Original subtitles

Right from the start, it was good.

In the beginning, it was really good.

When it first started, we first started seeing each other.

First started going out together.

Just the two of us doing things.

Wow.

It always is.

Isn't it always that way?

Isn't it?

Christ, the energy we had.

The fun we had.

The times we spent.

Doing nothing sometimes.

Doing everything.

It actually didn't matter what we were doing. Doing anything.

It was just so good.

It was like a drug.

Every day, just walking around, whatever I was doing, the whole world was

beautiful. Everything made sense.

Everything that didn't make sense before, all of a sudden. It was like

being alive again.

It was like I'd been dead and nobody had told me, and now... I was alive again.

Hope, I guess.

That's what it was.

Belief.

Believing in everything again.

I even liked the way I looked.

I stopped checking the scale.

I stopped smoking.

I stopped smoking.

I stopped punishing myself.

I felt good about myself.

I felt like I could do anything.

I used to get so excited I would shake.

Every time I knew I was going to see him, there was like this electricity

coming out of me.

You know, people would say, what's going on with you? You look great.

What have you been doing?

I was on a roll.

I was strong.

I was relaxed.

I was like a pig in shit.

Everything came together all of a sudden. All the loose ends, all the

fear, all the anxiety.

Sometimes, sometimes you don't even know you're in pain until it goes away.

And then the relief.

The joy.

Well. The first time I saw him. I laid eyes on him. I knew. Right away.

This was it.

Really it.

Like, bye.

When it starts that good, there's no place to go except that.

Why do you have to be so fucking difficult?

Because I want to know. Bullshit!

I want to know what we're doing.

What we're doing?

What we're doing? What you're doing is leaving. Going. Go. I'm not going.

Go. We're supposed to be talking.

We are talking.

No, we're not talking. We're not talking. Oh, okay, then. We'll talk.

We'll talk.

Talk. Talk.

Talk!

God?

You really make me sick.

Oh, thank you very much.

If I eat, I want to throw up.

If I don't eat, I get a headache.

If I sleep, I have nightmares.

If I don't sleep, I get depressed.

I can't move.

I'm stuck on a chair, just going over every word, and it just makes me even

sicker. This is your idea of a conversation?

I'm trying!

Look, I have 57 vegetables waiting to have their picture taken in the morning.

I work, too.

Right. Hollywood front seat.

Teaching is very hard work. Sure.

That's it. I'm taking that class tomorrow.

What? Aerobics? No.

Flaubert. Anti-domestic enslavement of women.

Or does a person with a penis have to be a dickhead?

Christ, that's perfect.

You should pass.

That's right.

Can you please turn around and drop me where you found me?

I mean, as soon as this damn traffic starts moving.

It's just, sometimes.

What is it, two years?

Two and a half years.

What's the point?

Two and a half years.

What have we been doing?

I don't know anymore.

I don't know what to do, okay?

Try.

We're supposed to try.

I mean, we are supposed to make at least some kind of an effort.

Something goes wrong, you just walk out the door. I mean, what the hell is that?

I don't want to see you anymore either, but I see you.

And who says we want what we think we want?

You know?

We want what we think we're supposed to want. Like the things the books tell us

to want, and the movies.

That's what I wanted.

Happy.

Happy, happy, happy. Shit like that, okay?

We didn't get that.

That's the end of that. It's not the end of us.

It's the end of a dream, that's all.

You wake up in the morning, and the dream is over. So what?

I'm still here. You're still here. We're still here.

Okay?

Yeah.

So maybe we should...

Maybe we should just not see

each other anymore.

That's what I said.

She doesn't want you to call.

If she wanted to talk, she would call you.

What am I going to say?

Hello? Hello is good.

Hi, it's me.

Hello, it's me.

Hi, Monica, it's me, Steve.

Hey.

Hi, remember me?

Just do it.

I was in the neighborhood, you know, so I thought I'd drop in and say hi, you

know, but then I thought maybe I should call, you know, check if you're in,

check if it's okay, you know, that you haven't got anybody with you or

anything, that you're by yourselves.

I don't know.

Yeah, I've been going out a lot lately, yeah.

Yeah, no, actually, I've been... No, I've been going out a lot lately. I'm

working.

I've been going out a lot lately, and I've been working, yeah.

I haven't seen lots of women.

Monica.

Yeah, it's that time of year again.

Photographing lima beans.

Yeah, they're beautiful.

Well, why don't you call me, for fuck's sake?

Want to go out?

I don't know.

We could go to a restaurant.

Go to a movie. Eat something. I don't know.

Go out.

Out, out, you know. Out.

Okay?

I'd like to see you.

Yeah. Yeah. It'd be nice to see you. Don't you think?

Wouldn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

I don't know.

I don't know. I just...

Just see you, you know? No,

no, I just... No.

I mean, just see you, okay?

No, I just... Yeah?

Look, I know we're not supposed to see each other. I know what we said.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Okay, I bet.

I'm not forcing you.

Okay? I'm not forcing you. How could I force you?

I'm just saying.

I'm saying.

Look, I'm saying what I'm saying. I've said it. I've said it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

All right.

Jesus. All right. All right. Look, I'm sorry I called. Okay?

Don't worry about it.

No. No.

It's not important.

Okay?

I told you.

I told you why I called, okay?

I'm not going to tell you again.

All right? It's not important.

Okay?

Go back to whatever you're doing. It's fine.

Okay. Yeah.

Bye. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Don't move.

Come on, please, please, please. Don't move, don't move. Stay, stay, stay.

Your leg.

What? Your leg. What leg?

This one. I can't feel it. Or is it?

Here.

Is that my leg?

Yes, that's your leg.

Jesus, my whole body. What are you doing?

Drugs.

We didn't do any drugs, did we?

No.

Do you have a lot to drink?

We didn't have anything to drink.

With dinner?

I thought we were going to.

We didn't make it.

And then all this... You mean all this is just from the

sex?

I don't want to talk about it, all right?

In the beginning, it was really terrible.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, the sex.

Do you remember how bad it was?

No.

Fucking amateurs. I thought we'd never get it right.

Uh-huh.

Okay, I would just make an observation.

As a relationship has deteriorated... I got it, I got it. ...we fuck like

monkeys.

Cherie! Mm-hmm?

What do you want to eat?

I thought we were going to dinner.

Now.

Yeah? Now?

It's not that late.

It's not.

It's not that it's late. I... Well, I'm starving, honey. Aren't you hungry?

Yeah. I could eat.

I don't know.

Well?

What's the problem?

I thought when you called, you said you wanted to go to dinner.

But that was before.

Before what?

Before this.

Yeah.

But we would have ended up in bed anyway.

Now it's out of the way, it's better.

Takes the pressure off the rest of the evening.

Why do you say things like that?

Like what?

It's a pressure off the rest of the evening. What does that mean?

I don't know.

I thought you were ecstatically happy to see me.

And I was.

I am.

So?

So what?

So maybe that means?

Would you pass me the bowl, please?

Thank you. Like maybe we should be seeing each other again.

I thought we were breaking up.

Well... What do you think?

I don't know. I just know that we shouldn't be talking about it like it

was a trip to the dentist.

I said it was good. Something you have to get out of the way.

I didn't mean it like that, and you know it. Why did you say it like that?

Because.

What?

When we were going out to dinner or something...

It was always better if we, you know, had sex before we went out. For me, it

was better.

Why?

I don't know.

I just always had a better time.

In bed?

No.

At dinner or whatever we went after.

I don't get it.

It's not important.

Oh, you know, you really gotta let me buy the wine.

Didn't I leave a half a dozen bottles of nappy here?

The cabs have.

What happened to them?

Okay, bad question. I hope you enjoyed them.

To you, mi querida.

So you mean whatever we were doing...

You were thinking about whether or not we were going to go to bed later?

It wasn't the only thing on my mind, okay?

Hey, I'm not an infomaniac.

It had nothing to do with the sex.

I wasn't worried about whether I was going to get paid or not.

I was just worried about... What?

I don't know.

You, us, I guess.

How you felt, maybe?

It made me nervous.

And then if we made love, everything was okay.

I guess I thought that it meant that you loved me. That's all.

Then I could just relax.

I could just be myself.

We were having a good time just because we were good together.

Not because we were desperate or horny.

I guess I thought it meant...

There was a reason for us to be together.

I didn't know you felt like that.

No, I guess you didn't.

You put the carrots in the pasta?

Jesus Christ, what are you doing? So, you want to go to dinner or not?

Look, it is not my fault if you cannot cook. That is not my fault. I already

know you are an insensitive bastard.

Insensitive? Get the hell out of here. If you don't like the way I move, if you

don't like the things I do, if you don't like me...

I'm going

Leave me alone, get out of my life!

Are you surprised?

Are you?

So am I.

I'm surprised at myself.

Steve, I miss you.

I do.

Well, six weeks is a long time.

Now, sex. I mean, sex.

Oh! My phone, Taryn.

Say what again? Oh.

I miss you?

Okay.

I miss you.

Okay? Are you happy now?

Okay.

You don't have to do that.

You don't have to say it just because I said it. I mean, I didn't say it so that

you... You do?

That's nice.

Because...

We do better on the phone, you know. Have you noticed that? We do.

We're nicer to each other.

And if we were on the phone and one of us was out of town, it was even better.

Look, if you were in Australia right now, it asked you to move.

Stop that.

Don't be dirty.

Stop it.

Steve.

I've been thinking.

You know, there used to be reasons for people to be together, to stay together.

Like stability and security and even kids.

But you see, I don't need you for these reasons nowadays.

I mean, I can get all these on my own if I wanted to.

So, if there are no real reasons for two people to be together, then you're into

unreal reasons.

fantastic things like happiness and

good company and comfort and understanding

and emotional support.

God, you wouldn't ask that much from a saint.

So you look at this person that you're having this relationship with and you

think, what the heck is he good for anyway?

I hate being without you I hate it

It's not right

Can't we do something about it?

I can't take it I can't

Please

And I love you like nobody loves you Come rain

or come shine High as

a mountain and deep as a river Come rain or come

shine

It was just one of those things.

Are you alright?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes, I am.

Go back to sleep.

Why don't you turn on the light?

I don't need a light.

You're gonna break your neck.

I can see.

What are you doing?

I'm looking for my shoes.

You're dressed.

I can't find them anyway.

You're all dressed.

I must have... I've taken them off in the other room.

Where are you going?

I gotta go.

Where? Gotta get home. Why?

It's late.

Come on, let's go back to bed.

I woke you. I'm sorry.

You woke me?

Yeah.

What were you going to do? Just leave?

Yeah.

What is going

on?

Nothing. Nothing?

Nothing. What happened?

Why are you leaving?

I gotta get up.

Besides that. No besides.

I gotta get up. I gotta get up. I gotta get up.

Everybody's gotta get up, Steve. I gotta get up. You gotta get up. The whole

world's gotta get up.

That's another problem. We can talk about that one some other time.

I'm going crazy.

See?

That's different.

Everyday garden variety, existential crisis.

But crazy is different.

I'll call you tomorrow.

All right, what is it this time?

What? What did I do? Did I do something?

No, nothing. Why do you think you did something? Because I always do

something.

No. Nothing. You didn't do anything, okay?

Look, I don't mind.

Really. I mean, we're not even seeing each other anymore, so it... It doesn't

matter, really.

But just as a favor, just this once, since it doesn't make any difference,

could you please not disappear in the middle of the night like some thief?

Like you suddenly realize you're at the wrong place.

Like you made this horrible mistake and you gotta get out of here before the

police gets here. So I don't have to worry that I upset you or disappointed

you or hurt you or drool all over you in the middle of the night. Just this once,

I'd like to get laid and get a good night's sleep, okay?

What do you say?

For old time's sake.

Come on, we'll go to sleep.

Wake up in the morning, I'll make you some coffee, we'll read the paper.

You never disappointed me.

I used to wake up, I'd fall asleep and then I'd be wide awake and

I just had to get out of here.

Why? Not because it was bad, okay?

But because being here with you, everything else was far

away, just gone.

Me and my life and every day what I do and who I am.

I was losing that year.

I'd wake up and I'd think it's gone.

To see if it's still there.

To see if I'm still there.

Because here... I

don't know who I am here.

I get lost here.

Is that such a bad thing?

No, it's not that it's bad, all right? It's not that it's good or bad. It just

takes over.

It changes everything.

It's supposed to change everything, Steve.

Yeah.

Love, right? Right.

But suppose it doesn't last.

I gotta hang on to what I have besides this, to who I am away from this.

Because this isn't gonna last, and this is all I have, and it doesn't last.

Who am I?

What are you so afraid of now?

I'm afraid that I won't... ever love anybody as much as I love you.

I can't.

I just can't, okay?

I gotta go.

It'll be okay.

I'll, you know... I was looking for my shirt. I can't find it. If you see it...

Can you get it to me or I'll come and get it or something?

You

should

see me when you're not around I'm a genius

in this town I'm a queen

Be you when the coast is clear.

Now I know.

I don't need you, dear.

So wave your hand.

Like a magic man.

Disappear.

You should see me from your ivory tower

I'm the hero of the hour I'm a close

friend of destiny

When you're not here to bother me Well, you need your bed

Let a lionet get back to his sleep Yeah, yeah

Yeah, history!

Like an ancient rock No, what's that?

Like the Dead Sea Scrolls Yeah, history!

Everybody knows No, no, no, no Yeah, history!

Your history My enemy!

My enemy Yeah, history!

So, how have you been?

Yeah, and in that restaurant.

We're just looking for a place to turn around and... Us too.

And then, I don't know, there we were.

Yeah, turn around and there you were.

She was cute.

What? What's her name? Yeah, Muffy.

Oh, she's a friend, you know? She seemed really nice.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

So, is it serious?

Well, kind of, you know.

I mean, it's none of my business. I was just curious.

Off and on.

On and off, you know?

And other women.

Like, you know, yeah.

Oh. Well, I've been enjoying myself, you know. Anyway, it was nice seeing you.

Who, me?

Him? Oh, no.

No, no, not serious.

Well, actually, I don't know.

What? He goes to the gym a lot.

It shows, doesn't it? Yeah. About three times a week. And aerobics every day in

between.

Are you joking?

This guy has a separate suitcase for them.

Minerals, amino acids, antioxidants, you name it.

Let me tell you something. When I first started going out with him, I thought he

was on drugs. I mean, he kept popping this thing into his mouth. I thought he

was a junkie. Turns out it was bran.

Yeah, you heard right.

Bran. There is no part of his body that somebody doesn't do something to at

least once a day.

He has the schedule, you know. So even if he wanted to work,

Yeah, really.

It's funny. He'll have everything done to him.

Facials, manicures, pedicures, high colonics.

You know what that is?

You don't want to know.

You're on fire.

You're so hot.

I shouldn't be saying all this.

It's not fair.

Because I like him.

I do.

I can see what he's doing. He's fighting.

He's fighting hard.

Growing old.

He's fighting it.

And when we're together, just the two of us.

I don't know.

He holds on.

He likes life.

He wants it. He fights for it.

He's selfish.

Dishonest. I think he lies to me.

He's not very bright.

He's sort of funny looking.

But he loves life.

It's sort of amazing, this day and age.

And it's contagious to be with somebody like that who just loves living so much.

Yes!

Isn't it amazing?

It's amazing!

See?

I want to get married.

What? I want to get married.

Well... Yeah, I do.

Okay.

I do.

Well, if you do, you do.

I do.

When? Right away.

Really? Yeah, yeah.

Before I change my mind, you know?

I think it's the right thing.

I thought about it, and that's what I think.

What do you think?

What does she think? Who?

Oh, no, I don't know. I haven't told her.

Oh. I'm telling you.

Thanks.

You.

I mean you.

You want to get married to me?

Yes.

You want us to get married?

Yes.

You and me?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's not going to work with her, you know? I can see that. I mean, it's

working. It's working, but it's not going to work, you know?

Jesus.

Maybe I should start this again.

You want to get married to me?

Yes. Yes.

No, no, no.

I'm working at it.

I've been trying, honest to God. And I'm doing okay.

Better than I've ever done before. Better than with you. I'm patient. I'm

not pushing. I'm not crazy.

I see things the way they are.

She is what she is.

She's not who I think she is. She's not who I want her to be.

We don't fight. We don't argue.

We tell the truth.

I think we tell the truth. It sounds like we're telling the truth.

We share, you know? We share all of it, you know? It's very understanding, very

easy like that.

So fucking dull.

I need some air.

Hey, I'm not complaining.

It's not fucking a complaint.

If that's what it has to be, then that's what it has to be. I understand all

that. You can never make anything work with the ups and downs anyway, so why

not try dull?

Maybe dull is the answer. Maybe dull will last.

But you know, as dull as it is, it's going in the same direction.

A couple of words here, a couple of words there, a couple of looks, a couple

of wrong moves, and bang, the honeymoon's over.

And then what? You break up, and you go, and you find somebody else, and you

start all over again.

I can't do that.

I did it with you. I can't do it with somebody else.

It could take years. All that time to get someplace with her that I'm already

at with you.

And that hit me, you know? It hit me.

We can't quit, you and me. We have something now. We can't just throw it

away. You know, okay, I admit, it's a failure, but it's ours.

You know?

It's not the end.

That's too easy. It's the place to start from.

It's two and a half years of our lives. It's an investment.

You know, all that pain to get to zero?

Okay, well, now we're here.

You know?

We've got nothing.

Nothing works.

We're finished.

Total.

Complete. Everything that we had is gone.

You know, we...

We haven't got a hope. We haven't got a prayer. We haven't got a chance.

That's it. I really think we should get married.

I'm not doing anything on Thursday.

You want to get married on Thursday?

Don't do that.

What? Don't make jokes.

Well... Monica!

Monica!

This isn't easy.

You think this is easy for me?

Come on, this is important, all right?

People are living real lives. People have serious problems. We're still

running around like we're teenagers.

She loves me. She loves me not. I love her. I love her. I mean, who gives a

fuck, all right?

I want this over with. I want it out of the way.

Final, total, complete marriage.

The two of us.

So we can stop wasting all this time and do something with our lives.

That's one way to look at it. It's the only way.

Yeah, what about divorce? No, no.

No, no divorce.

No question of divorce. Divorce is out.

Then I guess we should get married in Iran.

Yes, fine, good.

But I would have to spend the rest of my life wearing a veil.

No, only in the street. They take them off when they're in the house.

Oh, well.

No, Iran is good. Iran is the answer. At least there, these things mean

something. Oh, I don't know. I think men still fool around in Iran. Oh, no. No

fooling around. No fooling around. Penalty of death.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, you fool around, I chop off your dick.

Don't laugh.

You make me crazy when you laugh.

God, you're so beautiful.

And I miss you, and we tried this breaking up shit, and it just doesn't

work.

Marry me.

Please.

You know something?

Honestly?

It doesn't sound so bad. No, it's not.

It's the right thing.

It's the way it should be.

Accept. No, don't accept.

I know I'm right.

All right.

Suppose we do this.

Good.

We make this commitment.

Right. Till death do us part. Absolutely.

What happens if all... It won't.

Just... What happens? It's not going to happen.

You're not listening to me. I don't have to listen. Why should I listen? Why

should I listen? I know I'm right. I'm what I'm right.

I'm really, really right.

Okay?

So... Just...

Stop talking.

Hi,

my name is Monica and this is my boyfriend Steve. We're getting married

soon and

We're just going around asking people.

What is it that we can do to make it last?

What keeps you together?

Honesty. Friendship. Love.

Trust. Good sex.

You have a body. Good sex.

What do you think is the thing that you really need in a marriage?

I think you need to love your partner and good sex.

I don't think you can make a recipe. It doesn't work.

A very treacherous institution.

Treacherous? That's right. The word love itself is again a myth, you know.

That's why we're asking people.

That's too confusing.

The secret to a good marriage is patience and understanding.

Now, if you want to go the other way... So what would be the thing that you

think would immediately break up a relationship?

Not communicating with each other.

Jealousy. Lying.

Are you married?

Uh, no, not yet. Did you shave yet?

No.

One person can't possibly give you everything that you need and that you

want. How long have you been engaged?

Two years.

I'm not waiting that long.

Two spirits meet.

Starts off heavy in love. I don't say that. You grow.

And grow and grow and grow.

That's what I say.

My wife left me for one of my best friends, whom she used to hate.

He used to repulse her.

And one day used the love of her life.

We want to get married and have babies.

Do you think that's a good idea?

Why?

I think I should dump him.

Dump him in the garbage.

Dump him in the garbage?

Einstein. Theory of relativity.

Do you understand it?

Of course not. Nobody does, nobody did. Especially then, beginning of the

century. It was scary.

All people could think was no more straight lines, no more right angles, no

more absolute time.

Motion was curved.

What does that mean?

Something happened to the world and nobody understood it.

It was confusing.

And people started jumping to conclusions.

There are no more absolutes.

Time, space, good, evil, the things we know, the things we believe in, the

things we see. We thought we understood these things.

Maybe we don't.

Maybe they're all relative. You follow that?

Got the real estate section.

Einstein was going crazy.

This is not what he meant, but that's the way most people understood it.

Moving day.

You think you have free will.

You make decisions, you make things happen.

According to Marx, these are just behavior.

Superficial behavior.

Underneath this behavior, there are patterns.

Determining our destiny.

And here's the killer.

We have no control over them.

It doesn't matter what we do, it makes no difference to the path of history.

Want to try and take a house to the beach with someone?

Can we afford it?

No.

But after the wedding, if we don't take a honeymoon.

No honeymoon?

Okay. Are you planning on doing anything today?

At the same time that everybody's really. Who comes along?

Sigmund Freud.

Things weren't bad enough, right?

Now, all of a sudden, we weren't repressed. On top of everything else,

guilty. Whenever we did anything, it was for the wrong reason.

And what we're really doing, we're not responsible for.

Don't you think you're oversimplifying?

Of course I'm oversimplified.

Because I don't understand it either.

You can't understand it. They didn't give us anything to understand except...

Now, before this, guys, we used to understand the world. And now we don't,

because they proved to us, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we don't

understand the world.

Do you want to give me a hand with this?

Honey, I'm doing the fridge.

20th century man.

Doubt.

What are you talking about now?

You, me, everybody.

It's right there in the arts and leisure section.

This is why we aren't sure of anything.

This is why we feel cut off, drifting.

This is why we can't make a commitment.

This is why people lie and cheat and steal and they never think they're doing

anything wrong.

Nothing means anything.

You see what I mean?

Are you saying you don't want to get married?

No.

I'm saying what I'm saying.

That's not true.

Okay. Ready? Let's go.

You're driving.

Do you think we should have children?

What?

Do you think we should have children?

I mean, if we get married.

What do you mean, if?

You are my queen. Yes, you are my queen. I have no opinion.

And when it fails, we'll meet again.

In your heart,

you'll want her for a lover.

One each step draws you closer to the eye.

Do you take this man? Do you take this woman?

For better or for worse? In sickness or in health?

With the full knowledge that we really don't know what we're really doing.

And that we might exchange this permanent internal unhappiness for a

remolding of reality.

To live free of guilt and free of personal responsibilities.

And all that that does not entail.

To love.

Honor. And obey.

Obey?

The powerless to alter or change in any way.

That it really doesn't matter what we do.

And with the final and conclusive knowledge that the world is not what it

seems.

That you cannot measure time or space.

Or right or wrong. Or good or evil.

Or the value of anything except the dollar, the yen, and the Deutschmark.

Until death, divorce, or desertion. I do.

Hello?

I do.

I do.

I do!

I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do.

I do what?

Take this woman, et cetera, et cetera.

I do.

Monica.

Yes, Steve.

This is not a dream.

No, Steve.

This is not a dream.

Now say I do so we can get the hell out of here, okay?

I'll miss you.

I'm sorry you're going.

I love you.

Did I give you the keys?

Yes.

I left the number where I can't be rich until I get an apartment.

What else?

My mother's sending back the wedding gifts.

I told her whatever it costs, we'll split it. You know, the catering, the

food.

Okay, sure.

I'll call her.

You wouldn't call her if I were you.

Why not?

Okay, call her. Just don't be surprised if she isn't very nice.

She thinks it's her fault.

Why would she think that?

Because that's what I told her.

Couldn't tell her the truth.

Why not?

Because I don't know what the truth is.

Disappointed? That's putting it mildly. She was already counting grandchildren.

I'm sorry.

Don't keep saying that, please.

But I am.

Yes, so am I. I'm sorry I ever laid eyes on you.

I'm sorry you exist.

I have a long list of sorrys, Steve, but I don't want to get into them right now

because none of them really matter except for one major, stupid,

unbelievable mistake.

And that is that I gave up my apartment to come and live with you. For that, I

am truly, truly sorry.

Look, you could just stay here.

Sure.

You could.

Sure I could.

But where would you stay?

Well, here. I mean, come on. We're both adults.

No, we're not.

Are you crazy?

You call this behavior adult?

Besides, I can't stand the sight of you right now.

Do you understand that?

Look, I talked to you.

I was confused.

Scared.

I kept looking around at all those people and thinking...

What are they doing here? What's happening here that's so important?

You know, before, I thought it was going to be a big party, you know?

Everybody will dance and have a good time.

And we'll go home, take a couple of aspirin, go to bed, and that's that.

Till death do us part.

Right.

Okay?

It was your idea, Steve.

I know.

I know, but something happened, you know.

I think it was the rice.

We never even got to the rice.

We never even got to here comes the bride.

I know, but I saw them passing it out in the church. Little bags of, like, life

shit that people were gonna throw at us because we're getting married.

I mean, the church was bad. What the hell were we doing in a church?

And the Cadillacs, I mean, when was the last time that you were in a Cadillac? I

don't even drive.

I really wish you wouldn't try to explain this.

You're only going to make it worse. It just wasn't right.

Any of it, okay?

It was like being on another planet.

I mean, tuxedos and rice and Cadillacs and churches.

What the hell does that have to do with us? It's a ceremony, Steve.

It's just a symbol.

You're not supposed to analyze it. You're just supposed to do it.

At least in the 60s they had an alternative, right? You know, it was

like, okay, well, let's get married in the meadow. You know, just us and God

and, uh...

A couple of spaced-out witnesses.

At least they had that. I mean, what have we got?

All right.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe we should have done it in a bank with a word processor and two tax

lawyers. Maybe we should have done it in Central Park or Rollerblades.

Maybe we should have done a lot of things, but the point is, we didn't.

We didn't do it.

We didn't do it, did we?

Okay, that's it.

Enough.

I'm finished.

I'll get the rest of it on Saturday.

I'll call you early. Will you be here on Saturday?

Come on.

Go. Will you be here or not?

Don't call.

Don't touch me, okay?

Come on. Don't touch my boo-boo.

Look, just sit down so we can talk. I don't want to talk.

Okay, don't talk. Just sit down. I don't want to sit down.

Okay, don't sit down. Just stand there.

Stand there for a minute.

I don't have a minute. I have to go.

Why do you have to be so fucking difficult?

Me.

Just give me a minute to think. What's going to happen?

Just give me a minute.

Look, this has been going on for years. Do you think that it's going to change

in a minute? I'm only asking you for a minute. What's the big deal? Do you

think a miracle is going to happen? Jesus Christ. You see what I'm talking

about? You see what I mean?

You never give anything a chance.

I never give anything a chance. One way. You see, everything one way.

I bought the fucking dress.

I sent out the invitations.

I worked on the stupid menu.

One and one is two, and two and two is four. I don't give anything a chance.

Hey, so things don't work out that way. That's all. What's the big deal?

I believed in you.

I believed you.

That's the big deal.

rules for these things? I'm the one that's crazy because I think you know

what's wrong with me. Everything has to have a certain way. What kind of

elementary school bullshit is that? You don't know what you're talking about.

You're stupid and blind. Hey, I'm not stupid. I see what's going on. Would you

listen to me? No, you listen. No, you listen. You listen. You, you, you. Why

does it always have to be you? And I'm always wrong. It's always my fault.

Well, you know what? You know what? You get out of my life and you get the hell

away from me. You son of a bitch. You get out of my life. And I am sick of

you.

Okay, you want the truth? You want the truth?

Nothing. You won't even miss me. You won't even know I'm not there.

Nothing. Nothing.

Nothing.

That's all I am to you. Nothing.

You're nothing to me.

Nothing. Right.

Right.

Okay.

One minute.

They say that falling in love

is wonderful.

So wonderful.

So they say.

Hi. I have this number for Monica.

You see that?

Hello? Monica?

Hello? Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Well, I do.

I did, and now I do. I always have. I smoke, okay?

Count one, three, three. I want two.

Parmigiana sandwiches.

I want a large pepperoni.

Four cheesecakes.

Monica, it's Steve.

I think I'm pregnant, and it's yours.

You should call me.

Please.

I know you're thinking about me.

Because I'm thinking about you all the time.

Every day, every minute.

I'm sorry for hurting you. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just got to see you.

Please, I got to see you.

It was hard.

It wasn't easy.

I used to run into people.

They'd tell me things.

What she was doing.

What he was up to.

I didn't want to know. I wanted to know, but I didn't want to know.

I didn't want to hear about it, especially if it was good.

Sometimes it was hard not to ask about it, even if I didn't want to hear

anything. But that changed.

After a while, that stopped.

I think she moved.

She must have finally found a place of her own.

I think he would have stopped calling.

I mean, even if he knew where I was.

I would have stopped calling. I mean, eventually.

Somebody had to do something definite about it.

I think we had to make a clean break.

People stopped talking.

I stopped asking.

But I kept thinking about him.

You're still on my mind.

At least, at least once a day.

You know you do something.

You go someplace.

You see somebody. Oh, you know, you hear something.

I kept thinking.

If I could only just go through one day without having his name go through my

head. This was months later.

That was after a year.

And then you start to think.

Maybe I should just call him. I thought of calling him.

Just to see how he is.

Find out how she was doing. Say hello.

But I didn't.

I never did.

The thing is, I never really figured out what was wrong with us. There was never

a real problem. There was never anything you could put your finger on. You know,

to this day, I don't know why we broke up. I don't know why it didn't work.

We were really stupid.

And I think we were in love.

We were really in love.

Yeah.

Well, that didn't help.

That made it tougher.

It was harder to let go.

You have this experience of feeling something so strong, so good, and as bad

as it gets, you can't forget that.

And you always think that tomorrow it will be the way it was in the beginning.

And the memory gets stronger and stronger.

And it just makes every day worse and worse.

I think that whole love thing really did us in. It screwed everything up.

And then I woke up one day and I realized that I hadn't thought about him

for weeks.

I don't know what I was doing. I wasn't doing anything.

But whatever I was doing, I wasn't thinking about you at all.

Oh, hi, George.

I don't know what it was.

It was just one day.

It just sort of occurred to me.

It sort of dawned on me.

I just sort of realized it.

I knew it was over.

Yeah, all right.

I just sort of realized it.

It was finished.

It was?

Yeah.

I didn't think it was you.

No? No, I didn't. What did you think it was?

No, I didn't think it was anybody, just not you.

Well? You look terrific.

Thanks.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

You don't have to make a fuss. I'm not.

Okay, but they are adorable.

They're so cute. Look at this. Look at this.

This one is Monica. I call her Moniquita.

And this is Elizabeth here. There's two of them.

Elizabeth sold her.

Anyway, I wanted you to see them.

What does he do, your husband?

Oh, electronics.

Huh?

No Renoir, no Gauguin?

No, electronics. Sort of. He does temperature testing for computer parts.

Uh-huh.

He invented it.

Huh? Yeah.

It's a way of testing computer parts to see how much heat they can withstand.

Good.

I know. But he does well.

What about you?

How you doing?

Me? I'm good.

You still working?

Yes.

I slept for a year for the kids.

And I went back to school.

I got my master's degree.

French literature.

20th century. The good stuff. The good stuff.

That's right.

That's terrific, you know.

How about you?

I'm good.

I'm great.

How's the studio?

We finally moved.

Good. Yeah, Michael got to me. We're downtown with the big boys now.

Oh, that's excellent.

Thank you.

So, what are you doing in Santa Barbara?

I film. I had a job for a very near Castroville here.

Yeah.

I actually don't do much still stuff anymore.

That's terrific.

We do, like, educational documentary stuff.

A ton.

You know, I actually did take some stills recently. They're very nice.

Would you like to see them?

Yeah, I'd love to see them.

Organically grown.

Your honor.

Oh, my God.

That's what I said.

Look at him.

Is it a him?

Oh, it's a girl.

Oh.

She's just a baby.

Mm-hmm.

Six months.

You didn't tell me.

No, I... You didn't tell me either.

It was just beautiful.

Yeah? You think so?

I can't believe you did this.

It wasn't hard. I had years of practice.

Some of them with you.

No, it is hard.

But it's funny.

Because after you do it, you wonder... Why did you wait so long?

That's enough.

It's disgusting anyway.

I don't really show them to anybody anymore. People hate it, you know. They

smile, but they hate it.

Is she good to you?

The baby?

The wife.

Oh, yeah.

Dumb question.

No, not at all. I know exactly what you mean, but she is, yes.

I used to do that all the time, you know. I used to ask people stuff like if

they were happy or stuff like that, but I don't do it anymore because it's

stupid and it's none of my business.

Are you happy?

Yeah, I am.

I am happy.

That's great.

I worry a lot.

You know, I think maybe I should have been smarter. I think I did it all

wrong. I should have... I don't know.

I don't know if I can give them what they need.

You know?

Sometimes I think I don't even know if I know what they need.

But that's okay. It really is, because...

I enjoy trying.

Sometimes I think it's working, sometimes I think it's not.

But sometimes I think it's just best not to think.

Right. Just do it.

Funny, isn't it? You know, I feel more alone now.

You know?

That surprised me.

It really did.

I mean, there's so much more going on.

People and work and the baby and it's all good But I still feel more alone

Well, it doesn't get any easier

Listen, Ralph.

It's getting late.

Yeah, I better get moving.

Yeah, I got an early flight.

You're leaving tomorrow?

Yeah.

Well, it's good to see you.

It was good to see you too.

I'm gonna have the worst time ever.

Do you have any good or bad breakup stories you can tell?

The lowest would have been the guy right before him who

asked me to marry him and then went away, and he wanted me to visit him.

So I called him Wednesday night to firm up the details, and a woman answered the

phone. And this was at midnight, and she tried to wake him up.

Little did I know he was in a drunken stupor and could not be awakened and he

called me the next morning He said you know honey. I'm really sorry about what

happened. I said you asked me to marry you What were you doing with another

woman at midnight after you proposed to me, and he said darling.

We're not married yet The worst breakup I ever had took two years I moved across

the country, 3,000 miles away. He followed me.

And when he left, we were back together.

But by the time he made it to New York City, we had somehow broken up again.

He got a girl pregnant.

Does it every time.

And even then, he still wanted to go out with me.

He got her pregnant. He was going to marry her. But he said we'd still stay

the same, meaning we'd still be together. Because at this point, we were

together.

He's like, Debbie, I made a mistake.

My girlfriend and I used to email each other. It was kind of a romantic thing

we used to do. We were going to two different schools.

And then one night I got home, and she broke up with me over email.

And the reason that she gave me was that she had met someone else over email.

is living is it feels best when it's most

unreal and you do anything

you can think of in order

to not have to deal searching

for life after

Still hoping.

Still hoping.

Another end of day sunrise.

Out the windshield of a rented van.

Still feeling a little bit spacey.

Still see traces when you move your hands.

Still hoping.

Still hoping.