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♪ I

♪ Like to spend my days

♪ Miles away

♪ In a different place

♪ Where it's not always so nice ♪

♪ In a cold, cold world

♪ And that's why

♪ Things pass me by

Hey, I play offense! Why didn't you give me the ball?

♪ I'm open.

♪ My work on time

All right, guys. Good night. ♪ Well, I'm

♪ I'm still awake

♪ But my mind is off

♪ In another place

♪ While some folks hurry up ♪

♪ Just to wait in line

- Hey! - What are you doing here?

- I had a game. - We thought that you'd be home with Zoe.

And why would I be home on a Thursday night?

- Because she's your girlfriend. - Good point.

But then who would be here looking after you guys, huh?

- Aww. - Aww.

- Come on, guys. This is tragic. Who wants? - I do.

♪ My work on time

♪ 'Cause life goes by

♪ At a second

♪ At a time ♪

- You trying to work right now? - I have a newborn at home.

This is the most peace and quiet I've had in months.

We gotta get outta here.

There's this guy at the bar that keeps staring at me,

and if we don't go, I'm gonna have to sleep with him.

Let's go. What is wrong with everybody?

See ya. I have to lecture tomorrow.

So I'm really digging this celibacy thing.

- It's very grounding. - How long has it been?

Three weeks. Really.

I'm getting in touch. I may never have sex again.

I may never want...Stella.

to have sex... ever again.

- What? What? - Shut up.

Well, whatever. It's easy for you. You've got Zoe.

But, you know, the rest of us have to--

- I don't know. - Yeah.

That good, huh?

She keeps asking about my plans.

What are your plans?

- Oh, we're gonna get something to eat, right? - Ha.

Come on. You know me.

I have plans. Of course I do.

- Okay. - How could I not have plans?

I got the show. That's amazing.

- I'm so sorry. We have to celebrate. - Flying to L.A. in the morning.

And when I'm there I think we should take a little break.

Really?

I've been thinking a lot about us,

and I really need to focus on me right now.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Look, look--

I'm sorry I didn't call, right? But I was playing soccer.

I was out, and-and-- But I'm totally happy for you.

- You should really think about growing up, Nick. - Excuse me?

You were too busy playing soccer and going out?

You have some issues to figure out.

I was. I was figuring out how to score on this sweaty Mexican guy.

I'm not joking.

Why is it that all of your friends have jobs, and you don't?

Because I haven't found the right thing yet.

That has nothing to do with it.

Oh, no. Don't make this about my money, Zoe. All right?

Jobs say something about a person, Nick. Look at me.

I have this opportunity, and I am using it to move forward.

All of your friends, they have jobs.

They have kids. They have Ph.D.s.

- And you can't even do laundry. - Look, I'm coming with you.

I'm packing right now. I'm coming with you.

Mmm. Save your money for once, Nick. Okay?

♪ Aren't there any other doors ♪

♪ Said the bachelorette

♪ No, said Lisa

♪ Meet Sucker Bet

♪ Now Sucker Bet He had a mother ♪

♪ And she gave him a name

I can totally do my own laundry.

♪ She couldn't speak yet

♪ Without disdain

♪ I believe in fate

♪ Wouldn't call it a friend

♪ But the thing with fate

♪ Is the business end ♪

Hey. Hey, what are you doin' right now?

- Nick? - Why? What's wrong? You sound awful.

I'd love to see you, man, but I've got a young singles' mixer...

at the Museum of Natural History tonight.

I'm trying not to kill my firstborn son.

Hey, do you want to rock that with me, wingman style?

I just can't really talk right now,

but whatever it is, we'll have drinks later and we'll work it out.

No. Okay. All right.

Talk to you later. Bye.

Hey.

Can I shoot with you for a while?

No, man. I'm practicing.

Come on, man.

Bet you can't get it past me.

That all you got?

Man, don't you have anything better to do than play with a kid?

Oh, are you gonna play the kid card?

Come on. I thought you had more than that.

- That was all right. - All right?

I've been workin' on that for a year, man.

- That's Zidane's move. That's the roulette. - Who?

Zidane? He's just, like, the coolest player in--

Ask your coach.

I don't got one.

I gotta go.

All right, nice playin' with you.

All right, explain this to me again.

Look, it's simple.

Zoe thinks that I do nothing, and I have no ambition. Right?

About which... she has a point.

So, I get a job. I have ambition.

She comes back to me.

By coaching kids' soccer?

Do you even know anything about kids?

Well, I know a ton about soccer.

And the kids'll love me. How could they not?

Well, look at you. You're a total sketchball.

Hey, that's my move.

Okay, fine. You do actually seem to be inspired, so...

go get 'em, player.

- What do you mean? - I mean ask for a position.

What? When? Now? How?

Have you ever applied for a job?

Um, yes. Yes, when I was eight.

To be an astronaut. I didn't get the gig.

Hold this.

Job interview. For you.

Tomorrow.

- What did you do? - I asked.

Girls' softball is,

as I'm sure you know, very competitive.

- It's kicking my ass. - Of course.

Okay, so, what's your coaching style?

Fresh.

Well, I-I think that it's a good thing for kids...

to learn how to, uh, become part of something that is bigger than themselves.

Learn to become part of a larger unit.

Yeah.

And it's a beautiful game.

The world watches.

And the world doesn't watch the World Series,

but they watch the World Cup...

because it's a unifying game.

It ties us all together--

Rich, poor, black, white, short, fat,

girls and boys.

And the simplicity of it--

One ball, two goals, 22 players.

But within that, endless possibility.

And most important, you are a unit.

You act as one. You are one.

That's teamwork. That's what the greats do.

One player goes down, you all go down.

And you can only win by playing together.

And that's what I'm gonna teach all of you--

How to play this game the way it was meant to be played.

Any questions?

- Yo. Spell "icup." - I-C--

All right, settle down. Settle down.

Any serious questions?

Yo, Coach, you got a girlfriend?

Ha, ha. Very funny.

Very funny.

Hi. Hey, come here.

Why are you late, man?'Cause I am.

- Where are your cleats? - I don't have 'em.

Oh, so you're late and you don't have your equipment? Is there anything else?

Come on, man. You know me.

Yeah, I know you. The next time you're late--

next time anybody is late-- that'll be a lap.

You got it? All right, back in line.

Thank you. Where were we? Yes.

- Who's bringing the snacks to practice? - You are, fat boy.

- Snap. He said you're fat. - No, no, no. None of that. Come on.

- Are you gonna tell us your name, or what? - Sure.

My name is, uh, Coach.

- That's your name? - Yeah.

Just Coach.

- Are we at a hooker bar? - Hey, how's the coaching gig?

I'm sorry. That girl looked like a whore.

- Does she not have a mother? - Don't be jealous. It's really good.

Don't you have, like, practice in the morning or something?

- This is so upsetting. - Do you want another drink?

Mm-hmm.

- Coach, you're late. - Yeah, sorry. Overslept.

- You said anyone who's late needs to run a lap. - No, no, no.

I'm the co--

Damn it!

Ten pass minimum. Three touch max.

Penalty is a lap around the field.

So, orange and yellow, purple and red.

- Let's do it. - Come on. Let's do it!

- Hey, uh-- What's your name? - Nate, yo.

Yeah, yeah. Nate. You are gonna be the official team photographer.

All right? Stick with me.

That's good, guys. Keep it movin'. Keep it movin'. Uh--

Yeah, all right. Bring it in. Bring it in.

I want you to use the whole field, right? Spread out.

And just-- just light touches, yeah? Light touches.

- Okay. - All right. One photo.

Nice.

Come on, guys. Kick it over here!

Keep it movin'.

- Pass it. - No more than three touches.

- Pass it! - That's it. Keep--

No. Hector, pass the ball, man.

Hector, pass the ball. He never passes the ball.

Are you kidding me? Hector, did you not hear the drill?

- I scored. - Yeah, I saw that.

But why didn't you pass 'em the ball?'Cause they suck.

I mean, just give me the ball and I'll score.

- I don't suck. - Look, none of you suck.

Drop the attitude, or I'm not gonna let you play in the game tomorrow.

- All right? - I guess I'm not gonna play tomorrow.

Fine. Go home.

All right. Come on. Keep goin'.

Come on right here.

All right. Keep passing, guys.

Ian!

That's good enough. You can stop now.

No, Coach. I only got one more to go.

- So how's working life? - It's awesome.

I get to pimp out in a track suit, and I'm outside all the time.

I even don't mind the kids.

Dude, stop checking your phone.

Now listen to me.

Being a coach is gonna open up a whole new realm of opportunity for you--

The realm of mom ass.

Having a cool whistle, a cool coach persona--

You're gonna be able to rack up some impressive numbers in the over-30 set.

- Do not blow this. - I did not take the job for soccer moms.

I took the job to get back with Zoe.

Huh? I already called her to let her know.

School's out! Let's go! All right.

Feelin' good? Ready to win?

- Yeah. - That's what I like to hear.

Oh! Look who decided to show up, huh?

I hope your teammates are okay with that.

You're not gonna win today's game without me,

and I don't think you wanna lose your first game.

At least you're humble about it. Take a seat.

All right, guys. Guys, can I have a little--

A little quiet?

Oh, who farted?

Oh, come on. Guys, please.

Shut up!

When I call your name, raise up your hand.

- Ian. - Present.

- Frankie. - Hey.

- Juliette. - Here.

Oh, put your stinky pits down!

Guys! Please-- Come on, man.

Just-Just take your--

Yeah. Seen what?

Take your hand outta there. Come on.

The billboards, man.

I have no idea what you're talking about. Sir? Go, go, go.

You don't know? I thought you'd know,

'cause I'm always the last one to know.

- Michael, what? - Zoe is, like, a total superstar.

There's posters of her everywhere. It's so awesome.

'Cause when you go out there to visit her, you're so gonna get to party with Hef.

Something wrong, Coach?

You look like somebody died.

- That-That's my girlfriend. - She's pretty.

I didn't know you had a girlfriend, Coach.

Oh, well, we're kinda takin' a break right now.

- Oh. Geez, I'm sorry. - No, no. No, no.

- Just, like, a break. - Oh. Yeah. A break.

All right, guys--

Huddle up. Okay.

Um, look, I know that we haven't practiced much together,

but you guys have made great progress,

and, uh, I just, um--

I just, uh, want you to go out there and, uh,

uh-uh, try hard to, um--

to win.

All right? So go do it.

Warm up 'cause, uh, I-I gotta get this.

Right? Go, go.

Break-up text message?

Oh. Oh, well, screw you!

Screw you. Screw you.

Uh-- I'm just, uh--

- I'm getting pumped up for the game here. - Screw. Screw you.

- Screw. Screw you. - Oh, no. Nate--

Screw you. Screw. Screw you.

Please let us not suck.

Over here! Kick it!

I told you they were crap.

Yeah.

Actually, I'm kind of thinking that I'm, uh--

It's just one game. Right. I know.

It's just-- After that, I don't know how much good I can do.

Kids seem to really like you. No, no, no.

They're great, but-- Know what? You can't quit today.

It's payday.

This is a total blow, man. Wow.

- The mansion-- So close. - Mm-hmm. Sure.

But, I mean, on the bright side, you got this job.

You're a coach, which is very cool.

- You just throw yourself into it, man. - Mm-hmm.

Plus, one of 'em might have a sister. Rebound, dude. Rebound.

Oh, you should be a therapist, Michael.

You gotta play hurt, bro. You're a coach now. People are counting on you.

♪ I'm in O'Hare I'm on the runway ♪

♪ Preparing for a one-way flight ♪

♪ I never cared too much for Mondays ♪

♪ Oh, despair again It's Sunday night ♪

Right here!

Hey, Andy. It's another disaster.

Need drinks. Gimme a call.

Hector, right here!

Hey.

Hey, break it up.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Break it up. - Break it up. Break it up.

Oh!

That kid's crazy. Come on, take a walk. Unbelievable.

Get back on the bench. Come on.

It's fine.

Doesn't look fine. You need an X-ray.

Where are your parents?

Or is there someone you can call? Like a cousin or something?

Oh, wonderful.

Ma'am, do you have any idea how long it's gonna take?

We've been here two hours.

You saw how nobody had your back in that fight?

That's what happens when you're a shitty teammate, you know?

Hey, Andy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I can't talk. Hold on.

- Hector Ramirez. - Oh, great. Yes, yes. Right there.

Come on in. I know. I don't know.

Yeah, I'm nearby.

Yeah, I'm leavin' right now.

Nurse Jackie needed at the nurses' station.

Dr. Warner.

Paging Dr. Warner.

Friday nights don't get much better than this, huh?

You look like a two to me.

Hey. Hey, Hector.

You gotta show 'em your pain face, man.

Come on. We've been waiting for, like, three hours.

We gotta at least get some good pills out of this. Forget I said that.

Let me see, like, a-- Like, a four.

Come on, man. No, no. It's more like, uh--

Mr. Ramirez?

No. No, that's Mr. Ramirez. I was just being a four.

Pain face, man. Pain face.

Okay, let's see that arm.

What happened?

He was tackled by this big guido kid playing soccer.

Caught him with a pretty good left though.

Well, it's not broken.

Well, how can you tell?

Uh, right there-- There's bone bruising, but no fracture.

Oh, that's so cool.

- What is? - That you can read X-rays.

I know. Otherwise, I'd just be guessing.

Yeah, I'm just saying it's kind of impressive, that's all.

I'll be right back.

- Lady doctor's hot, yo? - Oh, yeah. You should ask her...

if she wants to come see you play, man. - What?

Yeah. Ask her to a game.

- No. - Yes.

- It's way too rexy. I'm not doin' it. - Ask her to do it.

Just tell her she saved your life--Are you serious?

- I'll give you 20 bucks. - Word?

So, ice three times a day,

- and if you feel pain, just take a Tylenol. - Um, would--

Would you like to, you know, come see me play sometime?

That's really nice of you--

- but I never get to leave the hospital. - Oh, man, that's too bad...

'cause, you know, Coach thinks you're mad fly.

I gotta rock the 14-year-old wingman more often.

- What's that? - The wingman?

Oh, man, that's important. That's like the copilot, the assistant.

- He helps you get digits. - Yeah, maybe you need help with that.

No, no, no. That's the way it works.

You see, you're always more attractive to a girl...

when she sees you with someone who makes you look better.

Like with us, right?

I was all caring, responsible guy, and you were hurt, sad kid.

You made me better, and now I got digits. You see?

It's like soccer, Hec. You can't do it alone.

And you-- You can make a pretty decent wingman when you want to. You feel me?

All right. You good from here?

Yeah.

Coach? Yeah, what's up?

Listen, um, thanks for, you know, waitin' around with me.

That's all right. I didn't have anything better to do.

Oh, no. Hey, Hec.

I-It was my pleasure, man. It was my pleasure.

♪ Now Sucker Bet He went to college ♪

♪ He found that sometimes

♪ Girls like quiet pain

♪ I believe in fate

♪ Wouldn't call it a friend

♪ But the thing with fate

♪ Sometimes it bends ♪

Oh, hi. Hi.

It's, uh-- It's Nick Scanlon from the hospital the other night.

The kid with the arm?

Um, not me.

I wasn't the kid with the arm. Um--

Anyway, I was just ringing to see if you were gonna make it to the game on Friday.

Really hope you are.

Uh, all right.

All right, bye.

All right, guys, Hector has something he would like to say to you all.

Yeah. Sorry I said you guys suck.

You guys don't suck. I mean, I'll pass the ball more.

Oh! Oh, and Coach has this hot lady doctor for a girlfriend.

Gazonk, gazonk. Coach got boo-tay.

You hittin' it with her yet, Coach?

- What? - Coach isn't like that. He's romantic.

- Thank you, Juliette. - Take her to Sizzler. They have all-you-can-eat breakfast.

Girls don't wanna go to no stupid Sizzler.

- You should take her to see Alien Versus Predator II. - I just saw that movie!

- It's mad good, right? - Yeah.

Guys, these are all really good ideas, but we just met.

We haven't even kissed yet.

Coach, on the real-- You know what's hot?

The opera-- With the fat people singin' and all that.

That's not actually a bad idea, Nate.

But can we practice now? Can we?

All right? That would be wonderful. Come on.

All right, guys. Come in. Come in.

Guys, you're runnin' away from it.

You can't be scared of the ball.

Um, Soccer's-- It's not just a sport, right? It's-It's like an art.

You gotta treat the game like you would treat a woman. You know?

You gotta flow. You can't just clunk your way into her pants.

Uh-- Bad choice of words, all right?

Just-- Let's forget I said that. Um--

I-It's like, uh--

It's like dancing with somebody you really like.

It's listening to each other without talking.

It's knowing what Juliette is gonna do because of the look in her eyes.

It is reacting to a surprise when Nate crosses the ball too early.

It's knowing where you are in space...

at every moment.

It's putting it out there. You know?

You O.D., Coach. What's that mean?

It's good. It's powerful.

Oh. Right. Word.

All right.

Sex Ed is over. Let's try again.

Team two into positions.

After my wife gave birth,

- I thought I was gonna get it all the time. - Oh, God.

Yeah, right. Every guy claims to have some girlfriend that really likes it.

- No woman actually likes it. - What are you talking about?

I had a girlfriend who used to ask for it by name.

- You asked for it by name? - No, she did.

What do you mean? Like "Bruce"? Like "Give me the Bruce!"

Uh, no. She had a name.

- Where are you going? - Home.

What? We're talkin' about... the Bruce here.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - How can you leave? What, are you hiding?

Are you hiding a girl?

No. No, no. There's no girl. There's no girl.

I have a game on Friday. I gotta prepare.

- Oh, no. - Look at how shady Nick is being right now.

- I am so proud of you. - You see what you've done?

You keep blowin' that whistle, and the moms are gonna flock to you...

like a Bed, Bath & Beyond on a Saturday.

All right. All right. Bye, guys.

No! Come back.

Lame! It's definitely a girl.

- Right? - You're kidding. What time is his game on Friday?

- I don't know. Good question. - Hmm.

These joints are expensive.

You're not gonna be doing the roulette without the proper gear, dude.

What size?

So, any of your family gonna come to the game?

- No, they can't make it. - Why not?

I don't know. Stuff.

Coach, is that hot lady doctor swingin' through tomorrow, or what?

Hope so.

So, what do you do when you're not coaching, Coach?

I don't know. I write a little.

I, uh-- I hang out with my friends. Just. .. stuff. You know.

No, I mean-- I mean, like, what's your real job?

This is my real job.

Pay coaches a lot, huh?

Oh! I just have, uh,

some-- some money of my own.

- You're rich? - I don't know. What's rich?

Like, could you fly to Hawaii?

Yeah, I'm rich.

Oh, thank you.

When I was, uh,

a little bit older than you are now, Hector, my dad died.

Had a heart attack, and, um--

He used to work all the time.

Like, he really never stopped working,

and he worked so hard that he saved up a whole lot of money,

and when he died, he left most of that money to me.

Team's gonna be so jealous.

Oh, well, I'll take care of them too. Don't worry.

Kick it over here!

Over here, Juliette!

Over here, Hector.

♪ How does the brain Move up! Move up!

♪ Connect with the body Come on!

♪ How does it wake from a dream ♪

Go, team! Go! Whoo!

♪ I don't wanna know what's happening ♪

Chin up, guys. Tired?

- Ian? - No, I'm okay.

All right. Hector, I want you to make some long runs, okay?

Juliette, look for him, 'cause he can take that defender on the fly.

"Defense," on three.

One, two, three-- Defense!

Go.

- What's wrong, Frankie? - I can't play left wing no more.

Well, why not?

- 'Cause of Juliette. - Uh, explain.

She's hot.

Uh-huh. Uh--

And... sometimes I get--

Um, during-- During the game?

Yeah, and I think she saw.

Um--

Well, let's, uh-- Let's make you a right back from now on, huh?

- Thanks, Coach. - Sure, sure.

Hey, Frankie.

Um, happens to the best of us, man.

Hector!

All right, Ian!

All right, Ian!

Look at that happy fat kid.

We tied.

We tied.

- Hey, what happened to your lady friend? - There is no lady.

Dude, you were checking the bleachers every five minutes.

Was it that obvious?

- Aww. - Aww.

I don't know what happened to her.

Call her again.

- The double call is cool if you really like her. - Michael.

- What? - Sometimes you really distress me.

- Nick, don't ever be like Michael. - Ouch.

I don't know, dude. The double call is a little lame.

♪ I'm rollin' down the wing like it ain't no thing ♪

Not as lame as that.

Thank you all.

Hi. Hey, Gabrielle.

- Nick? - Yeah.

It's 4:00 in the morning.

Did you-- How--

- Why do you have flowers? - Listen, I just want you to know...

that I don't care that you didn't come to the game,

but the children were really looking forward to it.

Well, tell the children that I was planing on coming,

but I got paged and I had to go.

Really? You were really gonna come?

It was under, uh, consideration.

Awesome.

But I don't know. You might be too cheesy for me.

Come on. Flowers?

It was kind of cute, how nervous you just got.

- Tuesday? - I have a shift.

Bear in mind that if you don't say yes,

I'm just gonna come back tomorrow, drunker.

Well, in that case, maybe I can get someone to cover.

- Works for me. - Okay.

- Okay. - Can I go?

- Can I get you a taxi? - Okay.

Just so you know, I'm gonna have a restraining order...

- in my pocket the whole time. - I think that's actually a very good idea.

What's the matter?

I wanted to be your wingman.

- Michael, I'm taking a girl. - What?

- Yeah. - Ooh. To singles' night? Crafty.

Zinedine Zidane. That is the roulette properly done.

Dope. He came out of retirement--

Single-handedly took France to the World Cup final in '06.

And they would have won if he hadn't head-butted this guy.

- Huh? - Well, that was why he got thrown out of the game.

Apparently, some guy bad-mouthed his sister,

so, you know, he head-butted him.

- Oh, man, it's his sister. - Right?

But... they lost?

Yeah. Yeah.

It kinda cost 'em the game.

Still, pretty awesome.

I mean, he carried the team on his back.

Coach, um--

You know how you said that... your dad died?

- Yeah. - My mom-- My mom died too.

Oh, geez, Hec. I-- I didn't know.

Yeah.

That's how come I was late to practice.

I gotta be home a lot to babysit my little sisters and stuff.

Mm-hmm.

And my dad gets home real late from work.

Whenever he gets home, he's mad tired, so it's like--

That's how come he can never come see me play.

Did your mom ever see you play?

One time, but...

I didn't score.

My dad came to see me play one time.

High school. We were a goal down.

I was in a one-on-one with the goalie. About to score.

I looked up, and I saw him on the sidelines.

And he'd never been to a game before.

I was so surprised to see him there that I just froze where I was,

and-and stared at him.

- What happened? - Keeper took the ball.

Booted it downfield, and they scored on us.

Yeah. I didn't care though.

I was just so happy that he came.

Damn.

At least he left you all that money.

Yeah, he did.

Dads can be tricky, huh?

- What? - Aw, nothin'.

Very nice.

Hurry, Hector.

What's up, player?

How's things with you and your jump off?

- Well, actually, Nate, we have a date tomorrow night. - Word?

That's right. I'm taking my jump off to the opera.

That's what I'm sayin'.

You keep listening to the Nate dog, you'll be hittin' it in no time.

I forgot how pretty it is here.

Oh, um, there's something I should probably tell you before we go any further.

Fat people singing? I know.

True. And it is, uh, singles' night.

You do that?

No. No. I don't-- I don't do it.

My friend Michael does it. People do it. He does it.

But I don't do it because I'm extremely charming.

I bet I get more numbers than you.

It's not a competition.

I'm a surgeon. What do you do?

So, are you, uh, enjoying the opera,

Sandy?

I'm Nick.

Um, could-could I perhaps get your number to continue this conversation some other time?

I don't think so. You're not the type of guy who would ever call me.

Fair enough. Yeah.

Put that on your yacht-- Hi! I'm Nick.

Hi, Nick, nice to meet you. This is Brian.

Brian is a hedge fund manager.

- What do you do? - I'm a soccer coach.

We were sort of talkin' here. It's kind of against the rules.

- Easy, Bri. - Bri? I don't even know you, bro.

Now, now, boys, a little friendly competition never hurt anybody.

Brian, why don't you give me your number...

- and we'll call it even. - Sweet.

- Call me. - Okay.

Nice to meet you.

Yeah, well, I... guess that means you win, huh?

I think maybe I'm just not used to being awake when I'm not at work.

Uh-huh. It's a shame, because it was a scintillating performance.

Oh, and you snored.

- No! - Yeah, but it added to the whole experience.

I'll make it up to you.

- No. - Yes.

Not Brian.

- Mm-hmm. - Morris?

- Morris likes you. - No, Morris liked you.

- He told me. - Yeah, well, I've got his card.

I do think I met one nice guy though.

- Hope he calls. - I think he will.

I have to go. I traded shifts and I said I'd be there at midnight.

Thank you.

Hey, leave 'em on. Let's see the roulette.

Huh?

What's the matter?

- I gotta quit the team. - What?

Yeah. My dad hurt his back while he was at work.

So, I gotta get a job while he's not working.

Well, says who?

My dad.

You're our best player, Hec. We can't win without you.

I have no other choice, Coach.

I mean, a man's gotta step up.

You know? Take care of his family and all.

Let me take care of it. I'll talk to him, okay?

All right, that'd be cool.

Hi. I'm Nick Scanlon, Hector's coach.

- Ramon. Nice to meet you. - Likewise, yeah.

I'm sorry to hear about your back.

Mija, cierre la puerta.

It's--

- You want-- You want some water? - Oh, no, thank you. I'm good.

Um, I came by because Hector told me that he has to quit the team.

Yeah. Man, my freakin' back.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Um, have you talked to a lawyer?

'Cause if you hurt your back at your place of work--Oh, yeah.

- Yeah? - Come on. Come on.

- Have a seat. - Oh, thank you.

Okay?

So he has to get a job, huh?

Uh, yeah. But that's okay.

- He's a man now. - Yeah.

- And he needs to-- needs to help out, you know. - It's just that he's so good.

And the team really relies on him.

You know, if there was some way you could see your way to letting him play,

that would mean a lot.

A lot to who? You?

No, to him.

No. It's not just about him.

No, no, of course not. I mean, I suppose what I'm really asking...

is can we figure out some way that he would be able to keep playing?

'Cause it would mean a lot-- sure, to me and to him and to the team--

- Nick, right? - Right.

Nick--

Nick, I-I wish, you know.

But what can I do?

We need the money. And he needs to pitch in.

Well, can I help? I could float you a loan or something.

- I can't take your money. - No, no, of course not.

Um, what if I hire him? Like how?

Well, I-I could pay for his time at practice.

But he'd help me with the team.

He'd be like my, uh-- my assistant coach. Yeah, yeah.

He could get the balls and do the nets,

and that way he'd still be getting paid, but-but-but he'd be playing.

- We don't take handouts in this family. - No, no, it's not a handout.

- He would be working for his money. - For now.

- Yeah, yeah. - What about a year from now,

when you're someplace else?

- The answer's no. - Ramon, it's taking something really special away from him.

- What, you telling me how to be a father now? - I'm not--

Listen, look. The kid's gotta learn...

that we don't all have the same advantages.

I-I-I just want him to play.

It's not gonna happen.

Not like this.

Kick it to me, Frankie.

Um, Coach? Hey, Jules.

Look, I need to talk to Hector for a second, okay?

How come you moved Frankie to right back?

Uh, well, because he's a better defender.

- No, he's not. - Yeah. Uh, well, no.

But I wanted to try it because I had a hunch.

You suck at lying, Coach.

- Okay, fine. Now, look, he likes you. - He does?

Yes. You move him in-- in uncontrollable ways.

- But just keep it on the D.L., 'cause it's a boy thing. - Mm-hmm, yeah.

Uh-huh? That's it.

Over here, Juliette!

Kick it harder.

Hey, Hector!

So, as my assistant coach, you show up early,

you sort out the nets, you get out the cones,

you stretch out the other players.

And then at the end of practice, you clean up. That's the job.

- My dad was cool with that? - Well, I'll be honest.

He-He wasn't totally cool with it,

but-but once he sees that you get to work and play as well,

then it's not gonna be a problem.

Just for the moment, if he asks, tell him that you work at, like, Blockbuster or something.

- You want me to lie to my dad? - No, it's not a lie, really.

Because you are working, right?

And dads are tricky, remember?

Look, sometimes it is best not to say something.

Trust me, okay?

All right. All right, okay.

Move up! Move up!

- Pass it. - Ref, come on.

Yes!

Come on! Come on, guys!

Quick pass.

Whoo!

Okay, guys. Good play.

♪ Olé, olé

♪ Olé

♪ ♪ Olé, olé

♪ Olé

♪ Olé, olé

♪ Olé

Yes! ♪

♪ Olé, olé

♪ Olé

Whoo! ♪

♪ She's not gonna make it.

Ah, some kid nailed his hand to a 2-by-4 and she has to cover.

Yet another reason to go for a mom. They don't have jobs.

- I kinda like it. - You do?

Yeah. She's got her thing. I've got mine. All is good.

And her thing would be that she's not real?

Well, it's a shame 'cause that kid's about to go into cardiac arrest.

Stella, be nice.

♪ Olé ♪

They're really big.

And they got shiny uniforms.

It's not the uniforms that make the team.

It's the shoes.

Nice!

Excuse me?

Um,

I was just wondering if I could have your autograph?

- Um, I guess. - Here. Just right...

here.

If any girls ever give you a hard time, call me.

Okay.

Move up. Move up! Over here, Hector.

Hector, I'm open.

Hector! Kick it over here.

Shoot it!

Nice try, Jules.

Nice shot!

- That's my sister. - No way. She's-- She's awesome.

- Unlucky. - Thanks. Awesome pass.

- I'm Gretchen. - Uh, uh, Michael.

Hi.

Let's go!

Heartbreaking loss.

Can you believe it, Bruce? Bruce?

Uh, so, uh, maybe next game I'll see you here.

- Totally. - Oh, great. Okay, it's a date then.

"It's a date then. "Ow.

Guys, cheer up.

You played well. We should have won though.

I should have scored. Guys, don't be down.

We're almost there. We'll win next time.

All right? All right?

All right, now hit the showers.

That's gay, Coach. We don't shower at school.

It's an expression. It means "take off." Go on!

All right, bye, guys. See ya, Coach.

Peace out, Nate. Hey, Hector.

- You played well today. - Yeah. I mean, we could have won.

Yeah, maybe. But, you know, it's over now.

- And, uh, we'll take the next one. Huh? - Yeah.

Listen. There's 400.

- Give your dad 200 this week, 200 the next. Okay? - All right.

All right. Good work this week.

- Hey! - I'm sorry I missed the game.

- No. - I'm not really--

I'm not really used to having a life.

How did we do? Busted!

- You're not allowed to dump me for this. - This must be the little lady.

You were robbed, by the way. That ref's a total pole smoker.

Hi. I'm-- I'm Andy. How are you? Nice to meet you.

- Gabrielle. - Ah.

So I started going through my checklist,

and I x-ray him, poke around his abdomen,

which is severely distended.

You're smart.

You are not.

And we figured his appendix burst.

So I started getting him prepped for surgery.

And when I go to check his airway, the tube slides right on down.

I mean, this guy's throat was enormous.

But I don't think anything of it at the time.

So, he's all prepped, and Radiology brings in the films.

And they put them up on the light board.

And right there...

in this guy's stomach...

is a size nine...

Chuck Taylor All Star. What?

- The shoe? - The shoe.

We cut him open and I pull out the shoe.

It's dripping with bile.

The guy was a sword swallower--

Oh, no.that was practicing enlarging his esophagus.

Well, one question. How did you know it was a size nine?

- Good question. - Mm-hmm.

We made one of the male nurses try it on. - Of course.

- There it is. - Oh, I like you so much more than poster girl.

- Oh! - Sorry.

Yeah.

Listen, I have a question.

You're hot. You're almost 30. You're a doctor.

You, um-- You tell awesome stories about guys who swallow sneakers.

Um, you've got the ass of a 19-year-old.

So,

what on earth are you doing sitting here with me?

I might just like you.

Yeah, but why are you even available to like me?

Why don't you invite me over sometime?

'Cause the place isn't really ready for visitors... yet.

When will it be ready?

How 'bout Saturday night?

Hmm. Saturday's good.

Come on, you wuss.

Coach, is this really strength training?

Watch the corners, guys.

This is a disaster. She'll be here in 15 minutes.

Yeah, you should hit the showers, Coach. Let your assistant handle this.

♪ Hi.

- Hi. - Come on in.

- Remember Hector? - Hi, Hector.

Hey, lady doc.

So, uh, thanks for all the help. You all right getting home?

Um, can't be home till 10:00. Supposed to be at Blockbuster.

Right. Um--

I'll uh-- I can pay for a movie or something.

Or you could stay for dinner.

Now--

Hey, buddy. Time to go.

Uh-uh.

All right, 10 minutes.

I'll see you in the morning.

My man, you are fired.

Where's Hector?

Uh, he got up early and had to go.

Well, that's convenient.

Mmm. Sorry, buddy. Gotta go to work.

Oh, God.

Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait.

For your troubles.

Whoa.

- Really? - You know, what the hell.

It'd be nice to see you.

Okay.

Okay. Well, allow me to walk you downstairs.

You sure about this?

I'm totally happy to walk you downstairs.

The key.

No, too late now.

- Frankie, you seen Hector today? - Nope.

Keep going, guys. Looking good.

- Coach? - Hey, what's up?

Well, I've been thinking a lot about some of the things you've been telling us...

about soccer... and liking someone.

- Mm-hmm. - And, um,

there's something I'm kind of confused about.

Okay.

You always kinda talk about boys liking other girls and girls liking boys.

And, like, you have a girlfriend--

Who's really pretty, by the way.

- Well, thank you. - But--

But what if you're a girl...

and you-- you like--

Yeah, okay, say no more, Jen. I got it. Um--

Here's the thing. It doesn't matter if you like boys or girls.

It is-- It's finding the right person.

You know? That is one of life's great mysteries.

But when that person comes along, you'll know.

And-- And everyone else that you have ever been with will just pale in comparison.

And it won't matter what anyone else says or thinks... because you'll be happy.

And you'll know.

Plus, you're 14.

Does that make any sense?

- I think. - It's kind of confusing, huh?

- Yeah. - Well--

Go ahead and be confused for a while. Don't tell anybody.

Okay.

Hey, Coach!

Coach!

Ramon-- Calm down, okay?

- You tried to buy my son? - No, no. Look, let me explain. He wanted to work--

You're gonna give him money. Have a little sleepover in your house?

No, no, it's not like that. Come on--You are not his father!

We don't need your money.

We don't need your help. We don't want your help.

This is my family. Do you understand me?

- Yes, I do. And I'm sorry. - You better be.

I'm gonna have your ass.

Just-- Just get going, guys. We're-- We're done for today.

That kid trusted you. They all trust you.

Look, Hector loves to play. That is the only time he's happy.

And plus, he could get a scholarship. That's what the kid should be doing.

Yeah, but you talked to his father. And he said no. Those are the rules, Nick.

- His father is wrong. - That's not up to you.

You gave a 14-year-old a wad of cash and told him to lie to his dad.

You don't see a problem there?

Oh, my God. Nobody ever taught you these things, did they?

Well, I'm not gonna help you feel better about this, if that's what you want.

I have to go.

- Hey! - Hey.

It's good-- Give me a hug.

- You look good. - You look tan.

- Yeah. Well, I'm outside a lot. - Right, the job.

- Uh-huh. - Right. I'm impressed.

Really.

Can I come up?

- Zoe. - Just to warm up. Then I'll go.

- Wow, the place looks great. - Yeah.

Well, I got rid of a lot of the old stuff.

Hey, I'm sorry. I was pissed. You can't blame me, right?

Why are you here?

The Soccer Coaching Bible.

How do you beat a five-man wall?

Love letters.

Wait. Why are you not cashing these?

'Cause I work.

This is no good. I know.

No. No, no, no. I'm not doing this.

I don't want you here when I get back.

Wait, wait. Gabrielle, come on.

Look, I know. I know, all right. But I stopped it from happening.

- Really? - Yeah.

I thought maybe you did understand certain things,

like it's okay for two adults to have a disagreement...

and then not go hook up with their exes.

I guess not. Upper West Side.

- Wait, wait, wait. Let me explain, all right? - You must be drunk again.

Let go.

Okay, let's huddle it up.

♪ Living in the shadows

♪ Walking undetected

I've got some bad news. Mr. Scanlon won't be back.

Who's Mr. Scanlon? Coach, man. Coach!

Is this 'cause of the thing with Hector's dad?

The good news is that I'm gonna help out in between girls' softball.

Now, we're only one game out of first place.

Even though we're gonna have to cut down on some practice time,

I still think that we can be ready for Westfield on Tuesday.

So, what usually happens first?

Oh, are you kidding me?

- Hey. - Hey.

Two things. I know I'm a complete asshole.

- And secondly, I brought you a cupcake. - A cupcake?

Just stick around for three minutes, all right? Hear me out.

You know, I don't have three minutes for you.

You want the cupcake?

♪ Then you hear the voices

♪ Forget about the choices

♪ Calling, calling

Come around this way into the middle. And--

♪ So we come and go

♪ Ready for the caller

♪ Just let us go ♪

- What up, bitches? - Whoa.

- Are you all right? What's wrong? - Yeah, I am.

You know, it doesn't change.

I tried, Stella, but people don't want you to change.

So I'm cashing my checks and I'm getting everyone wasted tonight.

Hey, look at me. What happened? What's wrong?

You mean, like the part where, um, I made out with Zoe,

or Gabrielle walking in while it was happening?

Or the part about getting fired 'cause I was paying one of my players?

What? That's not cool, bro.

Let's get him home.

Whoa!

How's your head?

- What are you doing here? - Stayed over.

Oh, God! We didn't--

Please.

Today is the big day.

The game for first place. Yes.

But-- Yeah, I know. I know.

Okay, huddle up. Let's go.

Okay, Frankie, I'm gonna move you up to striker.

- But coach made me a back. - Yeah, but you're very fast.

And you're much better up there with Juliette.

Hey, where-- where you guys goin'?

We've got a big game today.

It's not really gonna do it, is it? No.

No--

Frankly, Gabrielle was probably right to ditch me.

I don't think that's true.

Coach, we need to talk.

We need you against Westfield, Coach.

And Mr. Buehl doesn't know where to put us, if you know what I mean.

'Cause, yo, it's like you said the first day at practice.

We're a unit. We act as one. We think as one.

I said that? Yeah. Remember?

Guys, I would love to, but Mr. Buehl and I agreed that I wouldn't come back.

Man, that's some walk-up.

- Feelin' all right, Coach? - Yeah. A little hungover, but it'll pass.

Keep your mally, Coach. Keep your mally.

Uh, guys, I want you to go on ahead without me and warm up, okay?

I gotta make one more stop.

Just cover for me. I promise I'll be there by kickoff.

Okay, guys, let's go.

It's a little sad, isn't it, that he sent you?

No, he didn't. I came on my own.

- Well, that's sweet, but he's a big boy. - No, he's not, actually.

But he is getting there.

Is that supposed to make me feel better?

No, of course not. I can't make you feel better.

I just think that you guys are amazing...

and I've never seen him like this before.

And I think that you guys have fun.

Fun doesn't necessarily equal a good idea.

I know. I mean, trust me. I dated some guy who brought a pet cobra to parties.

It was fun, but it was a very bad idea.

You and Nick are not that.

I don't have time to wait for him to grow up, Stella.

He's changing, really.

And it-it might not be because of you,

but it's definitely for you.

I have to get back to work.

I have something to say to you.

Well, say it.

- You wanna let me in? - You can say what you're gonna say right here.

Fine, fine.

- You know whose Hector's favorite player is? - Zidane.

And you showed him--No, no. He's my favorite player.

Hector doesn't have one. At least not that I know of.

- So? - So, he's 14 years old.

He should have his own favorite player.

Look, I-I know I screwed up.

All right? Going behind your back. And I will take the fall for that.

And I know that we have different realities.

Our lives are very different. But here's the thing. Hector is a kid.

Playing makes him happy. And I think you would be incredibly proud...

to see him on the field.

He shouldn't have to grow up so soon.

And I know-- trust me, I know that growing up too late is a problem.

So is growing up too early.

Ah, that's it.

Coach isn't here yet. You gotta do something.

- What do you want me to do about it? - Something!

Rule 34.2-A of the Junior Scholastic Soccer Manual.

- Are you kidding me? - His dad's a lawyer.

You better do what he says.

Fine. A uniform inspection. Hurry up.

I need to see the cleats and the shin guards as well.

Cleats. Shin guards. There's your cleats.

What's going on out there?

Shin guards. Cleats.

Ian!

All right, we're good. Thanks.

- How'd you know about that rule? - Oh, that? I made that up.

Ian!

This is it-- what we've been working for--

the big game.

We win this and we're in first place.

Now you guys are here because you deserve to be here.

So then it's very simple.

Two goals, one ball,

our side, their side,

and who wants it the most.

That's all it is.

"Team," on three. One--

Two, three. Team!

Kick it right here.

Pass the ball!

- Push! - Come on!

♪ In echoed steps, I walked across an empty dream ♪

♪ I looked across this world There's no one to be seen ♪

♪ I saw no warmth in life No love was in my eyes ♪

♪ I stared a century thinking this will never change ♪

♪ But the absolute luck is love is in our hearts ♪

♪ I need the strength to go and get what I want ♪

♪ I lost a lifetime thinking of it ♪

♪ And lost an era daydreaming like I do ♪

You guys are playing the best I've ever seen.

Forty more minutes. You got that in you?

Yeah? Forty minutes and we take this thing home.

Just like we've been doing all season.

Pay attention to each other. You move for each other.

You play for each other. And that's all that matters.

We're a unit, right? We're one.

And that's how we win.

- Hey. - Hey. How you doing?

Whoo! Yeah, Ian!

Go, go, go, go!

♪ Too scared to break the spell Too small to take a fall ♪

♪ But the absolute luck is love is in our hearts ♪

♪ In echoed steps you walk across an empty dream ♪

♪ But look around this world There's millions to be seen ♪

Come on, guys.

Ref, how much time we got left?

- About a minute. - Cool. That's all we need.

♪ I need the strength to go and get what I want ♪

♪ I lost a lifetime thinking of it ♪

♪ And lost an era daydreaming like I do ♪

♪ You can lose some hours thinking of it ♪

♪ You need the strength to go and get what you want ♪

♪ You can lose a lifetime thinking of it ♪

♪ And lose an era daydreaming like I do ♪

Penalty kick for M.S. 131!

Go on, guys.

Go on. Go back out.

You all right?

Walk it off? Yeah, I think so.

You see?

Told you he'd come. Just took some time.

Better make it. No, Hector, it doesn't matter.

Coach, one goal ties.

Your dad didn't come to see you score. He came to see you play.

All these people-- Look at 'em.

Hmm?

Just came to see us play.

All right.

I'm still gonna score.

Take your kick.

Hi.

Hi.

I had to know how it ended.

We're about to find out.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah Every kingdom came ♪

♪ Steve, believe I still got game ♪

♪ Wanna sing your song so plain ♪

♪ That you'll go un-half-insane ♪

♪ And I know I'm just a singer ♪

♪ But I feel it in my fingers ♪

♪ There are changes coming soon ♪

♪ Nothing but change

♪ Nothing but change

♪ Nothing but change

♪ Sleepless people know

♪ Sleepless people know

♪ Sleepless people know

♪ Don't leave before you go

♪ Feeling some the worse for wear ♪

♪ Steve, believe that I still care ♪

♪ Somehow pop just feels so fair ♪

♪ In this tangled injured air ♪

♪ And I know I'm just some singer ♪

♪ But I feel it in my fingers ♪

♪ Take your money your change ♪

♪ Nothing but change

♪ No

♪ Sleepless people know

♪ Sleepless people know

♪ Sleepless people know

♪ One down and nine to go ♪