Original subtitles

Hi , honey.

Remove .

You will !

- Frighten the fish! - You've done the best fishing possible.

Over here , Slick !

How? Do not go to Vegas ?

Come !

Wacky .

- Yeah, like Rasputin. - Calm down , Slick .

The Brahman is a legal guy .

It is a freak , you know .

You think you're funny , huh?

If you do not cool the plan, Disneyland is out there .

Do not be mad , I'm cool. Me mola .

- So , do you follow? - Until the end .

Until the end .

We will not get to Las Vegas to this step.

�Las Vegas ?

Come on . I can think better things to do .

Brahman.

Farewell to the slot .

Pure poetry .

�Frank ? Frank !

Frank !

What the hell?

Do you have touched ? Are you okay ?

Would you have put your hand up ?

The 've played ! Filthy Pigs , Disappear from here!

- Who you calling a pig? - To you, pig!

Get out !

I think you do not like each other .

- But she will fall exhausted. - Bastard!

- �Tambi�n want to receive ? - Calma.

Go back to the hole of you came out ! Long !

Tomorrow you will suck.

I will not be , honey.

You may be half an hour.

Seriously, Sam suffers for that dog

like a German Shepherd and not a mutt.

- For him , it is. - You're bad , Corey Maddox .

I wish my husband was a doctor and veterinarian.

At least my rivals human would .

- Whenever you mess with me . - Go out there .

By the way ,

we have unfinished business .

If you will be with sun troops , Lieutenant ,

and leave me to my fate ,

will visit Martha and her offspring , to exchange views .

See if it gives you some idea. Later.

Go .

This town is not as dead as it seems.

Madonna ! It is better that bikini !

- Hey , Dante. - Yes?

- You like ? - Care .

- Sure . - Stop. I will do no harm.

- What 's up, baby ? - Care .

- Are you ready to party ? - �Damos a motorcycle ride ?

Please leave me alone .

- Do not run away , baby. - Beware !

are you a local?

Hey , idiot, get out. Leave me alone !

You'd be good biker .

- Come , no ... - Do not be close .

- Let go ! - OK, guys , fun's over !

Come on, honey.

Come on, baby, let's go.

COREY Maddo X VETERINARY

�Corey ?

�Corey ?

�Corey ?

Corey , what are you doing ?

Did I wake you? Sorry.

- Come to bed , handsome. - Next, honey.

Gail .

I love you.

Is that why you prefer the cold accounting to your warm wife?

I could not sleep . I was going over the books .

You're upset so this afternoon , right?

Honey, there were only three kids playing at being men.

Worrying is absurd.

Surely you are far from here .

also

There are better things to do to talk about these guys.

Like what ?

Your buckle is cold .

Say .

Oh , hello , yes.

No, no need to worry .

No. .. I can not , I can not .

I'm very busy .

Yes , I'll be there first thing .

Count on it.

Right. Good night.

Who was that?

Fannin 's mare acts up .

�Fannin ?

�Jessica Fannin ?

What 's so funny ?

As a pregnant mare interrupt us .

Starlight is a very expensive broodmare .

As his owner .

Are you sure that the problem it has Starlight ?

You know you are pregnant .

�Jessica ? I thought only illusions .

Heaven , you're jealous .

Me? Why?

rich horny �Porque believes that there is another vet ?

Honey , I chose my filly while.

Well not change your mind , okay ?

You know how females when they are pregnant .

Or they wish.

- What ? - I mean ...

if Starlight has cured suddenly, what do I do here ?

Well, we were coming your way and ...

also wanted you to see that .

It's a friend of ours .

Tom and I thought buy it and destine ...

reproduction.

It seems young .

Good figure ...

good conformation .

It will be a good stallion .

By the way , what about Tom ?

In Las Vegas , San Francisco , Los Angeles ...

My Tom is a busy man .

- It does not seem important. - He has fun in their own way

And I ... mine.

Please let me go.

Get off me.

Leave me alone.

- Leave me alone. - Hello.

I want to call Hoboken , New Jersey.

381-7152 .

369-5347 .

Please leave me alone .

Hi, Mom .

Hello. It's me.

Right.

I'm in the West ... Travel .

I'm going with two friends, We have bikes ,

are ours, and one is ex-military , and teaches us things military :

Judo and camping .

- Get off me. - It's nice guy.

The two ... They are all good guys , yes.

He remembers much of his mother.

Once escaped call me " mom" ??to me.

When end of the vacation back home.

Right.

Goodbye.

Let go , let go .

Why do not we go home to be more comfortable ?

What is it , honey? Do you flinch ?

Sorry , I'm sorry ,

but I was playing with you .

- Why ? - Partly for curiosity.

And partly not to offend to a major customer.

- Even so , you're very attractive . - Then why not try it?

For several reasons.

but say I'm more than served .

How sweet , how cute!

Yes, that's it.

Go .

Some are lucky.

�Cansada to play games ?

Then move on to serious things.

You should not have to do it, baby.

Be quiet !

This 'll love .

A Vietcong tactics . No courtship going fine .

Fannin Farm �Viene , doctor ?

I heard that she is interested a mating.

- Something like that. - Okay sorry about your mare.

It is time that people is interested in horses.

Here are bred very well.

The other day came two types ...

Here again these thugs .

Cranks !

Charge it to my account .

Have been used to fund. I have had a ball .

If you are done , sergeant, take her to the hospital.

- I have to file a report. - Ya.

�Gail ?

Dr. Maddox , I have to ...

- What happened ? - He'll be fine .

Has been attacked .

Zuna aggression?

God!

What happened?

Sorry about earlier. Can I go with them ?

Send an agent to collect the car .

Right.

- Corey , help me . - Here I am .

It will recover in a week. Women are made for that.

- Corey , help me . - I'm here, honey , I'm here .

Maddox , Did your wife know three young riders ?

�Motoristas ?

Ms. Brewer , its neighbor , reported a disturbance .

He complained of a party noisy at home.

Before my arrival , three types were on their bikes .

Any idea ?

Yesterday, in the village,

three kids outside

wanted to take advantage of it .

- So that's it . - Are you suggesting that she was asking for it ?

- No, but sometimes they cause ... - Look at his face!

Those bruises ! You think that was funny ?

He has been attacked !

Calm down, find these philanderers .

When? �Dentro a month ? Whose a year? When did you come right?

- Corey , Corey ... - No escape.

No escape.

- I'm sick of you. - Shut up .

I pulled out of Bayou Tesch , should be grateful .

�Agradecida ? Mon Dieu !

I stay in cheap hotels Three states,

we miss in the middle of nowhere ,

And I should be grateful ?

Cajun Witch ! I should not marry you ,

but let in Bayou Tesch .

Not serve as a company and even less in the cot !

Rogue ! And you talk of the cot ?

How do you want to push a car with a rope ?

In the next village , I leave you, Harry Bonner.

I'll get to Los Angeles without you.

How come you think ? �Haciendo the street?

So at least find a man ,

- Not a Grungy retirement age . - I'll ...

Do not stand there .

Get the rear of the car.

- Need help with this ... - Fix it you, old thing .

I 'll take a walk .

I give a fuck if not come back .

Women ...

All life dealing with them.

I'll do . To hell with it.

Hi , guys. How fortunate that you come over here .

A tire almost new ...

Is this heat , the dust does .

I 'm leaving the back with this cat .

A war wound. It kills me when I bend .

- It was at Chateau Thierry . - �Chat� what?

- Did war in Cuba ? - No, man !

He was with George in his boat !

No, in San Juan , not you, Grandpa? Charge!

Chill out , man! Sure was in Valley Forge.

Ah , yes , 's old wig.

No, no. You take me hair.

The Chateau Thierry was in the Great War. First .

Zia Great War ? Ah , yes , the big fuss !

This veteran deserves ...

A little respect !

See what rifle !

Look , the bounty hunter !

Slick ! should wring your neck.

Do not play with that, I almost shoot yourself in the foot.

- I'm ... - Do not have changed the wheel?

�Vais to help the old man to change ...

or a large man I get onto a motorcycle ?

Che bella ragazza !

Vieni qua , signorina .

I 'll ride you , baby.

Do not touch me , you pig!

What the hell are you doing , Brahman ?

Dante Friend ,

're rude. No mistreat a lady.

Zuna lady?

Come on ! Are you kidding ?

Not at all .

Oozing class everywhere.

You guys are jerks ! Slag .

You like , right? It is very rich .

Is Cajun French .

You know what they say about them .

They are unmatched in ... in bed.

They are real beasts .

Listen .

If you fancy , go ahead. Yes , sir.

Go on, help yourselves .

He will not mind .

- Likes . - Damn dirty old man !

Would you put a bullet in the belly ?

- Beware ! - Drop ...

He's caught, I did not want ...

It was an accident .

- Why did you do that ? - An accident ...

That sounds very good when we enchironen !

Dante !

Still, still. He almost does not count .

Who are you ?

Corey Maddox , what about you ?

Ruby , Ruby Bonner.

He's very lucky . The bullet only grazed .

�Harry ?

He's dead, I'm afraid. Who was that?

My husband.

Did your husband? I'm sorry.

Ya ...

Hey , calm down .

I'm fine . I'm strong as a horse.

- What the hell happened ? - Poor old man . He could not defend himself.

He was shot and tried to kill me.

- And they stole the truck. - Were they three ?

Yes Zlos knows ?

They raped my wife .

- Come on, Zia took ? - Okay .

If we find a phone, inform the police.

How? I'm going to Los Angeles !

Then make finger. lament their problems, but I have mine.

C ARRETERA Desertic A:

GASOLINE STOCKS TAKE , OIL AND WATER.

It ends. You have to find a gas station.

CAUTION

CAFETERIA BEER

Are not we been here before?

Hi , guys.

- �Lleno ? - A couple of bucks , please.

What's wrong with the guy?

We look as if we should paste.

- Shut up , Dante. - Know anything about us, Brahman.

He knows nothing , and do not want to know anything.

Anything else , gentlemen ?

Must be the roadblock . They are looking ...

wetbacks .

What the hell ?

The horses quack !

And going with the old girl !

Them! The truck !

We'll take one des Vio. Hold on .

Van gaining ground. Octane action , man.

- We should having topped . - It was a mistake

that remedied now .

Keep your head down. I'll take a look.

- Be careful . - Lower the head.

You have failed .

Are not you going to look ? Down with them.

You want to wait for the cops ? not will go with the flat tire .

It will . They have given us .

- I have busted a wheel. - Thank God that 's all .

Do not go far . go to the Cauldron . The road ends there.

- What the hell is that? - An abandoned mine.

A kind of natural crater .

The Indians called the Cauldron .

The place where their gods worked magic

- To cloud or clear minds . - You would not go amiss.

Ten. Make a cut on the bite. Take the knife ! Cut !

- Take it! - No!

Make the cut! Make a xes . Watch and short!

Well, well , quiet . Do it.

A cut marks ! Look at it ! Dos Equis .

A little more ! A little more !

Okay, let the knife . Right.

Suck it ! Suck the poison !

More ! More !

Suck it ! Suck more ! More !

Spit . Spit .

More !

Here there is nothing.

- What did you expect , Palm Springs ? - Let him . Let's go back .

We can imagine this is a suite.

But if you want to open up, Slick , do it.

Are you serious?

Totally .

No hard feelings?

Not at all.

- See you. - Slick !

Maybe do it right.

If things go wrong , may you continue .

You too want to open up ?

No.

No, I'm with you . Until the end .

Indeed, until the end.

Well , my loyal Patroclus . Let's start the car.

Sorry. You first, Wampus .

No gasoline.

And now , what do we do ?

Go walk .

Dude, we're ready. No way out.

You are wrong . See that?

we'll be when the quack .

I should take you to the village .

And the dog chase the rabbit instead of standing by the tree.

You can still come back.

I can walk up the road.

If you think I do it for you, forget it.

I get lost up in my neighborhood.

I need you to go on this site , that's all .

Besides, you could step another snake .

- What are you laughing ? - From you .

The way you look at me .

It's like the story the guy who says :

" What brings you here a girl like you? " .

And she says: "I know , luck , perhaps ."

Ruby , what brings you here a girl like you?

As the girl says : "Luck , maybe" .

You really want to know? Are not you a meddler more ?

What I can tell? Born and raised .

- So simple? - Nothing is simple .

I was born in Lake Charles , in a large family .

Many kids , little food.

above all when the breadwinner left us.

My father worked in a boat.

One day he was in Yucatan.

Maybe she was a lady there, or just had enough.

I was 17 years , and met a Navy officer .

Not a sailor any Tibideaux Ruby .

Anyway, I lived in New Orleans.

He said he loved me and that we would get married .

So I ran away with him.

When we got to New Orleans ...

- I planted . - No, not really .

He offered me an apartment

as good as that of his wife .

I told him where he could shove and tried to manage very alone.

But you go girl things in the big city .

Many things . Especially with men.

I never accepted money. I mean ...

Some were types pretty decent ,

who wanted to help , so let me help .

But one day,

sick of the city ,

I came to Bayou Tesch and I ran out of money.

There I met Harry , selling cost.

He was headed to Los Angeles. I found the promised land.

So we said "I do" and ...

you know the rest .

Ruby , I ...

Wanted a bedtime story . You got it .

What did you expect ? �Fanny Hill?

- Do not beat yourself up so much. - That's your secret?

- Is that what you do ? - Is the only way .

You should rest . You look tired .

Something has happened ! He should be here !

There will be gone for the cops !

Brahman ...

�Brahm�n ?

What if we get out ?

We expect to helicopters .

- What ? - We will wait for the helicopters !

Soon come. At 17.00 .

You'll see these communists . Prepare , red shit!

I think safe , right?

safe in that filthy paddy , right?

Wait and see , rubbish!

Now see, shitty !

Company B I will spend the whores!

Gail . Bring a blanket , honey.

It's cold.

Gail , I'm cold . It is very cold .

I have cold.

When did you , sheriff ? �Dentro a month, a year?

How cold . Honey, honey !

I'm ice cream, ice cream.

I have very cold.

I have cold, very cold I have . Heaven , heaven, heaven ...

I just want the wheels to get out .

It was not me who shot you ! It was the Brahmin , the blond .

It's crazy . Slick killed .

Slick was the one that was loaded to the old .

It was they , I did nothing , you understand?

Yes, I know , right? I did nothing , honey.

What happens to quack ?

I was bitten by a snake.

Screw him .

Could you give me a hand , right?

Explain it to the cops , tell all.

You could save ! Tell them ...

Or you could enchironarme .

Answer me . Answer me !

I'll have to kill you.

I would not, but I have no choice.

You are a great aunt .

I would spend pump. Sure you do not cut your hair .

We could be together , really.

If you keep that mouth closed .

Do not want to kill .

Want to make love .

�Cielo ? Come on , honey.

Heaven , come to me .

You are crazy as a loon . For .

No!

You were shaking.

There were no blankets .

He's dead. Wine last night.

He wanted to kill me.

I had to ...

We would have killed them both .

You saved my life .

Are you still on?

I have to follow.

Is it worth ?

- They raped my wife . - You do for her ?

- What 's eating you ? - Never had killed .

Better stay here .

- I can not , with him there. - Okay , come on.

Two down , one to go .

Corey , beware.

- Did you see something ? - No.

But it must be up there .

Ruby , Ruby !

Hey you !

- You hear me ? - I hear you .

It hurt! Need a doctor!

A hospital!

�Cre�is I was born yesterday , red ?

- �Rojos ? - �Quer�is a truce ?

�Socorrer to your wounded ?

It is a well-worn trick !

- Think of something better. - Listen , please!

It is badly injured .

Let me out of here and then do what you want !

That's my answer !

�Ten�is injured ?

Metedles finger in the hole!

- Is stark raving mad . - Comrades !

Why do not you shoot ?

You do not have bullets? Is that it?

You have run out of ammo!

Red idiot! Here white ! Why do not you shoot?

That's it. It's the end .

�Cre�as no see ?

You had me , right?

Have you removed the ring of pomegranate ?

Granada ...

Okay, you have not .

What are you waiting ? Throw it !

Did she come frog?

Zia failed ring ?

Send her to Beijing , will make a refund!

What's up, bud ?

Do not you get bullets or grenades ?

What a shame! Poblecito !

When the war ends , reengancharemos us .

When the war ends , reengancharemos us .

When the war is over ...

Comrade !

Do you know ?

You will not have reengancharte . I'm going to retire !

It will be like a permanent license !

- Damn freak ! - Pray , red son !

It's over. It's over.

It's over.

Easy, easy . Do not look .

Hold that there.

Thank you.

Why? I almost got you killed.

You punish too .

- That's your secret? - Is the only way .

You'll be fine .

Zen Los Angeles ?

Anywhere.

Consider The Ransom of Red Chief.

It happens in rural Alabama in the early 1900s.

There you are, William. Six miles to our destination.

Just about the right distance away.

Let's take a look over this way.

- This looks like a likely spot. - Not to me.

William, this is a perfect hideaway.

Look, a cave, running water, all the comforts of home.

Mmm. I don't like any place that hasn't got a door on it.

A nice, quiet spot to spend a few days.

And nights. Slick, have you ever slept out of doors?

William, don't tell me you're afraid of the country.

There's nothing I'm not afraid of, especially the country.

- Why, every time I see a-What's that?

- What is it? - William, don't act like a child.

It's nothing but a squirrel or a cat of some sort.

Well, do something. Get rid of it! Hurry up!

Go away, pussy. Go away. Nice pussy.

Go away, pussy. Go on, go on, go on!

You see, it's nothing if you're not afraid.

But I am.

Never let an animal know that you're afraid.

It's no use. They seem to sense it somehow.

Come on. Let's unload the provisions and get into town.

You know, Slick, I think we should give up the whole scheme.

- It worries me. - Why?

Kidnapping. It's against the law.

You can't go around throwing sacks over strangers' heads.

You weren't worried about the law when we sold that oil stock up there in Peoria.

That was different. They were old friends of ours. We knew them intimately.

There's something impersonal about an oil well. I wouldn't know one if I saw it.

An oil well is a hole in the ground surrounded by suckers.

Mmm. I still think kidnapping's no way to raise money.

That gets down to a matter of opinion.

Which one of us is the smarter?

How many times have you been in jail, William?

- Six times. - I have only been incarcerated twice.

So the answer is obvious.

I don't like it. It involves children.

We need money. We have all that little bonanza gold mine stock you had printed...

and we can't sell it without a nugget.

Now, Joe Collins has a nugget that's as big as a cobblestone.

We've gotta raise enough money to buy that nugget.

- Will he trust ya? - Not again.

You insist that kidnapping is the only solution.

William, for a quick, safe return on your investment...

you simply cannot beat kidnapping.

I regard it as even a sounder proposition than swindling widows and orphans.

And that is particularly true down here in this Peruna-and-chitlins country...

for the natives down here share one outstanding weakness.

- They love their children. - It's too risky.

Suppose you kidnap an orphan? Who pays to get him back?

William, don't be so pessimistic.

- You know anything about children? - Only one thing.

Children have to do what grown-ups tell them to do...

because we're bigger than they are.

- I don't like it. - William, we're procrastinating.

Let's finish unloading this stuff and get into town and find our victim.

- Mornin', folks. - Mornin'.

We'd like to get a little water for our car.

- Sure. - And some information, please.

Pete'll get you the water. What do you wanna know, mister?

Say, mighty nice country you got around here.

- Sure is pretty. - Is it?

If a person wanted to buy some of this land, who'd he have to see?

Why do you wanna buy the land for?

- What do you wanna raise? - It ain't good for much.

You want bottom land or, uh, hill country?

Uh, which is better?

Well, it depends upon what you want it for.

- Bottom land. - Reckon Eb Dorset could fix you up.

He's foreclosed on about as much land as anybody else.

But why do you wanna buy the land for?

Eb Dorset? Which Dorset is that?

Well, there ain't only one Dorset, and that's Eb.

Yeah, he married the Yarborough girl.

Why do you wanna buy the land for?

Married the Yarborough girl. Say, I seem to remember that.

Uh, was that union blessed with any issue?

Uh-

- What did you say?

You know, those little objects people get after they're married.

Yeah. Well, I reckon you could say they have in a way.

- Yeah. - May I ask what you mean by that foggy response?

Well, I reckon you could callJ.B. A child, if you wanted to.

- J. B? - J. B?

- That's what they call him. - Oh, it's a boy.

- I reckon you might, uh, call him a boy. - Yeah.

How old is he?

J.B. Is nigh on to 10 now.

What a lovable age in a boy.

Where did you say the Dorsets were living now?

- Didn't say. - Down the road a piece.

A little white house with broken windows.

You ain't told us why did you wanna buy the land for.

You know, I find your conversation rather limited, but very stimulating.

- Thank you. - Thanks a lot. Thanks a lot, fellas.

- Hope to see more of ya later. - See you later.

Thanks, son.

Sally Mae, you better lock yourself up in your room until them Yankees get outta town.

Aw, Pa.

What did he say that place was?

A little white house with broken windows.

Oh, yeah.

Dinner ready?

Unlessen you wanna wait forJ.B.

He's late again.

When'd he go out?

Night 'fore last.

Oughta be gettin' hungry by now.

I'd better set a place for him.

Yep, he's home now.

Ebenezer, two men just drove up in a motorcar.

They did?

Well, I'll be.

Now they're puttin' a sack overJ.B.'s head.

No.

Now they're totin' him away.

They must be strangers.

More than likely.

Set him down over here.

Are you all right,J. B?

If we untie you, will you promise to behave yourself and not run away?

Did you hear me? l said, did you hear me?

Are you frightened? Hmm.

Well, all right, if you wanna stay tied up.

Now, listen,J.B.

You are in the hands of two desperate men, and you must behave yourself.

- Is that right, William? - Yeah, you better behave yourself.

Yes, you've got- Put that knife away. Put it away.

- William, take that knife away from J.B. - I'd rather you did it.

J.B., William and I have decided you may keep the knife.

- Does that make you happy? - I don't like you.

- I said, I don't like you.

- J.B., you mustn't be afraid of us. - We're your friends.

I'm going back downtown and leave a ransom note in your father's mailbox.

And if he pays the little sum we're asking for you...

you will be returned home immediately, safe and sound.

Do you understand?

Excuse us a minute,J.B. How much you gonna ask for him?

I intended opening up with a bid of 2,000.

Two thousand? I think you're overestimating this kid's charm.

The trouble with you is you don't understand human nature.

The blacker the sheep, the quicker they bail 'em out.

And if I'm any judge of black sheep...

we have come up with a collector's item.

Anybody who'd pay $2,000 for him's out of his mind.

I heard what you said.

I don't like ya, but you're not dumb.

Thank you,J.B. Thank you.

Money isn't everything. I'm convinced 2,000's too much.

Perhaps you're right. I'll cut it to 1,500. I'd better get along.

I'll drop a note in the Dorset mailbox the minute it gets dark.

- How long will you be gone? - Good heavens!

Don't tell me you're afraid to stay here with this child.

Slick, why don't you stay and let William go?

- Very practical idea. - No, it's too late,J.B. Our plans are all made.

Don't you think it'd be better if we tied him up again, and we'll both go?

Look, you just build a fire, giveJ.B. Something to eat...

and make friends with him.

Make friends with him? Just hurry back.

- Eb? - Huh?

A man's puttin' somethin' in the mailbox.

Thought he would.

You want I should go out and fetch it?

Never mind. Morning's soon enough.

William, the ransom note has been delivered.

There's nothing to do but await results.

How have you and J.B. Been getting along?

Slick, stay where you are. Don't make any sudden moves.

What's the trouble, William?

If the light were better, you could see that in his left hand,J.B.'s holding my good watch...

and in his right hand, a large rock capable of enormous destruction.

Please don't do anything rash.

Now,J.B., is that any way to act? I ask you-

It won't do any good to talk.

Yes,J.B.

How did he get the watch?

We were having dinner, and suddenly he put a red-hot boiled potato down my back...

and mashed it with his foot.

- Why? - We had a slight difference of opinion.

- He wanted me to call him Red Chief. - Red Chief?

Yeah. He wanted to play Indian, and I didn't want to.

I see no reason why you couldn't oblige the little fella, William.

Except that he wanted to scalp me.

Surely,J.B., there must be another way to play Indian.

Red Chief gotta ride back to reservation.

Warn his people palefaces comin'.

Red Chief need horse.

Oh, no, not that.

If William is your horse, will you give him his watch back?

After paleface horse.

I won't do it. I refuse.

I'll speak to him in Indian,J.B.

What paleface say?

William will be your horse,J.B. All right, William.

Slick, stay there.

Horse, right there.

How far is it to the reservation?

Ten miles to the reservation.

Maybe there's a shortcut. Oh! Ow! Slick!

- Get back! No fair! - Keep quiet. Keep quiet.

- Keep still. Keep still. - No fair! No fair!

Now, stay over there.

There you are, William. I got his knife too.

No reason to let a child get the best of you.

- That's true only in theory. - Now,J.B., we'll have no more of this nonsense.

Paleface lie. Fool Red Chief.

Red Chief never forget.

Something tells me our triumph is only temporary.

- Paleface not dumb. - Thank you,J.B.

Don't you think we oughta tie the kid up before we go to bed?

I've got his knife.

We've hidden every other dangerous weapon around the camp.

What is there to worry about?

Remember what he said before he went to sleep?

Yes, it's nothing. I heard what he said.

- Do you remember? What was it? - Yeah.

He said, "Paleface make'm prayer great white father. Tell him good-bye."

- And what else did he say? - Red Chief never forget.

And you say there's nothing to worry about?

William, if you persist in this attitude, you'll have me worried.

There's enough worry for both of us.

Come, William. Let's get a good night's sleep.

Red Chief never forget.

Slick. Slick. Slick!

- Huh? - Wake up. Don't move.

Show him you're not afraid.

Run, William.

- I can't run far, Slick. - We're going up a tree, William.

- Can bears climb trees? - Here he comes. We'll soon find out.

William, I think it's a cinnamon bear.

I don't care what flavor he is. He's more apt to taste me.

Hey, paleface. You want Red Chief to get the bear outta here?

Yes, get him outta here. Get him outta here.

- What will you give me? - You can have your knife back,J.B.

How 'bout your watch, William?

Sure. Gladly. You can have the chain too.

Slick, I'll take your watch too.

Yes,J.B.

- Coming up right away. - Just get him away.

And will both y'all play Indian with me?

- Any-Anything you say,J.B. - Anything. Just get him away.

All right. Go on! Get outta here! Go on!

Get outta herel

Yeahl Go onl Get outta herel

Go onl Get outta herel Get goin'I

Go on! Get outta here!

Go on! Get outta here! Go on!

All right. You can come down now. We'll play Indian.

Hurry up, or I'll call the bear back.

- Come onl - I'm looking forward to it with great pleasure,J.B.

- Shh. William. Shh.

William, you don't have to war whoop anymore.

He's been asleep for the last five minutes.

Just don't wake him up.

Slick, this has been the worst night of my life.

I don't think l can take any more.

William, you should be ashamed of yourself...

letting a little child break your spirit.

That's enough, Slick. I'll take it from him, but not from you.

- You're just as frightened as I am. - Me, frightened?

Yes, you. He said he'd burn you at the stake at sunrise, and you're afraid he'd do it.

And what's more, he would too. And if I hear you mutter one more of those platitudes-

Shh, shh. William, you're right.

I am afraid.

That's better.

If I could only hold out till his father delivers the money. If he does.

- That may be quite a while. - What do you mean, quite a while?

I told him in the note to bring the money at 6:00 tomorrow night.

- Oh, no. - I just wanted to give him time to get it.

What time is it now?

Shall I wakeJ.B. Up and ask him?

William, what on earth is the matter with you?

- That's a silly question. - Where's J. B?

Probably out digging worms for our supper.

What happened to your eye?

He did it with a slingshot and a boulder as big as that derby of yours.

I suggest you put the water on your eye, not, uh-

While I was dazed, he pushed me, and I sat in the campfire.

This is the only place where I feel comfortable.

William, what I have to tell you isn't going to make you feel any better.

Don't tell me you didn't get the money.

Here, help me up.

No, William, l didn't get the money.

Slick, forget the 1,500.

Take a thousand, 500. You can take it outta my share.

Look what he did to me.

Yes, I see what you mean. But wait till you hear this.

This is from J.B.'s father. It says, "Gentlemen"-That's us.

My heart goes out to you.

As a token of my sympathy, l hereby offer you a counterproposition.

- For $250 in cash- - He's crazy.

I will takeJ.B. Off your hands.

We won't pay it. We'll just go and leave the little monster here.

I'm afraid he's thought of that, William.

- It says, "For your information, l am the sheriff of this county... - Oh, no.

And there is only one road out of where you are now.

- What'll we do? - "If my proposition interests you gentlemen...

I suggest that you bring J.B. Back after dark...

as otherwise, the neighbors, who have been celebrating his loss...

may do you a harm.

Signed, Ebenezer Dorset.

Have you ever heard of such rustic, uh, unmitigated impudence?

I think his father's a spendthrift to make such a liberal offer.

- After all, what's $250? - $250?

William, that's every penny we have.

Slick, I beg you, l urge you, I implore you.

It's only money. Please pay it!

All right, William. If you insist.

But, uh, to return J.B. You have to catch him first.

- Now, I suggest- - Shh. Here he comes.

Good evening,J.B.

Hi, Slick. You didn't get the money, did ya?

I sure did. I've got it right in here.

- You mean my father paid ya? - He certainly did.

- Let's see. - It's right in here. Look right in there.

There you are. Don't move. You'll get hurt.

- I've got you,J.B.

- I give up! I give up! Here, William. - Okay.

For me? Thank you,J.B.

William, I've changed my mind about ya.

- You have? That's nice. - I still don't like ya.

- But now I think you're dumb. - Why?

- That stuff you're holding. - You mean these flowers you gave me?

Part of it's flowers, but the rest of it's poison ivy.

Poison ivy? Why, you-

- Just once, please! - No, William. I forbid you-

- I'm gonna get this one time- - William, control yourself.

220, 225, 230-

Pa, I don't wanna stay here.

- I wanna go with 'em. - Ah.

- Twist his arm, Ebenezer. - I'll be good. I'll be good.

235, 240, 245-

Y'all better take another look, mister.

That last five-dollar bill is a one.

- Please, Slick. - Say, you're right, madam.

Thank you for correcting me. 245.

There we are. $250.

Have you folks thought of investing this cash into good, safe prop-

Please, Slick. How far is it to the state line?

- It ain't far. - You think you can hold him?

Well, I ain't as strong as I used to be...

but I think I can promise you at least 10 minutes.

We'd be very grateful.

- Good-bye,J.B. - Good-bye,J.B.

Good-bye, Slick. Good-bye, William. I hope I see you again.

There's only a bare chance,J.B.

Don't count on it.

You got a gold mine in that boy.

- Is anybody coming? - Not a sign.

- But don't slow down.

Outwitted by a mere child.

You have no brains, and I have no courage.

An unbeatable combination.

Slick, what do we do now?

Get out those little bonanza gold mine certificates.

I wouldn't have the nerve to sell that phony stock now.

Pull yourself together, William.

What is a confidence man without confidence?

At the turn of the century, certain social leaders in New York...

claimed that only 400 people were worth knowing.

In disagreement, O. Henry wrote a volume he called The Four Million.

He thought everybody was worth knowing.

Now the very term -400- is almost forgotten.

But from The Four Million...

The Gift of the Magi-is as fresh and alive as the day it was written.

O. Henry. Said, The Magi were the Wise Men...

the wonderfully wise men who brought gifts to the babe in the manger.

They invented the art of giving Christmas presents.

And that invention was still operating when this story. Begins-

in the year of our Lord, 1905.

- Good morning, Mrs. Young. - Oh, good morning, Mr. Schultz.

- How is your lumbago? - Huh?

- I said, how is your lumbago? - Can't hear you.

My compliments to the cook on this morning's coffee.

Aw, I made the coffee myself this morning.

Cook isn't here today. I gave all the servants the day off.

- It's Christmas Eve, you know. - Oh, yes. So it is.

- And I haven't bought your present yet. - Oh?

- It's just as well, because I've changed my mind again. - Oh?

Yes. I've decided l don't want the diamond tiara.

No, l- I must have a sealskin coat.

You see, it's the only fur l haven't got, and I simply must have it.

All right. I'll buy it right after lunch.

Lunch. I'm glad you mentioned that. Now, tell me the truth.

Aren't you a bit weary of going to Delmonico's every day?

Just this once, wouldn't you like something from home...

Wrapped up in this cunning little box?

- That'd be very nice. - Yeah?

There you have it.

White meat of turkey, brandied cherries...

oh, a bit of chestnut dressing and-

Let me see. Oh, yes. Some of those little ice cakes...

you were so fond of on our honeymoon in Paris.

- Della? - Yes?

Is it awful- not having all these things for real?

I have you...

and that's for real.

Quarter past. Well, let's see if St. Benedict's on time this morning.

It's 14 after. He's a whole minute fast.

That gives me one more minute to tell you I love you.

Oh, Jim!

Oh, now, you know I'll just have to put it all up again.

I remember the first time I saw you, just a year ago.

At Mr. Crump's Christmas party.

And I thought, someday, l must take out the pins...

and see that hair fall down around her waist.

For that, I'd be willing to marry her.

Why, Mr. Young, what an improper thought.

- Not at all. - Oh, I was so glad I went to that party.

I saw you almost at once, and I thought to myself...

if he's married, l shall ask her to give him up.

- Why, Mrs. Young, what an improper thought. - Not at all.

I thought no one would introduce us, so I asked you for the time.

Remember? And you brought out your beautiful watch...

and I thought, he must be very rich.

And for one wonderful moment, there was no one at that party but you and me.

No one in the world but you and me.

- You and your wonderful hair. - And you and your wonderful watch.

- It is handsome, isn't it? - The handsomest in New York.

You should have a platinum fob to go with it instead of this leather string.

Jim, why, that solves it!

Your Christmas present. I've been wondering what to get you.

A platinum watch fob with diamonds to match my tiara.

You changed your mind, remember?

- It's a sealskin coat. - Can't we afford both?

It's 26 after. Not unless I get to the office and earn some money.

It'll only take me a second. I'll walk with you as far as the butcher shop.

How's your lumbago, Mr. Schultz?

lt's better today, thank you. Good morning.

It's your last day. Tomorrow you can stay inside and take care of yourself.

Oh, thank heaven she didn't buy them.

They'd be terrible in her hair.

They once were worn by a Chinese empress.

- Cost $25. - Jim, h-how do you-

I priced them day before yesterday. I thought maybe if they weren't too much-

The diamond tiara will look much better with the sealskin.

Now, come on. You'll be late for work.

Well, what would you like for Christmas dinner?

Now, tell me, aren't you getting a little tired of turkey?

How about a goose stuffed with apples or a duck with orange sauce?

Get whatever you like. Surprise me.

But don't stay on your feet too long. You know what-

Mrs. Schultz said a walk every day was good for me, and she's had seven.

You want something?

Oh, I'd like a pound of ground chuck beef and a half pound of sausage.

Uh, will that be enough to make a meat loaf just for two people?

I suppose so.

Fifty, 75, a dollar, a dollar quarter, a dollar 50...

- 60, 75, 80, 85, 86, 87.

What can one do with a dollar and 87 cents?

Yes?

Uh, are you Maurice?

I am.

What can I do for you, madam?

Do you buy hair?

If it's good, yes.

Would you buy mine?

Well, let's have a look at it, madam, right in here.

Sit down.

Oh, madam!

Oh, it is magnificent!

It is beautiful!

Such quality, such beauty, such sheen.

Eh, it is not bad.

I will give you, uh, $20.

Twenty? I need-

Oh, I mean, couldn't you please make it just a little bit more? Say, 22.50?

Twenty is my price for this particular length and thickness.

Take it or leave it.

Well-

Can you- can you cut it quickly so I won't change my mind?

Oh, naturally, madam. Naturally.

Now, let me see.

Now, it is better if you close your eyes.

Say, isn't that clock a little slow?

You're right. That clock's four minutes slow.

- Mr. Young? - Yes, Mr. Crump?

- You show a great deal of interest in the time. - Yes, sir.

Am I to remind you that time is what I'm paying you for, at $17.50 a week?

Yes, sir.

At 54 hours a week, that's nearly 33 cents an hour...

approximately half a cent a minute.

- That's right, sir. - Time, young man, is money.

Christmas Eve here is just December the 24th.

I understand, Mr. Crump.

- For two cents, I'd-

- How much is two cents? - Four minutes.

I was counting on his letting us off early today.

I've got to get a present for Margaret.

- What are you gonna buy for your wife? - I don't know.

It all depends on the size of our Christmas bonus from old Crump.

I don't think it'll be $500.

Not likely.

That's what a sealskin coat costs.

Tell me, Bill, why does a woman wanna wear the skin of a seal?

- Who knows?

Shh. He's coming back.

Gentlemen, your attention for one moment.

I'm sorry to announce that because business has been very poor this year...

as you who keep my books must know...

there will not be the usual Christmas bonus.

However, because I've dispensed with the usual Christmas party...

I am adding per capita the cost of that party to your checks.

An extra three dollars.

Merry Christmas.

Cheer up, Jim. For that three dollars...

you can buy her one sealskin earmuff.

Genuine platinum.

He is pretty, nein? For your husband?

He is quiet, but he's of real value.

Yes, that describes him exactly.

Oh! Oh, I thought you meantJim, my husband.

Maybe I did.

He must be a good man if you marry him.

Oh, thank you.

It's the only fob I've ever seen that's as beautiful as his watch.

It's not just an ordinary watch.

It was his father's and his grandfather's...

and it will be handed on down to-

That is, if we have a son.

And you will. You will have a boy.

This fob, it'll bring you luck, l bet you.

Mr. Menkie, all I have is 21 dollars and 87 cents...

but I do so want to take the fob home with me tonight.

Could l- Could I pay you the rest later?

What is this "later"?

Do you think I'm squeezing blood out of a stone?

For you... I make a special price.

Twenty dollars.

Oh, Mr. Menkie!

Oh, thank you! Thank you!

Mr. Schultz, did I wish you a merry Christmas?

- I don't know. Maybe. I think so. - Well, I want to.

I want everyone to have a merry Christmas, even Santa Claus.

- God bless you.

Oh, dear God, let him still love me.

Please let him still love me.

- Say, where's Jim? Jim, come on. - I haven't seen him.

We're going to Clancy's Saloon and have a hot-buttered rum.

- No, thanks, fellas. - Come on. It's Christmas Eve.

No, my wife's alone. She worries if I'm late.

- Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas to you.

Poor fella henpecked, isn't he?

- Did you ever see his wife? - No.

You should be henpecked so nice.

Hello.

- Don't turn it- - Why not?

Oh, Jim, don't look at me that way.

It'll grow out again. You know how fast my hair grows.

But- But what-

I cut it off and sold it...

because I couldn't have lived through Christmas without giving you a present.

You cut off your hair?

Yes. And sold it.

But it doesn't matter so much, does it, Jim?

I'm still me without my hair.

I can't believe it.

Your hair-

L-lt's gone.

You needn't look for it, Jim. It's sold, I tell you.

Oh, Jim, tell me it doesn't matter.

Tell me I look all right. Even if you don't mean it, tell me.

Oh, say "merry Christmas" and open your present, darling.

Why, it's all right, darling. It- It looks- looks fine.

It'd take more than a haircut to make me love my girl any less.

- Honestly? - Honestly.

I, uh- l-

I stopped on my way home and... bought something for you.

Oh, Jim!

Oh, Jim!

They're not-

Why, my hair grows so fast, Jim.

By spring I can wear them.

Oh, but- but you haven't opened your present, darling.

Isn't it beautiful? You'll have to look at your watch a hundred times a day now.

Put it on. Put it on, and let's see.

Della, darling, why don't we put our Christmas presents away for a while?

They're much too nice to use just now.

You see, I sold the watch to buy you the combs.

Oh, Jim!