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I think many of you know the story of
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what happened here over the last couple
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of years what happened I don't know what
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happened tell us uh it would be it would
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be well I was going to say it's
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something akin to the virgin birth but
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it's not quite on that miracle all right
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I want everybody to go Bob that's good
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bill I don't this is what happens when
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it gets unscripted in the studio we edit
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these parts but what if you don't know
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the story Robert you were married for
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40-plus years
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yes your wife passed away yes Nancy you
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were never married and in fact you had
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pretty much determined that it was God's
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will and God's purpose that you would be
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single for a lifetime that's what I
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thought yeah
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so the the idea of marriage when it
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first kind of popped on the screen for
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you and it popped on the screen because
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you started getting emails from yeah I
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want to sat down with you and Mary Ann
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when I was in Little Rock and said I'm
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getting these emails from I knew they
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knew Robert do you they seemed a little
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I'm not sure he's sending these to all
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his clients do you think that maybe he
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is thinking something and and before you
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could think about Robert you had to stop
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and ask the question am i open to
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marriage I did and I didn't know but you
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know this little um hanky here yes Lord
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yes Lord
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means whatever you want for my life you
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want me to be single I am very sad you
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want me to be married yes Lord you want
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me to have children well I don't think
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he wants me to have children
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ready probably he knows right Sarah
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Abraham's on
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we'll call him Eisen
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even if it's a girl we'll call Eli's but
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really it was of course God was drawing
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my heart and I told Robert in the first
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conversation we ever had I said my I've
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never had love awakened in my heart in
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this way and if the Lord wanted me to be
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married he would have to put something
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there that has never been there and so
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it wasn't really by and large the
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emotions leading it was what is God
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saying and there was one step at a time
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with the Peace of the Lord searching the
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scripture we had time of fasting and
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prayer it does the Lord even want us to
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take a next step Roberts daughter Missy
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is here with us this weekend one of your
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two daughters and so thrilled she could
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be and Robert was very close to his
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daughters and his grandchildren now our
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family and he was we were getting
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counsel I was for my family and ministry
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family and just doing this in a process
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of seeking is this God's call and then
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you can let your emotions of course your
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emotions are being stirred love was
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being awakened in my heart but I said I
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have to know that this is what God has
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for the season in my life because if
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it's not it's not best for Robert it's
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not best for me it's not best for the
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kingdom of God which is what we really
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live for so it was a process of seeking
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counsel seeking the Lord and reading for
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him over time to give that green light
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Robert you had great respect for
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admiration for Nancy from a distance
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you've worked with her in a professional
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idea in Texas right but respect and
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romance are two different things really
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yeah yeah like Nancy the Lord awakened
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love for this woman I love shepherding
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my wife it's a great metaphor used in
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Scripture and I've done my best over the
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years to listen carefully to the Good
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Shepherd and we walked through the
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valley of the shadow of death and then
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the Lord gave me a new lamb to shepherd
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and it's a it's been an amazing thing
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every once in a while we'll look at each
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other and say you are exactly what I
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need it it's true
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and with that count anybody who's
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married here knows that even if you
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aren't you know that the so much of
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marriage is and life and relationships
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and serving the Lord nothing
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wouldn't none of us are perfected and so
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we're in process and this is a
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sanctification process there are there
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been huge adjustments for me just months
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getting used to having to sleeping in
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the same room with somebody anybody
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that's less of him and things they don't
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tell you before you get married oh my
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goodness oh but there have been
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adjustments for Robert too and a lot of
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changes but you know one of the things
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we talked about early what was going to
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be our first major argument and we've
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talked about this and said you learn as
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you walk with the Lord that if you walk
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in humility if you choose forgiveness if
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you breathe grace in and breathe grace
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out that you can deal with things as
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they arise we've had things arise and
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but I think both of us have walked with
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the Lord now enough time to know that if
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you do it in Pride
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if you stiffen up if you're resistant if
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you're critical if you're it's not going
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to go well and so as those things are
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arising and Robert is just such a joy to
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live with in a and the first to get to
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the cross the first to ask forgiveness I
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was thinking about that the other day
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honey you are just so quick to when
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we're talking about an issue to really
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listen and to say you know man
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and seen it from that perspective so I'm
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very blessed to have that but no matter
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how great a husband you have or no
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matter how difficult the husbands you
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have it takes humility and forbearance
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and choosing I'm like I'm gonna let that
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go I'm not going to make a big deal
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about something I can dig my heels in
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and wait until he says I'm sorry
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or I can say that's not a big deal and
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Robert does this all the time he is for
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Barry he's gentle but he had to learn
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that in 40 some years of a first
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marriage and as a dad and a granddad and
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a businessman and I'm learning it too
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and so it's there's joy you see like you
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know we're dressed for the platform
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today but real life is very much like
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your real life busy not a lot of margins
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so we talked coming into this conference
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that it was going to be so full that we
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said we really need to pray that the
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Lord will protect and keep us walking in
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the spirit because there be a lot of
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potential for misunderstanding for hurt
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feelings and we don't want to come out
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of this week and then be looking at each
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other and saying you really hurt me you
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really wounded me and you weren't
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thoughtful so we need prayer like
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everybody else and the thing that is
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helping us so much Robert starts every
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day before I wake up he's with the Lord
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on his knees in the word then the first
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time we see each other he's praying over
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a day last thing at night we're praying
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together as always long don't put your
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husband under pressure this is having to
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be somewhat great long pastoral prayer
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last night it was pretty short
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and that's okay but we're just saying
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Lord we need you we need you we do and
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so I'm very thankful for this season I'm
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thankful for a woman that he's making me
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in in ways that God was sanctifying me
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through singleness and now I sanctify me
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through marriage and whatever calling
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God has for me or for you it's a good
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one when we say yes Lord so let me ask
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you just quickly is is there a way where
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you would say over the last year this is
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how I'm wrong this is what I've learned
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about God or worried about myself
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here is how sanctification has worked
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out as a result of the two of us
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becoming one you have a way yeah real
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Nancy talked about this a real openness
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to each other listening carefully
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humility and and being really aware that
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the Lord has put us ministry together
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and and knowing that we aren't our own
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nor bought with the price but at the
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same time we're so ordinary we have an
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extraordinary God and that's really
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what's important so you know we join
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with all of you in in embracing that
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same God same grace same mercy same
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forgiveness
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enjoy so we are this this is amazing we
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are so grateful and thank you for your
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op the opportunity to be here with you
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thank you for coming to this conference
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and giving us a chance to to join in
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this wonderful worship time together I
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would say two quick ways that the Lord
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things I knew but then I'm getting to
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apply differently in marriage one is the
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importance of bringing every thought
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captive to the obedience of Christ I
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share in the book that will be coming
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out in February that I've just written I
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was writing a book on wives loving your
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husbands while we were in our first year
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of marriage so this has been very timely
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and I can tell this in that book I can
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remember waking up one night in the
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middle of the night well actually I
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wasn't sleeping much nights those first
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months and in my sleep-deprived there
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were so many changes taking place I
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remember the middle of one night I'm
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thinking what have I done and feeling
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like this man lying in the bed next to
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me is a total I don't even know who this
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who is this Who am I and it was me it
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was me but this there was this is a
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moment when you can let your emotions
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run and they're going to take you a not
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good place or you can rein in every
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thought to the obedience of Christ and
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you start tell counseling your heart
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according to what you know to be true
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and that is I am this is my husband I am
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his wife God has put us together we have
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vowed we will we will make this work by
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God's grace I mean you're just taking
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your counseling yourself instead of
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letting your emotions run off and for us
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women that's huge the second thing is
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also huge for us women especially as
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firstborns and that is the willingness
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to relinquish control and let's just say
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we have did you hear that
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I heard this I heard the crowd yeah we
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are living in a house that I have lived
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in for 25 years and it's done quite well
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for me just the way it is and it's
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miniature it's just nice little oh the
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house is a little honey just things you
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know I'm sure I do the dishes like on my
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knees the counters like will but thank
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you for doing it my pleasure
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okay so Robert loves building he's a guy
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and he does he likes closets to be uber
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organized all my friends come in and
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they're jealous they wish their husbands
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would do this I'm going I like
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excuse me I like my stuff strewn all
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over that closet a shelf cubbyholes
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places for shoes shoes goes on the hook
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see honey the floor is for shoes he goes
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oh no every closet in my house our house
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now has shells and cubby holes and there
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are very few shoes on the floor and then
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I mean we have a new deck it's beautiful
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but I couldn't see it till it was done
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and I'm going does this mean I mean I
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know he says he's done this before and
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I'm sure he has but what did it look
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like when he was done it just being
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honest I know why your mom friends so go
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fuck
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anyway it's a willingness to say I don't
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have to be in charge I'm not in charge
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I'm not God I'm not in charge of the
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world I'm not in charge of this man and
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it's okay even if it doesn't turn out a
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way that I would have loved it it's not
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a right way to do a closet it's not a
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right way to do a deck it's not a right
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way to do dishes and even more important
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things to say you know to try and just
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really hear it from his perspective and
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Robert does this so well that was his
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teaching me but I don't have to be his
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I'm not his mother
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I'm not his holy spirit and I am an
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editor by trade which means I am
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professionally proficient at looking for
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mistakes Robert says I can spot a typo
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on a billboard going by 85 miles an hour
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and so occasionally he will say to me
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you adding me and sometimes I do and I
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realize that doesn't bless a man but
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when I encourage my sneak words of
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affirmation that 30 day has been
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encouragement challenge it's really a
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great thing so those are some of the
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things I'm gonna hurt you do a weekend
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to remember marriage getaway
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okay Robert would you pray for our day
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Lord Jesus we worship you you are our
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Good Shepherd and we have everything
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that we need we have everything that we
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need so thank you for meeting those
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needs thank you for loving us thank you
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for your mercy thank you for the cross
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where would we be without the cross and
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the empty tomb so we thank you for these
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sisters few brothers out there thank you
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that you've bound us together in
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community your church the gates of hell
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don't have a chance so we thank you for
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this ministry we thank you for this
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conference we thank you for your spirit
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that brought us here binds us together
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opens our hearts gives us a chance to
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stand before you and be clothed in your
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righteousness we thank you in Jesus name
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and all God's people said amen
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you
24550
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