Original subtitles

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Last year, we

finally splurged and had an automatic sprinkler

system installed in our yard.

And since then, our grass has pretty much been green.

My mom thinks it's the best thing that ever happened

to our house, but my dad would argue our new exchange student,

Raja, is a close second.

Bacon, Raja?

My religion forbids it.

Love this kid.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): As for me, there

was someone I could finally talk to and get a little wild with.

1, 2, 3 4, I declare a thumb war.

I accept your challenge and--

oh.

You have won.

It's just that I'm getting really popular now,

and I just want to make sure whoever I'm with drives

that popularity.

Mm.

Does that sound stupid?

Not at all, honey.

Yeah.

So I think I'm going to do it.

I think I'm going to dump Jeffrey.

Oh, my God.

Our first breakup.

Well, yours.

But I'm-- I'm just--

you're just growing up so fast.

I think I'm just going to text him that it's over.

Clean.

I don't know.

Do we pay extra for texting?

"It's not you.

It's me."

And I can add one of those little sad faces.

She is a natural.

CLAIRE: And send.

Good morning, everyone.

Jeffrey!

Is here.

Good morning.

Hey, I thought I'd swing by and take you to school.

[ringtone playing]

Ooh, incoming.

Gar?

Oh, you probably want to read that in the driveway.

Yeah.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): I felt bad for Jeffrey.

It sucks being rejected.

But hey, better him than me.

With Raja by my side, I had a new sense of confidence.

It was great to finally have a flagpole to run things up.

Any bats in the cave?

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): This may seem unnecessary,

but over the years, some weird stuff

has found its way into my nose.

Good to go, Justin.

She is as clean as a whistle.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Boy, it was great having a wingman.

So what do we think of Daniel Defoe's "Robinson Crusoe"?

Has anyone read it?

It was on the summer reading list.

Has anyone read the summer reading list?

[sigh]

All right.

Let's think about this in a whole new way.

You have a chance to start civilization over again.

What would you bring with you on a desert island?

Yes?

A machine that makes everything.

Anyone else?

"Robinson Caruso" by Willem Dafoe?

It's Daniel Defoe.

Come on, people.

Let's think.

You can only bring one item.

What would it be and why?

What is the one thing you can't live without?

Raja from Pakistan?

If I could only bring one thing with me

to a desert island, it would be Justin Tolchuck.

STUDENTS: [laughing]

Loser.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Did he just say--

RAJA: He is my best friend, and his friendship is the one thing

that I cannot live without.

(FAKE COUGH) Homosexual.

[THEME - PJ OLSSON AND SALMAN AHMAD,

"(WHAT'S SO FUNNY 'BOUT) PEACE, LOVE, AND UNDERSTANDING"]

THEME SONG: What's so funny 'bout

peace, love, and understanding?

What was that in there?

What do you mean?

The whole thing about taking me to a desert island?

I mean, do you-- do you know how that sounds?

Yes, it sounds like we are good friends

who would enjoy spending time together on a desert island.

No, Raja.

People are going to think that we're gay.

Justin, I think people will take my remark in the spirit

in which it is intended.

Hey, Tolchuck.

I'm Justin.

I'm gay.

I'm really gay.

Oh, I hope they never find us.

That is not how I intended it.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): It was starting

to occur to me that there were a lot of things Raja didn't get.

Justin, have you met my new friend, Paul?

What?

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Paul McCardle, known as Small Paul,

was an 11-year-old genius and the biggest freak at Medora.

He was a mouth breather, a Jedi, and the only kid

to volunteer to read the daily lunch specials.

Salisbury steak, mixed green salad, and black forest cake.

Justin, I'm having a sleepover.

My mom said I can invite anyone.

You want to come?

Probably going to have pizza bagels.

It's not for sure.

We should go.

Smile for the yearbook.

Say "cheeseburger"!

Cheeseburger!

Cheeseburger!

Aw, classic.

Why can we not go to the sleepover?

You love pizza bagels.

That's not the point.

Nobody hangs out with Small Paul.

But he's a genius and one day will achieve great things.

We don't think that far ahead!

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): What Raja didn't realize

was that his behavior was making me

the one thing I really didn't want to be.

A target. - OK!

We're out already!

We're out!

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): The day was a total disaster.

At this point, all I could do was keep my head

down and pray for the best.

Justin.

BOY: What the--

Hey.

Hey-- you're naked.

I wanted to talk.

I cannot help but feel that you are mad at me.

Uh, you know what?

Can we-- can we just talk about this later?

I think it is best for us to air these things out

as soon as they come up.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): I guess in Raja's culture,

men are more comfortable with their bodies,

but in American high school locker rooms,

this kind of behavior can only mean--

BOY: They're gonna bone!

We're not gonna bone.

We are not homosexuals.

If we were, would Justin pretend that his pillow

was Amy Greenblatt?

And French kiss with it each and every night,

groping and grinding?

Does that sound like the behavior of a gay man?

Huh?

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): How could one naked Pakistani boy

do so much damage?

I didn't think it could happen, but things

had gone from bad to worse.

As bad as my day was, I could think of one person

who might have had it worse.

Jeffrey?

You OK?

Jeffrey?

How long's he been out there?

All afternoon.

It's a little much, I think.

Go on, now.

Shoo. Shoo.

Well, don't worry.

The sprinklers are going to go on soon.

That'll move him.

God, he looks so sad.

It's kind of depressing. - Yeah.

I forgot how dramatic high school boys are.

It's gonna be quite a year.

Mm.

He's not moving. - Hm.

Great.

Now we're gonna have a big yellow spot on the lawn.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Sometimes when things get really bad,

it blurs your ability to make good choices,

and then you end up doing something stupid and desperate.

I hate myself for being so weak.

[sigh]

So word on the street is you and Raja plan to marry

and raise Small Paul together.

That's kind of why I'm here.

So you're here because?

Because I need your help.

And you need my help because?

Because you're smarter and better and tanner than me.

Say my name.

Oh, come on, Claire.

Say it, without the "come on" part, if you want me to help.

Claire.

You got that right, buddy.

OK.

If you want to avoid being embarrassed by Raja,

you should just do what I do to avoid being embarrassed by you.

What does that mean?

It means don't walk with him, don't talk to him,

don't be seen anywhere near him, deny any and all affiliation.

[groans]

I don't know.

That seems a little rough.

He won't even know.

That's what I do with you.

No, you don't.

Yes, I do.

Think about it, Justin.

When's the last time you saw me anywhere near you at school?

W--

[exhales]

Exactly.

And we have Spanish together.

We do?

Yeah.

And yesterday, someone found out we

had the same last name, so I told him we adopted

you from a retarded family.

Wow.

The whole family had to be retarded?

You can't be too careful.

[phone ringing]

Hey, Steph.

Yeah.

He's been moping on my front lawn all day.

Hey, we're done here.

No, I was talking to my brother.

If I talk slowly, he can understand me.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Claire had broken it down.

If I distanced myself from Raja, I could salvage what

little social status I had.

My dad, however, was finding Jeffrey impossible to ignore.

Come on in, son.

You hungry? - No.

Thirsty?

No.

Well, let me at least get you a towel so you can dry off.

I don't wanna dry off, Mr. T. Since Claire dumped me,

I don't wanna do anything.

All I wanna do is sit on your lawn.

Well, mission accomplished on that front, Jeffrey.

You can feel good about that.

It's like I can't picture myself without her.

I just wish there was something I could do to change her mind.

Well, you can't play it cool.

That ship has sailed.

Did anything like this ever happen between you and Mrs. T?

Well, come to think of it, we did break up briefly

right before we got married.

Really?

How'd you convince her to come back?

I'm pregnant?

Ah, crap!

Ah, crap!

Ah, crap!

My life is over!

Ah, crap!

I can't remember.

Look, Jeffery.

If you want the girl, you're gonna have to go get her, OK?

Life is like the movies.

If you want something, you're gonna

have to pursue it with gusto.

I like the movies.

Especially ones with The Rock.

The Rock is charismatic, no doubt,

but I'm thinking of something with a little more romance.

Oh, OK. OK.

I get it.

So I have to win her back.

There you go.

Thanks, Mr. T.

You're welcome, Jeffrey.

And being that I was never on "The A-Team," please call me

Gary.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): The next day at school,

I took Claire's advice and ignored Raja in the hallway.

RAJA: Justin.

Claire.

Justin?

Claire.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): But he was more

persistent than I expected.

Raja.

- Claire. - Justin!

Raja.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): It was a dance of desperation.

An ode to Medora's social hierarchy.

A--

Justin!

Hey.

What are you doing, huh?

Why are you ignoring me?

What?

[snorts]

I'm-- I'm not ignoring you.

No.

I mean, I guess I didn't hear you coming.

I do not think that you are being honest with me.

What?

No.

N-- no.

It's just that I, uh--

I feel like I've been kind of hogging you.

You know, because you've been-- you've

been getting-- you've been getting a lot of attention

around here lately, hanging out with Paul,

and I heard that the kid with the baby arm

was asking about you.

Barry.

Yeah.

Barry.

But I, uh-- I just think that we should maybe spend a little

less time together at--

at school so we don't spoil all the fun at home.

You--

OK.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Ouch.

SMALL PAUL: Raja? Urg!

Raja!

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): The next day at school, I

felt Raja's absence, but things were back to normal.

No one was making fun of me or calling me names.

And a cute girl even tapped me on the shoulder to say--

Can you pass this note to Becca?

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): See?

I was part of the system.

A link in the chain.

Passing notes to Becca.

Hell, yeah.

It felt great.

CHAZ: loser.

SMALL PAUL: Hey!

What is this, a dorkus convention?

Hey, stop it!

I'm serious. Give it back!

What do you got in here, little dorkus papers?

Someone's giving a big dorkus speech.

You two are just embarrassing yourselves.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): I felt horrible,

but this is exactly what I warned him about.

Hey!

You two, that is enough.

Come on, man.

What did we say about bringing the briefcase?

No one likes the briefcase at school.

Don't bring the briefcase to school.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): I was glad to be

flying beneath the radar, when suddenly

the strangest thing happened.

I fell asleep during last period--

Driver's Ed.

Ironically during a film about not

falling asleep at the wheel.

I woke up five hours later, all alone.

Eighth period ended.

Hello?

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): The school had emptied out--

Hello?

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): --and no one came to find me.

Is anybody in here?

Hello?

Hello?

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): There were 30 kids in that class.

There are 900 kids in my school, and no one knew I was missing?

No one cared?

I may have hated being picked on, but I hadn't been alone.

Now, without Raja, I finally knew what

it felt like to be invisible.

And it was awful.

It's OK!

It's OK.

I'm-- I'm a--

I'm OK.

Hey, Just, what are you doing home?

What? What are you talking about?

I was supposed to--

I was supposed to be home like five hours ago.

We just assumed you were with Raja.

Yeah.

You called this afternoon to say you were sleeping

over at Tiny Paul's house. - But wait.

Did you even ask--

[tapping]

It's Jeffrey.

[tapping on window]

Is this all really necessary? - Excuse me.

I have to take this.

You're not doing him any favors, hon.

Claire and I have moved on.

Jeffrey, where are we at?

Are you Small Paul's mom?

- I'm Paul's mother, yes. - Oh.

Right.

I'm sorry.

Please, come in.

Are you here for this sleepover?

I'm-- I'm really just here to talk to Raja for a second.

Oh, right.

Raja.

Raja, um-- mhm.

Hello.

So the craziest thing happened to me today.

I, uh-- I fell asleep in eighth period

and I literally just woke up like an hour ago.

And I realized that I was locked in--

is-- is that RM for you?

Raja Musharaff?

It is called a party favor.

A-- yeah, no, that's pretty--

it's cool.

Anyway, I just realized that I was alone

and I don't really want to be alone, so I, uh--

Justin, I was alone today, too.

Raja.

Mhm?

Paul's finished with his bath, so we're

ready to watch the movie.

Hm.

I have to go.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): My reunion with Raja

didn't go quite as well as Jeffrey's reunion with Claire.

[MUSIC - NATE CURRIN, "OPEN YOUR EYES"]

RADIO: Open up your eyes.

Open up the blinds.

Let the light shine.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Like any good high school student,

Jeffrey didn't really research the assignment.

He copied it.

RADIO: (DISTANT) Open up your eyes.

Don't feel alone.

You're more than black and white.

More than black and white.

This was my idea.

I just thought of it.

On my own.

I'm coming down.

Hear that?

She's coming down.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Claire was swept

away by his grand gesture.

I guess she had never seen "Say Anything".

You complete me, Claire.

Oh, my God.

That's so sweet.

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): Or "Jerry Maguire".

But regardless, Cameron Crowe taught me something

very valuable that night.

To win someone back, you can't be afraid to put yourself out

there.

So I did something that nobody but Small Paul had ever dared.

Hi, I'm Justin Tolchuck.

STUDENTS: [groaning]

JUSTIN (ON TV): Before I read today's lunch menu--

Shh. Quiet.

JUSTIN (ON TV): --I have something I'd like to say.

Raja, the other day you said that if you

could only take one thing on a deserted island,

you would take me.

And I said that was uncool.

Well, I was wrong because the last couple days,

I've felt like a deserted island.

And I just wanted you to know that, if I was

a deserted island and I could only have one thing on me,

it would be you.

STUDENTS: [snickering]

JUSTIN (ON TV): [stammering]

That's not-- that's not the way, um--

that's-- that's not the way I meant it, but I-- it's--

today's lunch, fish on a bun, three-bean medley,

twice-baked potato.

He forgot dessert.

He forgot dessert!

What is this, amateur hour?

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): I took a lot of crap for my grand gesture,

but it didn't bother me anymore now that I had my wingman back.

[kissing noises]

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): And I started a new trend.

Kids started using the school TV station

to say all kinds of things.

GIRL (ON TV): OK.

So before I read the lunch specials,

I just wanna set the record straight about something.

Justine, you are a skanky little backstabbing ho-bag,

and I know everything that happened between you and Ethan.

And I will never, ever forgive you.

Hard tacos, peas, carrots, tapioca.

Smile for the yearbook!

JUSTIN (VOICEOVER): And even though yearbook

photos are a little retarded, this time I didn't mind.

[THEME - PJ OLSSON AND SALMAN AHMAD,

"(WHAT'S SO FUNNY 'BOUT) PEACE, LOVE, AND UNDERSTANDING"]

What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding?

Whoa-oh.

What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding?

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0