know.
1162
01:10:16,460 --> 01:10:17,668
Impossible.
1163
01:10:17,918 --> 01:10:18,793
Where the hell...
1164
01:10:19,501 --> 01:10:22,335
Jacqueline, where are you taking
these men?
1165
01:10:22,501 --> 01:10:23,793
To the Hardy suite.
1166
01:10:24,418 --> 01:10:26,751
Innkeeper,
we'll be here several nights.
1167
01:10:27,251 --> 01:10:29,668
You and your friend?
There's just one bed.
1168
01:10:29,918 --> 01:10:32,001
He'll sleep on a mat in the hallway.
1169
01:10:32,168 --> 01:10:33,293
Not here, he won't.
1170
01:10:33,543 --> 01:10:34,793
In the stable, then.
1171
01:10:35,043 --> 01:10:37,960
Pity, Sire! Not the stable.
I prefer the forest!
1172
01:10:38,210 --> 01:10:41,710
There is no stable. So pay
for the room or go to the forest.
1173
01:10:42,001 --> 01:10:45,710
You understand me, my boy.
You're a kind man.
1174
01:10:46,335 --> 01:10:48,001
Don't touch me.
1175
01:10:48,418 --> 01:10:49,585
I'm not a kind man.
1176
01:10:49,835 --> 01:10:51,585
I'm not your friend
or your brother.
1177
01:10:51,751 --> 01:10:52,960
So dream on!
1178
01:10:55,043 --> 01:10:57,001
You'd let your brother
sleep outside?
1179
01:10:57,251 --> 01:10:58,876
He's not my brother!
1180
01:10:59,210 --> 01:11:00,168
I never saw him!
1181
01:11:00,335 --> 01:11:02,751
So he can sleep
where the hell he wants!
1182
01:11:03,418 --> 01:11:04,793
You're so obscene!
1183
01:11:04,960 --> 01:11:06,043
Excuse me, ma'am.
1184
01:11:06,210 --> 01:11:08,376
I'm taking
President Bernay his tea.
1185
01:11:08,543 --> 01:11:10,418
What the hell do I care?
1186
01:11:10,585 --> 01:11:11,585
And their deposit?
1187
01:11:11,960 --> 01:11:13,418
No, I...
1188
01:11:14,043 --> 01:11:16,085
You can't stay.
It's very pricey.
1189
01:11:16,460 --> 01:11:20,168
The Count of Montmirail
sleep'st at Montmirail.
1190
01:11:23,376 --> 01:11:24,751
Keep your rotten coins.
1191
01:11:26,085 --> 01:11:27,168
Outside, scuzzballs.
1192
01:11:28,460 --> 01:11:30,585
Relax, Jacques.
Put it on my Visa.
1193
01:11:30,751 --> 01:11:33,960
If Hub feels at home here,
it may jog his memory.
1194
01:11:34,126 --> 01:11:35,085
It's worth trying.
1195
01:11:35,251 --> 01:11:39,085
Whatever you say. If you want
to pay top price, be my guest.
1196
01:11:39,251 --> 01:11:40,543
You want my picture?
1197
01:11:41,460 --> 01:11:44,001
Don't stand there.
Show them to their room.
1198
01:11:44,501 --> 01:11:45,210
This way, Béatrice.
1199
01:11:47,960 --> 01:11:52,585
Sparks are flying!
The boss is angry at his brother.
1200
01:11:52,751 --> 01:11:54,585
This is the Godefroy Hardy suite.
1201
01:11:54,751 --> 01:11:56,543
The 10th century chimney is...
1202
01:11:56,710 --> 01:11:58,460
a vestige of the watch-tower.
1203
01:11:58,626 --> 01:12:00,751
Zounds! It's different!
1204
01:12:00,918 --> 01:12:01,960
Excuse me?
1205
01:12:02,293 --> 01:12:03,210
Leave us, wretch.
1206
01:12:04,418 --> 01:12:05,085
What?
1207
01:12:06,168 --> 01:12:07,418
The Book of Spells.
1208
01:12:10,668 --> 01:12:13,460
Holy scrotums!
You look drunk as a skunk!
1209
01:12:13,793 --> 01:12:15,335
Is that me?
1210
01:12:15,585 --> 01:12:16,876
That's an old fool!
1211
01:12:22,168 --> 01:12:23,418
Who's this monster?
1212
01:12:27,710 --> 01:12:29,335
Gonzague de Montmirail.
1213
01:12:29,501 --> 01:12:31,376
The Count who helped the peasants?
1214
01:12:31,543 --> 01:12:32,710
A foul creature.
1215
01:12:32,876 --> 01:12:35,293
Nay, a Saintly man.
1216
01:12:36,293 --> 01:12:37,460
Come.
1217
01:12:52,251 --> 01:12:53,460
What are you doing?
1218
01:13:01,585 --> 01:13:03,043
Jean-Pierre, don't scream.
1219
01:13:03,210 --> 01:13:03,960
I'm not screaming.
1220
01:13:04,126 --> 01:13:06,001
It's expensive, but it's for Hub.
1221
01:13:06,168 --> 01:13:10,085
Two rooms at 2600, plus the suite
at 3600, comes to 6200 francs a day.
1222
01:13:10,251 --> 01:13:11,168
Breakfast included.
1223
01:13:11,418 --> 01:13:12,293
How much?
1224
01:13:12,543 --> 01:13:14,501
Why three rooms?
1225
01:13:14,668 --> 01:13:16,126
I can't leave him.
1226
01:13:16,293 --> 01:13:16,960
Ridiculous!
1227
01:13:17,126 --> 01:13:18,501
So I took a third room.
1228
01:13:18,751 --> 01:13:19,501
You're staying?
1229
01:13:19,751 --> 01:13:21,585
Hurry. I have other things to do.
1230
01:13:21,751 --> 01:13:24,710
- Béa, you can't do this.
- Okay, toodle-oo.
1231
01:13:32,918 --> 01:13:34,376
The torches are rotten.
1232
01:13:34,543 --> 01:13:35,710
Sire, I'm scared.
1233
01:13:37,710 --> 01:13:38,710
What are you doing?
1234
01:13:38,876 --> 01:13:43,418
They called me a wretch and threw
me out. Then I heard a noise.
1235
01:13:43,668 --> 01:13:46,168
Open this door immediately!
1236
01:13:46,335 --> 01:13:47,501
Hub!
1237
01:13:53,376 --> 01:13:55,085
Cousin Hubert!
1238
01:13:55,668 --> 01:13:57,460
Mr. Kass!
1239
01:13:57,626 --> 01:13:59,751
They lit a fire!
There's soot everywhere.
1240
01:14:00,210 --> 01:14:02,043
You'll pay the dry cleaner!
1241
01:14:05,168 --> 01:14:06,251
They're not here.
1242
01:14:06,418 --> 01:14:07,710
Jacqueline, did they leave?
1243
01:14:07,876 --> 01:14:10,460
No, sir. I swear.
1244
01:14:10,710 --> 01:14:12,293
Don't start blubbering.
1245
01:14:12,460 --> 01:14:13,293
That won't help.
1246
01:14:13,960 --> 01:14:15,543
His friend's room.
1247
01:14:24,918 --> 01:14:26,418
Where did you come from?
1248
01:14:26,585 --> 01:14:28,251
Hub, what happened to you?
1249
01:14:28,418 --> 01:14:29,335
I need a torch.
1250
01:14:29,501 --> 01:14:31,460
Why were you hiding
in the chimney?
1251
01:14:31,710 --> 01:14:32,793
The Book of...
1252
01:14:32,960 --> 01:14:35,251
We were here. Just visiting.
1253
01:14:35,668 --> 01:14:38,251
Visiting...
You were visiting the chimney?
1254
01:14:38,501 --> 01:14:43,043
We wanted a fire. A soot ball
was blocking the flue. So Jacquasse,
1255
01:14:43,210 --> 01:14:45,210
climbed on my shoulder.
1256
01:14:45,376 --> 01:14:47,168
I started climbing up...
1257
01:14:47,335 --> 01:14:49,043
And we slipped.
1258
01:14:49,210 --> 01:14:49,876
Everything fell.
1259
01:14:50,126 --> 01:14:53,835
No need to explain, Hub.
At 6200 francs a night,
1260
01:14:54,001 --> 01:14:56,168
we can expect the chimney
to be swept.
1261
01:14:56,460 --> 01:14:59,001
There was no soot ball!
1262
01:14:59,918 --> 01:15:00,668
There's nothing!
1263
01:15:04,876 --> 01:15:06,710
Come on.
1264
01:15:08,918 --> 01:15:12,168
Jacqueline, call the roofer.
Tell him I refuse to pay the bill.
1265
01:15:12,418 --> 01:15:14,293
Not if he leaves soot balls!
1266
01:15:14,543 --> 01:15:16,751
Hub, you've got
some explaining to do.
1267
01:15:17,251 --> 01:15:21,043
I am not Cousin Hubert.
I am Godefroy The Hardy.
1268
01:15:21,210 --> 01:15:24,001
I was born
in the year of our Lord 1079.
1269
01:15:24,168 --> 01:15:27,960
I'm Jacquasse The Crass, his vassal.
I know not my date of birth.
1270
01:15:28,126 --> 01:15:30,960
You're Godefroy, he's Joan of Arc,
1271
01:15:31,126 --> 01:15:33,168
and I'm the Queen of England.
Okay?
1272
01:15:33,585 --> 01:15:34,293
Okkk ayyy!
1273
01:15:34,543 --> 01:15:35,543
This is the Hardy.
1274
01:15:35,710 --> 01:15:38,751
Despite a vague resemblance,
he was a fat, hairy macho
1275
01:15:38,918 --> 01:15:42,335
who must have had
chronic halitosis... You know...
1276
01:15:43,043 --> 01:15:44,793
Okkk ayyy!
1277
01:15:44,960 --> 01:15:47,126
What are you doing here?
1278
01:15:47,293 --> 01:15:50,668
I asked for a torch.
Make haste!
1279
01:15:52,460 --> 01:15:54,501
Hubert, stop telling tall tales.
1280
01:15:55,210 --> 01:15:57,960
And what, pray tell, is this?
1281
01:15:59,126 --> 01:16:00,168
Mere trickery?
1282
01:16:00,585 --> 01:16:01,418
Hub!
1283
01:16:02,543 --> 01:16:04,293
You knew where the dungeon was?
1284
01:16:04,585 --> 01:16:06,710
Maybe we'll find
the Montmirail treasure.
1285
01:16:09,085 --> 01:16:10,460
It's pitch black.
1286
01:16:10,668 --> 01:16:12,418
I'll get my flashlight.
1287
01:16:12,626 --> 01:16:13,543
Stay put.
1288
01:16:32,460 --> 01:16:33,293
Yes?
1289
01:16:33,460 --> 01:16:34,543
The torches died.
1290
01:16:35,918 --> 01:16:36,751
Can I help you?
1291
01:16:40,918 --> 01:16:42,876
What on earth happened here?
1292
01:16:44,418 --> 01:16:46,376
Who is responsible for this?
1293
01:16:46,543 --> 01:16:48,168
'Tis a piece o' rubbish!
1294
01:16:48,335 --> 01:16:49,710
You can say that again.
1295
01:16:50,001 --> 01:16:53,876
If your brother sees this,
it won't be a picnic.
1296
01:16:54,043 --> 01:16:55,710
Cousin Hubert needs a torch.
1297
01:16:55,876 --> 01:16:57,210
A flashlight.
I'll get you one.
1298
01:16:58,085 --> 01:16:59,001
Okkk ayyy!
1299
01:17:02,001 --> 01:17:04,501
Halogen flashlights.
A total must.
1300
01:17:07,043 --> 01:17:08,335
Could someone
1301
01:17:08,501 --> 01:17:10,543
serve me a scotch?
1302
01:17:10,876 --> 01:17:13,293
I need a drink
before the other brother
1303
01:17:13,460 --> 01:17:15,126
arrives to finish the seminar.
1304
01:17:15,376 --> 01:17:17,460
Edgar and Edouard together
aren't easy.
1305
01:17:17,626 --> 01:17:18,960
I'm waiting for Sire's torch.
1306
01:17:19,126 --> 01:17:20,043
Sire?
1307
01:17:21,543 --> 01:17:22,418
Cousin Hubert.
1308
01:17:22,585 --> 01:17:24,710
Hubert de Montmirail is your cousin?
1309
01:17:25,793 --> 01:17:26,710
How amazing.
1310
01:17:26,876 --> 01:17:28,626
So Jacquart is their cousin too?
1311
01:17:29,251 --> 01:17:30,751
Nay nay flay!
1312
01:17:30,918 --> 01:17:32,876
Aren't you Jacquart's brother?
1313
01:17:33,043 --> 01:17:33,710
No.
1314
01:17:34,585 --> 01:17:36,126
Your mother isn't his mother?
1315
01:17:37,251 --> 01:17:38,543
My mother was Gwendolyne.
1316
01:17:38,751 --> 01:17:40,335
She was devoured by wolves,
1317
01:17:40,751 --> 01:17:43,418
because my father,
on his way to the tavern,
1318
01:17:43,793 --> 01:17:46,835
fell in the icy lake
due to his club foot.
1319
01:17:48,585 --> 01:17:49,376
How awful!
1320
01:17:51,043 --> 01:17:51,918
How freaky!
1321
01:17:52,501 --> 01:17:53,293
Freakkky!
1322
01:17:54,293 --> 01:17:56,960
If I understand correctly,
you're Jacquart's half-brother.
1323
01:17:58,710 --> 01:18:00,793
Freakkky! Okkk ayyy!
1324
01:18:00,960 --> 01:18:01,918
Freakkky!
1325
01:18:02,293 --> 01:18:03,501
Freakkky!
1326
01:18:04,335 --> 01:18:06,710
Yes, it sure is freaky.
1327
01:18:07,793 --> 01:18:09,335
Jacquart is so secretive.
1328
01:18:09,543 --> 01:18:11,960
There's no shame in having
a handicapped father.
1329
01:18:12,585 --> 01:18:14,376
Okkk ayyy!
1330
01:18:16,043 --> 01:18:17,668
Sorry for your father.
1331
01:18:17,835 --> 01:18:19,210
Thank you.
1332
01:18:19,835 --> 01:18:22,210
Why did that idiot
mention my father?
1333
01:18:23,668 --> 01:18:27,085
What are you doing in the garbage,
you dirty thief?
1334
01:18:27,710 --> 01:18:28,460
Come here.
1335
01:18:28,626 --> 01:18:32,293
Let go of me, sleazeball.
I'm a Chernobyl victim.
1336
01:18:32,460 --> 01:18:33,585
Save it for the cops.
1337
01:18:34,460 --> 01:18:36,376
Lady Ginette!
Release her, peasant.
1338
01:18:37,210 --> 01:18:38,585
Lady Ginette is my friend.
1339
01:18:39,501 --> 01:18:41,501
- She is a friend of yours?
- Yes.
1340
01:18:41,668 --> 01:18:44,251
She is good-hearted.
She is welcome here.
1341
01:18:44,543 --> 01:18:47,751
As you like, Sir.
Her head was in the garbage bin.
1342
01:18:47,918 --> 01:18:51,293
If you rummaged in garbage heaps,
you'd have a nicer bow-tie.
1343
01:18:53,168 --> 01:18:55,210
People with money to burn
1344
01:18:55,376 --> 01:18:56,835
dump lots of great stuff.
1345
01:18:57,001 --> 01:18:59,126
Like I found these great stockings.
1346
01:19:03,376 --> 01:19:05,251
What a ripe apple!
1347
01:19:07,793 --> 01:19:09,460
You're letting them in?
1348
01:19:09,626 --> 01:19:12,210
Stow it.
She's the boss's brother's broad.
1349
01:19:12,376 --> 01:19:13,626
They'll kick us out.
1350
01:19:13,793 --> 01:19:16,876
Fear not.
The castle belongs to my family.
1351
01:19:17,043 --> 01:19:18,001
No way!
1352
01:19:18,168 --> 01:19:19,710
I'll give you a tour.
1353
01:19:21,960 --> 01:19:23,418
Ladies and Gents.
1354
01:19:26,376 --> 01:19:27,751
That's the office.
1355
01:19:27,918 --> 01:19:30,376
Hold your tongue, wretch.
It is my youngling's office.
1356
01:19:30,543 --> 01:19:32,001
He is kindred.
1357
01:19:35,918 --> 01:19:37,710
What the hell is this?
1358
01:19:39,168 --> 01:19:42,585
Jacqueline, what happened
in the hallway?
1359
01:19:43,460 --> 01:19:44,460
It's your "youngling", sir.
1360
01:19:45,335 --> 01:19:48,418
Those garbage heaps
fall apart if you sneeze.
1361
01:19:48,626 --> 01:19:50,626
Worry not. 'Tis my specialty.
1362
01:19:53,001 --> 01:19:54,335
It needs oil.
1363
01:19:54,585 --> 01:19:56,460
Who let you in?
It's private here.
1364
01:19:56,793 --> 01:20:00,460
I'm showing our castle to
Lady Ginette. This is my youngling.
1365
01:20:00,626 --> 01:20:01,293
Hi youngling.
1366
01:20:01,543 --> 01:20:03,293
She scuzzed up the Persian rug.
1367
01:20:03,460 --> 01:20:04,251
The game's over.
1368
01:20:04,418 --> 01:20:06,043
Get out,
or I'll call the cops.
1369
01:20:06,418 --> 01:20:08,460
But you're my youngling.
1370
01:20:08,626 --> 01:20:09,501
I love you.
1371
01:20:09,668 --> 01:20:11,376
Thy success makes me proud.
1372
01:20:11,626 --> 01:20:12,876
Let go, scum.
1373
01:20:13,043 --> 01:20:14,085
Freddy, get the dog.
1374
01:20:14,251 --> 01:20:15,043
Brutus?
1375
01:20:15,210 --> 01:20:16,501
There are guests here.
1376
01:20:16,668 --> 01:20:17,710
I don't care!
1377
01:20:18,251 --> 01:20:20,168
Calm thyself, youngling.
We're kin.
1378
01:20:20,501 --> 01:20:21,335
Chill out.
1379
01:20:21,626 --> 01:20:23,251
Enough!
1380
01:20:24,710 --> 01:20:25,710
Freddy, let him loose.
1381
01:20:31,001 --> 01:20:33,543
You flubbed.
That's not the way out.
1382
01:20:33,793 --> 01:20:35,876
We must find the chapel.
My treasure!
1383
01:20:37,043 --> 01:20:38,626
He'll bite off
our family jewels!
1384
01:20:38,835 --> 01:20:41,043
The chapel! The chapel!
1385
01:20:41,210 --> 01:20:42,751
The ruined abbey!
1386
01:21:05,460 --> 01:21:06,793
Welcome, Mr. Bernay.
1387
01:21:07,626 --> 01:21:08,835
Long trip.
1388
01:21:11,585 --> 01:21:12,751
Holy smoke!
1389
01:21:17,918 --> 01:21:20,085
Holy Moses! You're loaded.
1390
01:21:23,960 --> 01:21:25,168
What about the pooch?
1391
01:21:25,335 --> 01:21:26,001
Your purse.
1392
01:21:27,293 --> 01:21:28,793
We'll trap him.
1393
01:21:53,293 --> 01:21:54,418
I know him not.
1394
01:21:54,585 --> 01:21:56,001
Surely one of our enemies.
1395
01:22:14,168 --> 01:22:15,043
My youngling!
1396
01:22:16,793 --> 01:22:18,501
Help!
1397
01:22:20,710 --> 01:22:21,751
Hold on, youngling.
1398
01:22:31,793 --> 01:22:34,585
- Without you, I'd have died.
- Indeed.
1399
01:22:39,918 --> 01:22:40,960
Leeches.
1400
01:22:42,168 --> 01:22:44,501
Serpent tongues. Rotten fish.
1401
01:22:44,793 --> 01:22:47,376
All the old wizard's potions.
1402
01:22:47,543 --> 01:22:49,126
A book!
The treasure is near.
1403
01:22:49,543 --> 01:22:50,585
The Book of Spells.
1404
01:22:58,293 --> 01:22:59,043
All is lost.
1405
01:23:06,918 --> 01:23:08,293
That just opened.
1406
01:23:08,668 --> 01:23:10,668
I'm a little scared.
1407
01:23:13,751 --> 01:23:17,085
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
I'll go first.
1408
01:23:20,710 --> 01:23:21,501
My youngling!
1409
01:23:25,001 --> 01:23:27,168
Hub! Give me some slack.
1410
01:23:27,793 --> 01:23:30,543
Hub, help me!
1411
01:23:33,543 --> 01:23:34,543
Is there a Book?
1412
01:23:36,668 --> 01:23:37,876
- My God!
- What is it?
1413
01:23:38,043 --> 01:23:38,876
There's a note.
1414
01:23:41,251 --> 01:23:42,960
"Godefroy de Montmirail.
If you make it here,
1415
01:23:43,126 --> 01:23:45,960
"call immediately,
during office hours, 68 77 79.
1416
01:23:46,126 --> 01:23:47,501
"Ask for Mr. Ferdinand."
1417
01:23:53,168 --> 01:23:54,793
In here.
1418
01:23:54,960 --> 01:23:56,418
Not you. Only the man.
1419
01:23:56,585 --> 01:23:57,918
- Wait.
- Sorry, youngling.
1420
01:23:58,210 --> 01:23:58,960
I wanted...
1421
01:24:00,460 --> 01:24:01,126
Great.
1422
01:24:03,626 --> 01:24:06,210
Come closer.
Godefroy de Montmirail?
1423
01:24:06,376 --> 01:24:08,376
The first Count to bear that name?
1424
01:24:08,543 --> 01:24:09,251
Yes, 'tis I.
1425
01:24:09,418 --> 01:24:11,126
I've been waiting 30 years.
1426
01:24:11,751 --> 01:24:12,418
Who are you?
1427
01:24:12,793 --> 01:24:16,293
I am the descendant
of the wizard Eusaebius.
1428
01:24:16,460 --> 01:24:18,751
I am charged
to send you back in time,
1429
01:24:19,043 --> 01:24:20,918
so you can save the life
of Eusaebius,
1430
01:24:21,085 --> 01:24:22,585
who is at this very moment...
1431
01:24:22,751 --> 01:24:24,126
being horribly tortured.
1432
01:24:24,710 --> 01:24:27,918
I prepared the potion,
following the recipe
1433
01:24:28,085 --> 01:24:30,751
in my ancestor's Book of Spells.
1434
01:24:30,918 --> 01:24:33,918
Leave that.
The potion is on the shelf.
1435
01:24:39,543 --> 01:24:41,543
The same ghastly odor.
1436
01:24:42,001 --> 01:24:44,168
My ancestor's diary
1437
01:24:44,335 --> 01:24:46,043
mentions your companion.
1438
01:24:46,293 --> 01:24:48,585
- Where is he?
- At the castle.
1439
01:24:48,751 --> 01:24:50,168
You must leave with him
1440
01:24:50,335 --> 01:24:54,126
before midnight. Or else,
you'll have to wait 33 years.
1441
01:24:54,376 --> 01:24:56,751
If you don't return to your past,
1442
01:24:56,918 --> 01:24:58,876
another future will take form,
1443
01:24:59,043 --> 01:25:00,793
in which you have no descendants,
1444
01:25:01,501 --> 01:25:04,418
because you never
married and fathered children.
1445
01:25:07,793 --> 01:25:08,460
So?
1446
01:25:08,835 --> 01:25:10,585
What was the big secret?
1447
01:25:10,751 --> 01:25:12,043
Let's return to the castle.
1448
01:25:23,751 --> 01:25:25,251
The chariot that arrested me.
1449
01:25:25,876 --> 01:25:27,543
Why the ambulance?
1450
01:25:27,876 --> 01:25:29,960
Ma'am, hurry. It's your husband.
1451
01:25:30,210 --> 01:25:31,335
Jean-Pierre?
1452
01:25:31,501 --> 01:25:34,460
He was furious
that you had hung up on him.
1453
01:25:34,668 --> 01:25:37,418
Then the dog bit him.
Come this way.
1454
01:25:41,543 --> 01:25:42,876
Jean-Pierre, what happened?
1455
01:25:43,126 --> 01:25:46,418
Jacquart's dog bit me
while I was paying the taxi.
1456
01:25:47,043 --> 01:25:49,793
Your husband is baring his ass
to this woman.
1457
01:25:50,126 --> 01:25:51,960
She's caressing his bun'lings.
1458
01:25:52,418 --> 01:25:54,751
She's giving him a shot. OK?
1459
01:25:54,918 --> 01:25:56,001
Get him out.
1460
01:25:56,251 --> 01:25:57,835
I want my shot in peace.
1461
01:26:00,293 --> 01:26:01,043
Excuse me, doctor.
1462
01:26:01,293 --> 01:26:02,418
Excuse us.
1463
01:26:02,710 --> 01:26:04,585
Is this Grand Central Station?
I should charge admission!
1464
01:26:04,835 --> 01:26:05,626
You're here.
1465
01:26:06,043 --> 01:26:06,710
Yes.
1466
01:26:07,418 --> 01:26:11,876
Did Brutus attack for no reason,
or did you excite him first?
1467
01:26:12,585 --> 01:26:13,418
Excite who?
1468
01:26:13,585 --> 01:26:15,876
Excuse me.
The dentist hurt himself?
1469
01:26:17,043 --> 01:26:19,043
I'm sick of having my ass stared at.
1470
01:26:20,585 --> 01:26:23,668
Jean-Pierre, you're paranoid.
No one is staring.
1471
01:26:25,168 --> 01:26:27,585
I have a phone call
for Cousin Hubert.
1472
01:26:28,501 --> 01:26:30,585
Godefroy?
1473
01:26:35,335 --> 01:26:36,751
Montjoie!
1474
01:26:37,335 --> 01:26:41,543
It's Jacquasse, Godefroy.
No use shouting at the little box.
1475
01:26:43,168 --> 01:26:44,793
Stop screaming!
1476
01:26:47,251 --> 01:26:50,335
Speak calmly into the little holes.
1477
01:26:50,501 --> 01:26:51,376
Where are you, peasant?
1478
01:26:51,668 --> 01:26:55,501
Bowling Alley. With Lady Ginette.
And I'm no longer a peasant.
1479
01:26:55,710 --> 01:26:56,376
Yo, Jacky.
1480
01:26:56,668 --> 01:26:59,501
I roll the ball.
I'm having a ball!
1481
01:27:03,710 --> 01:27:05,168
We're having balls.
1482
01:27:06,210 --> 01:27:07,335
You were a good master, Godefroy.
1483
01:27:07,876 --> 01:27:10,001
- Sire Godefroy!
- Yes, Godefroy.
1484
01:27:10,876 --> 01:27:12,210
The best master.
1485
01:27:12,418 --> 01:27:13,626
Better than Montfaucon.
1486
01:27:14,710 --> 01:27:15,626
One minute, vassal.
1487
01:27:15,876 --> 01:27:17,460
No vassal.
No more vassals.
1488
01:27:17,710 --> 01:27:20,043
Leave your Lord alone, peasants.
1489
01:27:21,501 --> 01:27:23,126
Who does he think he is?
1490
01:27:23,293 --> 01:27:24,960
Peasants?
What does he mean?
1491
01:27:25,543 --> 01:27:26,210
Problem, chief?
1492
01:27:26,460 --> 01:27:27,335
No.
1493
01:27:28,085 --> 01:27:28,751
Listen up.
1494
01:27:29,251 --> 01:27:31,210
- We can go home.
- Home?
1495
01:27:31,460 --> 01:27:32,835
Beer and Pernod?
1496
01:27:33,001 --> 01:27:34,126
Godefroy, I'm staying.
1497
01:27:34,293 --> 01:27:36,293
The beer and the Pernod:
are they for you?
1498
01:27:36,460 --> 01:27:37,585
Okkk ayyy.
1499
01:27:39,293 --> 01:27:40,335
Lady Ginette proposed to me.
1500
01:27:41,126 --> 01:27:42,043
Who's the bozo?
1501
01:27:42,210 --> 01:27:44,126
A lounge lizard with that floozy.
1502
01:27:44,793 --> 01:27:47,043
She's wearing high heels.
1503
01:27:47,376 --> 01:27:48,585
Come back!
1504
01:27:48,876 --> 01:27:50,751
Best wishes to Lady Frenegonde.
1505
01:27:50,918 --> 01:27:53,043
I'll miss you,
but I'm too happy here.
1506
01:27:53,251 --> 01:27:56,085
You lunatic!
There's nothing for us here.
1507
01:27:57,001 --> 01:27:58,043
I'll make do.
1508
01:27:58,418 --> 01:27:59,751
You're wearing goddamned boots!
1509
01:27:59,918 --> 01:28:02,668
Let me go!
I don't want your scummy shoes!
1510
01:28:02,876 --> 01:28:04,835
Return here hastily.
1511
01:28:05,126 --> 01:28:06,085
I refuse.
1512
01:28:06,251 --> 01:28:09,168
Very well. Whatever you say.
1513
01:28:09,418 --> 01:28:10,168
You're not angry?
1514
01:28:10,585 --> 01:28:11,376
No.
1515
01:28:12,168 --> 01:28:13,210
We all must die.
1516
01:28:14,793 --> 01:28:17,793
Yes, I must warn you, Crass One.
1517
01:28:17,960 --> 01:28:19,918
I happened upon a wizard today.
1518
01:28:20,085 --> 01:28:24,210
He told me if you didn't return
before the full moon,
1519
01:28:24,376 --> 01:28:25,668
your innards would rot.
1520
01:28:26,043 --> 01:28:27,418
You'll die in great pain.
1521
01:28:28,376 --> 01:28:30,793
I don't believe you.
You want to scare me.
1522
01:28:31,710 --> 01:28:33,293
You're already rotting.
1523
01:28:33,793 --> 01:28:36,543
Take as proof
the fetid odor in your mouth.
1524
01:28:38,085 --> 01:28:39,626
Come back before twelve,
1525
01:28:40,335 --> 01:28:41,001
or else,
1526
01:28:41,585 --> 01:28:42,668
farewell.
1527
01:28:42,835 --> 01:28:45,210
Sire Godefroy. Sire Godefroy.
1528
01:28:50,960 --> 01:28:54,168
Excuse my abruptness,
but I'm o'erjoyed to return home.
1529
01:28:54,335 --> 01:28:55,001
Leaving already?
1530
01:28:55,835 --> 01:28:56,501
How nice.
1531
01:28:56,710 --> 01:28:58,126
Where do you live exactly?
1532
01:28:58,876 --> 01:28:59,543
Home.
1533
01:29:01,460 --> 01:29:02,751
Where is "home"?
1534
01:29:02,918 --> 01:29:04,710
Here and there.
You couldn't understand.
1535
01:29:06,043 --> 01:29:07,626
They're plotting something.
1536
01:29:07,793 --> 01:29:09,876
They were nosing
around the chimney.
1537
01:29:10,043 --> 01:29:11,501
Really...
1538
01:29:11,668 --> 01:29:15,085
I'll conduct an investigation
concerning your strange guest.
1539
01:29:15,293 --> 01:29:16,293
Peasant, come here.
1540
01:29:22,210 --> 01:29:24,168
What the hell, ass-breath!
1541
01:29:24,376 --> 01:29:26,168
You smell like a dead skunk!
1542
01:29:29,835 --> 01:29:30,918
Where is Lady Béatrice?
1543
01:29:31,085 --> 01:29:32,251
She's upstairs changing.
1544
01:29:32,626 --> 01:29:35,626
Your cousin has agreed
to dine with Mr. Bernay
1545
01:29:35,793 --> 01:29:37,168
of the Bernay and Bernay Bank.
1546
01:29:37,460 --> 01:29:40,418
Our bank has always
appreciated the aristocracy.
1547
01:29:40,626 --> 01:29:43,501
May the Lord bless you,
kind Bernay and Bernay.
1548
01:29:44,460 --> 01:29:45,626
Is he teasing me?
1549
01:29:45,793 --> 01:29:46,918
I doubt it.
1550
01:29:52,543 --> 01:29:54,960
To think my ancestors
built all this!
1551
01:29:55,126 --> 01:29:57,793
- That dungeon is to die for!
- We almost did.
1552
01:29:58,043 --> 01:30:00,710
- What were you doing?
- I was showing...
1553
01:30:00,876 --> 01:30:03,251
my all-too-logical husband
how we almost
1554
01:30:03,418 --> 01:30:04,710
found the treasure.
1555
01:30:04,876 --> 01:30:06,251
You played doctor there?
1556
01:30:07,126 --> 01:30:08,793
Leave me now.
1557
01:30:12,876 --> 01:30:14,418
You called me, Mr. Bernay?
1558
01:30:15,376 --> 01:30:16,418
Tell me, Jacquart,
1559
01:30:17,418 --> 01:30:18,960
is your cousin Montmirail
1560
01:30:19,251 --> 01:30:21,376
a little la-dee-dah-ish?
1561
01:30:21,543 --> 01:30:22,835
What is la-dee-dah-ish?
1562
01:30:23,168 --> 01:30:27,210
Anyone can have a gay cousin
and an alcoholic father.
1563
01:30:27,793 --> 01:30:29,918
There's no cause for embarrassment.
1564
01:30:30,085 --> 01:30:32,501
Who are you to insult
my happily-retired father?
1565
01:30:32,668 --> 01:30:34,501
Do I ask if your father farts?
1566
01:30:34,668 --> 01:30:36,751
Or if your wife boozes it up
in the closet?
1567
01:30:37,876 --> 01:30:40,418
Talking about his family
is a major taboo.
1568
01:30:44,126 --> 01:30:45,335
You know the dungeon?
1569
01:30:46,085 --> 01:30:46,751
What is this?
1570
01:30:47,751 --> 01:30:50,460
You entered my chamber
without requesting audience?
1571
01:30:50,626 --> 01:30:53,376
Anything found in the dungeon
belongs to the hotel.
1572
01:30:53,876 --> 01:30:55,335
Whatever it's worth.
1573
01:30:55,501 --> 01:30:56,835
What is that? Crack?
1574
01:30:57,085 --> 01:30:58,085
LSD?
1575
01:30:58,251 --> 01:31:00,335
Hand it over.
I'll have it analyzed.
1576
01:31:02,751 --> 01:31:04,376
No tricks! I'm armed!
1577
01:31:06,876 --> 01:31:09,251
Hilda? Still there? Lucky me.
1578
01:31:09,626 --> 01:31:13,085
Jump in a taxi and bring me
my black cocktail dress.
1579
01:31:13,293 --> 01:31:14,418
We have a dinner.
1580
01:31:15,085 --> 01:31:16,085
Hub, knock first!
1581
01:31:17,835 --> 01:31:18,876
The little red balls.
1582
01:31:21,626 --> 01:31:22,501
What now?
1583
01:31:22,668 --> 01:31:24,501
You want a tranquilizer, Hub?
1584
01:31:24,960 --> 01:31:25,668
What's wrong?
1585
01:31:26,626 --> 01:31:29,543
He's making progress.
He realizes he's cracking up.
1586
01:31:29,710 --> 01:31:31,210
Maybe he'll ask to be locked up.
1587
01:31:31,460 --> 01:31:33,293
I am totally disappointed in you.
1588
01:31:34,085 --> 01:31:34,793
I swear.
1589
01:31:35,585 --> 01:31:36,876
Free us immediately.
1590
01:31:37,085 --> 01:31:38,835
I'll reduce the sentence.
1591
01:31:39,001 --> 01:31:41,376
- Swallow, peasant.
- Enough's enough.
1592
01:31:44,710 --> 01:31:46,960
Don't bother with me.
I'll keep quiet.
1593
01:31:47,210 --> 01:31:49,085
- Is your cousin Hubert joining us?
- Soon.
1594
01:31:50,960 --> 01:31:52,918
They stop serving at 9:30.
1595
01:31:53,085 --> 01:31:54,085
Countess.
1596
01:32:08,543 --> 01:32:09,543
Let us eat.
1597
01:32:12,710 --> 01:32:15,168
Did you know this dungeon existed?
1598
01:32:15,460 --> 01:32:17,168
Of course not!
1599
01:32:18,001 --> 01:32:18,835
Help!
1600
01:32:19,418 --> 01:32:20,751
Where is Sergeant-Major Gibon?
1601
01:32:20,918 --> 01:32:22,668
With Jacques-Henri.
Go have a drink.
1602
01:32:22,835 --> 01:32:23,751
On the house.
1603
01:32:26,126 --> 01:32:28,585
'Twas much more hospitable
in the past.
1604
01:32:28,751 --> 01:32:30,793
We burned entire trees.
1605
01:32:30,960 --> 01:32:33,835
The walls and floors
were covered with rugs.
1606
01:32:34,001 --> 01:32:38,418
Not an evening went by without
jugglers, minstrels, and trollops.
1607
01:32:39,668 --> 01:32:41,126
I remember one evening,
1608
01:32:41,418 --> 01:32:45,043
the fire-eater set afire
Lady Flegmonde's wig.
1609
01:32:45,210 --> 01:32:48,543
We had to throw her
into the icy moat, fully-dressed.
1610
01:32:49,251 --> 01:32:51,001
Family souvenirs are so vivid.
1611
01:32:54,085 --> 01:32:57,168
He tells them so well.
You feel you're there.
1612
01:32:57,793 --> 01:32:58,460
Where?
1613
01:32:59,710 --> 01:33:01,751
Isn't he the bum from the church?
1614
01:33:07,460 --> 01:33:09,085
Are you okay, sugardaddy?
1615
01:33:09,293 --> 01:33:11,335
I'm still not used to this jalopy.
1616
01:33:11,751 --> 01:33:12,668
Evening, Wench.
1617
01:33:12,835 --> 01:33:13,668
Hiya Missy.
1618
01:33:13,835 --> 01:33:14,793
Sir, ma'am...
1619
01:33:14,960 --> 01:33:16,001
Where's Mr. Godefroy,
1620
01:33:16,418 --> 01:33:17,293
dammit?
1621
01:33:18,626 --> 01:33:19,293
There.
1622
01:33:19,835 --> 01:33:20,876
Ladies and Gents.
1623
01:33:22,251 --> 01:33:24,335
Good evening, ma'am.
Good evening, sir.
1624
01:33:29,585 --> 01:33:32,835
My Jacquasse. You came.
I am relieved.
1625
01:33:33,001 --> 01:33:33,835
Ladies and Gents.
1626
01:33:34,001 --> 01:33:34,668
Mr. Goulard.
1627
01:33:35,501 --> 01:33:37,668
Come drink to our friends, my Crass.
1628
01:33:38,501 --> 01:33:39,960
Before we leave.
1629
01:33:40,376 --> 01:33:41,126
When is that?
1630
01:33:41,418 --> 01:33:42,376
This evening.
1631
01:33:42,543 --> 01:33:44,335
- Tonight?
- Traveling by night?
1632
01:33:44,876 --> 01:33:46,001
Indeed.
1633
01:33:46,501 --> 01:33:49,418
I prefer night-driving.
I have 20/20 vision.
1634
01:33:49,585 --> 01:33:51,460
There are fewer road hogs.
1635
01:33:51,668 --> 01:33:52,876
Except in the fog.
1636
01:33:53,126 --> 01:33:54,835
I'm a helicopter-man myself.
1637
01:34:00,085 --> 01:34:01,126
I am not going, Sire.
1638
01:34:01,543 --> 01:34:02,460
We're getting hitched.
1639
01:34:03,210 --> 01:34:05,543
He's too shy to ask you
to be best man.
1640
01:34:05,710 --> 01:34:08,835
You can stay too.
I have the antidote against rot.
1641
01:34:10,543 --> 01:34:13,043
- Your purse, Ginette.
- Hold on, babe.
1642
01:34:13,251 --> 01:34:14,710
My bag's a mess.
1643
01:34:15,293 --> 01:34:17,376
So much room
you can shit in it!
1644
01:34:17,668 --> 01:34:18,335
What?
1645
01:34:19,251 --> 01:34:20,835
What do you do, Mr...
1646
01:34:21,918 --> 01:34:23,960
Kass, as in... "gas".
1647
01:34:26,335 --> 01:34:29,126
No rot can resist tooth pate'!
1648
01:34:29,793 --> 01:34:30,460
What?
1649
01:34:30,960 --> 01:34:31,835
Pearly White!
1650
01:34:41,293 --> 01:34:42,460
How 'bout that?
1651
01:34:42,960 --> 01:34:44,751
That was really gross.
1652
01:34:46,126 --> 01:34:47,335
Enough.
1653
01:34:49,043 --> 01:34:50,751
What are you doing, bruiser?
1654
01:34:50,918 --> 01:34:51,960
Throwing him out.
1655
01:34:52,251 --> 01:34:54,543
Let go of him!
1656
01:35:00,543 --> 01:35:01,585
What's going on?
1657
01:35:05,293 --> 01:35:06,418
Are you okay?
1658
01:35:08,043 --> 01:35:09,085
No, Sire!
1659
01:35:16,376 --> 01:35:18,210
You can't force me to go home!
1660
01:35:19,001 --> 01:35:21,543
I'm not a vassal anymore! I'm free!
1661
01:35:22,168 --> 01:35:23,918
Long live the Revolution!
1662
01:35:36,460 --> 01:35:39,001
Look. He's your youngling too.
He was a good man.
1663
01:35:39,210 --> 01:35:40,835
He knew about justice.
1664
01:35:41,001 --> 01:35:42,835
They cut off his head, peasant.
1665
01:35:43,001 --> 01:35:43,876
Freddy!
1666
01:35:44,335 --> 01:35:46,376
Help!
1667
01:35:46,543 --> 01:35:48,293
Who's that?
1668
01:35:48,460 --> 01:35:50,043
Your youngling.
1669
01:35:50,210 --> 01:35:51,126
You jailed him?
1670
01:35:51,460 --> 01:35:53,710
I left it so they'll find him.
Drink!
1671
01:35:57,001 --> 01:35:58,210
I'm in pain!
1672
01:36:03,918 --> 01:36:04,751
Hub, it's Béa.
1673
01:36:08,251 --> 01:36:09,710
What happened to Mr. Kass?
1674
01:36:09,876 --> 01:36:11,543
My God! My belly!
1675
01:36:12,001 --> 01:36:13,210
I have no time. Listen.
1676
01:36:13,376 --> 01:36:14,585
I'm listening, Hubert.
1677
01:36:14,751 --> 01:36:16,251
I'm not Hubert.
1678
01:36:16,418 --> 01:36:18,418
I'm Godefroy Amaury de Malfete,
1679
01:36:18,585 --> 01:36:21,001
Count of Montmirail, of Apremont
and of Popincourt.
1680
01:36:21,293 --> 01:36:24,876
Son of Aldebert de Malfete
and Thibaude de Montfaucon.
1681
01:36:26,418 --> 01:36:27,335
I am your ancestor.
1682
01:36:36,043 --> 01:36:36,876
Torch.
1683
01:36:50,210 --> 01:36:52,376
Fred, it's you. Freddy.
1684
01:36:54,918 --> 01:36:56,543
I beg your pardon, youngling.
1685
01:37:07,418 --> 01:37:10,960
I'm sick of your song and dance.
I don't believe a word of it.
1686
01:37:11,335 --> 01:37:13,376
So spill the beans.
1687
01:37:13,585 --> 01:37:15,501
Shit! Damn it!
1688
01:37:18,460 --> 01:37:22,085
You don't believe me? I'll show
you something you've never seen.
1689
01:37:22,626 --> 01:37:24,251
That no one has ever seen.
1690
01:37:25,418 --> 01:37:27,168
That you'll never see again.
1691
01:37:29,460 --> 01:37:31,251
Sit thyself down, and watch.
1692
01:37:34,251 --> 01:37:35,876
I'm going to vomit.
1693
01:37:42,210 --> 01:37:43,876
Does your tummy ache?
1694
01:38:12,085 --> 01:38:14,085
Where is Mr. Kass?
1695
01:38:14,251 --> 01:38:15,918
How did "Jacky" get so rich?
1696
01:38:16,085 --> 01:38:17,793
An antique car is no bargain.
1697
01:38:17,960 --> 01:38:20,168
It's his own personal fortune.
1698
01:38:20,668 --> 01:38:25,085
His family owns this joint.
He wants us to tie the knot.
1699
01:38:25,251 --> 01:38:27,501
Why didn't you tell me
from the start?
1700
01:38:28,043 --> 01:38:29,210
I did.
1701
01:38:30,585 --> 01:38:32,126
You wouldn't listen.
1702
01:38:32,960 --> 01:38:35,335
You're right.
I'm sorry Godefroy.
1703
01:38:36,293 --> 01:38:37,751
I'm going, Béatrice.
1704
01:38:38,293 --> 01:38:40,335
I am very happy to have known you.
1705
01:38:41,251 --> 01:38:43,668
Godefroy, I'm so moved.
What can I say?
1706
01:38:44,126 --> 01:38:45,960
We'll never meet again.
1707
01:38:47,001 --> 01:38:49,710
It is so unique
to be able to touch you,
1708
01:38:50,418 --> 01:38:53,543
my youngling,
my ever-so-young youngling.
1709
01:38:55,960 --> 01:38:56,876
You know,
1710
01:38:58,085 --> 01:38:59,751
I lied.
1711
01:39:00,210 --> 01:39:04,585
I was not searching for a treasure,
but for the magic potion.
1712
01:39:05,043 --> 01:39:05,751
Pardon me.
1713
01:39:06,168 --> 01:39:08,835
No treasure can replace
our having met.
1714
01:39:09,001 --> 01:39:09,668
Indeed.
1715
01:39:10,001 --> 01:39:12,501
Nothing can equal
meeting one's descendants.
1716
01:39:16,835 --> 01:39:17,585
Béa? Are you there?
1717
01:39:20,001 --> 01:39:23,043
My life will seem so boring now.
1718
01:39:23,210 --> 01:39:24,751
You must forget me.
1719
01:39:25,043 --> 01:39:26,460
You have your children.
1720
01:39:27,376 --> 01:39:30,543
Give Florian and Ondine
a big kiss from an old ancestor.
1721
01:39:32,085 --> 01:39:35,001
And deep in your soul, keep
1722
01:39:35,168 --> 01:39:37,043
a memory of me.
1723
01:39:39,251 --> 01:39:40,751
I love you, my Béatrice.
1724
01:39:41,126 --> 01:39:42,376
I love you too.
1725
01:39:55,751 --> 01:39:57,793
A secret passage. This way!
1726
01:39:58,710 --> 01:39:59,918
Sergeant-Major Gibon?
1727
01:40:00,626 --> 01:40:02,210
Are you okay?
You're not hurt?
1728
01:40:02,376 --> 01:40:03,543
No, Jean-Pierre.
1729
01:40:03,918 --> 01:40:05,251
Where did Hubert go?
1730
01:40:05,418 --> 01:40:07,460
You're too rational to understand.
1731
01:40:07,793 --> 01:40:11,501
Spare me your lame interpretations.
Answer me, please.
1732
01:40:11,835 --> 01:40:12,751
Where is your cousin?
1733
01:40:13,001 --> 01:40:14,918
He left with Mr. Kass.
1734
01:40:17,835 --> 01:40:19,043
Is the sheriff gone?
1735
01:40:19,210 --> 01:40:21,418
What are you saying?
Mr. Kass is here.
1736
01:40:21,585 --> 01:40:22,751
Mr. Kass!
1737
01:40:23,043 --> 01:40:26,043
Hush! I must find Lady Ginette.
1738
01:40:29,835 --> 01:40:31,751
Who left with...?
1739
01:40:33,126 --> 01:40:33,835
Shit!
1740
01:40:56,210 --> 01:40:57,626
A bear is chasing her!
1741
01:41:00,543 --> 01:41:02,918
Steer clear, beloved!
Steer clear!
1742
01:41:03,668 --> 01:41:04,460
Come back!
1743
01:41:08,001 --> 01:41:10,668
If you find enough force
1744
01:41:11,501 --> 01:41:12,376
in yourself,
1745
01:41:12,543 --> 01:41:13,876
you will be able
1746
01:41:14,168 --> 01:41:16,085
to change the course of the arrow.
1747
01:41:29,251 --> 01:41:30,043
Holy scrotums!
1748
01:41:30,460 --> 01:41:31,835
You almost pierced'st me!
1749
01:41:32,793 --> 01:41:35,501
Slay the father of my lady-love?
1750
01:41:35,668 --> 01:41:37,668
Your absence was an eternity,
1751
01:41:37,835 --> 01:41:38,710
dear Godefroy.
1752
01:41:42,210 --> 01:41:44,001
- It's hard!
- Sorry, beloved.
1753
01:41:44,418 --> 01:41:46,251
Jacquasse, where are you, peasant?
1754
01:41:46,751 --> 01:41:48,210
Fetch my crossbow.
1755
01:41:48,668 --> 01:41:49,543
He's here, Sire.
1756
01:41:49,793 --> 01:41:51,335
A-snoring in clown clothes.
1757
01:41:55,168 --> 01:41:56,251
Where are we?
1758
01:41:59,085 --> 01:41:59,876
Where's Freddy?
1759
01:42:02,251 --> 01:42:03,335
Who are you?
1760
01:42:05,335 --> 01:42:08,251
Take my crossbow.
Oil it at the castle.
1761
01:42:08,585 --> 01:42:09,626
What are you doing here?
1762
01:42:10,126 --> 01:42:11,835
Jump in the river.
You stinketh.
1763
01:42:22,376 --> 01:42:25,251
So Crass?
Have you been sucking up wine?
1764
01:42:28,335 --> 01:42:30,001
What the hell is going on?
1765
01:42:30,876 --> 01:42:34,168
Obey your Lord. I don't want
to whip you on his wedding day!
1766
01:42:36,710 --> 01:42:37,585
Indeed!
1767
01:42:39,751 --> 01:42:41,376
Obey hastily, my Jacquasse.
1768
01:42:41,918 --> 01:42:42,751
Shit!
1769
01:42:43,668 --> 01:42:45,001
Fuck!
1770
01:42:46,668 --> 01:42:47,876
Freakkky!
1771
01:42:49,085 --> 01:42:49,793
Okkk ayyy!
1772
01:42:52,168 --> 01:42:53,918
Hand over your jewels!
1773
01:42:59,043 --> 01:43:01,960
Cousin Hubert!
What is this nightmare?
1774
01:43:05,626 --> 01:43:07,501
What the hell is going on?
1775
01:43:09,793 --> 01:43:11,376
I'm hallucinating!
1776
01:43:12,376 --> 01:43:14,751
What the hell is going on?
1777
01:46:32,376 --> 01:46:34,710
Subtitled by Andrew Litvack
1778
01:46:34,876 --> 01:46:38,001
Subtitling by Eclair Group - Paris
1779
01:46:38,960 --> 01:46:40,293
A little hello to credit-lovers!
113269
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