All language subtitles for New.Girl.S02E13.A.Fathers.Love.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H265-SiGMA-eng

WINSTON: All right, Nick,
we believe in you, man.

Tell us, what's in the cup?

Ah, it's a hard one.

It's a mini carrot.

[laughter]

Onion and potato?

Dumbest boy
in all the world.

How are you so bad
at Feely-Cup?

You are awful
at this game.

Sea glass?
I'm overthinking it.

If his life depended
on this, he would die.

Battery.When are batteries squishy?

I'm just kidding, I'm kidding--
I know it's not a battery.

[knocking on door]I'm kidding. Feel, Nick.

WINSTON:
Nick, will you

be paying
for bonus time?

He can't;
he is all out of quarters.

SCHMIDT:
Uh, Nick?

Your dad's here.

Very funny, Schmidty,
but my concentration

will not be broken.

Hey-ya, Nickels.

Come on, kid, bring it in.

Come on! [laughs]

Hello, Mr. Miller.
Welcome to our home.

Feely-Cup?Oh, yeah.

Bring it on.

Watch this.

Tampon...

Wrapped in duct tape...

And dipped...
in baking powder.

Is that what it is?
Oh, it is.
WINSTON: Boom!

Next level Feely-Cup.Hello, Mr. Miller.

♪ Who's that girl?

♪ Who's that girl?♪♪ It's Jess.

[whistles]

This is a pleasant surprise.

What brings you
to Los Angeles, Dad?

Let me just, uh,
clean up a little bit.

You know, I just
thought I'd stop by.

I'll sleep in your bed,
you can go on the couch.

Sounds like us.

Hey.

So, what does Mr. Miller do?

Businessman.
A what?
He's a con man.

He is a con man.He is a damn business--
What are you talking about?

He's a con man.He's a businessman.

Winston's obsessed with Walt.

That moustache
first of all-- what?!

It's like the world's
sexiest push broom.

A con man like,
"What's the play?"

The, uh, Ring-A-Doo
Johnnycakes?

The, uh, Hollow Leg
Swap-Em-Out?

Yes, exactly.

Fake trombones for a fake band.

Harold Hill!

Music Man?

[chuckling]No, he is not a con man, okay?

You know, he sometimes
used to sell hats.

There you go, boys-- enjoy.

Thanks, Dad.

So many hats.

Okay, technically,
they were misprints.

This says:

"Chica Go Bills."

Let's go, guys--
these hats suck.

"Chica Go Bills" is, uh,
actually Spanish

for "Young girl, go Bills."

Who's gonna mess with a guy
who's wearing a hat

that says,
"Young girl, go Bills?"

I mean, the answer is everybody.

They will, they mess with you.

[Nick groaning]

Oh, my... Nick, please
do not angry-fix the sink.

I'm not angry-fixing;
I'm fixing!

You want to know why
I'm messed up?

Why I don't trust people?

Why I have anger issues?

Oh, yes, I do want to know.

Why I have the blood pressure
of a hummingbird?

[rapid banging]

[shouting]:
about your dad?is is maybe

WALT:
And so Nickels comes

into my room screaming,
"Daddy, Daddy."

So I go,
"What's wrong?"

He says, "Daddy, I have a tick
at the end of my tinkle."

Oh, my God!

This is not a story
for everyone.And sure enough,

there is a tick

at the end of his little penis.

Not a story for this moment.

That's how he got the
nickname "Little Penis."

Oh, stop calling me that.

What are we gonna
do with this guy?I have no idea, Pop-Pop.

Don't call him Pop-Pop.That's his nickname.

The nickname is
longer than Walt.But that's the nickname

that I gave him.Yeah, but it's really weird
that you call my dad Pop-Pop.

I like Pop-Pop.You don't get it.
You don't get it.

Yeah, fine, just don't
call him Pop-Pop, so...

I think it's time
for another drink.

What do you
say, gorgeous?

You want to give
an old man a hand?

Sure.

I don't know, Nick.

A lot of charm coming

from this end
of the booth.

'Cause that's what he does.

He lures you in

with his charm and his moustache
and his perfect hair.

I feel like you need
to talk to him about this.

Right, 'cause I'll just
tell him how I feel,

and everything will be okay

'cause that's really
the way the world works.

Took the words right out
of my mouth, Little Penis.

It's not a thing.I love a good nickname.

Not... not gonna stick.

You know, when Nick
is not working here,

the service is abysmal.

I mean, how many times
did I have to repeat

the words, "Lemon Drop shot"?

Yeah, I think
he was making fun of you.

For what?

Working hard and playing hard?

I guess the joke is on me.

[cell phone rings]Another Indian guy?

My mom set me up.Oh, your mom.

That's cool.Mm-hmm.

Have fun with your,
your Devs...

and your...
and your An-Anujs...

or your Deepaks.

Whatever Patel you're dating.

I'm-I'm not sweating it.

His name's Pavun,
Pavun Shetty.

What?

As in, as in
"Shetty Solutions"?I think so. Why?

They only nailed the
crowd-control logistics

of Bombay's revamped
open-air market.

I thought you weren't
sweating it.

I'm not sweating it.
Sweating it.

Killing me with that Drop, dude.

You really seem to care
about Little Nicky.

I mean, look at him.

He looks like Hilary Swank mixed
with a sad, wet dog.

Do you think he's
really angry at me?

I think you need
to talk to him.

All I'm looking for is
a second chance.

You don't happen to believe
in second chances,

do you, Blue Eyes?

Actually, I, um...

I'm a bit of a sucker
for second chances.

They're my first
favorite kind of chance.

Have you ever been
to the racetrack?

NICK:
Back at the tracks with my dad.

When Nick was a kid,
he would come

to the track with
me all the time.

And if I got in trouble,

he would get me out of it

by doing the Sugar Ray.

Oh, the Sugar Ray.What's a Sugar Ray?

It's when I pretend
to be a diabetic kid

so the man
who is threatening

to beat up my father
would run off scared.

You see, we did have
some good times, didn't we?

Now, come on,
let's make a bet.

Here you go.

What's the catch?

What catch?
There is no catch.

What possible catch
can there be?

All I want you to do
is make a bet.

All right, Pop, you want me
to lose your money?

I'll be happy to.

Schmidt.

Robby?

Robby, what are, what are
you doing here, man?

I'm spying on Cece.Cece.

You know, I'm still
in love with her, so...

this is pretty much your basic
broken-hearted spying thing.

It's why I got this hat.

Aw, come on, Robby,
you got to get over that.

Wait a second, are you
spying on Cece, too?

No. What?

Are you still in love with Cece?No, that's still...

Yes, I am.

It's killing me.

Me, too!
Bring it in, man.

[grunts]

What are you two
doing here?

Whoa, hey.
Cece?

Just nothing,
we're just...Yeah, you know.

Do you think that she saw me?

What? Of course
she saw you.

Do you think
she saw me?

Well, yeah, you don't
have a hat on.

Nicky only had one dream
when he was a kid--

to own a family horse.

That is so surprising 'cause
it just doesn't seem like...

Nick hates living things,

so, like, it just
doesn't really seem

like in line with
what I know about him.

All right, look...

I want to buy a horse.Uh-huh.

For me and Nick
to own together.

Oh!I found this beautiful horse.

Gorgeous!
Right.

Me and you are
gonna talk the guy down.

I don't know how to do that.

I'll take care of that.
Okay.

Hey-ya, Dusty.

Aw, ya gotta be kidding me!

How'd he find me?

Who was that?

Eh, don't worry about him.

What do you know
about horses?

I know they're big.

Perfect.

JESS:
This is a very sad case.

I mean...

My niece, she goes
to veterinary school.

We're all very proud of her.

JESS:
Top of my class.

So, what do you, uh,
what do you think?

Terrible horse.

She's very sickly.

He. He... He.
He... He.

Oh!

I wish I had brought
my stethoscope.

I'm seeing a lot of split ends.

The mane is totally the wrong
cut for the shape of his face.

So you're saying that this
horse, right now, the way it is,

will never race again?Damn it, Uncle Buck!

This horse will
never race again!

Why did you fly me

all the way out
from Grenada

if you weren't gonna
listen to me?

[quietly]: Yes, con!Shh, shh, shh!

Okay, there are
people in life

who you want
to be unpredictable.

Your pothead neighbor,
or Vice President Joe Biden.

And then there are people
who you don't want

to be unpredictable,
like your dentist,

or, I don't know,
your father.

Look, Nick, my dad left
when I was three.

Every single day,

rain or shine, he just
never came back.

I wish he'd been
a little bit more

unpredictable;
that's all I'm saying.

I hear you.

And yeah, sure, Walt may owe me
a couple hundred bucks,

but it's not a big deal.

My dad owes you money?
How much?

Three, 400... like 1,100 bucks.

Oh, my God, he's with Jess.

He's gonna rip her off.

He's gonna
rip her off.

I feel like Cece's making
a big mistake

with this Indian guy.

She should be
with somebody like us.Totally.

White Guy Power.

Okay, um...

Cool Guy Power.Now you're talking, Robby.

What are we gonna do?I don't know.

I mean, one billion Indian men
is a daunting foe.

Suddenly I feel empathy
for Pakistan.

But it's like they say,

"How do you eat
an elephant, Robby?"

With chopsticks.

What?Slowly, with chopsticks.

That's-- no--
with chopsticks?!In a taco.

What?You have elephant tacos.

Elephant tacos?
Who eats elephant tacos?

That's not even
a saying.
Oh.

One bite at a time, Robby.

One bite at a time.
Yes.

One bite at a time.
This is what I'm thinking.

I use my superior powers of
manipulation and persuasion

to get Cece to take you back.

Once we've neutralized
the sub-continental threat,

I smite you.

What?
What?

You said you're gonna smite me?

Smite-- defeat gloriously
for Cece's hand.

No, I know what it means.But that's someday.

For now, let's scheme,
my "broheem."

Okay... I just want to reiterate

that I'm not on board
with the smiting.

Whatever.But I like
the "broheem" thing a lot.

Let's concentrate
on the broheem part.

Concentrate on... okay.And smite later.

Yeah, okay, yeah.Cheers, broheem.

You got a great deal.

Good luck, Doc.Thanks.
NICK: Dad!

Hi, boys.Can I tell him?

I would rather keep it a secret.

Nick, your dream
finally came true.

We got you a horse.

It's not my dream
to own a horse.
What?

Did you use my friend
to buy a horse?

[cell phone rings]What? No, I swore
you wanted...?

Will you excuse me?
I gotta take this call.

That is unbelievable, Dad.

He had this whole
thing-- he was gonna

name the horse "A Father's Love"
'cause you guys

always wanted
to have a horse together.

Tell me you didn't
give him money.

Actually, actually,
that's a funny story

because I'm actually
an investor in...

[groans]:
God!

God!

[groans]

Walid, drop dead!

Damn, Pop-Pop.

Stop calling him Pop-Pop!WALT: Now, listen,

I already got people standing by

to take the horse off our hands.

Horse semen in Dubai is gold.

No, you can't sell
"A Father's Love."

There's more to "A Father's
Love" than just semen.

Ew, poetic, but ew.

Dad.Dusty, I see you

and we're doing this right now.

DUSTY: No, no, no, no, no...!WALT: Dusty! Get over here.

We got your back, Pop-Pop.

Damn, Pop-Pop, man.

Give me that.
[grunting]

Okay, okay, okay!

Father, we got
your back, Father.

Five hundred dollars?

You stole $500 from her
to buy that horse?

I didn't steal
anything from her.

She saw the opportunity
for a business investment,

and she took advantage of it.
I mean...

Dad, she will believe anything.

That's not true, Nick.

My real name is Jamil.It is?

No, my name is not Jamil!

Nick, that was not fair.It is Nick, you know that!

You told me in confidence.

How could you think
my name was Jamil?

Well, he's weird.That's a good point.

Just wait for one hour.

You see,
I go meet the buyer,

I sell them our horse
for a huge profit,

and because these suckers
think our horse

is Big Brown's nephew,
they'll overpay.

Blue Eyes gets her money back
with interest.

Sounds like a great plan.
We'll come with you.

And I'll watch you give
Jess her money back.

Yeah!

Please, please,
don't do this to me.

We're doing it.No, no, you...

You don't understand,

you're not a sales guy, okay?

He... he starts to sweat.

Nick only sweats
if there's lying involved.

And there's not lying
involved, is there?

We're coming with, Dad.

Check this out.

We get seersucker suits...Yeah.

And two more guys,

and then we serenade her
with a barbershop quartet.

Well, if we got
ten more guys and a plan,

we'd form an Ocean's Twelve.

I would be Brad Pitt,
you'd be the crafty Asian fellow

who does the, uh,
who does the flippies.Oh, I got a great idea.

We can name a star
after her, all right?

I know this Web site,
and we could put one

that's right near the
Robbies one through eight.

You have eight stars?There's, like, a billion
stars, they're really cheap.

But eight of them are yours?That's only going
to go up in value.

It's a horrible investment.

I know she's into that
Gandhi crapola.

We could self-immolate.

I feel like we're so close.Wait, Robby.

I got it.

[rhythmically pounding on door]SCHMIDT & ROBBY:
Cool... Guy... Power!

Cool... Guy... Power!

[chanting faster]:
Cool Guy Power! Cool Guy Power!

Cool-- hey.

Is this happening?Yes.

Why are the two of
you even together?

Are you wearing
a traditional sari?

Yes.I begged you to wear a sari.

I had all these sari-related
sexual scenarios.

Shh!"Monsoon Bedding."

"The Best Erotic
Mari-bone Hotel."

Stop that."Slum-Doggy-Style Millionaire."

But, what, you're wearing
the sari for who?
Let me see this guy.

No! What...
Schmidt! Robby!You're wearing it for him...

SCHMIDT:
Oh, my God.

Are you... you're
having an orgy here?Mm-mm.

This is a big Indian orgy?Oh, for God sakes.

They're all wearing
their clothes...I'm telling you, it's an orgy.

Pavun and I can't go on a date
until our families...

meet.

We saw you on a date earlier.That wasn't a date.

I was meeting
Pavun's uncle, Manish.

SCHMIDT:
Manish.

That is Pavun.

Oh, that's Pavun. Oh, my God,
look at this guy, he's gorgeous.

SCHMIDT: What are you
talking about?

I don't have a chance here.
Look at his features.

Look at your features, man.

You're just as gorgeous.

I mean, kind of.

You're kind,
you always have gum...

and you've got so much pep.

ROBBY:
You know what, look:
you are confident,

and you're punctual,

and you came up
with this awesome plan.

Yeah, we came up with
this awesome plan.

Together.You know what, screw it,
I don't even care anymore.

White Guy Power!

That's "white guy."All right, man.

Let's do it. All right.White Guy Power.

Qui... you got to quit
it with that, man.

I'm telling you,
it's a little racist.

Get out of here
before I throw you out.

All right.He is so organized, you know?

I am just... I'm learning a ton.

I'm ready for this.
This is good.

JESS:
This is really exciting.

This is my first

middle of the night
parking lot horse deal.

This is not gonna work,
they're gonna...

It's gonna work.
It's gonna work.

Gonna work fine.Take control of this, please.

I got it, I got it. Yes.We got it. We got it, Walt.

Hey, look, will you do me
a favor, please?

Let me handle this.
Just because my dad is in town,

I'm not gonna put
you in harm's way.

Yup. Okay.

Twist my arm.

I'll be the lookout.

Just keep your head down.

I've got this
totally under control.

Hi-ya, fellas.

How you doing?Eh, I'm good. You?

I'm good.

Just getting over
a little cold.

Yeah, I get a little agita
myself every once in a while.

Hey, what's going on, everybody?
How you guys doing?

Nice to see you.
This is my dad; I'm Nick.

Cool half-turtleneck.

How you doing, fellas?Good.

Just getting over
a little cold.

Good.

He makes the white?

This horse is more
semen than he is horse.

[laughing]

That's disgusting.

Good. We want semen.

Well, you guys
are gonna get semen.

You'll get a bunch
of horse semen.

Wait until it's
next to a lady horse.

Trust me.

What's the matter? Is sweat?

I don't see sweating.
He's not sweating.

Why he sweating so much?

No, no, no,
I don't sweat too much.

Why is... are you a cop?

Cop?
No, no, no, no!

Sweat like a cop.

Take off your clothes.

Why would I do that?Aw, just take off your clothes.

Take it now.He just wants to see
that you're not wearing a wire.

I would like you
to defend me here.

Now! Take it off!

Take it off.No.

Now! Take it off!Take off your clothes!

Take off your clothes!

Take off your belt!

Take off your belt.

Now, dance.

[both singing folk song
in native language]

Turn around. Turn around.

Okay, okay, okay.

WALT:
All right, all
right, all right.

Yeah, look, look,
He's got no wire.

He's not... he's not

a policeman, he's...

Guys, I'm not wearing a wire.

I'm not a cop.

I just sweat like this
when I'm lying.

MAN:
Lying?

Lying?WALT:
No.

Nobody is lying.
No...

You lying to me?

Tire iron! Tire iron!

You're lying!

[gibbering]

[squawks, grunts]

What is he doing?

The... the gum!

The gum had sugar in it.

MAN:
These guys are weird.

Weird.[Nick gibbers]

MAN 2:
Strange!

MAN:
You're weird.

[gibbering]

[tires squeal as SUV drives off]

[engine starts]

[tires squealing]

Now you have to talk
to each other!

You've been conned.

God, I'm good.

That's not a con, Jess!

You're just driving away.

I was ready to get
your friend's money

back for her, okay?

But you insisted on coming here.

You know what?

You know what's funny about you?

Somehow, you have made this...

seem like my fault.

This isn't my fault!

I didn't invite you here!

JESS:
Keep talking.

This is good for you guys.

Are you angry at me
about something, Little Penis?

I have been mad at you
for 30 years, Dad.

30 years?I am not a successful adult.

I don't eat vegetables
and/or take care of myself.

And it's because of you.

Well, okay, maybe I'll take
a little bit of that hit.

Look, it's not "taking a hit."

It's just saying sorry.

I think you look cold.
I'm gonna give you my pants.

I don't want your pants.Come on, take the pants!

Dad, please don't do that.You say I do nothing for you.

Let me give you my pants.I don't want your pants!

Don't do this.
Please don't do this.

Take my pants.

This is making it worse!

Dad, the...

This is ridiculous.

Okay.

All right, maybe, uh...

maybe I did make some mistakes
along the line, okay?

We all make mistakes, Dad.

Hey, what do you say, tomorrow,
we go to a game?

Any game, you pick it out.

I'm in.

[metal grinding]

You're welcome!
Son of a...

This thing doesn't turn so well.

Do you think Cece and
Pavun will make it?

I don't know.

Really can't say.

What I can say is that
one arranged marriage

did take place today.

The marriage of
Schmidt and Robby.

[laughs]
Hell, yeah.

I only dread the day
that we defeat all the Indians,

and must face each other
in a duel to the death.

Yeah.

Buzz kill.

We're like Butch Cassidy
and the Sundance Kid.

Except only one of us dies
at the end of the movie.

It's gonna be you.

You're the one that's gonna die.

You want another beer?Sure do, compadre.

Hey, Walt.

What are you doing?

I thought you were gonna go

to a game with Nick today.

Going to get a bagel.

In Chicago.

No! No, I can't...

No. Um, I can't let you go.

This means too
much to Nick.

You can't just say

you're gonna do things
and then not do them.

What was that?What was what?

That.
What? What?

Damn, you're good.

Listen, Blue Eyes,
do me a favor, will ya?

Will you tell him for me
that I, uh...

You know, that I...

Just keep an eye
on him for me, will ya?

[door closes]

Jess, if you're gonna mess
with my sink,

put some goggles on.

Your eyes are
twice the size

of normal eyes;
it's a bigger target.

Walt's gone.

[wry laugh]

I know how hard

it was for you to talk
to him, and I just...

some people, I just
don't under... they just-- aah!

And I understand why you want
to break pipes now.

Let's just drink a bunch
and destroy the sink.

I don't need to break
the pipes, Jess; I'm fine.

I mean, truth be told,
I was happy to see him.

I thought if you talked
to him that maybe...

No... Look, Jess...

people don't change.

If someone's broken,
they just stay broken.

You're not broken.

I'm a little broken.

No, no, no... no.
Oh, yeah.

You should be so much worse.

Seriously, you could be
picking up calls on a banana.

You could be, like,

[goofy voice]:
"Hello?"

I don't know how
you made it out.

But... you're good.

Well, look, there's a
lot I don't tell you.

I haven't done laundry
in five months.

I'm not wearing underwear.

I'm just wearing a
big sock right now.Really.

A bigsock.
[laughs]

A very big sock.
I got it.

[quiet laugh]

What do you think about this?

We get a three-person canoe,
okay?

Then we got to her house
and we rap on the door.

She answers the door,
she sees the three-person canoe.

She realizes
there's only two of us,

and we say, "Ah, what a
conundrum. Please join us."

How about this one? We get
some night-vision goggles.

All right, that's all I got.

I don't... I don't
know what else.

I mean, I would say
Trojan horse, but...

In this economy?I mean, we could always
go on a hunger strike.

We enlist in the Navy, we
quickly rise through the ranks,

and then we can take her to
the Naval Officer's Ball.

Feel like we're right there!