Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC]

Good morning, Bunker Heights.

Thank you for tuning in to Channel 7, where you come first.

With the exception of a distressed mother

and a tattered stroller, details are

scarce on the disappearance of baby Michael, who,

according to his mother, was dragged down into the sewers

this morning.

Despite the imminent police strike,

police are on the scene conducting

a thorough investigation.

[DISTANT SIREN WAILING]

So what exactly happened here again?

Well, apparently, according to this junkie,

something jumped out of the sewer, grabbed her baby,

and pulled it back down.

OK.

Yep.

So that's why we're going to thoroughly investigate.

And we've thoroughly investigated.

Good job, us.

Probably ate the baby herself.

Yep.

Let's get the fuck outta here.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[MUFFLED GUNSHOT]

[GROANS, THUDS]

[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]

MAN: I guess I'm gonna tell you a tale

about the American dream--

failing city, crooked press, ineffectual government,

and what makes a true monster out of one soul.

Oh, shit.

Here it goes.

No, no, no.

Hear me out on this shit.

I've heard you out.

The crooked politicians got better employee benefits

than the legit-run organizations.

Hence, why we're here.

That's just the tip of the iceberg, my friend.

You ever heard of a comfortable silence?

Why don't you try doing that for a while?

There ain't nothing comfortable about silence

in Bunker Heights, believe you me.

[SIGHS] I'm gonna go take a nap on the toilet.

Come get me when we gotta do the thing.

MAN: It's getting a little disheartening to live in a city

and have to watch it slowly die every day.

HECTOR (ON TV): Hector Ruben Sanchez here.

We have just got word of a massacre at a coffee shop

on the south side of Bunker Heights.

JULIA (ON TV): How much more can our once

beautiful and industrious city handle?

With quality of life at a universal low,

there is very little hope on the horizon.

But what about the men and women employed

to handle these problems?

With the police strike imminent, it's

safe to say that the future of Bunker Heights

is more bitter than sweet in these ever-darkening days.

Stay tuned for more on the Butcher of Bunker

Heights as this story unfolds.

Now we gotta worry about a fucking serial killer?

[THE LUCID, "PIGS AND SONS"]

Oh, hey, look who it is.

[SIGHS] Howard, give me the usual, please.

At 9:00 AM?

Well, OK.

Um, give me the usual and a-- and a pack of gum.

You didn't get canned too, did you?

Not yet.

Uh, shouldn't you be on TV right now,

saying how things aren't as bad as they actually are?

Prepping for that as we speak.

Oh, fuck yeah.

When you get to deal with that every time you try and do

your job, you gotta go unprepared.

Isn't that the girl who got her whole crew killed somewhere?

Yeah, yeah, something like that.

Uh, Howard, let's, uh-- let's do another one of those.

So what's up with this serial killer?

Oh, you don't actually believe that, do you?

It's on TV.

OK, look, Julia Stevenson goes from award-winning overseas

assignment to a tiny network in a dying town.

You don't think she's gonna fabricate

all she can for attention?

Maybe.

Be the way, people are getting killed

on all kinds of fucked-up ways all over town.

They got kids, man.

I don't like this at all.

It was-- it was just another Bellini job.

Oh, Bellini literally has no rivals right now.

No enemies apart from politicians.

He wouldn't take out a small business on the south side.

He's got absolutely nothing to gain from that shit.

If someone down here wasn't paid up,

he might take a finger or two.

But nah, he would not have his guys just rip people apart

like that.

Listen, you, of all people, know Bellini's just throwing

his weight around harder than usual,

especially with that election coming up.

So why don't you take him down already?

DEREK: OK let's see.

We barely have the manpower to give out a parking ticket.

We've got nothing on Bellini.

And he-- he owns everything.

And everybody.

Well, uh, not everybody.

BURROWS: Not yet.

Listen, it may not seem like it,

but there still are a few good cops in Bunker Heights.

Yeah, [COUGHS] here's one of 'em right now,

drinking with us bums.

At 9:00 AM.

On the clock.

[LAUGHTER]

All right, I'mma get to it.

Uh, fuck you guys, by the way.

[LAUGHTER]

Howard?

Yes?

Do you have any wire coat hangers?

No.

BURROWS: Wire coat hangers?

Damn, Derek, you got a new fucked-up side hustle going on?

[LAUGHTER]

Lice have the same old chance

In the hair, in the hair

Of the dance

JULIA: What's he doing back here?

This looks like a guy trying to do his job to me.

He's been dodging me all day.

[LAUGHS] Are you really that surprised, though?

Maybe he's finally sold out like everybody else.

You know, Julia, just 'cause you assume stuff in your head,

doesn't always make it true.

JULIA: David, I'm the press.

Everything I say on air is considered

to be true in this dead-ass town.

Let's get him when he comes back out.

I'm ready.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[FLIES BUZZING]

I thought you'd be outta here by now.

Uh, just giving everything a once-over.

I don't want that Pulitzer Prize-dodging hag out

in front to think we aren't being thorough.

Copy that.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

[HANGER CLATTERS]

So, I guess we're going on strike soon, huh?

Apparently, the cops are the ones going on strike.

You and the rest of the body bags

are just too indecisive to decide on shit.

You know, you'd be smart to take the you-know-what with

you-know-who.

A sensual bath with your wife?

[CHUCKLES] You know, see, this is exactly why you are where you

are and I am where I am.

Once this strike hits-- and we both know it's not gonna be just

the cops--

I've got job security with Bellini industries.

You oughta think about that, Derek.

[SIGHS] Just be a good boy and start putting those guts

in the freezer bags before they spoil.

You be a good boy and stop tampering

with my fucking evidence!

Dick.

[LIGHT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[TV NEWS THEME MUSIC]

JULIA (ON TV): Detective!

Detective Tucker, here to comment on the newest

mass murder in recent memory.

Yeah, yeah, fine.

Let's get this over with.

We are live with Detective Derek Tucker, known

for his unsuccessful attempts to stamp out

organized crime in Bunker Heights

and now head of the Homicide Division.

Detective Tucker, on behalf of the Bunker Heights Police

Department, would you care to make a statement?

DEREK (ON TV): Well, obviously, what

we have here is a very unfortunate situation.

We're doing all we can to prevent

further situations like this.

Uh, when we have more news, we'll

be sure to call Hector Ruben Sanchez at Channel 7,

who's known for his fair and unbiased news coverage.

Well, thank you, Julia.

Detective, despite your valiant but hollow efforts these

past few years, Bunker Heights is at its all-time low.

Its violent crime rates are double the national average.

There's about to be a police strike.

And now we have a serial killer on the loose.

DEREK (ON TV): OK, you're here to sensationalize

the speculation there's a serial killer.

I'm here to solve a crime.

Oh, yeah, tell that to him.

Yeah, he's about the same shape as your last cameraman,

isn't he?

JULIA (ON TV): Fuck you, Derek!

This is Julia Stevenson, signing out with Channel 4.

You know, you're a real piece of work, Derek.

Only you could make a quadruple homicide even worse!

Oh, remember when your unbiased news

coverage got your cameraman killed in Colombia?

You don't think these people can't see

the blood on your hands, Julia?

Fuck you, you-- you corrupt, washed-up piece of shit!

Try solving a case that isn't full of cheap vodka!

Oh, I don't touch this stuff, Julia.

I don't touch anything to make you look less like the fucking

rat that you are.

[PHONE RINGING]

What?

[LIGHT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[GRUNTS]

[SIGHS] Yeah, this, uh--

this town is doomed.

[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]

Are they getting set up?

They haven't even announced it on the news yet.

It's gonna be a long-ass day.

Fuck!

It's already been a long-ass day!

DISPATCHER (ON RADIO): All units, robbery in progress

at Redmond's Community Bank.

Collins, we need you to round up whoever

you can find and get your ass down to the scene immediately!

Right now?

DISPATCHER (ON RADIO): Yes, right now.

I'm a desk cop and technically also about to be on strike.

DISPATCHER (ON RADIO): Everyone is going on strike.

There are, like, 14 officers left.

Captain Rutledge is in the hospital.

And you've got seniority, Acting Captain Collins.

I don't want that kind of responsibility, damn it.

DANIEL (ON RADIO): Hello, this is Daniel from the mailroom.

Uh, the other dispatch man went on strike now

and told me that I'm the new dispatch man now.

So, um, uh, have fun at the bank, Collins.

[SHUDDERS]

COLLINS (ON RADIO): Jones, wake the hell up.

I need you at Redmond's Community Bank now.

[WHIMPERS]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Hey, just so you know, Derek pocketed something in there.

[HANGER CLATTERS]

Dude, that asshole is crooked.

He really got your number, didn't he?

Oh, shut up and focus.

There's a story here, you amateur.

You know, it's funny.

I don't remember you calling me an amateur when

I was crawling through bat guava miles behind enemy lines,

just to get you that overhead shot for that hostage situation

in Somalia.

Didn't they give you a special pin or something for that?

It's because I didn't know the word for "amateur" in Arabic,

you fucking amateur hack.

Yeah, this amateur hack's the only one

you haven't gotten killed yet.

What'd you say, David?

Yeah.

[CLEARS THROAT] You've got, uh-- what's your--

so what's the plan here with Detective Tucker?

I'm thinking of my next piece--

an exposé on the police strike and the crooked officers

that got us to this point.

But aren't we still working on the Butcher of Bunker Heights?

I'm sure I can tie that in there somehow.

Yeah, but is anyone gonna care?

Of course, they're going to care.

I'm gonna make them care.

This is going to be the one that shows my colleagues that I

deserve better.

This is going to be the one that gets me back

on international assignment.

So I can go back to changing the world.

OK.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

KRISTY: You locked the keys in the car again, didn't you?

I'll have you know I can serve and protect

whether I'm inside the vehicle or locked outside of it.

OK.

DANIEL (ON RADIO): This is Daniel from the mailroom.

Uh, it's Redmond's Community Bank.

The shots have been fired.

Tucker?

Tucker, you need to get there!

You need to get there now!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

He's leading us to a story!

Go, go, go!

RAFE: What could possibly compelled you to do that, Henry?

HENRY: Well, we had to make an example out of one of 'em.

RAFE: So you murdered a woman in cold blood

because you didn't feel like they were scared enough of you

specifically?

They're not supposed to be more scared of you, Henry.

They're not supposed to know who you are, hence the mask.

See, that's a part of the plan that you threw away as soon

as you sold yourself and panicked!

HENRY: They'll take us more serious now.

You'll see.

Now, listen to me very carefully.

We both know why you're here.

And you are never gonna one-up or even be

on par with your father, ever!

So you might as well just get that out of your head.

Well, you have your agenda, and I have mine.

So you're tossing away the plan

because you wanna show yourself off, add to yourself

a little credibility?

But that's why we planned the mass

for anonymity, not credibility!

Your father, he understands that.

He's all about the bottom line, not about being on top.

Hell, he's already on top.

We both know [CHUCKLES] he is not

gonna be impressed with your actions here today.

Give me your gun, put on your mask, and go help with the crew.

Why do you even do this, Rafe?

Gotta keep fit for the future.

I mean, life evolves, cities evolve, and so does crime.

I know more than you think I know.

And one of these days, they're gonna fear me.

Get out.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[MUFFLED POUNDING]

[HAMMERS POUNDING]

[CONCRETE CRUMBLING]

[LIGHT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

RAFE: Well, it's about time.

Collins?

Are you supposed to be at a desk?

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Yeah, I see that.

All right, shots were fired.

I'm homicide.

So who's dead?

COLLINS: Well, that's the thing.

The man in charge on the inside just

phoned us to assure that it was just a misfire

and that he'd be calling back in 15 minutes.

He's looking forward to speaking with our man in charge.

Well, yeah.

Where the fuck's Captain Rutledge?

Oh, come on, don't tell me he's on strike already, is he?

COLLINS: He's in the hospital-- stress-related ulcers.

I see.

COLLINS: Well, I guess he's got kidney stones too.

[GRUNTS] All right, so what asshole's in charge of this shit

show, then?

COLLINS: Well, that's the other thing.

With most of the department taking vacation time all at once

to, sort of, kick off that strike and Rutledge

in the hospital, according to the chain of command,

you are technically the man in charge.

No, no, no, no.

You do it.

I don't make the rules.

You've got seniority over everyone else that's left.

And technically, this is your first promotion in, like,

10 years, so congratulations.

Here's the phone.

He should be calling back any minute.

Collins, does this mean I finally get to make more money?

Well, you'd have to ask Bernadette in HR.

Oh, what, is she in the hospital, too, with gout

and stigmata?

She's on vacation this week.

Ah, fuck, Collins.

Just do me a favor.

Run interference on Julia, please.

Oh, and, Collins, get anywhere private around here?

My car.

Thanks.

Sorry, ma'am.

This is an active crime scene.

Get out of my way, Officer Dildo.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Detective Tucker, care to comment

on what you allegedly took from a crime scene earlier today?

Oh, come the fuck on!

I think he called me a bitch.

Classy move.

[SIGHS]

COLLINS: Come on, Julia, why don't you just lay off the guy?

I'm just doing my job.

I suggest you do the same while you still can.

[BREATHES DEEPLY] Derek, that's exactly what she wants.

Don't give it to her.

[GRUNTS] She's a broken asshole hack journalist.

And she isn't worth giving a juicy meltdown story to.

Let's concentrate on the heist right now.

[SIGHS] Let's try and trick this asshole into not wanting

to rob this bank anymore.

[BREATHES DEEPLY] You're a good cop.

You're a good cop, Derek.

You're a good cop, Derek, one of the only cops.

You're captain now.

Good job.

Holy shit.

I need to shave already.

That's fucked up.

This is your day, Derek.

I'm talking to myself.

That's OK.

It's healthy, right?

As long as you don't answer yourself.

Well, I am.

I'm fucking crazy.

No, I'm not.

It's all good.

I love you.

You're a good cop, though.

You're one of the only cops left.

Let's go get some fluffy pancakes.

Fuck this heist.

You're a good cop.

All right.

Now, who the fuck am I kidding?

How is a motherfucker out here?

Hold on.

He's got a look like he's about to say something.

Officers.

Afternoon, sir.

What could we do for ya?

Shouldn't you guys be at the bank heist?

Well, we're cosplayers.

Don't you like our cute outfits?

Now, if stop blocking the sidewalk, we'll be on our way

to the convention center.

Fucking prick.

[SIGHS]

DANIEL (ON RADIO): This is Daniel from the mailroom.

Skoposki, they need you in--

Oops.

All right, I'm gonna go back down here and take

a piss real quick.

Seriously?

Hey, too many beers at the celebratory strike gagging

last night.

Oh, Connor, get down here.

What?

SKOPOSKI: Just get down here.

Yep, tricking me to looking at your dick again.

SKOPOSKI: Oh, Connor, get the fuck down here.

[GRUMBLES]

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

Oh, you're gonna love this.

Who is it?

It's the fucking mayor.

I already grabbed his wallet.

Lovely.

SKOPOSKI: [CHUCKLES]

This is Julia Stevenson, reporting live

from Redmond's Community Bank with a breaking news report.

Our city is mourning today, as we have received news

that Mayor Samuel Pankhurst has been found dead

on the south side of Bunker Heights.

Deputy Mayor Augusto will be sworn in this evening.

[MUFFLED ROCK MUSIC]

Every day, this place gets fucking worse.

[HAMMERS POUNDING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

MAN: Hey, are you gonna help us, or are you

just gonna stare at us like you wanna fuck us?

HENRY: Do you know who the fuck you're talking to?

MAN: I know who the fuck I'm talking to, daddy's

little princess.

Grab a hammer.

Let's go.

[POUNDING CONTINUES]

I just got word.

Mayor Pankhurst was found dead on the south side a little bit

ago.

Bellini?

COLLINS: Yeah, probably.

DEREK: Well, who's next in line for mayor.

Was it, uh-- was that Augusto?

Yeah, they're swearing him in tonight.

DEREK: [CHUCKLES] Yeah.

I don't envy that guy.

He's now the face of the most fucked-up city in the country.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

I don't even bank here.

I just came in for the lollipops.

Look, I'm just like you guys.

Give me a gun.

Give me a gun.

[GUN COCKS]

[RINGBACK TONE]

[PHONE RINGING]

Here we go.

You ever did this before?

[PHONE RINGING]

[CLEARS THROAT] Of course.

OK.

Save those hostages.

Listen here, motherfucker!

They're dead.

You've got exactly 15 seconds to let those people go,

or else I'm gonna run in there and just fucking kill everyone.

So if I were you, I would recommend talking me out

of what I'm about to do.

Because I guarantee it's gonna be

way more fucked-up and weird than whatever you got planned,

pal.

So what's it gonna be?

Is this a police officer?

Detective.

Captain.

Acting Captain.

Hmm.

Detective Acting Captain.

So you've got a badge.

And they chose you to make this call right now?

Yeah.

Huh.

That's fascinating.

I mean, they draw your name from a hat,

or did you just get the short straw, huh, Detective Acting

Captain?

So what's it gonna be, cocksucker?

I'm not impressed with this exchange.

In fact, I think I'm gonna hang up and debate whether or not

to call back or just massacre everyone in this building

right now.

You see, your embarrassing display

of wanton unprofessionalism makes

me wonder just how much you actually

care about the lives of the citizens

that you're supposed to be serving and protecting.

I might call back soon, but don't hold your breath.

Yeah, great.

He's a librarian with a big book of fucking words.

What are you doing?

Showcasing my dominance in this situation.

I could use big words too, you know.

Just do the exact opposite when he calls back,

if he calls back.

I was being assertive.

It's a tactic.

You have to outcrazy these assholes nowadays.

Remember last week when Goldman was

on the phone with that guy for, what,

like, five hours while all those hostages were getting flayed?

I know the city's in a tough spot here.

But we still need to try and do things tactfully.

Maybe think of the consequences.

If I thought about the consequences,

this town would've burned down years ago.

Listen, as screwed up as things are,

we can still be good cops.

Now, you're gonna pull this off.

And Julia is gonna have no choice but to kiss your ass.

And it's gonna be glorious.

Let's be good cops, OK?

[BREATHES HEAVILY] OK.

Thank you, Derek.

I'm glad you at least still listen to me.

How long ago did they stop hammering?

A few minutes.

[MUFFLED POUNDING]

[MUFFLED SCREAMING]

[PANTING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Oh, Henry.

Did we lose our composure again?

JULIA: Reporting live from Redmond's Community Bank,

where a robbery is in progress.

We don't have--

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Yes?

Um, I'm sorry, but my-- my wife is in there.

She-- she works here at the bank.

Um, I just came to see if she was OK.

I don't-- I don't know what is happening.

I don't know anything.

All I know is she works here.

Her name is Roberta.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

But I don't know if she's OK.

Which--

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Let's go.

[HOSTAGES SCREAMING]

[MUFFLED GUNSHOT]

[BODY THUDS]

Hey!

Stop!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES]

[SCREAMS]

Get those people the fuck outta here!

Out!

Out!

Shit.

This ain't good, Derek.

OK, we switch to damage control and fix this now.

[MUFFLED POUNDING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

They must have got out through the old subway tunnels.

Christ.

They knew we wouldn't go after 'em.

Total death trap down there, complete maze-- perfect getaway.

Hey, you guys are gonna wanna come take a look at this.

JULIA (ON TV): Chaos and pandemonium

have stricken Redmond's Community Bank,

as the authorities have completely lost control

of the hostage situation.

We do not know how many fatalities there are,

but one hostage is on his way to Safe Bells Memorial Hospital,

seeking medical attention.

Stay tuned as this story unfolds.

Well, this definitely makes things a bit more interesting.

Somebody went rogue.

No survivors anywhere.

But as far as I can tell, whoever

made it out through that hole made out

with a pretty decent chunk of change.

What a mess.

JONES: Speaking of that, body baggers

are waiting outside to get in.

Yeah, go ahead and let them in.

Any word on the hostage they took to the hospital?

No, nothing.

Is he still a John Doe?

He was pretty banged up.

Last I checked, they weren't able to ID him.

All right.

I'm heading over there.

Get officers and any in all locations

that could be an exit point for these guys.

We're going to be extra shorthanded because

of that mayoral inauguration tonight.

Yeah.

Uh, you and Officer Jones head up the inauguration

and send out anyone we can to anywhere there leads

in and out of those tunnels.

Hey, Collins?

Yeah?

We're still good cops, right?

I guess we'll find out.

DAVID: Julia.

Julia, hey.

A little birdie told me that the hostage that made it out,

no ID, no personal information.

The guy is a ghost.

So I did a little digging.

And it turns out--

they won't go on record--

but they think the hostage is part of the heist.

How did you find this out?

When I was grabbing my coffee, I

happened to catch, uh, on the TV Hector Ruben Sanchez.

Is Hector Ruben Sanchez at the hospital now?

No, he's on the way to the mayoral press conference

like everyone else is.

All right.

Where's Derek?

He went to the hospital.

Well, let's go, you amateur!

[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]

Fuck.

CHESTERFIELD: It's Hippie fucking Joe.

HOWARD: Hippie, just 'cause you got your drunk ass cut off

over at Diggies doesn't mean you can stumble down here and keep

drinking.

There's laws against this.

Oh, come on, man.

I'll-- I'll mop the floor again.

No, get the fuck out.

I got money.

Yeah, that's something new.

All right, but you're gonna buy us all a round.

Sure.

Uh, put it on my tab.

[SLAP SMACKS]

The fuck?

CHESTERFIELD: That's for whatever you're

gonna do to piss me off today.

[CHUCKLES]

Where's the TV?

HECTOR (ON TV): Thank you for tuning in to Channel 7,

where you come first.

Hector Ruben Sanchez here.

Within just the past few hours, our city

has been blindsided by a multitude of missing persons

reports, strange sightings, a massacre at a coffee shop,

a bank heist, a slain mayor, and now

a zany, lovable, dependable clown to brighten up your day.

Take it away, Bimpo.

BIMPO (ON TV): The worst thing about living

in Bunker Heights, boys and girls, [CHUCKLES]

is that you can only kill yourself once.

[LAUGHING]

HECTOR (ON TV): No, Bimpo, no!

[GUN FIRES]

Oh, man.

HECTOR (ON TV): It appears that our mayor, Pankhurst, is now

joined in heaven by our beloved Bimpo, who

just took his own life.

MAN (ON TV): Let Channel 4 take over.

[TV NEWS THEME MUSIC]

This is Julia Stevenson, reporting to you live

from Channel 4.

We have learned that the alleged hostage from Redmond's Community

Bank is currently in--

Oh, man, I know that guy.

He comes in here sometimes.

The way he talks, he could be that serial killer

they're talking about.

JULIA (ON TV): But that does not rule out the possibility

that he was a part of the heist itself,

for which no one has been apprehended.

Stay tuned as the story unfolds from Safe Bells Memorial

Hospital.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

[DOOR OPENS]

Mr. Bellini.

Burrows?

This is Castor.

This is Thornberg.

New recruits.

So would anyone like to tell me what the fuck happened?

Well, the bank job is fucked.

Henry's at the hospital.

They think he's a hostage.

Well, I can see that.

Where's Rafe and the rest of the crew?

We don't know yet.

But it looks like one of our guys went rogue, possibly Henry.

No, according to our intel, the bank's a fucking bloodbath.

But Rafe and a few other guys, they weren't identified.

So I can only guess that they made it into the tunnels.

They're on their way out.

Well, I mean, if Rafe made it out, we're gonna be just fine.

Who was in charge of the scene?

Derek Tucker.

Tucker.

Tucker.

Didn't we just put him on payroll not too long ago?

You don't remember?

He mailed back your offer to you with a box of--

Oh.

Oh, OK.

That motherfucker.

All right, put him on my list.

I want his dick.

[CHUCKLES]

So who's got the muddy shoes?

Are you fucking kidding me?

That shit was already there.

Come on.

Shut up.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

What's your real name, kid?

Steven.

Steven?

Where'd you grow up?

Southside.

Who are your parents?

Ed and Diane.

No, no, their last names.

Wingo.

[LAUGHING] Fuck my ass.

Eddie Wingo?

I know that cat.

You do?

Of course, I do.

He used to work for me back in the day.

I mean, this was before he started popping out kids.

But yeah, he was a good guy.

One thing that you're gonna learn today about your dad

is that he respected me enough that he

would never, ever traipse muddy fucking

shoes into my goddamn office.

Huh?

[SCREAMING]

[CHUCKLES]

[EERIE MUSIC]

Burrows, go get my idiot fucking son out of that hospital

before somebody connects him to me.

I'm really tired of cleaning up after that fucking psychopath.

While you're at it, uh, keep that press pig

journalist Julia Stevenson away from him.

Do whatever it takes.

Now, what the fuck is that?

That is for ratting out your boy.

Burrows, where do you find these fucking idiots?

I mean, we are a well-funded organization.

Do better.

Understood, sir.

What do you wanna do about Rafe's rendezvous?

Let him wait.

I'll send in extra surveillance to divert attention.

Just go get my son.

Oh, and leave the finger.

You got it.

Come on.

Come on.

It hurts.

BELLINI: Yeah, it hurts, does it?

[DOOR CLOSES]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[SIGHS]

[EERIE MUSIC]

[PUFFS]

[PUFFS]

And we're out.

I don't know, Julia.

I think it's a big mistake, a really big mistake.

And I wanna stress this to you, that we

should be at the mayoral inauguration tonight.

This is the news, David, not some political hullabaloo.

You can leave that to Hector Ruben Sanchez.

You're spreading as far too thin with this.

Oh, just shut up and drive, you fool.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT ON PA]

Detective Tucker?

Yeah?

You're the one here for the John Doe from the bank heist,

correct?

Yeah, I'm the guy.

I'm Dr. Young.

Pleasure to meet you.

Now, follow me.

I'll take you to him.

So, uh, what's the situation?

Well, we have no clue who he is.

He appears to be in some sort of coma, definitely.

And it appears that he--

[SIGHS]

Appears that what?

Well, it appears that he's been bit by something on his

left shoulder-- by an animal.

Animal?

Yeah.

What kinda animal?

That's the thing.

We have no idea.

Whatever it is, it isn't indigenous to Bunker Heights.

Oh?

Oh, indeed.

[CHUCKLES] We do have a specialist

coming in to take a look.

He has some odd claw markings on him too.

OK.

I need to interview this guy.

When's he gonna wake up?

Oh, well, that's the other thing.

Um, he appears to be stable but nowhere near conscious.

Great.

DR. YOUNG: Which key is it?

Sorry, I always have this trouble.

Here we go.

Yeah.

[DOOR BUZZES]

There's another other thing.

What?

Well, um, whatever bit him was poisonous.

And he appears to be mutating from it.

Yeah?

Yeah.

It's almost like accelerated cancer.

But it's avoiding major organs, so it isn't killing him.

I've personally never seen anything like this before.

[SIGHS] Jesus.

You'll see.

Oh, well, this is odd.

That's blood.

Fuck.

This is Detective Tuck--

[RADIO STATIC]

You're not gonna get anyone down here.

Too-- too-- too deep and too much interference.

All right, let's head back up.

Tim, what the hell's going on down here?

[BLOOD SPATTERING]

The ceiling is bleeding.

[CREATURE GROWLS]

[SCREAMS]

[CREATURE GOBBLING]

[EERIE MUSIC]

DR. YOUNG: The door's over here.

[CEILING THUDDING]

[PANTING]

[CREATURE GROWLS]

[FOOTSTEPS THUDDING]

[CONTINUES PANTING]

Was that--

Yeah.

Oh.

[PANTING] When does that specialist get here?

Dr. Timothy Plainview?

Yeah.

Oh.

He kinda just met him too.

Christ.

What do we do?

What do you mean "what do we do"?

You're the police.

Go arrest that fucking thing!

[LIGHT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

CHRISTIE: The bank really needs to up its security.

[CHUCKLES]

What do you think?

Butcher of Bunker Heights?

I'm not here to solve crimes, Christie, neither are you.

Just bag it, tag it, take pretty pictures,

and get the fuck outta here.

[DISTANT GROWL]

[CREATURE GROWLS]

[EERIE MUSIC]

Did you hear that?

[CREATURE GROWLS]

[FLESH SQUELCHES]

[SCREAMING]

[THE LUCID, "MASKRONAUT"] I'll bring the sun

I'll bring the stars

HECTOR (ON TV): Hector Ruben Sanchez here, coming to you

live from the swearing-in of Mayor Augusto, who certainly has

a long, bright future keeping Bunker Heights away

from that long good night.

Police presence here is light, considering the impending strike

set to begin in the morning.

City Council President Bellini is nowhere to be seen.

Are us, Jones, and Collins seriously the only police

presence here?

Looks like it.

[SIGHS] You know, this job would be a hell of a lot easier

if we were corrupt and not just bad at it.

[THE LUCID, "DEEP COUNTRY"]

HOWARD: Hey, Hippie, Danny forgot

to turn the sign on again.

Could you do me a favor?

Go over and give him a heads-up.

I can't go back to Diggies.

Those fuckers cut me off.

It's like 10 feet away, Hippie.

Just fucking do it!

Just fucking go.

Asshole.

I don't give a damn

[MUFFLED POUNDING]

That thing can't get in here, right?

Yeah.

[CREATURE GROWLING]

So what, we're just supposed to wait it out then?

Yeah.

You're sure there's no other way out of here?

Yep.

You got any booze?

Yep.

So, uh, what is this, like, some kinda

quarantine ward or something?

Yeah, yeah, sort of, I guess.

We're a government-funded research team renting out this

entire bottom floor, which--

which was originally going to be,

um, the hospital stop platform for the subway

system before they [CLEARS THROAT]

scrapped the project.

In fact, [SLURPS] this--

the entire hospital was built around this very room,

believe it or not.

Yeah.

But yeah.

[SIGHS] I've been down here doing research for 35--

[CLEARS THROAT] over 30 years.

Wha-- what kinda research?

Viral infections and corpses.

Ew.

Yeah.

So, uh, I'm guessing that's why they brought the John

Doe to you in the first place.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess.

Um, [CHUCKLES] disclaimer--

[SNIFFLES] we're not really used to live patients down here,

as you can probably surmise.

Um, but yes, yes, I am--

I am-- I'm the most qualified person

to diagnose whatever this mysterious illness is.

And, uh, my now-deceased colleague

was gonna try to pinpoint a rational animal

as the source of those wounds.

Well, uh, I think it's safe to say whatever that was

isn't rational or an animal.

Yeah.

[LIGHT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

(WHISPERING) It's one of Bellini's guys.

How high can you get this mic?

Hello?

Hi.

Hi.

Uh, I'm a family member of the hostage that

was brought in a few hours ago.

What floor is he on?

[CHUCKLES] Another one.

Um, I am sorry, I can't release that information.

You're gonna have to sit with the rest

of the family over there.

And I'll keep you updated when--

[GUN BANGS]

[CLEARS THROAT] How about now?

Yep.

He is on the basement level.

Basement?

Thank you.

Keep this between us?

[GUN BANGS]

Did you hear what floor?

Huh?

[RADIO STATIC]

Ow!

Fuck!

Basement level.

Go, go, go.

[SIGHS]

[THE LUCID, "DAMNED"] Damned if you do

Hey, do you believe in Bigfoot?

Damned if you're broke

Damned if you see

Yeah.

Me too.

People think we're crazy.

I know.

You know what?

I bet they're meeting Derek down there.

OK, you know what?

I bet this turns out like Somalia for me.

What's that, David?

I don't speak amateur.

I am so sick of your shit.

Excuse me?

Excuse me?

No, excuse you.

All you do is slap me around like a pair of ass cheeks.

And all I do, day after day, is put your story

in front of my safety.

You're chasing some corrupt cop and a couple

of two-bit criminals tripping over their own feet.

This isn't news.

This isn't gonna get us anywhere.

It doesn't matter.

They're laughing at us.

I'm the only one who still believes in you.

Actually, there was that other guy.

Remind me what happened to him?

You have no right to--

Oh, I have the right.

I have an obligation, as a professional, to say, I quit.

You amateur hack.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

BURROWS: You two need a moment?

[GUN COCKS]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

I don't know if I got the flexibility for you, you know?

I try, and I try.

I just don't think it's for me.

But then again, like, I feel like I was born to do it too,

you know?

Dude, why are you still talking about fucking yoga?

You got a job to do.

Again with this shit?

I can't-- I can't just do things that make me happy?

I gotta do things--

Whatever.

--that make you happy?

My whole fucking life, you've been acting this way.

Do what makes you happy, all right?

My whole fucking life, you've been acting this way.

All right, all right.

Do what makes you happy.

Shouldn't they be out here by now?

Rafe will be here.

Well, I don't see any flashlights.

I don't hear any noises.

Oh, you're insufferable, man.

You're insufferable.

Spell "insufferable."

Did you call Mom?

I called Mom to ask her why nine months before you

were born she fucking swallowed Uncle Gary instead of--

Yeah, we got eyes on him.

We'll continue to divert attention.

Good.

[PHONE BEEPS]

We're at the Oak Street and May tunnel.

So far, there's no sign of any suspects or any rendezvous,

but we'll keep you informed.

COLLINS: Copy that.

So where the fuck's the new mayor?

Augusto's a big stress ball.

He's probably hiding out in his car,

making his assistant give him a pep talk.

WINSTON: Hey, are you ready for the biggest night

of your career, Mayor Augusto?

What's that?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Maybe we should just postpone this freaking inauguration

and be the goddamn mayor on the ground first.

Postpone?

You can't just defy tradition and structure and, I don't know,

heritage, I guess.

AUGUSTO: Sure, I can.

You ever hear of freaking tactfulness?

Decency?

What happened to that?

Listen, Darren, someone's gotta take the reins of the city

right now.

And that's someone is gonna be you.

AUGUSTO: This just doesn't feel right.

None of this feels right.

Hey, hey, hey.

You're gonna be OK.

You're gonna do just great.

You're gonna go out there.

You're gonna give these people something

to believe in again, whether they like it or not.

What's there left to believe in?

Every freaking public official either

gets murdered, indicted, or both.

You ever accidentally mix up who you're

talking to with all that?

Hmm.

Oh, yeah, of course.

I mean, one time, I accidentally sent eight of Bellini's worst

thugs over to Officer Garcia's son's birthday party.

And Bellini ended up getting a visit from Wendy,

the magical balloon girl.

Oh, man, I would have paid to seen that.

Well, if you ever see a magical balloon

girl named Wendy who's missing a finger,

then ask her all about it.

Bellini is one sick bastard.

Hey, I know you're new to all this, but watch your mouth.

That guy keeps us employed.

[MUFFLED ROCK MUSIC]

Hippie?

What the fuck?

You gonna see what's going on?

Uh, and leave you here with all my booze?

I don't think so, man.

Nah.

[CHUCKLES] Why don't you go over and just make

sure everything's cool?

Make my bar tab go poof.

All of it?

Taking food out of my children's mouth?

Yeah, I'll make your bar tab go poof.

Just go on and make sure they're all OK over there.

Thanks, pal.

HOWARD: Thank you.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Oh, God.

What are you assholes doing in here?

Whoo!

[LAUGHS]

[BOTTLE THUDS]

[SIGHS] Shit.

What the fuck?

[EERIE MUSIC]

Fucking Christ!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[SIREN WAILING]

Hey, remember that time I told you

I'd never seen anything like this before?

Yeah.

Well, that wasn't entirely accurate.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah.

The others won't be able to hear us,

but she was just too close within earshot.

(WHISPERING) Never trust a cadaver.

[SIGHS] What I'm about to tell you does not--

I repeat-- does not go beyond these five walls.

You got it?

Well, there's a good chance we're not

getting out of these five walls, but, uh, yeah, sure.

Got it.

[SIGHS] OK.

In the mid-- it was the early '90s, I was initially brought

in from DC to study the aftereffects of an unknown virus

some US vets had picked up during a black ops mission

in the jungles of New Guinea.

Real nasty bug.

One in 20 soldiers had a growth on the base of his skull.

It looked and acted like a malignant tumor.

The mortality rate with these patients was extremely high.

[SLURPS]

Now, the really weird thing about these tumors,

though, is that after the patient died,

the tumor lived on and would spread

to other parts of the body, you know,

wherever rigor mortis started setting in, sort of, making

each part of the body sentient.

It was like these tumors had emotions.

Now, we disposed of all the bodies except one,

the reason being we thought maybe this virus

had some sort of medical value as far as creating

new vaccines for incurable diseases.

You know what I mean?

Sort of.

[BREATHES HEAVILY] And that's when things got really

interesting.

One of our lab techs--

[MUMBLES] Fred.

Fred!

Fred was inserting a feeding tube into our patient zero,

and the damn thing bit him.

[SMACKS DESK] And just like that thing out there started out,

the virus began to spread like cancer

but avoiding major organs.

And Fred began to change--

to mutate.

He became unruly, cannibalistic.

We tried to confine him, but he escaped and, you know,

wiped out most of my staff.

For some reason, he made a beeline for the maternity ward.

It was messy.

The military came in.

And they destroyed the Fred thing

and-- and our patient zero.

Uh, we disposed of all the casualties.

You know, some huge cover-up.

And I was sworn to secrecy and kept here

ever since on assignment.

And now, [SIGHS] 30 years later, I don't know how or why,

but here it is, back to haunt me.

Where did you dispose of those casualties?

Abandoned subway tunnels.

[SIGHS]

I'm telling you, he ditched.

Where would he or could he have ditched to?

The subway tunnels go for miles.

They'll be here.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

See?

It's probably them.

Go check it out.

Fuck!

[YAWNS] It's about damn time we get some movement over there.

What's going on?

KINGSTON: Why are we just wasting our fucking

time in this tunnel, you know?

Like, why are we on tunnel duty?

Why can't we be the ones doing the heist?

GREG: For fuck's sake!

[FLASHLIGHT SMACKING]

KINGSTON: [BREATHING NERVOUSLY]

[CREATURE GROWLS]

[SCREAMING] No!

[FLESH SQUELCHING]

We gotta go.

What about Bellini?

Fuck Bellini!

[ENGINE STARTS]

Where the hell is everybody?

Easy, easy.

The more things change, the more they stay the same, huh, Julia?

Shut up.

[GRUNTING]

JULIA: Hey!

That's my lucky.

I get to hit him, not you.

You don't see me smacking around your goons.

Not that I would ever have any reason

to come within 30 feet of whatever carnival crypt

you chewed clowns crawled out of.

Listen to me very carefully.

[MIC CLATTERS]

All I've been instructed to do is

to find who I need to find and get the fuck out here, OK?

And you and your little-- little cunt wing,

you guys are free to scurry off, report

whatever fucking bullshit you normally report.

Am I clear?

Yes.

(YELLING) Am I fucking clear?

(NERVOUSLY) Yes.

[COUGHS]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Yeah, come in.

Shit hit the fan, boss, really fucking bad.

What the fuck happened?

We thought we heard Rafe and them coming out of the tunnel,

so we sent Kingston in there to-- to see what was--

what was--

[CRYING]

Oh, quit crying like a fucking pussy and talk!

Something snatched him.

Snatched him?

He got pinched?

No, no, it was like an animal or something.

It had teeth.

It ripped him apart.

It ripped him apart right in front of me.

I saw its eyes.

And I think the thing smiled at me.

It fucking smiled at me!

Have you been using your own supply again?

Oh, no, no.

I wouldn't come up here and meet with you

one-on-one if I was using.

I-- I-- I promise you, I am not high right now.

So nobody's watching for Rafe?

No, there's something out there.

That's what I'm trying to tell you.

You goddamn fucking idiot!

You're telling me that Rafe is out there holding

his dick with $8 million, all because you're high as a kite,

your brother went into a tunnel, and something fucking

smiled at you?

I swear, something's out there.

I'm not fucking around.

I swear to you.

Pick that up.

What?

OK.

All right.

[GUN COCKS]

[GUN FIRES, BODY THUDS]

I might as well have the fucking cleaning company

on speed dial, [GRUNTS] especially if I keep hiring

fucking morons!

DR. YOUNG: [HUMMING]

[LIGHT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Hey, let's go check it out.

CASTOR: What the fuck happened up here?

Yeah, we got a lot of blood down here.

BURROWS: Look at the chart.

What does it say?

Shit.

John Doe.

And he arrived today.

That's him.

Get him.

We gotta get those people in here.

Trust me, those people are fucking assholes.

You're a cop, ain't ya?

Serve and protect with no discrimination, right?

[GRUMBLES]

[GRUMBLES]

Uh, yeah, um, there's nobody in here.

A lot of blood, but nobody in here.

God damn it!

Hey!

Get away from there!

Who the fuck is that?

There's something in the ceiling.

Yeah, I know, asshole.

We can see that.

Who are you?

And what the hell happened to the guy in that room?

[GRUMBLES] You know what?

Fuck this guy.

They have more bullets than we do.

Make friends.

Listen, I know who that is.

And he's not gonna be too happy when he finds out who I am.

This situation probably supersedes

that just a little bit, wouldn't you think?

God damn it.

Listen, I would highly recommend

you gentlemen to walk away from that ceiling

before you get hurt.

Oh, uh, we're making threats now?

[METAL SCRATCHES]

[LIGHT GROWL]

Castor, climb up there.

See what the fuck did this.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't tr--

[GRUMBLES]

Are you fucking kidding me?

How many fingers do you wanna lose today?

That's a terrible idea, trust me.

Tell me who you are and what happened,

or I will shoot these broads.

DEREK: That's totally fine with me.

I'm more of a Hector Ruben Sanchez guy myself.

Derek?

Fuck!

You know this asshole?

That's Detective Derek Tucker, Bunker Heights' finest piece

of garbage.

Yeah, I know him.

Hey, Tucker, you know, my boss was just talking

about that little gift you sent him a while back.

JULIA: I knew it!

Huh!

I knew you were corrupt.

BURROWS: Shut up.

CASTOR: Yeah, I found something up here.

Yeah?

What do you see?

CASTOR: Uh, it kinda looks like Henry.

What did I say about using names?

You fucking twat!

Just grab his homicidal princess ass.

Get him out here.

Hey, dumbass!

[CREATURE GROWLING]

CASTOR: [SCREAMS, GAGS]

[BLOOD SPATTERING]

[EERIE MUSIC]

[FLESH THUDS]

[CREATURE GROWLING]

[CREATURE THUDS]

[EERIE MUSIC]

THORNBERG: [SCREAMS]

[BLOOD SPLATTERS]

[EERIE MUSIC]

[GROWLS]

[CREATURE SNARLS]

JULIA: David!

Professionals only, Julia!

[FOOTSTEPS THUDDING]

JULIA: Derek!

Derek, let me in!

Let her in, Derek.

JULIA: Let me in, Derek!

[CREATURE GROWLING]

Derek!

Damn it.

[CREATURE GROWLING]

[FOOTSTEPS RECEDING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[MUFFLED CLATTERING]

[FOOTSTEPS THUDDING]

[GUNSHOTS]

[GUN CLICKS]

[FOOTSTEPS THUDDING]

[EERIE MUSIC]

[CREATURE GROWLING]

[GUNSHOTS]

[GUN CLICKING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[SIGHS]

That thing can't get in here, can it?

What the fuck do you think?

[THE LUCID, "RISK MACHINE"] --to another world

WINSTON: You are-- you are a symbol of hope now, right?

You're the stuff-- you're the stuff-- the stuff dreams are

made of.

Come on, get on board!

You are the new era.

Yeah, not that Bellini's got anything to do with it.

Ah, don't worry about Bellini.

He got the blood he wanted.

Him and Mayor Pankhurst have been going at it for years.

Now that that's over, the city can finally heal itself

and spring back to life.

You really think so?

I don't think.

I know.

Hey, get that-- get that speech I wrote for you?

All right, we'll do this?

Let's do this.

All right, let's go.

[THE LUCID, "RISK MACHINE"] She's an open door

To another world

Any word from Derek?

No.

No word from anybody.

That's not good.

I've got a really bad feeling about all this.

[DRUM ROLL]

There's the new mayor.

You boys are ready to make some history?

What do you think the odds are we find this one in an alley?

Well, I was OK with finding Pankhurst in the alley

because he's the reason we're walking a beat

and not driving a patrol car, on top of the DWIs.

[CEREMONIAL MUSIC]

This is gonna be a real good, boys.

Where's your fucking tie?

Oh, boy.

Winston Cooper.

Sleazy pimp.

The mayoral assistant.

Only a monk writes.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor and privilege

to introduce to you the shining light and savior

of our beloved Bunker Heights, Mayor Darren Augusto!

[CROWD CHEERING]

Ooh.

Yeah.

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

Winston, thank you.

Thank you.

With today's tragic events fresh in our minds, I promise,

I swear, to bring forth Samuel Pankhurt's vision to a reality.

We are all here--

we are all here for the same reasons.

We are all here for the same hopes and dreams for our city.

But we are all here.

And that, that is what's most important.

You can bet your bottom dollar.

I swear, we will bring Bunker Heights back

to its full potential.

We will bring Bunker Heights back to its glory days.

I swear on God's green Earth, we will bring Bunker Heights back!

[CROWD CHEERING]

[PANTING]

Now, as for our police force--

Ooh.

They're coming!

They're coming from the sewers!

[CREATURE GROWLING]

As for our police force, we have begun

a whole new era of agreements.

[GUNSHOT]

[CROWD CLAMORS]

[EERIE MUSIC]

HECTOR (ON TV): Ladies and gentlemen,

we have just witnessed a horrifying event.

On behalf of Channel 7, I apologize

for the gruesome images.

Nicely done!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Hey, it's good to see you, guys.

I'll catch you in next one, all right?

Take care.

Bye.

Two mayors in one day.

Woo.

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[MAN SCREAMS]

Yeah, fuck this.

Let's go.

[CREATURE GROWLS]

[CREATURE GROWLING]

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

Here's your payment in full.

Bellini will be in touch with your next assignment.

There appear to be creatures coming up from the sewers

and attacking people.

I'd highly advise to stay in your homes.

That's unfortunate.

Oh, God!

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

[GROANING]

Joe, come take a look at this and tell me what you think.

[SCREAMING]

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

[CREATURE GROWLING]

JOE: Oh, fuck!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Freeze!

[FLESH SQUELCHING]

I said freeze!

Hands!

[GROWLING]

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

[GROWLING]

[GUNSHOTS]

[BODY THUDS]

JOE: We're safe up here, right?

Yes, but for how long?

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

Everybody, get to high ground!

Get as far away as you can from anything

that comes up from underground!

I repeat, get to high ground!

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

[PANTING] How do you suppose we're gonna fix this one?

We round up everybody we can, and we head to Junker's Tavern.

Junker's Tavern?

It's where Bellini keeps his heavy artillery.

Plus, if I'm gonna die tonight, I ain't going sober.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

JULIA: That was Bellini's son?

Oh, you don't even know.

This could be the story.

That's seriously all you could think about right now?

People are dying, Julia.

JULIA: People die here all the time, Derek.

It's my job to keep it interesting.

Shut up!

You want a crooked cop story?

My old partner, Clayton Burrows.

This just keeps getting better and better.

I said shut the fuck up!

I'm still running shit here, Derek!

DR. YOUNG: [LAUGHING]

No.

That thing out there is running shit.

I will fucking end you, old man.

[LAUGHING]

What's so funny?

What, you don't think I'll do it?

With what bullets?

You're out.

You're willing to make that bet?

DR. YOUNG: Yes.

You unloaded your whole clip into that thing out there.

You're completely out.

I heard it.

How can you be sure?

Because I'm smart.

I'm a doctor, for fuck's sake.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

[GUN CLICKS]

[LAUGHTER]

[FIST POUNDS]

Is he dead?

Nope.

Just nappy time.

All right, kids, let's figure out a way

to get the fuck outta here.

What do you say?

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[FLESH SQUELCHING]

[GRUNTING]

[FISTS POUNDING]

Howard, what are you doing?

What-- what does it look like I'm doing?

Wait a minute, what month is it?

July.

Good.

I thought for a minute there I had a trick-or-treater.

COLLINS: Have you been outside?

Outside?

Have you been fucking inside?

This piece of shit comes waltzing into my bar

like he owns the place, doesn't order a drink,

takes me by the hand, thinks he's gonna take me to hell

or wherever he came from.

What'd you do?

I beat the fuck out of him.

What do you think I did?

It's taken me three hours to kill this motherfucker.

Jesus, this thing's got a real aversion to dying.

Listen, there's a lot more of these evil asshole things

out there.

And we need a few things--

a few very important things.

Whatever you need.

First and foremost, we need a fuck ton of booze.

[CHUCKLES] Well, you may wanna brush up on your mixology skills

'cause I'm about to go into a coma here.

And access to Bellini's weapons.

Bellini?

Bellini is Peach Nectar and Champagne.

You're in the wrong bar for that.

Come on, Howard.

You've been running guns for Bellini since the '90s.

Are you really gonna make me have to--

All right.

Look, man, they're all in the cellar.

Take whatever's left down there.

I don't care.

I am so fucking tired.

I gotta sit down.

Thanks, Howard.

HOWARD: Yeah.

And, hey, Collins, if you see Derek,

he walked out of here this morning without paying his tab.

Christ.

Derek.

He's at the hospital.

I gotta go make sure he's OK.

HOWARD: Yeah, well, he'd been at the hospital a lot sooner

if I'd have caught up with him, motherfucker-- taking food

out of my children's mouth.

I don't know what he's thinking he's doing walking outta here

without paying for all those drinks he drank.

He's-- [SIGHS]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

COLLINS: That must be the guns.

This is all we got?

It's not much, but it's better than nothing.

WINSTON: Well, it sucks.

It does.

Somebody beat us to 'em.

All right, you and the others grab

what's left and start sweeping the city.

Shoot anything that comes up from underground, got it?

And what about you?

For one, I gotta go make sure Derrick's OK.

And for two, I'm still sober.

I plan to face this crisis dead drunk before I just

wind up dead.

Honestly, I'm surprised you made it this far, Collins.

Oh?

Let's see about pumping the sewer full of gas.

What, like, gas gas or liquid gas?

Gas gas, damn it.

You think that'll do something?

It won't not do something.

What?

You got any better ideas?

I don't even know how to begin to even figure out

something like that.

You're a bright kid.

You'll figure it out.

Won't that just, like, flush them out?

It'll make it easier if we can kill them

when they're above ground rather than having to chase them

around underground.

Ah, I get it.

Home-field advantage.

Yeah, sure, that.

All right.

Everyone, move out and get to work.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Oh, my God.

I didn't know Bellini actually had one of these.

Like a human tank.

[CREATURE GROWLS]

COLLINS: [SCREAMS]

So what did you take?

What are you talking about?

From the coffee shop.

What'd you take?

Seriously?

Yeah.

Well, even if I told you, is that gonna make a difference,

or am I corrupted just because I don't feel like telling you?

Well, that depends now, doesn't it?

On what?

On what it was you took.

I mean, what, like, money from the register,

a wallet off of a corpse?

Coat hanger.

A what?

I stole a coat hanger.

Why would you steal a coat hanger?

Yeah, exactly.

So am I still corrupt, now that you know that?

What about the gifts to Bellini?

Yeah.

See?

That's an awkward one.

[CHUCKLES] I struck a nerve, didn't I?

Bellini tried to buy me off.

I turned down his offer.

That's not very interesting.

Yeah, exactly, 'cause it's the truth.

This is why I can't stand you.

This is why no one can fucking stand you!

You're always quick to put a negative spin

on literally anything for your own self-serving needs and ego.

Look where that got ya.

Yeah, sure, overseas assignment at one point.

But you didn't waste any time putting your ever-rotating crew

in danger for the sake of ratings and vanity.

And look at you now, back at your hometown,

reporting bullshit, fabricated gossip,

and still putting your crew in danger as we speak.

I think it's time for you to face your demons, Julia.

How many lives were allegedly lost because of you?

12?

How many lives were we actually lost?

Just one.

See how fabrication works?

Why don't you ever talk about him, Julia?

Weren't you two engaged?

Fuck you, Derek.

Oh, I struck a nerve now, didn't I?

Say his name, Julia.

Say his fucking name, Julia!

You're not the only one that had to grieve.

He was my fucking friend too.

Johnny!

His name was Johnny.

It was a dangerous assignment.

We knew the risks.

It's not like I forced him to do it.

They took us in the night.

They took us in the middle of the night.

And they made me watch.

They made me watch him die.

And I see it every time I close my eyes.

But it's OK.

It's OK 'cause Julia Stevenson is tough as nails, right?

Julia Stevenson doesn't care as long as she--

she gets the story.

She doesn't care about the risks or the consequences.

And it fucking kills me, OK?

[SNIFFLES]

We had plans, you know.

We were gonna have a family.

And that just got all ripped away.

I deserve a family, don't I?

I deserve to have friends and a normal life.

I'm a good person, Derek, I swear.

It's good to know that you actually have a soul.

Thanks.

I needed that.

[SNIFFLES]

Listen, we're all on the same boat here, all of us.

In different ways, we've all got skeletons in our closet.

Some of us just hide them better than others.

DR. YOUNG: I got mine right here!

[HUMMING]

Listen, let's just stick to the plan,

get outta here in just clean slate with-- with the two of us,

OK?

David's still out there.

We'll get him, I promise.

DR. YOUNG: [HUMMING]

That might be a problem.

[HUMMING]

[EERIE MUSIC]

[CREATURE GROWLING]

Hey, you wanna hear something?

Sure.

[LAUGHS] I can't believe I'm doing this.

You could go ahead and-- go ahead and grab your mic

and turn it back on the tape recorder.

I want you to get this.

I think you'll get a kick out of it.

So earlier at the coffee shop, the reason

why I stole that coat hanger, I locked my keys in my car.

And I didn't wanna look like an asshole in front of you.

[CHUCKLES] [SIGHS] And that, uh--

that gift I sent Bellini, so he tried to buy me off, right?

So I, uh-- I mailed him one of those religious-themed cards,

along with a box of those candies shaped like dicks.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

And the card said, "Hey, Bellini,

these come in your favorite flavor, dick."

[LAUGHTER]

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Right?

[LAUGHING]

I can imagine him opening.

He was-- he was just like, Tucker!

Fuck you.

Dick!

That's not my favorite flavor!

[LAUGHTER]

He's gonna kill you.

[LAUGHING] [SIGHS] See?

We're off to a good start already, yeah?

We're off to a good start already.

This is going good, right?

You're weirding me out, Derek.

You're weirding me out.

At least you're not yelling at me anymore.

[SIGHS]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[DISTANT SIRENS WAILING]

WOMAN: Oh my God!

Oh my God!

Oh my God!

Help me!

Hurry, over here!

Over here!

Over here!

Hey!

What the fuck are you doing?

WOMAN: Please, hurry!

I got dragged down here by one of those things, but I got away.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Don't worry, sweetheart.

We're gonna get you outta there.

[MUFFLED GROWL]

WOMAN: Oh, no.

They've found me.

It's getting closer.

Please, please, please, please.

Reach for my hand.

Honey, come on.

WOMAN: Please.

Oh, God.

It's here.

I'm here to save you, kid.

Please, come on.

Oh, oh, I got her.

I got her.

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

Ugh!

Oh, God!

God, no.

[SCREAMING]

[FLESH SQUELCHING]

[MAN SCREAMING]

What the f--

Welcome to hell, fuck boy!

[SCREAMING]

JULIA: All right, asshole.

Are you gonna play ball, or do we

leave you alone with this guy?

I'll do whatever you want, OK?

Just keep him the fuck away from me!

All right.

Ladies and gentlemen, gather round.

[SIGHS] It's been a long, hard road to get here,

but we have finally arrived, together.

Right here, right now, is the moment

we have been moving towards since birth,

culminating in sense, purpose, death, and meaning.

I don't know how many of you have

had a mission of this sort before,

but I just wanna make a few points.

First of all--

Are we gonna keep feeding into this?

Oh, he's been doing wacky shit like this all day.

Earlier, when it was just me and him, he pulled a knife on me

and called me the N-word.

We thank you for your service.

Furthermore, since you can't say, "You're welcome,"

I'll say it for you. (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)

You're welcome, Dr. Young.

Why don't we just jump him?

Well, he knows how to get to this secret staff elevator.

And, uh, he's got the keys to it.

And it seems to be the only logical plan we have.

But what even is the plan?

We use the cadavers as bait, get my cameraman,

get to this elevator, and get the fuck outta here.

And, uh, by the way, Burrows, you're taking this one.

She's taking this one.

And I'm taking that one.

You're going first, by the way.

Oh.

Well, fucking something.

DR. YOUNG: We are going to enlist

your bodies and your souls.

Then we're gonna go out there.

And we're gonna save the world.

So who's with me?

Yeah?

Bobby?

Sheila?

Is that gas?

[SNIFFING] Let's do this.

Now!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Hey, Derek?

Yeah?

If I don't make it outta here, man,

will you tell my wife that I hate her?

Yeah, sure.

Thank you.

On the count of three, go!

[SCREAMING]

I didn't start counting yet!

DEREK: You said, "go."

[SCREAMING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Daddy's little princess?

Feed time, you cocksucker!

JULIA: Come on!

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

Come on, you piece of shit!

[SCREAMING]

BURROWS: Come get some!

Uh--

Henry?

You fucking--

[EERIE MUSIC]

Ah, you gotta be shitting me.

[CREATURE GROWLING] [SNARLS]

BURROWS: [SCREAMING]

My plan didn't work at all.

All right.

All right, you guys go.

I'm gonna go get my cameraman.

Straight down, first right, second left, got it?

Yeah.

Hey, hey, hey.

Be careful.

Hey, hey, hey, try not to lock your keys in the elevator.

Well, that was a calm thing to say, wasn't it?

Come on!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[WHIMPERING]

Get up, you amateur.

DAVID: You came!

BURROWS: Help!

[CREATURE GROWLS]

[INDISTINCT SCREAMING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[TEETH GNASHING]

[GROWLING]

Does that look blue to you?

Why don't you have the special key ready at a time like this?

[GRUNTS]

Hee-haw!

Oh, boy.

[GASPS]

[KEYS THUD]

[EERIE MUSIC]

[CREATURE GROWLING]

Oh, fuck.

[EERIE MUSIC]

What key?

What key?

What key?

Hello, old friend?

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

Oh, thank fucking God!

That wasn't me.

[EERIE MUSIC]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Happy birthday, you piece of shit.

[MISSILE WHOOSHES]

[THE LUCID, "PARADE OF SPIT"]

(SINGING) A perfect day

A spattered sky

We all spit into the wind

A zombie calls

A zombie goes

HECTOR (ON TV): Good morning.

Hector Ruben Sanchez here with Channel 7.

If you can hear my voice or see me,

it means you've made it through the night.

Yesterday will, without a doubt, be forever known

as the darkest day in Bunker Heights' history.

Not only did we lose Bimpo the Clown,

we lost two mayors, countless citizens, and seemingly all hope

once those monsters showed up.

Nobody knows what they were.

But something is certain.

Though they took away many lives,

they couldn't take away our spirit.

And they couldn't take away our hope

that we can all actually move forward and live

in peace and love together.

They tried to take our city.

But somehow we were able to retaliate and take it back--

a city worth saving.

And that's gotta count for something, right?

Hector Ruben Sanchez, Channel 7.

HOWARD: Thank you for leaving me with the monster, Collins.

COLLINS: I thought you were dead.

HOWARD: I was asleep.

I was in a hurry.

HOWARD: And I had to beat the fuck out of it all over again?

Hey, guys.

My band was supposed to play over here at Diggies last night.

We showed up, and everybody's dead.

These fucked-up-looking things started chasing us.

I've been hiding in a dumpster for, like, 13 hours.

Can we play here?

HOWARD: Go ahead.

Just load in through the back.

So, uh, Collins, we had, what, like 15 guys

left on the force that were able to wipe out all

those things in the tunnels?

Well, we had some volunteers too.

And I guess we cheated a little bit.

I sent Jones to pump gas in the sewers and tunnels.

And fortunately, he kinda figured out how to do it.

Whatever wasn't killed by inhalation

was flushed out and destroyed.

Of course, everybody got a little high from the fumes,

'cause Jones didn't know exactly what the fuck he was doing.

But having said that, don't light

any matches for a few days.

JULIA: And don't shoot off any bazookas in hospital basements.

COLLINS: Hey, it saved your ass.

And we're still here, so there's that.

Well, uh, I can't help but feel a little inferior.

We were cooped up like assholes to stay away

from one of those things.

Meanwhile, Howard's bare-knuckle brawling with 'em.

Damn right.

DEREK: [SIGHS] But on a different note, Collins, uh,

so are we still good cops?

Well, we're not dead, so we can't be that bad.

DEREK: You know what?

I'll drink to that.

Howard, let's do another one of those, please.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, no problem.

You know, I-- I don't feel so--

[THUDS]

Well, David, I guess that means you're bartender now.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

[DOOR OPENS]

Jones!

It's about fucking time!

I figured out how to put the, uh, gas gas into the, uh,

tunnels--

sewer-- I think the gas fucked me up a little bit.

Hi, Derek.

[THUDS]

David, for Christ's sake, get the man a drink.

You know what?

Nix that.

I think maybe he's already had too much.

JONES: Pay in the tab, Derek.

[TV NEWS THEME MUSIC]

HECTOR (ON TV): Mayor Bellini, what

are your plans for Bunker Heights after this tragic night

of devastating chaos?

BELLINI (ON TV): Well, first and foremost,

I'd like to announce that in light of recent situations,

the police strike is no more.

Everyone has returned to work to get this city back

to the shape it deserves to be in.

DEREK: What a piece of shit.

I knew it.

He bought off enough of the force to stage a strike

and let his crime syndicate take over.

So he could be the savior.

He's the city council president.

He's the successor for Mayor Augusto.

I guess our 15 good guys on the force just ballooned

to 500 Bellini soldiers.

"Exposing Bellini and the corruption of the political

infrastructure of Bunker Heights."

That's our next piece.

Here's my next piece.

Everyone I love in this world is dead.

So that includes your boyfriend?

Yes.

Let me get you a drink.

That would be lovely.

Why aren't you drinking?

Oh.

[GLASSES CLINK]

That's what I'm talking about.

So what are you doing tonight?

Uh, this is it.

Shame.

Why is that?

Could be doing something else.

Like what?

[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]

Not me.

[CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHTER]

[THE LUCID, "MUMPS"]

(SINGING) Thought

I thought I was sick before

Long before, no sick no more

Thought [INAUDIBLE]

A red balloon [INAUDIBLE]

Floating high above the fires

[? Breaths ?] we burn goes on for miles

Blood on my Sunday best

I found out of my chest

Too weak just to see my way down

I'm too week just to see my way down

I'm feeling like the mumps

Craning my neck

It's the weight of my own head

It's the weight of my own head

I'm feeling like the mumps

Explode in my neck

It's the pain of in my own head

It's the pain of my own head

[INAUDIBLE]

It's a quick cure, a quick fix

Mom's falling flat on me

All the spoilers that I need

Blood in the brain will rise

Floods fall from swollen eyes

There is no turning back

Ain't no turning back

I'm too weak just to see the way down

I'm too weak just to see the way down

Feeling like the mumps

Craning my neck

It's the weight of my own head

It's the weight of my own head

I feel like the mumps

Explode in my neck

It's the pain of my own head

It's the brain of my own head

Just a [? blood ?]

Are you breathing?

In your blood

I feel no more

And see the presents you've been given

[INAUDIBLE] everything and hold

Yeah

You got no skin in the game [INAUDIBLE]

It's all [INAUDIBLE] on you

It's all [INAUDIBLE]

Feeling like the mumps

Craning my neck

It's the weight of my own head

It's the weight of my own head

Feeling like the mumps

Explode in my neck

It's the pain of my own head

It's the pain of my own head

Feeling like the mumps

Craning my neck

It's the weight of my own head

It's the weight of my own head

Feeling like the mumps

Explode in my neck

It's the pain of my own head

It's the pain of my own head