Original subtitles

- Welcome to the partay!

We made it to the semifinals,

and I felt like we needed something,

you know, to mark the occasion,

and what better way than a classic team bonding field trip?

Also, it is Sasha's birthday-

- It's party tiiiiiiime!

- Hey!

- Hehehey!

Joanne, since I know you're terrible at parties,

I came prepared!

Edibles, candies, candies that are edible, mostly,

some are expired, and of course...

Beer!

- Boris, it's not that kind of party.

- Let's goooo! - Party time!

- P-p-p-party time!

- Mmm mmm!

- Yup, it's a team building party for the semifinals!

- Is this thing even safe, Joanne?

(laughter)

- Okay, guys. Just, come on.

It's Sasha's birthday, she doesn't like birthdays, okay?

- Ohhh!

- So I-I wanted to make it still fun and special,

but I don't want her to think it's about her,

I want her to think it's about the team!

Just keep it on the down low,

it's not birthday party, it's just a casual,

team building day where she happens to have a magical time!

- Casual.

- Alright! I like the sound of magic!

Who wants to make it happen a little bit faster

with maybe candy, maybe drugs?

(theme music)

- Shit! We gotta go, where's Sasha?

- Hey Joanne, listen.

Sorry, still owe you this month's rent.

I know, but, my parents will not step in.

(scoffs)

- M B, look at me, look at me, look at me!

- So uh-

(crash)

I'm gonna have to sell Kevin.

- No!

- Kevin's a bong, my most cherished bong.

Named him after a camp counsellor

I tried to have sex with once.

Doesn't sound like it's important but, it was.

It was.

(everybody): Sasha!

- Sorry I'm late! Oh, my God!

- Buckle up, you're in for the ride of your life!

- Hey!

- Oh, has that been sanitized?

- No.

Alright, driver man! Let's go!

(engine starts)

(techno music)

(cheering)

- You having fun?

- Party bus!

- Who wants some liquor?

- Woo!

- Pour that shit in my mouth!

- Whoa, Joanne!

- Yey hehehey!

(cheering)

(bus engine backfires)

- Okay, here we are!

(music stops)

- Here we are, guys.

- What? - What?

- Where are we?

- My favourite place in the entire world!

- Spaghetti Factory?

- No, the field.

- Huh?

- Field party!

- Huh? - What?

- Guys, I could only afford the bus for a half an hour,

so uh, let's get your shit and go, come on.

(groaning)

Time to team build! Let's go.

Starting off today with a classic team building exercise -

hula hoops.

There you go.

- I did it.

- No, you gotta get your, you gotta pass it on to Mel,

so you gotta get your legs through here.

- Oh!

- There you go, Lee just did it. That's the spirit!

- Wow! - Shake it out!

- Really good stuff, guys.

(cellphone dings) - Oh, you got two.

- Up over. - That's it, way to build.

(voicemail): Hey, it's Leanne.

I need an unbiased opinion.

Roy and I got into a fight, and I need someone to tell me

if I'm being a huge bitch.

So we're talking about the flowers for the wedding,

okay, and I sent him an email that was-

I sent you a picture of the dress shirt Roy wants to wear-

get ugly ass roses from Costco, and your mom will hate them!

Ugh! I'm sorrry, I'm venting, I'm venting,

I'm just so frustrated, and I feel like no-

- Girl loves a voice memo!

Long ones.

But I am not taking the bait!

(beep)

I can't talk now. Period.

(beep)

No, not period! Just can't talk-

- Is it Leanne?

- Yeah. It is like, fully crazy, right,

that she voice memos me about her relationship issues?

- Yes, it is.

- Okay, thank you.

(laughs)

- Um, can I ask you something?

Do you kind of like this drama with Leanne?

(laughs)

- What?

I don't like drama!

- Of course, but, but like, maybe, just the part

where you get to fix it all for her, you know? Like-

(cellphone message)

- No.

- Is that her? - No.

No thanks.

Okay, um, time for the Appreciation Hotseat!

What?

- Uh, I like your chest hair.

- Oh yeah, thank you, Mel!

It's really coming in full around my nipples.

- Yeah.

- Okay, who's next?

- No, I want to go around again!

- No. Uh, Sasha?

- Oh yeah! Sasha the queen!

- You wanna get up there? - Get up there!

- Come on, Sasha!

- So, I've been trying to keep today lowkey, an unobvious ruse,

you know, for Sasha's birthday, but I couldn't help myself,

I cooked up a little birthday-not-birthday surprise,

she's gonna love!

- What are you doing on your phone?

- Clown doesn't, like, scream birthday, right?

- Oh, my God. Did you get Sasha a clown?

Sasha hates clowns!

- How do you know that?

- Because everybody hates clowns!

(cellphone buzzing)

Oh. Oooh! Oh, good bong news for me!

- Oh yay!

- You got a buyer? - Yah yah yah!

- Nice!

(cheering)

- Uh, let's... Let's appreciate you, Sasha!

- Okay.

- Let's do this! Boris, you go.

- Okay! Um, Sasha.

You have one of the biggest hearts of anyone-

- Ugh, eww! Ugh, stop, stop, stop.

Sorry.

- I really, really, really like-

- Lee, finish that sentence, I'm gonna kick you in the face!

- Oh... kay. - Jesus Christ.

- Sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry, I just, I -

I really hate being the centre of attention, guys.

And today is just a really sensitive day for me.

Guys... never mind, sorry. Go on.

- Uh, okay, well the next compliment coming up,

Joanne told us maybe that it is your, uh...

- No, no, no, no, no, no no!

Go! Go, go, go! We're cutting the clown!

- No! Sasha! Sasha! Okay, everybody!

- We're cutting the clown! - What?

- We're cutting the clown. - Why?

- You look great, just um. I'm sorry, can you go? Just go!

Please!

- What the fuck?

(team singing Happy Birthday)

? Happy Birthday Dear Sasha ?

? Happy Birthday To You! ?

(trunk slam)

(squeeze toy sound)

- Ready? - Ready.

- You're safe! You're safe.

- Ugh! - Ey!

- Nice! Trust.

(applause)

- You have to clap your hands after?

- Oh. Oh, I just did that instinctively.

- I'm sorry about all this, I-I thought that,

I know you don't like birthdays, I thought that maybe I could

do it nice and, then I fucked it up with the party bus and the-

- No, no! It was so sweet! I need to be better at birthdays.

- Why do you hate them?

- It's just, when I was a kid, my mom would always forget,

so it was just easier if I just pretended

like I didn't have one.

- And then you never got your wheelies.

- Wait, what?

- You told me about how when you were a kid,

you always wanted wheelies, but you never got them?

- Yeah! I still kind of do, actually.

(laughs)

How do you remember that?

- I don't know.

You know, in the spirit of trying to get better

at birthdays,

is there anything that you've ever done for yours that

didn't totally suck?

- Well, one time I got a gift certificate to a spa,

and I barbecued like, a bunch of hot dogs, God, I love hot dogs!

- Then that is what we'll do!

- If you guys fucking drop me...

- We won't drop you! - We're all behind you!

Hold these, hold these, hold these. Okay.

- Hey! Bros!

(clears throat)

Uh, change of plans!

(background chatter)

New team building exercise! Who wants to go to the spa?

- Yes! I love the spa!

- Nothing fancy!

- A home spa, chez Joanne, with hot dogs!

- Ehh.

- And beer!

- Sick! - My kind of spa!

Oh! Somebody text Zari, tell her to get the oak leaves

so we can whip each other with them.

- Sound bath.

Sound bath.

We've got some aromatherapy for you.

- May I offer you a hot dog?

- Cocoa butter!

- The jumbo kind?

- Okay, I got the stones for the hot stone massage!

- How'd you get them hot?

- I don't remember.

But, unrelated, your microwave, I think it's broken.

(light tapping on bottle)

- Vanilla!

- Sound bath.

- Cinnamon!

- Take one of these rocks, onto your back-

- Unngghh!

- Oh! It's too hot? It's too hot?

You gotta breathe through it.

Okay, why don't we just try a whole bunch at once?

- Uh Boris, take a break!

- Thank you, Boris. - You welcome!

- That was so nice! - Ya, it's good!

- Anybody wanna see my room?

- Ooh, me! - Hell yeah!

- Welcome to Casa de Ann, the bong tour starts now.

I'd like to start off here with the Dunnington-Schaeffer 98.

As you can see, the downstem and the bowl

made of the same blown glass.

- Nice!

- Makes it a rarity in bong circles!

- What's all these ones? - That's just some of my like,

I don't know, prototypes. I-I'm thinking about

working on a line, but uh - ooh, ooh. Be careful, the-

- They got faces!

- I-I don't like fingerprints, you know? Okay.

- It's like a musical instrument, too.

- It's cute, it's cute, but hey. Check it out over here.

This is Kevin.

Limited Edition Superstellar X.

Been through a lot together over the years.

Today I have to sell him, cause I owe Joanne rent.

- And I can see that it's a thing that reminds you

of other things, hmm?

It's really nice, yeah.

- Hey, at least I'm getting three grand for it.

- You're getting three grand for that piece of shit?

- Hey!

- Sorry.

- She didn't mean it!

- Sometimes my consumer advocacy makes me say mean things.

- You just need to see him in better light!

- Thank you for being such a good sport!

At risk of making it worse, this is for you.

- You didn't have to get me a present.

(paper tearing)

Wheelies?

Blue ones?

- Yeah well, you're special,

and I thought you should feel special today.

So yeah, it's just shoes, you know?

- It's, it's too much. Um-

- Like, too much, bad?

Cause that's usually what too much means.

- Well, I just, I didn't realize they even made

these in adult sizes, you know?

- Actually, these are the biggest boys size,

but I checked like a bunch of reviews on Amazon,

and they're gonna fit!

(door opens)

- Hello? Oh, you're alive! Heyyy! Hey!

- Leanne?

- Is this a party? Is this a party I wasn't invited to?

(laughs)

- Yeah. Well, you, you can't just like,

you can't just barge in here-

- Ugh! You guys, I'm just so over this!

(Zari clears throat)

Like, why are relationships so hard?

I mean, Roy, Roy's amazing.

But it's like, I have to make every decision,

I'm so sick of hearing, "Oh, whatever you want, babe!

Oh, whatever you want!"

Like, what am I suppo-

(gasp)

- Hi! - Aaah!

- Oh, my God!

- How are you? Thought I heard your voice!

- Come join us! - Nice to see you!

- Come, come. - So good to see you guys!

- It's good to see you, too.

- Awww!

Come on, seriously, I miss you guys, I miss the team,

I miss the belonging and the camaraderie.

Awww, Lee!

- Hey!

- Little Lee! The newbie!

Aww, you, seriously, you've made me see things anew!

- That's beautiful.

- Sasha. Seriously, I'm sorry about what I said

at the fieldhouse, your face obviously doesn't look

like a cheese grater!

I, you know I hope that we can be friends!

Boris! You party girl!

I miss that.

Like, should we go to Vegas?

- That would be fun, but I'm not allowed

in the United States anymore.

- Aww, and Zardi!

- Who?

- You!

You social justice warrior!

You opened my eyes to the world. You really matter to me, Zardi.

- You know her name is Zari?

- You changed your name?

- You just never knew my name!

- I have always called you Zardi!

(scoffs)

(sighs)

Okay. Who am I thinking of, then?

- Yourself?

(laughter)

(snickering)

- You hate me.

(group): No!

- You do! You guys, you hate me!

You hate me, and Roy hates me,

and my wedding is gonna be a fucking disaster,

so like, what's the point? What is the point?

- You forgot your purse! - That worked out!

- Byeee!

- Sorry!

- What the fuck was she doing here?

- Well, welcome to my life for the past ten years.

- Thank God she's gone! Whew!

- Relax, back to the party!

- Let's continue the, the spa day-

- Ayo. That chick, she's climbing a tree in the backyard.

- Help! I'm in a tree, I can't get down!

(laughter)

- Yeah, fuck.

- She's always gotta be the centre of attention,

doesn't she?

- Yup!

- Okay, I think that is gonna be my cue to go,

thank you so much for everything.

- You don't have to go, I'm gonna get rid of-

(exasperated sigh)

- Just jump!

- Oh, my God, you would love that, wouldn't you?

- Why don't you just climb down the way you climbed up?

- Okay.

(sobbing)

I can't! Oh, my God, I can't, I can't! I can't!

- Okay, okay, okay.

Today was supposed to be about team building, so let's do it.

Operation Get Leanne Out Of The Tree.

Okay, how about we make a- a human ladder?

- Mmm.

- And then we can fireman her out?

- Yeah yeah yeah. Okay. Lee, I'll go on the bottom,

cause I'm the strongest.

Get on my back, and everyone can go up one by one after.

- Okay, I'm gonna jump, okay?

- Oh, my God! Are you fucking made of concrete?

- Okay, just bend your knees.

- Abort! Abort!

- Get off, get off. - Okay, okay, okay.

(phone ding) - My buyer's here, I gotta go!

- Hey, but we need you!

- I gotta go!

- You wanna go on the bottom? - Yeah.

- Okay. You go next, and then I'll get on you.

- You guys, I'm not going on the human centipede!

- Hi- - Oh!

- Oh my, hi! M-Mr. League Commissioner!

- Yes! H-hello, young lady!

I was just... you know what?

I was just wondering if you happen to have

a bathroom I could use?

- You're not, uh, here for the, the bong?

- No.

(faint child's laughter)

I am here for the bong, okay?

- Mm-hmm.

- I'm sorry, I just like to keep my weed life

separate from my sports life, okay?

So if you could just, I was not expecting it to be you!

- Hey, weed's legal. It's okay.

Come on in, I'll show you my bong collection

before the pi�ce de r�sistance!

- Okay!

- Okay, let's try the Appreciation Hotseat, okay?

Then we'll build some trust with Leanne, and she'll jump down.

- Mmm. - Okay?

- What are you guys saying?

- Alright.

- You're laughing at me?

- No! Absolutely not.

We're all gonna say something that we like about you,

and um, then you're gonna forget about this,

and you're gonna jump down. Okay?

- Okay! - Okay.

(birds chirping)

- Who wants to go first?

You can go, you can start now.

Can you hear me?

- You have amazing boobs.

- Sorry?

- You have amazing boobs!

- Yeah.

- Who's next?

- Um-

- Look, just go inside, get one of Ann's bongs.

We'll hoist it up the tree, she'll take a hit, fear gone.

She'll climb down.

- Great idea. - Mmm.

- I didn't, I didn't hear you! I didn't hear your compliment.

- I didn't say one.

(humming)

- Ah! Perfect. A bong with nobody guarding it!

Oh, hello.

Teamwork!

(team): Teamwork! Teamwork! Teamwork!

- Yeah, you almost got it.

- Bring it, bring it!

- You got it, you got it!

- Just reach, man!

- It's harder! Than you think!

- I'm just swinging it in! - You gotta swing.

- Nice!

- Okay, gimme some slack!

- Sorry! - Sorry.

- This is stupid, this isn't gonna work.

- You got this!

- How do I even use this thing?

- You gotta pull at the same time.

- There you go.

- You gotta suck. - Big inhale.

(birds chirping)

- It won't be easy.

He'll think it's strange,

when I try to explain how I feel.

- What's happening?

- And I still need your love-

- Just let it run its course.

- He won't believe me!

All you will see is a girl you once knew.

But I chose freedom.

Running around, trying everything new, like Roy.

- Okay, Leanne. I think that's-

? But nothing impressed me at all ?

? I never expected it to ?

? Don't cry for me Argentina-

(gasps)

(bong smashes)

- Oh fuck.

- Fuck! - Shit!

- That's $3,000!

- Ann is gonna fucking kill us!

- Oooh! (laughter)

- Mel, can you get me some duct tape? I can fix this.

- I hope so!

- Yeah!

- That's it, I am calling the fire department!

Where is my phone?

- No! Not the fire department! No, they hate me!

- No way, is this a First Edition Verandah?

- Yeah! So many people think that the glasswork

is just decorative, pfft!

- No, it's the way the glass is ground.

The cut controls the airflow, so you get that nice, clean,

dry pull.

- Exactly, you can taste the craftsmanship.

- A lesser bong would just rip your throat apart.

- Oh, my God.

Oh.

- Well, look at these fancy lads over here!

- Oh, brr!

- Are they for sale, too?

- No, these are nothing, it's just um, I make bongs sometimes!

- Okay, Picasso! I think you're selling yourself a bit short.

Look at that! This reminds me of a jean jacket my ex-wife had.

- Damn!

(sniff)

(door opens)

- Did you get her down?

- No! Jesus! Wait, have you heard from Sasha?

- Get your hands off of me!

- Oh, my God, you're lucky that I was there when you came out!

- You got out! - Yeah!

- Jesus!

- I am leaving! Boris tried to grope me

when I jumped out of the tree!

- No! Leanne, you jumped, and then your chest

touched my chest, it was contact, it wasn't groping!

- Yeah, and you loved it!

- Thank you for ruining Sasha's birthday, Leanne,

you did a great job!

- Sasha Sasha Sasha! We get it! You love Sasha!

- Maybe I do!

(gasps) - Oh!

- No!

- Well... I mean yeah, I like her, but she doesn't like me!

Because she thinks I'm addicted to drama, and maybe I am,

considering I let my ex-girlfriend

break into my house and, and climb the tree in my backyard,

so yeah!

Yeah, I like her.

- Awww!

- Jojo bean, she is never gonna like you!

Why do you think she left?

- Rude.

- And I wouldn't have had to come here

if you just answered my call!

- You know what, Leanne? I am blocking your number.

Don't call me, do not text me,

do not voice memo me! Ever again!

- Careful what you wish for. It's very dramatic!

- Bye bye!

- See ya!

- Fucking block her! Block her!

(team chanting): Block her! Block her! Block her! Block her!

(cheering)

- Okay look, I know that was really dramatic,

but it was the adult thing to do.

- Good job! - Thanks.

- So, come on in, I uh, I just wanted to put Kevin up here

so you could see him in the sunlight, his, his best-

- Hi everyone. - Hey.

- What the fuck?

What the fuck?

- The commissioner? - Just go with it!

- Whoa! Okay.

- I-I-I-I-

- This is not what I was expecting.

- Um. Uh, um, I uh...

- I think it's fantastic. It's a work of art. I love it!

- Y-y-you love, he loves it, he love, he loves it!

- Great!

- Yeah, you know, you put your personal touch

on an already prized item, made it even more special.

It's beautiful. You know what?

I'm gonna give you $500 more than the price we agreed on.

Yeah, you deserve it, you're an artist!

Full d, my divorce settlement just went through,

and my ex-wife now-

Super rich!

- Good for her!

- Half of that is mine now!

(laughs)

- Nice, man!

- Poor her!

- Yah, thanks!

Oh, um, guys? I was telling the young lady here,

let's try to keep my weed smoking life

separate from the league commissioner?

- Your secret is safe with us!

- Okay. Yeah.

- No, I mean especially if you wanna give us a little

(click)

leg up in the semis!

- Absolutely not. That's-

- Alright. - That's not even funny.

- Mm-hmm. It was just a joke, sir.

- Yeah, I hope so. Thanks!

- Goodbye, Mr. League Commissioner!

Thank you for your service!

- Later! - Take care!

- We respect the rules.

- Always have, always will!

- Take care!

- Can you believe it?

- Hey!

- That fucking worked out, huh?

(indistinct chatter)

- Hold it up to the light! Let me feel it!

- Okay.

- Smell it.

- Holy!

- A tip for me, tip for me, eh!

- Okay, slumlord. Here's your rent.

- I had to get that bitch out of the tree!

- I deserve a hundred!

- It's a good day, guys!

(background chatter)

- But then, like, you learn this trick,

and then you can just kind of-

- Want another beer? - Yeah!

- Yes please! - Yeah.

- Please, please, please, please, please!

- Everybody? - Thanks, Joanne!

- You guys want pizza for dinner,

or some of the drugs I brought?

- No drugs for me.

- I'll take the pizza, thank you.

(phone dings)

- okay, I almost wiped out a couple of times,

so it's probably a good idea that I didn't have these

when I was younger!

But, look, I love them!

Thanks for the wheelies!

Honestly, you might have changed my mind about birthdays!

Also, you're not too much - you're just enough!

(screaming)

(background chatter)

(whispering) Yes! That's what I'm talking about! Whew!

- Yo, Joanne? We're dying of sobriety! Bring us some beer!

- Coming!

(saxophone)

- Thank you for inviting me to your weed tasting, and-

- Aw, thanks for the weed! Mr. League Commissioner!

- Don't thank me, thank my ex-wife!

- Mmm.

- Ladies?

- Mmm?

- Little boy? May I please offer you some life advice?

Marry rich, and die young!

- Mmm.

- I'm young!

- Me too, little boy. Me too.

(theme music)

Subtitling: difuze

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0