Original subtitles

- I don't hear that very often.

Fantastic sex, unpaid,

with someone I actually like, a bit,

quite a bit I think.

(airy music)

When did sex become so complicated?

(airy music)

Shit.

First client in six days.

Can not be late for this.

(upbeat music)

Alex.

Alex! - Hmm.

(laughing)

What? - I have to leave.

- What's the panic?

- I've got a meeting.

- On a Saturday?

- Yeah, I'm meeting a friend,

Jemima from school for lunch.

- I'll come. - Ah no, no.

You can't come without warning, that's just not very polite.

- Well, text her I wanna.

- She's a bit, she's a bit weird.

She's not very nice to men.

She's a horrible, horrible, horrible woman

that you do not want to have lunch with her.

- Okay. - Okay.

(racy music)

Not one of my usual hotels. (racy music)

But then, this isn't a usual kind of job.

This one's been setup by my new best friend.

(racy music)

Bambi's idea of a favor.

A threesome with, wait for it,

a distinguished nightclub owner.

(racy music)

Bambi is a complete liability but, needs most.

(knocking on door)

- [Bambi] Ow. (racy music)

- What's wrong? (racy music)

- You're gonna kill me babes. - What happened?

- I've got a little friend come to stay.

- Who? - Auntie Flo.

- Bambi, have you taken something?

- What no, I've got the painters in.

- Oh no, take care me now. - I know, I know, I know.

Please don't shout at me, my head's banging.

- I'm not shouting.

How can you not know when your period's due?

Page one, Bambi. - I don't know, I just forgot.

I lost my diary.

This month's flown by, been up the wall.

Look, we can call Stephanie, get one

of the other girls here. - He's here in five minutes.

- Well I'll just say that my nan's died and it's just you.

We can give him a little discount.

- No, absolutely no way, it's completely unprofessional.

- Well, what am I supposed to do?

(upbeat racy music)

What's this?

- That's sponge.

- And what am I supposed to do with it?

Not on your life babes. - Okay.

- Belle wait, what if it's still got jiff on it?

- Straight out of the packet.

- Are you sure it's gonna work?

- Yeah, if it's up high enough, it should be fine.

- Oh, fine.

(knocking on door) (rock music)

- Beautiful. - Close, Belle.

- (laughs) Girl with a quick wit.

Love it, love it, love it.

Martin, delighted to meet you Belle.

So, captivating as you are Belle,

I trust this isn't a party just for two?

- Ah. - Hi there, I'm Bambi.

- Wham bam Bambi. (laughs)

- So, can I get you anything, Martin?

- I think I've got everything I need, thank you very much.

(laughs)

- Oh yeah. (moaning)

(moaning) (sexy music)

(moaning) - Oh my God, just go ahead

and look, I mean she looks ridiculous.

Not her fault, she's doing her job

and that's what the client wants,

that's what the client gets.

- Come on Belle, get involved. (moaning)

- [Martin] Hey, hey.

(moaning) (laughing)

(moaning) Hey, hey, hey.

What about that length? (laughing)

Here we come, Bambi. (laughing)

Oh you oh, oh wait, now yes.

To my only girls.

- I love it. (laughs)

- Hey, woe, woe, woe, woe.

- Belle, what's going on?

- Get over it, I'm getting over it.

Sorry about that.

- Everything okay?

- Yeah, I just had a bit of a dizzy spell.

- Don't worry, I tend to have that effect on women Belle.

(laughing)

- No then actually, no I can not do it, ugh.

- Go ahead and put your head between your legs.

Have a glass of water or something.

- I'm not dizzy, I'm just not gonna have sex with you.

- You're a prostitute for God sake!

- She's new.

- Fine, I'll do everything but have sex.

- So will my wife, that's why I'm here.

- It's not gonna happen!

(door slams)

It's not funny Ben.

- Oh come off it, he was wearing a leopard print thong.

It's completely understandable.

- No, it wasn't because of his pants.

- Come on, you were just having a weird one.

Take a couple of days, chill out.

- Been off all week.

- What are you talking about,

you haven't had a single night off.

I've been trying to get ahold of you.

- I met someone.

- What do you mean?

- A man, his name's Alex.

- Why you haven't been working?

- No, I'm sorry, I really wanted to tell you about it.

It's just happening so quickly

and I haven't had time to think

about it all. - What's happening so quickly?

- Me and him. - You and him?

- Ben, do you want to stop repeating everything I say?

- Sorry, so, so, sorry.

Since the last time I saw you,

you've met someone who's become a you and him?

- I met someone and its fun.

We're having fun and I'm sorry

I didn't tell you about it before,

but you know what it's like.

When you first met Vanessa-- - When I first met Vanessa

I told you the very next day. - Yeah, but it took you

a month to tell me you proposed to her.

- Then lied to your face, huh.

- Oh Ben come on, I'm sorry.

I'm telling you now aren't I.

Geez except it's a week later, shoot me.

- What does he do?

- He's a doctor.

- What does he think of your job?

- Surprise, surprise Ben, I haven't told him.

Anyway, I might not have a job

if I carry on like I did today.

- Was that because of him?

- Was what because of him?

- Well, could you not go through with it

because of him, because of Alex?

- I don't know, every time I shut my eyes

I just kept picturing him and the whole thing

just felt a bit wrong.

- It's more then a bit of fun then, isn't it?

- [Belle] I've known him five minutes.

- [Ben] But? - What?

There is no but, he's nice.

We're having fun, it's no big deal.

Today was an aberration.

Probably was the thong.

It wouldn't have happened with one of my regulars.

- Right.

- Bit of support please, Ben.

He's nice, you'd like him.

- I'm sure I would.

- And he actually wants to meet you.

- Why? - Because I talk

about you all the time.

- Right. - I was thinking about

lunch this week.

- All right, bring him.

- Really? - Yeah, sure.

You come clean to him and I'll

come and have lunch with you then.

- Yeah, that's a really good idea.

Hi Alex, Ben's really looking forward to meeting you.

Quick heads-up though before we

sit down to eat, I'm a prostitute.

Hmm, the lamb looks nice, sort it out Ben.

- Well, you can't keep it from him,

that's completely out of order.

And it's out of order to use me as some sort of decoy.

- A decoy.

For God sake Ben, for once, I'm engaging

in the fairly normal activity of seeing someone

and I'd like you to meet him.

I'm not getting married.

I'm not trying to shaft anyone.

It's not serious, I haven't got

some big ultimatum on my hands.

I'm just trying to live a life which you are a big part of.

It's just lunch, it's no big deal.

- So you keep saying. - Oh do you know what,

don't worry about it and don't come.

- Where are you going?

- To flog myself with a big stick.

- I can't do Thursday.

(jazz music)

- [Hannah] You'll really like Ben, he's brilliant.

- I hate him already.

Is he better looking then me?

- No, is that actually possible?

- I suppose not, no.

Yeah, I'm gonna like him.

I can't wait to meet him.

- Thanks for tonight, I had a really lovely time.

- Woe, I'm worried, that sounds like

the sentence, but I've got a headache

and I wanna go home early-- - No, not at all,

I just wanted to say it.

Anyway, you know what the best way to cure a headache is?

- A two liter of fin and an early night.

- No, it's the sex. (laughing)

Can we go back to your house?

- Isn't your place nearer?

- I don't think. - I think it is.

- Okay, yeah (laughs) we can go back to mine

but you've gotta be quiet 'cause I've got

this neighbor from hell and--

- Hannah, why don't you want me to see your flat?

- Don't be silly.

- Or meet your friends or see--

- You're having lunch with Ben tomorrow.

You're meeting my best friend.

- Oh okay, okay, I didn't realize it was a trade-off.

You're meeting Ben tomorrow so,

that's another couple of weeks that

you're not allowed to see my flat.

Oh Hannah I'm, you're making me fell like some

clingy twat and I'm not.

I'm just suggesting we go back to your place, that's all.

- All right, let's go back to my house, it's no big deal.

- Good. (jazz music)

Wanna run up ahead and lock your husband in the cupboard?

- No, looks like he's still out.

(knocking on window)

- Woe, what is that?

- It's my friend.

- Belle, so sorry it's late.

Oh babes, didn't realize you were work--

- Ah, what are you doing here?

- I just felt a bit bad about yesterday.

- Alex, this is Bambi.

- Hi, nice to meet you. - Hi.

- It's 1:30 in the morning.

- I know, but I thought you might

still be up and look, you are.

- Yeah, and we're just going in.

- I could head off if you-- - No, no.

- Oh look, I don't want to gate crash or anything.

It was just on the off chance.

- Look it's fine, I'll see you at lunch tomorrow, okay?

- Thank you.

This is a drinking problem.

What do you want Bambi?

(door closing)

What's that?

- Your share of the money from yesterday.

I felt like a total shit bag not splitting it with you.

- I didn't do anything.

- You did me a favor turning up

at the last minute plus, you helped

me out with the whole sponge thing, gross-out.

- No, I didn't even want it, it's fine.

- No, you gotta take it.

I'm really sorry he turned out to be such

a dick after me talking him up like that.

He sounded really nice on the phone.

- Love it, love it, love it. (laughing)

- Go on, please.

- All right, thanks.

- Will it be all right if I hang out

here, just for a little bit?

So, that's the boyfriend then? - [Belle] Yeah.

- He seems nice.

- I think he is.

- Fit as a butcher's dog.

Told him what you do? - No, of course not.

Not sure how much longer I can keep that going really.

- Well that depends, doesn't it?

How serious you are, I mean, if he's just a fling.

- Yeah, he wants to meet my mates.

- Well, I could come out with you both.

He's already met me, we could do something

really fun like go bowling or something.

(laughing)

- Thanks but, no thanks.

I don't think bowling's his thing

plus, we're gonna have lunch with my mate Ben tomorrow so.

- Well, I could maybe come to that with you.

What's Ben like? - Engaged.

- I didn't mean it like that,

I was just thinking it could be a laugh.

- Yeah, might be a lot of things.

A laugh, not top of the pile.

- You really need to loosen up babes.

(upbeat music)

- So, who do you support then?

- I'm a rugby man, actually.

Are you into that, at all?

- I'm sorry. - Rugby.

- Right, no, I'm not.

- Right.

- So you're a doctor, is that?

- Yeah, yeah. - It's a great job,

you enjoy it? - Yeah.

Ah, there she is. - I'm sorry.

Sorry I'm late.

- That's all right, we're having a lovely chat.

- You didn't tell me Alex was into rugby.

- No, should I have , Ben?

- No.

- Ben's a footy bloke.

A bit little for rugby, aren't you?

- I know it's only lunchtime but I thought, day off why not.

- Yeah, I'm gonna get a beer actually.

- Good girl. - Try it, it's really nice.

- I thought wine broke you out in a rash.

- Only certain types.

- We've got a doctor handy if anything should kick up.

- Yeah, I'm here to help. (laughing)

- Alex has just been sharing his theory about you with me.

- Oh yeah. - Oh yeah, yeah.

He reckons you're living a double life.

- Does he now?

- I was just having a laugh with Ben before you got here.

- And I think it's time you came clean Hannah.

- How many of those did you manage

to cram in before I got here?

- Oh yeah that's right, Alex, I'm

a big girl's blouse and I can't take my drink.

- [Alex] You look healthy enough to me.

- Thank you.

So Hannah, as I was saying, you gonna tell

Alex the truth or should I?

- What are you on about?

- Right, then I will.

Alex, the lovely Hannah here is in fact

a spy-- - Ben.

- Works for the MI5.

- That was absolutely hilarious.

(phone ringing)

- I'm so sorry, I have to get this, it's work.

Be back in a sec. (phone ringing)

- Why are you being like this?

- Are you kidding me, being like what?

- Ben's allergic to everything.

Ben's shit at rugby.

Ben can't take his drink.

- I always get the best out of you.

- Not in front of people.

- I'm just trying to be normal.

What are you trying to be?

- How bout polite.

Look after me here Han, for fuck sake.

- Look after you.

What's with all of this, Hannah's

leading a double life bollocks,

is that looking after me?

Whatever's going on Ben, deal with it.

Stop being like this.

- [Alex] Is everything all right?

- Yeah fine, thanks.

- Ben thinks I'm being a twat. - Hannah.

- Well, I can't just pretend like everything's hunky-dory.

- I'm sure you can't.

- Should I go to the loo?

- No Alex, you're fine.

I'm really so over him.

- It's fine, let's just forget about it.

- It's just that we're so close,

I thought we could say anything to each other.

- Honestly Han, let's just drop it.

- Yeah, but you can't just bring something

up like that and then not want to talk about it, can you?

- Hannah, you're making Alex feel uncomfortable.

- Oh wow, I'm on a role today then, aren't I?

- No, it's fine, you're not making me feel, should we order?

- [Hannah] Yeah.

- Is it really crappy if I have a burger and chips?

- No, that's fine, I'm gonna get

the risotto, what about you Ben?

- Beef wellington.

- I'll go order. - Thanks Alex.

Thanks Ben.

Thanks a million, you're making this really fucking awkward.

- Problem solved.

- Where did Ben go?

- I'm sorry Alex, I think he's having some

girlfriend problems or something.

- Hannah, is there something you're not telling me?

- No. - Pretty easy to work out.

- What are you on about?

- Ben's in love with you, isn't he?

- No, Ben's like my brother.

- I don't think he sees it like that.

- No really, you've got the wrong end of the stick.

- I don't think so.

Anyway, it's nothing to do with me.

I've probably overstepped the mark as it is, so.

- Huh, whatever do you mean?

- I know what I said about playing it cool

and having fun and all that stuff but,

truth is,

Hannah, the more time I spend wit you

the more into you I get.

You've got this brilliant knack

of keeping everything compartmentalized

and I used to be like that.

And until I met you, that's just leaving.

I know that you are the most fantastic,

beautiful thing that's come into my life

for as long as I can remember

and I want to see inside your flat

and I want to meet your friends,

even the mad ones and at some point,

God forbid, I may even want to meet your parents.

But, it is painfully obvious,

from where I'm sitting, that you

don't want any of that stuff

and if I'm honest, I don't know

if I want to carry on with something

that's gonna get deeper for me

and more and more awkward and problematic for you.

There you go, I said it. (melancholy music)

Could you please say something?

- I love you.

Fuck.

Today, I'm gonna tell Alex today.

- Just somebody my dad's playing to sleep with me.

- So it's going well with you two, you and Alex?

- Yeah - You're in love with her.

- Say Amarelga.

- I've got a girlfriend Alex. - Yeah, what's her name?

(upbeat music)