Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:02,640
[upbeat music]
2
00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:10,840
[Announcer] Nobel Prize Week.
3
00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,240
I should win the Nobel
Peace Prize for my work
4
00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:17,440
in the world's most dangerous
conflict zone, UKIP.
5
00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:19,840
Now stop scrapping, or
I'll give you a smack.
6
00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:21,440
[Nigel burps]
7
00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:23,880
-[upbeat music]
-[Alan sighs]
8
00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:24,720
[dramatic music]
9
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:26,400
[Announcer] The Apprentice is back,
10
00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:29,520
and Lord Sugar is searching
for a new business partner
11
00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:32,560
from a carefully selected
pool of massive dicks.
12
00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:34,120
Good morning, candidates.
13
00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:35,440
[All] Good morning, Lord Sugar.
14
00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:37,200
Now, I'm the kind of boss
15
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,960
who tells it like it is.
16
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,800
I call a spade a spade.
17
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:43,200
Hold up, haven't I used
that cliche before?
18
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:44,040
[alarm buzzes]
19
00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:45,120
-[upbeat music]
-[Alan groans]
20
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:46,680
What the bleed, eh?
21
00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:51,520
This week's task is buying
and selling antiques.
22
00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:53,520
Wait, we've definitely done this before.
23
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,320
It's bloody Groundhog Day.
24
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,400
I even know what's gonna happen next.
25
00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,480
I'm gonna lose my patience for no reason.
26
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:00,920
-Lord Sugar.
-Shut your bloody mouth,
27
00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:01,960
you bloody Muppet!
28
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:03,040
And now he's gonna cry
29
00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:04,880
and say it was all the
team leader's fault.
30
00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:06,880
[sobs] It was all the team leader's fault.
31
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,160
Hello, is this even connected to anything?
32
00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:10,240
[upbeat music]
33
00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:11,800
[Alan screams]
34
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:14,400
Your next task is to
come up with an advert,
35
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:17,080
PR campaign for a fragrance,
36
00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:19,240
sports gadget, ready meal,
37
00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:21,040
fragrance sports meal.
38
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:23,400
Bollocks, I've got to get
out of this nightmare.
39
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:25,080
Well, if I change something,
40
00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:27,080
try speaking with fewer pauses.
41
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,280
I can't do it.
42
00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,280
-[alarm buzzes]
-[Alan groans]
43
00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:33,200
This is The Apprentice series, God knows.
44
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:34,040
It could be eight.
45
00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:36,600
It could be 12, could be
200-and-bleeding-four.
46
00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,240
Can I just say something
controversial and offensive?
47
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:40,680
Katie Hopkins?
48
00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:41,920
But you left years ago.
49
00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:42,720
Did I?
50
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,880
Isn't there always a mouthy, racist twat?
51
00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:46,120
Maybe if I pick you the winner,
52
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:47,680
I could break out of this.
53
00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,120
No, I can't do it.
54
00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:50,320
Nothing's worth that.
55
00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:52,480
-[alarm buzzes]
-[Alan groans]
56
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,800
Okay, your next task is to kill me.
57
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,040
Who wants to be team leader?
58
00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:57,360
-Me!
-No, me!
59
00:01:57,360 --> 00:02:00,080
My CV says I've excellent
murder experience.
60
00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:02,920
Oh please, just bleeding make it stop!
61
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:04,160
[phone rings]
62
00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:05,000
What?
63
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,800
You want me to do another series?
64
00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:07,920
How much?
65
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,200
Sugar, you're hired.
66
00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,360
Eat your heart out, BBC.
67
00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:16,080
This is what you can do
with a proper budget.
68
00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:16,920
-[explosion roars]
-Woof!
69
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:19,760
Our new Amazon show is going to be great.
70
00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:22,640
Tanks, jet planes, helicopters.
71
00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:24,120
And even a hot meal
72
00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,680
whenever I bloody want it.
73
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:27,840
-[explosion roars]
-Yes!
74
00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:29,640
Blow up some more money.
75
00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:32,240
Uh, Jeremy, Hammond's here to see you.
76
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:35,920
Tell the Hamster, I'm
too busy exploding stuff.
77
00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:37,160
Uh, not that one.
78
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:39,400
It's Philip Hammond, the chancellor.
79
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:42,320
What in God's trousers do you want?
80
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:44,000
Look, I've done some sums,
81
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:47,120
and Britain can't really afford
the Armed Forces anymore.
82
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:50,320
So I was wondering would
you guys mind taking
83
00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:51,920
over the defense of the realm.
84
00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:54,160
Well, we are better
equipped than the army.
85
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:55,360
Count me in.
86
00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:58,080
Question, can I blow up Germany?
87
00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:01,560
Oh we're not technically
at war with the Germans.
88
00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:04,760
Just wait until the
Brexit negotiations start.
89
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:05,800
[gun firing]
90
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,160
I'm gonna take over the world [grunts].
91
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:11,080
[classical music]
92
00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:13,520
Daddy, Georgie's hungry.
93
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,160
Give us some more of that jelly swan.
94
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:18,080
Sorry, George, Daddy's got
to go and wave at people.
95
00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:19,160
But don't worry.
96
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,120
Guess who's babysitting?
97
00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:22,640
What ho, chaps?
98
00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:23,920
Uncle Harry!
99
00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:24,760
-[hand slaps]
-[Charlotte giggles]
100
00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:26,720
Oh, you're not gonna
believe this geezer, Chaz.
101
00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:27,680
He's a riot!
102
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:30,720
You wait till you sample
his cowpoke cocktails.
103
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:31,560
[Charlotte squeals]
104
00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,400
Uh, give us a tinkle if
you need anything, broski,
105
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:35,240
half an hour, yeah?
106
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,440
Unc, Unc, what do you
got planned, big man,
107
00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:39,240
dressing up as the Ku Klux Klan
108
00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:42,040
or putting some Viagra
in the corgi's dog bowl?
109
00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:43,000
Classic!
110
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,400
Uh, no.
111
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,000
Who's ready for some fruit cordial
112
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,440
and a bedtime story.
113
00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:50,040
[laughs] He's having a laugh, Chaz.
114
00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,400
The Windsor massive's
going out on a bender.
115
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:53,680
Oi, oi, savaloy!
116
00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:55,960
Sorry, my hell-raising days are over.
117
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,920
Nowadays, I'm Humble Harry,
118
00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:00,080
proud founder of the Invictus Games.
119
00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:02,680
Just call me the People's Ginger.
120
00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:04,160
Oh gimme strength!
121
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,520
He's serious.
122
00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:07,720
There's only one thing for this, sis.
123
00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:09,520
Do what you do best.
124
00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:13,440
-[bowels grumble]
-[Harry groans]
125
00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:16,080
Yeah, broski, you'll
have to come back pronto.
126
00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:18,240
There's been a code brown!
127
00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:21,120
[laughs] Dirty protest always works.
128
00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:22,440
Be lucky!
129
00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,880
I should win the Nobel
Prize for economics,
130
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:26,280
for discovering that talking
131
00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:30,920
about 400 grand can cost
you three million a year.
132
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:33,280
You're not recording this, are you?
133
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,520
[Announcer] Robot Wars!
134
00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:38,120
First up on Robot Wars,
135
00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,920
it's Thunder-Saw, operated by Chris.
136
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,880
He built it in 900 hours
137
00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:44,720
that he could've spent patching things up
138
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:46,560
with his estranged teenage daughter.
139
00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:49,520
Against him is the Tessbot 2000!
140
00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:51,040
Check out those stats.
141
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,120
Keep dancing!
142
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:53,280
Keep dancing!
143
00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:55,560
[Announcer] Let's hear it
from her operator, Claudia.
144
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:56,400
Oh, hello.
145
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:59,320
I just wanted to find
a TV show more suited
146
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:02,400
to Tess' unique set of skills.
147
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,080
[Announcer] Let battle commence.
148
00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:06,400
Let's meet our dazzling, delightful,
149
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,640
daring, delicious, deeply dreamy--
150
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:09,920
[Announcer] Tessbot's really let
151
00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:11,640
that alliteration get away with her.
152
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:13,680
Surely, she lacks the killer instinct.
153
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:14,640
You'd be surprised.
154
00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:17,160
I once watched her murder 23 jokes
155
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:18,440
in a single evening.
156
00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,200
[Announcer] Look out,
Thunder-Saw's coming in
157
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,240
for the kill!
158
00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:22,760
How many Len Goodmans does it take
159
00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:23,840
to change a light bulb?
160
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:26,920
It takes seven, because
seven is what he always says.
161
00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:28,800
Activate laughter [laughs].
162
00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:29,640
[saw buzzes]
163
00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:31,400
[Announcer] Out comes the saw.
164
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,920
How many Bruno Toniolis
does it take to change--
165
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:34,880
[Thunder-Saw grinds]
166
00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:35,960
[Announcer] I don't believe it.
167
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,840
Thunder-Saw has decided to
turn the saw on himself.
168
00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:39,680
[explosion booms]
169
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:40,840
[Tessbot] Activate laughter.
170
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,200
A bit extreme, but I know how it feels.
171
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:47,240
Ad lib, ad lib, ad lib,
ad lib, ad lib, ad lib.
172
00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,120
[horn hons]
173
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,720
[upbeat music]
174
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:54,680
♪ Oh no, oh no ♪
175
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:56,640
♪ Oh no, oh no ♪
176
00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:58,080
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
177
00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:59,400
♪ Oh no, no ♪
178
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,360
♪ My car keeps blowing up ♪
179
00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:07,160
♪ Maybe Forsberg will win now ♪
180
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:11,960
♪ My car keeps blowing up daily ♪
181
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,280
♪ Why always me now ♪
182
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:15,120
[fire roars]
183
00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:16,560
Oh not again.
184
00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:18,600
Oh look, smoke, quick,
185
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:20,720
someone blow it up my ass.
186
00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:21,720
[Lewis groans]
187
00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:24,320
[upbeat music]
188
00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:28,920
[Narrator] They were infected with rage.
189
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,360
Send them all home.
190
00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:32,240
Britain for the British.
191
00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:33,600
Ah!
192
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,360
[Narrator] They roamed the streets looking
193
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,040
for someone to follow.
194
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:40,800
-Diane James!
-You'll do!
195
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:44,640
I will lead this party into the future.
196
00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,840
[Narrator] 18 days later.
197
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,720
Oh no, she's gone.
198
00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,200
Who shall we follow now?
199
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:53,480
Oh bloody hell, not me again.
200
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,160
[All] Nigel!
201
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:56,560
Can't you find someone else?
202
00:06:56,560 --> 00:07:00,160
All firms must list foreign workers.
203
00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:03,160
Stop migrants taking British jobs.
204
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,400
[All] Teresa!
205
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,440
Build a wall in Calais.
206
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,520
Blimey, she's a bit to rabid for me.
207
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:10,160
[Narrator] Also coming soon,
208
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,240
Nige of the Living Dead.
209
00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:13,920
Please stop bringing me back.
210
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,040
So tired.
211
00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:17,640
Pints and pints of spinal fluid.
212
00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:20,640
[Nigel burps]
213
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,760
I'm very big fan of Nobel Peace Prize,
214
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:27,840
but only because Alfred
Nobel, inventor of prize,
215
00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:32,840
also invent dynamite, and
I love blowing things,
216
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,800
up, blowing things up [chuckles].
217
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,480
[gentle music]
218
00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:41,960
Oh good.
219
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,560
Phil, Phil, what's wrong?
220
00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,400
Has something big and unexpected happened?
221
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:46,760
[Phil mumbles]
222
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:47,560
What?
223
00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:48,560
I didn't catch a word of that.
224
00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:50,800
[Phil mumbles]
225
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:53,680
Phil, you're giving it even
more mumble than usual.
226
00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,440
For heaven's sake, tell me.
227
00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:56,440
What is it?
228
00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:58,320
[Phil mumbles]
229
00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:00,200
Oh right, I get it.
230
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,080
You've forgotten your
lines again, ain't you?
231
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:02,880
Yeah.
232
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,000
Sometimes it can be so hard to tell.
233
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:05,840
[Philip grunts]
234
00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:08,400
[upbeat music]
235
00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:10,680
Bored of radio boring,
236
00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:14,040
then it's time to tune into
my brand new radio station.
237
00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:17,200
♪ Cosmically Noel ♪
238
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:19,200
You don't even need a radio.
239
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:22,360
I'm broadcasting it straight
from my head to yours.
240
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:23,320
[assistant groans]
241
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:26,040
If you've got a problem,
then we've got an expert
242
00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,160
who knows the answer, me.
243
00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:29,120
Well, this is serious.
244
00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,640
You're quite clearly in
need of some life coaching.
245
00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:32,800
[cat meows]
246
00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:36,480
And don't miss my brand new,
totally original format.
247
00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:39,760
Now Tiddles, there are
only three boxes left.
248
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,320
But inside one, there's
a half-dead sparrow.
249
00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:45,000
So meal or no meal?
250
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:48,240
♪ Cosmically Noel ♪
251
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:49,320
So what do you think of my new show?
252
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,600
Well, it's certainly different, Noel.
253
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,280
Traditionally, the nutters
are the ones who phone in.
254
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:55,720
Aww.
255
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:59,280
I should win the Nobel Prize for economics
256
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,760
for suggesting that after Brexit,
257
00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:05,400
young British people should
take up fruit-picking jobs.
258
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:06,760
-[crowd boos]
-[Andrea grunts]
259
00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:07,600
See?
260
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,240
It's working already.
261
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:12,720
This is Detective Luther.
262
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,760
I'm outside the suspected vice den,
263
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:17,080
awaiting permission to enter, over.
264
00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:18,040
Who am I kidding?
265
00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:18,920
I'm Luther.
266
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:20,840
I'm going in anyway.
267
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:21,880
Nobody move!
268
00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:22,720
[perps gasping]
269
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:24,680
Well, well, well, Tom Hiddleston,
270
00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:26,320
or should I call you Loki?
271
00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:27,600
You Hollywood tart,
272
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:30,520
whoring yourself out to a
superhero franchise again.
273
00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,960
He offered me extra if
I wore the rubber suit.
274
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,920
You're a trained Shakespearean actor.
275
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:36,320
I needed the fame.
276
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,800
Anyway, I've seen you
in a comic book spinoff,
277
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:40,680
all strapped up in a leather codpiece.
278
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:41,840
Wasn't that Thor?
279
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:43,000
It certainly was.
280
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,080
But I'm Idris Elba.
281
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:46,040
I'm cool enough to get away with anything.
282
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:47,280
[clattering]
283
00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:48,120
What was that?
284
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,520
Benedict Cumberbatch,
285
00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:54,720
or should I call you Doctor Strange?
286
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,280
Look, go easy on me.
287
00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:58,240
I've never done anything like this before.
288
00:09:58,240 --> 00:09:59,760
Sure, I've dabbled in sci-fi,
289
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:01,760
but I've never gone full comic book.
290
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,960
Right, you two, your
superhero-playing days are over.
291
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:05,800
[Benedict and Tom gasp]
292
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:06,960
Because from now on,
293
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:08,680
I'm taking all the parts.
294
00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:11,360
It's back to the Royal
Shakespeare Company with you.
295
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:14,000
[sighs] Midsummer Night's Dream again.
296
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,120
Wait till you see my bottom.
297
00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:18,000
[Benedict gasps]
298
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,480
[dance music]
299
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,120
It's movie week on Strictly,
300
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:25,320
and guess who's doing The Mask.
301
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:26,160
Ed Balls!
302
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:27,320
You haven't looked this green
303
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,000
and sweaty since election night.
304
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,200
[Ed grunts]
305
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,360
So I think this could be the answer
306
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,560
to our teeny-weeny popularity problem.
307
00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:35,720
What is this?
308
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,160
Strictly Come Dancing.
309
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:39,760
No, I mean this magic window box
310
00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:41,160
of light and color.
311
00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:42,960
Jeremy, that's a television.
312
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,320
Anyway, until last week,
313
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:47,000
Ed Balls was universally hated.
314
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,160
And now thanks to the power of dance,
315
00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:50,920
he's marginally less hated.
316
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:54,400
So fame, who wants to live forever?
317
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:55,520
I know how to dance.
318
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:56,720
I've been to raves.
319
00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:58,280
♪ Big fish, little fish, cardboard box ♪
320
00:10:58,280 --> 00:10:59,360
[Sadiq grunts]
321
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:01,400
Trust me, I know all about shakies.
322
00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:04,480
I was on the Glamorous this
week with Michael Portillo.
323
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,400
We should do the tango.
324
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:09,160
-[gentle music]
-Left and left and left.
325
00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:10,760
We're just going around in circles.
326
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:13,120
Sadiq, I'm supposed to be leading.
327
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:14,360
You're out of step.
328
00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:15,760
Well, you're out of time
329
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:17,040
by about 30 years.
330
00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:18,240
-Traitor!
-Trot!
331
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:19,120
Blairite!
332
00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:20,080
Stop it!
333
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:23,800
We mustn't blow our one and
only chance of a Labour victory.
334
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:24,960
You're quite right.
335
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:27,160
Hello, three votes for Ed Balls, please.
336
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:29,200
So this telly-o-vision,
337
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,840
how did the little people get inside?
338
00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:32,960
[dance music]
339
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,680
I should get the Nobel
Prize for literature,
340
00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:38,000
because I've just finished my first book,
341
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,960
How Hungry Was That Caterpillar?
342
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,320
This is a top-secret MI6 operation.
343
00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:45,920
To nail this new arms dealer,
344
00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:48,720
we need to send in who will
be totally under the radar.
345
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:50,960
Yes, someone who can completely disappear
346
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:51,920
into the background.
347
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:55,080
And I think I found the
perfect man for the job,
348
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:56,360
Nick Grimshaw.
349
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:57,200
What up?
350
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,160
G-Dog's in the house.
351
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:01,640
Now Grimshaw, we need you
to infiltrate a shadowy,
352
00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:03,880
international arms dealing organization
353
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,760
without anybody noticing you.
354
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:06,600
How would I do that?
355
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,360
Just do your best presenting,
356
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:09,520
like you did on X Factor.
357
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,640
He was on the X Factor?
358
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:11,680
-Exactly.
-Hmm.
359
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:13,200
Really lay on the charisma,
360
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,200
give it all you got.
361
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,680
I'll super-size it.
362
00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:17,520
-Word.
-Brilliant.
363
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,160
Grimmy's utterly forgettable.
364
00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,200
He really has no presence at all, does he?
365
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,440
He's like an air pocket
doing a shit Northern accent.
366
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:25,640
Uh, guys, I'm still here.
367
00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:26,640
Did you hear something?
368
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:27,480
No, not me.
369
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,280
Banter!
370
00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:31,760
[Announcer] At Kensington Palace,
371
00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,440
George and Charlotte have snuck downstairs
372
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:35,760
to watch the telly.
373
00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:37,360
Ga, ga, ga, ga.
374
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,400
Why we watching Tattoo Fixers?
375
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,040
Well, as it happens, Char,
376
00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:44,000
I might have accidentally
gone and got a grizzly done
377
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,840
on me backside in Canada.
378
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:47,600
Bear bum, get it [laughs]?
379
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,960
Goo, goo, ga, ga.
380
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,120
Yeah, well, it seemed funny
381
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:51,880
after eight pints of Lumberjack.
382
00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:53,040
Oi, oi, savaloy!
383
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,680
[bell tolls]
384
00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:57,720
Okay, minions, the date is set.
385
00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,600
We're going to trigger
Brexit by March 31st.
386
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,640
As it's such a boffo prank,
387
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,120
shouldn't we do it a day later.
388
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,600
No, you fool!
389
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:08,760
Right, which one of you
understands the legal complexities
390
00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:10,720
of extricating us from Europe?
391
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,440
-Um.
-Oh right.
392
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:13,840
♪ My name's Kanye West ♪
393
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:15,400
♪ And before exit ♪
394
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,000
♪ Gonna negotiate the shizz ♪
395
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,000
♪ Out this punk-ass Brexit ♪
396
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,600
What are you doing here?
397
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,560
You're a rap star, not a politician.
398
00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:23,960
♪ I am a politician, visionary ♪
399
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,120
♪ A fried potato ♪
400
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:28,160
♪ Anyone who says I ain't is a hater ♪
401
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:29,200
Shouldn't we let him speak?
402
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,160
We need all the help we can get.
403
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:33,760
♪ Gonna organize Britain's
secession from the EU ♪
404
00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,240
♪ Then I'm gonna make America my boo ♪
405
00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:38,600
♪ And saddle me up a kangaroo ♪
406
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,040
♪ Ride it like a horse
till my balls turn blue ♪
407
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:42,720
♪ Then all you brothers gonna be like ♪
408
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,200
♪ Ooh, that looks painful ♪
409
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,920
♪ And I'ma be like, true ♪
410
00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:48,640
That's ludicrous, impractical
411
00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,640
and makes no sense at all.
412
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:51,760
But it's still better.
413
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,520
than anything us three have come up with
414
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,080
Come and be my advisor.
415
00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:55,920
♪ No way ♪
416
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,120
♪ I ain't no advisor ♪
417
00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:58,960
♪ I don't work for no one, neither ♪
418
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,680
♪ Yeezy's a lone genius ♪
419
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:02,040
♪ Time for a yexit ♪
420
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:04,720
-[engine rattles]
-[cycle thuds]
421
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:07,240
Which one of you haters
put that wall there?
422
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:09,760
[Kanye beatboxes]
423
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:12,360
[playful music]
424
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:15,520
Tonight's celebrity first
date is Gary Barlow,
425
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,080
singer from Take That,
426
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,440
or as we say in French, Take That.
427
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,040
Let's see how he's getting on.
428
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,360
And so I said to him,
429
00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:24,160
it was actually a perfectly legal,
430
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,360
music industry investment scheme,
431
00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:29,080
as I indicated in my previous 10 faxes.
432
00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:30,040
[woman groans]
433
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,680
-[woman snores]
-Oh.
434
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:34,000
Uh-huh, as a stereotypical Frenchman,
435
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,800
I am uniquely qualified
in affairs of the heart.
436
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:40,040
So I can tell all is
not well with your date.
437
00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:40,960
Date?
438
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,880
Oh no, she's my accountant.
439
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:44,360
It means I can write off this meal
440
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:45,840
as a business expense.
441
00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:47,440
Anyway, best be off,
442
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,560
I only paid for half-an-hour's parking.
443
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:50,920
Can I get a doggie bag?
444
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:51,760
[speaks in foreign language]
445
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,720
I will have to charge you
a flat fee for the bag.
446
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:56,720
Oh, in that case, just
pour the soup in my pocket.
447
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,680
Okay, Miguel, what is the story?
448
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:01,920
Someone has been stalking
449
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:03,600
the footballer Cristiano Ronaldo.
450
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:05,280
-Huh?
-I have traced the stalker
451
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,320
to this address.
452
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,880
[grunts] This could be dangerous.
453
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:09,680
You go first.
454
00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:13,200
[gasps] It's worse than I thought.
455
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,400
He's even got some of Ronaldo's underwear.
456
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:16,920
-[Miguel sniffs]
-[Miguel gags]
457
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:18,080
Used, I think.
458
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:21,480
This sicko clearly has a
deeply unhealthy obsession
459
00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:23,240
with Cristiano Ronaldo.
460
00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:25,560
Who on Earth could it be?
461
00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:26,400
[officers gasp]
462
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,120
What are you two doing in my bedroom?
463
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,200
-Oh!
-I want to be alone.
464
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,640
I'm going to handcuff myself to the bed
465
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,880
and have my wicked way with myself.
466
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,160
[speaks in foreign language]
467
00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:37,160
Let's get out of here.
468
00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:40,360
Come here, you gorgeous,
goal-scoring hunk.
469
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,040
[lips smacking]
470
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:46,880
[playful music]
471
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:48,560
Get in, top of the list again.
472
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,600
In your face, JK Rowling.
473
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:52,880
Serves you right for giving
money to that charity.
474
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:54,280
What a loser.
475
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,200
Good day, Jerry darling.
476
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,360
How are you enjoying your present?
477
00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:01,680
[sighs] This Jacuzzi's the dingo's gonads.
478
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:05,000
You do look like you're a
bit hot in there, sugar pie.
479
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,600
Oh yeah, and I'm about to get even hotter.
480
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,200
Jump in and let's slither around
481
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,520
like a couple of randy game toads.
482
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,920
[gags] Seriously, honey,
483
00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:16,040
I think you need to cool down.
484
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:18,600
Here, let me put this electric fan
485
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:21,760
precariously near the edge
of the water, whoopsie!
486
00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:25,360
-[electricity buzzes]
-[Rupert groans]
487
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:26,880
Yee-haw, ca-ching!
488
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:30,080
[grunts] My heart!
489
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:31,040
Your heart?
490
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:32,520
It's beating again.
491
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,600
It hasn't done that since 1973.
492
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,320
I've never felt so alive.
493
00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:38,320
Now, strip off and soap up.
494
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:41,520
I'll want to scuba dive around
your Great Barrier Reef.
495
00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:42,840
[Jerry gags]
496
00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:45,560
[flatulates] Ripper, extra bubbles!
497
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,840
-[Jerry sighs]
-[Jerry thuds]
498
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,480
[classical music]
499
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:51,640
Well, Mr Chancellor,
500
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:55,200
this wonderful ministerial
box dates around 1860.
501
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,200
-I'd--
-Oh not that old thing.
502
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:58,640
I want this valued.
503
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:00,560
Oh a tenner, hmm,
504
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:03,200
I'd say this is worth around nine pounds.
505
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:04,720
As much as that.
506
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:05,600
Make that seven.
507
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:06,720
-What?
-It's gone down
508
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:08,840
since I last valued it, um, five.
509
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,520
That's a 31-year low.
510
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:11,760
Make it stop.
511
00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:13,240
I believe that's your job.
512
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,600
Oh worthless, it's totally worthless.
513
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:18,840
Oh well, how about this Ming vase.
514
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:19,920
-Oops!
-[vase clatters]
515
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:22,080
So much for a safe pair of hands.
516
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:23,680
[classical music]
517
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,240
[upbeat music]
518
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:30,120
Oh emergency, emergency!
519
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,720
I got a hair out of place.
520
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:34,800
What if someone Instagrams
me looking like this?
521
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,320
I need an all-over touch-up.
522
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:40,520
You want your usual, the Simon Cowell?
523
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:43,120
Yes, quick, fix my bonnet!
524
00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:45,120
I'll do three coats of black gloss paint.
525
00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:46,960
Make it nice and stiff.
526
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,560
Oh, stop it, Rylan [giggles].
527
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:51,200
Polish up your teeth.
528
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,240
That's my second-favorite grinder.
529
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:54,240
Oh, get it [laughs]?
530
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:59,320
-And your bikini line.
-Sort it out down there!
531
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:02,560
It's like Captain Caveman's
living in my tighty-whities.
532
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,320
Now top out my tan.
533
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:06,240
[canister hisses]
534
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,360
Oh that's better.
535
00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,800
I look like a human again.
536
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,160
Laters!
537
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:13,720
[wind bellows]
538
00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:15,760
Emergency, it's not holding.
539
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,240
We're gonna need to go for
the full Sharon Osbourne!
540
00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,920
Oh God, I'll get Madame
Tussauds on the phone.
541
00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:22,800
And quickly!
542
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:23,720
[Narrator] Meanwhile, George
543
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:27,360
and Charlotte are watching
a TV drama, Victoria.
544
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:30,520
[Woman] Oh Albert, oh, oh.
545
00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:32,920
Bleeding hell, shut your eyes, sis.
546
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:34,240
You do not want to see
547
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,680
great-great-great-great-great-great-granny
548
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:38,080
playing tonsil tennis.
549
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:41,240
Someone give 'em a cold shower.
550
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,120
That has got to be the
most sick-making thing
551
00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:44,920
I've seen on TV all week.
552
00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:46,400
Goo, goo, ga, ga.
553
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:48,720
Oh yeah, I forgot about Ed Balls.
554
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,640
Oi, oi, savaloy [laughs]!
555
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:51,960
[adventurous music]
556
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:53,760
It's been a long, hard summer.
557
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,280
And now an increasingly desperate Bear
558
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,240
is using all his survival skills
559
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,640
to find a fresh source of money.
560
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,040
So what have you got for us, Bear?
561
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:03,480
I've got a half-baked idea
562
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:05,920
about me somehow surviving
something or other
563
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,400
with, I don't know, celebs or something.
564
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:09,440
I love it.
565
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,200
Here, have loads of cash.
566
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:14,040
[sighs] Bear breathes a sigh of relief.
567
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:18,120
With money to burn, he will
stay warm tonight after all.
568
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:19,320
Light, damn you, light.
569
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,880
[fire roars]
570
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:25,080
So Adele, as your financial advisor,
571
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,720
I'm a little concerned
about your cash flow.
572
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,600
How much did you make last year?
573
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:30,440
Oh I don't know,
574
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:31,840
something like seven trillion.
575
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:34,160
Indeed, and yet your bank account
576
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,960
shows a balance of one pound.
577
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:38,880
Where has the rest gone?
578
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:40,000
Oh that's easy.
579
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,880
It's in my fucking swear box.
580
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:42,720
[manager coughs]
581
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,080
Oh bullocks.
582
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:44,960
[manager coughs]
583
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:46,080
Shit, not again.
584
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,000
Couldn't lend us a quid, could you, gov?
585
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,840
[slow rock music]
586
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:56,520
♪ The flag's waving and
I tell you I'm having ♪
587
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,400
♪ A ball at my rally tonight ♪
588
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:00,760
♪ Don't matter what I say ♪
589
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:02,240
♪ They still clap and chant my name ♪
590
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:05,600
♪ Because the crowd I
got are not so bright ♪
591
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:06,920
♪ You think I can't win ♪
592
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:08,320
♪ 'Cause I'm wacky, and I'm dim ♪
593
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:11,440
♪ And you know I could
start World War III ♪
594
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:12,840
♪ And the polls are as close ♪
595
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:14,240
♪ As my views are gross ♪
596
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:15,960
♪ I've been racist, sexist ♪
597
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,360
♪ They call me Mr Brexit ♪
598
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:19,000
What does that even mean?
599
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,280
No idea.
600
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:24,560
♪ But they're still supporting me ♪
601
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:25,840
♪ Like a prat out of hell ♪
602
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:30,200
♪ I say paying tax is really dumb ♪
603
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:31,960
♪ Want a ban on Muslims ♪
604
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:35,960
♪ Criticize a war hero's mum, mum, mum ♪
605
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,240
♪ Like a prat out of hell ♪
606
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:41,760
♪ I won't be gone when
the election comes ♪
607
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:43,240
♪ Oh the first time that I saw you ♪
608
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:44,800
♪ I thought you were a joke ♪
609
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,760
♪ Oh Donny Trump, oh Donny Trump ♪
610
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,600
♪ Talking out of your ass
like a preacher on coke ♪
611
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,320
♪ Preacher on coke, preacher on the coke ♪
612
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:54,560
♪ Now we all know your name ♪
613
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,040
♪ And you're always on the news ♪
614
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,000
♪ Yes, they'd rather elect
a talking hemorrhoid ♪
615
00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,280
♪ Than anyone with boobs. ♪
616
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:00,680
♪ Baby, baby ♪
617
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,720
♪ Sounds like someone's on their period ♪
618
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,520
Not sexist, just a healthy disgust
619
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:05,880
to both women [burps].
620
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:07,200
♪ Like a prat out of hell ♪
621
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:11,600
♪ I make a joke out of Hillary's health ♪
622
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,120
♪ Say I'd date my own daughter ♪
623
00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:18,120
♪ I claim I didn't inherit
my wealth, wealth, wealth ♪
624
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,480
♪ Would you praise Putin ♪
625
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:25,280
♪ Kick out anyone brown ♪
626
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:29,880
♪ And generally act like
a fat, old, racist clown ♪
627
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:33,880
♪ Oh I'd do anything for votes ♪
628
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:37,360
♪ So I will do that ♪
629
00:21:37,360 --> 00:21:38,920
Terrific [burps].
630
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:40,680
♪ 'Cause I'm a prat out of hell ♪
631
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:44,640
♪ God help us all when November comes ♪
632
00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:46,240
♪ 'Cause I'm a prat out of hell ♪
633
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:51,240
♪ If he wins, he'll blow
us all to kingdom come ♪
634
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,400
Let's make America great again, folks.
635
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:57,080
Missile, you're fired.
636
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,640
[alarm blares]
637
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:04,560
It's gonna be great.
638
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:07,160
[upbeat music]
44301
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
