All language subtitles for The Trouble with Maggie Cole s01e03.eng

BELL RINGS

BELL RINGS

TYRES SQUEAL

GUNSHOT

Whoever's doing it, they're relentless.

I keep deleting every post I find but,
ten minutes later, up pops another.

And now this...

Their last one linked to it.

It's an online petition
calling for your early retirement.

Great. Where do I sign?
- It's not funny and it isn't fair.

- Great. Where do I sign?
- It's not funny and it isn't fair.

None of this should even be about you.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Hiya, sorry to bother.

Er, I just wanted to let you know, erm...
Well, ask, really.

You know 3C are doing creative
writing all this week?

OK, then, 3C are doing creative
writing all this week.

And I've managed to arrange
for Marcus Ormansby to come in

and talk to them about writing for a bit

and listen to them
read some of their stories.

I think they might really enjoy it,
a proper author.

So, er...
So, yeah, he's coming in tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Sorry, I, erm...

I wasn't aware
that you knew Marcus Ormansby.

Well, yeah,
we've actually become quite good...

Well, no, I'm not saying friends, as such.

But we have been texting back
and forth a bit ever since we, er...

bumped into each other last week
and, er, you know...

recognised each other from the paper.

I take it tomorrow isn't a problem.

No.
No, of course not.

SHE CLICKS HER TONGUE

DOOR CLOSES

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

What are you doing?
Where are you going?

Look...

Oh, no...
No, no, no, no, absolutely not.

Not here, not now.

Well, I have to talk to her
at some point, Peter.

Well, bump her down the list.

She's gonna be
one of the tougher ones as it is.

You did basically called her a...

Well, you implied.
Look, just not here, not now, OK?

Please.

I've had a stupid enough day as it is.

- Why? What happened?
- Oh, nothing, just Headmastery stuff.

Oh, Kelly.

Oh, damn it, Peter,
I could've done a two for one.

What? I said, could have.
HE SIGHS

Can you just go?
CAR ENGINE STARTS

- Hiya.
- Hiya.

- Joshie, did you have a good day?
- Yeah.

- Star pupil, as always, weren't you, Josh?
- Yep.

I just wanted to pop and say hi.

I haven't seen you since,
you know, everything.

- So, congratulations.
- Oh, yeah.

- Everyone keeps staring at me.
- They're probably staring at both of us.

You know, two members of
the "outed six" chatting together.

Oh, God, Roxy, I hadn't even...

No-one believes a word of it, not a word.

Everything that woman said
is just a pack of lies. Everything.

Well, not everything.

I'd better go.
Erm, are you still OK to Josh-sit Friday?

Yeah, of course. I'll see you then.
And I'll see you tomorrow, little man.

Don't forget to bring in your story.

Bye!
Bye, love.

ENGINE SPLUTTERS AND DIES

Oh!
I hate this car.

I'll wait here.
We just need a few bits of veg for tonight.

Oh, and some milk.
Did I put milk on there?

- What?
- What do you mean, what?

I'm not going in there.

Well, I can't, can I?

Not until I've fixed things with Roxanna.

Which, by the way, is what
I was trying to do back there.

Oh, you're gonna sort the whole thing
out in the middle of the road, are you?

Well, I might've done.

- Well, I can't go in there, either.
- Oh...

- Believe it or not, it'll be just as awkward...
- Here.

No backsies!

- I'm not playing that game.
- Oh!

- I said, no backsies.
- Just because you say something...

- Don't be silly about it now.
- I'm not. I'm not the silly one.

That's very annoying, stop it.
Stop it! You have it.

- No, you have it.
- No, you have it.

Oh, my God, he's looking,
he's looking!

Shh!

I'll just go without veg tonight.

No, you will not go without veg tonight.

What did you have for your lunch?

Salad.

You hesitated.

- You had chips.
- No, no, I didn't.

Right, we're going to Sainsbury's.
CAR ENGINE STARTS

- That's a 20-minute drive.
- Oh, dear.

Well, if you behave yourself,
I'll buy you a comic.

KELLY: Are you ready?
I crown you King Joshie!

And I control the Earth!

- Kelly!
- Hey, there!

- Hi!
- Oh, here you are.

- What's all this?
- It's our castle.

Yeah, it's our castle.

OK.
Well, picture this...

Me, you and His Highness there
are spending our anniversary

aboard a five-star luxury cruise
ship on the River Nile.

Wow...

Neil, what are you doing home?

I've quit my job.

Hey, Joshie, do you want to get
changed while I make us dinner?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Erm, I'm sorry, you've done what?

I've quit, OK?
I hated my job, so I've quit.

That is normal, you know? That's what
people do when they've won the lottery.

It was 70 grand, Neil.
30 of which you've spent on a car.

And by the way, we never won the lottery.

Stop saying that.
You've got to stop saying that.

Please, Kelly, you have to start
meeting me halfway here.

The hard part's over, don't you see?

And now, look,
an anniversary on a cruise ship.

I mean, ten years ago,
we had to spend our honeymoon

in some godawful, scruffy, little...

What?

Nothing.

- Is it all right if I have my bath now?
- Poor, long-suffering Peter.

I've not exactly had a great day, either,
you know?

I had a bit of a funny phone call
this afternoon.

Oh, yeah?
Heavy breather, was it?

- At my age?
- Well, it's not like they can see you.

Or else you'd get many more.

- Mm, nice save.
- Mm.

It was the Daily Mirror, actually.

- It was the what?
- Yeah, I didn't want to tell you.

I didn't want you worrying.

And to be honest,
I handled it rather well, I think.

It started off all rather normally,

pretending to ask questions about
the opening times at the Keep and stuff.

And then, suddenly,
it got a little bit personal,

asking questions about me,
about the family,

about the whole radio thing.

How do you know it was the Daily Mirror?

Well, I don't actually know.
It just had a sort of Daily Mirror vibe.

So...

Oh, anyway, Maggie,
it's bound to be the local rag

- and I hope you told them to bugger off.
- Of course I did.

Except for I didn't use the word bugger,
obviously.

Because I thought
they might be recording it.

Ah, see, you're learning, then.

- Funny.
- So, what exactly did they ask...

- about our family?
- Oh, I don't know.

What's to ask?
What's to tell?

No skeletons in our closet,
thank you very much.

Go and have your bath, then.
Because I want one, too.

Yeah, right.

BAR-ROOM CHATTER

Oh, God...

Excuse me a minute.
Sorry, I'll be back in a minute.

What are you doing here?

You knew I was on shift tonight,
you've left Mum on her own.

Oh, no! Do you think she's gonna
have a wild party and trash the house?

No, I think she doesn't like being
left on her own, especially at night.

FRUIT MACHINE BEEPS

COINS CLATTER AND TUMBLE
Nice one, Darren.

Maybe you're the one
who shouldn't be left on his own.

Look, Mum is fine.

She's all better now cos you came
home and saved the day, didn't you?

So, why don't you go and do that again?
Because I'm gonna stay here

and have a drink with my girlfriend,
on the house.

Yeah, it's, er...
It's not on the house.

- All right, Alex?
- Syd.

- You do know you can do better than him?
- Absolutely.

Hm.

- �1.95.
- Seriously?

Seriously. We've got a delivery
tomorrow and he's been stock checking.

Unless you want to get caught stealing
from a notorious gangland crime boss,

who runs a small village pub in Thurlbury.

Oh, yeah,
you still don't believe it, huh?

All right. Do yourself a favour.
Next time he leaves you on your own,

go up to his flat,
the cabinet by the window.

White door.

Why?

What am I gonna find there?

A gun.

A gun?

Really?

Not a little teddy bear,
like you keep in your room, then?

What?
Shut up. No, I don't.

Yeah, you do.

- It's a little koala thing in a red ribbon.
- No, it isn't.

And what are you doing searching
through all my drawers anyway?

You've never been to Brian's flat,
you knobhead.

Haven't I?

Oh, well, there's one way
to find out, isn't there?

Chief.

Please, tell me you've misspelled salmon.

Does that seem likely?

"Shalom"?

Peter, it's my regular appointment.
I go every month.

She has just won the lottery, you know?

She might not even be there.

Yeah, but she might.

And if she's not, she's not.

My hair desperately needs attention anyway.

Yes.
I mean, no.

It isn't. No, that wasn't such
a good save there, was it?

Not really, no.

Look, Peter, I know this last week
has been hard.

And you've been my rock, you have.

If it hadn't been for you,
I don't even know...

I think it's starting
to wear you down a bit, isn't it?

Absolutely not.

Absolutely not.

You know, if I seem distracted,
it's work, that's all.

It's not about you,
it's not all this, it's just work.

- Just Headmastery things?
- Yeah.

Boring, dull, teachers everyday.
Headmastery stuff.

And you would tell me if it wasn't?

I would tell you if it wasn't.

Thanks.

SHE GROANS

What's the time?
About nine.

- Nine?!
- I've already taken him.

Oh...

Ten years, Kelly.

In all that time, we've never,
ever spent a night apart.

I just...

I don't understand what's happening to us.

It's the lie, Neil.

It's the lie of it all.

You know, I promised you a castle.

- What?
- When we first got together.

When we first started seeing each other,
I promised you a castle.

Hell, I promised you the world,
I was...

Oh, I was gonna be rich and successful.

Remember my old guitar?

- I used to play you those songs.
- Yeah, I remember.

You thought you'd be
the next Liam Gallagher.

Noel.

Not that it matters, I just...

I'm just trying to explain
that I did this for you.

For me?

I wanted a sports car, did I?
A luxury cruise?

- I wanted you to quit your job?
- No. No, I'm not saying that.

I know you didn't.
I just...

Oh, you don't understand.

I don't think either of us do.

Because when I say
the problem here is the lie...

that's not the one I'm talking about.

- Do you know what time it is?
- Mate, I don't even know what day it is.

Oh, well, there's a surprise.
All right, I'm taking Mum to see Nanna.

Then I'm at the reserves tonight,
so, this time can you not...

Really?
Right there?

- What if Mum had come in here?
- She knocks.

You might want to try it sometime.

And you might want
to try that sometime, too.

- It might chill you out a bit.
- I'm chilled enough, thanks.

- Yeah, you look it.
- Look, can you just at least put it in...

- What's this?
- It's just skunk.

- Mm, and this?
- A bit of speed.

What about that?

I don't know what that's doing there.

Seriously, Liam, what's wrong with you?

You miss Dad so much, you wanna go
and share a cell with him?

Sorry.

Just try and think of Mum, all right?

- She's been through enough.
- When's the last time you thought of Mum?

You came back here to take care
of her, did you?

Left your big, exciting job in the city

to come back and work in a boatyard
and play Baywatch every night.

Yeah, of course you did.

How much did you lose this time, Alex?

Yeah, you're the good one,
all right, aren't you?

- Can I have Kevin back, please?
- Kevin?

- Kevin.
- Oh...

JAMIE: Becks, I'm just heading to the agency

to see where they're at with that
shop space.

- Do you want to come?
- Not really.

And in about three seconds
you won't want to, either.

What?

So, do you want the good news
or the bad news?

- Sorry?
- Play along, Jay.

Say, "Good news, please, Becks."

Good news, please, Becks.

It's positive, by the way.

- Just in case that wasn't clear.
- Is this...?

Are you serious?

No, I just fancied playing a
particularly cruel practical joke on you.

Oh, my God!

THEY BOTH LAUGH

Oh, Becks!

- My God, I shouldn't pick you up, I'm sorry.
- Jay, I think it's fine.

A couple of spins around the kitchen
at this stage is perfectly safe.

Ah!
Ah! I don't...

I don't believe it.
It's amazing, I just... I mean...

- Wait, what's the bad news?
- Yeah, the bad news.

Your mother's about to become unbearable.

Oh...
THEY BOTH GIGGLE

The entire school is no smoking.

Er, I don't smoke.

Good.

But if you do, then you have to go
out the gates and over the road.

Well, if I do decide to take it up,
I'll know where to go, thanks.

Wear this at all times.

Thanks.

No, at all times.

Oh, yes.

- Is this gonna take much longer?
- It'll take as long as it takes.

This is very short notice for a visitor.

Very short notice.

Right, please read this and sign it.

- Did you read it?
- Sure.

What did it say?

Karen, for crying out loud,
he's signed the form, OK?

Is that it?

Yes.

- Thank you.
- Right.

Come on, I'll introduce you
to our Headmaster.

Oh, no, you won't, he's on the phone.

No, I won't, he's on the phone.

Staff room coffee it is, then.
It's awful, you're gonna hate it.

Hang on!
Have you got a car?

Erm, I do have a car, yes.

Well, if it's on the premises,

then you will need to display
a visitor permit in the window.

It's not on school premises,
it's over the road.

Oh, that would've been handy if you
smoked, you could've sat in it.

Come on, let's get out of here before she
insists on giving you a full cavity search, too.

Excuse me?

SHE CLOSES HER DESK DRAWER

Disgusting!

So, that Marcus Ormansby is here.

Oh, OK.

You do know his books are all
violence, murder and death?

It really doesn't seem very
appropriate for the school.

I don't know, have you met 3C?

I mean, I'm all for them
learning to appreciate literature.

But still, I mean, it's a bit like
the music teacher bringing in...

Sid Vicious or someone.

Yes, well, given that he's been dead
for the best part of 40 years,

that probably would be somewhat
alarming for them.

Although, again, have you met 3C?

I'm glad you can see the funny side,
Headmaster.

But if you ask me,

Miss Wheadon is really starting
to take advantage

of this whole radiogate business.
I mean, it's just not on.

I don't know what you mean.

You see, I don't want to speak out
of turn or anything, but...

it almost felt like
she blackmailed you into this.

Mm, picked up on that, did you?

Oh, I can't say I blame her, to be honest.

You know, she's got every right
to be angry at the moment.

Well, not with you!

Listen, I...

If you ever need to talk or anything.

Thank you, Karen.
I appreciate that.

I actually really do.

DOORBELL JINGLES

With you in a second.

Hello.

"...and then Batman pulled off his head"

"and his head came off and the blood
was all coming out of his neck"

"and then Batman went home
and had a bath and went to bed."

"The end."

Yes, right.

Yes, that was very good, Tommy.
Very, erm...

- Descriptive.
- Descriptive, yes.

Er, yes.

Absolutely.

Er, potential copyright infringement aside,

it was really quite...

I'm gonna give you a B.

Plus.
B plus.

Yes!

Right, who wants to go next?

Josh?

The Prince And The Treasure.

"One day, the Queen went out shopping."

"So, the King and Prince decided"

"to go to the Magic Fortress to have a war."

"But the Queen rang the King
to see what they wanted for dinner."

"So, the Prince went off"

"to explore the Magic Fortress by himself."

"The Magic Fortress was a dangerous place"

"full of ghosts and skeletons."

"But the Prince wasn't scared."

"He went all down to the haunted
dungeons all by himself..."

Dad!

"...where he found this secret treasure."

"And so the King and Prince took
the treasure back to the palace."

"But when the Queen saw what they'd brought,"

"she said that they were the bravest
and cleverest men"

"in the whole land."

It's got to be drugs, hasn't it?

Some kind of drop off.

"They had fish and chips and ice cream."

Jesus, Neil, someone might've even
been watching you when you...

There was no-one there.

"And they lived happily ever after."

We have to call the police.

- Do we?
- Neil...

"Forever and ever, amen."

Very good, Josh!
Well done.

Excitement, adventure and,
more importantly, a happy ending.

Hallmarks of any good story.

Can I take a look?

You've even drawn a picture.

I'm gonna give you an A plus.

Before you start, I just, erm...

I want to say something.

I am so sorry, Kelly.
I really am.

I listened to gossip, as usual.

Started putting two and two together,
as usual.

And wound up getting...

well, four, in your case, actually.

But still, I shouldn't have said anything.

Even if I didn't realise
that they were planning

on broadcasting the whole thing.

Which, by the way, I didn't.
Just saying.

But I am sorry, Kelly.

Forget it.
Head forward.

And also, I'm not trying to put
a positive spin

on things or anything, but,

maybe it's kind of good
that it is out there now.

Big secrets like that, they can eat
you up if you sit on them.

And, you know, it is amazing, isn't it?

God, I haven't congratulated
you yet, have I?

I mean, you and Neil,
you must be beyond happy.

I can't imagine how it feels.
It must be life-changing.

To be honest, I wasn't even sure
that you would still even be here.

SHE SOBS
Kelly!

Kelly...

I swear, if I could take it back...

I don't give a shit
about your stupid interview, Maggie.

So, you flapped your gob
to half the county, so what?

Well, technically,
I only flapped it to one guy.

He was the one who flapped it to a...

Er, that isn't important.

SHE SNIFFLES

I don't care about any of that.

So...

what's wrong, then?

SHE SNIFFS

I thought we were happy, Maggie.

It's our anniversary this Friday.

Oh, right.
Ten years.

I booked a surprise.

I arranged it a couple of months ago.

Spend a night away in the very same
B&B that we spent our honeymoon.

- That's nice.
- Not for him, it isn't.

He wants to whisk us off to Egypt
and some five-star luxury cruise liner.

Oh.

That's...

pretty nice, too.

It's all been a lie.

What has?

Our marriage.

Our life.

I was happy.

And he wasn't.

Ever.
It was just all one, big disappointment.

- Don't be...
- I was just one big...

ridiculous.

I was still working at the school
when you two were just kids.

Six years old and he was in love
with you even then.

And he's not disappointed in you.

He's disappointed in himself

because he couldn't offer you
the life he thought you deserved.

I had everything I wanted.

Yeah, but that doesn't make any difference,
Kelly,

cos he's a man.
And that's what they do.

They pretend to be evolved.

And they're not, really.
They're still effectively apes,

just driven by their stupid need
to provide for their woman.

And then they torture themselves
when they don't.

Or when they think they don't.

I mean, Peter is still no different now.

He still bottles the odd thing up,
just to protect me.

But, you know,
I wouldn't have him any other way.

PHONE RINGS

Do you think he was really in love
with me when I was six?

Oh, Kelly, trust me, he was in love.

Oh, it's Jamie, I think I'd better...

Hello?

- 'Mum?'
- Yeah?

- 'Are you all right?'
- What's wrong?

No, no, nothing's wrong.

Er, well,
I was just phoning to, er...

To tell you...

Er...

Er, just to let you know...

I'm pregnant!

- Say again?
- I'm pregnant!

Argh!

- I wanted to tell her.
- I'd have had it by the time you told her.

MAGGIE SHRIEKS WITH JOY

Look, don't tell Dad yet, I will.

Yeah.
OK, OK.

OK.

- I've got to go.
- Oh, is everything all right?

Everything is amazing.

But I can't tell you
cos I've got to tell Peter first.

And if I don't tell Peter first,
I'll get into trouble

cos I've just told them not to tell him,

and so I want to tell him first.

Anyway, in summary, I've got to go.

Oh, Maggie, the gown.
Gown, gown!

Yeah, and if you want
to come back tomorrow,

I can fit you in at the same time.

- Really?
- Sure.

And, thanks, Maggie.

Aw...
Aw!

Yeah, OK.

Ah, ooph...!

- All right, mate?
- Thanks.

Cheers.

Sod it.

Whoa, shit.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

Oooh!

- Oh, sorry!
- What are you doing?

- Maggie, what is it? What's wrong?
- Nothing's wrong.

Everything is wonderful.
The most amazing news!

Erm, Karen,
if we could just have five minutes.

Er, yes, of course.

SHE GIGGLES

Guess what? No, actually,
I'm gonna let Peter tell you.

- We...
- So, dinner, round theirs tonight.

- Ah!
- Hey.

Mwah!

By the way, did you know you've got
a bottle of ketchup in your pocket?

Er, yes.

- Yes, I did, yeah.
- OK, good.

Bye.
Bye.

Bye.

I am gonna be a grandad.

Wow!

Congratulations.

Thank you.

SHE MUNCHES LOUDLY

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

THEY BOTH LAUGH

- Listen, I just wanted...
- I was just wonder...

Sorry, go on.
No, I'm sorry, it's my fault.

I'm always doing that.

- What were you going to say?
- Oh, nothing.

I was just wondering, er...

I was just, well...

I was going to ask you...
KNOCK ON DOOR

- What?!
- Oh, no!

- God, sorry.
- No, it's fine.

- No, it's not.
- No, sorry.

Oh, Maggie.

Hi.
Sorry, I didn't mean to...

I was just looking for Roxanna,
but I can see that she's not there.

Marcus, hello.

- What are you doing here?
- Er...

Oh, right, actually, funnily enough,

I was hoping for a chance
to talk to you, too.

So, if you've got a spare few minutes...

Maybe some other time, yeah?
Er, I'd better get back for my dog.

Buster is the dog.

Yes, Buster.

Leave him too long and he makes
his feelings rather messily known.

Does he?

Er...

I really enjoyed it.
Erm...

- Thanks for inviting me.
- Oh, no, thank you for coming.

The kids loved it.
I knew they would.

Erm...

Right, then.

Actually, I was wondering
if you were doing anything.

Later, I mean.

As in this evening.

I thought maybe a drink.

I mean, say if you're busy.

I'd love to.

Text me, yeah?

You mean...
You and Marcus?

Oh, I think that's great.
I do.

Really, the two of you together is just...

- What do you want, Maggie?
- Well, nothing.

Like I said, I was just looking for...

Actually, I do have some news.

And I know that things aren't, you know,

right now, but...

Oh...

Oh, er, yeah, obviously,
I've already got all your ideas.

But if you have any more,
just feel welcome to come along.

As it says, open to all.

Well, I'll have to see
if we're free that evening.

Jamie and Becka are pregnant.

Well, Becka mostly.

That's wonderful.

- Give them my best, yeah?
- I will.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

Jill...

Please, tell me it wasn't all a lie, Neil.

Tell me you were happy.

I mean, before...

Happy?
Kelly...

You've never done anything but make me happy

since the first day we met.

All I ever wanted
was to try and do the same for you.

You already had.

Every single day for ten years.

Longer, actually.

If only we thought to tell each other, hey?

- We have now, hey?
- Yeah, we have.

Which just leaves us with this.

A solution to a problem we never even had.

- And the one that's killing us.
- No, it's my fault.

No, it's not.
It's ours.

SHE SIGHS

But what are we gonna do?

Shove it in the attic?

Bury it?
Put it back where we found it?

No, we'd know where it is and the
temptation would always be there.

And not just for you, either.

Don't think I haven't dipped
into it as well.

I've got six new outfits upstairs
that you never even noticed.

Actually, I noticed.

I wish we could just magic it away...

in a puff of smoke, as if it never happened,
like in a fairy tale.

You see, Neil, that castle you promised,

it would never have made us happy.

Even Josh knew that.

I guess he's smarter than both of us.

I was never gonna be
the next Noel Gallagher, was I?

You weren't even gonna be Liam.

I don't know about that.

I am about to set fire
to a giant pile of money.

I'd say that's pretty rock 'n' roll.

Wouldn't you?

Are you serious?

Well, wait, erm...

You know that last outfit I bought?

Well, there's these designer shoes
that would go great with it.

Well, it's funny you say that, because
I might have sort of promised Josh

I was gonna get him one of those
drone thingies, you know?

- I reckon that ought to do it.
- Yeah.

And they both lived happily ever after.

Cheers, mate.

Hello, Alex.

You picked a bad time to start photobombing.

Especially wearing that.

I really must say thank you
to the radiogate woman.

If we ever get to meet her.

I've got your money.

Do you not think it's a little bit
too late for all of that?

No, really, I've got it.
I swear, I have.

I'll get it for you tonight,
straight after shift. All 12 grand.

20.

Interest.

20?
Yeah, I've got 20.

OK.

As it happens,
we're staying over at the local pub.

The Conqueror.
Do you know it?

Oh, what am I saying?
Of course you do.

You grew up around here, didn't ya?

You see, we know that now,
since we found out your real name...

Alex Myer.

You've still got family here, haven't ya?

Mum, little brother, innit?

Oh, and er...
Grandma.

I've got the money.

Good.
We'll be in the bar until 11.

I mean, do I go or do I not go?

I mean, half of the stuff
she's doing is stuff

that I've already arranged anyway.
I think.

I mean, I don't even know
if they're gonna go for a float.

And I specifically wanted a float.

In fact, I asked Jill to come
and ask me about a float

when I was in charge of the Q and A.
So do I do that now?

We definitely told her about the baby,
didn't we?

- Yeah.
- Oh...

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Not for tonight, all this.

Back to business.
Have you picked a name yet?

Well, if it's a boy, we're thinking Tarquin.
And if it's a girl,

Jezebel.

Tarquin or Jezebel...

Yes.
Yes, I like it.

Er, she's winding you up, Mum.

Yes, I know she is.
That's why I winded her back.

Wow, village anniversary hijack aside,

you really do seem a lot more
chilled out than usual.

Let's just say that your happy news
couldn't have come at a better time.

Well, it wasn't planned.

Er, the timing of the news, I mean.

Well, it's not just that anyway because I am

much more chilled out.

I am done being upset.

And I'm done being angry.

I'm just not going to let any of it
get to me any more.

I mean, there was a woman called me
yesterday from the Daily Mirror

and I just wasn't bothered.

- Daily Mirror?
- It wasn't the Daily Mirror.

No, it might've been the Daily Mirror,
you don't know.

Anyway, she phoned pretending
to be interested in the Keep.

Then she started asking these weird
personal questions about the family.

- What, our family?
- No, the Sopranos.

So, what sort of questions, Mum?

Oh, stupid ones.
I don't know, probably looking for gossip.

Ironic.

Well, you know, they're just trying
to drag it all out, aren't they?

Hoping for a, you know, people
in glass houses kind of angle.

Well, good luck with that.

Because we are an open book, as it happens.

Always have been. In fact,
I was saying that to Kelly this morning.

Oh, I meant to tell you
that she's right off the list now,

- that is all sorted.
- Mm-hm, good.

It's never good to sit on secrets, is it?

Because they eat away at you.

And they always come back to...

A toast, I think, to Becka...

Jamie and Tarquin or Jezebel.

ALL: Becka, Jamie, Tarquin or Jezebel.

Or Maggie.

See you soon.

- See you.
- See you later.

- All right.
- Dad...

Your mother's wrong.
Not all secrets are bad.

Not if they're protecting the right people.

It was a long time ago, hm?

Hey...
Hey.

Today's the best day of your life.
And mine.

Come here.

Hm.

- Bye.
- Bye, Dad.

- What was all that about, then?
- Oh, you know...

- Fatherly stuff.
- Oh.

Yeah.
Right...

CAR ENGINE STARTS

Bye.

LAUGHTER
I've only got a yard!

- Well, er, this is me.
- Oh.

Can I give you a lift home?

Oh, no, no.
I only live around the corner, actually.

Oh.

Well, I could give you a lift
around the corner, if you like.

That's literally the side of my house there.

Oh!

Erm...

Oh, God...
I'm kind of out of practice with all this.

I haven't had a date since, er...
Not that I'm saying this is a date.

I mean, when I asked you,
I did sort of, erm...

Call me tomorrow.

I'll call you tomorrow.

- Night, Marcus.
- Night, Jill.

CAR ENGINE STARTS

Shit!

I bit the bullet, Peter.

I went into the shop
and I tried to buy stamps.

And now everybody thinks that I'm a racist!

What the hell kind of stamps did you ask for?

- Someone took it.
- Did they?

Just give me a couple more days.

I hurt my best friend
to impress some twit of a reporter

and feel important for half an hour.

'Someone called for you this morning.'
A journalist.

Maybe I do want people to see me and think,

"Well, she looks well and happy."
Because I am well and happy.

It's this Thurlbury planning thingy
I've got at the village hall.

- You should come. It'll be fun.
- Will it?

'None of this is true.'

- Peter, tell them.
- I think we should go.

Jamie...

It's not true, is it?

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