Original subtitles

[low rumbling building]

[heart beating]

[heartbeat trailing off]

[dark, cryptic music playing]

[woman whispering] Mother, the volcano spoke to me this morning.

The old way must burn to ash for the new way to be born.

We will find them.

The three who will save us.

I promise.

For the fire.

Thank you, Mama.

The prophecy has begun.

Your son will find his beloved.

Your daughter will slay the king.

And to the fire, I will give the hero.

[man 1] I mean, I don't see anything. It's full. It's lush.

[man 2] I can feel the AC on my scalp.

It's like they're actively falling out.

Well, stop touching it, then. It's all in your head.

No, it's not.

So we go to Türkiye again and we do the implants.

That's a weird regression.

Three weeks with the monks, and I'm worried about a fucking bald spot.

They were bald as fuck, and they were happy.

[phone dings]

It's the stress, you know? It's the world.

My dad had a great head of hair right until the end.

- [phone dings] - Come on, I'm good.

[inhales rapidly]

- [long exhale] - [phone dings]

I feel like I'm close to something, you know?

Tonight the world's gonna see the real Mike Tyler, the real me.

I just wanna show people I can be of use, have meaning.

By the way, if anybody mentions the flamethrower thing, ignore them.

Why would they bring that up?

I mean, they won't, but...

Then why the fuck would you say that?

- You're my agent! - I put it in your head, I'm taking it out.

Look. It's gone.

But apart from that, take this nice and gentle.

Have fun, you know? Like, be... Dance. You know, be seen.

It's comeback city, baby.

[sighs]

Comeback to what?

- [phone dings] - Damn it. [chuckles]

Wait a minute.

Is this an electric limo?

Oliver, am I about to pull up to a fucking climate change gala

in a gas-guzzling relic from the '90s?

[Mike] Stop the car!

[Oliver] You love limos. You think they're funny.

[Mike] Well, they're not funny today.

Pivot, pivot.

Just film me walking.

- Get the landscape, get the... - Yeah, okay.

Oh, yeah. I like that.

Give me that hero squint.

- Ooh. - Got it?

- Yeah, that's good. - No caption, power of the image.

[Oliver] Ooh.

[man] Mike! Over here! Mike!

Hey, guys. I've decided to walk for the earth.

[photographers clamoring]

- Thanks, guys. - [Oliver] Look at you two.

Walking for the earth.

[Oliver] Katrina.

- How are you? - [Oliver] You look...

[host] It's never too late to do the right thing.

Here on this sacred Greek island,

rumbling with the volcanic energy of Hephaestus himself,

we wanted to create a Homeric ode to the wonders of our planet.

Accompanying the luminous...

...we are so pleased to have the benevolent...

Here we have Ben Bracken, tech visionary and global change maker,

and his wife, Gloria, pop legend,

whose new album is told entirely from the perspective of a flood.

So powerful. I feel truly humbled to be part of this momentous call to action.

You all right?

Yeah. Yeah, it's just...

All the eyes, you know.

You wanna hold my hand?

No, not here. Don't be fucking weird.

[host] Our next guest needs no introduction.

Please welcome Mike Tyler.

- All right, you're up, cowboy. - Okay.

- [Oliver] Don't draw attention to it. - Yeah.

[photographer] Gloria!

[moody, mysterious music playing]

[photographers clamoring] Mike! Mike!

You're young. You're sexy. You've got a secret.

[host] We all know Mike Tyler from the box-office hit

Octavius, the Last Centurion.

Oscar-nominated lead of Calamity Creek,

Mike is making his first major reappearance on the international stage.

[guard] Hey! Are you lost?

Can I help you?

[ominous music playing]

[music trails off]

[Gloria] Mick Tyler.

Gloria Bracken.

Hi. Yeah, I know who you are.

Stop it. Stop it right now.

I love you.

- Oh! Oh wow. - Obsessed.

I'm sure you heard I started a production company.

I have the perfect project for us to do together.

- I think it would be lovely. - So, how's your health?

How's the noggin?

You leveling out? No more wife stealing?

No more flamethrowers, Mr. Octavius?

No, sir. My actions that day were heinous, but I was grieving.

I hit rock bottom, did the deepest possible soul searching,

and I think I came out better for it.

Yeah. Um, sorry.

Gloria, Ben, excuse me. I got... Apologies.

Go.

Fuck you.

[guard] Hey.

It's okay, I'm famous.

Hey, hey. DK, the maestro!

[DK] Mike, you good? Getting some rest?

Yeah, man, I'm good. Really good. Better than ever.

Ready to get back to work, you know?

Trying to use the platform to do something meaningful,

something that makes a difference.

Cool, man. Yeah, Firewalker is not really an issue film, but...

No, I know, I... I know. I was just, you know...

Feel like we're vibrating on the same frequency.

Music of the cosmos, brother.

[low, ambient rumbling]

[DK] Where are you right now?

Uh, well, funny story, actually. I'm in a...

I'm in an old mine at a climate charity event

on some weird, middle-of-nowhere,

Greek, possibly Turkish island.

- I honestly fucking hate events like that. - Well...

Everyone flies there on their private jets

and then gnaws at the flesh of tortured mollusks.

And the auction part is like this virtue-signal circle jerk.

No one actually sacrifices anything.

I'm looking it up now.

[Mike] Ha!

- Rocks from the ocean? - Well...

That's gonna be a full-scale genocide of marine lives,

squid worms and anemones, bro.

Like, you don't fuck with the ocean.

I swear to God, Ben Bracken is like the fucking Antichrist.

Ha-ha!

Preaching to the choir, man.

That's what I'm doing here, actually. I'm, uh, spitting truths in their face.

You know, belly of the beast.

I don't wanna ruin it, but... You know, you'll see.

Right. Cool. Well, I'll let you know when there's something to read.

Okay. And listen, I just wanna say I read a lot of scripts.

- Think it's rare... - [disconnect tone]

Hello?

Fuck.

Did I say "music of the fucking cosmos"? You fucking idiot.

Fuck him, pretentious fucking playwright. Fuck, Mike!

[partygoer] As you can see, all these small new shit coins are going well.

You're gonna get burned.

Ah. This is the future, you know? Especially this one, one of the best.

You know what? Let me show you something. It's actually really funny.

Check this out.

It's a classic.

[Mike over phone] Rage! Rage!

Everything is fake!

Do not go silent into that good night!

I'm not Octavius!

- [Ben chuckling] - I wanna be real! I'm a fraud!

The end of an empire.

[Mike] Stop filming me!

I'm not a hero! I'm nobody!

[Ben] And he did this on his opening night.

[Mike] I'm Mike Tyler!

I fucked your wives! I fucked them!

[in French] Dipshit.

[in Spanish] Shut up, asshole.

- My love. - You're so insecure! Always jealous.

- Of everything. But you'll see. - Oh, please.

Where are you going?

To screw you over, you ridiculous piece of shit.

- [in English] Never mind my husband. - Oh...

Sometimes he likes to pretend he's a bully.

Right. Right.

How are you coping, Mick?

It's been a tough...

year.

You can have everything you think you want, and...

still wake up with a hole in your heart.

I don't know if you know, but I, uh...

lost my dad this year, and...

- I'm so sorry. - It's okay.

- It's... unexpected, and... - I didn't know, really.

I wasn't ready.

And he was kind of my only tether to...

I just miss my dad.

Let's take a picture for my daughter.

- Oh. Well, great. - She loves selfies.

- Ah, wait. Let me fix there something. - Thanks.

[solemn classical music playing faintly]

[shutter snapping]

- [snaps] - [Mike grunts]

You're awesome. Mick...

- Mmm! - Sure.

- [Mike exhales] - [lilting flute music playing]

Fucking... Fucking crybaby, narcissistic piece of shit, pussy.

[Mike sighs heavily]

[host] ...once a symbol of man's dominance over the natural world,

to reclaim it as a space of harmony.

As you'll see, Poseidon Alliance offers us

a heroic vision for the future of our planet

to find planet-healing green energy sources

from mineral beds...

Hey, you feeling okay?

Don't be mad at me, but I think I gotta do a thing.

Mrs. Bracken is the founder...

[Oliver] What? No. No!

Just mingle, all right? Remember, nice and gentle.

Some things are more important than nice and gentle, Oliver.

Mike, buddy, did you take your...

Yeah, I took the fucking pills!

That's not what this is about. This is about my calling.

This is real work.

And so it felt especially appropriate to gather here in Greece,

the cradle of civilization.

[ominous music playing]

[host] ...just exciting ways to make a difference.

But don't take my word for it. Let's hear it from Ben himself.

Hi, my name is Ben Bracken.

Let's face it, climate change is here.

[sentimental music playing]

It's a tragedy, and it's our fault.

Deforestation,

floods, hurricanes, overpopulation, wildfires.

Mother Nature is not our enemy.

Her fire is not simply destructive,

it is divine.

Thanks to my wife Gloria's passion for puffer fish,

I discovered these incredible minerals at the bottom of the ocean.

These rocks are our second chance.

With Poseidon's revolution,

we will be able to create a new source of energy

to preserve our beloved planet,

and give us the power to help the victims of climate change.

We can give our children a cleaner, greener future.

So don't give up,

because here at Poseidon, we're just getting started.

[audience clapping, cheering]

- Film this. - Wait, what?

Everyone, just stop. Stop!

Excuse me, sorry. Sorry.

We're in a mine, singing a song about our diseased planet,

and we're saying our solution is more mining.

We got tired of raping the earth, so instead we'll rape the ocean?

[exhales]

Not rape.

We're hypocrites.

We're eating our... our caviar and our tortured mollusks.

And what about the anemones? Right?

You are not god of the ocean, Monsieur Bracken.

You know what?

Let's hear it for the anemones, guys.

Come on.

Oh my god.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

That's what I fucking thought.

We need to do better.

[mic feedback whines]

[host] We love the passion, Mike.

Our work here at the Foundation is meant to foster an open democratic forum.

- Yeah? - Uh-uh.

How was it? People just, like, in shock, processing the message?

Did I pronounce anemones right?

- I think so. - Okay, post it.

You're sure?

- Post it, just post it. - Okay.

All right.

[Mike] Real people will get it.

But now, we have an amazing performance.

A regenerative ceremonial dance

from the autochthonous collective Atahualpa Tlaltecuhtli,

who dare ask the question,

can dance heal the world?

[performer] Daughter.

I am sick.

Girl, you're always sick.

[Mother Nature] But it's bad this time.

I'm dying.

[hip, moody electronic music playing]

♪ Once upon a time ♪

♪ Science opened up the door ♪

♪ But the potions that were made ♪

♪ Touched the creatures down below, oh ♪

♪ And they grew up in a way ♪

♪ That we've never seen before ♪

♪ Super nature ♪

♪ Super nature ♪

♪ Super nature ♪

♪ Super nature ♪

Do they have to rub it in my face?

♪ Super nature ♪

I don't think it's about you.

♪ Super nature ♪

♪ Shake your ass Make your booty go down ♪

♪ Shake your ass Make your booty go down ♪

♪ Shake your ass Make your booty go down ♪

♪ Shake your ass Make your booty go down ♪

♪ Shake your ass Make your booty go down ♪

[moody electro-pop building]

♪ It's too late ♪

♪ Look what you've done There's no place that you can run ♪

♪ The monster's made, we must fade ♪

♪ Look at you, look at you ♪

♪ Look at you now ♪

Where are you going?

♪ Shake your ass Make your booty go down ♪

♪ Shake your ass Make your booty go down ♪

[breathing erratically]

[faint footfalls]

Losing it, Mike.

♪ Super nature ♪

♪ Super nature ♪

[audience cheering]

♪ Super nature ♪

♪ Super nature ♪

Whoo!

♪ Look at you now ♪

♪ Look at you now ♪

[song halts]

Everybody stay where you are!

Stop! Stop it!

We have explosives throughout the mine!

Bravo!

[woman] Please!

Is this part of it?

No.

[woman] Stop!

- [cheering continues] - [woman] Stop!

The world will end in two days.

We must restore the balance and save the earth with fire!

For the fire!

For the fire!

[shutter snaps]

[shutters snapping]

Surrender your telephone! Drop it!

[host] Everyone, please stay calm.

This is a normal occurrence.

- We'll try to have it resolved. - Stop moving.

We'll try to sort it out as quickly as possible.

You're not in any danger.

- Stop moving. - Normal occurrence.

- Hold her down. - What?

Now!

[host struggling]

No!

[audience gasps]

No! No!

This is not a normal occurrence!

[host screaming]

[ominous choral chanting]

Did she cut the hand?

- She did. - Fuck.

Now,

surrender your telephones.

LINKING...

LINKED OK

[phone beeps]

[beep]

[Mike] Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Our duty...

[feedback whines]

Our duty

is to take three of you to their destiny by the next red moon.

This is a pure mission for the good of the earth.

An extinction event is coming in two days.

We are here to stop it.

We need only three of you, who will be revealed to us here tonight.

The youngest shall seek power first.

- Hey. - No. No! No!

- Stay calm. - No!

Don't flatter them with your fear, Gloria. Gloria.

The son shall seek his purest love.

[foreboding music playing]

Mother Nature,

Daughter Nature.

Mother Nature, Daughter Nature, Mother Nature...

Mother Nature, Daughter Nature...

Daughter Nature. Come.

What? No.

Come on.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- No. Mother... No! - I'm sorry.

I love you.

What?

And now I, the eldest,

shall seek the Hero.

I can't find the hero anywhere. These people are disgusting.

The volcano told you to find the hero here. Ask it for guidance.

[low, resonant rumbling]

[rumbling intensifies]

[rumbling halts]

[distant rumbling]

[volcano rumbling ominously]

The people must choose.

Everybody stand up.

Stand up!

We're going to create two rivers of bodies.

So some over here and some over here.

Some there, and some there.

Listen! I point, and you tell me the hero,

chosen from among your ranks.

Clap.

Clap for the hero.

Come on. I point and you clap!

What is the hero? We don't understand your rules.

Vote for the hero to be sacrificed.

- [Gloria] No! We have to get out of... - No. None of that, please.

- No. Not my hand. - No! No, please!

Stop!

Please, calm down!

Listen, listen.

- She's trying to organize a hostage vote. - Yes.

- [Ben] Okay? It's about clapping volume. - Yes.

She wants you in two lines,

and her finger will narrow down the person you want to be the hero.

Like an applause meter.

So, let's move the table on the side, please. Come on.

- Come on. You too. Everybody. - Clear the tables!

We're not gonna spend the night.

I need to see faces.

- And then you form two "river" of people. - [eldest] Push them to the side, come on!

[Ben] Two rivers. Thank you.

[scattered applause]

[applause intensifies]

Step forward.

[clapping intensifies]

Come on.

[forceful applause]

[Oliver] Mike!

I guess they liked the speech after all.

Mike, it's real.

- What's real? - [phone dings]

I am so sorry.

Listen, stay safe. All right?

Oh!

Is this like a... interactive thing?

Did everybody give their phones?

Thank you, thank you.

Most applause I've gotten in years.

Hey, they're terrorists.

What?

Terrorists.

[man over loudspeaker] Hello. This is the Elliniki Astynomia, police.

We have the building...

[in Greek] How do you say "surrounded"?

- [in English] Surrounded. - ...surrounded.

Please stay calm!

[eldest] You, king man. Talk to them. You will be effective.

Make Mike Tyler do it. He's great at making speeches.

I could do it.

- [Mike] So, what exactly am I doing? - [eldest] Tell them that we mean no harm

and to clear a way once we release half of the unmartyred.

No time to lose. The world'll be destroyed in two days when the red moon rises.

Two days. Wow, okay. Stakes.

What's the why? Like, the message beneath?

Are you a registered group? Can I plug your donation page?

- People are gonna wanna follow you. - Nobody can follow where we are going.

Okay, that's fine. Just, um, what do I call you?

We are warriors defending the ancient yearnings of the earth.

Hardcore.

I got ya.

Ancient yearnings. Ancient yearnings.

Ancient yearnings. Ancient yearnings.

- Go. - Okay.

[officer in Greek] Special forces will arrive in 20 minutes.

[Mike in English] All right, listen up. We got some people inside,

and they want to let half of the hostages go.

So, could you back away from the main entrance?

[in Greek] It's Mike Tyler! Get the shot!

[in English] They have ancient yearnings to save the planet.

- [in Greek] From the movie Centurion! - Yes, Octavius.

[in English] This is a battle...

[officer in Greek] My wife is in love with him.

[in English] ...between youth and the establishment.

And the youth is winning, guys.

Revolution always wins in the end.

It's because they're lit by a divine fire.

And we should be inspired by that. I know I am.

Forget your fake charity.

This is real change, real courage.

Nature is sick,

and a charity event is like a Band-Aid on gangrene.

[in Greek] What's he talking about?

[in English] But these kids have the courage to cut off the whole leg!

No justice, no peace!

No justice, no peace!

No justice, no peace!

We have the power!

[officer] Octavius, come back! Octavius, come back!

- [eldest] What is your name? - I'm Mike.

- What's yours? - Joan.

- Were you sincere in your speech? - [officer] Octavius!

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

- [officer] Octavius! Come back! - Where did you come from?

Originally, the Arkansas side of a shitty town called Texarkana,

but, you know, now Malibu.

I'm an actor. And where are you from?

I'm from the fire.

- Right. - You're special, Mike.

No matter what happens, I want you to remember that.

[Joan] Behold the hero.

[cultists] For the fire.

Thank you.

Namaste.

Yeah.

Wait for the signal to free the unclothed,

and keep the others here.

Is that a hand?

Yes, it's a hand.

It's not real, though, right?

It is real. Congrats, you just became the spokesperson for green ISIS.

They're gonna kill us? They're actually going to kill us?

Oh my god, they're going to kill us.

[Ben in French] Okay, okay.

[in English] Oh, hey, stay calm. I'll be back.

Okay.

[Daughter Nature] What's going on?

[son] Don't worry, Daughter Nature.

We'll use the unclothed to make our escape.

["Who By Fire" by Leonard Cohen playing]

[somber folk music continuing]

♪ And who by fire ♪

♪ Who by water ♪

♪ Who in the sunshine ♪

♪ Who in the night time ♪

♪ Who by high ordeal ♪

♪ Who by common trial ♪

♪ Who in your merry, merry month of May ♪

♪ Who by very slow decay ♪

♪ And who shall I say ♪

♪ Is calling ♪

♪ And who in her lonely slip ♪

♪ Who by barbiturate ♪

♪ Who in these realms of love ♪

♪ Who by something blunt ♪

♪ And who by avalanche ♪

♪ Who by powder ♪

♪ Who for his greed ♪

♪ Who for his hunger ♪

♪ And who... ♪

[in Greek] Centurion actor Mike Tyler is among the hostages.

It appears that his Stockholm Syndrome has developed rapidly.

[sirens wailing in distance]

[Cohen singing in English] ♪ And who by brave assent ♪

♪ Who by accident ♪

♪ Who in solitude ♪

[in Greek] Scan the area.

Find out if some terrorists fled during the explosion.

[Cohen in English] ♪ Who by his own hand ♪

♪ Who in mortal chains ♪

♪ Who in power ♪

[helicopter blades whirring]

♪ And who shall I say ♪

♪ Is calling ♪

[vocalizations crescendoing]

[song trailing off]

Hey.

You want money, yeah?

Huh? I'll give you enough to replant the whole Amazon, banana by fucking banana.

We care nothing about money or fame or power.

We chose you guided by forces beyond the fragile systems of man.

Play it cool, man. Learn their language.

Where the fuck are you taking us?

You guys have to help me. This guy's gonna do something bad to me, I can tell.

Help her. Your hands aren't even tied, you pussy.

I'm not a pussy.

Watch your mouth. I'll fuck your wife.

Is that the only insult you know?

Sorry. Ego regression.

Sorry.

Hey. Stop looking at her, you fucking fat hobbit.

Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, fuck. Oh.

Daughter Nature, we must learn to love each other.

No, we don't. Why?

Please.

[helicopter whirring]

That'll be my guys. [whistles] Help!

Over here! Over here!

- [Daughter Nature] Oh my god! Fuck! - Ooh, fuck! Ooh, fuck! You good?

[ponderous, foreboding music playing]

Believe me, I am not a lovable person.

No, you are. You're pure.

The other one is... tragic.

I'm not pure. I just... Wait, what?

What... What other?

[wind rushing]

[helicopter receding]

What is your most deeply held belief?

Well, okay...

I guess my deepest held belief is the power of stories to change the world.

So, you tell a story and the world changes?

Yeah. Yeah.

Well... that's what my dad taught me.

What's, um...

What's yours?

I believe in the cleansing power of death.

Okay.

Joan?

Yes, Mike?

You're not gonna kill us, are you?

So... Okay. Yeah.

[reporter] Two hundred high-profile hostages

are still being held captive here in the Jolnir mine.

Amongst them, your client Mike Tyler has become an Internet sensation.

He's currently trending as

"terrorist zaddy," "based king," and "actual hero."

But what are you thinking? Are you worried?

Listen, Mike can handle himself.

He's a badass. He's the GOAT.

He's a true hero.

- Thank you, Oliver. - Yep.

We have some early footage of the group,

which we warn some viewers may find disturbing.

[screaming]

Fire.

The organization, created 25 years ago on the same Greek island where we are now...

For the fire!

...was categorized as a low security risk by authorities.

For the fire!

It was founded by the married Nobel Prize-winning scientists

Gunnar and Freyja Jolnir.

Its membership is comprised mostly of the couple's children,

along with a small community of Nordic scientists and their families.

Gunnar Jolnir achieved some fame early in his career,

but has more recently been ostracized

for his unconventional theories on volcanic patterns.

This video contains harrowing testimony from his daughter.

I had a nightmare.

The volcano was talking to me again.

The world is going to end,

and you and Daddy have to die to clear the way.

I'm sorry.

Greek police are still trying to make sense of this footage,

and for now, the group's demands remain unknown.

[flames crackling ominously]

[quiet, contemplative music playing]

He knows we're coming to kill him.

He's just trying to frighten us.

He cannot escape his fate.

[son] I love you, sister.

[dramatic music playing]

The mountain of fire guides me.

It is famished, and without the proper sacrifice by the next red moon,

it will eat us all.

So, we must offer you into its magma.

Oh fuck.

- What'd she say? - They want to throw us in a volcano.

That's what she said?

No.

We're throwing you into a volcano.

The king is thrown by force, but the hero chooses his own fate.

- I'm the hero? - Yes.

I think you're wrong.

Joan has never been wrong!

Okay.

And I have to choose to jump into the...

Volcano. Yes.

Wait, wait, wait. What about me?

Thrown by many adoring hands.

Oh, fuck my life.

Don't be scared, Daughter Nature. It's your destiny.

My name is not Daughter Nature, all right? That's just a role I was playing.

Do you understand that?

My name is Katie.

Sorry. Joan?

Why do you want to throw us into a volcano?

[Joan] To save the world.

So now, the king, the purest love, and the hero must drink this sacred potion

to experience the death and rebirth of the hero.

It will lead the hero to find faith.

We must share his journey.

Nothing is real until one faces death.

Take and drink.

- [Katie] Oh fuck. - [Ben] Hey.

- What is it? - No. No fucking way, mate.

Make them drink.

All of those to be sacrificed must drink the potion.

Okay.

[gagging]

Okay, I can't.

Sorry, but I can't stand it anymore. Okay?

This is too fucking dumb.

You pagan queers and your sacrificial cliché.

Like the bad king, the expendable knight, the hot virgin.

- [Katie gasps] - Ooh!

[sighs]

Forgive me for my violence.

Wait. Joan? Joan, did he say "virgin"? 'Cause I'm not a virgin, am I?

- That's fucking mental. I'm not a virgin. - Calm down, martyr.

Martyr? Fuck! Martyr?

No, no, fuck that. I'm not even that hot.

Off me!

Go prepare your beloved.

But she hates me. How do I make her like me?

Show her your beautiful heart, Arthur. Ask her questions.

- [Mike] I'm not drinking that potion. - [Katie] I am such a bad candidate.

I can't lose control.

[Katie] You know, I'm definitively not a virgin,

in part because there's been really dark, kinky, soul-crushing, nasty, shit sex...

Just don't lose control, Mike. Just don't lose control. You can't.

- Mike? - Yeah.

What do you see?

I don't know.

I see the real you.

The hero.

All you have to do...

is let yourself die.

[Arthur] I made this. It's beautiful.

Do you like it?

No.

Oh.

It's my special place.

In spring, it's full of red spider lilies.

Why can't you love me?

Uh...

Because you're not honest with me.

Tell me about your beloved. Who is she?

The other is wrong.

- You're pure. - No, babe.

I am trash.

I pretended to be Native American to get this job.

- Come on. - I'm not Native American.

I'm Pakistani, for Christ's sakes. I'm from Essex.

I put on the fake Pocahontas accent, and they fucking bought it.

I'm petty and I'm selfish. I'm honestly the worst person--

Stop it! It has to be you.

To love Joan would be to kill her.

It's my curse.

I'm cursed.

Joan? You're in love with your sister?

For the prophecy to work, she has to be the martyr.

I can't kill my sister.

Oh my god.

Why was I made this way?

I can change.

We should try. We should embrace.

Don't touch me!

[Katie gasps]

Oh my god. Oh my god.

Oh my god. I'm sorry.

[distressing, discordant music playing]

Jo... [Arthur gags]

[Arthur] Joan!

Arthur? Arthur?

It's okay. It's okay. Where is she?

She's not the right one.

Let her go.

Stay with me, Joan.

I'm here.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I was afraid.

Because it was you.

It was always... you.

That doomed us. Because I love you.

[Joan] I love you too.

[Joan breathing raggedly]

[ponderous, foreboding music playing]

[breath hitching]

[Mike] I think I'm... starting to feel something.

Is this real?

He's really dead?

Oh yeah.

And Katie's gone.

Who's Katie?

Will you hold my hand?

Please?

Tighter?

[Ben] You're okay, pal.

They're not gonna throw you in.

[Joan] Mike, you told me your stories can change the world, but...

in your stories, when you die, you don't really die.

And when you love, you don't really love.

You know it.

What I'm offering you here is real.

It's the truth.

The truth of who you are.

[emotional music building]

[Joan] You will start to feel the potion pulling the truth from you.

Let it.

I think this is exactly what I've been looking for.

I killed my mother yesterday.

[Ben] Wow.

Wait, what?

And I will kill my father tomorrow.

No, don't do that.

God, I miss my dad.

Did you know puffer fish build sand murals at the bottom of the ocean

to woo their mates?

[Mike] I don't want to die like he did.

Trapped in his pain.

I can't be alone in this.

I wanted to build a mural at the bottom of the ocean for Gloria.

I'm disintegrating.

[Joan] You're all of us, Mike.

[Ben] Oh yes.

[Joan] That's why you're the hero.

[Ben] Human hero.

[Joan] Nothing hero.

[Ben] Nothing hero.

[Joan] Let yourself go.

[man] Come, my son.

[footsteps receding]

[Joan] In your stories, when you die, you don't really die.

And when you love, you don't really love.

[ominous, eccentric music playing]

[Joan] Cry! Oh, come on, cry! Real tears!

[distorted] You're not really crying.

[Joan, in normal voice] Cry! Cry better!

Surrender, Octavius! Surrender!

You think you're better than them? Come on! Cry!

It's a shame, Octavius. Fact is, you're a piece of shit.

You cheated on every woman you've been with and never gave me kids.

You run away from everything. Who even are you?

[Joan] What do you see?

[shower running]

When will you leave me?

Let me go.

Dad?

Go.

Choose your own path.

[Joan] Don't you see?

- [director] Cut! - [music stops]

[Joan] Look around you.

Your world is fake.

It's all fake.

Only the fire is real.

- [director] Action! - [ominous, eccentric music continues]

[distorted] Who are you?

[in regular voice] Who are you?

[crowd chanting] Octavius! Octavius! Octavius!

[Katie, gagging] Octa...

[Joan] Octavius, Daughter Nature is dying.

[both] Jump for us.

[Joan] Only you can save the world.

[young Joan] Jump, Mike.

[Joan] Save the world. Do it for all of us.

[crowd continues chanting] Octavius!

[director] Cut!

[man] We love you, Mike! Come on, Mike!

It's who you are.

[crowd chanting] Mike! Mike! Mike!

[Joan] The Earth is crying out, calling your name.

Wake up! Show us who you really are!

You can do it, Mike! Please, jump! This is your moment!

Come on! Jump, you bald bitch!

[Joan] Surrender, Octavius!

[Ben] Jump, you pussy!

[Joan] Do it for all of us!

[Ben] Ah, come on! Jump!

[Joan] Mike, come on! Jump!

- Jump! Jump! - Jump. Jump!

[Joan, Ben chanting] Jump!

Let yourself die!

Jump now! Jump now!

Jump!

[shouting halts abruptly]

[gentle birdsong]

[rooster crowing]

Dad?

Mike Tyler? Good. Welcome back.

[sighs]

[Mike] Who are you?

Where am I?

You are safe.

Please, join me in the kitchen.

From our chickens outside.

You must be ravenous.

Eat. Please.

You rescued me?

Yes, I was tracking you from the moment you left the mine.

Those children are insane.

Yeah, and they got a whole belief system, really intricate.

They created a barbaric folklore.

And their mentor, you see, was a brilliant scientist

who devoted his life to studying volcanoes.

But true science, always science.

[high-pitched whistle]

Look at me in the eyes, Mike.

Tomorrow, our volcano will blow, killing most life on the planet.

The world will be plunged into an historic darkness.

An extinction event.

My daughter, Joan, thinks she can stop it.

She's delusional.

Wait a minute.

Did you say Joan's your daughter?

Yes. And like all false prophets, she created myths

to answer the questions that science could not.

Encouraged by my witch of a wife, Joan concocted insane rules.

And this notion that the parents must die in order for the prophecy to be fulfilled?

Well, I don't feel it's necessary for me to die.

Why should I?

Where's the science?

Wait, is this real?

Am I...

Mike, you're not hallucinating.

I brought you here to prove to Joan that you're not her hero.

You are raw meat.

I would advise you to stay here where you'll be safe.

- [distant thud] - [muffled clamoring]

[door opens]

[enigmatic music playing]

[ponderous, ominous music playing]

[Ben] Hey!

You fools!

Joan and Mike, they ran.

They got scared, they abandoned you.

The mission's off.

There was this freaky little girl, right? Then there's a main lady,

then her brother, who's tragically in love with her or some shit.

Oh God, he's probably dead now. I hope he's okay.

Anyway, so they're taking Mike Tyler and Ben Bracken to a volcano, right?

To, like, throw 'em in like a sacrifice.

[beeps]

[Gunnar] Close the door.

[Mike] Joan!

[Gunnar] Mike, please explain to her that you are not her hero.

I'm trying to save you from yourself.

[Mike] Sir, can I please hear what she has to say?

[Gunnar] You sure?

[Joan grunts]

I told you the next time I saw you would be to kill you.

You abandoned our mission.

You know you must die for the volcano to accept our sacrifice.

And don't tell me that you don't believe,

because you did until it became inconvenient for you.

No, I didn't believe.

- Yes, you did. - No, I didn't!

- Yes, you did! - I am trying to save your life!

Liar!

I...

Go outside, Mike. Tell me what you see.

- So this is all... - [Joan] Fake.

No, it's a pretty forest.

He shielded himself from the truth with concrete and hydroponics.

He's rejected nature.

He left us, brainwashed our cousins, and made them slaves to science.

[Gunnar] No, I was trying to bring all of you here to safety.

This place is a masterpiece,

capable of withstanding the coming catastrophe.

[Joan] Pointless! You made it out of fear.

[Gunnar] No, I built it out of love for my family.

Wouldn't you rather have a nice toilet than to shit in the woods with bears?

The world will be reborn! You never listen to me!

Because you're an idiot!

Can I go to the bathroom?

- Yes! - Yes!

[Gunnar] It's through that door.

And there are some fresh clothes in there as well.

[Mike] Thanks. Sorry.

[Joan] You coward.

Pathetic, sad old man.

[goat bleats]

[phone beeps]

[ringing]

[receptionist] Good morning, CAA.

Oliver MacGregor's office. Mike Tyler calling.

[receptionist] I have Mike for you.

Mike? Is this really you?

Oliver! Thank God.

Holy shit. Where are you?

I dunno, some underground bunker with a mad scientist.

It's Joan's dad, so listen.

Everybody's obsessed with this fucking volcano.

They say the world's gonna end.

- But I think that's not what they mean. - I have Mike!

- Keep him on. - So I got two offers on the table.

One is to stay here where it's safe. It's just not really heroic.

It's a little boring. Almost pointless, maybe.

The other one, I'd be following through on the Joan arc,

which is actually really making sense to me, but is a total leap of faith.

- Does that make sense? - Mike, are you in a safe place?

Yeah. Yes, I'm safe.

No one wants to push me. I'm fucking Zeus.

I have to choose.

Okay, listen. You need to stay where you are,

and we're gonna come get you, okay?

You're not in danger?

No. No, I'm not in danger.

I'm the most not-in-danger person in the world right now.

What?

They can't push me.

I have to choose.

Whoa.

Can you hear me?

Mike? Mike, what's happening?

Only I

can kill... me.

Mike, listen. DK called.

He loved your speech. He wants you for the movie.

You did it. Everyone loves you.

It's all over the news. You're a fucking star.

There's serious money to be made.

You think I care about that now? This isn't about money.

It's about something much bigger.

I feel like I'm on the verge of something I'm supposed to be doing,

and it's fucking scary.

What? Look, I just don't want you to get hurt.

Yeah, I don't want to get hurt.

I don't want to get hurt.

Come home. You gotta come home.

Okay.

Okay.

Here's what we're gonna do. Ready?

Can you hear me?

I'm gonna get to the edge, right to the edge,

then you're gonna save me.

Get a helicopter, then right at the last minute,

you swoop in and save us.

But you gotta get that image. That image matters,

so everyone can see it,

Joan will think it's real, and that can be who I am,

and that'll be enough.

Mike, listen to me.

Those are not your people.

All right? I'm your people.

- You're not hearing me. - No, you're not hearing me.

You're my fucking agent. Do your job.

I'll see you at the volcano.

Which volcano? There are dozens.

I don't know. I don't know. The one that's about to blow.

Figure it out.

[in Greek] Come on, lads. Let's go, let's go!

[Joan in English] I know you still believe the volcano's chosen you for this moment.

My father has nothing to offer you.

Hi.

So...

I thought about it, and...

I want to do the jump.

Yes.

To save the world.

But if I'm gonna do that, you gotta let Joan go.

You will deliver my daughter to her death?

Fool!

Court jester!

Actor!

Release me. The hero has made his decision.

Do not listen to her.

I will toss you back into the wild.

A goat run, then.

What's a goat run?

We'll come out unscathed, protected.

You'll be proven wrong, the volcano will be proven right,

and then you will kill him.

What's a goat run?

By Joan's logic, the chosen ones are protected by magic.

Are you willing to die to prove a point to Daddy?

- Prepare the goat run. - What the fuck is a goat run?

- An act of faith. - [Gunnar] Please don't kill her.

She's my daughter. The volcano won't protect her.

- Whoa, oh! - Remember, my father must burn.

No! Mike, help!

- Help! - Are you sure about this?

- Of course I'm sure. - [Gunnar] You're going to kill her!

I can see it in your eyes. You're ready.

[Gunnar] We'll all die for nothing!

Run!

[frenetic, ominous music playing]

[arrow whistling]

[Joan] Run!

[arrows whistling]

You're gonna kill her, you ungrateful fuckwit!

[Joan] Mike, run!

Go, go, go, go, go!

Joan! Come on!

[Gunnar] No, don't!

Come on. Come on.

Holy shit!

[volcano rumbling]

[laughing]

[Mike] Oh my god!

Oh my god. You're a goddess.

You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

[volcano rumbling]

Holy shit, Joan.

[Joan grunts]

- We gotta get you to a hospital. - Why was I hit?

It was supposed to protect me.

How could you let that happen?

["Soon-to-be Innocent Fun/Let's See" by Arthur Russell playing]

[spare, avant-garde pop playing]

What do you want from me?

♪ When you see doubt ♪

♪ And see that over ♪

♪ And see that ♪

You could have run.

Why didn't you?

[cryptic, somber music playing]

[Joan grunts]

Hey. I heard helicopters earlier.

Did you make contact? Did you get help?

No.

How's she doing?

I don't believe you. I can read you.

Joan.

Joan.

I know you know this, but Mike's not gonna jump.

He's gonna play you till he's rescued, then get a nice picture, and then what?

Huh?

You and I would die for nothing.

This guy is gonna give it all up for your little fantasy?

You need to be realistic, girl.

Face the facts. He's a fake fucking worm.

He's gonna betray you.

He's gonna run back to Malibu

to fuck somebody else's wife in his climate-controlled bed.

Don't listen to him, Joan. He's a liar.

You think you're their fucking god?

What's the game here, huh? Make Jesus white again?

Shut up!

Both of you, I hate you!

You shits, my mother is dead.

My brother is dead.

I sentenced my father to die for you!

I have dedicated my life.

I have suffered in isolation.

What, you think I did this for a lie?

For a story?

Okay. Hey, hey.

Remember, I have to choose.

Okay.

Okay, I'm gonna die.

I'm gonna die.

I can't believe I'm gonna die next to a Golden Globe loser.

You thought you could make friends with them, huh?

You didn't think they were actually gonna kill us.

You couldn't conceive of a reality where they were that fucking crazy.

Those morons think they can save nature,

but you don't save it through a picture or kumbaya rituals.

You change it with technology.

And that's me!

Nature needs to be dominated, fucker.

Anything else is a fucking fairy tale for simps!

Fuck nature!

[Ben] Oh, poor girl.

Your life was a waste.

Me, I already won.

I already saved the world.

Fuck. Listen to me.

Your entire existence will be half a paragraph

in the books they'll write about me.

I fixed the problem. I fucking win.

I fucking win. You fucking lose!

You understand?

I live forever!

Mike! Mike!

Listen to me, Mike.

It's important. Listen, man.

Mike?

Get out of here...

- Just wait a second, guys. - ...and tell Gloria...

Just wait one second, please!

...that I'm a puffer fish

and I wanted to make her a painting at the bottom of the ocean, okay? Ah!

Tell her, okay?

And tell her...

I didn't die crying like a little bitch.

I died like a king!

Wait.

I'm not ready.

No, no, no, wait, wait, wait

Put me down. I'm not ready!

Put me down! Put me down!

I'm not ready.

Please!

Please!

[distressing music playing]

Please, please! I need you!

Help me, Mike!

Joan!

Mike, Mike, it's not supposed to be like this.

I... I'm so afraid, Mike. I'm so afraid.

I don't want to die afraid.

I will not die afraid.

Please tell me you're with me.

I'm with you.

[whimpering]

[ethereal music building]

[gull cawing]

For the fire.

[officer in Greek] Police! Evacuate the area right now!

[in English] This is the police! Evacuate the area now!

Get away from the edge of the volcano.

Mr. Tyler, we are here to help you!

Get to the ridge!

[Oliver] Mike!

- [voices chanting] Mike! Mike! Mike! - [man] We love you, Mike!

[officer] We need to leave now! Come, get up the ladder!

[reporter] Authorities are trying to rescue Mike Tyler,

as the volcano is getting more and more unstable.

Specialists from all over the world are studying the various possibilities

to prevent this eruption.

It's been two days since it abruptly erupted,

threatening the world's geological balance.

[music trails off]

[rhythmic rumbling building]

[steady rumbling]

[heart beating]

[heartbeat trailing off]

["This Is How We Walk On the Moon" by Arthur Russell playing]

[cathartic avant-garde pop continuing]

Oh my god.

♪ Each step is moving, it's moving me up ♪

♪ Moving ♪

♪ Moving me up ♪

♪ Every step is moving me up ♪

♪ I'm moving me up ♪

♪ Moving, moving me up ♪

♪ Every step is moving me up ♪

♪ Each step is moving, it's moving me up ♪

♪ Moving me up ♪

♪ One tiny, tiny, tiny move ♪

♪ It's all I need and I jump over ♪

♪ Every step is moving me up ♪

♪ It's moving me up ♪

♪ Moving ♪

♪ It's moving me up ♪

♪ Each step is moving ♪

♪ Moving me up ♪

♪ Moving ♪

♪ Moving me up ♪

♪ Every step is moving me up ♪

[warped and distorted] ♪ This is how we walk on the moon ♪

♪ This is how we walk on the moon ♪

♪ This is how we walk on the moon ♪

[joyful trumpet line]

♪ Each step is moving, moving me up ♪

♪ Moving, moving me up ♪

♪ Every step is moving me up ♪

♪ Each step is moving ♪

♪ Moving me up ♪

♪ Moving, moving me up ♪

♪ Each step is moving, moving me up ♪

♪ Moving, moving me up ♪

♪ Every step is moving me up ♪

[in regular singing voice] ♪ Each step is moving, moving me up ♪

♪ Moving, moving me up ♪

♪ Every step is moving me up ♪

- ♪ I am so far away ♪ - ♪ Every step is moving me up ♪

♪ Moving ♪

♪ Moving me up ♪

♪ Every step is moving me up ♪

♪ One tiny, tiny, tiny move ♪

♪ Oh, it's all I need ♪

♪ And I jump ♪

♪ I jump over ♪

[song ends]

[enigmatic outro music playing]