Original subtitles

(electronic music)

♪ ♪

MAN: So there were body parts all over the room.

That's how you described it?

That's right.

MAN: And at that time, what did you think caused it?

TED: Oh, God.

Maybe a bear? I do‐‐

How could any animal climb up these stairs?

I do‐‐I don't know.

Okay, let's take cover in the bunker for now,

and we'll figure out what to do.

(suspenseful music)

(thunder booms)

(footsteps clanking)

♪ ♪

Ted, Ted, Ted!

Come on, come on. Wake up.

‐What? ‐Yeah, yeah.

That's what I'm talking about.

Listen to me. Focus, focus.

‐FIONA: Ted, we got to go. ‐We have to eat.

No, no. Ted, no.

Okay, we just‐‐ we got to have a picnic.

Listen, we're gonna eat later. We got to get you out of here.

Then we'll place a blanket.

No, no, no, Ted!

We'll unpack some food that I brought.

Listen to me. Focus.

Focus, Ted! We got to go.

We have to get out of here.

Mom!

Mama's here, okay? We've got to go.

‐Mama's here. ‐Mama's here!

‐Yeah, Mama's here. ‐(whimpering)

Mama's here.

(thunder rumbles, radio hisses)

Frank, you there? Is anyone there?

(radio beeps)

Okay, buddy, uh, we're gonna just sit here

for a few hours until things blow over.

(muttering indistinctly)

Yeah, yeah.

(distant groaning)

(doors thumping)

(groaning continues)

(doors rattling)

(suspenseful music)

♪ ♪

(snarling)

(birds chirping)

FIONA: Okay, Ted, we got to get out of here.

Okay, I'm not staying here for one second longer

with whatever that thing is running around.

(groaning)

(panting)

Okay, it's another three miles or so

before we meet back up at the road,

and then Frank can take us back from there.

‐(static crackles) ‐Come on, is anyone there?

(radio beeps)

‐(static crackles) ‐Frank, Frank, are you there?

(radio beeps)

(groans)

(grunts softly)

(suspenseful music)

♪ ♪

CREATURE: Ted?

What the hell happened to you?

‐(screams) ‐(groans)

(repeated farting) (groans)

(farts) Ow.

(crying)

(groans)

(breathing heavily)

(suspenseful music)

Yeah, that's when I figured out what was really going on.

I put Ted in a shady spot, and I left him with water,

and I did what I knew I had to do.

(suspenseful music)

♪ ♪

(electronic music)

♪ ♪

The oceanic whitetip is actually considered

to be the most dangerous open‐water shark in existence.

TIM: What are we supposed to be doing?

Sit tight. They're coming.

Right, that's exactly why I'm concerned.

We're out here in the open. We're pretty easy to attack.

‐(boat groans) ‐What was that?

I don't know.

Whitetips don't sense blood in the water.

Kenneth!

Something bit through the rudder.

They sense fear.

We're stranded.

(rumbling)

We're not alone.

BRADEN: So here's where we are, team.

Obviously we are a bit stranded at the moment.

The rudder has been bit through.

Our distress calls are going unanswered.

Rations are low,

and we're surrounded by oceanic whitetip sharks,

the most dangerous predator in the ocean.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah, and all we got is this flare gun.

Uh, h‐how many flares do we have?

We've only got one, but it is our lifeline.

So my plan is‐‐

‐Whitetip! ‐(gunshot)

No!

Why the fuck would you do that, mate?

Oh, no, I missed him.

‐Sorry. ‐You missed him?

You shot our only flare into the water!

Do you have fucking brain damage or something?

Hey, you know I got brain damage,

you fucking dick!

I don't believe this!

‐(plane engine roaring) ‐KITTY: Hey!

‐DR. EVELYN: Help! ‐KITTY: Hey!

BOTH: Help!

‐This way! ‐Yeah, it's gone.

Bunch of stupid dickheads!

Oh, come on, Tim.

We've got to stick together!

That's exactly what they want, mate!

For the future, a flare is made of fire,

so it's not gonna penetrate the surface of the water

without getting snuffed out.

Yeah, I bungled that one up, eh?

No, it's okay, mate. It's okay.

MALE NARRATOR: Since the dawn of time,

sharks have ruled the seas.

Now two men will fight

to take their kingdom...

by force.

Obviously tensions are running a bit high,

so it seems like it might be time to lighten the mood,

and I think I know just what to do.

(upbeat music)

Okay, who wants jelly shots?

♪ ♪

Hey.

‐KENNETH: Really? ‐BRADEN: One for you.

Look, I understand that they're trying to, like, lighten

the mood or whatever,

but I find it really hard to cut loose

when you got the specter of death hanging over you.

(upbeat music)

Doo, doo, ha!

♪ ♪

So, like, where'd you grow up?

Uh, um, north Melbourne.

Oh, no way. Cool.

‐Yeah. ‐Cool.

I love your blouse.

♪ ♪

Thanks.

Um, I just wanted to say that

in case we don't make it,

‐I just, um‐‐I really‐‐ ‐Oh, hang on.

Just hold that thought. I got to go check on Kenny.

I think he's had one too many J‐shots.

‐Ah. ‐Having fun!

♪ ♪

This is fucking ridiculous.

What, we're supposed to party to take our minds off

starving to death?

Look, you've got to maintain hope, Tim.

Surely somebody will rescue us.

Yeah? And what if they don't?

Well, we could use the sail.

Kitty, without a rudder, you can't steer.

Don't get yourself worked up.

Let's all just enjoy the Hawaiian‐themed party.

Oh!

Braden, what's wrong?

Where's Kenneth?

They got him.

The whitetips.

(suspenseful music)

♪ ♪

(electronic music)

(electronic music)

(man screaming)

(water bubbling)

(soothing music)

♪ ♪

(bird screeches)

(gasps, breathing heavily)

(mellow electronic music)

♪ ♪

Thanks for coming over on such short notice, man.

That's why I like you. You don't ask any questions.

Always down for whatever.

Uh, anyway, it's just basic stuff.

Vacuuming, dishes, food can go down the drain.

I have a garbage disposal.

Uh, let's see. Trash goes there.

Uh, the plants could use some water.

I just use this.

Vacuum and cleaning supplies are in here.

Uh, and that's the stereo, if you want to listen

to some music while you clean.

(quirky music)

Oh, sorry, man. I completely forgot.

By the way, if a guy named Kevin comes by,

don't let him in.

We just broke up, and he's kind of crazy.

The good news is I'm single now,

and I'm meeting up with a hot date in a few minutes.

♪ ♪

All right, you got me. I'm just meeting a friend.

♪ ♪

Uh, fine. It's my mom.

Damn it.

♪ ♪

(stereo clicks, orchestral music playing)

♪ ♪

(slurps)

(kettle whistling)

♪ ♪

(hot water hissing)

♪ ♪

(groaning and belching, muffled music continues)

Steve! Steve, it's Kevin!

Let me in!

♪ ♪

(whimpering)

Spare some currency?

♪ ♪

(old man chuckling)

The gods have opened up the skies.

♪ ♪

I just want to make up, Steve. (chuckles)

(moaning)

Hey, Kevin, uh,

maybe you should drink some water.

(groaning and belching)

♪ ♪

(glass shattering)

♪ ♪

Mm, come to Pooh‐pah. (grunts)

I‐I can hear you in there!

(door opens, creaks)

Hmm?

(muffled music continues)

♪ ♪

(pounding on door)

(groaning, whimpering)

Oh, I want my cassettes back!

‐(door opens) ‐Hey, keep it down out here!

Stay o‐‐ (belches)

Stay out of this, you old bastard!

‐(crying) ‐(door slams)

(vacuum whirring)

♪ ♪

(grunting)

♪ ♪

‐(door bangs open) ‐(shouting)

♪ ♪

(whimpering)

Oh, my God!

Here goes nothing.

(rat squeaking)

Oh, no!

(coins clinking)

Oh, oh, shit, shit! Oh!

(coins clinking)

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

(screams)

(coins clinking)

(whimpering) Huh?

(giggling)

♪ ♪

(electricity crackling)

(coins clinking)

‐(rat squeaking) ‐(whimpers)

Stop! Thief!

(suspenseful music)

(whistling)

What the‐‐

(belches and groans)

Are you kidding me? I just had this place cleaned!

(whimpering)

My life savings!

(crying)

(upbeat music)

(whimpers)

Huh?

♪ ♪

(electronic music)

(electronic rock music)

♪ ♪

(suspenseful music)

‐BRADEN: Kenneth! ‐DR. EVELYN: Kenneth?

BRADEN: Kenneth!

‐Kenneth, where are you? ‐Kenneth?

DR. EVELYN: Kenneth!

‐TIM: Kenneth! ‐KITTY: What is that?

KITTY: Oh, my God!

‐BRADEN: It's blood. ‐DR. EVELYN: Oh, no!

♪ ♪

Some hot tea to try to give you give you a break.

Thank you, Dr. Evelyn.

I'm so sorry.

It's all my fault.

Don't say that, mate.

It‐‐it could have been any of us.

I just can't stop thinking I wish it had been Tim.

I think‐‐

I think you need to go to bed, Braden.

We all do.

‐It's been a long day. ‐Thanks, Dr. Evelyn.

(dramatic music)

♪ ♪

DR. EVELYN: Just can't sleep, you know?

(exhales sharply)

♪ ♪

(sniffles, crying) We lost a good man today.

♪ ♪

I'm starting to think about the possibility that‐‐

(inhales sharply)

I don't even want to think about it.

♪ ♪

(distant laughter)

Did you hear that?

(distant chatter)

(door squeaking)

(laughter)

BRADEN: Oh, you're just sitting here whistling.

That's hilarious, mate.

KENNETH: I know.

DR. EVELYN: What the hell is going on?

Oh...my God! You can see him, too!

I‐I thought he was an apparition, and he's‐‐

Thank God!

Gosh darn it. I'm gonna be honest.

We've been slicking your pickle a bit,

but just hear us out.

(sighs) Go on.

Okay, well, you were saying

that whitetips sense fear, right?

Right.

BRADEN: And so we've been thinking,

how can we attract whitetips without real fear?

So we're not actually shipwrecked?

No.

And whitetips haven't been circling the boat?

‐Ah, no, no. ‐Well, not yet, but soon.

But they will, yeah.

‐BRADEN: God willing. ‐KENNETH: Yeah.

Everybody's scared out of their gourd.

Yeah, right, exactly. We're so close.

Please, you've got to help us.

(crunching)

Well, what do I have to do?

(crunching)

Oh, my God! Oh, n‐no!

No, what is this?

First Ken, now Dr. Evelyn!

Oh, my God!

Why? No!

‐KITTY: What is it? ‐BRADEN: What happened?

Look at her, how dead she is!

‐This is ridiculous! ‐TIM: What's going on?

I don't know! I don't know!

I came in, I‐‐like, I checked her pulse,

and she's definitely dead.

She wrote this note.

What does it say? What does it say?

What does it say?

Um, "Dear crew, the situation is hopeless.

Rather than succumb to these vy‐cious‐‐"

‐Vicious. ‐"Vicious creatures,

I've decided to take my own life."

‐Oh, shit. ‐Dr. Evelyn!

She's fucking dead.

Oh, no!

This boat is killing us one by one!

Tim, do you understand?

I know it's a bit inappropriate

to go along with and everything, but...

actually, it's kind of fun.

Perhaps my head could be back that way and not‐‐

Reminds me of when I took theater in high school.

I could drool. (imitates gagging)

That sort of thing.

I did A Streetcar Named Paul Hogan.

Never got to do a death scene, though.

Would you like my tongue out or in?

BRADEN: No, it's got to be in.

DR. EVELYN: And, ultimately, well, if it helps Braden

and Kenneth to gain the psychological edge

over the sharks...

That's nice. You got a bit of meat pie there.

I mean, we're all here to do a job,

however unorthodox that might be.

(electronic music)

♪ ♪

(rain pattering)

Beware of the forest. The bears dance at night.

WHISPERING VOICE: Tree secrets.

‐(whimpering) ‐(birds cawing)

(gasping)

(screams)

(suspenseful music)

♪ ♪

(distant laughter)

♪ ♪

(slurping)

♪ ♪

You get all these plants into one little room,

you feel like they're just talking to each other.

‐You know what I mean? ‐Well, I've b‐‐

I've been known to go up to a red huckleberry

and just pat it and just go, "Easy there, buddy."

(suspenseful music)

♪ ♪

MAN: Sneakers?

Yeah, sneakers. Like, for running.

Sneakers, and drinking a beer,

like they were trying to blend in and...

MAN: And what?

Fiona?

♪ ♪

(tree branch creaking)

♪ ♪

(creature gagging)

(bone snaps)

(gasps)

♪ ♪

(gasping)

♪ ♪

(stammering)

I didn't know she was a total fucking psycho!

I mean, we do this Bigfoot prank on everyone

after their first year.

When they did it to me, I nearly shit my pants,

but it was all fun.

I mean, maybe the pig guts all over the tow‐‐

um, yeah, the pig guts on the tower.

I do see that now. No, that‐‐

maybe that pushed her a little too far.

♪ ♪

(sirens approaching)

♪ ♪

PARK RANGER: And who knows?

Maybe one of you can spot one

of these mysterious monsters roaming the land.

Welcome to Watachi National Park.

(electronic music)

(electronic rock music)

♪ ♪

("Amazing Grace" playing)

Dr. Evelyn died doing what she loved.

♪ ♪

But she committed suicide, Braden.

Yes, right.

I just meant marine biology.

She was crazy about it.

Loved it.

♪ ♪

Now...

To return her to the sea.

Do you want me to help?

Nope.

(groaning)

(groans)

♪ ♪

(grunting)

(Braden grunts)

(shouts)

(water splashes)

♪ ♪

It's all right.

♪ ♪

BRADEN: Here it is...

last bit of protein.

Thank you for your sacrifice.

(dramatic music)

‐Thank you. ‐BRADEN: Tim?

‐Hmm? ‐Thank you.

Can't believe I caught it on a bean.

(laughing)

BRADEN: What luck.

(chair squeaks)

KITTY: Where are you going?

I'm gonna swim for it. I'm gonna find help.

‐But there's sharks. ‐TIM: Yeah, but what?

We can't just waste away here.

We got to fight.

♪ ♪

(exhales sharply)

He's gonna die.

What an idiot.

Someone's got to do something.

So, to my family, I love you.

BRADEN: Can't think about how many there are

just swimming around.

Just got to jump.

Shit, I can't do this.

Yeah, I know.

You can't, but you can,

and you‐‐you have to.

I know I said that, but I can't do it.

Okay, that's‐‐ All right, that's fine.

Come here. It's okay.

(all shouting)

‐Oh, my God! ‐Tim!

‐BRADEN: What happened? ‐KITTY: Tim!

Oh, my God! You fell, mate!

I didn't fall! You pushed me in, you dick!

You got to swim for it, mate!

They're gonna kill you, you idiot!

How?

You got to do something, Braden!

Oh, I wish I could, but I can't!

‐He's already dead! ‐Help me!

Help him, Braden! Braden, please!

You've got to do something!

Oh, my God, there's something on my foot!

Oh, yes! There it is!

‐Whitetip, Kenneth! ‐Yep!

Kenneth?

‐What? ‐KENNETH: Oh, shit.

‐I missed him. ‐(screaming)

BRADEN: Oh, God damn it. It's not a whitetip.

Ah, shit.

Is this Dr. Evelyn's body? What the‐‐what is this?

Okay, they're definitely not in this area.

We got to get him out of the water.

It's a bunch of pillows and a noodle!

‐(door opens) ‐Did we get them?

No, wrong area.

Oh, shit.

Is that Dr. Evelyn?

I can't believe you're alive!

‐Hi, Tim! ‐(Kitty crying)

Okay.

BRADEN: Next time, next time. Good effort.

I'm alive.

I mean, if we're looking on the shiny side

of a mallard's duckbill,

we can at least say with certainty

that there are no whitetips in this area‐‐

You're unbelievable!

‐Tim, you‐‐ ‐Fuck off!

You two are fucking nuts!

Get a sense of humor, you weirdo.

‐(laughs) ‐TIM: Fuck off!

(Braden snickering) Get a sense...

Oh, shit.

(laughs) He called him a weirdo.

It just killed me, man.

Oh, shit.

(dramatic music)

KITTY: Yeah, I was definitely a bit traumatized by it all,

but it's pretty incredible what they did.

Um, I mean, they're geniuses, so...

It's amazing. Yeah, I can't‐‐

(clattering)

Ah.

I think it was just something in the kitchen.

I'm a bit on edge. (laughs)

(crying)

(tense music)

So it appears on our way out, we've hit a reef,

and we've lost the actual rudder.

No, no, don't believe them. That's so stupid.

It's not possible.

Tim, we've already proved

that there's no sharks in the area.

Why on earth are we gonna do it again?

♪ ♪

Oh, my God.

(tapping hand on table)

We thought we should do it again.

♪ Hope I got it, if you want it, come and get it ♪

♪ Got permission, baby, I got half life ♪

(Smerz's "Half Life")

♪ Hope I got it, if you want it, come and get it ♪

♪ Got permission, baby, I got half life ♪

♪ ♪

‐(clear music) ‐CHORUS: ♪ Yes ♪