Original subtitles

Buy 50,000 shares of soybean futures and a put option on the S&P index that

expires at midnight.

Then dump all the inflation-protected treasury bonds and 15-year CDs.

And then I want you to move all that cash into Nikkei Futures.

Liquidate the oil. Put a freeze on it. Yeah.

And we're completely clear of cap-a-cap-a-capital, right?

Great.

Man, it is good to be alive.

Oh, don't push. This is all

that

remains of Philip Grombowski.

He was a rising star on Wall Street.

Unbelievable traffic.

Grambowski ran a private wealth fund worth $4.4 billion under management.

Whoa, that's a lot of bread.

Food shame much?

He was a rising star on Wall Street until he was ostracized for his bizarre

ideas. Wait just one goddamn minute.

What got a first name on this guy?

Philip.

Makes sense.

He had everything going for him.

White, male, rich.

An unbeatable combination until yesterday when somebody tanned him to

death. Serves him right, the greedy bastard.

Who the hell needs a billion dollars?

Large countries. Well-connected political families.

Billionaires. Because of the very large nature of his wealth, the special

division force is going to figure out who killed him and why.

Get me some answers, people.

Don't bother. It's password protected.

Well, it's a good thing I'm here. Is it?

What's your problem with me?

You're overconfident, hubristic, aloof, dismissive. So you can say something

nice. Now, passwords are an expression of subconscious thoughts.

You can hide behind it, but I'll find you.

Talk to me, Phillip.

Who are you?

Chicago Cubs Bennett?

Ficus Plant?

Boulevard Menem's?

girlfriend what's the cat's name mr. jingles oh my god it's so obvious and

it's written on a post-it note paste it on his screen one two three four six

that's easy to remember I'm in why don't we try that folder that says my

documents it's a hill Mary but let's do it this is a list of Grombowski's

clients and what trades he's made on their behalf

He moved $1.4 billion out of something called Kappa Kappa Capital the day

before he was killed.

But why?

It was one of his best performers.

And what's this note by the trade that says saltine?

What is that?

Beats me. Could mean anything.

Her name is Nora Newt.

Sorry, Murphy, above your pay grade.

Ms. Newt is, or should I say is, a notorious vulture capitalist and

corporate raider. Her firm, Kappa Kappa Capital, is famous for buying up

companies, selling them for their parts, then buying those parts and putting them

back together to form the original company.

Sounds like a real stand-up gal.

Not since she left comedy 15 years ago and started day trading.

Now her company is worth $57 billion and one dollars. That's some serious cheese.

It's part of my cleanse.

We found out Grambowski recently pulled nearly a billion and a half dollars of

his client's money out of Kappa Kappa Capital. So Newt gets her revenge by

frying Grambowski to a crisp. It's possible, but we don't have any proof.

That's why we're going undercover.

in the complex, aggressive world of high finance. With all due respect, sir, I'm

going to have to sit this one out.

These Wall Street scumbags have created an economy that only works for the rich.

We can sing their praises all day long, but we still have a job to do.

Our next stop is the financial capital of the world, Des Moines, Iowa.

Now, the world of finance has changed a lot in the last 30 years. It's

absolutely nothing like 80s movies about Wall Street.

Hey, Tribeca, how's it going?

Can't wait for tomorrow, because I get better looking every day. Love the hair,

by the way.

Flattery will get you everywhere.

Counting on it. Hey, Scholz, how was your date last night? Are you kidding? I

took her to Mastacholi's. It was a sure thing. How'd you get a res there?

Bang the manager.

Hey, Hoffman, loving the tie.

Bill Blass?

What's happening, Cheryl?

I have no reference point for this era.

Morning, son.

What looks good?

I don't know. People being able to raise themselves out of poverty, having a

chance at a good education, a middle class.

You are treading on thin ice, mister.

Now lose the attitude and cheat some people out of their money.

Hello, this is Angela Giles from Kappa Kappa Capital. Did you know that there

are some very interesting opportunities available in the stock market that you

might not be aware of? Oh, yeah? What are they?

For example, you could buy something called...

Gabubal shaving systems. That sounds great. Put me down for a million dollars

worth. Uh, sir, I don't recommend... Make it two million.

I gotta go.

Here's your commission, Mr. Giles.

Oh, my God, I'm rich!

Ms. Newt wants to see you.

Nora Newt, have a seat, AJ.

It's a papa-son chair.

Invented by the Japanese as a place to sit awkwardly.

Oh, shit!

I like it.

It's different.

Did you know there's no Japanese word for business?

Isn't it biji nisu?

Maybe there is.

Heard you made your first big commission today.

Yes, ma'am.

Scabubu shaving systems.

It's garbage.

It's up 21% in the year. Exactly.

And in tomorrow's news, there'll be a story about a man who sliced his neck

open with a scabubu razor, and that story will be planted by me, but not

before I've unloaded every last one of my shares.

That's totally immoral.

This is a $75,000 watch. Let me see what you got on your wrist.

Is that moral?

That you should have cheap things while I enjoy the best of everything?

I'm happy with what I have. Only because you've never had more.

Come here.

Let me show you something.

Cute kid, huh?

I'm thinking of buying her.

This is me the day my parents abandoned me. I bounced around foster homes till

age 15 when I started my own business, buying and selling foster homes. By age

20, I'd made my first trillion.

Have your parents ever abandoned you, AJ?

Only once. Probably made you pretty vulnerable to sympathetic authority

figures. That's not mom. I mean, true.

We're gonna go places, buddy.

Here's a million bucks.

Kids gotta have some walking around money. Wow.

Thanks. All right, get out of here. I gotta be staring out the window for my

next meeting.

All right, then. We've successfully infiltrated the company. Now it's time

to start poking a few bears, see if we can get them to crap out some honey.

How was your one-on-one with Newt, AJ?

Okay, I guess.

Really? I thought you were totally disgusted by her. The greed, the excess,

the possible murder.

Hey, we have nothing on her.

Everything you just said is pure speculation except for the greed and the

excess. Sorry, I didn't realize you were best friends now.

Well, we are.

Another thing, why are we all so poor?

I mean, all we need to do is buy stocks, sabotage the company, we'd be on Easy

Street. Wow.

That's a lot to take in.

Whatever, I need to go back to work.

Money don't sleep.

I don't know about you, but I am starting to really like him. I'm

worried. You remember back in the day, Mahoney and the aquarium op? Mahoney was

diagnosed with schizophrenia long before he decided to live as a manta ray.

Dr. Stolls?

Can I talk to you?

It's Scholls.

When I was a sophomore, I wrote my behavioral economics paper on the

relationship between saltine crackers and the United States economy.

I thought it was odd when you smashed Grombowski's computer, but now it's

paying off. Go on. Well, the paper got some attention on Wall Street before it

was universally dismissed, except by one person, Philip Grombowski. Why are you

telling me this? I thought you hated me.

Well, I guess I was afraid of being laughed at by everyone.

But since you're not someone I look up to, I figured it was a pretty safe bet.

Thank you.

That means a lot.

Let's go get that paper.

Listen up, everybody.

I am pleased to announce Kappa Kappa Capital's next billion-dollar sales

contest winner.

You know him, you love him, you don't really know him. A.J. pseudonym.

humming

You done good, kid. Made a lot of money for the company. That's only gonna

increase our profits.

I'm just doing what you told me.

Kicking ass and taking names.

Charles.

But it's all been small potatoes so far.

Can we get some steaks over here?

How much money did you make this week?

I don't know. 50, 52 billion?

Peanuts.

Linus is trying to give up his blanket.

It's time we took down the whole enchilada.

Hot plate?

I gotta say, $52 billion kind of covers my nut.

But why settle for $52 billion when you could have $53 billion?

Immoral is one thing, but we're not talking about anything illegal here, are

we? What's the matter?

You scared?

No, I'm not scared.

It's not like your mom's going to be disappointed in you. What are you

talking about?

Because you said you were an orphan like me.

Oh, yeah. Yes.

Totally.

Absolutely no parents.

Right.

So let's do this. Let's raid the biggest corporation there is, the United States

of America.

Sign me up.

Great.

You're in.

You're just going to need a swimsuit, a towel, and a bag lunch.

All right, let's hear this cockamamie theory.

I'm nervous.

Just picture them in their underwear.

Webster's defines economics as... Two years ago, the saltine cracker market

took a nosedive, and I wanted to know why from a behavioral economic

perspective, so I dug a little deeper.

Why aren't people buying saltines? Soup.

Exactly. People aren't eating soup anymore.

That's ridiculous. I had soup as recently as...

Oh my God, she is right.

Wait.

I have no idea what we're talking about. Why has the soup market suddenly gone

lukewarm? Why? Tell us. No, I'm asking you. That's as far as I got with my

paper. I only got a C.

People aren't eating soup because the earth is getting warmer. And you know

what that means. Of course.

Wait, I still have no idea how this relates to anything.

Think about this.

It's a hot day.

You want to take a casual walk around the block, but what to wear?

You'll roast in a pair of long pants so you reach in your closet and pull out...

Jeans shorts.

Jeans shorts are the Achilles heel of the entire U.S. economy, and Philip

Grombowski knew it. He knew that if anything were to disrupt that market,

the whole financial system comes crashing down.

And guess who's been buying up every denim factory from North Korea to South

Korea? I am so sorry, guys. I'm not even close to being on this train. Could you

demonstrate with the Jenga tower or...

Maybe some oranges?

Nora Newt is going to buy up all of the denim and collapse the market.

Grimbowski found out what she was doing, pulled out all of his money, and ended

up as turkey jerky. Why does Newt want to sink the U.S. economy?

I can't imagine she's acting alone.

My son is the only one who can answer that question, but he's gone full Donnie

Brasco. So take him out.

He's my son. Oh, shit, right.

But maybe taking him out is exactly what this situation requires.

I swear to God, I didn't make the connection.

Don't kill him!

Great.

Thank you.

Gap, Levi's, Jordache, and Oshkosh Bogosh.

All ours.

We now own 98% of all Gene Shore production.

I'm proud of you, AJ.

Freeze! SEC!

Let's go, dirtbag.

Stay strong and keep your rules shut. I said move it! Okay, take it easy, man.

Take it easy.

You are... Mom?

What the hell are you doing? I want to show you something.

Mom, what the hell are you doing? I want to show you something.

Mom, what the hell are you doing? I want to show you something.

You know who that is?

No idea.

That's Bobson Dugna.

He's the former CEO of Skaboogle Shaving Systems.

What's he doing here?

Well, since you and Newt torpedoed his Fortune 500 company, he had to take a

job as a CEO at a slightly smaller company.

He used to manage 5,500 employees.

Now, he manages 3,500.

I didn't know.

No, you didn't know.

Because you don't stop to think about the human beings behind the numbers. Get

out of the way!

He had to trade in his G5?

For G4.

And look at his suit.

It looks like it. Looks like it's right off the rack.

I'm going to be sick.

That's the Nora Newt effect.

You still want to be part of it?

I don't know.

Why is Newt trying to collapse the jean short market? I've been too deep, Mom. I

can't. Damn it, AJ!

I know things have been hard for you, okay? I know I wasn't there for you.

But none of that matters now. You have to decide who you want to be.

I'm sorry, Mom.

I guess I just love money too much now.

Take him away.

What?

What? I don't... Mom!

Mom!

I'm proud of you, buddy. You made the right decision.

If I'm going all the way with this, I want to know I'm going to be mega rich.

Like, don't bother bringing the bed, bath, and beyond coupon rich.

I think you'll find the U.S. Treasury has everything you're looking for.

Once the French government gives us the go-ahead, we'll make our move and watch

the economy go into free fall.

So the French are the ones staking you.

That's right.

But by the time this whole thing burns down, we'll be on an island in the

middle of Lake Michigan.

I'm in.

I just need to use the bathroom first.

You're going to use a park bathroom?

It's an emergency.

I think I got it.

Tape's no good. We need it again. Are you kidding me?

She's totally going to suspect something. Just get her, run down the

basics, then get out.

Once the French government gives us the go-ahead, we'll make our move and watch

the economy go into freefall.

So the French are the ones staking it.

That's right.

But by the time this whole thing burns down, we'll be on an island in the

middle of Lake Michigan.

Too much interference. We didn't get it. Come on, man! One more time, and we are

out of here.

But by the time this whole thing burns down, we'll be on an island in the

middle of Lake Michigan.

Wait a second.

Are you wearing a wire?

You son of a bitch!

He could have had everything. You could have been me.

I guess I did fantasize about being you for the last day and a quarter. But in

the end, I need to be someone who makes his mom proud.

You have a parent?

But in the end, I need to be someone who makes his mom proud.

Do I have to give the money back?

Right so, kid.

Scholz, what's happening on Wall Street?

The markets have stabilized and the Treasury Department is raiding Kappa

Kappa Capital as we speak.

And from a behavioral perspective, people are confident in the economy

again. Good work, people.

Good work.

Now let's head back to Los Angeles.

I'm desperate to do a load of laundry.