Original subtitles

I've got a feeling and you've got it too.

Something is happening to me.

What would you say if I came up to you?

And ask you to step out with me.

Ah,

something's in the air.

Ah,

something's in the air.

Ah,

something's in the air. I think it's love.

When we're out walking, I just can't resist to follow you all over

town.

Maybe you think I'm a dirty old man. Maybe you think I'm a clown.

Take a right out, please. Oh, sure.

I'm sorry.

Let's go, both of you.

Get

moving,

Jerry. Headquarters.

Well, what do we got here?

See the kid's mother, you think? We weren't doing anything bad. You're quiet

down. This has got to be your 100th arrest.

Oh, no. You think of somebody else. Maybe looks like me. But he didn't have

nothing to do with it. Let him be.

The judge might like to have him explained.

How'd you get in there, anyway?

Well, you know, really, I am 21. And about two years.

Listen, why don't we just lay a fine on both of them and let them go?

I bet the kid will behave himself from now on.

No way.

Wait, I'll pay it, officer.

You're trying to corrupt a public official, lady.

Oh, come on, boss.

That's his first offense. What the hell? How much you got? Well, I got five

bucks. I got more than that, sir. Shut up. We're letting the kid go, not you.

Give me. He could change his mind, kid, so get out of here. Ron, don't do it

again. Hey, wait a sec.

What a pretty watch.

Funny, I had to throw mine out the other day.

No way I can afford to get a new one on a policeman's salary.

Then please accept that one, huh?

Goodbye and thank you.

Here's the bread for the toast, Belinda.

Remember to ask in school if anyone found your watch, Albert. You do realize

it's quite valuable.

It was a gift for your first communion.

Honestly, you're a real disaster. Nothing lasts if you get your hands on

it. When your father hears about the watch, he'll have hysterics.

Hey, ma, I'm out of money. Can you give me some?

I don't believe my ears.

Have you finished your week's allowance already?

Very well. Take some from my purse. It's on the table in the hall.

And try to make it last more than an hour.

Carla?

Carla?

Where's your mother? In the kitchen.

Carla!

Where the devil are you?

What is it now?

I want to know what's wrong with the water heater. Why? What's happening? How

can I tell? This is a special bacon-based emollient which must be

rinsed off at a temperature which I'm not getting.

You know I have to be careful.

I mean, really. And I don't understand what you expect me to do about it in the

first place.

The word periscope is derived from the Greek peri, meaning our

surroundings, and skopeo, meaning to look or watch.

The periscope is an ingenious instrument, whereby through an

interreaction of correctly placed lenses of total reflection, we're enabled to

see above and beyond an obstacle.

Specifically, the spyglass type of periscope, the one I've designed on the

blackboard, is made up of two total reflection prisms, Y and C, set between

the lens A and eyepiece E, and set in a container B of the desired form, usually

tubular and of any given length.

As you can see, this apparatus is quite simple mechanically, and any one of you

could easily build one at home.

Can I push a button for you? That's okay. I can do it.

Goodbye. See you sometime soon.

Send it down, will you?

Matching. Hi. Hi, Belinda.

Here, yours.

I know you miss me, but you miss this even more, right?

Drink it all, darling.

Where's her son gotten up to? I never see the lad around anymore.

He's in his room studying. He's always got so much homework.

It's ridiculous.

You sacrifice everything for a child, then never see him all day long.

I really should go down and have a talk with the principal of his school.

Where, as you know, several major rivers are already at dangerous levels.

Did they find your watch at school?

No, not yet.

And they won't find it, believe me.

Do you realize what a state of confusion you live in?

How could you possibly find your way around here in the midst of all this

awful mess?

And besides, do you think this is how clothes should be treated?

You'd think you only had to wear them once.

I wish I knew...

What pleasure you find in treating all your very nice and expensive clothes

like a pig.

Oh, my word, look at this.

I didn't hang that up, Ma, because I'm wearing it tomorrow. Oh, I'm sure, but

still, it'll look better for being on a hanger overnight.

Why not?

Whatever you say. I wonder why the young people of today take so little care of

themselves.

They walk around dressed in ways that can absolutely frighten you.

What do you imagine people think when they see you looking like that?

I mean, really.

Dressed like a scarecrow in a cornfield. Ah, yes.

The times have changed, I must say. It's terribly sad.

Mama, I'm going to need $25.

I must not have heard you, Albert. Did you say... I mean, did you really say

what I think?

Every single boy in the class has to build a periscope. It's a new term

project, you see.

I don't see why you need it.

To understand optical theory.

It seems ridiculous.

All right, Albert, go get cleaned up a little and come in to dinner.

Okay, Ma, but what about the $25?

Well, talk to your father about it.

don't you

A periscope, you say?

Is it possible to be more outlandish than this?

Do you think I rob banks on my time off?

And your poor mother here, who has to work her fingers to the bone every day

just to make sure the household accounts are balanced.

And if I didn't, we'd all be in the poorhouse, I assure you.

Oh,

by the way, next Monday, Alton is sending over the new car.

It's going to be substantially better than last year's model, and it's only

done about 6,000 miles, which is a mere bagatelle for a car that big.

It's practically new.

I can't wait to see Paul and Mary's face when they see it.

Especially Mary. She'll explode with envy. Be sure not to tell her it's used.

I slit my throat first.

The car does make a certain impression.

And then you say you haven't got a penny.

These are matters that do not concern you, and your head will roll if you

mention it. I wouldn't dream of it.

People must not know what we possess and do not possess.

Appearances are all that matter.

And our appearances, fortunately, are second to nobody's.

Someone who, like myself, works on the high echelons of public relations knows

these things.

Not macaroni again.

Hold your fork and tongue. If you had to pay for meat, you'd know why we can't

eat it all the time.

You're taking too many pills.

I thought you'd finish that particular routine.

And don't say don't worry.

What kind of garbage are you taking this time?

Just hormones.

To reinforce the growth of the sebaceous glands for eyesight.

It's good in general.

Newest thing.

Your obsession about losing your hair is nuts to me.

At times it makes you act so strangely.

If you insist on going on like this, you'll ruin your health, I know it.

Besides, there's nothing to be done about hair. When it decides to fall out,

it falls out. As you say. But I still have no intention of going bald.

And what are you smirking about? Be careful, Belinda.

Don't spatter the sauce around this time.

Sometimes I just get the feeling I can't go on.

I'm tired of this life of everything.

You think too much, that's all.

I'm full of anxiety so much of the time.

I think all that's wrong with you is that you need a man.

This morning there was a patient who tried to put his hand underneath my

skirt while I was taking his temperature.

Well, it might have been interesting.

Yes. Only not natural.

At least, not for me anyhow.

And then, what did you do?

Nothing.

It's the best tactic I know of to disarm men.

And we weren't alone.

Hey,

Al, hold on. Yeah, what?

You gonna meet us at the football field?

No. Why?

I'm busy. Who with, a girl?

Come on, tell us, you getting any? I'm busy, you morons. Hey, come on, tell us,

you any good?

Up yours.

Cheese it, the cops.

Let's go.

It's simply a question of sebaceous secretions. The scalp finds itself

invaded by the secretion. This provokes the asphyxia of the follicle. Then it's

weakening and its subsequent fall from grace.

Oh, mine was terribly limp for a long time, too. But with the right treatment,

I got it back in line.

Oh, yes, yes, it can be a serious problem, my dear sir, when the sebaceous

glands don't function as nature intended them to. But we'll do all we can to

eliminate the problem.

I'm going to start you out on a treatment based on musk ox oil and

garlic and urine armadillos.

We have to do all we can for you.

Persons like you and like me, who work in contact with the public, have the

bounden duty to present ourselves at our best.

We will vanquish this foe, you and I together.

You think?

I'm positive.

But we mustn't lose time.

Narcissus will look after you.

Narcissus, begin with the watermelon rind shampoo for the dandruff, and call

me for the dyeing.

I'll see you in a little while, dear sir.

I'll come by to give you the final touch.

That'll be fine. Thanks for everything. Oh, don't thank me, my dear sir. I

regard it as a sacred trust.

I'm certainly not going to let one of my favorite clients go out of my shop with

anything limp.

That'll be fine. Thank you again. Ta-ta.

It's monstrous, Emil.

A little backcombing here and you'll love it. I think so.

I certainly do.

He's putting the same color on you that I use. A friend of mine told me

something the other day. That dyeing your hair can damage your eyes.

I suppose you don't think so.

I get so mad when I hear that. It's ridiculous.

Don't rear me.

You just go and tell your misinformed friend that I've been dyeing my hair for

ten years, and my eyesight is perfect.

Easy does it.

Thanks.

Would you like me to hold no, thanks, it's not all that heavy no

Well,

bye

for now

Thank you.

Bye.

What are you doing?

There must be a short circuit in the lamp wire.

Hmm.

Then what are you doing up there, silly, when the lamp's in that corner?

Hey, it works. I'll be darned.

Hmm.

Okay, get down and start studying.

Oh.

Belinda? Yeah?

Get breakfast ready will you? I'm gonna take a shower. Sure.

Who's that ridiculous arrangement you've got on your head?

Our newspaper printer's trying to save money.

These letters are getting smaller by the day.

All those nonsensical gadgets won't help you. One iota's worth.

All your family is bald and you will be too. You better get used to the idea.

That hairdresser you've been going to has been taking you for a fool and

getting rich off you.

Why don't you forget about it?

Why don't you just throw your money directly out the window?

You're mistaken.

Since I began this treatment, I haven't found a single hair on my comb yet.

And before long, you won't find any on your head either.

Young lady, whose side are you on anyway?

Oh, don't get so angry, darling. I was merely joking.

That is a joke that is not so mere.

There are quite a few very sexy bald men.

And more who are not.

I'm no Yule Brinner.

Aw, the master of the house is desired upon the telephone.

Can you believe that someone has the nerve to interrupt me right now?

Who is it? How should I know? I told you, you must always ask who's speaking.

So I forgot.

You forgot to be born, that's what you forgot.

Would you move out of the way?

Hello?

Yes?

Speaking.

Good morning, how are you, sir?

Welcome back.

Yes, of course, sir.

I was expecting you next Monday.

I must say I'm extremely worried about the publication of the next book in the

series that I entrusted to your care.

Now, the title I find less than fascinating, Sex Life of a Vegetarian.

Quite frankly, I don't see how interesting it's going to be to the

public.

I think I'd lead vegetarians out of it. Yes, sir.

And further, certain of the photographs which you have seen fit to put in are of

an unmitigated obscenity. Oh, no, sir.

Oh, yes, sir.

Absolutely provocative.

They are not consistent with the theme of the book, nor with the moral

reputation of this company. It must be the case.

If you say so, sir.

I'll come to your office in half an hour, sir.

Yes, sir. Absolutely.

I'll be right there. Not one minute later. Half an hour, sir.

Naked females in these aggressive poses could easily offend a great many people.

Unacceptable for most readers.

We must not forget that for centuries our country has been the moral bastion

of the Western world.

But the new spirit of democracy which is pervading the land... You cannot hope to

change the average mentality with a democratic spirit.

Yes, sir. I must say I agree with you. The readers are the same after all. We

cannot risk ruining our reputation.

This catastrophe is your doing.

We've managed to recall all of the copies in distribution.

What a harebrained idea.

The idea was mine.

A brilliant idea, that. I agree entirely.

Letters of protest.

Only I wouldn't read them at all if I were you. You'd risk a major heart

attack. You mean that the book must be re-edited with new illustrations that

are non-prurient.

We must fight against this avalanche of horror.

This lascivious monstrosity. Sex is invading our homeland.

What's my idiot nephew going on about now?

He's against pornography, sir. Huh?

Provocatively dressed girl. Where?

Everywhere. In all the magazines, at all the newsstands. Don't you read

magazines, sir? Ah, yes, most certainly.

Saw a girl the other day, had tremendous knockers. Oh, yes. Please, Uncle.

What's on your face, sir, may I ask?

What, sir?

Mine. Yes, yours.

There are spots on it. What's all this?

I don't know, sir.

Go look at yourself in the mirror.

Oh, good Lord.

I would hate to think it was makeup or hair dye.

Oh, no. How horrible, sir.

It's just that I always give myself a massage with cream emollients after

shaving. And the truth of the matter is that you called whilst I was doing it,

and I had no chance to wipe it off.

Nothing more.

Oh.

These cigars aren't Cuban. They're horrid.

It's like smoking caca.

They're only Canary Island cigars, not worth a bean each.

They're absolutely nauseating.

From now on, I'm only going to smoke Indian hemp.

It costs less.

Good morning, Belinda.

Morning, ma'am. How are you this morning, Angela?

Fine, Maria, and you?

Can't complain.

This elevator is always busy.

Yes, ever since those two moved in.

Mind you, I'm not saying a word against anybody.

Oh, of course, I certainly agree.

But certain flights shouldn't be allowed to move into respectable buildings.

It's all right.

Don't forget to buy the onions. Yeah, yeah.

There's a gentleman standing there with the light coat on. Stop there, please.

Right.

Belmont Hotel, downtown.

Right.

My, aren't we impatient now? We've got all afternoon. Calm down.

Yes, come in.

Thank you, sir.

Now then, are you going to tell me where you've been, you naughty boy?

I had to go out of town on business, but I didn't have a chance to let you know.

I had my sister call you at home.

You weren't there.

And she spoke with your housekeeper.

But I'm sure that fathead didn't tell you.

Well, and it never takes messages. You know that.

You knew how I'd been warning you.

You can imagine.

I haven't seen you for five days now. I'm ready to go out of my mind.

So am I, darling.

Can you imagine what my life is like?

With that idiot of a husband I'm saddled with, that pompous walking graveyard

who's losing his teeth, his hair, and God knows what else he's got left to

lose. That other thing he lost centuries ago.

If I hadn't been fool enough to have a child with him, he would have been out

of my life years ago. I should have kicked him out in his ass the day of the

wedding, the miserable son of a bitch.

Oh, have I been missing your arms around me.

I've been in hell.

My love, you're all mine.

You know it, don't you?

Oh, darling, my darling. You're so strong, you're tearing me apart.

If you wanted some weak-willed little boy, you wouldn't have hooked up with me

now, would you? You like me just the way I am, don't you?

Come here, you.

That's it. More like that.

More, my angel.

No,

my darling.

That's enough now. You know I have to go.

When are we going to spend a whole night together?

It'll be almost impossible.

I already told you.

Things are going very badly at home now.

I'm afraid I'll have to get a job of some kind soon.

There's no living with my husband at all.

I can't ask him for anything.

Not even a few dollars to buy myself some perfume. It's horrible.

Why ask him at all, anyway?

I'm the one you should come to.

Here.

I just don't know what I'd do without you. All right, without you.

I gotta go. Call me. Yes.

Hey.

Look who's gazing in the window.

It's a Tuesday and Thursday afternoon love bunny, George.

I'm available mornings and nights.

You'd better forget it. I'm afraid she's a little too rich for our kind of blood.

What is it?

I'm destroyed.

What? What's the matter?

My feet.

They hurt me something terrible.

This afternoon I had a pedicure and that man really took care of me.

I have to go back tomorrow, too.

You seem to go to him every other day. I have delicate feet. Oh, I'm not

complaining. Don't misunderstand.

I'm just sorry for you.

I imagine he must hurt you terribly, my poor angel.

Actually, not a bit. The man has a fabulous technique.

He knows how to get things going.

No, you don't have to worry about him at all. He knows his job.

Ugh.

Quiet down, will you? No one asked your opinion.

day.

Ah, at last they're getting down to it.

Should see some real action now.

Boy, what rotten luck.

Right at the best part, they turn off the light.

Son of a bitch.

Can't win a single one.

I got a feeling and you've got it too.

Something is happening to me.

What would you say if I came up to you and asked you to step out with

me?

tell me

Oh. Oh.

What are you doing on your feet at this hour?

What's the matter, dear? You don't look so well.

Tell Mother.

Oh, I've just got a bad stomach.

Does the pain come and go, or is it steady?

What's wrong? I don't know. He says he has shooting pains. I just hope it's not

appendicitis. Where are your pains? Do you feel like throwing up, darling?

No, Ma.

But it just happened like that?

Yes.

Oh, my Lord, it's appendicitis. We can't waste time just standing around. We've

got to get someone, a doctor. Now, wait a minute. Just hold on. Tell me exactly

where you're getting these pains.

That's not where the appendix is located. All right, but we better put

him to bed. Come on, darling. Come on.

I'll fix you something hot to drink. Don't make such a fuss about it.

I know what's wrong.

All right, now, let's talk this over.

So you've got pains there.

You can talk to me. I'm your dad.

We're both men, after all.

I'm not your mother.

You're beginning your sexual awakening.

Don't let it prey on your mind, though. At your age, it's normal.

Every man goes through that stage, so I assure you, it's nothing to worry about

at all.

Now just lie down and get your mind off it.

Here, I've warmed up some chicken soup for my little prince.

Sure you're not sick to your stomach?

No.

No. I'm worried. What if it does turn out to be appendicitis? Nonsense.

Why don't you phone the doctor, Homer? Because there's no need to, my dear.

At least we'll be able to stop worrying about it. You don't seem to realize it's

two in the morning.

Doctors are always being awakened at all hours in the morning. Have you forgotten

what happened to your brother's awful kid last year?

Did you move your bowels today, sweetheart?

Yes, Ma.

You're being asinine.

Come back to bed. No, Homer. I'm very worried.

I'm telling you it's nothing.

Won't you go call one of those nurses that live upstairs?

No, I'll go myself.

This is known as simple moronics.

This is very kind of you, miss.

Not at all.

This way.

Oh.

How long has it been going on?

I was sleeping and I woke up with these pains down there. A bad belly ache.

All right.

Where?

Here?

No, further down.

Ah, here.

Down further.

Does it hurt now?

A little bit, yes.

Thank you.

What's the matter? Do you think it's... It's not appendicitis.

Miss, are you really sure of that?

Absolutely.

This sort of thing happens through dreams.

At your age it's very common.

He doesn't hurt anymore, does he? No.

Now just relax a bit.

And try not to dream anymore tonight.

All right?

All right.

There's nothing at all to worry about.

It's just adolescence.

Once a boy reaches the age of puberty, this goes on.

What about the pains?

They're nothing.

All boys have them.

You'll be fine for now. Good night.

What was it?

Nothing.

The kid downstairs woke up in a very excited state.

I just had to calm him down.

Thank you.

Take me home.

Make me strong.

You know I am. But I need to cry.

It's the end of the world. It's the end of the world.

Make me strong.

You know I can.

Teardrops won't.

Now, I see perfectly well out of both eyes.

Yes, the smallest letters even are quite clear.

I seem to be all right.

Let's just say I'm not too sure.

You don't?

No.

And I think I can show you what I'm talking about.

Go ahead.

Put these on.

Now, what do you see here?

At last, my darling.

Oh, boy, now the watcher, McCall, it's really going to hit the fan.

Wow.

Veronica.

Look.

It's got to belong to that little boy below us.

I wonder how long he's been spying on us, the filthy little peeping Tom.

I don't think he could see much with that contraption.

And if he has, what do you care?

Fix the salad, will you?

What are you doing?

Really, I'll do it myself.

Go back into the kitchen.

Why aren't you eating, Albert?

Oh, it's just that I'm not very hungry and eggs make me sick, too.

I'm afraid you're going to have to eat them. Those are Dr.

Nelson's orders.

I really don't know what to do with this boy anymore.

Excuse me, Chief.

One of them nurses that lives upstairs wants to talk to you for a sec.

One of them nurses?

To me. That's right, Chief.

What do you want to say to me?

I don't know, but there's something about those two I don't like.

Albert, please, you must eat.

Really.

You can't live on pure air. You'll have one of those attacks like the other

night.

I've got my own troubles, you know.

Oh, my God, this life is hell.

Hey, Al, come on out and talk to your pop.

So this is why you wanted a periscope.

You should be ashamed.

How could you have done it? Is this the way we brought you up?

The next time you... The next time you do it, I'll send you to a military

school with mandatory chapel at six every morning.

I see my son and I see a juvenile delinquent.

Miss, I can't tell you how terribly sorry I am for this bother.

I only hope that it's just this once.

Of course.

Never again.

As for you, don't think this is over now. Go straight to your room and we'll

have a talk tomorrow.

What's going on here?

Well, I'll show you.

This is what's going on.

Look, you know why your criminal son really wanted that periscope. He made me

spend a lot of money because he said he needed to improve his knowledge of

certain laws of physics.

Only what he improved was his knowledge of the physique of this kind young girl.

I'm sorry, ma'am.

Only I think you'll have to agree what an upsetting thing it is.

To be spied on in one's own apartment.

I can't really agree, Miss.

Since I have nothing to hide, I can't imagine being worried over that sort of

thing. What do you mean by that?

My wife is the weeniest bit nervous, pay no attention.

Nervous as hell, nervy. No, no, really, Miss, believe me. Do you realize I had

every right and reason to go to the police? Well, then why don't you? What

are you waiting for? Angela, please don't say that. I'd love to see you try

it. Then at last, maybe we can bring out into the open what everyone knows

already. What?

Do you think that we all have blinders on?

You're the number one topic around here, you and that mannish little... I don't

know why, but lesbians have always made me want to throw up. You watch your

mouth and be very careful what you say.

And why are you raising such a fuss over a silly childish trick?

You're the one who's making a statement to let the world know the truth, Homer.

Or as much as it can stand to hear.

Carl, I order you to apologize immediately.

And the next time that your little brat gets a hard-on, don't think that I'm

going to massage it.

Oh, please don't take that tone. No offense.

This is nothing more than a tempest in a teak. Good night, sir.

And please don't hesitate to ask...

Well, you've really done it this time.

Is anyone in the world stupider than you are?

You're just like your father, even worse.

Just let me catch you looking at those two one more time and I'll choke you. Do

you understand, you imbecile?

Of course, it's really their fault, not yours.

I'm going to speak to the landlord and have those disgusting women thrown out

of this building tomorrow morning.

Do you hear what I'm saying?

Do you understand, Albert?

Hey,

come

here and get something to eat. You look like you need it.

No, I'm fine.

Come on, please.

There's only one thing I need, and you're the only one who can give it to

me.

Come on, eat.

I like you with meat on your bones.

You're getting too skinny.

Oh, all right.

Good.

Good afternoon, ma'am.

Good afternoon.

May I be of help?

I'd like to try that fur on, please. The one in the window. Of course, ma'am. The

mirror's over there. Would you get it, George?

Right away.

They'll be fine, ma'am.

Now, could I have some identification, please? It's a mere formality. I'm sure

you understand.

Certainly, of course.

Thank you.

There's one further detail, if you don't mind. I would like... I'm sure you'll

find this a somewhat unusual request, but given the circumstances, I...

This

form? is the kind a person gets in a pawn shop.

Just a pawn ticket, really.

I didn't know that. It was on the seat of the cab I took coming home for my

pedicure. I thought it was a flyer like they're always putting out to advertise

some new product.

No, no, absolutely not, my dear.

Somebody put something up at the pawn shop, that's all.

Be interesting to know what it was.

Well, what can we do about it?

Pay the pawn shop $50 and your questions will be answered.

The correct thing, of course, would be to take it back to the pot shop and let

them track down the rightful owner. Could be. The poor guy hasn't got the

money to redeem his property anyhow.

I suppose so.

I don't know why, Homer.

I've got a very strong suspicion that for $50 we could find ourselves with

something much more valuable than that.

That is a pipe dream, my dear.

Do you mind if I try, though?

If you want to, why not?

One never should refuse lady luck. Personally, I've never won.

Even a bingo prize.

But you've always been very lucky.

After all, it's only $50.

Then I will try.

Yes, of course. Go ahead.

Oh, really, huh? I'll just have to study all that much more.

No, wait a minute.

Here I come.

Good evening. Good evening, miss.

Thank you.

Aren't you the boy from downstairs? Yes, that's right.

My friend Angela told me all about what went on with your father. I'm very

sorry.

But I don't really know what everyone got so excited for.

I don't see that there was any great harm done.

But Angela's the type who worries about things.

She hates the thought of being spied on.

That's awfully nice of you. But really, I'm sorry for what I did now.

You want to come up to my place for a while that'd be great

Come

in

Was your father really that mad at you I thought he was gonna go crackers and

your mother She got mad at your roommate instead of me. Didn't she tell you about

that? She said they exchanged a number of words.

That number's like three trillion. Come on.

What would you say to a little liquid refreshment?

Coca-Cola or a beer? Coke would be fine, thanks.

Just between you and me, my roommate can be pretty unbearable at times.

Why do you keep on rooming together if that's how it is?

That can't be explained easily.

You understand I have nobody else.

Angela must be, I suppose, someone like an only sister.

I get it.

Come on.

How about your drink?

What's your name Albert but my friends call me out then I will too my name is

Veronica Come on sit down

Well, since

we've become friends there's something I'd like to ask you Some guys

like one of those burning oil derricks you read about

Now, what did you see through that silly instrument?

I don't think you could have gotten much though. The curtains are always closed.

Or was there something you did see?

No.

Those curtains hit it all pretty much.

Like you say.

That's a shame, isn't it? Not much luck.

You see, a periscope is composed of a tube and refract... Now, just a minute.

I'm not the slightest bit interested in how your periscope is made. What does

interest me is what you were able to see through it.

I promise I won't be angry.

Let's hear it. Tell me what you saw.

Well, right before the light went off, you and your roommate were sitting very

close. It seemed like you were looking for something on her.

Something like her missing medallion.

I must say, you sure took a lot of time to find it, though.

I guess so.

And how much more did you see in your periscope?

That's about all I ever saw, really. I mean, I only had it a couple of days.

Only a couple of days?

That's right, just two days.

Telling me the truth?

Yeah.

I feel the need of a real drink now.

Will you have one too?

Just to keep me company.

No, thanks.

I've got to go now.

So soon? What a shame.

Yes, my parents get upset if I get home late. Especially after what happened

last night. Oh, all right. But drop in once in a while.

Thanks for the Coke, Veronica.

Bye. So long.

Well, what did he tell you?

Not much. He's not a very talkative type.

I don't like him. Oh, Angela, you're making a federal case out of nothing.

I'll be with him in just one minute, dear sir. You're in good hands, though.

Alphonse, we're coming along nicely here, aren't we? I'm moving my shoulder

just a little bit all the way around. Yes, but not too much, my dear boy. Just

the merest whisp of a hint of an idea. Do you understand?

Yes, of course, Mr. Rene. Then a touch of the beaver mold. Absolutely.

I'm getting these wrinkles on my cheekbone.

Your skin is dry, sir. Much too dry.

So, it gets irritated easily. Let me see.

Let me see, let me see. But with our lotion, we will obtain miracles.

I would just try a drop of the coffee grounds and eggshell mixture, but just a

little, that should do it.

Oh, do be careful, Narcissus. This hair is very fine. It's like a baby's.

I think what's called for is a massage with our saccharine tobacco and stone

-ground wheat lotion, then an application of powdered feet. Yes.

Ah, I see you put on some glasses.

That's right. My eyes need a rest.

Nonetheless... I find they're a bit uncomfortable.

How about yours?

Not a bit of it, but still I've decided to switch over to contact lenses.

Careful, though.

They say they fall out when you cry.

Oh, I haven't cried since I was a slip of a go.

Albert, since you have no classes tomorrow afternoon, would you do me a

favor? Sure, what is it?

Nothing all that complicated.

You have to pick up a package in a certain place, that's all.

Is it far away?

I've got the address written down. You just have to walk up to the window and

hand a slip of paper to the clerk who'll be standing there.

Pass the cheese, please.

Sounds like you know everything about how they work, those places, huh?

Homer, don't be silly.

Never in my life have I set foot in a place like that.

Oh, I've seen them in a film and in the movies, and I've read about them.

And I'll also be giving you some money.

That you'll have to give to the clerk at the window. Be sure you don't lose it.

Don't worry, Ma.

I have new hair growing. I'm convinced of it.

And my nails are getting stronger, too.

Hi,

Al. Hi.

And what brings you around these places? Well, I haven't got any school this

afternoon, and I thought maybe I could see you. You know, have a little chat.

That is, if you haven't got an appointment or something.

I mean, if you're busy, forget it. I've got something to pick up from my mother

anyway.

I'm glad you came. I have nothing whatsoever to do.

Hey, boy, you're looking a little pale, though.

What's the matter? You haven't been dreaming again?

All right, there you go.

What's in there? What did your mother pawn anyway?

I don't know. She never pawned anything in her life. She found the ticket in a

taxi. She's always finding things. What a lucky lady. I wonder what's inside.

Well, we'll find out pretty soon.

Well, shall we take a look inside?

Sure. You don't think it matters if I open it? No, what's the difference?

I'm dying of curiosity.

It's marvelous.

This fur looks absolutely brand new.

It's strange that someone pawned it.

You'd swear nobody had ever put it on.

Doesn't it seem strange?

I guess.

And you say your mother found the pawn ticket in the taxi?

Yeah.

And did she know she'd come up with a fur like this? No, how could she?

It'll sure be some surprise when she opens the package.

It's too much.

I wish I could find a fur like this.

You really like it that much? Oh, yes. It's marvelous.

What about a dance?

Well, I'm no John Travolta. I'll try. I mean, I'd like to.

How about the music you like? Yeah, I always hear it from my room.

Baby.

me home.

What do you think?

I didn't hear you.

You're occupied.

I guess I'd better leave now.

Leave? Why?

Aren't you having a nice time here?

Oh, sure. I'm having a wonderful time, really.

Would someone tell me where that fur came from? From the pawn shop.

Albert had the ticket.

So, why do you want to go?

Do you dislike me?

No, really not at all.

It's just that they're expecting me They can wait another few minutes I think

Perhaps what you want to do is go and set up your

periscope for a change.

You're a pig. You know that don't you?

Well, I'll just make things easier for you

I just know something terrible has happened to our son.

He should have been home hours ago. It's late.

Yes, but he had no school today. I'm aware of that, but it's already past

ten. He's never stayed out so long.

There might have been a long line in the pawn shop.

Oh, I know. Only they closed down there two hours ago.

I mean, if he did go there at all.

Oh, there he is. Thank the Lord.

Well.

Hi. You're going to catch it now, chum.

How come you're getting in so late?

No watch, you know.

What is that package you've got?

It's what they gave me at the pawn shop.

You don't say.

Let me see that.

There must be a mistake of some kind.

It's just not possible.

It's not possible at all. What's wrong?

Will you look at this?

I'm looking at it. Open up. Let's see what's inside.

Let's hope for a pleasant surprise.

Oh, my

God. This could only be somebody's idea of a hideous, terrible joke.

Why, my dear?

Oh, come on. You mustn't let your nerves get the upper hand.

Where did you get this filthy rag?

I told you not to let your nerves get the best of you. Calm down.

Will you answer me or not?

What can I tell you? That's what they gave me. It's not as though something of

yours was stolen. If you like, tomorrow I'll clean it up a little.

Will you get back into the kitchen?

You're right already.

It's just not possible. I don't believe it.

I don't believe it.

There are times when I fail to understand your mother. I mean, for 50

bucks, what did she expect to find? Some kind of silver fox coat?

Then go to bed. You look terrible.

Oh, come on. Don't carry on like that, Angela. After all, it was a risk you

took and it didn't pay off. No use getting tragic about it, huh?

You just trusted your luck too much.

Oh, you've always won everything. Bingo, lottery, football pools. Your luck

couldn't hold out forever.

It's a pretty cute little face.

Oh, please, my dear, don't carry on. Now, that's enough. Enough's enough.

You hear? There's no use making a mountain in a teapot.

Belinda!

Now, calm down, all right?

Why do these things have to happen to me? And kick-off time is in 10 minutes

on Channel 2.

Belinda!

Here I am, Chief. What is it?

My wife is ill. What's wrong?

Well, I hope it's only an attack of hysterics. I'll be with you. I'm good.

Forget it. Just call one of those nurses from upstairs, will you? Back in a

flash, Chief.

Now, my dearest, please, please.

I've sent for some highly qualified personnel to take a look at you.

She's the one laying down. Sir, I see.

What happened? I don't begin to understand it myself.

She was totally normal. Then all of a sudden, Jesus, you see her.

Give me a hand, please.

Linda, are you trying to tear her leg off? We can manage without you. I was

just trying to help.

Chief.

What do you think?

Don't worry. It's nothing terribly serious.

This woman is going to give me a double-barreled heart attack.

She's incredible.

Oh, my God. What is it now?

Don't you think we ought to call the ambulance and get her to the hospital

now? Absolutely not.

I'll give her an injection.

Everything will be right as rain. I guarantee it.

My mother really took quite a long time getting herself back together again the

first few days. She was like a zombie

She would get up in the middle of the night and wander around the house

calling to her fur coat.

Or she'd spend hours on the couch staring into space and not reading the

magazines we brought her.

My dad, on the other hand, kept on dyeing his hair.

All his friends told him he'd eventually go blind if he kept on using that crud.

And he managed to come pretty darn close to it.

Nobody I knew would get into the car if he was driving it.

It was like playing Russian roulette.

We'd long ago lost count of his traffic tickets.

One day he had an accident.

He drove his car into the rear end of another one, up over the sidewalk, and

blew it right into the front window of that hairdresser for men that he'd

practically been living at.

With the money he'd been pouring into that shop, the owner could afford to be

kind and generous and forgiving, as long as Dad signed up for another six-month

course, which he did naturally.

Now as to Veronica and her roommate I haven't really seen a lot of them except

for in the elevator, of course I've just been going on with the miserable

monotony of school So far the only thing I've learned is how a periscope works.

I learned it so well. I feel I invented it.

Oh I was forgetting and for a while now. I haven't been using it to enrich the

wealth of my education I've been getting payments under the table

What would you say if I came out to you and asked you to step out with me?

I just can't resist to follow you all over town.

Maybe you think I'm a dirty old man.

Maybe you think I'm a clown.