Original subtitles

Shamitabh! Shamitabh!

We are at the grand success party of LIFEBUOY...

A film with a rank newcomer...

who has taken bollywood by storm

Javed sir... Javed sir...

This is the beginning of a storm...

A storm that comes once in 40 years...

and changes the landscape

$10 Million in its opening weekend!!!

A new Superstar is born in Bollywood!!!

Mr.Bhatt... Mr.Bhatt...

He doesn't have a great physique...

He is not very tall...

and looks very ordinary

So what makes him the hottest thing today ?

The answer is in your question

If he had all this, how would he be different ?

Ekta Ma'am...Ekta Ma'am

You are a marketing genius

Will the film benefit from the brand Lifebuoy...

or the brand benefit from the film?

All I know is that the industry has benefitted...

from SHAMITABH!!!

A few days ago, Nobody knew his name...

Today he is the talk of the town !

Shamitabh!

Shamitabh rocks!!

Mr.Boney Kapoor... Mr.Boney Kapoor...

While watching the very first scene of the film, I told my wife...

'this boy is dynamite'

What a voice!

What intensity!

It's getting very late...

Greetings...

This is Shamitabh speaking

I welcome you all

You are searching for me...

I am waiting for you here

Thanks.

( Sound of gargling )

Seems like the mic is trying to express a problem

Hi! Hello! Greetings and Welcome

Thank you so much for appreciating LIFEBUOY

An actor is just a medium...

to deliver the director's thoughts and the writer's words...

to an audience

Usually...

directors don't hit the gym...

writers are not well groomed...

so the camera doesn't like them very much

Thank God !

Else, an actor like me would be jobless

Ladies & Gentlemen

The creator of 'LIFEBUOY'

Hello!

You had the choice of casting any big star...

why did you choose a new face ?

Every big star begins as a new face

Sir...Shamitabh sir...

Sir... Sir.. Sir

Shamitabh sir...

You got the news?

What news sir?

Within 3 days of the release of my first film...

I have been 'knighted' by The Queen of England !

What ?

Sir Anthony Hopkins...

Sir Richard Attenborough...

Sir Elton John...

they must be called 'Sir'...

I am miles away from 'Knighthood'

Why are you calling me 'Sir'...

Sir?

Shamitabh! One question!

Yes?

Sir...

Sorry...

You were kept away from The promotions of this film...

Why?

My director and producer feel...

that what you get for 'free' has no value

Nothing like the pleasure of paying money to 'see' on screen...

Sir, sir, sir, sir

Mumbai is the capital of Bollywood & Maharashtra

Why has it taken a 'Maharashtrian' this long...

to be a bollywood superstar ?

Go and ask the film industry...

What took them so long to find me

Go and ask the world...

What took them so long to hear my voice

Go and ask the dreams...

What took them so long to come true ?

And then...

And then...

So, kids, tell me.

Who is this?

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

Ben Kingsley Who is Gandhiji?

Father of the Nation!!!

Hero

What did we achieve because of him?

Independence

Oscar

Daanish!

What is this awwwwwww?

You think you can escape Because you can't speak ?

Write the answer on the board

Get up!

No one else must answer

Who was Gandhiji's wife?

No one must answer!

Rohini Hattangadi?

You bunk school...

..watch movies all the time...

Because your father is dead...

And you can't speak...

we let you attend school...

so that you can atleast listen and learn !

What will you become by watching films ?

A Hero ?

What ?

You will become a hero ?

Show us

you've learnt nothing from your teacher...

show us what you have learnt from films

what ?

The silent film era is over...

"what is the scene ?"

Look !

Hero is asking for a script

Ok ! Your mother is dead

Action...

Come on, do it.

What...what is he saying?

(friend whispers) You...

killed my...

mother...

Sir!

You killed my mother...

Are you crazy?

what are you saying ?

Stay there...

Stop!

Leave.. leave.. Stop him. What is he doing?

Leave. Leave him.

Leave him.

Sir... I will kill you...

How was that!

Film is love...

Film is passion...

Film is pain...

Film is the cure...

Film is a blessing...

Film is the way to fly every friday

Film is the secret of happiness...

Film is pride...

Film is the father of life...

we are all the children of film...

Film is life...

Film is the soul...

salute film... salute film...

Film is love...

Film is passion...

Film is pain...

Film is the cure...

Film is a blessing...

Film is the way to fly every friday

Film is the secret of happiness...

Film is pride...

Film is the father of life...

we are all the children of film...

Film is life...

Film is the soul...

Salute film... salute film...

How will you become a hero?

I mean...

Without speaking a word...

you can shake the world...

but which heroine will work with a hero of your size ?

Tell me?

No No Doctor...

nothing is wrong with me...

I will just keep coming here...

just give me some harmless medicines...

Why?

If I don't pretend to be ill,

he will run away to Mumbai....

to be an actor...

Film is love...

Film is passion...

Film is pain...

Film is the cure...

Film is a blessing...

Film is the way to fly every Friday

Film is the secret of happiness...

Film is pride...

Film is the father of life...

we are all the children of film...

Film is life...

Film is the soul...

salute film... salute film...

Film is romance...

Film is violence...

Film is in the air...

Film is a friend...

Film is war...

Film is the ultimate high...

Film is school...

Film is class...

Film is knowledge

Game is film...

Ball is film...

Playground is also film

Film is 'U'...

Film is Blue...

Film is 'A'...

Hunger for film...

Thirst for film...

Only film...

Don't wanna live...without film

Even god says thank god for film

salute film... salute film...

This time I have to give you real medicines...

your health is truly failing

you need rest...

How long will you keep working?

If you stop working...

he will become responsible...

and stop dreaming about Mumbai

No. no. Stop.

Stop.. no.. no...

Filmy walk...

Filmy move...

Filmy style...

Filmy look...

Filmy state of mind...

Atmosphere is all film...

Film in the eyes...

Film in the nose...

Film in every breath...

Film on the face...

Film in the brain...

Film in every reflection...

Film is in every nerve...

Film is in every vein...

Film is in the blood...

Wound is film...

balm is film...

Only film...

How can we live without film ?

without film...without film...

Thank God for film

salute film... salute film...

salute film... salute film...

One question...one question!!!

Shamitabh...shamitabh

You are from a small town...

a classic rags to riches story...

From starvation to strict diet

No...there's no such story...

I came to Mumbai from my village...

and checked in to a five star hotel called MHO4 7789

What do you want?

Have you come to see a film shoot ?

Then what are you doing at Film City?

Rajkumar Hirani...

Sanjay Leela...Oh..

you want to become an actor ?

Go meet Rohit Shetty...

Go meet Karan Johar...

But not here

Go meet them at their homes

Here...

Go !

Go! Go!

Go away.

People just pack up and land up here

Stop... Stop... Stop...

Deepak

Yes sir...

What is this?

I think it is a prop trunk sir

Take it away...

and pack up !

Let go.

Give power.

Done, sir.

Cut. Superb.

You don't belong to a film family...

you don't have any film connections how did you get this role?

If your destiny is 5 ft 2 inches tall and...

weighs about 51 kgs, you don't need any connections

Hey...

What were you doing in the vanity van?

Who did you ask?

Speak up!

Take him to the production dept.

Call the security !

Hand him over to the studio owner. - I will just come.

Hey! Guys... Guys!!

one minute... one minute...

What happened?

He went inside the vanity

Who are you?

What were you doing inside ?

Why talk? Whack him

one minute...

What?

What?

He is mute

You want to be an actor?

Mad!

Wait! Please!

Here!

Do you know anyone here?

The villain shoots a small girl...

You witness that...

and run to the police station

This is the scene

Hello...

Here!

It's fine

What happened?

Camera ?

C'mon ready

Action!

Where is the sound?

Sir... we can dub his voice

So much intensity on his face

Akshara I'm making a film...

not running an NGO

How will we shoot with him?

How will the other actors perform with him?

What will they hear? How will they get their cues ?

We have no time for all this. Sorry.

Let's go!

No

It didn't work out

What can I do ?

I am just an AD... assistant...

not a director

Ok ...

when I make my own film...

you will surely be the hero...

come on...

Hey...

Come let's go

I can't do anything

Don't cry...

No No...Get up please

He said no... what can I do ?

Please calm down

Let's go... no please don't...

You idiot !

Let's get out of here

We will be in trouble

No don't... please leave him

No, please, no.

No, please, no.

Enough ! Enough !

Hello! Dad - Yes, my child.

I am just bringing someone to the hospital

He is ok !

He can't speak and wants to be a hero !

What will happen to Our country without cinema?

Where is he from?

Don't know Dad.

Anyways.

Igatpuri to Mumbai...

Sir.. sir..sir..

Of course you are very talented...

but did you ever dream...

that you will be so successful ?

I would still be dreaming...

if I relied only on talent

More than talent... I had the desire

I really wanted to be an actor

When we truly desire something...

..we get it

Hey Pandey... What's up ?

Hey Kumar !

What are you doing in Finland for so many days ?

I thought I would attend the conference for a day...

and then escape on some Scandinavian cruise

But for the first time in 30 years...

I found a medical conclave so interesting

that I couldn't move

Laryngology and interesting?

I heard something Absolutely mind blowing

I am about to visit their research centre

See, what they are doing is they are testing..

Has he gone back home?

I wish I could help him...

You...

..may be able to help him

Nurse... Where is he ?

He has left !

Hello...

Yes, madam!

Okay I will check

Hello...

Anyone hiding in the vanity van?

Hero...

You don't have a passport right ?

Even your turn is at 48 frames !

You were born to be a hero man!

I am Dr. Kumar

This is the world's most advanced voice research centre

Good morning.

You will discover how technology can...

help the speech impaired

This way.

Bilateral Abductor Palsy

Clearly, his vocal Cords are totally paralysed

It's a simple procedure

A micro voice processor...

will be implanted in your throat

Initially you will feel uncomfortable...

but then it will be fine

What's your name?

Daanish!

Daanish

Move your lips

What's your name?

Daanish

Daanish

Daanish

Daanish

Daanish!

Daanish!

Daanish.

Daanish

Daanish

Welcome to Live Voice Transfer Technology

This gadget is like...

..a bluetooth device of a mobile phone

But there is no phone

All the technology is in this

Within a 400 meter radius...

wherever you are...

whether it's a sound proof room...

or a no network zone...

I can hear all voices and sounds around you

and when I speak...

you can hear my clear voice

minus all other sounds

My voice will also be received...

by the micro voice processor in your throat

There's a motion sensor in your voice processor

When you move your lips...

the motion sensor will detect the movement

And the voice that your voice processor has received...

will come out of your mouth...

through a hi-fidelity micro speaker...

absolutely clear

Today...

I can lend you my voice... Live !

Two cappuccinos. two twasence.

Please.

3 blue brine with chocolate Sauce. 4 apro tarts & 6 ginger breads.

12 vanilla doughnuts

No, actually, make that 6 strawberry 3 Vanilla 3 doughnuts.

To sync your lip movement with the voice...

..is an art...

Practice Practice and Practice!

To sync your lip movement with the voice is an art...

Practice Practice and Practice!

If you don't want to speak...

don't open your mouth when you hear the voice

Just shut up

If you don't open your Mouth for sometime...

the voice that is stored in your voice processor...

will be automatically erased

Now all you need is a good voice...

with whom you can have a good understanding

Sorry...

I apologise...

Please forgive me

Forgiveness is in demand

I will give you some options

Whoever seeks forgiveness...

Forgiveness is in demand

must charge for it

Whoever seeks forgiveness...

Should be made to pay

By asking for forgiveness

the pressure moves to the forgiver...

to be a good human being...

pressure...

Oh sorry!

I will finish my work and come.

Really, quite simple.

Baby, I can't come.

My Hero..

You have the talent...

the technology...

the tantrums too...

but who the hell has your voice man?

I have...

a bottle...

a glass...

water... thirst...

snacks... chicken...

But who the hell has my drink man?

Shamitabh... Shamitabh...

people are crazy about your voice

Do you also feel that your voice...

..is the reason for your success ?

No.. no...

It's all my...

good looks

I am good looking

Why?

You don't think I am handsome?

Come on guys...

My face is getting an inferiority complex

Right?

Right? Ya

Only the media can create a rift between...

..a man's face and his voice !

Sir, sir, sir...

We have spoken enough

It is time to party

My throat has dried up

Thank you ladies and gentleman

Enjoy LIFEBUOY...

Enjoy the party

Hello...

I am going to pee... keep your mouth closed

Else, 'No. 1' will have a new meaning in Bollywood

Who has the drink?

Can we speak to you for two minutes?

Serve the tea on my table

Will you boys have tea?

Excuse me!

I am a girl...

Girl !

3 teas

Are you the person who does the burials ?

I don't have the license for that

He does...

He is my land lord

He sends people...

from the land to the lord

I am his paying guest

Where in Mumbai do you get a house...

with such a big garden...

for $8 a month ?

Don't you...

get scared here?

Fear exists in places where people die

Nobody dies in the graveyard

they die...

and arrive here

You should be afraid outside...

Outside

Can't we sit somewhere else?

Why? What's the problem here?

It's someone's grave

It's not correct

It's empty

Reserved for me

Are you mute?

Subtitle please.

What is this?

Non disclosure agreement

What?

What we are about to tell you...

..is confidential

so you will have to sign this agreement before...

One minute

You...

..want to speak to me

Yes.

And I have to sign an agreement to listen to You ?

Yes!

Did you get that?

I don't want to listen to you No listening...

No signing!

What's this nonsense?

What is this nonsense ?

He wants to be an actor

In case he becomes a superstar...

just for safety

Your voice sounds good from his mouth, right ?

My voice will sound good even from a dog's mouth

Sign over...

Tell me!

What is in your ear... a similar device is in his ear

Whoever speaks to him... you can hear them

and your reply will get stored in his voice processor

When he opens his mouth...

your voice will come out

[A famous dialogue from the Hindi film ' Mughal-E-Azam ' ]

What happened?

Technology does not like Mughal-E-Azam dialogues?

No chance!

[ A famous dialogue from the Hindi film ' Mughal-E-Azam ' ]

What happened?

Technology does not like Mughal-E-Azam dialogues?

No chance!

Your voice is coming from inside him.

I think he is swallowed your mobile phone.

So..

What is your name?

Amitabh ! Mr. Amitabh Sinha!

So Mr. Amitabh...

Will you be his voice?

What's your weight?

54?

59?

My voice is heavier than that

That's the beauty

A heavy voice is normal On your kind of body

But on his face it'll stand out

People will be fans of your voice

40 years ago...

I had also come to Mumbai to be a hero

What!

To be a hero

Studio to studio...

Studio to studio...

Not just studios...

Even radio rejected me

..because of this voice...

For the hero's role my voice sounded like a villain's

For the villain's role this voice...

..made the hero's voice sound weaker

The voice that made me a zero...

..combined with this face of yours...

Is going to make you a hero?

Right now he is a charity case.

But..

..you'll get a share of what he earns.

5%

Ok 7%

10%...last...final offer

Ok. 15% come on...that's fair

Don't be cheap!

I'm watching a film.

A film

The Big...

All the big people of this great industry...

..Who threw me out because of my 'F'ing voice...

..are now being 'F'ed by the same voice

Opening scene

Feels good...

Feels good...

Akshara!

Hi, sir.

Hi Akshara...what are you doing here?

Just...

Stopped for some vada pav sir...

Superb vada pav this chap makes...you want sir?

No no no...I am on this... mad diet

Ok...you came for some shooting?

I came to meet Ranbir...

for the next film...

getting ready Just been writing

Don't take up anything else...

I want you to be my chief assistant this time

Of course sir...it'll be my honour... don't worry sir

I spoke to Ranbir...

He is free in 2017

Trying to meet Hrithik also...

Let's see...

What's the story sir ?

Are you both making the film too?

No.. No.. No....

This is a test...

Need something to show.

Please come.

What is this?

A small scene...

Hello...

The name is 'Lifebuoy'

The job is...

Is this a scene or a soap?

In her director's next film...

The hero...

..eliminates rogues or the germs of society...

..and protects the nation's health

Yesterday I was bathing with Lifebuoy soap...

..and had an idea

This soap does the same...

..protects health

So why not call the hero 'Lifebuoy'

'Lifebuoy'

The boy who gives life to the nation..

..will kill...

..and exit in slow motion

Sound track will play...

Lifebuoy protects health...

..where there is Lifebuoy there is health

'Lifebuoy'

We have to make an audition so good that...

..the director who is dying to work with Ranbir & Hrithik...

..will happily delete their numbers from his phone

Can you hear his voice?

With less alcohol and more focus...

..anybody can understand

One minute...

You will have to step back...

else double sound will be recorded

Hello...

Hello...

The name is 'Lifebuoy'

The job is to keep the nation healthy

You want me to weaken my voice to suit your face ?

The name is 'Lifebuoy'

The job is to keep the nation healthy

Are you strolling in the garden?

Subtitle...Subtitle

Want me to have one expression all my life to suit your voice ?

This won't work

He needs a different face, not a voice !

Have you seen the mirror?

My bass won't go with this face

The name is 'Lifebuoy'

The name is 'Lifebuoy'

The job is to keep the nation healthy

Finally he's learning to act otherwise...

Hello...

The name is 'Lifebuoy'

The job is to keep the nation healthy

Finally he's learning to act otherwise...

Hello

The name is 'Lifebuoy'

The job is to keep the nation healthy

this is cool

nowadays they speak casually like this in films

No...

Even the previous one was fine

Sir I've shot something for your concept...

Show me

Hello..

This is the same mute guy right?

No sir...

He's a great actor

He was just acting mute and testing me

Is it?

What an actor!

And Lifebuoy...

What an idea!

It's your idea, sir...

No but what an interpretation!

Actually bang on title for my film

I want to meet this...

This is Daanish

Hi Daanish.

Pass me that test.

Read it. Take your time

Is the Camera ready?

Being evil has made you ill.

don't worry.. I have the cure.

One bullet and you will be Okay.

You won't even need an injection...

Awesome! Dude!

Awesome!

Awesome! Awesome! Awesome!

Awesome dude!

Now we will have to find a role for you...

First let's find you some clothes

Why.. why?

You're in the same black t-shirt since I've seen you

No no.. no.. no.. no... I love only black...

I have only black...

And I buy only black

But I was saying something...

Yes...

A role for you...

What role?

During filming...

..how will you be around to lend your voice...

..without raising suspicion?

Manager?

But a manager has to speak to people..

And if the manager and the star speak in the same voice...

..the film industry will be shocked.

So who stays around a star all the time ?

Valet...peon is called a valet here

Valet...peon is called a valet here

Perfect role!

Name?

Think.. think.. think.. think...

Robert ?

Hey! Stop the car!

Stop the car! Stop the car!

O hello. Hello.

Oh hello...

All the big people of this great industry...

who threw you out because of your 'F'ing voice...

..are waiting to be 'F'ed by the same voice

To do that... Won't you do this much ?

Whisky

Black

Now you have the money... Pay !

You need to control your drinking

Where am I drinking ?

I never drink in the graveyard

Of course you drink...

in your $8 bungalow

That is out of this graveyard area...

I respect the dead, not the living

And let me tell you...

By stopping whisky suddenly...

..the liver might get a heart attack

So no whisky... very risky....

Body will shake, not the sound

Hello...

What?

Akshara...

I am...

..going to drop Daanish from this film...

I am...

I am sorry

Hello...

Yes, sir

Hello...

Yes, sir...Daanish here

Daanish

I've thought a lot

I know Daanish...

You will feel very sad... but...

I am sorry...

For the good of this film...

Have to change...

Daanish...

I am sorry...

You...

...will have to change your name!

Got you guys

Daanish...

..you think only you can act ?

Sir...

this is not good for health.

But seriously Daanish, think...

Apparently there's A numerology problem...

I don't have a problem with all this but...

..my producers believe in such things

I also feel Daanish is not a very powerful name...

You are a powerful actor...

..but, DAANISH doesn't have the power...

that is in your voice...

What do you say?

He is right...

AMITABH...

POWER...

Daanish...

is weak

D... D... D... name starting with D...

Da.... Daanish Khan...

Let's add ' KHAN '...

these days KHAN works a lot...

Daanish is a nice name

Nice... but...

Director wants...

Kiddo...

Your naming ceremony is going on...

what do you want...

SHAMITABH.

SHAMITABH.

SHAMITABH.

It has power!

SHAMITABH.

SHAMITABH.

SHAMITABH .

You have used just ' S H ' from your name

Why?

S.. H..

SHSHSH... Silence

Silent...

Amitabh

Very deep

Excuse me...

please move

Camera.

27A/1. take one.

Action.

I am from the Mumbai Municipal Corporation

We have news that 4 stray...

What?

Let's go again...

Come on... One more...

Ok... One more...

Sound. - Rolling.

Camera. - Take 2. Action.

Action. - rolling.

Cut.

What is happening ?

Shamitabh get your lines right

What happened?

Hey ! What are you doing here ?

Get out of the frame

No, problem. Let's take one more. .

Let's take sir

Sound. - Rolling.

Roll camera.

Take 3.

Action.

Lifebuoy protects health...

where there is Lifebuoy there is health

' Mumbai Municipal Corporation '

I am from the Mumbai Municipal Corporation

We have news that 4 stray dogs...

are troubling the public a lot

The number of injections for dog bites...

..will be same as the number of bullets I pump into you

I was afraid of this

In this country...

..you can kill humans...

but not animals

I will be in jail for being 'Cruel to Animals'

That's why...

..we don't kill stray dogs

We catch them with a net...

Take them in a van to the hospital..

..respectfully sterilize them

..and leave them back on the streets

So that they can be rid of their lust.

Let me get rid of you

' Kill the germs '

Lifebuoy protects health...

Sorry guys...

I forgot to bring the 'net' today

Since the country cannot ensure its health...

A common man like me has to remove the germs

Lifebuoy protects health...

The name is Lifebuoy

The job is to keep the nation healthy

We kill the germs.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you,. Sir.

Thank you.

Thank you very much..

Congratulations. - Thank you.

Let's go

The film is not over yet...

Lifebuoy protects health...

Introducing.

Robert...

Peon ( valet )

Sha Sha mi mi...

What a star!

Go, everywhere, where you receive appreciation.

The style doesn't appear.

This morning doesn't arrive daily.

You have achieved fame.

A bus conductor from A village near Igatpuri..

..has become a Superstar today

He was so quiet...

..never used to talk...

Just like a mute guy...

And now he speaks such big dialogues

This chap's late father helped him get a job...

Did he once say "thank you"?

He was so quiet...

We really thought he was mute

But he used to talk to me...

He used to gossip a lot with me

Sha Sha mi mi... What a star.

Go, everywhere, where you receive appreciation.

Stay here?

No... this house does not have a garden

From the time it has seen you.

The camera sways.

Only you are in focus all the time.

It has gone crazy for you.

Whenever you are swayed.

With your eyelids open.

Come, your close up is needed.

You have become famous everywhere.

You are great...

I am an End Title

From DAANISH...

he has become 'Introducing SHAMITABH'

and I...

..in trying to 'F' the world...

..have 'F' ed myself...

Have become a 'F'ing valet!

I can hear the pain of your heart...

Scotch...

me...

Scotch...

Water...

him

mixing...

What gives you the high?

Is there any water...

that gives you a high without whisky ?

Is there?

Is there?

but...

whisky gives you a high without water !

Whisky!

Water... needs whisky

Whisky doesn't need anyone

And to give away the award for the best ' debut ' actor

May I please request Mr. Rohit Shetty to come on stage

And the award

for the best ' debut ' actor

goes to...

Sidharth Dhawan!!!

Chill...you are the best

Rigged rigged... everything is rigged

Best debut... balls!!!

Ssshhh...speak slowly

Aamir khan does the right thing...

boycott all these bloody awards

It is all a fraud...

to increase Television ratings...

they lure stars with awards

It's all a game of money

This is not about talent and perfomance

As long as people watch such shows

It will go on like this

Corruption Bloody Corruption

Corruption here too

Even a film on Anna Hazare

will have to buy the awards

Awards!... Awards!

And the best 'actor' for 2013

Fraud... This is fraud...

Do you call this an award

It's a bloody fraud...

Shamitabh.

Yes, ladies & gentlemen

The Best 'Actor'...

2013.

Is none other than...

Shamitabh!

For his very first film.

Congratulations...

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I am so proud of you

You are truly God's gift to Cinema

Blessed with God's own Voice

Bless you

Take care of yourself...

And take care of this voice...

Bhimani sir..

it's a great script...

but Clint Eastwood has already made it

fantastic film...

"In the line of Fire"

we have the 'rights' sir...

Idiot...

You're wrong...

Who gave you the right ?

Sir...

I am getting the action director of mission impossible.

Launch your son...

he looks like a star

Thank you, sir.

Actually...

Lifebuoy was an action film...

I want to do something different...

..a romantic film

Superb...superb...

Very sweet love story...

But... I want to do more action

Premiere in Sundance...

..or Cannes...

I want to take it to all festivals

Eid...Diwali...Dushhera...Christmas...

I want to do films that release on these festivals

Fantastic script...

..but for this role...

Let me see...

I think...

You know who's perfect for this role?

I think the person who is perfect for this role..

Who's he?

I think..

I want to do this role...

I will decide what I want to do

Stop thinking for me...

What I want is what will happen...

Just say what I want you to say dammit

What a waste of energy

I can hear my voice too...

I must like the script, too...

I have to act too...

I am an Artist too !

I am SHAMITABH too!

Are you alright, sir?

It's okay, sir. You take rest.

Yes, I will call you tomorrow. Yes, sir.

When are we starting the film? Shamitabh.

Full entertainment. Damn funny script

I read it. You must do it

Finish it by the time I come back.

What?

Enough of being Assistant Director

I want to make my own film.

I have to write.

I want to go somewhere.

It's time

Of course, you can manage without me...

You are doing it quite beautifully.

Managing the world and your co-superstar.

Where is he?

You like the script and he doesn't?

It's so tough to please one star..

How does one convince two stars for the same role ?

You'll keep growing..

..from superstar to super duper star...

..to super super duper star...

while everyone else remain ADs ?

Selfish pig!

I want to make a film too

Will you act in my film?

Of course you will...

You owe me so much!

Let me drive

You're a dangerous driver

Don't show off!

You have to live till my film is complete.

After that who cares.

Wish I could get you a driver.

I know... I know...

He will have to sign a confidentiality clause too.

Whatever.

Everyone looks slim in black...

Haven't I put on some weight?

Don't look at me like that

Camera is not rolling.

This is real life.

I am not going to be mesmerised like a stupid fan

You look like a monkey.

I don't have the time to close my eyes and carry on.

Focus on your work, monkey.

Let me focus too

I want to make a film...

I want to go

When the video works because of the audio..

..how can it be called a 'picture' ?

Think

When the video works because of the audio...

how can it be called a 'picture' ?

Picture !

It is not picture...

It is mixture..

mixture..

Call..

Call picture a mixture

Else Bollywood go Make wooden furniture

Everyone has come.

Good morning, sir

Sir has bought his own vanity van...

Great, isn't it ?

It's very expensive... Fully hi-tech

Come on, go back.

Bala, go and check the bulb.

Sir the shot is ready...

Hi.

Hi.

Hello

Silence please, going for rehearsal...

standby...

and action !

No problem. Take your time ,sir..

Take your time

Ready when you are, sir

And action!

What happened?

I'll go and check...

You like the script, you do it

I'm going

I need to meet your boss

How dare you say yes when I said no?

What are you without me?

You say 'yes' with a text message?

Go do the film using text message

Without my voice...

..you are finished!

Finished!

If I am finished...

Your voice will also be finished

I will have to save this rubbish film

You should marry me!

You should marry me!

You should marry me!

Why?

Because your parents don't love you

Means?

What is your name?

Don't you know?

'Geeta'... Oh 'Geeta'!

If your parents loved you...

..they wouldn't have named you 'Geeta'

What's the problem with 'Geeta'?

If you love somebody...

..you're ready to face every challenge for them

It's a challenge to find a good name...

..but your parents took the easy way out

'Geeta' is the most common name

The first name that comes to mind is 'Geeta'...

..thousands of women are named 'Geeta'

Perhaps you were even born at a nursing home called 'Geeta'

Such lazy parents...

To not think of a unique name for their only daughter...

..and just name her 'Geeta' !

I will call you Ta

Marry me 'Ta"...

and say 'Ta Ta' to your lazy parents

Cut it!

Absolutely Fantastic!

Mindblowing !

You were just superb!

Absolutely fabulous

You took the whole scene to a different level

Thank you!

Thank you !

Why are you saying thank you?

He's praising the dialogue delivery, not your face.

Bye, sir. - Greetings, sir.

Such a big star...

He never says a word when I do make-up

Trusts me completely...

Very good man...he drops his servant in his own car

But that old servant Is completely crazy

Keeps muttering to himself

Turn the AC off...

Relax. Relax.

What is this?

An injection.

No doctor... please !

No injection!

Okay.. okay..

No... no injection !

It's over. It's over.

No.. no.. no..

No need to clean up today.

Today is the first time he has spoken to me.

I'm okay.

I will go home, bathe and come to the shoot

Hello Shamitabh

Hello, sir...

How are you ?

You don't sound okay.

Are you sick?

No, sir..

My voice is down today

But I can come.

No no...

Don't bother... I'll shoot other scenes...

please rest.. don't worry

So much love for your voice

I'm hungry...

Hey, the water is very hot. How do you make it cold?

I am burnt.

What are you doing?

How are you?

Shamitabh sir

Yes, sir

I have an idea...

Once you're okay....

I want to be the first director to record a song in your voice.

One song in your voice.

it will be sensational sir

Will do it sir...

..anything for you sir...

Sir...thank you so much sir

Don't be so tense

After listening to the song...

..people may throw shoes at you

That's all

You dare give me an injection?

Akshara?

Even I am not able to get through to her...

Maybe network problem in Sikkim...

Why go to Sikkim to write a script !

(Amitabh singing various bollywood songs )

(Amitabh singing various bollywood songs )

(Amitabh singing various bollywood songs )

What ?

Why ?

You gave me an injection...

I will sing !

( Amitabh singing various bollywood songs )

Give me a Level please

Hello...hello...

sing a line, please...

Helllooooooooohellloooooooo!

Ok ok... let's do a rehearsal ?

I've been rehearsing all week...

what lyrics are these ?... Piddly piddly ?

Piddly... english word sir...

means...

a small little...

inconsequential thing... sir

Everything is piddly compared to love...

and these days we need a catch phrase sir

Thank you for your kind consideration

and the explanation for my education...

if I rehearse more my voice will become piddly...

Let's do a take !

What's going on dude ?

Please please

Such a Piddly thing...

What is there to feel shy...

Such a Piddly thing...

I make the Piddly intensions come true.

Plddly intensions.

Love is crazy.

This business continues like this.

Everything is Piddly in love.

Such a Piddly thing...

What is there to feel shy...

I make the Piddly intensions come true.

Piddly intensions.

Promises.. ands these desires..

Amazing !

In every partnership, one partner...

is a little more talented than the other

Just read this...

Mad idea sir... fantastic...

you have turned a 'Piddly' word into a brilliant idea

I love you

Listen. I have to pee

If you really love me...

find me a toilet

Please.

Such a Piddly thing...

What is there to feel shy...

Such a Piddly thing...

I make the Piddly intensions come true.

Piddly intensions.

Love is crazy.

This business continues like this.

Everything is Piddly in love.

Such a Piddly thing. What is there to feel shy?

Piddly intensions.

I make the Piddly intensions come true.

Piddly intensions.

Promises.. ands these desires..

What is this toilet nonsense that you are shooting ?

What?

I should wear this and sleep ?

Hi !

Hi !

I have gotten lucky... help

Your no..

Everything is Piddly in front of her.

Come. Come close.

Even the dreams are Piddly in your presence.

Something that you will think someday, I've thought of it.

There's fun in going beyond the thoughts.

Dreams you will see beyond the dreams.

There's a different feeling going beyond the dreams.

Under the intoxication, everything is Piddly..

Piss...

Piss

You have ruined my song !

Why did you ruin my song ?

Did I beg you to be your voice ?

Did I beg you to do this film ?

You begged me...

and I helped you

to save you...

to save your superstar image...

I was never interested in singing this...

only this song...

could have saved your lousy film

You're so jealous of my voice...

that you are willing to destroy your own film ?

You are the first beggar...

who is jealous of his saviour

You're just a cheap...

insecure...

Bastard

Such a Piddly thing. What is there to feel shy?

Piddly intensions.

I make the Piddly intensions come true.

Piddly intensions.

Is bollywood changing...

from running around trees to runnning around loos ?

What a brilliant original idea !

For years, heroines have run around in chiffon sarees in the snow...

but nobody thought... in the cold their bladders could be bursting too !

Hello.

Welcome to London.

It is my privilege this afternoon

to introduce to you Shamitabh

The man who is redefining creativity in Bollywood

Ladies and gentlemen please welcome Shamitabh

Thank you

Thank you Mr. Shepherd

Robert...

Hi...

Hi Robert...

how are you my friend ?

how are you ?

You are a real actor...

you will understand...

Sorry guys

I forgot to bring my 'net' today...

Applause

wait... wait...

when you have hands...

feet...

a face...

a camera...

a bike...

a zoom lens...

and background music...

then anyone can act !

Now watch this...

sorry guys...

I forgot to bring my 'net' today

This is called acting

No hands...

no feet...

no trolley...

no bike...

only voice !

only voice !

Whisky is rare...

water is everywhere

Real acting...

now you do it

Come.

Here !

Why are you stuck there ?

Come down here

Shall I get you down here ?

You think you are a big VIP ?

I will personally come to take you away.

Wait.

I will remove you from up there. Let me get steady.

Come on, baby.

Come down.

Come. Come. - You can't get it down.

No... no... this is my friend Robert...

Come down. - He is friend.

Come down.

No...

Don't... don't touch me

How dare you touch me

Don't... don't touch me

You, drop the gun.

Move..

Hi Akshara...

Hi, dad.

Shamitabh's valet threatens to shoot a cop in London

The Ambassador's office in London says...

the incident was an unfortunate event

Excuse me mam.. - Yes.

Whisky

Sorry sir...

we are under strict instructions not to serve you any alcohol

Move.. move..

Sir.. sir..

Sir...about your valet's behaviour in London...

To threaten a cop with a gun is a serious offence...

how did you manage to free him ?

How much help did you get from the Indian embassy ?

Will you now do a "No Drinking" campaign ?

What has happened has happened...

what to do...

it won't happen again

What do you have to say to your fans ?

Is this a publicity stunt for your next film ?

Say this...

I apologise for what happened...

I am truly ashamed of Robert...

really really ashamed of his behaviour...

but he is my servant...

Are you going to sack your valet ?

I would like to say...

I would like to say...

to all of you in the media...

to every citizen of India...

to the people of London....

to the whole world...

that I am...

not ashamed at all

What ?

How dare you ?

Are you drunk ? Are you in your senses ?

How can you say this ?

This is our insult.

Sir, please..

Asshole

Bastard

Cheapo

Drunkard

Evil

Fool

Donkey

Traitor

Idiot

Jackass

Dog

Loser

Moron

Low class

Obnoxious

Pig

Why... why...

Rascal

Sicko

Spit... spit...

Useless

Vomit

Waste

Xcreta

Insane

Zoaf

You know what zoaf is ?

Penis of a turkey

Asshole to zoaf

A to Z

to even abuse me from A to Z you need me...

and you have the guts to be ashamed of me !

How dare you be ashamed of me ?

Who the hell you think you are to be ashamed of me?

Who?

You think by writing me a cheque....

you have the right to be ashamed of me ?

Take your job

Take it !

Bar closed !

No whiskey...

go drink water

To the whole world

that I am...

not ashamed at all

What does he think of himself ?

Something's wrong...

not ashamed at all

not ashamed at all

Sir... it's out of sync !

His voice and lip movement does not match

Must be some technical error

No... no... everything else is in sync...

something is wrong !

You will play the role of a mute guy ?

ISHHHHHQ ( Silent love )

Title is not the problem

How will you manage ?

How will you speak to the director ?

How will you speak to the writer ?

Me ?

You will speak for my film ?

What do I do ?

How do I make my film ?

Should I forget it ?

What ?

No way...

Why should I make a film with your idea ?

I don't like all this manipulative handicapped mush !

You think that drunkard Will come back...

when he hears about the new film ?

That means I'm screwed...

Wow !

Best of luck to me man !

In the monkey world...

is there a shortage of female monkeys ?

Why... bad times is it ?

Didn't find a sexy actress ? So hitting on a director now ?

So that she forgets her own dream and chases yours ?

Kiss my arse monkey !

Love story of 2 mute people ?

Both can't speak ?

In Koshish (film)... But that's different

And in Barfi (film)?

No never been done before

Fantastic idea !

I want to meet him now

Sir he doesn't want to speak

He is learning the sign language

He wants to experience...

The silence inside

We need to plan... please speak

He won't speak until The film is complete

You won't speak ?

Till the end ?

Take a bet...

first shot...

after the first shot...

if you don't come and say...

that you have an idea...

I will stop making films

I will stop making..

..films.

Actor is dumb...

Actress is dumb...

Director is also dumb

Perfect team

Hot hot fritters

What?

Sir.

What is happening ?

How can the mobile work without the sim card ?

Keep my table reserved

I want to make a film with Shamitabh...

but success has gone to his head

Dad...Sp...sp...speak to Ranbir

Get me a s...s...s...s... sweet lime ju ju juice...

But what will the poor producer do?

There are just a few big stars in the industry

Why do you need to search elsewhere ?

A big star is right here... drinking sweet lime juice !

Love is so w... w... w... worthless..

Love is so w... w... w... worthless..

Love is so worthless a th... th... th... thing

Love is so wo.. wo.. wo...

Cut this wo... wo... wo...

close up... close up...

Cut..cut..now join it together

Love is so worthless..

No matter how much time you give it

Totally sounds like Shamitabh !

Sounds even a lot more powerful...

it will rock with my son's personality

Sounds a lot like Shamitabh...

but the bass is stronger

Silence please.

Cut seven.

Speak man !

Take 2.

What your m..m..m..mother didn't give you in childhood

What your mother didn't give you in childhood

What your girlfriend didn't give you in adulthood

What is the problem ?

Too classy ?

Not massy ?

But the subject is like that...

pure !

In this kind of a film you can't have a Bollywood dance number

What ?

Stereophonic silence...

Dolby digital silence...

Stereophonic silence...

Dolby digital silence...

Listen to the sound of silence

Silence.

Come on, let's do the silence.

Silence.

Come on, let's do the silence.

If you want to save the country...

stop talking, raise your hand...

and SLAP !

This trailor should play in all theatres

If you give away all the thunder before the release...

what will you show in the film ?

What do you mean ?

Your son's voice is the biggest thunder in the film !

Why give it for free !

Save it...

for the friday in the theatre...

there will be applause everyday and later !

Release a song

The SLAP song

A slap.

Like this.

Like this.

A slap.

This film must be promoted with dignity

I want a full page article daily...

"WATCH OUT FOR ARMAAN"

No stupid promotions...

no cookery show for Shamitabh...

I have heard great things about Shamitabh's film...

don't release your film on the same date

NO !

It will release on December 4th whatever happens

We heard that you won't speak till the Dec 4th release

This film's subject is sensitive...

Sign language interview?

Media can create a rift between a man's face and his voice

A bus conductor hailing from a village near Igatpuri

He used to be so quiet... I really thought he was mute

Controversial superstar...

Shamitabh's new film... ISHHHHHQ

releases worldwide today in 3500 screens !

Producer Keshav Bhimani's new film also releases today...

'THAPPAD' (SLAP)

Will it be slapped by ISHHHHHQ ?

or will it slap ISHHHHHQ at the box office ?

Sir, what do you say after this controversy?

Please, tell us, sir.

The biggest problem of the nation is....

not population...

not corruption...

not poverty...

The biggest problem of this nation is...

idle talk !

How did you like the film 'Ishhhhq' ?

It's a classy film...but not as good as Lifebuoy

Did you like 'Thappad' ?

Heavy voice on dead body is scary picture

Shamitabh is good! But without a voice...not the same Shamitabh !

You can't copy Shamitabh's voice and become Shamitabh...

total time waste

Shamitabh's voice?

Two tickets for Thappad !

That drunkard is also a flop...

he'll come back...

if you call him !

Cut the bloody crap...

When was the last time you thought about anybody else ?

Take a break

Take a damn break from being so selfish

Aren't you tired of taking help ?

Stop thinking about yourself !

I have helped you make 3 films...

help me make one film dammit !

Think of my film... think about me...

do something for me... for once!

Hello

Madam...

his phone has only two numbers...

Your number and Shamitabh's number...

he has been drinking heavily for 3 days...

for the first time I am afraid to be in the graveyard

If something happens to him...

with these hands I have to...

Bring some water

Make him drink a bottle of water

This is water, right ?

Yes

Get up

No water...

whisky !

Whisky !

Whisky doesn't need any water

That man is 'water'...

this man is 'whisky'...

he does not like water...

he has a big philosophy

You idiot

look here

look at this...

This is 43% alcohol... and 57% is water !

Whisky is made from water

there can be no whisky without water !

Before writing a book on 'Egos'...

you should have read the label first

Beggars should never leave empty handed

Come here

come on get up

I don't need any help to get up

Speak

speak up...

oh I forgot...

you can't speak !

What ?

What ?

Haven't you fallen ?

Before I arrived, what were you?

What were you ?

Zero

Before me zero...

After me zero

only in between...

Hero

Because...

behind the zero...

there was a hero !

Hero !

Stop ! Stop !

Stop.

Enough ! Enough ! Enough !

How old are you both ?

Together 97 years !

You should have 97 Years of common sense

Idiots

Even Nursery kids have more sense

Come on! Move your fat bloody arses !

Move it you brainless pigs !

Move it...or I'll bash and bury you guys right here !

Come on ! Move it !

Hey... stop stop... Where are you going ?

Oh ! Shamitabh sir... hello

Just 5 minutes please

Sit down

I said sit down !

Now kids, we will learn the A B C D of life !

If you don't pay attention...

we will go straight to 'L'... you'll get a lashing

'A' for Alone

No one can live alone

'B' for Big

To be big, you have to be together

'C' for...

Both of you know very well...

'C' is one who thinks he can make it big alone

'D' for Distance

A guy who thinks he can make it big alone will not go the distance

'E' for Ego

'F' for Fool

Fools have big egos

'G' for Gone

'H' for Help

If you don't help each other, both will be gone

'I' for Intelligent

'J' for Joke

If you are not intelligent, both will be jokes

'K' for...

'S' for...

Sorry !

Sorry !

'T' for Team guys

'U' should shut up now !

Will the film also be black or have color ?

Approved ?

Perfect title...

SORRY !

We can tell the audience... Sorry you got bored...

Sorry here's your refund...

Sorry we couldn't stop the director from making this film...

Sorry the director BLACK mailed us for this..

Where are you going ?

This is Shamitabh's house, right ?

Just a minute. - Do you have permission ?

I have the permission. - Why don't you understand?

I...

I...

I know that...

you are my...

director...

and...

I'm your actor

We must be...

you know

professional...

But...

I love you too much I find you too attractive

I want to grab you kiss you

rip your clothes off and make love to you right here

I want to be the father of your child

You are in the wrong industry...

here, on the casting couch...

actors have to sleep with directors

not the other way around

If I rip your clothes off monkey...

what will I get to see ?

Your tail ?

I like you too...

Hello Daanish... hello Amitabh

I KNOW !

Rajeev...

a small journalist

What if he comes to the film launch and exposes the truth?

I want to tell the world the truth

What ?

I am sorry...Pandey... am I missing something here?

Akshara's film is starting...

And you want to tell the truth ?

Very bad idea

Truth is the world's most powerful idea

When you speak the truth...

the people who want to expose it...

will have nothing to say

Yes I am mute

This is my voice This is a technology...

that brings me and my voice together...

Done !

Who can do anything after that !

So...

No. 1

Speak the truth and fear vanishes

No. 2

Speaking the truth increases shock value

Shamitabh is mute !

Superstar Shamitabh is mute !!!

No. 3

When you speak the truth... emotions flow

A mute guy...

with his dedication...

with his passion...

has overcome his handicap...

and conquered the world

What a story !

No.4... there is a small additional advantage

All the mute people will know about this technology...

many drunkards will happily lend their voices...

After all, the brand ambassador of this technology is Shamitabh !

Small advantage... but still an advantage

No. 5

The biggest benefit of speaking the truth...

Box office collection !

A tsunami of emotions will fill the theatre

Wide eyed, they will watch the superstar's perfomance

Ears will throb with the superstar's dialogues

Hearts will be filled with touching music for this mute

they will cry as they whistle

The world's first superstar...

who is actually mute !

Opening weekend...

$25 million dollars !

Truth is the world's most powerful idea !

What a speech !

Sha Sha

Sha Sha

mi mi... ta.. ta.. What a star.

Go, everywhere, where you receive appreciation.

The style doesn't appear.

This morning doesn't arrive daily.

You have achieved fame.

Once the truth is out, I won't be able to drink freely

You are going to make me famous

You are a very clever guy

When a superstar wears such a bad shirt....

and goes to a launch...

All the focus will be on the shirt

I will have to explain the exciting history of this shirt

Shirt is your weapon...

to steal the attention from me

Wish I was mute too...

when a normal person becomes big...

he becomes big

But when a handicapped person becomes big...

he becomes a legend !

In this world...

no handicap is a bigger handicap

What I mean to say is...

by speaking the truth, as usual...

you will benefit more than me

Love message from my sister-in-law ?

She could have easily come along with us... but no !

If they don't go hours earlier... To check the arrangements...

how will women be at peace !

Sister-in-law ?

Sister-in-law ? Sister-in-law ?

Why ?

Sister-in-law... Sister-in-law...

Sister-in-law ?

No sister-in-law ?

Sister-in-law. sister-in-law

Sister-in-law ?

Sister-in-law O Sister-in-law

Sister-in-law O Sister-in-law

Sister-in-law O Sister-in-law

So jealous of my voice ?

Sister-in-law O Sister-in-law

Sister-in-law O Sister-in-law

Sister-in-law O Sister-in-law

He has bilateral traumatic pneumothorax...

his lung injury seems quite bad

Fortunately we could tracheotomized him in time.

his larynx is shattered...

may be very difficult to restore his speech...

The reconstruction of the larynx..

You will be finished without my voice

If I am finished...

your voice will also be finished

Can't we sit somewhere else ?

Why ? What's the problem here ?

It's someone's grave

it's not correct

It's empty

reserved for me !

Shamitabh...

I am Shamitabh too !

Film is love...

Film is passion...

Film is pain...

Film is the cure...

Film is a blessing...

Salute film...

Salute film...

Salute film