All language subtitles for 1994 - Class Of Nuke Em High III

Are we rolling?

No, we're almost ready.

Roll the cameras already.

This is live television.

Rolling.

This is Tromaville student television
reporting live on location.

A giant squirrel is attacking
the nuclear powerplant

at the Tromaville
Institute of Technology.

The military and the national guard

have been completely useless
against the rampaging

rodent's destructive force.

Nuclear disaster has
struck again on the site

where Tromaville High School was
blown off the face of the Earth

just a few short years ago.

It is the most horrible
thing I've ever witnessed.

The school, the campus,
the nuclear power plant!

It's all gone!

All that we hold dear...
the video game room

has been destroyed!

Oh, the horror!

Oh, the humanity!

I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen,
I'm gonna have to stop.

It's just too much.

I can't go on.

Oh god, I'm melting.

I'm melting!

Get me up there.

He's a subhumanoid.

He's melting down.

I'm melting down.

Help!

I'm melting!

Oh, what a world!

Forget him.

We've got to report the news.

OK, ready?

Still rolling.

Get that dog out of here.

This is Angel Finkelstein
reporting to you live

from the Tromaville
Institute of Technology,

where a giant
mutated squirrel is

about to destroy the
Tromaville nuclear power plant.

Oh my, I've melted down.

You may recall the same
nuclear power plant

was destroyed once before
in the 1984 Troma movie

"Class of Nuke 'Em High."

That was one of my
favorite Troma movies.

Lots of melon heavy breasts.

It was then rebuilt by
the Nuke-A-Mama Corporation

as part of the new Tromaville
Institute of Technology campus

in the movie "Subhumanoid Meltdown
Class of Nuke 'Em High Part 2."

Hey Angel, I like your style.

Have you ever had a
night of wild passion

with a gob of green goo?

What do you say after the broadcast
me and you get together?

I'll take that as a no.

As you can see, the
giant mutated squirrel

is not the only problem
plaguing the campus today.

Apparently an evil
experiment gone bad

is causing a secret race
of subhumanoid students

to melt down into
gobs of green...

This is Souzie Schwartz
reporting live, filling in

for Angel Finkelstein... dead.

Reporting to you on the
campus of Tromaville Tech.

Oh my god, this is awful.

Read it out loud, you bimbo.

This just in.

A military helicopter has been
dispatched from the Tromaville

Air Force Base to meet this
mother of all squirrels,

and it's on its
way here right now.

The copter is carrying
a radioactive rodent

seeking patriot missile,
which has been disguised

to look like a giant acorn?

Base to Tromaville one.

Watch yourself.

He looks like my mother-in-law.

Tromaville one to base.

It's much worse than
we've ever expected.

He... he's doing the frug.

Oh no!

He's also got good rhythm!

For once, the military's
plan seems to be working.

The giant squirrel is
following the acorn.

Tromaville one to base.

I've got the decoy in place.

He's just about the grab it.

Attaway, Tromaville one.

You're going to be a national
military hero the minute

he grabs that patriot missile.

What patriot missile?

That's me, Adlai Smith.

I am a third generation subhumanoid.

I am the only honor
student to be created

from the mating of a
human and a subhumanoid,

And soon I'll be two years old.

You're probably asking yourself
how I in only two years

can be full grown.

Well, I'm the offspring
of a human father

and a subhumanoid mother, and
one thing about subhumanoids

is that we grow from
infancy to post adolescence

in little more than 18 months.

And we do a lot of push ups.

Like everyone else, my
story and my problems

started with my father,
one Roger Smith,

who looks exactly like me.

My father was a typical student
at the Tromaville Institute of Technology

way back before I was born two years ago.

Dad loved Tromaville Tech,
which had been constructed

by the Nuke-A-Mama Corporation
inside of the Tromaville

nuclear power plant.

My father was one of the greatest

student reporters in the history
of the Tromaville Tech Times.

While doing a routine news story,
he stumbled onto a nefarious conspiracy

to create a mindless subservient race of
second class citizens called subhumanoids.

This biogenetic obscenity was a horrendous
plot of the Nuke-A-Mama Corporation.

It was also the horrendous plot of
"Class Of Nuke 'Em High Part 2."

The subhumanoids were
genetically designed and bred

to perform human beings'
unpleasant chores

and undesirable functions, such
as fighting wars in miserable

Third world countries, and cleaning

offices, and disposing of unrecyclable non
deposit glass bottles.

More important, these subhumanoids
worked for peanuts, and therefore

brought the Nuke-A-Mama Corporation
gross revenues, which were huge.

The obvious difference
between humans and subhumanoid

was the extra set of lips where
their belly buttons should be.

One of these subhumanoids
was my mother.

Subhumanoids were unable to produce

their own offspring by
mating with each other,

although they enjoyed trying.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes!

In order to have a baby,

A subhumanoid had to
mate with a human.

So the Nuke-A-Mama Corporation in its greed
to create more and more subhumanoid babies

manipulated the good
students of Tromaville Tech

into fornicating with the
subhumanoids, and that's

how my mom and dad met.

My mother and father, in
spite of being victims

of an evil, cynical, and obscene
money grubbing experiment

fell head over heels in love.

While dad was getting used
to mom's subhumanoid lips,

problems were developing with
the Nuke-A-Mama Corporation's

subhumanoid baby program.

Everything seemed
like a piece of cake,

but it was really a mess.

It was soon revealed the
subhumanoids were unstable,

and after six months,
they began melting down

into disgusting gobs of green
goo, which were gross, but kind

of cute and would make
great toys for kids,

And adults like them, too.

The creator of the
subhumanoids was the brilliant,

but misguided Professor Melvina Holt.

And she desperately tried to develop
an antidote to the meltdown syndrome.

Unfortunately, because of negligence

in disposing of the hideously
toxic meltdown byproducts,

one of the good squirrels
of Tromaville mutated

into a giant, disgusting,
belching, farting, urinating

monster squirrel, which began
destroying the Tromaville

Institute of Technology and
its state of the art student

run nuclear power facility.

Unfortunately, the
mutant monster squirrel

annihilated a lot
of Tromavillians,

including many of the
principal actors in

"Class Of Nuke 'Em High Part Two."

Fortunately, those annihilated included
the sadistic gang leader Yoke.

Unfortunately, Yoke's
more handsome, but less

intellectually brilliant
younger sibling, Li'l Eggwhite,

survived to take over the gang.

Yeah!

Fortunately, it turned out

Professor Holt did
indeed create an antidote

to the subhumanoid
meltdown syndrome.

Unfortunately, the miscreant
mutant squirrel thought

Professor Holt was his mommy.

No,
I'm not your mother!

Fortunately, my father

got the antidote
from Professor Holt

and was able to give
it to my mother.

What my parents didn't know was
that they weren't the only ones

to survive the destruction.

Miraculously, Professor Holt
crawled through the rubble

back to the subterranean chambers

beneath the main nuclear
reactor core, where

her beloved subhumanoid
birthing laboratories

would hold whatever remained
of her top secret experiments.

Unfortunately, her unethical
sellout to corporate greed

had subjected her body
to low level symptoms

of the meltdown syndrome.

Fortunately, at least her beehive
hairdo remained intact since

her hairspray contained
beeswax from plenty of bees.

Unfortunately, they were PC bees,

and the incredible heat
produced by her meltdown

syndrome symptoms resulted
in spontaneous combustion.

At least I still have my hair.

My hair!

Where did it go?

Where is it?

My hair.

Oh, my precious hair.

Where is it?

Well, well, well, if it isn't
the lovely Professor Holt.

I see you got a hair cut.

It was so beautiful.

Hey professor,
you're real ugly now.

Why, I oughta!

Take that, you fat.

While Professor Holt and
Li'l Eggwhite got reacquainted,

so did my mom and dad.

After Tromaville was leveled and
the raging fires were put out,

my mother and father
did what came naturally.

They fucked their brains
out, and I was conceived.

Meanwhile, the Nuke-A-Mama corporate powers
did what came naturally.

They conceived a new plant.

The sadistic genius, Dr. Slag PhD,

was sent to rebuild the
Tromaville Institute

of Technology and
nuclear power plant

as a cover for the heinous mission.

So while my father's good and true seed

was nurtured in my
mother's subhumanoid belly,

the evil seed of Dr. Slag Phd's plan
was planted deep beneath Tromaville.

Dr. Slag PhD!

What are you doing here?

Professor Holt.
The Nuke-A-Mama Corporation

sent me down here to clean up the mess
that you made of our plans.

Now I must brief all of
you about our new mission.

New mission?

That's right.

New mission on behalf of
the Nuke-A-Mama Corporation.

We must use Professor Holt's subhumanoids

to achieve the ultimate and
unspeakable wealth and power.

Our new research shows
that the mating of humans

and subhumanoids produces
offspring which are much more

than just mindless laborers.

The chemistry of these babies is
also a source of cheap energy.

Holt's subhumanoids
hold the key.

But Dr. Slag PhD, all
of the subhumanoids

melted down in "Class of
Nuke 'Em High Part Two,"

and in the beginning
of this movie.

All but one, Dr. Slag PhD.

They all melted down but one.

Victoria lives.

I gave her boyfriend, Roger Smith,

the antidote to the meltdown syndrome,
so I'm sure that she lives.

It is she who holds your
precious key, Dr. Slag PhD.

It's good you still have
a sense of humor, Holt,

because you're going to need
it when we hunt this girl down,

and watch her, and wait for
her to become heavy with child,

for when that baby comes
out of that second set

of subhumanoid lips
in his mother's belly,

that baby will be the ultimate
power source, which will

further enrich the few
of us who hold shares

in the Nuke-A-Mama Corporation.

This power source is unlike any other.

More powerful than nuclear
fission, coal, or oil.

You see, squirrels,
the Nuke-A-Mama

Corporation has a plan
to rebuild Tromaville

and the rest of the world.

We will watch and observe.

When she has that
baby, we will be there.

While Dr. Slag PhD's plan grew

to full term, so did I,
and while the good people

of Tromaville prepared for the rebirth
of the campus and reactor, my parents

prepared for the birth of me.

Then finally the happy day arrived.

Tromaville Hospital had the
finest, most sophisticated staff

the finest, most sophisticated

equipment, and the finest,
most sophisticated patients.

The facility's all
inclusive services covered

the entire medical spectrum.

So what seems to be the problem?

From treatment of restricting underwear.

I can't stop watching
low budget bad ass movies!

To the removal of tattoos from toes.

Following the example
of the Tromaville Diner,

the Tromaville hospital
offered an early birth special.

So as the birth contractions came,

mom and pop drove to
the hospital extra

fast, because they only
paid half price if they

got there before 6 o'clock.

Oh, I found 10 bucks.

Fetal monitor.

Normal.

Pulse rate.

Normal.

How much is she dilated?

She's dilated three feet!

This was the first time ever

That natural childbirth techniques
were used to deliver a subhumanoid.

As with all subhumanoid
births, this one

would occur through the extra set of lips
in the belly,

which are unique to the subhumanoids.

The Nuke-A-Mama corporate gang
soon arrived on the scene.

One positive side effect of
Professor Holt's experiments

was the rapid regrowth
of her astounding

hair due to her exposure
to toxic growth hormones.

In, out.

Out, in.

Out, in.

Out.

She's not listening.

Now, Victoria, take it easy.

You're doing fine.

In, out.

Just like we practiced.

Is this were Victoria,
the last subhumanoid,

is giving birth to her
human husband's child?

No, this is the podiatric ward.

I believe you're looking
for the pediatric ward.

The birthing was a textbook case.

Someone help me.

Roger.

I'm not an animal!

The incredible beauty of subhumanoid birth
overwhelmed dad,

he did his best not to throw up.

While he was in the waiting
room composing himself,

the Nuke-A-Mama corporate
gang was closing in.

The gang entered the delivery
room and waylaid the nurses.

Roger, is that you?

Roger, I'm in transition!

Help!

And came back in high tech
sophisticated disguises.

Oh, no!

Not the novelty nose!

Roger, help me!

Oh, no!

Not the novelty beard!

Oh, no!

Not the novelty squirting
flower and eye patch!

Oh, no.

I'm pushing.

It's coming.

Oh my god.

Look at the size of
that umbilical cord.

Cut it!

Stop, you idiot!

That's no umbilical cord.

The baby is a boy.

Everything is going
exactly as I planned.

Now we have the power source.

My father did not know that the evil Dr.
Slag PhD was stealing his precious baby.

The hospital went about
its normal business.

Nobody knew that a
baby was being stolen.

Doctor, can I try a little bit.

No, no.
That's later.

That's later.

My father went back into
the delivery room,

and as is typically the case,

the highly paid obstetricians
were nowhere to be found.

Suddenly, my father had a
warm glowing powerful feeling

that this was going
to be a special birth.

It was a proud moment.

I can't stand you.
I never could stand you.

Everything about
you is terrible.

Since mom was giving birth,
dad did what came naturally.

He stuck in his hand and pulled
out a beautiful, well mannered,

charming, good natured,
healthy, positively motivated,

versatile baby boy, who was
also a good dancer... me!

Why you yellow bellied sap sucker.

I can't believe you did this to me!

Breathe.

Pop was so proud.

He did not suspect for a
minute that twins had been born

or that one had been stolen.

Her pulse rate is dropping.

Then tragedy struck.

Cardiac arrest.

Clear!

Clear!

Mom expired on the bed,
her body already growing cold.

Dad was devastated at
losing his beloved Victoria,

And never knew that she had given
him not one, but two sons.

Nobody knew that there
were subhumanoid twins.

And so the bad guys
transported their baby

to their hideout in
the nuclear power plant

to be reared in evil ways,
oblivious to the fact

that there was another twin.

Come on.
Get up.

Come on, boy.

Coochie coochie coo.

And the good guy transported his baby

to Tromaville to be reared by the forces
of goodness and kindness.

My dad was also
oblivious to the fact

that there was another twin.

Dad named me Adlai, and
Dr. Slag PhD and Professor Holt

named their baby Dick.

While I was being taught the
Tromavillian ways of world.

Peace through celluloid
and dancing in the streets,

Dick was being taught the evil ways

of corporate elitism gone
mad, but all this intercutting

is taking too long.

Let's go to the split
screen to save time.

It was a wonderful
thing, raising a child.

Little Adlai brought
such joy to our home.

Little Dick brought
such joy to our hide out.

But it seemed like he
was growing up so quickly.

I soon realized that he really
was growing up so quickly.

Dick was taught the ways
of violence and machine guns.

Adlai was taught the ways of small
Japanese electronics products.

Dick grew up quickly and could

soon beat any rodent member of
the Nuke-A-Mama corporate gain.

Adlai grew quickly

and was soon head of the
insect appreciation club.

A side effect to the human and
subhumanoid gene combination seemed to

accelerate normal growth
by about 10 times.

At first, we were concerned
about this rapid growth...

-pattern.
-rate.

But tests seemed
to indicate that little

Adlai was slowing down.

Dick was slowing down,
and would soon level off...

And would probably level off
to a more normal growth rate

upon completion of
the adolescent phase.

Or approximately
19 months from birth.

But getting back to my story,

I grew up good and true,
and at 19 months of age,

I graduated summa cum
Troma from high school.

Dad was so proud.

Because I grew up so
fast, upon graduation dad

let me take my extremely
capable and efficient wet nurse.

Her name was Trish,
and we were in love.

At the same time, there
was an evil graduation

For my twin brother
Dick in the bowels

of the nuclear power plant.

Trish gave up wet
nursing and joined me

as a freshman at the Tromaville
Institute of Technology,

which had been rebuilt inside
the Nuke-A-Mama Corporation's

brand new nuclear power plant.

This new nuclear facility was
as dangerous as any other,

but was much less obtrusive
because it didn't have

the normal nuclear plant towers,

which are so expensive to duplicate
in special effects shots.

It was camouflaged to look
more like a sugar refinery

to blend in with the beautiful
and lush Tromaville landscape,

And wasn't so offensive
to those bleeding

heart environmentalists.

The nuclear reactor's
central control room

was a place not just for science,

but also humanities, liberal arts,
and philosophical debates.

The egg came first.

I don't care what you say.

The chicken came first.

The Nuke-A-Mama Corporation

built a new lab for Professor
Holt, where she began cloning

experiments based
on the essential elements

of earth, air, fire, and water.

A wolf clone for earth and air.

A dragon clone for fire, and
a fish head clone for water.

The campus hallways
were once again bustling

with people going to classes.

Tromaville Institute of Technology

had fully recovered from the
near disaster of two years ago.

Young scholars once again
pursued individual studies,

participated in lively
academic debates,

developed mature relationships,
and interacted with the highly

esteemed faculty.

Independent studies were explored

by all the student body under the guidance
of scholarly advisors.

You can't have sex in
front of Mr. Substitute.

And although they were free
to pick their own course of studies

from a curriculum that
included oceanographic studies.

Come lick my starfish, baby.

And cinema studies,

featuring "Dances with Wolves,"
and other great works by Troma alumni.

Students freely accepted the
input of their professors,

as long as they stayed in their
hermetically sealed suits.

My own studies
proceeded rapidly,

as did my romance with dear
Trish, accelerated and inspired

by our shared
political consciousness

for an earth threatening
environmental cause.

Save the boll weevil.

Thanks, honey.

Please, folks, give to
save the boll weevil.

The boll weevil has a right
to live in our society.

Slam, you gotta donate.

He's got a place in
our animal kingdom.

Damn!

Gosh, Trish, this blatant
disregard for the boll weevil

really gets my goat.

I mean, you'd have to
be blind not to realize

that if the weevil dies out,
cotton will run rampant,

And if cotton runs
rampant, well, gee,

there'll be no synthetic
polyester leisure suits.

I mean, Western civilization
owes a lot to the boll weevil.

Don't worry, Adlai.

If we keep working and striving,
the weevil won't be forgotten.

Gosh, I love you, Trish.

Gosh, Adlai, you just broke your rule
of public display of affection.

I know it's kooky, Trish, but sometimes
I just can't resist you.

Yo, dude, save the
boll weevil, please!

Excuse me.

I just haven't been feeling
too well since I started

working at the nuclear plant.

Oh, what's wrong, dear?

We had another one of
them plutonium fires.

I don't know.

I think I got contaminated.

Trish and I were so excited over raising

$0.75 for the boll weevil that we went
back to my dorm room to celebrate.

Oh, Adlai.

All that talk about the boll
weevil really turns me on.

Wouldn't you like
to watch some TV?

Adlai!

Adlai, don't you
find me attractive?

Boy, did I ever.

What I loved about Trish was
that she was so innocent,

so clean, so fresh, so
young, so shy, so healthy,

so bouncy, so full of life.

Trish knew that she had a
big double exam coming up,

and she was full of nervous energy,

knowing that she would
be up all night cramming.

Oh, Adlai.

Oh, you're so good.

Oh, boll weevil me, Adlai.

Do the boll weevil on me.

Oh, you're so good.

I love it!

Boll weevil me!

Boll!

Oh, please stop!

I can't take anymore.

Are you sure that's enough?

Yes, I can't take
anymore right now.

All right, then I love.

But wait, you didn't get a
chance to finish, did you?

No, but I don't care.

As long as you're happy,
that's all that matters for me.

I actually enjoy
having blue balls.

Adlai, I love you.

Although I was one with Trish,

A little did I know that at
that very moment somewhere

in outer Tromaville, a part
of me, my very own genes,

were implicated in a hideous
evil training session.

Dick, now you must
continue with your training

by taking on the
mad armor clad lad.

Bring on the armor man.

Let the training begin.

Now, use the silly string.

Now, the badminton rackets!

Surfboard!

Who's winning?

Meanwhile, at the heady heights

of my maleness with
Trish, it happened again.

What's the matter, honey?

I just can't shake that
feeling that I'm not a whole person

that a part of me is floating around in
the world somewhere.

and that you defeated
the mad armor clad lad.

Excellent, Dick.

Your progress is steady.

Soon you'll be allowed to use your skills
in the world at large.

I sure hope so, but I'm telling
you I keep those same dreams

where that little voice
keeps telling me that there's

something in the world
for me to look for,

like half my body is out there waiting
for me to find it or something.

Why Dick, you wax poetic.

I wish there was some
way I could help you.

Oh, Trish, just
keep being yourself.

That's all the help
I need from you.

Now, you don't want
another lobotomy, do you?

Sir, no thanks.

I'll keep my mind on
maiming and killing, sir.

That's better.

Besides you know that we are
striving to genetically create

a biological counterpart, which will

undoubtedly remedy that feeling
of incompleteness you sense.

Alone you have good power,
but with a genetic clone,

your power will be incredible.

Or to put it another way, two
Dicks are better than one.

I know it, sir.

Excuse me!

Dr. Slack PhD!

Yes, what is it Professor Holt?

And it better be good, or
I'm gonna have your nipples

pierced with soldering irons.

I've already done that,
Dr. Slag PhD.

Oh yes, that's right.

What a show it was,
huh, Li'l Eggwhite?

Shut up, Li'l Eggwhite.

Well, Dr. Slag PhD, we have
the final cloning results.

And I bet it's just
another miserable failure.

Au contrare, we simply put

a set of swimming flippers on
an iguana with sinus congestion.

Oh, Patrice, I'm so glad you appreciate
a good sense of humor.

Perhaps you would like to participate

in a little demonstration of
this lovely creature's special powers.

No!

No!

No!

I'm on fire.

My skin, my hair!

What a shame.

She had such good hands,
didn't she, my Li'l Eggwhite?

Great hands, Dr. Slag PhD.

Now you see why cloning is
so crucial to our purpose.

Don't worry, Dick.

We'll soon set you up with a
counterpart, and when we do,

you'll be so powerful you'll make

what that mutant did to that
girl look like heavy petting.

Petting.

I felt strange and lost that
amorous feeling,

so I sent Trish back to her dorm
room, but Trish was persistent.

Hello?

Hi, sweetie.

Oh, hi, Trishy.

Oh, you don't sound very
excited to hear from me.

Oh, heck, Trishy,
you know I'm always

excited to hear from you.

It's just I have this big
entomology exam tomorrow,

and you know how much
that class means to me.

Well, you know I want you to
get an A in whatever that is.

Although I was hoping that
maybe we could get together

and I could give you
a little inspiration.

You're not doing that
phone thing again, are you?

Oh, Trish.

You give new meaning
to fiber optics.

Trish, you know I can't take it when
you put the phone down there.

Oh, I love you Trish,
but I just can't do it.

Entomology class is just
too important to throw

away on a night of passion.

Gosh, I guess you're right.

I'm sorry.

Can you ever find a
way to forgive me?

Of course I forgive you.

You're my little grasshopper.

Kiss kiss.

Darn, another hard on.

Well, I guess there's nothing
to do except read a little

more until I can fall asleep.

Oh, the boll weevil thrust its
long, slender, throbbing nose

into the wet cotton ball amidst
the disgusting black fluid.

I'm having the dream again...
the melon heavy dream.

I'm in a room with smoke
and Trish and her sisters,

the grasshoppers, come.

They're trying to tell me
something about entomology.

They're telling me
about grasshoppers.

I am happy.

Then it happens again.

I'm drawn to Trish.

As she turns around,
her face has changed.

Something is very wrong.

As if born out of all evil
come hideous creatures.

The spirits urge me on.

I don't want to strangle Trish,
but I can't control myself.

The more I try to unlock my
fingers, the tighter they get.

It's as if I'm
strangling all that's bad...

my own sex, my guilt.
She is a limp cockroach.

Suddenly I hear a voice.

Adlai.

Dick.

The fecund stomach calls to me.

The first maker.

I cannot stop myself.

I am drawn to it.

It reaches out to me, the
magna mater, the spirit of all

that's pleasurable, but the symbol of
all that's perverse and evil.

Two extremely trendy well dressed
lesbian spirits exhort me.

All of the spirits combine their
powers to join the exhortation.

I do the only logical thing
under the circumstances.

I stick my hand in.

They cry out in exultation.

As if being born
again, my arm is warm.

It is wet.

It's lit up like a
fucking Christmas tree.

Dick!

Dick!

All I can think of is Dick!

And the dream ends the
same way it always does.

I say something, but I
don't know what I mean.

I don't know why I say it.

I say Dick must never find out.

Why do I feel there's
a Dick out there?

My hand!

It's glowing.

It's yellow!

Yellow is not my color.

Oh god, I need water!

Wake me up!

I'm not dreaming.

My hand is hard and stiff.

I can't move my fingers,
but I seem to be

able to control this power.

Well Dick,
I brought these bored housewives

here tonight to see you take
on my most lethal challenge.

Roller blade warriors, whom I've
personally trained from prepubescence.

They are armed with
deadly lead pipes

cleverly disguised to look like
harmless PG rated wiffle bats.

Whoa, he put his
hand through his head.

That wasn't part
of the training.

Well Dick, my boy,
you finally found your purpose in life.

Those students, all they
think about is safety.

So who's gotta check their
cables for the annual festival tonight?

Me.

The cables are fine.

Yes.

One special day,
something unusual happened.

Oh, Adlai, it's so cold in here.

Here, let me warm up the room.

I decided to try and make
my hand glow like in the dream.

My hand got very hard and stiff,
but I could control its power.

I suppose there's some good things
I have with this new power after all.

Great article, Adlai.

Thank you, captain.

Look at the headline, Adlai.

Gosh, I'm so excited, Trish.

My first article in
the school paper,

a feature on the annual
Tromaville Night Fest.

You're gonna be
just like your dad.

Well, I don't know
about that one, Trish.

He was a wild one to hear tell.

Why, I hear all sorts
of crazy stories

from people that went to school
with him that are still around today.

Trish and I decided to play hooky.

It was the first time I missed class,

and I felt guilty because we were
going to have a lesson on water bug sex.

That feels good.

I couldn't help thinking
about my special power.

I could make my hand light
up or not at my own will,

but what was I supposed to do with it?

What was my destiny?

What will I do with my life?

Will I be more than just
a disposal flashlight,

or will I achieve truth,
peace, and justice?

I don't know why, but I decided to do
something crazy with my hand.

It turned out that my hand had a power
that could be used across 15 feet.

My hand brought Trish to a higher place,
where she was at one with me.

Now it was revealed to me that my power
could be used for the force of good.

We could have gone on pleasuring
each other all night long,

but we stopped to rest
because tonight was

the annual festival, and we had to get
to the plant in time for the festivities.

Little did we know that a
mishap at the nuclear reactor

had shut down power
to the festival.

Fortunately, the
well rehearsed safety

evacuation drills were followed
perfect, and nobody panicked.

How are we going to
get our power back?

Why does the faculty advisor have to be
away on sabbatical when this happens?

-Chicken.
-Egg.

-Chicken.
-Egg.

Egg.

Egg.

You egghead,
chicken came first.

No, it was the egg.

The chicken.

Your attention please.

Evacuate the festival
grounds immediately,

and go to the north reactor for an
urgent announcement by Professor Chernobyl.

Thank you for your cooperation.

You guys are gonna love this.

This is great.

This is great.

Attention people of Tromaville.

My name is Professor
Chernobyl, and I have

some good news for you
and some bad news for you.

First, the bad news.

I was just informed by the police

that we are experiencing
technical difficulties here

at Tromaville nuclear facilities.

If we can't procure a
superheated nuclear catalyst

in the next 10 minutes, we can no longer
restore power to your festival.

I'm sorry, but it gets better.

Much better.

Folks, you see, a
result in systems shut down

creates the possibility
of a major explosion

here at the plant, showering all
of us with radioactive water.

Ain't that special?

We'll all die, and
this pisses me off,

because I spent the last two
years of my life teaching

your little idiots how to read, write,
educate yourselves, behave yourselves.

What kind of thanks do I get?

I don't get dick.

I would like to vomit on
each and every one of you.

I'm sorry.

Got a little carried away.

What we are suggesting
is that all of you

grab your radiation
suits, rush to your home,

and cover yourself with eight
inch thick blankets of lead.

Those of you who took my nuclear
survival class will survive.

Those of you who didn't.

Tough.

Oh, now the good news.

Drinks are half price
at the cafeteria.

Thanks for your patience
and have a nice day.

Gosh, Adlai, what are we gonna do?

We're never gonna make
it through this crowd

to the student union
fallout shelter in time.

Well, there's another
shelter in town,

but town is going to
be just as crowded.

Hey, wait a minute.

I have an idea.

It suddenly occurred to me.

If my hand could pleasure
Trish so greatly,

surely it could replace
a nuclear reactor core.

By now, all of Tromaville
lay in darkness,

and just as my hand had brought
Trish to a higher place with me

earlier that evening, it now
brought peace to the students,

and they stopped their foolish panic.

Soon they rallied behind me to
the main nuclear core control room,

where the highly
skilled technicians valiantly

fought to save Tromaville
from catastrophe.

-Chicken!
-Egg!

-Chicken!
-Egg!

Chicken!

Egg!

Chicken!

- Egg!
- Chicken!

Egg!

Chicken!

Egg!

Young man, I'm going to
have to ask you to leave.

You don't understand.

I've simply got to get
inside that reactor.

Absolutely not!

That is entirely
out of the question.

Why, we may have a very
dangerous situation here.

One that even trained professionals
may not be able to handle.

Look, this plant could go up any second,
and you've done all you can.

Why shouldn't you let
me give it a chance?

Out!

Get out!

He's right.

Why not?

Absolutely no chance.

I'd die first.

Look, what have you got to lose.

Let him in, or we'll
rip your head off.

Yeah.

- Just kill her.
- Yeah!

Let's rip her head off!
Yeah!

Kill her!

Yeah!

Yeah!

OK.

Go ahead.

As I gazed into Trish's

beautiful grasshopper eyes,
I realized that now

I had full control over my power
and could light my hand at will.

I knew that the fate of
Tromaville and the world as we

know it lay in the
power of my hand.

I rushed to the main reactor
with only seconds to spare,

and even though the reactor
attendants had given up

all hope and were
abandoning the power core,

my destiny was to find me here
in the form of an even greater power.

As I put my hand into
the reactor core,

all the lights of Tromaville blazed back
to life, and there was much rejoicing.

Trish was so proud.

Now I had discovered
my purpose in life...

That my power was
indeed a force of good,

which could be used for the
betterment of all mankind.

Clean up that mercury spill.

Mayor Smith is about to
give a press conference.

Toxins, shmoxins.

After the success
of "Class of Nuke 'Em High Part 2,"

dad was elected mayor, not
just because he had really

put Tromaville on the
map, but because really

he was the only person who could
find Tromaville on the map.

Ladies and gentlemen, it
does me great pleasure

to honor the person
that we honor today.

Not long after the campus experienced
the tragedy of subhumanoid meltdown

and the subsequent defeat
of its evil rulers,

my wife gave birth to a little boy,
but sadly passed away afterward.

It was a bleak time
in Tromaville history,

and many people felt our
city was destined to ruin,

but we fought the odds and built
back up stronger than ever.

Victoria, God rest her
souls... both of them... left me

with a part of her
that gave me strength

during those tough times, and that
part of her stands before you today.

What a beautiful moment.

As newly elected
mayor of Tromaville,

it does me proud to
make it my first duty

to present my son, Adlai Smith,
with the key to the city.

Good work, son.

Thank you, dad.

Yes, go ahead, sir.

Hi, is true that Adlai is
the cleanest source of power

the nuclear plant has ever used.

Yes, in fact it is true, which is

why I've created a new cabinet
post, minister of energy,

which Adlai will be
the first to fill.

His main responsibility
will be to power reactor

during the day and
to charge its reserve batteries

for the night, giving us
the cleanest burning Tromaville ever.

Meanwhile, Doctor Slag PhD was watching
his favorite Toxic Avenger movie

on the Troma afternoon
cinema classics theater.

When the news came on showing
Mayor Smith's press conference,

he discovered much to his surprise
that his protege, Dick, had a twin.

Most of all, I am
proud to receive this big key.

Dick has a twin.

What do you mean, Dr. Slag PhD?

I just saw Dick's twin
brother on the 6 o'clock news.

Well, what are we
going to do now?

Just this.

We know that since Dick is
one half of a set of twins

there must be the
potential within him

for a full set of powers, but
only if he's joined with one

whose ability complements his.

We know that our attempts to create
such a being have failed consistently.

By the way, what was the
results of the latest attempt?

We ended up with the bodiless
head with big metal teeth.

What ability can he possibly have?

Well, he'd make a pretty
damn good bottle opener.

Remind me to have your
eyeballs lanced in the morning.

Yes, sir, Dr. Slag PhD.

In any event, if we are to
unleash the potential for power

that rests within Dick,
we have no other choice

but to couple him with the
only one who will ever exist

with complementary powers.

Namely, Adlai Smith,
his twin brother.

How are we ever going to
get him to join our ranks?

I know exactly how.

Trust me, Professor Holt,
I have a plan.

I love you plans, Dr. Slag, PhD.

Thanks to the power source
in my hand, everything

was great at the Tromaville
Nuclear power facility.

The power was back on.

The annual festivities were
celebrated without a hitch,

and the only problem was
I had to spend half the day

with my hand in the nuclear
reactor core sitting

on a hard chair and was developing

some awful subhumanoid hemorrhoids,
not to mention a bad case of the sniffles.

Hey, Adlai.

What do you want for
breakfast in the morning?

-Oh my!
-Gesundheit!

Bless you.

Are you OK?

No, that's disgusting.

Look at him.

He's taking his hand out.

Power's jumping.

What happened?

The lights went out.

Hey, bozo, put
your hand back in.

Geez, Adlai, we're trying
to run a nuclear power plant here.

All the lights in Tromaville went out.

Oh, a little boogey snot
never hurt anyone, Adlai.

We're counting on you for the power.

See you in the morning.

We'll bring you some eggs.

Low fat yogurt there, Adlai.

That boy didn't have to sneeze.

That was selfish of him.

Hello?

Hi, sweetie.

Hi, beetle bug head.

Even though I had to sit there most of
the day, I did feel great about the fact

that the good students of Tromaville

were able to go about their own business,
studying and preparing for exams.

But while I was doing
good, Slag was doing bad.

His plan was to use my twin brother,
Dick, to turn the good students against me.

All right, all you clones
put on your trench coats

to cover up your
disgusting mutated body so

that you won't be noticed
by the students in the dorm.

Now get out of here.

While I was sitting with my hand in
the reactor core,

Dick was duped by the bad guys
to impersonate me and beat up

on the good students.

The students mistook Dick for me since
they had bad eyesight and mistook everyone.

My name was about to be
dragged through isotopic mud.

Hi, Adlai.

Hey, Adlai, why'd
you dye your hair black?

And I know my father wants
me to work here and all,

but sometimes I think
I'd just rather be some...

Hey, Adlai.

Hey, Adlai.

Now, Adlai...

Don't choke me.

Yo, Adlai.

What it is?

What's going on?
What?

Ah, somebody give me a Kleenex.

Do it, Adlai.

All right.

Oh, stop it, Adlai.

That's mister Adlai sir to you, and give
me 20% of your allowance from now on.

Come on, Adlai.

Go, Adlai!

Uh, Kleenex?

Lordy, lordy, lordy, oh, no!

Now students, no running
in the dorm halls!

Safety first!

Now I'll choke the guard again.

Ah, Adlai!

I'm better than you.

You must die!

I wanna have the worst
haircut on campus.

What's going on here?

Male chauvinist pigs.

Oh, she got me!

You kids should be
doing your homework!

Off with your nuts!

You got me.

Campus cop.

You know the dress code, Adlai!

Never mind.

All bikini girls back to the truck.

Your name is Susan?

Here, Susan!

That's your boyfriend?

Take that!

This is your dog?

Here!

Hi, Adlai.

Why do they call me Adlai?

Isn't that a girl's name?

Something fishy is going on here.

Watch it, Dick.

Fish head doesn't like
that kind of talk.

It's cold out tonight.

I'd give anything for a sweater.

He's cold, dragon clone.

I'll warm him up.

Oh, I love this part.

I'm on fire!

Hot, hot!

Hot, hot!

I'm on fire!

I'm on fire!

Oh, hot, prickly.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, we kicked some
good Tromaville butt.

I passed out from the intensity

of the energy convergence
of me and my brother.

So how was work today, honey?

We had another one of
them plutonium fires today.

Oh, no.

Yeah, I feel a little dizzy, but
they said I was gonna be fine.

Just fine.

Gosh, are you sure something like that
can't mess with your chroma genes.

Oh, honey, I don't think so.

Come up here.

Gosh, you split me
like a pancake, baby.

George, wait.

I feel so funny being
here in Trish's room.

Oh, don't worry.

We got all the
time in the world.

Well, oh, I can't...

We got hours.

We're gonna be here
for a long time, honey.

We're gonna be here all day.

If you say, baby.

We're gonna... we're
gonna... we're... we're done.

We're done?

Yeah.

Thanks.

Gosh, Trish, I tell you
it was the nuttiest thing.

I was just sitting there,
and all of a sudden

it was like I could picture
that massacre in the dorm

like it was happening
right in front of me.

And the funniest thing is it
was like I was doing it myself

or like another part of
me was out there doing it.

Well, maybe... maybe it has something
to do with that power of yours.

Like, maybe you're psychic, too.

Psychic?

Geez.

But I never had any experiences
like that in my life before.

Anyway, there's one thing I don't need
any psychic ability to know.

What's that?

That I love you, Trish.

Oh, sorry.

Tell me you love me, baby.

Oh, go ahead. spit it out.

Well, there's a movement

spreading across the land
and everywhere you roll.

It's a might wave of jobless
folks and people without homes.

And you may not have yet felt
the touch of this new age

sweeping through, but I'm here
today to tell you, my friends,

you can drop your worries.

Be homeless, too.

So let's say the Nuke-A-Mama Corporation
for creating this path we now walk on.

Maybe we've achieved an
enlightened path of homeless

so they can get rid of
us and drop the bomb.

You know, I used to
think when I saw,

like, homeless people
wandering around with no food,

no money... I used to
go, that's stupid!

And then I thought,
well, wait a second.

Maybe they don't have a home,
and they don't have any money,

so that's not so stupid.

So that is the reason why we,
the students of Troma Tech,

Are here tonight...
to make a stand.

We are going to suffer with
you each and every night.

No longer are we going to listen
to our stereos, our music,

listen to our telephones, go to our
fridge with our abundance of food.

Rodeo Drive pizza delivery.

Oh boy, I'm famished.

Pizza's here.

That'll be $225.50.

Sun dried tomatoes.

Mine's with shiitake mushrooms.

I've got the tuna steak.

Oh, no.

I wanted caviar.

Not beluga!

-Watch out!
-Watch out!

Yeah!

Come on!

Yeah!

All right!

Kick his ass!

Yeah!

And boy, if I could
only figure out...

Don't grab my arm!

Please, don't!

Don't!

I asked you not my arm.

Look out, the dragon clone!

Adlai, what's the matter?

Burn up, dragon clone.

Oh, no.

I'm on fire!

Ah, I'm on fire!

Stay away from the fence!

It's electrified!

It's electrified!

It's electrified.

Oh, my god.

I'm gonna smash your head until
your brain oozes through my fingers.

No!

No!

No!

Let's get out of here.

Let's go to the grocery store and get
some marshmallows to roast.

Damn, I don't know
what got into me!

I had this college punk
by the throat ready to put

my fist through his face.

I mean, I could
practically feel his brains

Oozing through my fingers.

What a wimp.

I'm telling you I couldn't wait.

It's OK.

Don't worry about it.

You subhumanoid putz.

And all of a sudden it was like
another person was inside me.

No spine.

Telling me not to do it.

Listen, I've seen
this dozens of times.

Why, when I was in
the special forces

I used to hide in
the food locker.

I don't to hear your
damn war stories.

They bore me.

Don't worry, kid.

You did just fine.

I take it back, Dick.

I'm sorry I called
you a subhumanoid putz.

Cheer up.

Your attention, please.

All points bulletin.

Be on the look out for Adlai Smith.

He's believed to be armed and dangerous
and wearing a smelly black jacket.

Now class, you all have copies
of the report which gives us

reason to believe that
Adlai Smith led last night's

vicious attack on the
good innocent homeless

people of Tromaville, killing
and injuring 25 people.

Much worse, he died his hair black

and wore an ugly black suit
with a skull on the back.

I believe it's now
time for you, the good

students of Tromaville,
to go on the attack.

Not me!
What?

Not me!

Not me!

So I said, go ahead
and do something then.

Oh, George.

George, can I speak
to you for a minute?

Alone?

Sure.

What's up?

I'm pregnant.

Who's the lucky fella?

Well, you are.

There's no way.

That's impossible.

Look, you're the
father of my child.

I haven't made love
to anybody else.

You can't have a baby now.

I got... I got my
career at the plant.

I got school.

You know, I've got
another other boyfriend.

You're just gonna have
to have an abortion.

That's all there is to it.

But I'll tell you
what... and I think

I'm a heck of a guy for
even suggesting this...

But I'll give you a ride
down to the free clinic.

You will, George?

Gosh, you're so sweet.

Yeah, that's what they all say.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Because of what my evil twin was doing,

all of the good students
of Tromaville turned against me.

Only Trish was true blue.

I was the luckiest guy
on the face of the earth.

Gosh, Trish, even though you
were able to tell the police

I was with you when those homeless
supporters were attacked,

I think that guy's story has
hurt my reputation a bit.

Listen, I won't have you knocking yourself
for things that you didn't do.

Yeah, but what's
really got me worried

is what all this is
going to mean to my dad.

I mean, the first thing he
does as mayor is appoint me

to a cabinet post,
and now his own son

is considered to be, like, the worst
criminal in Tromaville's history.

Soon they'll catch this maniac,
and you won't have anything to worry about.

Don't worry.

All the students love you, Adlai.

There he is.

Hey, why don't you shut
down the power plant

and save yourself some trouble of having
to kill us all personally.

Stop Adlai now.

Stop Adlai.

Stop Adlai now.

Come in, Dick.

This is Dr. Slag PhD.

If you can hear me through
the radio speaker in your ear,

punch the guy in the
orange suit in the face.

Now you are going to do
everything that I tell you.

Everyone, go into the grocery store
and act like normal shoppers.

Even though it seemed that Dick
was my evil twin,

it turned out that he wasn't.

He was just a tool of
Dr. Slag PhD and Professor Holt

programmed to wreak havoc on Tromaville
and tarnish my reputation.

Now, Dick, your mission is
to wreak havoc on Tromaville.

When I give the signal, you
will destroy the grocery store.

Oh, and while you're there, pick
me up a six pack of Tromabeer.

If you need to say
anything to me,

speak into the little Toxic
Avenger lapel microphone

I gave you, and
whatever you do, make sure

you look into the store's
closed circuit TV cameras.

But I don't understand.

It doesn't make any sense for me
to show my face into the camera.

I thought the idea was
to terrorize this town

and not let any know who it is.

Listen, you have your orders,
so go to it.

Stop challenging the
wisdom of your superiors.

Sir, yes, sir.

Now, attack!

Oh my!

Oh, clone fever.

Need a hand?

Here.

The good, the bad,
the subhumanoid.

It's the latest movie, da da
da, from Michael and Lloyd.

Hello?

Hello, son?

Hi, it's your dad, the mayor.

Hi, dad.

Dad, your respect is everything
to me, and I love you.

And I love you, too.

Dad, that guy in the black jacket

wreaking havoc on
Tromaville... that's not me!

Well, that's what I was
meaning to talk to you about.

Dad, I'm being framed!

Don't you believe me?

Well, of course, I believe
you, but the problem

is no one else was
with you at the time

besides that girlfriend of yours,

the one that used to
be your wet nurse.

I am the mayor, and as such, I
will be able to keep the police

off your back for the time being,

at least until they
find some evidence.

Evidence?

The way you're talking it sounds
like you don't even trust me.

Well, yes, I trust you.

Well, you know I've only
been alive for two years,

so you really don't
know me that long.

Of course I don't, but
it did look like you

in the grocery store on that
videotape with black hair

and a tasteless leather jacket.

I mean, I wouldn't stake
my political career on your innocence.

You don't believe me!

No, no, I didn't
mean it like that.

Listen, I think it would
be best for both of us

if you just took some time off
and sort of laid low for a while.

You know I can arrange
it with your dean, and...

Thanks, dad, but I'm going to try and
figure things out on my own.

What if I give you a call later?

OK, son, call me later.

No, wait.

Better let me call you.

I'll do it from a
payphone or something

so they can't trace
the call back to me.

All right.

Bye.

All right.

Good bye.

Even though I was innocent,

I didn't want to hurt
my father's reputation.

So I decided to pack my bags and move
to east Tromaville and go into hiding.

Mr. Smith?

Can I help you, sir?

Yes, I think you can.

I want to talk to you about the
crime you've been accused of.

Another reporter.

Well, you know I maintain
that I'm innocent,

and I nothing more to say.

Now, I think you'll
have to leave.

No, no, no.

I believe that you're innocent.

I represent a branch of
the justice department

that deals like yours,
so I want to help.

You really think I'm innocent?

I know it for a fact.

What do you want?

It's now what I want.

It's what you want.

With that all American image
you've built for yourself

I think there's probably nothing
you want more than to clear your good name.

Think about it.

All the good you've done...
helping the homeless,

fighting bigotry, staying
faithful to your girlfriend,

and of course, saving
the boll weevil.

Look, you leave the
weevil out of this.

Well, you'd hate for
the boll weevil society

to strike your name
from its records

just because some psychopath committed
some crimes and blamed them on you.

Please, please.

No more.

I'm offering you
a chance to redeem yourself.

Don't you want that?

Well, yes, but how?

You have a special power,
but you never dreamed

how really special it can be.

Come work for me, and
I'll show you how,

as long as you do what I ask.

Well, like what?

Now this is where we
have to be open minded.

The plan I have in mind might
involve turning the entire town

of Tromaville and
probably the surrounding areas

like New York City into
a puddle of radioactive slag.

Are you serious?

We could always try to evacuate the areas
first, although we probably won't bother.

You are serious.

Well, you've got me all
wrong, pal, because I'll never

use my power to
cause harm to anyone,

even if I have to live in
disgrace the rest of my life.

I was afraid you'd say that.

Bring in the clones.

- Bring in the clones.
- OK.

Bring in the clones.

We'll have to do
this the hard way.

Take him to the hideout.

Don't kill it!

Don't kill it!

Down with abortion.

Because of her exposure to the remnants
of the subhumanoid meltdown syndrome,

Elaina's pregnancy proceeded rapidly.

Aloha.

George, aren't you
gonna come with me?

Honey, I got a
reputation to think of.

Well, OK.

I guess I understand.

Don't kill it.

Don't kill it.

Wish me luck?

You give 'em hell, sweetheart.

Break a leg.

OK.

Don't kill it.

Let 'em live.

No.

Don't kill it.

Don't kill it.

Please, let me in.

Don't kill it.

Don't kill it.

Hey, look at that
bird up there.

I gotta have an abortion.

Don't kill it!

Don't kill it!

Don't kill it!

Oh my god!

I'm going into labor.

Oh, please.

My baby's coming out!

Oh no!

Here it comes!

Kill it!

Kill it!

Kill it!

Here comes Trish now.

By now, all the good people of Tromaville
were against me.

Even my father doubted me, and in the
end, only Trish was still behind me.

But while I was locked
up in the hideout,

my twin brother was sent to impersonate
and make the moves on my one true love.

Zoom in on her hiney.

The director loves those shot.

Professor Holt, ever the master of
disguises, was on the scene

live with a clone video crew.

Adlai, are you crazy?

Everyone's turned
against you, and they're

still gonna recognize you in
the black jacket and black hair.

What are you doing
out in the open?

You're supposed to stay out of sight
until this murder thing blows over.

I know.

Well, it was pretty brave of
you to come out in the open

where everyone hates
you just to see me.

I didn't think you
did those things.

Well, I didn't know
anybody knew who I was.

You're so modest.

You know, I really do miss that.

What happened to your forehead.

I cut myself shaving.

Come on.

Let's get you out of sight.

Wait till Adlai sees these videos
of Trish with his big twin, Dick.

When Dr. Slag PhD informed me that I
had a twin brother,

I was really tied up in knots.

I think the idea of me having
a twin brother is ridiculous,

especially one that
has a power like mine.

Well, it's not precisely like
yours, although it is similar.

However, our research shows
that the two of you in tandem

have the astounding ability to turn
inert objects into radioactive ones.

Just think about
terrorist organizations

paying us to turn a few hundred
pounds of sand into plutonium.

You don't understand.

I'll never go along
with a plan like that,

especially if it involves
destroying Tromaville.

Oh, the place I
love most on earth.

Check focus on her
melon heavy breasts.

Gee, Adlai, those boll weevil fundraisers
haven't been the same without you.

And there's one other
thing I miss, too,

and now I know you can't be giving up
a day of homework for a day of passion.

Claire?

Wrong movie, Toxie.

Where were we?

Trish had mistaken my twin, Dick,
for me

and was so upset about the
bruises on my twin's face

that she did what came naturally and
comforted him the only way she knew how.

I've already lobotomized
your twin brother.

Perhaps I might have to
do the same with you.

Of course, we could always torture
your girlfriend in front of you.

That usually seems to
work in cases like this.

I don't have a twin, and
leave Trish out of this!

Of course, I will try
to leave her out of this.

We just have to figure a way
to leave your twin out of her.

What do you mean?

Take a look.

And now, live from Trish's
sweat stained bed sheets,

we bring you Trish herself
and your very own twin, Dick.

You're being so rough.

I've never known
you to be like this.

You bring out the beast in me.

Adlai!

I never felt this way before.

Oh my god, it is true.

Remember, this is live.

Oh, yeah!

I love this show.

I'm gonna get you for this.

The nicest boy in the world
is getting a bit testy.

I had to resort to drastic measures.

As much as I hated to do it and
had avoided it for seven reels,

I decided that now after 45 minutes
of not doing it at all...

What... what... what's
that you're doing.

I would use my brain.

I must get this message across
to Dick from my brain to his brain.

Oh, Adlai!

Yes!

Adlai!

Dick was slow to react since his
bodily functions were already engaged,

but I got the message
out through his hand.

Now our brains and
bodies were one.

I'm not Adlai!

I'm not Adlai!

I'm a slave of Dr. Slag PhD!

Oh, shit!

Pull out, Dick!

I'm not Adlai.

Slag has Adlai.

Slag's turning Tromaville
into a radioactive stockpile.

Disregard anything he says, ma'am.

He's mad.

Who are you?

Special security, ma'am,
hired by the mayor himself.

This man is not allowed outside our
custody until his arraignment.

However, he snuck away to see you.

Now don't tell
anyone about this.

We regret any inconvenience
this may have caused you.

Wait a minute!

What does he mean
he's not Adlai?

Trish decided
to call my dad, the mayor,

and even though dad loved me, he
had a good sense of priorities

and still wouldn't risk
his reputation to help me.

Hello?

Mayor Roger Smith, please.

However, he would tell Trish
what to do.

Meanwhile, the force
of combining my brain

with Dick's knocked out all the power
in the hideout and me along with it.

The only thing I remembered
was a dull throbbing between my legs.

Something's gone wrong.

I didn't count on this idiot being able
to control his brother's functions.

I should've never left this damn project
in control of those scientists.

It's too late anyway.

The Nuke-A-Mama Corporation
shall get their wish,

and I shall become
supreme ruler.

My dad, the mayor, told Trish to do
what comes naturally

and rally the good students of Tromaville
to tell them about Slag and Holt.

So off Trish went,

although due to
mid-terms, spring break,

and a Screen Actors Guild strike,
the crowd was small.

Everyone, listen to me.

I have proof here that Adlai isn't
the Jekyll and Hyde of Tromaville.

No.

No.

Come on.

Look, a note written to me by Adlai
through the hands of his evil twin.

No.

An evil man named Slag and...
and a Professor Holt who smokes

cigars has Adlai imprisoned.

He commanded his twin to
destroy Adlai's reputation.

If we don't stop Slag now,
he's gonna turn this whole town

into a radioactive stockpile.

Yeah, this Trish is a liar.

No!

You saw what her boyfriend
tried to do to our friends.

He pretended he was a hero and then
terrorized us all instead.

Come on, let's grab her and find
out what she's really after.

Good citizens of
Tromaville, make way.

Make way.

This is Mayor Smith speaking.

Now, you've all heard
the stories of how I love

Tromaville, and you've all
heard the stories of how

I had to try and save this very
school from certain destruction

just a few short years ago.

Well, I wouldn't lie to you even
to save the life of my own son,

because that's how much I
love this city and all of you.

So you have to believe me when I say
that this young woman speaks the truth.

And if you don't
believe me, I brought

along a nurse from the
hospital where Adlai was born.

Yes, it is true.

I have the medical records here from
two years ago when Adlai was born.

Here, I'll pass them
around for you all to see.

It's true.

Before Adlai was born, Adlai's
mother weighed 140 pounds.

After Adlai was born,
she weighed 100 pounds.

Now, Adlai weighed 20 pounds at birth,
so that leaves 20 pounds unaccounted for.

Now, the only logical conclusion
is that Adlai's mother gave

birth to twins, and one of them was stolen
and brought up to be an evil killer.

She's right!

Yeah!

They're the ones
that kidnapped Adlai!

Yeah!

They're the ones
that kidnapped Adlai!

Yeah!

Let's go save Adlai!

Yeah!

Wait a minute, those people
are professional killers.

You can't go after
them unprotected.

Why don't you lead
us into battle.

You've done it before.

Yeah!

No, sadly, after my wife,
Victoria, died giving birth,

I took a vow since
that day two years ago.

Never ever to take another human life
no matter how worthless and evil.

But I'll give you some
pointers on how to do it.

Here beneath the
department, the deepest

underground point in Tromaville, is
where we will make our demands.

If they are not met, we
will take you and your twin

and turn the bedrock under Tromaville
into a nuclear furnace.

It's all just theory, Slag.

It may never even work.

Well, then there now, we'll
just have to put our three

to the test, won't we?

Bring in Dick.

So there really was a
part of me out there.

Anyone who has a brother knows the
emotion, the incredible joy

that welled up in my heart.

So there really was a
part of me out there.

Everyone in the room,

even though they were bad,
was overcome by the moment,

and I still couldn't
help feeling love, even though

all I knew and loved was about
to become a nuclear nugget.

All right, family
reunion's over.

I want you two to
grab that croissant

and meld your powers to
turn it into the biggest

piece of plutonium
Tromaville's ever seen.

You'll never get me to do it.

Oh, except that way.

Oh, well, didn't work.

What a damn shame.

Other hand, Adlai.

Use your other hand.

My god, it works!

With this at my fingertips
I can rule everything!

Yeah!

Run away!

Run away!

Dad did not want to get violent
because he was a committed pacifist.

Oh, I think I doodied my pants.

And he didn't want to get his
rented tux dirty,

so he honored his
pledge not to take any life

and kept his violence
to a PG 13 level.

Looks like you underestimated
the good people of Tromaville.

They're coming to get you now.

Don't kid yourself.

Squirrels, get out there and
stop these friends of Adlai's.

Yeah!

Yeah, let's go!

The Nuke-A-Mama corporate gang and their
vicious clone warriors seemed invincible,

but when the good people of
Tromaville worked together,

they could do anything.

They did what came naturally
and went after the wolf dog clone

with rolled up newspapers and discovered
this was a clone's one fatal weakness.

The rest of the clones were quickly
polished off in this manner.

Yeah!

Yeah, people of Tromaville!

Adlai!

Adlai!

Adlai!

Adlai!

We're winning!

Don't worry!

We're winning!

Stop right there, young lady.

Thanks for the update
on the action upstairs.

Looks like we have no other
choice but to take Tromaville

and the world down with us.

Dick, let's see your best.

Combine your power with Adlai's and turn
Tromaville into a nuclear stockpile.

No way.

I won't do it.

OK, then.

I guess I get to shoot you.

Dick, stop Slag!

Adlai's your brother!

Are you nuts?

Stay away from my brother.

I trained you, you idiot!

You can't beat me!

Nice hair.

Oh god!

Get off me, you little slut!

Get your melon heavy breasts
off the honorable Dr. Slag PhD,

or else I'm gonna
shoot you in the ass.

My eye!

Not my eye!

You idiot!

You hit my eye!

Oh, so sorry, Dr. Slag honorable PhD.

I'll get you help.

Not until Tromaville is
nothing but a nuclear stockpile.

Now, guys, let's do
it or I kill the girl.

Oh, please.

Please!

Dick and I decided
to do what came naturally.

Our subhumanoid instincts took over

and caused us to arm
wrestle, which, of course,

led to us melting down.

Dick, is it my imagination, or are
you beginning to deteriorate?

Well Adlai, I hate to tell you this,

but, you're looking a
little grim there yourself.

Even though we loved each other
as brothers, the power made us merge

ourselves back into a primordial
egg surrounded by green goo.

Crazy, man.

Trish picked us up
and did what came naturally.

She immediately took us to the
nuclear reactor and tossed us in.

Careful on those stairs, Trish.

You don't want to
drop us, do you?

Adlai, once we get into the
nuclear reactor, what do we do?

I don't know, Dick,
but could you move over?

Your foot's in my mouth.

Oy vey.

It's crowded in here.

We're melting!

It's only a movie.

Something is coming out!

What is it, a loaf of bread?

No!

It's a baby!

Have a stogie, old bogie.

Hi, my name is Moishe Smith.

I am a fourth
generation subhumanoid.

I was created
because Adlai Smith

and his twin brother, Dick,
merged their powers together

and melted down in a primordial
egg surrounded by green goo

in order to save the good
people of Tromaville.

I was also created
because talking

babies have proven to be quite
profitable for movies recently.

I am proud that my
sons Dick and Adlai had

the courage to melt down into a
primordial egg surrounded by green goo.

The evil Dr. Slag
PhD has been killed.

The Nuke-A-Mama corporate
powers are defeated,

and the power is permanently
on with low cost, clean,

eficient, and properly
supervised energy.

So in recognition of
outstanding devotion

to the town of Tromaville, I
hereby dedicate this memorial

to my sons, Dick and Adlai.

Yeah!

Hey, those are nice.

Where's the baby you
pulled out of the nuclear core?

Here he is.

We had a tough time getting all
of that green crap off of him,

but a little sandpaper and a
dip in Clorox did the trick.

Oh, that is the cutest baby.

What a pretty baby.

Just like his daddy.

In tribute to Dick and Adlai
and how they saved the people

of Tromaville, I hereby
dedicate this memorial

to all the good
people of Tromaville.

Isn't that nice?

- Oh, I'm so very proud.
- Delightful.

Entitled two free
spirits, this monument

reminds us of how the Tromaville
twins enhanced our freedom

and our lives, and of
how cheap Tromaville is

for not affording a statue that even
remotely resembles the damn twins.

Oh, that's a
terrible, terrible thing.

They tried to save money.

But this baby represents a
new beginning, a new beginning

for us all, for you and for me.

This is a rebirth, a fresh
start for all mankind.

This is my child.

This is your child.

This is a child of the universe.

And as such, this infant
represents the future,

so of course, we must nurture
it and permit it to grow.

And most importantly this
baby represents Troma, movies

of the future, so of course,
we must love it, teach it,

and indeed breast feed it.

So Adlai and Dick did not die.

They were reborn.

This is a Troma movie,
so dry those eyes

and rejoice, because now there's
"Class of Nuke 'Em High Part 4."

Oh boy, part four.

That's great.

That's great.

Excuse me, do you know
where the end credits are.

Could you direct me to the... oh!

Oh, why'd you do that?

Due to the recent
economic difficulties facing

small independent film companies,

the producers of this motion picture

have been forced to sell classified
advertising space in these end credits.

We apologize for any inconvenience
this may have caused.

If you would like to
find out how you can advertise

in the end credits of a Troma movie,

please send a stamped
self addressed envelope

to Tromaville studios,
Tromaville, New Jersey,

or contact your local
congress person.

Thank you for your patronage
and have a nice day.