Original subtitles

Well, got another one. Oh, boy.

What's in the box?

What's in the box? What's in the box?

What's in the box?

Right?

Brad Pitt?

Seven?

Nothing? Yeah, I'm the jerk.

What's in the box?

Ever since Marshall and Lily got their own places, Mom keeps sending them boxes

of his old stuff she's trying to get rid of.

Thanks, Mom. You really nailed it this time. I really needed She-Man's right

arm and this old book of Mad Libs.

Fart went to the fart to fart fartly.

That's good stuff.

That's good.

Thanks, Mom.

Hello? Hello?

Ted Mosby?

Yep. The window is open.

What? The window is open.

The window is open.

What are you waiting for?

Run, Ted! Run!

Lily, the window's open.

Make a hole, people!

Run!

Sorry. Ted?

Hey, Maggie.

I was just, um, you know, how are you?

I'm fine, I guess.

Actually, no, I'm not fine. I just broke up with my boyfriend.

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.

You want to hang out tonight?

Sure.

It was the most... Please tell me you got in the window. I got in the window!

What is going on? What is the window?

You know how everyone has that guy or girl who no matter what happens, you

always remember them being the perfect one for you?

Mike Schatz. Lily.

That girl right over there.

Well, that girl for me was, and still is, Maggie Wilkes. We all went to

college together.

She was awesome. Everybody loved her. I think I know what we're dealing with

here.

tell me when to stop it wasn't that maggie was hot she was she was the

ultimate girl next door she was the ultimate girl next door still is i mean

every guy who meets maggie falls madly in love with her and that's the problem

since i've known her she's only been single for like three brief windows of

opportunity when she moved here and broke up with her college boyfriend i

waited a month you know so i wouldn't be the rebound guy well the rebound guy

lasted two years after they broke up i only waited a week i was still too late

she dated that guy for three years the next time i wasn't messing around i was

at her door not one hour after they broke up the only thing she did between

becoming single and the moment i got there was go downstairs and check her

mail i was still too late and she dated that guy for four years

I wasn't going to let this happen again. So I begged her neighbor, Mrs. Douglas,

to call me the second she and David broke up.

And now a very single and available Maggie Wilkes is on her way to this very

spot. I sent a cab with a female driver so she'd have no other interaction with

a man until she got to me. Well, she will still have no interaction with a

man. What up?

I felt good tonight.

Tonight's going to be good.

It's my overalls. I wore these babies all throughout high school. These were

my jam.

God, you really were a virgin before you met Lily, weren't you?

Well, that's unnecessary.

Oh, she's right, baby. If you had worn these things in college, even I wouldn't

have slept with you. And if you recall, I was good to go.

No one. I mean, no one.

could get laid wearing these.

Challenge accepted.

I, Barney Stinson, being of sound mind and amazing body, will wear these

overalls until I have sex with a woman.

I actually dated that guy.

Okay, quick game plan.

Maggie shows up, couple of minutes of hugs and highs, and then everybody's out

of here. This is my one shot.

I am not going to screw this up. Who'd you get to cover your class tonight?

Crap!

Hey, stranger.

Hey. Maggie, this is my roommate, Robin. Hey, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

I totally forgot I have to teach a class tonight.

Hey, want to come with me and check out a real live architecture class?

Ooh, not even a little bit.

You know what? Just hang here with Marshall and Lily. It'll be fun.

Fantastic. Well, have a seat.

Relax. Yeah, this is casual.

This is all very, very, very casual.

Listen to me. You want me to find the perfect girl so we can all grow old

together? That is her. Do not let any guy near her, okay? That means no waiter

takes her order, no busboy clears her table. If she bursts into flames, I want

a fire woman putting her out.

I don't think 9-1-1 takes requests. Damn it, Marshall!

Whatever you have to do, keep Maggie Wilkes single until I get back.

I left my tab open.

Don't abuse it.

Target secure?

Target secure.

Oh, my gosh.

How weird. We all walked out of the bathroom at the same time.

Well, let's all walk back to the booth together.

Oh, my.

Look at this. The table where we are sitting.

Back off.

Okay, not that I care about this challenge, but it's cheating to wear

overalls over a suit. No, it's not.

They're not called over t-shirts, Robin.

They're not called over shirtless fat guys who used to come fix my mom's car

and then hang out with her upstairs for a little while. No.

They're called overalls, okay? And I can wear them over whatever I want.

Hey. Oh, he's not saying hello. He's just telling you what he feeds his

horsies.

Oh, man.

I can sit here.

and make you look like a farmer jokes all night.

Challenge accepted.

Good evening. Tonight, we're going to have a nice quick class on bridges.

There are six types of bridges. Beam, cantilever, arch, suspension, and two

others. You've got to land on both sides, water in the middle. See you all

next week.

Hey, we'll get you for the whole hour.

Oh, come on, honey. Who really wants to sit here and listen to me yap about

bridges for an hour?

Really?

I just thought about how awesome Ted is again.

This is a weird drinking game.

Can I buy you a drink? He's got a big brown jug with three X's on it.

What have I done?

One very important thing to keep in mind when designing a bridge.

Maggie?

Oh, no.

I mean, yes.

Yes, when you're designing a bridge, always remember, make adjustments, go

get it energized.

Good advice for life, too.

So, Professor Mosby, is this Maggie someone special?

No. I... What? She's just this girl I've been into for a really long time, and,

well, tonight could be the one chance I have to go out with her, so...

is she a hottie yes jamie she's very attractive and if we can just end class

right now betty maggie may finally be available but what about you professor

mosby are you ready for a serious relationship totally i mean i think so

maybe i don't know what do you guys think

oh my gosh i totally forgot about this

what is it It's a homework assignment from when I was 15.

Write a letter to your 30-year-old self with a list of goals you hope to

achieve.

Dear future me, first off, you better be driving either a kick-ass Camaro or the

A-Team van.

That's priority numero uno.

And by now, your rat tail should hang down to your frickin' knees.

You can still slam dunk, obviously, and you've legally changed your name to

Vanilla Thunder.

Your wife, let me break it down, blonde, six feet tall, has an awesome rack, and

caters to your every need.

Sorry, babe. That's okay. You just described your mother. Ew. Keep going.

You're still rocking the stonewashed overalls because this look is working.

Oh, and most importantly, you better be saving the world. If you became some

lame corporate sellout, just...

Throw yourself off a cliff because you suck.

And I lick you boom boom down.

Yeah, hilarious.

I became a lame corporate sellout.

I work for GNB, the most evil bank in the history of the world. Oh, come on,

Vanilla Thunder.

Everyone's got to grow up and get a real job.

I remember back in college, Maggie wanted to be a marine biologist by day

and mentor inner city kids by night. What did you really end up doing?

Those things.

Baby, where are you going?

I've got to do something at work.

It won't take long.

What's up with Marshall?

Oh, no.

I think he's going to quit his job.

I'm sorry, Maggie. I gotta go stop him.

Ted, I had to leave the bar, but it's okay. I left Maggie with Robin. You left

Maggie with Robin?

Relax. I've got things under control. You don't understand the situation.

This girl is like...

a super-powered man-magnet. Oh, Teddy, I know a little something about man

-magnets. You see, your friend may be one of those magnets that can hold up a

picture of your kids on the fridge, but I'm one of those magnets that can pick

up cars in a junkyard.

Who's this?

Oh, Robin, this is Jim, a good friend of mine from work. Oh, well, hello there.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, boy.

What does being ready even mean?

When I thought I was ready last year, I wound up getting left at the altar.

I'll be honest, guys.

I'm a little scared.

Okay, Lewis, then Betty.

We're all scared, Professor Mosby.

Doesn't being scared let you know you're on to something important?

Yeah. I mean, if you're not scared, you're not taking a chance, and...

If you're not taking a chance, then what the hell are you doing?

Right?

I think you're ready, bro.

Jimmy,

you're so funny.

Funny? I think he's hilarious.

In fact, I laughed so hard, I think I may have just peed my pants.

I better take off.

I'm going to the opening of that photography exhibit that they were

talking about at work. Les Chiennes Erratiques.

I have an extra ticket if you want to... Me?

I'd love to.

All right.

I gotta go.

Hey, one last piece of advice.

Make adjustments.

Go get...

ted change of plans you left her with barney ted will you take it easy i'm

your bro you're an animal and even though our relationship has suffered its

setbacks in this area i assure you i will be the perfect gentleman oh thanks

by the way i really like those overalls you have 10 minutes to get down here are

the windows closing 10 minutes yeah because we're bros

While I was racing through the streets of New York trying to get back to the

bar, your Aunt Robin was doing her best to keep Jim away from Maggie.

Do you want to go back to the bar and see if Maggie's still there? Oh, no way!

I love erotic dog photography.

Did you see the one over there of the corgis doing it people style?

I'll get us a taxi. I just feel bad leaving Maggie all alone. Uh, no!

Uh, let's have a glass of wine first.

Oops.

Look how filthy I am.

I am just a filthy, filthy girl who would totally go to second base with a

guy as a favorite to a friend.

You like that?

Oh, it's dirty. I'm gonna call Maggie, see what she's doing.

Oh, God.

Maggie, Maggie, Maggie. Give it a rest. Jeez, she's hanging out with Ted

tonight. Ted?

What about David? They broke up.

Maggie's single?

That doesn't sound familiar.

Can I help wipe that off?

Please.

I hate Barney Stinson!

Me too!

Lily finally got to GNB, but the place was deserted.

I thought you came here to quit your job. I forgot about the hoop.

Yeah, I thought if I could just do one thing in that letter, I wouldn't feel

like such an old sellout, so I came out here to dunk.

Did it make you feel better?

I barely grazed the bottom of the net, and now my legs hurt so bad I can't even

fall down.

How many?

Wow.

How could you?

Ted!

I challenged myself to get laid wearing overalls, and if you stand in my way,

then you're letting Barney win. And you don't want that. That smug son of a

bitch will never let us hear the end of it.

Oh, thank God. Maggie. Where do you think you're going?

Tell that girl I love her. Get in line, bub. Yeah, I'm gonna have sex with her,

then he's gonna tell her he's in love with her, and then you can do whatever

you want. Do we agree on the order?

Mister, you just missed out on the night of your life.

The night...

I've been in love with her for five years. I've been in love with her for 12

years. I've been in these overalls for an hour and a half.

Hey, maybe you can't dunk anymore, but you've achieved more in your 30 years

than that 15-year-old dweeb could ever dream of.

You put yourself through Columbia Law School, you had the sense to chop off

that stupid rat tail, and you married a smoking hot chick who looks nothing like

your mother.

I think that earns you an entire foot.

Closer to dunking.

There you go, Vanilla Thunder.

Step back.

Instead of dunking, we go up to your office and you lie very still while I go

bananas all over you.

Could we maybe instead just do it right here?

Sure, baby.

She loves me. Guys, guys, guys, we have to figure this out. You're dealing with

a very small window of opportunity here. Guys, let me assure you, if you let me

in there, that window's going to open up again in like ten minutes.

Wait, where's Maggie? She's gone.

What? I sent her home. You guys were like vultures fighting over her. Let her

be single for once.

Jealous bitch.

You know she's right.

Maggie deserves some time to herself.

Look, nobody likes to be alone, especially after a breakup. But that's

when we discover who we really are and what we really want.

She deserves that.

And kids, I meant that.

Which is why I'm not proud of what happened next.

It's around the corner.

Hey,

Maggie, sorry, class ran a little.

Who's this?

This is Adam.

It's so crazy. We grew up next door to each other. We haven't seen each other

since... A long time. Yeah.

And then Maggie Wilkes told us the second greatest love story I've ever

heard.

I just moved to town and I had to look her up.

Guess we got a lot of catching up to do.

Yeah.

Yeah, of course.

So, kids, I missed out on the ultimate girl next door.

To the guy next door.

Well, see you next time.

There was no next time.

Maggie's window never opened again.

Hey, hey, I got it.

That country bar, Giddyups. The overalls have got to work there.

Wingman me?

I don't want Giddyups.

I want that.

I forgot what it feels like to chase the real thing, but... I think I'm ready

again.

Yeah.

Let me tell you where I'm at.

I want to have sex with a girl so I can take off these overalls.

Come on, Ted.

You gotta help me. I gotta get these damn things off.

Hey there.

I just love your overalls.

Dear 60-year-old Marshall, by now you should be working somewhere that's

making the world a better place, or at least trying to.

No pressure, dude. I mean, sir.

Also, if time travel is possible, maybe you could give me a little sign on

Tuesday, December 8th at 8.29 p.m.

Someone sent back these chicken wings because they were too hot. And I'm like,

too hot? Are you crazy?

So free wings.

Old man Marshall, as long as you're still married to Lily, you're doing just

fine.

Sir, this is on us.

Sorry the wings were so hot.

Oh, no, dear. It wasn't that they were too hot.

It's just that I had wings earlier.

Much earlier.