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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:54,303 Mr. Brogan! 2 00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:57,765 I assume you called in regard to the mortgage payment on Castle Plunkett... 3 00:00:57,849 --> 00:01:03,145 ...unfortunately still delayed by what seems to be our endless postal strike. 4 00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:08,984 Dear sir, I must once again remind you my first name is not Dick... 5 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,737 ...nor is my last name Face. 6 00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:15,949 It is simply Peter, Peter Plunkett. 7 00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:19,161 No, I was not given a middle name, but had I been... 8 00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,497 ...I feel certain my mother would not have chosen... 9 00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:25,834 ..."Low-life Shit-for-brains Peckerhead." 10 00:01:26,377 --> 00:01:29,797 Well, you obviously know a side of Mother I have been happily sheltered from. 11 00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:32,549 Nevertheless, I marvel at your colorfully creative... 12 00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:34,301 ...ever-so-American colloquialisms... 13 00:01:34,385 --> 00:01:37,888 ...which flow so trippingly from your razor-like tongue. 14 00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:41,934 The hotel is in tiptop condition. 15 00:01:42,018 --> 00:01:44,937 The renovations are proceeding at a... What? 16 00:01:45,021 --> 00:01:48,649 - Why shouldn't I bother? - Peter, who are you calling? 17 00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:52,402 Oh, Mother, will you please get off the line? 18 00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:56,740 Turning the castle into a theme park? 19 00:01:56,825 --> 00:01:58,909 Irish World? 20 00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:04,623 Gee, what an interesting notion. In... In Malibu? 21 00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:07,209 What is Malibu? 22 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,337 I see. You want to move the castle to Malibu... 23 00:02:10,421 --> 00:02:15,092 ...which I am to presume lies on the western corner of those United States. 24 00:02:15,176 --> 00:02:17,261 Mr. Brogan, if I cannot send your payment... 25 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:20,764 ...how on earth do you expect to transport an entire castle across the sea? 26 00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:23,225 The number of stamps alone is mind-boggling! 27 00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:27,187 Well, I can assure you, Mr. Brogan, that if it goes on much longer... 28 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:30,190 ...I will take this check, which I am holding in my hand... 29 00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:33,861 ...and personally ferry it across the water to England and mail it to you myself. 30 00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:35,779 That's how much I care. 31 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:38,282 What postal strike? 32 00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:40,909 Shut up, Mother! 33 00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:46,915 I don't think that kind of language is necessary, Mr. Brogan. 34 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,293 Understandable, but... 35 00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:56,967 So, what you are saying is that... 36 00:02:57,051 --> 00:03:00,304 ...if I don't come up with the money in three weeks... 37 00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:05,475 ...you will foreclose and take over Castle Plunkett. 38 00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:08,353 I see. 39 00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:13,692 Have you heard of the quality of mercy, Mr. Brogan? 40 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,653 No? 41 00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:19,781 You haven't read your Shakespeare, Mr. Brogan. 42 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,700 Goodbye. 43 00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:34,379 Oh, there you are! 44 00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:37,090 Taking the easy way out, you naughty boy! 45 00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:40,677 Mother, this is not easy. It is very, very difficult. 46 00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:45,098 Just because you haven't got a guest in the place, you're in hock to that fellow Brogan. 47 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:48,352 Your father's so worried he's tearing his hair out! 48 00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:51,021 Mother, Father has been dead for a decade! 49 00:03:51,105 --> 00:03:54,608 And what about your grandmother, how do you think she feels? 50 00:03:54,692 --> 00:03:58,654 - Mother, Grandmother is dead, too! - She's still upset. 51 00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:03,283 Oh, very well. I apologize profoundly to the ghosts of my ancestors... 52 00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:07,371 ...for making a mess of their ancestral home. 53 00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:10,999 - Hold that. - I'm not going to help you. 54 00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,211 Mother? 55 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:19,049 How many ghosts are there here? 56 00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:20,467 Well... 57 00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:25,430 ...there's Great Auntie Nan and Uncle Toby... 58 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:28,517 ...and that nice Elizabethan lady... 59 00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:32,646 ...and the nun who was walled into the closet... 60 00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:36,566 ...and Oliver's bastard, who never came out of the library. 61 00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:38,986 - Mother? - What, darling? 62 00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:41,905 - What a wonderful idea. - What, darling? 63 00:04:43,032 --> 00:04:45,033 Ghosts. 64 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:47,911 - Ghosts? - Ghosts. 65 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:53,125 A wonderful tourist attraction. 66 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:56,878 Ghosts... Ghosts... 67 00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,423 Katie! Katie! 68 00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:02,342 Katie, take this down! 69 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:09,224 Castle Plunkett! The superbly restored edifice... 70 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:14,980 ...in the heart of that incomparably beautiful Irish countryside... 71 00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:20,819 ...also known to be the most haunted place on the Emerald Isle! 72 00:05:20,903 --> 00:05:24,323 Here the dead outnumber the living! 73 00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:29,411 This castle contains more ghouls, ghosties, long-leggedy beasties... 74 00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:33,206 ...and things that go bump in the night than on any other place... 75 00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:38,211 ...on this revolving, revolting, maggot-spinning Earth! 76 00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:46,053 We can promise you banshees, pookas, ghouls of all descriptions! 77 00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:49,056 The one thing we won't promise is a good night's sleep! 78 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,392 But there are no bloody ghosts here. 79 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:56,563 I know, but there will be! We'll invent them! 80 00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:00,859 Yes, Mr. Wilson. 81 00:06:00,943 --> 00:06:04,780 The accommodations are strictly modern, in so far as renovations... 82 00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:07,741 ...have been consistent with maintaining the ectoplasmic ambiance... 83 00:06:07,825 --> 00:06:09,659 ...of Castle Plunkett and environs. 84 00:06:12,121 --> 00:06:13,705 Illusion. 85 00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:16,291 Like you, Katie, for instance. 86 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:23,799 You high on a wire would be magnificent as a flying banshee! 87 00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:28,678 A little dry rot, selective damp, some fungus here and there. 88 00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:33,058 Ghosts need such things to exist. Thank you. 89 00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:38,021 Patricia. Patricia. You could be a mermaid... 90 00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:40,148 ...or Lady Godiva. 91 00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:49,408 - Anybody dead down there? - Only the corpse, Eamon. 92 00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:51,535 What the shagging hell are you doing up there? 93 00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:56,373 Genius, bud, pure genius. Just you wait till they see it. 94 00:06:57,333 --> 00:07:00,127 The bloody hand to the front. 95 00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:07,092 And the bloody feet at the rear. 96 00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:12,514 Look, what in the name of God is that? We're not doing "The African Queen". 97 00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:16,184 Would you get me the shagging fish I asked you for? 98 00:07:22,358 --> 00:07:24,526 Smile, Katie, smile! 99 00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:27,487 You have to smile. The Americans are coming tomorrow. 100 00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:30,866 Now, Eamon, you little genius, one more time. 101 00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:33,535 Ready, steady, go! 102 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,010 Jack, what are you doing? 103 00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:54,848 It's a little champagne. To us, to Ireland... 104 00:07:54,932 --> 00:07:57,601 ...your homeland, Loch Ness monster, guys in skirts... 105 00:07:57,685 --> 00:08:00,020 That's Scotland, Jack. 106 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,773 I knew that... I knew that. 107 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:07,360 Oh, Christ! 108 00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:09,529 I got it, honey. - Oh, Jack. I've just taken two Valium... 109 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,531 ...and now you drown me in champagne. - I got it. I got it. 110 00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,158 No. No. 111 00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:16,786 God, next thing you know you'll want to have sex. 112 00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:36,765 Ma'am? 113 00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:39,226 - Want champagne? - No. 114 00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:42,062 I suppose sex is out of the question? 115 00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:51,988 I think I should be the tart on the horse and you should be the hag in the tree. 116 00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:54,574 I think I should go home. 117 00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:57,202 Just give me the hair back. 118 00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,308 Bon voyage! 119 00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:36,408 On our left we have the Haughlin Bog... 120 00:09:36,492 --> 00:09:39,536 ...home to more grisly and gruesome murders... 121 00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:42,205 ...than any comparable spot in the universe. 122 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:47,043 The fierce, fighting O'Flahertys would pile down from the Knockmealdown Mountains... 123 00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:51,047 ...and pillage and rape women and children, nuns and priests... 124 00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:53,300 - We have children here. ...even Christian brothers and... 125 00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:57,262 ...God help us all, the occasional sheep or goat. 126 00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:01,891 Now here, within the confines of Castle Plunkett itself... 127 00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:06,855 ...we come to the infamous Wailing Willow, from which the Brogan Banshee... 128 00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:11,151 ...angis reputed to wail and howl from time to time. 129 00:10:11,235 --> 00:10:13,737 They're coming, Katie, they're coming! 130 00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:18,116 - Get ready to show them all you have! - Scare the Jesus out of them. 131 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:22,746 Howl, Katie, howl! Go on, howl like a banshee! 132 00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:25,665 Frighten the life out of them! Wave your arms! 133 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,881 Oh, Jesus! 134 00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:36,343 Katie! 135 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,640 Stop the bus! 136 00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:44,392 Help me! 137 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,186 - Driver! - Driver! 138 00:10:46,270 --> 00:10:48,521 Help me! 139 00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:53,943 - There's a lady on the luggage rack! - I'm not a lady! I'm a banshee! 140 00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:56,112 Well, there's a banshee on the luggage rack! 141 00:10:56,197 --> 00:11:03,745 The banshee's howling brings forth the restless spirit of Lady Amelia Purefroy... 142 00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:08,708 ...risen from her grave, riding naked on her magical mount! 143 00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:14,547 Hands and heels out, Patricia! 144 00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:17,550 Someone help me! Help! 145 00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:33,066 Awesome! 146 00:11:34,568 --> 00:11:36,986 Oh, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy! 147 00:11:48,916 --> 00:11:51,668 The things I do for you! 148 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:55,171 Deeply appreciated. 149 00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:57,841 Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear. 150 00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:10,186 Oh, my God, I'm drowning! 151 00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:13,523 - I can't swim! Help my son! - Are you all right? 152 00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:18,987 - Don't panic, don't panic! - What do you mean, "Don't panic"? 153 00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:21,656 Yes, I mean don't panic! 154 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:25,493 - Oh, shut up! - She's amphibious, or so I'm told. 155 00:12:42,636 --> 00:12:45,305 Jesus Christ! This is the end of the world. 156 00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:49,058 Best foot forward, Katie. 157 00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:52,437 Welcome to Castle Plunkett! 158 00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:55,398 You are most heartily welcome! 159 00:12:56,776 --> 00:13:00,904 Ladies, gentlemen, children... 160 00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:05,074 ...you appear to be a trifle moist. May I? 161 00:13:15,002 --> 00:13:19,631 Good evening, boys, young lady. Mr. Crawford, Mrs. Crawford, Mrs. Clay. 162 00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:23,259 Mr. Plunkett, what is this Whiting Anglais? 163 00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:26,304 Oh, that would be a lovely whiting with breadcrumbs. 164 00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:29,933 - And the Whiting à Nature? - Boiled whiting. 165 00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:32,477 So, what's the Whiting Vapeur stuff? 166 00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:35,355 That, my dear young one, would be whiting steamed. 167 00:13:35,439 --> 00:13:38,608 And what is this? Whiting Bordeaux? 168 00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:42,111 Very witty, Mr. Clay, very witty. 169 00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:45,240 Okay, Mom, you got us here. Now, where are these ghosts? 170 00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:48,660 - Come on, I want to see one now. - Boys! 171 00:13:48,744 --> 00:13:53,248 - I'm afraid there are no ghosts here. - Oh, a cynic, Mr. Clay. 172 00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:57,502 No, a parapsychologist, Mr. Plunkett. 173 00:13:57,586 --> 00:13:59,796 Duke University. 174 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:03,591 - A para what? - A parapsychologist, an expert in ghosts. 175 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:07,053 Give the parapsychologist a drink, Katie. 176 00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:20,316 Whiting bisque, madam? 177 00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:22,068 Thank you. 178 00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:30,243 And for you, Father, the whiting bisque? 179 00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:35,540 So, I was seeing this guy and he's a devil worshipper, right? 180 00:14:35,624 --> 00:14:39,836 Well, he's a hairdresser, really, but he devil worships on the side. 181 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:42,046 And we booked this dumb tour 'cause, you know... 182 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:46,092 ...he likes ghosts, corpses, dead gerbils, that kind of thing. 183 00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:49,095 And he ran off with this Buddhist monk. 184 00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:52,891 I mean, how was I supposed to know he was gay? 185 00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:58,563 - So what about you? Are you gay, too? - No, I'm not. 186 00:14:59,189 --> 00:15:03,192 - But I'm chaste. - Just kidding, trick question. 187 00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:05,904 So, what are you doing here? 188 00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:08,990 Well, I thought I'd take a vacation here in the... 189 00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:11,743 ...in the Isle of Saints, before I take my final vows. 190 00:15:11,827 --> 00:15:15,163 A sort of spiritual treat... Retreat. 191 00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:19,125 Yeah, well, I've kind of taken a vow myself. 192 00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:24,172 I've sworn off men, for a while at least. 193 00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:28,509 - But you're not a priest yet? - No, not yet. 194 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:32,722 Well, here's to keeping our vows. 195 00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:48,655 Mr. Plunkett. 196 00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:51,532 Who's that? 197 00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:55,787 Mary Plunkett. 198 00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:59,791 My great-great-great-great-great great-grand cousin. 199 00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:04,379 She died right here, in Castle Plunkett, 200 years ago. 200 00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:09,092 - She couldn't take the whiting, either? - Levity is out of place, Mrs. Crawford. 201 00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:12,470 She was murdered on her wedding night... 202 00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:16,140 ...by the hand of her newly wedded husband. 203 00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:48,131 Why don't I just give you both, here? I'll get the change later. 204 00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:51,467 - Lovely music. - Shut up! 205 00:17:26,253 --> 00:17:28,588 Honey, everybody's singing. 206 00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:30,923 - Jack. 's beautiful. 207 00:17:33,177 --> 00:17:35,595 It's beautiful. It's beautiful. 208 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:39,557 Wonderful, wonderful! 209 00:17:57,868 --> 00:18:02,288 The full moon has risen above Haughlin Bog. 210 00:18:02,372 --> 00:18:06,834 Those of you with nervous dispositions would do well to protect yourselves. 211 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:10,004 Lock your windows. Bolt your doors! 212 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,798 Say your prayers. 213 00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:15,176 For tonight, they may be walking abroad... 214 00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:19,514 ...the cluricanes, the banshees and the pookas. 215 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:23,351 Goodnight. Sleep well, if you can... 216 00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:26,395 ...if you dare. 217 00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:29,482 Lights. 218 00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:32,902 Where did they all go? 219 00:18:32,986 --> 00:18:36,447 Don't ask. They might come back. 220 00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:41,119 Well, if there are any ghosts in this castle... 221 00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,913 ...I hope to God they put on a better show than this one. 222 00:18:43,997 --> 00:18:46,082 It was pretty scary, huh, kids? 223 00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:48,251 Didn't you see Nightmare on Elm Street? 224 00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:50,128 Give me a break... 225 00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:55,049 Scared the shit out of me. 226 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,927 Right. Phase two. 227 00:18:58,011 --> 00:19:02,181 Katie, banshee time. Julia, where's me bandages? 228 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,395 Because it's hard to get a significant CR reading... 229 00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:11,649 ...when there's no observed deviation to be measured. 230 00:19:11,733 --> 00:19:14,944 I'm afraid that this is going to be the most pitiful scam that... 231 00:19:15,028 --> 00:19:19,282 ...I've ever had the pleasure of exposing. - There's not even a dress hanger in this dump. 232 00:19:19,366 --> 00:19:21,033 Malky! 233 00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:25,580 Get me the nightie you bought me at the duty-free. 234 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,790 Honey? 235 00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:34,839 Oh, thanks, bugbear. 236 00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:36,549 Oh, take this, would you? 237 00:19:36,633 --> 00:19:40,970 Expected random fluctuations of the standard deviation... 238 00:19:41,054 --> 00:19:45,099 ...would need to exceed 2.33 for it to be conceived as significant. 239 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,518 Here we have a very impressive sight indeed. 240 00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:51,814 It's the winning Hereford bull, owned by Mr. Linchum Topper Curry... 241 00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:56,277 ...and he's won the competition for the third year in a row. 242 00:19:56,361 --> 00:20:00,781 Mind you, the competition we saw today was of a very high quality indeed... 243 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:04,410 ...and the judges had a very difficult task. 244 00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:08,497 Of course, these days the judges emphasize grooming... 245 00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:12,043 ...whether it be bull or calf. - Oh, my God! 246 00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:13,711 Major jet lag. 247 00:20:13,795 --> 00:20:15,963 ...if you take a walk around the stalls this morning... 248 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:19,467 ...whether it be heifers or bulls... 249 00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:21,594 Excuse me? 250 00:20:21,678 --> 00:20:24,305 I don't believe in ghosts... 251 00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:28,851 Oh, wait... 252 00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:33,189 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Calm down, Miranda. 253 00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:37,818 You can stop it now because, really, I'm not scared! 254 00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:42,406 Oh, no. 255 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,378 Well, I've got you, Katie. Calm down. 256 00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:59,632 One more time now, Katie, and give the window a little tap. 257 00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:03,219 - Tap it yourself. - Away, Little John! 258 00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:12,478 Turn and look at me, you bastard! 259 00:21:28,328 --> 00:21:29,537 Okay, you guys. 260 00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:33,082 If you aren't in bed in three seconds, you are grounded! 261 00:21:33,166 --> 00:21:36,877 - But we haven't seen a ghost yet. - And I'm not whistling Dixie. 262 00:21:54,938 --> 00:21:57,732 Help me! Help! 263 00:21:57,816 --> 00:22:01,068 Please, somebody help me! 264 00:22:02,029 --> 00:22:03,446 Where's he going? 265 00:22:03,530 --> 00:22:08,784 - Help me! Help! - All right! All right, I'm coming! 266 00:22:08,869 --> 00:22:10,953 Brother Tony, you have to help me! 267 00:22:11,038 --> 00:22:13,789 - Brother Tony, you have to make it stop! - I will! 268 00:22:13,874 --> 00:22:16,000 - All right! - I don't like it at all! 269 00:22:16,084 --> 00:22:18,627 - Come on, Brother Tony, jump! - I'm coming! 270 00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:21,630 Help me! Help! Oh, God! 271 00:22:21,715 --> 00:22:23,507 Brother Tony, do something! 272 00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:25,718 - Don't just lie there, do something! - Like what? 273 00:22:25,802 --> 00:22:27,053 - Do something! - Like what? 274 00:22:27,137 --> 00:22:30,681 Exorcise it! Exorcise it! You're a priest, aren't you? 275 00:22:30,766 --> 00:22:33,267 Well, I have a little something from Revelations. 276 00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:35,186 - Revelations? - Revelations. 277 00:22:35,270 --> 00:22:38,105 "Yea, then I saw an angel... 278 00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:41,192 Then I saw... I saw..." I'm going to be sick! 279 00:22:41,276 --> 00:22:43,319 - Oh, God! - It's not working! 280 00:22:43,403 --> 00:22:45,071 - We're going to die! - No, no, no. 281 00:22:45,155 --> 00:22:47,615 - They're going to kill us! - No! 282 00:22:52,621 --> 00:22:56,707 A change in the humidity and you will turn blue. 283 00:23:02,130 --> 00:23:06,550 Come to me, bugbear, make me a woman. 284 00:23:08,470 --> 00:23:10,012 My love. 285 00:23:12,432 --> 00:23:17,228 Oh, that's the most pathetic display that I've ever seen! 286 00:23:17,312 --> 00:23:18,729 Malcolm! 287 00:23:18,814 --> 00:23:22,191 What is that, a 45-degree, semi-silver mirror? 288 00:23:28,115 --> 00:23:30,241 Now, Eamon. 289 00:23:30,325 --> 00:23:31,784 The sword! 290 00:23:33,036 --> 00:23:35,329 Jack, what are you doing? 291 00:23:37,541 --> 00:23:40,167 I smell something burning, Jack. 292 00:23:46,633 --> 00:23:48,134 Sharon! 293 00:23:49,177 --> 00:23:51,429 How many times do I have to tell you, no? 294 00:23:51,513 --> 00:23:52,847 - I'm exhausted. - I just saw... 295 00:23:52,931 --> 00:23:54,890 - We are not making love tonight! - I just... 296 00:23:54,975 --> 00:23:56,142 I just saw a ghost! 297 00:23:56,226 --> 00:23:59,395 That is the most pathetic excuse for sex I have ever heard. 298 00:23:59,479 --> 00:24:01,897 If I say I'm too tired, then I'm too tired. 299 00:24:01,982 --> 00:24:06,235 Thank you very much, Jack. Now I need to take two more Valium. 300 00:24:10,157 --> 00:24:13,325 - Oh, my God, he's got my underwear! - Oh, very nice, a pervert ghost. 301 00:24:13,410 --> 00:24:16,579 - Malcolm, the children! - Don't worry, Marge, I'll handle this! 302 00:24:16,663 --> 00:24:19,415 Get away from the children! 303 00:24:21,001 --> 00:24:22,793 Supernatural, huh? 304 00:24:22,878 --> 00:24:25,504 Sounds pretty solid to me. Behind me, children! 305 00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:30,009 How dare you threaten my family, you phony... 306 00:24:32,220 --> 00:24:34,638 Cowardly dog. 307 00:24:34,723 --> 00:24:36,640 Take... 308 00:24:36,725 --> 00:24:39,351 - Go get him! - Back off. 309 00:24:41,438 --> 00:24:45,483 - I think it's real, Dad! - I'll show you real. 310 00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,571 Oh, mother of God! 311 00:24:53,700 --> 00:24:56,202 You could have shagging killed me. 312 00:24:58,497 --> 00:25:02,041 Maybe if we made love more often, you wouldn't need your stupid pills. 313 00:25:08,715 --> 00:25:12,510 Do not take that Valium. Sharon, do not take that Valium! 314 00:25:12,594 --> 00:25:16,305 Would you listen to me for once in your life? Sharon, please. 315 00:25:24,981 --> 00:25:27,399 - It's not working. We have to stop! - No, no! 316 00:25:27,484 --> 00:25:30,444 - We have to try something else! - Like what? 317 00:25:55,595 --> 00:26:00,307 What are you doing, you brats, to that poor ghost? 318 00:26:03,645 --> 00:26:05,062 - Malcolm! - Plunkett! 319 00:26:05,146 --> 00:26:07,982 You phony! You fake! 320 00:26:08,066 --> 00:26:11,151 Man! You... 321 00:26:11,695 --> 00:26:13,445 Julia, Julia, Julia. 322 00:26:13,530 --> 00:26:17,992 - Are you all right, my poor pet? - Oh, you little demons, you. Help! 323 00:26:18,076 --> 00:26:21,453 Now, calm yourselves, calm yourselves, calm yourselves. 324 00:26:21,538 --> 00:26:24,707 As the brochure says: it's the unpredictability of spirits that causes problems. 325 00:26:24,791 --> 00:26:27,960 I would like to apologize for any minor inconveniences. 326 00:26:28,044 --> 00:26:32,256 This is the most pitiful supernatural sham that I've ever encountered! 327 00:26:32,340 --> 00:26:35,426 It will get better, I do assure you. 328 00:26:46,271 --> 00:26:48,564 That's it. That's it. 329 00:26:48,648 --> 00:26:51,233 We are leaving tomorrow morning, Jack. 330 00:26:51,318 --> 00:26:55,321 - Oh, no, no, no, my dear woman. - Tomorrow morning. 331 00:26:55,405 --> 00:26:56,905 Am I intruding? 332 00:26:56,990 --> 00:27:00,117 Just give the poor ghosts a little time. 333 00:27:00,201 --> 00:27:02,036 Hey, we're history, dude. 334 00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:04,788 But couldn't we look on tonight as a kind of dress rehearsal? 335 00:27:04,873 --> 00:27:07,625 You're finished, Plunkett! 336 00:27:07,709 --> 00:27:11,337 I am going to personally expose this pathetic fraud! 337 00:27:11,421 --> 00:27:14,548 There are laws, sir, against people like you! 338 00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:17,009 Marge, children, we're leaving. 339 00:27:19,387 --> 00:27:21,764 Maybe Jim Brogan will give us another chance. 340 00:27:21,848 --> 00:27:23,015 - Jim Brogan? - Jack... 341 00:27:23,099 --> 00:27:24,725 - What's Jim Brogan got to do with this? - Jack! 342 00:27:24,809 --> 00:27:26,685 Yeah, he has the mortgage on the place... 343 00:27:26,770 --> 00:27:29,563 ...and we've only got two weeks left and then he's going to throw us out. 344 00:27:29,648 --> 00:27:31,649 Jack, I'm very tired. I'd like to go to bed now. 345 00:27:31,733 --> 00:27:34,610 - Just wait a minute. Just wait a minute! - Now! 346 00:27:35,195 --> 00:27:39,615 - What's going on here, Mr. Plunkett? - So we told a lie. 347 00:27:40,950 --> 00:27:43,577 Everyone lies once in a while. 348 00:27:43,662 --> 00:27:48,332 So Katie isn't a ghost, and Julia still has her head on... 349 00:27:48,416 --> 00:27:52,795 ...and Eamon isn't a mummy, and the castle isn't haunted. 350 00:27:52,879 --> 00:27:54,254 But what of that? 351 00:27:55,423 --> 00:27:59,885 What you have to ask yourselves is, why did we do it? 352 00:28:01,638 --> 00:28:04,932 We did it because we love this place. 353 00:28:06,935 --> 00:28:13,107 Every little worm-eaten brick, every little rotting nook and cranny. 354 00:28:14,609 --> 00:28:19,571 Why should you Americans care if I lose my home... 355 00:28:20,281 --> 00:28:22,324 ...Castle Plunkett... 356 00:28:23,660 --> 00:28:28,038 ...and the villagers lose their only means of employment? 357 00:28:28,123 --> 00:28:29,915 Thank you, dear. 358 00:28:29,999 --> 00:28:33,085 Jack. Jack, let's go to bed. 359 00:28:34,838 --> 00:28:36,755 - I care, Mr. Plunkett. - What? 360 00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:39,049 I care. 361 00:28:39,134 --> 00:28:43,178 Jim Brogan is my father-in-law so I'm involved in this. 362 00:28:43,263 --> 00:28:46,807 You're Jim Brogan's daughter? 363 00:28:49,894 --> 00:28:51,687 Yes... 364 00:28:51,771 --> 00:28:54,690 My name's Brogan. 365 00:28:55,650 --> 00:28:58,819 Well, I might as well tell you that there won't be any extensions on your mortgage. 366 00:28:58,903 --> 00:29:01,363 - I mean, not after tonight's performance. - I don't believe this. 367 00:29:01,448 --> 00:29:03,282 Daddy asked me to check it out. 368 00:29:03,366 --> 00:29:07,453 I mean, this ghost business was too ridiculous. 369 00:29:07,537 --> 00:29:10,330 - So you came to sabotage us. - No, no, no! 370 00:29:10,415 --> 00:29:15,419 You did perfectly all right all by yourself. I didn't have to lift a finger. 371 00:29:19,382 --> 00:29:21,759 Jack, are you coming? 372 00:29:31,895 --> 00:29:33,645 Look, I... 373 00:29:34,564 --> 00:29:37,608 I don't know what to say. I mean... 374 00:29:38,568 --> 00:29:40,486 I didn't know. 375 00:29:41,029 --> 00:29:42,696 I didn't. 376 00:29:43,573 --> 00:29:46,867 And for what it's worth, I think this place is great. 377 00:29:49,871 --> 00:29:52,372 You're the ghost in the bedroom. 378 00:29:53,875 --> 00:29:57,211 You were the banshee on the luggage rack. 379 00:30:00,423 --> 00:30:02,883 Sharon! Sharon! 380 00:30:03,718 --> 00:30:05,093 Sharon! 381 00:30:05,553 --> 00:30:06,970 Sharon! 382 00:30:07,055 --> 00:30:09,932 Sharon, hey, wait a minute. Just wait a minute. 383 00:30:10,016 --> 00:30:11,767 Daddy wants this place. He's always wanted it. 384 00:30:11,851 --> 00:30:13,560 He was born here. He hates the Plunketts. 385 00:30:13,645 --> 00:30:15,062 - Why? - Why not? 386 00:30:15,146 --> 00:30:18,690 - Daddy hates most people. - So you lied to me. 387 00:30:18,775 --> 00:30:20,901 You used our second honeymoon for Daddy. 388 00:30:20,985 --> 00:30:23,195 Jack, it's business. 389 00:30:23,279 --> 00:30:25,239 It's business? 390 00:30:26,199 --> 00:30:29,701 Obviously, a word you're not familiar with. 391 00:30:44,592 --> 00:30:47,469 - Where are you going? - To get drunk. 392 00:30:48,888 --> 00:30:53,225 I don't want you to lose your castle, not to my father-in-law. 393 00:30:53,309 --> 00:30:54,893 He's a son of a bitch. 394 00:30:54,978 --> 00:30:57,312 Oh, my dear fellow, you're too kind... 395 00:30:57,397 --> 00:31:04,903 He's an unlovely combination of a son of a bitch and a rat's knackers. 396 00:31:04,988 --> 00:31:06,864 What's a rat's knackers? 397 00:31:06,948 --> 00:31:11,577 It's an unholy trinity of a muckraker... 398 00:31:11,661 --> 00:31:15,622 ...a gobshite and a whore's mouth. 399 00:31:17,750 --> 00:31:19,960 The guy's a dick. 400 00:31:20,545 --> 00:31:23,881 In a word. Would you like a drink? 401 00:31:24,591 --> 00:31:28,927 - I thought I had one. - I mean, a real drink. 402 00:31:55,163 --> 00:31:57,456 Upsy-daisy. 403 00:32:08,217 --> 00:32:11,428 My father's brew. 404 00:32:30,823 --> 00:32:32,199 Perfect. 405 00:32:33,493 --> 00:32:34,993 Don't look at the bad side. 406 00:32:35,078 --> 00:32:37,162 Got to look at the good side of things. 407 00:32:37,246 --> 00:32:40,999 Constantly, there's two sides. There's two sides to every story. 408 00:32:41,084 --> 00:32:45,420 You know what I'm saying? Right in here, right through. 409 00:32:47,006 --> 00:32:49,925 Milk of human kindness, Sharon. 410 00:32:50,009 --> 00:32:53,303 Three little words, every once in a while. 411 00:32:53,388 --> 00:32:55,472 Doesn't cost anything. 412 00:32:55,556 --> 00:32:58,684 "I love you." 413 00:33:01,270 --> 00:33:03,355 Oh, shit! 414 00:33:03,439 --> 00:33:05,190 Wrong room. 415 00:33:06,901 --> 00:33:09,403 Our room's not this nice. 416 00:33:35,179 --> 00:33:37,305 - No, Martin! - Oh, hey, it's not what you think. 417 00:33:37,390 --> 00:33:41,309 - Oh, no, Martin, no! - Oh, I know you! 418 00:33:41,394 --> 00:33:45,439 - You're the girl in the painting! - So, you wee harlot. 419 00:33:45,523 --> 00:33:47,107 - No, Martin! - You'll not tup with me? 420 00:33:47,191 --> 00:33:50,444 - You're the one in the painting! - Hey, come here. 421 00:33:50,528 --> 00:33:52,654 - Who is this guy? - Come here to me, you whore. 422 00:33:52,739 --> 00:33:56,324 Great act! Real bruises, too, huh? Wow, that's great. 423 00:33:56,409 --> 00:33:58,368 Hey, pal, you should have done this earlier. 424 00:33:58,453 --> 00:33:59,870 I think you could have saved the place. 425 00:33:59,954 --> 00:34:01,288 - Where is he? - No, Martin! 426 00:34:01,372 --> 00:34:03,123 - Where is he? - I'm telling you! 427 00:34:03,207 --> 00:34:05,459 - Where is he? - Great outfits. 428 00:34:05,543 --> 00:34:07,002 - Martin, there's no one! - Where is he? 429 00:34:07,086 --> 00:34:08,170 - There's no one! - Where is he? 430 00:34:08,254 --> 00:34:10,338 - There's no one. - Looks real. Looks real. 431 00:34:10,423 --> 00:34:13,884 - Martin, there's no one! - Looks a little rough, but real. 432 00:34:13,968 --> 00:34:16,428 Why don't I believe you? 433 00:34:23,519 --> 00:34:25,979 Oh, this is so disgusting! 434 00:34:29,817 --> 00:34:30,859 Mary? 435 00:34:31,944 --> 00:34:33,320 Mary? 436 00:34:35,615 --> 00:34:39,868 Oh, Lord, she wouldn't die, not with a lie on her lips. 437 00:34:39,952 --> 00:34:42,996 - Oh, God, what have I done? - You killed her. 438 00:34:43,081 --> 00:34:46,166 - Oh, Lord, what have I done? - I told you, you killed her. 439 00:34:46,250 --> 00:34:49,795 Oh, Mary. Oh, Lord, what have I done? 440 00:34:49,879 --> 00:34:53,381 What did you do? What did you do? She's a mess! 441 00:35:12,276 --> 00:35:14,820 There's a trapdoor down here. 442 00:35:17,031 --> 00:35:18,615 Here it is. 443 00:35:25,164 --> 00:35:27,290 - Oh, no... - Oh, no, Martin! 444 00:35:29,919 --> 00:35:31,670 So, you wee harlot. 445 00:35:31,754 --> 00:35:33,380 No, Martin, no! 446 00:35:33,464 --> 00:35:34,840 Don't... 447 00:35:34,924 --> 00:35:38,426 You won't tup with me, huh? Then you'll tup with no one. 448 00:35:38,511 --> 00:35:41,638 The party's over, all right? The party's over. 449 00:35:41,722 --> 00:35:44,057 Take your hands off the girl or you're gonna be... 450 00:35:44,142 --> 00:35:46,101 Okay, pal. 451 00:35:47,770 --> 00:35:49,146 - Quick, he's quick... - Mary! 452 00:35:49,230 --> 00:35:50,397 - No, Martin! - Where is he? 453 00:35:50,481 --> 00:35:52,149 - Martin, there's no one! - Where is he? 454 00:35:52,233 --> 00:35:54,276 - Martin! Martin, there's no one! - Where is he? 455 00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:56,945 What are you doing? She's a beautiful woman! 456 00:35:57,029 --> 00:36:00,073 - I swear to do, I will kill you now! - That's a beautiful girl! 457 00:36:00,158 --> 00:36:02,993 - Why don't I believe you? - Hey, hey, not again! 458 00:36:07,415 --> 00:36:09,374 I'm hit. 459 00:36:10,459 --> 00:36:12,502 Oh, God! 460 00:36:13,504 --> 00:36:16,798 Oh, God! Breath... 461 00:36:16,883 --> 00:36:19,176 - Dirty rotten... - Mary? 462 00:36:20,636 --> 00:36:23,221 - Mary? - He missed... He missed me. 463 00:36:23,306 --> 00:36:29,019 Oh, Lord, she wouldn't die, not with a lie on her lips. 464 00:36:29,770 --> 00:36:33,523 Oh, Lord, what have I done? Oh, Lord, what have I done? 465 00:36:35,443 --> 00:36:37,485 What have I done? 466 00:36:38,279 --> 00:36:41,114 - Oh, Mary. - Who are you guys? 467 00:36:41,199 --> 00:36:44,159 - Oh, Mary. - I'm Mary Plunkett. 468 00:36:44,911 --> 00:36:46,620 - Wait a minute. - What have I done? 469 00:36:46,704 --> 00:36:48,163 Wait a minute. 470 00:36:48,247 --> 00:36:50,373 This is an act. 471 00:36:53,252 --> 00:36:56,171 This is an act, right? 472 00:36:59,634 --> 00:37:01,801 How can I thank you? 473 00:37:01,886 --> 00:37:03,470 For what? 474 00:37:03,554 --> 00:37:05,931 For your selflessness. 475 00:37:06,557 --> 00:37:11,478 I... I didn't do... I don't... 476 00:37:11,562 --> 00:37:14,272 How can I thank you? 477 00:37:14,357 --> 00:37:18,109 You are so beautiful. 478 00:37:18,194 --> 00:37:20,946 How can I thank you? 479 00:37:21,030 --> 00:37:22,697 Thank you. 480 00:37:23,199 --> 00:37:27,369 - Don't go. Why do you have to go? - Thank you. 481 00:37:27,453 --> 00:37:29,120 Thank you. 482 00:37:41,175 --> 00:37:43,009 I don't feel good. 483 00:38:09,328 --> 00:38:12,497 Sharon, I think I'm going crazy. 484 00:38:13,291 --> 00:38:15,125 I got to know. 485 00:38:15,209 --> 00:38:16,251 Did you... 486 00:38:20,381 --> 00:38:22,549 Did you ever love me? 487 00:38:33,019 --> 00:38:36,062 Let's see if those pills really work. 488 00:38:36,647 --> 00:38:38,106 Yeah. 489 00:38:43,863 --> 00:38:46,364 You've had a good life. 490 00:39:05,676 --> 00:39:08,303 Oh, God. 491 00:39:24,028 --> 00:39:25,695 You... 492 00:39:25,780 --> 00:39:27,447 You're... 493 00:39:50,054 --> 00:39:52,180 Good morning, darling. 494 00:39:52,264 --> 00:39:54,099 Good morning, Lavinia. 495 00:39:54,183 --> 00:39:57,977 Well, our son is an idiot. 496 00:39:58,062 --> 00:40:02,607 We've known that for years, haven't we, darling? 497 00:40:03,651 --> 00:40:06,277 Well, this time he has surpassed himself. 498 00:40:06,362 --> 00:40:09,197 - The ghosts are furious! - Why? 499 00:40:09,281 --> 00:40:11,449 Well, they've heard that that Jim Brogan fellow... 500 00:40:11,534 --> 00:40:15,412 ...is going to move the castle to Malibu. - How nice. 501 00:40:15,496 --> 00:40:21,126 All that sunshine and all those movie stars. 502 00:40:21,210 --> 00:40:25,422 No respectable ghost would live in California. 503 00:40:25,506 --> 00:40:28,466 Besides, they're Irish. What would they do there? 504 00:40:28,551 --> 00:40:31,261 Oh, if only I hadn't died, none of this would ever have happened. 505 00:40:31,345 --> 00:40:34,013 Well, you did die, didn't you, darling? 506 00:40:34,098 --> 00:40:36,599 So what are we going to do about it? 507 00:40:36,684 --> 00:40:39,978 Out of my hands. They won't listen to me. 508 00:40:40,062 --> 00:40:43,440 They're going to give those Americans exactly what they came here for. 509 00:40:43,524 --> 00:40:45,692 Serve 'em right. 510 00:40:50,573 --> 00:40:52,157 I'm dead. 511 00:40:54,577 --> 00:40:57,203 So this is what it feels like. 512 00:41:02,501 --> 00:41:04,377 Like a hangover. 513 00:41:06,922 --> 00:41:08,506 Peter. 514 00:41:09,258 --> 00:41:12,051 Peter, wake up. Wake up. 515 00:41:13,220 --> 00:41:16,306 - The Yanks are leaving. - Really? 516 00:41:27,109 --> 00:41:31,321 As long as I'm dead, I might as well tell you. 517 00:41:31,989 --> 00:41:36,201 You've got all the warmth of a penguin on an iceberg. 518 00:41:38,329 --> 00:41:39,746 Yeah. 519 00:41:40,998 --> 00:41:42,373 You're a dwarf. 520 00:41:42,458 --> 00:41:44,959 Yeah, you better clean those choppers real good... 521 00:41:45,044 --> 00:41:49,005 ...so they can chew up the next jerk who comes along, huh? 522 00:41:50,216 --> 00:41:51,007 I'm not dead? 523 00:41:51,091 --> 00:41:54,052 No, but if I were you, I wouldn't make any long-range plans. 524 00:41:54,136 --> 00:41:57,472 Great, Jack. Now I've got a massive migraine coming on. 525 00:41:57,556 --> 00:42:00,266 My B-complex level is rock bottom. 526 00:42:00,351 --> 00:42:05,355 Sharon, let me see that. Let me see... 527 00:42:05,439 --> 00:42:07,857 Sharon, I think... 528 00:42:08,567 --> 00:42:10,401 Get packed, Jack. 529 00:42:10,486 --> 00:42:13,530 Sharon, you took the Valium. 530 00:42:15,157 --> 00:42:16,699 Wrong pills? 531 00:42:19,328 --> 00:42:24,082 - What'd you have for your breakfast, little boy? - Some damn fish. 532 00:42:24,166 --> 00:42:26,125 That was a nice change. 533 00:42:26,210 --> 00:42:30,421 I said this place is a nightmare, Daddy! 534 00:42:31,090 --> 00:42:34,384 Of course I sound strange, I'm depressed. 535 00:42:34,468 --> 00:42:36,135 Everybody hates me. 536 00:42:36,220 --> 00:42:38,429 And last night Jack slept on the floor... 537 00:42:38,514 --> 00:42:40,598 ...and when he woke up, he said he was dead. 538 00:42:40,683 --> 00:42:43,142 And that I was a dwarf and that I had buckteeth. 539 00:42:43,227 --> 00:42:45,603 And you know how self-conscious I am about those things. 540 00:42:45,688 --> 00:42:49,524 This is all your fault! I hate this place. 541 00:42:49,608 --> 00:42:52,777 Mrs. Crawford, are you all right? 542 00:42:53,946 --> 00:42:58,157 Do you think that I'm colder than a penguin on an iceberg? 543 00:42:58,242 --> 00:43:00,243 Oh, well, no. No. 544 00:43:00,327 --> 00:43:05,915 You see, actually, penguins are a lot warmer than people give them credit for. 545 00:43:10,045 --> 00:43:12,213 How dare you? 546 00:43:13,382 --> 00:43:14,966 Jack! 547 00:43:16,010 --> 00:43:17,927 I didn't... Don't tell my wife. 548 00:43:18,012 --> 00:43:19,512 Jack! 549 00:43:19,597 --> 00:43:23,433 - I mean, not that I did anything, anyway. - Jack, we're going! 550 00:43:23,517 --> 00:43:25,476 Do you hear me, Sharon? 551 00:43:25,561 --> 00:43:27,312 Sharon, get on this phone! 552 00:43:27,396 --> 00:43:29,314 - Jack! - Sharon! 553 00:43:29,398 --> 00:43:32,442 Will you talk to me, Sharon? 554 00:44:11,065 --> 00:44:13,149 You're real. 555 00:44:13,233 --> 00:44:15,526 I mean, you're not. 556 00:44:15,611 --> 00:44:17,820 You're a real ghost. 557 00:44:22,242 --> 00:44:24,077 Jack! 558 00:44:26,580 --> 00:44:28,289 Jack! 559 00:44:33,545 --> 00:44:37,048 I have to thank you for what you did last night. 560 00:44:37,132 --> 00:44:39,967 It was nothing. What did I do? 561 00:44:40,052 --> 00:44:43,888 You gave me my first moment of peace in near 200 years. 562 00:44:43,972 --> 00:44:46,140 I'll be in your debt for eternity, sir. 563 00:44:46,225 --> 00:44:49,268 It was nothing. It was nothing. And you don't have to call me "sir". 564 00:44:49,353 --> 00:44:51,688 What can I call you? 565 00:44:53,190 --> 00:44:54,607 Jack... 566 00:44:54,692 --> 00:44:56,150 Jack. 567 00:44:56,235 --> 00:44:58,403 Thank you, Sir Jack. 568 00:44:58,487 --> 00:45:00,697 It's on me, okay? 569 00:45:03,992 --> 00:45:07,161 - Lovely dress. - My wedding dress. 570 00:45:07,246 --> 00:45:09,747 Today is my wedding day. 571 00:45:09,832 --> 00:45:14,335 - Tonight, he'll murder me. - You get murdered every night? 572 00:45:14,420 --> 00:45:17,046 Every night until last night. 573 00:45:17,131 --> 00:45:18,756 What about tonight? 574 00:45:18,841 --> 00:45:21,008 That depends on you. 575 00:45:21,093 --> 00:45:22,635 Why me? 576 00:45:22,720 --> 00:45:25,680 Your love broke the chain, crossed the boundary. 577 00:45:25,764 --> 00:45:28,725 Oh, my God! Hold on! You can't depend on me! 578 00:45:28,809 --> 00:45:31,894 Nobody can depend on me. My wife would never understand. I... 579 00:45:31,979 --> 00:45:35,523 - 'Twasn't love, then. - Well, Mary, we hardly know each other. 580 00:45:36,191 --> 00:45:37,316 Jack! 581 00:45:38,444 --> 00:45:40,027 Okay! 582 00:45:41,238 --> 00:45:43,281 - Look, I've got to go! - Don't go, Jack! 583 00:45:43,365 --> 00:45:45,324 I gotta... I just... I... Look... 584 00:45:45,409 --> 00:45:47,118 You want to forget me. 585 00:45:47,202 --> 00:45:51,664 I don't know what I want! I just don't! I... 586 00:46:00,507 --> 00:46:01,966 Jack! 587 00:46:10,934 --> 00:46:12,393 What? 588 00:46:12,853 --> 00:46:14,520 What the heck? 589 00:46:26,492 --> 00:46:28,242 Jack! 590 00:46:40,672 --> 00:46:42,715 He's flying! Look at him! 591 00:46:56,438 --> 00:46:59,023 Jesus Christ, it got windy! 592 00:47:00,359 --> 00:47:04,779 Oh, so all the snakes weren't driven out of Ireland. 593 00:47:04,863 --> 00:47:07,114 - What? - The snakes... 594 00:47:39,481 --> 00:47:42,650 "To die, to sleep, no more. 595 00:47:42,734 --> 00:47:45,278 And by a sleep to say we end the heartache..." 596 00:47:45,362 --> 00:47:48,865 Peter! Peter! They've changed their minds. They're staying! 597 00:47:54,329 --> 00:47:56,122 There is a God. 598 00:48:02,629 --> 00:48:03,880 Hi. 599 00:48:03,964 --> 00:48:08,801 Would your name conceivably be Jack? 600 00:48:11,179 --> 00:48:12,805 Yeah. 601 00:48:22,900 --> 00:48:26,277 Welcome back, dear guests! 602 00:48:26,361 --> 00:48:30,907 Let me be the first to apologize for our temperamental Irish weather. 603 00:48:30,991 --> 00:48:34,327 - Shut up, Plunkett! Call us a cab. - Certainly, Mr. Clay. Immediately. 604 00:48:40,042 --> 00:48:43,294 Deepest regrets, the phones are dead. 605 00:48:43,378 --> 00:48:45,546 The storm must have knocked them out. 606 00:48:46,465 --> 00:48:48,883 - I'm going to get all wet. - Which way are we going? 607 00:48:48,967 --> 00:48:51,218 - Let's get inside. - Yes, that's it. Hurry up! 608 00:48:51,303 --> 00:48:54,805 So, we're all together for one more night. 609 00:48:54,890 --> 00:48:59,143 It seems that we're becoming one big happy family. 610 00:48:59,227 --> 00:49:01,479 Oh, sorry, Mr. P. 611 00:49:04,900 --> 00:49:08,444 Plunkett, I would rather walk into town in this suit of armor... 612 00:49:08,528 --> 00:49:10,279 ...and spend the night in a stable... 613 00:49:10,364 --> 00:49:12,823 ...than to spend one more second in this hellhole! 614 00:49:12,908 --> 00:49:16,452 - Marge! Children! We're leaving. - Come on, kids. 615 00:49:19,498 --> 00:49:21,040 Malcolm! 616 00:49:29,257 --> 00:49:31,175 Oh, my God! 617 00:49:31,885 --> 00:49:33,469 Malcolm! 618 00:49:34,304 --> 00:49:35,930 Malcolm! 619 00:49:36,014 --> 00:49:37,640 Oh, God! 620 00:49:38,517 --> 00:49:41,227 Malcolm, can you hear me? 621 00:49:42,604 --> 00:49:45,815 Oh, please, let him be all right. 622 00:49:45,899 --> 00:49:47,608 Oh, my God. 623 00:49:50,737 --> 00:49:53,406 Plunkett, this is your doing! 624 00:49:54,992 --> 00:49:59,078 - Darling? - Yes, I think we could stay one more night. 625 00:50:00,288 --> 00:50:05,126 Sweet Mother Mary, Saint Bridget, please don't let him marry me. 626 00:50:05,210 --> 00:50:07,169 Please release me. 627 00:50:07,254 --> 00:50:09,380 I don't love Martin. 628 00:50:11,216 --> 00:50:16,345 Sweet Mother Mary, Saint Bridget, please don't let me marry him. 629 00:50:16,430 --> 00:50:18,264 Please release me. 630 00:50:18,348 --> 00:50:20,683 - I don't love Martin. - Mary? 631 00:50:23,103 --> 00:50:26,063 - Sweet Mother Mary, Saint Bridget... - Mary? 632 00:50:26,148 --> 00:50:29,191 ...please don't let me marry him. Please release me. 633 00:50:29,276 --> 00:50:30,901 Mary. 634 00:50:30,986 --> 00:50:33,779 - Sweet Mother Mary... - Mary! 635 00:50:35,907 --> 00:50:38,743 Sweet Jesus, what happened to you? 636 00:50:38,827 --> 00:50:41,162 - Ran into a little wind. - Oh, dear. 637 00:50:41,246 --> 00:50:44,498 That would be the spirits in the castle. 638 00:50:44,583 --> 00:50:46,167 Sorry. 639 00:50:47,085 --> 00:50:48,794 What are you doing? 640 00:50:48,879 --> 00:50:52,423 I'm praying to Saint Bridget to release me from me marriage vows. 641 00:50:52,507 --> 00:50:55,468 Look, this is too psychotic for me! 642 00:50:55,552 --> 00:50:56,969 I mean, look... 643 00:50:57,054 --> 00:51:00,681 I mean, I'm as up for a good nervous breakdown as anybody, really... 644 00:51:00,766 --> 00:51:02,475 ...but this is too much. 645 00:51:02,559 --> 00:51:04,643 I mean, I get here yesterday, my marriage collapses... 646 00:51:04,728 --> 00:51:06,979 ...then I save a ghost from being murdered by another ghost. 647 00:51:07,064 --> 00:51:09,690 Now, if you think about it, that makes no sense at all. 648 00:51:09,775 --> 00:51:13,861 Then I fly through the air, hit a tree, and Reynaldo... 649 00:51:13,945 --> 00:51:19,784 ...the talking horse here, leads me to... 650 00:51:20,535 --> 00:51:26,874 ...to the most beautiful ghost I've ever seen in my... 651 00:51:29,669 --> 00:51:35,049 Last night, when you took Martin's sword in my stead... 652 00:51:35,133 --> 00:51:39,637 ...you broke the cursed chain that has bound me for 200 years. 653 00:51:39,721 --> 00:51:41,347 What cursed chain? 654 00:51:41,431 --> 00:51:45,976 Me marriage to Martin Brogan was arranged by me father. 655 00:51:46,686 --> 00:51:48,104 I did not love him. 656 00:51:48,188 --> 00:51:52,817 He had warts and his feet stank. 657 00:51:53,944 --> 00:51:58,405 On my wedding night, I refused to be tupped by him. 658 00:51:58,490 --> 00:52:01,367 - Tupped? - Tupped. 659 00:52:01,910 --> 00:52:03,953 Oh, tupped. 660 00:52:04,788 --> 00:52:07,706 I get it. Go on. Go on. Go on. 661 00:52:07,791 --> 00:52:12,128 He thought I loved another though I did not. 662 00:52:13,046 --> 00:52:18,008 And in a jealous fury, he did me to death. 663 00:52:19,553 --> 00:52:23,472 Now every day for me is the same. 664 00:52:25,392 --> 00:52:28,936 If I get murdered one more time, I'll scream. 665 00:52:29,020 --> 00:52:33,149 - Who'd want to be a ghost? - We are what we are. 666 00:52:35,402 --> 00:52:38,237 So, this Marty stank, huh? 667 00:52:39,322 --> 00:52:41,574 Aye, and he squished. 668 00:52:42,450 --> 00:52:44,785 - He squished? - Squished. 669 00:52:44,870 --> 00:52:46,704 Oh, he squished! 670 00:52:47,497 --> 00:52:48,914 God! 671 00:52:51,293 --> 00:52:55,421 Could you love a man who belched but didn't squish? 672 00:52:57,048 --> 00:52:59,758 I could love you, Sir Jack. 673 00:53:00,552 --> 00:53:04,388 If you loved me, the miracle could happen. 674 00:53:07,184 --> 00:53:11,478 I can't. I can't. I cannot do this. I am married. 675 00:53:11,563 --> 00:53:14,356 - Then, you don't love me. - I didn't say that. 676 00:53:14,441 --> 00:53:16,817 And I am doomed forever. 677 00:53:16,902 --> 00:53:22,323 Even now, Martin dons his garments, sharpens his knife. 678 00:53:22,407 --> 00:53:24,241 Goodbye, Sir Jack. 679 00:53:24,326 --> 00:53:27,620 Look, you're a ghost. I'm an American. It would never work out. 680 00:53:27,704 --> 00:53:30,372 Sweet Mother Mary, Saint Colum... 681 00:53:30,457 --> 00:53:33,083 - I don't want you to get murdered again. ...Saint Bridget... 682 00:53:33,168 --> 00:53:34,460 - It's just that my wife... - Please release me. 683 00:53:34,544 --> 00:53:37,379 - Please protect me, Mary. ...if she found out, she'd murder me! 684 00:53:47,432 --> 00:53:49,683 Oh, Jack, is that you? 685 00:53:52,187 --> 00:53:55,481 God, I don't know what happened to me but I feel zonked. 686 00:53:55,565 --> 00:54:00,027 I've got pains all over my body. Could you rub my back? 687 00:54:00,111 --> 00:54:03,030 Well, go on, Jack. I won't bite. 688 00:54:07,744 --> 00:54:11,538 Oh, Jack, you never did it like that before. 689 00:54:12,707 --> 00:54:14,792 Oh, Saint Patrick. 690 00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:18,921 Oh, Saint Jude! 691 00:54:20,799 --> 00:54:23,384 Oh, Saint Columcille. 692 00:54:24,302 --> 00:54:27,221 - Oh, Shitehawks McGoldrick! - Jack! 693 00:54:28,974 --> 00:54:31,225 - Sharon? Sharon? - Jack! Jack! 694 00:54:31,309 --> 00:54:34,436 - Honey! What? What's up? - Jack! Jack! 695 00:54:34,521 --> 00:54:36,689 Honey, honey, honey, what? What is it? 696 00:54:36,773 --> 00:54:39,733 Where have you been? There was a man in my bathtub! 697 00:54:39,818 --> 00:54:43,862 Big giant man, gigantic. And he's rubbing my back and it felt good. 698 00:54:43,947 --> 00:54:46,615 I should have known it wasn't you! He had warts all over his hands... 699 00:54:46,700 --> 00:54:48,575 Oh, yeah, right. He had warts. Yeah, that's Martin. 700 00:54:48,660 --> 00:54:50,077 - Who's Martin? - He's a ghost. 701 00:54:50,161 --> 00:54:51,745 - He's a what? - He's a ghost. 702 00:54:51,830 --> 00:54:53,205 - He murders his wife every night. - Jack... 703 00:54:53,290 --> 00:54:55,249 Other than that, I think he's pretty harmless, sweetheart. 704 00:54:55,333 --> 00:54:57,334 - Get out! Out! - Honey... 705 00:54:57,419 --> 00:54:58,919 - Jack, out! - Sweetheart, look, honey... 706 00:54:59,004 --> 00:55:02,047 - Honey, wait, you don't understand! - Out, out! 707 00:55:02,757 --> 00:55:05,134 Honey, we've got to talk. 708 00:55:09,889 --> 00:55:12,099 Are you okay, honey? 709 00:55:12,934 --> 00:55:14,768 Do I look okay? 710 00:55:14,853 --> 00:55:16,562 Not really. 711 00:55:32,495 --> 00:55:34,496 What are you doing? 712 00:55:35,123 --> 00:55:37,666 Have to check this place out. 713 00:55:39,669 --> 00:55:42,421 Something smells very wrong here. 714 00:55:42,505 --> 00:55:47,301 Yes, it does. It smells like burnt rubber. 715 00:55:47,385 --> 00:55:49,428 Yeah. Yeah, that's me. 716 00:55:53,350 --> 00:55:55,476 ...to right. Right to left. Left to right. Right to left. 717 00:55:55,560 --> 00:55:58,937 - Do you believe this? - Only four channels! 718 00:55:59,022 --> 00:56:02,483 - The cables must be unplugged. - There's no cable. This is it. 719 00:56:02,567 --> 00:56:06,403 - I tell you, this place sucks the big one. - So, fingers together... 720 00:56:11,993 --> 00:56:13,577 Wendy! 721 00:56:14,371 --> 00:56:15,829 Left to right. Right to left. 722 00:56:38,395 --> 00:56:41,063 You horrible little children! 723 00:56:41,773 --> 00:56:44,900 Eternity's a big commitment. You know, it's a long time. 724 00:56:44,984 --> 00:56:48,821 You gotta take things one step at a time. That's the key. 725 00:56:51,950 --> 00:56:54,410 You do love her, don't you? 726 00:56:54,494 --> 00:56:57,121 Yeah, I guess I do. I don't know, I... 727 00:56:57,205 --> 00:56:59,331 What's the problem, then? 728 00:56:59,416 --> 00:57:02,376 She's a ghost! She's dead. I'm alive. 729 00:57:04,671 --> 00:57:09,133 - How do you know all this? - I'm married to one. 730 00:57:12,637 --> 00:57:16,932 Won't you join us... for a drink? 731 00:57:17,016 --> 00:57:20,185 Yeah, I could use a drink. Yeah, sure. 732 00:57:24,691 --> 00:57:26,650 Oh, dear Lord... 733 00:57:27,819 --> 00:57:32,281 ...I do beseech thee to help me in this, my hour of need. 734 00:57:33,491 --> 00:57:40,456 Oh, cleanse me of these impure thoughts I have for this woman, Miranda. 735 00:57:58,099 --> 00:57:59,516 Come on! 736 00:58:06,858 --> 00:58:10,736 Oh, Lord! I get the message! 737 00:58:15,241 --> 00:58:17,034 Brother Tony? 738 00:58:26,252 --> 00:58:29,671 Brother Tony? Brother Tony, are you all right? 739 00:58:32,050 --> 00:58:34,051 Brother Tony? 740 00:59:34,571 --> 00:59:38,949 Brother Tony, what are you doing in the pool? 741 00:59:39,742 --> 00:59:42,995 The Lord works in mysterious ways. 742 00:59:44,414 --> 00:59:48,000 True love can move mountains. 743 00:59:49,502 --> 00:59:51,837 Yeah, but it can't bring the dead back to life. 744 00:59:51,921 --> 00:59:55,424 Oh, yes, it can. On Allhallow's Eve. 745 00:59:55,508 --> 00:59:58,218 - Halloween? That's tomorrow night. - Yes. 746 00:59:58,303 --> 01:00:02,222 When the spirit moves and the flesh is willing... 747 01:00:02,307 --> 01:00:08,437 ...and the juices flow and the skelping is mighty. 748 01:00:09,147 --> 01:00:12,733 - What's "skelping"? - It's a ghost term. 749 01:00:14,527 --> 01:00:18,488 But it's dangerous. You mustn't go too far. 750 01:00:18,573 --> 01:00:20,365 What do you mean? 751 01:00:55,902 --> 01:00:56,985 Oh, it's you. 752 01:00:57,070 --> 01:00:59,154 - Whom were you expecting? - Come on, Mr. Plunkett. 753 01:00:59,238 --> 01:01:01,740 Those fake ghosts were one thing. This is entirely different, isn't it? 754 01:01:01,824 --> 01:01:04,868 - Is there something wrong with your rooms? - Something wrong with our rooms? 755 01:01:04,952 --> 01:01:07,621 - What are you talking about, ghosts? - Well, the brochure did... 756 01:01:07,705 --> 01:01:10,957 Damn the brochure! We're talking real, live spirits here! 757 01:01:11,042 --> 01:01:12,959 - How do you explain this? - The weather. 758 01:01:13,044 --> 01:01:15,545 Oh, come off it, will you? 759 01:01:15,630 --> 01:01:19,216 Don't you understand? He wants us here. 760 01:01:19,300 --> 01:01:22,010 He knows it's the only way he can keep this dump. 761 01:01:22,095 --> 01:01:27,641 I don't know about the rest of you but, Plunkett, you haven't fooled me at all. 762 01:01:27,725 --> 01:01:30,936 - I... I've been fooled. - Oh, me, too. 763 01:01:31,020 --> 01:01:32,562 - I've been very fooled. - Explain this to me. 764 01:01:34,565 --> 01:01:37,359 "A ghost may not tup with a human." 765 01:01:37,443 --> 01:01:39,820 So, this means a ghost cannot make love with a human being. 766 01:01:39,904 --> 01:01:41,530 Oh, my God! 767 01:01:43,074 --> 01:01:44,574 Mary? 768 01:01:45,243 --> 01:01:46,410 Who's Mary? 769 01:01:46,494 --> 01:01:48,829 - Oh, she... - Who's this Mary? 770 01:01:48,913 --> 01:01:50,956 She's a woman. She's a ghost. 771 01:01:51,040 --> 01:01:53,500 - Jack, don't start this ghost stuff again. - No, she's a woman ghost. 772 01:01:53,584 --> 01:01:55,252 - She's someone I care about and... - What? 773 01:01:55,336 --> 01:01:57,295 It's funny how you can care... I think I'm falling... 774 01:01:57,380 --> 01:02:00,090 Jack, don't stand there and tell me that you're having an affair with a goddamn ghost. 775 01:02:00,174 --> 01:02:04,010 - Wait a minute, give me a chance! - No, that's it! Your lawyer, my lawyer! 776 01:02:04,095 --> 01:02:07,222 And I hope the ghost has a lawyer because I want to meet him! 777 01:02:07,306 --> 01:02:09,850 - Here she is, this is Mary. - No, Martin! 778 01:02:09,934 --> 01:02:13,645 - This is Mary, Mary the ghost. - So, you wee harlot! 779 01:02:13,730 --> 01:02:15,313 - No, Martin, no! - Not tup with me, eh? 780 01:02:15,398 --> 01:02:16,940 - That's Martin. - That's the man that was in my bathtub. 781 01:02:17,024 --> 01:02:18,233 That's Martin the ghost. 782 01:02:18,317 --> 01:02:20,444 Yeah, and see, he's gonna come over, he's gonna throw her on the bed here. 783 01:02:20,528 --> 01:02:22,738 - He's gigantic. - That's Martin the ghost. 784 01:02:22,822 --> 01:02:24,281 They're having problems in their relationship. 785 01:02:24,365 --> 01:02:27,159 No, Jack, we're having problems in our relationship. 786 01:02:27,243 --> 01:02:28,827 - Come here! - Honey, you got to see this. 787 01:02:28,911 --> 01:02:31,204 - Come on. - He's gonna run after her. 788 01:02:31,289 --> 01:02:33,206 - Just come over here for a second. - Where is he? Where is he? 789 01:02:33,291 --> 01:02:35,625 Martin, there's no one! There's no one! 790 01:02:35,710 --> 01:02:39,629 Oh, yes, there is, my husband. There's my husband! 791 01:02:39,714 --> 01:02:41,089 Martin, there's no one! 792 01:02:41,174 --> 01:02:43,091 - Why don't I believe you? - Believe this! 793 01:02:43,176 --> 01:02:45,260 Honey, honey, you can't just kick a ghost. 794 01:02:45,344 --> 01:02:48,096 - Did you see that? - Oh, now look what you did. 795 01:02:48,181 --> 01:02:52,642 Mary. Mary. Wait. Wait, Mary. 796 01:02:56,230 --> 01:02:59,065 - I love you. - I know that. 797 01:02:59,150 --> 01:03:00,901 You do? 798 01:03:00,985 --> 01:03:03,278 When did you know that? 799 01:03:03,362 --> 01:03:05,363 The minute I saw you. 800 01:03:05,865 --> 01:03:08,617 The minute I knew I loved you. 801 01:03:09,911 --> 01:03:12,496 But your love must be true. 802 01:03:12,580 --> 01:03:16,666 - It is. - Silt must withstand all obstacles. 803 01:03:16,751 --> 01:03:18,460 It will. It will. 804 01:03:18,544 --> 01:03:20,754 Oh, Mary, my darling. 805 01:03:20,838 --> 01:03:24,299 What have I done to you? What have I done? 806 01:03:26,052 --> 01:03:29,304 That was a dirty trick, wasn't it, hey? 807 01:03:29,388 --> 01:03:32,432 Hey? Kicking me right in the bahookies. 808 01:03:32,517 --> 01:03:34,559 Well, you were gonna stab your wife with a sword, you pig! 809 01:03:34,644 --> 01:03:36,686 Sure, that's no big thing. I do it every night. 810 01:03:36,771 --> 01:03:41,191 And I suppose watching other men's wives in the bathtub is no big deal, either. 811 01:03:41,275 --> 01:03:45,028 Sure, it's a grand thing if the wife happens to be you. 812 01:03:46,113 --> 01:03:50,325 - You dirty peeping Tom. - My name is not Tom, it's Martin! 813 01:03:50,409 --> 01:03:52,494 Oh, Mary. 814 01:03:52,578 --> 01:03:55,121 Oh, Mary, I'm sorry, darling. 815 01:03:55,206 --> 01:03:57,290 What have I done to you? 816 01:03:57,792 --> 01:03:59,751 What have I done? 817 01:03:59,836 --> 01:04:02,796 Oh, God. Oh, God. Here, give us a wee skelp before I vanish. 818 01:04:02,880 --> 01:04:04,673 No, no, no, not again. 819 01:04:04,757 --> 01:04:07,217 Jeez, you're a way wee vixen, aren't you? 820 01:04:07,301 --> 01:04:09,886 Oh, Lord, what have I done? 821 01:04:10,429 --> 01:04:12,848 Oh, God, what have I done? 822 01:04:12,932 --> 01:04:15,851 Oh, God, what a woman! 823 01:04:18,896 --> 01:04:21,439 You're not so bad yourself. 824 01:04:25,027 --> 01:04:28,238 - What's skelping? - Skelping? 825 01:04:30,116 --> 01:04:32,284 This is skelping. 826 01:05:06,110 --> 01:05:09,946 - That's nasty. - 'Twasn't nice? 827 01:05:10,615 --> 01:05:12,407 Oh, it was nice. 828 01:05:12,491 --> 01:05:15,619 It was very, very, very, very nice. 829 01:05:17,997 --> 01:05:20,707 Hold on, Mary. Wait a minute. 830 01:05:21,292 --> 01:05:23,168 You can't just skelp me and leave me. 831 01:05:23,252 --> 01:05:27,756 Can't help it. Skelping takes a lot out of you. 832 01:05:27,840 --> 01:05:29,883 Look, Mary, I... 833 01:05:29,967 --> 01:05:33,803 I'll be in the chamber, midnight tomorrow. 834 01:05:38,351 --> 01:05:39,893 Mary. 835 01:05:42,188 --> 01:05:45,982 So, what's wrong with them, eh? 836 01:05:47,360 --> 01:05:50,946 What's wrong with these Americans? 837 01:05:51,781 --> 01:05:57,243 One night they're desperate to leave, the next night you can't get rid of them. 838 01:05:57,870 --> 01:06:03,667 One day they hate the whiting, the next day they have to have all five courses. 839 01:06:04,251 --> 01:06:07,462 When you break your back to give them the ghosts you thought they wanted... 840 01:06:07,546 --> 01:06:08,838 ...they scream at you. 841 01:06:08,923 --> 01:06:12,133 And when you throw the towel in, they scream even louder. 842 01:06:12,218 --> 01:06:15,261 They see spooks everywhere. 843 01:06:15,346 --> 01:06:19,224 Spooks in the bathroom, spooks under the bed. 844 01:06:20,476 --> 01:06:23,770 Don't they know when the joke is over? 845 01:06:24,689 --> 01:06:27,941 How they cower at nothing. 846 01:06:30,444 --> 01:06:32,862 What is going on here? 847 01:06:32,947 --> 01:06:39,077 Eamon, why are chunks of masonry floating about? 848 01:07:01,017 --> 01:07:02,475 Mr... 849 01:07:03,185 --> 01:07:04,978 Mr. Plunkett... 850 01:07:05,896 --> 01:07:08,565 I think there's some people want to have a word with you. 851 01:07:08,649 --> 01:07:10,608 Who? 852 01:07:10,693 --> 01:07:14,154 Grand Uncle Peter and Grand Aunt Nan. 853 01:07:15,573 --> 01:07:18,033 Granny Joyce and her sister. 854 01:07:18,743 --> 01:07:20,994 - Half-sister. - Her half-sister. 855 01:07:22,288 --> 01:07:25,665 - Not to mention... - Oh, no. No, no. 856 01:07:25,750 --> 01:07:28,793 ...your daddy. - But he's dead! 857 01:07:28,878 --> 01:07:30,628 I know. 858 01:07:30,713 --> 01:07:33,256 He looks terrible angry, too. 859 01:07:33,340 --> 01:07:35,175 And I've a perfect right to be... 860 01:07:35,259 --> 01:07:37,719 ...considering what you have done to our ancestral home! 861 01:07:37,803 --> 01:07:38,970 Father! 862 01:07:44,435 --> 01:07:46,644 Let us in! Let us in! 863 01:07:46,729 --> 01:07:48,897 Do you really think you could get away from me? 864 01:07:48,981 --> 01:07:51,524 Leave me alone. You're dead. 865 01:07:51,609 --> 01:07:54,527 Not so dead I can't see what a numbskull you are! 866 01:07:54,612 --> 01:07:56,780 Oh, fine! 867 01:07:56,864 --> 01:08:00,200 Call me names. That's so easy. 868 01:08:00,284 --> 01:08:04,329 - Well, for God's sake, look at you! - What did you have to give me this place for? 869 01:08:04,413 --> 01:08:06,414 You knew I was an incompetent. 870 01:08:06,499 --> 01:08:09,334 All I wanted to be was happily useless. 871 01:08:09,418 --> 01:08:12,462 You made me miserably useless giving me this place. 872 01:08:12,546 --> 01:08:15,840 Staff to run, bills to be paid. 873 01:08:15,925 --> 01:08:19,302 And then dying on me just like that! 874 01:08:20,971 --> 01:08:22,806 Most people give some warning, you know. 875 01:08:22,890 --> 01:08:26,476 Premature senility, angina, gout, bedridden for years. 876 01:08:26,560 --> 01:08:29,896 But not you. Oh, no, no, no. Healthy as an old goat... 877 01:08:29,980 --> 01:08:33,650 ...you pop off one day in the orchard, and what then? 878 01:08:34,151 --> 01:08:37,987 Not a goddamn word, not a whisper. 879 01:08:40,574 --> 01:08:45,328 Did it never occur to you that I might need some advice? 880 01:08:47,289 --> 01:08:49,791 That I might miss you? 881 01:08:50,376 --> 01:08:53,378 Oh, Peter, I never thought that... 882 01:08:53,462 --> 01:08:56,256 It's true, you old ghost. 883 01:08:57,675 --> 01:09:00,176 I missed you, Daddy. 884 01:09:01,929 --> 01:09:04,722 Give your daddy a hug. 885 01:09:13,774 --> 01:09:16,276 Oh. Sorry, Peter. 886 01:09:21,740 --> 01:09:25,451 They will be back tonight. It is Allhallow's Eve. 887 01:09:25,536 --> 01:09:28,746 So, if you see anything, just ignore it, ignore it completely. 888 01:09:28,831 --> 01:09:32,500 Just pretend that it didn't happen. Have you got that? 889 01:09:42,386 --> 01:09:45,013 I don't hear anything. Do you? 890 01:09:45,097 --> 01:09:47,098 No. No. 891 01:09:48,392 --> 01:09:51,436 Don't you just love whiting? 892 01:10:11,540 --> 01:10:12,916 Madam. 893 01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:17,170 Madam, for you I've missed my wedding for the first time in years. 894 01:10:17,254 --> 01:10:19,297 That's how much I want you. 895 01:10:19,381 --> 01:10:23,635 Actually, I know I'm a ghost and a murderer, but forget about all that. 896 01:10:23,719 --> 01:10:27,096 Listen, tonight's Allhallow's Eve... 897 01:10:27,181 --> 01:10:29,390 ...the one night in the year that I turn to flesh. 898 01:10:29,475 --> 01:10:33,019 So, what do you say to a wee bit of skelping, eh? 899 01:10:37,358 --> 01:10:39,067 Come on. 900 01:10:39,151 --> 01:10:41,778 At least tell me your name. 901 01:10:53,207 --> 01:10:54,332 Wow! 902 01:10:54,416 --> 01:10:59,295 Oh, lady, I've got the best bahookies from here to Ballinderry. 903 01:10:59,380 --> 01:11:02,840 Come on, what do you say? Let's give it a twirl, eh? 904 01:11:03,717 --> 01:11:07,637 - Drop dead. - Oh, God, what a woman! 905 01:11:35,457 --> 01:11:39,752 "He who tups with the spirit finds only the grave. 906 01:11:41,171 --> 01:11:44,841 But the virtuous heart true love will save." 907 01:11:46,510 --> 01:11:51,222 "He who tups with the spirit finds only the grave. 908 01:11:51,307 --> 01:11:55,351 But the virtuous heart true love will save." 909 01:12:20,586 --> 01:12:23,629 A whiskey over here, please. A whiskey. 910 01:12:23,714 --> 01:12:26,883 Forget that. Relax, everybody. Take it easy. 911 01:12:26,967 --> 01:12:30,803 They won't come into a bar, would they? They don't drink whiskey. 912 01:12:30,888 --> 01:12:32,138 - Who? - Spirits. 913 01:12:32,222 --> 01:12:33,639 How the hell would I know? 914 01:12:33,724 --> 01:12:36,142 - The Irish ones do. - He says the Irish ones do. 915 01:12:36,226 --> 01:12:38,394 - Don't. - Now, what, do they or don't they? 916 01:12:38,479 --> 01:12:41,147 - You don't shagging know, do you? - Look! Look! 917 01:12:41,231 --> 01:12:44,442 It may be no more than a local disturbance in the extra-planar ether. 918 01:12:44,526 --> 01:12:47,779 - Ether, me bollocks. - A supernatural belch, you know what I mean? 919 01:12:47,863 --> 01:12:49,072 - Dad! - Dad! 920 01:12:50,574 --> 01:12:53,201 Davey, drinks all around! 921 01:12:53,285 --> 01:12:55,828 - What's that? - Ignore it! No! 922 01:12:55,913 --> 01:12:59,457 - Where's your ectoplism now? - What? 923 01:13:44,336 --> 01:13:47,922 - Now, what in the name of God is that? - Look, Dad, it's a submarine! 924 01:13:48,006 --> 01:13:50,258 - Look, it's moving! - What is that? 925 01:13:50,342 --> 01:13:53,678 Well, what's the shagging thing on top of it? 926 01:13:53,762 --> 01:13:55,847 It's a giant squid! 927 01:13:58,892 --> 01:14:04,480 "Yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I shall fear no evil." 928 01:14:06,900 --> 01:14:08,484 Mom! 929 01:14:08,569 --> 01:14:10,027 Mom! 930 01:14:10,696 --> 01:14:12,363 Woody! 931 01:14:14,533 --> 01:14:17,660 "Thy rod and thy staff, they will comfort me." 932 01:14:18,996 --> 01:14:20,830 Woody! 933 01:14:20,914 --> 01:14:23,791 - Woody! - Save the child! 934 01:14:25,919 --> 01:14:27,628 Woody! 935 01:14:28,255 --> 01:14:29,922 Hold on! 936 01:14:30,507 --> 01:14:32,633 Woody, hold on! 937 01:14:36,930 --> 01:14:38,848 Heave! 938 01:14:41,101 --> 01:14:43,394 Heave! 939 01:14:43,479 --> 01:14:44,937 Woody! 940 01:14:57,910 --> 01:15:01,037 Mom! Mom! Mom! 941 01:15:01,663 --> 01:15:03,164 Mom! 942 01:15:04,416 --> 01:15:06,959 - Mom! - Look! Hey, look! Oh, look. 943 01:15:07,044 --> 01:15:08,419 She's moving on! 944 01:15:08,504 --> 01:15:10,922 Be moving on. 945 01:15:12,716 --> 01:15:16,802 It's a bloody good thing we ignored it, huh? 946 01:15:55,008 --> 01:15:56,676 Hello. 947 01:15:58,262 --> 01:15:59,804 Hello. 948 01:16:03,892 --> 01:16:06,227 Oh, God, you're real! 949 01:16:11,942 --> 01:16:14,235 - Having fun? - Fun? 950 01:16:14,319 --> 01:16:18,698 - It's gotten totally out of control here! - I'm afraid I've been with my family. 951 01:16:18,782 --> 01:16:20,032 Is the roof leaking? 952 01:16:20,117 --> 01:16:22,994 - You have no idea what it was like. - It was worse than flying, sir. 953 01:16:23,620 --> 01:16:24,787 No. 954 01:16:24,871 --> 01:16:27,665 - Did we just tup? - No, but it's not too far off. 955 01:16:27,749 --> 01:16:29,834 Right. Right. 956 01:16:29,918 --> 01:16:32,003 Hey, how about some champagne, huh? 957 01:16:32,087 --> 01:16:36,215 A little champagne to get our mind off the old you-know-what. 958 01:16:36,300 --> 01:16:37,675 All right? 959 01:16:38,218 --> 01:16:40,803 Oh, I usually mess this up. 960 01:16:46,810 --> 01:16:51,939 "Drink to me only with thine eyes And I will pledge with mine 961 01:16:52,024 --> 01:16:56,694 Or leave a kiss within the cup And I'll not ask for wine" 962 01:16:56,778 --> 01:16:59,113 That was so beautiful. 963 01:16:59,197 --> 01:17:02,783 - Who wrote it? - Ben Jonson. 964 01:17:02,868 --> 01:17:05,578 Oh, Ben Jonson. 965 01:17:06,538 --> 01:17:11,167 You know, whenever I hear Ben's material... 966 01:17:11,251 --> 01:17:14,670 ...it just makes me think about you-know-what. 967 01:17:14,755 --> 01:17:18,007 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I apologize. 968 01:17:18,091 --> 01:17:20,051 - Quote me something. - Quote? 969 01:17:20,135 --> 01:17:23,095 - Anything. To keep our minds off... ...You-know-what. 970 01:17:23,180 --> 01:17:24,805 Right. A quote. 971 01:17:28,935 --> 01:17:32,229 "There ain't nothing in the world like a big-eyed girl 972 01:17:32,314 --> 01:17:36,359 To make me act so funny Make me spend my money 973 01:17:36,443 --> 01:17:40,613 Makes me feel real loose like a long-necked goose 974 01:17:42,324 --> 01:17:44,450 "Oh, baby, that's what I like" 975 01:17:46,578 --> 01:17:48,412 That's so... 976 01:17:48,497 --> 01:17:51,666 - Who wrote that? - The Big Bopper. 977 01:17:51,750 --> 01:17:54,377 Maybe you know him. He's dead, too. 978 01:17:55,170 --> 01:17:56,962 Are you sure they're gone? 979 01:17:57,047 --> 01:17:59,131 - Everyone, stay behind me. - What? 980 01:17:59,216 --> 01:18:00,966 - Stay behind him. - We have to check this place out. 981 01:18:01,051 --> 01:18:03,552 - Never seen a parapsychologist at work before. - Every inch of it. 982 01:18:03,637 --> 01:18:05,888 - The castle, grounds... - It's kind of scary down... 983 01:18:05,972 --> 01:18:07,014 Quiet! 984 01:18:07,099 --> 01:18:08,974 I doubt it will work with the Plunkett ancestors. 985 01:18:09,059 --> 01:18:12,436 - Got to try. Check outside. - They're rather unapproachable. 986 01:18:16,149 --> 01:18:17,942 Go on in. 987 01:18:18,026 --> 01:18:19,568 Quiet. 988 01:18:23,073 --> 01:18:26,784 - Oh, Sir Jack, I'm in me cups. - No. 989 01:18:26,868 --> 01:18:30,204 It's nothing. I'm really drunk. 990 01:18:31,748 --> 01:18:33,499 - No, we mustn't. - Right. 991 01:18:33,583 --> 01:18:36,419 - We should just be friends. - Yeah. 992 01:18:48,515 --> 01:18:50,015 Go! 993 01:18:53,311 --> 01:18:54,812 Halt! 994 01:18:55,939 --> 01:18:58,691 - Go! - How beautiful the night looks! 995 01:18:58,775 --> 01:19:01,736 I'm having the time of my life! 996 01:19:10,620 --> 01:19:12,621 Keep it down... 997 01:19:14,458 --> 01:19:16,709 Isn't it beautiful? 998 01:19:17,711 --> 01:19:20,129 Not as beautiful as you. 999 01:19:24,426 --> 01:19:27,970 Will you hold it down and listen to the paracyclist? 1000 01:19:28,054 --> 01:19:33,601 I formally declare this a spirit-free zone! 1001 01:20:02,088 --> 01:20:04,548 - Now, I'm not tupping. - No. 1002 01:20:04,633 --> 01:20:06,342 I'm not tupping, right? 1003 01:20:06,426 --> 01:20:11,597 I mean, this is somewhere between a skelp and a tup, right? 1004 01:20:35,997 --> 01:20:39,291 Holy God, that's my shagging bus! 1005 01:20:39,376 --> 01:20:42,586 - This shouldn't be happening. - Not again. 1006 01:20:42,671 --> 01:20:45,339 Somebody's blowing it here. Where's Jack? 1007 01:20:46,716 --> 01:20:47,550 Sharon. 1008 01:20:50,804 --> 01:20:53,430 My darling, Sharon! 1009 01:20:56,977 --> 01:20:59,770 - No, Jack. - Okay. 1010 01:20:59,855 --> 01:21:01,772 - We mustn't. - Okay. 1011 01:21:01,857 --> 01:21:03,190 - I can't. - You can't? 1012 01:21:03,275 --> 01:21:05,401 - It's not right. - I know, I know. 1013 01:21:05,485 --> 01:21:06,902 - Oh, that's nice. - Yeah? 1014 01:21:06,987 --> 01:21:08,445 Yeah. 1015 01:21:08,530 --> 01:21:10,781 I mean, no. Stop. 1016 01:21:10,866 --> 01:21:12,366 - Stop. - Oh, don't listen to me, Jack. 1017 01:21:12,450 --> 01:21:13,742 - Go on. - Go on? 1018 01:21:17,831 --> 01:21:20,457 Sharon, I love thee! 1019 01:21:20,542 --> 01:21:22,751 And tonight's bahookie night! 1020 01:21:23,837 --> 01:21:26,297 Oh, Sharon, I love thee! 1021 01:21:26,381 --> 01:21:29,300 No, Jack. Remember our promise? 1022 01:21:29,384 --> 01:21:32,428 Remember? We can't. 1023 01:21:32,512 --> 01:21:34,638 A little to the right. 1024 01:21:37,851 --> 01:21:40,769 Come here, my wee beauty. Come here to me! 1025 01:21:42,522 --> 01:21:43,564 Where are you? 1026 01:21:46,401 --> 01:21:48,611 Oh, Sharon. Wait! Wait! Wait! 1027 01:21:48,695 --> 01:21:51,530 - I love you, Jack. - I love you, Mary. 1028 01:22:08,965 --> 01:22:12,176 Actually, you look very like my mother. 1029 01:22:12,260 --> 01:22:14,511 Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. 1030 01:22:14,596 --> 01:22:18,474 Oh, Lord, please save this beautiful creature from these demons. 1031 01:22:18,558 --> 01:22:22,478 If a life must be taken, take mine. Take mine. 1032 01:22:22,562 --> 01:22:24,730 - Take... Yes. - Oh, no. 1033 01:22:24,814 --> 01:22:26,482 "Yea, though I walk through... 1034 01:22:26,566 --> 01:22:28,609 ...the valley of the shadow of death." - Brother Tony! 1035 01:22:28,693 --> 01:22:30,319 - Goodbye, my love. - Where are you going? 1036 01:22:30,403 --> 01:22:33,405 - "I shall fear no evil, for thou art with me." - Don't leave me here, Tony! 1037 01:22:34,658 --> 01:22:37,952 My God, Jack, we shouldn't have. 1038 01:22:40,997 --> 01:22:43,499 Mary, that was something. 1039 01:22:58,431 --> 01:23:01,684 Where are you? Sharon, this isn't a joke anymore. 1040 01:23:02,852 --> 01:23:05,604 Shitehawks McGoldrick Quinn! 1041 01:23:17,784 --> 01:23:19,702 Mary, what's happened? 1042 01:23:19,786 --> 01:23:24,581 It's the powers, Jack. I'm 200 years old. 1043 01:23:25,750 --> 01:23:27,376 Oh, Jack... 1044 01:23:29,629 --> 01:23:31,505 Jack... 1045 01:23:35,927 --> 01:23:38,512 "He who tups with the spirit tups with the grave." 1046 01:23:38,596 --> 01:23:41,515 - Jack, don't leave me, Jack. - Mary. 1047 01:23:43,101 --> 01:23:44,601 Help me! 1048 01:23:48,606 --> 01:23:49,690 Oh, Jack! 1049 01:23:49,774 --> 01:23:51,233 Jack. 1050 01:23:51,317 --> 01:23:54,528 Jack, you just tell me you love me. 1051 01:23:54,612 --> 01:23:57,156 - Make it all right. - But you're not Mary. You're a corpse! 1052 01:23:57,240 --> 01:23:59,283 - Jack! - Now, don't do this to me, darling! 1053 01:23:59,367 --> 01:24:01,577 No! Get away from me! 1054 01:24:01,661 --> 01:24:04,705 - Jack! - Oh, bollocks! 1055 01:24:06,291 --> 01:24:08,584 Holy Jesus! 1056 01:24:13,715 --> 01:24:16,175 - Hi, Marty. - Where's the wife? 1057 01:24:17,802 --> 01:24:21,013 - Not mine, you dolt, yours! - Jack... 1058 01:24:21,097 --> 01:24:23,223 I'm being followed by a UFO! 1059 01:24:23,308 --> 01:24:26,101 - Honey, it was... - Sharon! Sharon! You can't get so excited! 1060 01:24:26,186 --> 01:24:27,644 - I didn't know what was going on! - Excited? 1061 01:24:27,729 --> 01:24:30,898 - I mean, obviously... - Come here to me, you wee tupter! 1062 01:24:33,485 --> 01:24:36,904 Hiya, Mary. We're just playing around, darling, you know? 1063 01:24:36,988 --> 01:24:38,655 Jack? 1064 01:24:39,449 --> 01:24:43,077 You threw me over for this? This... 1065 01:24:44,370 --> 01:24:47,623 I mean, I knew you liked passive women, Jack, but she's half-dead. 1066 01:24:47,707 --> 01:24:49,958 I hope she has a great personality because this hurts. 1067 01:24:50,043 --> 01:24:51,585 - Well, look, at least she said she loved me. - This really hurts. 1068 01:24:51,669 --> 01:24:54,296 - That's a lot more than you ever did. - I do love you, Jack. I do. 1069 01:24:54,380 --> 01:24:56,381 You wee harlot, I'll kill you. 1070 01:24:56,466 --> 01:24:58,092 - Oh, no! Oh, no! - I'll kill you! 1071 01:24:58,176 --> 01:25:01,553 No, she looks dead enough already. Don't start that! Please don't start that! 1072 01:25:01,638 --> 01:25:03,847 It's all right, Sharon. 1073 01:25:03,932 --> 01:25:07,476 - Oh, Jack, your wife's some woman. - So is yours. 1074 01:25:07,560 --> 01:25:08,811 So was yours. 1075 01:25:08,895 --> 01:25:11,105 - Oh, Sharon. - Oh, Martin. 1076 01:25:11,189 --> 01:25:13,065 Where are you going? 1077 01:25:13,149 --> 01:25:14,316 Jack. 1078 01:25:14,400 --> 01:25:17,277 Jack, I was just kidding. 1079 01:25:17,362 --> 01:25:19,530 You were made for each other... 1080 01:25:19,614 --> 01:25:22,783 ...and you look great, you really do. - It's bahookie time. 1081 01:25:22,867 --> 01:25:24,576 Jack... 1082 01:25:24,661 --> 01:25:28,997 Bye, Mary. Sorry for the last 200 years, darling. 1083 01:25:29,624 --> 01:25:33,669 Jack, you said you'd love me forever. 1084 01:25:34,671 --> 01:25:37,965 I know. I know. I know, Mary, I just... 1085 01:25:38,049 --> 01:25:41,051 You were... You were so different then. 1086 01:25:41,136 --> 01:25:43,720 Only on the outside, Jack. 1087 01:25:44,389 --> 01:25:46,390 Inside, I'm the same. 1088 01:25:46,474 --> 01:25:51,311 I know. I know looks aren't everything. 1089 01:25:51,396 --> 01:25:54,189 - I'm in here, Jack. - It's just that they can help so much... 1090 01:25:54,274 --> 01:25:56,441 ...when you... - Jack, kiss me. 1091 01:25:56,526 --> 01:25:58,360 Kiss you? 1092 01:25:59,154 --> 01:26:02,114 - Maybe we should get some moisturizer. - Kiss me, Jack. 1093 01:26:02,198 --> 01:26:05,784 Or some medical supervision or something. 1094 01:26:09,038 --> 01:26:10,873 Please, Jack. 1095 01:26:19,799 --> 01:26:23,677 Stop, let me catch my breath. Martin, where are you? 1096 01:26:29,100 --> 01:26:31,560 Martin, wait! Don't go! 1097 01:26:34,439 --> 01:26:37,733 - Sharon! Sharon! - How the hell did you get up there? 1098 01:26:37,817 --> 01:26:40,652 No, no! Don't go, Martin! No, wait! Wait! 1099 01:26:54,042 --> 01:26:56,210 Sharon! 1100 01:26:56,836 --> 01:26:59,087 I'm in here, love! 1101 01:26:59,172 --> 01:27:01,215 Martin, where are you? 1102 01:27:03,009 --> 01:27:05,093 - Oh, Martin. - Oh, Sharon. 1103 01:27:05,178 --> 01:27:07,596 - You do love me, don't you? - Oh, yes. 1104 01:27:07,680 --> 01:27:11,391 - You do love me, Sir Jack? - Yeah. 1105 01:27:11,476 --> 01:27:13,644 Then look at me. 1106 01:27:15,813 --> 01:27:18,023 Well, then, be with me, be with me forever. 1107 01:27:18,107 --> 01:27:20,317 Any way you want it. 1108 01:27:26,908 --> 01:27:28,492 Sharon? 1109 01:27:29,661 --> 01:27:32,037 Mary. Mary! 1110 01:27:41,297 --> 01:27:42,839 Sharon... 1111 01:27:44,008 --> 01:27:45,634 Sharon. 1112 01:27:47,011 --> 01:27:50,097 Oh, Sharon... Oh, Sharon. 1113 01:27:50,181 --> 01:27:52,099 Oh, my God. 1114 01:27:53,226 --> 01:27:54,851 Oh, God. 1115 01:27:54,936 --> 01:27:58,021 Oh, what have I... What have I done? 1116 01:28:00,233 --> 01:28:04,111 You weren't meant for this. I don't want this to happen. 1117 01:28:04,195 --> 01:28:06,071 Oh, God... 1118 01:28:06,906 --> 01:28:08,615 Sharon... 1119 01:28:18,543 --> 01:28:20,627 Forever, Jack. 1120 01:28:35,184 --> 01:28:37,978 - You're alive. - Aye. 1121 01:28:51,492 --> 01:28:57,456 - What do you mean I'm dead? - Ah, now, take my word for it. 1122 01:28:57,999 --> 01:29:01,918 Oh, you're just saying that so you can have your wicked way with me. 1123 01:29:02,003 --> 01:29:06,173 Sure, if you weren't dead, I wouldn't be able to have my way with you. 1124 01:29:06,257 --> 01:29:08,300 This is ridiculous. 1125 01:29:17,977 --> 01:29:22,314 You can't hide from me. I can find you. 1126 01:29:27,153 --> 01:29:29,821 - You can't fool me. - They're gone. 1127 01:29:29,906 --> 01:29:31,990 - Here, file that. - Malcolm! 1128 01:29:32,075 --> 01:29:35,243 - They're gone! - They're not gone. 1129 01:30:12,198 --> 01:30:14,157 Brother Tony, you forgot your collar. 1130 01:30:14,242 --> 01:30:18,203 No, he didn't. He threw it away. Didn't you, baby? 1131 01:30:24,419 --> 01:30:26,711 I'm only human. 1132 01:30:30,133 --> 01:30:33,385 Mr. Plunkett, single-handedly the worst vacation that I've ever experienced in my life. 1133 01:30:33,469 --> 01:30:36,388 - Thank you, Mr. Clay. - However, I'll recommend Castle Plunkett... 1134 01:30:36,472 --> 01:30:39,516 ...as the most haunted castle in the Western Hemisphere. 1135 01:30:39,600 --> 01:30:41,518 I hope that helps you with your business. 1136 01:30:41,602 --> 01:30:43,603 - You're too kind. - I second that. 1137 01:30:43,688 --> 01:30:45,522 Most gracious. 1138 01:30:50,862 --> 01:30:52,988 - Bye! - See you! 1139 01:30:59,829 --> 01:31:01,204 They're gone, dear. 1140 01:31:10,882 --> 01:31:13,800 Come on, Eamon. I'll make you a nice fish sandwich. 1141 01:31:36,741 --> 01:31:40,118 I cannot thank you enough, Sir Jack, for deciding to stay. 1142 01:31:40,203 --> 01:31:42,245 Oh, hey, where am I gonna go, right? 1143 01:31:42,330 --> 01:31:45,916 And listen, Mary, when are you gonna stop calling me "sir"? 1144 01:31:46,000 --> 01:31:47,959 Sorry, I can't help it. 1145 01:31:48,044 --> 01:31:51,171 Well, maybe when you decide to marry me. 1146 01:31:51,255 --> 01:31:52,839 Are you asking? 1147 01:31:52,924 --> 01:31:57,886 Well, my wife's hardly dead, and it was such a horrible death. 1148 01:31:57,970 --> 01:32:01,223 Maybe we could wait a couple of centuries or... 1149 01:32:03,851 --> 01:32:05,560 - Oh, God. - Hey! Hey! Hey! 1150 01:32:05,645 --> 01:32:08,438 We booked the hall till 12:00. How about a little privacy? 1151 01:32:08,523 --> 01:32:11,525 The day is for the living, Jack. 1152 01:32:11,609 --> 01:32:14,319 The night is for the dead. 1153 01:32:15,446 --> 01:32:17,656 - How's the corpse? - Pretty good. 1154 01:32:17,740 --> 01:32:19,991 - How's the psycho? - Pussycat. 1155 01:32:20,076 --> 01:32:22,869 - So, was the trip worth it, Jack? - Yeah. Yeah. 1156 01:32:22,954 --> 01:32:24,454 She thinks I'm brilliant. 1157 01:32:24,539 --> 01:32:27,290 Well, Mary, you put on a wee bit of flesh since I last saw you. 1158 01:32:27,375 --> 01:32:29,417 I'm not getting stabbed every night anymore. 1159 01:32:29,502 --> 01:32:33,838 - Mary, it hurt me more than it hurt you. - Go on now with it. 1160 01:32:33,923 --> 01:32:36,258 So, how's the Yank? 1161 01:32:36,801 --> 01:32:40,053 - He takes me shopping. - Come here to me. 1162 01:32:40,137 --> 01:32:43,473 My love. My reason for dying. 1163 01:32:45,101 --> 01:32:47,727 How'd she ever learn to dance like that? 1164 01:32:47,812 --> 01:32:50,146 Happiness, Sir Jack. 1165 01:32:50,773 --> 01:32:53,191 Yeah. Happiness. 89555