Original subtitles

If the shot hits, we're set for life.

It can not be missed, everything has been

prepared perfectly.

Message for Francesca.

Message for Francesca.

Go and warn the Divine.

Everything remains as established.

I step and close.

Who is it?

Good evening, Mr. Baron.

Good evening, dear.

Do you want to help me?

Always at your disposal, Mr. Baron.

Please.

A lot of people at the restaurant?

No, Baron.

Would you mind informing me about my travel

companions?

Nothing at all, Mr. Baron.

So, there's a politician with a secretary, a

noblewoman with a companion, a couple of brides,

a rock singer and his assistant.

Oh yeah?

Funny.

And also a psychiatrist with a lady.

Your wife?

I'm not married.

What does it matter?

You asked about my wife.

No, dear.

I meant, is the psychiatrist's wife?

Ah, no, Mr. Baron.

Judging by her appearance, she's more like her

patient.

As usual.

Nothing new under the sun, dear.

Shall I order the usual bottle of champagne?

No, two.

The second one you bring me in the

cabin after midnight.

Let's say, let's say at 12.45. All

right?

Too late?

Oh, no.

As you wish, Mr. Baron.

And I recommend the usual gradation.

Thirteen degrees.

Don't worry, Mr. Baron.

Thirteen degrees.

Not a degree more, not a degree less.

A nod?

A nod, Mr. Baron.

Please.

No, dear.

I still have to explain something.

Oh, as you wish.

Always at your disposal, Mr. Baron.

Excellent start to the trip.

How are things?

Chief, the orders have been carried out.

All right.

But I suffer from loneliness.

Reach me soon.

Do you want to smoke?

No, no.

We have five hours to reach the objective.

Always at your disposal, Mr. Baron.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Do you want to wake up, sir?

At seven.

At seven.

And for breakfast?

For me, a juice.

For the lady ...

Two.

A squeeze of Pompelmo.

Pompelmo.

Double.

And a bottle of mineral water directly ...

At two.

At two?

Immediately.

Good night, sir.

Are you

ready?

Yes.

Open your mouth.

Take this.

It's a sedative.

Open your mouth.

Long live.

You must be strong.

You promised me.

And if I feel bad?

Do not forget that the psychiatrist is also

a doctor.

I'll be there.

For whatever comes.

But I'm scared.

It's natural.

Do not worry.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

May I?

Do you want to wake up, sir?

What did you say?

Wake up?

Wake up for the morning.

Wake up.

Yes.

Here it is.

Do we have it?

For breakfast?

Breakfast?

Yes, breakfast.

We never have breakfast.

Not even you.

My wife and I got married today.

Congratulations.

And we in the countryside, we only drink

orchids.

What a pity, sir.

We do not have orchids here on board

our train.

But we have a list with wonderful drinks.

A complete menu for all tastes.

After you have chosen, attach the command here

outside the cabin.

It will certainly be useful.

What do you say?

Congratulations, sir.

Congratulations to you too, ma'am.

Excuse me.

With permission.

Blessed youth.

Always at your disposal, Mr. Baron.

Do you want to wake up, sir?

Yes, at 6.45. Call me at cabin

6.

And for breakfast?

A moment.

A cappuccino.

A lemon tea.

A chocolate.

tomato, pumpkin juice, two bacon eggs and many

toasts and nothing else.

Yes, a Canadian beer for me.

Bring everything to 16, cooked at 15.

And the forecast of the time for courtesy.

Valuable for the next 24 hours.

And I'll tell you at 15 or at

16.

Don't worry about 15.

It's as if it weren't there.

We must consider the union's request to reduce

the working hours as a disintegrating principle of

the stability of our industrial apparatus.

And such to be reduced in a short

time to the precarious and chaotic condition of

the warplanes of Europe.

Do you have a warplane?

Yes, Jennifer.

In political jargon, the warplane of Europe is

Italy.

Instead, it adds a rotting warplane.

A rotting warplane.

So, miss, the alarm clock and breakfast?

Wake up at 7.05. Slightly toasted brioche

for two.

Blueberry jam for one.

Apple cider syrup for one.

Creamy milk for two.

Orange jam for one.

And double coffee espresso.

Italian for one.

Italian for the warplane.

Please, good man, a copy of all the

newspapers.

I'm sorry, sir, but we only have a

copy of the mail.

And why?

Because more or less the news are always

the same.

Do you know, for example, what's new today

on the newspaper?

No, what is it?

The date.

Spirited.

Jennifer.

Jennifer, do you remember to present an interrogation

on this very serious incident of violation of

the citizen's right to access a various and

pluralistic press?

In fact, remove various and add strong before

limitation.

I'm sorry, sir, but I didn't write anything.

Then write it!

Note it down!

Send it!

But what an individual that is the honorable.

Of men like him.

If he would want a hundred.

Thank you.

The trouble is that there are more.

Many more.

Damn it.

With permission.

What an honorable man.

Mr. Baron, if you want to prepare for

the night.

Who travels in the singing cabin?

The rock singer.

Alone?

No, there's also his assistant.

What do they eat?

Smoked salmon.

Balkan trout.

Kiev caviar.

Chinese green tea.

Brazilian molasses.

Perch.

But you have all this in your cabin?

No, I only have milk.

And that's what they'll have as usual.

At your disposal, Mr. Baron.

I don't think so.

Mineral water.

Excuse me, Mr. Baron.

Salmon.

Prehistoric bottle.

Always at your disposal, Mr. Baron.

Come in.

What happened?

Something fell?

Then pick it up, hurry up.

I'm so thirsty.

It's so hot in these compartments that one

never knows how to put on.

You put on as you want.

Oh, poor thing.

How you have to suffer with that jacket

and tie.

Take it off.

I don't even notice.

As usual, air conditioning never works.

But the water fell.

The bottle is in the water.

It doesn't matter.

Bring me another one with a tea without

sugar.

Okay.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

I have to change my clothes.

It's so hot in here.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Always at your disposal, Mr. Baron.

Baron.

What emotions and reactions did he feel?

Well, a great emptiness in the stomach and

a sense of enormous shame.

It seemed to me to sink into an

endless abyss, dark.

He also wanted for a moment that man

casually touched his body.

No, never.

Don't scream.

Can I smoke?

Sure.

Have you ever looked him in the eye?

Yes, once.

And his look was obscene, disgusting, full, full

of...

Libidin.

That's what he meant.

Yes.

What did he feel?

Anger.

Anger.

Why anger?

And with whom?

Please, answer.

With myself.

I hated that man, but I didn't want

to.

I didn't want him to leave.

That's all.

Good.

This is the first sign of positive courage.

You'll see.

Doctor, do you think I can do it?

I repeat, ma'am, that you have a

very curable dysfunction.

As soon as you remove the inhibitory block

that prevents you from standing naked in front

of a man, you will see that it

will be easy for you to give up

your normal sexual functions.

Please, get dressed.

Isn't it better if I stay like this?

No, ma'am.

The second therapeutic phase provides a less brutal,

more meditative impact.

In poor words, you will have to try

to get to nudity gradually, slowly, becoming aware

of it.

I understand.

Listen, doctor, I'm sorry, after this second phase,

there will also be a third.

My heart!

The block that afflicts you, ma'am, is

the result of a rigid religious education.

My dear ma'am, for years and years,

they have instilled in you excessive doses of

shame.

Won't you pretend to get rid of it

in a single night?

May I, ma'am?

Yes, ma'am.

Baron Wolfang Amedeo Onstroffal.

Lilli!

Please, ma'am, make yourself comfortable.

The cabin is ready.

Excuse me.

Excuse me, what time would you like to

wake up tomorrow morning?

It doesn't matter.

Cigarette?

Thank you, I don't smoke.

Cigarette?

Good night.

Good night.

Would you like?

Who is it?

Who?

Who is it really, Lilli?

An actress.

Do you know her?

I don't know, I never go to the

movies.

Never?

Why don't you go?

Because I don't have time.

You'll find her.

I'll find her.

So, who is it?

Who, Lilli?

An actress, I told you.

I've never seen her.

But because you, Mr. Baron, usually travel on

Thursdays and it's the first time that we

have the honor to see her on Saturdays

aboard our planes, our train.

It's true.

And now, if you allow me, at 13.

Who is it?

Who?

At 13.

It's a cabin, I have to take her

at 13.

Yes.

Always at your disposal, Mr. Baron.

I'm going.

I'm going.

I'm sorry, servant.

It's just that I'm a bit...

A bit what?

But clearly it was a crazy fatality.

It's true.

We can't find the current.

Tell me where it is.

Second hole on the right, 224.

Thank you, dear.

Excuse me, could you tell me what the

air conditioning regulator is?

Yes.

But on this train the air conditioning doesn't

work because of the famous Arab energy issue.

Do you understand?

It's absurd.

These Arabs are becoming really unbearable.

That's what I'm saying too.

But if you want, I can create a

current game between doors and windows so that

everything can be refrigerated.

No, no, no.

It doesn't matter.

Thank you.

It doesn't matter.

I'm sorry.

It's the train's fault.

I'm drunk.

I'm sorry.

Do you want something?

Water.

A bottle of water.

Yes, but look, the one in the bathroom

isn't drinkable.

No.

I need it to wash my hands.

Ah, but in that case in your cabin

under the mirror there's plenty of water.

Just press the button.

Thank you.

The water is in the basket.

The basket is half orange.

Look.

I didn't wash it.

Oh, no.

Wait.

Yes.

Yes.

No.

I'll give you a little bit of grass.

Yes.

It's better.

No.

No.

Oh, no.

I was afraid that the lady would throw

up all the grass.

Wretched woman.

Poor woman.

I'll destroy you.

Oh, no.

So crazy.

I'll take advantage that I'm an official public

and I can't violently violate it.

Oh, no.

I'll crush you.

Oh, no.

Oh, worst.

I don't understand if these stupid uncomfortable Christopher

Columbus is all over America and maybe one

day from Treeneward I'll go on a

gloat.

I'll go and sell these shoddy idents.

God damn it.

I'll go at two bucks.

At two bucks.

Come on, don't do that.

You know it's not worth it.

You've been working for me for over a

month.

I want to know more about your life.

Trust me.

I beg you.

You'll be fine.

I've been divorced for a year.

And not long ago, for the first time,

I told you all about my loneliness.

I don't know why.

I'm sorry.

No.

Enough with the work.

You're tired.

But...

Honorable.

Oh, sorry.

In the life of each of us, there's

always a time when we notice more the

weight of loneliness.

I confess that mine lasts for a long

time.

Jennifer!

Why don't we fill this void?

Jennifer!

Why don't we let go of this weight?

Honorable!

Oh, God.

I have to pee.

Oh, God.

Oh, God!

Excuse me.

Water and tea, ma'am.

What are you doing?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, God.

Maybe I should change my job.

Do you

like it?

I bought it at the market.

No.

Yes, yes.

No!

No!

I'm going to the bathroom.

I'll be right back.

Turn it on.

I don't smoke.

It doesn't matter.

Could you give me a hand?

Do you want to help me?

Yes, yes.

Thank you.

I don't understand how it happened.

I'm sorry to bother you, but I can't

get rid of it.

Thank you.

You're so nice.

You're such a nice boy.

You're so nice.

Oh, God.

No, you can't.

No, no, no!

Wait a minute.

We're married today.

It's our first night at the wedding.

Oh, the first night at the wedding.

No, no, no.

Yes, we're married.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Beautiful.

Yes.

I like it.

You're so brutal.

Brutal.

Mr. Baron, what a mess on this train.

It looks like a barrack.

It's always at your complete disposal, Mr. Baron.

I don't think so.

Exactly.

Listen, good man, don't you have a telephone

book from St. Petersburg?

No, sir.

I'm sorry.

If you don't mind, we only have that

of Ariane Irpino, of Lambrate, and of Putignano

Amare.

Get out of here.

I'll kill you.

Oh, wet husband, lucky husband.

May I?

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

I thought you were really stupid and that

you were my husband and that I should

follow you neither good nor bad.

Sufferer.

What's your problem?

Take me.

Yes, yes.

Yes.

Wait, wait a minute.

What?

I...

I...

I forgot...

So...

Of...

Of...

Of...

Of...

Of...

Of...

Of...

Of...

It's my fault.

You're right.

You don't want to, because you cheated on

me first.

What are you saying?

You don't understand anything.

We're tired, nervous, the mass, the relatives, the

lunch.

But I'll be a good wife.

I swear.

I'll give you so many children.

Love...

Love...

Please, be comfortable.

Good, dear.

Don't touch me.

Never.

Cigarette.

Get ready.

Get ready.

Jennifer, I made you a serious and challenging

proposal.

I want you to give me a good

answer, it seems to me that I have

done it, I only asked you the time

to let me reflect, I'm not a boy

anymore, my dear Jennifer after two disastrous marital

experiences, I thought it impossible to ask a

woman to join me for the rest of

her life and instead here I am if

it's a matter of time I'm also able

to wait until when?

There is

a child who does not want to sleep,

I have to put him to bed or

it will be enough to distract him a

little, I can't know that, too

much air, of course he makes me turn

on Yes,

no, thank you, don't touch me I

know it's over, the words are useless also

because hatred has made us look at each

other, every word would be a spray of

poison, hand over Terry, the season of our

love is over takes me around, dear, don't

be hypocritical, he's a political man, he has

to offend me I don't like this film,

it's an idiocy like all the ones I've

made since there is a crisis, if it

continues like this I think I'll go, yes,

I think I'll go to Europe is born

and cinema is dead, we actors are nothing

but wandering corpses, ghosts of an illusion that

has made its time by now, why so

pessimistic, by nature, tired of words,

good night, dear, why don't you stay?

Lieutenant, Lieutenant, I'm sorry, do you think the

bar restaurant is open at this time?

No, I don't think so, can you tell

me if there are other wagons like this?

Excuse me, why do you want this information?

I'm looking for the passenger of the 17th

and I don't know where he could have

gone, but on this wagon I always have

to know what happens, if I'm not mistaken,

you're looking for the honorable one, exactly, I'm

his secretary, in fact the honorable one asked

me for a phone call, yes, then he

asked me for a bottle of vodka and

he went to cabin 1, where, excuse me,

to cabin 1, ah yes, the one of

the commander, no, what does it say, in

cabin 1 there is an actress, a film

actress, long live the honorable one, thank you,

well, Lieutenant, what did I say that doesn't

go?

Ah, help, I cut myself, what happened?

Quick, quick, Captain, do something, I'm going to

get some water.

Quick, the finger, you have to medicate it,

it's nothing, don't worry, Colonel, I'll do it.

No, I'll do it, I'll do it, please,

damn it, it would be a shame if

you did it in general, give me the

water, let me drink the water.

What a night, Baron, what a night, a

woman got hurt knocking on a girl's door,

a girl got hurt knocking on the door,

but nothing serious, Baron, nothing serious.

No, it doesn't turn on.

The system must have been skipped.

Don't say nonsense, Cocco, don't you see that

the recorder works?

Excuse me, dear, you can see that I

got the hole wrong, that crazy servant confused

me, right hole, left hole, but I say,

why so many holes on this train?

Try to find the right one, Cocco, go.

Exactly, my last success, the lamp does not

work, but who cares?

Do you have a bomb for this damn

headache?

Of course, sir.

Bye, no.

The bomb will be loaded quickly.

How are you, does it hurt?

No, now it's better.

Signora or Signorina?

Mr. Baron, Mr. Baron, did you see what

a mess it was tonight?

It looked like a cave.

Always at your disposal, Mr. Baron.

Mr. Baron.

Mouth.

Please.

Mouth.

There, on the face.

Ah, my mouth.

Oh, my mouth, of course.

Oh, for heaven's sake, Mr. Baron, we would

always be at your disposal.

Please.

Please.

Ah, no fear, Mr. Baron, it's the bride

of the 14th, you know, first night of

the wedding.

And then Sara looked up at the sky

and said, sir, here's your victim.

The holocaust has taken place.

Magnificent, Mr. Baron.

Divine comedy, eh?

Oh, Genesis, book 2, chapter 4, last verse.

At least I think so.

I'm thirsty.

Me too.

I'm going to order water at the waiter.

Hey.

Where are you going all naked?

I think I really lost my mind, you

know.

And then it's better to be careful, I

don't like that waiter, he's dangerous.

Honey, come back soon.

I'm so thirsty, I'm going crazy.

Take care.

And leave the door open, eh?

So you don't have to get up again,

okay?

May I?

Please, come here.

A bottle of mineral water.

Smooth gas or Ferrarelli?

Honey, you?

I'll do it.

Give it to me.

Couldn't we postpone this phase another time?

No!

We'll lose the advantage we've acquired so far.

Please, do as I told you.

If the gentleman should react badly...

I'll intervene at the right time.

Come on, come on.

Go now.

Go.

Be brave.

Come on.

Resist as long as you can.

What did he say to me?

Yes, please come in.

My ring fell into the sink.

Please, help me get it.

Here she is.

Where is she?

She's with her husband.

Come on.

It's hot.

I don't want water.

Come on.

Quickly.

I'm burning.

Come on.

I dreamed of you.

You had so many faces.

So many arms.

So many hands.

Teodoro, I love you.

Honey, you know you have a beautiful butterfly.

I'm sorry.

I brought water.

Why don't I change my job?

It's almost time.

Champagne for the Baron.

Yes?

Your champagne, Mr. Baron.

Exactly 13 degrees.

Perfect.

0.45. At this exact hour?

I won't tell you how many years ago.

I saw the light in a small village

of the great, holy, exterminated Russia.

That night, the Cossacks were on the move.

The river was lit up by the flames.

So many heroes.

The Tsar.

The Revolution.

Pushkin, the great Pushkin.

Do you know Pushkin?

No.

Don't worry, dear.

It's nothing serious.

I'll make a wish and I'll drink.

Then when it's like this, Mr. Baron, I'll

get another glass and drink with you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Here I am, ready to toast your fortune,

Mr. Baron.

Here you are.

To what, dear?

Thank you.

Cin cin.

It's nothing, thank you.

Cin cin.

Cin cin.

It's not with a simple gesture that you

can erase the memories.

Oh, the memories.

These shadows too long for our short body.

The memories.

This cemetery where I guard.

Okay, honey?

It's you.

I tried to call you.

Speak softly.

I tried to call you, but the device

was broken.

No, it was me who didn't hear.

That didn't leave me for a moment.

Now he's sleeping, drunk.

Get ready, we should be there in half

an hour.

And the alarm?

Blocked.

The attack?

Unlocked.

The passengers of the other cabin?

Everything is clear, dear.

Everything under control.

Wait.

Yes?

Here.

If everything goes well.

Yes?

If everything goes well.

Come on, courage.

What's up?

If everything goes well, I would like to

produce a film and interpret it.

I really want to be an actress.

Okay.

Okay, with the money on your side, you

can do whatever you want.

From my side, you'll have everything.

Really?

Ah, how happy I am!

A film with Fellini as the protagonist.

Listen.

And how much does this Fellini cost?

But they say that a single film costs

6 billion.

6 billion.

What?

6 billion.

6?

Well, in short, what you said is said.

Between partners, word is word.

Really?

So it's okay?

It's okay.

Ah, love, how happy I am!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Did it cost a lot?

It was given to me.

I also gave it to my wife with

a green stone.

We got married today.

Oh, congratulations.

Thank you.

Open your hand, please.

Here.

It's yours.

But...

It's a personal gift.

No, it's a bit...

It's a bit too much.

I don't want it.

Don't be shy.

Be brave.

I can't do it.

Shut up, I'll give it to you.

Thank you.

Undress me, please.

It's for a personal matter.

Help me, please.

Undress me slowly.

I don't know.

Don't make me beg.

Do it quickly.

I understand that the parties have left, but

leaving me out for the rest of the

trip, I didn't expect this.

Why don't you include a cabin in the

cost of your performance?

I haven't thought about it.

The more you're afraid, the more you're a

failure.

Ah.

Ouch.

Let's change, Ceronto.

Yes.

What do you do for a living?

I work in a nightclub in Hamburg.

Yes, Stallone artist.

In what sense, please?

For a year I did Beauty and the

Beast.

Ah, you do theater, cocteau.

I'm sorry, I don't know this...

What?

Cocteau.

Here.

I do make-up at King Kong, and

I fall in love with Evelyn, a friend

of mine, I love her.

She loves me too, but before I'm caught,

I make love to her three times every

night.

One moment, I'm not finished.

But...

it must be boring to mimic every night

your sexual side.

Well, every now and then, one of my

colleagues pretends to enjoy it, to rest.

But I don't.

I must always be in shape, otherwise the

audience will notice and whistle.

I...

I don't understand how it's possible to be

in shape three times every night.

It's just a matter of training.

Just focus a little, and it's done.

You don't believe me, do you?

Wait and see.

Every night in Hamburg, I do this.

I put my pants down.

Oh, God.

I have Evelyn in front of me, and

I focus.

Et voilà!

Did you see that?

Oh, God.

I fell.

The Parliament!

The Parliament!

Always me in the Parliament.

And you'll see what you'll do.

You'll pass a law on cinema.

Yes, darling, when?

What do you care?

What do you care?

Oh, darling.

Now, take me with you.

Yes.

Oh, God.

Thank you

for the luminous homage.

Splendid.

It's really at the height of our best

traditions.

It's really at the height of our best

traditions.

I'm going to see if the children have

taken up the air.

The signal must be on the other side.

Ah.

All right, you go.

I'll take care of it here.

Good evening, Baron.

Sega.

Sega.

Sega.

Sega.

Fiamma.

Fiamma.

Fiamma.

Fiamma.

22.

22.

Twenty-two.

Twenty-two.

What's the use?

What do you care?

Twenty-two.

All of it.

All of it?

All of it.

What's the use of all this stuff?

That's what the Baron wants.

He's crazy.

He's a bit crazy.

A health car that carries gold ingots.

Poor guys.

But we've stolen it because we're smarter than

them.

Here we are.

Unfortunately, Fellini didn't accept it.

He was busy.

So the Baron hired Fellini's assistant, a debutante,

but extraordinary.

Very good.

We're making a wonderful film.

Twenty-three, eighth, thirtieth.

Ninety-nine, ninth, fiftieth.

Baron, I'll sign you for the wig of

the Goddess.

Again.

Baron, where do I put this?

Put it up there, on the top

floor, under the windows of my office.

Ex-office.

Ex-everything.

Baron, with this we're eight billion and three

hundred million.

And with this we're dry, right, accountant?

No.

We're two billion and three hundred million in

debt.

And we'll never pay.

Yes, but we have the film.

Everyone wants it.

They say it's an Oscar film.

They want it at the Venice Film Festival.

But if they don't want it, neither does

Zagarro.

You're right.

We're so small.

So much effort for...

For what?

For...

It's true.

The crime doesn't pay.

Who said that?

Who said that?

I don't know.

Anfibogren, Falco Maltese.

Time will pass.

It will pass.

These producers are really crazy.

Reasoner.

What's up?

Hello.

Load everything on the Petrarca.

But we have to load everything on the

Augustus.

New order of services.

Everything changes.

It changes every day, what a mess.

Yes, it's a real mess.

Load on the side door.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Dear Lilli, it's all done.

This time, before expressing a desire, think.

No, I've thought about it, you know.

I've thought about it well and I've decided.

Should I tremble?

Cinema, no.

No.

I'll marry.

I'll have a family.

Well, I'm happy, even if.

If I'm sorry to lose a partner.

But you and I can be partners even

after we're married, right?

So.

I'm in.

I'm in.

Captain.

Yes.

Don't leave anymore.

Why?

There's the shipwreck.

The shipwreck of the Maritimes.

Outrageously.

Damn it.

It's gone bad.

Damn, what a mess.

I can't believe it.

A horrible delusion.

It seemed done.

A black misfortune.

Yes, yes.

We were missing the shipwreck.

I felt my money in my pocket.

Calm down.

Calm down.

So.

Darling, have you thought of something?

Every Friday, at 8.45 pm, a shipment

of diamonds leaves for Amsterdam.

It makes a stop in Paris for 16

minutes and 35 seconds.

If we manage to replace the crew in

those 16 minutes in Paris, we have exactly

43 minutes to bring it to Paris.

TO BE CONTINUED...