Original subtitles

Ah, good morning, Stella.

Yeah, what's good about it?

Well, I'll try again.

A good, good morning, Stella.

If I were interested in your boudoir habits,

I'd say you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

Aren't you ever happy?

Happy?

Look at that stack of mail, and I got to answer it.

Ah, that new little ad I wrote is working.

This is really very lovely.

Beautify your home with a genuine steel

engraved portrait of the father of this country.

Clip this coupon and send $1.

Get yours while they last, complete with frame.

Get yours while they last.

That is the master stroke, as if they'd ever

stop printing $0.03 stamps.

Any complaints from our art lovers?

As the usual.

- Care to look at them? - No.

File them with the others.

Let's get down to work.

Grand Falls, Nebraska.

Mrs. Doolittle.

Mrs. Doolittle, it makes me very happy to send you a portrait

of the father of this country.

Bless his heart, and bless yours too for contributing.

Willie.

WILLIE: It's me.

Hello, Major.

What are you doing here?

I thought you had left and were working in Kansas.

Well, we were, but... how about sending horse face out to get

a basketful of knot holes?

Well, I like you, Mister.

When you hint, you really hint.

Scat.

Lefty's dead.

Lefty?

Dead?

He didn't give no trouble when they buried him.

Poor Lefty.

What a tragedy.

He was the soul of the earth.

He certainly was.

None better.

We both owed him a lot, Willie.

What was it, his heart?

No, it was his feet.

He couldn't outrun the bullet.

Well, wherever he is, here's to him.

And I hope I'm looking in the right direction.

I hope so too.

You know, he loved you.

His last words were, Willie, take this to the Major

'cause he never let a pal down.

Take what?

Well, I'll get it.

Here it is.

Lefty sent this to me?

Nobody else.

He said you was the only one he'd trust with it.

MAJOR BURDLE: Angels defend me.

When did this happen?

About a year ago.

Its mother died right after.

Look out, mate.

It bites.

MAJOR BURDLE: Willie, get that out of here right now.

Nothing doing.

From now on, it's all yours.

Mine?

I'll wager this was your idea.

No, it wasn't.

No, I told him how much you hated kids.

Hate them?

Willie, in all the 20 years you've known me,

have you ever caught me saying one kind word about kids?

It even kept me out of politics.

Couldn't kiss the little brats.

Get it out of here.

- Get it out of here. - Wait a minute.

I've done my part, and you better do yours.

Or Lefty's going to haunt you.

Willie, here.

Here's $500.

Take the kid with you.

No, no.

That ain't the way Lefty wanted it.

Take the money anyway.

What do you think I am, a moocher?

I'll do all right, just as long as they

keep making those nights dark.

Now I'm going to leave you here with your joy.

[baby wailing]

Ah, it must know that I'm leaving for good.

Oh, that's just lovely.

Well, what do you want, honey?

Oh, gosh.

Yes, yes, yes.

[baby talk]

Well, here you are, Major.

Give it plenty of milk, you know.

It's... well, you got to bribe it to go to sleep,

or else it'll bawl all night.

Well, goodbye, Major.

Willie, what is it, a boy or a girl?

Darned if I know.

MAJOR BURDLE: $500 ought to be enough to sustain you

until you're old enough to wage life's battles.

[baby crying]

Shh.

Isn't $500 enough for you, you little blackmailer?

Your father would turn over in his grave

if he thought you were a squealer.

[baby hiccups]

WOMAN: Just a minute.

What are you doing here this time of the morning?

Are you the person in charge here?

I most certainly am.

That's all I want to know.

[crying]

Oh, you... you can't wear curls forever, Danny.

You're a big man now.

Here, here.

Blow on it.

Nuh-uh.

Danny, if you want to eat the free lunch,

you'll have to buy a drink.

What'll you have?

Same as my pop.

I'll spank your pants off.

Bring him a sarsaparilla.

Yes, sir.

With a little water on the side.

Why... eat that.

[playing accordion]

Danny, play my hand out.

That stew's boiling over.

It'll cost you $4, boys.

It'll cost you all you got.

I'm raising.

Take the pot.

Let me see your hand.

He bluffed you.

He hasn't got a thing.

They thought they were playing with a kid.

How bravely you ladies stand there

with a smile on your faces but with your hearts

breaking because your loved ones stagger home night

after night from dens of iniquity like that.

Would that Burdle's Bitters could restore this flotsam

and jetsam back to self respect, but he's too far gone.

Nothing but a miracle could bring back him back.

Booze.

Booze?

The curse of booze.

Look.

Look at that bleary, red-brimmed, bloodshot eye.

Hold out your hand.

Put it down.

Stick out your tongue.

Stick out your tongue.

Get up and walk.

Would you believe this rum-sodden wreck

was once a man?

Yet he was, comes from one of the finest

families in South Carolina.

North Carolina.

Daniel, spare us any further sight of this horrible example.

Step in a little closer, please.

Ladies, it's tasteless.

Put some in his coffee.

If he doesn't drink coffee, put it in his tea.

If he doesn't drink tea, put it in his milk.

If he doesn't drink milk, put it in his water.

And if he doesn't drink water, I wouldn't

sell you this bottle for $100, because your loved

one is too far gone.

But I am selling it for $1 a bottle

to those who feel there is still a chance.

My son will pass among you with a limited number of bottles

of this precious remedy.

Go on, Daniel.

Here you are, ladies.

Step right up while they last.

For today only, a $10 bottle of Burdle's Bitters for only $1.

First come, first served.

Thank you, lady.

Thank you.

Another father restored to the bosom of his family.

Sorry, lady.

Only one bottle to a customer.

But if you insist...

[whistles]

Not so fast there, youngster.

Here, here.

Take your hands off of my boy.

What's the meaning of this?

You know very well, Major Burdle.

You failed to heed the warning of the State

Board of Education.

So I've brought the law here this time.

Either you're going to put your boy in school,

or we'll do it for you.

Please be reasonable.

How can I continue my crusade against the demon rum

if I have to stay in one place so my boy can attend school?

My work carries me into far flung fields.

Then you can put him in boarding school,

same as other folks do.

The best one in the state is at Plumfield,

only 20 miles from here.

You are depriving this boy of life's most

priceless possession, the right to his childhood,

the right to play as a child, to think as a child,

to have the illusions of a child and to know

the freedom and wholesomeness of being with other children.

Thank you, madam.

Officer, I give you my word that tomorrow

I'll have my boy at... what was the name of that school?

Plumfield.

Plumfield.

Gee, pop, won't you change your mind?

Plumfield is a very nice school.

You'll like it there.

You couldn't get along without me.

You know you couldn't.

It's you I'm thinking of, pop.

Are you insinuating that you have been supporting me?

Haven't I, pop?

You said yourself nobody could sell the stuff to the suckers

like I can.

So you don't think I can make a living without you?

What would you do?

I'll find someone else.

You'd have to pay him.

I'll make out all right.

Listen, pop.

If you make me go to that school,

I'll worry myself sick about you.

Never mind worrying about me.

It's high time I was learning to depend on myself.

And if you think I can't pursue a successful livelihood

without your help...

Gosh, pop. You're crying.

You don't want me to stay or something?

You've done that too often.

And I'm not crying.

I just got some soap in my eyes.

And you wash behind your ears.

If your boy's through with the tub,

Mrs. Hively wants it in 26.

Go right in.

Hello, mate.

How's the old fluff-duff?

What is this, and who are you?

And you're the one that said you never forgot a face.

You remember me now?

Willie. It's me, the one and only.

Other people said you were dead.

I am.

You're talking to a ghost.

Would you care for a gumdrop?

But that article in the paper...

Oh, the article.

I have one right here in my pocket.

"Police drag the river for the body of escaped bank bandit.

Authorities today gave up all hope

of recovering from its watery grave

the body of Willie the Fox, who escaped from the State

Penitentiary last Thursday and whose

clothes were found on the banks of the Androscoggin River.

Willie the Fox, habitual criminal,

had two more years to serve."

You know, that's a swell write up.

And they're all over the country too.

Oh, but will the cops be sore when they find out

that I got croaked before they got a chance

to collect this $5,000 reward.

Look.

Well, pal, old pal, here we are back together again.

Ain't you glad to see me?

Wait a minute, Major.

Don't tear that up.

That's the best picture they ever made of me.

A $5,000 course, huh?

How did you do it?

Oh, it was nothing.

You see, I was kind of a favorite of the warden,

so I just waited my chance.

12 years, huh?

That's all.

Now one day, I drives his hack into town with him.

So we're going over a kind of a bumpy road.

You know, and the carriage is kind of jimmying

up and down like this.

Well suddenly, he hits his jaw on my elbow like that.

Well, he goes head over tea kettle into the road.

The horses have run away like mad.

And mind you, when I finally stop them, I'm in Connecticut.

Well, how do you like the outfit, Major?

Pretty good disguise, huh?

You look like an undertaker.

That's very funny.

That's where I got it.

Pretty smart of me, eh?

It was dumb, Willie, very dumb, with only two

more years to serve.

If they catch you now, they'll throw the key away.

They ain't looking for me.

They're looking for a corpse.

I just hope so.

How about this booze graft you're running?

Do I get to pickpocket concessions?

You certainly don't.

You're looking at an honest man.

I thought we was alone in this room.

It may surprise you, Willie, and it sometimes surprises me.

But for the last 12 years, my feet

have never strayed into the tempting and broad highways

of larceny.

Wait a minute.

Maybe I did drown and don't know it.

But you don't sound like you, and you don't look like you.

I haven't been me, Willie, since you brought me Danny.

Danny?

Who's Danny?

You brought him to me.

Lefty's boy.

Le... you mean you still got that brat?

Willie, Danny's never heard of Lefty.

And if someone tells him I'm not really his father,

someone's going to tell the warden

that you're not really dead.

Get that?

You know me.

I ain't going to blab to nobody.

But no, I don't get it.

MAJOR BURDLE: I'm going to lose him tomorrow.

Lose him?

Yes.

The Board of Education is forcing

me to put him in school.

You mean you're going to hang around this Plumfield burg

and wait until they pound some brains into that brat?

No.

I'm going to try to carry on without him.

He boards there.

It's kind of pretty.

It looks like a farm.

MAJOR BURDLE: It's sort of a farm and school combined.

It's run by a Swiss professor and his wife.

Tommy.

Coming, Mrs. Bhaer.

Shh.

Christopher Columbus.

Here you are, Asia.

What's all the excitement about?

We're just you're back, Aunt Jo.

But I only went to the village for an hour.

You might think I've been to China.

[chattering]

Take care of Annie for me.

Mommy, mommy.

What is it, Teddy?

Buttercup is in the onion patch.

JO: Oh, dear.

Now, children, quiet.

This will never do.

You know what a fuss Asia made the last time

the milk tasted of onions.

I told her they were Tommy's onions, mommy.

Every time she's hungry, she gets in our gardens.

She's always hungry.

She even ate my hollyhocks.

Well, if Buttercup is such a nuisance to you,

I can sell her.

There's someone who wants to buy her pretty bad.

[protesting]

All right.

All right, then.

Then see that you take better care of her.

[mooing]

Get her out of here quickly, children.

Silas, you simply must keep Buttercup's gate closed.

[mooing]

[barking]

Nan, that's enough for now.

You may be excused.

Nan, is that the way you were taught to leave

the presence of your elders?

What a perfect lady.

Tell me, Jo.

What did Mr. Reynolds say?

He was quite kind but quite firm.

And he reminded that unless we have $5,000 to buy the house

when our lease is up, he's going to sell

it to a man who wants it.

Oh, my darling.

Now, now.

There's nothing worth your tears.

If we were to lose all this when we've worked so hard...

But why should we lose all this?

We have $2,500 in the bank.

And Jo, we have each other.

We've been a bit conservative.

I'll make an investment with that money,

maybe speculate a little.

Speculate?

Yes.

I've asked Mr. Reynolds to help me.

He is a smart banker.

I don't think he will, dear.

We didn't exactly part friends.

No?

Oh, I lost my temper and took our money out of his bank.

But what made me the maddest was when he

offered me $300 for Buttercup.

Sell Buttercup?

Why, it would break the children's hearts.

She's one of the family.

It's all right, dear.

As much as we need the money, I didn't sell her.

Good.

Do you know how much money we've let people owe us?

Oh, it must be $700.

Over $3,000.

If we had it, we could buy Plumfield.

But that is simple.

Why do we worry?

I'll just collect it.

You're going to collect it?

Certainly.

Who owes us the most?

Tommy Bangs' father.

He was very sick, you know.

Very well.

Tomorrow, I'll visit Mr. Bangs.

He's not sick now?

I can just see you in the guise of a collector.

[DEEP VOICE] Give me the money, or I'll tear up your son.

So you think I'm not a fine businessman when I want to be,

that I only know how to handle children?

I think you're wonderful with children.

And what are businessmen but children grown up?

Mrs. Jo?

JO: Yes, Asia?

Did y'all send for an undertaker?

Undertaker?

Yes, sir.

There's one right out in front.

Now Asia, we didn't send for an undertaker.

But he couldn't have picked a better time to come.

He's in that buggy with a boy and another man.

Look yonder.

Remember now, not a word ever that your father

sells booze cure.

I don't mean that you should lie about it,

but just don't mention it.

There are always snobs in schools like this,

and I don't want you hurt, Danny.

I made a promise, didn't I?

Well, see that you keep it.

Now you wait here, and I'll call you when I want you.

It ain't so bad, kid.

They ain't got no bars on the windows.

Just because you're a ghost, you don't have to haunt me.

Get back in the buggy.

No, I'm buggy sick.

Besides, I want to see what the inside of a school looks like.

Hey, look out for that fox.

Did you see the ears on him?

It's a fox.

You would have to tag along.

Oh, I ain't going to make you no trouble, Maj.

You better not.

If you open your mouth just once that much in front

of these people...

I ain't ashamed of you.

Major Burdle to see Professor Bhaer.

Won't y'all come in?

You all?

It's just the two of us here.

Thank you.

You see, my boy has had more than his share

of travel due to my far flung financial interests.

Oh, uh, you are a financier?

An investment broker?

You might call me that, yes.

You see, as I was saying, what my son

needs now is cultural training.

Naturally, my first thought was to place

him in a school in Switzerland, where I was educated.

Switzerland, my home.

There's no finer place to send a boy.

Except Plumfield.

Of course.

Maybe you attended the Eidgenossische Technische

Hochschule at Zurich?

No.

No.

Pardon me, Mr. Deming.

No, my parents considered that, but they liked

the climate in Geneva better.

You see, I was always a very frail child.

Plumfield is more than a school.

It's a home.

The children live here the entire here.

While the school is, first of all,

for little men like your son, still I

take care of my sister's daughter Daisy,

and I have two other little girls as companions for her.

And then we have children of our own.

So we know how much more there is to education

than... than just book learning.

We want to fit our pupils for a charming social life as well.

Between us, we teach them music,

arts, the appreciation of all the finer things,

as in Switzerland.

And enforcement, which will enable them to take

their places as the ladies and gentleman

which their backgrounds demand.

MAJOR BURDLE: Of course, of course.

I... I feel that I can entrust my son to your care.

Thank you, Major Burdle.

I'm sure your boy will like it here.

Go away.

Want to wrassle?

No.

Not afraid, are you?

I don't wrassle girls.

Neither do I. I can throw any boy in Plumfield.

Who cares?

BOY: Billy, Tommy, Nat!

[children shouting]

Oh, the children must be up to something.

Excuse me, please.

Christopher Columbus!

Get up off there.

Goodness gracious.

Come up off there quickly.

Out of the ground then.

Shame on you, fighting like this.

He started it.

He was fighting Nan.

He was not.

We were wrassling.

I started it, and they got into it.

I don't care how it happened, but Dan is a new pupil here.

And for you boys to...

Oh, don't worry about me.

I can lick a county full of hayseeds like these.

Sure, if they were all girls.

All right.

That's enough.

Now, I want you all to be friends.

This is Dan Burdle.

And that's Nat and Tommy and Stuffy and Nan and Jack.

Well, tell Dan that you're glad to meet him.

You are, aren't you?

Yeah.

Yeah.

What a bunch of liars.

You couldn't make me say that.

Wait, Jack.

Now shake hands.

[gasping]

Christopher Columbus.

How'd you like that, sucker?

Dan, help him up.

I'll fix you for this.

Stop it, Jack.

Now, Dan doesn't know our ways yet.

He's come to learn, and he will.

Children, back to your work quickly.

Come on, Danny.

Let's you and I get acquainted.

Major Burdle, would you think it presumptuous of me

if I asked you to do me a favor?

What is it?

You see, my wife just brought this money from the bank today.

And I would like to put it to work.

To be exact, it is $2,500.

And I would like to double it in the next few months.

Maybe you know of some investment?

I'm sure you do.

You will be kind enough not to mention

my speculating to Mrs. Bhaer?

She thinks I'm a very poor businessman.

I... I want to surprise her.

Come this way.

Oh, Mr. Deming, your hat.

Major.

ASIA: [SINGING] Roll, Jordan, roll.

Roll, Jordan, roll.

I want to go to heaven when I die.

Roll, Jordan, roll.

Sister, you ought to been there.

Yes, my Lord.

[humming]

[bird tweeting]

Hello, you all.

[bird tweeting]

ASIA: [SINGING] Roll, Jordan, roll.

Roll, Jordan, roll.

I want to go to heaven when I die.

Goodbye, Professor Bhaer.

Goodbye, Major Burdle.

You will see what country life will do for Danny.

You will not recognize your own son.

Fresh vegetables, good milk, loving care,

just like in Switzerland.

Goodbye, Mrs. Bhaer.

Goodbye, Major Burdle.

Come, dear.

Son, I envy this new life, such a healthy environment,

fine companions, excellent food, a perfect pastoral.

Ah, smell that clover.

[breathes deeply]

No opportunity like this was given me when I was your age.

And just think, you're going to associate with little ladies

and gentlemen.

Doesn't that excite you?

It's no use, pop.

I don't like it here, and you know it.

These people hate me, and I hate them.

You'll get over that, Danny.

It's all strange to you right now.

But I'll wager that in a week, you'll

thank me for putting you here.

You don't believe that yourself.

How do you expect me to swallow it?

Danny, whatever's left of this battered old life of mine

is wrapped up in you.

Do you think I'd do a thing like this if I didn't

know it was for your own good?

And don't you know I'm going to miss

you more than I've ever missed anything or anyone my life?

Oh, what's the use of all this talking?

You know you're doing one thing you always taught me

never to do, run out on a pal.

Danny, you don't mean that.

I do so mean it, every word of it.

You're throwing me down.

I don't want to leave you like this.

We're not apart, son.

I'll see you from time to time.

If you leave me here, I don't care if I ever see you again.

So that's the way we part?

That's it.

Dan.

Son.

Come on, Maj. Better get a move on.

Is he looking back at me.

No.

What do you care?

We've got $2,500, ain't we?

We better get out of here quick before the professor changes

his mind and wants it back.

He's going to get it back, Willie.

What?

I'm going to deposit his money in a bank.

In a few weeks, I'll send him a check for it.

Are you on the level?

Dead level.

Listen, Maj, you're heading for the booby,

and that's just as sure as there's veal and chicken pie.

Oh, there's that fox again.

Go away, fox.

Moths.

[trumpeting]

Danny, that's the supper call.

You have five minutes to wash up.

Now we're going to do everything to make you happy here.

We're just one big family.

I felt the same way when my father put me in school.

But I made friends, and you'll make friends too.

Oh, Nan.

Coming, Aunt Jo.

Nan will show you your place at the table.

I ain't hungry.

You will be when you smell Asia's gingerbread.

My, you're dirty.

Come on.

I'll let you share my new piece of soap.

That's very kind, Nan.

Silas, take the bags into the house.

Yes, sir.

All right now.

Run along.

I'm sitting next to you at the table.

Is that supposed to be good?

Well, there's lots that would like to.

Don't you care for vegetables?

No, that's for kids.

Me, I'm a meat and potato man.

Hmm.

All the vegetables come from the children's gardens.

You'll have one.

I grow carrots.

What are you going to raise?

A beard.

[laughing]

That's very funny.

It certainly would be on him.

Maybe you'd like to shake hands again.

JO: Boys.

I'll bet he smokes too.

That's right, mush bags.

Cigars.

Can you inhale?

Sure and blow it out my nose.

I'll teach you sometime.

Will you really?

Would anybody else like to learn to smoke?

Well, let's put it to a vote.

Those in favor, put up their hands.

Not even you, Nan?

What a bunch of sissies.

[violin playing]

Throw me an apple, would you, Stuffy, please?

Thank you, Ned.

What do you do around here nights

to keep from going batty?

Popcorn, toast marshmallows.

Do anything else exciting?

Oh, yes.

We have gay times.

Asia sings.

Silas tells stories.

And there's always checkers and dominoes.

Just kid stuff, huh?

Got a deck of cards?

Would you like to play a game of old maid?

Old maid?

Got anything against a round of stud poker?

Nothing.

Except the children wouldn't know how to play it.

I was talking about you and me and the professor.

We only play games that we can all lend into.

Oh, here's Silas now.

Silas, what story are you going to tell us tonight?

Well, let's see.

There... there... there's an experience that I had

in the battle of Gettysburg.

I haven't told that lately.

There... that new boy ain't heard it anyway.

Oh, that's a good one.

Yeah, I'm busting already.

[fake laughing]

Go ahead, Silas.

Well, you know, when I first joined the army,

my feet were awful sore.

I had six bunions on the left foot.

I told them I couldn't do much walking,

and they put me in the infantry.

[laughing]

They gave me a pair of shoes that were so big,

the first time I wore them, I turned around three times,

and the shoes never moved.

[laughing]

What are they laughing at?

Don't you think it's funny?

It might have been 10 years ago.

Maybe you can amuse us, Danny.

I can do better than that.

[SINGING] We were down in McGinty Saloon

one night, drinking our beer and gin.

We were swapping our stories and feeling all right, when

the travelling man walked in.

He said...

PROFESSOR BHAER: That's enough, Danny.

You can entertain us some other time.

Come on, Silas.

[interposing voices]

What happens next?

Well, children, we marched for three days and three nights.

Finally, the third night, we camped in a great, big wood.

About 12 o'clock that night, the trouble started.

The guns began to go off.

The shells started to bust.

I was shaking with [inaudible].

I tried to hide behind a tree, but there was only

enough trees for the officers.

Anyone want to get down to the village

and shoot a little pool?

Well, what are you waiting for, Danny, the front door key?

It's right there on the table.

Well, I'll be back later.

Thank you, Silas.

All right now, children.

Time for bed.

[protesting]

No buts about it.

It's bedtime.

All right.

It's bedtime.

Good night.

Good night, Aunt Jo.

Good night, Aunt Jo.

Good night.

All right. Get Stuffy.

Now then.

Now, stop that.

Not tonight, not tonight.

Go on upstairs.

He's going to be a problem, that boy.

He has no respect for anything or anybody.

He needs strict discipline.

I think he'll fight that, darling.

We'll just give him his own way, as we did Nan.

[SINGING] And the blackbird in the spring

'neath the willow tree.

So it's you, Danny.

You didn't stay long.

I didn't go.

Where's my room?

Upstairs at the end of the hall.

You'll share Teddy's bed.

Sleep with that little runt?

Where's the cow snooze?

In the barn.

I'll get you some blankets.

Uh, never mind.

Good night, Danny.

Sleep well.

Good night.

[SINGING] Aura Lee, Aura Lee, maid with golden hair.

The sunshine came along with thee and swallows in the air.

Wake up, young man.

You've got to go to sleep.

Come on.

Uh-oh, you haven't said your prayers.

Come on.

God bless mommy.

God bless poppy.

God bless Nan and Jack and Stuffy.

God bless the chickens.

God bless Silas.

God bless the donkey.

God bless Buttercup.

God bless everybody.

God bless him.

Amen.

Do I have to listen to that every night?

You sure do.

And Silas blows the bugle for breakfast at 6 o'clock.

He can shoot off a cannon for all I care.

I don't get up until I'm good and ready.

That's the best way I know how to miss your breakfast.

Good night.

Look at this rum-sodden wreck.

Would you believe he was once a man?

Oh, a ring.

Blow me a little one, Danny.

Silas, what are you doing with Buttercup?

I told Danny to milk her.

I don't know nothing about that.

She's been gallivanting around in Hodge's pasture again.

Somebody left the gate open.

Now who do you suppose did it this time?

I don't know.

But Buttercup ain't never been able to unhook it herself.

Now I got to go back and get my hat and Buttercup's hat.

[mooing]

I'll fix that bull this time.

He nearly killed me.

Christopher Columbus.

Oh, Buttercup.

Danny.

Danny Burdle.

[knocking on door]

Don't you tell, Teddy.

I'm no snitch.

Oh, there you are.

Danny, did you leave Buttercup's gate open again?

No.Did you, Nan?

No, Aunt Jo.

What difference does it make?

The difference... I won't have Buttercup wandering about.

Ever since you've been here, Nan, you've heard me say that.

I'm surprised at how thoughtless you children can be.

Yeah, I never saw so much fuss made over an old cow.

Buttercup's state champion, I'll let you know.

And she's not an old cow either.

She's almost a human being.

Isn't she, Aunt Jo?

Yes, Nan.

Why haven't you milked her?

I can't get the hang of it.

Danny.

Besides, she won't let me touch her.

Get me that stool.

There, Buttercup.

Quickly, Danny.

Thank you.

Now watch closely.

It's the last time I'm going to show you.

You're the only one in school who's been

shirking their farm duties.

Pay attention, please.

You see?

There's a knack to it.

You try it.

Gee whiz.

Don't be afraid.

Oh, who's afraid?

No, no, no, Danny.

Come back and do it on this side.

Why?

Silly.

You can't milk Buttercup from that side.

She's a right handed cow.

Who you joshing?

Which one's for cream?

Danny.

Now you see. You wouldn't listen.

Come back and try it on this side.

Not me.

Run along, Nan.

Take Teddy with you.

Danny, this has gone far enough.

I thought by letting you do whatever you wish,

you'd see the error of your ways.

But you haven't.

You're still petulant, strong headed, and bitter.

Worst of all, you have no respect for anyone.

Pick up that switch.

We don't punish people here.

We let them punish themselves.

You want me to spank myself?

No.

In Plumfield, we do it this way.

We never hurt the other fellow.

You mean you want me to hit you?

Yes.

Pick it up.

Now do as you're told.

Give me six good strokes.

I can't.

Daniel Burdle, do as you're told.

Harder.

I'll hurt you.

I want you to hurt me.

Go ahead.

Again.

Again.

I can't.I can't hurt you.

You see, Danny?

You never must hurt anyone.

You'll only hurt yourself more.

I'm sorry, Aunt Jo.

I'll try not to cause you any more trouble again.

I don't know what's the matter with me.

There's nothing the matter with you.

You're just a boy.

That's all.

And to think, he was once an innocent babe in arms,

looking up into his mother's smiling face.

Attention, children.

I want you to name the principal products of these countries.

Holland.

You, Tommy.

Tulips.

Right.

Belgium, Nan.

Lace.

PROFESSOR BHAER: Yes.

Denmark.

What about Denmark?

May I speak to you a moment, please, dear?

Uh, you can take a recess now, children.

Recess!

Come on, Danny, recess.

These bills have to be paid.

The money's not in the safe.

Where did you put it?

I put it to work.

I gave it to Major Burdle to invest.

You... you gave our money to Major Burdle?

Oh, I had to make him take it.

But why?

Will you please tell me why you did an idiotic thing like that?

It wasn't idiotic.

It was very clever.

Oh.

Now look here, Jo.

You have only thought of me as a musician, an artist, a dreamer.

But you have never considered me a businessman.

[ANGRILY] A businessman.

Now sit down.

I'll explain everything.

Go ahead.

Now this Major Burdle... I sensed

right away that he was a good hearted man

as well as a financier.

Investments are very precarious today, he said.

But I trapped him.

You make investments for yourself.

Yes, he answered.

You are successful?

He couldn't deny that.

His whole appearance was one of prosperity.

Of course, I... I didn't tell him why

I wanted to double our money.

He might not have left his son in a school that was shaky.

Now you see?

You've been swindled.

Swindled?

Jo, please.

Where is your faith in people?

You entrusted every single penny we have in the world

to a perfect stranger.

We were perfect strangers to him,

and he trusted us with his son.

Great heavens.

Every time I turn my back... oh, how could you do such

a thing without consulting me?

I always felt that man was dishonest.

Now, come, come, dear.

I can think of a million reasons why we

haven't heard from the Major.

But not one good one.

He could be travelling in India, China, Russia.

You've heard him say his business took him everywhere.

He didn't mention one place it might take him.

Where?

Jail.

Now I won't listen to such talk.

I begged the man to help us, and you malign him.

If he's not travelling, he's somewhere.

And wherever he is, he's trying to help us.

I know that.

I feel that.

But why have you kept this a secret?

Why didn't you tell me at the time?

I wanted to surprise you.

Oh, Christopher Columbus.

Jo, I know the Major will not fail us.

Well, I hope not.

I sincerely hope not.

Ladies, ladies, how would you like

to have a man like this for the father of your children?

So Major, when we get through mixing up this chowder,

I'd like to go into the stockyards

and get a whiff of fresh air.

You know a guy would have to be as drunk as a hooty owl

to get this stuff past his nose.

Willie, you'll have to be more careful.

How did that get in there, Major?

I don't know.

[knocking on door]

Come in.

Fumigating?

No, no.

Just brewing.

Cover it up, Willie.

Oh, sure.

This is terrible.

You're absolutely right, lady.

Please.

Please don't open that window.

I have neighbors.

To what do we owe the honor of this visit?

Major Burdle, you must pay me cash for the rent.

This check is no good now.

What's this? What's this?

No good?

Refused payment, insolvent.

Preposterous.

That's the biggest bank in Omaha.

There must be some mistake.

No mistake.

It failed.

It says so right there on the back.

Closed by order of the court.

The dirty crooks.

I told you so.

You wouldn't trust yourself with that cash,

but you go ahead and trust a bank.

You may pay me the rent when you're able, Major.

You're my star boarder, you know.

Thanks.

What will Danny think?

I won't be able to go back to Plumfield now.

I can't even write him.

The Bhaers would find out and wonder.

Why did I ever take that money?

Don't worry about it, Major.

You got a pal here in little Willie.

I'll... I'll get that dough for you.

All I need is my little black bag.

Willie, stay away from those burglar tools.

Oh, no.

You kept me under wraps long enough.

Besides, you've never let me down when I needed help.

I don't want that kind of help.

Well, you're going to get it whether you want it or not.

Willie, if you leave this room, I'm finished with you for life.

Now listen, Major.

That brat means more to you than I do.

Throw you a glimpse of that timepiece.

I'll be back here in one hour.

[knocking on door]

You know this guy?

What's he done?

Him? Nothing.

Certainly I know him.

He lives here.

Well, I found him in the alley behind the First National Bank.

He's been assaulted and robbed.

Oh.

You better take care of him.

He ain't in his right mind.

Thanks.

Chief, my compliments.

Oh, tha... [clears throat]

Willie, what happened?

Oh, I'm walking down an alley, and a fella

bunks into me so polite like.

He tips his hat to me.

Well, I just tipped my hat back to him.

Bopple.

When I come to, I'm looking that cop right in the star.

My pockets are empty, and my tools are gone.

Oh, Major, if this gets out, I tell you, I'm ruined.

Here.

This will perk you up.

Major!

I'm on fire!

Major, do something.

I can't... Major.

[trumpeting]

The mail's here!

Now then, a letter for Daisy.

DAISY: Oh, thank you, Aunt Jo.

Now, now, children.

Please, don't be so impatient.

Just give me time to sort the mail,

and I'm sure we'll find a letter here for each one of you.

Now the package is Ned's.

A letter for Tommy Bangs.

Thanks, Aunt Jo.

Oh, Stuffy, here's a stomachache for you.

Goodie.

A chocolate cake from grandma.

Where's my letter, mommy?

Oh, Teddy, I forgot to mail it.

Here it is.

Now then, Silas, blow the bugle.

[trumpeting]

A letter for Teddy Bhaer.

Thank you, mommy.

One for Nat.

Oh, thanks, Aunt Jo.

Read my letter for me, will you, Dan?

Why, you wrote this yourself.

Well, what did I say?

I can't make it out.

It looks like a lot of chicken scratches.

No, it isn't.

It's my own handwriting.

You want me to write to you?

You never get any letters.

Oh, who wants to get letters?

Any word from Danny's father?

No.

But here's one from Bank of Reynolds.

I hate to open it.

I ain't going.

I belongs here.

Money makes no never mind to me.

Long as this school's here, I'm here.

You're the dearest people I've ever known,

but I can't let you work here for nothing.

Unless a miracle happens, you'll have to leave

at the end of the month.

Who was paying me before the war when I was picking cotton?

I'm free now, free to work for Bhaer for nothing,

free to work for people that's kind to me for nothing, ma'am.

Thank god.

I fought all through the Battle of Bull Run,

didn't see a penny, but I didn't quit.

And I ain't quitting now, pay or no pay.

No, siree.

You got to have somebody to help you.

You can't take care of all these children by yourself.

Well, you've got your hands full with just the professor.

No, no, Mrs. Jo.

I couldn't leave.

You must make me.

Please, Asia.

It looked bad at Vicksburg, very dark.

But we held the fort until we lost it.

You ain't lost Plumfield.

Yet.

Dear god, make us a miracle.

Send Mrs. Jo some money.

NAN: Aunt Jo!

Aunt Jo!

Aunt Jo, come quick.

Something's the matter with Buttercup.

She's lying in her stall, moaning and mooing.

Come along, quickly.

[mooing]

Poor Buttercup.

Do something for her, Aunt Jo.

Don't let Buttercup die.

I won't, Teddy.

Is Buttercup going to get well?

Buttercup's going to be all right now.

Don't you worry.

Now you children have all got to get out

of here because the stork's going to bring

Buttercup a new little calf.

Goodie, goodie, Teddy.

Now go on. Get out.

All of you, get outside.

Get outside.

Don't worry.

Oh, dear.

There's always something to worry about.

Now it's Buttercup.

Danny, will the stork fly over the barn?

He certainly will.

You just keep your eyes peeled, Teddy.

He'll be showing up soon.

[trumpeting]

Isn't she pretty?

Christopher Columbus.

The stork must be awful strong to carry a big baby like that.

JO: That's right, Bobby.

Now you've seen the new baby calf.

Let's all go to bed.

I'll bring you some coffee, Silas.

SILAS: Thank you.

Well, what's this?

Come here, my little sweetheart.

What are you doing here, hmm?

Mommy, the stork didn't come.

I was watching.

You must have missed him, Teddy, when you were asleep.

No, I was watching awful close.

Would you like to see the little new baby?

Yeah.

Silas.

SILAS: Yes, ma'am?

Silas, bring out the little new calf for Teddy to see.

There she is.

Isn't she pretty?

Look at her.

Did I look like that when the stork brought me?

Well, your ears weren't quite so big.

Now then, off to bed for you.

Darling, say good night to Silas.

Good night, Silas.

Good night.

JUDGE: Immediate sacrifice.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I

am forced to make a painful sacrifice of the assets,

chattels, livestock, et cetera of Major II Burdle's Bitters

for Inebriates.

To wit, international patent rights, copyright, labels

and wrappers, a pure Arabian stallion, a wagon,

pine beamed, a national goodwill,

a formula unknown to science.

A $50,000 proposition for $2,500.

Only spot cash will be considered.

You have no case.

But Judge, I paid the swindler $100.

This court's advice is to sell the horse

for glue and the wagon for kindling wood.

MAN: But what can I do with these bitters?

You know what you can do with them.

Drink them.

Next case.

I refuse to write another letter.

We still have two weeks.

But darling, the children's parents

must be notified so they can make other plans.

I'll finish them myself.

I won't believe we have lost Plumfield until men come in

and move us out.

I'm trying to save us that day, dear.

The children too.

What about Danny?

He can't reach his father, so what can we do?

Wait until his father comes.

As if that thief would ever show his face around here.

Down as a dollar.

Well, there's no use in prolonging the agony.

I know how you both must feel.

How about the calf?

I think you ought to include her in the transaction.

It would be very heartless of you

to separate the mother and her child.

You talking of heartlessness.

If it weren't for Asia and Silas and our debts,

do you think we'd even talk to you about selling Buttercup?

Now, now, I think my offer's a very

generous one, even for her.

Now I've drawn up a bill of sale.

Why you're looking it over, you can have your man tie Buttercup

and her calf to my buggy.

Call Silas, dear.

Silas.

Silas, come here.

WL REYNOLDS: My Buttercup.

Right pretty little calf, isn't she, Mr. Reynolds?

They don't come any prettier.

She's going to be the pride of my dairy.

Your dairy?

Silas, we're selling Buttercup and her calf to Mr. Reynolds.

Tie them both to his buggy, please.

Silas, do you hear me?

Buttercup, you've been a lot of trouble.

But... but I'm going to miss you something terrible.

Come back here!

Come back here!

Come back here!

I got her, Silas.

Let her go!

Let her go!

I got to pretend I'm going to catch her.

Banker Reynolds is in the barn.

He's going to take Buttercup and the baby away.

They're selling them!

Hurry, maybe the children can get them to change their minds.

Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo.

Nan, Stuffy, Jack, everybody.

Come here.

- What's the matter, Danny? - What's happened?

- What's wrong? - Something awful's happened.

Banker Reynolds is in the barn with Aunt Jo and the professor.

They selling them Buttercup and the calf.

No, they couldn't need money that bad.

I happen to know they do because someone

stole their money.

Don't look at me.

I didn't steal it.

No, but your father did.

My father?

JACK: Yes, your father.

I heard a sit Aunt Jo say so.

I was standing right at the top of the stairs.

I could have told long ago if I'd have wanted to.

Liar.

You take that back.

I won't take it back.

It's the truth.

Why, you.

I'll kill you for that.

Aunt Jo!

Get up.

Jack, get up.

Both of you.

Now what's all this about?

He said my father stole your money,

and that's why you're selling Buttercup.

Jack, please.

We're selling Buttercup because we have bills to pay.

Now I want no more fighting.

Get back to work in your garden, Jack, quickly.

Yeah, run away, you coward.

I'll get you later.

What's the matter with right now?

Why, you...

Danny!

Jack!

Oh, boys, stop it.

Stop it.

Oh, Danny, how could you?

Jack. Jack, get up.

Silas.

Silas, won't you [inaudible]?

Is he all right, dear?

Children, time to go to doctor's.

Yes, Aunt Jo.

Wait.

Have you got him there, Silas?

Is he OK?

Now, I... I hope the boy's not badly hurt.

But this bill of sale.

You haven't signed...

Get out of here.

But... But I...

Bet that'll show him.

[dog whining]

He's responding much better now.

Oh, thank goodness, doctor.

Another compress please.

NAT: They were punching each other something terrible.

First Dan was on top, then Jack.

REPORTER: Now wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Let me get this straight.

The boy Jack called his father a thief,

and the little rival went after him, said he'd kill him for it.

NAT: And he meant it too. REPORTER: Yeah.

And then this Daniel... uh, how do you spell

that last name again, please?

B-U-R-D-L-E.

Is that him?

Yeah, that's him.

Oh, thanks.

Now listen, kid, tell me everything.

You know these city papers eat up stuff like this.

Now beginning to beginning and make it fast.

I've got to get this on the wire.

Now your father...

It's awful, Willie, awful.

I'd rather lose my right arm than have

his faith in me destroyed.

You can't go back to Plumfield till you get that mazuma.

I ought to get an answer to one of those telegrams I sent.

I helped the old gang plenty in my day.

People can do a lot of forgetting in 15 years,

especially mugs that owe you money.

We just got a report on your Albany telegram.

Good. Let's see it.

They say the party doesn't live there

anymore, moved to Leavenworth.

Shall I forward it?

Yeah, in about 20 years.

Are you sure the other telegrams

reached the people I sent them to?

Yes, sir. They were all delivered.

All delivered, huh?

That's gratitude for you.

Well, here we are, right back where we started.

Wait a minute.

I got the solution.

It's a wonder I didn't think of it before.

Why don't you tell the professor and his old lady the truth?

That the bank failed?

Well, it's a cinch to prove.

Don't be a fool.

They'd start an investigation.

Do you think I can stand the cops digging into my past?

You ain't got no record.

What are they going to find out?

Everything, including the fact that I was never married.

I don't see what that got to do with it.

It'd have plenty to do with it if Danny ever heard

that his father wasn't married.

Oh.

Sure, sure, sure, sure.

I'd be forced to tell him about Lefty,

that I've been living a lie.

I won't lose his love and respect,

not even if I have to steal the money to prove that I'm honest.

Oh, well, now I can give you some help.

What about stamp business you was grifting the yokels

with when I brung you the brat?

Too much time, Willie.

The stamp racket takes weeks.

Well, you could sell a couple of gold bricks.

That was always a fast skid game.

Suckers would laugh in your face today.

I got the idea.

The money maker machine.

You know, we used to put in the fives and grind out 50s.

We always made a mint on that one.

I've got to get that money today, now.

The train will be leaving soon.

You was always good at selling to City Hall.

Oh, shut up, Willie, and let me think.

Give me that cane, Major.

What for?

Just keep your eyes grinned around you.

I'll go in there and tap that telegraph

operator on the noggin.

There's always cash in those safes, and he's got a big one.

Thanks, Willie, but I think I've got an easier way.

WILLIE: You looking at that bank?

I certainly am.

Oh, it's a pleasure.

- You got the cash? - Yes.

Cool.

Tell me, how much did you clip them for?

2,500.

[whistles]

Hey, listen, you ain't a forger.

You're a hypnotist.

Let's get out of here quick before they

start looking for their money.

Yes, Willie, but they'll be looking for a Mr. Arn Brewster,

not for Major II Burdle.

Mm-hmm.

Well, let's start running, Mr. Arn Brewster.

Want a walnut?

Danny, do you want to know something?

What?

Mommy and poppy are scolding everybody.

None of us can be mad at you anymore.

Have you been mad at me too, Teddy?

Yes, awful mad.

Do you know why?

Nobody will tell me why.

Look.

Pop!

Danny, my son.

Oh, pop.

Oh, pop.

[sobbing]

There, there, son.

I feel the same as you do.

Oh, pop, they've been saying terrible things about you.

I know all about it.

I had to fight with a kid and nearly...

I know about that too.

It's been awful.

I was gonna run away.

Run away?

You never believed those things, did you?

I couldn't stand to listen anymore.

Danny, did you believe what they said?

No, no.

I knew you'd come back someday.

But I just couldn't stand it.

Well, I'm back now.

And how sorry they're going to be for it.

Gosh, I'm crying like a kid.

Better get that weeping over fast there, Major.

You know we haven't got much time.

Are the Bhaers at home?

Yes, sir.

I told you all not to sleep there.

Get out.

I got a notion we didn't fool anybody

by getting over Claytonville.

Shh.

Mrs. Jo!

Mrs. Jo!

Mrs. Jo, professor!

My prayer's been answered.

That man that stole your money, Dan's father... he's here.

What did I tell you?

What did I tell you?

I... I can't believe it.

Asia, open the door for him.

And keep the children out.

Come, let's give him a royal welcome.

Welcome, Major.

Welcome back to Plumfield.

You'll never know how happy we are to see you.

The feeling is not mutual.

How dare you ruin my reputation, disgrace my boy?

Won't you come in and sit down, please?

Do.

We can explain everything.

Then explain to my attorneys.

I intend to sue for defamation of character.

Here.

Jo, our money.

Danny, go pack your things.

We're leaving here at once.

But pop, it's not their fault. It's the kids.

Aunt Jo and the professor are not to blame.

I... I honestly don't know what to say.

Enough has been said already.

Hurry, son.

Help Danny gather his things, will you, dear?

Come, Willie.

We'll wait outside.

Major Burdle.

My I appeal to you as a gentleman?

Listen to me, please.

It's entirely my fault this happened.

The professor never doubted you for a moment.

It was I who had fears and voiced them.

Unfortunately, one of our pupils overheard me.

Most unfortunate and most inexcusable.

Hello, Teddy.

Hello, Constable.

CHILDREN: Hello, Constable.

Hello, Constable.

Hello.

Nobody home.

Hey, haven't I seen your face somewhere before?

I go to school here.

That's a good one.

Major Burdle, won't you please let

me call the children together and tell them the truth?

You and Danny must be vindicated before them.

Go away, fox.

Move.

Very well.

Since Danny wishes it.

Thank you. I'll get them at once.

Oh, how do you do, Josephine?

Good afternoon, Tom.

Are you running a college here now?

- No, why? - [WHISPERING] It's the law.

CONSTABLE TOM THORPE: I just passed a man that

says he goes to school here.

Oh, I guess he's been touched in the head.

He's a friend of the Major's.

This is Constable Thorpe, one of our neighbors.

How do you do?

Well, this is a pleasant surprise.

Didn't think you could get here so soon from Claytonville,

thought I'd have to wait for you, Mr. Arn Brewster.

Arn Brewster?

I believe, sir, that you have the advantage of me.

I'm afraid I have.

Black hair, carries a gold-headed cane,

checked trousers, height about six feet three,

wears a beaver hat, deep voice.

The telegraph's a mighty handy gadget when

it comes to catching crooks.

But this gentleman is Major Burdle.

Then Burdle should be more careful about signing Mr.

Arn Brewster's name to checks.

- You're under arrest... - What?

...for forgery.

Forgery?

Then... then you mean this $2,500 you gave us isn't ours?

Not now.

I'm sorry.

May I have the money please?

It must be impounded for the bank.

And what did you do with our money?

I lost it in a bank failure.

You expect me to believe that?

Aw, he's telling the truth, lady?

Say, who are you?

Never mind me.

I'm talking about him.

Listen, he ain't gypped nobody in years.

The only reason he forged that check

was because he wanted to prove to the brat that he was honest.

Oh, well, I can understand your stealing our money.

I always thought you had.

But I can't understand what you've done to Danny.

What kind of a man are you?

What kind of a father to break a child's heart who worships you?

It's the law here that's breaking the brat's heart.

Him and Danny could have been on their way,

and the brat would have been none the wiser.

But how could you be so stupid to think

that no one would find out?

Everything you say is true.

But I beg of you to keep this from my boy.

You must.

You must.

There isn't any way.

The school is closing.

Even that $2,500 wouldn't help.

We need $5,000 to keep Plumfield open.

Willie, you'll have to take care of Danny for me.

You've got to carry on, keep him from knowing.

You'll find some excuse.

I'm sure Mrs. Bhaer will be merciful enough to help you.

I'm ready, Constable.

Let's spare the boy this parting.

Wait a minute.

Lady, did I hear you say something

about closing this school?

Yes, you did.

Hey, Maj, come here.

The brat wouldn't know you was in the clink

if we could keep this place open.

He'd go right on living here and think that you

was out selling them bitters.

Don't you get it?

I got the whole thing right in the palm of my hands.

And I got it in my pocket here too.

Willie, stop.

Shut up.

I know what I'm doing.

Here you are, lady.

Here's your $5,000.

Willie, I won't let you.

And what's this? WILLIE: That's me.

CONSTABLE TOM THORPE: Willie the Fox.

So that's who you are.

My office is full of your pictures.

Put them up.

Put that thing back in your pocket, rube.

The lady's turning me in.

She's getting the reward.

No wonder they didn't find your body.

Well, they dragged the river.

They didn't drag the streets.

Christopher Columbus.

Hooray, hooray, hooray.

Not only has Major Burdle made it possible for Plumfield

to remain open.

He's going to let Danny stay with us

and finish his schooling.

Now isn't that splendid?

Three cheers for Danny Burdle.

Tom, I'll never be able to thank you.

The professor would've been as heartbroken as Danny if he'd

ever found out the truth.

If we can teach you to follow in the footsteps

of your father, we'll consider our work well done.

Children, there's someone else who has also helped the school.

Let's give a great, big cheer for... for Mr. Fox.

Hooray.

Mr. Fox?

Speech, please.

Oh, yes.

Why, children, it was nothing.

You know, what's a couple of years...

Uh, uh.

Allow me to express your feelings, Mr. Fox.

I... I'm afraid you'll be too modest.

But first, let me thank you, Constable,

for being so kind as to drop in and officially

represent the mayor on this auspicious occasion.

It's been a great day, a great day.

Yes, we've all been rewarded.

What time is it, Mr. Fox?

Oh, yes.

We'll have to hurry if we want to catch our train.

I'd be glad to give you gentlemen a lift into town.

Oh, we don't want to bother you, Constable.

Oh, it's no bother.

Fair enough.

Come on, Major.

Step aside, children.

Goodbye, you all.

Goodbye, Major what's-your-name.

How long do you think I'll get?

Well, since the bank's getting its money back,

I don't think it should be more than two years.

Two years?

That's just what I owe them.

It'll all come out even.

Maj, we could serve that kind of time standing on our heads.

[mooing]

Say, Constable, where you taking us?

The State Penitentiary.

You hear that, Maj?

Are we lucky.

The State Pen.

That's me alma mater.

The warden'll be so happy to get his ticker back,

he'll probably get give us the bridal suite.

Oh, there's that fox again.