Original subtitles

I think many of you know the story of

what happened here over the last couple

of years what happened I don't know what

happened tell us uh it would be it would

be well I was going to say it's

something akin to the virgin birth but

it's not quite on that miracle all right

I want everybody to go Bob that's good

bill I don't this is what happens when

it gets unscripted in the studio we edit

these parts but what if you don't know

the story Robert you were married for

40-plus years

yes your wife passed away yes Nancy you

were never married and in fact you had

pretty much determined that it was God's

will and God's purpose that you would be

single for a lifetime that's what I

thought yeah

so the the idea of marriage when it

first kind of popped on the screen for

you and it popped on the screen because

you started getting emails from yeah I

want to sat down with you and Mary Ann

when I was in Little Rock and said I'm

getting these emails from I knew they

knew Robert do you they seemed a little

I'm not sure he's sending these to all

his clients do you think that maybe he

is thinking something and and before you

could think about Robert you had to stop

and ask the question am i open to

marriage I did and I didn't know but you

know this little um hanky here yes Lord

yes Lord

means whatever you want for my life you

want me to be single I am very sad you

want me to be married yes Lord you want

me to have children well I don't think

he wants me to have children

ready probably he knows right Sarah

Abraham's on

we'll call him Eisen

even if it's a girl we'll call Eli's but

really it was of course God was drawing

my heart and I told Robert in the first

conversation we ever had I said my I've

never had love awakened in my heart in

this way and if the Lord wanted me to be

married he would have to put something

there that has never been there and so

it wasn't really by and large the

emotions leading it was what is God

saying and there was one step at a time

with the Peace of the Lord searching the

scripture we had time of fasting and

prayer it does the Lord even want us to

take a next step Roberts daughter Missy

is here with us this weekend one of your

two daughters and so thrilled she could

be and Robert was very close to his

daughters and his grandchildren now our

family and he was we were getting

counsel I was for my family and ministry

family and just doing this in a process

of seeking is this God's call and then

you can let your emotions of course your

emotions are being stirred love was

being awakened in my heart but I said I

have to know that this is what God has

for the season in my life because if

it's not it's not best for Robert it's

not best for me it's not best for the

kingdom of God which is what we really

live for so it was a process of seeking

counsel seeking the Lord and reading for

him over time to give that green light

Robert you had great respect for

admiration for Nancy from a distance

you've worked with her in a professional

idea in Texas right but respect and

romance are two different things really

yeah yeah like Nancy the Lord awakened

love for this woman I love shepherding

my wife it's a great metaphor used in

Scripture and I've done my best over the

years to listen carefully to the Good

Shepherd and we walked through the

valley of the shadow of death and then

the Lord gave me a new lamb to shepherd

and it's a it's been an amazing thing

every once in a while we'll look at each

other and say you are exactly what I

need it it's true

and with that count anybody who's

married here knows that even if you

aren't you know that the so much of

marriage is and life and relationships

and serving the Lord nothing

wouldn't none of us are perfected and so

we're in process and this is a

sanctification process there are there

been huge adjustments for me just months

getting used to having to sleeping in

the same room with somebody anybody

that's less of him and things they don't

tell you before you get married oh my

goodness oh but there have been

adjustments for Robert too and a lot of

changes but you know one of the things

we talked about early what was going to

be our first major argument and we've

talked about this and said you learn as

you walk with the Lord that if you walk

in humility if you choose forgiveness if

you breathe grace in and breathe grace

out that you can deal with things as

they arise we've had things arise and

but I think both of us have walked with

the Lord now enough time to know that if

you do it in Pride

if you stiffen up if you're resistant if

you're critical if you're it's not going

to go well and so as those things are

arising and Robert is just such a joy to

live with in a and the first to get to

the cross the first to ask forgiveness I

was thinking about that the other day

honey you are just so quick to when

we're talking about an issue to really

listen and to say you know man

and seen it from that perspective so I'm

very blessed to have that but no matter

how great a husband you have or no

matter how difficult the husbands you

have it takes humility and forbearance

and choosing I'm like I'm gonna let that

go I'm not going to make a big deal

about something I can dig my heels in

and wait until he says I'm sorry

or I can say that's not a big deal and

Robert does this all the time he is for

Barry he's gentle but he had to learn

that in 40 some years of a first

marriage and as a dad and a granddad and

a businessman and I'm learning it too

and so it's there's joy you see like you

know we're dressed for the platform

today but real life is very much like

your real life busy not a lot of margins

so we talked coming into this conference

that it was going to be so full that we

said we really need to pray that the

Lord will protect and keep us walking in

the spirit because there be a lot of

potential for misunderstanding for hurt

feelings and we don't want to come out

of this week and then be looking at each

other and saying you really hurt me you

really wounded me and you weren't

thoughtful so we need prayer like

everybody else and the thing that is

helping us so much Robert starts every

day before I wake up he's with the Lord

on his knees in the word then the first

time we see each other he's praying over

a day last thing at night we're praying

together as always long don't put your

husband under pressure this is having to

be somewhat great long pastoral prayer

last night it was pretty short

and that's okay but we're just saying

Lord we need you we need you we do and

so I'm very thankful for this season I'm

thankful for a woman that he's making me

in in ways that God was sanctifying me

through singleness and now I sanctify me

through marriage and whatever calling

God has for me or for you it's a good

one when we say yes Lord so let me ask

you just quickly is is there a way where

you would say over the last year this is

how I'm wrong this is what I've learned

about God or worried about myself

here is how sanctification has worked

out as a result of the two of us

becoming one you have a way yeah real

Nancy talked about this a real openness

to each other listening carefully

humility and and being really aware that

the Lord has put us ministry together

and and knowing that we aren't our own

nor bought with the price but at the

same time we're so ordinary we have an

extraordinary God and that's really

what's important so you know we join

with all of you in in embracing that

same God same grace same mercy same

forgiveness

enjoy so we are this this is amazing we

are so grateful and thank you for your

op the opportunity to be here with you

thank you for coming to this conference

and giving us a chance to to join in

this wonderful worship time together I

would say two quick ways that the Lord

things I knew but then I'm getting to

apply differently in marriage one is the

importance of bringing every thought

captive to the obedience of Christ I

share in the book that will be coming

out in February that I've just written I

was writing a book on wives loving your

husbands while we were in our first year

of marriage so this has been very timely

and I can tell this in that book I can

remember waking up one night in the

middle of the night well actually I

wasn't sleeping much nights those first

months and in my sleep-deprived there

were so many changes taking place I

remember the middle of one night I'm

thinking what have I done and feeling

like this man lying in the bed next to

me is a total I don't even know who this

who is this Who am I and it was me it

was me but this there was this is a

moment when you can let your emotions

run and they're going to take you a not

good place or you can rein in every

thought to the obedience of Christ and

you start tell counseling your heart

according to what you know to be true

and that is I am this is my husband I am

his wife God has put us together we have

vowed we will we will make this work by

God's grace I mean you're just taking

your counseling yourself instead of

letting your emotions run off and for us

women that's huge the second thing is

also huge for us women especially as

firstborns and that is the willingness

to relinquish control and let's just say

we have did you hear that

I heard this I heard the crowd yeah we

are living in a house that I have lived

in for 25 years and it's done quite well

for me just the way it is and it's

miniature it's just nice little oh the

house is a little honey just things you

know I'm sure I do the dishes like on my

knees the counters like will but thank

you for doing it my pleasure

okay so Robert loves building he's a guy

and he does he likes closets to be uber

organized all my friends come in and

they're jealous they wish their husbands

would do this I'm going I like

excuse me I like my stuff strewn all

over that closet a shelf cubbyholes

places for shoes shoes goes on the hook

see honey the floor is for shoes he goes

oh no every closet in my house our house

now has shells and cubby holes and there

are very few shoes on the floor and then

I mean we have a new deck it's beautiful

but I couldn't see it till it was done

and I'm going does this mean I mean I

know he says he's done this before and

I'm sure he has but what did it look

like when he was done it just being

honest I know why your mom friends so go

fuck

anyway it's a willingness to say I don't

have to be in charge I'm not in charge

I'm not God I'm not in charge of the

world I'm not in charge of this man and

it's okay even if it doesn't turn out a

way that I would have loved it it's not

a right way to do a closet it's not a

right way to do a deck it's not a right

way to do dishes and even more important

things to say you know to try and just

really hear it from his perspective and

Robert does this so well that was his

teaching me but I don't have to be his

I'm not his mother

I'm not his holy spirit and I am an

editor by trade which means I am

professionally proficient at looking for

mistakes Robert says I can spot a typo

on a billboard going by 85 miles an hour

and so occasionally he will say to me

you adding me and sometimes I do and I

realize that doesn't bless a man but

when I encourage my sneak words of

affirmation that 30 day has been

encouragement challenge it's really a

great thing so those are some of the

things I'm gonna hurt you do a weekend

to remember marriage getaway

okay Robert would you pray for our day

Lord Jesus we worship you you are our

Good Shepherd and we have everything

that we need we have everything that we

need so thank you for meeting those

needs thank you for loving us thank you

for your mercy thank you for the cross

where would we be without the cross and

the empty tomb so we thank you for these

sisters few brothers out there thank you

that you've bound us together in

community your church the gates of hell

don't have a chance so we thank you for

this ministry we thank you for this

conference we thank you for your spirit

that brought us here binds us together

opens our hearts gives us a chance to

stand before you and be clothed in your

righteousness we thank you in Jesus name

and all God's people said amen

you