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1
00:00:00,109 --> 00:00:04,467
Subtitles by explosiveskull
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Oh, I think she's so pretty.
3
00:00:57,722 --> 00:00:59,058
Wardell.
4
00:01:00,493 --> 00:01:01,761
I love you.
5
00:01:09,334 --> 00:01:11,434
Well, I guess you didn't
think I was gonna make it,
6
00:01:11,436 --> 00:01:12,769
did you, Earl?
7
00:01:12,771 --> 00:01:14,671
Oh, Lord! Help me, help me!
8
00:01:14,673 --> 00:01:17,141
Fuck me, Earl! Fuck me now!
9
00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:19,243
I can't, I can't, I can't.
10
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,244
You fucking dog, Earl.
11
00:01:21,246 --> 00:01:23,715
Fuck me now!
12
00:01:26,652 --> 00:01:29,721
Go to sleep.
13
00:01:31,557 --> 00:01:34,357
Save me.
14
00:01:34,359 --> 00:01:37,796
Make all the ugly in the world go away.
15
00:01:39,430 --> 00:01:40,863
Save me.
16
00:01:53,245 --> 00:01:56,345
♪ Now who's to judge? ♪
17
00:01:56,347 --> 00:01:59,348
♪ Who's a saint? ♪
18
00:01:59,350 --> 00:02:03,452
♪ And who's a sinner? ♪
19
00:02:03,454 --> 00:02:06,389
♪ Lord, it's tough
enough To trudge ♪
20
00:02:06,391 --> 00:02:09,561
♪ From brunch to dinner ♪
21
00:02:11,430 --> 00:02:14,965
♪ Well, we seek The
light of truth ♪
22
00:02:14,967 --> 00:02:18,505
♪ Between our white lies ♪
23
00:02:20,438 --> 00:02:23,673
♪ And we sleep away Our youth ♪
24
00:02:23,675 --> 00:02:28,780
♪ Under tattletale skies ♪
25
00:02:34,986 --> 00:02:38,522
♪ Now who's to say
Who's a sinner ♪
26
00:02:38,524 --> 00:02:40,556
♪ And who's a saint? ♪
27
00:02:40,558 --> 00:02:45,828
♪ Who's to say who you Can
love and who you can't ♪
28
00:02:45,830 --> 00:02:48,598
♪ Well, it's easy for the pot ♪
29
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,701
♪ To call the kettle black ♪
30
00:02:50,703 --> 00:02:53,570
♪ They're just jealous
Of the hot and lusty ♪
31
00:02:53,572 --> 00:02:56,639
♪ Sordid lives they led ♪
32
00:02:56,641 --> 00:02:58,709
♪ Ain't it a bitch ♪
33
00:02:58,711 --> 00:03:01,845
♪ Sortin' out Our sordid lives ♪
34
00:03:01,847 --> 00:03:03,714
♪ It's a bitch ♪
35
00:03:03,716 --> 00:03:07,618
♪ When you come to realize ♪
36
00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:09,720
♪ Get yourself a box
Of Cracker Jacks ♪
37
00:03:09,722 --> 00:03:13,457
♪ Then you can get A
really shitty prize ♪
38
00:03:13,459 --> 00:03:14,958
♪ It's a bitch ♪
39
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:19,729
♪ Sortin' out Our sordid lives ♪
40
00:03:19,731 --> 00:03:22,632
♪ Now we struggled
Comin' down the chute ♪
41
00:03:22,634 --> 00:03:24,868
♪ To take our first breath ♪
42
00:03:24,870 --> 00:03:27,004
♪ And we struggle
For acceptance ♪
43
00:03:27,006 --> 00:03:30,006
♪ From our birth To our death ♪
44
00:03:30,008 --> 00:03:31,741
♪ But the Lord's
Too busy tryin' ♪
45
00:03:31,743 --> 00:03:34,644
♪ To keep the world
On it's feet ♪
46
00:03:34,646 --> 00:03:37,346
♪ He ain't got time
To give a damn about ♪
47
00:03:37,348 --> 00:03:42,752
♪ What goes on
Between your sheets ♪
48
00:03:42,754 --> 00:03:44,755
♪ Ain't it a bitch ♪
49
00:03:44,757 --> 00:03:48,024
♪ Sortin' out Our sordid lives ♪
50
00:03:48,026 --> 00:03:49,760
♪ It's a bitch ♪
51
00:03:49,762 --> 00:03:53,763
♪ When you come to realize ♪
52
00:03:53,765 --> 00:03:55,766
♪ Get yourself a box
Of Cracker Jacks ♪
53
00:03:55,768 --> 00:03:59,536
♪ And you can get A
really shitty prize ♪
54
00:03:59,538 --> 00:04:01,037
♪ It's a bitch ♪
55
00:04:01,039 --> 00:04:05,475
♪ Sortin' out Our sorry little ♪
56
00:04:05,477 --> 00:04:11,016
♪ Sordid lives ♪
57
00:04:13,786 --> 00:04:15,352
Because of the hoarding,
58
00:04:15,354 --> 00:04:16,586
Brenda has not let anyone in...
59
00:04:16,588 --> 00:04:19,623
Oh, my word. LaVonda, get in here.
60
00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:22,358
You are not gonna believe
this hoarder's house.
61
00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:26,495
I can't, I am late for my
hospital visitation duties.
62
00:04:26,497 --> 00:04:30,370
And I am takin' Noleta
with me to see her mama.
63
00:04:31,769 --> 00:04:35,372
Noleta, we gotta skedaddle!
64
00:04:35,374 --> 00:04:36,973
I can't find my ponytail!
65
00:04:36,975 --> 00:04:38,774
I wonder why.
66
00:04:38,776 --> 00:04:42,812
Brenda's house makes
Noleta's trailer look tidy.
67
00:04:42,814 --> 00:04:44,815
Collects dolls because her daughter drowned
68
00:04:44,817 --> 00:04:46,916
when Brenda was passed out drunk.
69
00:04:46,918 --> 00:04:48,053
Tragic.
70
00:04:49,855 --> 00:04:51,887
You know, I am just glad to see you back
71
00:04:51,889 --> 00:04:53,723
in front of that TV.
72
00:04:53,725 --> 00:04:55,425
You've had your nose stuck in the Bible
73
00:04:55,427 --> 00:04:57,493
for the last few months.
74
00:04:57,495 --> 00:04:58,695
You done?
75
00:04:58,697 --> 00:05:02,399
Mm, almost, I had to take a break.
76
00:05:02,401 --> 00:05:05,569
Revelation scares the dickens out of me.
77
00:05:05,571 --> 00:05:08,605
Barely slept last night.
78
00:05:08,607 --> 00:05:11,841
I just do not know what
possessed you to read
79
00:05:11,843 --> 00:05:14,144
the entire Bible cover to cover.
80
00:05:14,146 --> 00:05:16,146
I think I'd kill myself.
81
00:05:16,148 --> 00:05:19,983
Well, with Ty and Kyle flittin'
from one state to another
82
00:05:19,985 --> 00:05:22,853
gettin' gay married and, coupled with that
83
00:05:22,855 --> 00:05:26,055
Supreme Court decision,
and now what's goin' on
84
00:05:26,057 --> 00:05:29,392
down at the church house, I just needed
85
00:05:29,394 --> 00:05:31,861
to figure out some things for myself.
86
00:05:31,863 --> 00:05:35,664
Seems to me if David can
have Bathsheba's husband
87
00:05:35,666 --> 00:05:36,966
killed in battle,
88
00:05:36,968 --> 00:05:39,002
so he can marry that adulteratin',
89
00:05:39,004 --> 00:05:41,171
pregnant tramp,
90
00:05:41,173 --> 00:05:44,875
to add to his shit ton of other wives,
91
00:05:44,877 --> 00:05:48,110
our nephew can marry the
one man that he loves.
92
00:05:48,112 --> 00:05:50,781
You're bein' too hard on Bathsheba.
93
00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:54,651
David used his position as
king to have his way with her.
94
00:05:54,653 --> 00:05:57,654
Do not blame the victim.
95
00:05:57,656 --> 00:05:59,755
How is Noleta's mama?
96
00:05:59,757 --> 00:06:01,892
Tests still pending.
97
00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:05,896
They've narrowed it down
to either stomach cancer
98
00:06:05,898 --> 00:06:09,166
or a severe case of ptomaine,
which she might have gotten
99
00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:11,968
from her very own leftover tuna casserole,
100
00:06:11,970 --> 00:06:13,904
which she left out all night.
101
00:06:13,906 --> 00:06:15,538
Ooh, in this heat.
102
00:06:15,540 --> 00:06:17,774
Mm, then she ate it for breakfast.
103
00:06:17,776 --> 00:06:20,911
Shoo, Hortense knows better than that.
104
00:06:20,913 --> 00:06:25,081
It's summer, and who eats
tuna casserole for breakfast?
105
00:06:25,083 --> 00:06:26,419
Hortense.
106
00:06:28,153 --> 00:06:31,021
Can I borrow a pack of
cigarettes? I'm runnin' low.
107
00:06:31,023 --> 00:06:33,923
Yes, but you pay me back this time.
108
00:06:33,925 --> 00:06:37,993
They're so high now, it
ought to make us all quit.
109
00:06:37,995 --> 00:06:39,896
I'm gonna pray Hortense has ptomaine
110
00:06:39,898 --> 00:06:42,466
instead of stomach cancer.
111
00:06:42,468 --> 00:06:44,134
I can't find my ponytail.
112
00:06:44,136 --> 00:06:46,870
You wanna borrow one
of my Raquel Welch wigs?
113
00:06:46,872 --> 00:06:48,704
No, that's all right,
I'll just rethink my look
114
00:06:48,706 --> 00:06:50,539
on my way over to visit Mama.
115
00:06:50,541 --> 00:06:52,108
You wouldn't have that
problem if you'd just
116
00:06:52,110 --> 00:06:53,877
chose a look and stick to it.
117
00:06:53,879 --> 00:06:55,711
That's right, me and Sissy's hair has
118
00:06:55,713 --> 00:06:57,813
stood still for decades.
119
00:06:57,815 --> 00:06:59,582
We interrupt this program
120
00:06:59,584 --> 00:07:01,685
to bring you the very latest
on a developing story.
121
00:07:01,687 --> 00:07:04,687
We have confirmed that
convicted serial killer
122
00:07:04,689 --> 00:07:05,988
Billy Joe Dobson...
123
00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:08,058
Sweet baby Jesus, he's that serial killer
124
00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:10,961
from over in Longview,
who picked up hitchhikers
125
00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:12,762
and killed 'em by conkin' 'em on the head
126
00:07:12,764 --> 00:07:15,098
with a sledgehammer he stole while workin'
127
00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:18,067
at a meat packin' plant
right over in Tyler.
128
00:07:18,069 --> 00:07:19,836
He is so hot.
129
00:07:19,838 --> 00:07:22,137
I guess I won't be
hitchhikin' anytime soon,
130
00:07:22,139 --> 00:07:23,606
or I'll end up in the graveyard.
131
00:07:23,608 --> 00:07:25,509
I might.
132
00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:30,779
Well, Mama, it's been
17 years since you died.
133
00:07:30,781 --> 00:07:35,520
The day you caused so much
chaos and all hell broke loose.
134
00:07:37,055 --> 00:07:41,156
My son came out as gay right
in front of your coffin.
135
00:07:41,158 --> 00:07:45,127
And is now legally married to a black man.
136
00:07:45,129 --> 00:07:49,031
Thanks to the U.S. Supreme Court.
137
00:07:49,033 --> 00:07:51,736
I'll give you a moment to
roll over in your grave.
138
00:07:54,005 --> 00:07:55,906
Oh, Mama,
139
00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:57,843
so much has happened.
140
00:07:59,211 --> 00:08:00,612
Wilson left me.
141
00:08:02,146 --> 00:08:03,915
Took my credit cards...
142
00:08:05,182 --> 00:08:06,718
my beautiful home.
143
00:08:08,185 --> 00:08:12,656
I had to move into a
1,700-square-foot house,
144
00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:14,591
back here in Winters, Texas, where there's
145
00:08:14,593 --> 00:08:17,793
a constant parade of crazy
dancin' in the street.
146
00:08:19,630 --> 00:08:21,964
♪ You done me wrong So
I'm doing you right ♪
147
00:08:21,966 --> 00:08:25,569
♪ You'll find your bags
Out on the porch tonight ♪
148
00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:28,837
♪ Don't try to give that
Same song and dance, yeah ♪
149
00:08:28,839 --> 00:08:31,608
♪ I have had enough and you've
Had your last chance... ♪
150
00:08:31,610 --> 00:08:34,310
Oh, Peggy, Peggy, Peggy.
151
00:08:34,312 --> 00:08:39,214
17 years ago, these sumbitches...
152
00:08:39,216 --> 00:08:41,850
...killed the love of my life.
153
00:08:41,852 --> 00:08:44,921
Well, now technically,
it wasn't them sumbitches,
154
00:08:44,923 --> 00:08:46,855
G.W., remember?
155
00:08:46,857 --> 00:08:49,993
Noleta burnt up them wooden
legs that killed Peggy.
156
00:08:49,995 --> 00:08:52,695
I know that, you idiot.
157
00:08:52,697 --> 00:08:54,100
You don't have to get nasty.
158
00:08:56,134 --> 00:08:59,169
Hey, look on the bright side.
At least you once had a wife,
159
00:08:59,171 --> 00:09:00,306
and a mistress.
160
00:09:02,307 --> 00:09:04,674
Some of us ain't never found love.
161
00:09:04,676 --> 00:09:06,343
Maybe it's 'cause no one wants you, Odell.
162
00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:08,777
You got that right.
163
00:09:08,779 --> 00:09:10,879
Goddamn it, half-wit.
164
00:09:10,881 --> 00:09:15,251
I was struck by lightning,
that's why I'm a little slow.
165
00:09:15,253 --> 00:09:17,786
Made you smarter, in my opinion.
166
00:09:19,224 --> 00:09:21,891
Princess Margaret was
Queen Elizabeth's sister
167
00:09:21,893 --> 00:09:24,893
and her former
daughter-in-law,
168
00:09:24,895 --> 00:09:26,896
Sarah Ferguson, is a duchess.
169
00:09:26,898 --> 00:09:30,666
And Prince Charles had a mistress,
170
00:09:30,668 --> 00:09:32,270
Camilla Parker Bowles.
171
00:09:34,905 --> 00:09:37,108
And that's what killed Diana.
172
00:09:38,777 --> 00:09:40,743
Well, that's good to know, Juanita.
173
00:09:40,745 --> 00:09:43,879
Well, I ain't never seen any
love in your life neither.
174
00:09:43,881 --> 00:09:46,181
Me and LaVonda had a good
thing goin' at one time.
175
00:09:46,183 --> 00:09:50,653
Yeah, till she dumped your
ass, like, a million years ago.
176
00:09:50,655 --> 00:09:55,425
Victory, that's a new one
I made up just right now.
177
00:09:55,427 --> 00:09:58,294
"V", for victory, you see.
178
00:09:58,296 --> 00:10:01,131
Looks like a big hairless vagina to me.
179
00:10:01,133 --> 00:10:02,866
I don't like that.
180
00:10:02,868 --> 00:10:05,701
I got somethin' that'll
make you feel better, G.W.
181
00:10:05,703 --> 00:10:07,203
A bullet through my head?
182
00:10:07,205 --> 00:10:10,339
No, I'm puttin' back
together that 15-year tribute
183
00:10:10,341 --> 00:10:13,108
for Peggy that was suppose
to have two years ago.
184
00:10:13,110 --> 00:10:15,111
Got derailed by that hail storm and Odell
185
00:10:15,113 --> 00:10:16,813
gettin' struck by lightning.
186
00:10:16,815 --> 00:10:19,785
And then last year, Juanita
went missin' for two days.
187
00:10:20,951 --> 00:10:22,685
Did you find me?
188
00:10:22,687 --> 00:10:24,119
You got locked in the storage closet,
189
00:10:24,121 --> 00:10:26,690
passed out drunk from
tryin' each and every one
190
00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:28,090
of my liquors in there.
191
00:10:28,092 --> 00:10:31,663
Good times.
192
00:10:33,097 --> 00:10:35,031
I never should have tried
to catch them hail balls
193
00:10:35,033 --> 00:10:37,901
in my mouth, like peanuts.
194
00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:39,234
Error in judgment.
195
00:10:39,236 --> 00:10:42,171
We'll just make it a 17-year anniversary.
196
00:10:42,173 --> 00:10:44,107
We can get together and
sing Peggy's favorite hymns
197
00:10:44,109 --> 00:10:45,709
just like the good old days.
198
00:10:45,711 --> 00:10:47,310
How's it gonna be like the good old days
199
00:10:47,312 --> 00:10:51,314
when the love of my life,
Peggy, is six feet under?
200
00:10:51,316 --> 00:10:53,786
You can't kill love, G.W.,
201
00:10:54,852 --> 00:10:56,655
but love can kill you.
202
00:10:58,289 --> 00:11:00,225
And you don't want that.
203
00:11:03,128 --> 00:11:05,427
Did she just make sense?
204
00:11:05,429 --> 00:11:08,500
Well, even a blind hog finds
an acorn every now and then.
205
00:11:12,370 --> 00:11:16,071
Come to me, Tammy. I need you.
206
00:11:16,073 --> 00:11:19,144
Why don't you ever come to me anymore?
207
00:11:22,013 --> 00:11:25,214
Well, shit, she ain't a-comin'.
208
00:11:25,216 --> 00:11:28,017
I'm gonna call my Aunt Sissy.
209
00:11:28,019 --> 00:11:30,286
No, no, no, no...
210
00:11:30,288 --> 00:11:32,488
Oh, bless her heart.
211
00:11:38,496 --> 00:11:39,896
Hello.
212
00:11:39,898 --> 00:11:41,330
Hi, Sissy.
213
00:11:41,332 --> 00:11:44,934
Oh, well, hello Brother
Boy, how are you, hun?
214
00:11:44,936 --> 00:11:47,302
Oh, Sissy, I've been
havin' this dream.
215
00:11:47,304 --> 00:11:50,039
My fantasies of Wardell
and I gettin' married
216
00:11:50,041 --> 00:11:52,074
have started up again.
217
00:11:52,076 --> 00:11:53,376
But it was a beautiful wedding,
218
00:11:53,378 --> 00:11:56,079
and you were a bridesmaid.
219
00:11:56,081 --> 00:11:58,283
Oh, thanks for askin' me.
220
00:11:59,985 --> 00:12:02,318
It was a dream, Sissy.
221
00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:07,489
But then, the dream turns
into an awful, awful nightmare.
222
00:12:07,491 --> 00:12:10,292
And the wedding becomes Mama's funeral.
223
00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:13,363
But Doctor Eve, you remember
that mean old store-bought
224
00:12:13,365 --> 00:12:16,098
big-titty doctor who was
tryin' to de-homosexualize me
225
00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:17,432
at the loony bin?
226
00:12:17,434 --> 00:12:20,002
I do indeed, I did not care for her.
227
00:12:20,004 --> 00:12:23,439
Yeah, well, Doctor Eve is
in Mama's coffin, not Mama.
228
00:12:23,441 --> 00:12:26,810
And she tries to get him to well, to fu...
229
00:12:26,812 --> 00:12:29,244
To have carnal relations with me.
230
00:12:29,246 --> 00:12:31,381
Right there in the church house?
231
00:12:31,383 --> 00:12:35,151
Yes, in Mama's coffin.
It was so frightening.
232
00:12:35,153 --> 00:12:36,953
You do know what today's
date is, don't you?
233
00:12:36,955 --> 00:12:38,153
Thursday.
234
00:12:38,155 --> 00:12:40,556
Ah, Mama's death date.
235
00:12:40,558 --> 00:12:42,825
She died 17 years ago.
236
00:12:42,827 --> 00:12:45,161
She's haunting me because, Sissy, she never
237
00:12:45,163 --> 00:12:47,063
wanted me to be happy.
238
00:12:47,065 --> 00:12:50,834
Oh, sweet baby Jesus, how time flies.
239
00:12:50,836 --> 00:12:54,369
Seems like just yesterday
that Peggy tripped over
240
00:12:54,371 --> 00:12:57,574
them wooden legs and hit her
head on that nasty old sink
241
00:12:57,576 --> 00:13:00,910
at the Galaxy Motel
while havin' that affair
242
00:13:00,912 --> 00:13:02,945
with G.W. Nethercott.
243
00:13:04,149 --> 00:13:05,581
Hello, sweet boy.
244
00:13:05,583 --> 00:13:08,283
Hey, Mama, I'm callin' you from Dallas.
245
00:13:08,285 --> 00:13:11,588
Dallas, you're so close.
246
00:13:11,590 --> 00:13:14,022
Did you finish your, um,
247
00:13:14,024 --> 00:13:15,858
marriage tour thingamajig?
248
00:13:15,860 --> 00:13:18,594
Yes, ma'am, this last
part is what I like to call
249
00:13:18,596 --> 00:13:21,531
the "weeping and gnashing
of teeth" part of the tour.
250
00:13:21,533 --> 00:13:25,401
Uh-huh, well, y'all sure
did get a lot of press.
251
00:13:25,403 --> 00:13:27,136
That was the point.
252
00:13:27,138 --> 00:13:29,504
Yes, great for your cause,
253
00:13:29,506 --> 00:13:32,908
not always easy on
mothers in Winters, Texas.
254
00:13:32,910 --> 00:13:35,277
Well, I'm sorry that
exposing bigotry has caused
255
00:13:35,279 --> 00:13:37,247
you such grief, Mama.
256
00:13:37,249 --> 00:13:38,982
Oh, don't worry about it.
257
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:41,350
I'm used to being gossiped about by now,
258
00:13:41,352 --> 00:13:44,988
but how come you're in Dallas
and I'm just now findin' out?
259
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:48,458
Kyle's up for a big job at
Mitchell Gold, Bob Williams,
260
00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:50,193
head design associate.
261
00:13:50,195 --> 00:13:52,362
And he gets to choose
between Dallas and Atlanta.
262
00:13:52,364 --> 00:13:54,397
Oh, choose Dallas.
263
00:13:54,399 --> 00:13:56,299
I could come up there and shop.
264
00:13:56,301 --> 00:13:58,533
Kyle gets family discounts, right?
265
00:13:58,535 --> 00:14:01,237
I need a new chaise, in taupe.
266
00:14:01,239 --> 00:14:03,039
We'll get right on that.
267
00:14:03,041 --> 00:14:05,041
And you can visit Winters often.
268
00:14:05,043 --> 00:14:09,078
Yes that would be, just horrible.
269
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:14,349
Although, maybe we could make
Texas number 50, in Winters.
270
00:14:14,351 --> 00:14:15,951
And you could throw us our wedding,
271
00:14:15,953 --> 00:14:17,686
that would certainly
get lots of attention.
272
00:14:17,688 --> 00:14:20,323
Oh, aren't these flowers pretty?
273
00:14:20,325 --> 00:14:22,425
It's your nan-aunt's death date.
274
00:14:22,427 --> 00:14:24,493
I'm in the cemetery as we speak.
275
00:14:24,495 --> 00:14:27,530
I wish you were here but,
you'll always find a reason
276
00:14:27,532 --> 00:14:29,132
not to visit Winters.
277
00:14:29,134 --> 00:14:30,666
I just gave you a reason
for me to come home
278
00:14:30,668 --> 00:14:32,368
and you changed the subject.
279
00:14:32,370 --> 00:14:36,039
Oh, let's not fight, Ty.
You know I love you, I do,
280
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:37,674
and I'm really happy that you and Kyle
281
00:14:37,676 --> 00:14:40,642
have found each other. I just, well,
282
00:14:40,644 --> 00:14:43,112
it's just not exactly
283
00:14:43,114 --> 00:14:46,114
the kind of wedding
that I always envisioned.
284
00:14:46,116 --> 00:14:48,984
Me neither, because I never
thought it was possible,
285
00:14:48,986 --> 00:14:50,353
because I was taught by you,
286
00:14:50,355 --> 00:14:52,287
and everybody else...
287
00:14:52,289 --> 00:14:54,489
Okay, you're right, you're
right, let's change the subject,
288
00:14:54,491 --> 00:14:59,462
um, 'cause I've been saving
the big news, and I mean big.
289
00:14:59,464 --> 00:15:03,166
Hey, Latrelle, what would
you prefer to be called:
290
00:15:03,168 --> 00:15:06,536
grandma, me-ma, nana,
or my personal favorite,
291
00:15:06,538 --> 00:15:09,272
because you're so glamorous, glama?
292
00:15:09,274 --> 00:15:11,674
Wait, what? Are you all...?
293
00:15:11,676 --> 00:15:14,710
Yes, our surrogate just
finished her first trimester
294
00:15:14,712 --> 00:15:17,347
and we wanted to wait,
you know, just to be sure,
295
00:15:17,349 --> 00:15:20,516
but you are going to be a glama of twins.
296
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,087
She's screaming.
297
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,055
Good to see you, Mitchell.
298
00:15:26,057 --> 00:15:27,656
I gotta go, Mom. Boss man just arrived.
299
00:15:27,658 --> 00:15:29,092
Hey, Mitchell. Bye, Mom.
300
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:30,359
Oh, welcome. Good to see you guys.
301
00:15:30,361 --> 00:15:32,094
- You too.
- Come on back, let's talk.
302
00:15:32,096 --> 00:15:35,397
So I saw all the press
on the recent weddings.
303
00:15:35,399 --> 00:15:37,132
Perfect media attention.
304
00:15:37,134 --> 00:15:40,136
Faith in America. Great
job, Ty, that was incredible.
305
00:15:40,138 --> 00:15:42,604
And you, Kyle, what's it
gonna be, Dallas or Atlanta?
306
00:15:48,379 --> 00:15:52,714
I don't speak. I don't speak
gruntin', Aunt Little Neecy.
307
00:15:56,421 --> 00:15:59,022
Oh, hello there, Brother Boy.
308
00:15:59,024 --> 00:16:02,291
LaVonda, I need your help.
309
00:16:02,293 --> 00:16:04,727
My talents are being wasted here in
310
00:16:04,729 --> 00:16:07,530
Long-fucking-view,
Texas.
311
00:16:07,532 --> 00:16:10,166
I need you to rescue me.
312
00:16:10,168 --> 00:16:12,768
Uh-huh, well, did you hear
that the hitchhiker murderer
313
00:16:12,770 --> 00:16:14,237
has escaped the pen?
314
00:16:14,239 --> 00:16:16,671
He is from Longview, you know.
315
00:16:16,673 --> 00:16:19,175
And he's killed people
all over that area.
316
00:16:19,177 --> 00:16:21,109
Had sex with those he murdered.
317
00:16:21,111 --> 00:16:22,811
He's suppose to be executed next week.
318
00:16:22,813 --> 00:16:25,781
LaVonda, please, you
know I frighten easily.
319
00:16:25,783 --> 00:16:29,051
I'm fragile as a little baby kitten.
320
00:16:29,053 --> 00:16:31,653
And Mama's ghost is hauntin' me!
321
00:16:31,655 --> 00:16:34,589
It's not the good hauntin'
like when Tammy comes to me.
322
00:16:34,591 --> 00:16:36,425
It's the bad hauntin'.
323
00:16:36,427 --> 00:16:39,061
And they've made, LaVonda,
324
00:16:39,063 --> 00:16:40,829
this new drag queen
325
00:16:40,831 --> 00:16:44,767
head of the show, and
she has me on probation.
326
00:16:44,769 --> 00:16:48,204
She's sayin' that I have to give up Tammy.
327
00:16:48,206 --> 00:16:51,043
I have to give up Loretta,
and I have to give up Dolly.
328
00:16:52,143 --> 00:16:53,675
I'll have no show.
329
00:16:53,677 --> 00:16:55,478
My new show is called...
330
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:59,248
...We Three Queens of Opry Are.
331
00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:01,818
I mean, who am I
suppose to do, LaVonda?
332
00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:06,189
Carrie Underwood? Her kind
of Christianity frightens me.
333
00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:08,724
I mean, one minute she's asking for Jesus
334
00:17:08,726 --> 00:17:11,827
to please take the wheel,
and then the next minute
335
00:17:11,829 --> 00:17:14,497
she's beatin' out the
headlights of her cheatin'
336
00:17:14,499 --> 00:17:16,201
ex-boyfriend's truck.
337
00:17:17,836 --> 00:17:19,768
What about the other one?
Am I suppose to do her?
338
00:17:19,770 --> 00:17:22,238
The little fleshy, the real sweet one,
339
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:23,672
married to Blake Shelton.
340
00:17:23,674 --> 00:17:26,476
Miranda Lambert. They're gettin' divorced,
341
00:17:26,478 --> 00:17:28,510
and she's lost weight.
342
00:17:28,512 --> 00:17:30,846
Well, I hadn't, I'm big as
Dallas and half of Fort Worth.
343
00:17:30,848 --> 00:17:33,716
I look like my water is about to break.
344
00:17:33,718 --> 00:17:37,219
And I can't pull off
them young ones, LaVonda.
345
00:17:37,221 --> 00:17:39,622
I mean, you can just dim the lights so low
346
00:17:39,624 --> 00:17:41,423
and then you're in the dark.
347
00:17:41,425 --> 00:17:43,593
I need you to come get me.
348
00:17:43,595 --> 00:17:45,728
Can you borrow Wardell's truck?
349
00:17:45,730 --> 00:17:49,468
And move me up to Dallas
where opportunity is rampant?
350
00:17:51,603 --> 00:17:55,474
I heard about this bar
LaVonda, called the Rose Room.
351
00:17:56,740 --> 00:17:58,676
Seats 500 people.
352
00:18:00,878 --> 00:18:03,613
I need that kind of appreciation.
353
00:18:03,615 --> 00:18:08,584
LaVonda, I need that kind of applause.
354
00:18:08,586 --> 00:18:11,921
I need so much, LaVonda.
355
00:18:11,923 --> 00:18:14,425
I need my precious princess...
356
00:18:17,295 --> 00:18:18,894
Tammy!
357
00:18:40,785 --> 00:18:42,254
Yoo-hoo!
358
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:44,519
Mrs. Barnes.
359
00:18:44,521 --> 00:18:47,523
Oh, oh.
360
00:18:47,525 --> 00:18:49,458
Hello, Latrelle.
361
00:18:49,460 --> 00:18:51,829
Well, you've gotta meet the new preacher.
362
00:18:52,963 --> 00:18:56,335
Jimmy Ray! Jimmy Ray, hey!
363
00:18:59,804 --> 00:19:03,773
Jimmy Ray Brewton, he's my nephew,
364
00:19:03,775 --> 00:19:07,576
and he's gonna carry
on now that Cecil has...
365
00:19:07,578 --> 00:19:10,912
has gone on to glory to meet Jesus.
366
00:19:10,914 --> 00:19:14,717
Jimmy Ray, this is Latrelle Williamson.
367
00:19:14,719 --> 00:19:16,922
She's the one I told
you about with the son.
368
00:19:18,655 --> 00:19:20,655
Well, the Good Lord sure did bless you
369
00:19:20,657 --> 00:19:22,658
with beauty, Latrelle.
370
00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:24,660
- Oh.
- Did indeed.
371
00:19:24,662 --> 00:19:27,997
Well, now, thank you.
372
00:19:27,999 --> 00:19:30,665
I have a question.
373
00:19:30,667 --> 00:19:34,636
Now that marriage equality
is the law of the land,
374
00:19:34,638 --> 00:19:39,374
how's this revival,
well, gonna change things?
375
00:19:39,376 --> 00:19:41,710
Supreme Court's not the law of this land.
376
00:19:41,712 --> 00:19:43,511
Word of God's the law of this land.
377
00:19:43,513 --> 00:19:45,981
Well, actually, if memory serves me right,
378
00:19:45,983 --> 00:19:48,584
um, that's not exactly true.
379
00:19:48,586 --> 00:19:52,455
The Constitution is the law
of the land, not the Bible.
380
00:19:52,457 --> 00:19:55,024
Separation of Church and state,
381
00:19:55,026 --> 00:19:57,360
um, somethin' we all should
have been taught in school.
382
00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,795
She's a feisty one, ain't she?
383
00:19:59,797 --> 00:20:01,497
Indeed she is.
384
00:20:01,499 --> 00:20:02,765
Oh, I could tell you stories.
385
00:20:02,767 --> 00:20:05,500
And I'm sure you already have.
386
00:20:05,502 --> 00:20:08,938
Fact of the matter is,
five liberal justices
387
00:20:08,940 --> 00:20:12,642
and an ungodly Muslim president,
388
00:20:12,644 --> 00:20:14,479
can't take away my...
389
00:20:16,881 --> 00:20:19,981
your biblical and constitutional right
390
00:20:19,983 --> 00:20:23,355
to live according to
your deeply held beliefs.
391
00:20:24,721 --> 00:20:27,289
Well, now, you've lost me,
392
00:20:27,291 --> 00:20:30,526
because as I said, it's the law.
393
00:20:30,528 --> 00:20:34,630
Well, that's true, but
as Christian warriors,
394
00:20:34,632 --> 00:20:36,865
we have to fight for our Lord.
395
00:20:36,867 --> 00:20:38,901
And here's your answer.
396
00:20:38,903 --> 00:20:42,071
We are gonna make Runnels
County a sanctuary county
397
00:20:42,073 --> 00:20:45,040
for the institution of
biblical marriage, one man,
398
00:20:45,042 --> 00:20:47,375
one woman, and to never have a gay marriage
399
00:20:47,377 --> 00:20:48,911
performed in this county.
400
00:20:48,913 --> 00:20:52,315
Ever, ever. We want our rainbow back.
401
00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:53,783
We do, indeed.
402
00:20:53,785 --> 00:20:56,919
And there have been
consequences to the moral decay
403
00:20:56,921 --> 00:20:58,953
of this country caused by
the gays and the acceptance
404
00:20:58,955 --> 00:21:01,056
of their lifestyle, and there will be more.
405
00:21:01,058 --> 00:21:04,927
9/11, AIDS, Obama's
election, Hurricane Katrina.
406
00:21:04,929 --> 00:21:07,997
And Sandy. Oh, and don't
forget that Japanese tsunami.
407
00:21:07,999 --> 00:21:09,498
And fire ants.
408
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:11,467
- All because of the gays.
- Um.
409
00:21:11,469 --> 00:21:14,670
Well, you know, I consider
myself a God-fearing Christian
410
00:21:14,672 --> 00:21:17,739
but I find it hard to
believe that the gays wield
411
00:21:17,741 --> 00:21:20,442
enough power to control the weather,
412
00:21:20,444 --> 00:21:22,878
and disease, and insects.
413
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:26,949
Well, allow me to
correct you here, you see,
414
00:21:26,951 --> 00:21:31,886
God has the power to respond
appropriately to immorality.
415
00:21:31,888 --> 00:21:34,390
And it's our responsibility
to protect this county
416
00:21:34,392 --> 00:21:35,527
from his wrath.
417
00:21:37,828 --> 00:21:43,434
Well, things become a little
cloudy and complicated when...
418
00:21:46,037 --> 00:21:49,540
I'm sure you've been
told that my son is gay.
419
00:21:50,907 --> 00:21:52,843
Yes, I have heard that.
420
00:21:54,378 --> 00:21:56,879
And I'm so, so sorry.
421
00:21:56,881 --> 00:22:00,149
That cross must be so
hard for you to carry.
422
00:22:00,151 --> 00:22:02,051
Now you just might need this revival
423
00:22:02,053 --> 00:22:04,489
more than anybody in this town.
424
00:22:05,923 --> 00:22:08,958
Why don't you come by on Friday, Latrelle,
425
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:11,927
and I promise you that
everything will become...
426
00:22:11,929 --> 00:22:13,699
crystal clear.
427
00:22:15,566 --> 00:22:16,701
Hm.
428
00:22:18,836 --> 00:22:20,835
You know what?
429
00:22:20,837 --> 00:22:22,036
I think I will.
430
00:22:22,038 --> 00:22:23,706
I just can't come right now.
431
00:22:23,708 --> 00:22:25,574
I'm here at the hospital sittin' with
432
00:22:25,576 --> 00:22:27,476
Evelyn Crawley's Aunt Little Neecy.
433
00:22:27,478 --> 00:22:30,145
Aunt Little Neecy who used
to have all them feral cats?
434
00:22:30,147 --> 00:22:31,613
And a pet skunk.
435
00:22:31,615 --> 00:22:33,548
Why, I thought she died.
436
00:22:33,550 --> 00:22:35,151
She was old when we were kids.
437
00:22:35,153 --> 00:22:38,653
And why are you sittin' with the afflicted?
438
00:22:38,655 --> 00:22:40,956
LaVonda, that is so unlike you.
439
00:22:40,958 --> 00:22:43,426
Evelyn has had somethin' on me for years,
440
00:22:43,428 --> 00:22:44,959
which I do not want to discuss,
441
00:22:44,961 --> 00:22:47,729
and she has just been waitin' to collect.
442
00:22:47,731 --> 00:22:49,731
What's wrong with Aunt Little Neecy
443
00:22:49,733 --> 00:22:52,500
besides meanness and insanity?
444
00:22:52,502 --> 00:22:55,938
Well, Evelyn was in her
kitchen, picklin' okras
445
00:22:55,940 --> 00:22:58,073
from her garden, and
she put Aunt Little Neecy
446
00:22:58,075 --> 00:23:00,575
in front of the television,
to keep her occupied,
447
00:23:00,577 --> 00:23:01,943
and to keep her from goin' through
448
00:23:01,945 --> 00:23:03,813
her underwear drawer again.
449
00:23:03,815 --> 00:23:05,780
I mean, she's just obsessed
with Evelyn's underwear,
450
00:23:05,782 --> 00:23:07,449
likes to try every one of 'em on.
451
00:23:07,451 --> 00:23:10,119
Oh, there's nothin' crazy about that.
452
00:23:10,121 --> 00:23:12,822
Uh, well it, it, stretches them out.
453
00:23:12,824 --> 00:23:14,489
Oh.
454
00:23:14,491 --> 00:23:16,959
Anyway, Aunt Little
Neecy just loves that show
455
00:23:16,961 --> 00:23:18,594
where the sponges talk.
456
00:23:18,596 --> 00:23:20,728
I mean, whoever came up with that show
457
00:23:20,730 --> 00:23:22,998
had to be on drugs, if you ask me.
458
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,767
So Evelyn looks up at
the clock on the stove...
459
00:23:25,769 --> 00:23:29,205
Tammy, honey, is this as
boring to you as it is to me?
460
00:23:29,207 --> 00:23:32,240
The Price Is Right, although,
Lord, she was pissed
461
00:23:32,242 --> 00:23:35,244
when Bob Barker quit,
and hates Drew Carey,
462
00:23:35,246 --> 00:23:37,078
who looks better fat.
463
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,748
Anyway, she goes in there and
tries to change the channel
464
00:23:39,750 --> 00:23:42,551
on the TV, and that's
when the trouble started.
465
00:23:42,553 --> 00:23:44,987
That is a lot of detail, LaVonda.
466
00:23:44,989 --> 00:23:46,855
Oh, hush. You asked.
467
00:23:46,857 --> 00:23:49,257
And I listened to your sob sister story
468
00:23:49,259 --> 00:23:50,659
for 30 fuckin' minutes.
469
00:23:50,661 --> 00:23:53,496
Okay, okay, proceed.
470
00:23:53,498 --> 00:23:55,530
Well, it became a
battle over that remote.
471
00:23:55,532 --> 00:23:59,267
Evelyn could not pry that remote
out of Aunt Little Neecy's hand,
472
00:23:59,269 --> 00:24:00,835
grip of death.
473
00:24:00,837 --> 00:24:03,538
And during the struggle that remote
474
00:24:03,540 --> 00:24:05,607
landed upside Evelyn's head.
475
00:24:05,609 --> 00:24:07,142
Well, that did it.
476
00:24:07,144 --> 00:24:10,513
Evelyn lost her temper,
and Little Neecy lost hers.
477
00:24:10,515 --> 00:24:13,015
So, right in the middle
of Aunt Little Neecy's
478
00:24:13,017 --> 00:24:14,216
big old temper tantrum,
479
00:24:14,218 --> 00:24:15,918
she goes into a full-blown
480
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:18,821
epileptic seizure and bit off her tongue.
481
00:24:18,823 --> 00:24:20,523
Bit off her tongue?
482
00:24:20,525 --> 00:24:22,123
- Yes.
- Lord.
483
00:24:22,125 --> 00:24:24,226
Evelyn had to put that bit-off tongue
484
00:24:24,228 --> 00:24:27,228
in the pickle jar she was
usin' for puttin' up her okra.
485
00:24:27,230 --> 00:24:29,698
Dumped that good okra right in the sink,
486
00:24:29,700 --> 00:24:31,799
packed that jar with ice.
487
00:24:31,801 --> 00:24:33,201
Quick thinkin'.
488
00:24:33,203 --> 00:24:35,537
Sure was, and she got
Aunt Little Neecy here
489
00:24:35,539 --> 00:24:37,171
to the hospital, where Dr. Lloyd
490
00:24:37,173 --> 00:24:39,975
was able to reattach
that bit-off tongue.
491
00:24:39,977 --> 00:24:42,277
But all that blood just ruined Evelyn's
492
00:24:42,279 --> 00:24:44,747
brand-new white carpet, indoor, outdoor.
493
00:24:44,749 --> 00:24:47,315
But Evelyn says that the good news is
494
00:24:47,317 --> 00:24:49,317
that the doctors say
that Aunt Little Neecy
495
00:24:49,319 --> 00:24:52,054
will speak again,
with speech therapy,
496
00:24:52,056 --> 00:24:55,324
which in my humble
opinion is not good news,
497
00:24:55,326 --> 00:24:58,693
'cause that crazy old bat
never fuckin' shuts up.
498
00:24:58,695 --> 00:25:01,930
And, I strongly believe
that Evelyn will regret
499
00:25:01,932 --> 00:25:03,699
packin' that tongue on ice.
500
00:25:03,701 --> 00:25:06,134
What does Evelyn have on you, anyway?
501
00:25:06,136 --> 00:25:10,038
Well, it has to do with her
witnessing a justified crime
502
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:14,343
that I was an accomplice to
years ago, involving a goat.
503
00:25:14,345 --> 00:25:16,312
Oh, my God, was it sexual?
504
00:25:16,314 --> 00:25:17,712
No!
505
00:25:17,714 --> 00:25:19,949
And that is all you need to know.
506
00:25:19,951 --> 00:25:23,651
Well, Evelyn was just plain
stupid buyin' that white carpet.
507
00:25:23,653 --> 00:25:25,955
But LaVonda, honey,
508
00:25:25,957 --> 00:25:27,823
I'm desperate.
509
00:25:27,825 --> 00:25:30,092
I need for you to drive here
510
00:25:30,094 --> 00:25:31,794
and take me to Dallas.
511
00:25:31,796 --> 00:25:33,796
Uh-oh, she's throwin' things. I gotta go.
512
00:25:33,798 --> 00:25:35,064
Come get me, LaVon!
513
00:25:38,169 --> 00:25:40,803
What took you so long?
514
00:25:40,805 --> 00:25:44,672
Did you bring me my Payday,
and my flamingo-pink lipstick?
515
00:25:44,674 --> 00:25:48,677
I mean, the nurses, the
orderlies, the new preacher,
516
00:25:48,679 --> 00:25:51,747
they had to look at me
all day without my lips on.
517
00:25:51,749 --> 00:25:53,082
Yes, ma'am, I'm sorry.
518
00:25:53,084 --> 00:25:54,717
Oh, just give me my lipstick.
519
00:25:54,719 --> 00:25:58,088
If I'm going to die, I
want to look presentable.
520
00:25:59,155 --> 00:26:01,190
Oh, just cremate me.
521
00:26:01,192 --> 00:26:04,959
I mean, you would never be
able to do these eyebrows.
522
00:26:04,961 --> 00:26:07,097
Mama, you are not going to die.
523
00:26:08,633 --> 00:26:10,999
Stomach cancer runs in this family.
524
00:26:11,001 --> 00:26:13,102
You're probably gonna die of it too.
525
00:26:13,104 --> 00:26:15,371
Just give me my lipstick and my Payday.
526
00:26:15,373 --> 00:26:17,072
Okay, oh, there it is.
527
00:26:17,074 --> 00:26:18,774
- Oh, kill it.
- Oh, Payday.
528
00:26:18,776 --> 00:26:19,975
Payday, good.
529
00:26:19,977 --> 00:26:21,242
- Lipstick.
- Ah-ha,
530
00:26:21,244 --> 00:26:23,645
and quit eating.
531
00:26:23,647 --> 00:26:26,280
You'll never get another man at your size.
532
00:26:26,282 --> 00:26:27,682
Mama, I'm a size 10.
533
00:26:27,684 --> 00:26:30,187
In what country?
534
00:26:32,088 --> 00:26:34,390
I am not gonna let you
push my buttons, Mama.
535
00:26:34,392 --> 00:26:35,923
You may have installed them,
536
00:26:35,925 --> 00:26:37,825
but I'm not gonna let you push 'em.
537
00:26:37,827 --> 00:26:40,129
I heard that on Oprah's Lifeclasses.
538
00:26:40,131 --> 00:26:41,430
Oh, shut up.
539
00:26:41,432 --> 00:26:43,198
Oprah's full of shit.
540
00:26:44,902 --> 00:26:48,871
Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going to see
541
00:26:48,873 --> 00:26:53,342
if they have your pending test
back to see how much longer
542
00:26:53,344 --> 00:26:56,344
I am going to have to
put up with this shit!
543
00:26:56,346 --> 00:27:00,248
Which Oprah is not full of.
544
00:27:00,250 --> 00:27:02,851
LaVonda, LaVonda!
545
00:27:02,853 --> 00:27:04,920
No yelling in the hallways!
546
00:27:04,922 --> 00:27:06,988
There are sick people in here.
547
00:27:06,990 --> 00:27:09,357
Didn't your mother teach
you to be considerate?
548
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:11,293
No, ma'am, she just taught me to feel
549
00:27:11,295 --> 00:27:12,928
inferior and worthless.
550
00:27:12,930 --> 00:27:15,330
- LaVonda!
- Trash.
551
00:27:15,332 --> 00:27:18,333
Hey, there, pretty lady,
could you come in here?
552
00:27:18,335 --> 00:27:20,268
Me?
553
00:27:20,270 --> 00:27:23,171
Well, I don't see no
other pretty lady nearby.
554
00:27:23,173 --> 00:27:25,740
Hey, would you be an angel and hand me...
555
00:27:25,742 --> 00:27:27,375
hand me them crutches over there?
556
00:27:27,377 --> 00:27:29,411
Goddamn mean nurse
helped me into this chair
557
00:27:29,413 --> 00:27:31,814
and told me she'd be back in 30 minutes.
558
00:27:31,816 --> 00:27:33,347
Been over an hour.
559
00:27:33,349 --> 00:27:36,351
Oh, damnation,
560
00:27:36,353 --> 00:27:37,786
you're pretty.
561
00:27:37,788 --> 00:27:39,121
Uh?
562
00:27:39,123 --> 00:27:41,155
Oh, and I don't see no wedding ring.
563
00:27:41,157 --> 00:27:42,958
No. No more. No ring.
564
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:46,228
I pawned it after my
divorce 17 years ago. Single!
565
00:27:46,230 --> 00:27:48,497
See, my husband had an affair
on me with my best friend's
566
00:27:48,499 --> 00:27:51,100
70-year-old mother, and
our friendship survived
567
00:27:51,102 --> 00:27:52,801
but the marriage did not.
568
00:27:52,803 --> 00:27:55,003
My friend LaVonda, oh,
that's Peggy's daughter,
569
00:27:55,005 --> 00:27:56,971
Peggy is the old adulteratin' dead woman,
570
00:27:56,973 --> 00:27:58,474
is settin' in that room across from you
571
00:27:58,476 --> 00:28:00,476
with Evelyn Crawley's Aunt Little Neecy.
572
00:28:00,478 --> 00:28:03,812
Well, Aunt Little Neecy is
crazy as a sack full of assholes,
573
00:28:03,814 --> 00:28:05,514
bless her heart.
574
00:28:05,516 --> 00:28:08,182
And I'm here visitin' my mama,
who either has stomach cancer
575
00:28:08,184 --> 00:28:10,052
or a severe case of ptomaine.
576
00:28:10,054 --> 00:28:11,953
I mean, we're prayin' that it's ptomaine,
577
00:28:11,955 --> 00:28:13,154
but she is so damn mean
578
00:28:13,156 --> 00:28:14,789
sometimes I just wish she would die.
579
00:28:14,791 --> 00:28:17,359
Oh, shoot, I meant to just think that.
580
00:28:17,361 --> 00:28:20,496
My husband, G.W., well my ex-husband now,
581
00:28:20,498 --> 00:28:23,364
17 years, no ring, single,
582
00:28:23,366 --> 00:28:25,199
he is a Vietnam vet
583
00:28:25,201 --> 00:28:26,768
and he has two wooden legs.
584
00:28:26,770 --> 00:28:28,770
Well, technically they're fiberglass.
585
00:28:28,772 --> 00:28:31,507
And one day I got real mad,
and I took one of them legs,
586
00:28:31,509 --> 00:28:34,476
and I bashed in all the
windows on his pickup truck
587
00:28:34,478 --> 00:28:36,111
while he was takin' a bath.
588
00:28:36,113 --> 00:28:38,247
Not a pretty sight with
them stubs, years ago.
589
00:28:38,249 --> 00:28:42,450
Then, I set them legs on fire
in the bed of his pickup truck,
590
00:28:42,452 --> 00:28:45,286
beings as I was so upset
after Peggy's funeral,
591
00:28:45,288 --> 00:28:47,189
you know about the affair, not her death.
592
00:28:47,191 --> 00:28:50,124
But first, I soaked them legs in gasoline,
593
00:28:50,126 --> 00:28:52,094
'cause I think that shit through,
594
00:28:52,096 --> 00:28:53,895
tossed in a match, boom!
595
00:28:53,897 --> 00:28:57,565
Oh, it's hard to make a
marriage work after that.
596
00:28:57,567 --> 00:28:59,901
Remind me never to piss you off.
597
00:28:59,903 --> 00:29:01,937
Okay.
598
00:29:01,939 --> 00:29:04,206
I, uh, I don't mean to make it worse.
599
00:29:04,208 --> 00:29:07,910
What... what happened to your leg?
600
00:29:07,912 --> 00:29:10,578
Well, I crushed it workin' on an oil rig.
601
00:29:10,580 --> 00:29:13,047
Uh, my crutches.
602
00:29:13,049 --> 00:29:15,484
Oh, right, sorry.
603
00:29:15,486 --> 00:29:16,884
Okay, here you go.
604
00:29:16,886 --> 00:29:19,086
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
605
00:29:19,088 --> 00:29:21,390
Now, hey, will you get behind me,
606
00:29:21,392 --> 00:29:23,592
put both your hands
607
00:29:23,594 --> 00:29:26,894
around my waist and give me a shove up?
608
00:29:26,896 --> 00:29:28,766
Okay.
609
00:29:31,836 --> 00:29:33,901
Don't look at my ass.
610
00:29:33,903 --> 00:29:35,136
Okay.
611
00:29:35,138 --> 00:29:37,206
There we go.
612
00:29:37,208 --> 00:29:39,440
Oh, yay, it worked.
613
00:29:39,442 --> 00:29:42,577
My buddy Hank's suppose to
bring me some sweats but,
614
00:29:42,579 --> 00:29:44,478
- are you lookin' at my ass?
- No!
615
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:46,448
Well, maybe just a little.
616
00:29:46,450 --> 00:29:47,850
Good.
617
00:29:49,053 --> 00:29:50,285
Oh, Lord!
618
00:29:50,287 --> 00:29:52,453
"Come, Lord Jesus.
619
00:29:52,455 --> 00:29:54,555
"The grace of the Lord Jesus
620
00:29:54,557 --> 00:29:57,162
be with all. Amen."
621
00:30:00,163 --> 00:30:01,432
Hm.
622
00:30:03,433 --> 00:30:05,633
Well, it's not the best
endin', if you ask me.
623
00:30:09,539 --> 00:30:12,341
Corner Stop, where Jesus is alive and well
624
00:30:12,343 --> 00:30:15,142
and everything is convenient. This is Vera.
625
00:30:15,144 --> 00:30:17,246
How may I help you?
626
00:30:17,248 --> 00:30:21,583
Hello, Vera, well, I just now finished
627
00:30:21,585 --> 00:30:24,952
readin' the entire Bible.
628
00:30:24,954 --> 00:30:29,024
I've been dealin' with
Brother Boy this morning, ooh!
629
00:30:29,026 --> 00:30:31,360
More troubles than Christ on the cross.
630
00:30:31,362 --> 00:30:34,095
Well, bless his heart.
631
00:30:34,097 --> 00:30:37,599
I've been praying for
Jesus to turn him straight.
632
00:30:37,601 --> 00:30:43,071
Well, Vera, I think that
perhaps that is a wasted prayer.
633
00:30:43,073 --> 00:30:46,909
If you have faith the
size of a mustard seed,
634
00:30:46,911 --> 00:30:49,944
you can say to a mulberry
tree, "Be uprooted
635
00:30:49,946 --> 00:30:51,580
and be planted in the sea."
636
00:30:51,582 --> 00:30:53,582
That's in Luke.
637
00:30:53,584 --> 00:30:56,183
Hey, Leticia, you're
mixin' up the sweet spicy
638
00:30:56,185 --> 00:30:59,388
chili Doritos with the spicy nachos again.
639
00:30:59,390 --> 00:31:02,457
Yes, Vera! Bitch...
640
00:31:02,459 --> 00:31:06,260
"Be ye kind, one to
another." Ephesians 4:32.
641
00:31:06,262 --> 00:31:08,997
Mm, uh-huh, that's one of my favorites.
642
00:31:08,999 --> 00:31:12,100
Why do you think anybody
would want to uproot
643
00:31:12,102 --> 00:31:16,238
a mulberry tree and plant it in the sea?
644
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:18,876
How would they pick their mulberries?
645
00:31:20,243 --> 00:31:22,376
Mm, there are some things in the Bible
646
00:31:22,378 --> 00:31:25,413
that just do not make
a lick of sense to me.
647
00:31:25,415 --> 00:31:27,516
Well, I live by the Bible, Sissy.
648
00:31:27,518 --> 00:31:29,584
I don't need it to make sense.
649
00:31:29,586 --> 00:31:31,319
Now I'm gonna need you on my
650
00:31:31,321 --> 00:31:34,055
anti-equality calling committee.
651
00:31:34,057 --> 00:31:35,556
The revival starts tomorrow,
652
00:31:35,558 --> 00:31:37,159
and we gotta get the final word out.
653
00:31:37,161 --> 00:31:39,227
They're comin' for our religious freedoms,
654
00:31:39,229 --> 00:31:41,395
and good Christians are bein' persecuted.
655
00:31:41,397 --> 00:31:43,131
By who?
656
00:31:43,133 --> 00:31:46,067
Obama, Hillary Clinton,
five liberal judges,
657
00:31:46,069 --> 00:31:47,268
and Miley Cyrus.
658
00:31:47,270 --> 00:31:49,106
Sissy!
659
00:31:50,173 --> 00:31:52,239
Sissy!
660
00:31:52,241 --> 00:31:55,646
Oh, Lord, Vera, I gotta go. It's Latrelle.
661
00:31:57,247 --> 00:31:58,449
Sissy!
662
00:32:02,185 --> 00:32:03,320
Sissy!
663
00:32:04,755 --> 00:32:06,321
Well, you're just never gonna believe
664
00:32:06,323 --> 00:32:08,123
what the church is doing, you just won't.
665
00:32:08,125 --> 00:32:09,524
Vera told me...
666
00:32:09,526 --> 00:32:11,526
They're havin' an anti-equality revival.
667
00:32:11,528 --> 00:32:14,196
That's what they're callin'
it. It starts tomorrow.
668
00:32:14,198 --> 00:32:18,199
I just met the new
preacher, Jimmy Ray Brewton.
669
00:32:18,201 --> 00:32:19,369
He's handsome.
670
00:32:20,436 --> 00:32:21,670
Very argumentative.
671
00:32:21,672 --> 00:32:24,271
Well, you'd know all about that.
672
00:32:24,273 --> 00:32:27,609
That's not always a bad thing.
673
00:32:27,611 --> 00:32:29,510
Oh, wait a minute. I just hung up from Ty.
674
00:32:29,512 --> 00:32:32,546
He and Kyle may be movin' to Dallas.
675
00:32:32,548 --> 00:32:35,217
Kyle's got a big designer
job offer from Mitchell Gold,
676
00:32:35,219 --> 00:32:40,055
Bob Williams, furniture
store, very upscale.
677
00:32:40,057 --> 00:32:42,259
High end. Gorgeous.
678
00:32:43,626 --> 00:32:45,529
Maybe you can get some free furniture.
679
00:32:48,164 --> 00:32:49,533
Oh, the bigger news.
680
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:52,334
The boys are havin' twins.
681
00:32:52,336 --> 00:32:54,635
Oh, twins.
682
00:32:54,637 --> 00:32:56,506
I gotta tinkle.
683
00:32:58,307 --> 00:33:00,074
What's wrong with my furniture?
684
00:33:02,512 --> 00:33:03,647
LaVonda.
685
00:33:05,082 --> 00:33:06,280
LaVonda.
686
00:33:06,282 --> 00:33:08,517
This is Hardy. Hardy, this is LaVonda.
687
00:33:08,519 --> 00:33:10,384
Hardy's new in town.
688
00:33:10,386 --> 00:33:14,256
And who are you, the welcome wagon?
689
00:33:14,258 --> 00:33:16,290
Are you two smokin' in the hospital?
690
00:33:16,292 --> 00:33:18,125
Oh, yeah, we were smokin'.
691
00:33:18,127 --> 00:33:19,795
I gotta go, I'm gonna be late for work.
692
00:33:19,797 --> 00:33:21,496
We're not done here, okay?
693
00:33:21,498 --> 00:33:23,297
Okay, ow!
694
00:33:23,299 --> 00:33:26,500
Why don't anything good like
this ever happen to my life?
695
00:33:26,502 --> 00:33:28,836
Did you see the size of his feet?
696
00:33:28,838 --> 00:33:30,674
I sure did, come on.
697
00:33:33,710 --> 00:33:38,613
So they both do their business
in a cup instead of a sock,
698
00:33:38,615 --> 00:33:40,849
and it goes to some
science lab where it then
699
00:33:40,851 --> 00:33:45,353
fertilizes some stray woman's eggs
700
00:33:45,355 --> 00:33:48,422
that they choose from a book of donors.
701
00:33:48,424 --> 00:33:51,759
Then the fertilized eggs
are put into the surrogate's
702
00:33:51,761 --> 00:33:54,830
uterus, that will then carry the babies.
703
00:33:54,832 --> 00:33:57,399
Was very scientific.
704
00:33:57,401 --> 00:34:01,569
Ew, Lordy, Lordy, the things
they can do these days.
705
00:34:01,571 --> 00:34:06,641
They use this agency
called Growing Generations,
706
00:34:06,643 --> 00:34:09,510
that did every thing,
put every thing together.
707
00:34:09,512 --> 00:34:11,646
And that oldest Winkler girl just had her
708
00:34:11,648 --> 00:34:13,882
fourth baby out of wedlock.
709
00:34:13,884 --> 00:34:17,284
They could have just slipped her a 20 and
710
00:34:17,286 --> 00:34:18,552
had a little white trash baby.
711
00:34:18,554 --> 00:34:20,421
No, thank you.
712
00:34:20,423 --> 00:34:22,891
I do not want a Winkler grandchild.
713
00:34:22,893 --> 00:34:26,161
No tellin' what's
swimmin' in that gene pool.
714
00:34:26,163 --> 00:34:28,863
Besides, they wanted their own.
715
00:34:28,865 --> 00:34:31,700
And with today's technology, each one
716
00:34:31,702 --> 00:34:34,269
can have their very own biological child.
717
00:34:34,271 --> 00:34:37,438
Oh, one white one,
718
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:40,208
and one cute little mulatto.
719
00:34:40,210 --> 00:34:42,644
Ew, I hope the mulatto one is a girl.
720
00:34:42,646 --> 00:34:44,649
Halle Berry is so beautiful.
721
00:34:45,748 --> 00:34:48,916
Sissy that word, "mulatto,"
722
00:34:48,918 --> 00:34:51,720
it's no longer politically correct.
723
00:34:51,722 --> 00:34:54,155
"Mixed" is preferred.
724
00:34:54,157 --> 00:34:55,358
Mixed, huh?
725
00:34:56,425 --> 00:34:58,827
Well, if you say so.
726
00:34:58,829 --> 00:35:01,929
Mulatto sure has a prettier ring to it.
727
00:35:01,931 --> 00:35:04,334
Lord, I cannot keep up.
728
00:35:05,702 --> 00:35:08,836
Is African-American still right?
729
00:35:08,838 --> 00:35:10,871
I believe so, only there are some
730
00:35:10,873 --> 00:35:13,340
who don't care for that either.
731
00:35:13,342 --> 00:35:16,610
Oh, I cannot wait to tell
mid-life crises Wilson
732
00:35:16,612 --> 00:35:18,648
that he's gonna be a grandpa.
733
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:26,487
♪ I am a Christian, Lord ♪
734
00:35:26,489 --> 00:35:29,391
♪ But I'm a woman too ♪
735
00:35:29,393 --> 00:35:34,298
Finish Tammy, and then
I gotta get into Loretta.
736
00:35:35,898 --> 00:35:37,666
Velcro, girl.
737
00:35:37,668 --> 00:35:39,568
How to solve this shit.
738
00:35:40,836 --> 00:35:42,273
Hello.
739
00:35:43,340 --> 00:35:45,273
We're not open yet.
740
00:35:45,275 --> 00:35:46,907
- You worthless pathetic freak.
- Aah!
741
00:35:46,909 --> 00:35:50,478
You can kiss your precious Tammy goodbye.
742
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:51,780
'Cause it ain't a workin'.
743
00:35:51,782 --> 00:35:54,849
No! Go away, Dr. Eve!
744
00:35:54,851 --> 00:35:56,284
Hello.
745
00:35:56,286 --> 00:35:57,554
- No!
- You okay?
746
00:35:59,456 --> 00:36:02,389
Oh, forgive my appearance.
747
00:36:02,391 --> 00:36:07,262
I'm working on a transition
from Tammy into Loretta.
748
00:36:07,264 --> 00:36:11,298
It's part of a skit I come up with.
749
00:36:11,300 --> 00:36:15,503
For the big show, it's
Loretta, Tammy, Dolly,
750
00:36:15,505 --> 00:36:17,838
We Three Queens of Opry Are.
751
00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:19,907
How about you be a good little girl
752
00:36:19,909 --> 00:36:21,876
and pour me a strong drink.
753
00:36:21,878 --> 00:36:23,481
We ain't open yet.
754
00:36:26,282 --> 00:36:28,316
Okay.
755
00:36:28,318 --> 00:36:30,351
Well, hurry up, Roger's gonna kill me.
756
00:36:30,353 --> 00:36:32,287
I'm gonna be late for work.
757
00:36:32,289 --> 00:36:33,921
Little to the right, Wardell.
758
00:36:33,923 --> 00:36:37,425
And those beautiful
princes, William and Harry,
759
00:36:37,427 --> 00:36:38,927
were left motherless.
760
00:36:38,929 --> 00:36:42,463
And I will never forgive
Camilla Parker Bowles.
761
00:36:42,465 --> 00:36:44,999
Oh, who gives a shit, Juanita?
762
00:36:45,001 --> 00:36:47,302
Queen Elizabeth.
763
00:36:47,304 --> 00:36:49,637
Tragic, Juanita.
764
00:36:49,639 --> 00:36:52,673
- Hey, G.W., Odell, hi, Wardell.
- Hi, Vonnie.
765
00:36:52,675 --> 00:36:54,775
Are you all doin' all this for my mama?
766
00:36:54,777 --> 00:36:57,945
Yep, and I'd like for
you to come tomorrow night
767
00:36:57,947 --> 00:37:01,416
as my date, for old times' sake.
768
00:37:01,418 --> 00:37:04,385
- I think I'd like that.
- Yeah.
769
00:37:04,387 --> 00:37:08,956
I'm Earl. Folks just call me Brother Boy,
770
00:37:08,958 --> 00:37:11,458
or Tammy Wynette.
771
00:37:11,460 --> 00:37:15,362
I'm Billy Joe. Can I bum a smoke?
772
00:37:15,364 --> 00:37:17,865
Why don't you light two at once.
773
00:37:17,867 --> 00:37:22,771
Sorry, they're kinda girly.
774
00:37:22,773 --> 00:37:26,740
I'm bisexual, I'll
channel my feminine side.
775
00:37:26,742 --> 00:37:29,279
Oh, bisexual, huh?
776
00:37:38,554 --> 00:37:39,787
What?
777
00:37:39,789 --> 00:37:41,456
Just wanted to pass and say howdy.
778
00:37:41,458 --> 00:37:42,657
What's up?
779
00:37:42,659 --> 00:37:44,758
Well, Mama's in the hospital,
780
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:46,760
either stomach cancer or ptomaine.
781
00:37:46,762 --> 00:37:49,697
And she told me I'd never
get another man at my size.
782
00:37:49,699 --> 00:37:51,800
Then right after she said that, I got laid
783
00:37:51,802 --> 00:37:54,635
by a younger man, hot
as hell, with both legs
784
00:37:54,637 --> 00:37:55,869
in a hospital bed.
785
00:37:55,871 --> 00:37:58,472
Mama was wrong.
786
00:37:58,474 --> 00:38:01,444
So what's up with you, G.W., stayin' busy?
787
00:38:05,581 --> 00:38:09,583
52.09, 52.09, 52.09,
788
00:38:09,585 --> 00:38:14,789
52.09, 52.09, 52.09,
789
00:38:14,791 --> 00:38:20,362
52.09, 52.09 and 52.09.
790
00:38:20,364 --> 00:38:21,595
Will there be anything else?
791
00:38:21,597 --> 00:38:25,467
Uh-uh. No, ma'am, no, no, no.
792
00:38:25,469 --> 00:38:28,635
For that, I can't even
afford to eat anymore.
793
00:38:28,637 --> 00:38:30,838
Have you given any more thought to bein'
794
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:33,441
on my anti-equality calling committee?
795
00:38:33,443 --> 00:38:34,641
Well...
796
00:38:34,643 --> 00:38:36,610
Sissy, would you buy me this Baby Ruth?
797
00:38:36,612 --> 00:38:38,947
I had a craving for somethin' sweet.
798
00:38:38,949 --> 00:38:42,483
Well, hello, Latrelle.
799
00:38:42,485 --> 00:38:45,720
I heard that your ex-husband
has been shackin' up
800
00:38:45,722 --> 00:38:47,655
with a much, much younger
more beautiful woman
801
00:38:47,657 --> 00:38:49,824
in your former mini-mansion that you lost
802
00:38:49,826 --> 00:38:52,860
in the divorce over in St. Angelo.
803
00:38:52,862 --> 00:38:54,464
How you holdin' up?
804
00:38:55,632 --> 00:38:58,032
I'm fine, Vera, thank you.
805
00:38:58,034 --> 00:39:00,635
Well, you've been on my prayer
list ever since your husband
806
00:39:00,637 --> 00:39:04,037
ran off with that mulatto IHOP waitress.
807
00:39:04,039 --> 00:39:05,974
Prayers mean so much.
808
00:39:05,976 --> 00:39:09,644
"Mulatto" is no longer
politically correct, Vera.
809
00:39:09,646 --> 00:39:12,646
They prefer "mixed" these days.
810
00:39:12,648 --> 00:39:15,916
And I've been prayin' for
you, and your struggle with
811
00:39:15,918 --> 00:39:19,487
obesity, and gluttony too.
812
00:39:19,489 --> 00:39:22,590
You have faith, you can move a mountain.
813
00:39:24,094 --> 00:39:27,461
Shut up, Leticia. Go dust
the sauce or you'll be
814
00:39:27,463 --> 00:39:28,662
lookin' for a new trabajo.
815
00:39:30,867 --> 00:39:33,700
I don't speak Mexican!
816
00:39:33,702 --> 00:39:36,003
And I am not a glutton,
817
00:39:36,005 --> 00:39:37,905
I have glandular problems.
818
00:39:37,907 --> 00:39:40,675
Oh, Vera has struggled
so with her weight battle
819
00:39:40,677 --> 00:39:43,077
ever since we were kids.
820
00:39:43,079 --> 00:39:47,048
Dr. Oz says it's a disease,
just like bein' an alcoholic.
821
00:39:47,050 --> 00:39:50,588
Well, then perhaps it's
time for you to get sober.
822
00:39:51,855 --> 00:39:54,688
People don't like you, Latrelle.
823
00:39:54,690 --> 00:39:56,490
Yes.
824
00:39:56,492 --> 00:40:00,595
It's the one thing we have in common, Vera.
825
00:40:00,597 --> 00:40:02,066
Come on, Sissy.
826
00:40:04,134 --> 00:40:05,532
Oh!
827
00:40:05,534 --> 00:40:07,538
Bye.
828
00:40:08,804 --> 00:40:11,940
I know what that teardrop tattoo means.
829
00:40:11,942 --> 00:40:15,008
It means you been in the pokey.
830
00:40:15,010 --> 00:40:17,579
Uh, damn, I needed that.
831
00:40:17,581 --> 00:40:19,083
I've had a real bad day.
832
00:40:20,182 --> 00:40:22,115
You know who I am?
833
00:40:22,117 --> 00:40:23,985
Mm-mm.
834
00:40:23,987 --> 00:40:26,119
Should I? You famous?
835
00:40:26,121 --> 00:40:29,492
My precious, precious Tammy was famous.
836
00:40:31,027 --> 00:40:33,595
It was her blessing and her curse.
837
00:40:33,597 --> 00:40:35,530
Pills.
838
00:40:35,532 --> 00:40:39,766
I'm just a lost soul roamin' the highways.
839
00:40:39,768 --> 00:40:42,871
Uh, well, that's poetic.
840
00:40:42,873 --> 00:40:45,173
You know I like the way you look.
841
00:40:45,175 --> 00:40:46,840
Rough.
842
00:40:46,842 --> 00:40:49,010
Rough trade.
843
00:40:49,012 --> 00:40:50,744
Rough trade.
844
00:40:50,746 --> 00:40:53,016
Yeah, I'm rough, all right.
845
00:40:54,518 --> 00:40:56,619
You know why the call it the pokey?
846
00:40:57,753 --> 00:40:59,753
Ah, that's nasty!
847
00:40:59,755 --> 00:41:01,856
Yeah, but you might like
848
00:41:01,858 --> 00:41:03,557
to get poked in the pokey.
849
00:41:03,559 --> 00:41:04,728
Oh, you shut up.
850
00:41:07,630 --> 00:41:11,067
Be right back, forgot
somethin' in my truck.
851
00:41:18,041 --> 00:41:20,807
I am a Christian, Lord,
852
00:41:20,809 --> 00:41:23,811
but I'm a woman too.
853
00:41:23,813 --> 00:41:25,950
♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom ♪
854
00:41:34,791 --> 00:41:35,990
Hello?
855
00:41:35,992 --> 00:41:37,528
Billy Joe?
856
00:41:39,262 --> 00:41:41,829
What the hell's all this?
857
00:41:41,831 --> 00:41:43,831
Well, hello, Marty. It's nice to be greeted
858
00:41:43,833 --> 00:41:45,599
by such a ray of sunshine.
859
00:41:45,601 --> 00:41:48,269
Shut up.
860
00:41:48,271 --> 00:41:49,737
Who the hell is Billy Joe?
861
00:41:49,739 --> 00:41:52,574
My imaginary friend,
who watches me rehearse.
862
00:41:52,576 --> 00:41:54,976
You are certifiable, when
the hell are you gonna learn?
863
00:41:54,978 --> 00:41:58,646
This is not working, okay?
864
00:41:58,648 --> 00:42:00,315
No-kay.
865
00:42:00,317 --> 00:42:02,717
And if can't perform some new material,
866
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:05,219
and not the tired old shit
from the has-been dead,
867
00:42:05,221 --> 00:42:07,822
and the has been almost dead,
then you leave me no choice
868
00:42:07,824 --> 00:42:10,724
but to fire your prissy, untalented ass.
869
00:42:10,726 --> 00:42:13,827
Loretta and Dolly are not almost dead,
870
00:42:13,829 --> 00:42:15,963
and they're certainly not has-beens.
871
00:42:15,965 --> 00:42:17,699
Tammy's the only one that's dead.
872
00:42:17,701 --> 00:42:19,833
And she is not and certainly
will never be a has-been.
873
00:42:19,835 --> 00:42:21,004
She's just gone.
874
00:42:22,838 --> 00:42:24,338
She came to me, Marty.
875
00:42:24,340 --> 00:42:26,840
I was chosen. I don't
think you're capable of even
876
00:42:26,842 --> 00:42:30,077
understanding that kind of
commitment and obligation.
877
00:42:30,079 --> 00:42:33,081
So why don't you just
sail on back to Singapore.
878
00:42:33,083 --> 00:42:36,217
I'm Filipino, born in Cleveland.
879
00:42:36,219 --> 00:42:37,952
When I was in the loony bin at Big Springs,
880
00:42:37,954 --> 00:42:39,920
Tammy's ghost came to
me night after night...
881
00:42:39,922 --> 00:42:42,289
- Shut the fuck up!
- Came for me!
882
00:42:42,291 --> 00:42:44,659
I cannot hear that cockamamie bullshit
883
00:42:44,661 --> 00:42:47,394
country legend ghost story again.
884
00:42:47,396 --> 00:42:49,731
You were in a mental
institution for a reason, okay.
885
00:42:49,733 --> 00:42:52,367
Case closed.
886
00:42:52,369 --> 00:42:55,869
Uh-uh, uh-uh,
Martina, don't!
887
00:42:55,871 --> 00:42:57,871
No, no!
888
00:42:57,873 --> 00:43:02,043
I am plannin' a little surprise visit.
889
00:43:02,045 --> 00:43:04,679
I want Wilson to be filled with regret
890
00:43:04,681 --> 00:43:06,014
the moment he sees me.
891
00:43:06,016 --> 00:43:08,950
African-American, Asian, mixed.
892
00:43:08,952 --> 00:43:10,885
Roger, I am so, so sorry that I'm late
893
00:43:10,887 --> 00:43:12,320
but someone came up.
894
00:43:12,322 --> 00:43:13,820
And it was hard for her to get away.
895
00:43:13,822 --> 00:43:15,255
Hi, Noleta.
896
00:43:15,257 --> 00:43:17,358
- Hi, Latrelle. Hey, Sissy.
- Hey, sug.
897
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:19,894
- It's always somethin'.
- It was somethin', all right.
898
00:43:19,896 --> 00:43:22,130
Well, I guess I missed
whatever the somethin' was.
899
00:43:22,132 --> 00:43:25,099
Noleta, could you fix my French manicure?
900
00:43:25,101 --> 00:43:27,200
Please, focus this time.
901
00:43:27,202 --> 00:43:28,903
On it.
902
00:43:28,905 --> 00:43:30,771
You've been missin' that somethin'
903
00:43:30,773 --> 00:43:33,106
your entire life, Latrelle.
904
00:43:33,108 --> 00:43:37,744
Alley cattin' has never
been my forte, unlike some.
905
00:43:37,746 --> 00:43:40,248
Hell's bells, Latrelle,
my alley cattin' years
906
00:43:40,250 --> 00:43:41,784
are a distant memory.
907
00:43:43,219 --> 00:43:44,952
And there was only one ole cowboy that ever
908
00:43:44,954 --> 00:43:47,921
did anything for me in the first place.
909
00:43:47,923 --> 00:43:50,925
Shit, if it wasn't for my
rabbit, I'd never have another
910
00:43:50,927 --> 00:43:53,994
fuckin' orgasm in my fuckin' life!
911
00:43:53,996 --> 00:43:55,896
I'll buy you one for Christmas, Latrelle.
912
00:43:55,898 --> 00:43:59,367
Why wait? My birthday's next month.
913
00:43:59,369 --> 00:44:02,302
And this folks, is the perfect example
914
00:44:02,304 --> 00:44:04,204
that people can change.
915
00:44:04,206 --> 00:44:06,941
Sissy, you want a rabbit?
916
00:44:06,943 --> 00:44:08,909
No ma'am, I do not like rodents.
917
00:44:10,179 --> 00:44:13,447
Don't make me do Carrie Underwood.
918
00:44:13,449 --> 00:44:16,416
Or Blake Shelton's
formerly fleshy ex-wife,
919
00:44:16,418 --> 00:44:18,385
or that butch from Sugarland.
920
00:44:18,387 --> 00:44:20,954
I can't do it, Marty,
921
00:44:20,956 --> 00:44:23,257
I just can't!
922
00:44:23,259 --> 00:44:24,992
You will if I say you will.
923
00:44:24,994 --> 00:44:27,494
No, no, no, Dr. Eve! Get out of my head!
924
00:44:27,496 --> 00:44:31,065
Stop, just go, go, go, go, go, no, no, go.
925
00:44:31,067 --> 00:44:33,434
I'm not going anywhere. I'm your new boss,
926
00:44:33,436 --> 00:44:35,202
the one who had no say in hiring you,
927
00:44:35,204 --> 00:44:36,838
but can sure as shit fire you.
928
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:39,072
So, pop up with a new act,
929
00:44:39,074 --> 00:44:42,275
or you can hang up your
tired, tattered heals.
930
00:44:42,277 --> 00:44:44,177
Apologize to the lady.
931
00:44:44,179 --> 00:44:46,347
Who are you? What are you doing in here?
932
00:44:46,349 --> 00:44:48,048
Fuck you.
933
00:44:48,050 --> 00:44:50,918
Excuse me, who the hell do
you think you're talking to?
934
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:52,954
I'm talkin' to you, bitch.
935
00:44:52,956 --> 00:44:54,354
Now apologize to the lady,
936
00:44:54,356 --> 00:44:56,289
or you have me to fuckin' deal with.
937
00:44:56,291 --> 00:44:58,258
All right, you have 10
seconds to leave this bar
938
00:44:58,260 --> 00:45:01,162
before I call the police
to have your dumb redneck,
939
00:45:01,164 --> 00:45:03,097
white-trash ass arrested.
940
00:45:03,099 --> 00:45:04,798
All right then.
941
00:45:04,800 --> 00:45:06,800
- Oh! Oh, my God!
- You can't kill him.
942
00:45:06,802 --> 00:45:08,436
That's the escaped hitchhiker murderer.
943
00:45:08,438 --> 00:45:10,037
Oh!
944
00:45:10,039 --> 00:45:12,005
No, no, don't shoot him. No, don't shoot.
945
00:45:12,007 --> 00:45:14,075
You can't shoot him in the head.
946
00:45:14,077 --> 00:45:16,443
You just shot at the
wrong person, ass wipe.
947
00:45:16,445 --> 00:45:18,079
I got it, I got it, I got the gun.
948
00:45:18,081 --> 00:45:21,148
Hey, no, no, no, no, no.
949
00:45:21,150 --> 00:45:24,418
Don't, don't, you'll
splatter blood on my costumes,
950
00:45:24,420 --> 00:45:26,052
and I've worked so hard on 'em.
951
00:45:26,054 --> 00:45:27,287
You gotta be shittin' me.
952
00:45:27,289 --> 00:45:29,523
No, I'm not shitting you.
953
00:45:29,525 --> 00:45:33,094
Blood and splattered brains is so messy.
954
00:45:33,096 --> 00:45:35,463
Blood will not come outta chiffon.
955
00:45:35,465 --> 00:45:37,999
- She's right about that.
- No!
956
00:45:38,001 --> 00:45:39,470
I mean it, Billy Joe, don't you kill him.
957
00:45:41,471 --> 00:45:42,873
All right, then.
958
00:45:45,240 --> 00:45:47,374
This never happened.
959
00:45:47,376 --> 00:45:49,510
'Cause if one call is made to the cops,
960
00:45:49,512 --> 00:45:52,246
I will come back here and
slice you from your asshole
961
00:45:52,248 --> 00:45:54,816
to your appetite, got it?
962
00:45:54,818 --> 00:45:56,954
I do, this never happened.
963
00:46:00,456 --> 00:46:03,157
You comin', or not?
964
00:46:03,159 --> 00:46:06,159
Well, I guess so. Under the circumstances,
965
00:46:06,161 --> 00:46:08,264
my options are rather limited.
966
00:46:11,434 --> 00:46:14,267
Oh, Good Lord.
967
00:46:14,269 --> 00:46:16,938
Oh, my God!
968
00:46:16,940 --> 00:46:20,173
I wish you would look at old Vera!
969
00:46:20,175 --> 00:46:22,443
I guess a life committed
to ridin' a scooter is
970
00:46:22,445 --> 00:46:24,311
better than goin' on a diet.
971
00:46:24,313 --> 00:46:29,452
You know, some people just
don't care about their health.
972
00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:33,119
You know I've got a good
mind to go over there
973
00:46:33,121 --> 00:46:35,555
and knock them off that
scooter and claw them to death
974
00:46:35,557 --> 00:46:37,157
with that fuckin' hammer.
975
00:46:37,159 --> 00:46:39,327
Roger, hun, you don't mean that.
976
00:46:39,329 --> 00:46:41,595
Murder is never a good option.
977
00:46:41,597 --> 00:46:45,867
I have just been beaten down
all my life by the Bible.
978
00:46:45,869 --> 00:46:49,871
And at some point, there
are no more cheeks to turn
979
00:46:49,873 --> 00:46:51,842
and no more fucks to give.
980
00:46:54,344 --> 00:46:56,878
Billy Joe, run! Run fast!
981
00:46:56,880 --> 00:47:00,113
That Singapore sling is evil.
982
00:47:00,115 --> 00:47:01,481
She cannot be trusted.
983
00:47:01,483 --> 00:47:03,150
Come on, come on, get in here.
984
00:47:03,152 --> 00:47:07,287
She's not Southern. Help me, Ian!
985
00:47:07,289 --> 00:47:09,423
God, jeez, what is all that?
986
00:47:09,425 --> 00:47:12,927
It's my stuff, for my show, now let's go.
987
00:47:12,929 --> 00:47:16,834
Goodbye,
Long-fucking-view, Texas.
988
00:47:17,900 --> 00:47:19,469
Haul ass, Billy Joe!
989
00:47:21,570 --> 00:47:25,539
Ladies, it's so good that
all of you are here together.
990
00:47:25,541 --> 00:47:27,909
We really want you to come to our revival.
991
00:47:27,911 --> 00:47:33,146
Vera, I cannot be on your
anti-equality calling committee.
992
00:47:33,148 --> 00:47:35,950
Sissy, you don't believe
in equality, do you?
993
00:47:35,952 --> 00:47:37,918
I most certainly do.
994
00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:39,119
What's goin' on?
995
00:47:39,121 --> 00:47:40,387
Sissy believes in equality now.
996
00:47:40,389 --> 00:47:42,289
Well, then you don't believe the Bible,
997
00:47:42,291 --> 00:47:44,925
and you're not right with your maker.
998
00:47:44,927 --> 00:47:49,329
Jesus spoke to us, He said,
no service to the gays.
999
00:47:49,331 --> 00:47:52,266
No cakes, no flowers, no photos,
1000
00:47:52,268 --> 00:47:54,936
and nobody to perform the weddings.
1001
00:47:54,938 --> 00:47:57,641
No gay marriage, ever, ever, ever.
1002
00:47:58,942 --> 00:48:00,508
Shh.
1003
00:48:00,510 --> 00:48:04,278
Jesus is speakin' to me
too, right here and now.
1004
00:48:04,280 --> 00:48:07,949
And the voice that I'm
hearin' is tellin' me...
1005
00:48:07,951 --> 00:48:10,450
What? What's he sayin'?
1006
00:48:10,452 --> 00:48:13,054
He's tellin' me...
1007
00:48:13,056 --> 00:48:15,956
that he never said dip to you.
1008
00:48:15,958 --> 00:48:19,592
And that you're a liar, and
a wolf in sheep's clothing.
1009
00:48:19,594 --> 00:48:21,095
A very large sheep.
1010
00:48:21,097 --> 00:48:23,965
Stop your fat-shaming, LaVonda!
1011
00:48:23,967 --> 00:48:26,967
This has nothin' to do
with what's on the outside,
1012
00:48:26,969 --> 00:48:32,072
but the awfulness inside
these two hypocrites.
1013
00:48:32,074 --> 00:48:34,041
What has gotten into you, Sissy?
1014
00:48:34,043 --> 00:48:36,443
You're hurtin' my feelings.
1015
00:48:36,445 --> 00:48:37,614
Love...
1016
00:48:40,583 --> 00:48:45,686
and compassion, wasn't
that Christ's real message?
1017
00:48:45,688 --> 00:48:49,990
And now I'm usin' my
heart, and the intelligence
1018
00:48:49,992 --> 00:48:53,728
the Good Lord give me to
figure things out for myself.
1019
00:48:53,730 --> 00:48:55,231
Well, I'm not.
1020
00:48:56,666 --> 00:48:58,766
I...I didn't say that right.
1021
00:48:58,768 --> 00:49:01,735
Oh, Vera, nothin' you say is right.
1022
00:49:01,737 --> 00:49:04,338
Come on, Latrelle, let's
head over to St. Angelo's
1023
00:49:04,340 --> 00:49:07,008
so we can tell your
asshole ex-husband off,
1024
00:49:07,010 --> 00:49:10,543
'cause I'm on a roll and whoo,
1025
00:49:10,545 --> 00:49:12,081
you're ready!
1026
00:49:13,416 --> 00:49:14,718
Get outta my way!
1027
00:49:17,586 --> 00:49:18,722
Sinners!
1028
00:49:21,023 --> 00:49:23,557
Oh, Roger hun,
1029
00:49:23,559 --> 00:49:26,026
could you do a quick touch-up on my hair?
1030
00:49:26,028 --> 00:49:29,030
I wanna look my best for
the revival tomorrow night.
1031
00:49:29,032 --> 00:49:33,166
Get your bacon-eatin'
Baptist asses outta my shop.
1032
00:49:33,168 --> 00:49:35,469
And now that the Winter's
Hairport is closed,
1033
00:49:35,471 --> 00:49:38,472
and Lila Walker is no
longer the oldest living
1034
00:49:38,474 --> 00:49:41,041
beautician in the entire state of Texas,
1035
00:49:41,043 --> 00:49:45,079
because she is dead, who the
fuck's gonna do your hair?
1036
00:49:45,081 --> 00:49:48,715
Yeah, bitches, anti-equality
works both ways.
1037
00:49:48,717 --> 00:49:51,385
Now you get the hell outta
here before I beat you...
1038
00:49:52,588 --> 00:49:54,354
Get out, get out, get out, now!
1039
00:49:54,356 --> 00:49:56,523
Get out, get out, now.
1040
00:49:56,525 --> 00:49:59,392
That's right, bitches, get out.
1041
00:50:03,099 --> 00:50:04,468
Whoa!
1042
00:50:10,606 --> 00:50:12,072
So, where you wanna go?
1043
00:50:12,074 --> 00:50:14,176
Dallas, to the Rose Room...
1044
00:50:15,277 --> 00:50:18,079
where opportunity is rampant.
1045
00:50:18,081 --> 00:50:19,612
We're gonna need some money.
1046
00:50:19,614 --> 00:50:21,615
I'll be right back, you stay put.
1047
00:50:21,617 --> 00:50:23,284
Don't move.
1048
00:50:23,286 --> 00:50:25,151
Will you get me a cold cola?
1049
00:50:25,153 --> 00:50:26,353
What kind?
1050
00:50:26,355 --> 00:50:27,720
Dr Pepper.
1051
00:50:27,722 --> 00:50:30,423
Oh, and some cigs. I'm down to my last 20,
1052
00:50:30,425 --> 00:50:32,425
I should have grabbed that stash of tips.
1053
00:50:32,427 --> 00:50:34,463
Keep it, don't need it.
1054
00:50:35,597 --> 00:50:37,266
Well, what a gentleman.
1055
00:51:03,659 --> 00:51:05,628
Ugh, what the hell do you want?
1056
00:51:06,795 --> 00:51:08,197
Hello, Greta.
1057
00:51:09,398 --> 00:51:10,831
I need to speak to Wilson.
1058
00:51:10,833 --> 00:51:12,666
Have you ever heard of
the telephone or email?
1059
00:51:12,668 --> 00:51:14,702
Have you ever heard of
age-appropriate dressing?
1060
00:51:14,704 --> 00:51:17,905
Whatever, bitch.
1061
00:51:17,907 --> 00:51:20,641
Wilson, your ex-wife Latree is here.
1062
00:51:20,643 --> 00:51:22,742
Latrelle.
1063
00:51:22,744 --> 00:51:25,679
You know it's Latrelle.
1064
00:51:25,681 --> 00:51:27,581
I'm about to bust my bladder.
1065
00:51:27,583 --> 00:51:29,349
Put all the fuckin'
money in the fuckin' bag.
1066
00:51:29,351 --> 00:51:31,351
That's right, don't you fuckin' move.
1067
00:51:31,353 --> 00:51:33,487
All the money in that fuckin'
bag, that's it right there.
1068
00:51:33,489 --> 00:51:36,389
Give me the fuckin' money or I'll shoot her
1069
00:51:36,391 --> 00:51:37,825
in the fucking face.
1070
00:51:37,827 --> 00:51:40,693
I might have bit off more than I can chew.
1071
00:51:40,695 --> 00:51:42,162
Get in the truck! Get in the truck!
1072
00:51:42,164 --> 00:51:43,831
Get in the goddamn truck!
1073
00:51:43,833 --> 00:51:47,434
Well, if I'd known you was
gonna commit armed robbery,
1074
00:51:47,436 --> 00:51:50,403
I would not have worn my kitten heels.
1075
00:51:50,405 --> 00:51:51,604
Come on.
1076
00:51:56,378 --> 00:51:57,547
What the hell do you want?
1077
00:51:59,347 --> 00:52:01,715
Do you mind?
1078
00:52:01,717 --> 00:52:04,418
Whatever you wanna say in front of me,
1079
00:52:04,420 --> 00:52:06,686
you can say in front of my wife.
1080
00:52:06,688 --> 00:52:07,887
Wife?
1081
00:52:07,889 --> 00:52:09,490
Wife!
1082
00:52:09,492 --> 00:52:11,724
Right after my divorce
was final last month,
1083
00:52:11,726 --> 00:52:15,429
and we were both free
of our horrible pasts,
1084
00:52:15,431 --> 00:52:17,697
we had a simple private
ceremony in San Antonio
1085
00:52:17,699 --> 00:52:19,599
with a mariachi band.
1086
00:52:19,601 --> 00:52:23,272
Mm, it was perfect for
our simple yet pure love.
1087
00:52:24,373 --> 00:52:26,206
Well, I, I didn't know.
1088
00:52:26,208 --> 00:52:29,742
Well, what'd you expect,
Latrelle? A wedding invitation?
1089
00:52:31,414 --> 00:52:33,246
You're gonna be a grandpa, Wilson.
1090
00:52:33,248 --> 00:52:35,249
What?
1091
00:52:35,251 --> 00:52:37,418
Huh, Ty and Kyle's surrogate
1092
00:52:37,420 --> 00:52:39,286
is pregnant with twins.
1093
00:52:39,288 --> 00:52:41,655
I can explain how that
works if y'all need me to.
1094
00:52:41,657 --> 00:52:43,757
Works against God's nature is what it does.
1095
00:52:43,759 --> 00:52:46,226
Just as their relationship
and their lifestyle
1096
00:52:46,228 --> 00:52:47,827
works against God's will.
1097
00:52:47,829 --> 00:52:50,597
That's right. We believe
that God created Adam and Eve,
1098
00:52:50,599 --> 00:52:52,233
and not Adam and Steve,
1099
00:52:52,235 --> 00:52:54,300
and that marriage is
between a man and a woman.
1100
00:52:54,302 --> 00:52:57,771
Shouldn't that be between
a man, his first wife,
1101
00:52:57,773 --> 00:53:00,007
and then a couple of trashy waitresses?
1102
00:53:00,009 --> 00:53:01,575
Did she just call me trashy?
1103
00:53:01,577 --> 00:53:03,376
Well, if the hooker heel fits.
1104
00:53:03,378 --> 00:53:05,345
And I am a singer, not a waitress.
1105
00:53:05,347 --> 00:53:07,347
At the
Bowl-a-Rama.
1106
00:53:07,349 --> 00:53:09,749
Wilson, are you going to allow
her to talk to me like this?
1107
00:53:09,751 --> 00:53:11,751
Allow? Oh, honey,
1108
00:53:11,753 --> 00:53:14,822
he never had that kinda control over me.
1109
00:53:14,824 --> 00:53:18,628
Greta, hun, do y'all believe all the Bible?
1110
00:53:20,596 --> 00:53:22,396
This feels like a trick question.
1111
00:53:22,398 --> 00:53:24,465
We absolutely do.
1112
00:53:24,467 --> 00:53:27,300
We hate the sin, but we love the sinner.
1113
00:53:27,302 --> 00:53:29,737
Latrelle, we're gonna need some rocks.
1114
00:53:29,739 --> 00:53:31,405
Rocks?
1115
00:53:31,407 --> 00:53:33,740
Yes, hun, I hate to inform
you, but the Bible is
1116
00:53:33,742 --> 00:53:36,679
very clear on stonin' adulterers.
1117
00:53:37,746 --> 00:53:39,746
Covered in several passages.
1118
00:53:39,748 --> 00:53:42,016
So I guess me and
Latrelle are gonna have to
1119
00:53:42,018 --> 00:53:43,816
stone you and Wilson.
1120
00:53:43,818 --> 00:53:46,887
Ew, would right here in
the driveway be acceptable?
1121
00:53:46,889 --> 00:53:50,356
Sissy, would these bricks that I lined
1122
00:53:50,358 --> 00:53:52,659
this flower bed with, will they do?
1123
00:53:52,661 --> 00:53:55,461
Bullshit! Go on and get off my property.
1124
00:53:55,463 --> 00:53:57,798
You are gonna be a grandpa, Wilson.
1125
00:53:57,800 --> 00:54:00,434
Our gay son is gonna be a daddy.
1126
00:54:00,436 --> 00:54:03,070
And he will parent with
the gay man who he loves
1127
00:54:03,072 --> 00:54:06,606
and is legally married
to, so get used to it.
1128
00:54:06,608 --> 00:54:08,675
Stop being such a terrible father.
1129
00:54:08,677 --> 00:54:09,943
Get off the property.
1130
00:54:09,945 --> 00:54:11,378
Yeah, or I'm gonna call the police.
1131
00:54:11,380 --> 00:54:14,315
The property you stole from me?
1132
00:54:14,317 --> 00:54:16,516
Gladly. Come on, Sissy.
1133
00:54:16,518 --> 00:54:18,385
Nice to meet you, Greta.
1134
00:54:18,387 --> 00:54:21,591
I am real happy we
didn't have to stone you.
1135
00:54:22,757 --> 00:54:24,325
Wilson.
1136
00:54:24,327 --> 00:54:25,793
Good job, Latrelle.
1137
00:54:25,795 --> 00:54:27,026
I felt it went well.
1138
00:54:27,028 --> 00:54:28,729
Um, yeah.
1139
00:54:28,731 --> 00:54:30,667
Give it to me, daddy.
1140
00:54:34,637 --> 00:54:36,103
What?
1141
00:54:36,105 --> 00:54:39,807
I'm sorry, I think we have to come up with
1142
00:54:39,809 --> 00:54:41,407
a better way to talk dirty.
1143
00:54:41,409 --> 00:54:44,778
I don't think we can use
daddy like that anymore.
1144
00:54:44,780 --> 00:54:47,680
Right.
1145
00:54:47,682 --> 00:54:48,918
Wow.
1146
00:54:50,652 --> 00:54:53,789
Um, man, we're gonna be daddies, Ty.
1147
00:54:57,492 --> 00:54:58,891
We are gonna be the best damn daddies
1148
00:54:58,893 --> 00:55:00,927
God ever put on this Earth.
1149
00:55:04,900 --> 00:55:06,436
Unlike mine.
1150
00:55:07,869 --> 00:55:10,970
Hey, bringin' us down.
1151
00:55:10,972 --> 00:55:12,740
Literally.
1152
00:55:14,976 --> 00:55:16,913
Talk dirty, baby.
1153
00:55:18,012 --> 00:55:20,016
Give me that BBC my, um...
1154
00:55:22,385 --> 00:55:24,485
hot, black man?
1155
00:55:27,590 --> 00:55:30,023
Hurry up, I don't want
Aunt Little Neecy to see me.
1156
00:55:30,025 --> 00:55:31,592
She's become attached.
1157
00:55:31,594 --> 00:55:33,927
Did you miss me?
1158
00:55:33,929 --> 00:55:36,396
Well, kinda.
1159
00:55:36,398 --> 00:55:37,998
I'm not wearin' any underwear.
1160
00:55:39,402 --> 00:55:41,401
Your mama.
1161
00:55:41,403 --> 00:55:43,771
Oh, right, tests pending
are no longer pending.
1162
00:55:43,773 --> 00:55:45,706
Well, if it's bad news you come back here
1163
00:55:45,708 --> 00:55:47,608
and I will comfort you.
1164
00:55:47,610 --> 00:55:49,776
But if it's good news, you come back here
1165
00:55:49,778 --> 00:55:51,445
and we'll celebrate.
1166
00:55:51,447 --> 00:55:53,679
- Win-win.
- Yeah.
1167
00:55:53,681 --> 00:55:55,884
How the fuck is this happenin' to you?
1168
00:55:57,786 --> 00:55:59,485
Trash!
1169
00:56:02,056 --> 00:56:04,791
We just need to hang
out here a couple hours,
1170
00:56:04,793 --> 00:56:06,592
until it gets dark.
1171
00:56:06,594 --> 00:56:10,130
Get a little sleep, let things cool down,
1172
00:56:10,132 --> 00:56:11,967
then we'll take a back
road on up to Dallas.
1173
00:56:13,568 --> 00:56:16,873
Life of crime is so exciting.
1174
00:56:18,507 --> 00:56:20,710
I love bein' on the lamb with you.
1175
00:56:24,547 --> 00:56:27,014
Well, there, one bed.
1176
00:56:27,016 --> 00:56:30,818
I am so glad it was
ptomaine and not cancer!
1177
00:56:33,088 --> 00:56:35,688
Oh, yes, he does! Oh,
give glory! Give glory!
1178
00:56:35,690 --> 00:56:37,023
Hallelujah!
1179
00:56:37,025 --> 00:56:38,525
Oh, Jesus!
1180
00:56:40,128 --> 00:56:43,197
Oh, whoo, we win, win, win,
1181
00:56:43,199 --> 00:56:45,802
hold one, one more, one... whee!
1182
00:56:47,869 --> 00:56:51,104
- Jesus, oh, win, win!
- Huh?
1183
00:56:51,106 --> 00:56:52,840
Noleta?
1184
00:56:52,842 --> 00:56:54,510
Win, win, win, win.
1185
00:56:56,177 --> 00:57:00,581
Kinda looks like a bald, naked Jesus if
1186
00:57:00,583 --> 00:57:04,083
Jesus had tattoos, which he did not.
1187
00:57:04,085 --> 00:57:06,954
You don't have a snowball's
chance in hell with this one,
1188
00:57:06,956 --> 00:57:09,021
- you little monkey freak.
- Go away.
1189
00:57:09,023 --> 00:57:13,025
No, even prison trash is above you.
1190
00:57:13,027 --> 00:57:18,065
You do my masturbation
exercises, look at these.
1191
00:57:18,067 --> 00:57:19,833
No, I'll masturbate,
but I won't think of you
1192
00:57:19,835 --> 00:57:21,235
and those cow-dung titties.
1193
00:57:21,237 --> 00:57:22,836
I'm gonna think about Billy Joe Dobson,
1194
00:57:22,838 --> 00:57:24,170
the hitchhiker murderer.
1195
00:57:24,172 --> 00:57:25,706
You'll think of me if I say you will.
1196
00:57:25,708 --> 00:57:27,773
No, go away! No!
1197
00:57:27,775 --> 00:57:29,077
No!
1198
00:57:30,880 --> 00:57:32,648
Who the hell are you talkin' to?
1199
00:57:33,815 --> 00:57:36,048
You.
1200
00:57:36,050 --> 00:57:40,456
Huh, just a silly way of wakin' you up.
1201
00:57:42,123 --> 00:57:44,057
Beats the hell out of "rise and shine,"
1202
00:57:44,059 --> 00:57:45,825
give God the glory, glory.
1203
00:57:45,827 --> 00:57:47,864
Dude, you are fuckin' crazy.
1204
00:57:50,099 --> 00:57:51,801
And I like crazy.
1205
00:57:55,170 --> 00:57:58,141
Wonder which one is the mixed twin.
1206
00:58:18,626 --> 00:58:19,825
Hi, Mama.
1207
00:58:19,827 --> 00:58:22,065
Ty, I need you to come home.
1208
00:58:24,699 --> 00:58:26,134
Winters needs you.
1209
00:58:27,702 --> 00:58:29,505
Why don't you scare me?
1210
00:58:30,838 --> 00:58:32,674
I think my killin' days are over.
1211
00:58:34,275 --> 00:58:36,342
Maybe you can sense that.
1212
00:58:36,344 --> 00:58:39,079
Well, it works in my favor.
1213
00:58:39,081 --> 00:58:40,950
Come over here by me.
1214
00:58:53,596 --> 00:58:56,362
You mind?
1215
00:58:56,364 --> 00:58:58,764
No, uh-uh, I don't mind.
1216
00:58:58,766 --> 00:59:02,771
The killin' was all connected to sex.
1217
00:59:04,672 --> 00:59:08,374
I'm attracted to women and
men, just about everything.
1218
00:59:08,376 --> 00:59:11,244
Except farm animals.
1219
00:59:11,246 --> 00:59:14,217
But, my attraction is only for dead people.
1220
00:59:16,619 --> 00:59:20,621
Besides, I can't get this
monster dick of mine up no more.
1221
00:59:20,623 --> 00:59:22,623
Them days are over.
1222
00:59:22,625 --> 00:59:24,224
- Monster?
- Mm.
1223
00:59:24,226 --> 00:59:26,059
Where does it end?
1224
00:59:27,762 --> 00:59:30,065
You might be a killer,
but you ain't a liar.
1225
00:59:33,668 --> 00:59:35,001
I don't wanna be that:
1226
00:59:35,003 --> 00:59:37,172
a killer.
1227
00:59:39,942 --> 00:59:42,108
I take full responsibility,
1228
00:59:42,110 --> 00:59:46,748
but I had a childhood that was
like a goddamn horror movie.
1229
00:59:50,219 --> 00:59:51,354
Can't go there.
1230
00:59:53,655 --> 00:59:57,693
It was just somethin', the
killin', I couldn't control.
1231
01:00:00,996 --> 01:00:02,131
I tried...
1232
01:00:04,166 --> 01:00:05,101
so hard.
1233
01:00:07,936 --> 01:00:10,340
My kind ain't too popular in the big house.
1234
01:00:12,440 --> 01:00:14,141
Some inmates cut my nuts off.
1235
01:00:14,143 --> 01:00:16,142
Cut your nuts off?
1236
01:00:16,144 --> 01:00:17,677
Yep.
1237
01:00:17,679 --> 01:00:19,378
Them guards just stood back and laughed,
1238
01:00:19,380 --> 01:00:21,981
I almost bled to death.
1239
01:00:21,983 --> 01:00:25,184
If it hadn't been for
this big old black queer
1240
01:00:25,186 --> 01:00:27,190
named Ribeye, I would've.
1241
01:00:30,693 --> 01:00:33,360
Maybe that's why I like you.
1242
01:00:33,362 --> 01:00:35,762
You kinda remind me of old Ribeye.
1243
01:00:35,764 --> 01:00:37,697
Oh, you've lost me.
1244
01:00:37,699 --> 01:00:39,132
Well,
1245
01:00:39,134 --> 01:00:41,267
he was real, real sissy.
1246
01:00:41,269 --> 01:00:43,070
Almost a woman.
1247
01:00:43,072 --> 01:00:46,209
Oh, yeah, well, that makes complete sense.
1248
01:00:47,710 --> 01:00:49,443
But Ribeye saved my life.
1249
01:00:49,445 --> 01:00:52,914
Sewed my nut sack shut.
Hurt like a motherfucker.
1250
01:00:54,416 --> 01:00:58,117
He nursed me back to
health real tender-like.
1251
01:00:58,119 --> 01:01:01,923
Felt more love than I'd
ever felt in my life.
1252
01:01:05,327 --> 01:01:07,394
Didn't want sex.
1253
01:01:07,396 --> 01:01:08,731
Nothing.
1254
01:01:10,932 --> 01:01:12,268
It was just love.
1255
01:01:15,237 --> 01:01:17,407
But then Ribeye met his maker.
1256
01:01:19,307 --> 01:01:20,740
Got into some bad drug shit
1257
01:01:20,742 --> 01:01:22,945
and was stabbed right in front of me.
1258
01:01:26,347 --> 01:01:29,351
Everybody I ever love just leaves.
1259
01:01:34,856 --> 01:01:36,291
I'm scared to die.
1260
01:01:39,527 --> 01:01:41,461
'Cause I know with all
I done here on this Earth
1261
01:01:41,463 --> 01:01:44,033
I don't have no chance of goin' to heaven.
1262
01:01:47,168 --> 01:01:50,072
I will be burnin' in that
lake of fire for eternity.
1263
01:01:51,373 --> 01:01:52,875
I'm bound for hell.
1264
01:01:57,780 --> 01:01:59,482
So, that's why I escaped.
1265
01:02:02,083 --> 01:02:04,016
'Cause they was suppose
to execute me in a few days
1266
01:02:04,018 --> 01:02:05,921
and I was scared shitless.
1267
01:02:08,791 --> 01:02:10,193
So, I guess...
1268
01:02:12,193 --> 01:02:13,329
in a way,
1269
01:02:14,862 --> 01:02:16,095
losin' my nuts was the best thing
1270
01:02:16,097 --> 01:02:19,298
that could have happened to me, and you.
1271
01:02:19,300 --> 01:02:23,269
'Cause if I still had my
nuts, I'd have killed you,
1272
01:02:23,271 --> 01:02:25,037
then we'd have sex,
which you couldn't enjoy
1273
01:02:25,039 --> 01:02:26,742
'cause you would be dead, but then...
1274
01:02:28,177 --> 01:02:30,445
I'd certainly be attracted to you.
1275
01:02:32,414 --> 01:02:33,783
Well, thank you.
1276
01:02:35,983 --> 01:02:39,385
Sure makes me feel better about myself.
1277
01:02:39,387 --> 01:02:43,023
Dear sweet Jesus, this is
the strangest conversation
1278
01:02:43,025 --> 01:02:46,863
I have ever had in my entire life.
1279
01:02:50,132 --> 01:02:51,267
What?
1280
01:03:02,844 --> 01:03:03,980
For Ribeye.
1281
01:03:11,018 --> 01:03:13,286
In other news now,
Texas Attorney General
1282
01:03:13,288 --> 01:03:16,289
Ken Paxton is telling county
officials they can deny
1283
01:03:16,291 --> 01:03:18,191
- marriage licenses...
- Sore losers if you ask me.
1284
01:03:18,193 --> 01:03:20,226
...to same-sex couples,
if it conflicts
1285
01:03:20,228 --> 01:03:22,162
- with their religious beliefs.
- Why'd you take down
1286
01:03:22,164 --> 01:03:23,896
all my pictures of your mama?
1287
01:03:23,898 --> 01:03:25,999
Wardell wants me to
bring some over to Bubba's
1288
01:03:26,001 --> 01:03:28,235
- for Mama's memorial service.
- Ah.
1289
01:03:28,237 --> 01:03:30,871
And breaking news just
in to our news room.
1290
01:03:30,873 --> 01:03:33,505
The hitchhiker murderer,
Billy Joe Dobson,
1291
01:03:33,507 --> 01:03:35,275
is still on the loose.
1292
01:03:35,277 --> 01:03:37,309
But he was spotted today
during what appears to be
1293
01:03:37,311 --> 01:03:39,612
the kidnapping of an elderly woman.
1294
01:03:39,614 --> 01:03:41,648
You know that hostage
looks vaguely familiar.
1295
01:03:41,650 --> 01:03:43,418
If you know this woman, or have...
1296
01:03:50,025 --> 01:03:51,927
Well, this is it.
1297
01:03:54,161 --> 01:03:55,564
I'm gonna miss you.
1298
01:03:57,431 --> 01:03:58,965
Yeah, I'm...
1299
01:03:58,967 --> 01:04:01,403
well, okay.
1300
01:04:03,170 --> 01:04:04,306
Get out.
1301
01:04:06,974 --> 01:04:08,911
You deserved a better life.
1302
01:04:14,916 --> 01:04:16,483
You're gonna need this.
1303
01:04:16,485 --> 01:04:18,517
Plenty more where that came from.
1304
01:04:18,519 --> 01:04:21,054
Thank you, Billy Joe.
1305
01:04:21,056 --> 01:04:24,193
I learned something very
valuable from meeting you.
1306
01:04:25,293 --> 01:04:26,927
What's that?
1307
01:04:26,929 --> 01:04:29,628
Never judge a serial killer.
1308
01:04:39,041 --> 01:04:40,276
Bye-bye.
1309
01:04:55,489 --> 01:04:57,157
Still takin' away keys
1310
01:04:57,159 --> 01:04:59,191
and drivin' all the drunks home, huh?
1311
01:04:59,193 --> 01:05:01,061
Keeps me in business.
1312
01:05:01,063 --> 01:05:03,530
You're a good man, Wardell.
1313
01:05:03,532 --> 01:05:06,269
Well, hell.
1314
01:05:12,173 --> 01:05:15,411
"Amateur drag competition, the Rose Room."
1315
01:05:19,581 --> 01:05:20,916
It's a sign.
1316
01:05:23,485 --> 01:05:26,485
So now you're an accomplice to a crime.
1317
01:05:26,487 --> 01:05:28,188
And in a big, strange city.
1318
01:05:28,190 --> 01:05:31,023
You're not here.
1319
01:05:31,025 --> 01:05:33,592
You don't belong here.
1320
01:05:33,594 --> 01:05:36,295
You don't belong anywhere, faggot.
1321
01:05:36,297 --> 01:05:38,530
You don't belong here.
1322
01:05:38,532 --> 01:05:41,568
You store-bought,
big-tittied,
1323
01:05:41,570 --> 01:05:43,570
old alcoholic
1324
01:05:43,572 --> 01:05:47,273
homo-hatin',
pill-poppin', bitch.
1325
01:05:49,543 --> 01:05:51,279
You go away, forever!
1326
01:05:58,219 --> 01:06:01,320
Ding-dong, the bitch is dead.
1327
01:06:02,657 --> 01:06:04,057
♪ You're movin' closer now ♪
1328
01:06:04,059 --> 01:06:05,691
♪ All I can say is ♪
1329
01:06:05,693 --> 01:06:07,626
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
1330
01:06:07,628 --> 01:06:09,461
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
1331
01:06:09,463 --> 01:06:11,731
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh... ♪
1332
01:06:11,733 --> 01:06:15,635
Amateur drag competition.
1333
01:06:15,637 --> 01:06:18,975
I ain't an amateur, but
you gotta start somewhere.
1334
01:06:20,809 --> 01:06:22,675
You movin' in?
1335
01:06:22,677 --> 01:06:25,644
No, I'm not movin' in, I just wanted...
1336
01:06:25,646 --> 01:06:29,085
choices for the competition.
1337
01:06:31,219 --> 01:06:35,758
Oh, your Andrew Christians
are, ooh, not real Christian.
1338
01:06:37,192 --> 01:06:38,661
The Rose Room!
1339
01:06:40,228 --> 01:06:42,595
I'm just... I'm overwhelmed.
1340
01:06:42,597 --> 01:06:44,700
- Do you need a shot of courage?
- Yeah, I'm nervous.
1341
01:06:48,603 --> 01:06:53,106
Girl, I love this dress,
and this one is divine.
1342
01:06:53,108 --> 01:06:54,307
Now I made 'em myself.
1343
01:06:54,309 --> 01:06:55,708
Shut the fuck up.
1344
01:06:55,710 --> 01:06:57,610
You're gonna be fabulous, baby.
1345
01:06:57,612 --> 01:06:59,181
Well, thank you.
1346
01:07:04,318 --> 01:07:07,387
Grandmother, did they
let you out of the home?
1347
01:07:07,389 --> 01:07:09,222
Krystal, sign up Angie Dickinson here.
1348
01:07:09,224 --> 01:07:11,727
Don't pay any attention
to Cassie, she's bipolar.
1349
01:07:13,094 --> 01:07:14,293
I think you're kinda precious.
1350
01:07:14,295 --> 01:07:16,695
Well, I'm not Angie Dickinson.
1351
01:07:16,697 --> 01:07:18,630
I am Tammy Wynette.
1352
01:07:18,632 --> 01:07:21,200
More like Tammy Why-not.
1353
01:07:21,202 --> 01:07:23,635
Ooh, the big red one is delicious.
1354
01:07:23,637 --> 01:07:25,106
Wait till you hear this audience.
1355
01:07:32,146 --> 01:07:35,215
Time to celebrate my baby's new job!
1356
01:07:35,217 --> 01:07:37,816
Oh, God, this is where I learned to be gay.
1357
01:07:37,818 --> 01:07:39,318
Under what table?
1358
01:07:39,320 --> 01:07:40,854
All of 'em.
1359
01:07:40,856 --> 01:07:42,488
Ladies and gentleman,
1360
01:07:42,490 --> 01:07:44,389
please make welcome to the stage,
1361
01:07:44,391 --> 01:07:46,659
Cassie Nova!
1362
01:07:49,197 --> 01:07:51,166
Hey, you crazy motherfuckers,
1363
01:07:52,333 --> 01:07:54,166
welcome, welcome, welcome
1364
01:07:54,168 --> 01:07:56,668
to the amateur show here at
the Rose Room and dance floor.
1365
01:07:56,670 --> 01:07:58,740
Can we talk about how gay
this motherfucker looks?
1366
01:08:00,742 --> 01:08:03,443
I'm in a freakin' dress
and he is gayer than I am.
1367
01:08:03,445 --> 01:08:04,644
And he's wearin' more makeup.
1368
01:08:04,646 --> 01:08:06,612
Stoli cran and one mint, please.
1369
01:08:06,614 --> 01:08:08,447
How you doin'?
1370
01:08:08,449 --> 01:08:09,749
Oh, no, other side.
1371
01:08:12,487 --> 01:08:14,322
He slapped his ass, I
don't care about his ass.
1372
01:08:15,824 --> 01:08:17,223
Or his face.
1373
01:08:18,693 --> 01:08:21,693
Now tonight, we are
being sponsored by Stoli,
1374
01:08:21,695 --> 01:08:24,597
so lift your glasses with
me in the name of the Lord
1375
01:08:24,599 --> 01:08:27,200
and all that is holy, cheers to queers.
1376
01:08:27,202 --> 01:08:30,803
Oh, Lord, look how young I was.
1377
01:08:30,805 --> 01:08:32,871
Yeah, that was about the time that I...
1378
01:08:32,873 --> 01:08:36,342
kissed the most beautiful
gal I'd ever seen.
1379
01:08:36,344 --> 01:08:38,710
Down by the old cow pond.
1380
01:08:38,712 --> 01:08:40,713
I was barely 16.
1381
01:08:40,715 --> 01:08:42,549
Yeah.
1382
01:08:42,551 --> 01:08:47,253
Oh, and that's not all we
did down by the cow pond
1383
01:08:47,255 --> 01:08:49,488
if I remember correctly.
1384
01:08:49,490 --> 01:08:52,560
Ah, young love. Nothin' like it.
1385
01:08:54,229 --> 01:08:56,398
Well, maybe there is, Vonnie.
1386
01:08:58,332 --> 01:09:00,333
'Cause you're still the most beautiful gal
1387
01:09:00,335 --> 01:09:02,634
I've ever laid eyes on.
1388
01:09:19,988 --> 01:09:22,358
I never stopped loving you, Vonnie.
1389
01:09:23,824 --> 01:09:26,929
I never stopped loving you, Wardell.
1390
01:09:38,974 --> 01:09:40,807
Ladies and gentlemen,
y'all make some noise for
1391
01:09:40,809 --> 01:09:42,375
the gorgeous Krystal Feather.
1392
01:09:43,645 --> 01:09:45,644
Great job, girl. Great job.
1393
01:09:45,646 --> 01:09:49,281
You see, this is the goal,
queens. This is the goal.
1394
01:09:49,283 --> 01:09:51,517
All right you all, for
this next entertainer,
1395
01:09:51,519 --> 01:09:54,387
I want y'all to keep y'all's
expectations real low.
1396
01:09:54,389 --> 01:09:58,424
'Cause this next old country
queen, is short as fuck.
1397
01:09:58,426 --> 01:10:01,794
Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Tammy Whynot.
1398
01:10:04,765 --> 01:10:08,000
It's Wynette, run and
tell her, Tammy Wynette.
1399
01:10:08,002 --> 01:10:09,637
Drink up, girl.
1400
01:10:25,353 --> 01:10:28,287
♪ He said "Hold on Patricia" ♪
1401
01:10:28,289 --> 01:10:31,057
♪ I only tried to kiss you ♪
1402
01:10:31,059 --> 01:10:35,331
♪ She said, "Okay," but then
said, "Don't you dare" ♪
1403
01:10:39,667 --> 01:10:41,401
♪ She seems so badly shakin' ♪
1404
01:10:41,403 --> 01:10:42,968
Bless her heart.
1405
01:10:42,970 --> 01:10:45,437
♪ He thought he was mistaken ♪
1406
01:10:45,439 --> 01:10:49,474
♪ But it sure looked like She
bowed her head in prayer ♪
1407
01:10:51,512 --> 01:10:54,446
That's my hair. I can't
perform without my hair on.
1408
01:10:54,448 --> 01:10:57,616
♪ But I'm a woman too ♪
1409
01:10:57,618 --> 01:11:01,856
♪ If you are listenin', Lord
Please show me what to do ♪
1410
01:11:03,858 --> 01:11:05,791
♪ I've tried hard To be what...♪
1411
01:11:05,793 --> 01:11:08,460
I think that's my Uncle Brother Boy.
1412
01:11:13,100 --> 01:11:14,567
I don't think she's gonna win.
1413
01:11:25,046 --> 01:11:26,978
Thank you
1414
01:11:26,980 --> 01:11:28,880
George Jones drank to calm his nerves.
1415
01:11:28,882 --> 01:11:30,952
It did not work for me.
1416
01:11:37,425 --> 01:11:39,959
Excuse me, but...
1417
01:11:39,961 --> 01:11:43,428
I am so sorry you all had
to witness this catastrophe.
1418
01:11:43,430 --> 01:11:45,498
I got up stage and I just bunched up.
1419
01:11:45,500 --> 01:11:49,434
My throat, I just... I couldn't. I froze.
1420
01:11:49,436 --> 01:11:51,771
I think you're my Uncle Brother Boy.
1421
01:11:51,773 --> 01:11:53,973
You're Latrelle's boy.
1422
01:11:53,975 --> 01:11:55,375
I am.
1423
01:11:55,377 --> 01:11:56,576
Ty.
1424
01:11:56,578 --> 01:11:58,611
This is my husband, Kyle.
1425
01:11:58,613 --> 01:11:59,748
Your husband?
1426
01:12:02,082 --> 01:12:05,420
I just wanna kiss you on the cheek, both.
1427
01:12:09,823 --> 01:12:11,456
Love those nails.
1428
01:12:11,458 --> 01:12:14,093
Oh, they'd look good with your color.
1429
01:12:14,095 --> 01:12:15,495
I mean...
1430
01:12:18,533 --> 01:12:19,732
Do you live here?
1431
01:12:19,734 --> 01:12:21,467
I hitchhiked up here from Longview.
1432
01:12:21,469 --> 01:12:23,535
It's just a really long story.
1433
01:12:23,537 --> 01:12:28,540
I'm, um... everything I own is in a sack.
1434
01:12:28,542 --> 01:12:32,745
All my possessions, my worldly
possessions, are in a sack.
1435
01:12:32,747 --> 01:12:35,113
We're headed back to
Winters Uncle Brother Boy.
1436
01:12:35,115 --> 01:12:36,848
Do you want to come home with us?
1437
01:12:36,850 --> 01:12:38,951
Hell, no. I ain't been home since I saw you
1438
01:12:38,953 --> 01:12:40,686
last time at Mama's funeral.
1439
01:12:40,688 --> 01:12:44,891
That was almost a bigger
disaster than tonight.
1440
01:12:44,893 --> 01:12:47,160
I think you should reconsider.
1441
01:12:47,162 --> 01:12:50,495
It's time we all be a family again.
1442
01:12:50,497 --> 01:12:54,901
♪ Are you washed In the blood ♪
1443
01:12:54,903 --> 01:12:59,738
♪ In the soul cleansing
Blood of the lamb? ♪
1444
01:12:59,740 --> 01:13:02,511
♪ Are your garments Spotless and...? ♪
1445
01:13:04,212 --> 01:13:07,580
Speakin' of garments, a walk of shame.
1446
01:13:07,582 --> 01:13:08,947
You hussy.
1447
01:13:08,949 --> 01:13:11,584
Guilty.
1448
01:13:11,586 --> 01:13:13,052
Where have you been all night?
1449
01:13:13,054 --> 01:13:16,121
Oh, Sissy, me and
Wardell got back together.
1450
01:13:16,123 --> 01:13:18,590
Oh!
1451
01:13:18,592 --> 01:13:20,125
I'm so happy for you.
1452
01:13:20,127 --> 01:13:21,527
Ah!
1453
01:13:21,529 --> 01:13:23,196
Oh!
1454
01:13:23,198 --> 01:13:24,597
Well, who in the world?
1455
01:13:24,599 --> 01:13:25,900
Are you expectin' anybody?
1456
01:13:27,668 --> 01:13:31,771
- Ty, oh, heavens to Betsy!
- Aunt Sissy!
1457
01:13:31,773 --> 01:13:35,641
Oh, you must be Kyle. Welcome to Winters.
1458
01:13:35,643 --> 01:13:36,942
It's a pleasure to be here.
1459
01:13:36,944 --> 01:13:39,178
And look who we found just wanderin'
1460
01:13:39,180 --> 01:13:41,214
the streets of Dallas.
1461
01:13:42,716 --> 01:13:45,086
Oh! Hi, Brother Boy, oh.
1462
01:13:47,188 --> 01:13:49,722
Come on, I finally made it.
1463
01:13:49,724 --> 01:13:51,624
Everybody come on in, come on.
1464
01:13:53,060 --> 01:13:54,529
Come on in, Ty.
1465
01:13:55,997 --> 01:13:57,763
I'm gonna go on in
1466
01:13:57,765 --> 01:13:59,165
and finish gettin' some breakfast
1467
01:13:59,167 --> 01:14:00,933
- Ooh, shh, shh!
- We are interrupting regular
1468
01:14:00,935 --> 01:14:02,869
programming for this special
report and update now
1469
01:14:02,871 --> 01:14:04,070
on the hitchhiker murderer.
1470
01:14:04,072 --> 01:14:06,638
Billy Joe Dobson is dead.
1471
01:14:06,640 --> 01:14:08,139
- Good.
- Killed during a shootout
1472
01:14:08,141 --> 01:14:09,976
with police and after
a dramatic car chase
1473
01:14:09,978 --> 01:14:11,677
through Dallas late last night.
1474
01:14:11,679 --> 01:14:14,546
Take a close look here.
This elderly woman
1475
01:14:14,548 --> 01:14:16,014
- is believed to be...
- Elderly?
1476
01:14:16,016 --> 01:14:17,983
the hitchhiker
murderer's final victim.
1477
01:14:17,985 --> 01:14:20,119
Police are currently
looking for her body.
1478
01:14:20,121 --> 01:14:22,655
We will keep you updated
as we learn more.
1479
01:14:22,657 --> 01:14:25,525
The fallen angel has returned to heaven.
1480
01:14:25,527 --> 01:14:26,826
Yes, she has.
1481
01:14:26,828 --> 01:14:28,294
That poor old woman.
1482
01:14:28,296 --> 01:14:31,196
Wonder why she's hitchhiking at her age.
1483
01:14:31,198 --> 01:14:32,598
Sissy!
1484
01:14:32,600 --> 01:14:34,603
Sissy!
1485
01:14:36,837 --> 01:14:38,737
Ty, you made it.
1486
01:14:38,739 --> 01:14:40,673
We did. We made it, Mama.
1487
01:14:40,675 --> 01:14:42,575
Ah, and Kyle.
1488
01:14:42,577 --> 01:14:45,611
Oh, well, got everything planned.
1489
01:14:45,613 --> 01:14:47,312
It's all mapped out.
1490
01:14:47,314 --> 01:14:49,648
All right, well, let's discuss
everything over breakfast,
1491
01:14:49,650 --> 01:14:53,755
I got plenty. It's almost ready
and nobody likes cold biscuits.
1492
01:14:54,922 --> 01:14:56,492
Look who we brought.
1493
01:14:59,293 --> 01:15:00,863
Brother Boy.
1494
01:15:03,931 --> 01:15:05,634
You look very pretty.
1495
01:15:08,936 --> 01:15:10,937
I missed you.
1496
01:15:10,939 --> 01:15:12,240
Do I know you?
1497
01:15:14,274 --> 01:15:17,943
Well, I guess I deserved
that but, I'm tryin'.
1498
01:15:17,945 --> 01:15:20,278
Oh, she's still a bitch,
1499
01:15:20,280 --> 01:15:22,682
but it's just not non-stop anymore.
1500
01:15:22,684 --> 01:15:25,151
Do you mind?
1501
01:15:25,153 --> 01:15:26,622
Come on, boys.
1502
01:15:31,158 --> 01:15:33,659
Brother Boy, I's awful to you
1503
01:15:33,661 --> 01:15:35,594
for years, and I'm just so...
1504
01:15:35,596 --> 01:15:37,263
No, honey, you don't have to do this.
1505
01:15:37,265 --> 01:15:39,632
No, no, I do, I need to.
1506
01:15:39,634 --> 01:15:42,000
I'm sorry,
1507
01:15:42,002 --> 01:15:44,572
it's just that so much has changed.
1508
01:15:46,306 --> 01:15:47,643
Is changin'.
1509
01:15:50,243 --> 01:15:52,044
Guess it just took me awhile.
1510
01:15:52,046 --> 01:15:53,745
Awhile?
1511
01:15:53,747 --> 01:15:57,383
Too long, okay? I wanna
make up for lost time.
1512
01:15:57,385 --> 01:15:59,021
Can we?
1513
01:16:01,021 --> 01:16:05,724
Can we go back to the way
it was when we were little?
1514
01:16:05,726 --> 01:16:08,660
We used to play dress-up together.
1515
01:16:08,662 --> 01:16:11,699
Well, what size dress are you?
1516
01:16:15,168 --> 01:16:18,137
Oh, I love you.
1517
01:16:18,139 --> 01:16:20,272
I love you.
1518
01:16:20,274 --> 01:16:23,742
I love you too, Latrelle. Good Lord.
1519
01:16:23,744 --> 01:16:25,177
That's good.
1520
01:16:25,179 --> 01:16:27,345
Thank you, Ty. Y'all
just sit down anywhere.
1521
01:16:27,347 --> 01:16:28,880
Now you did some remodelin'.
1522
01:16:28,882 --> 01:16:31,282
I did, now I can watch my shows
1523
01:16:31,284 --> 01:16:33,285
while I'm eatin' and cookin'.
1524
01:16:33,287 --> 01:16:34,986
Oh, he is black.
1525
01:16:36,189 --> 01:16:37,956
I prefer hot chocolate mocha.
1526
01:16:37,958 --> 01:16:39,991
Then tea, of course.
1527
01:16:39,993 --> 01:16:43,294
Has hot chocolate mocha
replaced African-American?
1528
01:16:43,296 --> 01:16:45,196
No, I'm just bein' silly.
1529
01:16:45,198 --> 01:16:47,833
And I'm a guessing this
pretty lady must be Noleta.
1530
01:16:47,835 --> 01:16:50,102
Why, hey, thank you, yes, Noleta.
1531
01:16:50,104 --> 01:16:54,339
I'm white, can't even tan,
and I'm in love too, I think.
1532
01:16:54,341 --> 01:16:56,842
But it's not the gay love. Can't go there.
1533
01:16:56,844 --> 01:16:59,111
Sometimes I think it'd be
easier, less complicated,
1534
01:16:59,113 --> 01:17:02,013
but I am attracted to black men.
1535
01:17:02,015 --> 01:17:05,317
Ow, uh, African-American
men. That's right too.
1536
01:17:05,319 --> 01:17:07,753
"Black" works. I've never been African.
1537
01:17:07,755 --> 01:17:10,188
Well, I sure am excited about your
1538
01:17:10,190 --> 01:17:13,392
one white and one mixed twin.
1539
01:17:13,394 --> 01:17:15,326
Uh, we prefer biracial.
1540
01:17:15,328 --> 01:17:18,799
Biracial. Oh, Lord, I cannot keep up.
1541
01:17:21,101 --> 01:17:24,202
Oh, girl, you been busy.
1542
01:17:24,204 --> 01:17:26,104
I try, do my best.
1543
01:17:26,106 --> 01:17:27,906
And that's what matters.
1544
01:17:27,908 --> 01:17:30,809
I believe the intention is
more important than the words.
1545
01:17:30,811 --> 01:17:33,478
All good to know, but
we gotta get organized
1546
01:17:33,480 --> 01:17:36,449
for the anti-equality revival tonight.
1547
01:17:36,451 --> 01:17:38,317
We gotta get busy,
1548
01:17:38,319 --> 01:17:41,156
because shit is about to hit the fan.
1549
01:17:44,358 --> 01:17:46,791
Would you lead us in
an open word of prayer?
1550
01:17:46,793 --> 01:17:50,161
Well, of course, ladies.
1551
01:17:50,163 --> 01:17:54,834
Let the church house be packed
to the rafters, oh, Lord.
1552
01:17:54,836 --> 01:17:56,134
Yes, Lord.
1553
01:17:56,136 --> 01:17:59,405
Let sinners come in that front door.
1554
01:17:59,407 --> 01:18:01,107
What's goin' on here?
1555
01:18:01,109 --> 01:18:04,744
Juanita, hun, we're right
in the middle of our final
1556
01:18:04,746 --> 01:18:07,812
anti-equality committee meeting.
1557
01:18:07,814 --> 01:18:09,514
That doesn't sound right.
1558
01:18:09,516 --> 01:18:11,217
Well, it is.
1559
01:18:11,219 --> 01:18:14,786
Now we would just love
for you to join us tonight,
1560
01:18:14,788 --> 01:18:16,455
if you would.
1561
01:18:16,457 --> 01:18:19,825
I have a conflict.
There's somethin' goin' on
1562
01:18:19,827 --> 01:18:24,396
real important over at that
bar that I sometimes frequent
1563
01:18:24,398 --> 01:18:27,235
uh, called, uh, I forget.
1564
01:18:28,402 --> 01:18:29,869
Bubba's?
1565
01:18:29,871 --> 01:18:31,536
That would be the one.
1566
01:18:31,538 --> 01:18:34,406
Might as well be called
the den of inequity.
1567
01:18:34,408 --> 01:18:37,375
I think that one's over in New Orleans.
1568
01:18:37,377 --> 01:18:43,482
Hey, big'un, a pack of my
cigarettes and these Cheetos.
1569
01:18:43,484 --> 01:18:48,254
The name is Vera. Vera Lisso, not big'un.
1570
01:18:48,256 --> 01:18:50,455
We've been through this
a few hundred times.
1571
01:18:50,457 --> 01:18:52,259
Big'un suits you better.
1572
01:18:54,060 --> 01:18:58,263
The bass people make a
cheese out of raw milk
1573
01:18:58,265 --> 01:19:02,067
that is aged in a cave
for four or five months.
1574
01:19:02,069 --> 01:19:04,236
How do you know that, Juanita?
1575
01:19:04,238 --> 01:19:05,373
I forget.
1576
01:19:09,443 --> 01:19:11,843
Keep the change, big'un.
1577
01:19:11,845 --> 01:19:13,211
It's two pennies.
1578
01:19:13,213 --> 01:19:15,481
All yours.
1579
01:19:15,483 --> 01:19:18,116
And it's ripened with mold,
1580
01:19:18,118 --> 01:19:21,187
and they scrape the mold
off before you eat it.
1581
01:19:21,189 --> 01:19:25,590
And that's where the bass people lost me.
1582
01:19:25,592 --> 01:19:29,961
The gates are down, and
the lights are flashing,
1583
01:19:29,963 --> 01:19:32,998
but the train is not coming.
1584
01:19:33,000 --> 01:19:38,070
♪ Will the circle be unbroken? ♪
1585
01:19:38,072 --> 01:19:43,142
♪ By and by, Lord By and by ♪
1586
01:19:43,144 --> 01:19:46,477
Hurry up, Latrelle,
they've already started.
1587
01:19:46,479 --> 01:19:50,849
♪ All the waitin' In the sky Lord ♪
1588
01:19:50,851 --> 01:19:52,386
Come on, Noleta.
1589
01:19:54,287 --> 01:19:55,486
Is it straight?
1590
01:19:55,488 --> 01:19:57,458
Yes, now behave yourself.
1591
01:20:00,060 --> 01:20:02,561
♪ By and by, Lord ♪
1592
01:20:02,563 --> 01:20:05,296
♪ By and by ♪
1593
01:20:05,298 --> 01:20:07,532
Look who's here.
1594
01:20:07,534 --> 01:20:10,369
♪ There's a better ♪
1595
01:20:10,371 --> 01:20:13,307
♪ Home awaiting ♪
1596
01:20:15,042 --> 01:20:17,543
♪ In the sky, Lord ♪
1597
01:20:17,545 --> 01:20:21,349
♪ In the sky ♪
1598
01:20:26,319 --> 01:20:30,222
Yes, brothers and sisters,
let's keep our circle
1599
01:20:30,224 --> 01:20:33,828
from being broken by
sodomite sinners, amen.
1600
01:20:35,262 --> 01:20:39,531
Yes, and please forgive
our appearance today,
1601
01:20:39,533 --> 01:20:44,236
because Roger, an avowed
homosexual, has decided
1602
01:20:44,238 --> 01:20:49,407
not to fix anybody's hair who
believes in this good book.
1603
01:20:49,409 --> 01:20:51,076
Amen.
1604
01:20:52,479 --> 01:20:54,112
Are y'all ready for some
1605
01:20:54,114 --> 01:20:55,915
good old-fashioned preachin'?
1606
01:20:55,917 --> 01:20:57,052
Amen.
1607
01:20:58,653 --> 01:21:03,391
Please welcome to Southside
Baptist our new pastor,
1608
01:21:04,625 --> 01:21:06,558
Jimmy Ray Brewton.
1609
01:21:08,561 --> 01:21:10,262
Roger?
1610
01:21:10,264 --> 01:21:11,399
Ty?
1611
01:21:14,402 --> 01:21:17,303
Roger, this is my husband, Kyle.
1612
01:21:17,305 --> 01:21:18,970
Nice to meet you, Roger.
1613
01:21:18,972 --> 01:21:21,973
And you. Lord, these
people are not gonna know
1614
01:21:21,975 --> 01:21:24,643
whether to be racist or homophobic.
1615
01:21:24,645 --> 01:21:26,678
Did I miss anything?
1616
01:21:26,680 --> 01:21:29,647
Nothin' you haven't heard a
hundred million times before.
1617
01:21:29,649 --> 01:21:32,518
But that preacher is hot as fuck.
1618
01:21:32,520 --> 01:21:38,424
Thou shalt not lie with
mankind as with womankind.
1619
01:21:38,426 --> 01:21:40,358
It is an abomination.
1620
01:21:40,360 --> 01:21:42,160
- Amen.
- Amen, brother.
1621
01:21:42,162 --> 01:21:44,295
You know, Satan was the
first to ask for equal rights.
1622
01:21:44,297 --> 01:21:45,731
Yeah, that's right.
1623
01:21:45,733 --> 01:21:49,233
Flip over to Isaiah 14:14,
where Lucifer proclaims,
1624
01:21:49,235 --> 01:21:51,506
"I will be like the most high."
1625
01:21:53,474 --> 01:21:55,574
Wanted to be equal with God.
1626
01:21:55,576 --> 01:21:58,576
But Satan never got his
equal rights, did he?
1627
01:21:58,578 --> 01:22:02,481
No, no, he fell down to the bowels of hell.
1628
01:22:02,483 --> 01:22:04,316
Just like the gays will.
1629
01:22:04,318 --> 01:22:06,718
I used to love this church.
1630
01:22:06,720 --> 01:22:08,754
You know they're not all like this anymore.
1631
01:22:08,756 --> 01:22:10,188
You can't swing a cat in this town
1632
01:22:10,190 --> 01:22:12,290
without hittin' a bigot.
1633
01:22:12,292 --> 01:22:16,461
I remember, but you know,
hearts and minds are changin'.
1634
01:22:16,463 --> 01:22:20,366
But, hey, these bigots actually
inspired me to do what I do.
1635
01:22:20,368 --> 01:22:24,303
I work for Faith in America,
and we try to help people
1636
01:22:24,305 --> 01:22:28,339
work through the damage,
and to prove to them that
1637
01:22:28,341 --> 01:22:30,608
God includes us too.
1638
01:22:30,610 --> 01:22:34,746
They question the creation,
you question the creator.
1639
01:22:34,748 --> 01:22:37,449
Lots of affirmin' churches
poppin' up everywhere.
1640
01:22:37,451 --> 01:22:39,317
My mama's the pastor
of one over in Phoenix.
1641
01:22:39,319 --> 01:22:40,554
Lucky you.
1642
01:22:44,358 --> 01:22:47,058
You put a face on gay, Roger.
1643
01:22:47,060 --> 01:22:49,160
When I was a little boy, I used to sit and
1644
01:22:49,162 --> 01:22:52,430
watch Roger do Mama, and Aunt
LaVonda, and Aunt Sissy's hair,
1645
01:22:52,432 --> 01:22:56,168
and I used to pretend that
I was Roger from Avila.
1646
01:22:56,170 --> 01:22:59,239
I ratted my doll Suzy Q's
hair until she was bald.
1647
01:23:01,242 --> 01:23:06,413
You inspired me to accept all of me, so...
1648
01:23:08,548 --> 01:23:09,684
thank you.
1649
01:23:13,054 --> 01:23:15,123
You don't know what that means to me.
1650
01:23:19,292 --> 01:23:21,593
Oh, we better get in there.
Mama's about to explode.
1651
01:23:21,595 --> 01:23:23,428
Are you comin'?
1652
01:23:23,430 --> 01:23:27,132
Oh, hell no. I can hear the
hate just fine from out here.
1653
01:23:27,134 --> 01:23:30,669
Always the best option for our lives.
1654
01:23:30,671 --> 01:23:34,440
Thank y'all.
1655
01:23:34,442 --> 01:23:37,076
Oh, that was my mama's favorite hymn.
1656
01:23:37,078 --> 01:23:38,777
Oh, that was just beautiful, Wardell.
1657
01:23:38,779 --> 01:23:41,213
You know, Vonnie, last night
was really special for me.
1658
01:23:41,215 --> 01:23:42,647
Me too.
1659
01:23:42,649 --> 01:23:44,715
That's it.
1660
01:23:44,717 --> 01:23:47,251
D.W., don't you even think about it.
1661
01:23:47,253 --> 01:23:49,187
- Hey, you son of a bitch!
- What the hell?
1662
01:23:49,189 --> 01:23:51,356
Oh, hi, G.W., I didn't
see you standing there.
1663
01:23:51,358 --> 01:23:53,258
Get your goddamn white
trash hands off a her.
1664
01:23:53,260 --> 01:23:55,193
You're the white trash and
you have no claim to me.
1665
01:23:55,195 --> 01:23:58,563
Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E became
final 17 years ago.
1666
01:23:58,565 --> 01:24:00,699
Oh, for crying out loud!
1667
01:24:00,701 --> 01:24:04,135
Wardell, do somethin'. They're
ruinin' my mama's tribute.
1668
01:24:04,137 --> 01:24:05,370
They're fightin' over me, LaVonda.
1669
01:24:05,372 --> 01:24:07,238
Oh, they're fightin' over me.
1670
01:24:07,240 --> 01:24:08,840
Oh, you're goin' down, asshole.
1671
01:24:08,842 --> 01:24:10,509
It's on you son of a bitch.
1672
01:24:10,511 --> 01:24:12,410
Go on, knock his teeth out, G.W.
1673
01:24:12,412 --> 01:24:13,711
Now.
1674
01:24:16,684 --> 01:24:19,218
- Not a damn thing.
- Come on, kick his ass!
1675
01:24:25,259 --> 01:24:26,825
I lost my leg!
1676
01:24:26,827 --> 01:24:29,695
I got you. Come here, come here.
1677
01:24:29,697 --> 01:24:32,630
Gotta get that pyromaniac
tramp with my leg.
1678
01:24:32,632 --> 01:24:35,433
She ain't no tramp. Give me
back my crutches right now.
1679
01:24:35,435 --> 01:24:36,634
You give me back...
1680
01:24:38,238 --> 01:24:40,873
Y'all ought to be ashamed of yourselves.
1681
01:24:40,875 --> 01:24:45,343
We are tryin' to honor the
life of a good woman here today,
1682
01:24:45,345 --> 01:24:46,812
and y'all are ruinin' it!
1683
01:24:46,814 --> 01:24:49,481
Noleta you came in here
just seekin' trouble.
1684
01:24:49,483 --> 01:24:51,717
Now you get outta my
bar, get yourself a room
1685
01:24:51,719 --> 01:24:54,152
at the Galaxy Motel.
1686
01:24:54,154 --> 01:24:57,188
And G.W., stop this damn nonsense.
1687
01:24:57,190 --> 01:25:00,159
You forfeited every right you
had in your marriage to Noleta.
1688
01:25:00,161 --> 01:25:02,393
Peggy was the one you really loved, buddy.
1689
01:25:02,395 --> 01:25:04,530
You loved Peggy.
1690
01:25:04,532 --> 01:25:06,831
I know.
1691
01:25:06,833 --> 01:25:08,366
Now let's show her that tonight, huh?
1692
01:25:08,368 --> 01:25:09,503
Okay.
1693
01:25:10,770 --> 01:25:12,905
I'm sorry, Wardell.
1694
01:25:12,907 --> 01:25:15,339
LaVonda, Hardy will give me a ride home.
1695
01:25:15,341 --> 01:25:16,743
I'm sure he will.
1696
01:25:17,944 --> 01:25:20,215
Now put your leg back on.
1697
01:25:22,349 --> 01:25:26,384
You see, the Supreme Court
is not the supreme being.
1698
01:25:26,386 --> 01:25:29,220
And I thank the Good Lord for Texas.
1699
01:25:29,222 --> 01:25:32,391
And I talked to Gail Wade,
our county clerk, today,
1700
01:25:32,393 --> 01:25:35,393
and Tinky Walker, our Justice of the Peace,
1701
01:25:35,395 --> 01:25:38,330
who's sittin' right back
there, y'all stand up.
1702
01:25:38,332 --> 01:25:40,432
Good Christian warriors.
1703
01:25:40,434 --> 01:25:42,500
They have assured me
1704
01:25:42,502 --> 01:25:45,403
that exercising their religious freedom
1705
01:25:45,405 --> 01:25:47,606
will no longer allow same-sex couples
1706
01:25:47,608 --> 01:25:49,840
to get married in Runnels County.
1707
01:25:49,842 --> 01:25:51,410
And you know what that means.
1708
01:25:51,412 --> 01:25:52,977
Gays can't get married in the church.
1709
01:25:52,979 --> 01:25:54,612
Whoo-hoo!
1710
01:25:54,614 --> 01:25:56,748
Gays can't get married in the courthouse.
1711
01:25:56,750 --> 01:25:59,550
No place to get married,
nobody to marry them.
1712
01:25:59,552 --> 01:26:03,988
We have shut out the
sodomites, those pedophiles
1713
01:26:03,990 --> 01:26:07,960
will no longer persecute
good God-fearing Christians.
1714
01:26:07,962 --> 01:26:10,428
And tonight I proclaim that Runnels County
1715
01:26:10,430 --> 01:26:13,432
be a sanctuary county,
free of gay marriage,
1716
01:26:13,434 --> 01:26:15,901
we have stopped equality.
1717
01:26:15,903 --> 01:26:17,505
Oh, no, you haven't.
1718
01:26:19,239 --> 01:26:21,639
Sister, do you have somethin' to say?
1719
01:26:21,641 --> 01:26:24,809
Oh, yes, brother. I have plenty to say.
1720
01:26:24,811 --> 01:26:27,948
Well, all right, let's hear
what the good sister has to say.
1721
01:26:29,649 --> 01:26:31,883
Come on, Sissy, grab your Bible.
1722
01:26:31,885 --> 01:26:33,253
I got it.
1723
01:26:41,528 --> 01:26:44,365
My son is gay.
1724
01:26:45,765 --> 01:26:48,267
And, um, my sweet Aunt Sissy here
1725
01:26:48,269 --> 01:26:50,869
has been doin' research on his behalf.
1726
01:26:50,871 --> 01:26:53,405
Read the Bible from cover to cover.
1727
01:26:53,407 --> 01:26:58,376
Sissy, what does Jesus
say about homosexuality?
1728
01:26:58,378 --> 01:27:00,478
Not one blessed word.
1729
01:27:00,480 --> 01:27:02,481
- That is not true.
- Yes, it is.
1730
01:27:02,483 --> 01:27:03,682
First Corinthians.
1731
01:27:03,684 --> 01:27:05,549
That was Paul, not Jesus.
1732
01:27:05,551 --> 01:27:08,954
If you have a degree in
theology, get it right.
1733
01:27:08,956 --> 01:27:10,458
Jesus said nothing.
1734
01:27:11,524 --> 01:27:12,659
Nothing.
1735
01:27:15,029 --> 01:27:18,296
Do you believe in all the Bible?
1736
01:27:18,298 --> 01:27:20,598
Of course we do.
1737
01:27:20,600 --> 01:27:22,701
Then why do you eat bacon?
1738
01:27:22,703 --> 01:27:25,504
Deuteronomy 14:8.
1739
01:27:25,506 --> 01:27:29,775
"And the swine, it is unclean unto you.
1740
01:27:29,777 --> 01:27:32,779
You shall not eat their flesh."
1741
01:27:34,981 --> 01:27:37,782
The Bible says to all of us who eat bacon
1742
01:27:37,784 --> 01:27:39,785
and pig's feet,
1743
01:27:39,787 --> 01:27:41,687
and pork chops,
1744
01:27:41,689 --> 01:27:45,994
and Dorito sausage casserole,
that eatin' pork is wrong.
1745
01:27:47,661 --> 01:27:50,528
But bacon is good, and we eat it 'cause
1746
01:27:50,530 --> 01:27:53,531
this scripture don't make a lick of sense.
1747
01:27:53,533 --> 01:27:58,437
That's the Old Testament,
Jesus gave us the new law.
1748
01:27:58,439 --> 01:28:01,373
That includes me gettin' to eat bacon.
1749
01:28:01,375 --> 01:28:05,677
Yet Vera, you were the first to scream amen
1750
01:28:05,679 --> 01:28:08,080
when the pastor read
from the Old Testament,
1751
01:28:08,082 --> 01:28:10,816
"Thou shalt not lie with
mankind as with womankind,
1752
01:28:10,818 --> 01:28:12,550
it is an abomination."
1753
01:28:12,552 --> 01:28:13,919
I've never lied with a woman once
1754
01:28:13,921 --> 01:28:15,387
the way I lie with you, babe.
1755
01:28:15,389 --> 01:28:17,421
- Stop.
- And the New Testament
1756
01:28:17,423 --> 01:28:19,758
certainly tells women to be silent.
1757
01:28:19,760 --> 01:28:22,427
And Vera, Mrs. Barnes,
1758
01:28:22,429 --> 01:28:24,696
Hortense,
1759
01:28:24,698 --> 01:28:26,598
y'all never shut up.
1760
01:28:26,600 --> 01:28:29,401
And Tinky, Gail,
1761
01:28:29,403 --> 01:28:32,903
y'all issued three of
my five wedding licenses,
1762
01:28:32,905 --> 01:28:35,874
and adultery is riddled
all over both testaments,
1763
01:28:35,876 --> 01:28:39,544
and says that adulterers
should be stoned to death.
1764
01:28:39,546 --> 01:28:41,379
I demand that you sit down right now
1765
01:28:41,381 --> 01:28:44,449
and stop hijackin' this
service with your own agenda,
1766
01:28:44,451 --> 01:28:47,486
in support for this
deviant, perverted behavior.
1767
01:28:47,488 --> 01:28:49,588
I am not done.
1768
01:28:49,590 --> 01:28:51,956
And unless you want a
scene that involves kickin'
1769
01:28:51,958 --> 01:28:54,159
and screamin' and scratchin'
1770
01:28:54,161 --> 01:28:56,695
and clawin' out some
eyeballs, and takin' that Bible
1771
01:28:56,697 --> 01:28:59,598
and beatin' you with it the
way you beat people with it,
1772
01:28:59,600 --> 01:29:02,834
then I would advise you
to back off and regroup
1773
01:29:02,836 --> 01:29:04,936
until I am done.
1774
01:29:04,938 --> 01:29:06,504
Go, Latrelle.
1775
01:29:06,506 --> 01:29:08,406
Latrelle's not normally this violent
1776
01:29:08,408 --> 01:29:10,711
but you have set her off, so just...
1777
01:29:15,815 --> 01:29:19,718
Sissy, please read the scripture
1778
01:29:19,720 --> 01:29:22,523
that I have chosen for my sermon.
1779
01:29:25,192 --> 01:29:27,095
"John 4:7.
1780
01:29:29,863 --> 01:29:32,097
"Dear friends,
1781
01:29:32,099 --> 01:29:34,702
let us love one another."
1782
01:29:44,711 --> 01:29:45,977
That's all.
1783
01:29:45,979 --> 01:29:48,546
Simple.
1784
01:29:48,548 --> 01:29:49,850
Just love.
1785
01:29:50,951 --> 01:29:52,819
Says it all, doesn't it?
1786
01:29:56,756 --> 01:29:58,690
My son Ty...
1787
01:29:58,692 --> 01:30:01,028
and his husband, Kyle,
1788
01:30:03,029 --> 01:30:07,499
have now gotten married in
every state except Texas.
1789
01:30:07,501 --> 01:30:09,668
Gay activists, they're called. They did it
1790
01:30:09,670 --> 01:30:14,705
as a publicity thing for Ty's
job, which helps the gays.
1791
01:30:14,707 --> 01:30:19,678
And we taught our son to
fight for what is right.
1792
01:30:19,680 --> 01:30:23,682
And I'm ashamed to say
that I always found a reason
1793
01:30:23,684 --> 01:30:26,750
not to attend their
weddings. And I'm sorry, Ty.
1794
01:30:26,752 --> 01:30:28,188
Kyle, truly sorry.
1795
01:30:29,722 --> 01:30:33,525
I guess because, deep down,
1796
01:30:33,527 --> 01:30:37,094
just went against
everything that I's taught,
1797
01:30:37,096 --> 01:30:39,533
right here in Southside Baptist.
1798
01:30:41,502 --> 01:30:45,440
But then somethin' happened
that changed my heart.
1799
01:30:48,708 --> 01:30:51,142
Ty and Kyle,
1800
01:30:51,144 --> 01:30:52,814
they're gonna be daddies.
1801
01:30:54,515 --> 01:30:56,680
And you, Reverend Brewton,
just preached that gays
1802
01:30:56,682 --> 01:30:59,518
should not be parents,
that they are pedophiles.
1803
01:30:59,520 --> 01:31:01,152
That is the truth.
1804
01:31:01,154 --> 01:31:03,491
Liar! It is so far from it.
1805
01:31:06,025 --> 01:31:08,563
I know my boy. He is not that.
1806
01:31:10,096 --> 01:31:11,631
He is not capable.
1807
01:31:13,634 --> 01:31:16,170
He has a good heart, pure.
1808
01:31:20,940 --> 01:31:22,643
And you know him too.
1809
01:31:24,011 --> 01:31:25,680
And I know you love him.
1810
01:31:28,081 --> 01:31:30,180
All those sermons like this one tonight,
1811
01:31:30,182 --> 01:31:34,285
callin' my beautiful son
and his beautiful husband
1812
01:31:34,287 --> 01:31:37,121
pedophiles, abominations,
1813
01:31:37,123 --> 01:31:39,891
sinners, well,
1814
01:31:39,893 --> 01:31:41,192
those sermons are wrong.
1815
01:31:41,194 --> 01:31:42,861
I preach the word of God.
1816
01:31:42,863 --> 01:31:46,033
No, you cherry-pick
what serves your agenda.
1817
01:31:47,301 --> 01:31:50,335
Sissy has proven that tonight.
1818
01:31:50,337 --> 01:31:53,037
And we must stop
1819
01:31:53,039 --> 01:31:57,241
villainizing our own children.
1820
01:31:57,243 --> 01:32:01,012
Tellin' them that they are
not worthy of God's love,
1821
01:32:01,014 --> 01:32:02,682
because they are.
1822
01:32:05,118 --> 01:32:06,787
Just as they are.
1823
01:32:10,056 --> 01:32:14,992
And right now, just down
the street at Bubba's bar,
1824
01:32:14,994 --> 01:32:18,198
they are celebratin' the life of my mama...
1825
01:32:20,266 --> 01:32:23,300
who did not die from a tumor
that was pressin' against
1826
01:32:23,302 --> 01:32:27,304
the sexual part of her brain. I lied, okay?
1827
01:32:27,306 --> 01:32:30,176
A real sin, to cover up the truth.
1828
01:32:32,645 --> 01:32:34,215
But no more cover-ups.
1829
01:32:35,916 --> 01:32:37,982
My son...
1830
01:32:37,984 --> 01:32:39,219
is gay.
1831
01:32:41,822 --> 01:32:43,324
And I am proud of him.
1832
01:32:45,926 --> 01:32:47,061
All of him.
1833
01:32:49,095 --> 01:32:52,664
And so I would like to turn
my mama's celebration of life
1834
01:32:52,666 --> 01:32:56,334
into a celebration of love,
and end this hateful night
1835
01:32:56,336 --> 01:32:58,335
led by this hateful person.
1836
01:32:58,337 --> 01:33:02,272
So, I invite all of you to come with me and
1837
01:33:02,274 --> 01:33:07,845
with my Aunt Sissy, and
with my son and son-in-law,
1838
01:33:07,847 --> 01:33:10,850
and my brother, Brother Boy.
1839
01:33:14,921 --> 01:33:18,389
Well, I guess y'all didn't
think I was gonna make it,
1840
01:33:18,391 --> 01:33:20,724
did you, bigots?
1841
01:33:20,726 --> 01:33:23,764
Come on, Latrelle, I got a show to do.
1842
01:33:30,237 --> 01:33:32,303
Ladies and gentlemen, please help me
1843
01:33:32,305 --> 01:33:35,740
welcome to the stage the
first lady of country music,
1844
01:33:35,742 --> 01:33:37,976
Miss Tammy Wynette.
1845
01:33:37,978 --> 01:33:41,045
♪ He said "Hold on, Patricia" ♪
1846
01:33:41,047 --> 01:33:43,947
♪ I only tried to kiss you ♪
1847
01:33:43,949 --> 01:33:48,054
♪ She said, "Okay," but
then Said, "Don't you dare" ♪
1848
01:33:52,859 --> 01:33:55,326
♪ She seems so badly shaken ♪
1849
01:33:55,328 --> 01:33:58,228
♪ He thought he was mistaken ♪
1850
01:33:58,230 --> 01:34:02,400
♪ But it sure looked like
She bowed her head in prayer ♪
1851
01:34:02,402 --> 01:34:05,836
Hey, Vonnie, I gotta get back to the bar.
1852
01:34:05,838 --> 01:34:07,405
- Okay, I'll see you later.
- See you, sweetie.
1853
01:34:07,407 --> 01:34:10,407
♪ But I'm a woman too ♪
1854
01:34:10,409 --> 01:34:16,313
♪ If you are listenin', Lord
Please show me what to do ♪
1855
01:34:16,315 --> 01:34:20,320
♪ I'm tryin' hard to be
What Mama says is good ♪
1856
01:34:23,323 --> 01:34:27,094
♪ As I slip into My womanhood ♪
1857
01:34:30,063 --> 01:34:31,428
What's he doin'?
1858
01:34:31,430 --> 01:34:33,263
Oh, it's his new act. It's called
1859
01:34:33,265 --> 01:34:36,034
"We Three Queens of Opry Are."
1860
01:34:36,036 --> 01:34:38,105
I gotta get these boots off.
1861
01:34:41,742 --> 01:34:43,040
Fix my wig.
1862
01:34:43,042 --> 01:34:47,044
Is he... is he bringin' back Loretta?
1863
01:34:47,046 --> 01:34:50,013
He sure is. Sing it Loretta, whoo!
1864
01:34:50,015 --> 01:34:51,449
Big cabbage.
1865
01:34:52,886 --> 01:34:54,419
Sissy Spacek, eat your heart out.
1866
01:34:54,421 --> 01:34:57,187
♪ You've come to Tell me something ♪
1867
01:34:57,189 --> 01:35:01,826
- Thank you, Loretta.
- ♪ You say I ought to know ♪
1868
01:35:01,828 --> 01:35:04,829
Oh, this brings back memories, don't it?
1869
01:35:04,831 --> 01:35:07,866
♪ And I'll have to let it go ♪
1870
01:35:07,868 --> 01:35:11,102
♪ You say you're Gonna take him ♪
1871
01:35:11,104 --> 01:35:14,371
I want you to meet my wife.
1872
01:35:14,373 --> 01:35:17,040
And I would like you to meet my husband.
1873
01:35:17,042 --> 01:35:18,378
I'm Kyle.
1874
01:35:20,479 --> 01:35:22,446
Hello, Kyle.
1875
01:35:22,448 --> 01:35:24,081
♪ Women like you
They're a dime a dozen ♪
1876
01:35:24,083 --> 01:35:26,918
♪ You can buy them anywhere ♪
1877
01:35:26,920 --> 01:35:30,220
♪ For you to get to him
I'd have to move over ♪
1878
01:35:30,222 --> 01:35:33,391
♪ And I'm gonna Stand right here ♪
1879
01:35:33,393 --> 01:35:36,260
♪ It'll be over my dead body ♪
1880
01:35:36,262 --> 01:35:39,830
♪ So get out while you can ♪
1881
01:35:39,832 --> 01:35:43,737
♪ 'Cause you ain't woman
Enough to take my man ♪
1882
01:35:47,807 --> 01:35:49,339
Ah, great...
1883
01:35:53,180 --> 01:35:56,481
If I had these titties, I'd rule the world.
1884
01:35:56,483 --> 01:35:57,949
Is that who I think it is?
1885
01:35:57,951 --> 01:36:00,884
Yes, yes, it's Dolly!
1886
01:36:00,886 --> 01:36:03,987
Look at them titties! Oh, my word!
1887
01:36:03,989 --> 01:36:08,326
♪ Now a man will Take a good girl ♪
1888
01:36:08,328 --> 01:36:12,964
♪ And he'll ruin Her reputation ♪
1889
01:36:12,966 --> 01:36:16,534
♪ But when he wants to marry ♪
1890
01:36:16,536 --> 01:36:21,305
♪ Well, that's a Different situation ♪
1891
01:36:21,307 --> 01:36:25,442
♪ He'll just walk Off and leave her ♪
1892
01:36:25,444 --> 01:36:29,613
♪ To do the best she can ♪
1893
01:36:29,615 --> 01:36:31,616
♪ While he looks For an angel ♪
1894
01:36:31,618 --> 01:36:34,117
I am so confused.
1895
01:36:34,119 --> 01:36:37,457
♪ To wear his wedding band ♪
1896
01:36:40,393 --> 01:36:44,595
♪ Now I know that I'm no angel ♪
1897
01:36:44,597 --> 01:36:48,398
♪ If that's what you
thought you'd found ♪
1898
01:36:48,400 --> 01:36:50,335
Latrelle, Latrelle, come here.
1899
01:36:50,337 --> 01:36:53,237
♪ I was just The victim of... ♪
1900
01:36:53,239 --> 01:36:54,873
Latrelle, Latrelle, come here.
1901
01:36:54,875 --> 01:36:56,641
Get me one.
1902
01:36:56,643 --> 01:37:00,311
Tip him, put it down his
bosom. Come on, come on.
1903
01:37:00,313 --> 01:37:04,048
Take that dollar, put it down his bosom.
1904
01:37:04,050 --> 01:37:05,820
Oh, now get off.
1905
01:37:08,587 --> 01:37:13,258
♪ My mistakes are No worse than yours ♪
1906
01:37:13,260 --> 01:37:16,597
♪ Just because I'm a woman ♪
1907
01:37:19,198 --> 01:37:23,968
♪ Now my mistakes are
No worse than yours ♪
1908
01:37:23,970 --> 01:37:27,474
♪ Just because I'm a woman ♪
1909
01:37:46,259 --> 01:37:48,992
You were so great. Mwah, mwah.
1910
01:37:50,697 --> 01:37:52,496
You were amazing.
1911
01:37:52,498 --> 01:37:54,098
- Look at them titties.
- I'm amazed.
1912
01:37:54,100 --> 01:37:55,569
- Really?
- Really.
1913
01:37:57,404 --> 01:37:58,639
Just amazing.
1914
01:38:11,117 --> 01:38:12,485
Oh, my.
1915
01:38:20,426 --> 01:38:21,561
Real good.
1916
01:38:46,185 --> 01:38:47,986
I don't wanna steal the bride's thunder.
1917
01:38:47,988 --> 01:38:49,720
Is my hair too big?
1918
01:38:49,722 --> 01:38:51,388
Too big? What does that even mean?
1919
01:38:51,390 --> 01:38:52,525
Oh!
1920
01:39:07,373 --> 01:39:08,608
Oh, stop that!
1921
01:39:09,708 --> 01:39:11,278
But not anytime soon.
1922
01:39:16,349 --> 01:39:18,215
I feel like Big Bird.
1923
01:39:18,217 --> 01:39:20,487
I think this one can be repeated.
1924
01:39:24,623 --> 01:39:27,058
What is she doing?
1925
01:39:27,060 --> 01:39:28,726
Looks like she's taken it upon herself
1926
01:39:28,728 --> 01:39:30,594
to be the flower girl.
1927
01:39:30,596 --> 01:39:32,432
Oh, she's ruining the wedding.
1928
01:39:41,408 --> 01:39:43,441
What are you doing?
1929
01:39:43,443 --> 01:39:44,645
Seriously.
1930
01:39:48,247 --> 01:39:49,515
Scoot over, sug.
1931
01:39:56,756 --> 01:39:59,159
Ah, what the fuck?
1932
01:40:06,832 --> 01:40:10,603
The royal family is falling
apart because of inbreeding.
1933
01:40:16,775 --> 01:40:18,112
Stand.
1934
01:40:24,117 --> 01:40:27,617
Oh, pinch me, so I'll know
this is really happening.
1935
01:40:27,619 --> 01:40:29,553
Ouch!
1936
01:40:29,555 --> 01:40:31,524
Yeah, it's really happening.
1937
01:40:35,328 --> 01:40:36,693
You found love, Bubba.
1938
01:40:36,695 --> 01:40:38,032
Yeah.
1939
01:40:51,677 --> 01:40:54,879
Surprise, everybody. It's
gonna be a double wedding.
1940
01:40:54,881 --> 01:40:58,316
Runnels County is now a sanctuary of love,
1941
01:40:58,318 --> 01:41:01,486
and we are havin' our first gay wedding.
1942
01:41:02,689 --> 01:41:04,321
Fuck yeah!
1943
01:41:16,402 --> 01:41:17,602
Is everybody here white?
1944
01:41:17,604 --> 01:41:20,403
Yes, Mama. Please.
1945
01:41:20,405 --> 01:41:21,738
Well,
1946
01:41:21,740 --> 01:41:24,711
we are here to celebrate love.
1947
01:41:26,645 --> 01:41:30,348
Now, who in their right
mind would have ever thought
1948
01:41:30,350 --> 01:41:32,549
that we could have such a beautiful wedding
1949
01:41:32,551 --> 01:41:35,620
for such wonderful couples right here,
1950
01:41:35,622 --> 01:41:37,420
in the state of Texas?
1951
01:41:37,422 --> 01:41:38,688
Amen?
1952
01:41:38,690 --> 01:41:40,458
Amen.
1953
01:41:40,460 --> 01:41:42,527
First Corinthians 13 says,
1954
01:41:42,529 --> 01:41:45,562
"Love is patient."
1955
01:41:45,564 --> 01:41:47,932
And I think that scripture
1956
01:41:47,934 --> 01:41:51,268
fits these two couples.
1957
01:41:51,270 --> 01:41:54,871
How can anybody look upon
these units and question love?
1958
01:41:54,873 --> 01:41:57,808
If you are here, and you can't see the love
1959
01:41:57,810 --> 01:42:01,312
that's goin' on in here,
somethin's wrong with you. Amen.
1960
01:42:01,314 --> 01:42:02,780
- Amen.
- Amen.
1961
01:42:02,782 --> 01:42:04,749
- Amen.
- Amen.
1962
01:42:04,751 --> 01:42:07,518
I don't say "do not speak."
1963
01:42:07,520 --> 01:42:10,457
I don't say, "forever hold your peace."
1964
01:42:11,557 --> 01:42:14,224
I say get up,
1965
01:42:14,226 --> 01:42:16,393
get your ass out of here.
1966
01:42:16,395 --> 01:42:17,827
Mama...
1967
01:42:17,829 --> 01:42:21,702
You need to leave. You
need to go now. Get out!
1968
01:42:24,636 --> 01:42:28,705
Now I think we're all
right. Everybody's good here.
1969
01:42:28,707 --> 01:42:32,375
That's not to say there
are not assholes out there.
1970
01:42:32,377 --> 01:42:33,843
- I warned 'em.
- No, they're there.
1971
01:42:33,845 --> 01:42:35,379
Hey, this is my kind of preachin'.
1972
01:42:35,381 --> 01:42:37,481
But it's the truth, it's the truth.
1973
01:42:37,483 --> 01:42:42,452
Bigots, folks who wanna tell
you how to live your lives.
1974
01:42:42,454 --> 01:42:45,488
But I want you son, to live your life
1975
01:42:45,490 --> 01:42:48,291
with the beautiful man you love.
1976
01:42:48,293 --> 01:42:50,428
And I want the two of you...
what's your name again, girl?
1977
01:42:50,430 --> 01:42:52,229
- LaVonda.
- LaVonda.
1978
01:42:52,231 --> 01:42:53,863
That's a very black name.
And what's your name?
1979
01:42:53,865 --> 01:42:55,266
I'm Wardell.
1980
01:42:55,268 --> 01:42:56,666
Two of 'em, thank you.
1981
01:42:56,668 --> 01:42:59,704
And the two of you, we want you to live
1982
01:42:59,706 --> 01:43:02,305
in the love that you've
been holdin' for each other
1983
01:43:02,307 --> 01:43:05,442
for such a long time. It's manifesting.
1984
01:43:05,444 --> 01:43:07,510
Because love is here.
1985
01:43:07,512 --> 01:43:11,514
'Cause it's nobody's business,
tellin' you who to love.
1986
01:43:11,516 --> 01:43:13,720
How to love, nobody.
1987
01:43:14,886 --> 01:43:16,987
I wanna welcome you, Ty,
1988
01:43:16,989 --> 01:43:18,723
and you and your crazy kind of family,
1989
01:43:18,725 --> 01:43:20,391
I love 'em but they're a little different.
1990
01:43:20,393 --> 01:43:21,726
- Yeah.
- They're a little different.
1991
01:43:21,728 --> 01:43:23,326
But you know what?
1992
01:43:23,328 --> 01:43:24,594
We're celebratin' differences.
1993
01:43:24,596 --> 01:43:26,664
We gonna celebrate the differences,
1994
01:43:26,666 --> 01:43:28,465
'cause that's what life is.
1995
01:43:28,467 --> 01:43:30,534
That's what love is.
1996
01:43:30,536 --> 01:43:34,307
Now, who wants to go first
when it comes to the vows?
1997
01:43:36,376 --> 01:43:37,942
Well, since this is our 50th time,
1998
01:43:37,944 --> 01:43:41,278
I think we'll just make
ours short and sweet.
1999
01:43:41,280 --> 01:43:43,848
In my home state of Texas,
2000
01:43:43,850 --> 01:43:46,750
I take you, Kyle Coleman,
2001
01:43:46,752 --> 01:43:51,656
to be my lawfully wedded husband, again.
2002
01:43:51,658 --> 01:43:53,560
Ditto.
2003
01:43:54,961 --> 01:43:56,829
All right, all right.
2004
01:43:57,930 --> 01:44:00,563
Princess Diana would approve.
2005
01:44:00,565 --> 01:44:02,532
LaVonda and Wardell.
2006
01:44:02,534 --> 01:44:05,303
Wardell, do you take LaVonda
2007
01:44:05,305 --> 01:44:07,838
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
2008
01:44:07,840 --> 01:44:09,072
I do.
2009
01:44:09,074 --> 01:44:11,942
- Look at him grinnin'.
- Yeah.
2010
01:44:11,944 --> 01:44:13,777
And Miss LaVonda, do you...?
2011
01:44:13,779 --> 01:44:16,046
You could just skip
all that other bullshit.
2012
01:44:16,048 --> 01:44:17,447
Mm-hm.
2013
01:44:17,449 --> 01:44:19,016
'Cause I do too.
2014
01:44:19,018 --> 01:44:23,586
Darn that, by the powers
vested in me, I pronounce you
2015
01:44:23,588 --> 01:44:25,955
husband and husband, and husband and wife.
2016
01:44:25,957 --> 01:44:28,726
You may kiss your respective loved ones.
2017
01:44:34,333 --> 01:44:35,700
- Yes!
- Amen.
2018
01:44:35,702 --> 01:44:38,468
Can y'all fuckin' believe it?
2019
01:44:41,640 --> 01:44:43,607
♪ Ain't it a bitch ♪
2020
01:44:43,609 --> 01:44:46,610
♪ Sortin' out our Sordid lives ♪
2021
01:44:46,612 --> 01:44:48,611
♪ It's a bitch ♪
2022
01:44:48,613 --> 01:44:52,415
♪ When you come to realize ♪
2023
01:44:52,417 --> 01:44:54,552
♪ Get yourself a box
Of Cracker Jacks ♪
2024
01:44:54,554 --> 01:44:58,022
♪ And then you get a
Really shitty prize ♪
2025
01:44:58,024 --> 01:44:59,723
♪ It's a bitch ♪
2026
01:44:59,725 --> 01:45:03,893
♪ Sortin' out Our sorry little ♪
2027
01:45:03,895 --> 01:45:06,532
♪ Sordid lives ♪
2028
01:45:19,712 --> 01:45:22,412
♪ Moving past the signpost ♪
2029
01:45:22,414 --> 01:45:25,415
♪ Of this tiny Weathered town ♪
2030
01:45:25,417 --> 01:45:28,419
♪ The tears welled
up So high inside ♪
2031
01:45:28,421 --> 01:45:31,789
♪ I thought that I might drown ♪
2032
01:45:31,791 --> 01:45:34,692
♪ Everything is different ♪
2033
01:45:34,694 --> 01:45:37,660
♪ But it all looks the same ♪
2034
01:45:37,662 --> 01:45:40,664
♪ And now you're
here Beside me ♪
2035
01:45:40,666 --> 01:45:43,701
♪ And I'm rid of All my shame ♪
2036
01:45:43,703 --> 01:45:47,740
♪ I just hope that
They will see ♪
2037
01:45:49,908 --> 01:45:53,679
♪ What has always been in me ♪
2038
01:45:56,649 --> 01:45:59,450
♪ How much do I love you? ♪
2039
01:45:59,452 --> 01:46:02,452
♪ Will they understand ♪
2040
01:46:02,454 --> 01:46:05,723
♪ Everything it took for us ♪
2041
01:46:05,725 --> 01:46:08,558
♪ To get those wedding bands? ♪
2042
01:46:08,560 --> 01:46:11,528
♪ The road ain't Always pretty ♪
2043
01:46:11,530 --> 01:46:14,464
♪ And home sometimes Seems far ♪
2044
01:46:14,466 --> 01:46:17,835
♪ With twists and turns
And lessons learned ♪
2045
01:46:17,837 --> 01:46:21,972
♪ Growing pains and scars ♪
2046
01:46:21,974 --> 01:46:25,746
♪ But it's time For me to say ♪
2047
01:46:27,078 --> 01:46:30,116
♪ This is who we are ♪
2048
01:46:34,787 --> 01:46:37,620
♪ When I was a small boy ♪
2049
01:46:37,622 --> 01:46:40,691
♪ I never thought there'd be ♪
2050
01:46:40,693 --> 01:46:43,660
♪ That perfect happy ending ♪
2051
01:46:43,662 --> 01:46:47,197
♪ For anyone like me ♪
2052
01:46:47,199 --> 01:46:49,866
♪ I could read the signals ♪
2053
01:46:49,868 --> 01:46:52,969
♪ The fake smiles and
The bless his heart's ♪
2054
01:46:52,971 --> 01:46:55,906
♪ And I still hear
The whispered words ♪
2055
01:46:55,908 --> 01:46:59,175
♪ That said I'd
Never be a part ♪
2056
01:46:59,177 --> 01:47:02,882
♪ Now I want them all to see ♪
2057
01:47:05,518 --> 01:47:09,922
♪ The strength of you and me ♪
2058
01:47:11,990 --> 01:47:14,692
♪ How much do I love you? ♪
2059
01:47:14,694 --> 01:47:17,760
♪ Will they understand ♪
2060
01:47:17,762 --> 01:47:20,798
♪ Everything it means for us ♪
2061
01:47:20,800 --> 01:47:23,800
♪ To have those Wedding bands? ♪
2062
01:47:23,802 --> 01:47:26,937
♪ The road ain't Always pretty ♪
2063
01:47:26,939 --> 01:47:29,940
♪ And home sometimes Seems far ♪
2064
01:47:29,942 --> 01:47:33,244
♪ With twists and turns
And lessons learned ♪
2065
01:47:33,246 --> 01:47:37,548
♪ Growing pains and scars ♪
2066
01:47:37,550 --> 01:47:41,221
♪ But it's time For me to say ♪
2067
01:47:42,654 --> 01:47:45,692
♪ This is who we are ♪
2068
01:47:47,726 --> 01:47:51,797
♪ The day I stood before
You and I made that vow ♪
2069
01:47:53,832 --> 01:47:57,903
♪ It wasn't just a promise
For the here and now ♪
2070
01:47:59,971 --> 01:48:05,608
♪ The rings are just the
Start of all that we can be ♪
2071
01:48:05,610 --> 01:48:10,246
♪ And I want the world to see ♪
2072
01:48:10,248 --> 01:48:12,116
♪ Because ♪
2073
01:48:12,118 --> 01:48:13,753
♪ That's how much
I love you... ♪
2074
01:48:18,557 --> 01:48:19,893
What'd I miss?
2075
01:48:19,895 --> 01:48:24,875
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