Original subtitles

- [gasps] You're one of them.

Stay back!

- Don't worry.

I'm not gonna hurt you.

I'm gonna recruit you.

- To do what?

- To be my most devout follower.

Oh, I always wanted a minion.

- I'll never follow you.

- Your magic exposé will never be.

And you will be loyal to only me.

[laughing]

No use running.

Told ya.

Are you my minion?

- Yes, Mrs. Desdemona.

And I can't wait to report about it on Miss Information.

- What?

No.

You're my minion.

It's between you and me.

A secret forever it shall be.

- Secret forever, cross my heart.

What's my first task?

I can't wait. I'm so excited.

I'm gonna be the best minion ever.

Oh, wait, do I blog about this?

- No.

You can't talk about this with anyone.

For starters, I need information about Daniel.

He's broken up with Emma--

- I know.

I already blogged about that last week.

Don't you read my blog?

I published "The End of Demma" and "Demma No More"

and is "The Max the New Demma?"

- You're confusing, and you talk too fast.

Stop.

Now, tell me about Daniel.

- There's so much to say.

Let me pull his file.

Daniel was born April 1st, so he's an Aries.

Very headstrong.

He's captain of all the teams at school, including,

but not exclusive to, swim team, baseball team,

basketball team, soccer team--

- Em, it's me, I--

EMMA: No, go away!

- Whoa, listen, I'm sorry I was kinda hard on you

about the whole Daniel thing, but--

EMMA: No, that's not it.

- Then what is it? EMMA: I don't wanna say.

No!

- Well, what's the matter?

- It's just every time I tell myself not to think of Daniel,

the person in front of me...

Turns into Daniel.

- ANDI'S VOICE: What? Now you're talking crazy, Em.

- Ah!

[upbeat pop music]

WOMAN: ♪ I cast a spell ♪

♪ It takes a hold of you ♪

♪ I see my dreams ♪

♪ And they're all coming true ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ You and me together ♪

♪ Look up ahead ♪

♪ There's a magical adventure ♪

♪ Every witch way ♪

♪ Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay ♪

♪ I'm trying every witch way ♪

♪ Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay ♪

♪ I'm going every witch way ♪

♪ Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay ♪

♪ Every witch way ♪

- Come on, Em, I brought you your favorite breakfast pizza.

Cheese, eggs, blueberry,

and mango salsa.

Emma, you can't hide under there forever.

EMMA: Watch me.

- That's it, it's tough love time.

[gasps]

We are going out now.

I'm not gonna let you rot in this pizza-filled dungeon.

- I guess I should get out.

I've just been--

- I know, and it's probably been harder for you

with your condition.

But you gotta keep living.

- Thanks, Andi.

- Oh, but you gotta shower first.

- Okay, be right back.

- And please brush your teeth, like, two or three times.

- Okay, who's next on the revenge list?

- How much longer do we have to keep practicing your spells?

- As long as it takes for me to get it right every time.

So when I see all these people tomorrow,

I know my spells will work.

Got a problem with that?

- No. Of course not.

- Good. Now who's next?

- Gigi.

What do you wanna get Gigi back for?

- All those photos she posted of my mom and Principal Alonso

when they were in love.

Now, do your best Gigi.

- Do I have to?

- It helps me focus and get it right!

- "This is Gigi Rueda, and I'm Miss Information."

- For this girl, my only wish

is that she can only speak gibberish.

Well?

- [speaking gibberish]

- Yes, I'm on a roll.

Who's next?

- Oh, I got Andi.

"Oh, come on, what you come at me for?"

- Since she wants to become a lion, tiger, or a whale,

give this girl her very own tail.

- [gasps] My very own tail!

And it matches my outfit.

- Oh, I can't wait for school tomorrow.

- [speaking gibberish]

- I really thought you'd be better

at all those carnival games--

you know, from playing videogames and stuff so much.

- I let you win, okay, to cheer you up.

- Uh-huh.

Is that why you sprayed your water gun at the game attendant

when you lost?

- He gave me a defective spray gun, okay?

I was just demonstrating its low water pressure.

Hey, Em, over here.

- What's this?

- Emma Alonso's custom-designed ice cream sundae bar.

- Andi, that is so sweet.

- Hey, hey, don't ruin it.

Now dig in.

I'm gonna go check on my goldfish.

He doesn't look too well.

- Diego, this is awesome.

Thank you.

- No problem.

And I'm sorry to hear about you and Daniel.

- Thanks, Diego, that's--

- You okay?

Is it the sprinkles?

Are they making you sick?

Do you need the Heimlich maneuver?

- No, no, I'm okay.

I'm just gonna go eat this over there.

- What--what's wrong?

- Diego, he mentioned you know who.

- Oh, Diego, can't he just man the sundae bar

without opening his mouth?

- It's not his fault.

I shouldn't have gotten out of bed.

I should just go.

- No.

Ugh, I didn't wanna have to do this,

but you leave me with no choice.

- Do what?

[techno music]

- [laughing]

♪ ♪

[laughing]

- Daniel and Emma just broke up.

She shouldn't be laughing!

[glass breaking]

- Oh, my tablet!

- Oh, relax.

- Cool.

- Now start boogering about how much they miss each other.

- Boogering?

- Whatever it is you do when you write stuff

in that little scratchpad.

- Blogging.

- Oh, and you'll need video footage of them crying about

how much they miss each other.

- Ah, I can fake all that.

But I need footage of them that I can doctor first.

It's been really hard trying to get either of them on camera.

- What is this?

- Headband... slash hidden camera.

- No way.

This is the best day ever.

- Now get on it.

I've got props to make for the play.

- Those aren't...

real, are they?

- Of course they are.

How can we expect to grab the audience's attention

unless the stakes--

and the props--

are real?

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Okay, I can do this.

Just don't think about not thinking about Daniel.

- What's your problem?

- [speaking foreign language]

- Whoa.

- Argh!

- Are you okay? - I'm fine.

I'm just...

Daniel?

- Yeah?

- Daniel Daniel?

Daniel Miller Daniel?

- Are you sure you're okay?

- I'm--I'm--

- She's fine, she's fine.

Aren't you, Emma? - I guess.

Oh, that wasn't good.

- [laughs] Are you kidding?

Your "Daniel, Daniel Miller Daniel?"

Oh, it was great.

- I wanted to come off cool,

confident, totally together.

- You did.

Okay, just pretend like I've just told you the funniest thing

you've ever heard--

like you couldn't care less about Daniel.

- [forced laughing]

- Maybe I should go over and talk to her,

and make sure she's okay.

What's she doing right now?

- She's with Jax. [Emma laughing shrilly]

Oh, I think she just swallowed a bug.

Oh--oh, no, she's laughing.

Jax is making her laugh.

- [laughing]

- Desdemona?

- Argh!

What are you doing here?

I mean, how can I help you?

- It's Daniel.

- Ah-ha, and you wanna get back together with him.

- No.

I mean yes.

But I'm having a little... problem.

- Ah-ha, trying to find out the best way

to get back together with him?

- No, it's--when I try not to think about Daniel,

the person in front of me

becomes Daniel.

- Ah, yes, the old broken heart witch's curse.

- This happens to other witches?

- Yes, especially after their first big breakup.

- Can you fix it?

- I just did.

But it won't be the end.

As long as you yearn after Daniel,

you'll experience some...

unique reactions.

- How do I make them stop?

- Easy.

Get back together with Daniel.

- He's so upset I lied to him.

I don't think he'll ever forgive me.

- But you're star-crossed lovers meant to be,

just like Romeo and Jul--

Hey, what would you say

to playing Juliet?

- Huh? Sophie's playing Juliet.

- Oh, lead actresses can always be benched

with a sudden case of the flu.

Or poison ivy.

Or bubonic plague.

- Desdemona!

- [laughs] I'm kidding.

But seriously, I can replace her.

I am the director.

- I-I--

No, I can't.

There has to be another way.

- Why don't you come to rehearsal tonight?

Once you see how great and romantic the play is,

you might change your mind.

- I'll--I'll think about it.

- Okay, but if you don't get back together with Daniel soon,

who knows what kind of reaction you'll have next?

- Like what?

- Oh, just head to toe zits.

A never-ending runny nose.

Hair loss.

That sort of thing.

[suspenseful music]

- Diego, where are you?

[gasps] Now's my chance.

Revenge on Jax I still haven't gotten.

Turn the apple he's eating rotten.

[laughing]

That's for making me hop around school.

[gasps]

- [laughs]

[lively music]

♪ ♪

- [laughs]

♪ ♪

- You should just give up before this gets any uglier.

- For you, maybe.

How about some buns for your hot dogs?

- [laughs]

You can't hide from me.

[laughs]

- Sorry I'm late, Maddie, I was just--

Maddie, what's going on?

- Help me!

- Oh, you want some more popcorn?

- No!

[rushing wind]

- What happened?

Did Jax do that?

- Did he do that?

- He didn't do anything.

I did.

- I'd love to hear an explanation as well.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- I've seen food fights before, but this--

this is on another level!

Where did all this food come from?

I mean, the cafeteria doesn't even serve popcorn.

- You mean you didn't see us actually fighting?

- No!

But that doesn't mean I don't know that the three of you

are responsible.

- You can't prove anything.

- You are wearing the evidence.

- Oh. - We'll clean it up.

- Yeah, and after that I will see the three of you

in detention for two weeks.

- Wait, can't we just negotiate this?

- Yeah, you let Daniel do the school play

instead of detention.

- You wanna help with the play instead?

Fine by me.

- No, no, no, no, I was just using it as an example.

- Look, I will see the three of you at 5:00 today

in my office.

Oh, and no food allowed.

It actually doesn't taste too bad, but--

- You're a witch.

- A wizard.

What are you?

- The last living Kanay.

- Ugh, a Kanay?

And you're friends with him?

- I'd pick him over you any day.

- You would?

- Yes.

Now let's get out of here.

- Look, just because-- well, Jax is, like,

new and mysterious

and a really good swimmer and all suave and stuff...

- Don't make me change my mind.

[upbeat music]

- You won't believe what just happened.

I saw Emma in the hallway.

- In the hallway!

- How dare she!

[laughs]

- Very funny.

You know who she was with?

- Who's Andi for 300?

- No, she was with that new kid Jax.

- That's it.

I'm adding Jax to the prank list.

- Hey, thanks for helping me.

I know...

it's not easy.

- I see him everywhere.

So, hey, no big deal.

- ♪ You killed my friend, and now you're going to pay ♪

♪ Either you or I will join him today ♪

- ♪ It will be you, I'm sorry to say ♪

- And cut.

Spectacular, boys.

♪ Just spectacular ♪

Especially you, Daniel.

So passionate.

- Uh, thanks.

- Oh, wait here, I've got some new props for us.

Here are our new props.

- Are those real?

- Yes.

And so is the poison at the end.

I like my musicals real.

- Coach Desdemona, I have some more volunteers for the play.

Wow, those swords, they look real.

Good job on the props.

- Thank you.

And of course they're real. - What?

You--you can't use real swords for the play.

- Why not?

And don't say it's too violent.

[whispering] The characters die at the end.

- Get new, fake swords.

In the meantime, see what else the props department may have.

- Mm, amateurs.

You heard the man.

You, you--

Go get me some swords or something.

And you, go help costumes girl.

- You mean Katie?

- I don't have time to remember every single crew member's name.

[snorting]

Oh, okay, next scene.

Sophie, Daniel, Pablo, places, please.

- [sneezing]

- Are you okay?

- Just a little--

- Sophie, take five.

- [sneezing]

- Outside.

- Should we all take a break?

- Never.

The show must go on

and on and on--

Emma, stand in for Sophie, would you?

- Oh, no, I don't--

- Without a Juliet, we will have to cancel the play.

- It's just rehearsal.

- This is theater.

- Fine, I'll do it.

Do you mind?

- Whatever.

- Okay.

Romeo, Juliet, Tybalt--

Where's my Tybalt?

Pablo, where are you?

- He just texted.

[whispering] He has the chicken pox.

- [whispering] What?

How am I gonna find a replacement now?

- I'll do it.

- Perfect.

Join the others on the stage.

- We got 'em, we got 'em.

- What are those?

- Bread and salami from the cafeteria kitchen.

- Oh.

All right, it'll have to do for now.

Hand them out.

Emma, take a seat while we rehearse

with these new, um, swords.

Okay, now Romeo fights Tybalt to the death.

- Ow.

- Oops, sorry.

[energetic rock music]

♪ ♪

- I win.

- No, I win.

The salami is mightier than the baguette.

- Well, let's ask the audience.

Emma? [music distorts, stops]

Emma?

- That's the wrong end.

- I know that.

It's not working.

- You have to push harder than that.

- Ow!

Look what you made me do.

- Ah!

- What?

- Your--

your face, it's--

- It's what?

- It's purple.

- [gasps]

- What an insane day.

[screams]

I need to keep these things at bay, turn 'em into birds,

so they'll fly away.

- Emma!

Emma?

[upbeat pop music]

♪ ♪