All language subtitles for Bless.This.Mess.S02E16.WEBRip.x264-ION10

[ Chuckling ] Honey,
I'm super into -- I mean,

who knew that I was gonna be
so into a fishing jacket?

Look how many pockets
there are.

And then there's a bonus.
Watch.

[ Zipper opening, closing
rhythmically ]

[ Snaps fingers ]

"Axel F"!
Yeah.

"Beverly Hills Cop"!Pretty good.

[ Both vocalizing "Axel F" ]

You should do thatwhen we're gathering around

the fire tonightmaking s'mores.
I know!

Beau and Kay will love it.

By the way, the factthat we've been invited

by Beau and Kay,this is a big, big deal.What?! It's a big deal.

Have you found your, um --
your fishing rod?

Yeah, yeah, I found it,and it was with

this amazing box of activitiesI used to do

when I would visit
Aunt Maggie.

That's awesome.
Yeah.

Oh!
You'll like this.

My magic toothpick.[ Chuckling ] Okay.

There's nothing abnormalabout this toothpick.

Mnh-mnh.
Oh, looks normal.

Until...

What?!

[ Laughs ]

I did not know
that you did --

[ Laughs ]
Right?

...you did magic.And now it's gone.

In a way,
I'm kind of glad that...

you know, I don't know,

that I didn't know
that you did magic,

or else I feel like we wouldn't
have gone on our first date.

Well, I only learneda couple of tricks.

And then I took up
crocheting.

What is that?

That's a Norwegian condom
or...?

Honey, it's a scarf.It's clearly a scarf.It is?

I didn't finish it because,uh, I got interested in fishing.

It's funny, I look at this box,and I think,

"I was interested
in so many things."

Oh, yeah, look at you.

I mean, I couldn't finishany of them, huh?

[ Chuckles ]I know. You cannot.
That is true.

Wait, you said "cannot."

I s--
Do you mean that?

'Cause I said "I couldnot,"referring to when I was young

and I used to
not finish things.

[ Clicks tongue ]
Right.

"Cannot" means that

I-I currentlyhave
a problem with it.

That's what you said --"cannot."

[ Sighs ]

I mean, like...

I don't know,
sometimes, like...

[ Chuckling ]
You know?

Hm.

Right.
Yeah.

Yep. Apprec--I appreciate your honesty.

Don't spin, Mike.
I-I --

You finish stuff
all of the time.[ Door closes ]

Hey, Mike, when you
gonna finish filling in
that irrigation trench?

Theresa the goat has had
to pull me out of it twice.

Mike --I never said I was gonna
finish that!

Okay. You know what?
Um...

You know, the timing of that,
uh, was poor --[ Door opens, closes ]

Hot dog!

A magic kit
and a rat scarf?

Who left us their estate?

♪♪

--Captions by VITAC--

♪♪

Here, let me get that
for you, please.

Oh, no, I got it.
Light as a feather.

I know, but --You want me to get yours?

No, I'm fine.
I'll set it up for you.Okay.

Where should we
set it up?

Wherever you stand, that's
where we're gonna set it up.

[ Chuckles ]
Right there? Perfect.

Hey, Rio, what's going onwith Mr. Pouty Puss?

Did the princess sleepon a pea? [ Chuckles ]

Um, you know, it could
just be a spat or a tiff,

but I have a feeling
it might be a fight.

You know, Beau and Ihaven't had one fight

since we gotback together.

Well, I'm sure --
sure that's sustainable.

Ohh.I mean, all we have to dois avoid saying anything

that would upset the other one
until we die.

Yeah.
Right?For our entire lives.

I find myself
being quiet a lot.

Yeah.A lot of listening, right?

And we're watching
a ton of shows.

Mm.

We've done "Bosch"...

"Bosch."
"Goliath."

Um, we watched
"Carnival Row."

It's about a bunch ofsexually aggressive fairies.

And that's the truth.

Hmm.Those fairies are scary.

Sure.

Okay, well, good luck.Thanks.

Hey, do you want to relax
and I'll unpack your makeup?

Oh, no, I'll do it.
You relax.

I mean, unless you want toset up, and then Iwould relax.

Yeah, but you hate it more,
so let me just --

But where does that
leave us --Hey, guys -- guys.

I think it means that you both
are gonna relax.

Great.Great idea.

I like that.

I love this.

[ Laughs ]

And I love this.

[ Both laugh ]We both love each other.

I love you more than that.
I win. I won.

Okay, well, try not
to die of shock,

but I have finishedsetting up the tent.

Wow!
Complete. Done.

Great!That's great, honey.Yeah.

I think -- Oh.Now I'm gonna...

You finished your scarf?...head over to the lake.

That's --When did you do that?[ Groans ]

To do some fishing.

So -- Honey --
Ow.

Sweetie.
Yeah.

I seethat you're going fishing,

Yep.and I'm just gonna guess

that you're not over fullywhat we had discussed.

Oh, no, no, no.
No, no.

I'm --
I'm totally over it.
Okay.

And you're
gonna be over it, too,

when I return
with a thousand fish.

Say wha?

Get ready for a fish fry,
guys.

♪♪

So you're the one who's been
buying all the TV dinners.

Well, they're perfectfor my new bachelor lifestyle.

If only I had a working TV,I could fully enjoy them.

[ Chuckles ]Hey, hang in there, man.

Who knows? Maybe you and my mom
aren't completely over with.

No, she's moved on
to Pastor Paul.

She's the sheriff,and he's the pastor.

They're Bucksnort's
power couple.

Yeah, but he's so needy
and over the top.

He can't leave
any conversation

without some big,
dramatic goodbye.

And I don't like his handshakes.They're very damp.

I miss you.

I miss you, too.

Well, goodbye,
my sweet angel.

[ Chuckles ]

Come here.Ohh!

The bittersweet moment
is upon us.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.[ Clears throat ]

[ Gasps ]

Oh. Oh, Rudy,I didn't see you come in.

Sorry. I should've
announced myself.

I have an announcement.
I'm leaving.

[ Door opens, closes,
bells jingle ]Now, see,
that'show you say goodbye.

Good to see you, Brandon.

Good to see you,
as well.

Alright.

[ Bells jingle ]

So...

[ Sighs ]

How are things going
with the pastor?

I just wish
he would relax.

I-I-I just don't knowhow much more I can take

of this intense stuff.

[ Knock on glass ]

Ohh.

[ Scoffs ]

That is a lot of goodbyesfor someone who never leaves.

[ Chuckling ] Ohh!

Whoo! Ah.

I haven't
been this popular

since I wore a tank top
at the VFW.

Yeah.

Uh, I had one,and then he swam away.

I don't know what I'm doingwrong and you're doing right.

What's the secret?

Oh, rub myself, uh, over
with -- with fish pee.

Is that true?

No! I just don't suck
at being a fisherman, Mike.

You're too desperate.
They can sense your need.

Oh! So I got to
play it cooler?

Do you think I should, like,just hold it like that?

Like I'm, like --I almost forgot I --I forgot I'm fishing?Yeah, turn around, look away.

Oh, you got a nibble!
Just kidding.What? Oh.

[ Gunshot, wings flapping ]

What was that, a gunshot?

Oh, hell.
Knuckles is back.

Who's Knuckles?

Just the terror
of this lake.

He used to fish
with dynamite.

He's got a helluva shot
for a man with no fingertips.

Just becauseyou don't have fingertips

doesn't mean you get to do
whatever you want.

You know,I'm gonna talk to him.

He just shot those fish
right in the face.

What do you think
he's gonna do to you?

Okay, oh, God,he's coming, he's coming.

Yep. Here we go.
Here we go.

Alright, listen to me.
Hey.Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't look him in the eye

and don't do anything
flashy with your hands.

It'll just make him sad.

[ Sighs ]
Don't --

Hey!
How you doing, Knuckles?

I'm Mike.
New fisherman.

Yeah,if you say so, blondie.

Did you call him
"Knuckles"?

W-Well, that's --you told me that's his name.

No! No, that's not
his preferred nickname.

Oh, well, you think "blondie"is mypreferred nickname?

Okay.

Please.
Thank you.

I'm actually hereto talk to you about my mom.

She's just not used to someonecoming on this strong.

[ Sighs ]

Is -- Is it
a little too much?

It's a little
too not enough.

With my mom and romance,

she likes it ASAP
and ATT.

What's ATT?

I'm so happy you asked.

It's All. The. Time.

Came up with it myself.Huh?

That's clever.
Yeah.

Give my motherthe whole enchilada,

and then give her
another enchilada.

♪♪

[ Gasps, stammers ]

[ Chuckles softly ]

What is the --

[ Indistinct talking ]Ugh. Okay.

[ Laughter ]

[ Amplified ] You have the rightto remain beautiful.

Anything you do or say
will be held against me.

Wait, so you told Mike
he never finishes anything?

I got to tell you, Rio,
that's really stupid.

I just don't understandwhy this is a big deal.

It's like, when people tell meabout my character flaws,

I genuinely appreciate it.

Everyone hates the way
you say "Barthelona."

In Barthelona,everyone says "Barthelona."But -- R-- But --

You've never --
Have you been there?Yeah, I mean --

This is not about me.It's about Mike. Okay?

And I need to get outof this whole fight situation.

Okay, well, the only way
Mike's gonna get past this

is if he catches a fish.

Kay: Well,that's never gonna happen.

The only wayMike is catching a fish

is if you stick oneon the end of his hook.

[ Laughs ]That's not
gonna be necessary,

because we're gonna
have a conversation,

and everything's
gonna be okay.

Okay, well, good luck, 'causehe's in a really weird place.

Usually, I can make fun of himand that makes mefeel better,

but he wasn't laughingat any of them.

It wasn't even fun
to make fun of him.

Oh.I made a bunchof hilarious jokes

about the length
of his pole,

and then I started movingmine around, you know?Sure.

Did this one.
Oh, you did?

I did this one.
Classic.

Whoo! This one.[ Imitates whirring ]

You know?Catch it, reel it in.

Pretty funny.
Right?

This is what he gave me.

He didn't get anything?

Well, he got it.

He just didn't thinkit was funny.

He's wrong.
Thank you.

Look, I'm gonna go talk
to my husband.

I mean, I made a --a pole joke, a worm joke.

A wiggly worm.
Remember?

Want to see mefish?

What,with
yourpenis pole?

With my penis pole.

Not right now.

Rio: Hey, honey.

Hon, I got to tell you,these fish are --

are getting smarter
the longer I go.

I feel like I'm watchingreal-time evolution.

Mm-hmm.
Like, I'm starting
to ask myself,

"When are theygonna be fishing
us?"

Why don't we go back to the
campsite and just, like, chill

and take a little --Oh, you would love that,wouldn't you?

[ Reel clicking ]

Okay, based on your tone,
I can tell

that we are not done talking
about what I said earlier.

Because you're...
probably right.

You're -- You --
You are right.

I-I-I don't finish things.I'm --

I am notright.It's embarrassing.

You do our taxes
every year.

Barely.
You have a degree
in journalism.

That is four years.

Cold, hard evidence that
you stuck through four years.

And then became a farmer.

I'm not even using
my degree.

That's --
Oh, my goodness.

Don't go there!It's so obvious
you're right.

I-I quit everything.Not just my hobbies.

That's not -- No.I quit my work,
what I studied.

Mike --I quit my whole life!

Honey, you're -- you're
spiraling out here --

What if I give up on the farm?W-What if that's next?

You've gone [Imitates explosion]You know what I mean?

You don't have to do that.
Listen --

I got to catch --I got to catch this fish.

Everything that I'm about,

everything I believe inand that I stand for...

I'm gonna sit down.

...hinges on this.

Sure.
No, I hear you.

So I'm gonna sit here,
and we're gonna do this.

We're gonna wait it out,

and I'm gonna stay here
as long as it takes.

Which'll probably
be pretty quick.

Because
I believe in you.

[ Sighs ]

Okay.

Okay.
This is the one.

♪♪

Ohh...
Mike...

Hey.What's the -- What --

[ Yawning ] Yeah?
W-What --

Is it morning right now?

Yes, ma'am.
Top o' the morning to you.

Little update
from last night.

Still don't have a bite.
Still don't have a bite.

But the good news is,

the fish have stopped
seeing me as a threat,

which is
right where I want them.What?

Mornin'![ Chuckling ] Hey.

I didn't know what you wanted,
so I made everything we had.

Well...I want what
youwant.

Oh, well, I'll just take
whatever's left over

after you take
what youwant.

Okay,this has got to stop.

You're right. It's
just so strange being
back together, you know?

It's like
we're supposed to be

this perfect, healthy couple
all of a sudden.

Like we're...

ugh, Mike and Rio.

Ugh. They mean well,but gosh, they're...

Oh, it's tough stuff.They're uphill.

Well, we got to have the firstfight of our new marriage.

We can't keep holding it in.It's not good for our guts.

Okay, I love that.
Let's do it.

What should we
fight about?

Okay, you tell me
about your day.
Mm-hmm.

And then I'll pretend to listen,and then you call me

Expired tub of sour cream.
Yep.an expired tub of --Yeah.

Alright, so, Mike and I
were out on the dock,

and the lake
was so smooth.

The trout were bitin'.

What were you using?

Oh, God, you're listening!

Oh. I'm sorry!Beau,
you're really listening!

I care about what you say now.This sucks!

Wait, what's happening?

I'm trying to roll my eyes.They won't even go up.

Looks like
you're having a BM.

I've had easy ones
these days.

[ Exhaling sharply ]What are you doing?

I'm trying to sigh.
Oh.

Just sounds like
I'm panting.

Let metry
rolling myeyes.
Okay.

Wait, don't fall!

Oh, I was.
I was going straight back!

Oh. Why don't you just push?Give me a good old shove.

I'll push you.

Oh, God.Oh, my goodness.

Why can't I do it?!I don't know.

Brandon. Is Paul
still waiting for me?

Yep.
He is still here.

Good Lord!

Yesterday was so crazy.

I can't get away from him.

Rudy: Connie, can you hear me?

Rudy?

Turn to channel 28.
It's private.

[ Static ]

[ Dial tuning ]

Are you there?

Heard you on the police scanner you gave me.

Mike gave mea magic kit, as well.

[ Chuckles ] I made outlike a bandit recently.

It's -- It's nice to --
to talk to you.

You sound good.

You don't.

Excuse me?

I mean you sound likeyou're upset. Are you upset?

It's Pastor Paul.

I think I'm gonna
call it off.

H-He's so intense.

That's something you havein common with the pastor.

You're a hurricane, Connie.A tsunami of the senses.

Took me some time to get my sea legs.

Maybe that's what the pastor needs.

Don't count him out
just yet.

♪♪

You are a good friend,
Rudy.

I-I'm -- I'm so sorry

that it's been awkward
between us.

It's nice
to talk to you.

Even better
to listento you.

[ Theresa bleats,
chickens clucking ]

[ Laughing ]

[ Laughing continues ][ Chuckling ]
What was that?

You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Hey!

Shall we dine al fresco?

Uh, okay, I-I'm sorry.
We need to talk.

Y-- Sure.

What's, uh...
What's up?
I ca--

I thought we were gonna have
kind of more of a casual thing,

but you're coming on
so strong.

You're like a baby duckand I'm the first thing you saw.

To be honest, um,

I feel way outof my comfort zone, too.

I don't understand.

If this was something
you didn't want,

why are you doing it?

Because
Brandon told me to.

What?

He told me to turn it upto eleven.

He told methe more public, the better.

O-Okay, I-I-I'm gonna give
a good talking-to to that boy,

and I'm not gonna use
church words, either.

Honey,
I have an idea.

Okay?
[ Groans ]

I think
you need to relax.

I think the fish need to feel
that you're relaxed.

And I-I'm gonna help you out
with a little neck rub.

[ Scoffs ] Okay.
Okay?

Okay.
'Cause I feel like,
that, you know,

they're gonna feel it
through you.
Okay.

Ooh.But you're not paying attention
too much, right?

That's nice.

You're just...Oh, that feels really nice.

[ Humming ]

♪♪

[ Humming stops ]

[ Snoring softly ]

♪♪

[ Sniffs ]

[ Chuckles ]

Mnh-mnh.

[ Inhales deeply ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Snaps fingers ]

Well, I think
you've gained weight.

You told meit made me look juicy.

Damn it, it does,
and I did.

Rio, we're trying to fight,
like you told us to,

but it's going terribly.

We're going after
each other's looks,

but she's too damn beautifuland I'm too damn juicy.

Are there other areaswe should be exploring?

Guys, I just don't have time
for whatever this is.

Hey, where are you going
with my fish?

If you're trying to releasethat back into the wild,

it's already dead!

[ Sighs ]

Why did you
invite them, anyway?

I didn't want
to invite them.

I thought youwanted
to invite them.

No, I said we could
if that's what youwanted.

Your tone is hard to read,'cause it's always like...

[ Growls ]You know, angry on top of me.

Well, then I'm sorry if you want
to be around me at all!

Well, I like it because it'skind of like a weighted blanket.

I'm like,"Ooh, that feels good."

What, my anger feels like
a weighted blanket?!

Yeah, well, I'm angry, too,so I feel like,

"Well, that's a good match.We're feeding off each other."

Oh, my God, it's happening.Oh, this is good.

Keep -- Keep doing it.Okay. Okay.

I mean,
we always went alone.

Why would I want to bring
somebody new this time,

you big pink Shrek?

Ya porcelain-skinned woman!Ohh...

You're complimenting me now.Okay, I'll try again.

Your feet have always beenlarger than I thought

they should be
for your body.

Oh, you big,
overgrown piglet!

Oh, you...

gorgeous, petite woman!

I'm not petite!
I'm 5'8" 1/2!

Well, it's petite to me,
you gorgeous being!

[ Both moaning ]

[ Sniffs ]

This just feels so wrong.

Rio?

Oh -- Mike!

Look!
You caught a fish!

[ Laughing ] Look!

Is this crazy?!

A real live fish!

You did it! Whoo!

She's a bit --bit of a fighter. [ Laughs ]

Yeah, she --

Boy, she is --she is not liking this.

[ Chuckles ]I better put her in.

I'll let you
reel her in, okay?

Oh, there she goes.

Whoo!
She's cooled off.

I think it's gonnabe an easy...reel-in.

Did you see me --

Did you see me
put it...on there?

Uh-huh.

I did.
Okay.

[ Sniffs ]Yes.

Okay? I put one of Kay's fish
on your hook.

I did.

You think I'm that badof a fisherman?

N-- Honestly, I have
very little understanding

why you did not
catch a fish.

When I was out there,
I was like,

"There are so many
fish out here."

Like, "I do not understand.
And they are clearly hungry."

T-They're playing mind gameswith me.

It was stupid. It was
really stupid what I said.

I'm really sorry,
I regret it,No, no, no.

and -- and --
and -- and I --

and I don't mean it.

Well, honey, I --I think you mean it,

and I think you're --you're
rightto mean that.

I mean, tha--I think it's the truth.

I think that you do, uh,
move on from things quickly.

And I don't actually think
that's necessarily bad.

I really believe
that, like,

there are some people who know
a lot about one thing,

and youknow, you know,
a little bit

about a lot
of different things.

You know
what I'm saying?

It just makes you
a Renaissance man, frankly.

Mike, when it matters,
I know that you won't quit.

'Cause I know
you'll never give up on me.

Thank you, honey.

♪♪

[ Shotgun cocks ]

Oh, God.This is myboat.

Hi.Knuckles!You took my boat.

Good morning.
You are right.

We took your boat
without asking.We took it.

That's not fair to you.Uh, but we've returned it,

and we are happy
to pay a rental fee.

Oh, fine.

I'd like, uh,
$1,000 Bitcoin.

Bitcoin?Do you have any Bitcoin?

I don't thinkyou
carryBitcoi-- Um...

Do a transfer?
I don't have --I suppose a transfer of somesort, but I don't even know --

Oh! I have an idea.

What if I were to offer you
an experience?

One that would
blow your mind.

I don't know.
Maybe.

This is
just a normal scarf.

Or is it?

Because a normal scarf
can't do...

this!

Oh, my God!

[ Chuckling ]
Oh, my God!

Are you a magician?

What?! [ Chuckles ]No, my friend.

I am a Renaissance man.[ Reel clicking ]

You've got something
on your line.

Wha-- Oh!

Honey! Honey!Honey, honey, honey!What?!

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh.You -- You did a fish!

That's okay.
Be cool, be cool.I got a bite. I got a bite.

Okay, I'm gonna bring it in.Okay, bring it in.

What the hell
were you thinking?!

Not only did you messwith my relationship,

but you tricked
a man of God!

That's probably not a good look
for me in the long run.

At least the church
doesn't have a confessional.

It would've been real awkward
telling the pastor

what I did tothe pastor.

You know, whoever I date,that's my choice.

I guess I'm just
having a harder time

with you and Rudy's breakup
than I thought.

You know, if you had a love lifeof your own, maybe you would --

you wouldn't beso concerned with
mine.

It's a small town,
you know?

And everyone there is to find,
I've already found.

Sometimes twice.

[ Sighs ] Have you ever heardof the Internet?

Yes.Well, get on an app,get in your car, and go get it.

Because it's notgoing to come to
you.

For the record,
there aresome apps now

where it does
come to you.

That's for lazy boys.I didn't raise you to be lazy.

Hey, we're back!Beau: We're in here,
no visitors, please!

Okay, but --We caught a huge fish.

Massive!
Actually, Kay,

we used one of your dead fishas bait, as it turns out.Yeah, that's what --

That's what itended up being.

But we gave it to Knuckles.Knuckles.

So, there's an update --
we had a fight, so...Like, he had us --

Yeah, we're --Ohh!Aww.

You know, we're in heredoing it, so, um...

Oh.
Oh.

We went ahead
and, uh, decided,

that we don't
want you two around,

so we packed up your stuff,
and it's over there.Mm-hmm.

It's over there.
Your French press
and your...turmeric.

Pine tar soap,
is that right?

You, like, legitimately...Packed up.

I don't think
since we bought it,

was it that...packed.Tight...packed.

Um...okay. Well...Sorry.
Alright. [ Chuckles ]
I-I -- You know...

We just wanted to tell you
about our crazy morning.

Sorry we stopped
your sexual encounter.

Who said we ever stopped?

♪♪

Okay, let's, um...I want to --

I prefer to go, yeah.Let's get on the road.

Let's get on the road.
Yeah.

What do you think?

Brandon: I want to say
this is overstepping,

but...I'm into it.

Hey, it's not blasphemous,
though,

using a church sign
to help me hook up, is it?

Nah. My boss
is pretty chill.

And hey,
good luck out there.

Ah...

Thanks.

Thanks, Pastor.

Ah.
[ Inhales sharply ]