Original subtitles

I'm so sorry my husband's late, Mr. Stone.

I hope this doesn't cost me the promotion.

Sorry. Here we are.

Sorry, I haven't been feeling well.

My lunch didn't quite agree with me today.

Great. Shows up late and brings up food poisoning.

Bon appetit, everyone.

This is very important to me.

Be charming and stop sweating.

So, Frederick.

I hear you're quite the golfer.

You should come play at my club sometime.

Oh, that would be... You know, he'd love that.

Right, Frederick?

Frederick?

You're ruining their tablecloth.

I think we need to leave.

Are you all right? He's fine.

Tell him you're fine, Frederick.

Tell him you're fine.

Frederick?

Oh, my God.

Did I vomit on your boss?

You are so unbelievably selfish.

I knew you didn't want me going back to work.

Dad.

Dad, it's me.

Angie.

Well, I'll be a moose's knuckle.

Come on in here.

You have your mother's slurp.

Must have a lot of questions.

You left me alone.

A 12-year-old girl without a father.

Just tell me why.

It's a long story, so I better hit the restroom first.

Take your time.

We're gonna be spending lots of time together.

Hey, Dad, want to go get some pie?

See if I still got it?

Dad?

Dad?

What is this, hazmat suit day?

I guess I didn't get the memo.

You're looking at what's left of Dr. Frederick Curtis.

He appears to have died of some sort of hemorrhagic fever that liquefied his

internal organs.

Is it contagious?

Yes. That's why I sent you the memo about the hazmat suit.

Don't worry about me.

I never get sick.

What is that, his wallet?

Whoa.

Defense Department.

Bioweapons Division.

From the looks of it, he had a hell of a parking space.

Aren't those the guys that work with the killer viruses and whatnot?

Well, whatever this virus is, it's 100% lethal.

And if there's been an outbreak, that means the entire city's in grave danger.

Better get this to the lieutenant.

Quarantine? Have you lost your marbles? I have no...

Everyone who has ever exchanged fluids with Curtis is exchanging fluids with

everyone he has ever exchanged fluids with. We need a quarantine to determine

how far the virus has spread.

So we'll put a condom on the city. Go! Look, we can't afford to panic right

now. It's Avocado Fest, which brings in 80% of the city's revenue.

Like it or not, Los Angeles is a guac economy.

Guys, we called the CDC.

They called us.

Apparently there was a break-in at the bioweapons division where Curtis worked

a couple days ago.

Someone made off with multiple viral samples, a T-Rex embryo, and $40 in

petty cash.

Well, that cash is as good as gone. I don't know if it's linked to Curtis'

death, but it feels like the kind of thing we'd investigate.

Atkins, for God's sakes.

This city has finally snapped back from the Mexican-American War.

Don't do this. This could be a bioweapon.

People dropping dead right and left. We're talking Chipotle-level

destruction.

Allow me to spell this out for you as plainly as possible.

N-O-T-G-O-N-N-A-H-A-P-P-E-N.

Where the hell is Tribeca?

She's just driving back from her storyline.

But I could give her a call.

What's up, Giles?

Oh my God, that could wipe out half the planet.

And I bet my badge Calvin Sniglet's behind this.

Remember the serial killer who killed all the people and stole their clothes

to make little outfits for animals?

Okay, I just didn't know if you remembered.

Oh, hang on.

Speak of the devil.

Sniglet. Detective Tribeca.

To what do I owe the pleasure?

You called me.

i figured out how to save the animals by killing all the people by killing all

the people calvin you don't have to do this okay i am so sorry about your

childhood and trust me i understand but killing everyone on earth is not going

to take that pain away just drop me a pin with your location i'm sorry i'm

afraid i don't know how to do that but did you know that the human immune

system can cause a spasmodic contraction of 58 separate muscles in the face neck

and thorax

You may know it as a sneeze.

Hang on. Sorry, I dropped my phone in the crack.

Okay.

Sorry about that.

Gesundheit, Tribeca.

Sorry. It's the biggest health scare since doctors said that thongs should

not be up there. Two are dead and hundreds more are starting to feel

weird. Rumors are flying, but we're having trouble getting any solid

information about the virus that seems to be spreading quickly through the

city.

Here comes the mayor now to give a statement.

Thank you for coming.

I'm pleased to announce there is no cause for alarm.

No quarantine will be in effect.

And while we mourn those that have become liquefied, the situation is under

control. So go about your daily lives, keep your loved ones close, just don't

have any physical contact with them.

You should

put one of these on.

No, I'm good. I once ate a piece of raw chicken off a toilet seat in a carnival

port-a-potty and was sick for like three weeks, so I think I got this.

Suit yourself.

I just said I didn't want one.

Zip me up.

How'd things go with your dad?

Well, let's just say I've lost all faith in humanity and wouldn't mind if

everyone just died.

But it won't affect my work on this case.

Do we ever figure out how Sniglet got access to this lab?

You don't get it.

Well, why don't you explain it to us, mister?

Oh, sorry, Giles. This is Clive Mister from the CDC.

It's actually Dr.

Mister. We're dealing with a level 16 viral outbreak.

It's kind of hard to tell if that's good or bad without knowing how many levels

there are.

Well, on a good or bad scale, I'd say we're looking at about a 90. So a 90

is... You don't get it.

You're not even close to getting it.

Let's go inside so I can explain it to you even though there's no chance you're

gonna get it

This

is

where dr. Curtis worked

You're surrounded by some of the most deadly viruses in human history.

I don't see any signs of a break-in. Is it possible that Curtis let Sniglet in?

Oh, my God.

How are you not getting this?

Whoever got in here used a key card, and it wasn't Dr. Curtis's. That means

Sniglet had his own key card, and he let himself in, and he knew exactly what he

was looking for.

He went straight for what we call the rare wine cellar.

Sniglet knew what time Curtis would take his breaks.

So that means he'd been casing the place.

Curtis was just in the wrong place at the wrong time eating the wrong salad.

So give it to us real.

What is this virus and how fast can it spread?

The virus originated in penguins.

This penguin flu was then weaponized and introduced into a human environment.

So it's a highly contagious biological weapon, some kind of synthesized penguin

flu. So if we can cure a penguin, we can figure out some way to apply it?

A virus that causes a sore throat in penguins makes the jump to humans,

causing total liquefactive necrosis, which is a fancy way of saying

cytoplasmic protein coagulation.

So mankind turns to soup because of one lonely Arctic explorer and one

incredibly sexy penguin?

We should have melted ice caps a long time ago.

Is there any way to slow down the infection rate, maybe keep it to 9,000

or 10,000 deaths?

Right now, the virus is moving from person to person through physical

contact. But if it becomes airborne, it's game over.

Although... I've never played a game.

Unless we can find a cure.

Scholz, how long would it take you to develop an antidote to this thing?

A little over a week, but I lose the weekend because of my sister's baby

shower in Kalamazoo. I don't know. Is humanity really worth it? I mean, is it

really the end of the world if it's the end of the world?

Tim's on an antidote.

It's him.

Tribeca. Happy last day on Earth.

Hey, am I on speaker, phone? I hear an echo.

Yeah, but there's no one in the room. Good thinking.

Whoops.

Doesn't matter.

Soon there'll be no one in any rooms. You'll all be dead because of me.

You'll be dead too, Sniglet. No one's immune to the penguin flu.

Unless you've taken the necessary precautions to make sure that doesn't

happen. You're a madman.

Tell me where you are.

Doesn't matter where I am, Tribeca.

What matters is where the virus is about to be.

Spring is in the air.

You know what my favorite thing about spring is?

Opening day.

Goodbye.

Forever.

Opening day.

Baseball? Dodger Stadium.

Opening day is this afternoon.

They're giving out nasal spray to the first 10,000 fans.

The perfect delivery method for this virus.

Giles, Tanner, get down to the stadium and confiscate that nasal spray.

Tribeca, find Sniglet. Scholes, go do science stuff.

Wiener, did the wedding planner have any suggestions for appetizers?

He's thinking maybe a taco bar might... Gambit, we're all about to die, Wiedner!

We're not having a taco bar!

Can you tell me about those mini cheeseburgers again?

Tribeca, I hope you're not thinking about trying to stop me.

On the contrary, I was thinking I'd like to join you.

Really?

Well, maybe after everyone's gone, you and I could repopulate the Earth

together.

Or just grab a drink, if that's too much too fast.

Uh, hang on.

It's my brother on the other line.

Can you hold on for one second? Yeah, no, no, no, no. Take the call. Just call

me later. It's no big deal. No, no, no, no, no. I want to talk to you. Just one

second.

All right, Scholes.

You're my eyes and ears. Where is he?

Just downloading the data from the satellite.

Give me a minute.

Hey, I'm back.

Sorry about that.

How about this?

You tell me where you are, and I'll come pick you up. That sounds nice.

It's been very lonely.

I know how you feel.

I've been alone since I was 12 years old.

So that was like 25 years ago?

So that would make you... Old enough to know you can't outrun your past.

Yeah, yeah, I know, absolutely.

What music was popular back then? I forget.

You know, the usual, just songs about broken hearts.

Did you have an Atari?

Or... People are cruel, Sniglet.

Parents are cruel.

And parents are people.

And people are animals.

I'm sorry, I'm confused. Are we hooking up or what? Just tell me where.

Hang on a second.

Shoals, I'm running out of nonsense. Just give me something.

Boom. Got him.

Oh.

You're not gonna like this. For God's sakes, just tell me!

Don't!

Hello, Angie.

I've missed you.

Have you missed me?

Well, now there's plenty of me to go around.

But which one is the real me?

Oh, God!

Seriously?

God!

Welcome to Opening Day, brought

to you by Snotwalk.

Don't breathe through your mouth.

Use snot block.

Whee! LAPD, where's the nasal spray?

Oh, my God, this stuff is lethal.

Let's get rid of it and take it to Goodwill.

Uh, gals, all these are empty.

We're too late.

I can breathe again.

Too bad I'm gonna die.

I don't feel sick.

I should be out there trying to catch this guy.

Look, it's just a precaution. You probably don't have it. Although they

say once the symptoms start, it's already too late.

Oh, no.

You're gonna be okay.

Shoals is working on an antidote as we speak. You can teach

this.

I was able to isolate the pathogenic proteins and deactivate them by grafting

on autoimmune genes from penguin DNA.

Good work, Scholz.

Let's get the rest of this stuff to the public.

That was over 4,000 doses.

It's gonna take me 24 hours to brew the next batch.

Tanner doesn't have that kind of time!

Well, obviously, the more penguin blood I have, the faster I can make more

antidote. We're gonna need every penguin in the city.

I'm pleased to announce the penguin flu outbreak has been contained

You may all go back to your normal lives of quiet desperation.

Sounds great, Mr. Mayor. The people are gonna love it. Atkins, I can't thank you

and your team enough for what you've done.

It's just too bad Tanner wasn't here to hear you say it.

These new floors look great.

Gleaming. It's really beautiful.

Tanner, get in here!

Sir? Uh, the mayor was just patting us on the back for a job well done.

Oh, the real hero is Dr.

Schultz. Without that medicine... I'll just be another victim of penguin flu.

Where is Shoals? Anybody tell her to come upstairs?