Original subtitles

What, you don't want me to come pollinate you?

No, no, please do. I mean, I guess, wouldn't I be doing the pollinating?

Surprise! It's a different kind of scene.

Hi guys!

Welcome to Bless a Blind Date. You can talk now.

Welcome!

Hi, good morning.

Good morning. Thanks for having me. Have you guys ever been set up on a blind

date before?

No, never.

I haven't. I don't know. I'm kind of scared. I don't know if you're nervous,

but I'm nervous.

Oh, yeah. I'm super nervous.

But, like, in the best way possible, you know.

Is there anything you want each other to know about yourself?

Not, like, not your identity, but, like, something you like sexually or one of

your favorite hobbies.

Big fan of kissing.

Just love kissing.

Oh, me too.

Yeah, I'm a big fan of kissing and, like, I'm more into intimate sex than,

like, beating the shit out of you.

Does that make sense?

It depends on my mood, but I think I can come to a compromise with you for sure.

If you guys could be any animal, what would you be?

Some kind of arctic fox.

That's super cute. I feel like I'd be maybe like a flying squirrel.

There we go. Yeah.

You know, some type of rodent.

A rodent. Why?

I like to nest in, like, blankets, and it speaks to me. Why are you

questioning me? No, I think it's great.

I think of anything rodent, I think of, like, a mouse.

And I think of, like, a rat infestation or something.

Well, I don't know if you have a history of, like, giving back to animals. But

when I was a little girl, I bought a bunch of those, like, mice from the pet

store that they feed to snakes.

And I did set them free.

They probably died immediately.

I just don't know what to say to that.

That's okay. I'll suck your dick here in a second, and you don't have to say

anything.

What do you want to share with the other person about what a big turn-on is

sexually for you guys?

I have an oral fixation, so literally anything that you put in my mouth, I'm

going to love it.

Does that work for you? Yeah, absolutely. I'm a big fan.

I'm pretty easy. I just like pretty girls.

Oh my God, me too. We have so much in common.

Anything that's a turn off that you want the other person to know? Any turn off?

I don't like being called a whore. I don't know about you.

That's classy. I like that.

Not too classy. I'm okay with slut.

It's just horror.

The OR of it, like, really fills your mouth in, like, an unpleasant way.

I have never seen this person at a box for words, ever.

So this is shocking to me.

Oh, we're gonna have fun.

This person is not a quiet person.

No, I'm usually not a quiet person. This is, like, a very unique experience, you

know what I'm saying? And, like... I've never been on, like, many traditional

dates. You know what I'm saying? Like, I was already hooking up with a person

before going on a date with them. So being on a blind date like this is,

like, crazy.

I'm a lady. I'm going to make you treat me like one. Oh, absolutely.

That's my specialty.

Good for you. Looking forward to it.

Okay, one last question for you guys. Just to give each other an idea about

who you are, what's your favorite movie?

The Big Short.

Wow, that's interesting.

Why are you laughing?

Because it's kind of a nerdy movie.

Margot Robbie is in it.

My favorite movie right now is kind of weird.

Please don't judge me too hard.

But I've watched Bee Movie every day for the past month.

What is that?

It's a Jerry Seinfeld animated movie where he fucks a human woman and he's a

bee. It's very much implied.

It's implied.

It's implied, but it's a B?

Yeah. It's a carnal relationship, for sure.

Wow. Okay.

It's super sus, I've heard about this.

Huh? Well, it's a great movie, but, I mean... What, you don't want me to come

pollinate you?

No, no, please do. I mean, I guess, wouldn't I be doing the pollinating?

Surprise! It's a different kind of scene.

I don't know if you guys know each other, so please introduce yourselves.

You may know each other from online, you may have worked together, but in case

you haven't, just be like, hey, I'm Black.

Okay, are you ready?

Yes. Okay, take off the headsets and no speaking at this point.

Okay, and you can push the microphone forward so you can step forward.

Okay, you can step down.

Okay, and step forward and meet your blackout!

Hi, I'm Chloe.

It's the paper technique, Chloe. I didn't expect that. I'm Max, though.

Holy shit.

Really, that's neat.

Damn, you look fantastic.

A long time ago, you had told me a list of people you wanted to work with, and

you and I had tried to pull from that list. I was really nervous. I'm sorry.

My hands are so clammy. Oh, it's totally fine. I'm also super nervous.

Well, hi.

This bed is yours.

Enjoy the bed and have fun. We're just going to get out of your hair.

Come here.

Not normally speechless, no? No.

Let's see how far we can get.

I don't think there's going to be much talking anymore.

I'm

dying

to see what's under here.

it's on now. Really?

Yeah,

I know. Gotta make you work for it today.

Yeah, I want it.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

You're a real beauty.

I love it.

I'm gonna give it all.

This is perfect pussy.

Thank you.

Yeah,

should I put it in here?

Yeah, I was waiting for it. Morning.

Oh, fuck.

I love how he's doing both on cock.

It really is one of, like, great choices.

He tastes really good.

I do feel it.

Yeah.

Thank you.

That's the first date I've had.

my hips back on yours.

Oh, that's my absolute fucking favorite.

Oh, fuck me too.

Thank you.

I like that, please. You were raised well in good manners.

Oh, God, yes.

Everybody wants to see the titties.

It's okay. It's a warm day.

It's like an old

school waterbed.

Just watch it ripple.

One day, I'm going to watch the flashback of my life, like the quick

play of it, you know?

And half of it is just going to be me doing this.

Just like thinking.

Sixth grade.

By the time I was in seventh, I was a D.

Was that hard?

I didn't know my friends when we were young that had big tits. It was like

hard because you're not a sexual creature at those ages.

Oh, my mom's an Asian immigrant. I did not know. And I had no idea until I was

well into high school.

I just, it didn't, I didn't think about it. I know.

Something was not clicking in there.

Well,

they would do, like, the, can you put your elbows behind your back and, like,

touch them together?

But I'm hyper-flexible, so I can.

What, is it a thing that they can do it, or are they just trying to stick it out?

To stick out. But most people can't actually touch their elbows together

behind their back.

But, hey, I'm going to try this.

Because, yeah.

Oh, I can't.

No. But I have all of them. I'm double jointed from head to toe.

Oh, I can't. Yeah, I'm just.

Oh!

Everything popped.

I'm like a bowl of rice Krispy Kreme. You know what?

You, for your only fans, should literally do that. People would get off

just. You would say?

Yeah. Do you know people watch this paragraph or?

I thought it was the moaning though.

No, no. It's not.

It's the, there's the sexiness of like the.

Oh, most of my customs have to do a drool.

Big drooler.

Interesting. They want me to like put it in cups and then like drink it.

It takes time, but whatever.

People like what they like. As long as they're paying my bills, I don't care.

Yeah.

That's why I have this big boy twice a day, every day.

I wonder what I'm going to do later today.

Where do you live?

I live in Hollywood.

Oh, damn.

Yeah? Actually, yeah. Oh,

no, I'm in, like, I'm in Sunset and Vine right now.

I'm in the armpit of America.

Florida may be the armpit of the East Coast, but I'd say Vine is the armpit of

the West.

Matter Lake.

It used to be a good area. I don't know. Right outside of Scottsdale.

Scottsdale is great, right? Outside of Scottsdale, not so great.

No, but during COVID, I spent a lot of time vacationing there and partying.

I know that's not easy, but whatever.

Exactly. I was, like, on the golf course getting drunk with my family. It was

fantastic.

Oh, yeah.

Mimosas every day, all day.

Oh, that's nice.

I'm from Seattle, though.

Are you from Seattle?

No, that's where we want to move.

Where? Like, the islands? Like, the sand dunes?

Oh, Gig Harbor is gorgeous.

Yeah, so we looked at homes there, and, like, we love it there. And I love the

mentality of the people up there. Me, too. I'm from Bothell.

which is at the top of, yeah. We visited there. Okay. The Ranch Drive-In, that's

the place for burgers besides Dick's.

Okay. Dick's is a, it's kind of like In-N-Out for Seattle.

It's wonderful.

Oh, yeah.

It's beautiful. It's great.

And then my mom immigrated from Korea when she was a teenager.

What? Yeah. I didn't see that coming. And she and her family lived on Vashon,

which is one of the San Juan Islands.

And my dream is to retire on the San Juans.

Okay, so the only thing about islands that freaks me out is the accessibility

to medical care, because you have to take a ferry, you know?

It's a ferry, no roads in, but most people in Seattle, if you live on the

water, you gotta boat.

And you can boat anywhere in the city. I mean, I used to, like, I had friends who

would boat to school sometimes.

Rich fuckers, but, you know.

People do crazy things. Everybody there works in, like, Microsoft or Amazon.

I miss it, especially this time of year.

They have really good Halloween stuff, and the nightlife isn't too crazy.

Because they have, like, actual cornfields. So when I was young, I would

go through haunted corn mazes, and it was like a real, like, you were in a

maze in the dark.

It was horrifying.

Once I got chased by a man with a chainsaw, and that, I really did think I

was going to die.

If I could do like a Carmen Electra thing where I'm just like running

from a monster man, that'd be great.

Maybe it has to.

I've been working on it, thank you. You have a great ass.

I really, I've been in the gym a lot, working hard.

This is good.

Really good.

Yeah.

This is, like, my favorite thing.

I love being jerked off, too. Like, you know, just, like, being... I don't know.

It's good.

I also have this thing where, like, when I'm dating guys, I'll just have them

jerk off in front of me.

Like, I don't know. I just want to watch them come in their own hands. Like, it's

fun.

You know?

Show me how desperate you are for me when you're not even inside of me. It's

great.

Another good one is, like, they just come onto my pussy.

They just jerk off and come onto the hole. It's pretty wonderful.

Yeah, I like it when I get my fingers all in there.

Oh my God.

Oh my

God.

Fuck me.

I fucking love the deal.

I'm going to use your pussy. I'm not going to come.

Yes.

Do you want to fake anything at all?

Oh, that's not the problem, dude. I'm just sweating like a pig. Oh, I'm sorry.

Can we wipe off my face?

Wipe off your face?

Yeah,

you are, Jackie.

You should.

There's a lot of fun things to do up there, a lot of fun places.

I mean, it's just an all-around great place to just hang out, right?

Yeah.

It's just a good vibe. Like, there's nothing that...

There's nothing about Seattle that I don't like. Even the weather. Living

here has made me appreciate the seasons so much more. Oh, I know. I can't.

Living here is hard.

I grew up in Virginia and it was like four seasons and it was so nice.

You walk out on that like first February day and you can smell the spring in the

air. The crocuses come and like bloom a little bit. You're like, ooh, come on,

baby.

Not going to be snowing for much longer.

You know what I liked about it? And this is so weird. We went a few times, but we

went during the 2016 election.

I'm not going to talk about politics, but it was so interesting because people

were so respectful. They're of everyone.

They don't want to talk about it. Yeah.

Genuinely. It was really surprising.

People think Seattle is a super liberal city.

There's nothing wrong with being liberal.

It's different from Portland in that, like, in Portland, if you differ

opinions, you're going to get punched.

If you are in Seattle and you differ opinions, it's like, oh, okay, well, I'm

going to go stand over here then. At best, like at worst, you know.

Otherwise than that, it's just like, you know, people are people.

I walked into a restaurant and they were this little cafe that was talking

politics. And the second I walked in.

They stopped because they didn't know if I was an immigration or not. Yeah.

They don't want to, like, you know.

There is this really great French place called Le Pichet.

It was Anthony Bourdain's favorite place to get breakfast in Seattle. It's above

Post Alley. It's this tiny little bistro. It's smaller than the living

room here.

Okay. Just like the greatest quiches you've ever had in your life.

Just delicious. What's it called?

Le Pichet.

I'll send it to you. I think so.

I have to double check. I haven't been back to Seattle since COVID ended.

Okay. Which, I don't know. I'm just scared to see how things have changed.

There's a place called Pie Bar.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. There's a place called Pie Bar. They have dessert-inspired cocktails and

a walk-up window for pie at all hours. They close at 2.

You can get a chicken pot pie at 2 a.m., and it's the best chicken pot pie of

your life.

How do you spell that? L-E-P-I-C-H-E-T.

That French in high school is really paying off.

Wonder Bar.

That one's really good.

Pie Bar is really good.

The Pink Door is in Post Alley.

It's this tiny little Italian restaurant that overlooks the sound, and they do

live jazz in the evening.

It's called Pie Bar?

Pie Bar and then Pink Door.

Okay, well then.

Sorry.

There's grapes in the kitchen.

Don't make me look bad, Chloe.

Okay,

wait. Okay, what was the other place that you just mentioned? Pink door.

You can tell because the only way you know it's there is a pink door. Okay.

Oh, all right. Uh-huh.

Okay, the pink door.

All right.

Kind of like Tom Cruise.

Just bubblegum-y.

Have you ever been to Elliot in Westfield?

Yes. Excellent. Yes. We love the jambalaya. And no place

can make jambalaya at a good place.

There is actually a... They move. They're here, though.

They're off Ventura.

And the guy that I'm dating, he cooked me up some gumbo the other day. I lived

in Alabama for like five or six years.

So you know good gumbo. I know good gumbo. What is this place called? It's

just a truck. They do baby back ribs, pork, and beef.

Wait, are they a traveling... Okay. But they're mostly by that Petco off of

Ventura by Erewhon.

Okay. Studio City.

Delicious. Sorry, I'm just making y'all more hungry.

I know.

I'm one meal a day. You get to leave after this.

I'm one meal a day.

I can't even fucking... One meal a day?

I'm trying to lose weight.

That's the only way I can do it, I think.

Try factor, because that's what I've been doing. Because when I get off bed,

I'm so tired.

There are these meals that they deliver weekly.

I love them.

I just add another butter and some salt, which probably doesn't help.

How old are you?

I'll be 25 in two months.

Sadly, when we get in our 40s, I'm in top of them. Yeah.

Well, I also run like three miles a day, and I have personal

training sessions twice a week.

I don't have personal training, but I literally will walk like eight miles.

It's good. It lets me think.

I loved it, yeah.

You're a Taylor Swift fan, no?

Yeah. Are you going to go see the movie? I'm real jazzed about it. Yeah, I

already have reservations.

I haven't gotten them yet just because they're very expensive.

This ticket?

Aren't they like 40 bucks or something like that? Somebody said that they were

$50.

No, I'm going to an office and it was like $20 a ticket. I mean,

when I'm bored at home, I put on the reputation tour from Netflix.

That's a good one.

I don't understand what she's doing dating Travis Kelsey.

I think, did you see those photos from the MTV Music Awards where she has coke

up her nose? I think it's a distraction from that. Because immediately after,

she started hanging out with Travis.

Wait, wait, cocaine?

She's smiling on the red carpet, lifting her chin a little bit, and you can see

the white in the back.

Come on.

She's a grown woman. She just ended a very long relationship. Let her do a

couple of little snow, like, angels. Whatever.

Taylor deserves the Coke.

Where were we?

Look it up.

And then you can just come on my booth, too.

That, by the way.

Thank you. Yeah, it's a good one.

Oh, is that? Okay.

Okay, fine.

Alright,

let's do this.

Ooh.

coming on a date with me.

For fucking me. Oh, absolutely.

Holy shit.

Best blind date. How do you blind date, guys?

Woo!

Same time next year?

Yeah, easily.

Next week.

Thank you guys for trusting us to set you up on a blind date.

Honestly, you can set me up anytime. You'd be wonderful. Yeah, this was super

thick. I really appreciate it.