Original subtitles

[crow cawing]

[quacking]

[tinkling, swooshing]

-[hisses] -[bats squealing]

[opening theme song playing]

♪ Adventure time ♪

♪ Come on, grab your friends ♪

♪ We'll go To very distant lands ♪

♪ With Jake the Dog And Finn the Human ♪

♪ The fun will never end ♪

♪ Adventure time ♪

[whispering] Side quests.

[medieval music playing]

[screaming]

Well, Lady Bellaclops,

I don't think your ex-boyfriend will ever steal from you again.

Hmm?

We're gonna get your gold, girl.

But it's kinda on you

not to fall for a bunch of goblins

-in a trench coat again. -Oh.

It's just so hard to find a good 'clops these days.

Huh.

Let me know if you're ever interested

in wearing an eye patch!

Dude, I'm, like, super taken.

Heroes. Oh, heroes. Thank goodness. Oh-- [grunts]

Oh, a little lord with a penchant for tripping.

[Lord Goob] Heroes.

Sorry. What can we do for you, Mister...

I am Lord Goob.

Are you two heroes available for freelance, hmm?

-Heck yeah! -We'll take two.

Ooh, no, three. One of bronze.

One of folded dragon-scale steel.

And a little silver one for BMO.

Oh, he'll love that.

No, no, not free-lances.

Free-lance.

[both in unison] Oh. Free Lance.

Sure. We'll free your boyfriend, Lance.

I don't have a boyfriend!

Okay. We'll free your...

[clicks tongue] ...friend, Lance.

No problem.

Stop fist bumping. [yells]

Can I pay you to do some hero stuff for me?

Ho! Why didn't you say so?

You can keep your belly ring, sir.

We're not in it for the money.

-We're in it for Lance. -[grumbles]

Dang, you're just cheeks out under these robes, huh?

[lively music playing]

There it is. My tower! Pretty nice, huh?

[Jake] Sure, Goobs.

So nice, you had to build it twice.

No, no, no, no!

Those sticky stones house my mortal enemy.

-"Lord Boog." -Like boogers?

Your mission, mine freelancers,

is no less than the righteous punishment

of Lord Boog and his Boog subjects.

Whoa, whoa. We can't just go punish

a castle full of folks off the cuff.

-Yeah, we need a heroic reason. -Mmm-hmm.

They're bad guys.

-Oh, yeah! -Flipfloppin' sold, Gooby!

My knights await you across the ravine.

They're good boys, but they'll need help

crossing the castle moat.

My plan is for you to sneak onto--

We don't gotta sneak, milord, we're freelancers!

[adventurous music playing]

[both in unison] Freelance chug!

-[both chugging] -[whimsical music playing]

[knights yelling]

[both retching, grunting]

Now to join the righteous Boogian beatdown. [whoops]

-[chuckles] -[both in unison] Uh-oh.

[clamoring]

-[all yelling] -Whoa!

-[grunting] -[Larry laughing maniacally]

[Larry] Ha-ha! [grunting]

[snickering] He was like, "Oh, oh, my legs."

-[both laugh] -[Larry] "Oh, my shins,

my knees!"

[Goob 1] "Oh, my medial collateral ligament."

[knights and Lord Goob laughing]

Excellent laughing, my knights.

Most derisive. However, a raid is not complete without...

awards!

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum!

For most shins kicked in a raiding hour.

[laughs] Larry!

-[knights cheering] -[Larry] Thank you, my lord.

This is messed up.

[Lord Goob] The second award goes to... [grunts]

Phneeb! For...

I don't want to know what you did,

but I totally approve.

[Phneeb] See y'all next week. [laughs hysterically]

Who the heck was that?

And finally, the last award goes to Finn and Jake!

For best freelancers in a moat clearing effort!

[all cheering] Finn and Jake! Finn and Jake! Finn and Jake!

-Uh... Uh... -Bathroom break.

[Finn and Jake] Bathroom break!

[knights talking indistinctly, laughing]

[Finn] I don't care what Lord Goob said.

Those Boog boys looked like

ordinary, dirty, morally neutral villagers.

Yeah, that didn't feel like hero work.

-More like... -[both] Anti-hero work!

[Goob 1] Hey, y'all okay in there?

Yeah, just two guys using the bathroom.

At the same time?

[Larry] Maybe they're just close like that.

I didn't know you could get close like that.

It's cool.

We just gotta find a way to balance the scales of justice.

[gasps]

[toilet flushes]

[villagers lamenting]

My good Boogians.

We saw the injustice done here today.

Oh, no! They bear the medals of Lord Goob!

[all screaming]

-Oh, no! -Correct.

And we bring those same

award-winning heroics to you, the Boogs.

We are Finn and Jake.

Freelancers.

Yeah, we're just gonna have a quick word with your lord.

Sort all this out.

Why, yes. I am Lord Boog.

And I have indeed long suffered

at the hands of that treacherous Lord Goob.

And his ugly, stinking toe of a tower! [yells]

Sounds about right.

What do you need, Lord Boog?

Take those ridiculous medals off.

[both in unison] Huh? All right.

I have soldiers waiting across the ravine.

They're good lads, but they'll need help

getting over Goob's flimsy walls.

My plan for you, my freelancers, is to sneak--

[toilet flushes]

Yeah, yeah, we got this.

Yes! Get them!

Get them to death! [laughs maniacally]

[Goob guard] Hey, who goes there?

[Finn] Oh, just some guy.

Would you like a free horse?

Uh, neigh. Snort, snort.

Oh, heck, yeah! Open the gate.

The stables are right over here.

-[Finn] Okay. -Normal horse. Clip-clop.

-[Finn] Normal guy. -[snorts]

Yep. [mumbles] Just...

-[retches] -[soldiers yelling]

[Finn] Okay, good luck, guys.

-[laughing maniacally] -[Finn and Jake panting]

[all screaming]

[Boog knight laughing evilly, cheering]

[Lord Boog] Ha-ha!

Excellent. Take that, Goobs! [laughing maniacally]

[groans] My beans!

[Boog knights laughing, cheering]

Accursed Boogs!

Dang, I don't feel good about this either.

-Wait a minute. -[stomach gurgling]

Uh, my tummy's telling me we're doing something wrong.

Crud. Your gurbles and burbles

are always on the right side of history.

-Guts don't lie. -Ugh!

This is ethically dubious, man. [gasps]

Let's math it!

So we accidentally did anti-hero work.

Then we did anti-anti-hero work to make up for it.

Therefore... Cram jams!

-We're still anti-heroing! -Mm. Mm-mmm. [gasps]

-Ah, Glob. You're right. -Okay.

Okay, okay. We just have to continuously counteract

the anti-hero deficit we've created

until we reach a heroic equilibrium.

-Let's fix this! -Okie-dokie!

Hi-yah!

[Boog knights cheering]

[Goob guard] Phew. Thank goodness that's over.

[Finn yells]

[Goob villager] Is that the horse?

-[all screaming] -That's him!

-[Goob villager 2] Have mercy! -It's okay. We're freelancers.

Yeah, we're not really on your side or not on your side.

Is that better?

Probably!

We will avenge you!

Without getting ideologically involved.

-Hi-yah! Goob knights, to me! -[Goob knights yelling]

Yeah, some people hate gate duty,

but, heck, I think it's downright peaceful.

[Finn and Goob knights yelling]

[Boog guard crying]

-[Goob knights] Boo! -[screams]

Ah! My one beauty.

[Goob knights chanting] Barf! Barf! Barf! Barf!

No, I don't wanna.

[barfing loudly]

[Goob knights cheering]

[Goob knight] Take that, ya Boogs!

[stomach gurgling]

Ah, come on.

We're still anti-heroing?

-Boogs! -[all screaming, whimpering]

-We will avenge you! -Objectively!

-Boog knights, to me! -[Boog knights yelling]

[Goob guard] Hey, guys, it's that horse again.

[Finn and Boog knights yelling]

[Goob 1] Our crops, they're ruined!

[Finn] Sorry.

-Goob knights, to me! -[Goob knights yelling]

[Boog 1] Our ancient gardens!

[Finn] Sorry.

-Boog knights, to me! -[Boog knights yelling]

[Larry] Oh! Our religious relics!

[Finn] Sorry!

-Goob knights, to me! -[Goob knights yelling]

[Boog 2] They're farting in our well!

[Finn] Sorry. Boog knights, to me!

[cheering]

[Goob guard] Now I have to take the long way to work. [wailing]

[stomach gurgling]

I don't know, man. It still doesn't feel heroic.

Yeah, it's like, even though we're just freelancing,

vengeance is... bad?

Yeah, it's pretty dumb.

Okay, so what's the opposite of vengeance?

-Is it sleeping? -[Goob 3 grunting]

No. Is it, um, eating? No.

The opposite of vengeance is talking it out!

-[chimes] -No, no, no, no, no, no!

-Hey, that gives me an idea. -[Goob 3 wailing]

Did you bring the crab?

Heh, I always bring the crab.

[battle trumpet blaring]

Lord Goob and Lord Boog,

we have invoked the awesome power

of the honorable Truce Crab

to settle your generations-long feud once and for all.

[all chanting] Truce Crab! Truce Crab! Truce Crab!

-Truce Crab! -[both] Truce Crab!

Okay, so, like, what's up

with this whole Goob versus Boog thing?

And don't lie, or the crab will pinch your little fingies.

Well, I speak for every hardworking Boog when I say...

his castle blocks my view of the mountains!

[yells]

Well, I speak for every Glob-fearing Goob when I say...

his castle blocks my view of the ocean!

[Lord Goob and Lord Boog yelling]

Are you serious?

-Uh... -[Lord Boog and Lord Goob] Yep.

Hey, wait a minute.

You said we had to fight the Boogs

because if we didn't, they'd rip our shorts

and make us wear shirts!

[all exclaiming in agreement]

[Lord Goob] Uh...

[Boog villager] Hey, wait just one second.

You said if we didn't fight the Goobs,

they'd rip our shirts and make us wear shorts!

[all exclaiming in agreement]

Come to think of it,

our communities used to live in harmony

until you guys introduced social hierarchies

and made us build these walls and tower!

Hey, hey, hey, yeah!

Did you Lords invent this whole conflict

to consolidate your power and make us do stuff for you?

-[all exclaiming angrily] -Tell us the truth!

-Uh. -Uh...

-No. -[both shriek]

The Truce Crab has spoken!

They're liars!

[all chanting] Liars! Liars! Liars! Liars!

Citizen Goobs and Boogs.

Our enemy does not wear shirts or shorts!

[all shouting indistinctly]

Our enemy wears crowns!

[Goob villagers and Boog villagers screaming]

-Dog! Pink boy! -Put down this unrest!

Hey, man, we're just freelancers.

Yeah, man, power to the people.

[Lord Boog and Lord Goob yelling]

[citizens vocalizing]

Well, at least the Boogs and Goobs are getting along now.

[citizens continue vocalizing]

Yeah, they seem really happy.

Aw, they're rebuilding together.

[citizens continue vocalizing]

Hmm, guess we're pretty good at freelancing. [chuckles]

Whatever that actually is.

Ope, nope. They're, uh...

Yeah, they're doing a wicker man.

[both whimpering]

[fire sizzling]

[closing theme song playing]

♪ Come along with me ♪

♪ And the butterflies And bees ♪

♪ We can wander Through the forest ♪

♪ And do so as we please ♪