Original subtitles

- So when's it gonna be ready, Albert?

- He's picking up the bank draft later today

and we're going to meet him at his hotel

tomorrow morning at 10:30.

- Great.

Ash?

- Yeah, we're set.

We just have to pick the painting up on our way.

- No loose ends?

- Can I ask something?

Only, if he's doing the pickup today, yeah,

why are we waiting until tomorrow?

- Because that's what we arranged with him.

- Yeah, but, Mick, I mean that's just more time

for things to go wrong, innit?

Okay, listen up, gang, this is what I propose.

All right, we'll give him a call,

say there's been a change of plan, we do the pick up today.

- We don't deviate from the plan.

It makes the mark suspicious.

- So that's it, is it, end of discussion?

- Yes, Danny, come on, we've got a day off.

Relax.

- Cards, anyone?

- A picnic? - Picnic?

- It's sunny outside.

- No, no, no, I don't do sun.

- Dice then?

- We haven't got any dice.

- I just- - Happen to have some with me.

- You're incorrigible, Albie.

- Thank you, my dear.

- A drink?

- Frozen margaritas.

- No ice. - No ice?

- The ice machine made a strange, kind of,

gurgling sound and then it went poosh, died.

- The ice machine.

- Yeah, by the time I fix it, it'll still be half an hour

before we get any ice, wouldn't it?

- Shop on the corner sells bags.

- Okay, come on, then.

- Can I ask you something? - No.

- Only unless I'm missing something,

you don't seem to get much in the way of female company.

- I do all right. - When?

- When I'm as far away from you as possible.

- That makes sense.

I mean, they ain't gonna want to shag you

once they've seen me, are they?

- Shut up, Danny.

- So what do you reckon, then, I mean, on average?

Once a month, twice? - Is there a point to this?

- No, just making conversation.

You see, I get loads.

- You?

Yeah, well you get loads 'cause you're not

as choosy as I am.

- Hey, mate, it's all the same when the lights are out.

- You really believe that, don't you?

- All right, all right.

What do you look for in a bird, then?

- Wit, elegance, femininity.

- Me too, and if they've got

a humongous pair of jugs, bingo.

- Is that how you see women, as sex objects?

- No, I mean, you know, if they like football

and they can iron a shirt as well,

that is always a result, innit?

- Okay, okay, I have to walk with you,

but I do not have to listen to you.

- Suit yourself.

All I'm saying is, I'm obviously

more attractive to the opposite sex.

- Fine.

- So you agree with me? - If it will shut you up, yes.

- I mean, I may not be the most attractive bloke in the

world, I'll grant you that, but what I've got is twinkle.

- Twinkle?

- Yeah.

Did you know that people make their mind up on you based on

what they see in the first two seconds?

- Yes, of course.

- So they see my twinkle, and bosh.

- That's the Danny Blue method of attracting

the opposite sex, is it?

Twinkle, bosh.

- Works for me.

- No, Danny, you work strictly on the law of averages,

which states that if you ask 100 women to sleep with you,

the probability is you'll get laid 3.7 times.

- I think I had a .7 on Sunday.

- Yeah, I rest my case.

- So, what you saying then?

- What I said half an hour ago,

I'm simply choosier than you are.

- You mean, you ain't getting any?

- I will not discuss my sex life with you.

- That's 'cause you ain't getting any.

- No, Danny, it's because I have a little more respect

for the women I spend time with.

- I bet I've got a bigger willy than you.

- Please, let this day end.

- I'll be mother, shall I?

- Yeah, and actually, Mickey, it's not 3.7 times.

- What?

- No, you see, 'cause that's not even 4%.

- Whatever.

- More like 90%.

- If you say so.

- Yeah, and the other 10 are lesbians.

- Oh, God.

- What are you two bickering about?

- The usual.

- A few home truths, Albert, that's all.

- Yeah, Danny's version of the truth

is a world away from everyone else's.

- Whatever.

- Of course, you know what these disagreements

are really about.

The curse of every grifter's crew I've ever met.

- Well, what's that?

- Happens throughout nature.

You have the leader, then the young bucks come along

and make their challenge.

- Yeah, well, Mickey's our leader, that's understood.

- Hello, did I miss the vote?

- We don't need a vote.

- Of course in the old days, these things were settled,

order was restored within the crew,

so it didn't affect the con.

- What, like a duel?

Pistols-at-dawn sort of thing?

- Almost, yes. - I'm up for that.

- If the top grifter's authority was challenged

by someone in the crew, there was a test.

- What kind of test?

- The Henderson Challenge.

- The Henderson Challenge?

You've never mentioned this before.

- It never came up.

- So what is it exactly?

- In the '20s and '30s in New York,

there was a long con player called Charles Henderson.

Legend has it that he met up

with a short con player, Simon Devlin.

Well, Henderson took him under his wing

and they began working together.

And that's when it started.

- What started?

- They began arguing about who was the better grifter.

So Henderson issued a challenge.

They were both dropped off

in the middle of New York at noon.

Naked.

- What?

- Naked?

- As the day they were born.

Henderson and Devlin agreed to meet

that very evening at 6:00 p.m. to compare spoils

and see who'd accumulated the most.

- That's brilliant, that's brilliant.

Let's do it.

- Oh, God, he's serious.

- Why not?

If it's good enough for Henderson and thingamajig,

it should be good enough for us, shouldn't it?

- But we don't have to prove who's the better grifter.

Everybody already knows that.

- Come on, I'm issuing you a challenge.

You and me.

- What about the rest of you?

Do I have to prove myself to you, too?

- Ha, see?

Even they know I've got you beat.

- Okay.

When do we start?

- You have one hour until noon.

All right, the rules.

You'll both be dropped off together.

- In the nude.

You have to be back here by 6:00.

Whoever shows the biggest gain, wins.

- Who counts?

- I do.

I estimate the price of jewelry, clothing

and the like, according to quality.

- Can we use anyone else?

- Yes, but you can only phone in for help

when you're ready to work the con

and they can only assist you

but they can't initiate or suggest cons of their own.

Questions?

Well, team, it looks like by 6:00,

you'll have a new leader.

- I doubt that.

- Oh, we'll see.

- Anyone got a camera?

Ready?

- Where are we?

- Don't worry, I found you a nice, quiet little spot.

- Gentlemen, you have six hours.

Three, two, one, go.

- Shit! - Shit!

- Get out of the way!

Hey!

Hey!

Hold on.

Hold up, mate, hold on, hold on.

Go, go, go.

- Where to?

- Anywhere, just go.

Her old man's coming, he's got a baseball bat.

He just caught us in bed.

I've just had to leg it down a drain pipe. Go!

Go, son, go.

He's coming, he's coming!

- They're only me gardening clothes.

I go over to the allotment when I clock off.

- That's all right, son.

It's just a job, isn't it?

- Big bloke, was he? - Who?

- The bird's husband?

- Oh, massive, six foot, nearly seven, killer.

Listen, you take that.

You got a card or something?

I'll get this stuff back to you.

- No worries, it'll give me something

to tell the lads later.

- All right, mate.

Black cab stories, eh?

- Yeah, usually have to make them up.

- Be lucky, son.

- My mate.

Mate.

Pigeon's got you.

- Eh?

- Down your back, look.

- Oh, bollocks.

- Ain't it? - 600 quid suit.

- Take it off, take it off.

My mum's really good with this stuff.

All you need to do is, you run it under a cold water tap

for about 10 seconds and it should be as good as new.

Promise you, good as new.

Look, there, look, cafe around the corner.

Go on, go, go.

It's supposed to be lucky!

- Give us a bit of chalk, mate.

- Do you mind telling me what you're doing?

- Good morning to you, sir.

Ah, you shouldn't have to move

more than two or three tables.

I'm going to work all around you.

- What?

- Don't you worry about me, sir.

I'll have this done in two or three hours,

just as soon as the drill gets here.

- You can't drill here.

I've got people eating.

- Hey, I'll be as quiet as a mouse, sir.

Well, a big mouse the size of an elephant

with giant clogs on, I'll grant you.

And I'd let people know not to have the soup.

There's nothing worse than grit in your soup.

Gets stuck in your teeth and all.

Did you not get the letter?

Got a copy here somewhere.

Oh, you know what? I left it in the van.

I'll fetch it when the lads get here.

- No, I didn't get any letter.

- Oh, the post these days, horrendous it is.

You know, I sent my brother a birthday card three years ago,

he's still not got it.

Unbelievable.

Now, if you'll just give us a hand on the other side here,

sir, we'll get this out and we'll all be-

- No, look, just explain to me

why you're here and what you're doing.

- Effluent, sir, tons of the stuff.

More poo than you can shake a stick at.

Now, the plans say there's two access points.

I've got one here and the other around the corner there.

- Well, can't you use that one?

- No, no, no, sir.

That's only a minor access point, you see.

No, this is a much bigger access.

We'll open her up, we'll get right in there

to the poo, you see.

- For God's sake, man.

Can you please use the other access point?

- Oh, no, sir, can't do it with the other access point, no.

- I could make it worth your while.

- Glazer Street, mate, quick as you like.

- Who are you?

- Stripper, for the hen party, only I left the baby oil

and the helmet in the hotel room.

- Helmet?

- Fireman.

Look, they've booked you for the day, yes?

- Yeah.

- So they said you wouldn't mind going back to the hotel.

Come on, mate, I've got a dozen drunk women in there,

waiting to do things to a greased-up firefighter

that would make their husbands file for divorce.

You can go in there and tell them it's not happening,

but I wouldn't recommend it.

Move, come on.

- Well done, Danny, 50 quid.

You're cooking on gas, son, cooking on gas.

- Hello, police?

Oh, thank God.

I'm on Walton Place.

I've just seen someone with a gun.

No, I don't wanna give me name.

You hear these things, don't you?

Yeah, gangsters and all that.

Yeah, I got a good look at him, big black geezer,

looked like a right nutter in one of

those stretch limo things.

I've got the registration, if that's any help.

- Clear the vehicle!

Get your hands where we can see them!

Get down on the ground, put your hands above your head!

Get your hands on your head.

Do it!

- It's been ages.

Do you think they're dressed yet?

- Oh, I hope so.

It was not a pretty sight.

- Well, they've had an hour and a half,

my guess is they'll need a backup at any moment.

- Hello?

Danny.

Okay, I'll be there in 15 minutes.

He wants to work the Badger.

- It's a good start.

Solid.

Hello?

Mick.

Yeah, where are you?

Where?

Okay, yeah, I'll be right there.

Mick is in jail.

- If he doesn't want to play fair, that's fine by me.

At least I know where I stand.

- Oh, come on, Mick, you don't know for sure it was Danny.

Okay, so it was Danny.

You don't want to do this, do you?

- No.

No, I don't.

I'm a lot of things, Ash, but naive is not one of them.

I've known Albert a lot of years.

He doesn't do anything without very good reason.

- True.

Do you know what I think?

I think this is Albert's way of moving Danny up a step.

- Nah.

- No, he's always been He's always been fond of him.

Albert was the one who brought him in, remember?

- Danny's not ready to lead his own crew.

- No, well, not with me breathing down his neck,

but give him his head, he can be something special.

- Why do you want to beat him so much, anyway?

- You wouldn't understand.

- Well, try me.

- Do you have any idea, any idea what it's like

for a bloke like me to be a support act?

It's like getting Robbie Williams to warm up a crowd

for that little fat one on the piano.

- Elton John?

- No, old Gary whatshisbananas, you know,

the one who wrote all the songs.

- Yeah, but they hated each other, didn't they?

You don't hate Mickey.

- Hate him?

I bleeding love him, don't I?

- No.

- All right, son, hey, there's a quid down there.

All right, mate, all right, mate.

No worries, keep it.

- Danny? - God bless you.

When I was working the streets, right,

scraping a living, yeah, I used to dream of the day

I'd be working for the great Mickey Bricks.

And here I am.

- That's not enough for you now?

- No, it ain't, 'cause I want him to respect me as an equal.

And to do that, I'm gonna have to beat him.

- Maybe Albert's right.

This is Danny's time.

Okay, I'll play Albert's game, this Henderson Challenge.

But on my terms.

And if I lose, then I'll know it's time to move on.

- Oh, well, now you're getting all maudlin on me.

- No, no, no, I'm cool. Really, like any good grifter,

let's see where the dice fall.

- But if Danny wins, it's over?

- Yes.

- Yeah, but if you win, you'll be leader.

- I ain't gonna be leader, am I?

Mickey's always gonna be leader.

What I want is his respect, all right?

And to get that I need to prove myself

and this is the one chance I've got to do it.

'Cause nobody can beat me working short cons on the streets.

No one, not Mickey, not anybody.

And when I beat him, which I will,

well, I just think we'll be, you know, closer than ever.

- What, you mean, you'd really pack it all in if Danny won?

- The way I see it, there's no way I could stay.

What do you say, Ash?

One last time?

- See where the dice fall?

- And if we lose, we go.

- Don't you think you're gonna need more than a tie?

- It's not the tie I want, it's the bag, okay?

Take this, go and stand over there.

You're a Spanish tourist looking for something.

I'll point out the mark.

Off you go.

- Hola, senor.

Can you help me to Madame Tussauds?

It's, it's not here.

Ah, it's there.

It's there.

You're a good man.

Thank you for you to help me.

- What do you think?

- A definite improvement.

- Right, let's go and make some money.

- So, what's the plan?

- Well, Danny's the master of the short con.

So if we're going to beat him, I need to do what I do best.

- So what?

One big con?

- Probably our best shot.

- And where do we find a mark?

- I've got one I've been saving for a rainy day.

- So, who do you think is gonna win then, Albert?

- Hard to say, hard to say.

- Yeah, but you taught Mickey though, didn't you?

So you must think he's got the edge.

- Well, he's had more experience, but Danny is a natural

and a short con player.

That should help.

- So, this grifting thing,

don't you think you could teach anyone?

- Like who?

- Well, you know, someone like ah.

Well, someone like me, for instance.

- You? - Yeah.

- Okay, lesson one.

Give me 20 pounds.

- 20 pounds, right.

- Good.

Lesson two, tomorrow.

- Fancy a pop on that, do you, mate?

90 quid a go, 50 for the extras.

Very imaginative extras they are, too.

The old secretary in the old tinfoil stuff.

140 in cash, blimey, you're eager, ain't you?

Oi, where you going?

Here, here.

All right, you go up there.

First door on the left.

Get yourself nice and freshened up.

She'll be up in five minutes.

- Are you pimping on my patch?

Scum bag.

- No.

I'm a policeman, prostitution unit.

- You ain't no policeman.

- Yeah?

How do you know that then?

- 'Cause that's a store card from Burton's.

- Yeah?

Well, well, if I ain't a policeman, mate,

how come I've got a big helicopter up there?

- Danny, those hookers looked like they wanted to hurt me.

- No, don't worry.

They charge extra for that.

Come on, work to do.

- What I need to hook this mark is a moody stamp.

Who's the best man?

- Short notice, um, Pinky Wiezman.

- Ah, yeah, Pinky, okay.

I'll go see him, you find a hotel and set up the call.

- Okay.

- Now, this mark loves the deal.

So the fact that we haven't got much time

should work in our favor.

- Do you, ah, do you think this stamp thing's gonna work?

- Won't be able to resist it.

- There's the lady there.

Have a little look.

Gonna put her down.

Dig deep, dig deep in your pockets.

Who's going to have a little pop on that?

- Pinky.

Get your money out.

Dig deep, let's have a look.

Who's having a go on that?

Here we go.

All right, all right, all right, place your bets.

Let's find that lovely queen.

Mick, yeah, okay, I found one.

She's waiting for you to call,

but we need to get you an office.

- Two, possibly four, it really depends on

how we get going with it.

Possibly four, it really depends on

how we get going with it.

- Nigella Penning, please.

Hello Nigella, Allan Morris.

I understand you've just been

speaking to a colleague of mine.

- I didn't think that still worked.

- Yeah, well, it would have lasted a bit longer

if you hadn't started opening accounts for people.

- You know me, sweetie, I never know when to stop, do I?

- So what's next?

Knock Down Ginger?

- No, go and pick up my suit.

- Oh, Danny, my feet are killing me.

- You gonna moan all day?

- Yeah, well, I thought I might.

- Well, stop it.

It's very unattractive.

- All set? - Mmm hmm.

- So, what do we do now then?

- Relax.

- It doesn't bother you that we haven't

actually made any money yet?

- You know your trouble, Ash? - What's that?

- You worry too much.

- Yeah, well, you know one of us has to.

- Okay, another diversion.

- Where?

- Captain Birdseye over there.

- So sorry, I'm so silly.

Are you going to tell me what that was all about?

- I'll show you as soon as we've found a boat.

- A boat?

- The hotel's perfect.

There's a wine bar opposite so you can do

the business there out of the way.

Pinky will have the stamp ready by 5:30.

- Pushing it a bit, innit? - Makes it more fun.

- You're starting to enjoy this, aren't you?

- I'll tell you at five past six.

- What exactly are you looking for?

- That. - That's not a tourist boat.

- Yeah, well, it is now.

Come on then, let's be having you.

Your very own cruise down the river Thames.

We're gonna stop off at Buckingham Palace

and meet the Queen for tea.

- You are not serious?

- Deadly serious, they'll love it.

20 quid a throw.

- Well, what if the owner turns up?

- Oh, you'd better get on lookout then, hadn't you?

If you miss this darling, you'll miss the last bus home.

You wave at Prince Charles as him

and Camilla stroll hand-in-hand along the Thames.

For an extra fiver, he'll blow you a kiss.

You only have a 10 there.

You've got 160, that's nine of those purple ones.

That'll do, come on down.

What about you, sir?

- You have the cruise?

- Yes, sir, we have the cruise.

We have the cruise.

And we have as much sauerkraut as you want.

I've got 20 here.

Go on, son, off you go.

- That's very good. - Hmm?

- That 20 quid thing.

- Thank you.

- So what about lesson two, then?

Just to warn you, I'm not gonna fall for the same trick.

- Oh, well, I wouldn't expect you to.

In fact, here's your 20 back.

Now, just to make up for the last time,

I'm gonna teach you the Double Note con.

- The Double Note con?

But you mustn't repeat it to anyone

outside of the grifter community.

- No, I wouldn't.

- I'll need two notes.

Thank you.

- You've done it again, haven't you?

- Mmm hmm.

- I'll tell you what, this cruise thing

is a flaming goldmine.

- If you owned a boat.

- Listen, all's fair in love and war.

Tell you what, we are three grand to the good.

Add to that what we've already got,

there's no way he's got us beat.

- For once, I think you're probably right.

- Can't wait to see his face.

What do you think he's doing right now?

My guess is Mickey will stick to what he knows,

what he's best at.

- What, long con? - Makes sense.

- No way, there's no way he's going to find a mark,

hook him and close in six hours.

- This is Mickey Bricks we're talking about.

- Better check on Pinky.

- No, no, he'll be fine.

Time to check on Danny.

See how he's doing.

- So you reckon in one deal he's gonna wipe me out?

- That's where my money would be.

Hello?

Mickey.

Yeah, he's right here.

Okay, I'll ask him.

He says he and Ash are relaxing and wondered whether

you'd like to join them if you're not too busy.

- Relaxing?

- Tell him we're relaxing, too.

- He said we're relaxing, too.

- On account of we've got so much money, we can't carry it!

- I guess you heard that.

- Looking for a wheelbarrow!

- Okay, I'll tell him.

They're in a wine bar, about a mile away.

- What would you do?

- This is your game, Danny.

I'm just an observer.

- Okay, he's checking up on me.

He wants to see what I'm doing.

He wants to know what he's up against.

- Most likely.

- Let's not disappoint him, then.

Oh, we've had a blinding day, haven't we, Stace?

Absolutely blinding, smashing.

In fact, I'd say we must have double what you've got.

- That much?

- Yeah.

So, how much you got then?

- Nothing.

- Nothing. - Yet.

- Well, you ain't got much time left, have you, Mickey?

- Well, I've got enough, to beat you, that is.

- In your dreams, sunshine,

'cause I've done five grand easy.

Why don't you just admit it, Mick?

Just admit it, this time, I've got you beat.

- If you say so.

- You see what he's doing?

Giving that smarmy, I know something you don't know, stuff.

You can't kid a kidder, Mickey boy.

- Well, you see, while you've been running around

like a headless chicken, I've simply been sitting here

with a drink, waiting for the big one.

- The big one? - Mmm hmm.

- You're bluffing. - Okay, I'm bluffing.

- Mick.

- Sorry, we have to go.

I'll get this.

- No, it's all right, I'll get it.

After all, I have got more money than you.

- I insist.

- That's all right.

So do I.

- I'll flip you for it.

- Tails.

- Tails it is.

You win.

- Yes, I do.

Hey, hey.

Why don't um, why don't you keep this?

I mean, after all, your need is greater than mine.

- Come on, Ash.

- He's bluffing.

I want to follow him.

- What do you think?

- I think that maybe putting all our eggs in one basket

may have been a bad idea.

- Oh, now he tells me.

- Anyway, there's not much time.

Let's reel in this mark.

- What are we doing? - Spying.

- Wouldn't we be better just grifting some more money?

He's up to something.

- Of course he's up to something.

That is the general idea.

- Yeah, but what, though?

- I don't know.

- Who's she? - I haven't got a clue.

- She must be the mark.

And what's he doing?

What's in that case?

- This is ridiculous.

- Right, follow Ash.

See where he's going.

- What?

- Just do it, yeah?

Phone me when you know.

- Hey. - Sir?

- That bird over there, the one who just walked out

with the black geezer, do you know who she is?

- Are you a guest, sir?

- Oh, yeah, shove it in there.

- A Miss Penning, sir.

- Penning? - I believe so.

- What does she do then?

Do you know what she does?

- I understand she's a philatelist, sir.

- What is she doing, filly tilly?

What is she?

- She collects stamps, sir.

- Yeah, I knew that.

Stace, babe, go, where are ya?

- I'm in the taxi outside an art shop.

- Okay, what's he up to?

Come on, we're running out of time.

- Okay, so Ash has just bought a portfolio case thingy.

- Portfolio case, okay.

That's gonna be for the stamps.

Portfolio, stamps, portfolio, stamps.

Think, think, think.

If Mickey was looking for a moody stamp, where would he go?

Yes, yes.

Right, listen.

Forget Ash, okay?

Meet me there.

- It's shut. - What?

Pinky?

Pinky, it's Danny.

Danny Blue!

- He's not there.

- Where else could he be?

Let me handle this.

- As I've got no idea what you're doing, be my guest.

- Sorry, mate.

Hi, Pinky.

- Mr. Blue.

- That little deal you're doing with Mickey,

I've just come to do the pickup.

- Not now, the Shabbat service is about to start.

- It's really important, Pinky.

- Business is forbidden in the synagogue.

- Yeah, it's not business, is it?

'Cause you've already done the deal.

I'm just doing the pickup.

- Mickey said that Mr. Morgan was coming.

- What, Ash?

He, he's been held up.

- He definitely said I was to wait for Mr. Morgan.

- Yes, you see, that's the problem, you see.

There's been a change of plan.

I'm picking it up.

- I don't know.

Did you bring the money?

- Of course I brought your money, Pinky.

- Quickly then.

- What is it?

- It's a 10 shilling ultramarine, 1884.

- Yeah?

Take you long to knock it up?

- I don't knock things up, Mr. Blue, I'm an artist.

- Of course you are, Pinky.

So what's something like that worth then?

- To the right buyer, 20 grand.

- So how much did Mickey say he'd give you?

- Don't you know?

- I forgot.

- 3,000.

- Three grand?

I'll give you two.

- I'll wait for Mr. Morgan.

All right, all right, all right.

Here's two.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Here's a bag of sand.

Go on, son.

Don't spend it all at once, will you?

Taxi!

- Danny, quick.

- Yes, got him.

- Lesson three. - No, thanks.

- All right, how about a wager then?

- On what?

I'll bet you £10 that I can open this deck of cards

and make the jack of hearts leap out

and put an X on your forehead.

- All right, you've got to get rid of Mickey,

so I can get to the mark. - How?

- I don't know.

We've got 10 minutes.

- Well, why don't we just go back?

Mickey can't collect on his con,

which means that you've probably beaten him.

- No, probably is not good enough.

- Oh, look.

- Yes, yes.

That's Ash, telling him we got to Pinky first.

- Go, go, go, now.

- All right, listen, keep the engine running, son.

All right, darling?

- Do I know you?

- No, not yet you don't, no.

But I understand you've just been dealing

with a colleague of mine?

- I'm sorry?

- My colleague?

He's just taking a call.

- Mr. Morris?

- That's it, Mr. Morris.

Well, Mr. Morris is taking a call.

He won't be coming back.

He's asked me to fill in, take over the transaction.

- I see.

- Great.

Okay, here she is, little beauty.

You excited?

You look it, you should be.

Okay, sorry I haven't got the leather portfolio case thing.

That's all for show, innit?

Right, here she is.

Beautiful, innit?

Listen, I was thinking maybe after this,

we go for something to eat?

I know this great little place, Chinese.

All you can eat for 15 quid.

- What is it?

- Sort of a buffet style.

- This. - A stamp.

- Yeah, I can see that.

What's it for?

- Well, it's for you. It's the ultra dooby stamp thing

you ordered off my colleague Mr. Morris.

- I'm really not with you.

- All right.

You ordered a stamp, this stamp.

I'm delivering it and collecting the money.

- I'm sorry.

I really have no idea what you're talking about.

- Right, you collect stamps.

- No, I don't.

- Yeah, you do.

You're a filly tilly thing, ain't you?

- Whatever gave you that idea?

- 'Cause you got a deal with Mr. Morris.

- I'm selling him air conditioning units.

- What?

- So what?

One big con?

- Probably our best shot.

- So where do we find a mark?

- Well, I've got one I've been saving for a rainy day.

- Yeah, who?

- Danny.

Pinky, I need a favor.

A stamp, in three hours.

- Mick, yeah, okay, I found one.

Air conditioning, the Regional Sales Director

is called Nigella Penning.

- Nigella Penning, please.

Hello, Nigella, Allan Morris.

I understand you've just been speaking

to a colleague of mine.

Yes, about the contract for the Olympic Village in 2012.

Yeah, yeah, I know it.

In fact, there's a very nice wine bar opposite.

Why don't we meet there?

Okay, I'll see you there.

Hello, I'm looking for one of your guests, a Miss Penning.

- I'm sure that reception will be able to help you, sir.

- What are we doing? - Spying.

- She's a philatelist.

We're going to a stamp auction.

- Really, sir?

Well, if you ask them at the desk,

they'll put a call through to her room.

- Oh, no need, here she is.

- Nigella? - Yes.

- Allan Morris, we spoke on the phone.

- Very nice to meet you.

How did you know who I was?

- You have the look of a regional sales director.

Shall we step over the road and discuss the contract?

- Yes, of course, I've got some brochures with me.

- Excellent.

I'll just let my assistant know where we'll be.

- Is Pinky set up? - Yep.

- Okay, pick me up when you're done.

- Taxi! - Danny, quick.

- Yes, got him!

- All right, son, how did it go?

- Don't suppose you can tell me what all this is about?

- No, you ah, you don't wanna know.

- Come on, Mick!

- Danny!

- See, you never have a proper bet, do you?

- One with a 50-50 chance.

- All right, all right, all right.

Mickey and Danny are to return

to the apartment at 6:00, yes?

- Yeah.

- We have no idea who'll get back first.

I'll bet you £50 on who's the first to cross the threshold.

- I don't know.

- You said you wanted a 50-50 chance.

That's what you wanted.

- The first one in? - Yeah.

- Okay.

I pick Mickey.

All right, let's go and meet them.

- Yes.

- Michael, Michael.

Ladies first, ladies first.

- Of all the lying, cheating, double-crossing.

- I told you not to get involved,

but you couldn't leave it, could you?

- Yeah, that's not the point, is it?

All right, anyway, I reckon we've still got him beat.

- I take it you've had a successful day.

- Yeah, it was lovely, thanks, Albert, apart from

the last 10 minutes when his lordship started playing dirty.

- Is he still moaning?

- No, I'm just saying some of us, you know,

like to play fair, that's all.

- It's not the way you start, Danny, it's where you finish.

- What happened?

- Mickey conned Danny.

- Yeah, I was his bleeding mark.

- Imaginative. - A flaming liberty really.

- Did Nigella sell you any air conditioning units or-

- Very funny, Mickey.

- I knew he'd follow me.

- Yeah?

Well, I still beat you. - No, no, no, no, no.

You had five and I took three off you.

Oh, well, maybe I lied about the five.

What's this?

- Let's have a little tot up, shall we?

- Good idea, gentlemen.

- Mick.

Look, what we talked about, that's just you and me, right?

I say we forget it.

- I stand by what I said.

- If I'm being honest, mate, I think he's got us beat.

- Then so be it.

- All right, that's it!

Stacie, total up.

- Unbelievable.

- What, what, what? - Knew it'd be close.

- Yeah, how close?

- Mickey. £3,211 and 50p.

Danny, £3,212.

- Go on, my son!

Back of the net!

♪ Go, Danny, go, Danny, go, go, go ♪

♪ Danny you're the man ♪

Cheers, Mick.

- Really well played, Danny.

- Yeah, it was.

- Listen, Mick- - I have to say something.

- Mick. - No, Ash.

- What's going on?

- Mick, listen.

- No, please, please.

- And ah- - You haven't lost.

- No, if you wanna back out. - No.

Top pocket of your suit.

- Why don't, why don't you keep this, all right?

After all, your need is greater than mine.

All right?

Go on.

- That's mine, I gave it to him.

- Well, if you gave it to him, it's his.

- You're joking.

- So, Mickey is the winner of the Henderson Challenge.

- So, what do you reckon?

Shall we stick around a bit longer then?

- Yeah, why not.

- See, hang on, you mean I've lost from 50p?

And my bloody 50p at that?

Well, that will teach you for being so flash then, won't it?

Your need is greater than mine.

- I was gonna let you be the leader anyway.

- Oh, yeah, right.

- No, no, no, he was.

Danny, why don't you tell him what you told me?

- Yeah, all right, shut up, Stace.

- No, no, no, go on, what? - Don't you dare, Stacie.

- He said that he loved you. - Aww.

- Yeah, well, you know, as a fellow grifter and all that.

- For what it's worth, Danny, I love you, too.

- Do you?

- Aww. - Sweet.

- So, Albie, are you going to tell them now or shall I?

- Tell us what? - Yeah, I think you should.

- What's going on? - Albert?

- Well, I must admit to a degree of misrepresentation.

- How so?

- Well, you're two very talented young men

and I have a great deal of affection for you both,

so what started out to be a frivolous wager turned in,

at least I hope it did, to a valuable lesson.

You must recognize each other's strengths

and not be threatened by them.

Hence, the Henderson Challenge.

- What about it?

- It never happened.

- There never was a Henderson or a Devlin.

- Not in New York or anywhere else.

- I don't understand.

- Albie, I think you should come clean.

- A drink? - Frozen margaritas.

- No ice.

- Shop on the corner sells bags.

- Okay, come on, then.

- How about a friendly game of blackjack?

- No such thing with you, Albert.

- Three card brag?

- Albie, no one wants to play with you, because you cheat.

- I'll arm wrestle you.

- Oh, now you're desperate.

- Well, just a little action,

I mean, something to pass the time.

How about a wager?

- Oh, yeah.

- Listen, £300 says I can get Michael

and Danny in the center of London,

as naked as the day they were born by 12:00 noon.

- Oh, my God. - Genius.

- I don't believe, you set us up.

That's what this was about.

I thought-

- Michael, Michael, I know what you thought.

But I'm afraid your education has a while to run yet.

Grifting is the sweet art of the con.

But the sweetest con of all is to con another grifter.

Someone who should know better.

- So I got conned twice.

- Danny, Danny, no one, and I mean no one,

could've hustled what you hustled today.

- Yeah.

- And I knew that.

That's why I had to do what I did.

- Yeah.

- It was the only way I could win.

- You're right, Mick, you're absolutely right.

But what you did was brilliant.

It was better than brilliant.

It was flaming genius.

- Aww, they're making up.

- Hey, if you wanna be leader for a while, go ahead.

- Yeah?

- Danny, ladies and gentlemen, Danny.

- All right, first things first, sleeping arrangements.

- Oh, Danny.

- I'm joking.

All right, listen, I'm happy exactly where I am.

Take over, Captain.

- Hello?

Yes, Peter, we'll see you tomorrow morning, 10:30.

Right.

Mark has the money.

- Yeah!

Come on, then, drinks.