Original subtitles

- So what is a sasabical?

- Sabbatical.

- It's a sort of working holiday, innit?

- Yeah, Mickey knows these guys from way back.

- Never trust Australians.

- Benny and Mary are very talented grifters.

- Well, what do they need Mickey for then?

- Because it takes someone special like Mickey

to pull off selling the Sydney Opera House.

- Yeah, well, I'm tellin' ya now, I could do it.

- Shh!

- So, um, you still got that mark in place, Albert?

- No, Mickey thinks it's a lost cause.

- Excuse me, Mickey is not here, all right, accept it.

- It's too late.

The mark is leaving for L.A in 10 hours.

- Well, phone him.

- Danny, we're in a cinema.

- We won't hear it ringing.

Just dial it out, go on.

- I'm going to the lobby, all right, goodbye.

- Get me some popcorn and a drink.

- We brought you here to cheer you up.

You haven't even watched any of it.

- I, I've seen it.

- Shh!

- You got a puncture or something, mate?

- Would you just, let, let's just get out of here.

- Try to enjoy the film, hey?

- Come on, come on.

- Listen, so I don't wanna ruin it for ya,

but right at the very end,

all five of them get blown up in a boat.

- Danny!

- Sorry, sorry.

- I'm sorry.

- We could've found another mark tomorrow.

- I don't want another mark.

I want this one.

- Why, because Mickey said it was a lost cause?

- No, and I think we should sell him

the Houses of Parliament.

- We don't even know who he is yet.

- Or Buckingham Palace.

- Danny!

- I can do big too, you know.

I am special.

- Yeah, I know you are.

- Well?

- Okay, Albie, who's the mark?

- Anthony Westley.

He's a Texan.

Made a fortune in something called industrial fastenings,

whatever the hell that is.

And he sold his business eight years ago,

netting a profit of nearly 30 million dollars.

- I like him already.

- I don't think you would.

He sold to property developers

knowing they were going to close down his factory

and put all of his people out of work.

He's brash, he's single-minded,

and he usually gets what he wants,

and he's obsessed with the movie business,

specifically movie memorabilia.

He recently bought Judy Garland's ruby slippers

from The Wizard of Oz

from a private collector for two million bucks.

- Well, go on then.

We'll wait here.

- Yeah, and don't be too long.

Me stomach thinks me throat's been cut, all right?

- So, who does he think you are?

- He thinks I'm a dealer who specializes

in finding items for collectors for a finder's fee.

- All right, have you set anything up?

- I told him I had a contact

for movie memorabilia, that's you.

Your name is Paul Garrett.

All right, ready?

- All right, are you sure he won't go for Nelson's Column?

- Look, you're not in competition with Mickey.

You've got to focus, by the book.

We assess what the mark needs and that's what we use.

Do you understand?

- Aye.

- All right.

- I might mention it just in case.

Howdy!

- Ah, this is the ah, gentleman

I mentioned to you, Paul Garrett.

- A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Westley.

- Likewise.

- I'm sorry it's so late,

but I knew you were flying back tomorrow,

so I'd take a chance and come by.

- Well, to tell you the truth,

I'll be glad to get away from this damn rain.

So ah, James here tells me that ah,

you deal in Hollywood memorabilia.

- Yeah, that's right, yes.

- Uh huh, you guys like to have a drink?

- No.

- Here all right, thank you.

- You got anything that might interest me?

Well, well, well, well, well.

Right now, we're looking at the Rosebud sleigh

from "Citizen Kane".

- I thought Spielberg had that.

- Yeah, yeah, yes, yep,

but ah, we've got a few interested parties,

and he's um, looking at the offers, isn't he?

- He'll never sell.

You got anything else?

- What about the original R2-D2?

Don't take up much space, comes with the optional bleep.

- Ah, old hat.

- The bike from "E.T."?

Lovely little basket on the front.

- Nah.

- Did you know there's a lot of movies been shot

in Trafalgar Square, right underneath Nelson's Column.

- I, I've got a better idea.

Maybe you could kind of give him an idea

of the things that you're looking for.

- Well, I am building the biggest museum

of Hollywood memorabilia anywhere in the world,

and for me, it's old Hollywood.

Hollywood in its glory days.

When being a star meant something.

When L. B. Mayer was running MGM,

Marilyn Monroe gave a whole generation

a hard-on in "Seven Year Itch",

Jimmy Cagney, "Top of the world, ma",

and Fred Astaire walking on air.

- Ah man, those were the days, all right.

- Okay, okay, what about Charlie Chaplin's bowler hat?

- I got three of those and two canes.

- Marilyn Monroe's shoes.

- Which ones?

- Any of them.

- I have lots.

Well, thanks for coming by.

I really do appreciate it.

- Hey ah, ah, oh, ah, the creme de la creme, the big one.

The most Hollywood Hollywood

in the whole Hollywood thingy majigamy jig.

I didn't wanna mention this

until I knew we were talking big.

I mean, this is something that's gonna

put your museum on the map.

It's huge, bigger than that, more Hollywood than Hollywood.

- Okay.

- You ready for this?

- Yeah.

- The Hollywood sign!

- You did what?

- Look gang, shouldn't be talking like this

being before we start.

We are grifters.

We should dream the impossible dream,

win the unbeatable fight, defeat the undefeatable foe,

go boldly where no man has gone before.

I mean any moppet can sell the Sydney Opera House,

but this, this is the Hollywood sign.

This is history in the making.

This will make us legends.

- Yeah, yeah, but the mark's gonna be in L.A.

when we're in London.

So if you've got a plan, any kind of plan,

now would be a really good time to share it with us, yeah.

- I have a feeling we're not in Kansas any more.

- I'll find us a car.

Who is this?

Scott, Scott, this is Harry Kaplan in customer services.

Yeah, listen, we screwed up big time.

Yeah, I got people up here punching holes in the walls.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

Now, there was a reservation taken

for the British Embassy, all right?

Is it on your computer?

Oh, Jesus, okay, listen up.

This is for your ears only, okay,

not your co-workers, not your family,

not to the person you choose to sleep with.

Do you understand me?

Yeah, yeah, I gotta a guy on his way from Embassy security.

He's a level one Royal Family protection.

Now you give him whatever he wants, okay?

Now Scott, okay, you wait there, Scott.

I'm gonna give you a reference number

for the whole system, all right?

Okay, Scott, here we go, it's C-5-7-0-0-7.

Do not screw this up.

- Good day, sir.

- Good morning.

I wonder if you can help me?

- All right, let's check into the hotel, start our plan.

- Wait a second.

What do you mean start a plan?

I thought you already had one.

- That was just to get you all here, weren't it?

- Do you have any idea how much

four first-class tickets cost?

- You've got to speculate to accumulate.

Think big, big things happen.

- Beverly Hills anyone?

- Okay, Albert set up a meeting with Westley

at 3 o'clock, all right?

So we've got a lot to do.

Ash, find out who owns the sign,

and how we can make this thing work.

Stacie, I want you to find us a nice hotel.

Albert, find out what makes this guy tick.

We need an edge.

- Coffee, sir?

- Yeah, boss.

- Okay, originally the sign read Hollywoodland.

Erected in 1923 as an advert for a real estate development.

Now, that development went bust in the '40s,

and the sign was falling to pieces

until it was taken up by the Chamber of Commerce,

who dropped the last four letters

to leave just the word Hollywood.

- So that's what's there now, huh?

- No, not exactly.

The sign was replaced in its entirety twice,

once in the '50s, then again in the '70s.

- So, who actually owns it then?

- Well, that's where it gets a bit more complicated.

The land that it's on is owned by the City,

the Chamber of Commerce owns the licensing rights,

and the Hollywood Sign Commission maintains and repairs it.

The bad news is that the security around the sign

is state of the art.

- It seems our friend Anthony Westley

is more of a player than we thought.

He's not only mean, he's also corrupt.

When he was in business,

he bribed key members of the U.S. government

to win defense contracts.

- He was a naughty boy then?

- Just talking with an old friend of mine

at the New York Post.

Seems one of the senators wouldn't play ball.

So he hired a private investigator, had him followed,

and found out that he likes young men.

Westley then blackmailed the senator,

and won contracts with the U.S. Navy for 40 million bucks.

- So he plays dirty then?

- Well, you know what?

We can play dirty too.

- Yes, hello, I'm from the BBC in London,

and we're doing a documentary

about the work of the Hollywood Sign Commission.

I wonder if I could talk to the person responsible

for the maintenance of the sign.

Mr. Hamilton, absolutely, I'll hold.

Mr. Hamilton, yeah, my name's Yvonne Morgan,

and I work for the BBC in London.

We're producing a documentary

about the marvelous work done by the commission,

and I wondered if you could spare us

a little of your time for an interview?

Well, actually I'm in L.A. at the moment.

Maybe we could do lunch.

One o'clock then.

I look forward to it.

A little tacky, don't you think?

- Here you go, Albert.

That should do the job.

- All right, Ash.

Time to get your kit off me, old mate.

- Ooh, ah, ooh, sorry.

No, no, it's fine.

Right.

- You, you all right?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- Yeah, you?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I'd better.

- Yeah.

- Sorry.

- I'm sorry.

- Good morning, sir.

- Oh hey, fellas.

Have a good trip?

- Yes, we did.

- Oh, eh, Scotch.

- Ah yeah, make that two.

- Yeah, I'll tell you what.

Make it three.

- I can't tell you how intrigued I was

by what you said in London.

Tell me more.

- I don't mean to be rude, Anthony,

but I'm assuming you understand

this has to be completely confidential.

- Goes without saying.

- Well, I'm not sure if you're aware,

but the Hollywood sign has been replaced more than once.

- Oh, yes, I am.

- Right, you knew that.

- I love this town.

If someone breaks wind, I wanna know it.

- Which is why we're bringing you this first.

The Hollywood Sign Commission

are considering replacing the sign again this year.

- Ever since the press leak,

the commission has been a little jittery.

- What press leak?

- Last week, in the Hollywood Journal.

- Oh, waiter.

- Yes, sir.

- You got a copy of last week's Hollywood Journal?

- You see, they didn't want this getting out

until the deal has been agreed.

- This must have happened while you were in London.

- There you go, sir.

- They know that sign is gonna be worth

a small fortune to the right bidder.

Now they see this as a way of safeguarding their future.

- Like Paul says, they wanna have a deal in place

before they make the announcement.

- So um, what are they asking for?

- They're asking for sealed bids.

- 12 specially chosen dealers

are being given the opportunity

to bid in secret for the original sign.

Winner takes all.

- And ah, you're one of those 12 dealers?

- That's why we're here.

- Sealed bids, I hate doing business that way.

- Unless you don't put your bid in

until you've seen everyone else's first.

- You've got somebody that can give us that information?

- I've got a man on the inside.

We think the top bids will be around

four to five million dollars.

We give our man a blank sheet of paper.

He checks the bids,

tops it by a hundred dollars or so and seals it.

- What's in it for you?

- 20% of your bid as a finder's fee.

- 20% of five million dollars?

That's a hell of a lot of money.

- Yes, it is.

- I think I'd like to talk with the man on the inside.

- No, I'm sorry, but his identity is strictly confidential.

- Too bad, maybe see you around.

- Huh?

- If I don't see the man on the inside, there is no deal.

There's no other way it's gonna happen.

- I'll arrange it for tomorrow.

Just want you all to know, all right?

This, this is just the start, all right.

This is the first step on the road to greatness.

You see, I think Mickey, personally, was holding us back.

- Oi, steady!

- As your new leader...

- Ah, hold on!

How did you get to be leader?

- Well, obvious, innit?

- No.

- Well, haven't we got a say in all this?

- A new leader, even a temporary one, has to be elected.

- Well, I'm bang up for that.

Okay, hands up who picks me?

- Well ah, I don't personally think we need a new leader.

- No, nor me.

- Look, Mickey's gonna be gone for months, isn't he?

All right, who's gonna make the big decisions?

- Well, why can't we do that together?

- Yeah, I mean, what about a democracy, huh?

- No, we can't.

- Why not?

- Tell 'em, Albie.

- Well, strictly speaking, he's right.

Why, because when it comes to the crunch,

you see, we need a single voice.

- Yeah, single voice, see.

- Now, the question is who?

- Hello?

- Albie!

- No, no, no, no.

Rule me out, my dear.

Thank you very much though.

- Well, after Albie, I would say Ash.

You have the most experience.

- Hello?

- Yeah, but Stacie's got the brains.

- Well, this is true.

- Yeah, am I missing something here?

- Danny is the inside man though, isn't he?

- Well, I tell ya what.

Why don't we have a trial period, you know?

- What?

- Well, let's see how this job goes,

and at the end we'll have a vote.

- Yeah, okay.

- Sounds fair to me.

In the meantime, in case you've forgotten,

we have a con to work tomorrow.

- I'm going to lunch, Janet.

I have a meeting with the BBC from London.

They want to interview me.

I'll be back around 2:30.

- Yes, sir.

- Yeah, that's him.

- All right, let's go.

- Hello.

- Hi, how can I help?

- Who's this vision?

Janet, lovely Janet.

Hello, darling, Paul Garrett, BBC,

here to interview Mr. Hamilton?

- Yeah.

- I'm sorry, he's just left for lunch.

- Ah now, he'll be with Yvonne.

We can set up while he's doing that, can't we?

- Excuse me?

- Sorry, love, we're the crew for the interview.

Here to set up the lights, the camera, all that toot.

- Yeah, did we decide on the boardroom or his office?

- I think we went for the office, didn't we?

He wanted to look a little bit more industrious.

- Yeah, don't they all?

- I'm sorry, he never said anything to me about this.

- Yeah, well, that's bosses for you, innit?

I mean, my governor never tells me anything.

- Never.

- See, I can be on a job, right,

and he phones me up asking me why I'm not somewhere else.

I said to him, "You know, I can't be there

"if you don't tell me, can I?"

- Can't be two places at once.

- Of course I can't, no.

- No way.

- No, no, no.

- No.

- We don't actually need him here anyway.

- We can set up while he's at lunch with Yvonne.

- Of course we can.

- Have you met her yet?

- No.

- Ooh, blimey, right old battleax.

- Yeah.

- Interviewed, ah?

- Blair.

- Last week, had him in tears.

He had the Kleenex out.

- Terrible.

- Look, Janet, you did know about this interview?

- Well, yes.

- Janet, it looks like either your boss

or our boss screwed up.

Either way, it's left to us poor wage slaves

to sort this whole thing out

by showing the kind of decision-making and initiative

that they can only dream of.

So, you show us where his office is,

we'll tell him you saved the day,

and any luck, we should be out of here by tea time.

What do you say?

- I'm sure it will be fine.

The elevator's right there, third floor.

- Lovely, lovely.

Ah, when the producer and director turn up

in the next 10 minutes or so,

when they ask for Mr. Hamilton in here,

don't tell them he's not here, okay?

Because then he'll start spouting on about deadlines,

go off for another three-hour lunch.

We'll never see 'em again, will we?

- No, no, no.

- Be never-ending, innit?

- Never, never.

- So, you just send them up.

We'll sort them out, keep it all sweet.

What do you say?

By the way, you got great legs,

and it is such a waste you keeping them behind this desk.

All right, see ya, Janet.

- Excuse me, sir, a Miss Morgan called.

She asked me to tell you that she's on her way,

but she is running a few minutes late.

- Thank you.

- Hi.

- Hi, how can I help?

- We're here to see Mr. Hamilton.

He's expecting us.

- Oh, yes, ah, third floor, first office on your left.

- Thank you.

- So, just telling Richard that you're interested

in backing our bid for the sign.

- I can not be seen having this conversation.

- Well, I can vouch for Anthony.

- And I could lose my job.

- Mr. Hamilton, I don't wanna take up too much of your time.

I just need to know that if I choose to make a bid,

that it'll be successful.

- The bids are sealed.

If yours is the highest, you win.

- That's not what I asked.

- Just answer the man's question, please, Richard.

- I have a window of an hour between collecting the bids,

and them being presented to the board.

- During which time, they can be massaged a little.

- Now we have a new problem.

Since the press started nosing around,

we've had to bring the day forward.

The board wanted to present this to the city as a done deal

when they meet the day after tomorrow.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on a minute.

You said we had two weeks.

- It's out of my hands.

It's political now.

Your bid needs to be in by 10 a.m. the day after tomorrow.

- Look, change of plan, they don't like the room,

so they're gonna shoot it outside,

with the sign in the background.

- Well, what do I tell Mr. Hamilton?

- Tell him we'll be in touch.

- Oh, Mr. Hamilton, the BBC were here.

They said there's been a change of plan.

- Well, tell them instead of wasting my time,

if they wanna see me,

they can come here instead.

- I wanna know what you've got

on this Hamilton guy.

- What do you mean?

- I have bribed and blackmailed and back-stabbed

my way into 30 million dollars,

and I can tell you,

you don't do that without recognizing the signs of a man

who is being forced into something he doesn't wanna do.

- Yeah, well, that's my business.

- No, it's not.

Not if I'm putting up five and a half million dollars plus.

- Wow.

I can certainly see how you got his undivided attention.

You guys play dirty.

I like that.

- He's got a wife and four kids.

He's more frightened of her seeing these

than he is of the commission

finding out he's fixing the bids.

- Who is the girl?

- I am.

Hello, you must be Anthony.

- Now, this is Rachel and she's our ace in the hole.

- Well, I am pleased to make your acquaintance.

But what I don't understand

is why have they kept you hidden?

- Well, I think they were waiting to see

if I needed to work on you.

- Hell, now you tell me.

- All right, you two, knock it off.

Plenty time to play when all of this is done.

- I'm having an engineer flown in

to take a closer look at the sign.

- Why?

- Well, I am having the sign taken down

and shipped to Texas.

Now I'm gonna need somebody to show me how to do that.

- All right, I'll talk to Hamilton.

- So we're done?

- Yeah, we're done.

- See you in the morning, fellas.

- Shit, well, we're gonna need to get permission.

- And how?

- I am so sorry.

- It was inconvenient.

- I know and that's why I insisted

that I come here in person.

What must you think of us?

- So, the interview has been canceled?

- Oh, ah, no, heavens no, but I told them.

I said there is no way that you would want to be involved

after being treated so shoddily.

So they've got someone from the chamber of commerce

as a last-minute replacement.

- The chamber of commerce?

- I know, very much second best,

but we have to have something before we leave tomorrow.

I mean, if I thought, just for one second,

that you'd still be interested,

I would leap at the chance.

It's such a bloody shame too,

because, well, it's going to be quite a big documentary.

It'll be run across most of the world.

Even some of the networks over here have shown an interest.

- Well, ah, misunderstandings happen.

I understand that.

- Are you saying that you might still be interested?

- I think so.

- Oh, this is wonderful!

They'll be absolutely thrilled!

- So, do you know which of the networks are interested?

- All of them, I think.

Hello, Michael, you're not going to believe this,

but Richard has agreed to do the interview after all.

I know, isn't it fantastic?

Oh, ah, I'll just check.

Um, they want to do it up by the sign,

get a shot of you standing under it like a guardian angel.

- I could ah, maybe lean against the H.

- H for Hamilton, perfect.

That's fine, Michael.

Go ahead, you make the arrangements.

Okay, toodle pip.

Right, 8:30 tomorrow morning for your makeup call.

- Okay.

- I need to send a small crew up ahead of us,

just to get things ready.

Do you think you can arrange that?

- I'll have Janet give you passes when you leave.

- Super!

- Well, you've got to hand it to Danny,

he's pulled out all the stops.

- Well, I never doubted he would.

- You know, we're gonna get the leader thing again

at the end of all this?

- Listen, if he pulls this off, he deserves it.

- Yeah, but we can tease him

for a bit longer first, can't we?

- Absolutely, yes.

- All right, do you know anything else, mate?

Only it's been music from the movies

two nights in a row now.

I mean, I know we're in Hollywood, great,

but you can have too much of a good thing, bleedin' hell.

Come on, then.

- What?

- Admit it, admit that I am a genius.

- No, you've ah, you've done good, Danny.

- No, no, I want the whole thing.

I want a sentence including the word genius.

- You're a genius.

- Yeah, I know.

- You've come a long way.

- Just one question.

If I was leader, do you think that Stacie would shag me?

- What?

- Play my favorite for me.

- I don't think he's gonna like that.

- Oh, never mind him.

So, we all set for tomorrow?

- Don't worry, babe.

All up here, boxed off.

- Good.

Ash, haven't you forgotten something?

- Good morning, fellas.

- Hey, how are you doing?

- Rachel.

- I just wanted to see it close up.

I hope you don't mind.

- Hell, no, it can only improve the view,

as far as I'm concerned.

- Well, there she is, beautiful thing.

Great, let's go.

- Ah, can we hold on a minute?

I'm waiting for that engineer I told you about.

He had an errand to run.

Otto, everyone, this is Otto.

I have the big ideas, he makes them happen.

Wow, this is something.

- Yes, it is.

This time tomorrow, it could be all yours.

- Westley's Hollywood.

- It has a nice ring to it.

- Have you seen enough?

- Maybe.

- Richard?

- That's right.

Are you with the BBC?

- I've come to make you beautiful.

- Didn't like him much before.

Can't wait to take his money now.

- He's playing the big man,

but I've got him stitched up like a kipper.

Okay, what do you say we go back to the hotel,

grab a few beers,

have a bit of a celebrate?

- And what would we be celebrating, exactly?

- You having the winning bid at 11 o'clock tomorrow.

- Well, I can understand why I'd be celebrating,

but ah, where do you fellas come in?

- Not with you.

- That's exactly right.

- What?

- I want to thank you so much though for taking me this far.

I couldn't have done it without you.

- All right, hang on a minute.

What're you saying the deal is off?

- I guess I am.

- But what about the sign?

- Oh, I'll put my bid in,

but I don't need you to control Hamilton.

I can do that myself,

and I can save myself a hell of a lot of money.

- No, no, no, I've got Hamilton.

- Uh huh, Otto.

The errand that Otto was running

was going to your hotel room,

and finding the photos and the memory card.

- You cheating bastard.

- Oh, thank you, thank you very much.

You see, that's how I got to where I am.

Let's face it, no one ever accused me of being nice.

- I don't believe that!

- So much for having him tied up in knots.

- Now don't blame yourself, Danny.

Like the poet said, shit happens.

- Yeah, well, I'm not giving up.

- There's nothing we can do.

- Yes, there is!

There's always something you can do.

- Leave it, Danny.

- What's he gonna do?

- Danny?

- Shit.

- What are you doing?

- Why take the pictures?

- I don't understand.

- He takes the pictures so he can do his own deal.

- So?

- He still thinks Ash is Richard Hamilton!

- Now, just a few more minutes,

and I'll have you looking like Orlando Bloom.

Oh, excuse me, dear.

Hello!

- Are they ready for me yet?

- Ash, get back to the Sign Commission.

- I'm so sorry, love.

They're on their way down for you now.

I'll ah, I'll just go,

and park the car out of the way, all right?

Yes.

- Come on.

Hello, Janet, this is Yvonne Morgan.

Yeah, he's doing terribly well.

Thing is, he's just remembered he asked a chap

by the name of Anthony Westley

into the office this morning for a meeting.

Could you ask him to wait?

- All right, I'll tell him.

- Thank you.

- Anthony Westley, I'd like to see Mr Hamilton.

- He's just stepped out, if you'd care to wait.

- Mr. Hamilton.

- Oh, it's you.

I'm sorry but I've got nothing to say to you.

Janet, I'm going straight back out again.

Cancel all my appointments.

- But...

- If anyone asks, you haven't seen me, okay?

- I think you're going to want to hear

what I have to say to you.

- But, um, but I...

- I really think you should listen to me.

I have the photographs.

- It's too late, she knows.

- Excuse me?

- My wife, she knows.

So you and your friends can go screw yourself.

- Did he go for it?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Great, okay.

Let's give him a couple of hours to stew on it,

then we'll kick off with plan B.

You and Stacie get set up.

- Hello.

- I have a proposition for you if you're interested.

I'm with Hamilton.

We're at the Sunset Vista Motel.

He's gone to get some alcohol.

- Does Paul know you're here?

- Of course, this was his idea.

- I thought so.

- He's not very happy with you.

- Well, you can't blame a fella for trying.

- He understands that too.

- So what's the deal?

- Hamilton's a mess.

His wife threw him out.

- Oh, now how did that happen, I wonder.

- Paul said you were clever.

We had one more photo.

We sent it to his wife.

Paul guessed he'd come running to me and he did.

- Well, that puts you in the driver's seat.

- I can make sure he goes back into work tomorrow morning

and deals with the bid just like we planned.

Only this time, we need to give him

a slightly different motivation.

- And?

- I've convinced him that we can start a new life,

move away from here, set up home,

and for that we'll need cash, lots of it.

He'll make sure your bid for the sign wins just like before.

You'll give us the finder's fee in cash, $500,000.

- Oh, let me guess, huh?

When you get your hands on the money, you're gonna dump him?

- Just as soon as I can.

- Oh, you are nasty.

I love that in a woman.

Richard, good to see you.

- Honey, I've talked to Mr. Westley.

It seems we might still be able to come to some arrangement.

- I ah, I want the money in cash tomorrow morning,

before I go into the office.

- Hold on now.

You want me to give you the money

before you go to the office to check out the bids?

How in the hell do I know

you won't just high-tail it out of town?

- I guess that's just a chance you'll have to take.

- For half a million dollars?

Not a chance in hell.

- Take it or leave it.

- I'll leave it.

- Okay, what is it you want?

- I bring the money to the office.

- Are you crazy?

- I'll give it to you in the parking lot,

then I can watch you go in and make sure you don't leave.

- He's not gonna let me or the money out of his sight.

He's gonna watch me go in the front.

- And you can be sure that Otto the sidekick

will be waiting at the back.

- All right, so I gotta get you and the money

out of the building without Westley seeing us?

- Well, just make sure he doesn't come after us

when he finds out Ash is gone.

- Yeah, not to mention not getting the Hollywood sign.

- Ah, I just don't think there's any way through this.

- Yes, there is.

- Face it, Danny!

Things haven't gone smoothly, have they?

We've just lurched from one disaster to another.

- It ain't where you start, Stace, okay?

It's where you finish.

- Yeah, yeah, in jail at this rate.

- Well, thanks for the vote of confidence.

I got you this far, ain't I?

You know, I've got a bloke on the other side of town

bringing us half a million dollars tomorrow.

- Whoa, whoa, Albert, what do you think?

- All right, it's been a rough ride,

but remember it was Danny's imagination

that brought us here in the first place,

and kept us in the game when things went wrong.

Look, it always boils down to the same two things.

You roll the dice or you walk away, that's it.

- Well?

- Well, it was different when Mickey was here, wasn't it?

We always knew everything would come good.

- All right, thanks for the vote of confidence.

You stop the car!

- Danny!

Danny!

Danny!

I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

- No, it's not.

- Yeah, it's...

- No, it's not.

I shouldn't have said that.

- No, you're right.

You're right, Stacie.

I am just a jumped-up short-con player.

You know, the truth is,

I'm completely out of my league here.

I used to dream about all this.

Leading my own crew, calling the shots, making the plays.

I don't know, Mickey, he just made it look so effortless.

- And so do you.

- Yeah, right.

- Look, you're not as smooth as Mickey,

and things aren't as well planned,

but you're still a bloody genius.

- When you say not as smooth...

- Danny, I'm being serious.

- You know, if I'm so good,

how is it that I haven't got a single clue

about what we're gonna do tomorrow?

- You will when it matters.

- You go around the back and make sure he's not coming out.

Here's my bid.

- Have you got the money?

- Here.

What the hell is going on?

- I don't know.

They must've caught him tampering with the bids.

- What?

- They've caught him!

- He paid me!

Take his fingerprints, it'll be on the money!

- They've got my money?

- Don't.

- He made me, it's him!

- I'm getting out of here.

- Anthony Westley, there he is!

- I've never seen that man before in my life.

- Don't mind him, sir.

Get in the car.

You can tell us about it down at the station.

- I thought you were gonna be in there all day.

- Yeah, well, as soon as my doctor here

told them about the mix up with my medication,

they ah, they couldn't wait to get rid of me.

- God bless America.

- Well, you actually bloody did it.

- Hi, I'm just waiting for someone.

- Weren't you here the other day with the film crew?

- Must have been my brother from England.

- How do I look?

- Just like Jell-O on springs.

- Cheers, boys.

- Please, please, please, please, please, please, sir.

You're upsetting my daughter, look.

- With a face like that, she deserves to be upset!

Looks like a pan of fried assholes.

- Please, sir!

- Call the police!

Call them because this man is disgusting.

- Oh, my God, but you're lovely.

Oh, God, the love of my life

has just walked into the room, mm.

- That's the guy.

- It's not my fault.

She made me do it.

- I didn't!

- She paid me!

- All right, sir, just calm down.

- No, no, it was him.

Anthony Westley, he made me do it.

I'll tell you everything.

- I never saw him before in my life.

- And that's not a woman.

That's a man, yeah.

He made me do it.

I'll make a statement.

- All right, that's enough.

- He made me do it!

- That's enough, turn around!

- They're all con men!

- I said, turn around.

- They all made me do it!

They paid me to steal the sign!

- Bob, grab the case.

Settle down!

- Get your goddamn hands off me!

- They must've caught him tampering with the bids.

- What?

- They caught him!

- They've got my money!

- I'm getting out of here.

Anthony Westley, there he is!

- I've never seen that man before in my life.

- You know, you are talking to a man

who has laughed in the face of death,

sneered at doom and chuckled at catastrophe.

- What?

- The Wizard Of Oz.

- Ah, well, in that case there is no place like home.

- I have to hand it to you, Danny,

that was bloody genius, mate.

- Yes, it was, wasn't it?

- I called his hotel.

They said he got a car to the airport.

- Yeah, well, you should've seen his little face

when the police pulled Ash out.

- Yeah, well, couldn't happen to a nicer bloke, could it?

- Ah, there is one other little thing we've got to sort out.

- What's that, then?

- Well, I seem to remember we did say

that we'd sort out the leadership after we'd done the deal,

and as Stacie's now sitting next to half a million big ones,

I thought now might be a good time.

- Ah, here we go.

- No, come on, fair is fair.

Did I or did I not deliver the goods?

- Yes, you did, yes.

- Okay, all those in favor of me being elected leader,

please put your hands up.

- Only joking!

- Well, I'll make that unanimous then.

- Yeehaw, come on, Danny!

You're the one!

- Sit down, for God's sake.

Well done, Danny, well done.