Original subtitles

I took Woody in when he was a dead broke nobody.

He owes me. And if he walks, I'll sue his butt off.

I want my Billy boy back.

Safe and unharmed. That's what I want from you.

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote. You think people are just trash? You think you can

just ruin their lives? Whoever bashed in that lady's head plays rough.

So stay out of my way on this one. You walk away from this, and I'm out of

here. You understand?

Just as I thought.

You got something?

Conspiracy, perjury, and murder.

It's me.

It's not you.

But of course it is.

Damien Sinclair is dashing, intelligent, witty, compassionate.

All my best rays.

What I take issue with is this tailor's dummy some hack illustrator's come up

with. I look like an aging gigolo.

Well, yes, there may be one or two minor similarities.

Minor? Is that what you call them?

The man is a reformed jewel thief who works as an investigator for an

insurance company? All right, all right, I admit.

You may have inspired the character.

Uh-huh. But the resemblance stops right there.

Well, too bad.

Because if you kept closer to the original, this narration would not be

such a hodgepodge of far-fetched relationships and melodramatic plot

twists. Really?

Not that I didn't enjoy them. But I could tell you stories. In fact, I think

I will. Did I ever tell you about Billy Boy?

No, but I think that you're about to, in which case I'd like some more tea.

Allow me. Allow me. Billy Boy. Now, that was a fascinating little character.

Two feet tall, the disposition of a lemon, and the manners of an iguana.

It all started, let me see, last September at a popular night spot known

as Kate Kelly's Comedy Club.

Don't encourage him, please.

Billy, what did you study in school today?

Miss Schumacher.

I didn't ask you the name of your teacher, I asked you what you studied. I

heard the question, Elwood.

And what did you learn? You mean besides her home phone number?

Billy, you don't understand.

I want you to share with us what you learned today.

Sure, Elwood.

216. That's the area code.

That'll be your half.

Honestly, I don't... I don't have the slightest interest in Miss Schumann.

Good. That's all I need. A wet blanket like you, horning in on my action.

Nice crap tonight, huh? Yeah.

I sure like Woody and Billy Boy, Miss Kelly.

Okay, sweetheart, I'll tell you what we had. Italian food.

Well, what kind of Italian food?

We had linguine.

Mounds and mounds of Mama Mia's macaroni and meatballs.

You want to try that again?

Mounds and mounds of Mama Mia's macaroni and meatballs.

He's got it! I think he's got it!

Hey, how about that, huh?

where is it woody pokies and billy boy i told you something else

woody yeah well that concludes the first show

what do you think that was great you killed him out there

yeah then how come they're still breathing maybe i just wounded him a

little funny if this guy's so funny how come i'm still stuck in this Run down

flea trap for short money.

Because you've got a contract.

That's why.

Uh-oh.

The bride of Dracula.

Don't look at me, honey. All I got is termites. Oh, stop that, Woody.

Right now, I want to talk to you, not your dummy. You understand?

Sure, Kate.

I've got a pile of reservations for the midnight show. I need you to do another

set. Oh, come on, Kate. He's already done eight performances this weekend.

Can I help it if San Francisco loves this guy?

Listen, uh, Brunhilde.

You never heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?

There's a limit to how much you can do. Listen, Woody, I've told you before.

Stop letting your dummy do your talking for you.

That goes for your other dummy, too.

Let me give her a splinter.

Just one little splinter.

Forget it, buddy.

Hey, Woody.

We were terrific tonight, weren't we?

Hey, cutie face, watch the threads.

Who wants dinner?

Not tonight, Brenda.

Kate wants us to do another set.

You're kidding.

Woody. Thanks, Tom.

I guess I really liked us.

Huh, Woody? Looks that way.

How was I tonight?

Wonderful.

Because I was thinking, Woody, I think it would help the act if I went up on

the stage.

You know, like, it was part of the routine.

Brenda, it's working fine just the way it is. I got two lousy lines like I was

some tourist from Kokomo.

Is that the way it's gonna be for the rest of my life, Woody?

No, honey.

It's just that Billy and I... Excuse me, I'm looking for

Woody Perkins.

Hey, there he is. All right, Woody. Hell of a show tonight, man. I loved it.

I'm Victor Marco.

Vic DeMarco. Yeah.

The Vic DeMarco.

Mr. DeMarco, Tom Benzinger. Tom. I'm Woody's manager. This is Brenda. Oh,

it's nice to meet you.

Now, Woody, look, I'm booked into Vegas for the next two months, starting a week

from Tuesday.

I'll tell you the truth. I came down here tonight hoping to find a new

opening act. You know what?

I think maybe it's you.

Me? Yeah. Oh, gee.

I don't know. It's... He doesn't know what to say, but whatever you want, we

can work it out. Well, good. My manager's right out in the hall. What do

you say we talk about this thing over a drink? Absolutely.

Uh, Tom.

You know, we talked about putting together some new material.

Maybe working some of the kinks out.

And I'm not really sure... If you left it up to Woody, he'd still be working

kids' birthday parties. Relax, Woody. We'll take care of it.

Come on, let's talk.

Are you... out of your mind, Vegas, and you want to screw it up? No, honey.

I just don't feel... No, Woody.

You talk to me, not the dummy.

You.

I just don't think we're ready.

Billy and I.

And me.

And you.

Sure, Brenda.

You too.

Listen, Woody.

You walk away from this, and I'm out of here.

You understand?

I love you, baby.

And I want to be with you.

It's just that when the chance comes, you gotta take it.

Not just for yourself, but for the both of us.

Woody?

I want you to do this, Woody.

Please, baby.

Sure, Brenda.

You want to go to Las Vegas?

We'll go.

Do you have a hearing problem?

I said no.

Come on, Kate. Eight weeks in Vegas. Do you realize what this could do for

Woody? Listen, your pal has a job right here with me for the next seven months.

Check your contract. This kind of place is supposed to be a stepping stone for

him. Listen, Benzinger, I took Woody in when he was a dead broke nobody.

I gave him a chance.

He owes me.

And if he walks, I'll sue his butt off.

You just try it.

Hey, don't you think you're a little rough on the kids?

Business, Joe. Woody and that dummy bring in the audiences.

I can milk that act for the next seven months, and that's just what I intend to

do. I hear you. I hear you.

It's just that when... Oh, please, Joe, leave business to me.

Kate, I know you're smarter than me, Kate, but I'm still your partner. A

junior partner.

Anytime you want to sell your end, that's just fine with me.

Funny, you didn't sound like that when you needed the bread to open the place,

huh? It was the best investment you ever made.

Katie, Katie, Katie, something's happened to you.

I don't know what.

Something.

That's really kind of sad, you know.

Really, Robert, I do think you're overreacting.

Twin midgets?

You spent $3,000 to hire twin midgets?

And weren't we lucky to find them? I mean, without them, we would never have

found the Turkish consul's missing wife along with her jewelry, I might add.

The cost of doing business.

With everyone else, the cost of doing business in this office is 25 cents a

mile, bridge toll, telephone charges. Sorry? I thought you were looking for

results. You're out to get me.

Nonsense, Robert. I don't know what I'd do without your cheery presence to

brighten my every day.

Hear me good on this, Stanton.

If another one of these vouchers comes across my desk, you are out on the

street without a job. You know what that means? That means that the courts might

consider it a violation of your probation.

They might even consider putting you behind bars, which, incidentally, is

where you belong.

And here I thought we were getting along so well.

Oh, no.

You may have fooled them upstairs, but not me, buddy boy.

Not me.

Okay?

Now, I have a case for you.

Oh, excellent.

I've been bored silly for the past two weeks.

Well, don't get your hopes up.

This is not a molehill you can make a mountain out of. This has nothing to do

with fancy jewelry, missing heirs, or visiting royalty.

This has to do with the other end of the social spectrum, show business.

Oh, well, I have a special passion for the theater.

What seems to be the problem?

Well, the insured has reported a missing dummy, and right away I thought of you.

Uh,

say buddy!

Excuse me.

Place doesn't open till six o'clock. Well, I'm looking for Elwood Perkins.

Elwood?

Insurance, huh?

You get out of here before I have you thrown out. Listen,

Kate, you're not God, you know. Get out of here, I'm the next best thing. For

two years, for two years I kept this place going. I was your headliner.

That's ancient history.

You are... I owe you nothing.

Look at you. You've got the shape so bad you can hardly stand up. Hey, hey, hey.

What's going on? Miss Templeton burst into my office. She's looking for her

old job back. Show her the door, Joe.

Show her the door.

Kate, come on. Come on. Let me go, Joe.

You think people are just trash.

You think you can just ruin their lives. Well, not me, Kate. Not me.

I'm coming back.

You'll see I am coming back.

You never should have talked to her that way. She's a lush. No, no, she's

straightened herself out. Listen, I have no time for your ex-girlfriends. If you

want to sleep with her, that's your business. But my business is running

this club. I book the acts around here, not you.

And who are you?

Ah, Miss Kelly, I presume.

My name is Dennis Stanton.

I'm looking for Elwood Perkins.

What for?

He's a client.

Oh. Oh, a lawyer. I see.

Well, listen, friend.

I told Woody, I'll tell you. That contract is tighter than a five and dime

girdle. You were wasting your time. Told it. Time out.

He's from the insurance company.

Yes. Oh, I see. That's different.

You'll find Woody in his dressing room. It's down there to the left. Thank you.

Ah, pardon me. Mr. Perkins?

Yes?

Dennis Stanton.

Consolidated casualty.

You reported the theft of a dummy?

Billy Boy wasn't stolen, Mr. Stanton.

He was kidnapped.

Oh.

Does that mean he's being held for ransom?

I don't know.

I haven't been contacted yet.

Oh, well, of course.

If there's any chance that he may be returned, the company will cooperate in

any way.

Short of that, your policy calls for $10,000 casualty reimbursement.

You can't just pay me for Billy Boy.

I want him back.

Of course, but realistically speaking, that just may not be possible.

Tom has someone working on a new model, but I just won't do it.

I will not work with an imposter.

No, Mr. Stanton, I don't want your money.

I want my Billy boy back, safe and unharmed.

That's what I want from you.

Sorry, Tom. You were saying?

It was the following morning.

I had an appointment with Victor Marco and his manager.

Brenda wanted to go with me, but Woody begged off. He wanted to rehearse a new

routine with Billy Boy, so we dropped him off here at the club.

What time is that?

Around 9.30.

We'd just arrived at DeMarco's hotel room when we got this frantic call from

Woody. Someone had broken into the dressing room here and stolen Billy Boy.

Yes, the door seems to have been forced by something.

Was that when he notified the police?

He called them as soon as he hung up from me.

They sent some people over and they made a quick search, but that was about it.

But after they left, Woody and Brenda and I went over this place from basement

to attic.

There was nothing.

Mr. Perkins seems to be taking it very badly.

Almost as if he'd lost a child.

He has.

Look, I've known Woody since high school. I've been his friend, his

manager, his spiritual advisor, his Dutch uncle.

But compared to Billy Boy, I'm a stranger.

He tells me you've commissioned someone to build a new dummy.

Yes, the new Billy Boy will be ready on Friday, just in time for that Vegas

engagement with DeMarco.

Which is why we really need that check, Mr. Stanton.

But Mr. Perkins doesn't want a check. He wants the original.

Yes, I know.

Look, I don't know who stole Billy Boy or why, but the worst scenario is the

little guy's at the bottom of the bay by now. It's been three days.

If he'd been taken for ransom, I think we would have heard something by now.

Yes, you're probably right.

Well, thank you, Mr. Benziger. You've been very helpful.

I'm going to look around a bit more, and if everything's satisfactory, you should

have your check in a couple of days.

Thanks, I appreciate it.

Okay, that's great.

Sure, no problem.

Thanks a lot, Mr. Kruger.

Hey, Woody, isn't it terrific?

Mr. Kruger says that we'll be able to pick up Billy Boy on Friday.

It isn't Billy Boy.

Look, Woody, Mr. Krueger says that you will not be able to tell the difference.

What does he know?

All he's making is a dummy.

Look, I know how you feel.

Really, I do. I mean, uh, it's kind of like losing a pet, a dog or something. I

mean, just because you get a new one to love doesn't mean you love the old one

any less.

Oh, come on. You'll see.

After we get to Vegas and you've done the show a couple of times, it'll just

be like always.

I promise you that, baby.

Brenda, I'm scared.

Kate's club, it's been like home to me.

It's the first place they really like Billy and me.

When I'm up on that stage, I feel safe.

But Vegas, everything's so big.

I don't know.

It scares me.

Vegas will be great.

Look it, people are the same everywhere.

And they're gonna love you there.

And I'm gonna be there with you.

You want that, don't you, Woody?

You want me there with you, don't you?

Huh?

Sure.

Then you just listen to me. And to Tom.

And there'll be nothing to be afraid of.

Not Kate, not Vegas, not anything.

Rodney, what are you doing here?

Me? It's almost 7.30. I thought you had a date with, what's her name, the

redhead with the nose job.

Oh, Angela Devereux. No, I'm afraid that all came to an abrupt end.

She gets you, huh?

I'm afraid so.

For the past several weeks, the lady's conversation has been peppered with

references to matrimony. Since I'm far too set on my ways to share my

toothpaste with anyone, I told her to set a cap for someone else.

Now, what about you?

Those files would have waited until tomorrow. What's happened to Mylon?

We had a fight.

His mother thinks I'm some kind of genetic inferior.

She wants him to marry a lady doctor or a dentist.

I'm not good breeding stock for her grandchildren.

She told you that?

She told Myron.

I mean, not in so many words, but I got the hint.

So I told Myron what I thought of him and his mother, and that's why I'm here.

I don't want to be home when he comes looking for me.

I want him to think I've got some kind of a life that doesn't include him.

Which, of course, I don't.

Not right now.

No tears, no tears.

What I think you need is a good dinner.

I hate eating alone because people stare at you.

Alone? Who said anything about alone? I wouldn't hear of it.

I've still got my reservation at Gambarelli's.

If you wouldn't mind sharing a fettuccine alfredo.

You're kidding.

Or else I may be taken for your father.

Well, your uncle, anyway.

Youngish uncle.

You're just feeling sorry for me.

I'm the one that's been stood up.

I really would be very flattered.

Oh, sure.

What?

Ah, now, that could be Myron. I'll tell him you're off to Sausalito, sharing

pizza with a linebacker from the 49ers.

Dennis Stanton, can I help you?

Hey, Denny. How are you, guy?

You know who this is?

No, I'm afraid not.

It's me.

Billy? Yes, he's very worried about you. He ought to be. Without me, the guy's

about as sharp as a glob of jello.

Where are you?

At the club. In the basement. In one of the wardrobe trucks.

So, Denny, do me a favor, huh?

Get me out of here!

What is it?

Dinner's off, I'm afraid.

Yeah, sure, that's okay. Because you and I have got a claim to investigate.

Me? And since Mr. Butler hasn't seen fit to enroll you for the company program,

it's time you had some on-the-job training.

Get your purse.

I don't get it. What makes you think the dummy's in the basement?

Well, let's call it a wild hunt.

What the heck's going on? This door's never locked.

Do you have a key?

Me? No.

Kate's got the only one. She's not here yet.

Which is also kind of weird now that I think about it. I wonder where the heck

she is.

Well, I guess you're out of luck, huh?

Not necessarily.

Excuse me.

Do you mind?

Oh, Kate's not going to be in love with that.

I'll take the responsibility.

Right.

Now we have to find some wardrobe junk.

Wardrobe junk. It's over in the corner there.

I'm telling you, they went over the whole place from top to bottom.

Yeah, I'm sure they did.

Well, well, well.

What have we here?

I thought somebody searched the place.

Probably Woody Perkins himself.

Thanks, Doc.

Now let me get this straight.

You knew you'd find a missing dummy here on a hunch?

No, Lieutenant.

It was a telephone tip.

From who?

The voice was unfamiliar.

Strange sounding.

Disguised. You might say that.

Hey, get that stretcher down here. Come on.

Let's go, guys. Stay with us.

Stanton?

You know, the last guy I expected to see at a grungy dive like this is you, so

what's a scam?

There is no scam.

Don't make me laugh.

Are you slumming? What are we talking about here?

Jewels? Paintings? Believe me, my only involvement is Billy Boy.

Yeah, what's his last name?

Rockefeller? Now listen, you ain't on Knob Hill now, sport.

Whoever bashed in that lady's head plays rough.

So stay out of my way on this one.

If you get hurt, I gotta write you up.

I found it in the Rolodex on her desk.

Stay here and keep an eye on the lieutenant.

If anything happens, you know where to reach me.

Dennis, look.

Strictly speaking, I got the doll back, right?

The rest of this, it's really none of our business, is it?

About an hour ago, I received a phone call from a frightened, unhappy little

man. And it sounded very much like a cry for help.

Brenda, you can't just walk out on the guy. Watch me.

This'll kill him, you know that. Oh, the guy's a loser.

He's got better things to do with the rest of my life.

Mr. Stanton. Sorry to intrude. I'm looking for Woody. Well, he's not here.

Well, that's unfortunate.

Have you any idea where he is?

No, but, Mr. Stanton, this is not a good time.

Ah, you must be Miss McCoy, Dennis Stanton. Delighted to meet you.

Nice to meet you. Sorry I can't stick around for a chat.

Are you going somewhere?

Yep, anywhere.

We just found out that Victor Marco has signed a new act for Vegas.

Yes, he told good old Woody Boy early this afternoon, only Woody forgot to

tell us.

So long, Tom. I'd like to say it's been fun, but if you need to get in touch

with me, don't bother. Miss McCoy, I don't think you should leave.

The police may want to chat with you.

The police?

What for?

About an hour ago, we found Kate Kelly's body in the club basement.

Someone had caved her head in with a hammer.

Kate's dead?

And you think Woody had something to do with this? At the moment, I don't know

what to think.

Hello?

Yes, he's here.

It's for you.

Yes?

Yes, Rhoda.

I see.

All right, you go home.

I'll deal with Lieutenant Catalano.

The police have picked up Woody.

They're holding him for murder.

I got the guy sneaking out the back door of the club a couple hours before you

discovered the body.

And by the way, I want to talk to you about that handy-dandy toolkit you've

got tucked into your umbrella.

When you say got the guy, what does it mean exactly?

An eyewitness who saw him skulking away from the premises dripping with blood?

Eyewitness? You bet.

And I don't recall asking you into my office, so good night, Mr. Stanton.

Oh, not very.

I am officially involved in this case, you know. No, you're involved with a

missing dummy. Murder's out of your league.

Oh, and by the way, If you're thinking of claiming Billy Boy, you better think

again because he's evidence.

Of what motive? This case is dead bang, Stanton. The lady steals the guy's dummy

to keep him from taking a hike to Vegas.

Now, he catches her doing it and then slugs her with a ball-peen hammer.

And leaves without taking Billy Boy with him.

Terry, shame on you.

You want me to spell it out for you?

There's a lady named Sally Templeton. Used to perform at the club. Yes, I

believe I ran into her.

She's out back when Woody Perkins comes out the back door, runs down the alley

and disappears.

Now, I've got means, motive and opportunity.

They don't come any neater than this.

And what does Woody say?

Nothing. He doesn't even want a lawyer. Public defender was with him for over

half an hour and he wouldn't even open his mouth.

I don't suppose you'd let me have a try at him.

Why would you think he'd talk to you?

It might.

Whether it'll help from a friend.

Good evening, Woody.

I know it's late, but... I want a friend to keep you company.

Tommy, how did you get yourself into this mess?

You know, they've got a witness who saw you running away just before Miss

Kelly's body was discovered.

You've got to be kidding.

This guy kills somebody?

He goes into trauma if he accidentally steps on a cockroach.

I see.

A believer in the sanctity of life.

Nah, just chicken.

Tommy Billy.

How did you end up in that wardrobe trunk?

How else?

Elwood stuck me there.

Really? This guy's a real loser, Denny. The Vegas gig, he was so scared he was

getting goosebumps on his toenails.

So he figures, wait a minute.

Suppose I make him think somebody stole Billy Boy. I mean, he's the funny one.

And you sure got that right, pal.

Without Billy Boy, the Italian troubadours, gotta find himself a new

act. So what does Elwood do?

He takes me into the basement, hides me in a trunk.

The next day, he tells everybody I've been kidnapped.

Naturally, the cops show up to look around.

For maybe five minutes, because on a list of their top ten priorities, I come

in around 59th. And then when the others started to search more thoroughly, Woody

volunteered to cover the basement.

You got the picture.

But things changed, didn't they?

Woody got a phone call from Victor Marco cancelling the Vegas engagement.

Right on, Danny.

No need to keep me stashed away, so he came back tonight to get me. Only guess

what? The basement door was locked.

So what does Mr. Macho do? He runs like hell and he calls you to come and get me

because he knows he can't do it himself.

When he ran into the alley, did he see Sally Templeton?

He didn't see nobody. He was just moving.

That's it?

You want me to take that to the DA? The guy can't even talk for himself.

But he did talk, Perry.

In his own way.

Oh, and he's gonna look great on the witness stand, sitting there playing

straight man to a dummy in his lap. Tell me, is the little guy gonna sit on his

lap in a gas chamber, too?

Who's got the key?

What? The key to the basement.

Kate Kelly had the only one, according to Joe Gelati.

Now it's in the possession of the killer, since the killer locked the door

on the way out.

Good night, Mr. Stanton.

Does that mean that when you picked up Woody loitering outside the club,

working up the nerve to come inside, that you did not find the key?

Have a nice evening, Mr. Stanton. If I ever need any help in the future, I'll

be sure to call on you first.

Well,

good morning, Mr. Butler.

Good morning, sir.

Excuse me, Mr. Butler. Good morning, sir.

Excuse me, Mr. Butler.

Really? Dunder-headed king of the noodles.

Good morning, Mr. Stanton.

Oh, nice of you to drop by today.

I'm not interrupting your reading, am I? I know this book so well, I could almost

recite it from memory.

That's nice.

What about Elwood Perkins?

Oh, there's no need to congratulate me, Robert.

The case practically solved itself.

Well, now that the item has been recovered, your interest is over.

Of course.

Oh, really?

Really? Well, then, could you tell me why you're having security do background

checks on a Catherine Kelly, a Joseph P. G. O'Raldy, a Brenda McCoy, and a Thomas

Benzinger? Well, you see, there are one or two loose ends. For instance, our

insured is in county jail facing a charge of first-degree murder.

None of our business. Well, of course it is. What's our motto?

A friend in need to a friend in... No, a friend in need to... Oh, something like

that. The man insured a dummy.

The dummy has been recovered. The case is closed.

What does it profit a company to gain $10,000 and to end up losing 50?

Ex... What? I cross-checked Elwood Perkins for additional policy. It seems

the gentleman's mother took out a $50,000 life insurance policy when he

was a lad of 10.

Now, Robert, unless someone rescues Mr. Perkins from this grave miscarriage of

justice...

An innocent man's journey to the gas chamber could cost this company very

dear. But of course I know that I have your blessing to continue.

I'm sure Mr. Keating will be very pleased.

Dennis?

Oh, excuse me. I have those phone records that you wanted.

Ah, my phone bill.

Trust these computers to bollocks things up. I shall only be on this another day

or so. Promise, Robert.

And thank you for all your understanding and support.

Rhoda!

To work.

Narrow of mind and small of spirit.

Now, what do we have?

Those are all the phone numbers that were called from Kate Kelly's office

over the past couple of weeks.

I was able to identify most of them. Miss Sally Templeton?

That's her number right there. There were nine different calls.

Why would Kate Kelly be calling Sally Templeton? I thought she hated her. Ah,

here we are, just as I thought.

You got something?

Conspiracy, perjury, and murder. Take a look.

A call to Miss Templeton's number at 5.42 on the afternoon of the murder. It

lasted for four minutes.

Wait a minute.

Kate Kelly was already dead in the basement by then.

But Joe Gelardi wasn't. Now, Miss Templeton lives in Daly City, a good 30

minutes from the club. There was no way that she could have been in the alley at

5.30 to observe Woody leaving.

if she was taking a phone call from Joe Gelati at quarter to six. That's right.

The question is, what did they talk about?

And the answer that springs to mind is the framing of Woody Perkins for murder.

In memory of Kate, Gilardi made a touching gesture.

He closed down the club for three days and hired Sally Templeton as the

headliner. Inside, he was auditioning new acts.

I know this cowboy dog story because I don't have real cowboys. Well, it was a

real cowboy.

Everybody's playing.

The door's open.

The piano's from the plane.

So I went away to school and I got a degree in electrical engineering.

Thanks, Donald.

I came back from the reservation and I said, Father, Father.

Lone cowboys out there on the lone prairie. I mean, it was one guy. I mean,

they call it lone prairie, you know? He had a harmonica.

Cowboy. And he walks into the... Oh.

Hi, Mr. Bensinger.

Elmo, hi.

I gotta talk to Joe.

Oh, no, no. He's having auditions right now.

It's real important.

Yeah, sure.

I'll tell him you're here.

You don't like cowboy shows? I don't like them either. I hate cowboy shows.

You know? But how about another indie show? You know, my father was a chief.

What do you mean, let Woody out?

What do you mean, bail?

No, the cops aren't so sure he did it.

You mean the cops?

Hey, thanks a lot. That's terrific. Thanks. But I haven't finished, sir.

You're finished. Thanks a lot.

Thank you.

What do you mean, the cops are not so sure he did it?

Hey, I saw him leaving here.

Well, all I know is that insurance guy, Stanton, he came up with something.

Don't ask me what.

Look, that's not the reason I'm here.

I need Woody's trunk.

So take it.

It's in the basement.

Oh, well, you're out of luck.

The cops sealed that place up a couple days ago.

You sure it's not in the dressing room? Sure, I'm sure. Stanton says that he saw

it down there yesterday.

Yesterday?

What was Stanton doing down in the basement yesterday?

Hell if I know, Joe, but come on. We really need this trunk. If Woody gets

out, we still have a good chance at that gig in Vegas with DeMarco. Hey, hey,

look, I'm telling you, I can't help you. If you want to go down to the basement,

you got to talk to the cops, okay?

Come on, Joe. That's it. I got to go to work, okay? Elmo, will you please help

him out? Come on, Mr. Benzinger.

You don't want any trouble.

Thanks, Joe. Thanks a lot.

What was that all about?

And what did he mean, Stanton came up with something?

I mean, what was Stanton doing in the basement yesterday?

Look, take a few of these guys. I'll be back in about ten minutes, okay? Okay.

Oh, look, don't send anybody backstage for a while.

Uh, um, Leo Mannheim.

How much money can you always...

Weirdo. Weirdo.

Mr. Jaladi.

Good evening, Mr.

Jaladi.

I knew your curiosity would get the better of you.

Stan!

How'd you get down here?

More to the point, how did you?

Probably with that key tucked in your pocket.

Kate Kelly's key, which you took from her when you killed her.

You used it to lock the door and then waited for a body to be discovered.

You're crazy, you know that? You're crazy. Later, when you spotted Woody

running away, everything fell into place. The perfect frame.

Oh, why must everything be reduced to violence?

You're a jerk, Stan, you know that? You're a real jerk.

I'm not the one facing a murder charge.

Funny. That's very funny. That's funnier than some of the bozos we have up on

stage there, you know?

Tell me, was it premeditated?

Or did it just happen?

The truth?

Just kind of spurred a moment.

Kate was down here rummaging through everything.

She stumbles on the dummy here in the wardrobe trunk.

And she starts tearing me apart.

Again.

Like it was my fault.

And all of a sudden, she starts ranting and raving about how she was gonna fix

it so Perkins never worked again.

Anywhere, ever.

She was actually gonna do to Woody what she did to Sally.

And you know...

Sally.

All of a sudden, that's all I could think about. Me and Sally.

Me and Sally. You know how it used to be?

Before Kate had her blackballed all over town.

Hammer was just sitting on the end of the table over there.

Kate turned her back.

End of story.

Not a gruesome one at that.

Speaking of end of stories, Why don't you turn around, huh?

I'm not another body in the basement, Joe.

Even Lieutenant Catalano won't wear that.

No, no, no.

We're going to walk up the stairs nice and slow and easy, and you and I are

going to take a ride out of town, just the two of us. Come on.

If you insist.

I insist.

I suppose I could use the night air. You'll get some.

I just keep moving. Is this where I'm supposed to say you won't get away with

this? Very funny. Go on. Through that door.

Let's go out front. Through the people.

Make it a sporting proposition.

Open that door.

I wouldn't go out there if I were you.

Wonderful. Come on.

Move. That door. Please, Joe.

Let's not go through this door.

Look, you either move or you don't move.

I move.

Okay.

I don't know how you do it, Stanton.

Tom Luck, Lieutenant.

Pure and simple.

Tom, did you get it all?

Every word.

Where's that cute little number with my hot chocolate?

Hey, Rhoda. Keep your pants on, shorty.

You do your thing. I'll do mine.

Billy, mind your manners.

Elwood, I like this babe.

Hey, honey, how would you like to get into the show biz?

We've got a spot open in our act.

Why, has Brenda gone for good?

Yes, well, when she heard that Woody had been released, she did drop by the

apartment. Yeah, Elwood here told her to get lost.

Didn't you, Elwood?

Well, speak up.

Speak up.

I'm supposed to be the dummy in this routine.

Guess I just realized what a jerk I'd been.

About Brenda, I mean.

All I can say is thanks.

Delighted to be of help.

We've got a plane to catch. Come on, you guys.

Thanks again, Mr. Stamper.

Good luck in Vegas, Oliver.

Hey, Rhoda. You sure you don't want to come to Vegas with us, honey? Get out of

here. before I turn you into a stack of wooden nickels. Hey, that's funny.

Tom, we gotta put this babe in the act.

Hey, fellas, wait up. I'm telling you, she's great.

Rhoda, take a memo.

Yes, sir.

Robert Butler.

Robert, as you are aware...

The vindication of Elwood Perkins in the Kate Kelly homicide has saved this

company $50,000. Your memo congratulating Ms. Markovits and myself

for our role in this endeavor somehow seems to have got lost in the inter

-office mails.

As to Ms. Markovits, don't you think it's about time you and I chatted about

enrolling her in the company training program?