Original subtitles

Happy anniversary, baby.

What is this?

I got you something special.

Come see.

Happy anniversary.

I missed you. How was your day at work?

It was good.

Okay. Presents?

Yes, presents, but I want you to try one of my strawberries.

One of your strawberries?

Mm-hmm.

I'm sure you had a hard day's work.

You have some right there.

How was your day?

It was alright.

Well, let's not talk about our days.

It was about me and you.

Another nice anniversary present.

Mm-hmm. I thought so, too.

Do you like my outfit that I put on for you? It is very beautiful.

One more.

Yes, I'm shutting you up.

You look pretty sexy whenever you get strawberries.

I know.

Mm-hmm. That's why I love you.

Secretary checks you out.

Don't worry about our phone on our night right now. No.

You're not getting a turn off. Get over here.

Who the fuck is Anna?

No one.

Looks like someone.

Don't worry about it, okay? I can't wait to see you tonight. It's going to be a

lot of fun.

What the fuck? On our anniversary?

Nothing is going on. You don't have anything to worry about. You're freaking

out over nothing.

Seriously,

just relax, okay?

It's just a text message.

Just a text message.

Come on, let's just have this nice night. I planned this anniversary for

us, okay, babe?

No.

This is fucking bullshit. Who is this Anna chick?

Where'd she come from?

It's no one.

Oh my gosh, how many times do I have to tell you?

I wouldn't be here with you right now. I would be off with some Anna, whatever.

If nothing's going on, then you can fucking tell me who she is.

I planned all of this. All of this. Yes, all of this.

Obviously, I don't want to argue with you, okay?

You know what? I don't want to argue with you. Then don't. And just admit

that something fucked up is going on. Because you know what? This reminds me

exactly of that time that you had to stay all night long with that co-worker

of yours.

Bullshit. Actually, you know what?

I think I still have the voicemail. Oh, my God. You're so over-exaggerating

right now and ruining everything.

No, I'm not. Yes, you are.

No.

Oh, are you really doing this right now? Yeah. Seriously? Yeah. Look.

Hey, babe. I just got off of work.

I'm a little exhausted. I can't wait to see you.

So, I guess I'll just see you at the house in a little bit. I'm about to take

off. So, call me back if you get this message. And if not, I'll see you soon.

Uh, sorry.

I gotta go, but yeah, I'll see you later in a little bit. Bye.

What the fuck do you think you're doing?

Why don't you just stay out of my business? You know this presentation is

due tomorrow.

Don't you mean my presentation is due tomorrow?

Oh my god, I'm so sick of this shit.

No!

What?

Do you realize what you just did?

What?

Try to open the door.

Are you kidding me? Are we really locked in here right now?

Just coming in here to put the presentation down and get the fuck out.

You know everything shuts down at 6 o'clock around here. You know that. What

are we going to do now? Just stay here the rest of the night?

You're constantly in the middle of everything I do. Would you just let me

do it for once?

Now what are we going to do?

I don't know.

You tell me.

All I know is I don't want to stay here with you. I can't stand your ass.

I can't stand you either.

Oh, God.

If I'm going to have to be here with you, of all people, I'm going to have to

get drunk.

Where's the liquor in this place?

Obviously not in here.

And

loaded

up. Cool.

Pass me the bottle.

There's no fucking way he's making this much quarterly.

I don't believe it.

I believe it. He's altered these totals.

Probably not. He's just making a bunch of money.

No, it's bullshit.

And screwing everyone else over in the process.

Oh, I can't even sit this anymore. I'm getting so fucking pissed off. Just

drink. Ugh, he's such a dickhead. It helps. I can't wait to ruin him

tomorrow.

We are going to ruin him tomorrow. He has no idea what's coming.

It is pretty good. Oh my goodness.

I don't know why I didn't like you.

You know, you're a pretty cool chick too.

Wow.

On the weekends.

On the weekends?

Give me that.

Oh my gosh. I can't believe we got locked in this office.

I guess this was our time to bond.

Because you're not half bad.

Thought you sucked. I'm gonna be honest. I thought you were terrible.

I used to call you the spawn of Satan behind your back But

I didn't mean it I

promise you're really cool.

Yeah I still suck.

No, you don't suck anymore some things

I need another drink for that.

Oh, it's called trickster for some reason.

Oh, that's true.

So tell me your secrets then.

Truths and secrets.

Truths.

You first.

I don't know if I have any secrets.

Let's see how to think about it.

What kind of secrets do you want to know?

Something a little less work

related. Work related.

Whatever,

it was fun and I was experimenting.

That's why they call it college.

Is it now? Yes. You didn't experiment in college?

Yeah, I experimented with higher education.

Shut up. You're crazy.

Higher education, my ass.

I'll teach you a thing or two.

Like what?

Don't sense me.

Did you just lick my face?

No. I kinda liked it, I'll have to admit.

What?

I'm married, I can't do this, sorry.

Uh, yeah, in Vermont.

Shut up.

Last I checked, we were in California.

Shh, don't tell anyone.

Oh my God, you're so bad. You're gonna get me in trouble.

learning the prestations

I'm gonna fall off the desk right now.

I need to go back.

I can't believe I'm doing this on top of the boss's paperwork.

Oh yes.

Mm.

Excuse me.

Hmm.

Oh my god, your tongue feels so good.

Yes, just like that, just like that.

Oh, yeah, baby.

Oh, my God, your tongue on my clit right now.

Your lips feel so good. Don't stop.

Fuck yes.

It's not going to quit, right?

Ian...

Bye. Bye.

I want you to come with us.

Thank you.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God.

Hey everybody, it's midnight and you're listening to Carly Montana's Finding the

L in Love.

Tonight, what do I want to start with?

Ooh,

let's talk about MILFs.

I remember my first time with a MILF.

Mmm, it was so good. You won't believe how it happened.

I was looking in a newspaper and I saw a bed for sale. So I figured why not? It

was a good price.

So I gave her a call and she sounded really sweet.

And I showed up on her doorstep and she was gorgeous.

It just so happened that she was home alone that evening and I didn't have any

plans. So when I came in to check out the bed frame, she had already been

drinking a glass of wine.

And offered me some.

So, you know, I took her up on the offer and, well, one thing led to another and

she loved me down so good.

That was the first time I actually humped someone's thigh.

I never thought I'd be into that, but it was really hot.

Her name was Zoe.

We dated for a little while, but, you know, nothing like the first time.

I'm calling about your ad in the classifieds about a bed frame for sale.

Is it still available?

Really? Awesome.

Do you have time right now? Because I'm really close, actually.

Perfect.

Okay. My name's Carly. What's your name?

Zoe. Okay. Well, then I will see you soon. Thank you.

All right. Bye.

Wow. She's really nice.

Cool.

You're Carly?

Yeah, Zoe, right?

Nice to meet you. Good to meet you, too.

So, you're interested in the bed?

I am. It was a really good deal, so I would love to check it out. Sure. Go

ahead. Come on in. Cool.

Thank you.

So,

this is it.

Oh, this is so nice.

Yeah. I like it. Oops.

Just hanging around reading.

Why do you want to get rid of the bed? This is a beautiful frame.

Um, well...

To be honest, I just went through a breakup recently with my girlfriend.

I'm sorry.

So, yeah, too many memories.

I know what you mean.

Yeah.

Me and my ex broke up.

It's been like six months now, so it gets lonely.

So you're searching for a new bed. I'm ready to get rid of this one and get

myself a new one. So that's it, though. You like it, remember?

Yeah, I think it's great.

I don't think it's wood and everything.

It's really weird, like, not having, you know, someone to share your bed, don't

you think?

Yeah, I know what you mean. Mine's, like, a king size, so... It's very

empty. I keep rolling over looking for somebody, and there's nobody there.

Yeah, I know. I think I'm lonely. I was actually, like, having a glass of wine

and just sitting and reading by myself on a Friday night.

I was going to do the same thing, actually, when I get home. You were?

Really? Well, you know, I mean, I was just...

Really doing nothing. You saw my big book. That was me. So I can get you a

glass of wine if you want to stay.

All right. Yeah.

Sure. No, I'd love to. I mean, I don't have nothing to do. Okay. All right.

Well, hang on. All right. I'll be right back. I'll get you a glass of wine.

Cool. Thank you.

All right.

I should take my shoes off.

Guess I'm staying a while.

This is a really nice bed.

Wow.

So are you just falling in love with it?

Yeah, I was checking out the frame. Thank you. You're welcome.

Well, here's to like maybe new friends.

Cheers. Unexpectedly.

Yep. Two single ladies spending a Friday night together drinking some wine.

So you have a queen bed.

This is just a, you have a king, this is a queen. I have a king, yeah.

So this is a lot better.

Downsize. Yeah, a king is too much. When you live by yourself, it's just too much

space. I can't, it's so lonely. It gets so cold.

So was your girlfriend older than you?

Um, no. We went to college together and she left and went to a different

college. So I'm kind of by myself now.

She just moved away.

That was it, yeah.

But, you know, it happens. It doesn't last forever.

No, it doesn't. Yeah.

The thing I miss the most of being in a relationship, I think, is just, like,

the touch, you know? There's always somebody next to you to just reach over

and touch. Mm-hmm. To cuddle.

Yeah.

No, I feel that way. I agree. I miss making out and all the sweet stuff.

Have you, um...

Have you ever been with an older woman?

Um, no.

Usually, I mean, most of my girlfriends I met in class or, well, usually

in class or at like a party.

Never any, you know, they're all silly.

Have you ever, um, I don't know. I feel kind of, I'm like really lonely. Okay, I

mean, I was just kidding.

No, I totally understand.

I'm in the same place.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to, I don't want to be like the creep that

like you go over to buy her bed and she's like, Hey, I already took my shoes

off. Wow.

I feel a little embarrassed, but I'm just, um, I don't know.

I don't know. People go to like tube size or whatever all the time to hook

up, you know, on the web. It's like, that's true. I just, I don't know. I

thought. You were really cute when you came to the door, and it's been a long

time. Really?

Yeah. Okay, that's good.

I felt awkward, so I'm like, am I getting too comfortable in her bed? Is

she going to think I'm weird?

You know, I mean, people hook up at random events and things and occurrences

all the time, don't they? Yeah, they do.

So, I mean, what would be so different about, like, you going to buy a bed from

someone? Chemistry is chemistry.

You know, a little thing there. It's boring. Who cares how you meet? I still

don't feel like the old woman creep that's like... You're not an old woman

creep!

My girlfriend was like more, you know, closer to my age, but I don't know.

That's why I was curious if you've ever been with someone older.

No. I mean, I'm open.

It just hasn't been around. It never really, you know, came up.

Mm-mm.

Do you mind if I kiss you?

No, I think I like that.

Actually. I'm like blushing as I ask you. I know, me too. You see me

cheesing?

Here. I'm going to put this down.

touch somebody again. No, it's been a while.

You're like hunting for a lot of beds all day today in that comfortable little

outfit. Actually, um, yeah, I mean, you know, going through the class of my

life.

I'm happy I called you, though.

I don't know if you met any other lesbians in your little bed hunting. No,

no. The universe.

Yeah, you believe in that?

Well, obviously, anyone here.

I believe when two people are brought together for a reason.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Let's see if that's...

Thank you.

Make my leg wet

Make it.

Make it.

Hmm.

for a long time.

It's kind of laying out.

Well, I'm actually going to have to come back because I came in my Honda.

I didn't know.

You're taking it, right? Yeah, I'm thinking through.

Do you come with it? No.

She can come back. Oh, man.

She can come back. I'll definitely come back.