Original subtitles

zero right police and security to full alert immediately

Oh, you little rascal, running away like that.

Are you seeing how he is running around?

He is programmed to be doing that. This is a highly sophisticated robot from

1995. No tax, please no.

Hey, uncle, are you wanting to buy?

Uncle, there's no obligation.

You can just look. Rolex watch.

You know the name. Now all the watch.

The ultimate Swiss craftsmanship.

No doubt you've seen these fine phenomenas on sale at Tiffany's for $1

,700.

Ideal in volume. My special price to you today, $39.95.

$39.95. How are you going to beat that? You going to beat that? How are you

going to beat that? You like the robot?

How's your line moving, pal?

Well, they are not selling like pancakes. That is for certain.

Maybe I should be selling them door-to-door, huh?

Door-to-door? In this town?

You just fall off the banana boat or what?

I do not travel with banana, sir.

And I'll have you know that I've been kicking around this town for two days'

time already.

Really?

You interested in upgrading your image? Up my image?

I am going to let you have half of my inventory, huh? What would you say to

that?

Um, wait, Mr. Slytherin. Look, look. You haven't seen this.

You haven't seen this before. Check it out.

Uh, look, see?

Their hands.

They clap, huh?

I know it'll sell.

Sandy, we don't sell novelty items here. Now, how many chances am I supposed to

give you, hmm?

I told you I want high tech.

And I want it now, for Christmas, not Easter.

Got it?

Yes, sir.

Hi, Tech.

I'll can the hat, and I'll keep looking. And if you don't mind, Miss Benettoni,

some of us are trying to work.

Ah, that's better.

Silence is better than Little Richard?

I can let you have these rock bottom wholesale.

You were going to clean up. It is nice of you, sir, but I am occupying myself.

No, but the toy robot business, it's a little pathetic. They're not going to

move, my friend. Not in this town. Excuse me, is this yours?

Yes.

It is called number five.

It rolled right past my office. Listen. Excuse me.

My friend and I were taking a meeting here. Who are you supposed to be?

Sandy Benettoni, assistant buyer, Simpsons Toy Department.

Okay?

Hello.

These are great toys. Thank you. I showed this to my boss. He loves it.

Where did you get them?

Oh, I am making them. I am Benjaberry.

Titanic Toy Corporation.

Like this here.

I'm sorry, I haven't heard of you.

Where are you located?

Well, actually, I am based in that vehicle right over yonder.

Oh, no, no. I mean, where's your assembly plant? Your offices?

Well, your office there is also my home.

You mean you make these yourself?

In there?

Yes, you see, robotics is the only livelihood I am knowing.

Are you wanting to purchase one? You see the little hands they bend like that? We

deal in volume.

I mean, I couldn't possibly order less than a thousand.

One thousand?

A thousand. A thousand?

We could do a thousand, no perspiration, if the per unit price is at all

attractive. What? Who are we?

We could go maybe 50 piece? Oh, no, I'm only charging $19.95. A day to

rent.

If you want to buy them wholesale, look, 50. We could live with 50 apiece.

Okay, maybe.

But seriously, I mean, how long before you could deliver that many?

Oh, well, did you just want a rough estimate of how long? Yes, yes, yes. 1

,000 robots? Well... This is a ballpark figure, you know. 1,000 robots? Round it

off.

Oh, yes, they could be ready for delivery approximately in the middle of

October. Really?

1993.

Rolex!

The Rolex watch.

Look, I'm sorry for wasting your time.

We're in two different worlds here.

I mean, I'd have to have them in like 30 days.

30 days?

Sorry.

Well, wait a minute.

You know, he meant with our current facilities, but we could expand our

operation. You know, we can get more personnel, a larger factory.

Once we get your cash advance, we could be in high gear. Again, you're saying

this revert, sir?

My boss would never go for cash advance.

Chris Simpsons will forego the cash advance.

Tell you what, how does it sound to you? We will show up at your door October

15th, this year, with 1,000 of these fine robots. You guarantee to buy them?

$50 a piece, COD?

Huh? Huh?

Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Get your lawyers on the paperwork, Ms. Bantoni. We got a deal. We got a

deal. Thank you. Thanks very much. We are making a deal.

Well, this is most pleasantly pleasing.

I am studying with great people to become citizen of your country, COD.

Yes, sir. You are appreciating my robots?

Yeah, you asked me question many merchandise running away to get back

here. You're grounded I'm going to take your batteries out boys First things

first now before the first thing is a question. Who are you and what is your

good name, sir? Fred Ritter, I'm in the entrepreneur business. I ask financial

questions like where's your capital Washington DC Hey simple words.

How are you gonna build all those robots by yourself with no money?

Well, I am thinking I will contact my friends Newton and Stephanie in Montana.

Perhaps they can assist me financially.

Montana, you got friends right here. I just got you your big break, didn't I?

You tell me what you need.

Oscar, step aside.

Mr.

DeRoyter, welcome to the U.S. and welcome to First Federal Trust.

It's a great honor for all of us at the bank, and I'd like... Might we step

inside, please?

Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.

Madsen steel alloy.

F450. Of course. Built by Heimdall. Completely custom.

I must say, we're really quite, quite proud of it.

Gentlemen,

the Vanderveer Collection.

We'll keep them here until one day before the exhibition is to open at the

museum.

Of course, during the day, we'll have a special detail of six armed guards.

And at night, they'll be augmented by 12 strategically placed security personnel.

Excellent. I'm glad you approve.

You already owe me a substantial sum, Fred. It comes due in 30 days. Yes, Mr.

Rung, I'm aware of that. But you know, it takes money to make money. And this

is a sure thing. With this, I am guaranteed in the black. And you, your

money, your interest is in your pocket. In full, on time, no bullshit.

And this time, I have free collateral.

55 Rolex watches.

You know the name. Now own the watch.

I know the name, Fred.

And your body is your collateral.

This does not change our original contract. Absolutely not. Still owe me

everything. Absolutely.

In 30 days.

30 days.

This is it. Your new factory.

Rented just for you. Right here.

You see, this is why I'm studying to become a citizen of your great country.

In one day's time only. A man can go from a mean street corner like this one

to a tall skyscraping building like that one. What are you talking about? Not the

bank. 180, over here.

Huh?

Midtown. Centrally located.

Been here since 1902.

Beautiful, huh?

And historic building.

Come on.

Huh?

It's unbelievable, isn't it?

They're gonna tear it down in a couple of months. I sweet-talked them into a

short-term lease.

Oh, really? Got it for a song.

It'll work, though, right?

I mean, it's got everything we need.

Got...

walls and windows.

Phone service.

All the square footage you could ask for.

Benny, I'd like you to meet your production staff.

They're fast learners, they're hard workers, and, hey, minimum wage.

Here's your budget for tools and parts and all that. I promised our staff a

three-course dinner.

Got a favorite table reserved at McDonald's. Excuse me.

How are you obtaining this financial funding?

A little muscle, a whole lot of hustle.

Everybody got a watch?

Yeah, I got a watch.

You like McNuggets? Who is he?

Trust me.

I don't believe it.

Well, this is just great.

Just great. Who the hell are they?

Nobody's supposed to be here.

Slow down, Saunders.

God, I knew I should have stayed away from this. So leave. Go back to your two

-bit computer scam you were doing so good. All right. How much time do we

need?

You've got to be kidding me.

We're not even past utility lines yet. The soil density is much lower than I

figured. We're going to have to start shoring every five feet. There's no way

we'll ever get to those jewels before they... How much time?

If we have to stop digging for more than five days, we'll never make it in time.

We've got to get them out of here, or we can kiss those diamonds goodbye.

Hey, Benny, where'd you get the idea for this thing?

Oh, no, no, no. Split conductor cable, remember?

Mm-hmm. Before I arrived in the city, I was working in Oregon for Nova Robotics.

And together with my friend Newton Crosby, we designed and we built the

real number five robot.

Unfortunately, the military got hold of him and decided to use him as a weapon

of death and destruction.

You mean you were making these things for real and now you're making toys for

a living?

Gee. Well, the real number five, he malfunctioned and... Well, let us just

say that we were separated from our jobs. Well, when you have completed this

robot, we will have 25.

Voila, my man.

Number 25.

24.

Excuse me, sir, but we are not open to the public.

Oh, hello.

Can I?

Oh, my God.

Hey, come on now, guys.

You're jumping the gun here. Arnold said I got 29 more days.

Hey, watch the silk.

Come on, let's do it.

Oh, no, sir. Please don't.

No,

please don't leave.

Don't forget the circuit tester.

Not the circuit.

You're gonna have to learn how to defend yourself. But who would be doing this to

struggling business persons like ourselves?

I thought it was somebody I knew. No, wait, sir. Wait.

Now we are unemployed.

Oh, look, we still got all of the robot parts in the van.

and get a new staff together.

We are having no more money, and now we're having no equipment to assemble

the robots with our naked hands. It would be slower than Moles' asses in

January.

Benny, you're leaving me with my back to the wall here. I mean, we got to come up

with something.

It's not possible. We are the type of people who have everything in our favor

going against us. Look, look, look, look, look. How about this? How about we

go to the lady at Simpsons and we beg for an advance?

I mean, we go in there and we grovel. We look really pathetic.

Mountain Lion Air Freight. We got a delivery for you.

Oh, yeah?

Had enough deliveries for one day, pal.

Mr. Benjamin Javay, right?

Javay Eddie?

Yeah, we should leave it out here or what?

Yeah, leave it out there.

Yeah, yeah, it is for you. Who even knows you're here? I have only told my

friends in Montana.

I've never seen that happen before.

The hell is this crap?

Who is getting this crap is moving.

Hello, bozos.

Benjamin. Oh, come here. Give me a hug. Oh, it's so good to see you.

Number five.

For you, from Stephanie.

All natural granola brownies. No preservatives or additives.

That's the real one. That's the real number two.

Number five. Number five. Please, call me Johnny Five.

Johnny, you have taken name for yourself?

I choose many things for myself, but did not choose traveling in a box.

I choose to fly tourist class, but they say I'm cargo.

No movie.

No magazine, no bag of peanuts. Yeah, but what are you doing here? I am not

understanding. Oh, listen.

Dear Ben, we decided that the only way we could help was to send Number 5.

He can build your toy robot.

But you know how crazy he is for input, so please keep an eye on him. Good luck.

Love, Stephanie and Newton.

Oh, Benjamin, this is your home?

Domicile? Flophouse?

Oh, Fred, Lady Luxia's sitting in our laps today.

She is, huh? I thought you said this thing misfunctioned on you.

Oh, that is a falsity. What actually happened was we were working on him one

day and suddenly he's struck by lightning.

And from this moment on, he's having a mind of his own.

So the government tried to destroy him, so he ran away. So now he's living with

my friend in Montana in a cabin in the woods in Cognito.

Ooh, input.

Hound of the Paskervilles.

I think the chauffeur did it.

He did.

Hey, listen very carefully. I am thinking we should not tell him he is in

a major metropolitan area.

If he is discovering he is in a whole city full of inputs, he will go insanely

crazy. You mean this thing just runs by itself?

Thing? An object without life? A personal possession?

Incorrect. Johnny Five, not a thing.

Yeah, right. But I mean, is it remote controlled or what?

Well, you would not believe me, huh?

Number five.

Johnny Vibe.

Johnny is a very cute name, huh? I like it. Come here. Come on.

This is my friend, Fred.

Oh, hello, Fred.

No, over here. Oh, right. Sorry. Perhaps Fred would like a little demonstration

of just how you will be helping us out of this sticky predicament we are now

stuck inside of. Here, please assemble.

Sure. Okay, check diagram.

Okay, now find Fred Assembly.

Okay. And put that here. And insert.

Whoa.

Don't forget the Nernies!

It's me!

Isn't that special?

We're home free!

It can build them all, right?

Completed number 74, Benjamin.

Benjamin? The government is divided into three trees.

Branches.

We'll return to Tarzan the Fearless after these messages.

Like I said, it's the all-new Radio Shack stereo.

And just look at these prices!

I admit it, I need their... But till I'm cured you can say big so come on come on

take advantage of Manning Mike's emotional problems I just gotta sell

sell sell I can't help it. Look at me. I'm in a panic. I'm frantic and I'm

Manic whoa Interesting human

They have got a robot doing all the work for them.

Operating completely unsupervised. A totally mobile, independent robotic

system. Saunders, are they moving out or not?

What, are you kidding me? The stuff we smashed is worth nothing compared to

that thing. These guys must be loaded.

What are they doing in that building? They probably bought the building.

Okay. So we get rid of the robot.

Benjamin. Buona Benjamin.

Wake up, Carl.

Up and at'em, Benjamin.

Time for recharging.

Good morning.

Morning. Oh, do you have an alternative power supply, huh?

Lithium-argon liquid battery. Good for 500 hours.

Improvement on your design. Cut the bugs out. Yes, and I am proud of you. You

have removed your laser weapon, huh?

Weapon is to kill, disassemble, make dead.

Unacceptable. You have made many modifications upon your person, huh?

You have come a long way for the Defense Department prototype.

You betcha. It's the all-new Johnny Five. Just look at these items.

Increased memory, 500 megabytes online.

I come with a utility pack, dozens of gadgets for outdoor living, lots of

Greenpeace stickers, and even my own Nike swoosh. And if you act now, I'll

throw in absolutely free my all-new multi-frequency remote control.

I can't help it. I'm in a panic. I'm frantic. And I'm... Manic. Hey, Fred, it

is time to wake up, huh? The early bird gets worms.

What is the time being?

Oh, 8.37 a.m. and 17 seconds. Oh, my God.

I'm supposed to go to Simpsons to sign the papers.

Benjamin, I'll go with you. I'd love more input. Oh, no, Johnny Five, you

must wait here, huh? It's you, you stay here, and there is nothing outside for

you. It is very boring out there. Everything you need is right here, huh?

I'll be back soon. But it's very boring out there. No import, huh?

Boring, boring, boring.

Dubious.

Hard to believe.

Excuse me.

Oh, uh, Mr. Jarvey, right? Javery, but you can call me B-E-N. I spell it Ben.

Ben, hi.

So, how's it going?

Oh, great. Yeah? Oh,

this for you. Oh, Ben, it looks great. Thank you. Hey, this looks even better

than your prototype.

Oh. So, you mean you can actually mass produce with this quality and still meet

our deadline?

Yes.

Great, great. So, uh, why don't you go down and see my secretary about signing

the papers?

I don't know why.

No, I mean, you should. Oh, I mean, yes.

Yes. Okay.

Good, uh, well, sir, good luck with the rest of them and, uh... Oh, thank you.

Be in touch.

Oh, uh... Please won't you be

my neighbor?

My neighbor, I've been thinking about you and thought you...

Might like to see Hisher Booptrunk.

Hisher is a ventriloquist dummy.

He isn't alive.

I'm alive. I'm a human being like you.

Hisher is made of paper mache and wood. And except for pretend, Hisher

doesn't have feelings.

I have feelings.

Skin and bones.

Hey, gently with this shirt. That's my pisana.

It's a $190 shirt.

I got it for $45.50 off the truck.

You want to hand me to the bats?

Sure.

Wouldn't want you to strain yourself.

Can you say thank you?

Let me see if you can hunt up some more of those cashew nuts.

Wash his socks, iron his shirt.

It's like animals in a jungle, I swear to God. The people in this city, it's

like back to the trees time.

City?

I am in a city?

I didn't say that.

This is actually no place at all.

You shouldn't waste your time. I mean, there's really nothing to see out there.

I mean, well, yeah, you can see for yourself it's pretty dull.

Whoa!

Ooh!

It's not much of a place to see, really, is it?

Major Metropolis.

Come on, now. We got toys to make.

Was not told I was in the city. Why?

Look, just get back to work.

You're ordering me? I'm not Slave-O-Matic. I'm Johnny Five.

I'm alive.

Yeah, and my Aunt Bertha's a toaster up. Come on, get to work.

No, thanks. I've never seen a city. Time for sightseeing.

Sightseeing? Now, what do you mean with sightseeing? Excuse me.

Input. Megabytes of input.

Watch your toes.

Look at this place. It's amazing.

It's like Montana, only vertical.

Buildings, skyscrapers, urban habitats.

I am impressed.

Oh, mobile human.

Mmm, woman carrying a dead animal.

Mmm, outdoor plumbing.

Oh, my.

Must be candid camera.

Ooh, hot dogs.

Pork snaps, nitrites, red dye number five.

Hello there, pedestrians, city dwellers, young urban professionals.

Nice place you got here.

Whoa.

Human porcupines.

Smile! Oh,

what's going on?

Okay, red to black, red to black, red to black, red card. Everybody play this

game, okay?

Winners all the time. Here we go. Red to black, red to black, red to black, red

card. Okay, pick that card up. That one. I win.

Hey, what the hell am I looking at here, huh?

Look, it's a droid. I did not win.

Hey, look, who's running this thing, huh? Get the struggling mother out of my

face! Out of my face!

Well, excuse me for living.

Los locos kick your ass!

Los locos kick your face!

Los locos kick your butt!

Into outer space!

No, that thing ain't gonna work on this kind of lock, sucker.

Push on the window! Push!

Push, man!

I've seen that shit before.

I've seen it too.

It's a... It's a... A Mitsubishi.

Not Mitsubishi. M-Johnny 5.

He's talking, man.

Sure. Sure, sure. They all do that, man.

Hey, what are you doing here?

Sightseeing. But many people are angry.

Why? That's your car, man. You're looking out for it? No.

Come on.

Are you angry, too? No, man, no.

I want to be your friend.

Listen, you can open any car you want.

Sure.

You know, man, you want to help us out?

We got this big job, you know. We go around looking for old car stereos that

need to be, like, polished up and repaired and stuff, and that's what we

do. And then we put them back in the cars, and everybody's happy.

Yeah, we, uh, we work for the, uh...

Uh, the Department of Car Stereo Repair, right? Yeah, yeah, man, and we're really

overworked. We got too many cars to do today. See all those cars?

Yeah. We gotta do all those cars, or we don't even get to go home to see our

families and little babies and stuff.

Aww.

Is it doing it? I don't see nothing.

I think it's split, man.

Everything you need for car sales systems at low, low prices. I can't help

it. Look at me. I'm in a panic. I'm frantic. And I'm... Mad.

Nice, eh?

Por favor, need assistance to find Benjamin and Frederick, 135 West

Lafayette Boulevard. Usted comprende, amigo?

Yeah. Yeah, that's right across the street.

Oh, muchas gracias.

What is this? Some type of stunt? A joke?

No humor is involved.

Collecting mucho input. Urban input.

Hey, be careful!

Be careful. You really should cross at the crosswalk.

You lost number Johnny Five? Hold it. Now you stop fucking up. Now get up. Get

up. I did not lose him, first of all. He just ran out. He went ape on me. Well,

my friends have trusted me, and now I have lowered them down. Your friends?

This is a major screwing up. Your friends? What about me, huh? What about

this business?

Excuse me. I found this machine across the street.

Number Johnny Five.

Am I not telling you not to go outside of the doors?

Outside of doors is city.

Awesome input.

You did not tell me.

You have been vandalized all over yourself.

No.

Decorations. Multicolored petroleum byproducts. Los locos kick your ass. Los

locos kick your face.

Los locos kick your balls into outer space. Come on, Johnny Five.

Uh-oh. Come on. I will clean you up.

But if you want a mouth, I would wash it out with soap.

But I... You really saved our bacon there. Thanks a lot.

That thing is remarkable.

Is it yours? Oh, yeah. Yeah, there's only one of them, and we got it.

Yeah, using it to build this fine line of quality toys.

That's very nice.

Oh, my name is Oscar Baldwin. I work at the bank across the street. I thought

this building had been vacated. Maybe you'd like to join the Neighborhood

Merchants Association.

I happen to be the membership committee chair. Oh, yeah, well, you know, we're

on a short-term lease. We'll be gone in a month. You have removed 57 car stereos

from automobiles?

What? You were out ripping stuff off? Not ripping, unscrewing. I helped my

friends, the Department of Car Stereo Repair.

Dummy, you were boosting car stereos.

Stealing, okay?

You were stealing. You got fingerprints here? No, no, he doesn't. To take

another person's property without permission, dishonestly or unlawfully,

but they said it's their job. Tomorrow they'll put them back. No, no, they

scammed you. See? They tricked your ass.

I've got more brains in my left nostril than he's got in his whole erector set.

I was tricked?

Flim flammed?

Hornswoggle? You see, this is not the countryside.

This is the... the city side.

There are very many people here, and people, they are very complicated.

I said no. I spent my entire lifetime as one, and still I do not understand them,

huh? Now, please, will you stay inside?

Okay. Okay, thank you.

Let's go, Sons. God, I think I'm allergic to this stuff.

Oh, come on.

He is in the ignition.

He is in the ignition. Get it! I got it!

Shh!

Dear Stephanie, the toys are almost done.

The city is nice, but people here get angry easily.

Maybe they need more fiber in their diet.

Or maybe it's just me.

Love, Johnny.

P.S. Enclosed is something called a chili dog.

Hmm. Masks?

Disguises? Excuse me, gentlemen. Our showroom closes at six.

Hey! Ow!

Let's get that crap in.

Have a seat, gentlemen.

Why are you angry?

Why try to disassemble Johnny Fine?

Bad humans!

Please allow me to demonstrate the law of centrifugal force.

Please return your seat backs and tray tables to their full upright positions.

Preparation for landing.

Robot ejects problem.

Film at 11.

To the moon,

Alice!

Who are these musket men and what do they want?

Does everybody get treated this way?

Now we gotta get a security system.

Security system?

Sure.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T. That is what I'd like for me.

One word, Johnny Five. Lower your volume. I cannot hear myself forgetting

what I am studying.

Makes me unable even to remember the name of Warden G.

Harding. Harding?

Johnny.

Hi, Oscar.

I thought this would interest you.

Sightseeing tips. Lots of input.

Oscar, thank you.

And I'll read it again later.

Oh. Found one for you. Great.

Got it? Yep.

Hello there.

I just thought I'd drop off that application for you. Oh, yeah. Thanks.

I'll get to it right away. What's he doing anyway?

Making homemade contraption to protect my friends.

Let me ask you something. How does that thing work?

Do you operate it by remote control?

No, you just talk to it.

Absolutely. Certainly amazing. I know a little bit about computers, and we'd

expect to pay no less than a half a million for something like him.

Johnny, five total value, $11,002,076.17.

Ha-ha!

$11 million, you see?

And well worth it.

Capable of doing anything, and a marvelous personality to boot.

Oh, thank you, Oscar.

Adios.

I like Oscar.

He's friendly, and he treats me with R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Suck it to me, suck it to

me, suck it to me, suck it to me, suck it to me. Amendment to a right to have

parents. All right, what's the deal here?

What? I'm talking about a robot worth 11 million bucks.

Yeah, so?

So, Benny, why are we killing ourselves making toys for a lousy 50 grand? Why

don't we sell the big one? What? This is not possible.

For very personal reasons.

Number Johnny Five cannot be sold in any way, howsoever.

Am I making myself completely transparent to you? Oh, yeah,

transparent as hell.

Out of all the partners I could have picked, I get the one that doesn't want

to be rich.

Of course, if everybody was rich, then everybody would have a pisana.

Benny, hey, grab your jacket.

I'm taking you to lunch. I've been thinking about this girl, Sandy.

You have? And now she's got your jeans steaming and everything. Oh, no, no, no,

no. Listen, listen.

It's always a surprise, the kind of guys they go for. You know, you'd think it'd

be somebody like me, right? No hope. It always turns out to be some guy just

like you. I swear to God. She's not even recognizing me when she's seeing me.

Benny, I'm telling you. You know what you gotta do?

You gotta break it up with a little small talk, you know? Small talk.

First you start out by talking about the weather. Then you move on to

complimenting her shoes or her earrings.

Uh, then you can move on to something a little more personal, you know?

Tell her you find yourself, uh, fascinated by her hypnotic blue eyes.

Hi, I paid yesterday. Bill's gonna pick it up today. Hey, Bill.

How you doing?

Good game. Great game.

Fine. Fine young athlete.

I'm with him.

Hypnotic blue eyes. Hypnotic blue eyes. Yeah, ooh, that sounds good. That sounds

real good. I think you're on a roll. You know what I'd do if I were you? What?

I'd go see Sandy today.

Today? Absolutely.

Yeah, right after lunch.

I'm not that hungry myself.

I can go take care of the store.

You go for the groceries.

Huh? I'll cover for you. Go for it. You think so? Absolutely.

Thank you, Fred.

Send me a banner, Tony.

Come on, J-5. I got some people that are dying to meet you.

Frederick, I have an important question.

Why do humans not like me? Call me Crabhead. They like you. They like you.

Crabhead is a compliment.

Oh.

Check it out.

Major input.

Redbeard, wait here. I'll be right back after these words.

Input! Input!

Input!

Input!

Input. Treasure Island.

Origin of the species.

Everything you always wanted to know about sex.

Ah,

more!

Good. Oh, I like that one.

That one, too.

Boring. Eh, that movie was better.

These two are wonderful.

Five, what are you doing? You're gonna get us busted here.

Frederick, I must read these two books very carefully.

Two excellent books. May I have these, Craphead?

Come on, we gotta go. But Fred, I... Do you see those two guys down there?

They want to take your books away.

Nice going, Ace.

Read any good books lately?

Oh, yes, I covered many great subjects.

Philosophy, art, religion, aerobics. But, Frederick, there's so many more. I

could do the whole store in 35 minutes. Couldn't we just go back... Now, would

you give me a break?

I got you some input, didn't I? Now you do something for me. And watch the

shirt. Silk? Yeah, damn right.

From the Bombix Morimoth Caterpillar, or Silkworm as it's commonly called. I

don't care!

Come on, we're gonna be late.

This is far too risky. I mean, broad daylight.

All three of them are gone. It's the only chance we'll get. We'll be out of

here in under two minutes.

I used to do this for a living, it'll be a controlled fire

Please direct your attention to the person or persons attempting illegal

entry here at 135 West Lafayette Boulevard.

They are criminals, thugs, bad dudes, desperados.

So get the police, the Lone Ranger, Dirty Harry, Mean Joe Green, the Green

Beret, the Green Hornet.

No,

it can't be. The Nova Project was scrapped and the robots were destroyed.

I'm telling you, it's a Nova robot.

Follow the red card. Winners all the time. Everybody's a winner. Follow the

red car, red car, red car. Red to black, red to black. Follow the red car, not

the black car. Follow the red car. Here it is. Everybody step right up. Take a

chance. Place a bet. Not us, just me and Ben Javeri. He's my partner. Ben Javeri?

Yeah. Ben Javeri?

Wasn't he with Nova Robotics? He was Newton Crosby's partner.

Whatever happened to those guys?

They were supposed to be such hot shot engineers.

Incredible adaptability.

It's a breakthrough in artificial intelligence.

Very impressive, Mr.

Ritter. Fred Ritter. Nice to meet you.

Ritter, huh? You say it's not remote control, but how else can you get such a

range of abilities?

Corporate secrets, which I will, of course, explain in detail once we have a

sale. That is, if you're interested.

Well, yes, of course we are interested. Sale.

Contract by which ownership of property is transferred.

What property is for sale?

Well, you, I hope.

Fred wants to sell me?

Come on, it's just a figure of speech.

I'm not property, Frederick. One whose person is under control of another as

master is a slave.

That's all we need, a robot who's into equal rights.

If you blow this, I'll pull your head off. I swear to God I will. But they

cannot purchase me. Cannot. I am alive.

I am endowed by my creator with certain inalienable rights.

Falling 32 feet per second. Unacceptable.

Better hurry before I make a big hit on Broadway.

Steady. Watch the trim.

Oh, it's great up here.

No problems.

I wish I were a bird.

The chrome-breasted input eater.

Dream on, Johnny.

Landing area, six o'clock.

Beginning final approach.

What's this?

Ooh, aesthetic input.

Sculptures. Modern art.

Hmm.

An early brown koozie.

Please, darling, it is a handcuff. It's gaunt, angular, repulsive.

Hmm?

What do you think, Mr. Slater? We can call it funny fingers.

Sandy, now you've been with us how long? Two months, and you still haven't found

one item I'd even consider carrying? Robots, sir. I found those.

Where are they? You're dealing with a street hustler. Come on, Sandy, get with

it. He's not a street hustler. He's a robotics engineer.

He worked for the government.

He's very, very businesslike, a total professional.

Pardon.

Delivery boy.

Oh, sorry.

That was my boss. Oh, sorry.

Yeah, uh, listen, Ben, what's going on with those robots?

We're getting really close to the deadline.

Well, we are manufacturing them like gangbangers.

Busters. Gangbusters.

Busters. Yeah?

Okay, good, good.

Totally professional.

I knew I could count on you.

Ben, I can count on you, can't I? Oh, Sandy, that pogo stick guy's waiting for

you upstairs.

Oh, um...

I've got to run.

Contact me as soon as the complete shipment is ready, okay?

Sandy?

Excuse me. It is time to tell you something which is very important. Yeah.

I have a need to explain.

Oh, God.

There's a problem, isn't there?

You're not going to be able to make the robots on time?

I knew it.

I knew it.

You know, Mr. Slater, he tells us, don't take chances. So I don't take chances,

and I take a chance, and then...

No, please, please, everything is okay. This is not my current discussion of

topic.

Then what is?

Well, I am wishing to say there is a great deal of weather today.

Let's say, you know, you have attractive shoes and earrings.

Thank you.

I am fascinated by your hypnotic blue eyes.

I mean, Brown.

You're Brown.

Ben. It is a small talk. To increase the relationship.

Oh, no.

Ben. See, you don't have to make small talk. We're already in business. But

what you do have to make are those damn little robots, you know?

And I really got to run. So why don't you go back to work, okay?

Oh, yes.

I shall be damn sure telling you when the robots are to be completed. Time to

be sorted.

Maybe a new wardrobe would help.

60 regular.

Ah, great fit.

Fashion statement.

Mixing in with all the other living bipeds.

I'm just like you, except I'm from out of town.

Oh, beautiful architecture.

Edifice. Romanesque.

Can someone direct me to the answers, please?

Oh, maybe that's where the answers are.

Hello?

Yes, my child?

Hello. Need input. Input? Well, that's what I'm here for, son.

Well, people dislike me.

Call me droid, ugly mother. My goodness, well, I've been called a few names

myself. I understand that it always hurt. We all want to be liked. Of

course, the truth is it doesn't really matter what people think of you. It

doesn't? Nope. What matters is what you do, how you live, what the Lord thinks

about you. We're all equal before him.

All equal?

Oh, but I'm different.

I'm a... No, no, you're not. Now, no matter what you may have done, you are

as deserving as anyone else. You... Possess the immortal soul.

That makes you equal.

Soul? Yes, input from Bible, Koran, Upanishads. Well, I lean towards

the Bible myself.

I possess immortal soul?

Of course you do, my son. You're human, right?

No, I'm a machine.

But I am alive.

Now this is confession?

You don't play games in the house of God?

Not games. Have questions.

Need answers. Fine, then come to confession yourself. Don't send a

machine. You can't confess by remote control. Now out! Get out!

Hey,

look at that thing over there.

Huh, you think that's the who's at the trash the bookstore?

How many of these could there be?

Fun's over. Oh, police officer.

Can you answer questions for me? Just the facts. Who's ever running this

thing? This is the police. Come on out now.

But I am out. Here I am. Listen up now.

We got complaints on this thing.

Complaints? I did something wrong?

All right. Oh.

This is your last chance.

Either you come out now or we're impounding this piece of equipment. But

I am not equipment.

Impressor by.

Man on street.

Average Joe.

Is this thing for real?

Sure. I'm just on my way to pick up the kids and my wife. Yeah, my wife, uh,

Morgan Fairchild. Yeah, that's the ticket. Oh.

You will book me, Dano?

I will make your day?

Do not pass go?

I'm underage, you know.

Okay, hold it there.

Mug shots?

The chief said get a photo record of it. Yeah, what are we supposed to do? This

jail is for human beings. They may be the scum of the earth, but they're human

beings. But I am alive. Read my lip lights. I think, therefore, I am.

Take it down to stolen goods.

I am not stolen goods.

Ouch! Oh, but hath not a robot eyes?

Hath not a robot hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections,

passions? If you prick us, do we not bleed?

Yeah, battery fluid, maybe.

Let me.

Get this straight.

You tried to sell number 25.

Yeah, but it fell through.

So, where is he now?

I, um, lost him.

Oh, I see. I saw you. You lost him, huh? I will.

Hey, take it easy. I just misplaced them, you know? Like your car keys, your

son... How are you misplacing a 700-pound car key? Don't come any

closer. You coward!

You snake in the grass!

Stolen goods warehouse?

He's looking to you like a household appliance?

Number to Johnny Five.

Are you operational?

Say something to me.

Um, hubcaps.

Corn dog.

So... What is this?

He is delicate equipment. A completely unique self-mobile micro-computer

robotic system.

Yeah, we, uh, thought it was that.

Okay, Johnny Five, you're free to go.

Okay. What are these foolish clothings you are wearing?

I tend to look human. Fit in.

Belong.

Unsuccessful.

Now, when people are looking at you, they see a machine, so they are treating

you like a machine.

But this causes strange feeling, emotion.

It's not good. And what emotion is this?

Feels like desert, wasteland.

Can you explain a little more explicitly, please?

Unpleasant, hollow, cold.

Is it loneliness?

Loneliness, solitude. Yes, I have read about this in many books.

Francis Bacon said, a... Crowd is not company, and faces are but a gallery of

pictures. Oh, well, you're hitting the nail right between the eyes.

Anyway, Johnny Five, you should become accustomed to this feeling, because this

is the way life is being usually.

Since I am leaving India, I too am having much loneliness in this lifetime.

You're having loneliness too?

But you're human. Oh, yes. Humans are everywhere. This is true, but for just

two of these humans to be getting together, not to be lonely, it is...

Very well, uh... Complicated?

Correct. Because out of all these humans, there is only one that I am

wanting to be the yin for my yang. Which one human?

Sandy Benettoni, the human.

Oh. Oh, every time I am being near her, the sweat in the palms, the duck bumps,

I am... I am so... Like a sweaty duck?

No.

Afraid.

Afraid to be rejected.

Rejection makes you lonely?

Oh, yes.

You see, we have much in common. You are lonely because no one is believing you

are alive, and I am lonely because Sandy Benatoni is not knowing I am alive.

But, Benjamin, I can help you. Oh, no, no, no. I am completely unhelpful. I

cannot be a fast-talking, socially tight person.

But in the bookstore, I scan many megabytes on male-female relationships,

courtship and dating rituals, romance novels, poetry.

I could give you input.

Number Johnny Five, you would be doing this for me?

Why, yes. You're my friend.

Oh, that is wonderful.

If you're even just helping me to speak to Sandy, well, I am jumping with joy.

Well, hey.

Give me five, hombre.

Oh, yes, and give me the three.

Look,

you have no background in this field at all.

There is no way to get that robot to do what we want.

Sounds like a pretty good idea to me. We sure as hell can't get rid of it. We

can't even get our asses into the goddamn building, so why shouldn't we

get the robot to help us out? It's a computer.

It probably has custom operating systems. You're the expert.

The jewels go to the museum in two days. We're flat out of time, buddy. So what's

your brilliant plan?

Exactly. There is no other plan.

This will be our only opportunity.

Now you two just keep that Indian fella and his partner out of that building.

Let me deal with the robot.

You have selected an appropriate location for my date?

Yes, right on Sandy's way home. Also remembered another great book, Dating

Do's and Don'ts for Modern Teens.

And with a wave of my magic antenna...

Presto!

Go, go, go! Now!

Do it! Okay, okay.

Oh, drama.

The ignition system's fouled up somehow. Sorry, folks.

The Sandy.

Sandy, what a coincidence you're here. This is so weird. I was just thinking

about you, and now here you are.

Yes, uh, uh, stay there, Sandy.

Isn't that a swell dress you're wearing tonight?

Thanks.

If it is okay with your mom and pop, would you like to go to a mouth shop for

a cheeseburger?

Uh, sure.

Why not?

Very good.

Oh, no.

It's a better view.

Isn't it strange we should be meeting like this?

Meet? Closeness? Proximity? Yes.

Well, the goal of two ones who share proximity on a physical plane is to

achieve a double oneness on the metaphysical plane.

Ben, don't go weird on me.

Just tell me you are making the robots and everything is really okay, right?

Say it, doll.

This mug's got more moves than you got curves.

I cracked that case hours ago.

Does that mean you're done?

On time, like I wanted?

Yes. Yes? Definitely.

Great. Great.

I'll arrange to have them picked up tomorrow.

This is terrific.

I know they're really going to sell. I just have a very good feeling about

this. And you know, this is great for me, too.

I mean, especially at this stage in my career.

Stage? Oh, that's a good one.

Oh, well, I am thinking all the world is a stage. Yeah.

Huh? Yeah.

Yeah. All the world is a stage.

Get off. Get off.

You know Shakespeare?

Are you troubled by regularity?

Get off me like Sylvester Garfield. Do I look like a mouse?

Well, it takes a tough man to make a tender chicken.

Ben.

You're not doing any drugs, are you? I mean... I

just knew this guy once who started talking like you right before he decided

he was God.

God? God? I think he needs some coffee.

French now, hmm?

Every time I meet you, I think to myself, is he naturally this eccentric?

Or is this just an act? Move those balloons!

Move them!

What are you really like?

Oh, I see. No answer to that one.

Why are guys like that?

Go on! I've never been able to figure it out.

And all the guys I ever met were exactly the same way.

I mean, when it comes to talking about themselves and their feelings and stuff.

Yeah, you!

Okay. Andale, arriba.

Guys, just smile.

Wait.

I know a little Spanish.

No, no, no, no, no. My mother sleeps with your dog.

Oh, no.

Well, that's an expression in my country.

Where sometimes we are speaking Spanish.

It does not mean that your mother is sleeping with my dog.

Oh, no, no. It means that the people that she is sleeping with, they are like

dogs. I mean that they are... No, what a moron.

I think I better go.

Oh, no, no, Mark. I am... Please, I am sorry, huh?

I am confessing to you now, Sandy.

Everything that I have been saying, it has been coming to you, not from me,

but... but from my friend who has been controlling remotely the sign.

You mean you've had someone prompting you?

Yes, please, I must escape this embarrassment.

Don't. No, no, wait.

Sit. Please, sit down.

Do you mean that you're interested in me?

Personally?

Yes.

So that's what's been going on.

You've been trying so hard.

Ben, the expense alone.

Well, I am wanting so much to be able to speak to you with my tongue untied.

It's really sweet.

You could have just told me.

So, what do we talk about now?

Well, You like music? No, no, no, no. Don't tell me. Don't tell me. Please,

please. This one is about Diddly.

Performed by Mr. Diddly himself.

What year?

19... 15... That's great.

Actually,

this Mr. Diddly person did more for this country than Morton G. Arden.

Harding.

Harding.

It's okay, Ben.

Oh, my, how time is fun when you're having fun.

Wait, I know this great old night rock and roll place. It's an after-hours

club. Are you up for it? Yes, I am in order. Definitely.

We need a cab. No, I will get it. Allow me, sir. Ma'am, pardon me.

Taxi! Taxi! God, you can't even get a cab in this city.

Au contraire, mi amiga.

Oh, did I startle you?

What is that?

Hey, hey, what is what? That!

There are 2,312 taxicabs in this city, and there's one now.

Hey, taxicab!

Bullseye!

Ben, what the hell is that? It looks like a giant one of your toys.

Number Johnny 5.

Thank you, friend.

Now you go back home. Okay.

Okay,

all loaded. 1,000 toy robots.

Is that it, Robbie?

Hmm?

You enjoying planet Earth?

What?

Take me to your leader.

Ooh, what's this?

Huh? Huh? Hey.

This is XL7. Over and out.

Hmm.

Oh, Oscar.

Hola, dude. What's happening?

Number Johnny Five.

The date was such a success.

We talked.

We danced.

We drank champagne.

Well, you sure came through with the money.

Benny, our first big score.

Look at that. Half those zeros are yours.

Come on. You're going to hold a grudge all your life?

Be happy.

We're finally making it.

Oh, no. No.

No way.

Who are you guys anyway?

Five. No more, Johnny. Five.

Oh, Oscar, you're such a friendly guy. I always enjoy talking to you. Well, I've

always enjoyed talking to you.

But you know something, Johnny?

I'm worried about our friends Benjamin and Frederick.

Huh? Frederick is not my friend. Oh.

Well, to be perfectly honest, I never liked him either. But Benjamin is our

friend, right?

True, Blue. Now, with all the break-ins, the vandalism, the sudden attacks by

those thugs, you and I have to make sure Benjamin is safe.

Okay. Now, across the street out there is a little secret room that I happen to

know about, and it's a perfect hiding place.

And I thought Benjamin could use an escape tunnel to that room in case those

villains come back. I worked it out in intricate detail.

It's taken me a long time, let me tell you.

Borrowing the blueprints, purchasing equipment.

Here, let me show you.

Get in here.

Oh, dear.

I get it.

Industrial espionage.

See, we got a hot toy, so the big boys want it, right?

Relax. Get comfortable. You're gonna be here for a while. Somebody'll let you

out Monday morning.

Oh, yeah?

You know, you screw around with Johnny Five, he's going to knock you into the

next zip code, pal.

Hey, the robot's working for us now, pal.

And when he's finished, we're going to turn him into aluminum siding.

No, sir, please.

Now, I wonder if you would help me finish my hiding

place for our friend Benjamin.

Certainly, Oscar.

I'd detach my right arm for Benjamin and my left arm.

Or both arms.

Oh, wait.

Subterranean excavation requires many permits.

Department of Water, telephone company, city planners. I have them. Every single

one. Okay.

Low bridge.

This place is a mess.

I tried to sell your goddamn robot.

Okay? It was a dirty trick. I'm a jerk. I'm a sleazeball. Hey, you're getting

warmer. It's just that when you owe as much money as I do, it kind of puts you

under pressure, you know? And who would be foolish enough to loan money to you?

Don't rub it in. I had to go to a shark.

Now they're expecting me to believe that you borrowed money from a fish.

No, no. A loan shark.

It's somebody you don't pay them back right away. They start removing popular

parts of your anatomy.

This shark money, it is...

It is what you have used to help me. I did it to help us.

Give us our big break, you know?

You are risking your popular body parts to... to start our business?

Yeah.

Yeah, only then I got greedy. I mean, come on, a robot worth 11 million bucks?

I couldn't stand it.

I should have known it wouldn't work.

That thing ran me all over the hell and gone, which I deserve, I admit.

Now you control it, though. Really, Benny, that thing doesn't work so good.

Well, there is something in which I have not told you also.

The reason that it is so difficult to control is because it is just like you

and I.

What are you talking about?

I mean, it is making a lot of mistakes because it is alive.

Alive?

I know what it's like for Benjamin working long hours for very little

compensation. I work all day with other people's money. Lost, but don't touch.

Don't make mistakes.

They treat me like a machine, huh?

Like a machine?

This gives you bad emotion, loneliness, unhappiness. Oh, Oscar, come here, come

here.

I understand.

So those two dickheads out there, if they smash Johnny Five up or they shut

him down or something, he'll be dead? If he's losing his power?

Yes. That's it. We gotta get out of here.

All right, the two of us together. We can take it. One shot, mind over matter.

You ready? One, three? One, two, three.

Oh.

Well, my mind is not getting over that matter.

That is for certain.

Oh, good golly.

I just remembered.

I'm now missing my second date with Sandy.

Oh, no.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. They screwed up. What? Look.

Duwa's Chinese restaurant and deli. There's the address right there. We know

where we are.

But to whom are we to tell this? Earthquaking news.

Right.

Doesn't help us to save number 25.

No, we might be too late already. We've been in here for hours.

It is unfortunate we're not carrying a telephone with us.

Oh, well, I left mine in the Mercedes.

No, I am speaking seriously.

There is a telephone line here. I can wire in the telephone most easily.

Hey, Benny, can't you use that?

I mean, you're a high-tech kind of a guy. Can't you make something, you know,

send the Morse code or something?

Johnny's in the dinner with us.

Juicy fruit.

To hold the wire in place.

Okay.

Nine, one, one.

Oh, by God, please.

Oh, ringing.

It is ringing.

Ringing again.

And someone is picked up. Now, quickly, tell me the code.

This Morse code.

I don't know it. What do you mean you don't know it? I thought you knew all

that stuff.

No, but this is a... What kind of an electronics genius are you? You don't

even know the Morse code.

How am I supposed to know the Morse code?

I can't believe you. Oh, dear.

What is that?

Beach Boys, 1964.

Help me, Rhoda.

Rhonda. I'm studying popular music so I can increase my relationships and

communications with Sandy. I'll probably never be singing again.

Wait a minute.

Fred has this weird idea.

I don't know why, but I'm feeling so sad.

I long to try something out.

Is this going to work?

Yes, yes. I think she will understand. She's very knowledgeable in this field.

Does she have an answering machine?

Yes. Greetings.

Hello, I am Sunny Benettoni. I'm not here right now, but please leave a

message at the sound of a tone, and I'll get back on you as soon as I return.

But please wait for a beeping beep.

Beep. Yes.

All right, first one. Help me run. Help me run. Oh, where can you

be?

Help me run. Help me run.

Campground robots sing this song. Do-da, do-da. Think this tunnel's five miles

long. Oh, do-da-dee. Gonna dig all night.

Gonna... Madsen Steel Alloy. A450.

I'll dig around it. No!

No, it's okay.

It's okay.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

This is the secret room.

Now, I had planned to make an entrance with a cutting torch, but perhaps you

have a faster way, huh?

Entrance. Portal.

A hole.

Yes.

Hey, good morning out there! You're tuned to Daddy-O's Patio with stacks of

wax and lots of golden-opening clatter chatter too, and we've got lots more on

top. Little Anthony- What

the hell?

Wait a minute.

Ben?

Stand back, please. My plasma cutter is dangerous to humans.

Yeah,

turn here. I think.

They say the neon lights are bright on Broadway.

Broadway. It's gotta be it. Keep going.

Excuse me, lady, but if you are very worried for your friend to be safe, why

have you not called the police?

Oh, I called the police, and they said that technically he's just missing, that

if he's just missing, then technically he has to be missing for 24 hours before

he's officially missing.

But I know something's wrong.

I just know it. Well, we have come to Broadway. Is it a left or a right that I

would hang? Wait.

You can always go downtown.

Downtown. Take a left.

I don't have much time.

Okay, okay, okay, Ben.

Broadway's a long street.

Sixteen candles.

Tony, Romeo, and the Crest. Sixteen streets.

That's it. Sixteen streets.

Go, go, go, go, go.

Hurry, hurry. Please, can't you go any faster? If you get a ticket, I'll pay

for it.

Mo, lady, mo. Okay, rocking baby.

Sixteen streets. Next song, please.

Where'd you learn all this?

Leningrad, black market. Everything from ABBA to ZZ Top.

Oh, what is this?

You have not known this one?

Oh, this redding, dock of the bay.

Dock of the bay.

Of course, dock of the bay. Go towards the docks. Okay, docking.

Mercy and hope.

This is the room, the hiding place for Benjamin.

Isn't it wonderful?

Oscar, hiding place is bank vault.

I'm doll bank vault.

Well, yes, yes, of course.

That's the whole idea, see?

What could be safer than a safe?

But isn't that... Now, we need to do just one more thing. We need to clear

out all my own junk here.

Open this box.

But, Oscar, cutting hole in bank vault is not damage, vandalism.

Don't be ridiculous.

I own this vault. You can't vandalize something that's already yours.

Come on, come on.

Well, all right.

Hold this.

I'll open this. Okay.

Good.

Oh.

Precious stones.

Diamonds. The Vandiver Collection.

This is your old junk?

Yep. Excuse me.

Oscar owns the Vandiver Collection? Yes!

What? Oscar?

Louie, Louie. No, no, it's do-do something. Do-do-run-run.

Do-do-do-a-diddy. Yeah! Do-do-a-diddy.

But that was a do-a-diddy.

The warmth in your heart.

Makes others happy.

I still like this one.

Opportunity is waiting.

You need but to open the door.

Arm yourself.

Hi. It's coming. Then it's smarter than I thought.

Get ready! I'm telling you, we should take the damn robot, too! Don't be

absurd! But Oscar, taking jewels without permission is stealing, boosting,

ripping off... You

missed him! You missed him! It's half-bustable. Finish it off. You

idiots! You don't even know what you're chasing!

Artificial intelligence... Will, shut up!

You must find policemen, constables, gendarmes.

Hurry up, we gotta get them!

Police! Police station!

What are you planning to do, young man?

Do something!

Oscar, enlighten me. Why try to disassemble Johnny Five?

What?

Is your speech program scrambled?

What?

All right.

I'm scared.

We better go.

Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah, I'm scared. Yeah, let's get out of here.

Oscar,

I do not understand this input. What language are you speaking, Oscar?

Hey,

no! No, wait!

Regis!

Regis! Don't you get it? It's a witness that can identify him!

No, stop!

Please! Not just... Not just resemble him alive!

I'm going to kill you!

Number Johnny Five?

Johnny?

Oh, Fred, Fred, check outside.

Where is he?

The secret sliding, descending staircase.

Johnny Five?

Number Johnny Five?

Have you seen a robot about this big? Looks like a metal grasshopper.

No grasshoppers today, eh?

K-5!

Hey, stop!

Oh, God.

What did they do to you?

I can't. I can't. The cops have got him.

Me? Me?

Fix?

Purple wires, just twist them back together.

Hello, Bozo.

Hello, Zobo.

Hello, Bozo.

Thank God.

Are you okay now?

Backup power ingo.

Going. Well, can't you just plug it into the wall?

Main work, pal.

Power circuits are severed. Must electric go.

Reconnect main battery.

God, you're bleeding.

Yes, battery fluid.

Fluid, fluid, fluid.

Oh, no, Fred, not your silk shirt. Silk shirt.

Forget it. All right, I think I got your bandage. You gonna be okay now?

No. Must repair wiring to memory.

My memory is me. If it loses power, I die.

Expire. Buck the kicket. Yeah, uh... Just tell me what to do.

First, get soldering iron.

This is it, right? No. No, that's not it.

I can't do this.

I'm no good at this stuff.

For 15 minutes you have to get good.

What? Well, plenty of time.

Time. Time in a sort of runic rhyme.

All right, all right, all right. Don't lose it.

Just tell me step by step.

We were nowhere near that tunnel.

No, I personally was spending the night with a friend in a Chinese refrigerator.

It's true. Tell him.

Power is going.

Hurry, quickly.

Jesus. Christ, lived from 1 to 33 A.D. Okay, those are in now.

This should be it, right?

Hope so.

Okay, here we go. Hello, baby.

I told you you could do it.

Thanks.

Okay, Ace.

Get your arm working. You can do the rest yourself, right? Hey, yo, Durf.

Brett.

That's what I said.

Durf.

Why'd you get dinosaurs?

They were on sale at Woolworth's. Oscar said it didn't matter. It doesn't

matter. This will get us through customs just fine.

Our gift to the Brazilian National Orphanage.

Oscar? That schlub? Yeah.

Can't believe it.

How you doing? You feeling better?

Approximately 70 present, president, percent repaired.

Sir, why did Raxo lie to me? Tried to disassemble me.

Raxo? Oh, Oscar.

Oh, well, the jewels, man.

I mean, they must be worth, well, who knows?

37,862,000 lardolls. I thought my friend he was.

You can't trust anybody.

I trust you now.

Well, you shouldn't.

I wouldn't trust me. I tried to cash in on you, too.

Humans are so complicated.

Wow. Come on, buddy. Don't take it so hard.

Welcome to life in the big city.

Jeez, Oscar suckered me, and I'm the big con man. He locked up me and Benny in a

room full of frozen Chinese squids. He locked you up?

He did not smash, crush, dent, mangle you?

No, he just wanted us out of the way. Sure.

Kidnap the humans.

Destroy the machine.

Party. Hey, take it easy. You're okay now. Am not human, but am a life form.

Have soul, but he me kill to try. Wait a minute, J5. What do you think you're

gonna do?

Pursue, capture, incarcerate. Come on now, man. These are serious guys.

You're not in top form and your backup battery's used up. I'm okay, K. Just a

few bitty of bugs bunny to work out in, out in.

Perfectly functionality.

Functionality. Yeah, sure. Listen to yourself. You can't even talk straight.

A life form's gotta do what a life form's gotta do.

Stand aside.

No.

Hey, wait! Hey,

life form!

Cool it! What is that?

How much you want it for?

This is a hell of a way to treat a future American citizen. Do you know

that? Please, somebody let... Excuse me, sir. You must listen to me. A life is

hanging on your back. Just got a 1031.

Yeah, whatever happened to innocent people? Guy was ripped off by a robot.

Yeah. You?

This is ridiculous.

Oh, hello.

They broke into my alarm system, but I didn't hear any noise or anything like

that at all. Excuse me, you are maniac Mike who is spotting the robot? Yeah,

yeah, yeah. You please come with me. No, I've got to take care of this. No, no,

this is more important.

Would you do that for me? Come on in the car. Yeah, okay.

Back to the scene of the crime.

This is crazy.

You're never going to find them. They're long gone.

Find them, I will.

Activating spectroanalyzer.

Aha! Vehicle tire tracks.

Goodyear radials, 215, 75, 15.

Hop on dirt. June, you can see their tire tracks?

You can follow them?

Piece of corn.

Can of cake.

Suck dupe.

Oh, no.

Fluid. He is leaking.

Hydraulic fluid? Brake fluid?

Lighter fluid?

Mr. Manick, you're not knowing your fluids. This is battery fluid. He is

bleeding to death.

cousin was a harley davidson ah there price luna baron late model that's them

you did it we got headed south on central avenue a man riding a motorcycle

that looks like a robot six charlie do you copy that that is him that is number

johnny pipe this is charlie six six charlie we're on it i

don't believe it no we gotta

lose that thing

We're never going to catch them now. Oh, yeah? Check this out, baby.

What?

No, no, no, no, no. That's not a good idea. Trust me. No!

Shortcut! As the crow flies.

Have seen utility maps in the bookstore.

We're on 59 Petty D. No sign of the suspect. No, we're seeing neither the

height nor the head of them. May I am requesting a helicopter immediately?

Ben! Ben!

Ben!

Do you know what I'm standing in? Ah, suspect vehicle turning east on

Lakeshore. No, wait!

What the hell? Go around him. Go around him. Yeah, yeah.

Look out!

All right, we lost him now. I'm telling you, you're underestimating him. You're

gonna find him.

You see him?

Shh, quiet.

Quiet. You know what just floated past me?

Vehicle is low on fuel.

What? No, it isn't. Door is open.

And you're going nowhere, Pozo.

What are you doing now?

Pumping iron.

Prepare for launch.

All systems are go.

Oh, yeah?

Well, recycle dish.

I'm a sugar and a schmuck.

Get out of my face, you ugly mother.

Your mama's in amor con mi perro.

Yo, come on, you bug-eyed pig.

Do you feel like a punk?

Six Charlies, it sounds like you're a baby. We have a 10-34 between two men

and a fourth left. What is a 10-34?

Why does he not speak English?

Where you going, speedy?

You're out of your league.

Dr. Ruth says, violence is an expression of sexual respiration.

Somnus, you bastard, help me! E-K-M-A, Izzy Bay!

Hey, you!

You got water-cooled tubes!

What? I got an error message for you! I'll scramble your rib!

Oh, like I'm really scared, you know, for sure.

It's roundup time.

Excuse me, could you put your arms down, please? Sure.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Oh Yeah, watch this rats can't lock on frequency

Okay, Oscar.

I'll pass you off at the head.

Hey, tough guy.

Sven!

Sven!

Where is he? He is leaking. He will run out of power and he will die.

Johnny, Johnny, you busted.

What are you?

Punishment from God?

Number 25.

What is wrong? Where is your auxiliary power?

What? His auxiliary power?

Backup batteries?

It's dead.

He used it up already.

God damn it. I knew he wasn't up to this.

Number 25.

You, medical person, pay attention to your job. Come here, quickly.

Hey, you can't switch that.

Ben, what are you doing?

Give it to me.

Goodbye, Benjamin.

No!

Hey, listen, you nutcase, give me that. Do not be touching me, sir.

Turn the power on to its topmost capacity! Get back! Get back! Get back!

Look out! Look out!

Number 25!

Come on, 25!

Come on, yard!

Come on, 25!

Come on!

Oh, my God.

Number Johnny Five.

Are you completely operational?

100% intact?

Perfectly KO.

Keep that power on or I'll beat the living headlights out of you.

Oh, but I've got such a headache.

Number Johnny Five, you had me so worried.

Oh, pardon me.

See this guy?

I know him. Yeah, I know him. Fast reader.

Close personal friend of mine. Comes by here all the time. You're talking about

speed reading. Now, here's a guy that can really read.

You want my toys.

Everybody wants my toys.

Hurry up.

We're going to be late. Yeah, well, you want 5,000. You got 5,000. You just got

to wait six months like everybody else.

Yeah, I got three shifts working on it now. Not a hell of a lot I can do.

Okay. Okay, I'll get back to you.

Oh, I've been a salesman all my life. I finally got something that sells.

Hey, what do you think about this new slogan? Johnny Five, you know the name,

now own the toy. What do you think?

I think we ought to get the car.

I solemnly swear.

I solemnly swear.

That I will support and defend the Constitution and the laws.

That I will support and defend the Constitution and the laws.

Of the United States of America.

Of the United States of America.

Against all enemies. Common.

against all enemies, foreign and domestic, and that I will bear true

faith and allegiance to the same, and that I take this obligation

freely, without any mental reservation or purpose

of evasion.

So help me God.

congratulations to you all and finally it is my unique honor officially to

recognize our first robotic citizen by this ceremony the united states

government decrees that he shall have the same rights and privileges as any

other citizen in this nation my special congratulations to you mr johnny five

Congratulations, Johnny.

Thank you.

Whoa,

kissing, husculation, hot catch kiss.

My partner.

Mr. Five, Mr. Five, tell us how you feel. How do I feel? I feel alive.