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1
00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:02,920
[upbeat music]
2
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,840
[Man On Speaker] Claudia
and Tess to studio please.
3
00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:13,560
We're on air in five.
4
00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:14,560
Oh, no, can't see.
5
00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:17,680
Oh, no, oh, dear.
6
00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:19,400
[thud]
7
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:20,800
Oh, no, oh, dear.
8
00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:23,400
Have you seen the studio technician?
9
00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:24,760
I am the technician.
10
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:27,440
Oh, yeah, come with me quickly.
11
00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:29,640
[thud]
12
00:00:29,640 --> 00:00:31,400
It's Tess.
13
00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:35,200
Keep dancing, keep, keep, keep dancing.
14
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:39,080
Zero, zero, zero, one zero.
15
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,200
[robotics winding down]
16
00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:41,360
Oh, what happened this time?
17
00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:43,680
During the dress rehearsal, a dancer asked
18
00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:45,560
her a question that wasn't on the auto cue
19
00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:48,640
and she just went ridiculously haywire.
20
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:49,960
[Technician] Hmm, he must
have blown her algorithm.
21
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,160
She can't do unplanned chat.
22
00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:54,280
Deploy normal human insurrection.
23
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:55,880
Hello, how was your face like?
24
00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:56,720
Isn't the weather there?
25
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,120
Keep dancing, keep dancing.
26
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:01,720
The Test Bot 2000 was
never built to sustain
27
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,080
relaxed and natural conversation.
28
00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,120
We're live on air in a couple of minutes.
29
00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,680
Cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha.
30
00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:09,680
Do something.
31
00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:11,240
[Tess] Cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha.
32
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:13,040
There.
33
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:15,280
Hello and welcome to
Strictly Come Dancing.
34
00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:16,400
She's back!
35
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,120
Come Tess, we're on.
36
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:21,000
Oh, no, her legs aren't working.
37
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,760
Well, you'll just have to carry her.
38
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,360
Well, no change there then.
39
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:27,200
[slow jazz music]
40
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:29,400
[Announcer] What classic sitcom would
41
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,160
you like to see revived.
42
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,360
They should bring back Only Phil's Nosis.
43
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,840
It's the story of a halfwit white boy
44
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:38,360
who sells dodgy gear and yet somehow ends
45
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:39,840
up being a millionaire.
46
00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:41,320
Where do they get their ideas?
47
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:45,560
[upbeat music]
48
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,160
Okay, take it away then Ricky.
49
00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:50,400
Oh, David actually.
50
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:53,200
Yeah, I'm in character, okay.
51
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:56,920
♪ Oh, I'm doing it again ♪
52
00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,520
♪ Playing David Brinn ♪
53
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,240
♪ Or is it just me ♪
54
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:03,920
♪ Or Ricky, Ricky ♪
55
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,680
♪ Oops, you think it's an act ♪
56
00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:10,720
♪ But as a matter of fact ♪
57
00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:13,360
♪ I'm not that different ♪
58
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:17,160
Uh, David slash Ricky,
I've heard quite enough.
59
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:19,400
Yet don't give up the office job.
60
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,440
I can't, that's the problem.
61
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:24,480
You're just doing the same
old act year after year.
62
00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:27,520
Oh, pot, kettle, kettle, pot.
63
00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:29,080
Bit awkward.
64
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:29,920
Next.
65
00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:32,440
Hi, I'm Tom Daily, double
Olympic bronze medal winner
66
00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:34,520
in the synchronized
tiny trunks competition.
67
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,640
And now you too can make
a splash with the new
68
00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:38,680
Tom Daily collection.
69
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:41,520
Whatever the occasion, we've
got the trunks for you,
70
00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:42,720
whether you want to
look smart at the office
71
00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,680
or are looking for
fashionable evening wear,
72
00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:47,480
all outfits in the Tom Daily collection
73
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,000
are available in three sizes,
74
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,040
tiny, minuscule and oh, good grief.
75
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,480
And if you're the outdoors type,
76
00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:55,240
why not try on new Tom
Daily mountaineering range.
77
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,440
It's sure to keep you nice and toasty
78
00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:00,080
and makes you easy to spot in a blizzard.
79
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,240
Also available in Olympic
diving pool green.
80
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:04,840
Six pack not included.
81
00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:08,640
Oh, Taylor, I love you
like I love the overlap
82
00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:11,440
in our carefully target
consumer based demographics.
83
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:13,760
Tom, I love you more than the three
84
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,800
resulting albums about
our inevitable breakup
85
00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:17,080
can possibly say.
86
00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:20,080
Oh, time for our scheduled kiss.
87
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:24,880
Tom, wait, are there paparazzi
hiding behind this tree?
88
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:25,680
No.
89
00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:27,640
Must be the wrong tree.
90
00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:29,840
Perhaps they're just running late.
91
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:32,160
[groaning]
92
00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:34,720
Oh, Tom, I hope no photographers intrude
93
00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,040
upon this precious moment.
94
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:40,080
I said I hope no photographers intrude
95
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:41,840
upon this precious moment.
96
00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:42,960
Oh, there's one.
97
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:45,000
Yoo hoo over here.
98
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,480
We're having some intimate
time to ourselves.
99
00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:50,040
We demand that you respect our privacy.
100
00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:51,520
Where is he going?
101
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:53,520
Come back here.
102
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:55,200
We're ever so in love.
103
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:56,400
You know it'd be quicker if you pulled
104
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:57,600
your damn pants up.
105
00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:58,920
Taylor, there are some things
106
00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,440
even I'm not prepared to do for fame.
107
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:02,360
I say paparazzi.
108
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:05,280
[knocking]
109
00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:06,120
Enter.
110
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:07,360
Now, listen here Theresa.
111
00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:09,120
It's Mrs. May to you.
112
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,600
Traditionally our weekly
meeting takes place
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00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:14,240
at the home of the most
powerful woman in Britain.
114
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:15,440
That's why it's here.
115
00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:17,160
We should meet at the palace.
116
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:18,480
Icy stare.
117
00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:20,120
[evil laughing]
118
00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:21,600
That showed her.
119
00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,600
[Announcer] Introducing Despicable May,
120
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,640
the most evil mastermind on the planet.
121
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:30,520
Welcome, my army of minions.
122
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:31,480
[speaking gibberish]
123
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,120
Stop fighting boys.
124
00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:35,360
We need to deliver Brexit.
125
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:37,000
Yes Havland?
126
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,720
What is you plan oh, evil one?
127
00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:40,920
To just crack on with it without letting
128
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,680
Parliament have a say.
129
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:46,280
And I want you useless
minions to do all the work
130
00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:48,760
upon Brexit and then take the blame
131
00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:51,040
when it goes horribly wrong.
132
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:51,880
Despicable.
133
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:53,440
Compliments will get you everywhere.
134
00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:56,480
[Announcer] And introducing
her new arch enemy,
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00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:57,840
Angola Merkel.
136
00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,240
Ha, ha, you think you can leave the EU
137
00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,600
and still keep all the nice things.
138
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,880
Wrong, with my incredible
shrinking device,
139
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,000
I will shrink your puny economy.
140
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,640
[Announcer] Despicable May.
141
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:12,520
May and her minions versus
Merkel and her billions.
142
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,080
Who will triumph.
143
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,160
Spoiler alert, I will.
144
00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,920
Come on Kim, Kanye's
waiting to do to the beach.
145
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,160
[Kim] I'm just getting my outfit on honey.
146
00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,480
I hope it's some crazy shock and shit.
147
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:26,360
[Kim] Oh, it is.
148
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,720
It's the most outrageous
thing a woman can wear
149
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:29,520
to the beach.
150
00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:31,120
Ta da.
151
00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:32,000
[speaking gibberish]
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00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:32,880
Damn Kim.
153
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:34,520
You is completely covered up.
154
00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:36,800
I know, it's a bikini.
155
00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:39,280
We're off to the beach in France.
156
00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:41,880
Think of all the publicity
when the French police
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00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:43,840
make me take it off at gunpoint.
158
00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:45,720
Kim, you are a genius.
159
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,960
Ah, where is France?
160
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,680
I think it's somewhere in Florida.
161
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:51,680
Oh, yeah.
162
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:54,280
[upbeat music]
163
00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,840
Well, hello Owen Thingy.
164
00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:02,360
How's the leadership campaign going.
165
00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:04,120
Have you not seen the latest polls Ed?
166
00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:05,720
It looks like the labor party are going
167
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:08,000
to pick an unelectable weirdo as leader.
168
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,800
Well, that's never happened before.
169
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:11,600
Still, don't worry.
170
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:12,880
I'm here to help.
171
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:17,480
Vote Owen Thingy, vote Owen Thingy.
172
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:19,680
Other way round.
173
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:20,680
Sorry, of course.
174
00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:23,400
Thingy Owen vote.
175
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,280
Thingy Owen vote.
176
00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:26,720
I give up.
177
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,280
At least I tried.
178
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,720
You know, life is like
a box of chocolates.
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00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:36,680
There's too many black and brown ones
180
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,320
and not enough white ones.
181
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:43,280
Hello, my name if Forrest, Forrest Trump.
182
00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:46,040
Are you stupid or something?
183
00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:49,440
[Announcer] Forrest
Trump, the story of a man
184
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:52,240
everyone thought was a racist simpleton
185
00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,840
who showed the world they
were absolutely right.
186
00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:58,000
Now you see your boy's kind of different.
187
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,560
What do you want me to
do with my life Mama?
188
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:07,520
I want you to run Forrest
Trump, run for president.
189
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:08,360
[cat meowing]
190
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:09,960
[Announcer] He went from coast to coast,
191
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:12,720
building a wall along the Mexican border
192
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,240
and forging special relationships.
193
00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,280
Me and Nigel are like peas and carrots.
194
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:19,720
After they've been thrown up.
195
00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:20,840
I love you Nigel.
196
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,200
Not in a pufta way I hope.
197
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:24,440
Not homophobic, just scared of gay people.
198
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:25,280
[cat meowing]
199
00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:26,800
[Announcer] Trump showed the world you can
200
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,920
achieve just about anything provided you
201
00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:33,160
believe in yourself enough
and inherit a billion dollars
202
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:34,240
from your dad.
203
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,960
My mama says stupid is as stupid votes.
204
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:41,200
[Announcer] Forrest Trump,
dumb just got dumber.
205
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,080
It's gonna be great folks.
206
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,640
[gentle music]
207
00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:50,240
Ooh, that looks really nasty Phil.
208
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:51,080
What, me head?
209
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:52,880
Yeah, Danny Dire, I've
been left there so long
210
00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:54,000
I've started to sprout.
211
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,520
Well, you should see a doctor about that
212
00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:57,040
or better still a gardener.
213
00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:57,880
I already did.
214
00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,920
It turns I've also put down roots.
215
00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:01,960
[groaning]
216
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:02,800
See, the only way I'm getting out of it
217
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:03,640
is in a box.
218
00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:04,920
A sack more like it.
219
00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:07,840
If it comes to it Danny
Dire, can I count on you
220
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,400
to give me the burial I deserve?
221
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:12,480
Yeah, in the allotment with
a nice bit of fertilizer.
222
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:13,320
Yeah, yeah.
223
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:14,800
You sure you don't want to be cremated?
224
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:18,200
Or better still deep fat
fried in Imbeal's chippy?
225
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,400
That would save on the caving.
226
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:20,560
Crusty.
227
00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:22,200
[Announcer] What classic
sitcom would you like
228
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,200
to see revived.
229
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:26,520
I am a big fan of Last of the Summer Wine.
230
00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:30,080
Lots of people hated it, but
it had a very loyal fan base,
231
00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:32,400
so they couldn't get rid of it.
232
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:34,680
[gentle music]
233
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:38,320
Ooh, champagne, oysters, romantic music.
234
00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:40,520
I know where this is going.
235
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,800
Oh, yes, that'll be all Bates.
236
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:43,920
Very good, sir.
237
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:47,160
Just lie back and think of ruling England.
238
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,240
[giggling]
239
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:52,200
Bleeding Elshire, they're
trying for another one.
240
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:53,680
Goo goo ga ga.
241
00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:54,520
Exactly Drago.
242
00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:56,800
It's bad enough I've got to
split me inheritance with you
243
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,120
without another sprog taking a slice.
244
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:00,640
Ooh, gotta think fast.
245
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,320
Come on now, the ultimate passion killer,
246
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:05,560
a crying baby.
247
00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:06,560
[smacking]
248
00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:07,560
[crying]
249
00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:08,400
Sorry, sis, but you'll thank me when
250
00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:09,880
you get sand ringum.
251
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:11,120
Oh, wells.
252
00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:13,000
Would you Adam and Eve
it, they're still at it.
253
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:13,840
They're like dogs in the street.
254
00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,520
What sort of parents are you?
255
00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:17,760
All right, pipe down.
256
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:18,680
Time for plan B.
257
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,640
♪ Oh, the grand old duke of York ♪
258
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,240
♪ He met some dodgy Arabs ♪
259
00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:25,040
♪ He sold them a bunch of fighter jets ♪
260
00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:27,320
♪ I'll do me eleven ♪
261
00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:28,640
Yes, yes, yes.
262
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:32,520
Oh, no, what are we gonna do, sis?
263
00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:33,800
Sis?
264
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:34,920
Oh, what you playing at your Muppet.
265
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:36,680
This is no time for watching telly.
266
00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:40,880
Oh, wow, Helicopter Rescue's on.
267
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:44,920
Nice work child, you're the best.
268
00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:48,120
Now, let's go stick a
banger up a Corgi's ass.
269
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:49,640
Aye, aye Savalois.
270
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:53,080
[funky music]
271
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:57,560
♪ I like singing in my car ♪
272
00:09:57,560 --> 00:10:01,480
♪ I like to do it with a star ♪
273
00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,560
♪ I'll give anyone a lift ♪
274
00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:05,280
♪ Michelle Obama, Taylor Swift ♪
275
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:07,320
♪ But this is carpool karaoke ♪
276
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:11,880
♪ It's not about them, it's all about me ♪
277
00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:16,880
♪ Never mind I'll sing right over you ♪
278
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:21,920
♪ And there's nothing that you can do ♪
279
00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:26,600
♪ Keep your trap shut Adele ♪
280
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:30,080
♪ I'm not at my maximum decibel ♪
281
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:31,960
♪ You said I was your mate ♪
282
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,000
♪ No, you are my click bait ♪
283
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,200
[yelling]
284
00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,920
♪ With every celeb I break the web ♪
285
00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:43,840
♪ It's so shameless on the
coat tails of their fame ♪
286
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:45,920
♪ Don't you know they want Barlow ♪
287
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:48,800
♪ This is how I make my name ♪
288
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:53,800
♪ Because I've let America go to my head ♪
289
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,360
♪ Because I'm selfish in my car ♪
290
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:57,920
♪ Look at me instead ♪
291
00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:00,120
♪ Because I'm not gonna stop till ♪
292
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:01,920
♪ My face turns red ♪
293
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:04,480
♪ I sing solo, oh, oh ♪
294
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,280
♪ Harry Stiles can do that ♪
295
00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:11,280
♪ Actually I'll do those, too ♪
296
00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:15,400
♪ All the James Cordans,
all the James Cordans ♪
297
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:16,840
♪ All the Cordans ♪
298
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:17,960
♪ No, shut your mouth up ♪
299
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,400
♪ Damn cheek ♪
300
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,840
Hello there, Mr. Evans.
301
00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:25,720
Yeah, it's me, how cool is that.
302
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:27,240
I'm from the insurance.
303
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,320
I'm here about your car crash.
304
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:30,840
I think you've got the wrong house mate.
305
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:32,800
I haven't been in a car crash.
306
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:33,880
Top gear.
307
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:35,280
Okay, I get it.
308
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:36,880
The show's a total write off.
309
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:40,880
We're looking for witnesses,
but nobody saw it.
310
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:41,760
Very funny.
311
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:45,000
There were skidmarks, but
only when you saw the reviews.
312
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,360
Listen mate, there's nothing worse
313
00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:48,320
than someone thinking
they've been hilarious
314
00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:50,160
when they're not.
315
00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:51,280
Oh, awkward.
316
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:54,920
[Announcer] This is Judge Rinder.
317
00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,440
He spent years studying
the law and discovered
318
00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:00,640
there's no law against
dressing up as a judge on TV
319
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:02,560
and this is the his pretend court.
320
00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:06,080
Order, order, order in
my tiny pretend court.
321
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:08,080
Right, who's bringing the case today?
322
00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:08,880
It's me.
323
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:10,440
I'm here about a theft.
324
00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:13,240
A theft, you know by a thief.
325
00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:14,480
He's thieved from me.
326
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:18,440
Oh, theft, robbery, fine, whatever.
327
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:20,080
Send in the defendant.
328
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:21,200
Per way.
329
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,320
And you are?
330
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:25,480
It's me, Ryland off of old of the telly.
331
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,800
So, Mr. Carr, what is it that you believe
332
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,600
Mr. Ryland has stolen?
333
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:30,720
Well, it's obvious, isn't it?
334
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:31,800
My whole act.
335
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:33,920
I mean look at him, the huge teeth,
336
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,760
the over the top hang gestures.
337
00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:38,400
And what are you banging on about?
338
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:39,240
The ludicrous pronunciation of vowels.
339
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:43,480
Meow.
340
00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:46,760
He's even nicked me whole chat show theme.
341
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:48,280
[speaking gibberish]
342
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:49,600
There's nothing wrong with
copying another TV show.
343
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:50,880
But Judge Judy.
344
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:52,120
Judge Rinder.
345
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,080
It's enough to turn a man to drink.
346
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:55,320
Cheers.
347
00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,760
He's nicked me drinking gimmick and all.
348
00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:59,280
Thief, thief.
349
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:00,840
Order, order.
350
00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:03,600
Mr. Ryland, I'm afraid to have to tell you
351
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,120
that there is only room
for one eye rolling
352
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,520
hand flapping uber camp presenter on TV.
353
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:09,400
Oh.
354
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:10,720
Yes, and it's me.
355
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,120
No, it's me.
356
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:15,080
I'm so the best at being camp.
357
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:16,920
Bitchy stares all round.
358
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:17,920
Ooh.
359
00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:19,800
Actually he is pretty good.
360
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:23,200
[Announcer] It's the board
game every junior doctor
361
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:24,640
is itching to play.
362
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:27,640
I've got to remove
Jeremy Hunt's testicles.
363
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,240
[Kids] Horray.
364
00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:30,760
[Announcer] NHS Operation.
365
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:32,800
It'll tickle your funny bone.
366
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,360
I've got to remove his heart.
367
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,360
Good luck, he hasn't got one.
368
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:37,400
[Announcer] It's the perfect game
369
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,520
for junior doctors to
play on their day off,
370
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,400
which is sometime next April.
371
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,000
I've got to remove his brain,
372
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,560
but he hasn't got one of those either.
373
00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:46,880
Yes, he does, it's in his ass.
374
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,680
And when you hear this noise,
375
00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:49,560
[buzzing]
376
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:51,520
the junior doctors have all fallen asleep
377
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:53,120
after a 36 hour shift.
378
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:55,280
NHS Operation.
379
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:57,920
Operation may be canceled
due to five day strike.
380
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,800
I hear you're going to retire Wayne.
381
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,960
Yes, Uncle Roy, but only after the end
382
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:05,080
of the next well coup.
383
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:07,360
You mean after the end
of the group stages?
384
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:08,600
Yeah, obviously.
385
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,200
Retirement is great.
386
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:11,760
I've never felt happier.
387
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,720
Eh, but you left in disgrace after
388
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,040
a humiliating defeat against Iceland.
389
00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,080
Don't mention Iceland ever again.
390
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:19,520
I want to forget all about football
391
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,480
and concentrate on something I'm really
392
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,360
good at, my allotment.
393
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,840
Uncle Roy.
394
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:26,680
Great, isn't it Wayne?
395
00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:29,080
Weeks and weeks of meticulous preparation
396
00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:31,000
is really paying off.
397
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,040
Think I'll just move
these sunflowers over here
398
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:33,880
into the shade.
399
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:36,640
But Uncle Roy, those
sunflowers do best in the sun.
400
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:39,200
Well, traditionally Wayne,
but I have a feeling
401
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,040
they'll thrive in their new well.
402
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,080
Uh-oh.
403
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:45,840
Not to worry, I've still
got my prize vegetables.
404
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,200
Did you use any manure.
405
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:50,040
I certainly did.
406
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:51,920
Up front, in the middle and at the back.
407
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:55,520
I was hoping to have
those veggies for my tea.
408
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,840
Don't worry Uncle Roy,
you can get some nice
409
00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,560
frozen ones from Iceland.
410
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:00,400
Wayne.
411
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,360
Ooh, sorry.
412
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,880
[slow jazzy music]
413
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:06,320
[Announcer] What classic sitcom would you
414
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:07,560
like to see revived?
415
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:09,760
They should bring back Friends,
416
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,840
only with me in it, the one where I stab
417
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:13,320
them all in the back.
418
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:15,360
How you doing?
419
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,440
Could I be any more washed up?
420
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:23,520
Hello, how much is this dead man's suit?
421
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:26,000
It's 10 pounds Mr. Barlow.
422
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:29,200
Oop, I don't carry that
kind of money on me.
423
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:30,800
Do you accept Apple Pay?
424
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:33,360
We certainly do, just put your smart phone
425
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,080
against the reader.
426
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:38,600
No, I mean Apple Pay, like Apple Pay,
427
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:42,760
their tax in Ireland, so I
only cut fourth one percent.
428
00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:44,080
Well, I-
429
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:46,080
Here's your 10P.
430
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,320
Now can I keep the hanger.
431
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:50,880
[upbeat music]
432
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:55,400
So where exactly were you last night?
433
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:57,040
I was out in the pub?
434
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,240
Who with?
435
00:15:58,240 --> 00:15:59,080
With Mike.
436
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:02,080
That is a beard faced lie.
437
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:06,200
It was I'm afraid out with
Mike incorrect answer.
438
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:10,840
Your wife knows for a fact
Mike was at home last night.
439
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:12,080
Well, damn.
440
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,520
We asked a hundred philanders what
441
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:15,880
you should have said in this situation.
442
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:18,000
You could have had trains were delayed,
443
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:22,800
had to work late or
called in on my sick mum.
444
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:23,680
I knew that one.
445
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:25,080
Pointless answers you also could have had
446
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:28,440
are abducted by aliens
or I stopped to give
447
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:31,520
the Heimlich maneuver to a choking kitten.
448
00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:33,000
Well, what have you got
to say for yourself, eh?
449
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,560
Oh, come on, how come you
had this seven foot man
450
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:36,600
hiding under the bed?
451
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:40,520
Uh, I couldn't reach the
light bulb to change it.
452
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:41,760
Nonsense.
453
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:45,880
Best answer was he's an
overdressed Polish workman
454
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,440
fixing the bed springs.
455
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,480
[speaking foreign language]
456
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:51,320
You lanky bastard.
457
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,800
It's a good insult, some
of the more original ones
458
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:58,080
you could have had the
googling giant, specky lurch
459
00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:02,200
was there or Richard Ottman,
all which were pointless,
460
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,840
so big well done if you
got any of those at home.
461
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,560
[upbeat music]
462
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:10,560
[Announcer] It's the new gaming sensation
463
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:11,840
sweeping the nation.
464
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:13,520
Find, catch and train.
465
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,920
Funny little creatures
with squiggy voices.
466
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:18,520
It's Pokemon Mo.
467
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:19,360
[Announcer] There's one.
468
00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:20,240
I pop up everywhere.
469
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,720
[Announcer] Mo Farahs to collect include
470
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:23,160
the Molymphic champ.
471
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:24,080
You'll never catch me.
472
00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:25,760
Even if I trip over.
473
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,720
[Announcer] The Mo Weebit doll.
474
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:30,720
My secret is I eat well, train hard and.
475
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,240
[yawning]
476
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:34,360
Shall I do the Mo part again?
477
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:37,680
[Announcer] And the very rare Mo Kaching
478
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:39,880
who only eats products he advertises.
479
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:43,600
Meat substitutes increase
your happiness level.
480
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,520
[Announcer] For the more skilled player,
481
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,280
take your Mo to the Mokey gym
482
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,080
and fight Russian characters.
483
00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:52,000
You're fungus base meat
substitute sausages
484
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,560
are no match for my
state sponsored steroids.
485
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,240
[whack]
486
00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:59,880
[Announcer] What classic
sitcom would you like
487
00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:01,200
to see revived?
488
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,600
I'm pleased the BBC brought back
489
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,240
Til Death Us Do Part.
490
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,160
When that grumpy old Gitu reels off
491
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,880
a string of bigoted reactionary opinions,
492
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:14,120
only without being shunted
onto a bloody internet channel.
493
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:17,840
[doorbell ringing]
494
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:19,320
Oh, hello.
495
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:20,240
♪ Hello ♪
496
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:21,640
It's me.
497
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:22,800
I've got a package for you Adele.
498
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,480
Looks like a gold disc.
499
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,680
Oh, bleeding heck not another.
500
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:27,520
[breaking]
501
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:28,760
Oh, well, have a nice day.
502
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,040
Where do you think you're going?
503
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:31,040
Sorry.
504
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:31,880
You can't just leave me.
505
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:33,800
Um, I've got to deliver next door's mail.
506
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:38,800
♪ Thought ours was love to last ♪
507
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:45,280
♪ But it turns out it was second class ♪
508
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,440
♪ When you rang my bell ♪
509
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:55,440
♪ I wanted more but
you left me for Janet ♪
510
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,080
♪ In number 24 ♪
511
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,760
Oh, I'll never forget you my darling.
512
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:04,760
What we had was the
most special 46 seconds
513
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,120
of my life babes.
514
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:08,280
Right, I've sorted that
leak in the bathroom.
515
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:09,120
I'll be off then.
516
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:12,560
♪ Our love was pure ♪
517
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:16,320
♪ But had to spoil it ♪
518
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:21,320
♪ Like the blockage
flushed down the toilet ♪
519
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:24,360
[crying]
520
00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:25,200
Another leak?
521
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:27,320
Don't ward it off, I'll fetch me spanner.
522
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,480
Have you been missold a Brexit?
523
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,520
If so, you may be entitled
to claim compensation.
524
00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:34,240
Mr. H of Norridge was promised
525
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:36,360
350 million pounds a week for the NHS by
526
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:38,520
a bogus salesman.
527
00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:41,960
Blah, I've never seen this
bus before in my life.
528
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,360
Mrs. R of Grimbsy was warned that if
529
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:47,560
she voted remain, 75 million Turks would
530
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:49,600
be entitled to come
and live in her garden.
531
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,760
That is a complete lie, I never mentioned
532
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:53,960
the word garden [belching].
533
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,800
While Mrs. G of Doncaster
wasn't even aware
534
00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:58,960
that she'd signed up for Brexit.
535
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,800
How was I supposed to know that if I voted
536
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,760
leave we might end up leaving.
537
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,960
So if you wanted your country back,
538
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:08,440
but now you'd rather have your vote back,
539
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,280
call the Brexit hotline.
540
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,960
Our polite and hardworking team are ready
541
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:13,840
for your call.
542
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:14,960
Not me, my friend.
543
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:16,480
I'm being sent back to Poland.
544
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,800
[upbeat music]
545
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:24,880
Right, who's next.
546
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,840
Tall skinny latte please.
547
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:28,480
One tall skinny latte.
548
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:29,680
What's your name?
549
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:30,520
Cheryl.
550
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,720
Oh, I'm afraid there's
already a Cheryl waiting.
551
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:33,920
What's your surname.
552
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:38,160
All right, it's hang on, what is it again,
553
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,520
not Tweedy, not Cole, cheating bastard.
554
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:43,360
Cheating bastard.
555
00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:46,560
No, no, wait, it's Fernando
something, Zucchini.
556
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:48,480
Oh, hang on, that was last week.
557
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,120
I know, what's your surname?
558
00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:51,960
Sir Robinson.
559
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,040
Great, put Cheryl Robinson.
560
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:55,320
Will you marry me?
561
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:56,960
Who's next.
562
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,360
That's my line.
563
00:20:58,360 --> 00:20:59,640
[Announcer] What classic sitcom would
564
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,040
you like to see revived?
565
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:04,480
Some people have suggested
Drop the Dead Donkey,
566
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:08,080
but I've decided Wayne Rooney
will still be the captain.
567
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,200
Now, the countryside.
568
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:11,560
Can't beat that George.
569
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,640
But I still don't understand what
570
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:14,960
we're doing here.
571
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:15,960
Let me just ask you this.
572
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:17,640
How do you think I'll go down in history?
573
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:20,760
Um, as the idiot who
gambled the country's future
574
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:22,240
on a referendum and lost?
575
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,320
Dividing the nation
and causing the breakup
576
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:25,760
of the United Kingdom?
577
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:26,600
Exactly.
578
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:28,640
As the toss pot who dished out almost
579
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:30,480
all his undeserving cronies.
580
00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:32,280
Thanks for that by the way.
581
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:33,120
Oh, don't mention it.
582
00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:35,040
As the slimy two-faced weasel who-
583
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:36,080
That's quite enough.
584
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,240
I preferred it when I was
known as the prime minister
585
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:39,840
who had sex with a pig.
586
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,600
But that was complete nonsense.
587
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:46,120
That was yes, however, get filing George.
588
00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:48,400
I'd far rather be remembered for this.
589
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:52,000
Come here Pinky, there
would a pirage in this view.
590
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,480
[pig squealing]
591
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:56,080
[upbeat music]
41242
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