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It's too hot. I can't.
I'll just take the blast.
Okay, I got a Dora the Explorer backpack.
No, strike that. The eyes are too small and the haircut's wrong.
Laura the Adventurer.
It's a knockoff!
Freeze. Put your hands on your head.
Oh, right.
Guys, do you mind?
Okay,
go ahead.
Shining that right in my eye. How's she doing?
Post-traumatic stress.
Hypothermia. Possible case on the Mondays. I'm just glad I had extra
workout clothes in my locker.
Ma'am, what's your name?
I don't remember.
Do you have any idea who could have put you in that backpack?
No. Name all three Bee Gees? Barry, Robin, and... And... Looks like her
mind's been erased.
This is a textbook case of amnesia. You can see here on the back of her head
where someone hit her with a textbook.
Ma'am, I'm going to say some key words to try and jog your memory. Let me know
if anything sounds familiar.
Ceviche.
Galapagos.
Almond butter.
Saddlebags.
Lupita Nyong'o. This is hopeless.
Let's just put her in the asylum and be done with it.
Asylum? The lunatics are taking over the asylum.
Oh, good. She knows who she is. You're free to go, ma'am. Have a nice day.
Good job, Giles.
Wait.
Where'd you get that tattoo?
I haven't...
It's a walk, don't walk sign.
What? Seriously?
That's terrible.
Do you think they could turn it into a dolphin or a yin-yang?
Yeah, probably.
Something's wrong here. No, we were just telling her it could be changed into
something else so she wouldn't get upset.
We need to figure out who she is and who put her in that bag.
Showing up naked in a backpack is not a crime, and without crime to solve, we're
just two people in business wear. What are we supposed to do, drop her off at
the bus stop where she has to turn tricks to buy a candy bar?
Guys, you weren't far away enough where I can't hear you.
Look, it was exciting when she crawled out of the backpack, but now she's
eating up our whole day.
She's all alone.
Dr. Scholz, you pack her up for me. I'm going to take her home.
Let me grab her food and her toy.
How you doing?
I'm just glad I had an extra set of pajamas.
Why are you being so nice to me?
I guess I can relate to someone who doesn't know who they are.
Well, we're going to have to come up with something to call you.
Oh, I remember my name. How about Deirdre?
Okay, sure.
Anyway, you know where the towels are and help yourself to anything else. Just
try to get some rest.
Thanks. Good night.
It's a one bedroom.
Are either of you familiar with the murderer, Edward Stracciatelli?
Uh... Giles. He's one of the Stracciatelli brothers.
They ran a pyramid scheme about five years ago based around an energy drink
that promised to make you immortal.
Oh, yeah.
Then one of the brothers ratted out Edward, so he killed him. Yes, and then
the third brother ratted out Edward for the murder.
In any case, he was in Huggies Maximum Security Prison until this morning when
his cell was found empty by prison authorities.
I thought nothing gets out of Huggies. Your job?
is to catch him and put him back, hopefully by this Saturday, because I'm
planning a little engagement party for me and Wiener. Wow, Lieutenant!
I don't want to make a big deal out of it. It is a big deal! What are you
talking about?
I said I do not want to make a big deal of it!
Thanks for the clothes.
I'm just glad I had an extra suit.
But maybe we could also stop at a store.
You're welcome. I think I remember what happened.
My parents, they left me at home, and then these two burglars, they tried to
break in, but I set all of these elaborate traps.
We watched Home Alone last night.
Don't worry.
We'll figure it out.
How's your head?
Where'd you learn to do that?
I don't know.
Ah, no knife training.
Got it.
I'm going through Edward's cell, top to bottom.
No clue how he escaped.
Great. Okay.
Well, thank you for your help, guard.
It's pronounced guard.
Okay. I'm Edward Stracciatelli. I'm in my cell, and I'm going to escape. How do
I do it?
I don't see nothing out of the ordinary.
Guys. Bologna sandwich, of course.
Every day, Stracciatelli gets a bologna sandwich for lunch. He sustains himself
on the bread and chips, but starts stockpiling the bologna. Pretty soon,
he'll have enough bologna to get down to business.
Bologna key.
Baloney clothes.
And a baloney ride.
That all makes sense. Except for one thing. What do you put in the gas tank?
Baloney doesn't burn.
He had help.
This is where we found you.
Anything ring a bell?
I don't know. It's all so foggy.
Where'd you learn to do that?
I don't know.
Hey, you.
Oh, my gosh. How are you?
Sorry. I have no idea who you are.
Scott. Yeah, remember we had a great time and you told me you were going to
call me, but I never heard from you. Good thing I saw you. You know what?
This time I'm going to get your phone number. I don't mean to be rude, but I
have amnesia, so I don't remember anything.
I'm really sorry.
Amnesia? That's what you're going with?
Wow.
That's a new one. What is it about old Scotty that makes women get amnesia? Or
move to Colorado?
Or get cast in a Bolivian Cirque du Soleil? Sir, she really does have
amnesia. You know, all I did was like you.
And it wasn't just because you were the only person that matched with me on the
website. I liked the real you. I liked the person I sat across from at the
table who paid for my dinner.
Good luck with your amnesia.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go get my model trains repaired.
I am so sorry.
It seems like people just don't understand what you're going through,
but I'm here for you, and we will get your memory back.
No, I totally remember that guy.
Really small pinkies.
I remember when he picked me up at my house in his mom's car.
Your house?
Oh, my God. I remember my house.
Gray, craftsman with a big front porch, a chimney on the roof, knobs
on the doors.
Grass on the lawn, a sidewalk just beyond the grass, and a curb.
9285 Basil Drive. I know that house.
LAPD, we want to ask you some questions about the baloney motorcycle parked
outside. Yeah, it's been parked out there for eight hours. We're going to
have it towed. Any chance your cameras caught the guy who rode it in here? It's
possible, but the manager doesn't let me mess with the security footage.
Can we speak with the manager?
That's me.
How can I help you? We were wondering if you had any surveillance footage on the
guy who rode in on that baloney motorcycle.
Let's take a look.
Oh, check out this lady. She doesn't even buy anything. She just wants
directions.
Oh, this guy.
You've got to see this guy. He comes up. He's got two hot dogs. Suddenly, he buys
a pen.
Like, what?
Okay. Oh, my God. Check this out. Listen to how this guy says nachos.
We can't hear anything.
Uh, uh, hang on a second. Let me start it over.
He's like, oh, do you guys have any nachos?
Nachos? I was like, we have some nachos over there.
Random.
Okay, baloney motorcycle guy, boring.
Wait, go back.
You want to see the nacho guy again, huh?
Me too.
This is it.
My house definitely had an outside.
How do you know how to do that?
I just do.
Absolute silence. Wait for my signal.
One.
Two.
LAPD, drop a weapon.
Tribeca. Tanner?
Christy. Deirdre?
Tribeca?
Giles. What are you guys doing here? We tracked an escaped convict to a gas
station where surveillance footage showed him leaving a vehicle registered
at this address.
To who?
Christy Ripley, the prison guard.
Who helped Edward Stracicelli escape.
And she lived here?
She was forced to help him. He threatened her.
He hurt her.
We gotta find this Ripley.
She's right here.
I get it.
Christy Ripley? Los Angeles Police?
Rebecca.
Right.
We're gonna need you to step outside while we search the house for Christy
Ripley.
He wanted to get revenge on his brother for ratting him out.
Theodore testified against Edward, then he got put in a witness protection
program, so he should be safe. Edward said that he had a way to find him.
Impossible. I wouldn't even be able to get his location.
Oh, scratch that. It's all here.
We have to go now.
Edward's on the move, and the minute he kills his brother, he's going to
disappear. Also, we could prevent the killing.
I want to come. I made this mess. I should help clean it up.
Absolutely not. The location of the protected witness is one of the most
closely guarded secrets in all of law enforcement.
Now, I need you to cover your ears while I tell it to them.
Sir, with all due respect, I feel like I've known Deirdre... Christy. ...for my
entire life. She is a trained prison guard. She would be an enormous asset to
this investigation.
Tribeca, you are asking too much. Lieutenant, I just have a feeling about
this woman. I know that she's gonna be pivotal in this case. And if I have to
stake my entire career on it, so be it. Giles, what about you? Your career is
actually promising.
If Tribeca vouches for her, then I'll vouch for her, too.
Well, now I'm gonna look like an asshole if I don't vouch.
Find her, vouch for her. You guys are out of no hand. All right.
She's clear for this operation.
But we are gonna need this back.
You guys should go to Theodore's house. We're gonna walk through town and see if
anybody's seen him. You be careful. We'll do.
Tribeca, remember, you're in Rattenburg.
This place is known for their taffy.
Let's go, Deirdre.
Just a second.
Ed?
I'm here.
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
How can I help you? Hello, ma'am. Are you Mrs.
Crocker? Betty. I'm Detective Giles. This is Detective Tanner, LAPD. We just
have some questions about your husband.
What was his fake name?
Joe Crocker.
Do you have any identification?
Yes, we do.
Please, come in.
I am so sorry.
I'm in the middle of making dinner, and Joe is at work.
Is there anything I can help you with? We believe your husband is in danger.
How much do you know about his past?
Joe and I met when he got back from Haiti building churches, and we fell in
love and have been married ever since.
There's fruit in that bowl if you guys are hungry.
Your husband's real name is Theodore Stracciatelli. He put his brother Edward
away for life.
This morning, Edward escaped from prison and is on his way here to seek revenge.
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
So?
They gonna sign me a new husband or what? Wouldn't you be sad if somebody
killed your husband?
He's not my husband, and I'm not his wife. We were assigned to each other.
I'm Loretta Sanchez.
I found two pounds of diamonds in the woods, and like an idiot, I went to the
cops. So you're in witness protection, too? The whole town is.
Why do you think it's called Rattenburg?
It's filled with whistleblowers, finger pointers, your basic tattletales.
Oh, that's just the dog. Don't worry, he doesn't bite.
Where can we find your husband now? He's always drinking down at John O'Do's.
He thinks I don't know that he hangs out there, but somebody ratted him out.
Oh, the kids are home from school.
Hi, Mom. Your dad's cover is blown.
I knew the second I won the science fair, something bad was gonna happen.
I'll be with you in a moment. Excuse me, sir. Sorry to bother you.
LAPD. We were wondering...
Dr. Zaius?
Well, well, well.
Angie Tribeca. I haven't seen you since you put me away for art theft in Season
1, Episode 3.
What brings you here?
Are you in Witness Protection 2?
No, no. Are you?
Yes. I testified against my own twin brother, Randy, even though he didn't do
it. Then they gave me a new name, Tony Fudge, and put me in this shop.
Would you like an ice cream?
I'll take a scoop of vanilla.
Whipped cream?
Whoops. Got an empty one.
Whoops. What are the chances?
Okay, here we go.
It's fine. I don't know. No, no. Don't be silly.
Will you look at that?
Hold on.
You could just forget the whipped cream. No! You asked for whipped cream, and
it's whipped cream you shall have.
Okay, there's nothing in here.
It's... I'll just take the scoop. Okay, here we go. Now we're in business.
It's totally... I don't even like whipped cream. Are you sure? Because
this ice cream is terrible.
Totally. Suit yourself.
How about you? Would you like a scoop of ice cream? Dr. Zayas, we're actually
looking for someone.
Oh, I've seen him.
I'm surprised it took you this long to find him. You've seen Theodore
Stracciatelli? Oh, no. I thought you were looking for your father. He lives
right down the street, next to the guy who knows why Pope Benedict retired.
My father's here?
What's up, Giles?
Got it.
Theodore's at a bar nearby. We gotta go. Dr. Zayas, I'm gonna come back and find
out where my father is. But right now, I have a murder to stop.
I'll be here!
Theodore Strachitelli?
Yeah. Uh, I mean, no.
I'm Joe.
Joe Strach.
Crocker. Strach is my middle name.
Eddie's escaped from prison. He's coming to kill you. We gotta get you out of
here. How'd he find me? How did you find me? Due to the threats, we were secretly
briefed on your whereabouts, but don't worry, sir. We've been very careful with
that information.
Not careful enough, I'm afraid.
Was that your cock under the table? You led me right to Eddie's rat brother.
You bought that whole amnesia story.
You think I'd forget Maurice Gibb, the heart and soul of the Bee Gees? I put my
career on the line for you. We all did.
Yeah, thanks for that.
Can I clear some of that for you? We're still working here, thank you.
Drop the gun, Deirdre.
My colleagues have the drop on you.
I hate that I just said drop twice.
Always plan your sentences ahead, Tribeca.
Or you may find someone one step ahead.
Betty, you made it. See you, baby.
I
can't
believe he testified against me.
Your own brother.
You killed our other brother. So don't act like brotherhood is so important to
you. You're right, Theo.
Especially since I'm about to be an only child.
Drop the gun, Stracciatelli.
Oh, what are you gonna do, ice cream man?
Anyone else want a cone?
We are still working.
Thank you, Dr. Zayas.
It's nice to see you living life on the straight and narrow.
I hope this means we're square.
We're square.
Your father's address.
You owe me one try, Becca.
Dad?
No. I'll go get him.
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