Original subtitles

And that was last year's tape of Starshine beating a masked man

unconscious who calls himself Mercy.

It is clear that Starshine showed no mercy and now faces a $90 million civil

lawsuit. Mercy claims he was lured to this location, showed up not looking for

a fight, but was pummeled on live TV.

reached out to Starshine's agent, but have yet to receive comment.

This has been Jessica Sommers, Channel 4 News.

You took down Mercy.

Well done.

Now, my phone has not stopped ringing all morning.

Now, I've got you booked in on the Lee Carl show on the 14th, and I've got you

booked in on... Really, Gloria?

Really, Gloria?

What's the matter?

The 14th is the date of the self-defence charity event.

Um, yeah, what was that called?

SDW? Self-defence for weaklings?

The Lee Carl Show pays real money.

Is self-defence weak?

Why self-defence and not securing down retirement?

For real, this is really important to me.

And I just... Have you invited someone?

Well, after this whole Mercy debacle, I thought it might be time to get in touch

with you-know-who.

Logan, please tell me you're not talking about that loser in his Punish Heroines

magazine.

This is a star chick.

Man, you're good.

I can see a lot of things that we can do with you.

It's Starshine.

Oh.

Oh, that's too bad.

I was really warming up to... Star chick.

What do you think about changing it?

Logan, Starshine has agreed to meet with you and has promised to have an open

mind. Haven't you?

Sure.

All right, so how's thinking?

Try not to blink.

Why is that?

Well, we need to lose consciousness.

What Starshine's trying to say is that she can't wait to hear all of your

ideas.

All right, all right.

Here's what I've got for you, Starbeam.

Starshine! Are you sure?

Starbeam just said... Oh, wow!

Look! at this. These are simply amazing.

Logan, you are a true artist, a real gift to the genre.

Are you serious?

This is crap.

What are you trying to say?

You know kids today with their crazy vernacular.

One day cool is cool, the next it's sick, and today it's crap.

Oh, yeah.

Crazy. I guess I can get behind that.

Did I say crap?

I meant shit.

That must mean it's real smokin'. Yeah, it's smokin'. Like a big steamin' test.

Oh, bloke.

We'll get in touch so we can organise everything.

All right. All right.

Cool. Or should I say crap?

See you on the flip side, daddio.

Or should I say Moonbeam?

Good luck with that lawsuit.

Have you lost your fucking

mind?

What lawsuit?

90 million dollars.

Who does he think he is? And why does he think I've got that much money?

Well, you did fuck him off pretty bad.

Well, figuratively.

Gloria, I'm being serious.

We don't have the money to fight the lawsuit. Let alone pay him if he wins.

I hate to see you like this.

All stressed out and worried.

I tell you what, why don't I call Mercy's attorney?

I'm sure I could figure all this out.

Hayley, how are you going to do that?

The self-defense show is happening tomorrow.

Use the gel.

I want you to humiliate her.

I want you to embarrass her.

Do you think you can handle this?

I'm the best because I know I'm the best.

I'll be watching.

Three, two, one.

Action. Good afternoon and welcome to Self-Defense Week. It's my pleasure and

privilege to be joined by Starshine today.

She's going to be taking me through some drills in case I ever encounter the need

for self-defense in the real world. And she's promised to take it easy on me.

Well, of course, Chris.

Without further ado, let's get this show on the road.

See, I told you I'd go easy on you.

Come on, fight back.

Starshine, I think Chris has had enough.

Fine. Now that is self defence week.

Back to you at the studio.

Sorry, we're not open to the public today.

That's too bad.

I was hoping to get some private lessons.

Oh, I don't do private lessons.

Who said anything about you being the teacher?

I don't know who you think you are, but we're on live telly and I don't scare

easy. No?

No. Try this.

Let's see how good a self-defense you really are.

She's toying with me.

She's just toying with him.

See ya.

You chose her as an example of self-defence.

I'm not done yet.

Best of our three?

Sounds good, Princess.

I won't even count that one.

Do you need a hand there, Princess?

No!

Come on, darling.

Well, brother looks like it's one to him.

Are you, uh, by any chance looking for a presentation?

Mercy send his regards.

because I know I'm the best.

No good sweetheart, I've already taken it all.

Joe, this isn't a fair fight.

What made you think it would be a fair fight?

watching could clearly see that was self-defense.

Couldn't they Chris?