Original subtitles

He's struck again, hasn't he?

I received this by mail with no return address.

Apparently it's a replica of some statue located off the coast of New York City.

Gimme.

Oh, that's him.

Before I help you, I want to hear how you're doing. I don't have time for your

nonsense today.

Neither does Mr. Sniglet's next victim.

I'm doing fine, okay?

That won't do at all.

I want to hear intimate, personal things. Things that may have

metaphorical parallels to the case.

Well, I guess Giles and I broke up.

Do you know that the rat and cheetah are the only animals that don't fear

intimacy? You have terrible trust issues, and they stem from your

childhood. Tell me about Calvin Sniglet.

Calvin Hobbes Sniglet is also a product of his childhood.

If he can't make peace with his past, he won't stop killing trophy hunters and

using their clothes to make outfits for animals.

When will you come to peace with your past?

You don't know anything about my past. I know that your father cared for your

stepbrother more than he cared for you. What happened the night of the 8th grade

dance?

You're crazy.

You're just a crazy old serial killer who will be pooping in a chrome toilet

for the rest of his life.

I'd start checking police bulletins for Manhattan.

Yeah.

I'll be sure to do that.

Run along.

Hey, do you guys validate?

First two hours are free. Oh. Yeah. Great.

See ya. Bye.

Lieutenant,

you left this on the door.

Damn it, Tribeca, this better be important.

Weedner, Tribeca, Tribeca Weedner.

Weedner, why don't you take a break? Tell Sergeant Gutierrez I said you could

fire that tear gas cannon.

Okay.

I need to go to New York City.

Tribeca, every cop gets the Broadway bug at one point or another, but your name

doesn't open a show, and you don't have the legs for the chorus.

A story just came off the New York Wire about a missing middle-aged white man. I

don't know if he's rich or a trophy hunter, but it sure does sound like the

serial killer we've been tracking.

If it doesn't happen in L.A., it's none of our business, and we don't know if

serial killing's illegal in New York. It's not that simple, Lieutenant.

I am developing an obsessive interest in this murderer, and I think he may be the

one. Let me... Put this in the plainest terms I can.

Under no circumstances, no matter what persuasive techniques are employed, even

if our very lives depended on it, will I allow you to go to New York. Is that

clear? Yes, Lieutenant.

Crystal.

Oh, I have a volleyball tournament tomorrow, so I'm going to need the day

off. Fair enough. Also, Giles Hoffman and Tanner are bringing the snacks, and

Scholz has the ball.

Great. Good luck, Tribeca.

Thanks.

I still feel guilty about this. I didn't hear you complaining when we cut the

security line.

I just hope you're right about this being the work of Calvin Sniglet,

because all of our careers are on the line by being here. My gut is telling me

it's Sniglet, and I can count on one hand the number of times my gut's been

wrong.

Oh, there she is.

i called ahead to nypd they sent a detective to come get us hi jesse

goldstein how are you come on in thank you for meeting us detective oh please

it was my pleasure oh you guys must be exhausted all right let's

go so i don't know how much you've heard but the disappearance of

anton checkoff made me think that it could be the work of a serial killer

we've been tracking what about it seems similar Well, the fact that a white male

was kidnapped and I got this thing in the mail, it's hard to explain.

Okay, and here we are.

Okay, take care now.

Detective Goldstein, I don't mean to be a backseat driver, but we're in the

middle of the Lincoln Tunnel.

Oh, my God.

You are so right.

Now get the f*** out of my car.

Look, you think you can come to my city with your stupid L.A. clothes and your

stupid Hollywood haircuts and tell me how to solve a case?

Chekhov was Russian mob.

This wasn't any serial killer. This was a mob hit. So you can get your... out of

my car and get back to Los Angeles.

Go!

Get out!

So long, jerks!

Can you at least take us back to the

airport?

Can you take us to the end of the tunnel?

Can you at least give us our clothes?

Well, we didn't make it here, so I guess we can't make it anywhere.

Hang on, guys.

If I were the type of person to give up easily, none of y'all would have seen

the good wife.

I know we're in an unfamiliar city, we're cold, we're alone, but we're cops,

and I have a hunch.

Sure it wasn't easy growing up with the kids teasing me about it, but it made me

who I am today So we're gonna go back to LA with our tails between our legs Or

are we gonna take a big breath of New York fresh air and get on with it

House, house.

We are not nice to lice. Can I help you?

Tribeca and Giles, LAPD. We'd like to speak to Masha Chekhov.

I am Masha.

Miss Chekhov, if you're nasty.

Ma'am, I'm not sure if you're aware, but your husband went missing a few days ago

according to a missing persons report that you filed.

I don't know anything about the report, the police, or my husband.

Russians are notoriously suspicious of law enforcement.

Please, have a seat.

My husband is good man.

He just fall in with bad people.

When you move here from Russia, you don't have choice of profession that you

did in the old country. I was Surgeon General of Volgograd. And look at me

now. I'm nothing more than a nitpicker.

Irregardless. Regardless.

So you think the mob had something to do with your husband's disappearance?

When did I say that? No, all the mob love Anton.

He always kill on time and always come in under budget.

Oh, you have lice.

Next.

Besides, Anton is dying of liver cancer.

If someone wanted him dead, why not just wait?

Was your husband a big game hunter by any chance?

No, Anton has very strict code. He only kill people.

Oh, you also have lice. Hmm.

Oh, sorry. I accidentally grabbed comb from dirty pile.

Chekhov's not a trophy hunter. He's not rich. It's not our guy. Let's just calm

our losses and get out of here.

I'm telling you, Sniglet has Chekhov, and I'm not the only one who thinks so.

Don't tell me you've been consulting with that maniac who's been in maximum

security prison for ten years. He has a name.

It's the zookeeper.

Ladies, LAPD, we're gonna need your seats.

We paid $4,000 for these.

Oh, leave the M&Ms.

You too, ma'am.

There is a man missing, and if we leave New York now, he's gonna end up dead and

stripped of his clothes.

You need to get this obsession you have with Sniglet under control.

I mean, what do you care?

And this is not just about my career. Your ass is on the line, too. Look, I

don't know what you want me to say.

There was a time when my partner Jake Isles would have followed me anywhere.

Yeah, well, your partner Jake Isles got to have sex and eat dinner with you.

Let's see what Tanner and Hoffman turn up at the taxi dispatch.

If they come up empty, we'll go home.

Oh, this is a singing play?

I'll be in the lobby.

So Anton Chekov was last seen getting into one of your cabs. I told you, we

found the cab abandoned out in Queens.

Anyone in it? Oh, yeah. It's the kind of abandoned car that had nine people in

it. So you haven't heard from the driver?

I didn't tell you. Right after he ditched the car in the middle of

nowhere, we went out and got banana splits together.

All right, sir. We're going to need statements from all nine people that was

inside that car and the name of the ice cream place.

Thanks for coming to New York on short notice, Dr.

Shoals. I wanted to try my new bicycle anyway.

Anything turn up in the cab?

I found some fingerprints on the wheel, which I'm checking against the database.

There were two wool fibers in the back seat, and this.

This is the original driver of the cab.

Sir, would you mind handing me that button?

Thank you, sir.

Mine fingers.

According to the missing persons report, Anton Chekhov was wearing an overcoat

with this type of button. So Chekhov was in the car.

But who took him?

The fingerprints match those we have on file for Calvin Sniglet.

Tribeca was right.

Wait a minute. I thought he only killed trophy hunters.

Well, that explains this.

Rhino horn powder.

The Chinese use it to treat cancer and make fireworks.

Take twice a day for liver cancer or throw in the air on New Year's Eve.

Thanks, Tanner.

Okay, it's him. He's here. He took Chekhov, who was taking rhino horn for

his cancer.

Wow, you called it. That's rock and roll.

Hey, babe. Where's the lieutenant's office?

Excuse me, lieutenant?

Paddy Atkins, NYPD.

Jay Giles.

Angie Tribeca, LAPD.

LAPD? I have a cousin that works in the LAPD, Predican Atkins. It's a pretty big

force. Cousin ring a bell.

Well, a cop's a cop.

So what can New York's finest do for you? Well, we're fairly sure that a

serial killer named Calvin Sniglet is responsible for the disappearance of

Anton Chekhov.

I thought I smelled quinoa and tanning spray.

Lieutenant, Chekhov was a mob hit. I've already rounded up the usual suspects.

It's just garbage killing garbage.

I respectfully disagree, sir. We found Sniglet's prints in the taxi Chekhov was

riding in. This isn't one of your big Hollywood movies, Tribeca.

This is New York City, where they've shot over 400 episodes of Law & Order.

Now then, Goldstein, you're going to help these detectives follow their lead.

You're also going to put them up in your apartment.

Lieutenant. You have the most space since Capelli sold his one bedroom. Now,

I don't want to hear another word about it.

But I warn you, detectives, we don't take too kindly to having our chains

yanked by a bunch of fancy West Coast chain yankers.

Morning, sleepyhead.

Coffee is on the toilet if you need some.

Where's Tribeca?

Oh, Tribeca and Ghosting were both gone when I woke up.

Thank

you

for seeing me, Mr. and Mrs. Sniglet. I won't take too much of your time.

When was the last time you saw your son?

Oh, he was here for Christmas.

We had nice dinner. Vegan, of course. He won't eat anything with a face.

Thank you for also seeing me, Mr. and Mrs. Sniglet. I won't take too much of

your time, but when was the last time you saw your son?

Oh, he was here for Christmas. We had nice dinner. Vegan, of course. He won't

eat anything with a face.

I actually thought it was pretty rude that he wouldn't try my world-famous

hog's face. Oh, come on. Can't you two get past this?

Martha's Calvin's stepmother.

And as you can see, they haven't always seen eye to eye.

Martha's Calvin's stepmom. And as you can see, they haven't always seen eye to

eye. So there was some tension there.

Calvin's mom, the first Mrs.

Snakelet, she died when he was six years old. They were very close.

They shared a love of animals.

That was for the both of you.

Thank you so much for your time.

I'd really like to talk to your son.

Do you have any idea where he could be?

Oh, sorry, no.

He moves around a lot.

He usually just gets in contact with us.

If you do hear from him, please have him give me a call.

Yes, I will.

Detective Angie Trebek.

What's your deal, Goldstein?

Why don't you just stick to your mob hit theory and stay out of my investigation?

I'm starting to like your theory. You don't even know my theory. You just like

it because I like it. Ain't no cuff on that wrist, so until there's an arrest,

it's fair game.

Tribeca. Oh, hey, this is Larry Sniglet, Calvin's dad.

Oh, hi, Dr.

Cannoli. He's my gynecologist.

Look, Calvin's a good kid. He just likes to kill people.

You see, he was bullied most of his life, even when we homeschooled him.

No, I guess that kind of pounding takes its toll.

Anyway, you might want to look in Central Park.

He loved to sit on this bench just south of Strawberry Fields and feed the stray

cats. Anywhere else besides the pussy area?

Oh, no.

That's where he liked to go.

But the park is locked at night, so you might have to sneak in.

I'll see if I have any luck with the back entrance.

Oh, but be careful, because the gate will lock after you.

I'll just jam something in there.

Thank you, doctor.

I have the same thing.

We have to get to Central Park. We'll fan out, we'll look... What's wrong with

everybody?

Hello, Lieutenant.

How was the volleyball tournament?

Great. We won.

Congratulations.

Unfortunately, an earthquake has totally wiped out Los Angeles, and we need every

first responder we can get.

Let's move.

Good to see you, Patty.

And nice to see you as well, Pritikin.

Thank you.

I know where to find him.

And why are you telling me?

Because you're all I've got.

Also, I don't know how to get to Central Park.

You're a great detective, Tribeca.

Yeah, maybe you Hollywood types are not so bad after all.

Thank you. I still find you New Yorkers pretty abrasive.

Where'd you get that?

I have no idea. It just came in the mail.

It's a replica of a statue in the New York Harbor. I'll explain on the way.

Let's go.

Nothing yet.

Are you in position?

Look how high the crown is.

I like the torch.

Yeah, nothing here either.

Hang on, I'm getting a call.

Tribeca? Looking for someone?

Sniglet, where are you? Oh, I'm around somewhere.

But am I around you or around Detective Goldstein?

Where's Chekov?

Chekov? Oh, you mean the human.

I've released him into the wild so that I could hunt him.

It's only fair, after all.

Who do you think's going to find him first?

Okay, look, I know your upbringing wasn't that great.

How do you know that?

Because I spoke to your dad and your stepmom.

You mean the Wicked Witch of the West Village?

I know she was kind of a B to you. Oh, she was more than a B. She was an FB.

Look, you should have seen my stepmom.

I used to call her Voldemom.

Wait. Didn't you grow up before Harry Potter came out? Yeah, huge coincidence.

Anyway, what I'm saying is I understand.

But you can't take your crap out on everybody because it doesn't change

anything. Trust me, I've been taking out my past on just about everybody, and I

am the least popular person at work. Seems like we're not so different,

Tribeca. Maybe you'll get lucky and find Chekhov first.

Oh, wait. Never mind. There he is.

Sniglet, don't.

Chekhov's here. I see him.

Sniglet? Too late.

Uh,

Tribeca?

Thanks for the ride.

That was kind of a weird one.

Yeah, they all are these days.

Well, if it's any consolation, Chekov wasn't such a great guy.

But that's not really what's bothering you, is it?

I'm taking your father to the dance. It's a father-daughter dance.

Maybe if you were prettier, he would have taken you.

Dad! You know how jealous your stepmother gets.

Let me take her to the dance, and I'll make it up to you later.

You wanted to go to that cop convention next weekend?

Smiglet is trying to protect animals because he sees them as vulnerable.

Like he was when I was a child.

Take it easy, Goldstein. All right, you too.

Why is my head so itchy?

I gotta go. Bye.

Okay, see ya.

Hey, Dad.

I was hoping to talk to you.