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[upbeat music]
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00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:13,680
[classical instrumental music]
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Now here's a lovely recipe for disaster.
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00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:20,280
Take one much loved BBC
show, separate the hosts,
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00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:23,040
leaving the only ingredient
nobody much cares for.
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00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:24,880
Hey, I heard that.
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And watch channel 4
stew in its own juices.
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See you, I'm off.
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What can I say?
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I've always been obsessed with dough.
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[Reporter] Kim, Kanye, how do you feel
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about the Brangelina split?
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It's so sad.
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I just look at all those
headlines about Brad
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and Angelina and think
why aren't they about us.
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Hey, honey, you know what we should do,
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we should get a divorce.
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You're so smart.
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That's why I love you baby.
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Can I still see your butt at the weekend?
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[rapping]
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[Announcer] Judge Rinder to
the Streetly studio floor.
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Wish me luck Ed Balls.
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You'll be fine.
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Just remember, it doesn't
matter what they say.
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They're not even real judges.
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And your point is?
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Anyway, it's alright for you Ed Balls,
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you've had plenty of experience
of this kind of thing.
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I've never ballroom danced before.
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I meant being humiliated in a public vote.
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Jazz hands.
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[classical instrumental music]
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Come along everyone.
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The flight to Canada leaves
whenever we bloody well
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say it does.
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[groaning]
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What is in here?
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Charlotte.
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Can't blame a bloke for trying.
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Babies on planes get right in my tits.
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[doorbell ringing]
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I'll get that.
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You finished packing.
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Oy, oy Savalois.
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Good day mate, we're here for the room.
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AirBNB.
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Come on in.
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S-truth.
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I wasn't expecting this.
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Well, it's no palace.
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Actually it is.
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I want cash up front.
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Whoa, easy money.
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Muah, I just kissed great granny.
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Now, there's free parking on the helipad
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and a spare butler under the stairs.
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[baby coos]
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Ah, the key.
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Nice.
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Tarsis.
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Sorted.
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And don't worry mate, we
won't have any parties.
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Aye?
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What's the point then, go nuts.
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Just don't take a dump on the rug.
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They really don't like
it when you do that.
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Come along children.
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Who are they?
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Oh, I booked a couple of cleaners
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to dust all the old
clubber while we're away.
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Oh, right.
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Come on, let's go and shoot some moose.
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Be lucky.
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Well, hey, party time.
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Oh, and leave us a five-star review, yeah,
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or I'll send round the SAS.
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Da, da, da, da, da, da, da.
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What are you minions doing?
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00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:39,920
We've just heard the result
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of the labor leadership contest.
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Ah, who was the winner?
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You are.
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Next general election's in the bag.
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To Jeremy Corbyn.
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All we've got to do now is solve Brexit.
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[All] Nah.
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Stodhill 2020, Stodhill 20,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
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[kicky music]
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Ah, Messier Anadole, I hope you find
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your date to your liking.
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00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:09,880
I am sure you have made a
good choice, Senor Fred.
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Ah, hee, ho, what a stupidly
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stereotypical foreign accent.
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This way please.
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Wow, you have matched
me up with my true love.
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Look at you, you're totally gorgeous.
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You are the only one for me.
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There could never be another.
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I love you forever.
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Now leave us.
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Ah, l'amour.
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[making kissing sounds]
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I'll have that mirror
when you finish with it.
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[Reporter] So Kay, are you upset
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at the Brangelina split?
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Upset, I'm devastated.
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A broken family, human
suffering and I wasn't
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there to stick a microphone in their faces
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until they burst into tears.
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Delicious salty, salty human tears.
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[Announcer] He's back.
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Jeremy Corbyn is the Corbynator.
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He came from a different time.
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I come from the past to
take everyone back there.
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Ooh.
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I need your clothes, your sandals,
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and your bicycle.
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Certainly dear, that'll be 8 pounds 50.
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I haven't got any cash on me.
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I'll be back.
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[Announcer] He is programmed to kill off
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any chance of the labor
party ever being elected.
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Only one person could stop him.
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Don't forget to Owen Thingy.
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[Announcer] But it definitely wasn't him.
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There's no escape.
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It's no good.
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The model TUC Monu70 is
totally indestructible.
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I have a vision for the future
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and it's the past.
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Renationalize the railways,
reopen northern coal pits,
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scrap Trident, hasta la vista Thingy.
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[Announcer] The Corbynator,
Lack of Judgement Day,
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coming soon.
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Well, I'm certainly not
going any time soon.
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[gentle music]
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Phil, what's that horrible
thing on your face?
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That is my face Danny Dire.
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00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,320
No, I meant that horrible
thing on your horrible face?
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Oh, my new hipster beard.
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Never saw you as a hipster Phil.
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Sure am, check out my skinny jeans.
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All jeans are skinny if you're fat enough.
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You're just jealous.
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East Enders moved on and
you ain't, puss a pint.
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One lager coming up.
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Lager?
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00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,200
You ain't got no vegan craft ales?
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00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:28,320
Ooh, I supposed you'll be
wanting some stuffed olive
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from the Wolford Organic
Farmers Market now.
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00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:34,280
Nah, I fancy some fried zucchini blossoms
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with quinoa salad served
on a granite slate.
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Snap out of it.
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I'm in control.
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You should try mindfulness, it's the dogs.
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Anyway, better get back
to my new business,
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a cat fight selling
nostalgic cereals in bowls
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made out of old vinyl records.
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You've changed.
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Because I'm gonna torch
it for the insurance.
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00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:55,080
And he's back.
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[Announcer] Out now, the new album from
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00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:59,920
the first lady of country
music Hillary Clinton.
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♪ I'm crazy ♪
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♪ Crazy for power ♪
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00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:05,480
♪ Crazy ♪
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00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:07,040
[Announcer] Also featuring
169
00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:11,080
♪ Working nine to nine even
though I got pneumonia ♪
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00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:13,560
♪ I'll insist I'm fine ♪
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00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:15,800
♪ I would work straight through ebola ♪
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00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,000
♪ And I'm still not as sick as Trump ♪
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[Announcer] And the tear jerker.
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00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:25,320
♪ D-I-V-O-R-C-E is not a thing I do ♪
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00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:30,520
♪ I need good PR from Bill ♪
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00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:33,680
♪ That's why we're not through ♪
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[Announcer] Don't miss
the Clinton comeback tour
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00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:40,000
♪ I picked a fine way to send my emails ♪
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00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,800
♪ Son of a gun don't give Trump one ♪
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00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,840
♪ He's a psycho ♪
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[Announcer] Buy now and get Trump's
182
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:46,520
Highway to Hell absolutely free
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It's gonna be great.
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[majestic music]
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[Announcer] Fromberis
Sally has made a balentine
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00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:57,680
of pheasant, Dofenwas
potatoes and Sussex truffles
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served with an elderberry jus.
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Ooh, dinner.
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Rig, wait, good boy.
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Sausages.
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Sally you've taken an
extraordinary bunch of flavors
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and you've brought them together in
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what could have been a pedestrian dish.
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Greg.
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[plate breaking]
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Chicken.
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Actually it's pheasant.
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Anything else to add to your
assessment of the food mate.
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Ooh, potatoes.
200
00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:22,720
Right, really well done Sally.
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Sausages.
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00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:25,120
No, Greg, no.
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Somebody grab his lead.
204
00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:27,680
[glass breaking]
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No, bad Greg.
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Mind if I borrow your wooden spoon?
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00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:32,760
[glass breaking]
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Greg, fetch.
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[mimicking dog]
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Right, can we reset the cameras
and go for another take.
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Oh, no, not again.
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Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
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00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:47,240
Let's give it a couple of minutes, eh?
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Sausages.
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[upbeat music]
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I'm here in the Canary Islands,
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00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:58,600
outside the world's biggest
ground based telescope.
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00:07:58,600 --> 00:07:59,680
It's amazing.
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00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,800
And if you look very,
very carefully through it,
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00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:05,280
you might be lucky
enough to find the answer
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00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,320
to the question that's
been puzzling us all
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00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,600
for so long.
223
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:11,680
Just what planet is Noel Edmonds on?
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[Reporter] So, your majesty.
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00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,320
Are you sad about the Brangelina split.
226
00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:20,920
Not at all, it means we're now the biggest
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00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,280
celebrity couple now on the planet.
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00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:24,960
All we need is a catchy name.
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00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:28,560
Let's see, Phillip Mountbetten
and Elizabeth Regina.
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00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,320
We could be known as Phegina.
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Phegina?
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Catchy, I like it.
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We've been waiting ages.
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Where's the train?
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[Announcer] We'd like to
apologize to passengers.
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00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:44,960
The 1712 service is delayed due to, um,
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00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:47,040
icy conditions on the track.
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That's nonsense.
239
00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:51,040
Yep, that's right I'm afraid.
240
00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:53,360
Icy conditions I'm
afraid, incorrect answer.
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00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:54,960
As any meteorologist will tell you,
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it needs to be a good 10 degrees colder
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for ice to form.
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00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:59,400
Oh, of course.
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00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,440
We asked a hundred
Southern Rail executives
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00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:03,560
what better excuse you could have given.
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00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:05,760
Options include signaling problems,
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00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:08,280
alligator on the line at
Doncaster or plain held
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00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:10,800
up by Jesse James and his gang.
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00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,320
Oh, I nearly said that.
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Actual answer of course from the pointless
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railway executives is you've already paid
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for your season ticket and we only care
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about our profits, so tough shit.
255
00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:23,080
Well, what are you to do?
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00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,280
Make a complaint and demand my money back.
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Pointless answer, so big well done if
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you got that at home.
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And good luck to you getting home, right.
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Where's my limo, stretch obviously.
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[banging]
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These meatballs look absolutely delicious.
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They've been lightly battered
and then gently fried
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in olive oil.
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Dinner.
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Well, you certainly perked up nicely
267
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since the operation.
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Yum, yum, tasty, tasty.
269
00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,960
Yep, they really are the dog's bollocks.
270
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,120
[howling]
271
00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:00,520
[Reporter] So, Gary, how do you feel about
272
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:01,840
the Brangelina split?
273
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,440
I feel absolutely gutted for them.
274
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,520
Now they've split up,
they'll no longer benefit
275
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,320
from their married couple's tax allowance
276
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:13,280
and as high earners, oh, is that your 10P,
277
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,760
that's going straight
to the Cayman Islands.
278
00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:19,920
[Announcer] What are they really thinking?
279
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,800
What do they really get up to?
280
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:24,000
With hidden cameras and
expert psychologists,
281
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:27,920
this is the secret lives of 50 years olds.
282
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:29,960
This is so exciting.
283
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,480
This is brilliant, this is brilliant,
284
00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:32,720
how cool is this, wow brilliant.
285
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:35,920
Look I have got a sports
car, you will like me now.
286
00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:36,920
Vroom.
287
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:39,800
Chris is displaying signs
of developmental issues
288
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:43,040
that we often see with 50
year olds, especially boys.
289
00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:45,840
He should have started
growing up 20 or 30 years ago,
290
00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:48,160
but now he probably never will.
291
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:49,080
Vroom.
292
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,120
[Edie] Chris has been
in the dressing up box
293
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:53,240
trying to dress half his age.
294
00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:55,920
[Dr. Quack] He's joined
by 56-year-old Jeremy.
295
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,800
Oye, Evans, nobody wants to watch you
296
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:00,440
playing with cars.
297
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,160
Give me back my cars,
give me back my cars.
298
00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:05,560
No, serves your right for copying you.
299
00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:06,960
I was not copying you.
300
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,560
You're a copycat.
301
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:10,240
If you say that again,
I'll punch you in the face.
302
00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:11,560
I will.
303
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:13,040
Copying me again.
304
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,280
Go on then, nobody's watching.
305
00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:18,160
Nobody's ever watching you.
306
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:19,240
[Dr. Quack] Now he's turned 50,
307
00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,320
Chris is worried nobody
will pay any attention
308
00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:23,040
to him ever again.
309
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,640
[whining]
310
00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:27,720
A tantrum like this is
classic attention seeking.
311
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:28,640
[Dr. Quack] Chris is worried he's
312
00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:30,200
been abandoned by all the friends
313
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:31,600
who are paid to like him.
314
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,760
Come on, Joey, sorry, I mean, Matt.
315
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,920
I promise I'll be nice this
time, I will, I promise.
316
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:37,400
[dial tone]
317
00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:38,920
[whining]
318
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:42,040
Never mind Owen Thingy,
at least you tried.
319
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:44,160
But Ed, I so wanted to be the man
320
00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:45,640
who united the party.
321
00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:49,080
You did, you united them
all behind Jeremy Corbyn.
322
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:50,880
Cheers.
323
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,560
[jazzy music]
324
00:11:57,560 --> 00:12:00,480
Ah, always wanted to come
to Coronation Street,
325
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:03,760
my second favorite road to
start Ramplication Avenue.
326
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:05,280
All right, mate, what's your poison?
327
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:07,560
Tedly Nightshed, 100% organic
328
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,080
and hard to tress.
329
00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:09,920
Pisser.
330
00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:12,400
64 bleeding years, wouldn't you be.
331
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:13,840
Oh, my mistake.
332
00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:14,880
You want a wine.
333
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:16,600
No one takes me seriously.
334
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,400
I'm just a boring object of division
335
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:20,240
with multiple marriages and a string
336
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,600
of stupid business ventures.
337
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:23,760
Me and all mate.
338
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:25,760
What's worse, I'm still
living in the shadow
339
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,640
of my brassy mother Liz.
340
00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:30,480
Why won't she just push
off and let me take over.
341
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:32,400
Hey, me and you are just the same.
342
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,160
Sometimes I feel like I'm just here
343
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,800
to provide slapstick light relief.
344
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:38,320
[groaning]
345
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,240
Right, I'm off to the Queen Vic.
346
00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,880
At least she only hung
around for 63 years.
347
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:48,080
Um, excuse me, have you seen my producer.
348
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:49,480
I'm right here Claudia.
349
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:51,680
Oh, yes, hello.
350
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:53,520
Will the new Tess bot upgrade be ready
351
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:54,880
for tonight's live show?
352
00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:56,520
You bet.
353
00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:57,320
We've linked her up
with a computer program
354
00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:59,760
that's a lot more charismatic
and natural than her.
355
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:01,320
Look.
356
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,360
Hello, Siri, what is banter.
357
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:06,200
[Siri] Banter is a form of conversation
358
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:08,160
that is engaging and spontaneous.
359
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:13,160
Keep dancing, keep dancing,
keep dancing, keep dancing.
360
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:14,440
Oh, no.
361
00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:15,440
It's okay.
362
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,120
We can control her
remotely via her ear piece.
363
00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:18,440
Just help me get it in.
364
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:19,880
Slight problem.
365
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,560
With this upgraded version
there's no headphone jack.
366
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,720
Now she won't have a clue what's going on.
367
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,480
Well, it's worked for us so far.
368
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:29,880
Bouncer, bouncer, bouncer, bouncer.
369
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:33,320
[upbeat music]
370
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:35,360
Oh, no, they've taken the telly.
371
00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:36,760
Call the police.
372
00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:37,600
I already have.
373
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:38,400
There's an officer on the way.
374
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,400
All right, loves.
375
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,400
Oh no, not Sara Lancasher.
376
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,400
Happened to be driving by and saw
377
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:46,520
the broken window, thought I'd impetuously
378
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:47,840
follow it up without knowing what
379
00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,960
I was getting into or calling for backup.
380
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,160
Listen, we're fine, right.
381
00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:53,840
We needed a new telly anyway.
382
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:54,680
Yes, that's right.
383
00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:56,120
Please don't doggedly investigate.
384
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,880
Something tells me there's
more to this crime.
385
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,560
No, no, just leave it, right,
386
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:01,640
don't poke around.
387
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:03,000
How do you explain this?
388
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:06,320
Corrupt business man
obviously in way over his head
389
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:07,120
hiding behind your curtains.
390
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:09,480
I'm in way over me head.
391
00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:10,800
Told you.
392
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:11,960
Or this?
393
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:13,920
Prostitute with a knife in her belly
394
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:15,560
shooting up behind your sofa.
395
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:17,680
We can't, we can't explain it.
396
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:20,160
You know that takes six grueling episodes
397
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,640
and even then we'll be
left confused and upset.
398
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:25,520
Right, stay there.
399
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:27,440
I'm off to chase him for ages and ages.
400
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:30,640
Lock all your doors, it's
about to get really gritty.
401
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:32,600
Oy, you little shit turd.
402
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:36,040
[funky music]
403
00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:38,840
So the Liptons were in Brighton this week
404
00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:40,280
and so was I.
405
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,240
Not for a conference,
I was just out clubbing
406
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,720
because I'm so shitting cool.
407
00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:47,240
Tiny venue, a few crazy
people off their heads,
408
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,200
but enough about the Lipton conference.
409
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:50,040
Brrupt!
410
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,120
Hi, I'm Bear Grylles.
411
00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:56,200
Now you like me can get that
rugged island adventure look
412
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:59,280
without ever having to
leave your five-star hotel.
413
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:02,560
With the Bear Grylles easy
option adventure pack.
414
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:05,160
Inside you'll find Bear
Grylles powdered mud.
415
00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:07,840
Just add water and apply to your cheeks
416
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,280
and you too can look rugged on TV without
417
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:11,520
breaking a sweat.
418
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:14,240
Pack also includes Bear
Grylles twigs and leaves,
419
00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,280
simply add to your hair to make it look
420
00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:17,920
like you've been sleeping in a hedge
421
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:20,080
when in fact you've been in satin sheets.
422
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:22,480
Before wussy public school boy.
423
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:25,120
After, daring international adventurer.
424
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:27,160
And to combat those tell tale soft hands,
425
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,840
use Bear Grylles sandpaper.
426
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:31,760
Stick onto your palm for that rough
427
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,080
been hacking my way through the jungle
428
00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:34,920
with a machete feel.
429
00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:38,240
Wow, so rough, so macho.
430
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:41,160
Unleash the inner Bear in you.
431
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,240
[Announcer] The Bear
Grylles Adventure Pack.
432
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,520
Ideal for the hotel based survivalist.
433
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,760
Right, time for Bear to source
some mountain spring water
434
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:50,680
from the mini bar.
435
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:51,840
How much?
436
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:54,920
Ouch, I've been badly stung.
437
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,760
[Voice Over Intercom]
Trevor, Trevor, Trevor.
438
00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,440
Oh, no, sounds like something's wrong
439
00:15:58,440 --> 00:15:59,600
with the Len bot.
440
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:01,200
Oh, no, Len's not a robot.
441
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,200
That's just him being normal.
442
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,040
[Len] Trevor, Trevor, Trevor.
443
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:06,560
Hmm.
444
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:09,040
[funky music]
445
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:11,640
Now listen up minions.
446
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:15,080
I'm inviting the entire
GP paraolympic team
447
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:16,320
to Downing Street.
448
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:17,800
For a photo call?
449
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,360
To celebrate their record medal hall.
450
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:21,760
So you can bask in their reflective glory?
451
00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:23,480
No, you fools.
452
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:26,640
I'm going to cancel their
disability benefits.
453
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:27,480
[gasping]
454
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,240
You've seen the footage
of them running around
455
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:30,840
jumping and swimming.
456
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:33,120
Don't tell me they qualify for help.
457
00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:35,440
Ooh, despicable.
458
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,480
Blimey Adele, you've
brought me to a sushi bar.
459
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,280
Dead posh, you've changed.
460
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:43,880
Oh, leave it out, I'm still just an humble
461
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:45,280
working class eastern girl.
462
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:46,480
It's all the same stuff.
463
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:49,480
Welks, cockles, jelly dios, yellowfin tuna
464
00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:51,080
and caviar sashimi.
465
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:53,520
Oh, look, it comes with
ricing with a prawn on top.
466
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:55,600
Oh, I love them I do.
467
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:57,200
Oh, it's going.
468
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:59,920
It's gone, no, but I love you.
469
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:01,120
Please don't leave me.
470
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,600
You'll get over it Adele.
471
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,080
Never.
472
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,080
♪ You left me all forlorn ♪
473
00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:10,160
♪ My darling rice and prawn ♪
474
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:13,440
♪ Now all I feel is pain ♪
475
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:17,040
♪ Because I won't see you again ♪
476
00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:17,880
Oh, there it is.
477
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:19,080
Oh, you've come back to me.
478
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,640
Oh, I'm so happy.
479
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:21,840
It's gone again.
480
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,520
♪ I'm so full of remorse ♪
481
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:27,680
♪ Wasabi and soy sauce ♪
482
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,160
♪ I thought our love would never end ♪
483
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:31,800
Well, if you're not having it.
484
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,040
♪ Then you left me for my best friend ♪
485
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:37,800
♪ I've had enough of this malarkey ♪
486
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:41,560
♪ So I'll get pissed on sake ♪
487
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,040
[glass breaking]
488
00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:47,800
[dramatic music]
489
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:50,640
[groaning]
490
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:52,680
Okay, Landon, you win again.
491
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:54,880
Next time I think it's good idea
492
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:56,720
you let Vladmir win or maybe you get
493
00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:58,800
turned into heart.
494
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,640
[grunting]
495
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:02,800
Uh, one moment my furry friend.
496
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:03,640
Yoo hoo.
497
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,800
Ah, Kim, I can't talk now, I'm busy,
498
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:08,320
I'm wrestling a bear.
499
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,680
It's manly pastime for manly man.
500
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,320
But it is emergency.
501
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:14,600
I need you to give me phone number
502
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:16,600
of Wendy Dang.
503
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:19,280
Nobody take me seriously as wicked tyrant
504
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:21,520
till I date Wendy Dang.
505
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:22,360
Huh?
506
00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:24,240
She have been romantically linked to you,
507
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,120
Rupert Murdock and Tony Blair,
508
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:28,400
three most evil men in world.
509
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:29,800
You give me her number now.
510
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,200
I'm sorry Kim, I don't have it.
511
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,880
You mean you never date crazy Wendy?
512
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:38,520
Of course I did, I love manly sexing
513
00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:39,840
with this lady woman.
514
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:42,320
Me definitely do jiggy jiggy with Wesley.
515
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:43,680
I mean Wendy.
516
00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:46,720
Just heard many stories I didn't in any
517
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:49,080
way plant in state sponsored newspaper.
518
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:51,080
See, it's all true.
519
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:53,760
But I lost her number somehow.
520
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,360
Okay, no matter, plan B.
521
00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:58,960
You got phone number of Ivana Trump?
522
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:00,280
Trump?
523
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,920
Wow, Kim, you really are going over
524
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:03,920
to the dark side.
525
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:10,120
James Bond.
526
00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:12,000
Please can I be Bond.
527
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,400
[Announcer] Tom Huddleston is double oh
528
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:18,200
please let me do it, I'll be
cheaper than Daniel Craig.
529
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,520
A pair of aces.
530
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:21,520
My game I think Mr. Bond.
531
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:25,240
Except I also have a pair of buttocks.
532
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,720
[Announcer] In the Man
With the Golden Buns.
533
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:31,520
Do you expect me to talk.
534
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:33,640
No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to put
535
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,160
your swimming trunks back on.
536
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:36,040
Never.
537
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:37,840
[Announcer] Yes, Bond is back
538
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:40,280
and he's not afraid to get his ass out.
539
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,960
In fact, he's had it
written into his contract.
540
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,520
Oh, put some trousers on Bond.
541
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,320
I'm wearing invisible trousers.
542
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:48,520
I got them from Q.
543
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,840
I'm recommending you
take psychiatric leave.
544
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,720
[Announcer] Daniel Craig could be back
545
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:55,640
for Big Bucks Only.
546
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:56,800
Oh, bum.
547
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,840
Oh, rickasha, David Dude is off to
548
00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:05,560
interview the Icelandic chancellor.
549
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:09,120
I'm so cool, Iceland
would warm me up, shwing.
550
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:11,040
Not so fast.
551
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:12,880
Peston, out of my way.
552
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:16,560
Breaking news, there's a
new king of cool in town.
553
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:19,440
Snooze night will have to wait.
554
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:20,720
Peston on Sunday.
555
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,800
Your show's so square,
I'd rather go to church.
556
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:24,640
Scapoong.
557
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:25,480
Oh, yeah?
558
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:26,960
Yeah.
559
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:28,800
[funky music]
560
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,560
♪ Listen up Davis, Mr.
News Night wannabe ♪
561
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:34,160
♪ You like my understanding
of the Belgian economy ♪
562
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:35,640
♪ I'm the news with attitude ♪
563
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:36,800
♪ The public sector enemy ♪
564
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,280
♪ I can rap about the euros
and financial hedger money ♪
565
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:42,080
♪ Put down the mike and
check this out Pesto ♪
566
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:44,800
♪ With mother got her heads
up on the Lipton manifesto ♪
567
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:46,040
♪ This is my hood ♪
568
00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:48,600
♪ Who says you can breeze
in and lecture my homies ♪
569
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:50,240
♪ About quantitative easing ♪
570
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:55,000
♪ At the last EU summit
and this ain't no lie ♪
571
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,600
♪ I filmed a report ♪
572
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,160
♪ Without wearing a tie ♪
573
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,000
♪ Got something to say punk ♪
574
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:01,000
♪ You're wasting your breath ♪
575
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,400
♪ I just interviewed the head of the IMF ♪
576
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:04,680
♪ Financial exclusive ♪
577
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,160
♪ You ain't got a hope ♪
578
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:08,840
♪ This interment blunders
back four cost is dope ♪
579
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:10,560
♪ You're think you're the news dog ♪
580
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:11,640
♪ You think you is it ♪
581
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,280
♪ But Angela Merkel said
you don't know shit ♪
582
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:16,720
[Gang Member] Touche bruh, touche.
583
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:19,120
♪ Now listen up Rose,
Davis is dissing me ♪
584
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:22,240
♪ What's the Greek finance
minister is missing me ♪
585
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,920
♪ So long sucker, hey D if you beg ♪
586
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:26,560
♪ I'll lend you my phone ♪
587
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:27,800
♪ You can talk to Ned Clegg ♪
588
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:28,880
♪ Hey hold the front page ♪
589
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,360
♪ Rob's got a story, exclusive by Peston ♪
590
00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:32,720
♪ Theresa May's a tory. ♪
591
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,320
♪ Your show is a dog and
you've got no class ♪
592
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:38,360
♪ Dis me again I'll
pop a cap in your ass ♪
593
00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:41,840
Fiscal cap or interest rate cap?
594
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:44,960
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Gru Murthy.
595
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,880
You two bozos just missed
the US Federal Reserves
596
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:49,840
interest rate announcement, zink.
597
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:54,000
You're not even the coolest
presenter on channel 4 news.
598
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,680
Yeah, and John Snow is
old enough to be your dad.
599
00:21:57,680 --> 00:22:01,680
Ha, he went down faster than
the footsy after Brexit.
600
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:03,320
Respect.
601
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:05,920
[upbeat music]
42193
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