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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:10,262 Houston, this is Condor. 2 00:01:10,303 --> 00:01:13,264 We are doing an E.V.A. of the payload. 3 00:01:13,305 --> 00:01:17,392 We are about to present the module with-- 4 00:01:17,434 --> 00:01:19,477 What the-- 5 00:01:19,519 --> 00:01:23,231 Oh, my gentle Jesus. 6 00:01:23,273 --> 00:01:26,191 Houston...we have a problem. 7 00:01:27,317 --> 00:01:30,278 Launch procedure commence. 8 00:01:49,711 --> 00:01:51,713 Oh, God! 9 00:01:53,006 --> 00:01:55,340 And I'm spent. 10 00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:58,385 Do you smoke after sex? 11 00:01:58,427 --> 00:02:00,763 I don't know, baby. I never looked. 12 00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:05,475 Oh, Austin! 13 00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:08,935 What shall we do now? 14 00:02:08,977 --> 00:02:11,480 Well, I've got an idea. Why don't we shag? 15 00:02:11,521 --> 00:02:13,606 -Again? -Sure, baby. 16 00:02:13,647 --> 00:02:15,983 We're only up to chapter eleven in the "Kama Sutra." 17 00:02:16,025 --> 00:02:18,486 Don't you want to try the wheelbarrow... 18 00:02:18,527 --> 00:02:19,986 or the praying donkey... 19 00:02:20,028 --> 00:02:21,946 or the Chinese shag swing? 20 00:02:21,988 --> 00:02:25,991 I'm going to get us some more champagne, jungle boy. 21 00:02:26,033 --> 00:02:28,577 I'm going to get us some more champagne, jungle boy. 22 00:02:32,997 --> 00:02:34,957 Are you OK? 23 00:02:34,999 --> 00:02:37,794 I've never felt better, Austin. 24 00:02:37,835 --> 00:02:39,961 All right, then. 25 00:02:40,003 --> 00:02:43,840 I'm just gonna go watch a movie. 26 00:02:46,175 --> 00:02:50,137 "In Like Flint." That's my favorite movie. 27 00:02:58,227 --> 00:02:59,645 Vanessa. 28 00:02:59,686 --> 00:03:02,272 What's going on? 29 00:03:03,439 --> 00:03:05,400 I don't know what you mean, Austin. 30 00:03:05,441 --> 00:03:07,068 I'm the same Vane-- 31 00:03:09,153 --> 00:03:10,946 You must be-- 32 00:03:10,987 --> 00:03:13,824 Tu imagination esta jugando con ti, querido. 33 00:03:13,865 --> 00:03:15,075 Oh, my God! 34 00:03:21,163 --> 00:03:22,831 You're a fembot! 35 00:03:22,872 --> 00:03:24,666 No shit, Sherlock! 36 00:03:26,167 --> 00:03:28,919 Machine gun jubblies? 37 00:03:28,961 --> 00:03:32,381 How did I miss those, baby? 38 00:03:32,423 --> 00:03:35,508 Perhaps next time you should try foreplay. 39 00:03:35,550 --> 00:03:37,677 Right. Oh, my God! 40 00:03:55,567 --> 00:03:57,986 Here's your wedding present, Mr. Powers. 41 00:03:58,027 --> 00:04:00,529 A kamikaze bride from me-- 42 00:04:00,571 --> 00:04:02,573 Dr. Evil. 43 00:04:14,416 --> 00:04:16,418 Oh, thank God. 44 00:04:22,965 --> 00:04:25,425 I can't believe Vanessa... 45 00:04:25,425 --> 00:04:27,510 my bride... 46 00:04:27,552 --> 00:04:30,388 my one true love... 47 00:04:30,430 --> 00:04:34,433 the woman who taught me the beauty of monogamy... 48 00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:37,810 was a fembot all along. 49 00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:40,730 Wait a tick. 50 00:04:40,772 --> 00:04:42,899 That means I'm single again! 51 00:04:42,940 --> 00:04:44,441 Oh, behave! 52 00:04:45,984 --> 00:04:47,736 Yeah! 53 00:04:47,778 --> 00:04:50,029 Yeah, baby, yeah! 54 00:04:50,071 --> 00:04:51,739 Halt! 55 00:05:12,465 --> 00:05:14,092 Yeah, baby, yeah! 56 00:05:36,443 --> 00:05:37,403 Look! 57 00:05:41,864 --> 00:05:43,366 How are you? 58 00:05:43,408 --> 00:05:44,867 Good to see you. 59 00:05:50,706 --> 00:05:53,541 What's that? 60 00:05:53,582 --> 00:05:55,918 Yes. Yeah, that. Good one, man. 61 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:57,420 What's goin' on here? 62 00:05:57,461 --> 00:05:58,920 Good to see you guys. 63 00:05:58,962 --> 00:06:00,422 Good to see you. 64 00:06:03,591 --> 00:06:05,050 Rabbis, how are you? 65 00:06:05,092 --> 00:06:07,553 Nice meat. 66 00:06:08,095 --> 00:06:09,555 Photo op. 67 00:06:09,596 --> 00:06:10,806 L'chaim! 68 00:06:33,491 --> 00:06:34,951 Yeah, baby. 69 00:07:34,417 --> 00:07:36,920 Keep a close eye on that Kreplachistan situation. 70 00:07:36,961 --> 00:07:38,296 Yes, sir. 71 00:07:42,925 --> 00:07:44,676 Jerry! Jerry! 72 00:07:44,717 --> 00:07:46,177 Thank you. 73 00:07:46,219 --> 00:07:47,595 Thank you very much. 74 00:07:47,637 --> 00:07:49,597 If you just joined us, today's topic is... 75 00:07:49,639 --> 00:07:52,849 "My father is evil, and he wants to take over the world." 76 00:07:54,101 --> 00:07:57,478 OK, let's meet Scott Evil. 77 00:08:03,109 --> 00:08:05,652 Hi, Scott. Nice to have you with us. 78 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,445 Tell us about your father. 79 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:11,949 My dad is the head of a worldwide evil organization... 80 00:08:11,990 --> 00:08:14,034 with aspirations of world domination. 81 00:08:15,452 --> 00:08:18,162 Pretty serious stuff. Where is he now? 82 00:08:18,204 --> 00:08:21,040 He's, like, cryogenically frozen... 83 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:22,666 orbiting the earth or something. 84 00:08:22,708 --> 00:08:24,084 That's what you think. 85 00:08:24,126 --> 00:08:26,628 We have a surprise for you. 86 00:08:26,670 --> 00:08:29,505 Let's bring out Scott's father Dr. Evil! 87 00:08:31,507 --> 00:08:33,050 What? 88 00:08:35,719 --> 00:08:38,054 General, we've got a situation here. 89 00:08:41,181 --> 00:08:42,641 What is it, Sergeant? 90 00:08:42,683 --> 00:08:43,976 Hello, Scott. 91 00:08:44,018 --> 00:08:46,186 Daddy's back. 92 00:08:46,228 --> 00:08:50,314 How could you do this to me, on national television? 93 00:08:50,356 --> 00:08:52,942 Well, throw me a frickin' bone here, Scott. 94 00:08:52,984 --> 00:08:55,193 Why'd you run out on me? 95 00:08:56,361 --> 00:08:58,864 Because you're not quite evil enough. 96 00:09:00,239 --> 00:09:01,866 Well, it's true. 97 00:09:01,907 --> 00:09:04,660 You're quasi-evil. 98 00:09:04,702 --> 00:09:06,369 You're semi-evil. 99 00:09:06,411 --> 00:09:08,330 You're the margarine of evil. 100 00:09:08,371 --> 00:09:11,666 You're the Diet Coke of evil. 101 00:09:11,708 --> 00:09:14,209 Just one calorie. Not evil enough. 102 00:09:14,251 --> 00:09:16,128 What are you, some kind of freak? 103 00:09:16,170 --> 00:09:18,297 -Shut up, you-- -OK, come on. 104 00:09:18,338 --> 00:09:20,590 I'll kick your...punk. 105 00:09:20,631 --> 00:09:22,091 Bring it on, skanky-- 106 00:09:22,133 --> 00:09:23,676 All right, come on. 107 00:09:23,718 --> 00:09:26,136 No one talks to my son like that. It's OK, Scott. 108 00:09:26,178 --> 00:09:27,471 You mother-- 109 00:09:37,228 --> 00:09:40,607 You were born in your mother's-- 110 00:09:42,484 --> 00:09:44,985 I'm OK. All right. 111 00:09:45,027 --> 00:09:47,738 You were born in your mother's-- 112 00:09:47,780 --> 00:09:48,906 I'll kill you both! 113 00:09:50,531 --> 00:09:51,658 There you go! 114 00:09:51,699 --> 00:09:52,909 Great! 115 00:09:52,950 --> 00:09:54,452 I got your hood! 116 00:09:55,745 --> 00:09:57,162 Settle down. 117 00:09:57,204 --> 00:09:58,955 It's OK. 118 00:09:58,997 --> 00:10:01,166 It's only a television show. Calm down. 119 00:10:01,208 --> 00:10:02,583 I'm all right. I'm easy. 120 00:10:02,583 --> 00:10:03,751 -Everything OK? -OK. 121 00:10:03,793 --> 00:10:05,002 Get this jerk out of here. 122 00:10:05,044 --> 00:10:08,047 I'll give you--piece of-- 123 00:10:11,633 --> 00:10:13,051 He's biting me! 124 00:10:14,552 --> 00:10:15,928 The...is biting me! 125 00:10:18,263 --> 00:10:23,643 The world is mine, you-- 126 00:10:36,362 --> 00:10:37,947 You've got mail. 127 00:10:37,989 --> 00:10:39,407 Hello, Basil. 128 00:10:39,448 --> 00:10:41,700 Hello, Austin. How was your honeymoon? 129 00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:45,036 It turns out that Vanessa was a fembot. 130 00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:48,414 Yes. We knew all along, sadly. 131 00:10:48,455 --> 00:10:52,417 Anyway, I have a new assignment for you. 132 00:10:52,458 --> 00:10:54,460 You're scheduled for a photo shoot... 133 00:10:54,502 --> 00:10:57,380 and one of the models works for Dr. Evil. 134 00:10:57,422 --> 00:10:58,880 Groovy, baby! 135 00:10:58,922 --> 00:11:01,466 Shaguar, ho! 136 00:11:09,974 --> 00:11:11,599 Show me to the models, baby. 137 00:11:11,641 --> 00:11:14,019 Let the magic begin. 138 00:11:14,060 --> 00:11:16,396 Who have we got today? 139 00:11:16,438 --> 00:11:17,563 OK, great. 140 00:11:17,604 --> 00:11:19,606 Austin Powers, I've heard a lot about you. 141 00:11:19,648 --> 00:11:21,066 I'm Rebecca Romijn. 142 00:11:21,108 --> 00:11:22,609 I don't believe I've had the pleasure. 143 00:11:22,651 --> 00:11:24,610 Well, of course you haven't had... 144 00:11:24,652 --> 00:11:26,612 the pleasure, Rebecca. 145 00:11:26,654 --> 00:11:28,948 We just met, baby. Yeah. 146 00:11:31,575 --> 00:11:34,745 Who are you, baby? 147 00:11:34,786 --> 00:11:36,912 Ivana. 148 00:11:36,954 --> 00:11:39,081 Ivana Humpalot. 149 00:11:39,123 --> 00:11:40,666 Excuse me? 150 00:11:42,584 --> 00:11:44,919 And Ivanna toilet made out of solid gold... 151 00:11:44,961 --> 00:11:46,963 but it's just not in the cards, is it? 152 00:11:48,505 --> 00:11:50,466 You know... 153 00:11:50,507 --> 00:11:52,217 OK, everyone, let's get started. 154 00:11:52,259 --> 00:11:54,511 Yes, beautiful. Feeling it! 155 00:11:54,552 --> 00:11:56,304 Let's get some smiles. It's all in here. 156 00:11:56,346 --> 00:11:57,972 That's it. Yes! 157 00:11:58,014 --> 00:11:59,641 Let's let the inside out. 158 00:11:59,724 --> 00:12:01,016 OK, you're an animal! 159 00:12:01,058 --> 00:12:02,517 Yes, there we go. 160 00:12:02,517 --> 00:12:03,727 You're a tiger! 161 00:12:03,769 --> 00:12:05,020 You're Tony the Tiger! 162 00:12:05,062 --> 00:12:06,730 You're grrreat! 163 00:12:06,772 --> 00:12:08,356 Very good. Loving it. 164 00:12:08,397 --> 00:12:09,774 Now you're a lemur. 165 00:12:09,815 --> 00:12:11,776 Running as a pack. 166 00:12:11,817 --> 00:12:13,318 We go left. 167 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:14,986 We go right. 168 00:12:15,028 --> 00:12:16,404 There's a predator out of the jungle. 169 00:12:16,446 --> 00:12:17,822 What's going on? 170 00:12:17,864 --> 00:12:19,282 Burrow! 171 00:12:19,324 --> 00:12:21,200 That's right, you're a lemur. That's all you've got. 172 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,494 You don't have sharp teeth capable of biting. 173 00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:25,995 Make an interconnected series of tunnels like the Viet Cong. 174 00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,163 And look. 175 00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:29,290 I'm not even shooting you. It's crazy. 176 00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:31,459 And I'm spent. 177 00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:33,335 Right, that's a wrap, everyone. 178 00:12:33,377 --> 00:12:35,087 Miss Humpalot. 179 00:12:35,128 --> 00:12:36,755 Da, darling? 180 00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:38,131 Shall we? 181 00:12:38,173 --> 00:12:40,758 Give me moment, hmm? 182 00:12:51,558 --> 00:12:53,852 Dr. Evil, several years ago... 183 00:12:53,894 --> 00:12:57,271 we invested in a small Seattle-based coffee company. 184 00:12:58,481 --> 00:13:02,652 Today Starbucks offers premium quality coffee... 185 00:13:02,694 --> 00:13:04,736 at affordable prices. 186 00:13:04,778 --> 00:13:07,030 De-lish! 187 00:13:09,907 --> 00:13:11,867 If we shift our resources... 188 00:13:11,909 --> 00:13:16,037 away from evil empires and towards Starbucks... 189 00:13:16,079 --> 00:13:18,707 we can increase our profits five-fold. 190 00:13:18,748 --> 00:13:22,835 Number Two, I make the decisions here, OK? 191 00:13:22,876 --> 00:13:24,670 I demand a little respect. 192 00:13:24,712 --> 00:13:27,798 Dr. Evil, you have a little of the... 193 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:29,841 Silence! 194 00:13:29,882 --> 00:13:33,219 I will not tolerate your insolence! 195 00:13:33,261 --> 00:13:36,263 Frau Farbissina, wie geht es ihnen? 196 00:13:36,305 --> 00:13:38,265 Sehr gut, Herr Doktor. 197 00:13:38,265 --> 00:13:39,725 How are things? 198 00:13:39,766 --> 00:13:43,728 I have come to embrace the love that dare not speak its name. 199 00:13:43,769 --> 00:13:45,479 To my right is my lover. 200 00:13:45,521 --> 00:13:47,772 We met at the LPGA Tour. 201 00:13:47,814 --> 00:13:50,400 Her name is Unibrau. 202 00:13:51,735 --> 00:13:52,944 Right on. 203 00:13:54,445 --> 00:13:56,238 Welcome, Unibrau. 204 00:13:59,741 --> 00:14:00,825 What? 205 00:14:00,867 --> 00:14:03,745 A little milk...nose...mustache. 206 00:14:05,413 --> 00:14:07,956 I know. 207 00:14:07,998 --> 00:14:09,249 Meant to. 208 00:14:09,291 --> 00:14:11,793 That's how we drink it in Belgium. 209 00:14:11,835 --> 00:14:13,377 Called a Belgian dip. 210 00:14:14,545 --> 00:14:16,797 While you were frozen... 211 00:14:16,839 --> 00:14:19,841 we began a program to clone you. 212 00:14:19,883 --> 00:14:21,384 Cool. 213 00:14:21,426 --> 00:14:23,803 Send in the clone! 214 00:14:23,845 --> 00:14:27,514 He is exactly like you in every way. 215 00:14:30,476 --> 00:14:33,937 Except one eighth your size. 216 00:14:34,979 --> 00:14:36,773 Breathtaking. 217 00:14:36,814 --> 00:14:39,858 I shall call him... 218 00:14:39,900 --> 00:14:41,818 Mini-Me. 219 00:14:46,697 --> 00:14:48,658 Your stock is rising, Number Two. 220 00:14:51,952 --> 00:14:53,578 Come, Mr. Bigglesworth. 221 00:14:56,038 --> 00:14:58,499 Mini-Me, are you hungry? 222 00:14:58,540 --> 00:15:00,125 Something to eat? 223 00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:01,377 Not even a Hot Pocket? 224 00:15:02,794 --> 00:15:04,212 An Eggo? 225 00:15:04,253 --> 00:15:07,799 No, we don't gnaw on our kitty. 226 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:11,426 Leave Mini-Mr. Bigglesworth alone. 227 00:15:11,468 --> 00:15:13,595 Just love him and stroke him. 228 00:15:15,471 --> 00:15:16,973 As you know... 229 00:15:16,973 --> 00:15:19,934 every diabolical scheme that I have hatched... 230 00:15:19,976 --> 00:15:22,852 has been thwarted by Austin Powers. 231 00:15:22,852 --> 00:15:24,938 And why is that, ladies and gentlemen? 232 00:15:24,980 --> 00:15:26,898 'Cause you never kill him when you get the chance to... 233 00:15:26,940 --> 00:15:28,399 and you're a big dope. 234 00:15:35,738 --> 00:15:38,074 Down, Mini-Me. 235 00:15:39,284 --> 00:15:43,829 Austin Powers always defeats me because he has mojo. 236 00:15:43,870 --> 00:15:45,289 Mojo? 237 00:15:46,872 --> 00:15:49,208 The libido. The life force. 238 00:15:49,208 --> 00:15:51,377 The essence. The right stuff. 239 00:15:51,419 --> 00:15:54,045 What the French call a certain... 240 00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:56,131 I don't know what. 241 00:15:56,172 --> 00:15:58,216 Ladies and gentlemen... 242 00:15:58,257 --> 00:16:00,843 I've developed a device for traveling through time... 243 00:16:00,926 --> 00:16:04,263 which I call a "time machine." 244 00:16:04,305 --> 00:16:07,390 Using this "time machine..." 245 00:16:07,432 --> 00:16:11,810 I'm going back to the Sixties and steal Austin Powers' mojo. 246 00:16:11,852 --> 00:16:13,812 If you have a time machine... 247 00:16:13,854 --> 00:16:15,814 why not just go back and kill Austin Powers... 248 00:16:15,856 --> 00:16:17,523 when he's sitting on the crapper or something? 249 00:16:17,565 --> 00:16:20,776 How about no, Scott? 250 00:16:20,818 --> 00:16:22,028 OK? 251 00:16:22,069 --> 00:16:25,572 Why not use your knowledge of the future... 252 00:16:25,614 --> 00:16:27,240 to play the stock market? 253 00:16:27,282 --> 00:16:28,742 We could make trillions. 254 00:16:28,783 --> 00:16:32,911 Why make trillions when we could make... 255 00:16:32,953 --> 00:16:34,663 billions? 256 00:16:36,331 --> 00:16:38,917 A trillion is more than a billion, numnuts. 257 00:16:38,958 --> 00:16:40,752 All right, zip it. 258 00:16:40,793 --> 00:16:42,669 -You can't even-- -Zip it. 259 00:16:42,711 --> 00:16:44,212 Zi-i-i-p. 260 00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:45,589 Look, all I'm-- 261 00:16:45,631 --> 00:16:47,382 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, ex-zip-it "A." 262 00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:49,091 Number Two, would you please back me up? 263 00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:52,053 -Look, I'm Zippi Longstocking. -I can't-- 264 00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:53,721 When a problem comes along 265 00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:55,388 You must zip it 266 00:16:55,430 --> 00:16:56,848 Zip it good. 267 00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:58,433 Frau, would you please-- 268 00:17:01,602 --> 00:17:03,562 Subtitle: "Zip it." 269 00:17:03,604 --> 00:17:04,855 -I'm just trying to-- -Zip. 270 00:17:04,897 --> 00:17:07,398 Would you like to have a suckle of my zipple? 271 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:09,442 -I want you--Stop-- -Zip. 272 00:17:10,443 --> 00:17:13,154 Listen--All--You know-- 273 00:17:13,196 --> 00:17:14,947 You're like a child-- 274 00:17:14,988 --> 00:17:18,200 Talk in--If you-- Just--One time-- 275 00:17:18,242 --> 00:17:21,035 Zip it. Unveil the time portal. 276 00:17:31,711 --> 00:17:33,671 As you know... 277 00:17:33,671 --> 00:17:37,591 Austin Powers was frozen in 1967. 278 00:17:37,591 --> 00:17:40,802 Therefore, I will travel to 1969... 279 00:17:40,843 --> 00:17:43,513 two years after he was frozen. 280 00:17:43,554 --> 00:17:45,055 He'll be helpless. 281 00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:46,515 Ladies and gentlemen... 282 00:17:46,556 --> 00:17:47,933 I'm about to travel through time. 283 00:17:47,975 --> 00:17:49,643 I bid you adieu. 284 00:17:56,774 --> 00:17:59,192 I'm OK. 285 00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:02,320 Not turned on, I suppose. 286 00:18:03,279 --> 00:18:05,823 Do you think you could... 287 00:18:05,864 --> 00:18:07,074 Yeah, thanks. 288 00:18:07,116 --> 00:18:09,201 Come, Mini-Me! 289 00:18:13,246 --> 00:18:15,665 Don't be scared, Mini-Me. 290 00:18:28,758 --> 00:18:31,136 Welcome to 1969. 291 00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:33,597 Thank you, Number Two. 292 00:18:33,638 --> 00:18:36,265 You look so healthy and youthful. 293 00:18:36,307 --> 00:18:37,641 Well, thank you. 294 00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:38,851 Herr Doktor. 295 00:18:38,892 --> 00:18:42,312 And Frau, you look so... 296 00:18:45,356 --> 00:18:48,233 Right. 297 00:18:48,275 --> 00:18:51,194 I received your memo from the future. 298 00:18:51,236 --> 00:18:53,446 Your new lair is up and running. 299 00:18:53,487 --> 00:18:56,365 Is it a hollowed-out volcano like I asked for? 300 00:18:57,116 --> 00:18:58,492 Of course. 301 00:18:59,576 --> 00:19:01,578 Good. 302 00:19:01,578 --> 00:19:05,123 Then it's all going perfectly to plan. 303 00:19:32,854 --> 00:19:35,357 Yeah, baby, yeah! 304 00:19:39,985 --> 00:19:42,738 When did you get the Clapper? 305 00:19:42,780 --> 00:19:44,864 November 1964. 306 00:19:44,906 --> 00:19:46,991 Dutch East Indies. Shore leave. 307 00:19:47,033 --> 00:19:50,035 Do you know how we keep warm in Russia? 308 00:19:51,536 --> 00:19:53,288 I can guess, baby. 309 00:19:53,330 --> 00:19:54,539 We play chess. 310 00:19:54,581 --> 00:19:56,749 I guessed wrong. 311 00:19:56,791 --> 00:20:01,170 It takes a keen intellect to play chess. 312 00:20:01,212 --> 00:20:04,339 I assume you know how to play. 313 00:20:07,425 --> 00:20:08,717 Of course, baby. 314 00:20:29,026 --> 00:20:31,862 What to do, what to do. 315 00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:04,723 Let me ask you a question. 316 00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,766 And be honest. 317 00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:09,144 Do I make you horny, baby? 318 00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:10,895 Do I? 319 00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:13,522 Do I make you randy? 320 00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:18,693 No more games. 321 00:21:18,735 --> 00:21:21,195 Dr. Evil sent me here to kill you... 322 00:21:21,237 --> 00:21:23,906 but I find you so... 323 00:21:23,947 --> 00:21:25,824 sexy and... 324 00:21:27,326 --> 00:21:29,827 Just make love to me. 325 00:21:29,827 --> 00:21:31,871 Now, Austin Powerovich. 326 00:21:31,913 --> 00:21:33,414 Hurry! 327 00:21:37,334 --> 00:21:40,420 You're hairy like animal! 328 00:21:40,503 --> 00:21:43,422 Grr, baby! Very grr! 329 00:21:43,464 --> 00:21:46,008 Make love to me, monkey man. 330 00:21:47,134 --> 00:21:49,677 Dr. Evil, I don't understand... 331 00:21:49,719 --> 00:21:52,805 how we can hope to steal Austin Powers' mojo. 332 00:21:52,847 --> 00:21:54,514 We've tried this before. 333 00:21:55,849 --> 00:21:58,435 The security around Powers is fool proof. 334 00:21:58,477 --> 00:22:00,728 But this time we have an operative... 335 00:22:00,770 --> 00:22:03,231 inside the Ministry of Defense. 336 00:22:03,272 --> 00:22:04,482 Really? 337 00:22:04,523 --> 00:22:06,817 Yes, really. 338 00:22:08,818 --> 00:22:12,948 He's stealing Austin Powers' mojo even as we speak. 339 00:22:12,948 --> 00:22:14,240 Really? 340 00:22:19,410 --> 00:22:21,371 He's a disgruntled Scottish guard... 341 00:22:21,412 --> 00:22:24,832 known for his lethal temper and his unusual eating habits. 342 00:22:24,916 --> 00:22:26,750 He weighs a metric ton. 343 00:22:26,792 --> 00:22:29,795 His name...Fat Bastard. 344 00:22:32,380 --> 00:22:36,425 We've had reports there's a spy in the Ministry of Defense. 345 00:22:36,467 --> 00:22:39,302 The contents of this room are vital to the country. 346 00:22:39,302 --> 00:22:41,846 Be on special alert. 347 00:22:41,888 --> 00:22:43,181 Yes, sir. 348 00:22:43,223 --> 00:22:47,268 And try to lose some weight, for God's sake. 349 00:22:51,896 --> 00:22:55,108 Mr. English colonel tellin' me to lose weight. 350 00:22:55,149 --> 00:22:58,569 I'm a hard case, he says. 351 00:22:58,610 --> 00:23:00,529 Well, listen up, sonny Jim... 352 00:23:00,571 --> 00:23:03,614 I ate a baby! 353 00:23:03,656 --> 00:23:07,702 Oh, aye, baby. The other other white meat. 354 00:23:07,785 --> 00:23:11,204 Baby: It's what's for dinner. 355 00:23:35,516 --> 00:23:39,020 I've got your mojo now, sonny Jim. 356 00:23:41,313 --> 00:23:43,106 What's wrong? 357 00:23:43,148 --> 00:23:44,941 Crikey! 358 00:23:44,983 --> 00:23:47,568 I've lost my mojo. 359 00:23:51,822 --> 00:23:53,781 Austin, the test results confirm... 360 00:23:53,823 --> 00:23:55,783 that you've lost your mojo... 361 00:23:55,825 --> 00:23:58,286 and it couldn't come at a worse time. 362 00:23:58,328 --> 00:24:02,372 We have evidence that Dr. Evil has developed a time machine... 363 00:24:02,414 --> 00:24:05,459 and has traveled back to the year 1969. 364 00:24:05,500 --> 00:24:06,709 Luckily, we, too... 365 00:24:06,751 --> 00:24:08,669 have developed a time travel device... 366 00:24:08,711 --> 00:24:11,297 to transport you back to the Sixties. 367 00:24:12,422 --> 00:24:16,801 This is where you input your destination. 368 00:24:16,843 --> 00:24:18,219 Wait a tick. 369 00:24:18,260 --> 00:24:22,306 Basil, if I travel back to 1969 and I was frozen in 1967... 370 00:24:22,348 --> 00:24:24,807 presumably, I could go visit my frozen self. 371 00:24:24,807 --> 00:24:27,310 But if I'm still frozen in 1967... 372 00:24:27,352 --> 00:24:28,811 how could I have been unthawed... 373 00:24:28,853 --> 00:24:30,313 in the Nineties and traveled back-- 374 00:24:30,355 --> 00:24:32,648 Oh, no, I've gone cross-eyed. 375 00:24:32,648 --> 00:24:35,108 I suggest you don't worry about this sort of thing... 376 00:24:35,150 --> 00:24:36,735 and just enjoy yourself. 377 00:24:36,777 --> 00:24:39,028 That goes for you all, too. 378 00:24:40,947 --> 00:24:42,281 This is smashing, Basil. 379 00:24:42,323 --> 00:24:45,742 I go back to the Sixties, recharge my mojo... 380 00:24:45,784 --> 00:24:49,079 defeat Dr. Evil, and be back in time for tea. 381 00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:52,540 Swinging Sixties, here I come, baby, yeah! 382 00:24:52,581 --> 00:24:54,166 Move! Move! 383 00:24:59,462 --> 00:25:00,922 Sorry. 384 00:25:00,964 --> 00:25:02,422 I bet that's expensive. 385 00:25:07,386 --> 00:25:08,553 Sorry. 386 00:25:08,594 --> 00:25:10,471 Easy! 387 00:25:10,513 --> 00:25:11,931 Stop it now, Austin! 388 00:25:11,973 --> 00:25:14,808 Here we go. 389 00:25:14,850 --> 00:25:17,310 Yeah, baby, yeah! 390 00:25:18,478 --> 00:25:20,771 Godspeed, Austin Powers. 391 00:25:39,412 --> 00:25:41,622 I'm home! 392 00:25:56,552 --> 00:25:59,554 I'm back in the Sixties, baby, yeah! 393 00:26:20,697 --> 00:26:23,991 Get your hands off my Heine, baby. 394 00:26:43,799 --> 00:26:45,384 Who are you today, baby? 395 00:26:45,426 --> 00:26:49,012 My name is Robin Swallows. 396 00:26:49,054 --> 00:26:51,890 Swallows. That's an interesting name. 397 00:26:51,890 --> 00:26:54,558 Maiden name's Spitz. 398 00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:57,394 Which is it, baby, Spitz or Swallows? 399 00:27:45,977 --> 00:27:47,728 Those are skintight. 400 00:27:47,770 --> 00:27:50,314 How do you get into those pants, baby? 401 00:27:50,356 --> 00:27:52,607 You can start by buying me a drink. 402 00:28:03,700 --> 00:28:06,119 I want! I want! 403 00:28:24,676 --> 00:28:28,179 Better play it cool. Your friend works for Dr. Evil. 404 00:28:28,220 --> 00:28:32,433 And just who do you work for, baby? 405 00:28:35,143 --> 00:28:37,645 Tell me, Mr. Powers... 406 00:28:37,645 --> 00:28:39,314 do you swing? 407 00:28:39,355 --> 00:28:40,856 Are you kidding, baby? 408 00:28:40,939 --> 00:28:43,901 I put the "Grr!" in "swinger, " baby! 409 00:28:45,527 --> 00:28:48,029 Then why don't you come right... 410 00:28:48,070 --> 00:28:51,199 over here. 411 00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:52,909 I can do that. 412 00:29:06,669 --> 00:29:09,214 Prepare to die, Powers! 413 00:29:10,924 --> 00:29:13,175 Use the machine gun! 414 00:29:22,099 --> 00:29:24,726 Say good-bye, Powers! 415 00:29:26,436 --> 00:29:29,272 Use the bazooka! 416 00:29:41,032 --> 00:29:44,076 The fall will kill us both, Powers! 417 00:29:53,751 --> 00:29:56,711 You can't win, Powers. 418 00:29:58,755 --> 00:30:01,258 Why won't you die? 419 00:30:06,470 --> 00:30:07,847 Care for a ride? 420 00:30:11,724 --> 00:30:14,227 Go! 421 00:30:19,314 --> 00:30:21,858 Austin Powers, I presume. 422 00:30:21,941 --> 00:30:25,570 Powers by name, Powers by reputation. 423 00:30:26,820 --> 00:30:28,530 Felicity Shagwell, CIA. 424 00:30:28,572 --> 00:30:30,031 Shagwell by name... 425 00:30:30,073 --> 00:30:32,993 shag-very-well by reputation. 426 00:30:33,033 --> 00:30:35,786 Oh, behave! 427 00:30:35,786 --> 00:30:37,288 Not if I can help it. 428 00:30:50,299 --> 00:30:53,259 You know what's remarkable is how much England... 429 00:30:53,301 --> 00:30:56,804 looks in no way like Southern California. 430 00:31:13,568 --> 00:31:14,819 Crikey! 431 00:31:14,819 --> 00:31:17,821 We've got company! Looks like one of Dr. Evil's assassins. 432 00:31:40,216 --> 00:31:42,175 Steady now. 433 00:31:42,217 --> 00:31:43,635 Hands up! 434 00:31:43,676 --> 00:31:48,138 Do you remember me, Austin Powers? 435 00:31:48,180 --> 00:31:51,183 I don't recall your name but your... 436 00:31:51,225 --> 00:31:53,769 fez is familiar. 437 00:31:57,688 --> 00:32:00,399 My name is Mustafa. 438 00:32:00,441 --> 00:32:03,360 And I'm the man who will be killing you now. 439 00:32:03,401 --> 00:32:07,822 Daktari! 440 00:32:16,412 --> 00:32:17,872 Who sent you? 441 00:32:17,914 --> 00:32:19,165 You'll have to kill me. 442 00:32:19,207 --> 00:32:20,666 Who sent you? 443 00:32:20,707 --> 00:32:22,626 Kiss my ass, Powers. 444 00:32:22,626 --> 00:32:24,086 Who sent you? 445 00:32:24,128 --> 00:32:25,503 Dr. Evil. 446 00:32:27,505 --> 00:32:29,966 -That was easy. -That was. 447 00:32:30,007 --> 00:32:31,758 Why did you tell us? 448 00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:33,969 I can't stand to be asked the same question three times. 449 00:32:34,010 --> 00:32:35,470 It just irritates me. 450 00:32:35,512 --> 00:32:37,931 Where is Dr. Evil hiding? 451 00:32:37,973 --> 00:32:39,181 Why would he tell me? 452 00:32:39,223 --> 00:32:41,016 I'm just one of his low-level functionaries. 453 00:32:41,058 --> 00:32:42,893 Where is Dr. Evil hiding? 454 00:32:42,935 --> 00:32:44,936 You'll have to torture me. I'll never tell you. 455 00:32:44,978 --> 00:32:47,981 -Where is Dr. Evil hiding? -Damn! Three times. 456 00:32:48,022 --> 00:32:51,733 He's hiding in the secret volcano lair. 457 00:32:51,775 --> 00:32:55,028 Where's Dr. Evil's secret volcano lair? 458 00:32:56,113 --> 00:32:57,572 I spit at the question. 459 00:32:57,613 --> 00:33:00,616 Do I really have to ask you two more times? 460 00:33:00,658 --> 00:33:02,243 Go to hell, Powers! 461 00:33:02,285 --> 00:33:09,457 Fine. Where is Dr. Evil's secret volcano lair? 462 00:33:09,498 --> 00:33:12,501 I will take it to the grave with me. 463 00:33:12,543 --> 00:33:14,587 You have to answer. He asked you three times. 464 00:33:16,713 --> 00:33:18,298 The second question was... 465 00:33:18,339 --> 00:33:20,717 "Do I really have to ask you two more times?" 466 00:33:20,759 --> 00:33:24,178 That would be the first question in a new line of questioning... 467 00:33:24,178 --> 00:33:26,722 and wouldn't count in the other line of questioning. 468 00:33:26,764 --> 00:33:28,181 He's right. 469 00:33:28,222 --> 00:33:30,266 However, I'm just trying to get information from you, man. 470 00:33:30,308 --> 00:33:33,936 I don't need any consistency in the questions, do I? 471 00:33:33,978 --> 00:33:36,104 No. You're preaching to the converted-- 472 00:33:37,105 --> 00:33:38,648 If I'm preaching to the converted... 473 00:33:38,690 --> 00:33:40,066 then why are you being so slavish... 474 00:33:40,066 --> 00:33:42,276 to the three-question form? 475 00:33:42,276 --> 00:33:43,778 You're not even looking at me, man. 476 00:33:43,819 --> 00:33:45,488 Now you're just being rude, you know what I mean? 477 00:33:45,529 --> 00:33:46,821 You're not listening, man. 478 00:33:51,326 --> 00:33:53,869 Oh, crikey! 479 00:33:57,372 --> 00:34:00,792 Well, Austin, I think this time you have finally met your match. 480 00:34:00,833 --> 00:34:02,293 Oh, no, baby. 481 00:34:02,335 --> 00:34:05,921 I've beaten Dr. Evil before, and I'll beat him again. 482 00:34:05,962 --> 00:34:08,048 I was talking about me. 483 00:34:15,888 --> 00:34:17,389 Hello up there! 484 00:34:17,431 --> 00:34:19,641 I seem to have fallen down a cliff. 485 00:34:19,682 --> 00:34:22,477 I'm still alive, but I'm very badly injured. 486 00:34:22,519 --> 00:34:26,021 I think my legs are broken. I'll try to stand. 487 00:34:27,022 --> 00:34:28,649 Yes, they are broken. 488 00:34:28,690 --> 00:34:30,650 Perhaps you could toss me a band-aid... 489 00:34:30,691 --> 00:34:32,652 or some antibacterial cream. 490 00:34:32,693 --> 00:34:36,656 I'm in an extraordinarily large amount of pain. 491 00:34:36,697 --> 00:34:38,824 The bone has gone through the skin. 492 00:34:38,865 --> 00:34:40,992 I fear it might be gangrenous. 493 00:34:41,034 --> 00:34:43,661 The wound is beginning to smell a little like almonds... 494 00:34:43,702 --> 00:34:45,663 which is not good. 495 00:34:45,704 --> 00:34:47,331 Please? 496 00:34:47,373 --> 00:34:48,499 No one? 497 00:34:48,541 --> 00:34:49,666 Sorry. 498 00:34:49,666 --> 00:34:51,209 I'll try the other leg. 499 00:34:56,380 --> 00:34:58,674 Two of my assassins are dead. 500 00:34:58,715 --> 00:35:01,593 I will not tolerate failure. 501 00:35:01,635 --> 00:35:03,553 I'm the man who will maintain the dignity... 502 00:35:03,553 --> 00:35:05,555 of this evil organization. 503 00:35:05,555 --> 00:35:08,014 What the hell was that? 504 00:35:08,056 --> 00:35:10,517 Volcanic eruption! 505 00:35:19,608 --> 00:35:24,028 May I present to you my spy in the Ministry of Defense... 506 00:35:24,070 --> 00:35:27,322 Fat Bastard. 507 00:35:27,364 --> 00:35:29,116 First things first! 508 00:35:29,158 --> 00:35:31,118 Where's your shitter? 509 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:34,328 I've got a turtle head poking out. 510 00:35:35,747 --> 00:35:37,290 Charming. 511 00:35:37,331 --> 00:35:39,167 I'm not kidding. 512 00:35:39,167 --> 00:35:42,836 I got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. 513 00:35:42,878 --> 00:35:45,838 It's squidgey! 514 00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:50,718 Christ, I'm getting all emotional from it, you know? 515 00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:53,219 Right. 516 00:35:53,261 --> 00:35:57,140 Fat Bastard, could I have my mojo, please? 517 00:35:57,182 --> 00:35:59,141 Where's my money? 518 00:35:59,183 --> 00:36:01,518 All right, give him his money. 519 00:36:03,854 --> 00:36:07,273 Jesus Christ, he's tiny! 520 00:36:07,315 --> 00:36:11,318 I've had bigger chunks of corn in my crap. 521 00:36:12,652 --> 00:36:14,946 Wait a minute. 522 00:36:14,988 --> 00:36:18,074 He kinda looks like a baby. 523 00:36:18,115 --> 00:36:21,160 Come here! I'm gonna eat you! 524 00:36:21,202 --> 00:36:22,620 I'm bigger than you. 525 00:36:22,661 --> 00:36:24,370 I'm higher on the food chain. 526 00:36:24,412 --> 00:36:26,623 Get in my belly! 527 00:36:26,664 --> 00:36:29,333 Come on! 528 00:36:29,374 --> 00:36:31,710 You're lucky, wee man! 529 00:36:32,711 --> 00:36:34,713 Can I have a hug? 530 00:36:37,382 --> 00:36:40,426 Let me make you a deal, all right? 531 00:36:40,468 --> 00:36:42,928 You get the mojo, you keep your money... 532 00:36:42,928 --> 00:36:45,305 and I'll get your baby. 533 00:36:47,057 --> 00:36:50,559 Right. 534 00:36:50,601 --> 00:36:52,061 I want my baby back, baby back 535 00:36:52,103 --> 00:36:53,938 Baby back, baby back, baby back ribs 536 00:36:53,979 --> 00:36:55,605 I want my baby back, baby back 537 00:36:55,647 --> 00:36:58,108 Baby back, baby back, baby back ribs 538 00:36:58,149 --> 00:36:59,651 Excuse me. 539 00:36:59,692 --> 00:37:01,610 Chili 540 00:37:01,652 --> 00:37:03,695 Baby back ribs 541 00:37:03,737 --> 00:37:07,240 Dr. Evil, what are we going to do about Powers? 542 00:37:07,281 --> 00:37:10,910 Austin Powers is no longer a threat to me. 543 00:37:10,952 --> 00:37:13,286 I have his mojo. 544 00:37:50,277 --> 00:37:54,071 All right, everyone, you're dismissed. 545 00:37:54,113 --> 00:37:56,031 Private time. 546 00:38:28,058 --> 00:38:31,770 Dr. Evil, I don't want this to interfere with our work. 547 00:38:31,811 --> 00:38:33,563 Don't worry, mama. 548 00:38:33,605 --> 00:38:36,607 Things won't get weird. 549 00:38:44,906 --> 00:38:46,491 One for me... 550 00:38:49,034 --> 00:38:50,994 and one for my homies. 551 00:38:52,871 --> 00:38:54,747 Herr Doktor. 552 00:39:25,606 --> 00:39:27,650 So what happened here? 553 00:39:27,733 --> 00:39:29,694 Apparently a rogue agent named Fat Bastard... 554 00:39:29,735 --> 00:39:31,152 infiltrated the unit... 555 00:39:31,194 --> 00:39:33,029 assigned to guard your cryogenic chamber. 556 00:39:33,071 --> 00:39:34,531 He used some sort of nerve gas. 557 00:39:34,572 --> 00:39:36,116 These men don't remember a thing. 558 00:39:36,157 --> 00:39:37,658 Captain, why don't you... 559 00:39:37,700 --> 00:39:39,326 cross-check Fat Bastard's profile... 560 00:39:39,368 --> 00:39:41,495 with the mainframe at Langley? 561 00:39:41,537 --> 00:39:42,621 Yes, ma'am. 562 00:39:42,663 --> 00:39:44,580 Can I borrow that, please? Thank you. 563 00:39:46,374 --> 00:39:49,668 Look at me. I'm a sexy bitch, baby. Yeah! 564 00:39:49,710 --> 00:39:51,378 You're a Popsicle, yes. 565 00:39:53,630 --> 00:39:56,048 And I'm spent. 566 00:39:56,090 --> 00:39:58,467 Let's go, baby, yeah! 567 00:40:03,013 --> 00:40:04,431 Hey there. How are you? 568 00:40:17,233 --> 00:40:18,568 Come on, Felicity. 569 00:40:49,177 --> 00:40:50,678 Yeah, babe. 570 00:40:52,679 --> 00:40:54,139 Shall we sit down? 571 00:40:55,182 --> 00:40:56,641 This is great. 572 00:40:56,683 --> 00:40:57,975 Groovy! 573 00:40:59,185 --> 00:41:03,147 So, Austin, what's the future like? 574 00:41:03,189 --> 00:41:06,149 Well, everyone has a flying car... 575 00:41:06,191 --> 00:41:08,568 entire meals come in pill form... 576 00:41:08,610 --> 00:41:12,696 and the Earth is ruled by damned dirty apes! 577 00:41:12,738 --> 00:41:14,281 Oh, my God! 578 00:41:14,323 --> 00:41:16,241 Had you for a second. 579 00:41:17,533 --> 00:41:20,119 You can have me for even longer, if you want. 580 00:41:20,161 --> 00:41:25,082 You're one groovy baby... 581 00:41:25,123 --> 00:41:26,792 baby. 582 00:41:28,460 --> 00:41:29,960 Too many "babies." 583 00:41:31,462 --> 00:41:33,964 Don't you dare move. 584 00:41:36,466 --> 00:41:39,094 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Burt Bacharach... 585 00:41:39,135 --> 00:41:41,970 and Mr. Elvis Costello. 586 00:41:46,016 --> 00:41:49,560 What do you get when you fall in love? 587 00:41:49,602 --> 00:41:52,563 A guy with a pin to burst your bubble 588 00:41:52,605 --> 00:41:53,981 Would you care to dance? 589 00:41:54,023 --> 00:41:55,482 I'd love to. 590 00:41:55,524 --> 00:41:57,484 For all your trouble 591 00:41:57,526 --> 00:41:59,486 I'll 592 00:41:59,528 --> 00:42:05,533 Never fall in love again 593 00:42:05,574 --> 00:42:10,537 I'll never fall in love again 594 00:42:10,578 --> 00:42:15,290 Don't tell me what it's all about 595 00:42:15,332 --> 00:42:19,377 'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out 596 00:42:19,419 --> 00:42:23,464 Out of the those chains, those chains that bind you 597 00:42:23,548 --> 00:42:27,509 That is why I'm here to remind you 598 00:42:27,551 --> 00:42:30,554 What do you get when you fall in love? 599 00:42:30,595 --> 00:42:34,974 You only get lies and pain and sorrow 600 00:42:35,016 --> 00:42:38,727 So for at least until tomorrow 601 00:42:38,768 --> 00:42:40,895 I'll 602 00:42:40,937 --> 00:42:45,607 Never fall in love again 603 00:42:45,649 --> 00:42:47,901 I'll 604 00:42:47,943 --> 00:42:50,987 Never fall in love 605 00:42:51,029 --> 00:42:52,238 Again 606 00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:54,866 You're quite good on your feet. 607 00:42:54,907 --> 00:42:57,576 I'm even better off my feet. 608 00:43:10,462 --> 00:43:12,714 Oh, behave, baby. 609 00:43:19,553 --> 00:43:21,513 -Hi. -Hi there. 610 00:43:23,598 --> 00:43:24,849 How are things? 611 00:43:24,891 --> 00:43:26,768 Good, Herr Doktor. And you? 612 00:43:26,809 --> 00:43:29,603 Great. 613 00:43:29,645 --> 00:43:32,522 Just taking a break? 614 00:43:32,564 --> 00:43:35,983 Try the Hot Pockets. They're breathtaking. 615 00:43:39,028 --> 00:43:40,528 It got weird, didn't it? 616 00:43:40,570 --> 00:43:43,573 -Ja. -I knew it. 617 00:43:43,615 --> 00:43:45,241 You haven't called. 618 00:43:45,283 --> 00:43:46,617 We talked about this. 619 00:43:46,659 --> 00:43:49,703 We promised each other it wouldn't get weird. 620 00:43:49,745 --> 00:43:51,497 I can't let my feelings for you interfere... 621 00:43:51,538 --> 00:43:54,749 with my taking over the world, you know that. 622 00:43:54,791 --> 00:43:58,169 You know, I will never love another man. 623 00:44:00,003 --> 00:44:01,588 Yes, that's true. 624 00:44:05,092 --> 00:44:07,635 Dr. Evil, I'm late. 625 00:44:07,677 --> 00:44:09,136 No, you got here right on time. 626 00:44:09,136 --> 00:44:14,641 No, I mean "I'm late." 627 00:44:20,854 --> 00:44:22,064 Dad. 628 00:44:24,816 --> 00:44:27,485 Hey there, sport. 629 00:44:27,527 --> 00:44:28,861 What are you doing here? 630 00:44:28,903 --> 00:44:32,864 I was just thinking that maybe we could work all this out. 631 00:44:32,906 --> 00:44:35,742 After all, you are my father. 632 00:44:35,784 --> 00:44:39,912 Scott, you had your chance, OK? 633 00:44:39,954 --> 00:44:42,623 I already had someone created in my image. 634 00:44:42,665 --> 00:44:44,833 He's evil, he wants to take over the world... 635 00:44:44,874 --> 00:44:48,294 and he fits easily into most overhead storage bins. 636 00:44:48,378 --> 00:44:50,129 Him? 637 00:44:50,129 --> 00:44:51,547 Look at him, he's crazy. 638 00:44:51,588 --> 00:44:55,050 He's like a vicious little Chihuahua thing. 639 00:44:56,509 --> 00:44:58,720 He'll kill me the first chance he gets. 640 00:44:58,761 --> 00:45:00,138 Probably. 641 00:45:01,347 --> 00:45:02,639 I love you. 642 00:45:12,606 --> 00:45:16,443 I am a sexy bitch. Yes. 643 00:45:16,484 --> 00:45:20,155 Felicity, make yourself at home, baby. 644 00:45:20,196 --> 00:45:22,364 What do you think of my shag pad, darling? 645 00:45:22,406 --> 00:45:25,159 It's amazing, Austin. 646 00:45:28,870 --> 00:45:30,830 Wait a tick. 647 00:45:36,209 --> 00:45:40,963 That's how my mojo was stolen. Fat Bastard. 648 00:45:41,005 --> 00:45:43,341 She's a professional agent. 649 00:45:43,382 --> 00:45:46,468 She's not interested in shagging! 650 00:45:46,509 --> 00:45:47,844 Please, God. 651 00:45:47,886 --> 00:45:49,929 Spectacles, testicles, wallet, and watch. 652 00:45:49,971 --> 00:45:52,681 Austin, I'm waiting. 653 00:45:58,853 --> 00:46:02,357 How about one of your world-famous massages? 654 00:46:02,398 --> 00:46:06,860 You mean a sensual massage? 655 00:46:06,902 --> 00:46:09,404 Right, then. 656 00:46:09,446 --> 00:46:13,157 OK, here we go. Yes. 657 00:46:18,828 --> 00:46:21,873 Wait a minute, something's itching me. 658 00:46:22,915 --> 00:46:24,500 That's better. 659 00:46:24,541 --> 00:46:25,960 Crikey. 660 00:46:34,092 --> 00:46:36,343 How does that feel, baby? 661 00:46:36,385 --> 00:46:38,178 Lower. 662 00:46:38,220 --> 00:46:41,306 How does that feel, baby? 663 00:46:42,306 --> 00:46:43,265 What? 664 00:46:43,307 --> 00:46:45,017 You don't have to be cute with me. 665 00:46:45,059 --> 00:46:46,519 We're way past that. 666 00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:48,436 We are? 667 00:46:48,478 --> 00:46:51,231 What do you think? 668 00:46:51,272 --> 00:46:54,984 Listen, Felicity... 669 00:46:55,025 --> 00:46:56,944 I'm sorry. 670 00:46:56,986 --> 00:46:59,446 I can't do this. 671 00:47:00,822 --> 00:47:02,282 I have to go. 672 00:47:06,411 --> 00:47:07,661 Is it me? 673 00:47:07,703 --> 00:47:11,873 I can't explain. 674 00:47:23,091 --> 00:47:24,301 Hello, Agent Shagwell. 675 00:47:24,342 --> 00:47:25,926 Where's Austin? 676 00:47:25,968 --> 00:47:29,138 I must've said something wrong, so he just left all of a sudden. 677 00:47:29,179 --> 00:47:34,142 Listen, I don't want you getting too close to Austin. 678 00:47:34,183 --> 00:47:36,561 It's not meant to be. 679 00:47:36,602 --> 00:47:38,353 I don't get too close to anybody, Basil. 680 00:47:38,395 --> 00:47:40,439 My interest in this case is purely professional. 681 00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:41,982 Good. 682 00:47:42,024 --> 00:47:44,900 Then you won't mind tracking down Fat Bastard tonight. 683 00:47:44,942 --> 00:47:46,110 No problem. 684 00:47:46,152 --> 00:47:48,654 We need you to plant this homing device on him... 685 00:47:48,696 --> 00:47:50,780 by any means necessary. 686 00:47:50,822 --> 00:47:52,115 No problem. 687 00:47:52,157 --> 00:47:54,200 Keep up the good work. 688 00:47:54,242 --> 00:47:57,244 Remember, by any means necessary. 689 00:48:15,426 --> 00:48:17,136 Look at yourself. 690 00:48:17,136 --> 00:48:20,640 You used to be so virile. 691 00:48:20,681 --> 00:48:23,892 You were a swinger, man. 692 00:48:23,934 --> 00:48:27,853 And now you're nothing. 693 00:48:27,853 --> 00:48:31,815 But at least it can't get any worse. 694 00:48:31,857 --> 00:48:34,442 Well, surprise, surprise, huh! 695 00:48:34,484 --> 00:48:37,028 Look at that meal. 696 00:48:37,111 --> 00:48:41,698 I'm dead sexy. Look at my sexy body. 697 00:48:42,950 --> 00:48:44,993 Oh, look, I'm like a singer. 698 00:48:45,035 --> 00:48:48,454 Oh, sexy man, sexy man 699 00:48:48,496 --> 00:48:51,666 Eating like a sexy man can 700 00:48:51,707 --> 00:48:54,417 By the way, would you like some chicken? 701 00:48:54,459 --> 00:48:55,585 I've got more. 702 00:48:55,627 --> 00:48:57,796 No, thanks. 703 00:48:57,837 --> 00:48:59,380 What have we got here? 704 00:48:59,421 --> 00:49:03,926 Done with that. All right, that's done. 705 00:49:11,765 --> 00:49:15,852 Remember, by any means necessary. 706 00:49:20,147 --> 00:49:22,566 Frisky, are we? 707 00:49:22,566 --> 00:49:23,943 Give it up! 708 00:49:24,985 --> 00:49:26,653 Ladies and gentlemen... 709 00:49:26,695 --> 00:49:30,322 we're about to begin phase two of our evil project... 710 00:49:30,364 --> 00:49:33,284 or is it phase-- I don't know phases. 711 00:49:33,284 --> 00:49:35,035 Any ways, this is the phase... 712 00:49:35,077 --> 00:49:39,622 in which we put a giant "laser" on the moon. 713 00:49:39,664 --> 00:49:43,500 As you know, the moon rotates around the Earth, like so. 714 00:49:49,922 --> 00:49:51,591 When the moon reaches... 715 00:49:51,632 --> 00:49:54,385 its appropriate lunar alignment... 716 00:49:54,427 --> 00:49:57,012 it will destroy Washington D.C. 717 00:49:57,053 --> 00:49:59,472 You see, I've turned the moon... 718 00:49:59,514 --> 00:50:04,226 into what I like to call a "Death Star." 719 00:50:05,936 --> 00:50:08,813 -What? -Nothing, Darth. 720 00:50:08,855 --> 00:50:10,148 What did you call me? 721 00:50:10,189 --> 00:50:12,483 Nothing. Rip-off! 722 00:50:13,860 --> 00:50:15,277 Bless you. 723 00:50:15,277 --> 00:50:18,280 Any ways, the key to this plan is the giant laser. 724 00:50:18,322 --> 00:50:22,325 It was invented by the noted Cambridge physicist Dr. Parsons. 725 00:50:22,366 --> 00:50:27,120 Therefore, we shall call it the Alan Parsons Project. 726 00:50:27,162 --> 00:50:29,915 Oh, my God. 727 00:50:29,915 --> 00:50:31,207 What now? 728 00:50:31,249 --> 00:50:35,252 The Alan Parsons Project is a progressive rock band in 1982. 729 00:50:35,294 --> 00:50:39,172 Why don't you just call it "Operation Wang Chung, " ass? 730 00:50:39,213 --> 00:50:40,715 What should we-- 731 00:50:40,757 --> 00:50:43,426 I'm sure "Operation Bananarama" will be huge. 732 00:50:43,468 --> 00:50:44,427 What are you saying? 733 00:50:44,469 --> 00:50:46,428 -If you wanted-- -Shh! 734 00:50:46,470 --> 00:50:47,638 Trying to be hip-- 735 00:50:47,679 --> 00:50:50,432 "WWW.shh.com.org." 736 00:50:50,474 --> 00:50:52,475 -You're so-- -Shh! 737 00:50:52,516 --> 00:50:55,978 If we could put aside the family squabbling... 738 00:50:56,020 --> 00:50:59,439 I think we could get down to some serious business here. 739 00:50:59,481 --> 00:51:01,149 -Really? -Yeah. 740 00:51:01,191 --> 00:51:03,068 I don't like that insolent tone. 741 00:51:03,109 --> 00:51:06,320 -I meant nothing by it. -You want to run things? 742 00:51:06,362 --> 00:51:07,488 No, not at all. 743 00:51:07,529 --> 00:51:09,823 You want to be Daddy, is that it? 744 00:51:09,865 --> 00:51:12,617 Number Two, you want to wear the Daddy pants? 745 00:51:12,659 --> 00:51:14,327 You gonna cry? 746 00:51:14,369 --> 00:51:17,537 You gonna cry? 747 00:51:17,579 --> 00:51:18,914 What are you doing? 748 00:51:18,956 --> 00:51:21,750 Are you gonna squirt some? You gonna cry? 749 00:51:21,792 --> 00:51:24,627 See, you were gonna cry. You're a big man now, huh? 750 00:51:24,669 --> 00:51:26,379 Yeah, thought so. 751 00:51:51,149 --> 00:51:53,610 About what happened last night-- 752 00:51:53,652 --> 00:51:55,236 You don't have to explain. 753 00:51:56,571 --> 00:51:58,656 You don't understand. You see... 754 00:52:00,657 --> 00:52:03,034 I've lost my mojo. 755 00:52:03,076 --> 00:52:06,079 Oh, so that's why you-- 756 00:52:09,331 --> 00:52:11,125 I thought you didn't like me. 757 00:52:11,166 --> 00:52:14,002 Oh, no, baby. You're very shagadelic. 758 00:52:14,043 --> 00:52:16,129 I just didn't want to fall in love again... 759 00:52:16,212 --> 00:52:19,590 and I thought you'd never love me without my mojo. 760 00:52:19,590 --> 00:52:20,882 It's not you. 761 00:52:20,924 --> 00:52:26,596 You're fab, switched on, a bit of all right. Yes! 762 00:52:26,637 --> 00:52:28,723 That is so great. 763 00:52:28,764 --> 00:52:30,641 There's something I should tell you, too. 764 00:52:30,683 --> 00:52:33,727 Last night, I planted a homing device on Fat Bastard. 765 00:52:33,768 --> 00:52:35,103 Smashing, baby. 766 00:52:35,145 --> 00:52:36,813 Then we can track down Fat Bastard... 767 00:52:36,855 --> 00:52:38,480 get my mojo, go back to my place... 768 00:52:38,522 --> 00:52:42,109 hop on the good foot and do the bad thing. Yes! 769 00:52:42,151 --> 00:52:43,277 But there's more. 770 00:52:43,319 --> 00:52:45,820 In order to get close to Fat Bastard, I had to-- 771 00:52:45,862 --> 00:52:48,448 Hello, hello. The signal's coming through. 772 00:52:48,489 --> 00:52:49,949 He's at Paddington Station. 773 00:52:49,991 --> 00:52:51,491 Let's go! 774 00:52:54,244 --> 00:52:56,371 -We're close, baby. -This way. 775 00:52:56,371 --> 00:52:58,789 Straight--no, no, left. Through here. 776 00:53:01,918 --> 00:53:03,001 We've got him. 777 00:53:03,043 --> 00:53:04,669 Private, bring up the ram. 778 00:53:10,049 --> 00:53:11,508 Go, go, go! 779 00:53:11,508 --> 00:53:13,010 Where is he? 780 00:53:14,178 --> 00:53:16,095 Oh, my God! 781 00:53:16,137 --> 00:53:18,932 Fat Bastard left a floater! 782 00:53:18,973 --> 00:53:21,267 In the name of all things sacred... 783 00:53:21,309 --> 00:53:24,311 that is the most foul-smelling thing ever! 784 00:53:24,353 --> 00:53:26,188 Somebody flush it down! 785 00:53:26,188 --> 00:53:27,481 No, nobody touch anything. 786 00:53:27,522 --> 00:53:30,399 We have to get the sample to the lab to be analyzed. 787 00:53:32,151 --> 00:53:33,778 I'm gonna give. 788 00:53:42,409 --> 00:53:43,786 Austin, there you are. 789 00:53:43,827 --> 00:53:45,120 Has the sample been analyzed? 790 00:53:45,162 --> 00:53:48,623 Cor, baby. You look very shagadelic! 791 00:53:50,750 --> 00:53:53,544 But do we really have to be here, Felicity? 792 00:53:53,544 --> 00:53:56,004 I mean, it's so boring. 793 00:53:56,046 --> 00:53:57,756 I don't believe in science. 794 00:53:57,798 --> 00:54:03,052 When it comes to the spy game, to me, it's all instinct. 795 00:54:07,722 --> 00:54:10,058 -Hello, everybody. -Hello, Basil. 796 00:54:10,100 --> 00:54:12,017 The results are in. 797 00:54:12,059 --> 00:54:15,145 We've discovered trace elements of a rare vegetable... 798 00:54:15,187 --> 00:54:19,065 found only on one island, here, in the Caribbean. 799 00:54:20,650 --> 00:54:23,278 What does it all mean, Basil? 800 00:54:23,278 --> 00:54:27,739 It means that this is the location of Dr. Evil's lair. 801 00:54:27,781 --> 00:54:30,449 Smashing, Basil. 802 00:54:30,491 --> 00:54:34,912 Cor! This coffee smells like shit. 803 00:54:37,581 --> 00:54:39,666 It is shit, Austin. 804 00:54:39,708 --> 00:54:42,627 Oh, good, then it's not just me. 805 00:54:47,047 --> 00:54:49,215 It's a bit nutty. 806 00:54:59,516 --> 00:55:01,184 Excuse me, Dr. Evil. 807 00:55:01,226 --> 00:55:04,312 I have to speak to you about this Mini-Me. 808 00:55:04,312 --> 00:55:05,771 He's not fitting in? 809 00:55:05,771 --> 00:55:09,065 Is he giving off too much of a creepy Oompa Loompa vibe? 810 00:55:09,107 --> 00:55:11,985 No, it's just that he bites. 811 00:55:14,737 --> 00:55:16,197 He's a biter. 812 00:55:19,450 --> 00:55:21,659 What's wrong, Mini-Me? 813 00:55:21,701 --> 00:55:23,578 Something you want to tell us? 814 00:55:25,246 --> 00:55:26,331 Teething. 815 00:55:28,290 --> 00:55:31,960 Get me the president of the United States of America! 816 00:55:32,002 --> 00:55:33,920 Oh, he's on. 817 00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:36,380 What do you want, Dr. Evil? 818 00:55:36,422 --> 00:55:38,466 Mr. President, in twelve hours... 819 00:55:38,507 --> 00:55:44,346 I will destroy Washington D.C. with this giant "laser." 820 00:55:44,387 --> 00:55:46,805 What the--? 821 00:55:46,805 --> 00:55:51,393 Mini-Me, stop humping the laser. 822 00:55:51,434 --> 00:55:53,228 OK, honest to God... 823 00:55:53,269 --> 00:55:58,357 why don't you and the giant laser get a frickin' room? 824 00:55:58,398 --> 00:56:02,277 Mr. President, after I destroy Washington D.C... 825 00:56:02,319 --> 00:56:06,072 I will destroy another major city every hour on the hour. 826 00:56:06,113 --> 00:56:08,533 That is, unless, of course, you pay me... 827 00:56:09,700 --> 00:56:13,870 one hundred billion dollars. 828 00:56:18,791 --> 00:56:21,377 Dr. Evil, this is 1969. 829 00:56:21,418 --> 00:56:23,962 That amount of money doesn't even exist. 830 00:56:25,797 --> 00:56:29,383 That's like saying, "I want a kajillion bajillion dollars." 831 00:56:31,260 --> 00:56:35,680 Come on, Mr. President, show me the money. 832 00:56:35,721 --> 00:56:37,056 Show you what money? 833 00:56:37,056 --> 00:56:39,976 Show me the money, show me the money. 834 00:56:39,976 --> 00:56:43,311 You had me at hello. Tear. Nothing? No? 835 00:56:43,353 --> 00:56:46,273 Psst! It's 1969. 836 00:56:46,314 --> 00:56:49,900 "Jerry Maguire" won't come out for another thirty years. 837 00:56:49,942 --> 00:56:52,862 Nobody knows what you're talking about, ass. 838 00:56:52,903 --> 00:56:56,656 Scott, Daddy's working, OK? 839 00:56:56,698 --> 00:56:58,408 And when you're in the main chamber... 840 00:56:58,449 --> 00:57:00,868 try and use the big boy voice, OK? 841 00:57:00,909 --> 00:57:02,244 Thank you. 842 00:57:03,662 --> 00:57:06,415 Mr. President, allow me to demonstrate... 843 00:57:06,455 --> 00:57:09,876 the awesome lethality of the Alan Parsons Project. 844 00:57:09,917 --> 00:57:11,919 Fire the laser! 845 00:57:17,674 --> 00:57:19,884 Damage report! Damage report! 846 00:57:19,925 --> 00:57:23,095 It's OK. It's all right. Come on. 847 00:57:24,305 --> 00:57:27,390 Actually, that was footage from "Independence Day..." 848 00:57:27,432 --> 00:57:29,517 but the real laser would be a lot like that. 849 00:57:29,559 --> 00:57:31,727 Yeah, scary. 850 00:57:33,520 --> 00:57:34,730 Now, Dr. Evil-- 851 00:57:34,771 --> 00:57:38,774 Talk to the hand, 'cause the face don't want to hear it. 852 00:57:38,858 --> 00:57:41,027 What hand? Talk to your hand? 853 00:57:41,068 --> 00:57:44,070 You ain't all that and a bag of potato chips. 854 00:57:44,112 --> 00:57:45,697 What are you talking about? 855 00:57:45,739 --> 00:57:48,700 Don't go there, girlfriend. 856 00:57:49,784 --> 00:57:51,660 Whose girlfriend? 857 00:57:51,702 --> 00:57:53,871 Don't mess with me, I'm one crazy mo-fo. 858 00:57:53,913 --> 00:57:55,331 I had to pop a cop... 859 00:57:55,372 --> 00:57:57,957 'cause he wasn't giving me my props in Oaktown. 860 00:57:57,999 --> 00:58:00,376 No? I heard that somewhere. 861 00:58:01,544 --> 00:58:03,545 You're an idiot. 862 00:58:03,629 --> 00:58:07,966 Mr. President, I think we have an understanding. 863 00:58:09,800 --> 00:58:13,763 Dr. Evil, what are our plans regarding Austin Powers? 864 00:58:13,804 --> 00:58:17,557 Austin Powers? He's the snake to my mongoose. 865 00:58:17,599 --> 00:58:23,395 Or the mongoose to my snake. Either way, it's bad. 866 00:58:23,437 --> 00:58:24,855 I don't know animals. 867 00:58:24,897 --> 00:58:27,483 But I do know this-- 868 00:58:27,525 --> 00:58:30,318 This time it's personal. 869 00:58:30,360 --> 00:58:32,153 Kill him. 870 00:58:37,616 --> 00:58:40,201 There's Dr. Evil's island. 871 00:59:14,438 --> 00:59:15,606 Let's set up camp. 872 00:59:15,648 --> 00:59:17,066 Be careful with that bag! 873 00:59:17,108 --> 00:59:19,192 There's explosives in it. 874 00:59:20,235 --> 00:59:22,612 This could be dangerous. 875 00:59:32,453 --> 00:59:36,166 What if God was one of us? 876 00:59:37,207 --> 00:59:41,086 Just a slob like one of us 877 00:59:54,639 --> 00:59:55,931 Well done, very good. 878 00:59:55,973 --> 00:59:59,185 Dr. Evil, that was fantastic. 879 00:59:59,185 --> 01:00:00,978 Thank you, Number Two. 880 01:00:01,020 --> 01:00:02,479 I wrote that, yeah. 881 01:00:02,520 --> 01:00:05,190 Dad, he put this in my bed. 882 01:00:05,231 --> 01:00:06,441 Who? 883 01:00:06,483 --> 01:00:08,484 Your stupid mini-you. 884 01:00:08,525 --> 01:00:10,861 He put road kill in my sheets! 885 01:00:11,778 --> 01:00:15,156 What--Mini-Me, don't you ever do that again. 886 01:00:15,198 --> 01:00:18,784 You hear me, don't you ever do that again! 887 01:00:18,826 --> 01:00:21,119 I can't stay mad at you. 888 01:00:21,161 --> 01:00:22,829 Look at that punum. 889 01:00:24,080 --> 01:00:28,542 Dr. Evil's headquarters is right over that next ridge. 890 01:00:28,584 --> 01:00:29,752 Let me look. 891 01:00:30,878 --> 01:00:32,795 Damn it. How do we get in? 892 01:00:32,837 --> 01:00:35,965 Hello, Mummy. Can I have some chocolates? 893 01:00:36,007 --> 01:00:38,510 I want some Mars Bars. 894 01:00:38,551 --> 01:00:40,260 Don't smack my bottom, Mummy. 895 01:00:41,345 --> 01:00:43,138 Sorry, love. 896 01:00:43,180 --> 01:00:46,140 I got stuck in your dirty pillows. 897 01:00:46,140 --> 01:00:47,642 Let's look at the map. 898 01:00:50,937 --> 01:00:52,562 Austin, what's our plan? 899 01:00:52,604 --> 01:00:53,980 According to this map... 900 01:00:53,980 --> 01:00:57,733 the entire island is crawling with Dr. Evil's guards. 901 01:00:57,775 --> 01:01:00,110 I want to make sure the explosives didn't get wet... 902 01:01:00,152 --> 01:01:01,278 but I can't find them. 903 01:01:01,320 --> 01:01:03,322 Look in the bottom. 904 01:01:03,364 --> 01:01:06,074 OK, I'll dig a little deeper. 905 01:01:06,115 --> 01:01:08,243 Wow, this bag is really full. 906 01:01:09,702 --> 01:01:11,453 Just keep digging, darling. 907 01:01:11,495 --> 01:01:13,664 I'll just feel around them. 908 01:01:16,166 --> 01:01:18,376 Good lord, Austin. 909 01:01:18,417 --> 01:01:20,336 What do you keep in here? 910 01:01:20,336 --> 01:01:24,047 Anything that catches my fancy, you know. 911 01:01:24,089 --> 01:01:25,090 Give it a good tug. 912 01:01:26,591 --> 01:01:28,593 Do we really need this? 913 01:01:28,635 --> 01:01:31,554 I'll ask you not to open that inside, thank you very much. 914 01:01:31,595 --> 01:01:34,056 Oh, my God. 915 01:01:34,098 --> 01:01:36,141 Oops, it went off. 916 01:01:36,182 --> 01:01:38,893 Yes, it does that from time to time. 917 01:01:38,935 --> 01:01:40,728 Eww. Yuck. 918 01:01:40,728 --> 01:01:42,729 Yeah, that's nasty. 919 01:01:42,771 --> 01:01:44,523 Yeah, sorry about that. 920 01:01:45,524 --> 01:01:46,733 Smelly. 921 01:01:46,775 --> 01:01:49,277 These people make me sick. 922 01:01:49,360 --> 01:01:50,695 Can you snap me a beer? 923 01:01:55,448 --> 01:01:56,616 What is it? 924 01:01:56,658 --> 01:01:57,909 It's a gerbil. 925 01:01:57,951 --> 01:01:59,452 How did that get in your bag? 926 01:02:01,162 --> 01:02:03,497 I don't know. 927 01:02:06,125 --> 01:02:09,711 Dr. Evil, we have a problem. 928 01:02:09,752 --> 01:02:11,713 Austin Powers is on the island. 929 01:02:11,754 --> 01:02:15,549 Bring him to me...alive. 930 01:02:15,591 --> 01:02:17,801 You. 931 01:02:17,926 --> 01:02:19,469 Hit it! 932 01:02:19,510 --> 01:02:22,722 This is a very sensitive subject. 933 01:02:28,768 --> 01:02:34,148 Just the two of us 934 01:02:36,233 --> 01:02:38,902 Just the two of us 935 01:02:38,943 --> 01:02:41,404 From the moment I heard Frau say I had a clone 936 01:02:41,404 --> 01:02:43,989 I knew that I'd be safe 'cause I'd never be alone 937 01:02:44,031 --> 01:02:46,658 An evil doctor shouldn't speak aloud about his feelings 938 01:02:46,700 --> 01:02:49,077 My hurt and my pain don't make me too appealin' 939 01:02:49,077 --> 01:02:51,621 I'd hoped Scott would look up to me 940 01:02:51,662 --> 01:02:54,457 Run the business of the family 941 01:02:54,499 --> 01:02:56,708 Head an evil empire just like his dear old dad 942 01:02:56,750 --> 01:02:59,294 Give him my love and the things I never had 943 01:02:59,336 --> 01:03:01,588 Scott would think I was a cool guy 944 01:03:01,630 --> 01:03:04,340 Return the love I have, make me want to cry 945 01:03:04,381 --> 01:03:06,926 Be evil, but have my feelings, too 946 01:03:06,967 --> 01:03:09,344 Change my life with Oprah and Maya Angelou 947 01:03:09,385 --> 01:03:11,930 But Scott rejected me, c'est la vie 948 01:03:11,971 --> 01:03:14,474 Life is cruel, treats you unfairly 949 01:03:14,474 --> 01:03:17,142 Even so, a God there must be 950 01:03:17,184 --> 01:03:19,186 Mini-Me, you complete me 951 01:03:19,228 --> 01:03:21,646 Just the two of us 952 01:03:21,646 --> 01:03:24,232 We can make it if we try 953 01:03:24,273 --> 01:03:27,276 Just the two of us 954 01:03:27,318 --> 01:03:29,152 Just the two of us 955 01:03:29,194 --> 01:03:32,239 Just the two of us 956 01:03:32,280 --> 01:03:34,490 Building castles in the sky 957 01:03:34,532 --> 01:03:36,742 Just the two of us 958 01:03:36,784 --> 01:03:38,452 You and I 959 01:03:50,045 --> 01:03:52,797 You've got this packed really tight. 960 01:03:52,839 --> 01:03:54,924 Are you OK? 961 01:03:54,966 --> 01:03:57,510 Yeah, I just got a bit of a back cramp, that's all. 962 01:03:58,761 --> 01:04:00,720 Just keep packing it in. 963 01:04:00,762 --> 01:04:02,472 God. 964 01:04:02,514 --> 01:04:04,057 I found the explosives. 965 01:04:04,141 --> 01:04:05,391 Help me check them. 966 01:04:05,432 --> 01:04:07,351 You're surrounded! Drop your weapons! 967 01:04:08,060 --> 01:04:09,395 Hands up! 968 01:04:10,855 --> 01:04:12,105 Move out! 969 01:04:15,859 --> 01:04:18,277 Ladies and gentlemen, in just a few moments... 970 01:04:18,318 --> 01:04:21,697 we're going to place a giant "laser" on the moon. 971 01:04:21,738 --> 01:04:23,449 From my "Death Star..." 972 01:04:23,490 --> 01:04:26,826 I will destroy every city on the planet. 973 01:04:26,826 --> 01:04:28,161 Get off of me. 974 01:04:28,202 --> 01:04:32,080 Ah, Mr. Powers, Ms. Shagwell... 975 01:04:32,122 --> 01:04:34,666 welcome to my hollowed-out volcano. 976 01:04:34,708 --> 01:04:37,084 This is my associate Fat Bastard. 977 01:04:37,126 --> 01:04:43,298 Felicity, I think you two may have already "met." 978 01:04:43,339 --> 01:04:44,757 Unfortunately. 979 01:04:44,799 --> 01:04:48,761 Is that all the thanks I get for the night of hot sex? 980 01:04:48,803 --> 01:04:51,805 I'm dead sexy. 981 01:04:51,805 --> 01:04:53,766 You were crap! 982 01:04:55,933 --> 01:04:57,935 In your dreams. 983 01:05:02,856 --> 01:05:06,193 Felicity would never sleep with you. 984 01:05:06,234 --> 01:05:08,235 Right? 985 01:05:08,277 --> 01:05:10,112 I did what I had to do. 986 01:05:10,154 --> 01:05:11,947 I'm a secret agent. 987 01:05:11,989 --> 01:05:13,741 What? 988 01:05:20,162 --> 01:05:22,623 All right, that's enough, Fat Bastard. 989 01:05:22,664 --> 01:05:25,125 As much as I like seeing Powers in agony-- 990 01:05:25,167 --> 01:05:26,584 and I do-- 991 01:05:26,584 --> 01:05:29,587 the thought of you naked is just gross. 992 01:05:29,629 --> 01:05:32,548 You can't stop me now, Mr. Powers. 993 01:05:32,589 --> 01:05:34,841 I have your mojo... 994 01:05:34,841 --> 01:05:37,636 and I'm taking it with me to the moon. 995 01:05:37,677 --> 01:05:39,637 Put them in a jail cell. 996 01:05:40,930 --> 01:05:44,975 My mojo! I'll get you, Dr. Evil! 997 01:05:45,017 --> 01:05:47,769 Look at me, I'm shaking in my little space boots. 998 01:05:47,811 --> 01:05:49,771 I want my mojo! 999 01:05:49,813 --> 01:05:51,855 Great plan, Einstein. 1000 01:05:53,315 --> 01:05:55,609 You're gonna put him in a cell with one inept guard... 1001 01:05:55,651 --> 01:05:56,777 and they'll escape! 1002 01:05:56,819 --> 01:05:59,529 God, you do this every time! 1003 01:05:59,570 --> 01:06:03,324 You know, Scott... 1004 01:06:03,366 --> 01:06:08,912 I've been a frickin' evil doctor for thirty frickin' years, OK? 1005 01:06:08,954 --> 01:06:11,872 Cut me some frickin' slack. 1006 01:06:11,914 --> 01:06:16,085 You forget, Scott, we're in a volcano. 1007 01:06:16,085 --> 01:06:19,963 We're surrounded by liquid hot magma. 1008 01:06:21,589 --> 01:06:23,298 What are you drawing? 1009 01:06:25,134 --> 01:06:27,594 It's just a good-bye card, that's all. 1010 01:06:29,345 --> 01:06:30,930 It's sweet. 1011 01:06:38,979 --> 01:06:40,689 Hey, get him. Get the baby! 1012 01:06:40,730 --> 01:06:41,856 Back off. 1013 01:06:41,897 --> 01:06:43,399 Simmer down. Simmer down. 1014 01:06:45,359 --> 01:06:47,319 He's my posse. 1015 01:06:48,945 --> 01:06:51,281 You take special care of him. 1016 01:06:51,322 --> 01:06:53,533 He's my special boy. 1017 01:06:53,575 --> 01:06:56,535 Attention, prepare for launch. 1018 01:06:58,078 --> 01:07:02,540 Repeat, all technicians to launch position. 1019 01:07:03,416 --> 01:07:07,711 Gentlemen, I'm about to go to the moon. 1020 01:07:07,753 --> 01:07:11,339 Initiate prelaunch sequence. 1021 01:07:11,381 --> 01:07:14,091 Main rocket engines, ignition. 1022 01:07:14,133 --> 01:07:15,259 Frau... 1023 01:07:15,301 --> 01:07:17,303 begin the countdown. 1024 01:07:17,344 --> 01:07:19,262 Five...four... 1025 01:07:19,262 --> 01:07:20,430 three...two-- 1026 01:07:20,472 --> 01:07:23,224 Frau! Begin the countdown at thirty. 1027 01:07:25,058 --> 01:07:26,059 Thirty! 1028 01:07:26,101 --> 01:07:28,687 twenty-nine...twenty-eight... 1029 01:07:28,729 --> 01:07:30,606 twenty-seven... 1030 01:07:30,647 --> 01:07:32,940 twenty-six...twenty-five... 1031 01:07:32,982 --> 01:07:36,652 twenty-four...twenty-three... 1032 01:07:36,694 --> 01:07:39,780 twenty-two...twenty-one... 1033 01:07:39,821 --> 01:07:42,157 twenty...nineteen... 1034 01:07:42,157 --> 01:07:43,742 eighteen.... 1035 01:07:43,824 --> 01:07:47,787 seventeen...sixteen... 1036 01:07:47,828 --> 01:07:50,622 fifteen...fourteen...thirteen-- 1037 01:07:50,663 --> 01:07:53,333 You know what? When the doors close... 1038 01:07:53,374 --> 01:07:55,877 just say "go." Better. 1039 01:08:00,506 --> 01:08:01,507 Go! 1040 01:08:32,032 --> 01:08:34,242 Colonel, you better take a look at this radar. 1041 01:08:34,283 --> 01:08:36,994 What is it, son? 1042 01:08:37,036 --> 01:08:39,038 I don't know, sir. 1043 01:08:39,122 --> 01:08:40,288 But it looks like a giant-- 1044 01:08:40,330 --> 01:08:41,998 -Dick! -Yeah? 1045 01:08:42,040 --> 01:08:43,333 Take a look out of starboard. 1046 01:08:43,375 --> 01:08:46,710 Oh, my God, it looks like a huge-- 1047 01:08:46,752 --> 01:08:48,712 -Pecker! -Oh, where? 1048 01:08:48,754 --> 01:08:50,423 Wait, that's not a woodpecker. 1049 01:08:50,464 --> 01:08:51,465 It looks like someone's-- 1050 01:08:51,507 --> 01:08:52,674 Privates! 1051 01:08:52,715 --> 01:08:55,468 We have reports of an unidentified flying object. 1052 01:08:55,510 --> 01:08:59,513 It is a long, smooth shaft, complete with-- 1053 01:08:59,555 --> 01:09:02,474 Two balls! What is that? 1054 01:09:02,516 --> 01:09:04,184 That looks just like an enormous-- 1055 01:09:04,226 --> 01:09:05,685 Wang! Pay attention. 1056 01:09:05,727 --> 01:09:08,855 I was distracted by that enormous flying-- 1057 01:09:08,896 --> 01:09:10,314 -Willie... -Yeah? 1058 01:09:10,356 --> 01:09:11,982 What's that? 1059 01:09:12,023 --> 01:09:14,234 Well, it looks like a giant-- 1060 01:09:14,276 --> 01:09:15,777 -Johnson?! -Yes, sir. 1061 01:09:15,819 --> 01:09:19,113 Call British Intelligence and let them know about this. 1062 01:09:35,419 --> 01:09:36,586 What do we do? 1063 01:09:36,627 --> 01:09:39,881 Why don't you just shag Fat Bastard again? 1064 01:09:39,922 --> 01:09:41,924 This is no time to get jealous. 1065 01:09:41,966 --> 01:09:43,675 How could you do it? 1066 01:09:43,717 --> 01:09:44,926 I was just doing my job. 1067 01:09:44,968 --> 01:09:47,054 No, I mean literally, how could you do it? 1068 01:09:47,095 --> 01:09:48,388 The man's so fat... 1069 01:09:48,430 --> 01:09:50,389 the sheer mechanics of it are mind-boggling. 1070 01:09:50,431 --> 01:09:54,185 Don't lay your hang-ups on me, just 'cause you lost your mojo. 1071 01:09:54,226 --> 01:09:56,728 Ouch, baby. 1072 01:09:56,728 --> 01:09:59,189 Very ouch. 1073 01:09:59,189 --> 01:10:01,607 Look, Austin, we're running out of time. 1074 01:10:01,607 --> 01:10:03,192 I'm sorry. 1075 01:10:04,610 --> 01:10:07,612 I just did what I thought you would do in the same situation. 1076 01:10:08,863 --> 01:10:11,115 You're the reason that I became a spy. 1077 01:10:12,492 --> 01:10:17,037 I thought I wanted to be you, but then I realized that... 1078 01:10:18,121 --> 01:10:20,331 I want to be with you. 1079 01:10:20,372 --> 01:10:22,249 You do? 1080 01:10:24,335 --> 01:10:26,045 Hang on, baby. 1081 01:10:26,045 --> 01:10:27,962 Alleyoop! 1082 01:10:29,130 --> 01:10:31,132 We should talk about this later. 1083 01:10:31,174 --> 01:10:33,008 First we need to get past that one inept guard. 1084 01:10:33,050 --> 01:10:34,468 Right, here's the plan. 1085 01:10:34,510 --> 01:10:37,221 What if I pretend to be ill with food poisoning? 1086 01:10:37,262 --> 01:10:40,431 The guard, drawn by my cries of pain, comes to investigate. 1087 01:10:40,473 --> 01:10:42,141 Meanwhile, you dig a pit... 1088 01:10:42,183 --> 01:10:43,851 line it with makeshift punji sticks... 1089 01:10:43,893 --> 01:10:45,352 made from sharpened toothbrushes. 1090 01:10:45,394 --> 01:10:47,854 The guard falls in, Bob's your uncle, we escape. 1091 01:10:47,896 --> 01:10:49,064 What do you think? 1092 01:10:49,106 --> 01:10:51,108 That might work, but what about this? 1093 01:10:53,109 --> 01:10:54,860 What do you think of these? 1094 01:10:54,902 --> 01:10:56,612 Mommy. 1095 01:11:02,784 --> 01:11:04,993 What a...burn? 1096 01:11:07,579 --> 01:11:11,541 That sort of thing could get a man...fired. 1097 01:11:13,418 --> 01:11:14,836 I think he was... 1098 01:11:14,836 --> 01:11:18,422 hot...for...you. 1099 01:11:18,463 --> 01:11:20,424 -That's enough. -Yeah. 1100 01:11:26,637 --> 01:11:30,932 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my moon base. 1101 01:11:30,974 --> 01:11:36,103 You've all been chosen to be part of my elite moon unit. 1102 01:11:36,145 --> 01:11:38,522 Which is divided into two divisions... 1103 01:11:38,564 --> 01:11:40,607 Moon Unit Alpha... 1104 01:11:40,649 --> 01:11:42,608 and Moon Unit Zappa. 1105 01:11:42,650 --> 01:11:45,278 In exactly six hours... 1106 01:11:45,319 --> 01:11:48,238 the moon will move in its orbit around the earth... 1107 01:11:48,280 --> 01:11:52,409 bringing Washington D.C. within range of my giant... 1108 01:11:52,451 --> 01:11:54,618 "laser." 1109 01:11:54,660 --> 01:11:57,079 Begin "laser..." 1110 01:11:57,121 --> 01:11:58,998 ignition sequence. 1111 01:11:59,040 --> 01:12:01,458 Begin laser ignition! 1112 01:12:02,667 --> 01:12:06,920 Attention, Moon Unit Zappa to firing stations. 1113 01:12:06,962 --> 01:12:09,506 Initiation sequence in progress. 1114 01:12:09,506 --> 01:12:11,633 OK, all right. 1115 01:12:15,136 --> 01:12:18,972 All I asked for was a frickin' rotating chair, OK? 1116 01:12:22,601 --> 01:12:24,436 Getting a little afraid. 1117 01:12:24,478 --> 01:12:27,813 I need an old priest and a young priest. 1118 01:12:27,855 --> 01:12:30,483 The power of Christ compels you. 1119 01:12:30,524 --> 01:12:33,902 The power of Christ compels you. 1120 01:12:37,113 --> 01:12:41,116 Sick as a dog now. 1121 01:12:44,577 --> 01:12:46,245 Gonna vomit. 1122 01:12:54,002 --> 01:12:57,713 We need to hitch a ride to the moon, baby. 1123 01:12:57,755 --> 01:13:00,549 Apollo Eleven is good to go. 1124 01:13:00,591 --> 01:13:02,259 Crew to all stations. 1125 01:13:03,802 --> 01:13:07,806 We will have liftoff in T minus five seconds... 1126 01:13:07,847 --> 01:13:10,557 four...three...two. 1127 01:13:12,101 --> 01:13:13,769 We have liftoff. 1128 01:13:13,811 --> 01:13:15,478 Apollo Eleven has cleared the tower... 1129 01:13:15,520 --> 01:13:18,064 and is heading for a rendezvous with the moon. 1130 01:13:26,988 --> 01:13:30,449 Arm the "laser." 1131 01:13:30,449 --> 01:13:32,284 Arming the laser! 1132 01:13:32,326 --> 01:13:35,245 Attention, arming the Death Star. 1133 01:13:35,245 --> 01:13:36,413 Battle stations. 1134 01:13:36,413 --> 01:13:37,914 Laser on! 1135 01:13:37,956 --> 01:13:41,041 All crew at battle stations. 1136 01:13:41,083 --> 01:13:43,210 Get me the president. 1137 01:13:43,252 --> 01:13:46,004 You're gonna like this part, Mini-Me. 1138 01:13:46,046 --> 01:13:49,048 This is the part where we threaten the world leader. 1139 01:13:49,090 --> 01:13:51,926 I know we do it every time, however it is important to-- 1140 01:13:59,765 --> 01:14:01,183 Where are you? 1141 01:14:01,225 --> 01:14:04,311 Can someone put a frickin' bell on him or something? 1142 01:14:06,730 --> 01:14:08,023 Great! 1143 01:14:08,064 --> 01:14:10,358 Somebody get the stick. 1144 01:14:11,608 --> 01:14:14,445 Just grab on to the hook, all right? 1145 01:14:14,486 --> 01:14:16,030 You complete me. 1146 01:14:16,071 --> 01:14:17,739 I love you. 1147 01:14:18,740 --> 01:14:20,867 Hang in there, Mini-Me. 1148 01:14:20,908 --> 01:14:22,785 If anything should happen to you... 1149 01:14:22,827 --> 01:14:24,828 I don't know what I would do. 1150 01:14:24,870 --> 01:14:27,748 I'd probably move on, get another replica. 1151 01:14:27,748 --> 01:14:29,708 But there'd be a ten-minute period there... 1152 01:14:29,750 --> 01:14:32,543 when I would just be inconsolable. 1153 01:14:32,585 --> 01:14:35,087 We have your money, Dr. Evil, but it wasn't easy. 1154 01:14:35,129 --> 01:14:37,630 Papa has to do some work, OK? 1155 01:14:37,672 --> 01:14:40,925 Well, you have exactly thirty minutes to get it to me. 1156 01:14:40,967 --> 01:14:42,509 Ciao. 1157 01:14:45,095 --> 01:14:46,430 Jiminy jumpin' Jesus, 1158 01:14:46,472 --> 01:14:48,973 I can't believe we're gonna pay that madman. 1159 01:14:49,015 --> 01:14:51,059 I got nukes up the ying-yang. 1160 01:14:51,100 --> 01:14:54,145 Just let me launch one, for God's sake. 1161 01:14:54,187 --> 01:14:56,980 Are you suggesting that we blow up the moon? 1162 01:14:57,022 --> 01:14:59,441 Would you miss it? 1163 01:14:59,483 --> 01:15:00,776 Would you miss it? 1164 01:15:04,612 --> 01:15:08,740 Mission control, the swinger has landed. 1165 01:15:09,824 --> 01:15:12,327 Airlock, open. 1166 01:15:17,081 --> 01:15:18,248 Repressurize. 1167 01:15:18,290 --> 01:15:19,875 Let's find Dr. Evil. 1168 01:15:19,917 --> 01:15:22,251 Enjoy your stay on the moon. 1169 01:15:25,797 --> 01:15:27,589 There he is. 1170 01:15:29,883 --> 01:15:31,176 I'll cover your rear. 1171 01:15:31,218 --> 01:15:33,427 No, you go ahead. 1172 01:15:33,469 --> 01:15:36,222 This time it's personal. 1173 01:16:41,401 --> 01:16:44,321 No more. I can't take it anymore. 1174 01:16:45,322 --> 01:16:47,781 Peace? 1175 01:16:47,781 --> 01:16:49,908 You brought my glasses. 1176 01:16:49,992 --> 01:16:52,036 Bless your little heart. 1177 01:16:53,162 --> 01:16:54,620 Well, that's not right. 1178 01:16:56,247 --> 01:16:58,750 Don't--That's just-- Now I'm pissed. 1179 01:17:00,459 --> 01:17:01,585 Judoflip! 1180 01:17:09,467 --> 01:17:12,219 Poor little bugger. 1181 01:17:12,219 --> 01:17:13,970 He's so small. 1182 01:17:14,012 --> 01:17:16,139 He's like a dog or something. 1183 01:17:17,182 --> 01:17:19,058 Poor little bugger. 1184 01:17:25,772 --> 01:17:27,774 Get off! 1185 01:17:45,413 --> 01:17:46,831 Get out of my suit! 1186 01:17:48,124 --> 01:17:50,501 It tickles. It tickles. 1187 01:17:55,589 --> 01:17:56,756 Gotcha! 1188 01:18:24,530 --> 01:18:26,073 Poor little bugger. 1189 01:18:26,156 --> 01:18:28,616 I salute you. 1190 01:18:38,375 --> 01:18:39,793 All right, slap-head. 1191 01:18:39,835 --> 01:18:41,544 Turn around. 1192 01:18:41,585 --> 01:18:44,422 Where's my mojo? 1193 01:18:44,463 --> 01:18:47,424 Well, it looks like you have a choice, Mr. Powers-- 1194 01:18:47,465 --> 01:18:49,509 save the world... 1195 01:18:49,551 --> 01:18:51,845 or save your girlfriend. 1196 01:18:54,138 --> 01:18:56,640 Don't worry about me, Austin. 1197 01:18:56,682 --> 01:18:58,267 You've got to save the world. 1198 01:18:59,559 --> 01:19:00,560 Kill him! 1199 01:19:03,688 --> 01:19:04,980 Fire the "laser." 1200 01:19:05,022 --> 01:19:06,189 Target locking. 1201 01:19:07,190 --> 01:19:08,358 God! 1202 01:19:08,400 --> 01:19:11,152 Laser set to full vitality. 1203 01:19:11,610 --> 01:19:12,778 Judo kick! 1204 01:19:18,450 --> 01:19:21,328 You may have won the battle, Mr. Powers... 1205 01:19:21,369 --> 01:19:22,829 but you lost the war. 1206 01:19:26,040 --> 01:19:29,335 Wake up, Felicity. Wake up! 1207 01:19:29,376 --> 01:19:31,002 Escape pod ninety-five. 1208 01:19:35,131 --> 01:19:36,798 I love you, Felicity. 1209 01:19:36,840 --> 01:19:38,425 I love you. 1210 01:19:38,467 --> 01:19:41,678 Dr. Evil! I'll kill him! 1211 01:19:46,390 --> 01:19:47,350 Gotcha! 1212 01:19:54,773 --> 01:19:57,483 You shot me, you a-hole. 1213 01:19:58,525 --> 01:20:01,778 And now I'm going to kill you. 1214 01:20:02,862 --> 01:20:04,447 Before you do that... 1215 01:20:06,699 --> 01:20:08,367 know this... 1216 01:20:16,874 --> 01:20:19,001 I am your father. 1217 01:20:21,294 --> 01:20:22,629 Really? 1218 01:20:24,547 --> 01:20:26,049 No, not really. 1219 01:20:26,049 --> 01:20:27,549 I can't back that up. 1220 01:20:27,591 --> 01:20:30,803 Right. Idiot. Yes. 1221 01:20:30,844 --> 01:20:33,596 But isn't it interesting, Mr. Powers... 1222 01:20:33,638 --> 01:20:36,099 that you would rather kill me... 1223 01:20:36,099 --> 01:20:38,476 than save your precious Felicity? 1224 01:20:38,518 --> 01:20:40,644 What do you mean? 1225 01:20:40,686 --> 01:20:45,147 Remember, there's a time portal in the main chamber. 1226 01:20:45,189 --> 01:20:48,150 You could go back and save her. 1227 01:20:48,150 --> 01:20:49,819 I'll do that. 1228 01:21:05,081 --> 01:21:06,249 Good work! 1229 01:21:22,345 --> 01:21:25,015 Well, it looks like you have a choice, Mr. Powers-- 1230 01:21:25,056 --> 01:21:28,851 save the world or save your girlfriend. 1231 01:21:30,894 --> 01:21:32,855 Don't worry about me, Austin. 1232 01:21:32,855 --> 01:21:34,064 You gotta save the world. 1233 01:21:35,857 --> 01:21:38,192 I choose love, baby. 1234 01:21:38,234 --> 01:21:40,820 Wait a tick. Who are you? 1235 01:21:40,862 --> 01:21:43,280 I'm you, ten minutes from now. 1236 01:21:43,322 --> 01:21:46,033 Damn it! You are handsome. 1237 01:21:47,117 --> 01:21:48,659 I was just thinking the same. 1238 01:21:50,411 --> 01:21:52,663 We are sexy. 1239 01:21:52,705 --> 01:21:55,624 We are sexy bitches. Yeah! 1240 01:21:55,665 --> 01:21:58,501 All right. This is ri-goddamn-diculous. 1241 01:21:58,543 --> 01:21:59,877 Kill them both! 1242 01:22:06,674 --> 01:22:08,259 Fire the "laser." 1243 01:22:08,301 --> 01:22:10,219 Listen, past Austin... 1244 01:22:10,261 --> 01:22:12,512 can you save the world while I go get the girl? 1245 01:22:12,554 --> 01:22:15,057 Sure, Austin-from- ten-minutes-from-now. 1246 01:22:15,098 --> 01:22:17,351 Lock in target. 1247 01:22:17,392 --> 01:22:21,103 Laser set to full vitality. 1248 01:22:26,274 --> 01:22:29,402 Come on. Are you all right? Yeah, come on. 1249 01:22:30,528 --> 01:22:31,654 You all right? 1250 01:22:31,695 --> 01:22:32,947 You OK? 1251 01:22:34,990 --> 01:22:38,326 Say, what's the policy on menage a trois? 1252 01:22:39,410 --> 01:22:42,038 You are adorable! 1253 01:22:43,997 --> 01:22:47,084 Looking for this, Mr. Powers? 1254 01:22:47,125 --> 01:22:49,002 My mojo. 1255 01:22:50,169 --> 01:22:53,089 Self-destruct in two minutes and counting. 1256 01:23:03,764 --> 01:23:04,932 Watch out! 1257 01:23:15,232 --> 01:23:17,234 See you in hell, Powers. 1258 01:23:21,862 --> 01:23:23,698 Hey, Austin-from- ten-minutes-from-now! 1259 01:23:23,739 --> 01:23:27,118 This place is gonna blow. Let's go. Come on. 1260 01:23:32,497 --> 01:23:35,874 Thirty seconds and counting. Twenty-nine... 1261 01:23:36,959 --> 01:23:38,919 -Let's go. -My mojo! 1262 01:23:38,961 --> 01:23:40,086 We have to go now. 1263 01:23:40,128 --> 01:23:42,380 My mojo. I'm useless without it. 1264 01:23:42,422 --> 01:23:44,173 You've had it all along. 1265 01:23:44,215 --> 01:23:45,383 What do you mean? 1266 01:23:45,425 --> 01:23:47,759 You defeated Dr. Evil, you saved the world... 1267 01:23:47,801 --> 01:23:49,720 and believe me, you're gonna get the girl. 1268 01:23:55,141 --> 01:23:56,142 All right then, maybe later. 1269 01:23:56,183 --> 01:23:57,184 Yeah, come on. 1270 01:24:00,353 --> 01:24:01,521 Go! 1271 01:24:03,023 --> 01:24:05,065 I'll set the controls for 1967. 1272 01:24:05,941 --> 01:24:09,486 Felicity, why don't you come with me to 1999? 1273 01:24:09,528 --> 01:24:11,821 I don't know. The Sixties were so groovy. 1274 01:24:11,863 --> 01:24:14,574 I want to see what happens in the Seventies and Eighties. 1275 01:24:14,616 --> 01:24:16,200 The Seventies and the Eighties? 1276 01:24:16,242 --> 01:24:18,994 You're not missing anything. I looked into it. 1277 01:24:19,036 --> 01:24:22,205 There's a gas shortage and a Flock of Seagulls. 1278 01:24:22,247 --> 01:24:24,332 That's about it. 1279 01:24:26,500 --> 01:24:28,210 Let's go. 1280 01:24:50,145 --> 01:24:51,980 I love you, Austin Powers. 1281 01:24:52,022 --> 01:24:54,733 And I love you, Felicity Shagwell. 1282 01:24:54,775 --> 01:24:56,984 Wherever we go... 1283 01:24:56,984 --> 01:24:58,903 there we are. 1284 01:25:01,071 --> 01:25:03,531 Special delivery. 1285 01:25:06,243 --> 01:25:08,452 Surprise, surprise. 1286 01:25:09,787 --> 01:25:14,123 Listen, missy, do you fancy another go? 1287 01:25:14,165 --> 01:25:18,795 'Cause once you've had fat, you never go back. 1288 01:25:18,836 --> 01:25:21,630 You shut your mouth, you bastard... 1289 01:25:23,215 --> 01:25:25,133 who is fat. 1290 01:25:25,175 --> 01:25:26,259 Yeah, that's very good. 1291 01:25:26,300 --> 01:25:29,762 Before you kill us, let me ask you one question. 1292 01:25:29,804 --> 01:25:31,180 Are you happy? 1293 01:25:31,222 --> 01:25:33,765 What kind of stupid ass question is that? 1294 01:25:33,848 --> 01:25:37,227 I'm rich, and I'm dead sexy. 1295 01:25:45,316 --> 01:25:47,068 You didn't answer my question. 1296 01:25:47,110 --> 01:25:48,653 Are you happy? 1297 01:25:48,695 --> 01:25:50,572 Of course I'm not happy. 1298 01:25:50,613 --> 01:25:53,448 Look at me, I'm a big fat slob. 1299 01:25:53,490 --> 01:25:56,368 I've got bigger titties than you do. 1300 01:25:56,410 --> 01:26:00,288 I've got more chins than a Chinese phone book. 1301 01:26:00,329 --> 01:26:02,790 I've not seen my willie in two years... 1302 01:26:02,790 --> 01:26:06,585 which is long enough to declare it legally dead. 1303 01:26:08,837 --> 01:26:12,631 I can't stop eating. 1304 01:26:12,673 --> 01:26:15,175 I eat because I'm unhappy. 1305 01:26:18,428 --> 01:26:21,639 I'm unhappy because I eat. 1306 01:26:21,681 --> 01:26:23,891 It's a vicious cycle. 1307 01:26:23,891 --> 01:26:26,393 If you'll excuse me... 1308 01:26:26,435 --> 01:26:29,896 there's someone I have to get in touch with and forgive. 1309 01:26:31,105 --> 01:26:32,857 Myself. 1310 01:26:37,277 --> 01:26:39,404 Oh, God. 1311 01:26:39,446 --> 01:26:42,489 Sorry, I farted. 1312 01:26:44,283 --> 01:26:45,826 It's a long road ahead. 1313 01:26:48,578 --> 01:26:50,455 Who am I kidding? 1314 01:26:50,455 --> 01:26:51,831 I'm going to kill you anyway. 1315 01:26:51,873 --> 01:26:53,249 Judo chop! 1316 01:26:55,208 --> 01:26:58,921 Right in the mommy-daddy button! 1317 01:26:58,962 --> 01:27:01,505 That's for calling me crap, you fatty. 1318 01:27:11,723 --> 01:27:14,391 Listen, baby, I don't care if he is a Fat Bastard... 1319 01:27:14,433 --> 01:27:16,852 you don't give a man a shot in the pills. 1320 01:27:16,894 --> 01:27:18,603 It's just not cricket. 1321 01:27:18,645 --> 01:27:21,731 Do you think I'll be happy here in the Nineties? 1322 01:27:21,773 --> 01:27:24,609 Well, I know the Nineties might sound boring... 1323 01:27:24,651 --> 01:27:27,319 but as far as I'm concerned... 1324 01:27:27,361 --> 01:27:32,156 I've brought the best part of the Sixties back with me. 1325 01:27:32,198 --> 01:27:33,449 You. 1326 01:27:33,491 --> 01:27:35,159 Wait a minute. 1327 01:27:35,201 --> 01:27:36,702 Where are you going? 1328 01:28:23,241 --> 01:28:24,951 Did we get Dr. Evil? 1329 01:28:24,951 --> 01:28:27,870 No. He got away in that rocket that looks like a huge... 1330 01:28:27,911 --> 01:28:28,996 Penis. 1331 01:28:29,037 --> 01:28:31,915 The male reproductive organ. 1332 01:28:31,957 --> 01:28:35,001 Also known as tally whacker, schlong, or... 1333 01:28:35,042 --> 01:28:36,294 Wiener? 1334 01:28:36,335 --> 01:28:38,462 Any of you kids want another wiener? 1335 01:28:38,504 --> 01:28:40,797 Dad, what's that? 1336 01:28:40,839 --> 01:28:43,592 I don't know, son, but it's got great big... 1337 01:28:43,633 --> 01:28:46,218 Nuts! Hot, salty nuts! 1338 01:28:46,260 --> 01:28:48,929 Who wants some? Lord almighty! 1339 01:28:48,971 --> 01:28:50,681 That looks just like my husband's... 1340 01:28:50,723 --> 01:28:52,599 One-eyed monster. 1341 01:28:52,640 --> 01:28:55,268 Step right up and see the one-eyed monster! 1342 01:28:57,312 --> 01:28:58,812 Hey, what's that? 1343 01:28:58,854 --> 01:29:00,564 lt looks like a big... 1344 01:29:00,606 --> 01:29:02,858 Woody! Woody Harrelson? 1345 01:29:02,900 --> 01:29:04,568 Can I have your autograph? 1346 01:29:04,610 --> 01:29:05,860 Sure, no problem. 1347 01:29:05,902 --> 01:29:08,821 Oh, my Lord. Look at that thing. 1348 01:29:08,863 --> 01:29:10,031 It's so big. 1349 01:29:10,072 --> 01:29:11,907 I've seen bigger. That's... 1350 01:29:11,948 --> 01:29:13,909 Just a little prick. 1351 01:29:13,909 --> 01:29:15,785 It's a flu shot. 1352 01:29:15,827 --> 01:29:17,912 You've been in the coldness of space. 1353 01:29:17,953 --> 01:29:20,039 I don't want you to get sick. 1354 01:29:20,080 --> 01:29:22,249 It's one thing to attack me. 1355 01:29:22,291 --> 01:29:24,876 It's quite another to attack my Mini-Me. 1356 01:29:24,918 --> 01:29:27,921 I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers. 1357 01:29:27,962 --> 01:29:29,963 I'm gonna get you. 1358 01:29:48,104 --> 01:29:51,106 Thank you. Welcome back. Today we're doing a follow-up... 1359 01:29:51,148 --> 01:29:52,816 to a segment we did several months ago... 1360 01:29:52,858 --> 01:29:55,485 on "Fathers who are trying to take over the world." 1361 01:29:55,527 --> 01:29:58,071 Let's begin with Scott Evil. 1362 01:30:01,240 --> 01:30:03,367 What's going on with your dad? 1363 01:30:03,408 --> 01:30:04,826 Well, my dad tried to take over the world... 1364 01:30:04,868 --> 01:30:06,954 with a giant laser on the moon. 1365 01:30:07,995 --> 01:30:09,288 I know. 1366 01:30:09,330 --> 01:30:11,374 We have a surprise for you. 1367 01:30:11,415 --> 01:30:12,625 What, my dad? 1368 01:30:12,667 --> 01:30:15,126 No, it's not your father. It's your mother. 1369 01:30:15,168 --> 01:30:16,294 Come on out. 1370 01:30:23,342 --> 01:30:24,885 Mom? 1371 01:30:24,927 --> 01:30:29,681 Scott, you are my love child with Dr. Evil. 1372 01:30:29,722 --> 01:30:32,058 I thought I was a test-tube baby. 1373 01:30:32,100 --> 01:30:34,476 Lies. All lies! 1374 01:30:36,436 --> 01:30:37,896 I love you, Mom. 1375 01:30:39,230 --> 01:30:41,357 I love you, too, son. 1376 01:30:46,736 --> 01:30:48,280 Thank you. 1377 01:30:48,321 --> 01:30:51,323 You know, what have we learned here today? 1378 01:30:51,365 --> 01:30:55,077 Perhaps it's that no one can take your mojo. 1379 01:30:55,119 --> 01:30:57,370 You can look around all you want... 1380 01:30:57,412 --> 01:31:00,999 but what you're really trying to find is on the inside. 1381 01:31:01,040 --> 01:31:03,876 Take care of yourself and each other. 1382 01:31:10,047 --> 01:31:13,134 I think I'm gonna like it in the Nineties. 1383 01:31:13,176 --> 01:31:15,845 I never knew it could be this way! 1384 01:31:15,887 --> 01:31:17,721 Oh, baby, baby, baby. 1385 01:31:22,433 --> 01:31:23,809 That's good. 1386 01:31:28,646 --> 01:31:29,856 How could you? 1387 01:31:29,898 --> 01:31:31,566 I thought that-- 1388 01:31:31,608 --> 01:31:34,152 Past Austin? 1389 01:31:34,194 --> 01:31:37,571 Technically, it's not cheating, baby. 1390 01:31:37,613 --> 01:31:40,616 Felicity, I can't blame you. 1391 01:31:40,657 --> 01:31:43,534 The man is handsome, baby! 1392 01:31:43,576 --> 01:31:45,786 We're just plain handsome, man. 1393 01:31:45,828 --> 01:31:49,206 Am I wrong, but this makes me horny, baby. 1394 01:31:49,247 --> 01:31:50,624 Very randy! 1395 01:31:51,791 --> 01:31:53,751 Well, one thing's for sure-- 1396 01:31:53,792 --> 01:31:56,337 I've got my mojo back. 1397 01:31:58,589 --> 01:32:00,215 It's definitely back. 1398 01:32:00,256 --> 01:32:02,008 Hello. You all right? 1399 01:32:02,050 --> 01:32:05,303 Me spuds are boiling. 1400 01:32:08,222 --> 01:32:10,641 Come on, darling, let's hop on the good foot... 1401 01:32:10,682 --> 01:32:12,184 and do the bad thing. 1402 01:32:12,225 --> 01:32:14,185 Paging Dr. Freud. 1403 01:34:36,346 --> 01:34:38,389 Hello up there. 1404 01:34:38,431 --> 01:34:40,183 Is the movie over? 1405 01:34:40,225 --> 01:34:41,726 I'm still down here... 1406 01:34:41,768 --> 01:34:43,685 and I'm still in quite a lot of pain. 1407 01:34:43,727 --> 01:34:46,355 Maybe someone in the lobby could call an ambulance. 1408 01:34:46,396 --> 01:34:48,856 Oh, the pain is really quite severe. 1409 01:34:48,856 --> 01:34:51,484 I've fashioned a make shift splint. 1410 01:34:51,526 --> 01:34:52,944 Here goes nothing. 95502