Original subtitles

[opening theme song playing]

♪ Adventure time ♪

♪ Come on, grab your friends ♪

♪ We'll go to very Distant lands ♪

♪ With Jake the Dog And Finn the Human ♪

♪ The fun will never end ♪

♪ Adventure Time ♪

[whispering] Side Quests.

[grunting]

[roars]

[gasps]

I'm sorry, Mr. Cyclops, but this cart is--

Guarded!

[growls, groans]

Hey, one eye, you can't hit

what you can't see. [laughs]

-Hi-ya. -[groans]

We did it!

Thank you heroes You've twained my eye

and given me the gift of depth perception.

I'm gonna go read a book.

Huzzah!

All hail our heroes Finn and Jake

♪ Huzzah! Fine heroes of boy and dog ♪

♪ Whose feats and fights We must had catalogue ♪

Oh, cool is this song about us?

♪ Felled Cyclops not slain But rather inspired ♪

♪ By Finn and his fist And the golden dog squire ♪

Holy righteousness, Jake. Only the greatest heroes

get their deeds immortalized in a song.

And not just one song.

I contracted this bard for a whole week

to song along with us while we. Finn and Jake.

Oh, you hired him.

[chuckles] That's cool, too.

Ah! My disk will never tangle again.

♪ The laptop guy couldn't hide his shame ♪

♪ Till Finneus came along and made him decent again ♪

[laughs] Yeah,

pain does stole the shine of the situation, but...

[all] Huzzah!

Goodbye, raggedy princess.

Thanks again for the scratchy scarf.

It's really gonna help get my beard growing.

[laughs] You're welcome, but don't read the back.

Bye, Finn.

Huh? Okay.

[Jake] That's 10, 20, 30.

And five.

Thirty-five old world greens for you, sir.

See you tomorrow.

[clears throat]

-What -Hmm?

Words, bard, use them words.

♪ For a song sung with a quip ♪

♪ 'Tis customary To handsomely tip ♪

Oh, we already agreed on price

per our contract agreement.

Besides, even if tipping is customary,

and I'd argue in many places it is not,

it's still up to me, dude, regardless of pressure tactics.

All right?

♪ You're small and short And tiny and little-- ♪

Whoa now.

First of all, not true.

And secondly, you're fired, dude.

What was that about?

You don't want to know.

Whoa!

I think I see some beard coming in.

-[Finn] Really? -Yeah, man,

[Finn] ♪ The laptop guy Couldn't hide his shame ♪

♪ Till Finneus came along And made him decent again ♪

[laughs] Man,

that bard should know you're Findleton, not Finneas.

Sorry I hired that chump.

No, Jake, hiring that bard was the best idea you ever had.

The best idea?

Man, I'm so excited to get barded for a whole week.

It wasn't really what I--

Oh, maybe tomorrow's bard song will be about my butt.

-And what if we just-- -I love that bard!

[yelling]

You okay, buddy?

Yeah. Yeah. I just, you know, I forgot to brush my teeth.

Oh, okay. See you, Jake.

[Jake] I'll be back.

Bard songs! Bard songs!

[both] Bard songs! Bard songs!

Bard songs!

Okay, Finn, you want a bard, I'll get you a bard.

All right, bard, me and you got--

Shh. He's tuning up.

[tuning strings]

[all] Ooh.

♪ Well, Finn is a hero, Righteous and true ♪

♪ And for contrast, he rides With this saggy dog dude ♪

[laughing]

I think he's talking about you.

Yeah.

[laughing continues]

Okay, you win.

Here's your tip.

Okay. See you tomorrow for more bard stuff.

Yeah? Okay. Great.

Get that one.

Oh! That one too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Get that small one.

Okay, finish her, Jake. Finish her.

[grunting]

[groans]

[exploding]

Dude, that was sick.

You're so cool.

-[strums] -[both] Huh?

♪ Finn, the super chill hero Finn, the super chill hero ♪

Wow, Jake. I didn't even do anything in this battle.

This bard's about to gas you up.

Wow! Yeah, and I'm definitely

known as the chiller one in this relationship.

♪ And his new yellow butler Who tried to pay me off ♪

What?

♪ With the heart of a fart And the soul of a barf ♪

♪ Jake, the zero-chill Side guy ♪

♪ Jake, the zero-chill Side guy ♪

[yelling angrily]

[Finn] It's just a song, man.

How's this for cheap?

How about this?

How about this?

How about this? How about this?

How about this? How about this?

[grunting] How... about... this?

How about this from downtown?

-This? How about this? -Mmm!

How about this? How about this?

How about this? How about this?

How about this? How about this?

How about this? How about this? How about this?

[chuckles] Chill out, dude.

[Jake grunts]

Come on, buddy. You can't let a bard get to you.

They're just, like, dorks, you know?

-I know. -He's only picking on you

because you're actually so dope and chill.

I know.

And his art form is so simple and obvious.

Don't even waste your dog thoughts on it.

I know, I know.

Fart and barf don't even rhyme.

Well, it's a slant rhyme, but, yeah, that bard

is like music for babies.

And you're like jazz, baby.

[groans] You're right.

[chomps, gulps]

I am like jazz.

It's not like I couldn't clap back if I wanted to.

You know, I just don't want to lower myself like that.

You know? I'm an artist. You know?

I know. I know.

And look, I'm glad the bard has been gassing you up.

I love that for you, but can we just go back

to doing heroic stuff and abject silence?

Sure thing, man.

Just the sweet sounds of our fists

hitting guts and wrecking butts.

[whimpers]

Thanks, Finn. I feel so seen right now.

-[music playing faintly] -Huh?

Finn, I'm being vulnerable with you.

Sorry, I'm 12.

Check it out, though.

The bard just put out a certified bop.

Um, maybe... Maybe I'll just sit this one out.

What? Come on, man, you never turned down a bop.

Yeah, yeah, you're right.

That is one of my core principles.

♪ Finn is so awesome and strong and cool ♪

♪ He is so strong and always awesome and cool ♪

♪ He is so fit and always goes to gym ♪

♪ He is so awesome and strong and cool and fit ♪

♪ Finn, Finn, Finn, Finn Finn, the hero ♪

Well, I do agree with all that.

And it is kind of a bop.

Here comes verse two.

♪ The other one is lumpy and not cool ♪

♪ He is not cool and he is boring like a toad ♪

♪ He is not fit and never goes to gym ♪

♪ He is not hot I heard that he'll eat bugs ♪

Okay, well, I don't eat bugs.

This could be about anybody.

♪ Jake! Jake! Jake! ♪

♪ Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake the toad ♪

Come on!

-[grunting] -Whoa!

Whoa! Jake.

Your big feelings are shaking up my IBS.

Sorry.

You know what?

It's fine. Culturally, we're too obsessed

with judging each other anyway, like, we need to spend

more time in the real world and less time consuming

popular schlock on our live-in sentient

-entertainment systems -Yeah.

Who cares? It's just a song and monoculture is dead.

[song playing in distance]

Is that coming from Candy Kingdom?

♪ Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake the toad ♪

I believe he does eat bugs.

[all cheering and clamoring]

[Finn] Whoa! This is a bigger deal than I thought.

This bard's songs are having a messed up effect

on my best friend's mental health.

[whimpering]

[grunts]

-[snickering] -Yeah.

Come on, Jake, fight these monster ice goons.

It's fun and easy. Oh, sorry.

It's okay. I'm evil.

-See? -[monsters growling]

What's the point?

No matter what I do that bard's just gonna neg me.

-[tuning strings] -Ooh-ooh.

Best just to let these wimps gently pummel me into oblivion.

-[hesitantly] Hmm... -[snickers]

-[shrilly] Hmm! -I am a toad.

-♪ Ooh, Jake the-- ♪ -♪ Righteous dog ♪

[exclaims, guitar solo plays]

[all gasping]

♪ Jake the Dog is a really cool dog ♪

♪ He gives great hugs and he never eats frogs ♪

♪ He's a dog and never a toad ♪

♪ And anyone who says that is a total loser ♪

Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake!

♪ Best friend, dog and super fighter Jake! ♪

♪ Jake! Jake! ♪

♪ Doesn't go to gym 'cause his strength comes from wisdom ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

[shrieking]

-Yeah... -[both panting]

Phew!

Thank you other bard, for reaffirming my trust

in popular, accessible art forms.

Don't you mean thank you best bud?

Finn!

Thanks, Denise.

No prob, Finn. I owed you one.

-Denise? -I helped her break up

with her girlfriend.

-Thanks, Robert. -Oh, sure there, Finn,

no problem.

Oh, yeah, I helped him break up with his boyfriend.

Aw, I should've known it was you.

Only my best bud

would have such an intimate understanding of me.

Like, how I never eat bugs.

Thanks, Finn.

Totally, dude, I always got your back.

Although we do have to give the bard a chance to rebuttal.

Oh, nice. Let's go home.

I think my jeans got delivered today.

Finn, wait.

-For your trouble. -No need, my man.

I make a living wage.

Oh, right, right, duh, we don't live

in a terrifying society run by a handful

of obscenely wealthy ghouls.

[closing theme song playing]

♪ Come along with me ♪

♪ And the butterflies and bees ♪

♪ We can wander through the forest ♪

♪ And do so as we please ♪