Original subtitles

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Mornings are always an interesting time

in the Tolchuck household.

You never know what might happen.

[garbage disposal]

How did this happen?

OK, how did this happen?

[chokes]

Oh!

[coughs] Franny, Franny.

Oh, hey, guys.

Do you remember my friend Audrey,

the one with the black husband?

We're going power-walking.

[garbage disposal]

OK.

Oh, yeah.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): But nothing could

prepare us for the breakfast surprise

Raja was about to spring on us.

- Raja! - Yes?

What the hell are you doing?

You're smoking.

Oh, uh-- would you like one?

Uh?

They are filtered, but they do pack quite a wallop.

Smoking is disgusting and so last year.

You won't eat pork or alcohol, but you'll

put one of those in your mouth?

Well, in Pakistan, it is a common practice

for people of all ages.

I have many fond memories of sitting

on my grandmother's lap, the two of us sharing the delightfully

smooth flavor--

Yeah, well, the whole idea is that when you come to America,

you check your traditions at the border.

Otherwise, you just got cannibals

running around in the streets.

And we've got enough traffic problems as it is.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Somehow, all my dad's parables ended

with cannibals in the streets.

RAJA: Believe me, I am not a regular smoker.

I am afraid it is the stress of the upcoming midterms

that has got me started again.

Well, Raja, I'm sorry, but we just cannot

have smoking in the house.

Gary and I were smokers for many years,

and it was very difficult to quit.

So garbage disposal.

I'm not going near that thing.

[MUSIC - PJ OLSSON & SALMAN ALMAD,

"WHAT'S SO FUNNY 'BOUT PEACE, LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING?"]

(SINGING) What's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding?

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): At school, there

was an electricity in the air.

A feeling of excitement and anticipation

that could only mean one thing--

Veteran's Day was coming.

It is so heartwarming to see the appreciation

the students here at Medora have for your nation's heroes.

Uh, yeah.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Around 10 years ago,

the student council started selling

Purple Heart flowers to raise money for the local veterans

hospital.

I'll take one.

It goes to Melinda Lewis.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Somewhere along the way, kids

started sending each other Purple Hearts

as if they were valentines.

I hereby award a Purple Heart.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): So like everything else in high school,

we turned Veteran's Day into a popularity contest.

If my boyfriend doesn't get me at least 12 Purple Hearts

this year, I will die.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): For a girl like Claire,

this should have been the most anticipated day of the school

calendar, but not this year.

Hey, Claire, could I talk to you for a minute?

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Historically, Claire

was the one who did the breaking up.

What's up, sweetie?

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): So this was a little unexpected.

You're a great girl, but I need my space.

Your space?

See like, right now, you're all up on me.

You asked me to come over here.

JEFFERY: Now it's a big thing.

Look, we're over.

Cool?

Cool.

[gasps] [sobbing]

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Claire and I might not have had

the best sibling relationship.

But when push came to shove, we were

always there for each other.

(WHISPERING) Oh, thanks.

OK.

Here is all of my 10th grade tests and book reports.

But you're only gonna to use them as study guides, right?

[wild laughter]

CLAIRE: I'm sorry for killing your turtle.

It's OK.

I'm sorry for making fun of your new haircut.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): The point is we had each other's backs.

I knew I had to strike back against Jeffery.

RAJA: Under normal circumstances,

I would protest an act of vandalism.

But this time, it is deserved.

Claire's honor must be avenged.

Hey, hey, the marker's out of ink.

Somebody give me another-- [bell rings]

I would suggest that we flee.

God.

God, what's wrong with me?

Can't even vandalize right.

[sighs]

FRIEND 1: Come on, Claire, it's not like it's the end

of the world or anything.

Oh, my god, here comes a love soldier.

I hereby award a Purple Heart to Claire Tolchuck

for her service to her country.

Oh, my god, is it from Jeffery?

Does he want to get back together?

I don't know.

FRIEND 2: I bet it's from Steve Dawson, or maybe Dan Archer.

Who's it from?

No one.

Mm, very nice, you got it.

Your Purple Heart is from your brother?

Yeah, she seemed a little down.

I just wanted to-- - Do her?

Uh, no--

[laughter]

--I just wanted to--

Get in her pants?

[laughter]

I see the confusion here.

The Purple Hearts are often given

as a sign of romantic affection, which

is why you girls mistakenly think

he wants to engage in sexual activity with his sister.

Yeah, I mean, Claire, you know-- come on, you

know what I mean, right? [laughter]

This doesn't look good.

I understand, Justin, that you're a freak.

[laughter]

Tell you what, I'm not interested.

Hey, why don't you ask out your pillow instead?

STUDENT: Whoa!

[laughter]

After what you've put it through,

I think it deserves a night out.

[laughter]

CLAIRE: Or there's Aunt Sally.

He hid in her closet and watched her undress.

[laughter]

I have heard this story.

Justin was playing hide-and-seek,

and Sally was not supposed to be in there or be bottomless.

[laughter]

It's OK, Raja.

Let's go.

Aw, what's the matter?

Not in love with me anymore?

[roaring laughter]

STUDENT: Whoa!

[beeping]

Crap, crap, crap crap, crap, Jiminy Christmas.

God darn it.

Ugh!

Damn it!

[clang]

Ugh.

Oh, hi, Raja.

My pot roast is a disaster.

Well, I suppose we're gonna have to order pizza again.

Now I know you don't eat sausage,

but is there anything in your religion

against mushrooms or stuffed crust?

No.

Raja@

I am so sorry.

I had forgotten how addictive these things can be.

Give me a light.

Mrs. Tolchuck!

Save it, kid.

I have had a hell of a week, with this Claire situation,

and Gary is still looking for work.

And apparently, I said something to offend

Audrey and her black husband.

I just need a couple of puffs to calm me down.

Come on.

This it, one cigarette, and we are both done for good.

Got it?

Understood.

[inhales] Oh.

[knock at door]

[door opens]

Can I come in for a sec?

Something's different.

Didn't you have a race car bed?

Yep, six years ago.

Oh.

Look, about what happened today at school,

people make mistakes.

And-- whoo, wow-- this is not easy for me to say,

What I'm trying to say is I forgive you.

OK, fine.

I was wrong.

I went way overboard today.

I'm sorry, OK?

Nope, not OK.

What?

What you did today was unforgivable.

Yeah, but I apologized.

You have to accept it.

Well, I don't.

Look, Claire, you've done a lot of crappy things

to me in the past, especially this year,

now that you Miss Popular.

But what you did today in the lunchroom crossed the line,

and we're not going back.

Justin-- JUSTIN: Ah!

That was the last sentence I ever

spoke to you, except for that one and that one.

You get the point.

It's over.

You don't exist to me anymore.

[slams door]

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Claire was quickly learning what life

was like without a brother.

(WHISPERING) Justin.

[knocks on glass]

(WHISPERING) Justin Justin.

Dude, open the window!

You made your point.

I get it.

I was mean and cruel and shouldn't have done what I did.

I said I was sorry.

What more do you want from me?

Justin.

[slams door]

Justin!

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Meanwhile, another one

of my dad's job interviews had gone down in flames.

But that wasn't the smoke he was smelling.

Carolina Slims.

[inhales] [sighs] Mmm, Lights--

[sniffs] no, Extra Lights.

[sniffs]

[thump]

[sniffing]

Care to explain this Raja?

After everything Mrs. Tolchuck and I

told you about the dangers of smoking, this is what I find?

But--

You betrayed my trust, Raja.

And I'm the one who wanted to keep you.

He can hear that now.

Mrs. Tolchuck.

Don't Mrs. Tolchuck me.

Smoking is a disgusting habit.

It will not be tolerated in this house.

And I think a month without television

should help you remember that.

That would seem very unfair.

TV is pretty severe, Franny.

You sure you want to go to DEFCON 1?

Because there's really no place to go after that.

Yeah, fine, but we're watching you.

GARY: That's my girl.

[kiss]

Minty fresh.

I cannot believe this.

You just sold me out like an ugly cousin.

I'm sorry, Raja.

But I couldn't let Gary find out about this, not just to protect

myself, but to protect him.

If he starts smoking again, he won't be able to stop

like we're going to.

You are right, for Mr. Tolchuck's sake,

we must both quit.

We're done-- now.

Absolutely.

Finished.

One last one for the road?

No.

OK, just-- no.

I need your help, Raja.

I have to win Justin back, but I don't know how.

What's he like?

Books? Music?

Movies?

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Raja didn't usually mind helping

Claire with her problems.

But it's a little hard being helpful

when you're jonesing for nicotine.

Stop talking.

You do not even know if your own brother likes movies.

What is wrong with you?

[crickets chirping]

I apologize for my outburst.

It is just that I am a little bit on the edge, you know?

Claire, I believe the best thing you

can do for Justin is to prove to him that you

are not ashamed of him.

OK, but how?

For example, you could get him invited to Tim

Chegley's Veteran's Day party.

Really?

You think he'd like that?

Like it?

It is all that he and his irritating, hormonal, stupid

friends talk about every blasted day at lunch.

OK.

Thanks, Raja.

Anytime.

[class bell rings]

Hey.

So, uh, I spoke to Tim Chegley, and he

said if you wanted to come to his party tomorrow night,

you could. What do you think?

I'm sorry, I don't accept invitations from strangers.

And since I no longer have a sister,

I don't know who you are, which means you're a stranger.

OK, I give up.

DOOLEY: Are you insane?

You just turned down an invite to a Tim Chegley party.

Those things are wall-to-wall ass,

ass as far as the eye can see.

I need some of that ass, man.

BRAD: I'd love to just hold a girl, a real girl.

Raja, you've got to talk some sense into him.

Yes, ass all over the walls.

Please excuse me.

Can't you just forgive Claire for us?

It's not about forgiving her.

I'm done.

Justin, I really like girls.

But for some reason, they can't see the beautiful person

that's inside of me.

I really think that a Tim Chegley love party

would really bring that out.

You can still go to the party and hate your sister,

can't you?

- Fine. - Yes!

[slap]

Dude, we are gonna drown in ass.

Sorry, I had to wait until Justin left for the party.

God, I've been standing out here forever.

Come on, come on, give me a light.

[exhales] Oh, yeah.

That's the ticket, huh?

Hm, better give me another one.

This baby's going fast.

Oh.

FRANNY: Raja, are you out here?

(WHISPERING) Oh, what?

She'll kill me if she finds out about this.

Quick, give me your cigarette.

[shuts door]

This is starting to get dangerous.

Perhaps we should go inside.

No, no, no, no, no, no, we've got a few minutes.

Gary went to go get milk.

Cheese and crepes, do you smell smoke?

No, I do not believe so.

It is.

One of our cigarette butts must've caught on something.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): You know the saying, "Where there's smoke,

there's fire"?

[gasps]

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Well, they weren't kidding.

GARY: All right, I'm fine.

I'm good.

I got it, no biggie.

They're all Raja's.

Hey. - [gasps]

GARY: All right.

[party music playing]

Look at me, my hands are shaking.

I think it's safe to say I've waited

my whole life for this moment.

[opens door]

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Tim Chegley's

Purple Heart Hookup party was everything

we had ever dreamed of.

There was good music, good food, and just as Dolley predicted,

ass everywhere.

I'm not crying.

I think I'm crying.

[sprays fire extinguisher]

[coughs] Yeah, I think it looks like we're OK.

I think it's mostly Christmas stuff and smoke detectors.

The kids' old artwork, our family pictures.

[whimpers] It's all ruined.

I am so sorry.

This is all my fault.

No, Raja.

We all played a part in this.

Yes, but I am the one who brought

this filthy, satanic habit into your home.

If it were not for me, you would still have

your cherished family mementos.

He's got a point there.

No.

This is good.

We needed to sink this low.

Nothing else would've done it.

This is the wake-up call we needed

to quit these damn cigarettes once and for all.

Tonight, we are all going on the patch.

Agreed.

You know what?

I'm gonna go to the store right now and buy them.

Perhaps we should stick together

for the next three days.

Good idea.

I was totally gonna smoke.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): It wasn't easy.

I mean, quitting smoking can be very stressful.

You got a problem with me?

You got a problem with me, just say it!

I have not a problem with you.

Both of you stop screaming!

[sobs]

Oh, how hard can it really be, huh?

Easy, if we do this together.

[party music playing]

Hey, Claire.

Hey.

Listen, I've noticed how upset you've been about us

over the last few days.

And I got to be honest, I'm hurting too.

OK.

I don't want to make a big thing about this,

but I need you in my life.

There's nobody else like you-- your body, your face,

your hair, et cetera.

Jeffrey, I don't want to get back together.

OK, OK, what about just for tonight?

I mean, it's Veteran's Day.

No.

Sorry, Jeffery.

But it's Veteran's Day.

You came.

That's great.

I'm sorry, did someone say something?

What?

There it was again.

Where is that noise coming from?

All right, you little bitch.

I've tried, but I'm through.

And I don't need you, so lock your window.

I'm not coming into your bedroom anymore.

You want it to be over between us?

Then it's over-- over.

How you doing?

Fantastic.

I'm getting so much ass, it's sick.

Me too.

I've found like four soulmates tonight.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): It's not easy having fun at a party

after you've had a fight with a girl,

even if that girl is your sister.

Of course, that didn't stop them from hitting me up for the keg.

And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse--

TIM: That's the guy.

That's the guy who tagged your locker.

Hey, Tolchuck!

No one calls me an asshole and gets away with it.

What? No, no, no, no--

Leave him alone, Jeffery.

Stay out of this, Claire.

Me and your brother got business.

Would you just listen to me?

Tim's wrong.

Justin's not the one who tagged your locker.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): I couldn't believe it.

For the first time ever, Claire was about to take

the fall for something I did.

He did it.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Or maybe not.

Him?

He's had a crush on me all year

and didn't like the way you treated me.

Hey, asshole.

Nobody tags my locker.

And nobody steals my dad's Bobby Darin CDs.

Hey!

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): So maybe Claire

didn't do anything that noble.

But it was good enough for me.

We good?

[chuckles] Yeah.

PARTYGOER: Kiss her!

Look, uh, I think people are starting

to talk about our little fight.

Should I just go or something?

No.

They want to talk?

Let's give them something to talk about.

I don't know, maybe they are dating.

I guess Claire's made it OK for me to say this.

I hooked up with my cousin at a wedding last weekend,

and I'm gonna see him again. [music - "shake your body"]

(SINGING) Move your body. Shake your body.

Move your body.

Shake your body.

Shake your body.

Dance, dance, shake your body.

Dance, shake your body.

Dance, dance.

[MUSIC - PJ OLSSON & SALMAN ALMAD,

"WHAT'S SO FUNNY 'BOUT PEACE, LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING?"]

(SINGING) What's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding?

Oh, what's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding?

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