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David was six when it happened.
And that was the end of everything.
When you had a disaster it helps to move to a totally different scene no
lingering on the edges of the past
This
house came on the
market just after David died so Peter bought it with everything it contained a
job lot
A possibility of happiness, rambling grounds, depths of green to soothe the
mind. The whole place seems to be opening its arms, wishing for
inhabitants.
Ideal for dogs, perfect for Belinda.
This isn't running away.
The beloved child who was lost lies too deep for that.
He has his place here, in each heart.
This is the
easy part, the excitement of moving in with the grief shut up.
out of sight, like unwanted luggage.
They've brought one or two pieces with them, mostly Belinda's, her nursery
furniture, for instance.
But on the whole, the old things, the curtains, carpets, pictures, they were a
series of traps, too involved with David.
That's an unusual one, isn't it? I've never seen one like that before, have
you?
Look at the white duck. It's funny.
It's got a funny hairdo. Never seen one like that before, have you?
No. We must ask Daddy what kind it is. What shall we call it?
I think we could call it Tufty.
Tufty? Oh, yes, that's a good name.
Yes, with that smashing hairdo. Yes, that's just right.
We must go and get Daddy and tell him.
It still looks awkward, child, instead of children.
That's it. It feels awkward, being an only child.
Have you got the paper, darling? The paper. Oh, yes, here you are.
Here you go. Thank you.
Stop those dogs, will you, please?
I don't need fighting dogs on top of everything else today.
Do you remember where my glasses were?
Oh.
Oh, they're in the hall. I think that's where I saw the glass. Now, come along.
Behave yourself.
That's it. Just behave.
Don't forget,
before you go to bed tonight, I want all your toys put away in the cupboards.
All right?
Because I've got a lot to do.
Yes?
Now stay here. Don't let the dogs eat those cakes.
Be back in a minute.
Belinda has learned to assess a situation.
Now, if anyone looks, she will be seen to be amusing herself.
No.
David's clothes.
The cap that now he'll never wear.
She promised to give them away.
Why?
What's their future going to be if she can't let go of the past?
This is what we left behind.
Isn't her memory of him enough for her?
It's unendurable to hoard David's clothes.
What else has she hidden away?
She'll go out of her mind.
Her parents wanted her to sleep next to them.
But she chose this room at the end of the passage.
She's always been independent and detached.
Rather an unexpected person.
Oh, darling, what are you doing?
Writing. Writing?
Oh.
What is it? Can I see?
It's not finished yet.
What is it, then? A letter?
Yes. Well, come on, show me. It's a secret.
Oh, well, you'll have to put it away now, because I want you to go to sleep,
whether it's a secret or not. Give me that pen.
I want you to comb the sheets.
Put it under your pillow.
Come on, sweetheart.
Lie down. I've got a spider there.
Yes.
Put him up, and you'll suffocate him down there.
There you go.
All right? Do you like your new bedroom?
Yes. It's nice and dimly.
They are. Good night, darling.
I don't want any noise and talking and laughing in here.
Do you want to go to the bathroom?
Good night sweetheart.
No, you just behave yourself.
Come along. We don't want to be late on the first day, do we? Belinda, you
haven't got your satchel. Just hit it. I'll go and get it for you.
Ready for school.
More of Peter's medicine.
New school, new friends, distractions.
No dawdling among the heartaches.
Forward march.
There you are. Come on.
You all right?
That's it.
Come on, Mum's going to shut the door.
There you go.
I'll see you later. Bye-bye.
Bye. Be a good girl.
And that leaves Jill on her own until tea time.
Alone.
Except for the dogs.
Four dogs.
They each had one.
And David's dog still asks when he's coming back.
Acting country lady.
The Peter's wife image doesn't quite fit.
She's been married nine years, and she's still afraid of letting him down.
Even the children seem to be Peter's, mostly.
He chooses the holidays, the schools.
He pays the bills.
It took David's death to make her feel like a mother.
And she's still out of her depth.
So much house.
She's not used to it.
It's easy to imagine that the old occupants are still in their rooms.
Flower arrangements.
Marks of possession.
Vases of flowers like the family flag in the rooms.
Dear David, we're in our new house. I like it.
We have a pond and ducks Brothers and sisters don't die
to each other not when they're little
School was a success, but now she can't wait to get into the garden.
It's time to play.
The Daisy Beauty of the Runaway Garden.
If peace had a voice.
Hey, bitch.
I'm here.
It's okay.
The dogs are liking it very much because they can run around in the woods and
play in the fields and things.
How's my dog?
He's fine.
I think some red roses in that flower bed over there I think would just be the
finishing touch.
Well, we can get some of those in. Oh, that would be lovely.
I'll have to mow the lawn first, though. I think we need to do it again.
I think it would look so lovely.
Well, that's all right. We can have some. I'll get some for you.
Darling, where are you going?
To get some squash.
All right, then. Off you go.
And don't make a mess in the kitchen.
Oh, I'm so pleased we came here. I think it's beautiful.
Good. I love the house and I love the garden. I know. I knew you would. And
she likes it too.
She's happy.
Belinda?
Come here a minute, darling.
Come here, darling.
Darling, why have you got two glasses of squash?
One's for David.
What do you mean, one's for David? David isn't here.
Yes, he is.
Where is David down in the wood over there Come on sweetheart you
show mummy and daddy where David is
You see, Belinda, David isn't here.
But he was here.
Oh, darling, you mustn't play these games on Mummy.
You don't normally tell stories, and you mustn't make up stories like this.
Belinda, will you stop pretending about David?
Because we don't want Mummy upset, do we?
There's no point in arguing.
She knows what she saw.
She'd share David, if she could.
Belinda spends most of her time with David.
She always did.
Let's play noughts and crosses.
You be noughts, I'll be crosses.
I'll start.
Mummy's missing you very much.
I'm missing her.
Do you know, at school the other day, when we were having dinner, there was a
boy and he put some salt on his chips and the top fell off and all the salt
went all over his chips.
No, if you put your cross there, I can make nearly a whole line.
Belinda?
Belinda, darling, who are you talking to?
I heard you talking to somebody. Who were you talking to?
David.
David was here?
Yes.
Oh, darling, I wish you wouldn't tell these stories.
Nobody wishes more than I do that David was here.
Hide-and-seek isn't much fun when you're grown up.
And what does she find?
A house, hidden away under the bushes.
A little table.
Tea for two.
David?
David?
Jill is consumed with longing to see her son.
I'm telling you, Peter, I saw her sitting on that log, and she was having
a perfectly rational conversation with another child. She was probably talking
to one of her imaginary friends. It's a perfectly natural thing to do. I'm
sorry. It was just too believable to be imaginary.
I'm convinced that David was there, and I didn't see him, but she...
court. She was playing noughts and crosses.
And another thing, when I was coming back through the woods, I found a little
treehouse hideaway place that she'd made, and she set up a table for tea,
and she set it up for two.
There's nothing unusual in that either. It's perfectly normal for a little girl
to have a tea party.
I suspect you did the same thing when you were a small child. That's not the
point. I tell you, David comes back, and she'd set it up for the two of them.
Jill, don't be so silly. David does not come back. I am not being silly. All
right, then. What about his dog?
What about his dog? Well, he stopped asking for him.
Gillian, if this is how you're going to carry on, I will go somewhere else and
do the gardening.
Go.
She must be going crazy.
He can't. He mustn't listen.
I want you to come down and play with me.
How do I get down?
Jump.
But it's too far.
Don't be afraid.
I'll hurt myself.
You won't hurt yourself, I promise.
Here comes Daddy.
He'll help me.
Linda, what are you doing up there?
Don't you jump. You'll hurt yourself.
You just stay there a minute.
Please stay.
Now sit down.
Sit on the edge.
Can you give me Spider-Man?
We'll take Spider-Man down first, shall we?
That's it. Brush him off.
There we are. We'll put him down there.
Carefully does it. Under your arms.
That's a ticket.
There we are.
All right?
Whoops-a-daisy.
That's Spider-Man.
Okay?
All right? Yes. Good. Off you go, then.
Then a twinge of uncertainty.
However did she get up there in the first place?
But children can't be watched every moment.
We didn't hear the car.
What do you mean, we didn't hear the car?
I didn't hear the car.
Come on.
Let's go in the kitchen. We'll make some cakes or something.
Come on.
Weekends used to be the happiest family time, even when they clung together like
shipwrecked sailors.
No, they aren't so good. Each person seems to be doing his own thing.
Jill has had a headache all day. It's a sultry afternoon.
She can hardly draw breath.
Come on, Melinda, hurry up.
I'm coming.
Come on. It's not me.
Yes, but I can't swim.
Come on, I want to go in the boat.
I'm coming as fast as I can.
Spider to get wet In the world between sleeping and waking
she is troubled
Linda
What's got into the child, what
are you doing darling?
What is she thinking of to wait in there?
God knows how deep it is under the mud.
Daddy told you. Come here. Come here.
Oh, come here.
Come on. It's deep. Just come here. Wait before we both sink in.
Oh, my God. Oh, darling.
It's David.
She knows it.
His games are becoming dangerous.
Maybe he wants Belinda to himself.
He's trying to get her on the other side, his side.
She could have been killed.
Well, she wasn't. Well, she could have been.
She's perfectly happy where she is now.
But I just don't think it's natural that a little girl with all this lovely
garden and everything to play in doesn't bring home any school friends. No, I
think David is coming back for her and he calls her away to go and play.
Don't say David is coming back to you. Face up.
They don't understand.
They're beginning to hate each other now.
She'll have to tell David.
People do come back, and I am convinced, I know, that David comes back, and he
wants her to join him on the other side, and what he doesn't realize is it means
that she would have to die to join him.
You've been under a lot of pressure lately. We've both been under pressure.
Perhaps it would help if we had some guidance.
I'll call a doctor.
Doctor?
Insinuating I'm neurotic or something. No, I'm not insinuating you're neurotic.
Don't be silly, but perhaps you could help. I'll tell you what.
Call anybody.
Call the doctor if you want. Get him here, because I won't be here. I'm
going.
I will.
Hello, John. It's Peter.
Yes?
Yes, fine. We're gradually getting everything sorted out. Yeah.
There is just one thing.
It's Gillian.
That tribe, yes.
Well, if you could, I'd be very grateful.
Thanks a lot, John.
Thanks very much.
Bye.
She needs help.
She's glorying in her neurosis.
Can't you see they can't carry on like this?
The lingering end of day.
The goodbye that has to be said.
Mummy is very unhappy because I always see you and she never sees you. And
she's making Dad... my daddy unhappy so you must go away
forever then i'll never see you again
you will one day takes spiders
with you to comfort you thank you
with love
The nighttime garden breathes in, coloring the mind of the sleepers.
Knee-deep in roses, the rose sweetness heady and brief as a child's kisses.
Uncalculated, loving and giving.
The sea noise of wind in the dark branches of the trees.
You can drown in woods at night.
David, just once, for goodbye, even in a dream, my darling.
Early morning garden, all flowery, like a wedding.
She's strangely at peace, both inside and out.
Not a word to Peter.
Poor Peter.
Poor, dear Peter.
Off we go. Come on, I've got your satchel. Yeah, Mum.
All right?
Listen, where's Spider? I can't find him anywhere. Where is he?
Have you lost him?
Where have you lost him?
I gave him to David.
What do you mean, you gave him to David?
He's not coming back anymore.
He gave me his watch.
David's watch, his proudest possession.
It was buried with him.
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