Original subtitles

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Keep dialing. Keep dialing.

MAN: Would you like to learn how to control stress on the job,

at home or in everyday life?

Stress Vitamin Therapy could be for you.

MARGO: Hello, this is Margo.

Would you like to learn how to control stress on the job,

at home or in your everyday life? Keep dialing.

Stress Vitamin Therapy could be for you.

MAN ON PHONE: Up yours.

Keep dialing.

Yeah, same to you.

Okay.

Sure.

All right. The number is?

Keep dialing.

MAN: You do? You want it?

(SIGHS) And the expiration date on that? Okay.

Keep dialing.

Hi, this is Margo.

Would you like to learn how to control stress on the job,

at home or in everyday life?

MAN: 5:00!

(ALL CHATTERING)

(BIRD CHIRPING)

(PHONE RINGING)

Do you want it?

Thanks a lot, you guys.

MAN: Wow. Bye, Kelly.

Bye-bye, Kelly.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

MARGO: What a zoo.

You should get a commission.

There. You'll love it.

(SCREAMS)

Too much yellow.

She said she wanted to look younger.

This is it, Cece.

I put you in window display and what do you do?

People talked about those windows.

Talked about them? I got hate mail!

Then I put you in Juniors. Forty Perry Ellis sweaters.

They weren't selling anyway.

So you rip the sleeves off and jab holes in the back!

I was distressing them.

I'll give you distressed, young lady. You're fired!

Here she comes.

How was your day?

Fine.

♪ Everywhere I go

♪ I think of you Everywhere I go

So how was your day? As bad as mine, huh?

Yeah.

♪ Everywhere I go

Okay.

♪ I need you Everywhere I go

Time to catch some Z's.

♪ Everywhere I go

♪ When my eyes had been so red

♪ I'd been mistaken for dead

♪ But not tonight

(ALARM RINGING)

(GIRLS NIGHT OUT PLAYING)

♪ You better look out 'cause we're coming out tonight

♪ Who needs another night at all?

Hi. Margo.

Yeah, you guys happening tonight?

Great. Same place?

♪ Gonna take ourselves a brief vacation

♪ Gonna be another nice sensation

Hello?

Yes, I got you into Kats Kratch. Mmm-hmm.

And what are you wearing?

(BARKING)

Who asked you anyway?

Oh, really? Okay. Bye.

♪ Girls night out

♪ Don't be messing with the girls

♪ Girls night out

♪ We'll have some fun and you can move, but you can't touch

♪ I'm gonna steal your heart away

♪ Well, not tonight but you can call me on the phone

♪ When all the girls are out of the way

♪ Gonna feel a night of good vibrations

Somebody get the door!

♪ Don't you wanna feel?

♪ Baby, here's the deal

♪ Tonight we're gonna rock the house

♪ Girls night out

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Will someone get the damn door?

♪ Girls night out

♪ Girls night out

Coming.

Hi.

Excuse me, is--is Kelly here?

Kelly, another one.

Sure, I'd love to come in. Thanks.

CECE: Kelly!

What?

There's a guy here for Kelly.

So that's news?

"Dear dears." Dear dears?

"Brad said we could try again."

Brad. How rancid.

"I know what you think, but I just have to give it another chance.

"Sorry for taking the car"?

The car!

Great. Anything on TV tonight?

I wanna go out tonight.

We can go out tomorrow night. I have passes to everywhere.

I don't wanna go out tomorrow night.

I have to go out tonight.

Jesus, Cece, what's the big deal?

I have exactly $12.50 in my bank account.

My parents won't return my phone calls.

And I lost my job today.

You what?

Other than that, my life is great.

Couldn't take it anymore.

Cece, you can't keep doing this...

Margo, don't start with me, okay?

I don't want to hear it.

Look,

you just forget about my problems just tonight?

Okay?

Just have a good time?

Okay.

I'll tell you what. We're gonna go out tonight.

We're gonna get you a hot guy.

We are gonna have a great time.

We won't worry about anything.

How are we gonna get there?

There's plenty of cars in L.A.

Hi.

Kelly told us all about you. What's your name again?

Uh, Clifford Crane.

My friends just... Cliff's fine. Just Cliff's fine.

Well, great, we can call you Cliffy for short.

A fab car.

Actually, um, Cliffy is longer than Cliff.

See, I like everything short.

My real name is Cecilia. Everybody just calls me Cece.

Is Kelly here, by the way?

We're meeting her later. She told you, right?

No.

Oh.

Well, why don't you go ahead and open this up?

Kelly won't mind, really.

We share everything around here.

(MAN CHATTERING ON TV)

So, sit.

Has Kelly told you all about us?

Margo is an aquatic dancer.

And, um, I'm a chemical engineer.

And Kelly's a cabaret singer.

I, uh,

bought a parakeet from her the other day.

Oh, yeah? That's nice. Do you like birds?

Not really. I was just trying to get her attention.

I guess you did, huh?

No, I don't think so. I had to go back and buy three more.

(MAN SINGING ON TV)

♪ Had my share of living without her

♪ Those native drums are calling me out

Who is that guy?

What planet are you from? That's Bruno X.

♪ Had my share of living without her

♪ Those native drums are calling me out

♪ To safare

Did you ever notice you can tell a lot about a person's character from their hands?

I'm a vegetarian.

It's a cute little...

Is she a vegetarian also?

No, that's Venus. She eats meat.

Why don't you go ahead and pour that wine?

All right.

I'm gonna break your little neck.

(DANCIN' PLAYING)

CECE: Make yourself at home.

♪ I keep on dancin'

Be out in a minute.

♪ Nothing left to say Nothing left to do

♪ I find myself alone I'm thinking just of you

♪ You got me dancin'

Comfy, Cliffy?

♪ Dancin'

♪ Why don't you help me?

♪ Why don't you guide me?

Almost ready.

♪ Why don't you promise

♪ To stand beside me?

Go on, think I hear your mother calling.

Well, at least somebody appreciates it.

Okay, ready.

Is this my wine?

Oh, um, the dog...

Here's to a hot Friday night.

The dog...

You know, Cliffy, the hottest nights are the ones

when you don't know who you're coming home with.

Here we are, we don't even know who we're going out with.

Ready?

Hey, Cliffy, can we have your convertible? We really need one.

Well, it's not really mine.

I, uh, borrowed it from one of my students.

Cliffy is a very respected professor.

He won a Nobel Prize last year.

I'm impressed. Make a left.

...and we never pay for parking,

and we never carry cash. It's bad luck.

And we never buy our own drinks.

Words to live by.

BOUNCER: Hi, Cece, Margo.

MARGO: And we never wait in line.

Come on.

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Hi.

Look.

Oh, he's with us.

Hi.

♪ When you walk in the room Everyone disappears

♪ Almost here

♪ When I look in your eyes Baby, please tell me why

♪ Concentration breakdown

♪ Whenever you're near

♪ I don't think that I was made to bear

♪ Situation breakdown

Come on, let's go.

Where's Kelly?

We'll find her.

Hi.

Hi.

Hey, Margo. Hi.

And when we do you're on your own.

♪ Don't try to read between the lines

♪ Unless you're not afraid of what you're about

Hi.

♪ And, baby, baby, it's a mystery

Yo, Brad. Brad.

Brad, this is Clifford. Clifford, this is Brad.

Cool.

Brad.

♪ When I look in your eyes

♪ Baby, please tell me

Brad's a legend. Where's Kelly?

♪ I don't think that I was made to bear

♪ Situation breakdown

♪ I need you here

Hi, Kelly.

♪ Concentration breakdown

♪ Whenever you're near

♪ I don't think that I was made to bear

Interesting effect, isn't it?

Kind of like a zombie in heat.

Hi. Remember us? Your friends?

You were supposed to go out with us tonight.

I'm so glad you guys are here. I'm sorry about the car.

Kelly...

KELLY: Oh.

(INAUDIBLE)

Clifford, I'm sorry, I forgot. I didn't mean to.

That's okay. Really.

I'm very forgettable. It's one of my better qualities.

No, no, I mean it. I... I'm sorry.

Don't apologize.

Everything's cool, really.

I mean, we're all adults here, right?

(RECORD SCRATCHING)

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) CLIFFORD: Sorry. Sorry.

That is very uncool, man.

Sorry.

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

Yeah, you're an asshole. A big asshole.

♪ Situation breakdown

♪ Oh, I need you here

(MUSIC CONTINUES AT HIGH SPEED)

Are you okay?

If you just wanted a ride, you should have asked.

Well, if we'd asked you, would you still have given us one?

Yeah.

Oh, hey, cheer up. Let me buy you a drink.

I thought you never paid for drinks.

(SYNTHPOP PLAYING)

♪ Girl, I can't get you out of my mind

Hey! Hi!

What are you doing? Oh, my God, you look great.

Can I buy you a drink? You! Yes.

Great.

You look marvelous. Great outfit.

♪ So give me all you've got

So what's up? Nothing.

Uh, can I get another drink?

What? Another drink.

For Cece. Remember Cece?

MARGO: Yeah.

(INAUDIBLE)

♪ Should have held off all my love

Can I get one more? What?

Our friend over there.

♪ But I know I'll keep on trying ♪

For him?

Sure.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Thank you.

No problem.

Next round's on me.

Yo!

It's not what I wanted.

Sorry about Kelly, Cliffy.

Don't hold it against her, okay?

It's really not her fault.

It doesn't matter.

Yeah, hell, forget about her. I mean, we're all great girls.

Kelly might be prettier, but... Margo tell him which one of us is sexier.

You're 10 points sexier, I'm... What?

No. I'm six points sexier and she's 10 points bitchier...

Bitchier.

It's true. The Cosmo quiz told us.

Come on, let's dance.

Why not?

Can you dance?

Are you sure it was only 10 points?

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

You do this every night?

Uh-uh.

Last Tuesday I had a cold.

But I'm not contagious anymore.

MAN 1: Bruno. Bruno.

MAN 2: Bruno X?

Hey, look who's here.

Yeah, Bruno X. He ain't that cool.

I don't think he's that cool. Brad?

I don't think he's that cool.

Hey, why don't we get a seat over there?

Go. Go!

It's Bruno X.

Well, this is your chance.

(SAFARE PLAYING)

♪ Got a message on the wire

Go for it.

♪ To be an SOS

♪ It said go on and please hurry up

♪ Your baby's in distress

♪ Put my bags in the driveway

♪ Had to flag down a taxi

♪ To buy a ticket going one way

♪ Before it's too late

Why don't you try something a little more subtle?

♪ Those native drums are calling me out to safare

♪ Hey, safare

Excuse us, go away. He's not moving.

MARSALIS: I'll be requesting a private table...

Interesting choice.

Bruno! Marsalis! It's okay.

I could've gotten you a table.

Look, why don't you go check the place for bombs or something?

Oh, what are we paying you for?

Why don't you look where you're going?

Why don't you look where you're

falling?

Well, you could have at least tried to catch me.

♪ When I look at you

♪ It fans the fire

♪ Careless flame

♪ Oh, reckless desire

♪ They won't let us be

♪ In the summer sun

♪ Until then

♪ A queen, a king

♪ And all we want

♪ Is everything

(BOTH MOANING)

Do you always have to wear those things?

What?

What? What's wrong?

Do you always have to wear those headphones?

They help me concentrate.

I'm sorry.

So why don't you just come home with me tonight?

You never come home with me anymore.

Your roommates are dorks.

Yeah, but...

I just...

Listen, uh,

this wasn't a very good idea. I gotta get back out there.

Brad, I said I was sorry.

Cool.

Cool.

There's a lot of people in my life right now.

I don't need this.

I'll see you around, kid.

(NO PROMISES PLAYING)

♪ A winter palace

♪ From the Arabian nights

God, this place is crawling with old boyfriends.

You don't seem to mind.

♪ Gems from a golden age

Please, I already know what's wrong with them.

♪ Life in your new world Turning round and round

That's Ted. Great body. But hairy shoulders.

And Allen? He's rich. But he kisses like a lizard.

If I could just take all the best parts, you know,

and put them together, I'd have the perfect guy.

What's the matter with that guy?

Oh, Bobby? He's so nice. Boring.

Why do you come here?

Because I need the exercise.

♪ Wind washes the seasons

♪ In these days of a golden age

♪ Life in your new world Turning round and round

♪ Making some sense

♪ Where there's no sense at all ♪

But I can't go to Rio with you.

I've never even been to San Diego.

You told me you were a world traveler.

I did? When did I say that?

I think it was before your days as a hot air balloonist

and after your first Vogue magazine cover.

Oh.

I guess I should tell you sometimes I exaggerate a little.

I don't care.

I'm in love with your imagination.

This is crazy.

I'm leaving in the morning.

Oh.

(WEAK IN THE PRESENCE OF BEAUTY PLAYING)

Hey, smile.

I've been watching you.

Watched you quite a lot.

You're the sad girl who never gets to dance.

You wanna dance?

Me?

Cecilia.

My name is Cece.

Cecilia.

What?

♪ I go weak

I think you should put that out.

♪ I go weak

Why?

♪ I go weak, I go weak

Because you might start a fire.

♪ Weak in the presence of beauty ♪

(SIRENS BLARING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

What's the problem? No liquor license.

You're way over safe capacity.

It's a bar mitzvah, for Christ's sake.

Yeah, let's talk.

Okay, people, party's over. Time to go home.

The party is in violation of City Ordinance 4132.

It's a raid, it's a raid.

Come on, Bruno darling, let's bring them out of here.

The back exit is that way.

Come on, let's go. Come on.

I'll take you home.

No, it's okay.

No, no, I'll take you home.

Brad.

OFFICER: ...with your name, age and picture on it.

Please walk, don't run.

Michael Candy.

CECE: Bruno!

This way. Thank you, bye-bye.

Bruno! Wait, I can't go that way. I'm only 19.

They're checking IDs.

(ALL CLAMORING)

MAN: Come on.

Hey, you over here. Come on. Slow down.

Bruno!

Bruno!

Cece, are you okay?

I can't find Bruno.

Everyone in line, get out your ID.

Bruno!

Bruno!

BODYGUARD: Get in! Get in there! Stay out!

Oh! You bit me. I've been bitten.

Go! Go! Go! Go!

MARGO: Is that Clifford?

That's Clifford. Come on, come on.

Hey, hey, wait!

You weren't just gonna leave us there, were you?

Just get in the damn car.

Here, read this.

CLIFFORD: Never pay for parking.

MARGO: What?

Nothing. Nothing at all. Just the, uh, perfect end to the perfect evening.

My, aren't we testy.

I don't know what you two have to argue about up there.

My life is over back here, but you don't hear me complaining.

Cece, it is not over.

The man I am totally in like with

just asked me to get on a plane.

I mean,

we could've had fun. We could've fallen in love.

We could've been friends.

MARGO: You don't know that.

No, I don't. And now I never will, okay?

Yeah, I know what you mean. Sometimes you can see somebody and...

Yeah.

It's like... It's like when I first met Kelly, you know, and I...

She was just standing there, so sweet and sad,

I just wanted to walk up and make her feel better.

Will you shut up? That's not what she needs to hear.

Cece, you'll find another Mr. Right.

How do you know, Margo?

How many nights have you gone out and found your one and only? Huh?

I guess that's why they call it the one and only.

There he is!

Will you catch him, please? Please.

Wait, I mean, I can't here. I can't.

Do a U-turn.

What? Wait a minute. Make a U-turn.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

CECE: Bruno, wait!

Will you hurry up, Cliffy?

MARGO: Are you sure that it's him?

How many other white limos are there around here?

CECE: Faster, Cliffy.

(ALL SCREAMING)

CECE: Shit!

How many other white limos are there around here?

All right, what am I doing?

Turn right. Go left.

Forget it, I'm going straight.

Bruno! Bruno!

Bruno, it's me, Cecelia!

Hi.

CLIFFORD: Duck! Duck!

(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Oh, God!

I can't believe it. My life is over.

You can't believe it? I can't believe it.

I just committed 14 moving violations

in the course of three blocks.

I need a drink.

That's a good idea. You know, a nightcap will cheer us all up.

(SOME CANDY TALKING PLAYING)

♪ I'm going down to the place tonight

♪ To see if I can get a taste tonight

♪ A taste of something warm and sweet

Well, this was a great idea. I'm feeling much better.

Don't be so negative.

I'm negative?

Margo, everybody in here looks suicidal.

Maybe I should kill myself.

Ah, come on, Cece.

Life will get better.

♪ To touch and tease and to do it all for fun

Cliffy, you're a prince among men.

(SCOFFS)

Isn't he, Margo? Isn't he a nice guy?

He's a real nice guy. He's as nice as they come.

Well, same to you, buddy.

Did I miss something here?

Uh-uh, ask Margo.

Nice is just about the worst thing you can call a guy.

Well, God, Cliffy, you know, you don't have to take that sitting down.

You could do something to change it.

It's all attitude.

How?

Margo, switch with me.

Move.

In the first place, take off this sweater.

What? No, I love this sweater.

Well, then at least unzip it.

Where'd you get this anyway? This tie, it's the worst!

Unbutton this.

Undo some more buttons.

Hey, that's better. Huh, Margo?

Very evil.

Here,

have a cigarette.

No, no, no, pink doesn't work. No.

Try lilac.

MARGO: Oh, that's much better.

There you go.

Boy, I can live without the glasses.

How do I look?

♪ Some candy talking

Bruno!

What? Where?

These matches. They're Bruno's. He gave them to me.

This must be where he's staying.

I got to find a phone.

Cece...

Hi, can I have Bruno X's room, please?

♪ Some candy talk

His girlfriend.

♪ Some candy talk

Hello. Hello.

They didn't believe me.

Of course they didn't believe you.

There must be hundreds of groupies trying to call him.

They probably don't even believe him when he calls.

(MAN COUGHING)

♪ All that stuff

♪ Give me some of that stuff ♪

Be cool.

Like you don't give a shit.

Remember, you're a star.

(GRUFFLY) This is, uh, Bruno X.

Who--Who the hell is this? Yes, oh.

Oh, yes, love. Listen, are there any messages for me?

Well, is he there? Find out what room he's in.

Yes, I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you.

Too many bloody fans around.

Yes. Oh.

Bruno's already checked out, but there's a message for me.

Yes, yes, go ahead.

Oh.

Oh, that music video. Oh, well, ghastly of me. I completely forgot.

Oh, uh...

Yes, righto. Yes, bye-bye.

I'm wanted on the set.

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

DIRECTOR: That's right. That's right.

You want him.

You want him, but he cannot be bought.

Beg, two, three, four. Plead!

Two, three, four.

Ah, cut, cut, cut. Cut the playback. I'm sorry.

Take a breather.

How in the hell can I see what this looks like without Bruno?

Where's the talent? Damn it!

We're working on it. We're working on it.

George, George, you're going to have to work faster. Okay?

Time is money, and money is the bottom line.

Adieu. Make haste.

I'm gonna go look around, okay?

You, there, over here.

Yeah, you. Yeah, you. Come on, come on.

Work with me. Come on. Let's go.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, work with me. Come on. Let's go.

Cliff?

Wardrobe!

All right, all right, you're just the right size.

Burn this sweater.

All right, put this on.

Girls, you ready? All right.

Here we go. Girls, ready to go?

Come on, right in here.

Okay, now, in this scene

we are going to explore the link between capitalism and casual sex.

Now, remember,

be spontaneous with a special observance not to overstep the modesty of nature.

All right, and playback!

Playback.

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Work with him. Work with him. Work.

There you go.

Simon, the phone for you.

This kid's not bad.

I can tell star potential.

ASSISTANT: Yeah, right.

That's bullshit, Bruno.

How can you do this to me?

I gave up Mick for you, Bruno.

Oh, yeah? Same to you, buddy.

Bruno? Bruno?

Bruno? Wait!

Where's Bruno?

He's not coming. He met some dream girl in a club tonight.

Now he's out there looking for her.

Where was he calling from?

I don't know. I couldn't tell.

All I could hear were these stupid bird calls in the background.

Harry, kill the generator! We're wasting money!

Ever done any acting?

No.

That's a wrap. Drop everything.

(GROANS)

Did you get it?

Of course I got it. Now, look.

This stuff is getting really expensive.

Costs a fortune. Remember that silver star earring I had?

I had to give it to him because I didn't have enough cash, right?

So, look,

this guy said that it's really intense X.

And it's, like, from Northern California or something,

where they invented it, right.

If anything's gonna cheer you up, this will.

Cute bottle.

I don't think anything's gonna happen.

Oh, it takes a little while, Kelly.

I swear, if I get dumped one more time tonight...

Birds? What does birds mean?

Is Bruno at the zoo?

I mean, if I even get close to being dumped...

Close.

I mean, first Kelly dumps me and then the dancing Nazis...

Where is Kelly?

Oh, I forgot to tell you.

She went to Sharkey's with Milo and Tanya.

What?

You let her go?

Cece, you know how upset she is tonight.

Would you just lounge out, Margo?

What do you want me to do about it?

If Kelly wants to do something, I can't stop her.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

I shouldn't worry about her so much, right? I mean...

She's a big girl. She can take care of herself.

Which way is Sharkey's?

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

He takes aim, then Kelly comes in with the rebound!

(SHOUTING INCOHERENTLY)

Come on.

Come on, play with me.

Come on, you don't wanna have any fun.

They wanna have fun, but you don't.

I see God doing his laundry and he doesn't have enough change.

Why don't we go to your place real quick?

Come on.

KELLY: I wanna play. Come on.

Come on, play with me.

Bye, Kelly. Bye.

(GIGGLING)

I don't wanna play nine ball.

I wanna play... I wanna play snooker.

(GIGGLING)

Hey.

Are you my best friend?

(CHUCKLES) Oh, sure.

I feel so close to you.

Look, lady, would you get off the table? I wanna play pool.

Hey, everyone's always telling me what to do.

Brad always told me what to do.

And Daddy always told me what to do.

He said if I didn't mind him

that I'd end up just like my mama.

(CHUCKLING) Isn't that funny?

I never knew her.

So how could it be my fault?

You know, he always used to say that I looked just like her.

Hey.

Do you... Do you think I'm pretty?

(WHISPERS) I sure do.

CLIFFORD: Freeze! God damn it!

Okay, everybody move back!

Don't panic, but this woman has been...

Hey.

...contaminated by toxic fallout.

(KELLY GIGGLING) What the hell are you talking about?

I'm talking about slow death.

Two-headed babies. KELLY: Two-headed babies.

Baldness. Baldness.

You know that power plant two blocks from here?

What plant?

Look, pal, I don't have time to explain myself to every Tom, Dick and Harry!

Now, we've had an accident and we're clearing the whole area.

MARGO: Inspector Craig! Inspector Craig?

Now, have you touched her? Let me see your hands.

Have you touched her? No.

Quick, the wind's shifted. Hurry.

We've located the last of the primary victims.

We're bringing her in. Choppers and support troops, stand ready.

Let's go!

Come on.

(KELLY GIGGLING)

Asbestos coat.

Don't ever try this without the proper gear.

(LAUGHING)

What's the matter with you?

Oh, Margo, you have such angst.

What is the matter with you?

You're in the middle of nowhere with these guys

who think a good rape is like a good cigar.

Kelly, what did you take?

Come on, let's go. These guys may not be as stupid as they look.

CLIFFORD: Come on, let's go!

What a night!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

I'll buy you one.

(MAN CHATTERING ON RADIO)

Right now we're getting ready for a Bruno X triple play.

Cliff, it's a little chilly.

Could you put up the top, please?

Okay. Let me pull over in this lot here.

The car should really be stationary for that kind of an adjustment.

CECE: Oh, Bruno, where are you?

I once was young and carefree.

Now I'm a woman with a broken heart.

Nothing could make me feel worse than that.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

It's not been a great night for Clifford.

CECE: Oh, do something!

Put the top up! Hurry up!

What are you doing? We're getting soaked.

Let me do it.

(TIRES SCREECH) I'll get it, it's just not working.

CLIFFORD: Shit!

MARGO: Oh, I can't believe this.

Shit!

Oh, no.

Things could be worse, Cliffy.

How, Cece? How could things be worse?

I'm supposed to be on my dream date tonight!

I bought what? A great bottle of wine,

and nobody got a drop 'cause a dog named Venus drank it.

(KELLY GIGGLING) Like I wear a really...

A $30 tie and now some psychotic back at the Gloom Room

is probably using it for a noose.

And most of all, I borrow this really terrific automobile,

and not one of you stupid girls is even impressed!

(ROOF WHIRRING)

(KELLY MUMBLING)

(KELLY CRYING)

MARGO: It was the tire.

Cliff, do you have a spare?

Yeah, but I don't have two, Margo.

CECE: Cliffy, where are we?

I think he's mad.

No kidding.

Cliffy!

Cliff! Cece, it's Cliff!

I'm gonna go talk to him.

My feet hurt.

Cliff!

Where are we going?

To get a car. I work near here.

What's he so mad about?

CECE: Don't be mad at us, okay?

Margo was just trying to help. Where do you wanna start?

She feels really bad.

Oh, come on, Cece.

She doesn't care. She's too cool to care about anything.

Don't be like that.

Cool people have feelings, too.

When Kelly's father died and she didn't have anybody,

Margo took her in and took care of her.

And me.

I'm a real pain in the ass.

When I'm broke,

Margo just forgets to ask for my share of the rent and stuff.

And tonight,

Margo's out here trying to help me find Bruno,

and she could have gone home with any guy she wanted to.

I think he wants to talk to you.

Me?

Okay.

Is Cliffy still mad at us?

What?

What what?

Okay, how far? How much longer till we get there?

(SIGHS) Not far.

This isn't exactly the most comfortable position,

walking in a pair of three-inch...

This is a great place. You've probably never been here.

Nobody reads in L.A.

I was a comparative lit major.

You were? Yeah.

Really? Yeah, don't let it get out.

Oh, that's funny. I never would have thought...

I was... I'm mostly majored in men.

Oh, so how were your grades in that subject?

Terrible.

But I'm not giving up.

This may sound naive, but I know there's someone out there.

He's gonna laugh at all my jokes,

he's gonna know what I want without me always having to tell him.

I'm sorry. What am I telling you all this for?

That's okay, really.

I am a sucker for this kind of thing.

Hi.

What?

Nothing.

I was just thinking it feels kind of weird being out here with you.

Yeah. What a night, huh?

I want to welcome you to the Hollywood After-Hours Sleaze Tour.

My name is Ray. Hi.

I'll be your tour guide for the next 90 minutes or so.

No eating on the bus.

I was just thinking

how funny you look in this coat.

And how that director thought that you were Bruno X,

and he used you.

Bruno X.

Imagine anyone thinking you look like a rock star.

We're gonna turn on our sleaze light

and try to catch unawares that murky miasma called Hollywood.

Check your tour pamphlets there.

Page 4. We leave nothing out here.

Look, that looks like somebody.

There is somebody. That rock kid.

ALL: Hey, Bruno!

MAN: Bruno!

Bruno. See? I know what I'm doin'.

(ALL SHOUTING)

I'm not Bruno X, my name is Clifford.

Oh, be careful.

KELLY: Oh, my God, it was him!

Oh, my God!

He went that way! That way.

(BOTH SHOUTING)

God!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

You guys!

You guys, they're gone! God, that was close.

Come on. Cliffy, let's go get the car!

Come on, please.

Did you hear us? Did you hear what we said?

(BOTH CHATTERING)

All right, wait here and don't do anything stupid.

We'll try not to.

I hear I should have gone out with Cliffy tonight.

He really has been pretty cool, you know.

Yeah.

All aboard!

"Saul says: 'Safety first!'"

Is this your car?

I teach driving, okay?

How embarrassing.

Okay, look, you don't have to drive in it.

You can just wait here all night.

Hey, no. Oh, wait!

Cliffy!

Look, at least it has tires without holes in it.

Oh, it's fine.

I was a classics major, okay? I have to make a living.

Okay, already.

I wish I knew what birds meant.

Cece, please shut up about that. Bruno is gone.

Yeah, what kind of birds?

I don't know. What difference does it make?

Did it sound anything like this?

(IMITATES SQUAWKING)

One of her many talents.

God, Kelly, what did you take tonight?

You know, I sold these 12 macaw parrots to a guy

opening a club tonight.

Club Voodoo.

What? What is that?

Oh, it's a new club. I heard about it tonight.

It's very exclusive.

Well, can we go? Please, Margo?

But it's a membership thing.

Well, so? That never stopped us before.

Did it?

(HORN HONKING)

Never stopped us before, huh?

MAN: Hey, man, I'm friends with the owner.

Hey, my mother's dying request.

The doorman's coming.

I won 13 times on Star Search!

(IN FOREIGN ACCENT) Go home, people. We full.

Unless you a member.

MAN: How much is a membership?

This is so humiliating.

Oh, they always say that.

Watch this. He'll let us in.

See that dude over there?

ASSISTANT: Yeah.

I dig that Bruno X impersonation.

He looks pretty cool.

Give him the word.

Look, man, make like I'm sending you home, all right?

Password is "plastics."

Plastics?

Yeah. Plastics.

Now go around the back.

Cool.

We're going home.

KELLY: What?

But... But we can't. Cliffy?

MARGO: Yes, we're going home.

Margo, I... I haven't found Bruno yet.

Cece, we're going home.

Oh, but please, can't we just stay a little bit longer.

Please? I never should have gone out in the first place.

Come on.

(JEALOUSY PLAYING)

Hey, you guys, I'm gonna go look around, okay?

♪ I can't tell you why these things

Like some fruit?

♪ Continue to happen to me

♪ But some people get so jealous

♪ Of the smallest of all things

♪ I tried to help some friends

♪ To help themselves

♪ To get their lives intact

♪ They came out spreading rumors

♪ Now I have to come out spreading facts

I bet they got a great salad bar in here.

♪ And where it all began

♪ I guess I was a fool to try and help

♪ My broken social friends

♪ They told me if I'd help them

♪ They'd be in debt for life

♪ But when I turned my back to get support

Clifford, go get us some drinks.

Fruit.

Kelly and I are going to the ladies room.

♪ I don't want the bad talk around me

♪ I don't need

♪ Jealousy

♪ I don't want the bad talk around me

Three fruit drinks.

What kind of fruit?

Yeah, fruit drinks. Any kind.

How about Zombie Makers?

Is this your bird?

You know, he just walked right past me.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

Kelly, look at yourself.

Forget Brad.

There are a zillion other guys in L.A.

If you were just a little more picky,

you could find someone that will treat you right.

Margo, what am I gonna do?

(SIGHS)

Take control of your life. Be more assertive.

You're a good person.

♪ Jealousy

Want another Zombie Maker?

No.

You know, you're right.

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna go out there,

I'm gonna apologize to Cliffy,

and take him off your hands.

Great.

What did I say?

Nothing.

Margo?

What? Can't I go to the bathroom?

(WHISTLES)

(CLUCKING)

Who you expecting? Madonna?

(SQUAWKS)

Doesn't anybody pee anymore?

Clifford.

I can't go on, Bawana.

Bawana. Bawana.

Bury me in yonder lagoon.

Cliffy, there's no lagoon here.

(WHISTLES) It's okay. It's a tropical thing.

Clifford... Who's staying?

Hey.

Did you know

that you can tell a lot about a person from their hands?

Take me, for instance. Take me.

I'm shitfaced. Shitfaced.

Clifford. Clifford.

I'm sorry about tonight.

(CLUCKING)

I know we had a date.

Kelly, hi. When did you get here?

Hey, Cece, Cece.

How you doing?

You missed an incredible night tonight.

Bruno X was here. He was right here.

When? Oh, yeah, it was way cool.

He, like, did this number and the place went crazy.

Yeah, yeah, but then you could have heard a pin drop

because he did this, like, poem... Kind of...

Word jazz. Yeah, yeah, word jazz kind of thing

And he dedicated it to some chick named Cecilia.

Yeah.

Oh!

You don't like word jazz?

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHING)

(IKO IKO PLAYING)

♪ My grandma and your grandma

♪ Sitting by the fire

♪ My grandma said to your grandma

♪ I'm gonna set your flag on fire

♪ Talkin' 'bout hey, now! Hey, now!

♪ Iko, iko, unday

Well, yes, I used to sing,

but the real money's in management, don't you know?

♪ Look at my king all dressed in red

You! You're the girl.

♪ I betcha five dollars he'll kill you dead

Excuse me?

♪ Talkin' 'bout hey, now

Marsalis, where's Bruno?

♪ Iko, iko, unday

I don't know, but he's really rather obsessed with you.

Well, where is he? I've got to find him.

I told him that we are leaving from the Santa Monica Airport.

7:00-ish.

Does that mean that we can go to Spain, please?

♪ My flag boy said to your flag boy

♪ I'm gonna set your flag on fire

♪ Talkin' 'bout hey, now! Hey, now! ♪

(LAUGHING)

(WHOOPS)

Okay, come on.

Hey, we must be on the same circuit.

Remember me from the other club?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

You left this on the bar.

Thank you.

Well, do you want to go for a ride?

Yeah, come on.

Kelly, where you going?

I'm taking her for a ride.

You mind?

(SCREAMS)

Fruit fight!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(CHIRPING)

Ouch!

Did you start this?

Hey, get out of here.

(GLASS SHATTERING)

Kelly's in trouble. Stick with me.

I'm going to make a break for the door.

Are you all right?

Are you kidding? I love this shit.

Blood and guts everywhere. Come on.

It's pina colada, Cliff.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Margo!

Cliffy, come here!

Hi. Hi. Did you see a blonde girl come out here?

Pink dress. Yeah.

She a friend of yours? Mmm-mmm.

What's going on? She just left with Ray.

And you know what? She can have him.

(ALL WHOOPING)

I mean, I don't mind a little S & M sometimes, but that guy's rough.

Kelly.

Kelly! Kelly!

(YELLING)

The car!

Cliff, the car.

Where are we going?

Going to our favorite place.

"Our" favorite place?

Yeah, our favorite place.

I've never been there.

What, I have a couple of those Zombie Makers

and you guys chuck me in the back seat. Thanks a lot.

God, I can't believe this.

Neither can I. She's gonna make me miss Bruno again.

You having fun?

Yeah. Yeah, now I'm having fun.

(MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR STEREO)

You like this song?

Yeah.

(TURNS OFF RADIO) I don't.

Hey, don't you think you ought to slow down?

No, I got this thing rigged up for Baja.

I can do anything with this thing.

(CHUCKLES)

It's like an earthworm.

An earthworm.

CLIFFORD: Just remember whose car you're driving. Both of you.

Check your blind spot.

Remember to signal at least 100 feet before every turn.

To allow yourself that extra cushion of safety.

100 feet.

CECE: No, I don't think they came this far.

I think we ought to turn around.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

And never, never get in a head-on collision with your instructor in the car.

That is a sure way to flunk your test.

Clifford, shut up. Shut up.

Why don't you just sit down here?

This is a special place to me.

This is where I come to think.

It's beautiful.

I'm thinking about us right now.

I feel kind of bad leaving my friends back there.

I mean, maybe we should go find them.

Forget about your friends. What about us?

Look, I'm not gonna hurt you.

Leave me, now!

Come here! Stop it!

Look, you behave yourself!

Okay.

(GROANS)

What'd you go and do that for?

CLIFFORD: Let me out of the car.

Leave me alone!

I've had it with jerks like you.

Oh, my God!

GIRLS: Cliffy!

(GIRLS SHOUTING)

CECE: Margo, no!

Take him down!

Take him under!

Put him under!

Bastard!

Put his head under!

(SCREAMING)

(RAY GRUNTING)

MARGO: Get him under!

Who are you people?

Get him! Get him! Get him!

(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

OFFICER: Through the door on your left.

MAN: Shit, man, I didn't do nothin'.

Well, that's all we need for the report for now.

You know, you're a very lucky young lady.

Yeah, thanks.

Oh, I hate Friday nights.

OFFICER: Down the hall.

There.

Hey, I bet we can still make it. What time is it?

Who the hell cares what time it is?

Kelly was almost raped tonight.

I'm okay, Margo. It's all right.

It's not okay. Look at us.

Look at this whole night.

CECE: What?

We just went through hell for you, Cece.

Just so you can turn around and dump us for some guy.

He's not just some guy.

He's Bruno X.

You still don't get it, do you?

You think some knight in shining armor

will just come up and tap you on the shoulder and that's it, right?

Margo?

Well, what next? Never-never land?

Are you going to drive around in limos for the rest of your life?

Beats what I was doing yesterday.

What happens tomorrow?

I don't know!

Bruno X gonna figure that one out for you?

No!

I don't know!

Cliffy?

Kelly!

This is crazy.

You know,

that's very hip,

one shoe on, one shoe off. I read about that.

Oh, what's the use? You're not even my type.

Well, what the hell is your type?

The perfect guy?

Handsome, rich mind-reader

with big, bald

shoulders with a fab car? What?

Well, so I have my standards.

Sure. No reason you should have to settle for a human being.

Just give me a break, will you?

(SOBBING)

Why don't you stop looking so hard?

I will, if you will.

I don't want you to feel like you're settling for anything.

Who's settling?

OPERATOR: Please deposit 55 cents.

Please, it's an emergency. Haven't you ever been in love?

No.

Do you take pennies?

Cece!

MARGO: Last call. Flight to Rio.

You came back. You guys are the greatest.

Get in.

Hey! You can't go in there!

Bye.

KELLY: Good luck, sweetheart.

Oh!

Bye, Cece.

Goodbye, you guys. Thanks a lot.

No problem.

Cecilia.

Hi.

Come here.

MARSALIS: If we can get going, Bruno darling...

We have to leave soon.

We'll get whatever you need on the road. Got to hurry.

Let's get on.

Get on. God, we're gonna have to get a larger plane.

It's just I'm leaving everything.

I thought that was the whole point.

Yeah, but it's my life.

We'll get you a new life. A better one.

I'll take care of everything.

You will?

Cecilia, what's the matter?

I don't think I can go with you.

One. Give me one good reason why not.

Because I don't want you to take care of everything.

And I can give you three more.

Look...

I'm going to give you my number here, okay?

And when you get back to town, you call me.

Right?

Promise?

I promise.

You're really special.

Well, off we go.

(BUT NOT TONIGHT PLAYING)

♪ Oh, God, it's raining

♪ But I'm not complaining

♪ It's filling me up with new life

What are we doing tonight?

♪ The stars in the sky

I'm serious.

♪ Bring tears to my eyes

(ALL LAUGHING)

I want a hamburger.

♪ They're lighting my way tonight

♪ And I haven't felt so alive in years

♪ Just for a day

♪ On a day like today

♪ I'll get away from this constant debauchery

♪ The wind in my hair makes me so aware

♪ How good it is to live tonight

♪ And I haven't felt so alive in years

♪ The moon is shining in the sky

♪ Reminding me of so many other nights

♪ But they're not like tonight

♪ Oh, God, it's raining

♪ And I'm not containing

♪ My pleasure at being so wet

♪ Here on my own

♪ All on my own

♪ How good it feels to be alone tonight

♪ And I haven't felt so alive in years

♪ The moon is shining in the sky

♪ Reminding me of so many other nights

♪ When my eyes have been so red

♪ I've been mistaken for dead

♪ But not tonight