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Good morning, my name is Max.

I'm calling from reliable.

Is that Mrs. Terry speaking?

Yeah, but if you could.

Good morning, my name is Max.

I'm calling from Reliable.

Do you have any time to talk

about your insurance premium today?

Hello?

10 letters, beginning with an M.

Dull. Tedious.

Repetitive.

It's monotonous.

Oh, thank you.

M...

Grape?

No, thanks, I've just eaten.

Bit of an early lunch.

So, how do you think it's going today, champ?

- Fine. - Yeah?

Scale of 1 to 10.

Maybe a six.

A little lower.

Four?

Three?

Two?

- It's a one. - Yeah, look.

I like you, Max, but this...

No, I understand

It's just,

I've been going through quite a lot at the moment.

Ssh.

I'm your boss, not your therapist.

- Right. - I know how you feel.

Phone call after phone call, after phone call.

And believe me,

I hate answering the phone.

But you know what I hate more?

Poverty.

I know you might be feeling anxious today,

and here's my advice.

Don't worry about it.

It might not be tomorrow,

or the week after, or the month after or year after

but play your cards right.

Work hard enough.

You could be this side of class two.

All you need to do, pick up the phone.

We are called Reliable,

and we need you to be...

Reliable.

Consider this a verbal warning.

Got it.

I just wanted to remind you about that holiday

that I booked off tomorrow.

I remember.

Great. Thank you.

The thing is, I wanted to go on holiday.

I really do.

I deserve it.

Nearly.

But I already booked it off.

Oh, I don't make the rules.

I'll cut you a deal.

Five more sales.

I'll see you on Friday.

Hmm?

You got it, big boy.

Yo.

Hey, mate.

Oh. Colin's joining.

Hey, mate.

Samaroony is joining.

Yo!

Hey, man.

Order! Order, order!

Who is excited for tomorrow night?

I am buzzing.

Yeah, dude.

Come on, bruv.

Perfect, now I've put together an hour-by-hour itinerary

for the next two days so that absolutely nothing can go wrong.

Man, you're a top lad.

Hundred, Broski.

So 3 p.m. meet at the B&B.

I've sent you all the address.

Max, please just pay me back this time.

Pre's, shortly after, while getting ready.

Now the pub, 4:30, no later.

Colin, that does mean you.

A couple pints, porky scratchings, out by six,

table's booked for seven,

courtesy of the great mother Fung.

Cheers!

Mother Fung and that!

And then, gentlemen and gentleman

I have booked us a very VIP table

at the Devil's Gooch for 11 p.m. until the early hours.

Can I get a b, b, b, bosh?

- Bosh! - Bosh!

I don't remember the last time I went to the Devil's Gooch.

Yes.

And then to finish it off, suits on in the morning,

meet at the beach for 10. a.m...

10 a.m.?

= What?

Bit early isn't it?

Yeah, maybe a bit, mate.

I can't see myself being too alive

after an evening in the Devil's Gooch.

2 p.m...

Perfect.

It's what he would have wanted.

Oh, and, uh, last thing,

Bagsy not picking up Doug.

Bagsy not picking up.

Bagsy not picking up Doug.

Nah, I'm not even the closest.

Sorry, mate, that's how bagsy works, isn't it?

Oh for f...

Hello, Mrs. Fung.

I'm here to collect Doug.

Yo.

You bring him back 6 p.m. tomorrow, sharp.

Absolutely.

In one piece.

Of course.

And as much as a scratch...

Yep. I promise.

No excessive drinking, no silly games, no drugs.

You don't need to worry, Mrs. Fung.

He'll be safe with me.

We should probably get going.

Don't want to hit rush hour.

Oh.

Thank you for booking the meal, by the way.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, Max.

Max? Max!

Max! Yo, yo!

Watch this.

Yeah. Watch this.

It's 10 a.m.

And?

And those are my beers.

Is it?

Mate, your mum literally just...

Your mum... kapow.

Allow it, bro.

Yeah, I've left the house.

I'm on holiday.

It's the continental way.

Fair.

To be honest, I'm surprised I didn't cover you in bubble wrap

before we left.

Fuck off, Julian.

Beer?

No, Doug, I'm driving.

I'll have one when we get there.

Oh, yeah, fairs, fairs, fairs, fairs fairs.

Right, two hours, 17, 98 miles.

Not... a hundred miles?

Brother!

That's a long fucking road, bro.

That's a fucking road trip.

That's a fucking road trip right there.

You don't know about that road trip, innit!

Yeah.

You done?

No! Ah!

I'm so happy.

R-O-A-D-T-R-I-P.

Yeah!

I'm done.

Right.

Right.

Right, bro.

Bet you let me DJ.

Big arsehole!

For fuck's sake, man.

Stupid fucking tire!

Duct tape.

Why?

Duct tape can fix anything.

No, Doug!

No, no, no.

I swear, yeah.

I once fixed my nan's teapot, yeah,

and she didn't even notice.

She probably did, mate.

No, I swear.

Doug, there is absolutely no way she wouldn't have noticed.

I'm gonna call someone.

Oi, make sure they bring duct tape.

Just go stretch your legs or something.

Hmm.

It's a big arsehole.

Ask him about the duct tape.

What?

Duct tape.

No, dude.

Why?

Shut up.

You shut up!

Please.

So, uh, what are you thinking, then?

A bit of duct tape do the job?

Did you hear that?

Duct tape.

Yeah.

No.

Right.

You're looking at a brand new tire

at the very least.

I mean, it sounds, uh...

How much are you thinking?

150, 250, 300 with a call out.

Well, you know,

it doesn't have to be brand new, does it?

Could just be brand new to me.

I'm afraid not, pal.

I don't keep any used ones on the van.

And legally, I can't leave the vehicle by the side of the road

and run back to the garage and get one.

Health and safety, you see?

Right.

Bro, I've got a sticky plaster.

Okay. So, um...

£300. That's.

Well, it's either that or I tow it.

I work on commission, so money's not exactly good...

Decisions, decisions.

Bro. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.

This is the universe talking to us right here, right now.

You fully just asked me

if I wanted to stretch my legs earlier.

And, and look at us now with no option but leg stretching.

We're gonna walk.

Do you know what? Just, just tow it.

Gotcha.

Give me a second, I'll bring out the paperwork.

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

Fuck off! Bro.

Road trip on foot, Oh, bro, I love nature, man.

What's going on, dad?

Fuck off, you cunt!

All right.

You excited?

Yeah.

Hey, bro, it's all right, man.

We'll get there.

It's an adventure.

Right? If I could just have your signature at the bottom.

Hang on.

£400 to tow it?

Yeah.

Yeah, but.

You either pay £300 now, and I replace the tyre,

or I tow it, replace the tyre at the garage,

and you pay £400 on collection.

- But... - I don't make the rules.

Come on, Max, chop, chop.

Thanks.

Fine, I'll just grab the bags then.

Why don't we just try and call a taxi or something, Doug?

What? What about road trip on foot?

Well, it's 50 mile walk, mate.

And?

What do you mean, and?

It's a 50 mile walk. Five, zero.

50 miles, 50 chickens.

Look, bro, just give me the big map.

Okay, but 50 miles, 50 chickens

doesn't make any sense.

Thank you.

Uh, give me a hand here.

Right. So we are here, yeah?

we're trying to get to here, and that is.

What, you telling me you can't walk this far?

- How do you..? - Uh, uh, ssh...

Shortcut cut ting.

Boom, through here.

Which makes it.

Come on, man.

For fuck's sake, dude.

Oh, yeah!

Yeah. This way, innit.

Max.

you know, yeah, that if you really believe in yourself,

you can talk to birds?

Yeah? Yeah, bro, watch.

What type of bird is that?

Pigeon.

Probably sleeping.

No signal.

Nice. We are one with nature.

Let me see the map, quick.

Uh, nope.

Dude, let me see the map.

Yo, bro, don't you trust me?

Remember back in uni before the accident?

Man did that orientation course innit.

Yeah, which you failed.

Yeah.

But before that, I was basically Bear Grylls.

I don't know about that one, dude.

Hey. Yo, bro.

What? How does that man to navigate the shire, the shire,

when he has Smeigel chatting shit behind his back?

Support me.

I'm your friend.

Oh, mate, yeah, fine.

Lead the way, Frodo.

Hmm.

I will.

Oh.

Yo, Max, look.

It's the other side.

I knew it, I knew it, I did it, bro.

I'm Ray Mears.

Who's that?

Bro, exactly, come on.

Ooh.

See? Progress.

All right, so from right here...

Isn't that your empty beer bottle from earlier?

Huh?

Yeah, that's mine.

Not a drop

Fuck's sake.

- What? - You,

thinking you're fucking Dora the Explorer

with your shitty backpack and your shitty map

and your shitty duct tape, and your stupid stick.

That's not very nice.

We're in the middle of fucking nowhere.

My car has been towed.

We're gonna be late.

I'm probably gonna get fired on Friday.

And to top it off,

I've got a blister.

Do you want a plaster?

No, I don't want your shitty plaster, Doug.

I just want to get there.

Car.

No, we haven't got a fucking car.

No, no, no, car, look.

Excuse me, excuse me!

Help! Help!

Please help us!

We're a long way!

Help!

Oh my God, thank you so much for stopping.

Little bit lost are we?

My car broke down.

I don't suppose you'd mind...

Well, I'm not going very far, but you're welcome to join.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Go on, in you get.

Hey, not the stick.

Not the stick, Doug.

Leave the stick, dude.

And the beer.

Just...

That's it.

Thank you so much. You're a lifesaver.

Oh, I wouldn't go as far as that.

Nice lady.

Um,

I would offer to pay you, but.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

This is out of the goodness of my heart.

Melvin.

Max.

Seatbelts on, everyone.

Yeah.

So, where are you headed?

Uh, Orford.

Oh, very nice.

Yeah, I, uh, I grew up there.

A bit of a shithole, actually, but...

Oh.

Special occasion?

Um, I mean,

I suppose you could call it that.

Well, this is me.

Uh.

Thank you.

Great. Thanks.

Well, I told you I wasn't going far.

Orford, that's, uh, quite far, isn't it?

Yeah, 50 miles.

49.8.

I'd offer to call a taxi for you,

but they don't really come out this way.

Right? Um,

I know this is a bit of a long shot,

but I don't suppose that there's any way

that you could drive us...

If I had my license, I would.

Till then, I stick to a strict one mile radius from the house.

Less likely to get caught that way, you see.

Well, thank you anyway.

Suppose I could give you my son's old bike, though.

Yes please.

♪ I've got a dirt bike, bitch ♪

♪ You don't like what you see? ♪

♪ You can suck my dick ♪

♪ I'm gonna ride my bike ♪

♪ Gonna ride it sick ♪

♪ And I'll ride your face till you taste my shit ♪

♪ Like I got a dirt bike, son ♪

♪ Gonna ride my bike, then I'll ride your mum ♪

Wait, hold up a sec, Doug.

Oh, sorry.

Fuck, yeah, dude, got a signal.

Oh, nice.

Wait. Hold up a sec, Doug.

Mike's calling me.

Hey, mate.

Hey, you picked up Doug okay?

Yo, we saying bro.

I've missed you so much, man.

Yeah, he's here.

Perfect, uh, where are you guys at?

I've got a I've got Colin and Sammy here.

Yo.

Hey, boys.

Um, to be honest, I don't have a clue.

What do you mean, what happened?

Oh, mate,

uh, cars a write-off.

Fucking nightmare.

Shit, uh, is Doug okay?

Yeah, he's all good.

You all good?

Yeah. I'm fine, mate.

Don't worry about me.

All right. What's your ETA?

Um.

To be honest, mate,

I'm gonna have to get back to you on that one.

I don't have a clue.

Don't bother waiting for us, though.

Oh, no.

Oh!

Are you, are you sure?

Yeah, I'm fine mate.

It is what it is.

Well, keep me posted.

Yeah. Nice one, Mike, catch you in a bit, mate.

Doug.

Drifting. Drifting.

Doug!

- What? - Come here.

Do you want to play a game?

Yes, I do actually.

It's called

listen to Max very closely.

Oh.

Oh,

Listening?

We

are fucked.

We are really, really fucked, okay?

Unless me and you come up with a solid plan.

Right now, we are fucked.

Okay?

We've got no car,

we've got no taxi,

we've got no bike,

we've got nothing, mate.

We have to walk.

That's what I've been saying, bro.

Yeah, I know.

Just give me the map.

Nah, man.

Doug, give me the map.

- No! - Give me the map.

No, no, please...

Just give me the fucking map!

Right.

This is the plan.

So

we need to get to Orford by 2 p.m. tomorrow.

Mhm.

We started in London,

drove 50 miles and broke down here.

Now, the only way we will make it on time

is by taking a shortcut.

Uh-huh.

Now, using the sun,

this way is west,

so we want to head this way.

Science team, I like it.

We go through the forest, cross the stream,

over the hill and we should get there before,

well, that doesn't matter.

We've got snacks, water, 60% phone battery.

Cool.

We're going to be fine.

We just need to stick to the plan.

Got it?

Got it.

Ready?

Ready.

One for the road.

It's the continental way.

Oh!

Mmm.

I forgot how good crisps are, bro

Yeah, just don't eat them all, please, mate.

Oh, I won't.

What else did you bring?

Uh, I've got mini sausages.

Uh, got a bit of choc.

Got an apple in there.

Oh, bro, I 'm begging, can I have the apple.

Go for it, dude.

It's in the big bit.

Oh! Oh, yes, a fat one, still.

Mmm.

Max.

Real talk, yeah.

What is the largest animal you reckon you can beat in a fight?

I don't know, dude.

Like...

a swan?

Swan? See, yeah?

I can beat a whale.

Dude, there is absolutely no way

you could beat a whale in a fight.

Oh, yeah? Yeah?

Hold this.

Yeah!

Salmon. Right hand.

Here fishy, fishy

Here it is. Bring it out!

Drag the tail out.

Smashing man's head innit.

Get the apple, throw it at the head.

Right.

Dodge, dodge, oh! Fin, fin.

Tail, tail, eye, eye.

And then, uh, get some rice

and just badoosh,

and then smack it, smack it, smack it,

and then just

ha!

You know what I mean?

Right.

A couple of things to dissect.

Firstly, whales only eat krill, so that doesn't make any sense.

Secondly, what the fuck was that?

And thirdly, you said, right,

what is the largest animal you could beat in a fight?

Not what is the largest animal you can drag out of the water.

Do a 360 spin, smack it over the head, throw an apple at it.

Like what?

Right.

I'm definitely gonna, like,

fuck it over, though.

All right, yeah.

Whatever. Doug.

No, Max I can.

Yeah?

I can, Max I can yeah, I did it.

I, I slapped it and it died.

It is absolutely outrageous

that you're even saying this right now.

What? I'm telling the truth.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Wait, hold on a second.

Did you hear that?

What?

Water?

Oh.

Dude. We're close.

I'll tell you what.

I am not too bad at this whole orientating thing.

- It's actually quite fun. - See, bro?

See, bro, I knew you start to enjoy yourself, man.

Got any more of these?

Nah, man. Finished.

Shame.

It's getting louder, though, isn't it?

Huh?

Stream.

It's quite a loud stream.

Dude, I'm bare sticky, innit, mate,

I'm gonna take my top off, innit?

Nah, Doug, I beg of you, mate, please don't.

No, no, no, I have to, bro. It's a bit hot, man.

Dude...

I'm doing it.

We could probably go around.

Nope, nope, nope.

You said stick to the plan, so we stick to the plan.

What's the plan?

It's pretty fast.

And you know I'm not the best swimmer.

You know, I'm more of a floater.

To be honest.

You might have to carry me across the river, man.

If that's all right with you?

All right.

Look, look, look, look, look.

Max, look, ssh.

Look, it's a beaver.

We're saved.

Bro, I've watching bare documentaries here.

Beavers, all they do all day, every day.

Eat trees, cross rivers, build dams, eat trees, cross rivers,

build dams.

This beaver probably crossed

this exact river a million times innit.

All we gotta do is see where it goes and follow it.

Look ssh, it's going in, it's going in, it's going in.

Might have been a badger.

Do you reckon the badgers all right?

No.

Probably had a family.

Yeah.

I think we would have been fine, though.

Doug, you're about as buoyant as that rock.

Yep.

Ah, man.

I'll tell you what, I've got an idea.

We could build a raft.

I don't think it'll be too hard.

We could find some dead wood lying about or something,

Boat?

No, we'll build a raft, it'll be easier.

If we follow the current down,

we'll end up somewhere roughly near Orford.

Tie it together with like vines.

I don't know where I'd find vines.

- Boat. - No.

Yes. Okay.

We're trying to build a boat.

No, no boat.

Boat.

That's convenient.

No, man, it's the universe.

Bro, this is exactly what life's about, man.

I'm with my best friend,

chilling in the ocean.

Fresh air, Badgers.

Fresh water.

Yeah. Can you just keep hold of the bags, please, mate.

Oh, yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Dude.

[laughing

I can't believe we're on a we're on a fucking...

we're on a boat!

It's a bit mental, isn't it?

Yeah, I'm just happy to be here, man.

Yeah, me too, mate.

Sorry for, um, getting a bit stressy earlier.

Yo. Yo, Max.

It's chill.

Don't worry, man.

Fish, Max, fish.

- Fish fish, fish. - Doug, stop moving.

Stop moving now!

Just stay still.

Hey, Max, look,

I can be a fish innit.

A salmon, I'm a salmon.

- I'm a Salmon. - Doug.

Can you please just stay still, man?

Just stay still!

Stay still!

No!

Look, the longer we stay in the boat,

the less we have to walk.

Okay? Just relax.

Though we probably should get a move on.

I think the boat's deflating again.

Huh?

The boat is deflating.

Oh.

It's fine.

I've got plaster.

The puncture's on the underside of the boat.

Yeah.

Let me do it, dude.

Dude, let me.

Doug, Doug, Doug, Doug.

Fuck, dude!

Stay there!

Fucking hell!

Fuck it!

I'm good.

I'm good.

I'm coming to you, Doug.

Okay.

Yeah.

I'm good!

I told you to stop moving, Doug!

Fuck!

You're okay, though, yeah?

You're not hurt?

It's chill, it's chill.

No, Doug, it's not chill.

Not everything can be chill all the time.

Man, I nearly lost you there,

Oh.

You didn't

No, but that's not the point, is it, man?

Why do you never listen to me?

Just. Oh.

Sorry.

You might not realise this,

okay, but actually, a lot of people

really, really,

really fucking care about you, Doug.

Okay?

- Sorry. - Just...

help me to help you get there in one piece.

Just listen to me, man.

Do you want a hug?

Come here.

Come here.

You're okay.

You're okay.

Okay.

Sorry. Sorry.

- It's fine. - Sorry.

It's fine.

Oh, I'm an idiot.

Yeah.

You are an idiot.

But you're my idiot.

Okay?

Let's just grab the bag and go.

Where's the bags?

It's okay.

Excuse me.

- Max? - Doug!

Just leave me alone.

I'm hungry.

Max!

What, Doug?

Lion or panda? Pick.

I don't care.

Lion.

Yeah. Good choice bro.

Do you know what your problem is, Max?

What?

Every morning you wake up, you go to work.

You work really, really hard.

Typing, typing, typing.

You make money,

and then afterward, you go outside and you buy things.

That makes you happy because you're sad from working.

What the fuck, man?

What?

You only live once, bro.

Doug, your solution to my shitty little life is YOLO.

No, not YOLO, Jesus, like,

like YOLO, bitches.

Deeper.

Like YOLO.

Great.

Cheers, Doug.

Hello?

Oh, hello.

I wasn't talking to you.

You good, yeah?

Hello?

Is anybody there?

We're friendly.

That's weird.

Oh.

I'm starving.

Oh.

Huh? No one's home.

Oh, no.

It's a bear.

Yes! Uh, claw the tent.

Um, it attacked last night.

Yes, it came from, um,

uh, let me just...

Right there.

All right then, where's the bodies?

Huh?

Where are the bodies?

They were chased by the bear.

Yes, they...

They ran to the river.

The river.

They got on the boat.

Tried to escape from the bear.

The bear attacked him in the river.

The clawed the hole in the boat.

They tried fighting with oars.

It was very dramatic.

They...

They died.

You don't get bears in England, though, Doug.

That's what they tell you.

All right then.

I'm going to see what I can nick from in here.

Oh, yeah.

Anything?

Oh!

Good lord!

Poor guy.

He's probably with the Badgers now.

Yes!

- What? - Lunch.

Um.

There's fucking loads in there, too.

Yo! Yo, Max.

Berries.

Can you stop, bruv?

It's cool, it's cool, it's cool.

You, you, you, you, you eating it?

Yeah, drink, drink the whole bottle, you know?

You have no idea what's in that,

and you're just drinking it innit.

It's mad.

Mhm.

Dude, I actually can't believe I ate all those berries.

You a hungry, boy, huh?

Yeah.

Um, are we nearly there?

Dunno, mate, I can't even really see the map anymore.

Should have brought a torch.

Yeah, I did, it was my phone.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, how many miles do you think we've walked today?

Uh, maybe 15.

That's, that's pretty good, man.

You got your steps in.

Yeah. I'm gonna need to stop soon, though.

No, no we don't.

Let's keep walking, man.

I love night time.

So peaceful. The owls.

Stars.

Doug.

Mhm?

It's night time.

I can't see the map.

I have no idea where we're going.

Bro.

You just feel it.

Sometimes, Doug, I feel like I want to punch you in the face.

Oh, yeah.

I think I've got heat stroke.

You are a bit pink, man.

Yeah.

Oh.

Why don't we build a shelter?

That's actually a good idea.

Right?

You ever built a shelter before?

Nah. Have you?

- No. - Oh.

I thought you were Ray Mears or Bear Grylls or something.

Yeah, I am, but no, It's not Bob the builder, innit?

Yeah. Fair enough.

Yeah.

Well, why don't we just, um,

stay here?

Yeah, yeah.

Great idea, yeah. Brilliant.

You have that bit of mud there,

and I'll have that bit of mud there.

Perfect. Amazing, yes.

- No, Doug. - Huh?

We're not staying here.

All right.

I spy with my eyes something beginning with...

All right, it's a hard one I've done, though.

D.

Darkness.

Yeah.

Everything's dark, Doug.

11-4 to you.

Right. Come on.

Last round.

I don't want to play anymore.

Why? Dude, you're good at this game.

Dude, it's cold, just...

Bro, just, just...

Just have a leaf, Max, come on.

All right, your go, come on.

You spy.

Right, Doug.

Either

I've got a new game.

Yeah? New game?

- Yeah. - What's it called?

Uh, it is called, uh,

Let's try start a fire.

You go find sticks.

Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, um...

What are the rules?

No rules. No rules.

Uh, just go find as many sticks as possible.

Okay, I like it.

Yeah. Let's go.

Uh, no, wait, there is one rule.

Uh, you have to go that way, and I have to go that way.

Okay, I like it, but, um.

Uh, Max, time limit, time limit.

Five minutes?

Five minutes, five minutes. All right, cool.

One stick.

Two sticks.

Three.

5,6,7.

Yeah, I'm gonna win.

Oh my God.

Now that's a fucking stick, man.

Max is gonna love this stick.

Oh!

Max?

Max? Max!

Max! Max!

I'm coming, bro!

Fucking hell!

Max!

Max, are you okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I'm fine.

I'm fine. Just, uh.

Just fuck off.

I got the sticks.

Great, great.

Uh. Find more.

Yo, you sure you're okay?

Yeah.

Oh!

Oh!

So hot!

Ah!

Come on, Max, get it out!

Oh!

Uh, yo, you all right, yeah?

Um, you got a sock?

What?

Um.

Sorry. Uh,

have you got a sock?

Why?

Uh,

you know, for when you're done, because...

Turn off the tap!

Anyway, bro, um...

I'm gonna start the fire, bro.

Just, you know, just...

give me a shout if you need, uh...

Yeah, bro.

I love you, bro.

Love, man.

Good job you had that lighter in your bag from last year.

Yeah.

Could you not

tell the guys about...

No, my lips are sealed.

Thanks, man.

Max, um...

Thank you

for picking me up.

Don't mention it, dude.

It's really nice to, um...

spend, some time with you again.

I miss you.

Sorry for being a bit selfish.

You're not. You're just...

I just always want to have fun.

All the time.

You know?

Life isn't fun all the time, though, is it?

Yeah.

I'm really proud of...

you and the boys.

You know, you guys got jobs, got a flat.

You can swim.

You, you had a girlfriend and you had a car.

But, hey.

Thanks, Doug.

You know what I'm saying, man.

Yeah.

I know.

I'm so proud of you, man.

I, um...

I just wish I could...

go back in time and, you know, maybe.

Hey Max! The phone.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Okay, boy? Yay!

Hey, mate.

Hey, where are you?

We're by a log.

I'm by log.

A Log?

Dude, it doesn't matter.

What log?

It doesn't fucking matter.

Look, I think we're a bit fucked here, mate.

Ah! So are we.

Um, mate, I'm actually glad you called.

We're, uh, we're really missing you.

Dude. Did you just..?

What?

It's one fucking night, Mike.

Can you not just give it a rest?

Hey, come on, live a little.

Oh,

Where are you, mate?

I'm by a log.

Why the fuck are you by a log?

It doesn't matter, man, look...

You missed the best night ever.

Like the food?

Amazing.

Colin. Listen to me, okay.

- No. no, seriously, mate, - We're gonna need some help.

It was amazing.

Okay? And I ordered you the fish.

I put it in a doggy bag.

Colin. Listen to me.

We are lost.

Lost?

Lost?

Where are you?

I don't fucking know, dude.

We're lost!

Hi lost, I'm Sammy.

Hi, yes.

Sammy could really do with some assistance here, mate.

Um, if I send you my location,

do you think you could sort something for me and Doug?

♪ We come and go ♪

Sammy?

Sammy?

Brilliant.

Battery's dead.

Are they having fun?

Yeah.

Definitely not as much fun as I'm having right now, though.

Good. I'm glad.

I think we're doing fine.

You're feeling better now, though, yeah?

Yeah.

Thinking back, it probably was all those berries.

You did eat three bottles of them.

I did eat three bottles of them.

Ooh. Feel so dehydrated.

I'm not surprised, bro.

I mean, your insides fell out of your anus.

Did you want me to..?

To what?

Like, piss.

Not like man wants to just, you know,

seen Bear Grylls do it a few times.

Like hydration.

I think I'll live.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

I'm just saying, like, you know,

if you, if you need anything, bro, I, I got you, man.

I, I got your back, bro.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Cool.

You know, I actually do.

It's a bit fucking weird, you know?

- Yeah. - Survival thing.

Survival thing. Exactly, yeah, that's it.

Survival.

It's a bit mad how they drink piss, innit, to survive.

Yeah.

Like mad, innit?

Like you have to be bare thirsty, bro.

Piss.

fucking hell, man, people are crazy.

But the will to live is strong.

You know, I was thinking about what you said the other day.

Doug,

my boss is a cunt.

Hmm.

Come home every day to an empty house.

I eat microwave meals,

and I just sit and fester on the sofa.

Every morning I wake up

and there's just this little

thought in the back of my head that...

Doesn't matter.

That's, that's deep.

That's quite deep.

Yeah.

- Sorry. - No.

Do you know what else I was

thinking about?

What?

Do you think that North Star always points north?

Yeah.

Otherwise it would be called the sometimes, North star.

Ah.

Yeah.

Yeah, right.

Of course,

Man.

We should probably get some sleep.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, man.

Night.

Good night, bro.

You're done now.

You got a pillow?

Oh.

Oh, right.

Oh. Good morning

World.

And one.

Morning, mate.

Ah! Good morning.

How long have you been up?

Like a few hours, man, I can't really sleep, bro.

I've got a lot of energy,

so I thought I'd start working out, you know?

Nice.

Oh, for fuck's sake, Doug.

What?

Why have you got your sausage out?

Huh?

Bro, I'm sweating, man, it's hot.

Yeah, well, can you not?

All right.

Jeez. Just...

I won't.

Right.

So, time is.

Uh.

About 8:30, I'd say.

So, that means that...

Orford

should be just over...

there.

It's quite...

Tall.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hmm.

At what point does a hill become a mountain?

Now.

Probably take another route round.

What? Nah, bro, let's go up the mountain.

Doug.

Look at it.

It's fucking massive!

So?

Well, dude, we are so close.

The last thing I want to do is get stuck up a mountain.

Please.

No Doug, let's just go round.

Think of the views, bro.

What? You're telling me you don't want to see that mad view?

Rock, paper, scissors.

1-2-3. Shoot, yeah?

All right.

It's gotta be fair, though.

No cheating.

Can't do that thing.

No cheating.

No thing.

Ready?

Oomph.

Yes.

Doug...

It helps me focus.

Okay.

I like it. Serious thing.

All right.

Ready?

One. Two. Three. Shoot!

You, Max, Max, Max, Max.

Yeah, so, you know, yesterday?

Yes, I know yesterday.

No, no, no, but, you know,

when I said that you were a Smiegle, that.

I remember, yeah.

Right, so, I've been thinking.

Me and you.

Me and you.

Shrek and donkey.

Right.

Right, so obviously I'm Shrek and you're Donkey,

So, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Absolutely not.

I'm not Donkey.

What? What, you think I'm donkey?

Yes! Dude.

No!

Right.

Are you or are you not my noble steed?

The fuck is that?

My best friend, dude.

You know, the person that I can rely on the most?

The person who always makes me happy.

Okay.

The person with the nicest smile.

Oh, jeez, yeah, okay.

No, I, okay, right.

Yeah, all right, I'm donkey, and,

you know, you are smelling a bit swampy, so, you're Shrek.

Yeah.

Uh, so, uh, what do you reckon?

Like, half an hour?

To what?

To the top.

To the top? Mate, you must be joking.

I don't know, I reckon.

Come on.

Oh, come on, man.

You was right.

Was about half an hour.

Max, look at this.

What?

Just come here, man.

Oh! It's beautiful.

You know, Max.

It's these moments that I feel really alive.

Doug,

look.

Holy shit, dude.

That's it. We made it! Orford!

- Let's go! - Yes, Bro!

Yes!

Yes. Yes!

Yes! Oh!

- Good job. - Oh my God.

I can't believe I...

We did it!

Yeah! Yeah!

Me and you, man.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

- Fuck, fuck, fuck. - Why? Fuck!

Fuck it!

Fuck.

That's it.

That's it.

Yeah!

Wait, hold on a second, Doug.

Need to, uh, sort my shirt.

Jesus.

Need an iron?

A bit of duct tape do the job.

Fixes everything.

Yeah.

Come on, bro, I got you

Jeez.

Bro, give you a hand here.

Thanks, man.

It's all right.

Yo, Max,

Do we have to go?

What do you mean?

I thought you were excited to see everyone.

Yeah, yeah.

Going home after, all right.

I just...

kind of want to stay out a bit longer,

Doug, your mum would quite literally hang me by my nuts

if I didn't get you back by 6 p.m. today.

- You know that, - I know.

Is...

I just don't want to wait another year.

No, I know.

Yeah, yeah, I know,

I know.

But you look good.

Come on, Doug.

Come here, mate.

Come here.

What are you saying? You all right?

Where the fuck have you been?

Mate. Don't even start.

Yeah. Mike said that you crashed your car.

Yeah, kinda.

Care to elaborate? Or...

Not really.

So you just walked?

Yeah. Pretty much.

I mean, you look like shit.

Thank you very much, mate.

I tried.

How was it?

Yeah, it was all right.

And, uh, how's Doug?

Still dead.

Classic.

Shall we, um?

Cheers, mate.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

Doug.

Missing you a lot, man.

You know, I still say I laugh about those nights

in the halls, you know,

arguing over the biggest animals we could beat in a fight.

Swear you came up with some bullshit, you know?

I took your advice.

I quit that shit job I had.

I don't know what I was thinking, man.

Anyway, I'm much happier now.

I just...

wish you were here to share it with me.

Love you always, man.

What are you saying, bro?

Um,

it's been a while.

Um. Shit.

Uh, yeah.

Lots to catch up on, actually.

Got big news.

Well, uh, for all of you.

I'm gonna be a dad.

That'll be fun, bro.

Yeah.

Holy shit, bro!

Fucking hell!

Yeah, yeah.

I, um, I just wanted to have all the lads together, so, um.

So. Yeah.

Uh, and it's a boy.

So...

we're gonna call him Doug.

Yeah. So, um,

I, I hope he isn't as much of a handful as you were.

Uh, um.

Anyway, uh, next year I'll bring him along

and you can say hello.

So...

Cheers, mate.

Great.

I've gotta follow that, have I?

Cheers.

Oh.

What is new with Mike?

Hey, Doug.

Uh.

Ah, fuck.

I wear a hat now.

Sometimes.

Um.

Oh, I still use your mum's Netflix,

so, uh, thanks for that.

I really wish you weren't dead.

You know, would have would have made this a lot easier.

Oh, fuck off.

Fuck off!

Fuck off you cunt.

Fuck! Ah!

You...

You, Doug, were the shittest, most childish fucking

late, dick of a mate I've ever met in my life, bro.

Wouldn't have had it any other way.

Max.

You know what?

He knows how I feel.

Cop out.

- Pub? - Yes.

Doug's got to be back by six.

Just one?

One for the road.

Any of you going to drive me back?

Well, it's...

It's far, isn't it?

Yeah, I know, Mike.

I walked it.

- Anyone? - Um.

I'll chip in for a taxi.

Great.

Great.

Nice one.

Oh!

Melvin?

Who the fuck is Melvin?

Just give me a second.

Who the fuck is Melvin?

Melvin?

Hello, what are you doing here?

Small world.

Yeah, not when you walk it.

Oh, yes.

How did that go?

Hmm.

What are you doing here?

Well, funnily enough,

it must have been the universe or something.

I waved you off on your way,

walked back through my front door,

and right there on the mat,

my license.

You couldn't write it.

I went outside to chase after you,

but you looked like you were having so much fun.

I thought I'd just let you get on with it.

And seeing as you spoke so highly of Orford,

I thought I'd come and see it for myself.

Oh.

Sandwich?

Thanks.

I don't suppose you could give me a lift home?

Hello, Mrs. Fung.

Sorry, um.

We had a lot of fun.

Yeah, he, uh,

we had a little bit of trouble.

I'm really sorry.

Mrs. Fung.

Your son was the most inspiring,

silly, fun loving,

just best friend to me.

And I really loved him.

Goodbye, Max.

Okay.

Ten letters, discontent.

I'm quitting.

See you around, Winnie.

Bye.

Hi, Julian.

Oh, grape?

Not now.

Um, I just wanted to let you know

that I'm not going to be in tomorrow

or the day after that,

or the week after that,

or the month after that.

So...

I wish you all the best.

Champ.

Dear Max, I'm sad while writing this.

I understand that this will be hard to hear.

You are no longer welcome in our household

and I request that you do not contact us anymore.

This has not been an easy decision.

We understand that you have lost a friend,

but we have lost our son.

Nothing will change that.

Please let us grieve in peace for the final time.

Goodbye, Max.

I hope life treats you better than it did Doug.

Life is pleasant.

Death is peaceful.

It's the transition that is troublesome.

Mrs. Feng.

You could definitely fuck up a dolphin.

Love you, mate.

♪ Hold me close ♪

♪ Like when you sang me lullabies ♪

♪ To make me less afraid of the dark at night ♪

♪ But you were there when I'd wake up ♪

♪ Darling, close your eyes ♪

♪ Smile and think of the sunshine ♪

♪ Go outside and play ♪

♪ So it's time to cry ♪

♪ No one tells us to wake up ♪

♪ We played this long ♪

♪ game before ♪

♪ One more, one more ♪

I'm gonna have to play the bloopers.

Yes, I'm gonna play the bloopers.

Yes!

Okay, guys, I'm gonna play the bloopers.

Play the bloopers!

Why have you got your sausage out?

I said it different that time, and I surprised myself.

That's what I mean.

Why have you got your sausage out

Do you want me to, uh...

Get it out. Get it?

I'm not surprised, bro.

Like you fell out of your anus.

Woof, woof.

Bark, bark, bark, bark.

Here we go.

We're getting a bit delirious now.

Oh!

What's left, bruv?

Everything's out.

Why have you got your sausage out?

You reckon the badger's okay?

Nope.

Oh.

Fuck sake, Doug.

Why have you got your sausage out?

I can't do it.

Act professional.

I mean, bro, I'm not surprised, man.

Oh, no.

No, no.

I'm so sorry.

We're gonna be late.

No, no, no, no.

Do what is all right, Rhys?

- Yeah. - It has to be next take,

I'm not surprised, bro.

Like.

Well, guys, I can't even...

Did eat three bottles of them

I feel so dehydrated.

Right. Do you know what it is?

Wait. Can everyone just look away?

I have to look away from him.

You know what it is?

We need to break out of this one, dude

No, we don't, we can't.

The sun is coming up.

I know, I know, I know, I didn't get up and sit down.

That's it, that's it.

You can literally see the sun come up.

We have about 15 minutes, guys.

Sorry.

It's so difficult under these pressures.

Guys, I don't want to stay here tomorrow.

Please do it!

Your inside fell out of your anus.

Sorry. It's not funny.

But you're feeling better now, though, yeah?

Yeah.

Thinking get back. It probably was all those berries.