All language subtitles for Family.Karma.S01E01.Family.Secrets.720p.HDTV.x264-CRiMSON[eztv]_ENG_Subtitles01

- Wait a second, though.

One second.
- Oh, my god.

- Shut it off.
- You want me to find a girl

so I'm going to be
on my phone and find a girl.

I'm trying to give you guys a,
you want a grandkid?

- Abso-fricken-lutely.

- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

[lively music]
[people cheering]

- 20% of the world is indian.

So we're here.
There's a lot of us.

- Hello, ladies.
- Hey!

- None of our families are
originally from america.

Our families
all migrated to florida.

- Oh, sh--.

- Our parents basically founded
this community.

They had arranged marriages.
We had arranged friendships.

- Cheers to tradition.

- We grew up doing
temple classes as kids.

- We would perform together
for the bali dances.

We're like family.

We're going
to be friends always,

like "the baby-sitters club."

- one, two, three cheese.
- Vishal.

- Anisha, get the ladder.

- How does the ganesha
look there?

- It looks good.

- Okay, then no need
for the ladder.

You can take it back.
- Really?

- Bye.
- Why are things on the floor?

- I'm just a little behind.

- Look at this.
- Oh, my god.

- Indian families
live together.

So you have mom, dad,
grandmother, maid, maid's mom.

- I thought we agreed,

if I'm staying in this house,
it's partially mine.

- [laughs]

- there's extreme pressure
by the parents.

- Why haven't you made a date
for your wedding?

- Time is flying by?
Clock is ticking by.

- I had a astrologer
tell my parents

that and I had snakes
in my chakra.

- [speaks foreign language]

a big bubble that is growing.

- They spent a lot of money
to get those snakes removed.

[register chings]

- as a parent, I have to give
some advice a little bit.

- All of these aunties
and uncles in the community

are like my second moms
and my second dads.

- They all go out to happy hour
and they talk about us.

- She's a virgin.
- Do I need to know that?

[laughter]

- talking like 1-800-auntie,
this is what I just heard.

I'm wondering
if you talked to her?

- I did, I told her everything
that we discussed.

- Why?

- That's why we brush
everything underneath the rug.

- You stopped calling me.

- If you really want to start,
like, airing out things,

then we can all do it.

- I felt like I was
a little misled.

- That's bullsh--.

- You did it out of spite.

You did it intentionally.
You did it maliciously.

- We hold things in.

- Let your balls drop
and become a man.

- What?
- I have nothing left to say.

- I kind of don't like you.
- We bottle it up.

- Hold on, hold on a minute,
because you're lying.

- Until one day, poof.

We explode.

- I'm done with
this conversation.

[tense music]

[door thunks]
- ah, oh, (bleep).

[upbeat flute music]

♪ ♪

- audio take 3.

- Hello.
- Hi.

- I'm indian.

I'm vegetarian,
and I love cows.

What better way to advocate?

- Save the cows.
- Yeah, save the cows.

[upbeat music]

- I'll send it to you now.
- What kind of fabric is it?

- It's chiffon clipped out.

- Anisha!

- Coming, mom!

- You know, it's different

when you're
in fashion in new york,

and then you're in fashion
in your bedroom.

Like...
[laughs]

I loved living in new york.

But I'm following my dream
right now

with starting
my own clothing line.

It's a lot of money.

So I've moved home
and regressed 12 years.

- Anisha!

- The last time I dressed you
all, you looked adorable.

- I was four.
- You put it the wrong--

- you always get
my measurements wrong.

- Oh, no.

- I got my new
driver's license.

It expires now in 2026.

- Your child will be seven
years if it's born next year.

- Wasn't what I was saying.

- The only thing that matters
to me is if you're married.

- Agree to disagree.

- You are going to stay
in an apartment

and live alone
and eat chicken wings.

- No, mom.

- I don't want you to be an old
maid with gray pubic hair.

- It's a cluster----.

- I'm ready actually
for dinner.

- Hi, ammoomma.
- Hi, anisha.

- Hi, grandpa.
- Hi.

- How was your birthday
so far?

- Thank you.

- Oh, no, I didn't say,
"happy birthday."

- how was your day so far?

- Oh, very good.

- You're happy?
- Yeah, very happy.

- Why are you happy?
- Oh, because, you know,

today's my birthday.

- [laughs]

- my grandparents are, like,
my second set of parents.

Me and my grandfather--we love
going to hooters together.

- But people go there not
to eat--to see the girls.

They come...[mumbles]
they walk like that.

- He really wanted to spend
his birthday at hooters,

and we were like, "no."

[mellow hip-hop music]

- hi, how are you?
He's the birthday boy.

- Thank you.

- One sweet lassi, then
the appetizer will be samosa.

- Samosa, vegetable pakora,
and paneer pakora.

- Sounds good, guys.
I'll go ahead and put that in.

- Grandpa, I want to know,

did you meet any other girls
before ammoomma?

- Yeah.

- [laughs]

- but when you saw her,
you heard a bell?

- Yeah, I heard it okay.
- [laughs]

- my grandparents
had an arranged marriage.

They've been together
for 60 years.

Everyone in my entire family
has been arranged.

- My husband--we spoke to each
other for about three hours,

but within 10 days,
I was engaged.

- Here's that
vegetable pakora, guys.

- Let me take a picture of it.
[shutter clicks]

- menopause?

- [sputters]

- we have been telling her
for the last five years, so...

- I would have to give birth
and take care of someone.

- Anisha cries a lot about
the pressure she feels.

I don't feel sorry
for her at all.

- A lot of my friends
happen to be single,

older, younger, my age.

- Yeah, but they haven't seen--

- it's just
a changing time now.

- No, when you're 50...

- I agree with that.
- You need a companion.

Whom you can talk to--

- I don't want to be 50 and
netflix and chilling alone.

- Yes.
- Please have a child.

You don't have
to have even two.

- I don't need advice.

- He's calling who?

[laughing] he's calling you.
Why?

- Yes.

- No kids.

Zero.

- She just got married.

- Very good.

- Happy birthday, dada.

[laughs]

- [laughs]

[mellow sitar music]

♪ ♪

- hello.

- Brian.
- What's up?

- Yeah, no, I'm definitely
more westernized.

I mean,
I'm not a doctor or a lawyer.

My name is brian,

not like a afdah
or something like that.

- (bleep)

[laughs]

[bright sitar music]

♪ ♪

- all righty.
Let's do this.

- Is that what
you're jotting down?

Honestly, I don't even know
much about the blessing itself.

What's the items on the list?
- We need some fruits.

So we're going
to go with bananas.

The idea is to offer
something sweet to god.

- I'm not sweet enough
to offer?

- [laughs]
shut up.

- My mom is definitely more
on the religious side.

She'll go to temple
every Sunday.

If I tell her I had a bad day,

she'll start fasting
for, like, a week.

- Let's pick up an apple
and a pear.

- Garlic--
I know it was for vampires.

- Vampires?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
stuff like that.

- What does vampires
have to do with--

- voodoo.

My mom will try
to drag me along and go,

"oh, come to temple with me."

but growing up, it wasn't
really "cool" to be indian.

I would always get
the curry jokes.

"curry head."
"you smell like curry."

so I've always shied away
from it my whole life.

- You know the dry coconut?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
the dry, husky ones.

- Okay.
They look like a brain, right?

- Oh, sh--.
- I'm giving you the meaning.

- No, no, this is good, okay.
- Okay.

What do we do during puja?

The priest breaks it, right?
Why?

- To break your brain?
- Ego.

- Ah.
[speaks foreign language]

I like that.

- You need to learn cause
you're going to have

a future wife, right,

who is also going to do
all of these things.

- See, I knew this was
going to that.

- So some knowledge
is only gonna help you

because hopefully, she's indian.

- When I was in college,
I majored in partying.

[people cheering]

- oh!
- Oh.

And now I'm 27, pushing 30.

I have a good job.
I work in it.

All right.
Let's get blessed, huh?

I'm just actually trying
to be more mature,

especially with an indian girl,

which is exactly
what I'm looking for.

I got to dial it down
a little bit.

Maybe a little more
than a little bit.

- Okay.

- [laughs]

- how are you?
- Good, how are you?

- That's fine.
- Brian.

- Brian. Okay.
- Yes.

- Oh, yes.
Brian.

- [chanting in foreign language]

[percussive music]

♪ ♪

just over here.

♪ ♪

- well, it's not just a bmw.
It's a 340i, kay?

It's pretty fast.

- [chanting in foreign language]

- yes.

You buy a new car and
you always have to bless the car

to protect the vehicle
from all this exterior danger.

- She's, like,
in her moment right now.

- I'm in the zone.

- Take some [indistinct].

- [laughs]

- sorry.

- [laughs]

it was so funny.
Oh, my god.

- The limes.

- Oh, okay.

[engine turns over]

[priest and dharma chanting
in foreign language]

- I've grown up indian
my whole life,

but for the first time,
I'm just proud to be indian

and telling everybody
I'm indian.

What are you going
to do about it?

- Jai sri krishna.
- Jai sri krishna.

- Jai sri krishna.

- Both hands, brian, both hands.
- Both hands?

God, bless this child.

Male announcer: Coming up...

- Attaboy.
- Brian--he's like her sidekick.

- You're going to gaze at each
other and it's gonna be--

- fierce gaze.
- It's gonna be--

- okay. [laughs]
- am I right?

[music winds down]
- [laughs]

[laughter]

- would it have changed your way
if you married a woman?

- I don't think so.

- I was shattered.

[funky trumpet music]

♪ ♪

- I'm home.
- Hi, hon.

- So guess what I did?

I bought a lot
of different oils.

- Ah, okay.
- Yeah.

Okay?

- You have a lot of stuff
in your teeth.

Come on.

- Muah.
- [laughs]

can you go check
on vishal and richa,

see if they're awake?

- Okay.

- We had an arranged marriage.
- Yes.

My family told me, "it's time
now for you to get married."

so I went to--what you call it--
- to purchase a wife.

- Not to purchase a--
come on, don't say that.

[laughter]
- [snorts]

- vishal.
Ready for breakfast?

- [groans]

- your mother said
you have to work a lot today...

- [laughs]
- so I can retire.

- Good morning, richa.
- Morning.

Make him get up and work.
[laughs]

- what do you want
for breakfast?

- Whatever.
- [mumbles]

- [laughs]
- good morning.

- No, your parents are,
like, down the hall.

- Richa is the love
of my life because--

- I'm amazing.
- No.

- And phenomenal.
- Yes, but--

- you can't do better.

- And you're still here.

- [laughs]
that's your threshold?

Why are you, like, on me?
[laughs]

- I need space.

If you remember, I've been gone
for, like, a week and a half.

- We are in a long distance
relationship.

Half the time, she is working

and living in memphis
with her mom.

The other half of the time,

we can't even sleep
in the same bed

out of respect for my parents.

- He's very traditional,

very family-oriented,
very sweet.

- [laughs]
- mm.

- Good morning.
- Are you eating?

- Thank you.
[phone buzzing, clacking]

- no phones during breakfast.

- Hey, look.
- [laughs]

- they send me
in the family chat

a wedding in india

and they decorate
the whole street.

- I want to do something
better than that.

- It's been two years
since you proposed.

When do you guys want to start?

- Why do I have so many forks?
- Mm.

- Conversation deflected.
[laughs]

- you should get married sooner.

- So I proposed to her,
like, the western way.

I gave her a ring,
but we never actually had

an indian engagement ceremony,
which makes it official.

- They are boyfriend,
girlfriend still.

- [laughs]

- I think our wedding should be
on top of, like, a mountain,

where everyone has
to hike to it, so only--

- so only the people that we
like are actually going to come.

- Whoever is in good shape
will make it.

- I cannot make it.

I cannot make it
to the high peak.

- So it's only gonna be, like,
my five friends,

and, like, your two friends.

- In indian culture, you're
not marrying your partner.

We're marrying
each other's families,

fortunately or unfortunately.

- Do you want to say it
or should I tell my story?

- This is something
that involves my family

and my fiancée's family,
and let it just be.

- He's just sensitive

and doesn't want to talk about
any of the bad stuff.

- I like to...
[clicks tongue]

under the rug.

[upbeat music]

[engine roaring]

- my bmw is my baby.

I've worked extremely hard
for my car.

So when girls see me,
they're like,

"oh hey, you got a nice car.
You know, I'll date you."

[phone buzzes]

oh, hold on.
Hey.

- What are you doing?
- I'm doing my interview now.

- Yeah, let me finish up here.

Okay, bye.
We're back.

- Monica.

- Monica has not seen
my new car,

but I am excited
to show it to her.

[upbeat sitar music]

♪ ♪

- can you try it?

I feel like something's missing.

Does it need salt?

- It's good?
Spicy?

- [laughs]

- I would consider myself
to be a traditional indian girl.

By day, I am in it,

and at night,
I'm teaching indian dance.

Bangles, focus.
[laughter]

I don't get why
they named me monica.

Like, I go to my mom
and I'm like,

"couldn't you have given me
a beautiful indian name?"

and like sunjina, alia,
and she was like,

"how did I know that you were
going to turn out so indian?"

hi, daddy.
- Hi.

- How are you?

- I wish I was
in india right now.

I'm not gonna lie.
Are you getting me outfits?

- I'm going to need another
closet for indian clothes.

This is my dad, also,
aka, my best friend.

- [laughs]

- I lived with
my mom and my dad,

and then when
they got divorced,

I moved in with my dad.

- I don't want to let you go.

If I could have you
and your husband live with me,

that would be great too.
- Okay, that would--that would--

- but that would be wrong.
- That's pushing it.

- That's just--
yeah, that's wrong.

[doorbell rings]

- oh, wait, hold on.
Brian's coming.

- Allo.
- Hello, hello.

- What's up, what's up?
I'm facetiming my dad right now.

- Oh, yeah?

- I'm starving.

- I'm gonna make him cook
next time.

- [laughs]
yeah, okay.

- Brian--he's like her sidekick.

- Bye, daddy.
We're going to eat.

Love you, bye.

- It's not something
beyond that.

Am I right?

- [laughs softly]

he's, like, my homie, yeah.

Put your nose over it.
Ready? One, two, three.

[whooshes]
- [inhales deeply]

oh, yeah.
That's good stuff right there.

- It smells good?
You take the curry.

Listen, you only get
to eat this food

if you eat it
with your hands today.

- Oh, duh.
I mean, do you want to feed me?

- No.

- I've known monica
since sixth grade.

Met her at temple.

I was like, "oh, who's that
cute girl around the corner?

I gotta get to know her."

oh, we're going
traditional style on the knees.

- Yeah,
we're eating traditional.

- We just clicked.

We would talk on aim.
Aim was a big deal.

I think her name was,
like, littlecindyma.

Mine was stupid.
It was like falconinferno51.

- Attaboy.

Attaboy.

Shimmy.
Slow shimmy, not fast shimmy?

- Slow shimmy.
- Fast.

- You got vibe it.
Oh.

Oh, yeah.
I ----ing love it,

I ----ing love it.
[laughs]

oh, by the way,
you didn't see my new car?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I saw it on instagram.

- Oh.

- Did your parents make you
get a specific color,

'cause, like,
I had to get a white car.

- Oh, really? No.
- For, like, horoscope.

- They're like,
"white cars are good luck."

charcoal gray cars
are really bad luck.

- Shut the (bleep) up.
You're talking trash.

I was like,
"oh, don't tell me that yet."

but my mom, she was harping
on me to bless the car

and I haven't done
a car puja ever.

- Have you done any puja ever?

- You know, I'm not a rookie.

- Take some [indistinct].

- No, no.

- [laughs]
- sorry.

- I'm just a little,
uh, out of the game.

- All right, listen to me.
There's a gala event coming up,

that big diwali gala
that happens every year.

- Uh-huh.
Never been.

- Diwali is really
that start to the new year,

ridding the evil
and bringing in good energy.

And the gala is really going
to kick off that season

of festivities
and parties for us.

There's gonna be
so many indian girls.

I know you're going to,
like, have a good time.

- I never know what I want
until I--

- I know.

You have to treat indian girls
properly, okay?

They don't want no
short-term anything.

They want like, long term.

- So you want me
to touch their feet?

- Yeah.
Press their feet too. [laughs]

- shut the (bleep).

- Brian's personality type
as a dater?

He's a player.

- Monica knows everything
about me.

I know a lot about her,
and she's a good girl.

She's not, like, a drinker.
She's not a partier.

So when we hang out,

it's either me and her talking
or cooking and feeding me.

- Does it?
It sounds couple-y?

[laughs]

- this is what's gonna happen.

Some girl's gonna walk past you.
"oh, excuse me."

her bangle is gonna get caught
in your [inaudible].

- Oh, my god.
- And now you're gonna be like--

you're gonna gaze at each other
and it's going to be--

- fierce gaze.
- It's gonna be--okay. [laughs]

oh, no, wait, I thought we were
getting, like--okay, okay, okay.

- It's going to be
a moment, okay?

- You think it's couple-y?

Is that what couples do?
Sounds like it, doesn't it?

I never think about it
like that.

Announcer: Coming up...

- If I tell you to leave vishal,
are you going to leave him?

- If our relationship
doesn't work, mom,

it doesn't work.

There's nothing
you can do about it.

- I am deathly afraid
of my future mother-in-law.

[fly buzzing]
- there it is.

There it is.
There it is.

Guys, what do we do?
There it is. There it is.

There it is, there--
right there, right there.

Go, go, go, go, go.
Right on the light.

[loud clang]
[woman yelps]

[upbeat music]

[birds cawing]

- hello, mr. Kapai?

- Teresa, I need to get
a pleading on file

mid-next week depending
on when I hear back

from some of the other parties
in the case.

- Amrit?

Amrit?
- One sec, mom.

- You have to eat
your fruit, babe.

- We're going to need to prepare
a certificate of service.

- Theo, you want to come?

He's just working here.
Do you want to come?

- Any, uh,
procedural requirements.

- Come here, poochie-poo.
Come.

- I haven't lived at home
since I was 18.

Here, just leave him.
I'll bring him out, mom.

I've just moved back
from chicago

to help my firm
build a miami office.

- Stay.

- The office isn't set up yet,

so I'm working from home
right now.

- Did you eat your fruit, babe?

- Hold on.

It's like, "ma, shh."

- yep, talk to you.
Bye.

My boss doesn't need to know
that, like, lunch is ready.

- Hungry?
- Yeah, I'm hungry.

- It will be ready
in about 10 minutes.

- Okay.
- Theo, listen to me.

If you chew that sofa like
you chewed the rug, guess what?

You're going to nicholas papa
right now.

- Next flight.

- I don't know if he's
listening to you guys.

- I doubt.
What does he care?

- I talked to nicholas
this morning.

- Did you?
- He messaged me at 7:00.

- He did look cute
in his little glasses, right?

With his--
- yeah, he looks like a teacher.

- Sometimes, I think I check
all the boxes for my parents--

successful, went straight
through law school.

But there was this
one last box,

the most important box
for indian parents--

bring in a daughter-in-law.

Nope.
[laughs]

option c.
Nicholas.

- Is everything okay
with you and nicholas?

- Yeah, this is
sort of a test, you know?

If we can be committed
to each other

without seeing
each other day to day.

I can't imagine how
you guys did it though.

- With who?

- Just the arranged,
not knowing each other.

I mean, some people say that

it's not the first person
you meet is your soulmate.

It might be the 10th person,
the 20th person.

- True.

- By that time,
your life is half over.

We started our life
when I was 20 and he was 24.

- If I got married at 24,
I would've married a woman

cause I couldn't even accept
that I was gay at 24.

- Could it have changed
your way if you married,

like you said,
at 24 if you married a woman?

[pensive music]

- I don't think so.

- Words cannot describe it.

I was shattered.
[laughs softly]

I still fight with god.
I talk to god a lot.

You've given me enough in life.
Why this now?

But now I tell him thank you
because I love him the same.

It doesn't matter.

- At the end of the day, it's
about finding a life partner.

- Exactly.

We have accepted
and adapted a lot.

We accepted even
a live-in relationship,

but marriage has got
its own sanctity.

- Being gay
in the indian community,

it just goes against
that family unit.

So I was fortunate enough

that my parents
and my close, close friends

all stuck with me
through thick and thin.

In fact,
when I came out to vishal,

who is my closest,
longest friend,

his reaction was,
"am I gay too?"

and I was like, "well, maybe."

- you're free to live your life
the way you want.

That's it.
- Absolutely.

- And that's the bottom line.

[upbeat string music]

♪ ♪

- let's do a gram.

Headed to lunch with this one.

- What's up?
- Brother from another mother.

♪ ♪

- hi, how are you?

- Anisha and me,
we grew up together.

Our parents have known each
other for the past 25 years,

so we've also known each other
for the past 25 years.

- Hello, guys, how are you?
- Hello.

I'll do the--the pork siomai.

- And you can split it for us?
- Exactly.

- Awesome.

[blows nose loudly]

- this is not ruining
my appetite at all.

- [continues blowing loudly]
- [laughs]

- me and vishal talk all day
and text every day.

We even talk to each other
when we're pooping.

- No, but he has tried
to facetime me

while I'm pooping, and no.

- Oh, that looks amazing.
- Oh, look at this spoon.

I'm going to instagram
this spoon.

[shutter clicks]

- yeah, there's a lot
of events coming up.

I do wish it was diwali season,
like, of the past.

- Because when we were
growing up,

there was a party, like, every--

like, I don't know how
our parents did it.

- Diwali time was
the best time of year

cause we would always
be practicing our dances.

- Yeah, I remember.

We would sleep over
at your house at costa del sol.

- Build tents.
[laughs]

- I peed on your mom's bed.

- What?
- Yeah.

- That's gross.

- I've known vishal
most of my life.

Vishal's the party guy.

You know, like,
he's the connector.

Everyone's friends with vishal.
Monica, brian, and amrit.

Like, everyone I know
in the indian community

is because vishal
introduced me to them.

- I'm gonna have, like, all the
sauce on my shirt after this.

[squeals]

- every time I go around doral,
I see your mom's name.

- I have a lot of listings
on my own now too.

- How's that going?

Is your mom like, "when are you
going to take over?"

- I do know I'm not
the same level as my mom.

Like, she is just
a crazy person that comes--

- you're not. [laughs]
- I know. I know this already.

She's the queen of the city.
We sent them the counter offer.

- So I told you,
"don't send it."

but why did you send it
without even thinking?

We're making nothing.

- I wouldn't say real estate

and working with my mom
was always my goal.

I wanted to be an actor.
I moved to la for two years.

I went to classes.
I went to auditions.

I wish there was a word that
meant "complete satisfaction."

it did not go well.

You know, honestly,
I've always felt pressure

from the community
just to be successful.

- Especially if your parents
are successful like ours.

My business is online,
so I'm, like,

picking my nose
and drinking tea

and picking my wedgies
in my room on my computer.

Aunties, like,
have told my mom, like,

"your daughter's
always on instagram."

it's like,
worry about your own child.

I was living the dream
in new york.

I had my independence.
I lived alone.

And then I come back here,

and everyone's
in your business.

There weren't any aunties
in "sex and the city."

I called your mom.

Me and my mom are going
to go to the gala.

Yeah, they're going
to support you.

- Yeah.

- I know you got
that table for us.

- It's a cool networking event.
You know?

It's, like, all dignitaries
in our community.

Like, last year,
the ceo of pepsi

spoke at that event and
food just came out of my face.

- It's okay.

- The diwali kickoff gala
is impressive sh--.

I bought a table.
Invited all my friends.

I also invited richa's mom.

Kinda nervous that her mom and--
is coming.

Our parents haven't really
hung out for a while, actually.

A few years it's been, so...
- Really?

- I don't think I've ever
told you this, but, um...

[indistinct chatter]

like, half the time,
I think she doesn't like me.

[laughs]

- you know, my family, we all
just want the best for you.

- I am deathly afraid
of my future mother-in-law.

- [laughs]

announcer: Coming up...
- Turn it up, turn it up.

[upbeat sitar music playing]

- I think monica and brian
should definitely date.

- The worst case, we'll take him
to india and find him a nice--

- woah, woah, woah, woah,
woah, woah, woah, woah.

[upbeat sitar music]

♪ ♪

- did she make the fish?
- Huh?

- Did she make fish for you?

- Hold on.
I'm sorry.

Um, what were you saying?

- There should be no phone calls

when you're having a
conversation with your mother.

It's kind of rude.
- You sound like richa.

- I do?
She says the same thing too?

- Yeah, she gets mad at me
for always looking at my phone.

- How long is richa's mom
here for?

- I think she's here
till Tuesday?

So you excited for the gala?

- I don't know.

- You had fun last year
with daddy.

- I was not very happy
about the seating last year.

- I got us some good tables
this year, actually.

Yeah, I'm surrounded by very
strong women in my life.

I got my mama.
I got richa.

I got my future mother-in-law.

I guess if you want
to shorten it up, my fml.

[laughs]

[bombastic music]

- I think we're gonna
go to that place, brimstone.

♪ ♪

[beep]

[door creaks]

[mellow music]

♪ ♪

- I come to miami for work
almost every month.

Otherwise, I stay away.

There's too much of gossip
goes on.

- I'm going to be frank
about that because

I'm single, and indian people
have a tendency to talk.

"stay away from her.
She's single.

She may take away your husband."
[laughs]

[upbeat sitar music]

- do you want
anything to drink?

- You're in miami.
You don't want a mojito?

- No.

- You're not doing a jagerbomb.

- Just stick with your cosmo.
[laughter]

I can't see you drinking
a jagerbomb.

Next, you're going
to do a fireball shot.

And then I won't know
what to do with you.

- Welcome to brimstone.

- The drinks--
we already know what we want.

I want cosmopolitan, so...
- Okay.

- She's been divorced and
single for a very long time,

and the career that she's in
is very male dominated.

So she's become very tough.

- I need a straw for that.

A straw for that too.
- Of course.

- She likes her cosmos
with straws. [laughs]

she has that little bit
of crazy in her eye,

which is, like, a good crazy.

I was talking
to vishal yesterday.

I know for the gala,

I think he wants both
the families to, like, be, like,

a-okay and, like,
happy with each other.

[tense music]

- that's bullsh--.

That's up to them.

- Five years ago, somebody
asked me, "what does vishal do?"

and I said,
"I really do not know, exactly.

Maybe he wants to be
a movie star."

- girls always try
to show me off

like I am some prize to be won.

♪ ♪

- but then his mom found out
that I said that

her boy doesn't do anything,
and she took that as an insult.

I said, you know,
if I don't know, I don't know.

So that's how
the whole thing started.

She does not like me
because I said that.

- Perfect.
Thank you.

Good? Okay.
- [coughs]

you and vishal's mom both
need to sit down anyway

after whatever happened,
misunderstanding happened.

- Yeah, we will see.

I mean, you know, I'm not gonna
take nonsense from anybody.

- I actually think
you two are very similar.

You're very, like, "wah."
and she's very, "wah."

- kay, but also remember
I am the outsider here.

I'm alone.

You want to marry daughter,
but then you gonna--

not gonna be respectful to me?

That's not how
it's supposed to be.

Marriage means
two families together,

but they try to cut me out.

I cannot even communicate
with reshma anymore.

I mean, when I came to their
older son's wedding,

reshma just totally ignored
the whole--

every time she saw me standing,

she turned around
and walked off.

She showed her colors
at that time.

- Looks good.
Thank you.

After all this, you still
want to plan a big wedding?

[pensive music]

- if I tell you to leave vishal,
are you going to leave him?

If there's a good reason.

You have to give me
a valid reason.

- He's definitely afraid of you,
which I've always told you.

- Her mom is,

like, "harsh."

- she is,
and you can't handle that.

You've never seen his face
when he has to, like,

message you or call you.

It's like a ghost has, like,
come, and he's, like, so afraid.

- I feel like your mom doesn't
think I'm good enough for you.

- I normally tell her, like,

"mom, like, I care about him.
I love him.

"this is the boy
that I've picked.

Like, you just have
to deal with it."

you're not going to be happy
with any boy that I bring.

You're like one of those dads
that's just never

going to, like--
you'll always find a flaw.

That's fine.

I hope that
that's a compliment to me.

- Yes, it is.
It is.

Because I see my child
as a smart,

good looking,
straight a+ student,

so when you find somebody
who is, like,

below you, then I'm like,

"okay, he's not
up to your standard.

Then why?"

and now, you--
looking at your dad,

do you think he was up
to my standard?

- My daddy was a nice guy.

- But he was not compatible.

- But I'm compatible
with vishal.

- When you're in love,
that's what you think.

- The first time I met vishal,

he crashed my older sister's
graduation party.

He was dancing on a pole.

He had that weird, goofy vibe
that just came off immediately.

[gritty electronic music]

♪ ♪

within, like, two minutes.
I was like,

"this is the guy
I'm going to be with."

- I'm a fairly decent
judge of character,

and I've been
in a relationship with him

for seven years already.

Isn't it smarter that we didn't
get married at 20 or 24?

Because everyone that did
get married that was indian,

that was 20, 24,

everyone that we know
got divorced--

- so what guarantee
is there after 32?

- There isn't a guarantee,

but if our relationship doesn't
work, mom, it doesn't work.

There's nothing
you can do about it.

[tense music]

- you can't change that.
There's nothing you can do.

- We'll see.

Female announcer: Coming up...
[upbeat sitar music]

- we're going to have my family
and richa's family

coming together
in the same gala, and--

- and I'm extremely excited
about it.

- That was the fakest voice
I heard.

- [laughs]

- I came to the us
when I was 13 years old,

so, like, like--
this is all I know.

So for me,
I'm american in my head.

He's american.
He gets an american name.

- What would you have named me

if you were to give me
an indian name?

- Fakir.
- Rohan or wushan.

- I like fakir better.

- Can you stop?
- [laughs]

[energetic sitar music]

♪ ♪

- mom?
- Yeah?

- Seriously, though.
How long do I need this on?

- Oh, honey.
- This is, like, out of control.

- It's done now.
- I feel like I got botox

and my face is, like...
- [giggles]

why don't you just thank me
for making you look beautiful?

- Oh, yeah, no.
I'm, like, your guinea pig.

My mom has never
had a daughter.

My little brother, nick,
was supposed to be a nicole,

so she's always wanted a girl.

And she experiments on me
all the time.

Mom, you put it on my ears too?

- [laughs]

- she definitely wants me
to look really good tonight.

Monica's invited my family
to this indian gala event...

[exhales]

and there's going to be
"potential wives" in her eyes.

Do you know how
to even tie this?

- Yeah, we'll figure it out.
[sighs]

I feel like you're getting
married or something, man.

- No one's getting married--

just 'cause
you got married at 24.

My parents had
a true love marriage.

- You know, we met in school.
We dated seven years.

- I didn't know this
until after I married him,

but he had
paid the guy next to me

to switch lockers with him.

- Smart man.
- Of course I paid a guy off.

- And I thought... [mockingly]
"oh, my god, it's destiny."

what an idiot!
[laughter]

- let me get all this sh--
out of you.

- All right, easy.
Easy on the pants.

- [fake whimpers]
- [laughs]

- their goofy story is what
motivates me, you know?

I want that.

- The worst case, we'll take him
to india and find him a nice--

- woah, woah, woah, woah,
woah, woah, woah, woah.

All right, okay.

- Hope you find someone...
[mumbles]

- [laughs]

- once every, like,
three weeks, four weeks.

I shave my chest.
I shave my butt.

I just like looking pretty.

- I don't think it's for me.

I think he just likes
people looking at him.

[energetic music]

♪ ♪

- I'm going to go ahead
and start getting makeup done.

- Ooh, that color.

- But I don't want blue
on my face.

- No, of course.
Of course.

- If you make me look like
a fake, I'll be really sad.

- Let me go bring my clothes
to show you.

- I like it.
This is the way you should go.

- [laughs]

after a few years
of not seeing each other,

this is the first time that
we're going to have

my family and richa's family

coming together
in the same gala.

- And I'm extremely
excited about it.

- You sound so excited.
- Extremely--I know.

- That was, like,
the fakest voice I heard.

- I'm going to change.
Bye.

- Hey, what's going on?
- Are you ready?

- Like, 20 more minutes.

- No.

What do you think this is?
Prom or something?

- Yeah, I took her to prom.

You know, she really
liked me at the time.

I'm like, "ah, well, I don't
want to do that right now."

and then we'd get older.
She'd let me know again.

So we've always had
this complicated

back and forth like that.

- You know, all the guys
are wearing indian, right?

I'm just ----ing with you.

[upbeat string music]

[car honks]

- damn, girl.
Gorgeous as always.

- Thank you.

- Hello, monica.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Oh, such a gentleman.

- [laughs]

want to play some jams?
- [laughs]

- play the remix.

Turn it up.
Turn it up.

[energetic percussive
music playing]

- we love monica.

I think monica and brian
should definitely date.

♪ ♪

- ooh.
- Ooh.

- See, now I'm getting hyped up.

[woman vocalizing]

[upbeat sitar music]

♪ ♪

- good evening,
ladies and gentleman,

to the festival of lights.

[engine roars]

- let me get you out, girls.

- What a gentleman he is.

Who is this?
[laughs]

- the gala is huge.

- Look at the hall.

- It's the who's who
of the indian community.

It's the met gala.

- Is it?
- The wannabe met gala.

You come in your, like,
craziest, coolest outfit.

- And it's the hindu met gala.
- It's the hindu met gala.

♪ ♪

[woman laughs]

- dapper dan.

- Handsome.

- How are you?
Good to see you.

- Killing it, bro.
Killing it.

I knew you'd look like that.

- I'm just out here to maybe
meet some professional people,

maybe stare at brian
for a little bit.

He's so good looking.
Granted, he's straight.

I get it.
Fine, whatever.

♪ ♪

- I got it.

- Oh, vishal's here.

- Hi.

How are you?
- Good.

- Good to see you.
- What's up?

- Hi, love.
- How are you?

- What's up, man?
- Hey, how are you?

- You know how much game you
would pull if you were straight?

- I know.
I should just be straight.

Unfortunately, I'm not.
I like dudes.

- I know.

- Me and amrit, we've been
attached from the hip

since we were, like,
seven years old.

We've been besties
with testes.

Made jewelry with my sister
with him.

We played dress up.

[sweeping energetic
music playing]

♪ ♪

- I always took girl advice
from him,

which was probably not
the right source. [laughs]

- yeah.

- I liked her.
She has a lot of sass.

Sassy, you know?

What do you call her?

But with a slight
indian accent.

- [indian accent] lopa auntie?
- [indian accent] lopa auntie.

Eventually, I want
to call her mom.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

sure.

I'm blunt and I'm very forward.

I'm not changing myself
for anybody.

Like, a little bit.
[laughs softly]

yeah?
- No.

- You got it.
- Cheers.

- Thank you.
Thank you.

- I only talked to her
'cause she is beautiful.

- You know my mom
wanted me to date you?

- [laughs]

- she was like,
"oh, amrit's such a nice boy."

- no, no, no, no, no.

Amrit was friends with richa
before I met richa.

They went to law school
for the first year together.

Thank god he's gay.
[laughs]

because I would not have
a chance at richa

if he was straight.

- She called you a gharjamai
the other day.

- Gharjamai is...
Both: Housewife.

- "house husband."

- that's the reason we haven't
gotten married yet.

- I didn't say that.
I didn't say that.

And I'll be the husband at home.

You know, I'm gonna work out,
eat right,

stay here, look sexy.

I'm six feet tall
and I have abs.

[whooshes]

- you want to ask my mom
with that? [whooshes]

- has she seen my abs?

- She has.
She's not impressed.

- She is impressed.
- She's not impressed.

- That's why I'm hanging on
by a thread.

[whispers] it's 'cause of this.
- [laughs]

[quirky music]

[woman vocalizing]

[upbeat music]

[sitar chord strums]

- on that note...

- Good evening,
ladies and gentleman,

to the festival of lights.

- No.

Anisha.

- [laughs]

- monica's, like,
the daughter my mom never had.

She cooks.
She's veg.

She doesn't drink,
and she doesn't have sex.

I know how to do
all those things.

I just don't do them.

- Good evening, everyone.
Namaste.

Buenas noches.

- We are in south florida.

- We're going to have
a good time.

Forget it.
Right? Yeah.

- It's a good night.
It's a good vibe.

I'm just here to have fun.
I just want to drink.

- [laughs]
- your face.

- Ah.

- My dad's
the life of the party.

Everybody wants to talk to him.

He's personable, and that's
where I get it from.

Let's go, boy.
You know what I mean?

- Shut up.
- [chuckles]

[dramatic musical sting]
[woman laughs]

- I have tried my best
to be civil,

but I feel like she doesn't
give a sh-- about

what's important for the kids.

[tense music]

male announcer:
Next time on "family karma"...

- She's out here
to sabotage a relationship.

She's very cocky and thinks
she can get away with murder.

[dramatic music]

[kart rattles]
[laughter]

- your life has
unexpected bumps.

- Oh, my god.
[laughs]

oh, no.

- I can split my tongue in half.
- No, you can't.

Ew.
- Are you guys dating?

- These past couple months,

I just started
looking at her differently.

Look at this new
and improved brian.

- Vishal, how long
have you been engaged?

- Almost two years.
- Oh.

- Your mom is saying some
negative things about my mom.

- I don't want to interview
to talk about her anymore

because I've had it.

♪ ♪

announcer: For more
information on "family karma,"

gogo to bravotv.V.Com.