All language subtitles for Schitts Creek s06e11_English

A POP Original Series

- [Giggles]

- Okay, Stevie, I told you
I didn't want

a jokey bachelor party.

Also, my t-shirt is missing
the "with".

- Oh, no, I had yours
custom-made.

- Okay.
- Now,

before I tell you what
I have planned...

for tonight's festivities,

I think we can all agree
that putting me in charge

of your joint bachelor party
was a big mistake, right?

- I'm sure it's gonna be great.
- Absolutely.

- And the fact that you guys
wanted it to be

the "bachelor party
of your dreams"

only added extra,
totally unnecessary pressure

to the whole thing.
- 'Kay, Stevie,

we never said that.
- Oh no, you didn't.

David sent me a seven-page
e-mail with the subject line,

"The Bachelor Party
of My Dreams".

- We will be happy with
whatever you've planned.

Right, David?
- Yes.

Just depends on
what she's planned.

- [Slurps]
- Oh.

[Intrigued] Oh...

- David, you wanted something
chic and elegant.

I have arranged for a night
of customized appetizers

and cocktails
at the Wobbly Elm.

- Wow, that's bleak. [Laughs]

But thank you...
for planning that.

- [Whispers] There we go.
- Mm.

- Patrick...
- Yeah.

- You just wanted one thing.
- Mm-hmm.

- So before we indulge in
an elegant night of shots,

we will all experience
the thrill

of Elmdale's finest and only...

Escape Room.

- Yes!
- Okay,

isn't that a Jodie Foster movie?

- No, David, that is
Panic Room.

An escape room is like a,
a fun group game

where you're trapped in a room

and you have to solve
all these puzzles to get out.

- [Laughs] You lost me
at fun group game.

I'm sorry, my family agreed
to this?

- Your family hasn't responded
to a single email,

so they will be doing
what we tell them to do.

- Is there anything else
on my list

that we could do this evening?

- If you could come up with
the money

for the Tahitian dolphin
cruise,

I'd happily change plans. No?

- Don't say a word.

♪♪♪

- So I leaned in and I said,
"Tippy, I'll take the job...

for a hundred grand more
than Clifton,

and a diamond tennis bracelet."

- What was the bracelet for?

- Dramatic effect. Symbolism.

- And you said Nicole Kidman
is starring in it?

- Oh, it doesn't matter
who's starring!

I don't think the point
is getting across.

- No, no, I get it.

It's just that a lot of people
would have a really hard time

saying no to that kind of work,

especially when you spent
the last three years

talking about how badly

you wanted to get outta
this place.

- Oh, we're still on course.

Oh, you know what they say,

when one door closes,
the floodgates open.

- You got another job?

- Say hello, ladies,
to the new spokesperson

of an international airline.

- Oh my gosh, Mrs. Rose!

You're gonna be in a commercial
for an airline?!

- Radio, yes.

Voiceover work
is every actor's dream.

- Well, I'm glad you're happy.
- Thank you!

- I have to admit, Mrs. Rose,

these past few weeks,

I feel like I've been waiting
on a famous person.

- [Laughs] Twyla,

you're not waiting on
a famous person.

She's already arrived!

- [Laughs]

[Blue Jay cries, dog barks]

[Door opens]

- 'Kay, what's going on?
- Hey, guys, come on in!

Close the door.

- Johnny, this better be good.

I got a hot little BLT
over at the café

and I don't wanna keep her
waitin'.

- I got some big news.

I've been, uh, reaching out
to some old business contacts

about potentially investing
in a motel franchise,

and I got a very positive
response today

from Mike Morrison,
my former assistant,

who's now a big venture
capitalist.

- Ooh, wow!
- Okay, so what does this mean?

More, more money?

- Possibly.

- I'm listening.

- Well, I don't wanna put
the cart before the horse here,

but I have a feeling
this is a prospect

we can all get very excited
about! [Laughs]

- But what does this mean?
Do they wanna invest?

Do they like the idea?

- Well, they haven't heard
the idea yet.

I gave him a teaser
in my last e-mail.

And, uh, we'll have to take
a meeting with him

and, you know,
do a formal pitch.

- Sure. Well,
when's the meeting?

- We don't actually have
a meeting yet,

but he is calling today, so...

- Johnny, I'm sorry,
I was so busy

being excited like you asked,

that, um, I think I missed
something here.

Do we have an investor
or do we have a meeting?

- We might.

And I want you to keep this
information to yourself.

I don't want the family finding
out and getting their hopes up.

- I'm pretty sure I can keep
this one to myself.

- Okay. Yeah,
I don't know about me.

I mean, if the local papers
ask me about the rumour

that you might be getting
a phone call...

- All right, all right,
you know what, Roland?

You can go and finish
your sandwich now.

- Thank you.
And by the way, Johnny,

you should check to make sure
this place isn't bugged.

We wouldn't want the big news
to leak out!

- It is big news...
[Door closes]

probably.

[Key rattles in door]

[Door shuts]
- Hi.

What, uh, um...

are those... sweatpants?

- Yeah, I started getting
dressed for work

and I got distracted.

- What could have possibly
distracted you enough

to do that to yourself?
- [Emotional] It died, David.

- Okay, if you're talking
about your style,

we can bring it back to life.

- Ted gave this to me.

It's like the one thing left
of our relationship

and it's gone.
- 'Kay,

I would argue that you still
have your memories.

- This weird little desert
daisy thing--

- It's a succulent.

- Literally not supposed
to die, and yet it did.

Like what does that say
about me?

- I think that's a longer
conversation.

But here's one thing
that'll make you feel good:

my bachelor party tonight.

- I'm pretty sure I told Stevie
that I couldn't come,

or like I started sending her
an email saying that.

I don't know, I just...

I can't seem to do anything
right now.

- Mm-hmm. I never thought
I'd have to say this,

but there is only space
in this family

for one unstable sibling,

and I have held that title
for a very long time,

so you are going to have
to get it together.

- David, I don't have
a boyfriend anymore.

I'm like trying get my business
off the ground,

but honestly, like how many
people in this town

need a publicist?
Like, what am I doing?

- Well, as of 7:30 tonight,

you will be thoroughly enjoying
yourself at my bachelor party.

So, why don't you take a couple
of Mom's happy pills

and we can just put this
whole situation on ice

until tomorrow?
- No, I can't.

I have to escort a client
to a meeting.

Moira: Alexis!
- Ugh!

- Are you almost ready, dear?

The airline will not be
impressed

if we don't have an on-schedule
arrival at the studio.

Oh, David, is it all right
if I don't watch Panic Room

with everyone tonight?

Jo Foster once screened it
for me privately

and I would like to keep that
memory safe.

- It's an escape room followed
by a really sad reception,

and everyone will be
participating.

Thank you so much!

Johnny: Stevie?
- Yeah?

I got this picture of David
back from the printer.

I hope it's big enough.
- Oh my God, this is perfect!

- Are you sure we can't move
the bachelor party

to the motel here?
We can bring out some games,

and, you know, escape from...
one room to the other.

This is just a bad time
to be away from the business.

- Ah... bachelor party, right?

- Yeah, it's just for family.

- Well, I think godfather
is part of the family,

is he not?

- Roland, I need you manning
the phones.

- [Sighs] Take it easy,
Johnny, okay?

Not that it's gonna happen,
but I'll come running

when Ike Morrison calls.

- You mean Mike Morrison.

- You're waiting on a call
from him, too?

- That's the only call
I'm expecting.

- No, you said you were waiting
on a call from "Ike" Morrison.

- I don't know an Ike Morrison.

Mike Morrison was my assistant
for 3 years,

I think I know what
his name is.

- Well, that's what I thought!

So I was confused when
a Mike Morrison called

after you said Ike Morrison--
- Mike Morrison called?!

- Yeah.
- Well, give me the number!

- You know, maybe this is why

Roland shouldn't be in charge
of phones.

- Hey!

- Hello? Oh, voicemail.

Uh, Mike, Mike.
Hi, it's Johnny Rose calling.

Sorry I didn't get your
message.

Uh, a few technical
difficulties on our end,

but, uh, it's Johnny Rose
calling.

Uh, Johnny Rose calling
you back.

Uh, bye.

[Phone beeps off]

Oh, I don't know.
H-how did that sound?

- Is there an option
to redo it?

- Uh... no.

- Yeah, it was fine.
- Okay.

- I don't think you mentioned
your name.

[Car whooshes, birds chirp]

Producer: The copy's on
the stand.

We'd like for you to read it
exactly as written.

- Oh wow, a prolific amount
of material.

And I am being paid
for each spot, so hah!

- Oh, uh, we agreed to a flat
rate with your publicist.

- Well, there'll be nothing
flat about my performance.

- [Chuckles] Okay.
Whenever you're ready, Moira.

Just start at the top, and...
high energy.

- Con brio, si!

[Clears throat]

"We really care...
at Larry Air."

I like that, it's snappy.

"We really care--
- Just roll right through.

Just go on to the next line,
please.

"A deal so rare,
it's Larry Air."

"Never flown Larry Air?
Try Larry Air."

Oh, that's a touch uninspired.
Alexis?

[Whispers] Alexis!
I'd rather not use that one.

- Okay, so I'm being told just
to read through them all

and then we'll figure it out
after, okay?

And higher energy.

- Higher... [Clears throat]

[Higher pitched] "Get your
derriere on Larry Air--"

That's a bit chummy
for an airline.

Couldn't we maybe take a moment
to rework some of these?

- The client's not here.

It's my job just to get you
to say the words.

- [Sighs]

[Deeper voice] "Larry Air.

We'll take you from there...
to here--"

Now that should switched,
shouldn't it? You should--

Alexis, I can't work like this!

No.

- [Frustrated sigh]
- Alexis!

- I'm so sorry. This is like
the first offer I could get

after that whole "Sunrise Bay"
thing went down, and I...

I thought it would get you
back out there,

but I did not know that
it would be this.

- Have I made a terrible
mistake, Alexis?

Is this the lowest point
of my life?

- Okay, look who
you're talking to.

I haven't showered in like
two days.

Is this the lowest point
of my life?

- Thought you should know
that we can hear

your entire conversation.
- Ooh... okay.

You should not have to do this,

so you start the car
and I will cover for you.

- Oh, Alexis, no.

No, dear,

I could not let you do that
for me.

- [Protracted throat clear]

- Just hit "record".

- [Imitating Moira] "Try one
of our in-flight meals,

if you dare... at Larry Air."

I'm sorry, this is not...
this is not good, so.

Hmm, hmm, hmm!

[Cars whoosh by]

- Okay, well, um, I would just
like to welcome everybody

to our... bachelor party.

- Is anyone else not getting
a signal in here?

- I thought there were drinks.
- That's after.

- Okay, how about half of us
do the escape room,

and then the other half of us
get a table at the bar?

- Okay, how 'bout you shh
for a sec.

Now, this will all go a lot
smoother

if we just accept the fact

that this is something we
have to do, and that Patrick,

for some reason, thinks this
is gonna be-- [Door opens] fun!

- Fun!
- Here he is.

- Hi, hi, hi. Sorry, it took me
forever to find a spot.

- That's okay!
- Who's excited, huh?!

- Oh, hah-hah.
- Oh... huzzah.

- So I guess you're all
wondering uh...

what're we doing here? [Laughs]
All: [Mumbling] Hmm...

- But, uh, the annual escape
room challenge

has been a Brewer family
tradition for a long time,

and I thought it could be fun
to share it with my new family,

since mine couldn't be here,
so.

- [Whispers] Have they passed?

- Well, I'm sure I speak for
all of us when I say

I hope we escape very quickly.

- [Snaps finger] That's
the spirit, Mr. Rose. Yes.

Game voice: Players, are you
ready to enter the laborator?

- [Whispers] Oh, I think so.

Game voice: Place all
electronic devices

inside the scientist's lockbx

and enter at your own risk.

- Okay, here we go. [Laughs]
- [Faux excitement] Oh my God.

David: It's gonna be fun.

Game voice: Charles Darwin
is being held captive

by his arch-nemesis,

rival scientist,
Dr. Alfred R. Wallace,

somewhere in the Galapagos
Islands.

- What?!
[Door bangs shut]

Game voice: You have one hour
to escape. It's your job to--

- This is a Galapagos-themed
room!

- I didn't plan this part.

- It was just called
"The Laboratory."

And I picked it
'cause it was the easiest.

Game voice: There are rumours
that Wallace's assistant

sides with Darwin
and may be willing to help

if you get stuck.
- There's our lucky break.

Assistant, show us the exit.

Don't worry,
I'm also in the Guild.

- That's uh, that's not exactly
how it works, Mrs. Rose.

We do actually have
to try first.

Okay. So, the numbers for the
combination on Darwin's journal

are gonna be on finches
with red beaks.

[Reads] "Traveling east
to west,

the numbers on the beaks
will get you to the nest."

- I have a compass on my phone.

Uh, when do we get our phones
back?

- Well, you don't actually need
a compass, Mr. Rose.

It's, uh, more like
a brain teaser.

So, uh, we'll cover more ground
if we pair off into teams.

So Stevie and Mr. Rose,
uh, Alexis and, and David,

and, uh, Mrs. Rose,
why don't you help me out?

- Oh, I'd love nothing more,
Patrick.

- Mrs. Rose, I'm sensing you
that you might be

a little bit distracted,

but unfortunately,
there is a time limit

on us getting out of here.
- [Chuckles]

Oh, I used to share your
philosophic optimism, dear,

but know the reality is,

we're never getting out
of here.

- I wouldn't be so sure.

Just found a finch.

The first number is six,
people!

- Okay. Okay, see this is why
I don't like mind games.

It puts you in a situation
where you're made to feel dumb,

even though you're not.

Like, some people's minds
just don't work like this.

- Maybe I made a mistake?

- I did tell you to wear
sensible heels today,

and I'm not sure this outfit
is entirely appropriate.

- No, I mean about not going
to the Galapagos.

Like I'm having a hard time
not taking this as a sign.

- Okay, we're in a strip mall
on the side of the highway.

I really wouldn't read
into this.

Also, as stupid as this is,
I'm now invested.

- You know, there was a time,
before we got here,

that I would've like gone
anywhere and done anything,

no questions asked.

Like, what if I'm just losing
my edge?

- All right, if this'll help me
escape this conversation:

yes, it would have been
a mistake to go.

- Okay, go on.
- Well, what were you gonna do?

Follow another guy around
the world?

- Yeah, but what am I doing
here?

Setting Mom up with second-rate
radio gigs

for regional airlines?

- 'Kay, well, I don't know,
where do you wanna be then?

- There.
- [Confused] Where?

- No, the finch.
Second row, in the middle.

Trust me, Stavros and I used
to make out

in his parents' aviary.

- Okay, we have the second
number!

The second number is eight!

- 'Kay, I'm gonna start looking
from the top here.

- Excuse me, Assistant?

Uh, any chance of getting
our phones back?

I know, I'm aware of
the no-phones situation,

but I need mine
for a business--

See, I don't know
what this means.

I heard a rumour you're on
our side,

and I'm, I'm waiting on
an important call.

Patrick: I found it!

I found it!
I found the third finch.

- Okay. Okay!
- It's four, David. Four.

6-8-4.
- Okay!

Six...

eight...

four...

[Overly excited]
Ah-hah-hah!

Ahh! Ahhh!

- Woo!
- Yes!

- 'Kay. It says "natural
selection."

[Drawer slides]
- Ahh!
- Oh my God!

- Well, good work, team!
Now who's driving me to drinks?

- Outta my way! Outta my way!

[Searching frantically]

- Okay, there's no key in here.
There is no key in here.

- That's just the first puzzle,
David.

It's a series of puzzles.
[Distant ringing]

- What?!
- Wait, wait, everyone!

I hear my phone ringing.

That's the phone
I was talking about.

So if I could just leave
the lab for one minute--

Game voice: You have 52 minutes to escape.

- 52 minutes!

- Hey, David, everyone heard
the time, all right?

[Shouting] 52, people!
Let's go! Come on!

[Crickets chirping]

You have to blow on the circles
until they're blue.

- I'm blowing!
- Blow harder, David!

- Oh my God, you blow on them!
You blow on the circles then!

- Use this! Use this thing!
- [Catching his breath]

- 'Kay, this is a good idea.
- 'Kay. Oh!

- Oh my God!
- [Clapping] Yes!

- Oh my God!
Alexis: Yes! Ahhh! Yes!

- One more! One more!
- [Grunting hard]

All: [Cheering]
- Yay!

- It didn't do anything.
[Drawer slides]

Oh! Oh! It's uh...

- What is that?
- It's a flashlight?

- Oh yeah! Oh my God,
this game is actually fun.

- See? I told you!

- You're only saying that
because you got one right!

- Oh, your time will come,
David.

- Please just give us the key.
- The key, or our phones!

Either way!
- No, the key!

John, what is this newfound
obsession with your device?

- Dad, what's the big deal
with the phone?

- Just tell them, Mr. Rose.

- Okay. Well, I didn't want
to get ahead of myself,

but I'm waiting on a call
from my old assistant.

And we may have a meeting
to get an investor

for the Rosebud Motel Group.

- Well, John, what,
what does this mean?

- Well, potentially, there
could be a big influx of money

to turn Rosebud Motels into a...

into a full franchise.
- Oh!

- Well, why didn't you say
this before? Get the phone!

- Oh, I don't know. we're
almost finished the game, so.

- You can use my phone, John!
- You still have your phone?!

- We all have our phones!

- Well, his number's in
my phone

and my phone I can't get

unless I get outta this
damn room!

Alexis: Okay, I've used
the clues

to turn the dials
on the flashlight,

and it spells out England.

So, thank you, my weekend
with Tom Hardy...

England is here.

- It says something.

- "I'm tall when I'm young
and short when I'm old."

Candle.

- How are you doing this?

- [Gasps] What?

- Laser. Laser's pointing at--
- Okay, I got this, Patrick.

Okay, this is an ancient
Egyptian symbol for stability.

My friend Prairie got one
tattooed on her lower-back

in seventh grade.
- Okay,

what does that mean?!

- It means that we need to find
something from Egypt.

So like mummies, Rami Malek,
a...

a pyramid.

All: [Gasp]
David: What?!

- And there it is.
- [Gasps] Try it in the door!

[Key rattles, door clicks open]

Game voice: Congratulations!

You have outwitted Darwin's
nemesis...

- Ah! Mummy and Alexis
solved the puzzle!

Johnny: [Relieved sigh]

- How did she do that?
- I dunno.

- I don't know
how you did that.

- That was actually pretty
impressive, Alexis.

- Thanks! I just like wanted
to get to the drinks.

- Uh-huh.
- Congratulations!

Professor Darwin would be
very proud.

- Can I just have my phone,
please?

[Box clunks]
Thank you.

- Okay.
- Four voicemails!

- Yes?
- Put it on speaker!

- Okay, is that the button
with the arrow?

- That's the button that says
"speaker"!

- Speaker button!
- Ooh!

Moira: "John,
call me when you can.

We need an excuse to get out
of the escape room thing."

- Okay, skip that. Skip it.
Moira: I have something--

David: "Hi, just reminding you
that you can't bail

on the escape room thing,
even though all of us want--"

Yeah, I don't think we need
to keep...

- I actually wanna hear
that one.

- I don't think so.
Mike: "Johnny,

it's Mike Morrison,
returning your call."

- This is it!
- "Just read your proposal

and I think it's a solid ide,
my friend.

Would absolutely love to take
a meeting.

Let's say 4pm Tuesday
at the New York office?"

- Oh my God!
All: [Excited shouts]

- Did I just hear that?
- Oh, John!

- Did I just... is that what
he just said?!

David: Oh my God!
[Excited shrieks and laughter]

- Oh! [Laughing]
- [Laughing excitedly]

- We got a meeting!

Oh-ho-ho!
- Yeah! [Clapping]

- Why am I still holding this?
- Okay, okay.

Thank you!
- We got a meeting!

All: [Excited shrieks
and laughter]

[Motorcycle rumbles]

- So, for someone who is
all about signs,

what do you think it meant
that you were the one

that got us out of
the Galapagos?

- [Laughs] Honestly? Like...

being in a high-pressure
situation,

with time running out and a lot
of people yelling at me,

it just like... made me feel
like myself again.

- Well, mission accomplished.

And you're out of your
sweatpants,

so things are looking up.
- [Mock giggle]

- I think it might be time
to let go of that succulent.

- Okay, I've been thinking
about that.

Do you think that maybe it died

because it outgrew
its little pot?

- No, I watched you slowly
kill it.

- Like maybe it realized
that it...

missed the bigger pots
that it used to grow in...

and maybe it can't live up
to its full potential

in such a small space?

David, I'm starting to feel
that I'm a lot like the plant.

- I was tracking the metaphor,

but um...

what're you saying?

- I don't know.
Like maybe it's time

I think about being
somewhere else,

finding a bigger pot
to grow in.

- [Shocked] Oh...
[Glasses clinking nearby]

[Music plays, patrons chatter]

Moira: Before we find
ourselves ebrious

with hooch and happiness,

may I say how very proud all
of us are on this day of days.

- Well, we did say no speeches,
so...

- Your father...
- Guess they listened.

- with his pecuniary savvy
and in trepidation

has turned what began as
a katzenjammer of a day

into one filled with faith,

hope and love.

Johnny: Well, thank you,
Sweetheart.

- Well, I think we have
forgotten why we're here.

[Laughs]
It is our bachelor party.

Also, whoever chose
those photos,

they were not approved.
Johnny: [Chuckling]