Original subtitles

- Where's Danny?

- I dunno, he disappeared just after we took off.

- Here he is.

- Right, listen, it's been fun, hasn't it?

All right and I'm going to call you

just like I promised I said I would.

How's your head?

That's all right, listen, I'll call engineering,

I'll get that soap dispenser moved down a little bit,

it's dangerous, could have your eye out.

Okay, gotta go, big kiss.

There it is, go on.

- Finished?

- Yeah, just having a flashback.

- Ash, get us a car.

- Right.

- So that's where you disappeared to.

- Well, there's something about trolley dollies,

it must be all that makeup.

- Three hours?

- Eh?

Oh, no.

No, the last two, I was flying the plane.

- Nice place.

- Start as you mean to go on.

- Mick?

- Look I don't care if he does know the Chancellor,

the price is still nine million, non-negotiable.

Hold.

Yes?

- There seems to be some confusion over the reservation.

- Oh?

- There wasn't one.

- Janet?

- Well, I called this morning to confirm.

- I'm sure it was just an oversight,

our reservations clerk is new,

so new in fact, she forgot to swipe your credit card.

- And you are?

- I'm the manager.

- Oh, yes, Nigel.

- Yes.

- Well Nigel, I will see to it right away.

- Well, if I could just take a card...

- Oh, excuse me, yes, I'm still here,

yes, and the price is still the same.

Would you hold please?

Nigel, thank you for dealing with this matter personally,

I will get right on it.

- Right, thank you.

- No problem.

Okay, let's do what we do best.

- So let me get this straight,

what you're telling me is

you're going to take my 100,000 in cash,

do your little share scam thing

then bring me back half a million in five days,

is that right?

- Guaranteed but we'll have to be quick.

Crown Offshore find out that we've manipulated their stock

we'll be dead in the water.

Come on, think about it, Howard,

a guaranteed minimum return of 500%, no risk, no fuss.

- It sounds fantastic.

- It is.

Your competitors will be sick when they find out

how much money you've made on the deal.

- And you're willing to let me in?

- First name on my list.

- Half a mil, one hit.

- No questions asked.

- Oh, I've got a question.

- Shoot.

- Where on my forehead does it say cash dispenser?

- I'm not with you.

- Really?

Let me spell it out for you,

as you're clearly not the sharpest tool in the box.

You tell me about this great deal you have,

guy on the inside, guaranteed returns, blah, blah, blah.

I give you a grand, you give me four back,

you with me so far?

I'll take that as a yes.

So now I'm three grand up, thank you very much, by the way.

You're three grand down

but you're hoping that's a good investment, why?

Because giving me three grand should convince me

to give you more, let's call it bait.

You all right, you look a bit peaky,

can I get you a drink or something?

No?

So, now I give you a suitcase full of money, cash of course,

after all, I can trust you, can't I?

You've already made me money.

Only this time you disappear,

simple, imaginative, what could go wrong?

Okay, that's it, deal's off, clear you don't trust me.

I suggest we call it a day.

- Oh but my money's here.

- No, no, I'll find someone who appreciates

what I'm offering.

- Oh, I appreciate it, really I do, please,

please take my money, do your magic thing one more time.

- Okay, look, you're 3,000 pounds to the good,

let's just leave things as they are.

- No, let's not.

Give this to the police.

- Oh, no.

- Well, what kind of welcome's that?

- It's the kind you get when you disappear

without paying your tab.

- We thought you'd be pleased to see us.

- Me accountant said I should bar you until you pay up.

- You've got an accountant?

- Yes.

So, you're all barred.

- Okay, Eddie, if that's the way you feel about it.

Hey, how about one last drink?

- For old times' sake.

- Okay, one drink.

- Cheers, Eddie, bring 'em over, oh and put them on a tab.

We got a lottery winner here.

- Hey, if you beat the odds of fourteen million-to-one

you deserve to keep your money.

- Right, this is your last drink, then you're all barred.

- You really should work on your customer service, Edward,

you're almost there.

- I save that for paying customers.

I suppose you've heard about Harry.

- Who?

- Harry Holmes, one of your lot, ain't he?

- Old-time grifter.

- Yeah, he's one of the best.

- What happened, Harry?

- Seems he was taken for 30,000 a few years back,

he remembered the sequence.

- So he took you for the convincer

and then turned you in.

- This is what I don't get, right.

Why didn't he just pocket your three grand and, you know,

let you walk away?

- Oh he loved it, you know?

Telling me how clever he was,

taped every conversation we had, then made a full statement.

- So who is he?

- A young high flier called Howard Jennings.

He's a property broker,

he finds land for the major developers to build on,

nasty piece of work.

I really thought I had him.

He's obsessive, always one step ahead,

has files on all his opponents,

checks everything out, nothing left to chance.

A rival company snatched a large parcel of land

from under his nose last month,

took a nine iron to his own desk.

- It's like he needs a course in anger management.

- Made worse when they discovered a cache

of old Roman coins during excavation,

worth a fortune, apparently.

Made him a laughingstock.

- Sounds like it couldn't happen to a nicer bloke.

- Do you need anything?

- No, thanks, Mickey, but I'm fine.

I appreciate you coming, though,

know it couldn't have been easy.

- Right, listen up, I say we take this Jennings bloke.

- We can't.

- Why not?

- Tell him, Ash.

- Well, he's clued up,

when some realize they've been conned,

they get obsessed by it, you know, research the subject.

- And if he knows enough to take convincer money

off a good grifter like Harry that's what he's done.

- Which means they can't be taken again.

- You can't con someone who knows when they're being conned.

- What, so you're saying this blokes too clever for us?

- Danny, the long con is a science,

it's about reason, covering all the angles,

leaving nothing to chance.

- Yeah but it's also about having the bottle to go for it.

- Look, any idiot can go for it

but a con artist takes the mark's money

and he doesn't even know he's been conned.

- Yeah, okay, okay but isn't it also about gut instinct?

What's Albert call it?

What do you call it, Albert?

Grift sense.

- Most of all it's about not taking unnecessary risks.

- All right, well let's put it out, let's ask the others.

- Leave me out of it.

- Just pretend I'm not here, all right?

- Thanks a lot, okay, let's let Albert decide.

- Well, on the surface, granted,

trying to con Jennings is a bad idea

but there's another challenge here, two styles of grifting.

One reasoned, well thought out, as Mickey says,

covering all the angles.

The other more intuitive, daring,

relying on one's ability to think on their feet.

Which is the best?

Hard to say, they each have merits of their own.

- See?

I got merits.

- Of course, the true con has elements of both.

- That's it, then, what Albert says, it's a challenge.

- What?

- We take the con, yeah, if it works, I win,

if it don't, you do.

- You don't think that's a little childish?

- No, Mickey, no, I don't, okay?

50p.

- What?

- 50p says that I can take him.

- 50p?

- Yeah, cash.

To con the un-connable mark.

- Okay, superstar, you have got yourself a bet.

- So we're actually gonna do this?

- Well, it looks like it, yeah.

- Tell them it's non-negotiable,

I want this loser sent down

for whatever the maximum sentence is.

He played the game, he lost, he pays the bill, end of.

- Very simple, just think, think it through.

- Look, Danny,

why do you always have to go out on a limb, eh?

- I dunno,

I just hear myself saying it, Ash, and then that's it.

Anyway, I'm in it now.

- Need any help?

- Me, no, no, thanks, no, I've got it all sussed.

I'm just really, you know, goin' through those fine details.

- I know what you're thinking.

- Do you?

- Yeah, you're thinking the most important thing

is to keep him away from the police, right?

I mean most marks don't report a con

because they think they've done something illegal.

- Yeah, that's right.

- But with Jennings, his reputation is the biggest thing,

he has to be seen as top dog.

- Brilliant, brilliant, it is, wow!

That's like you're in my head.

- So you're probably thinking of a way

to make him look stupid if he did go to the police, right?

- Right.

- Something that might ruin his reputation,

that sort of thing?

- Mm-hmm.

- Mm-hmm.

You know what?

That is really, really clever.

- Yeah, I scare myself sometimes.

Okay, okay, okay, I've got it!

Right, listen up.

Briefing back here, one hour, don't be late, thank you.

Let's make it two.

You see, whatever we do has to be so outrageous

that even if he knows he's being conned,

he ain't gonna go to the police

'cause he's going to look a prat.

Right, I got the idea from Harry,

Now you remember he said this Jennings bloke was miffed

'cause that other company found all them gold coins?

- Yeah, and?

- And, and, and, we sell him a piece of land

but we make him believe there's something under it.

- Such as?

- I read about this museum exhibition...

- You read something?

- Yes, thank you, Stacie, I can read, thank you.

Actually, Irish John told me about it.

Right, The Jubilee collection,

gold artifacts dating back to the Bronze Age,

found when they were extending the Jubilee line

into the East End.

- Oh yeah, I heard about that.

What they couldn't work out

was where all the gold came from.

- Thank you, Ash, I was just about to say that.

- Hold on, why couldn't the gold

have come from somewhere else?

- There are more likely sites in the Mendips or Wales

but as the M4 wasn't built for the next 5,000 years,

the chances are it was mined locally.

- Gold mine scam...

- Hello, hello, hello, thank you, this is my con.

- Wait a sec, we're going to sell this guy a gold mine?

In Central London?

- Why not?

- This is going to be the easiest 50 pence I've ever earned.

- Okay, yeah, all right but don't spend your money just yet

okay, 'cause that is the whole point,

the more outrageous it is,

the less he's gonna see it coming.

- Well, there's a twisted logic in there somewhere.

- No, no, no, he's got a point,

you know, I mean who'd be stupid enough

to try and sell a fake gold mine in the middle of London?

- There you go.

Harry told me Jennings reads The Telegraph.

So we mock up a copy for him,

now he must know about the collection, but let's remind him.

Phase two, the land itself.

Ash has found us a place.

15,000 square feet,

less than a mile from where the artifacts were found.

- Run as an old rag and bone yard for years.

Now the old guy...

- Thank you very much, yeah,

the old man is retiring, so he's willing to sell it to us.

- The agreement is we pay when we find a buyer.

- Okay, now I say we sell it to Howard

for twice what the land's worth.

We'll pack the old boy off on holiday to Bognor Regis,

so he's going to be out of our hair for two weeks.

- How do we convince the mark about the gold?

- All we gotta do is plant the seed,

just enough to get him to take a soil test

and then get a gold expert in for evaluation

and he, of course, will be one of us.

What do you think?

- I think if it had any more holes,

you could strain tea with it.

- Let's be honest, Mick,

you're just frightened of losing the bet.

- Uh, okay, so what's first?

- Ash, what about the office?

- Yeah, we'll be set up in a couple of days.

- Right, then that leaves nothing more

than for me to reel him in.

- What?

- Problem?

- Yes, Albert's the roper.

- That's how this works, we all do our own jobs,

Albert ropes, Stacie's the banker,

Ash is our fixer, and you and I play the inside.

- I know that, okay, and no offense, Albert

but we can't do this one by the book.

If Jennings knows all the moves,

we've got to invent new ones,

so no roper steering him to the inside man, no convincer,

I'm just going to dive straight in, whoosh.

- Whoosh?

- Trust me, he won't know what's hit him.

It'll work, Albert, all right, it will work,

just trust me on it, okay?

- Anything is possible.

- What, you think I'm out of me depth?

- Use that talent of yours and surprise us all.

And remember, your first meeting with a mark is crucial,

if you get off on the wrong foot,

you're beat from the start.

- Right.

- Cold read him, learn everything you can

before you say a word.

- Cold what?

- You do know about cold reading?

- Oh, cold reading, I know about cold reading, yeah.

- Well, how about a little refresher course?

- Well, if we've got time, I mean, yes, please.

- It's really very simple, follow me.

What do you see?

- Okay, right.

A bloke.

- More specific,

you've got to convince him that you're like-minded,

like two peas in a pod, that you could be his friend.

Now to do that, you need to know who he is,

to become a chameleon.

- Chameleon, okay, his name,

his name is Mark.

All right, okay, seriously, he's, well he's, he's divorced?

- Divorced, he sees his children on the weekends

at fast food restaurants,

he has to pay a fortune for the maintenance

and that's left him tired and stressed,

probably didn't cook before he left home,

consequently he's lost weight recently.

- No way, I'm not havin' that.

- Look at his socks, see?

Children.

And his nails, see the stress?

His skin.

- That's the fast food, yeah?

Okay, I'm having all of this yeah,

but how you telling me he's lost weight?

- Look at his belt, see the line, he's pulled it in a notch.

Mark, how are you?

Have you lost weight recently?

How are your lovely children?

- Guys, guys, it's all about staying one step ahead

of the competition, yeah?

You see what you want and you just...

- Go for it.

- It's not "go for it," Nick, it's get it.

- Yeah, I mean, that's what I meant.

- That site I had in Islington,

83-year-old tenant blocking the deal,

she wouldn't move because she was worried

her little cat wouldn't find its way home.

- That's wrinklies for you.

- So I ran over the cat, she signed within a fortnight.

See what you want, grab it by the balls.

- Off you go then.

- No, come on, she's probably waiting for someone.

- She's on her own, go on.

- Glass of shampoo, squire.

Oh, God, scenery's nice, isn't it?

Anyone tried to pull yet?

- Well Nick was just about to try his luck

but he bottled it.

- I told you, she's probably waiting for someone.

- Well, there is only one way to find out,

50 quid says that I pull it.

- Okay, you're on.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- All right, wish me luck.

- Not a chance.

- Hi, I'm a bit nervous, listen, don't worry,

I'm not trying to pull you, my boyfriend would kill me,

that's a joke, all right.

Listen, seriously, okay,

it's me mum's birthday, and I love her, I adore her,

I suppose what I'm really looking for

is a bit of womanly advice.

- Seems to be doing all right to me.

- Now, don't cry,

I had a girlfriend and I loved her

but she dumped me on holiday.

That's all right, thank you.

- Could've been you.

- Thank you.

50, weren't it?

- Pay the man, Nicholas.

- You know what I always say, Nichol-ass?

You see what you want, you grab it by the balls.

Tell you what, why don't I buy you all a drink?

- No, thanks, we have to be getting back, Howard?

- I think I'll stay for one more.

- See you back at the office, then.

- Yeah, see ya.

I hate a bad loser, don't you?

- Absolutely.

Howard Jennings.

- Paul Carrington.

- So, what do you do?

- Property.

- Property?

- Development, mostly.

I find the land, you know,

the boss flogs it to the highest bidder.

- What's the name of the company?

- Cityrise, you heard of it?

- No.

- Based in Manchester, just opened a London office.

- And how's business?

- It's okay.

So who do you work for, then?

- I work for me.

- Oh, now that is my dream,

tell old Golden Balls where to stick his job.

- Golden Balls?

You'll know him soon enough,

gonna blow away the competition, he says.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah, biggest in London in three years, he reckons.

Anyway, it is time I was off.

Listen, Howard, can we do this again?

- Yeah, maybe, give my secretary a call.

- Shame, shame.

How you fixed for tomorrow?

- Really, I'm very busy, nice to meet you though, Paul.

- I tell you what,

why don't you swing over now, check out the new offices?

You can say hello to old Golden Balls while you're there.

- Yeah, all right.

- Great, I'll just ring my secretary,

tell her I'm on my way.

- Dorothy.

- Dorothy?

No, no, no, we're not set up, we said tomorrow!

- I was losing him, we have to go now.

- Danny, Danny, there's not enough time!

- Dorothy, can you hear me?

- Danny.

- The lines very.

Okay, let's go.

- Excuse me, can I help you?

- Don't tempt me, darling.

- We've come to give the second floor a once over.

- I thought you weren't starting till tomorrow?

- Tomorrow?

Look, you ever done any painting and decorating, sweetheart?

- A bit.

- Right, you ever heard of prepping?

- Well...

- Aw, bless.

I tell you what, you can come upstairs with us

and give us both a hand, if you like,

I bet you'd look great in a pair of overalls.

- I'm sure you'll manage.

- He's with me, hold all my calls, thank you.

Right, this is the boss's floor, all of this

and here's his office.

- You're late.

- Yeah, sorry, business lunch,

I brought someone back with me.

- Oh yeah, who?

- This is my boss Martin Stuart, Martin this is.

- Howard Jennings.

- Oh, so, you're Jennings?

- You've heard of me, then?

- James Harrison is due here in 10 minutes,

we'll need his portfolio.

- Well, I'll go and dig it out then, shall I?

- You're about all I have heard since I've been down here.

- That's because this is my city,

there's not a patch of undeveloped land in London

that I don't know about and have first refusal on.

- Well if that's true, I guess I'll be out of a job soon.

- You said it.

- Oh, and is that what you've come to tell me?

- Pretty much.

- Actually, I doubt we're in competition.

- You buy and sell land, so do I.

- Yeah but mine's more specialized.

- Specialized?

- So if you'll excuse me,

I do have some work to be getting on with.

I'll get Paul to show you out.

Harrison's file on my desk now.

Show Jennings out.

- Howard.

- Well, it was a pleasure meeting you.

- Yeah, next time make an appointment.

- You should be ashamed of yourself.

How did it go?

- It was a piece of cake.

- We weren't even set up.

- What?

- He brought the mark back with him.

- I had a chance and I grabbed it.

- Yeah and what if we couldn't have got set up in time?

- Mickey, I had faith in you, didn't I?

- Where're your socks?

- Here's one of 'em.

- Sorry, Danny, but it does seem a bit messy.

- Messy?

- Yeah, well usually we have it all worked out,

you know, a proper plan.

- Listen, listen gang, listen up, we have got a plan.

Okay, we've got a plan, all up here.

- You've no idea how frightening that is, have you?

- You just gotta trust me, haven't you?

- Uh, well what next, then?

- Well, okay, I'm working on that one.

- What's the first thing the mark would do?

- Well, he'd.

- What would you do?

- Right, don't tell me.

- You can almost hear the cogs turning.

- Research Cityrise, Ash, please set up a website.

- I was just about to say that!

Ash, go and search the thing,

I was just about to say that, Mickey.

All right, troops, everyone listen up.

Tomorrow, Ash, get the yard ready,

Stacie, I want you down the museum,

Albert, you're our gold expert,

Mickey, get yourself off to the bank.

- What for?

- Get your 50p out.

- Do you ever have the feeling we've created a monster?

- All the time.

- Right, how far away?

Remarkable examples, aren't they?

- Do you work here?

- I'm in charge of the Bronze Age.

Well, not the Bronze Age as such,

I mean, that's a period of time,

that would make me a queen and a time traveler, at that.

No, I'm actually in charge of the artifacts

that hail from the period.

And these are my crowning glory.

One of the great mysteries of London.

- It seems a bit far-fetched

that there's a gold mine in London somewhere.

- No, not really.

The landscape was very different 6,000 years ago after all.

No, it's perfectly feasible.

In actual fact, we have a professor of geology here

in the museum who's writing a paper on it.

- Really?

Where do I find this professor?

I'm a philanthropist, I invest in scientific studies.

- Oh well, in that case,

I'm sure he'd be happy to talk to you,

let me write down his number.

- It says here the original mine would be worth millions.

- Indeed.

I doubt what you see here represents even 1%

of what was actually there.

Of course, the site has almost certainly

been built on by now, so we'll never know, will we?

I've written my number on the other side.

Enjoy the rest of your visit,

the Saxon village reconstruction is excellent.

- Well, it's widely believed that most gold deposits,

particularly of the volcanic and sedimentary variety,

were formed from circulating ground waters

driven up by magma.

But then of course, it could also be expelled

from the magma itself as it cooled.

- And this could happen in London, right?

- Oh, yes, no reason not,

although geologically speaking, conditions aren't ideal.

- And how could you find out if you thought

you had land with gold in it?

- Well, a multitude of ways, mostly by a simple soil test.

- Soil test?

So I could bring you some soil

and you could tell from that whether or not

there was gold underground?

- No, I have to have further tests for that.

But I could determine that the possibility was there.

- How accurately?

- It depends on the size of the deposit, 80/90% possibly.

You hold such a piece of land?

- No, not yet.

But if I did, would you be prepared to do this test for me?

- Yes, of course,

if the museum has no objection, I'd be happy to help.

- What you talkin' about?

I don't need all this, I don't need all this.

Yes, just do it, all right, do it.

Cute, isn't it?

All right, mate, how you doing, what's up?

- Basically, Nick doesn't know it yet, but he's leaving us,

so his job's up for grabs,

I just thought you might be interested.

- Oh yeah?

- 50K a year, double that with your commission,

nice car, relocation allowance.

- Lovely.

Yeah, I am listening.

- Only trouble is I'm just not sure you're right for it.

- I'm not sure I wanna work for you.

- Don't take offense, Paul.

It's more about what kind of deals you're used to handling.

I mean, with Martin, what's the biggest deal you're doing?

- Do I look like a muppet?

- Pardon?

- You're just trying to nick all our clients.

- All right, well.

You can't blame a chap for trying, can you?

Okay, look, just talk me through one of your deals.

I mean, Martin was talking about one the other day,

what was it?

The Jubilee deal?

- You know about that?

- A little, so what is it?

- All I know, all I know,

is that we've been hired to buy a parcel of land

regardless of price.

- Do you know where the land is?

- It's owned by an old rag and bone merchant,

we've offered him twice what it's worth in cash

but he ain't having any of it.

- Cash?

- Yeah, he hates banks.

- It's a shithole.

That's what I don't get, I mean, look at it,

barely gonna get two houses in there, are ya?

I mean, it ain't that far from the Jubilee line, granted

but, I dunno, boss seems very keen to pay

way over the odds for it.

- Right, can you get me in to see the owner?

- What's in it for me?

- The job we discussed earlier.

- No.

Look.

I don't know what you're up to, all right,

I don't know, I don't care

but, you cut me in and then maybe,

you know maybe I'll suddenly start thinkin' about it.

- I like you, Paul, you remind me of me.

- So?

- Yeah, you've got yourself a deal, set up a meeting.

- All I know,

is that we've been hired

to buy a parcel of land regardless of price.

Regardless of price.

- You know this is gonna go pear shaped, don't you?

The kid's gone off 100 miles an hour.

Little or no groundwork, no convincer, no Plan B.

- Come on, give him credit, he's played it well so far.

- Oh, come on, Mick, you know as well as I do.

There's a huge gulf between setting up a long con

and actually walking away clean.

- Yeah, I know.

- Which means you've got a decision to make.

- Which is?

- If it's goin' down the pan, do you bail him out?

Or do you let him fail,

to teach him a lesson and win the bet?

Even if that means you going back to prison.

- Hello?

Howard.

Yeah, the land's worth 210.

I think Martin's latest offer was 420.

Yeah, yeah, 450 should do it.

Okay, what time?

Yeah, that's fine, I'll be there.

All right, bye.

We're on.

- Hello?

Mr. Jennings, yes, hi.

10:30 and the address?

Right, I'll be there, bye.

- Hello?

Howard?

Okay, sure, no problem.

And the address?

Fine.

That's weird.

- Why does he want everyone there?

- Well, I told you, didn't I?

He's a control freak.

Okay, no problem.

Ash, go get set up.

Better get your 50p ready.

- Right, you set?

- Yeah.

- Okay, 10 minutes.

- This doesn't feel good.

- It's Danny's call.

- Howard.

How are you?

- Thought I'd better bring some security,

there's a lot of money in here.

- All right, lads, yeah, welcome, welcome.

Here he is, Colin.

This is the man I was telling you about.

Mr. Jennings, this is Colin Nash.

- Pleased to meet you, Mr. Nash.

You look like a man who's prepared to drive a hard bargain.

- Yeah, rats.

- Really?

- I ain't got long.

- A man after my own heart.

- He tells me you're willing to beat

the other bloke's offer.

- Indeed, yes, there's a contract here.

And the money's in here, in cash.

- So how much you got in there, then?

- 450,000 pounds.

- It's time.

- Be careful.

- So, so, so, do we have a deal?

- Absolutely, just one condition,

that I carry out a soil test.

- Soil test?

- It's company policy.

Oh, thank you for coming.

- I'm not exactly sure why I'm here.

- Who are they?

- They'll be carrying out the tests.

- No one said nothin' about no soil test.

- No soil test, no deal.

- Yeah, well hurry up, then,

like I said I ain't got all day.

- I've got everything I need here, it wouldn't take long.

- In your own time.

- I don't get it, what exactly are you looking for?

- You'll see.

- Well?

Are you sure?

- Definite traces of gold.

It's my belief there was an underground stream here

at some point skirting the main source

and bringing the particles up to the surface, you see?

- Excellent.

- So, do we have a deal?

- It would seem so,

just one more bridge to cross and then we can sign.

- What bridge?

- Okay.

- Howard, if you're messing me about, I'll go.

- The thing is, Paul it occurred to me

this might all be part of some elaborate con.

- Con?

- Surely you've heard of a confidence trick.

For example, say you were all part of the same gang?

How would I know?

- I haven't met any of you until this week.

- So for me to part with a briefcase full of cash

to people I've known for less than a week

would be pretty stupid, wouldn't it?

And I'm not.

Stupid, that is.

So I thought I'd better get some insurance.

You see, the Professor has just told me

there are gold deposits here.

- Gold?

- That's right, yes, your boss was very secretive,

wasn't he?

Although you knew where the land was

and how much he'd offered.

So now I do my own tests.

And if they don't find anything

five minutes after you've assured me there was gold

then I'd have to assume you were about to con me.

No one leave.

- When they don't find gold,

I've got a feeling he's gonna be very pissed off.

So if you tell me which way you're gonna run,

I can make sure we don't bump into each other.

- Shit, shit, shit!

- I really hope Danny's got a Plan B.

- And C.

- What's all this, then?

- Won't take long.

- Vermin.

- Are you quite finished?

- Have to burn 'em.

- Hey, hey, what the bloody hell's all this?

- Do you know I thought you might make an appearance.

- Paul?

This is my deal, you've no idea what you're doing.

- Look, look, look,

Mr. Jennings has topped your offer, it's been accepted,

get over it.

- You're fired.

- You just happened to be passing, I take it?

- No, I wasn't just passing, Dorothy told me he was here.

- Look, we've done the deal.

- I'm here to make another offer.

Mr. Nash, now, I have another offer

that I really think you should consider.

- Boss.

- Okay, we're screwed.

- I take it he got Albert to do a test first.

- How did you know that?

- That's the only way he'll know for certain

if it's a con.

- So, what are we gonna do?

- Looks like you've got yourself a deal, Mr. Nash.

If you could sign there.

Thank you very much, Mr. Nash.

Looks like you've been pipped at the post, Golden Balls.

Sorry about all that other stuff

but you never know who to trust.

Paul, about the job,

I've decided to keep Nick on after all, sorry.

- Can someone explain to me what just happened?

- He found gold.

- How?

- Well I guess the Jubilee site had to be somewhere.

- But that means this place could be worth millions

and we just flogged it to him for a poxy 450K.

- You win some, you lose some.

- Well, that was intense.

- Let's get out of here.

- I still don't get it.

- It would have been a terrible, terrible thing.

- My sex life would have been a terrible thing.

- Do you know I could get used to this,

a quiet Danny.

- Silence is golden.

Golden!

- Having a good laugh, are you?

Everybody having a good laugh?

Okay, where's my 50p?

And I want a letter.

- A letter?

- Yes, I want a letter signed by you

apologizing for underestimating me

and stating un-categorically that I'm the better grifter,

you lot can witness it.

Eddie, paper on the bar, squire, thank you.

- I'd happily do that, Danny, if you'd won the bet.

- Well, did we sell the land or not?

- Yes.

- Yeah, is the money in the case or not?

- Yes.

- Yeah, then pay up.

- No, but the bet was which is the best style?

Your unstructured, undisciplined,

fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants,

let's-all-go-to-jail madness masquerading as a long con

or my professional, reasoned, covering-all-the-angles,

never-get-caught style.

- Bollocks.

- And that's your argument, is it?

- No, no, my argument is the con worked

and you should pay up.

- But the con was falling apart.

- We still got paid.

- Yeah but only because I was watching your back.

- What?

- Tell him Ash.

- Ah, no, no, no, no, you leave me out of this.

- Danny, you hadn't covered all the angles

so I had to do it for you.

- Well, how did you do that then

'cause I didn't hear you say a word.

- I didn't have to.

You remember Ash firing his gun?

- Yeah?

- He didn't actually shoot anything.

- All right, so the rat died of a heart attack.

- Actually it was one I prepared earlier.

- What do you mean?

- He simply fired into the ground.

- Why?

- Because he'd filled the cartridges with gold.

So all he had to do was aim at the spot

where the sample was about to be taken and fire,

peppering the soil with gold.

- So there weren't any gold?

- No, only what we put there,

sorry, only what I put there to cover your ass.

Experience, science, Danny.

Covering all the angles, not going off half-cocked.

So I win the bet.

- Yeah, well.

Whatever.

Call it a draw, all right?

- No, now wait a minute if I hadn't bailed you out,

the whole thing would have gone pear shaped.

- Yeah, well if it weren't for me,

we wouldn't have been there in the first place.

- You owe me 50p, pay up.

- No, no you pay up.

- But I won.

- No, you didn't win, you didn't win.

We made a case full of money because of me.

- No, because of me, you mean,

what about the web site?

- I was gonna do that.

- And I arranged for Albert to give you a lesson

in cold reading.

- What, cold reading?

I knew that stuff already.

- No, you did not.

- Looks like it's going to be a long night.

- Yeah, shall we leave them to it?

- Why don't you just admit it,

I beat you fair and square?

- Why don't you just admit it, all right?

You were gonna walk away, I made us a case full of money.

- I do hate sore losers.

- Do you?

Double or quits.

- What?

- I've got this great idea.

- Oh, no.

- No, bear with me.

Pigeons.

- Pigeons?

- Pigeons, yeah.

Pigeons.

I read all about them, they're worth a fortune.

Can you paint a pigeon?

- I'm not even listening.

- No, 'cause you know I'm right.

- Shut up, Danny.