Original subtitles

ONE... TWO... THREE...

*...

*...

*...

* OH, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN BILLY BOY, BILLY BOY? *...

* OH, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, CHARMING BILLY? *...

* I'VE BEEN TO SEEK A WIFE SHE'S THE JOY OF MY LIFE *...

* SHE'S A YOUNG THING AND CANNOT LEAVE HER MOTHER *...

* DID SHE BID YOU TO COME IN, BILLY BOY, BILLY BOY? *...

* DID SHE BID YOU TO COME IN, CHARMING BILLY? *...

* YES, SHE BADE ME TO COME IN *...

* THERE'S A DIMPLE IN HER CHIN *...

* SHE'S A YOUNG THING AND CANNOT LEAVE HER MOTHER *...

*...

*...

* CAN SHE BAKE A CHERRY PIE *...

* BILLY BOY, BILLY BOY? *...

* CAN SHE BAKE A CHERRY PIE, CHARMING BILLY? *...

* SHE CAN MAKE A CHERRY PIE *...

* QUICK AS A CAT CAN WINK AN EYE *...

* SHE'S A YOUNG THING AND CANNOT LEAVE HER MOTHER *...

*...

*

MORNING...

MORNING.

WHATCHA DOING?

PACKING.

I'M FINISHING PACKING.

IT'S SILLY TO LEAVE TODAY.

YOU COULD LEAVE TOMORROW.

YOU COULD LEAVE ME TOMORROW, RIGHT?

I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED BY ONE OF THE FILES.

I CAN'T FIND THE SHAPIRO FILE.

I'M NOT SURPRISED BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT ANY GOOD

AT ORGANIZING THINGS AND I EXPLAINED TO YOU

HOW I WANT THINGS ORGANIZED

YOU CAN'T EVEN FIND THINGS RIGHT.

I'M TRYING TO ORGANIZE IT AND I FIGURED

MAYBE YOU HAD IT ON YOUR DESK.

NO, I DON'T HAVE IT ON MY DESK BUT

FORTUNATELY I HAVE MY OWN SYSTEM WHERE I HAVE

A DUPLICATE COPY AND EVERYTHING'S RETRIEVABLE.

SO WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH IT, ANYWAY?

I CAN'T FIND IT.

WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH IT?

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE DEALING WITH THAT NOW.

I WANT TO LOOK IT OVER AGAIN.

ALRIGHT, TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT.

I JUST WANT THE FILE.

I'M NOT ASKING FOR ANY HELP.

I JUST WANT THE SHAPIRO FILE AND THAT'S IT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M GONNA MISS YOU.

LAST NIGHT I WENT TO A BAR.

I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT A REGULAR BAR.

I'M TALKING ABOUT A SINGLES BAR.

WHERE SINGLE PEOPLE GO...

SINGLE MEN GO TO MEET WOMEN.

I ASKED AT LEAST FIVE WOMEN TO GO OUT.

SINGLE WOMEN GO THERE TO BE PICKED UP

AND I COULDN'T PICK ONE UP.

DON'T GO. PLEASE?

DON'T GO.

DON'T...

WE'RE MARRIED.

I SAID TO MYSELF I'M GOING TO GO IN

AND OFFER A GIRL A DRINK. DID I DO WRONG?

YOU OUGHT TO RELATE TO WOMEN IN A NATURAL WAY.

IN A LESS SELF-CONSCIOUS AND PRE-DIRECTED MANNER.

YOU SHOULDN'T GO WITH A PURPOSE

OF ACHIEVING THIS OR THAT.

YOU SHOULD LET RELATIONSHIPS HAPPEN AS

THEY DO BY THE ACCIDENTAL CIRCUMSTANCES OF LIFE.

THAT'S WHAT I DO.

YOU'RE ASKING MY ADVICE SO THE ONLY THING

I CAN SAY IS WHAT I DO MYSELF.

I JUST MEET PEOPLE NATURALLY.

IF SOMETHING DEVELOPS, IT DOES.

IF IT DOESN'T, THERE'S NO WAY TO FORCE IT.

ALL I WANT IS TO BE INVOLVED.

YOU MUST BE GOING THERE WITH A VERY

NEGATIVE ATTITUDE AND IT SHOWS AND IT

PROJECTS ITSELF IN SOME WAY AND THEY SENSE IT

AND THAT'S WHY THEY REJECT YOU.

YOU'RE GOING THERE PREDISPOSED

TO BE REJECTED.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO MEET MY DAUGHTER

THIS AFTERNOON, I MENTIONED THAT BEFORE,

AND AFTER SHE GOES BACK WITH HER MOTHER

YOU WANNA MEET IN THE CAFE FOR A DRINK?

YEAH. THANK YOU FOR INVITING ME.

YEAH, SURE, SURE.

I LIKE YOUR COMPANY IN AN ODD KIND OF WAY.

MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE DISAGREED WITH HIM MORE.

MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE SAID 'NO, FUCK YOU.

I'LL DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I FUCKING PLEASE'.

MAYBE HE WOULD'VE LIKED THAT...

KIND OF A CHALLENGE.

HELLO.

YOU'RE LOOKING OKAY.

YOU TOO.

OKAY, SO HOW'S ARIELA DOING?

SHE'S DOING FINE.

OH, GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

FINE, HOW ARE YOU?

I'M OKAY.

THAT'S GOOD.

WELL, I'LL TAKE HER. BYE-BYE.

YOU WENT TO SEE BAMBI?

YES.

DID YOU LIKE THE MOVIE?

YES.

I LIKE IT EVEN IF IT WAS A LITTLE SAD.

I WASN'T SAD, BUT BAMBI WAS SAD.

MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE COMPLAINED SO MUCH.

I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

THAT I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.

I KNOW.

YOU KNOW? ARE YOU SURE?

YES.

ARE YOU REALLY VERY SURE?

MAYBE I SHOULD'VE COOKED MORE.

HOW CAN YOU COOK MORE?

ALL HE EVER ATE WAS HAMBURGERS,

CHEESEBURGERS AND SPAGHETTI.

MAYBE I SHOULD'VE COOKED MORE ANYWAY.

MAYBE I SHOULD'VE LET HIM TALK MORE.

MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE HAD MORE INTEREST

IN HIS WORK.

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BEING A LAWYER.

I WANT TO TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT A PRINCESS.

OKAY.

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A LOVELY PRINCESS...

I HATE WALKING.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

I MARRIED MY MOTHER.

WHAT SORT OF NONSENSE IS THIS NOW?

I DON'T MEAN I WALKED DOWN THE AISLE WITH HER.

I KNOW YOU HAD SOME PHILOSOPHICAL IDEA

IN MIND, BUT JUST TALK TO ME

IN A WAY I CAN UNDERSTAND.

PLEASE DON'T START WITH ME.

I'M NOT IN THE MOOD TO START A FIGHT.

I'M NOT GIVING YOU NONSENSICAL.

WHEN I WAS SEVEN YEARS OLD, MY MOTHER TOLD ME

THAT I TOLD HER THAT I WANTED TO MARRY HER.

YEAH, SO?

AND I THINK THE REASON I NEVER GOT MARRIED

IS PSYCHOLOGICALLY I THINK I MARRIED HER.

DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?

THAT'S WHY YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO APOLOGIZE

TO YOUR MOTHER ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS?

PLEASE DON'T START WITH ME.

YOU NEVER CAN GET SERIOUS WITH ME,

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?

YOU TURN EVERYTHING INTO A JOKE.

I'M LONELY, I'M SICK OF COOKING FOR MYSELF.

I WANNA GET MARRIED. I WANNA SETTLE DOWN.

I WANNA BE HAPPY.

YOU'RE USING TOO MUCH LEMON.

I EXPLAINED TO YOU BEFORE

THAT IT'S GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH.

NOT THAT MUCH LEMON.

THE MORE THE BETTER.

FORGET ABOUT IT, FORGET ABOUT IT.

DON'T GET INVOLVED.

WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY?

I SEE YOU LOOKING AT HER.

I'LL ORDER. I KNOW WHAT I WANT.

UM, I WANT FRIED EGGS.

I DON'T WANT EGGS.

I WANT BACON AND SAUSAGE AND PANCAKES

WITH BLUEBERRY SAUCE AND MAPLE SYRUP.

I DON'T WANT PANCAKES.

NEVER MIND ABOUT THE PANCAKES.

I WANT A HAMBURGER,

A CHEESEBURGER AND FRENCH FRIES

AND SPAGHETTI.

DO YOU HAVE SPAGHETTI HERE?

I DON'T SEE IT. OH, GOD.

I DON'T WANT A HAMBURGER,

I DON'T WANT A CHEESEBURGER

AND I DON'T WANT- DID I SAY FRENCH FRIES?

COULD YOU START OVER AGAIN?

I'M SORRY. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING.

I WANT DESSERT.

I WANT CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM

WITH CHOCOLATE SAUCE WITH WHIPPED CREAM,

ONE CHOCOLATE DONUT AND COFFEE.

I'M SORRY TO DISTURB YOU.

IS SOMETHING THE MATTER?

DID YOU MANAGE TO DECIDE WHAT YOU WANTED TO EAT?

I DON'T THINK IT'S FUNNY.

I'M SURE IT'S NOT. I GUESS I'M JUST,

IN AN INEPT WAY, TRYING TO CHEER YOU UP.

QUIT POKING ME HERE.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

MY NAME'S ELI. WHAT'S YOURS?

ELI.. ELI.. THAT'S A NICE NAME.

ELI, ARE YOU MARRIED?

NO, BUT I WAS. I'M DIVORCED.

OKAY, ARE YOU COMING OVER HERE?

SURE.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME? DON'T BE AFRAID.

I'M NOT AFRAID.

WHAT DID YOU SAY IT WAS?

ZEE.

IS THAT SHORT FOR SOMETHING

OR IS IT A FULL NAME?

DO I LOOK REAL PITIFUL?

YOU FEEL SORRY FOR ME, IS THAT IT?

NO, I'M JUST SYMPATHETIC.

DO YOU DO THIS A LOT?

DO WHAT?

COME OVER AND TALK TO PEOPLE

WHEN THEY'RE PITIFUL?

I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE PITIFUL.

I SAW THAT YOU WERE HAVING A BAD TIME

AND I FELT SYMPATHETIC.

NO, I DON'T DO THIS. NO.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK OF IT.

(I'LL GET THE CHECK, OKAY

DO WHAT YOU WANT; DON'T BOTHER ME NOW.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

NOTHING.

SORRY.

WHAT DID YOU GET TO EAT IN THE END?

WHAT DID YOU ORDER FINALLY?

CHOCOLATE CAKE, A CHOCOLATE DONUT,

CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM WITH CHOCOLATE SAUCE.

YOU KNOW, MAYBE YOU OUGHT TO EAT SOMETHING

MORE NUTRITIOUS AND NOT JUST SOMETHING

CONCENTRATED SWEET LIKE THAT.

I LOVE CHOCOLATE.

ALRIGHT, OKAY.

I'M GLAD YOU SAT HERE.

SEE? YOU CAN'T CHEER ME UP EITHER.

I COME AND SIT IN THIS CAFE

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

I NEVER NOTICED YOU HERE BEFORE.

*...

*

DOESN'T THAT GUY LOOK FAMILIAR,

THE ONE IN THE SHIRT THERE.

WASN'T HE AT THE CAFE?

WHO ELSE WAS THERE?

DO YOU REMEMBER ANY FACES OR ANYTHING?

DO YOU REMEMBER ANY FACES, ELI?

I GO TO THAT CAFE A LOT.

SOME OF THOSE PEOPLE LOOK FAMILIAR TO ME

AS PEOPLE WHO FREQUENT THE CAFE.

IF YOU SEE THEM ON THE STREET WILL YOU TELL ME?

THE CHANCES OF THAT ARE INFINITESIMAL.

IN NEW YORK CITY YOU'RE GOING TO SEE THE SAME

PERSON ON THE STREET THAT YOU SAW IN THE CAFE

IN A DIFFERENT AREA?

AND WHY ARE YOU INTERESTED?

I THINK SOMEBODY'S FOLLOWING ME.

SEE THAT GUY RIGHT THERE?

RIGHT THERE.

THAT GUY, THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING.

THAT IS THE GUY.

DON'T ATTRACT ATTENTION.

THAT'S THE GUY WHO WAS AT THE CAFE.

LOOK AT HIM, HE'S FOLLOWING US.

WHAT DO WE DO? THAT IS THE GUY.

WHAT GUY?

THAT'S THE GUY WHO WAS AT THE CAFE.

HAS HE GOT A GUN?

OH, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

THERE'S NO GUY.

LOOK AT HIM. IT'S THE SAME ONE

WITH THE YELLOW SHIRT AND THE DARK HAIR.

YOU'RE ATTRACTING ATTENTION TO YOURSELF.

STOP THIS.

OKAY, OKAY, ACT NATURAL.

BE QUIET THEN IF YOU WANT TO ACT NATURAL.

SMILE, PEACEFULLY, OKAY?

AUDIENCE WAITING FOR THE MOVIE.

THAT'S THE WAY TO ACT NATURAL.

IF WE GO IN THE MOVIE WE'LL BE IN THE DARK.

SO YOU DIDN'T CARE FOR IT MUCH, HUH?

THE GIRL IS FANTASTIC, BEAUTIFUL,

BUT I CAN'T DANCE WITH HER.

OH, STOP WORRYING.

WELL, DID YOU ENJOY THE MOVIE?

YEAH, I THOUGHT IT WAS WONDERFUL.

IS THAT GUY FOLLOWING US?

NOW WHAT?

WATCH, WATCH.

STOP AND SEE IF HE GOES PAST US.

BUT LOOK, WE'VE BEEN IN THE MOVIE ALL THE TIME.

NOBODY CAME OUT OF THE MOVIE FOLLOWING US

AND DO YOU THINK HE WAS WAITING

OUTSIDE THE MOVIE ALL THE TIME?

I'M BEING FOLLOWED.

I'M SURE BECAUSE I KNOW MY HUSBAND.

HE DOESN'T WANT TO PAY ALIMONY AND HE FIGURES

IF HE CAN CATCH ME OR SET SOMETHING UP

HE'LL NEVER HAVE TO PAY ANYTHING.

NOBODY COULD'VE FOLLOWED US NOW

WITHOUT US KNOWING IT.

ELI, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN CHECKING EVERYBODY OUT.

THEY'RE VERY SURREPTITIOUS

THESE PEOPLE.

LIFE'S JUST NOT WHAT ANYBODY HAD IN MIND.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

OH, JUST... CARROT?

NO, THANKS.

ALMOND?

NO, THANKS, I'VE HAD ENOUGH TO EAT.

I THINK THAT'S THE HARDEST THING

TO GET OKAY ABOUT.

WHAT?

THAT LIFE'S JUST NOT LIKE THEY TOLD US

IT WAS GOING TO BE.

HAS ANYBODY FOLLOWED YOU BEFORE?

ARE YOU A BIT PARANOID?

THAT'S HARD TO ANSWER OBJECTIVELY.

WELL, PARANOIA DEPENDS UPON,

YOU KNOW, IF IT'S TRUE.

IF IT'S TRUE, YOU'RE NOT PARANOID.

*...

* WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, BILLY BOY, BILLY BOY? *...

* OH, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, SUCH A CHARMING *

ARE YOU A SINGER?

ARE YOU A SINGER?

I USED TO SING, YEAH.

I USED TO SING.

THAT'S HOW MY HUSBAND FELL IN LOVE WITH ME.

HE WATCHED ME SINGING AND GOT VERY EXCITED.

HE WAS VERY EXCITED BUT THEN HE SAID...

'NO, STOP SINGING'.

WHEN WE GOT MARRIED HE WANTED ME STOP.

BUT IF HE LIKED YOUR SINGING HOW COME

HE DIDN'T WANT YOU TO DO IT ANYMORE?

WELL, PERHAPS WE SHOULD START GETTING

A LITTLE BIT MORE INTIMATE?

WHY?

WELL, YOU DID INVITE ME BACK HERE WITH YOU.

OH, THAT WAS JUST SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO

COME BACK TO AN EMPTY APARTMENT.

WELL, I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT BECAUSE

NOT ONLY DO I GO BACK TO MY EMPTY APARTMENT,

BUT EVEN WHEN IT'S NOT EMPTY,

EVEN WHEN SOMEONE IS THERE

I STILL ALWAYS FEEL I'M IN AN EMPTY PLACE.

USUALLY, YOU KNOW, HE'S HERE WHEN I COME BACK.

SOMEWHERE.

HE'S USUALLY- HE'S USUALLY OVER THERE.

HE'S GOT A LOT OF PAPERS AND THINGS

SO HE'S LOOKING AT THESE PAPERS.

I CAN'T GET USED TO, YOU KNOW, I COME IN THE DOOR

AND HE'S NOT AROUND THE CORNER.

WHY DON'T YOU TALK?

WELL, I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY, I DON'T WANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL

UNCOMFORTABLE IN ANY WAY.

OH, IT'S NOT YOU.

I THINK YOU'RE VERY NICE. I THINK YOU'RE VERY NICE.

KIND OF FUNNY BUT VERY NICE.

KIND OF FUNNY?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO ELABORATE ON THAT?

WELL, YOU SEEM TO HAVE A LOT OF ENERGY

AND IT GETS STUCK IN YOUR FOREHEAD.

IT GETS STUCK IN MY FOREHEAD?

YEAH, IT COMES OUT AND GOES RIGHT HERE,

YOU KNOW? IT'S LIKE THINKING

INSTEAD OF FLOWING - YOU STOP IT.

DO YOU EVER HAVE THE EXPERIENCE

THAT PEOPLE TELL YOU THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

WELL, I USED TO.

OH, COME ON, I WAS JUST KIDDING.

I WAS JUST GOOD NATUREDLY KIDDING YOU.

DON'T BE UPSET, PLEASE.

PLEASE? I DON'T WANT TO UPSET YOU.

HE ALWAYS UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING I SAID.

I WOULD TALK TO HIM LIKE I WAS WRITING LYRICS

OR SOMETHING. I WOULD JUST GO ON AND ON

AND ON AND HE UNDERSTOOD

EVERYTHING I SAID EVERY TIME.

AND HE WAS ALWAYS INTERESTED TOO.

THAT WAS THE WEIRD PART.

HE WASN'T TOLERATING IT OR PRETENDING TO BE

INTERESTED OR- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I SEE I UPSET YOU VERY MUCH AND I FEEL VERY

BAD ABOUT IT BECAUSE I DIDN'T MEAN IT.

NO, LISTEN TO ME. WHEN I MADE THAT REMARK

I WAS JUST GOOD NATUREDLY KIDDING.

I ENJOYED VERY MUCH THE WAY YOU WERE TALKING,

THAT'S ALL.

NO, IT WASN'T YOU. OKAY?

OKAY.

BUT ANYHOW WE CAN'T FUCK.

WE CAN'T FUCK?

WE CAN'T FUCK?

I CERTAINLY DON'T WANT TO DO SOMETHING

YOU DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE DOING

BUT WE CAN'T HAVE INTERCOURSE?

IS THERE PERHAPS SOMETHING ELSE

THAT YOU'D LIKE TO DO?

LIKE WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE YOU COME UP WITH A SUGGESTION.

YOU MEAN LIKE SLEEPING TOGETHER WITHOUT FUCKING?

I'D BE GLAD TO DO THAT IF YOU WANT TO.

NO, BECAUSE IT WOULD BE THE WRONG BODY.

SORRY. I THINK MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO.

IS THAT ALRIGHT?

SURE, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT

BUT I HOPE YOU'LL WANT TO SEE ME AGAIN.

I DO, YEAH.

I DO, YEAH.

WELL, SO LONG.

I SAID TO HER, 'CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK?'

SHE LOOKS AT ME AND SHE SAYS 'NO, THANK YOU.'

BUT YOU COULD TELL THE 'NO, THANK YOU'

WASN'T JUST LIKE A 'NO, THANK YOU'

THAT OTHER PEOPLE GET.

IT WAS LIKE A DEFINITE CUT OFF: NOT INTERESTED.

EXCUSE ME, WHERE DO I PUT THIS?

I'M SO CONFUSED.

JUST FILE IT AND I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT, OKAY?

IN THE EFFORT TO EXPLAIN SEXUAL ABERRATIONS

FREUD INTRODUCED TWO TERMS:

SEXUAL OBJECT AND SEXUAL AIM.

SHE IS CUTE. HOW WOULD I MEET HER?

BY GETTING INTO A NATURAL CONVERSATION WITH HER.

NOT BY HAVING AN OBJECTIVE OF TRYING TO

HIT ON HER OR PICK HER UP OR DO SOMETHING

BUT JUST BEHAVE NICELY, TALK TO HER,

SHOW AN INTEREST IN HER, IF YOU GENUINELY

HAVE ONE, AND BEHAVE NORMALLY.

'EVERYTHING ABNORMAL HAS ITS NORMAL ROOTS

AND AN ACCIDENTAL FACTOR IN CHILDHOOD

MAY CHANGE THE WHOLE COURSE OF LIFE.

THIS IS PARTICULARLY DEMONSTRABLE WHEN

WE STUDY THE DEVIATIONS IN REFERENCE TO

THE SEXUAL OBJECT AND SEXUAL AIM'.

WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING?

I JUST HAPPENED TO PICK UP A BOOK CALLED...

'THE SEXUALLY ACTIVE MAN PAST 40'

WHICH GOES INTO A LOT OF NONSENSE ABOUT

THE INEVITABLE SEXUAL DECLINE

THAT YOU HAVE TO GRACEFULLY ACCEPT.

THAT BOOK SAID A MAN OF 40 WOULDN'T TRY TO DO AS

MANY PUSH-UPS AS A MAN OF 20 SO WHY SHOULD HE THINK

HE CAN HAVE SEX IN THE SAME WAY?

I WENT IMMEDIATELY TO SEE HOW MANY

PUSH-UPS I COULD DO.

*...

*...

*...

* OH, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN BILLY BOY, BILLY BOY? *...

* OH, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, CHARMING BILLY? *...

* I'VE BEEN TO SEEK A WIFE SHE'S THE JOY OF MY LIFE *...

* SHE'S A YOUNG THING AND CANNOT LEAVE HER MOTHER *

EVERY MONTH MY BODY GOES THROUGH WHOLE SEASONS.

THAT'S NOT A REASON TO BE ANGRY

AND CERTAINLY NOT AT ME.

I'M SORRY. MY HORMONES ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY.

WELL, IT'S AN INTERESTING PHYSIOLOGICAL FACT

THAT WHEN A WOMAN IS PRE-MENSTRUAL

HER HORMONE LEVEL GETS SIMILAR TO THAT OF A MAN'S.

THAT FIGURES.

THAT MEANS WHEN A WOMAN IS HER MOST IRRITABLE

SHE ACTS THE WAY A MAN ACTS ALL THE TIME.

WELL, NO, THAT'S NOT QUITE CORRECT

BECAUSE IT IS A COMPLICATED BALANCE

OF ANDROGENS AND ESTROGENS

AND ADJUSTMENTS OF OTHER HORMONES.

WHEN A WOMAN OVULATES THERE'S THIS LITTLE SEED

THAT COMES OUT AND IT TURNS INTO A GLAND.

YOU HAVE A GLAND EVERY MONTH AND THAT GLAND

SECRETES ESTROGEN THROUGHOUT YOUR BODY

AND THEN YOU FEEL VERY WARM AND MOIST AND LIVELY

AND SEXY AND TURNED ON AND EVERYTHING LIKE THAT

AND THEN IT DROPS AWAY.

AND I THINK MAYBE IT'S A LOSS, YOU KNOW?

IT'S THE LOSS OF THE OPPORTUNITY

TO HAVE A BABY.

I THINK THAT'S WHAT'S DEPRESSING ABOUT IT:

THAT YOU'VE LOST YOUR CHANCE TO HAVE A CHILD

FOR THAT MONTH.

I THINK THAT'S WHY YOU KEEP EATING,

YOU TRY TO GET PREGNANT THROUGH YOUR MOUTH.

I HAVE TO HAVE SOMETHING IN MY MOUTH.

LISTEN, I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, MAY I?

I'M VERY HAPPY THAT YOU AGREED TO MEET ME TODAY.

WELL, THAT'S THE PROBLEM -

I DON'T KNOW WHY I DID IT.

WHAT IF LOUIS DIDN'T GO TO L.A. ?

WHAT IF HE WALKS BY HERE AND SEES ME

SITTING WITH ANOTHER MAN?

I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT THAT.

WHY DO I THINK I'M THINKING ABOUT THAT?

I'M THINKING ABOUT THAT.

'THE CENTURY OF WOMEN ON TOP'.

I LIKE WOMEN ON TOP.

DO YOU?

ARE YOU SERIOUS, MAN?

YOU'VE GOT A WOMAN THERE, TALK TO HER, ALRIGHT?

LARRY, QUIT FUCKING AROUND.

LARRY...

YOU LIKE PIGEONS?

DO I LIKE PIGEONS?

WANT TO HOLD HIM?

NO, SHE DON'T WANNA HOLD HIM.

YOU DON'T WANNA FUCKIN' HOLD HIM.

I WANNA HOLD HIM.

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WANNA DO.

WHAT'S HIS NAME?

EDDIE.

EDDIE?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

GIVING THE GIRL THE PIGEON.

PLEASE DON'T DO THIS.

EDDIE...

COME ON, EDDIE.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

HE LOVES WOMEN.

OH, GESUNDHEIT, BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU

SOMETHING YOU MAY NOT BE AWARE OF.

DO YOU KNOW THERE'S A TREMENDOUS

SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN SNEEZING

AND HAVING ORGASMS?

I DON'T CARE. I DON'T FEEL WELL.

DON'T GET UPSET.

I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING TO PUT YOU

IN A GOOD MOOD AND MAKE YOU FEEL WELL.

I'M GETTING SICK BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL WELL.

WOULD YOU LISTEN TO WHAT I TELL YOU AND

GIVE ME A CHANCE AND SEE IF YOU FEEL BETTER?

WHEN YOU SNEEZE AND WHEN YOU HAVE ORGASMS

IN BOTH CASES THERE'S A BUILD UP OF TENSION.

IT'S DIFFICULT TO GET IT OUT.

WHEN YOU DO GET IT OUT THERE'S A SORT OF LOSS OF

CONSCIOUSNESS AND THEN A TREMENDOUS

SENSE OF RELIEF.

THAT MEANS WHEN YOU'RE HAVING A GOOD VIGOROUS

SNEEZE IT'S ACTUALLY VERY, VERY HEALTHY.

WHY DON'T YOU LEAN THE OTHER WAY

AND PUT YOUR ARM ON THAT CHAIR, HUH?

IT'S OKAY.

IT'S NOT OKAY.

RELAX.

DON'T TELL ME TO FUCKIN' RELAX, ALRIGHT?

I'LL GET UP AND SMACK YOUR HEAD.

IT'S OKAY.

I'LL SAY WHEN IT'S FUCKIN' OKAY.

YOU JUST KEEP YOUR FUCKIN' FACE OVER THERE

BEFORE I GET UP.

BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY.

THERE'S NO INTELLIGENT LIFE DOWN HERE.

PLEASE...

FUCKIN' EAT HIS PIGEON, ALRIGHT?

GO AHEAD.

YOU GO FOR THOSE VIOLENT TYPES?

I'VE HAD ENOUGH PEOPLE TOUCHING ME TODAY,

THANK YOU.

I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER, BABY.

I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.

I'M A LITTLE JUMPY.

WAS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND?

YOU'RE FEELING SICK BECAUSE YOU'RE SMOKING

CIGARETTES WHICH ARE DEPLETING YOUR VITAMIN C.

I'VE BEEN SMOKING CIGARETTES FOR TEN YEARS

AND I'M NOT SICK ALL THE TIME.

IF THIS WERE REALLY LOGICAL I WOULD BE SICK

CONSTANTLY BECAUSE IF THE ONLY REASON

PEOPLE GET SICK IS BECAUSE THEY'RE SMOKING

THEY'D BE SICK ALL THE TIME.

I'M NOT HAPPY. THAT'S WHY I'M GETTING SICK.

I KNOW THAT WHEN I'M NOT HAPPY I GET SICK.

AND I'M TELLING YOU WHY YOU'RE NOT HAPPY.

YOU'RE TELLING ME WHY I'M NOT HAPPY?

FIRST YOU'RE TELLING ME WHY I GET SICK,

NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME WHY I'M NOT HAPPY.

IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO INTELLIGENT

TO SUCCESSFULLY RATIONALIZE A BEHAVIOR

LIKE SMOKING AND YOU FEEL THAT

AND THAT'S WHAT'S UPSETTING YOU.

I STARTED GETTING SICK BEFORE I TRIED TO

RATIONALIZE MY BEHAVIOR ABOUT SMOKING

AND I DON'T TRY TO RATIONALIZE IT.

I DON'T CARE WHY I SMOKE.

I LIKE MY ADDICTIONS.

I LIKE TO WANT TO SMOKE.

I'D RATHER WANT TO SMOKE THAN SMOKE.

THE FIRST TIME I SAW YOU

I FELL MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU.

YOU DON'T BELIEVE THAT, DO YOU?

IT'S THE TRUTH.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I FELT LIKE I KNEW YOU BEFORE.

I FELT LIKE I KNEW YOU.

CLOSE YOUR EYES. RIGHT NOW.

JUST LISTEN WITH YOUR EARS.

*...

*...

*

YOU FEEL BETTER?

YES.

GOOD.

I LIKE THE EARLIER PART BETTER.

THIS IS NICE. SHH.

*...

*

AS A MATTER OF FACT WE'RE GOING TO TRY IT

NOT HEATED UP.

I LIKE SAKE.

I DON'T WANT TO BOTHER HEATING IT UP.

IT TASTES QUITE NICE COLD ALSO.

YEAH.

OH, YOU'VE TASTED IT UNHEATED?

ONCE, WHEN I WAS COOKING I HAD THE WRONG WINE.

I LIKE BEER AND RED WINE AND SAKE.

ARE ALL THESE JUST MASKS?

YEAH, WHEN I USED TO STUDY JUDO YEARS AGO

I USED TO LOOK AT THAT MASK OVER THERE

AND TRY TO IMITATE THE FEROCIOUS FACE

AND I DIDN'T QUITE SUCCEED.

THAT WOULD MAKE YOU STRONGER?

IT WAS PART OF THE SPIRIT OF JUDO

THAT I HAD AT THE TIME.

I DON'T EXACTLY HAVE THAT ANYMORE.

IF YOU GOT ANGRY WOULD YOU BE STRONGER?

WELL, SURE, WITH ALL THE ADRENALINE AND

OTHER THINGS FLOWING - THOSE HORMONAL JUICES

AFFECT YOU IN BEING STRONG TEMPORARILY.

I ABSOLUTELY AGREE.

YOU KNOW THE JAPANESE

GIVE THOSE YELLS AT THE TIME OF ATTACK?

HAI. YAYAYA.

RIGHT?

HAI.

COME ON, DRINK YOUR SAKE.

I ALWAYS WANTED TO LEARN THAT ONE ABOUT

KICKING PEOPLE IN THE NECK.

ISN'T THAT TERRIBLE?

YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE I HAVE A VERY GOOD KICK.

YOU WANNA SEE IT?

SURE, BUT NOT DEMONSTRATED ON ME,

I HOPE.

NO, WATCH THIS.

HAI-UH. IS THAT GOOD?

THOSE THINGS SEEM TO HAVE EYES.

IT WOULD BE STRANGE IF THEY DIDN'T HAVE EYES.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW, ALL THOSE MOVIES YOU SEE

THAT THE HAUNTED HOUSES AND PEOPLE

GO PAST PAINTINGS AND THE EYES FOLLOW THEM.

PEOPLE LOOK THROUGH KEYHOLES

AND PEOPLE AT WINDOWS AND PEOPLE

SHOWING UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT...

GOING THROUGH THE CHIMNEY...

STUFF LIKE THAT.

YOU THINK YOU MIGHT COME BACK AND SIT DOWN HERE?

SURE.

HOW COME YOU TOOK UP WITH ME?

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT PHRASE 'TOOK UP'.

WELL, YOU TOOK UP WITH ME.

YOU HAVE YOUR HAND ON MY HAND RIGHT NOW.

THAT ONE.

IS THAT OKAY?

YEAH.

WELL, IT FELT OKAY TO ME, TOO.

DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?

WELL, I HAD A GIRLFRIEND BUT NOW I JUST SORT OF

HAVE MISCELLANEOUS RELATIONSHIPS.

YOU HAVE 'MISCELLANEOUS RELATIONSHIPS'.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S WHY I'M LOOKING FOR A MORE GENUINE TYPE.

NOW DO YOU GO TO BED WITH THESE MISCELLANEA?

IN A MISCELLANEOUS SORT OF WAY I DO.

I DID HAVE A SORT OF REGULAR RELATIONSHIP,

WHICH IS DIFFICULT FOR ME TO GET INTO

BECAUSE I'M ALWAYS LOOKING FOR IT

BUT AT THE SAME TIME I'M RESISTING IT.

I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO WORK OUT BUT IT DIDN'T.

IS THIS RECENTLY?

WELL, IT'S ABOUT A FEW MONTHS AGO

BUT I STILL THINK ABOUT IT.

NOT THAT I MISS THAT WOMAN SO MUCH BECAUSE

I REALIZE SHE WASN'T APPROPRIATE FOR ME

BUT I FEEL BAD ABOUT NOT BEING

IN A SATISFYING RELATIONSHIP.

WOULD YOU KISS ME, PLEASE?

I DIDN'T COME HERE TO FUCK YOU, YOU KNOW.

I JUST CAME HERE.

I'M NOT A VERY ULTERIOR MOTIVE TYPE OF PERSON.

NEITHER AM I.

OH, GOOD. SO YOU'RE NOT IN LOVE

AND YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR WIFE

AND YOU GOT DIVORCED.

DID YOU EVER LOVE HER VERY MUCH?

UMM, NOT REALLY, NO.

YOU NEVER LOVED HER VERY MUCH.

YOU DIDN'T NOTICE ANYBODY FOLLOWING US

WHEN WE WALKED HERE?

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

NOTHING, DON'T BE CONCERNED.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I'M JUST MEASURING MY PULSE.

I'M MEASURING WHAT MY PULSE IS.

YOU'RE MEASURING YOUR PULSE?

THIS IS A PULSE METER. AS WE'RE MAKING LOVE,

NATURALLY THE PULSE RATE GOES UP.

IT REGISTERS AT A SENSITIVE PART OF

THE EARLOBE. I'M MAKING A COMPARATIVE STUDY.

DON'T WORRY, THIS IS ALL COMPARISON

WITH WOMEN FROM THE PAST.

LIFE IS THE MOST AMAZING, MYSTERIOUS THING.

YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT...

WHERE YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN ONE YEAR,

IN FIVE YEARS, AND SUDDENLY YOU LOOK AROUND

AND IT'S A NEW LIFE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YEAH.

I THINK IT'S THE WATER ON THE POND.

BECAUSE THE WATER ON THE POND I CAN REMEMBER

FROM OTHER TIMES.

IT'S LIKE A LOT OF ROOMS, YOU KNOW, WITH DOORS.

YOUR LIFE IS COMPARTMENTALIZED

INTO THESE ROOMS

AND YOU GO THROUGH THE DOOR IN THE NEW ROOM

AND YOU DON'T KNOW YOU WENT THROUGH THE DOOR.

YOU DIDN'T NOTICE THAT ALL THE WINDOWS

ARE DIFFERENT AND ALL THE CHAIRS ARE DIFFERENT

AND ALL THE RUGS ARE DIFFERENT

AND ALL THE PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT.

IT'S A NEW SETTING. DO YOU FOLLOW ME?

BUT THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN ONE DAY

IN THE MIDDLE OF ONE MOMENT

YOU LOOK AROUND AND SAY WHERE AM I?

WHAT HAPPENED? WHERE AM I?

MY GOD, WHO ARE YOU?

ELI, WHO ARE YOU? WHERE'D THEY GO?

WHAT HAPPENED THERE? YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

IT'S A FUNNY FEELING.

IT'S LIKE WAKING UP IN THE MIDDLE OF A DREAM.

I THINK I JUST WOKE UP.

*...

*...

* WOKE UP IN THE MORNING *...

* IT WAS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT *...

* I LOOK AROUND MY ROOM AND *...

* A LOT OF THINGS ARE CHANGED INSIDE *...

* SO I GO AROUND, ROUND, ROUND, ROUND *...

* SHUFFLE AROUND IN THE DARK *

I RAN OUT OF BREATH.

HOLD IT- THIS BACK FOR ME?

* AND WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE *

OOPS. WRONG LYRIC.

TWO, THREE, AND...

* YEAH, YEAH, YEAH

WHAT IS THE LYRIC?

YOU'VE GOT TO CONSIDER A FEW CIRCUMSTANCES HERE.

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU DID ACTUALLY KNOW

IN REALITY EVERYTHING THAT WOULD HAPPEN?

EVERYTHING WOULD BE COMPLETELY UNBEARABLE

SO WHAT SAVES YOU IS THE FACT THAT YOU DON'T KNOW.

AND SO THE WONDER OF GOING THROUGH SOMETHING

THAT'S VAGUELY FAMILIAR IS

IT'S A MIXTURE OF A SENSE OF KNOWING

AND A SENSE OF NOT KNOWING

COMBINED TOGETHER IN A VERY COMPLEX WAY.

* I'M GOING TO DROWN MY TROUBLES *...

* WITH A HOWARD JOHNSON SHAKE *...

* I'M GONNA SWALLOW MY PRIDE *...

* WITH A SARA LEE FUDGE CAKE *...

* I'M GONNA BE TOO BIG TO CRY *...

* TOO FAT TO DIE...

* DIE...

LET'S WRIST WRESTLE.

WRIST WRESTLE LIKE THIS.

PUT YOUR ELBOW DOWN. I'LL DEMONSTRATE.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE NECESSARILY

GONNA BEAT ME.

GO AHEAD.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN GO AHEAD?

I WENT ALREADY.

GO AHEAD AND PUSH ON MY ARM OR SOMETHING.

I'M GOING.

I MEAN GIVE SOME RESISTANCE.

OH, YOU'RE A WISE GUY.

GIVE SOME RESISTANCE, WILL YOU? COME ON.

OKAY, SO I'M NOT A WEIGHT LIFTER.

THE POINT IS NOT THAT I CAN BEAT YOU.

WHAT IS THE POINT?

ALRIGHT, I'LL PUT YOU OUT OF YOUR MISERY.

THE POINT IS THAT IF I HAD BEEN INCREDIBLY WEAK

I WOULD STILL HAVE WON BECAUSE

I PSYCHOLOGICALLY BLUFFED YOU.

THE POINT IS YOU'RE A LITTLE NUTS.

* YUM, YUM, YUM...

* THIS IS LOVE MONEY CAN'T BUY *...

* YOU GET WHAT YOU SAY *...

* THIS IS LOVE THAT NEVER LIES *...

* I'M GONNA FILL MY LONGING *...

* WITH WHAT REALLY SATISFIES *...

* DORITOS, TEQUILA, CHILI DOG, AND FRIES *...

* THEN I'M GONNA BE TOO BIG TO CRY *...

* AND TOO FAT TO DIE *

EMOTIONALLY SHE'S COMPLETELY UNPREDICTABLE

AND I LIKE IT VERY MUCH IN HER

BECAUSE HER EMOTIONS ARE NICE BUT

THEY MAKE ME UNEASY AND UNCOMFORTABLE.

I'M NOT SECURE IN HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT ME

AND I'M USED TO BEING VERY SURE

THAT A WOMAN LIKES ME AND ME MAKING A CHOICE.

SOMETIMES I THINK SHE LIKES ME TREMENDOUSLY

AND I'M IN THE POSITION TO DECIDE

HOW MUCH I WANT TO LIKE HER AND OTHER TIMES

I'M INSECURE THAT I CAN JUST LOSE HER.

I DON'T KNOW. IN SOME WAYS I'M UNCOMFORTABLE

AND THE MORE I GET TO LIKE HER

THE MORE UNEASY I GET ABOUT THIS SORT OF THING.

* BURGER KING, YOU'RE MY BIG BOY NOW *...

* RONALD MCDONALD, YOU'RE MY KIND OF CLOWN *...

* I'M GONNA BE TOO BIG TO CRY *...

* TOO FAT TO DIE...

* TOO BIG TO CRY AND TOO FAT TO DIE *...

* I'M TOO FAT TO... DIE-IE-IE. *...

* I'M TOO FAT TO... DIE-IE-IE. *...

* I'M TOO FAT TO... DIE-IE-IE. *

I DON'T THINK ANYONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD IS HAPPY.

NO?

NO. WOULD YOU SAY YOU'RE HAPPY?

YOU KNOW WHAT THE KEY TO HAPPINESS IS?

I'LL TELL YOU EXACTLY THE KEY.

YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?

IF YOU CAN TAKE A CAB WHENEVER YOU WANT -

YOU'RE HAPPY.

IF A PERSON CAN TAKE A CAB ANYWHERE HE WANTS

HE'S HAPPY?

THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.

I CAN TAKE A CAB ANYWHERE IF I WANT

AND I'M NOT HAPPY.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT THERE'S A DIRECT

RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN HANGING UPSIDE DOWN

LIKE THIS AND MY ABILITY IN SEX.

YOU'VE EXPRESSED YOUR APPRECIATION FOR MY

ABILITY TO DO IT FOR AN INDEFINITE PERIOD OF TIME

AT AN INTENSE LEVEL?

AND OF COURSE THE BLOOD CIRCULATION IS ONE OF

THE VERY IMPORTANT SEXUAL FACTORS.

THE BLOOD CIRCULATION TO THE SEX ORGANS IS

ENHANCED BY THIS AND NOW I WANT TO GET SOME DIRECT

STIMULATION TO THE GENITAL REGION

AND EVEN THIS WAY I'M STRENGTHENING MY SEXUAL

FUNCTIONING INCREDIBLY AND I HOPE I'LL HAVE

AN OPPORTUNITY TO DEMONSTRATE IT SHORTLY.

MAYBE THIS EXPLANATION SEEMS FAR FETCHED BUT

IF YOU THINK ABOUT THE PHYSIOLOGICAL COMPONENTS

YOU'LL SEE IT REALLY MAKES SENSE

BECAUSE WITHOUT THE BLOOD CIRCULATION

THE ERECTION WOULDN'T FUNCTION ALTOGETHER.

WAS THE DOOR STORE STUCK OR WHAT WAS HAPPENING?

ELI, PLEASE COME DOWN, OKAY?

YOU CAN DIE LIKE THAT.

NOT ONLY THE BLOOD CIRCULATION

BUT THE NEUROLOGICAL STIMULUS

IS ENHANCED COMPLETELY THAT WAY.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO PAY FOR MY BEER.

I'LL PAY FOR YOUR BEER.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO PAY FOR MY BEER.

RAY, I'LL PAY FOR YOUR BEER.

I DIDN'T BRING THIS UP

FOR YOU TO PAY FOR MY BEER.

ALRIGHT, I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.

I'M JUST SAYING, IF I COULD TAKE A CAB

THAT'S ALL I WOULD NEED.

ANYTIME I WANT I COULD TAKE A CAB I'D BE HAPPY.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

CLOSE YOUR EYES AND REMEMBER SOMETHING.

REMEMBER...

DO YOU KNOW THAT THE AVERAGE FAMILY IN JAPAN

WATCHES TELEVISION EIGHT HOURS AND 12 MINUTES

EVERY DAY WHEREAS IN THE U.S.

THEY DO IT FOR SIX HOURS AND 44 MINUTES EVERY DAY?

IN FACT IT'S QUITE INTERESTING.

A GALLUP POLL ON FIVE ITEMS: TELEVISION,

NEWSPAPERS, TELEPHONE, AUTOMOBILE, REFRIGERATOR...

YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE UP FOUR AND JUST KEEP ONE,

WHICH ONE ARE YOU GONNA KEEP?

31% OF THE JAPANESE PREFER THEIR TV SETS.

ONLY 3% OF AMERICANS PREFER THEIR TV SETS.

YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY TOO MUCH DOING THIS IN BED.

THIS IS A PLACE WHERE I SLEEP.

I CAN'T HAVE THIS STUFF IN THIS ROOM.

WOULD YOU PLEASE PUT THAT OUT.

I'M SORRY.

LOOK AT THIS, THIS IS VERY INTERESTING.

WOULD YOU PLEASE PUT THAT OUT FIRST

BECAUSE THAT'S REALLY-

CLOSE YOUR EYES. CLOSE THEM TIGHT.

WHAT DO YOU SEE?

WOULD YOU PLEASE...

LOOK AT THIS MOVIE.

CHESS I PLAY FOR A LIVING

AND FOR THE CHILDREN

SOMETIMES I DO MAGIC TRICKS.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE MOVIE.

WOULD YOU PUT THIS OUT?

WOULD YOU GO TO THE WINDOW AND STICK IT OUT?

WOULD YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM

OR SMOKE IT SOMEWHERE ELSE?

IT'S NOT SO IMPORTANT.

IF IT'S NOT SO IMPORTANT DON'T SHOW YOU'RE

SO ADDICTED TO IT TO THAT TERRIBLE EXTENT.

ELI, I WANT A BABY.

WHAT?

I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A BABY.

NOT WITH YOU BUT I REALLY WANT ONE.

AND YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE ONE WITH ME.

I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T THINK SO.

IN THE SAME BREATH YOU COME UP WITH TWO

EXTREME STATEMENTS: YOU WANT TO HAVE A BABY

AND YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE IT WITH ME.

I CAN'T EVEN THINK STRAIGHT NOW.

SMOKE MAKES YOU NOT THINK STRAIGHT?

THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S INTERESTING.

IT'S A PHYSIOLOGICAL FACTOR.

THE BABY DISCUSSION SHOULD ACTUALLY

BE SMOKING THEN YOU CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT.

NOW LET'S SEE HOW YOU FUNCTION

WHEN YOU DON'T THINK.

I'M ABOUT TO MAKE SOMETHING DISAPPEAR.

DISAPPEAR.

IF YOU HAVE A BABY ARE YOU GOING TO SMOKE

WHILE YOU'RE PREGNANT ALSO?

NO.

ARE YOU GOING TO SMOKE AFTER THE BABY'S BORN?

NO.

YOU'RE NEVER GONNA SMOKE AGAIN IF YOU HAVE A BABY?

MAYBE NOT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN MAYBE NOT?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT.

BUT YOU'D MAKE SOME PLANS OF WHAT YOU INTEND TO DO.

I'M NOT GONNA SMOKE IF I GET PREGNANT

BUT I'M NOT PREGNANT.

IT'S NOT ONLY A QUESTION OF WHEN YOU'RE PREGNANT.

IT'S A QUESTION OF THE CHILD YOU'RE BRINGING UP.

PLEASE DISAPPEAR.

I THOUGHT WE WERE HAVING

A SERIOUS DISCUSSION HERE.

COME ON, THIS IS TOO RIDICULOUS.

AT LEAST GET RID OF THIS THING.

NOW CAN WE TURN OFF THE TV

AND HAVE A SERIOUS DISCUSSION ABOUT THIS?

I CAN'T EVEN GET THIS THING OUT AND THE SMOKE

HAS GOTTEN ALL OVER THE PLACE HERE.

OKAY, NOW...

BEYOND THE REALM OF KNOWLEDGE

IS AN UNKNOWN KINGDOM.

WATCH.

OKAY?

NOW.

DO YOU WANT TO HAVE A BABY

AND DO YOU WANT TO HAVE A BABY WITH ME?

I GUESS IT WAS JUST A FANTASY.

THEN WHY DID YOU IMMEDIATELY SAY

NOT WITH ME?

BECAUSE I NEVER THOUGHT OF HAVING

A BABY WITH YOU.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT IT NOW?

IT SEEMS ODD.

YEAH, I ADMIT THAT IT SEEMS ODD.

I MEAN, IT JUST SEEMS ODD.

LAST NIGHT IN MY SLEEP

I DREAMED THAT I WAS SLEEPING AND,

DREAMING IN THAT SLEEP THAT I HAD AWAKENED,

I FELL ASLEEP.

* SOME DAY WHEN I'M AWFULLY LOW *...

* WHEN THE WORLD IS COLD *...

* I WILL FEEL A GLOW JUST THINKING OF YOU *...

* AND THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT *...

* OH, BUT YOU'RE LOVELY *...

* WITH YOUR SMILE SO WARM AND YOUR CHEEK SO SOFT *...

* THERE IS NOTHING FOR ME BUT TO LOVE YOU *...

* JUST THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT *...

* WITH EACH WORD YOUR TENDERNESS GROWS *...

* TEARING MY FEAR APART *...

* AND THAT LAUGH THAT WRINKLES YOUR NOSE *...

* TOUCHES MY FOOLISH HEART *...

* LOVELY, NEVER, NEVER CHANGE *...

* KEEP THAT BREATHLESS CHARM *...

* WON'T YOU PLEASE ARRANGE IT *...

* 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU *...

* JUST THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT *...

*...

*...

*...

* 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU *...

* JUST THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT *...

* JUST THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT. *

YOU KNOW, ELI, YOU DON'T LOOK AROUND VERY MUCH.

LOOK OVER THERE.

THOSE FLOWERS ARE GLOWING.

THIS IS A VERY BEAUTIFUL TIME OF NIGHT.

I'M THINKING, THOUGH.

I'M ANALYZING SOME THINGS.

WELL, THAT'S THE TROUBLE, DARLING.

YOU'RE TOO MUCH IN YOUR HEAD.

YOU THINK ALL THE TIME.

YOUR EYES GET SMALLER AND SMALLER

AND GO BACK INTO YOUR HEAD.

LOOK AT HOW BEAUTIFUL IT ALL IS.

SEE HOW THE BLUE SHIRTS GLOW

AND HOW ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE SO WONDERFUL?

I BET YOU'RE THINKING.

YES, I'M THINKING. WHY?

YOU DON'T LOOK AROUND, I WANT YOU TO LOOK AROUND.

LOOK AT HOW BEAUTIFUL THIS TIME OF DAY IS.

EVERYTHING IS GLOWING.

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

THE GREENS OF THOSE TREES.

LOOK, THAT BUILDING LOOKS PURPLE.

IT'S VIBRANT. IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

LOOK OVER THERE AT THOSE FLOWERS.

THEY'RE GOLD AND IT'S AGAINST THIS NAVY GREEN-

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WHAT DID YOU SUDDENLY JUMP FOR?

THAT GUY. HE'S THAT DARK GUY.

I THOUGHT I SAW THAT DARK GUY BEFORE.

OH, ARE YOU STARTING THIS AGAIN?

YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL IN THIS LIGHT, ELI.

YOU'RE NICE BUT YOU'RE A LITTLE TOO EMOTIONAL,

YOU KNOW THAT?

YOU THINK SO? PEOPLE ALWAYS THINK I'M STUPID

BECAUSE I FEEL THINGS.

NO, NO, I DON'T MEAN THAT WAY.

YOU'RE VERY LUCKY TO HAVE ALL THESE FEELINGS.

THERE'S NO CONTRADICTION BETWEEN FEELINGS AND

LOGIC BUT WHEN YOU CATCH ME THINKING AND ANALYZING

THAT DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T HAVE FEELINGS

AND SO FORTH.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

NOTHING.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

ELI...

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I CAN'T.

DON'T EVER DO THIS AGAIN, OKAY?

IT'S BULLSHIT.

I DON'T WANT ANY- SHH, SHH, SHH.

I DON'T WANT ANY EXPLANATION.

I CAN'T PUT UP WITH THIS STUFF.

VERY, VERY, VERY BIG TURN-OFF, ELI.

IT'S A SCIENTIFIC-

SHH SHH SHH.

BUT I'M MAKING A SCIENTIFIC STUDY THAT-

IT'S OF INTEREST TO US BOTH BECAUSE DEPENDING ON

WHAT'S GOING ON WHEN WE MAKE LOVE

IT REGISTERS DIFFERENTLY ON THE PULSE METER.

DARLING, I WILL NEVER MAKE LOVE TO YOU AGAIN

IF YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE

THAT THIS IS AN ASININE THING TO DO.

NO, I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND

WHY IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

IT IS AN ASININE THING TO DO

AND I WANT YOU TO ADMIT THAT TO ME.

NOW DON'T BE CLOSED MINDED AGAIN.

I'M NOT BEING CLOSED MINDED.

THIS IS HORSE SHIT.

I TOLERATE A LOT OF THIS WHAT YOU CALL...

'OBJECTIVE' CRAP, YOU KNOW?

CRAP, YES. FINE.

THIS IS OBJECTIVE INSANITY.

AND I TOLERATE ALL YOUR EMOTIONAL STUFF BECAUSE

YOU'RE SUCH A NICE PERSON BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE

EMOTIONAL AT THE EXPENSE OF BEING REASONABLE

AND SCIENTIFIC AND OBJECTIVE AND ANALYTICAL.

SEX IS NOT AN ANALYTICAL EXPERIMENT.

NO, BUT THERE ARE ANALYTICAL MEASUREMENTS

YOU CAN MAKE ABOUT IT.

GO TO A SEX COURSE.

GO TO ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE MASTERS AND MASTERY.

NO, I KNOW BETTER THAN THOSE PEOPLE DO.

I'M DOING A SCIENTIFIC STUDY OF MY OWN.

I WANT TO PROVE TO MYSELF WHAT I KNOW.

WHAT I KNOW EMOTIONALLY I NOW WANT TO PROVE

INTELLECTUALLY AND OBJECTIVELY WHICH IS THAT

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I'VE EVER LOVED ANYONE

OR THAT I'M CAPABLE OF LOVING SOMEONE.

THIS IS GOING TO DETERMINE IT

AND THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND

WHY IT'S NECESSARY TO DO IT.

* LAST NIGHT AS I LAY ON MY PILLOW *...

* LAST NIGHT AS I LAY ON MY BED *...

* LAST NIGHT AS I LAY ON MY PILLOW *...

* I DREAMT THAT MY BONNY WAS DEAD *...

* BRING BACK BRING BACK *...

* BRING BACK MY BONNY TO ME, TO ME *...

* BRING BACK BRING BACK *...

* PLEASE BRING BACK MY BONNY TO ME *

MY MOTHER CALLS ME.

SHE CALLS ME LAST NIGHT,

SHE WANTS A WASHING MACHINE.

CAN I ASK YOU TO HOLD THAT CIGAR

ON THE OTHER SIDE, I DON'T LIKE THE SMELL.

IT'S VERY BAD FOR MY HEALTH.

JUST HOLD IT AWAY FROM ME.

I KNOW WHERE I'VE SEEN YOU BEFORE.

YOU WERE SINGING AT THE IMPROV, RIGHT?

YEAH.

WHAT WERE YOU DOING THERE?

REHEARSING A SCENE.

YOU WERE ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL.

THANKS.

I CRIED.

DID YOU?

REAL TEARS?

ABSOLUTELY. I FELL MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU.

EDDIE...

COME ON, EDDIE.

SAY HELLO TO THE PEOPLE, EDDIE.

WANNA PET HIM?

DOES HE LIKE IT?

HE LOVES IT.

WATCH OUT, HE BITES.

PECKS, YOU KNOW? HE MIGHT PECK YOUR HAND.

COME ON, PECK ME EDDIE. GO ON.

HE'S GOT A TRAINED BIRD.

IT'S UNUSUAL.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT HIS BIRD.

ARE YOU TRYING TO HARASS ME WITH THIS GUY?

ARE YOU SINGING SOMEWHERE, DARLIN'?

NO, I'M NOT.

I'M JUST REHEARSING AT THE IMPROV.

I'M PROBABLY GONNA GET AN ACT TOGETHER.

DECIDING WHAT TO PUT IN IT, YOU KNOW.

YOU SHOULD, YOU SHOULD.

MAKE PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU,

MAKE PEOPLE CRY.

I THINK I'D LIKE ANOTHER COFFEE OR SOMETHING.

IS THIS JUST A GENERAL FLIRTATIOUS BEHAVIOR

ON YOUR PART OR IS THIS A MEANS OF ANNOYING ME?

OR MAYBE YOU REALLY LIKE THIS GUY.

WHAT'S THE JOKE? WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT IT.

I'M ASKING YOU A VERY DIRECT QUESTION.

FUNNY THINGS MAKE ME LAUGH, ELI.

YEAH. I'M NOT FUNNY ENOUGH FOR YOU?

CAN I TALK TO YOU, SWEETHEART?

I MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP YOU.

WITH WHAT?

I KNOW PEOPLE IN THE RECORDING BUSINESS.

AH, GO ON.

CAN I TALK TO YOU

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

YOU WANT TO GO OFF AND TALK TO THIS GUY?

JUST FOR A SECOND.

I WANT TO ASK YOU SOMETHING FOR A SECOND.

IT'S NOT IMPORTANT, ELI.

I'LL SEE YOU IN A MINUTE.

YOU KNOW, I'LL JUST...

YOU'RE A GREAT SINGER, YOU KNOW THAT?

I THINK YOU'RE WONDERFUL, I DO.

HOW ABOUT A RECORD CONTRACT?

OH, COME ON.

I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU ALL NIGHT LONG.

I'M MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU.

SURE.

I AM, ABSOLUTELY.

I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU FOR A LONG TIME.

JESUS CHRIST, YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.

TELL ME SOMETHING.

WHO'S THIS GUY YOU'RE WITH.

HE'S THIS GUY...

IS HE YOUR HUSBAND?

NO, WE'RE NOT MARRIED.

OH, REALLY?

DO YOU COME HERE OFTEN?

ARE YOU WITH HIM?

YEAH, I CAME WITH HIM.

TIED UP, HUH?

LISTEN, I'M WITH SOMEBODY TOO.

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE LEAVE?

TOGETHER?

YEAH.

IF I WAS WITH SOMEONE FOR ONE DAY

SHE WOULDN'T BEHAVE THAT WAY

GOING OFF WITH A GUY WITH A CIGAR AND AN

OBNOXIOUS MANNER AND A PHONY COME-ON LIKE THAT.

IS SHE DOING THIS JUST TO HARASS ME?

WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?

YOU'VE SEEN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HER.

ANSWER ME.

LET'S JUST TALK ABOUT THIS.

LET'S TAKE A WALK.

WHERE?

TO MY PLACE.

I'M MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU.

IS THIS GUY YOUR BOYFRIEND?

WHAT DOES HE DO? HE JUST GOES OFF LIKE THAT?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

LARRY... LARRY?

YOU PROMISED YOU WEREN'T GOING TO

DO THIS TO ME ANYMORE.

LARRY, DON'T DO THIS TO ME, PLEASE?

THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE.

LARRY?

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO-

LARRY.

GO AHEAD AND ENJOY YOURSELF

IF THAT'S YOUR TASTE. GO AWAY.

I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE.

YOU KNOW I'M REALLY VERY HAPPY THAT THIS HAPPENED

BECAUSE IF THAT'S THE WAY SHE IS IT'S VERY GOOD.

IT JUST SHOWS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I

ALLOW MYSELF TO LIKE A WOMAN, YOU KNOW?

UH, EXCUSE ME?

YEAH?

MY NAME IS LOUISE, HI.

I'M ELI.

DO YOU MIND IF I SIT WITH YOU?

I FEEL VERY EMBARRASSED

SITTING HERE BY MYSELF RIGHT NOW.

SURE, WHAT THE HELL.

COME OVER HERE AND SIT WITH ME.

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY

ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?

I'M VERY EMBARRASSED RIGHT NOW.

YEAH?

AND I DON'T WANT TO DRAW ANY ATTENTION

TO OURSELVES, ALRIGHT?

YOU'RE PROBABLY THINKING ABOUT THIS BOYFRIEND

OF YOURS BUT I DON'T CARE ANYTHING ABOUT HIM.

HE CAN DO WHAT HE WANTS.

I'M COMPLETELY DISGUSTED AND DISILLUSIONED-

WHY?

BECAUSE THIS WASN'T JUST SOME WOMAN-

EVEN IF IT WAS A WOMAN I'D JUST MET TODAY-

I MEAN, THAT SHE WOULD JUST GO OFF IN FRONT OF ME

WITH A GUY WHO COMES ON TO HER LIKE THAT.

BUT THIS IS A WOMAN I REALLY LIKED AND I HAD A

NICE FEELING ABOUT HER AND HOW COULD SHE JUST..?

LARRY SAID HE WAS NEVER GOING TO DO THIS AGAIN.

HE GOES OUT WITH WOMEN FROM TIME TO TIME.

HE'S AN ACTOR AND ACTORS DO STRANGE THINGS BECAUSE

THEY FEEL THEY HAVE TO DO RESEARCH FOR PARTS.

HE'S PLAYING A CRAZY ARTIST AT THE MOMENT

SO I GUESS HE FEELS HE HAS TO-

I DON'T CARE WHAT HE FEELS LIKE

AND IF HE SUCCEEDS IN DOING IT.

BUT HOW COULD SHE-

WOULD IT BE ALRIGHT IF I STAY WITH YOU TONIGHT

BECAUSE I'M NOT ALLOWED TO GO BACK TO MY HOUSE

WHEN HE DOES THINGS LIKE THIS.

OH, HE DOES THINGS LIKE THIS REGULARLY

AND THEN YOU GO OFF WITH THE GUY WHO

NO, HE DOESN'T DO IT REGULARLY.

HE USED TO DO IT A LOT BUT HE PROMISED

HE WAS NEVER GONNA DO IT AGAIN.

NOW HE'S DOING IT AND I DON'T HAVE ANY PLACE

TO STAY BECAUSE I USED TO LINE UP ALL MY FRIENDS'

APARTMENTS SO I COULD STAY WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS

BUT EVERYBODY'S OUT OF TOWN OR OFF ON VACATION

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.

PLEASE LET ME SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU?

PLEASE. WE DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING.

I FEEL VERY STRANGE ASKING YOU THIS

BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY PLACE TO STAY.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

I DON'T KNOW. I'M NOT SURE.

I KNOW WHY I'M HERE, YOU KNOW.

OH, YEAH?

YEAH.

I'M HERE BECAUSE YOUR EYES ARE BROWN

AND YOUR HAIR IS BLACK.

I'M HERE BECAUSE YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT

ABOUT ME. THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

I'M GONNA ASK YOU SOMETHING.

YOU LEAVE PEOPLE, RIGHT?

DO YOU LEAVE PEOPLE?

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN WITH A WOMAN YOU DIDN'T LEAVE?

SURE.

HA.

WHAT DO YOU WANT? ROMEO AND JULIET?

DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

I AM MARRIED.

IF YOU MULTIPLY THE NUMBER OF WOMEN

I'VE HAD SEX WITH

TIMES THE AVERAGE NUMBER OF MEN

EACH OF THEM HAS HAD SEX WITH, YOU ACTUALLY GET A

STATISTICAL SAMPLE THAT'S LARGER THAN KINSEY'S.

FOR EXAMPLE, IF I'VE HAD SEX WITH 85 WOMEN

AND EACH OF THEM HAS HAD SEX WITH 50 GUYS,

I'VE GOT A SAMPLE OF 4,250 MEN

TO COMPARE MYSELF WITH.

*

I DON'T WANT TO BE A VICTIM ANYMORE.

HERE, HAVE SOME MORE SAKE.

I DON'T FEEL TOO GREAT MYSELF.

*

THAT'S A PICTURE OF ME ON YOUR WALL.

MMM HMM.

THERE'S A LOT OF PICTURES OF ME ON YOUR WALL.

MMM HMM.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'MMM HMM'?

YOU'VE BEEN TAKING PICTURES OF ME.

MMM HMM.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, I DON'T FEEL TOO GOOD ABOUT IT.

CAN I SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU?

I DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA BECAUSE

YOU LOOK LIKE A VERY NICE PERSON.

BUT WE'RE NOT HERE BECAUSE WE LIKE EACH OTHER

OR WE WANTED TO BE WITH EACH OTHER.

I'M HERE BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY PLACE TO GO.

PLEASE LET ME SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU.

I WON'T CAUSE YOU ANY TROUBLE, I PROMISE.

YOU THINK WE CAN FEEL OKAY TOGETHER?

YOU'VE BEEN TAKING PICTURES OF ME.

I LIKE YOU SO I TAKE PICTURES.

DON'T GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT.

YOU'RE A HIRED PERSON

AND YOU'RE PHOTOGRAPHING THIS.

VERY KINKY.

WHERE'S THE CAMERA?

KINKY, MY ASS, YOU FUCKING CREEP.

WHERE'S THE CAMERA?

GET OFF.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

GASP. THERE'S THE CAMERA. THERE'S THE CAMERA.

OKAY, THERE YOU ARE, YOU FUCKING BASTARD.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU THINK YOU HAD ME, DON'T YOU?

YOU DON'T HAVE ME. WE'RE NOT FUCKING.

WE'RE NOT FUCKING, YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER.

YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD DO THIS TO ME

SO YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO PAY ME ANY MONEY.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT MONEY.

YOU DIDN'T GET ANYTHING SEXY, DID YOU?

YOU GOT FACES.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?

I HATE YOU.

I'LL NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN AS LONG AS I LIVE.

YOU DON'T LOVE ME AT ALL. YOU DON'T LOVE ME AT ALL.

SHUT UP.

YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS TO ME IF YOU LOVED ME.

MAYBE, MAYBE. ALRIGHT.

CAREFUL, CAREFUL.

UH, WAIT A MINUTE.

I SAID I WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU

BUT I DIDN'T SAY I WANTED TO MAKE LOVE WITH YOU.

DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE RUSHING THINGS A LITTLE?

A MOMENT AGO IT SEEMED TO BE THE TWO OF US

RUSHING THINGS A LITTLE BIT.

STOP.

AAAH.

EXCUSE ME. HI.

SO COULD YOU SIT UP?

COULD YOU SIT UP, PLEASE?

OH, SURE, OF COURSE. WHY NOT?

SIT UP.

I NEED A LITTLE SAKE.

HOW COME YOU PUT IN AN APPEARANCE HERE?

ELI, THE MOST WONDERFUL THING HAPPENED.

WHERE'S LARRY?

LARRY? HE'S HOME.

REMEMBER HOW I WAS ALWAYS UPSET THAT

SOMEBODY WAS FOLLOWING ME AND I WAS PARANOID?

I WAS RIGHT.

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

I WANT TO TELL YOU

THIS MOST WONDERFUL THING, DARLING.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

OH, NOTHING'S THE MATTER WITH ME.

JUST GO AHEAD.

DID YOU FUCK HIM?

YOU FUCKED HIM, DIDN'T YOU?

SHE FUCKED HIM. I CAN SMELL HIM ON YOU.

YOU HAVE A VERY GOOD NOSE.

YOU WENT HOME WITH HIM.

I'M SORRY IF I HURT YOUR FEELINGS.

DON'T CONSIDER MY FEELINGS BECAUSE THEY-

I'M SORRY IF I HURT YOUR FEELINGS.

I NEVER PROMISED YOU I'D BE YOURS FOREVER.

YEAH, YEAH. GO BACK TO THAT BOYFRIEND OF YOURS.

WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE, BY THE WAY, DEAR?

WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?

SOME PHONY, SLICK GUY, AND YOU JUST GO OFF

WITH HIM AND YOU ASK ME WHAT SHE'S DOING HERE?

OH, MY GOD, AND THEN SHE RUNS BACK TO THIS GUY?

I'M SORRY.

YOU'RE SORRY?

WE'RE NOT GETTING MARRIED OR ANYTHING.

WE'RE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP, ELI.

WE'RE FRIENDS, YOU KNOW?

WONDERFUL.

I PUT UP WITH A LOT OF BULLSHIT FROM YOU.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR LATEST INTERCOURSES.

I CARE ABOUT THE WAY YOU TREAT ME-

I TOLD YOU I WAS SORRY.

PEOPLE DO THAT, YOU KNOW?

YOU WEREN'T BORN YESTERDAY

AND YOU WERE GOING TO FUCK THIS GIRL

IT SEEMS TO ME, OR WERE YOU?

WHAT WAS THE OTHER THING YOU WERE

ABOUT TO TELL ME ABOUT FOLLOWING?

SEE HOW EASILY YOU CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

I CHANGE THE SUBJECT?

I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING NOW.

I WAS RIGHT. I WAS BEING FOLLOWED.

I WAS NOT PARANOID.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

THERE WAS SOMEBODY FOLLOWING ME.

IT WAS ALWAYS TRUE AND MY HUSBAND HAD HIRED

THIS LARRY PERSON BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT I LIKED

THAT KIND OF LOOK AND EVERYTHING AND

IF HE SENT SOMEONE TO FOLLOW ME,

WHY THAT MEANS THAT HE DOESN'T LOVE ME.

AND I'M PROBABLY WRONG BECAUSE I THINK

HE DOESN'T LOVE ME AND I KNOW HE REALLY LOVES ME

SO I'M HAVING A CONTRADICTION WITH MYSELF,

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

NO.

I'M GONNA FAINT AND THIS IS THE BEST PART.

OKAY, SO I'M SITTING THERE AND I REALIZE

HE DOESN'T LOVE ME. HE REALLY DOESN'T.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

IT MEANS THAT WE'RE FREE.

OH, IS THAT SO?

YES. I DIDN'T EVEN RUN HOME, I WALKED HOME.

I WALKED. I WAS SO HAPPY I DIDN'T HAVE TO RUN.

SHHH.

SO NOW I'M YOURS. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

SMILE.

*...

*...

*...

* CAN SHE BAKE A CHERRY PIE *...

* BILLY BOY, BILLY BOY? *...

* CAN SHE BAKE A CHERRY PIE, CHARMING BILLY? *...

* CAN SHE BAKE A CHERRY PIE? *...

* QUICK AS A CAT CAN WINK AN EYE? *...

* SHE'S A YOUNG THING AND CANNOT LEAVE HER MOTHER *

WOULD YOU LIKE MENUS?

UMM, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO EAT.

I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU NOT WANT TO EAT, ZEE.

I'LL HAVE A CHOCOLATE CAKE WITH A CANDLE.

I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T HUNGRY.

YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY AND YOU WANT A CAKE?

IT'S NOT FOR ME.

IT'S NOT FOR ME.

I DON'T WANT ANY CAKE NOW.

IT'S A DEPRESSANT, IT'S CONCENTRATED SUGAR,

IT INTERFERES WITH PROTEIN ABSORPTION,

IT OVERWORKS THE PANCREAS,

THE DELICATE INSULIN/SUGAR BALANCE.

I THINK I'M PREGNANT.

I THINK I'M PREGNANT.

OH, MY GOD.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

I FEEL TERRIBLE.

HERE'S YOUR CAKE WITH A CANDLE.

I THINK IT'S GONNA BE A GIRL, YOU KNOW.

IF YOU FEEL SICK, IT'S GOING TO BE A GIRL.

IF YOU DON'T FEEL SICK IT'S GONNA BE A BOY.

YOU KNOW, THE TALMUD CLAIMS THAT YOU CAN TELL

WHETHER IT'S GONNA BE A BOY OR A GIRL ON THE

BASIS OF WHETHER DURING THE INTERCOURSE

THE WOMAN HAD AN ORGASM OR NOT.

IF SHE HAD AN ORGASM IT'S GOING TO BE A BOY.

IF SHE DIDN'T HAVE AN ORGASM,

IT'S GOING TO BE A GIRL.

DOESN'T SAY TOO MUCH FOR ME.

I MEAN, ESPECIALLY I ALREADY HAD A GIRL.

I ALREADY HAVE A GIRL.

I'M SORRY.

NO, NO. I LIKE GIRLS.

I PREFER GIRLS.

LOOK... POKE IT.

NOW LISTEN TO THIS.

THIS IS FASCINATING.

ALTHOUGH IN THE PUBLIC MIND SAKHAROV IS CHIEFLY

ASSOCIATED WITH HIS FIGHT FOR HUMAN RIGHTS IN THE

SOVIET UNION, ANDREI SAKHAROV'S SCIENTIFIC

WORKS DOCUMENT HIS CONTRIBUTIONS TO

COSMOLOGY INCLUDING WHAT MAY HAVE HAPPENED

IN THE FIRST FRACTION OF A SECOND AFTER

THE UNIVERSE WAS FORMED AND THE POSSIBILITY

THAT TIME MAY HAVE REVERSED ITS DIRECTION

AT THE MOMENT OF THE UNIVERSE'S BIRTH.

MALE FRAGILITY SEEMS PARADOXICAL

WHEN WE CONSIDER THAT MEN HAVE BEEN REGARDED

AS THE STRONGER SEX THROUGHOUT THE CENTURIES

AND CERTAINLY HAVE BEEN THE DOMINANT SEX.

A SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE THAT WILL

DETERMINE DOMINANCE IN THE FUTURE

WILL NOT BE PHYSICAL STRENGTH BUT MENTAL.

WHAT IS INTERESTING IS THAT THE MIND

NOT THE BODY IS SEXUALLY DIFFERENTIATED.

THIS IS SO FANTASTIC.

MEN AND WOMEN DO NOT THINK THE SAME WAY.

THEIR BRAINS ARE ALMOST AS DIFFERENT

AS THEIR SEX ORGANS.

THREE AND A HALF AS MANY BOY BABIES AS GIRL BABIES

HIT THEIR HEADS AGAINST THE SIDE OF THEIR CRIBS.

POOR BOY BABIES.

YOU THINK THAT'S ACTUALLY SO?

I THINK THAT'S ACTUALLY SO.

WHY IS THAT THE CASE?

I DON'T KNOW.

JUST BECAUSE YOU READ IT SOMEWHERE-

I BELIEVE IT.

WHY?

BECAUSE I'VE TALKED TO WOMEN WHO HAVE BABIES

AND LITTLE BOY BABIES I'M TOLD MOVE AROUND

A LOT MORE THAN LITTLE GIRL BABIES.

THEY'RE MORE ACTIVE.

EXACTLY 31/2 TIMES AS MUCH.

WHO KNOWS?

SO THEY BANG THEIR HEADS.

I DON'T THINK THAT'S SO BAD.

I MEAN, I'M JUST WONDERING

WHY THEY DO IT MORE THAN GIRLS.

THEY SEEM TO HAVE MORE ENERGY.

THEY SEEM TO BE MORE, I DON'T KNOW, BRUTAL.

YOU KNOW, LITTLE BOYS ALWAYS BEAT EACH OTHER UP

AND LITTLE GIRLS DON'T.

LITTLE BOYS ALWAYS GET INTO STREET FIGHTS

WITH KNIVES AND LITTLE GIRLS DON'T.

DO YOU THINK THAT'S A CULTURAL TRAIT

OR DO YOU THINK IT'S HEREDITARY?

I DON'T THINK IT'S HEREDITARY,

I THINK IT'S GENETIC.

I THINK IT'S IN THEIR CELLS.

IT'S IN THEIR LITTLE CELLS.

I THINK MEN ARE MORE REVENGEFUL.

I THINK MEN ARE HARDER.

I'M SORRY.

* OH, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN BILLY BOY, BILLY BOY? *...

* OH, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, CHARMING BILLY? *...

* I HAVE BEEN TO SEEK MY WIFE *...

* SHE'S THE JOY OF MY LIFE *...

* SHE'S A YOUNG THING *...

* AND SHE CANNOT LEAVE HER MOTHER *...

*...

* OH, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN BILLY BOY, BILLY BOY?

* OH, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, CHARMING BILLY? *...

* I'VE BEEN TO SEEK A WIFE *...

* SHE'S THE JOY OF MY LIFE *...

* SHE'S A YOUNG THING AND CANNOT LEAVE HER MOTHER *...

* DID SHE BID YOU TO COME IN, BILLY BOY, BILLY BOY? *...

* DID SHE BID YOU TO COME IN, CHARMING BILLY? *...

* YES, SHE BADE ME TO COME IN *...

* THERE'S A DIMPLE IN HER CHIN *...

* SHE'S A YOUNG THING AND CANNOT LEAVE HER MOTHER *...

*...

*...

* SOME DAY WHEN I'M AWFULLY LOW *...

* WHEN THE WORLD IS COLD *...

* I WILL FEEL A GLOW JUST THINKING OF YOU *...

* AND THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT *...

* OH, BUT YOU'RE LOVELY *...

* WITH YOUR SMILE SO WARM AND YOUR CHEEK SO SOFT *...

* THERE IS NOTHING FOR ME BUT TO LOVE YOU *...

* JUST THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT *...

* WITH EACH WORD YOUR TENDERNESS GROWS *...

* TEARING MY FEAR APART *...

* AND THAT LAUGH THAT WRINKLES YOUR NOSE *...

* TOUCHES MY FOOLISH HEART *...

* LOVELY, NEVER NEVER CHANGE *...

* KEEP THAT BREATHLESS CHARM *...

* WON'T YOU PLEASE ARRANGE IT *...

* 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU *

* JUST THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT *